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♪ ♪

(cheering, applause)

WOMAN (over speakers): Get on your feet right now.

-Come on, now. -(crowd cheering)

The recipient of the 2019 Lifetime Achievement Award...

DANYEL SMITH: Nominated for 31 Grammys.

MAN: A double Oscar nominee this morning.

QUEEN LATIFAH: She is a global superstar

who has won nine Grammy Awards and sold over 50 million albums.

ANDRE HARRELL: Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

LL COOL J: She created a new national anthem for women.

WOMAN: The undeniable queen of hip-hop and R&B,

Mary J. Blige!

(cheering continues)

-(camera flash echoes) -(cheering fades)

MAN: All right.

Perfect.

MARY: It feels really good

to be at this point in my career and have done so much,

between music, TV, philanthropy.

Get that chin up a little bit more.

Nice. Bring that face around for me right here.

MARY: I’ve done pretty much everything

that I’ve-I’ve always wanted to do.

Nice. Stay right there, Mary.

MARY: But success comes when you are successful inside.

For a long time, I didn’t know I was successful outside

because I was a-a wreck inside.

Because, when I was growing up in the neighborhood we lived in,

it was like, "You better not dream it.

You better not hope it."

And so my mission has been to actually help women

to believe in themself and help, you know, help myself

believe in myself and live out things

and let people, especially women,

see how I come through ’em.

-(indistinct chatter) -(man whoops)

♪ ♪

I have 13 albums, but my second album, My Life,

is the most important because there was a lot in me,

and there was a lot wrong,

and there was a lot I needed to get out.

(lively chatter)

The My Life album was probably my darkest album

at one of the darkest time in my life.

I’ve had plenty dark times, though, since then,

but this was like a turning point.

This was a decision I had to make, either live or die.

Most of the times, I was just depressed

and didn’t want to live because I didn’t love myself.

(crowd cheering)

I didn’t know that so many people felt the same way.

-How you doing, sweetie? -How you doing?

-I’m good. How are you? -How you doing?

MARY: This album was very important to them,

and they make me remember that I’m not the only one

going through the things that I’m going through.

-You’re my inspiration. -Thank you.

Thank you so much for everything.

Oh, you’re welcome, baby.

(crowd cheering)

MARY: Thank you so much

for all this love.

(cheering continues)

Y’all know how real it is.

My life is real, real, real.

And this is just filling me up.

Thank you so much.

(cheering continues)

WOMAN: (whoops) Mary!

SEAN COMBS: Her vulnerability

and her courageousness to share, um,

for me, for my daughters, that’s what I want them to see.

I want them to see that they can express theirselves.

Her image, you know, her story, how she tells it,

so raw, so vulnerable, so bold

and unafraid to be who she is,

she made it okay for people to say, "It’s all right to be me."

(crowd cheering)

MARY: And I always wanted to see women do better,

be stronger, be beautiful, believe in themselves.

(cheering continues)

It’s been 25 years since I put the My Life album out

and I started speaking to my fans.

And it’s a place where I survived.

So it’s, um, it’s very important to be here to tell that story.

(cheering continues)

(cheering fades)

♪ ♪

♪ Life can be only what you make it ♪

♪ When you’re feeling down ♪

♪ You should never fake it ♪

♪ Say what’s on your mind ♪

♪ And you’ll find, in time ♪

♪ That all the negative energy ♪

♪ It would all cease ♪

♪ And you’ll be at peace with yourself ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪

♪ You won’t really need no one else ♪

♪ Except for the man up above, yeah ♪

♪ Because he’ll give you love ♪

(vocalizing)

♪ If you looked into my life ♪

♪ If you looked in my life and see what I’ve seen... ♪

("Everybody Loves the Sunshine" by Roy Ayers Ubiquity playing)

♪ My life, my life, my life, my life ♪

♪ In the sunshine... ♪

MARY: The My Life journey started with

"Everybody Loves the Sunshine" by Roy Ayers.

I don’t know what’s in that record,

but there was something in it

that just cracked open everything in me.

♪ Everybody loves the sunshine... ♪

That was the first music, as a child, that stuck with me...

