Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Tonight, we're gonna camp out here at the barn,

and tomorrow, we're gonna turn it into a church.

I thought this barn was haunted.

The barn wasn't just haunted.

It was actually a haunted house,

the premier haunted house in the world.

The world?

The world.

Well, what happened?

You don't wanna hear that.

Come on. Tell us.

Well, all right.

A group of gentlemen decided to go

into the business of scary,

and business was good.

Sometimes, they had to improvise

and sometimes went a little too far.

Fuck it.

Whoo.

Ah.

Fucking hate kids.

Oh, you know how I describe having kids

to friends that don't have 'em?

How's that?

Just walk up, and I sneeze right in their mouth.

Ladies and gentlemen of Haunted Pine Valley,

we got a big night tonight.

Do you know who the hell's out there

to inspect our haunted house?

Who?

Joshua Motherfuckin' Frederickson.

The Joshua Frederickson?

Yeah.

Who the hell is that?

Exactly. - He's the guy

that reviews your haunted house, right?

He can make or break our season, gentlemen.

We have got to scare the shit outta these people,

so I'm invoking the brown bounty.

How much? - $100.

Wait, so if I shit my pants-

It's mine. It's mine. - Shit is mine.

you'll gimme $100?

The brown bounty challenge is the reward

given to any haunter

that can make any hauntee crap their pants.

If we got money for shitting ourselves,

Dale'd be a millionaire.

Well, that is the wall of fame.

I'm responsible for half those motherfuckers anyway.

All right, gentlemen, we were born for this moment.

It is in our blood, hands together.

HPV forever.

Welcome to Haunted Pine Valley Farms.

My name is Emily.

I am the owner of this establishment here.

This, my friends, this is Brutus, my personal bodyguard.

Now, let me make one thing clear.

He's here from me and not you.

Now, just remember one thing before you leave, my friends.

Brutus, he stays with me,

always.

Now, if you look just right behind you and to your left,

you'll find two exit signs,

which you will need them, I assure you.

They unleashed everything they had.

Ah.

But that night,

everyone was scared. - Ah, Goddamn, I'm good.

Well, almost.

These guys could scare anyone,

but not today, got nothing.

I'm coming for your soles.

Your sole.

Soles, soles, soles, shoes.

Motherfucker.

They'll have to get creative.

Pathetic.

All right, regroup.

You did a hell of a job on the suitcase, buddy.

That is not your fault, all right?

I, I really liked what you did

with the, the shoe sole thing.

I know, I thought... I thought-

maybe they'd go for humor. - that was fucking brilliant.

All right. - I mean, shit-

All right, we gotta up the ante. What are you thinking?

What are you thinking? - Okay, maybe, like, you guys,

you guys corner the guy.

And then I'll, I'll take the two girls

and, and see if they're, uh, scared of commitment.

Huh, that's...

I got an idea.

I want you to.

This is gonna take-

Let's do that. - total commitment,

Dale. - You can do it.

I've got nothing but faith in you.

Whatever it is you got planned,

I don't like it. - This piece of human meat

was the last son of a bitch

who thought he was brave enough to make it past this room.

Help. - Wanna see how we reward

bravery in this town? - No, no.

Run, run.

Oh, God, please.

Which one of you motherfuckers is still around?

Help me. - Hit him again.

Come on.

Aren't you fucking scared?

Goddammit.

This is really happening.

This is for real.

Goddammit, save this man's life.

First off, Dale, uh, I, I, I need to apologize.

I- - Me too, me too.

I'm sorry. - You motherfuckers suck.

I got carried away. They weren't scaring.

So, uh, I think the only fair thing to do

is on this day,

uh, you are the first man to earn

his own brown bounty for self-shitting.

Good man, good man.

All right, cut the shit.

You morons have got to have an idea.

We're out of ideas.

We got an idea.

Troy, Troy, Troy, Troy.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The sheriff said if we use that one more time,

we are closed down for good.

Shut down. - It is over.

We're gonna be shut down anyway. We got to do it.

The Blood Bath & Beyond 2000,

can't believe it's come to this.

May God have mercy on our souls.

We've given you everything we got.

Yeah. - We, we even beat

the shit outta our best friend, Dale.

You are leaving us no choice.

Welcome to hell.

The Blood Bath & Beyond 2000.

Ooh, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh, God, she fainted.

I think the blood scared her.

Ma'am, you, you okay?

Oh, fuck, dude, look, they're all dead.

She don't understand me.

I'm gonna go get some... I'll speak her language.

Excuse me, ma'am, senorita.

, are you okay?

She don't understand you,

not speaking her language.

Excuse me, guv'nor, poppet.

Do you need some tea?

These guys were born in this business.

But for the first time,

they were being scared themselves.

You look delicious.

What am I going to do with you?

Help me.

Fucking hillbillies.

They taste like Mountain Dew and racism.

Is this really where you wanted to eat tonight?

Oh, please.

I recall when you made us go to Indiana.

I believe I still have meth in my teeth.