♪ Sunshine... ♪

...because it made me forget

that we lived where we lived.

♪ Folks get down in the sunshine... ♪

That sound used to just drive me nuts.

MARY: ♪ My life, my life, my life, my life ♪

♪ In the sunshine ♪

It’s something about "in the sunshine," I--

-"my life in the sunshine." -(song fades)

Just made me want to...

(voice breaking): that record made me...

I’m sorry.

That record made me feel

something like-like I-I could have something.

But I couldn’t get my hands on it,

but like I could have something.

"My life in the sunshine" was something I wanted.

♪ ♪

This is where we was

-when I first heard that song. -Wow. -Yeah.

-This little girl is the person that heard that song. -No.

-Yeah. -That’s what Daddy listened to.

-Yeah. -Mm-hmm.

Dad was about that music life, and he made sure we d-digest

every kind of music he loved or he liked.

-Both of them, him and Mommy. -My dad had

-Grateful Dead albums. -Yeah, rock.

Like, we would go look at his music, and it’d be

all types of shit in there. (chuckles)

-Be heavy funk and rock and roll. -(laughs)

Like, I was like, "Heavy funk and rock and roll?

-"What is this? -(laughter)

-What is this stuff?" -Yeah.

-That’s what Daddy listened to. Yeah. -Yeah.

XENOS: That’s what molded and shaped you

into what you do today.

The influences in your past, your roots.

-Mm-hmm. -Yes.

-Yeah. -MARY: Wait. Yeah, this isn’t--

-This is Hastings. -LaTONYA: Hastings.

-Wow. -MARY: I was four, and LaTonya was five.

And when we was about seven, we moved to Schlobohm. -Schlobohm.

♪ ♪

MARY: My parents had gotten divorced,

and my dad, he was my-my friend, you know?

I really loved him.

And so, when he was gone, it was very sad for me.

We moved to a violent environment,

and it was rough for my mom,

as a single-parent mom trying to raise two girls.

-Mommy. My mom. -My beautiful mother.

MARY: Although we had love, my mom and my sister and I,

from the first day we moved there,

we had to fight the kids in the neighborhood.

And in that environment, I don’t know how she did it.

She was a nurse and wanted to take care of her family.

But she sang, too.

My mother used to sing around the house

and... dance and everything,

so that’s why Mary get all her little dances.

("Clean Up Woman" by Betty Wright playing)

She would play The Staple Singers

and Gladys Knight or Aretha Franklin

and walk around the house singing "The Clean Up Woman."

♪ ♪

♪ A cleanup woman ♪

♪ Is a woman who ♪

♪ Gets all the love we girls leave behind... ♪

MARY: Anything my mom did, she would sound just like ’em,

and she was so beautiful to me.

I just always wanted to be her. I wanted to look like her.

I wanted to sing the way she did.

♪ So take a tip, you better get hip... ♪

I would go to the mirror with a brush and sing

and try to mimic anybody my mother listened to.

♪ She’s tough ♪

♪ I mean, she really cleans up. ♪

(applause)

(song fades)

♪ ♪

But it wasn’t like I was running around,

telling everybody I was gonna be a singer.

I would just sing loud, just sing.

But I didn’t dream big or think for a moment that it was like,

"Okay, I’m gonna be this big star,"

because our environment didn’t tell us that.

Our environment told us that this is it.

I was the little girl that looked at certain artists

and certain things on commercials

and television shows and movies

and wish that I had certain things.

But in that neighborhood,

someone will get jealous or mad at you for having something,

you know?

For having a smile, for having a dream.

If I was ever dreaming, I didn’t dream anymore,

especially when we became teenagers.

It just got worse, so I said,

"I’m not gonna let these people see me smiling too much.

Matter of fact, they’re never gonna see me smiling."

I never smiled when I was a teenager.

I think people don’t understand,

about the families that live in the projects,

is that it’s like prison.

It’s like a prison inside a prison inside a prison.

It’s people hurting people, hurting each other.

People are just, like, suffering.

And the men were so horrible towards women.

I remember hearing women being beaten.

My mother was one of those women,

so I remember her pain.

I carried her pain. I carried the neighbor’s pain.

I carried people all over the environment’s pain.

And I carried my own pain.

-♪ I didn’t ask to come here ♪ -(applause)

♪ I didn’t ask to get treated badly ♪

♪ I didn’t ask to get molested ♪

♪ I didn’t ask to get knocked, too ♪

♪ I didn’t ask to get knocked up ♪

♪ Daddy, Daddy ♪

♪ Daddy, why? ♪

♪ Why did you leave us? ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪

Growing up in an environment like that,

there were so many things that could happen to a little girl,

and you just turned to anything that can numb you

from feeling sad, from feeling depressed,

from feeling hatred, from feeling self-hate,

just so much.

So you turn to substance abuse.

You turn to whatever makes you feel good.

And that’s what we did. We drank.

We went to the pier, my friends Mushie and Pidgey,

and we would go to the pier, and we would drink our pain away.

Because I don’t even understand why we’re living here.

How did we get here? We’re not supposed to be here.

My mom is not supposed to be struggling.

She’s not supposed to be by herself.

She’s not supposed to be a woman in this environment

going through this hell.

Singing was the escape for me.

♪ ♪

Singing made me forget that we were struggling so much.

It just made me forget

that I was going through what I was going through.

Even as a little girl, I was-- had insecurities,

and I was always blue and always sad,

but singing made me feel free.

And that’s what I had.

That’s what I held onto.

♪ I had to see you, baby ♪

♪ I never ran so fast before ♪

♪ I rushed inside the chapel door ♪

♪ You were waiting all alone ♪

♪ You turned around and heard me call ♪

♪ Congratulations... ♪

She never was afraid to sing.

Like, I remember she used to sing outside

and just do-- like, she never was shy.

♪ One for me ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh. ♪

(song ends)

And sometimes in the mall, they-they have this, uh,

little studio thing.

You make a little, um, tape for yourself.

You know, like a studio.

They had, like, a little studio but in the mall.

So you make your little tape, pay your little money.

And she went. My cousin went with her.

And I sang "Caught Up in the Rapture."

And...

brought the tape home.

We listened to it.

We was like, "Ooh, you sound good."

And stepfather listened to it and was like,

"I want to give this to my friend,

"’cause he’s in the music business, you know?

He’s a singer."

And it was, it was Jeff Redd.

When I heard the-the demo at the time,

you know, I heard the pain

of a generation.

That’s what it was with her because...

it was like ’89.

That was right at the tail end of the crack era.

And a lot of the kids that were growing up then

were raising themselves.

And when Mary opened her mouth and sang,

it spoke to a generation of

children and kids that were coming up out of that era.

♪ ♪

HARRELL: The head of A&R at Uptown

was pestering me all day, knocking on my door.

I was like, "What’s so important, Kurt?"

He said, "Just listen to this.

And he put, uh, Mary J. Blige.

And she was singing Anita Baker, and...

I was like, "Who is this?"

"She’s 19 years old."

"Where’s she living?" "Yonkers."

I said, "I’m coming tomorrow."

♪ ♪

MARY: I remember that day like it was yesterday.

He was downstairs in, um, I think it was a black BMW.

HARRELL: I remember I was driving a four-dour BMW 750,

and I pulled up in the projects.

I was wearing sky blue pants, white Gucci loafers

and a black-and-white silk cheetah shirt with big glasses.

MARY: He had a black-and-white polka dot shirt on.

And I was afraid for him because he was

this very wealthy man that was in this neighborhood that was...

terrible.

And I was like, you know, "Come on. (chuckles)

Come on." I was just waving him across the street.

So, we got on the elevator, came upstairs, and...

...he said, "Sing."

♪ When we met ♪

♪ Always knew ♪

♪ I would feel that magic for you... ♪

MARY: I guess my mom was standing there.

I guess people were all around, but all I can remember

is him and what I had to do,

because I zone everything out to sing.

And I sang the whole Anita Baker Rapture album.

♪ I love you here by me, baby ♪

♪ You let my love fly freely... ♪

MARY: And he was just staring at me and going,

"Oh, my God."

I remember saying to Mary, her mother and her sister that,

"Your daughter Mary, she’s gonna sing for royalty.