We should try Hispanics.

Antonio and Marcus said they tasted like tequila and lime.

Hispanics do?

That's what they told me.

Are we finished?

Can we please get the hell out

of this hee-haw hell hole?

Gladly.

Come on.

Everything I'm telling you is true

because I'm the last one that survived.

No, you weren't.

I've been calling you for over an hour.

Um, my ringer must be broken again.

Will you please just get a cell phone already?

This is insane.

And let the shadow government control my thoughts?

I don't think so.

I'm kidding.

The problem is you're not.

Can we please just go get some non-GMO, gluten-free,

organic, handpicked,

mortar-and-pestle-ground, artesian, water-based coffee?

Oh, you're very funny,

but I just need to check on one thing.

Come on inside.

I doubt that number's still valid.

It says lifetime warranty.

I'm still alive.

It'd probably be easier for them to kill you

than to get you a new phone.

Besides, look, there's not even an area code

in front of that number.

Give me your phone. I wanna call it.

No, have you even used a cell phone before?

I'll make the call.

All right, what's the phone number?

Uh, 555-3845.

Grubeck Telephone Limited replacement hotline,

how can I help you, dear?

Please don't hang up.

This is the first call I've received in a decade.

Um, hi, yeah, I would like a replacement telephone.

It says I have a lifetime warranty.

Oh, certainly, my dear.

Grubeck Telephone Limited always honors lifetime warranties.

Great, uh, what do I need to do?

We'll get one right out to you.

Green, red, or black?

I would like-

I would suggest red.

Yeah, okay, red sounds good.

Um, my address is-

No need, have a nice day, dear.

Hmm, she hung up.

So, are you still headed up to the desert?

No, Rick bailed on me.

Hmm, do you want me to kill him for you?

He deserves it, but that might be a little much.

But you're saying he deserves it, though?

Sure.

Okay, so I will kill him for you.

You don't really seem like much of a killer.

Only to men who deserve it.

I've got a whole list.

Okay, I'm listening.

You're being kind of creepy.

Okay, you picked me up for this coffee date.

You could at least pay attention.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's just I'm looking

at all these idiots live vlogging on Strigger.

Here, look at this guy.

Hard pass. - Oh.

There's a reason I don't have one of those dumb things.

What, mind control?

Okay, mind control is a real issue,

but the bigger problem is

that I don't like being constantly reminded

that there are so many narcissistic pricks out there.

Yeah, okay.

Hello. - Hello.

Mari?

Hello, Lallie, you there?

Must've fallen asleep.

Probably that non-GMO coffee.

You just rant.

Not enough caffeine.

Yeah.

Anyway, something really freaky happened.

Rick. - What?

Somebody came up behind him

and bashed him over the head.

Is he okay?

Apart from being dead, yeah, he's fine.

Holy shit.

I, I know I should be more upset,

but I don't know.

It... It's really fucked up.

Yeah, no, it hasn't really hit me yet.

Fuck, think I have a nosebleed or something.

I'll call ya later.

Oh, okay, bye.

Did you hear the news?

There's a livestream serial killer.

They got Mark, too.

It's fucking crazy.

All portable electronic devices

must now be set in airplane mode until arrival, thank you.

You may now use all portable electronic devices,

including cell phones.

You have one unheard message.

First unheard message.

This message is for Kayla.

Thank you for coming in to audition this week.

Call me back to confirm your availability.

We are looking to shoot in the next couple of days.

End of message.

Kayla.

Our senses, as we improve them,

we sense authenticity

on subtler and subtler,

essential creativity

that's within the fabric of the universe.

It, when you get very proficient at something, you start

to make distinctions that...

♪ Higher love ♪

Kayla?

Kayla, where have you been?

Nobody's heard from you in days.

I'm so scared.

This isn't like you.

No, let me out.

Casey Squires, Ben Burns,

AJ,

Kayla Martindale.

Where am I?

Who are you?

Where's my work stuff?

Attention, citizens.

You have been selected for a social experiment.

You have 10 minutes, or you will be locked inside.

Your escape depends on one thing, honesty.

As long as one of you tells a lie, you all remain.

Is that clear?

The countdown has begun.

Did that thing just say locked inside?

Yeah, it did.

Screw this. I'm out.

That looks like a way out.

Back up, kid. Let me show you how it's done.

Don't call me a kid.

Shit.

It's like a shock collar.

They're treating us like a bunch of-

Experiments.

Now, your first question.

When was the last time you broke up with someone?

Well, the voice said not to lie.

Two years ago.

Still together.

Divorce, two months.

Can't break up with someone if you've never been together.

Is that it? Can we go?

One of you is lying.

Son of a. - What the fuck?

Well, it wasn't me.

Come on. Who's lying?

Fine, fine, I'm not divorced yet.

I'm still trying to finalize the papers.

You may proceed to the next room.

Go.

What is your greatest failure?

Damn.

I dropped outta my dream school.

I stopped talking to my family.

I'm, I'm too proud to tell them I need help.

Where do I start?