"Your daughter Mary,

"she’s gonna be down with the kings

and queens of rock and roll."

I was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right."

Because at any moment,

somebody could just pull the rug up from under you.

That’s how-- that’s the environment we lived in.

Whether or not she believed all of it could come true,

I believe, in her heart, with that talent she had,

she knew that she was destined

for something bigger than being in the house.

♪ I love you here by me, baby, baby ♪

♪ Oh, you let my love fly so free, free, Anita... ♪

I told her that, um, "We’re gonna sign you.

Welcome to Uptown Records."

-♪ For all time ♪ -♪ For all time ♪

(both vocalizing)

♪ Caught up in the rapture of ♪

-Sing, girl. (vocalizing) -♪ No, no, no, I love you ♪

Come on, take it away.

-Take it away. Take it away. -(crowd cheering)

(scatting "Sweet Love")

♪ Don’t you cry, don’t you cry on me ♪

♪ I promise I won’t cry ♪

I love you. I love you.

-(song ends) -(crowd cheering)

Thank you!

-Push it high. -Anita Baker is my angel.

♪ ♪

-(sputtering lips) -(indistinct chatter)

This will be good first for me,

second for me, if it works.

So many people around me knew what was coming.

Knew what I had in me.

(crowd cheering)

How you doing?

-Hello. Hey, ladies. -(squealing)

WOMAN: I was 14.

I heard "You Remind Me," the first video

where she had the peach bustier

and the suit, oh, and there was nothing like it.

To see a woman from a background similar to mine

being a moving, actualized woman,

it gave me so much hope.

I love your music, and you’ve been

an inspiration to me since I was a little girl.

-I know you hear it all the time. -Thank you.

Thank you so much.

WOMAN: All right, guys, look right over here.

Perfect. Beautiful!

-Thank you so much. -You’re welcome.

MARY: They thought I was more talented than I believed.

-Hi. How are you? -Hi!

MARY: They knew me before I knew myself.

-I love you. -Oh, you look good.

We are two of your biggest fans.

Thank you.

COMBS: When I first met Mary,

I was working at Uptown.

She came to my office and she sung a cappella for me.

(Mary vocalizing)

COMBS: It was just this raspy, like, gutter,

ghetto tone, pain,

like just everything that was going on,

’cause there was a lot of pain in the streets.

(Mary continues vocalizing)

COMBS: And there was a lot of young Black women

who could relate to where she came from.

They didn’t have no voice out there.

Then, man, this girl from Schlobohm projects

with a attitude, that’ll fight you,

that got a slash on her face, she got a cut on her face,

like, "Man."

I was like, "She is gonna be big,

because... nobody sounds like her."

He believed in me more than I believed in myself.

I didn’t know what I had, who I was, but he knew.

And he helped me to believe that I was a real artist,

and I needed that.

I needed that push. I needed that pep talk.

I needed that, "You got it, sis.

You can do it. I’m proud of you."

I needed everything he gave me, because I was very insecure.

NAS: Mary coming out of Schlobohm projects,

she has one foot there, struggling to get out,

and one foot in the recording studio,

with this opportunity to

give this voice to the world.

HARRELL: For Puff, this was early on in his career,

and he was looking to stand out

and make a name for hisself within Uptown.

And we were very supportive of, "You go ahead, do that.

We’ll provide the resources so you can kill that."

(quiet chatter)

COMBS: The last one you-- when I told--

the thing I told you before you went in there,

I said, "Say it like you know it and be confident with it,"

and that’s how you were singing the whole way through.

-That was good about it. -Okay.

MARY: I didn’t even know what I was doing,

because I was in survival mode,

meaning, like, I had to save my family, you know.

I had to make sure that they were all out of the projects

and they were good, and I was singing for my life, literally.

COMBS: At the end of the chorus,

you had just said a little bit more at the end of the chorus

-on the, on the one before that. -Okay, cool.

MISA HYLTON: I met Mary at the studio with Puffy,

and we spent a lot of time together.

We quickly became like sisters.

COMBS: Misa was my girl,

the mother of my first son, Justin,

and Misa was just the flyest, you know?

It was just, like, her cut,

the way she was just doing her hair, her bob,

the way she was wearing her swag.

You know what I’m saying? I was like,

"Yo, you should be a stylist for Mary."

Early in our career, it was really difficult

to get our foot in the door with the fashion houses.

First, we were young.

Secondly, we were female.

And then we were women of color--

young women of color.

("Real Love" playing, Mary vocalizing)

And so I had to design and create custom looks for Mary.

And I know that I saw things in her

that she didn’t see in herself,

that she wasn’t able to see in herself yet.

MARY: They saw what I was, and between her and Puffy,

they gave me the most iconic looks.

♪ We are lovers through and through ♪

♪ And though we made it through the storm... ♪

COMBS: It was unapologetically Black, real and soulful.

HARRELL: We felt like we were running a movement,

and the movement was called Ghetto Fabulous.

And Mary J. Blige was the queen of this movement.

♪ Be the real love that I need... ♪

SMITH: Mary was the first

to bring her own kind of R&B, hip-hop swag

to the very boy-based rap scene.

♪ I got to have a real love ♪

♪ Real love ♪

♪ I’m searching for a real love... ♪

There wasn’t a lot of R&B singers

singing over hip-hop tracks.

So that-that alone right there was like, "Oh, okay.

"We can, uh, you know, we can groove to this.

"We can do our dances off of this.

"This don’t sound like our mama’s music,

but she’s singing, so Mama might like it, too."

♪ I’m searching for a real love. ♪

(song ends)

I’m from the hood,

and it was like dudes had their representation.

They had all of their stories, but when it came to females,

I just didn’t see me.

I didn’t see me.

SMITH: At that time, the rule for Black female artists was

"sing loud and smooth yourself out."

-(crowd chattering) -All right,

y’all know what this next record is.

Everybody know what this is.

Mary was like, "I don’t know." (laughs)

-♪ You... ♪ -(crowd cheering)

♪ You remind me, yeah ♪

Come on, y’all!

♪ You remind me ♪

♪ Of such sweet memories... ♪

Sunday, no bodyguards.

Crowd’s, like, right there.

You know, we’re all like...

...you know, "This is gonna be great."

You know, ’cause the record’s out; it’s playing.

If-if you’re in hip-hop, you know it, you know.

She’s not a pop star yet, but she’s on her way. (chuckles)

(Mary vocalizing)

♪ Of sweet memories... ♪

COMBS: We went into a lane that nobody was at,

and so the type of fan hysteria

and her connection with women was crazy.

(crowd singing along): ♪ You ♪

♪ You remind me of a love that I once knew... ♪

We were like, "Oh, we love this girl.

We love her sound. Like, who is she?"

And then we saw the video.

("You Remind Me" playing)

And we were like, "Oh, my God, the hat to the back

with the combat boots and the tennis skirts."

And it was like she was our urban girl, hood role model.

Like, we wanted to be just like her.

I saw something that we’ve never seen before

but something we knew existed.

I knew that existed. I was her.

So she gave us a face, she gave us a name,

she gave us a story, she humanized us.

SMITH: She was like, "I’m here and I’m beautiful,

"and I’m hip-hop but I’m Mary.

"I’m bringing all of Yonkers with me.

Good, bad, whatever-- I’m Mary and this is what I’m doing."

And it was so great for us to see this authentic Black woman.

I started to feel good about who I am,

about being a little rougher around the edges,

about having a strong point of view.

I felt like I could be who I actually was

and that that was cool, that was great.

And in fact, I didn’t want to be like anything else, you know?

You could just be another girl with a dream

and you could be special.

We didn’t see, we didn’t--

we still don’t get to see that a lot, you know?

Still.

So, for me, as a 13-year-old,

that really gave me a certain, like, permission that I needed.

♪ I ♪

♪ Can remember when ♪

("Reminisce" playing)

♪ We had ♪

-♪ We had it all ♪ -♪ Reminisce on the love we had ♪

♪ You and I... ♪

Hello.

(quiet chatter)

-Hello, everyone. -Hi.