I'm married to nagging broad.

Should have invested when I should have.

Geez.

I'm wasting my life.

I hate my job,

panel after panel, roof after roof.

It's a fucking waste.

One of you is lying.

What?

You lied before. You would lie again.

So would you. Tell the truth.

We did.

You spun some half-baked crap

about marriage and money.

Hurry up and tell the truth.

Okay, I don't talk to my son, okay?

One of you is still lying.

Come on, man. We're gonna get trapped in here.

All right, my biggest failure is my son, okay?

My son.

Please proceed

to the end of the experiment.

Welcome to the red room.

What was the last thing you did to help someone else?

Well, I started charity for education awareness.

Easy, I covered my roommate's half of the rent.

I gave my friend a ride to work.

I gave someone the shirt off my back.

All right, can we go now?

What is he doing?

Hey, hey, come here, okay, okay.

I thought all we had to do was tell the truth.

In the last room, you did.

In the red room, you make a decision.

Based on their answers just now,

who do you think did the least for their fellow man?

This one right here.

What? Why?

It's just a shirt.

It's my only shirt that I gave during winter.

I slept in the cold.

Ben.

What? Why me?

Education awareness? Come on.

How much do you take home from that?

Mock me all you like.

You sleep in the cold, and you drive your friend to work.

No, carpool.

I guess I'm a genius compared to you three.

Please select one of you to stay behind

while you proceed... Wait, I-

to the end of the experiment.

What? Why me?

Please proceed to the end-

Wait, guys. - of the experiment.

No, you can't leave me here.

Can't leave me here.

Hey.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Help.

You know, it's the strangest thing.

The nightmares began when I started that painting.

No, no, I know.

I mean, I don't believe in that stuff.

You're right.

I hope you're right.

You're always right.

Okay, I'll call you in the morning to check in.

Bye.

Hey, you on your way?

I think I may let her walk home alone tonight.

Elizabeth, hey, your mom's on the phone.

She said you can walk home alone tonight.

Do you think you can do that?

My mom said that?

Um, yeah, sure, I guess I can do that.

Okay.

Uh, Pam, you sound like you're a little bit sick.

I think it's allergies.

I'll text you when she gets here.

Thanks, Janet.

Feel better.

She'll be home in less than five,

Pam?

Mom?

Hey, honey, I'll be just a little late

picking you up, back in traffic.

Go ahead and get your shoes on.

Oh, how's the party?

Oh, I picked up some chips and salsa on the call for you.

Elizabeth?

Elizabeth?

Hi, you've reached Giselle and Alana.

We're not home right now,

but leave us a message, and we'll get back to you.

Bye.

Hey, sis, um, it's mom.

She's in the hospital.

She's not doing too well.

She really needs to see you.

Good evening, child, what are you doing out there?

Here, take a seat and let me give you a ride.

What's a precious young thing

such as yourself doing out there?

This is a dangerous place for hitchhiking.

It's a dangerous place to pick up hitchhikers, too.

I have the Lord to protect me.

Well, we have quite a ways ahead of us.

May I ask, where is it you're traveling to?

Heading to Vancouver.

I have an important meeting in the morning,

and I can't be late.

Then I shall get you there before you are missed.

I can tell by the way you are dressed

and, uh, how you present yourself

you have ones that love you.

I was forsaken at birth by my mother

and raised by fathers who are no longer with us.

What would your family say

if they knew you were hitchhiking?

As long as I get home safe.

I'm sure they will miss,

I mean, that they do miss you.

It's funny how the world is,

how God has set this path before me.

You see, I have this itch,

an itch I can't control.

I try to run away from it,

but it just brings me to you.

It reminds me of the story of the scorpion and the frog.

Are you familiar with it?

Yeah, I know the story,

but what the fuck do you mean by itch?

What are you implying here?

Nothing, child, nothing,

but I have been tasked by God to purge the heretics

of this world, and in exchange,

he suppresses that itch,

and so it's come time to ask.

Are you a God-fearing woman?

I don't think that's any

of your business, Father.

My child, I am merely a vessel of God's word.

My hands are his hands.

Mm-hmm.

Now, what's the worst thing you have ever done?

Oh, what is this, a confessional?

Oh, come now my child.

It surely can't be that serious.

Confession washes sins clean from the soul,

and no one likes a filthy girl.

And the four angels were loose,

which were placed upon the hour, and the month, and the day,

and the year for to slay the third part of man.

Will you be ready for his church?

Yeah, I had a good word put in with him.

All this talk has made me think of my days of my youth,

the days in the church and in the hands of my fathers.

It is truly a pleasure to share the road

with such young company.

Young company?

Anyone is young compared to you,

but you still look like a catch.

Respect your elders.

Am I gonna have to punish you?

I guess even at this age, it can be so lonely.

You smell so fresh.

Are you wearing perfume?

Yeah, why? Do you like it?

No, perfume is for whores.

Heretic.

I cleanse myself after the purge of heretics and whores.

You can receive so much more, child.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