("Reminisce" playing over stereo)

♪ You know we had it all ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Reminisce on the love we had ♪

♪ Yeah... ♪

Back then, people put speakers in the windows.

(laughter)

And blast through the whole block.

And, um, I heard "Reminisce," and I was-- I stopped.

I was like, "Who’s that?"

I asked the guy, I was like, "Who is this?"

"It’s a new artist, Mary J. Blige."

So I definitely went to The Wiz. Remember the store The Wiz?

-Yes. -The Wiz. -(laughter)

MAN: And I picked that cassette tape up.

It popped on me, I played it so much.

-(laughter) -WOMAN: I used to listen

to What’s the 411?

and put the headphones to her at 15 months.

-And it was so bad to... -(chuckles)

She actually thought, like, Mary was a part of our family.

-(laughter) -As she, as she got older,

she’s like, "Where’s-where’s Mary? Where’s Mary?"

(laughter)

(excited chatter)

Hi, Mary!

I feel like I know her personally.

Um, I connect with her through her music.

And I just, I just want to just hug her.

(cheering)

HARRELL: She’s transcending in terms of where she was at 19

to where she is riding around downtown in Manhattan with stars

and being made a star.

And at the same time, she started a relationship

with K-Ci of Jodeci, and they started going out.

K-Ci was a proven

church crooner from eight or nine years old.

He was Little Cedric, and then became K-Ci of Jodeci.

And I know for her as an artist,

that was a challenge artistically and vocally

that she needed.

("I Don’t Want to Do Anything" playing, K-Ci vocalizing)

♪ If loving you is all that I have to do... ♪

’Cause she’s a kid who grew up singing in the house.

So now she goes out with a guy, they can sing in the house,

and she can hear how strong she is.

(Mary and K-Ci vocalizing)

♪ We will be as one ♪

♪ Just me and you... ♪

MARY: I really liked him, and when I like you, I like you.

I just fell in love with him.

♪ I will love you ♪

♪ Will you please me, baby? ♪

♪ I will please you ♪

♪ Girl, don’t leave me ♪

♪ I won’t leave you ♪

♪ Let’s make it easy ♪

(both vocalizing)

♪ Oh, yeah, baby. ♪

Thank you.

-(cheering) -(band playing flourish)

-(song ends) -(cheering continues)

HARRELL: So I think

what Puff gave her in enthusiasm,

K-Ci and the experience with Jodeci gave her

the self-confidence to know that, "I’m as good as this,

’cause these dudes is amazing."

So I think all those things at the same time, one,

probably gave her self-confidence,

and-and, two, uh, probably left her confused, too.

♪ ♪

MARY: Things had happened so fast,

I didn’t even know they had happened.

You know, I ended up on tour so quickly.

(crowd cheering)

I ended up selling all these records

and doing platinum parties.

(crowd cheering)

It was like I was just moving and didn’t know what happened.

I just was there.

My body was just there.

JAMARKO MILLER: You know, you take a kid

out of the projects, you sold two million albums.

Now you got to-- you know what I’m saying?

Now you got to go here, you got to go there.

You’re like, "What?"

Everything just went, went, went, went,

and-and it went very fast, to where I could tell it was

exciting for her, but I could also tell it was a little scary.

(wind whistling softly)

MARY: It was kind of like, you know, "So, what-what is this?"

I’m-I’m a-- how about this? I’m afraid of it, anyway.

Whatever it is, I’m fucking scared to death of it,

so I’m scared to death of myself.

So... whatever it takes for me to be comfortable,

if I need to drink some more, if I need to do some more coke,

whatever way I need to do to loosen up

and try to take this in.

♪ ♪

This shit looks like Schlobohm.

-Hmm? -It looks like Schlobohm.

LaTONYA: Th-Them projects, right?

That’s how all the projects look.

MARY: I think Schlobohm may look worse.

I remember hearing myself for the first time on the radio.

I think I said, "Thank you, Jesus." (chuckles)

I knew I was gonna be able to get my mom and my sister,

my family from out of the projects.

But I-I don’t remember feeling happy.

It was definitely a transition,

I think, for all of us, for our whole family,

from going from dealing with

the day-to-day of living in the projects

to...

one day hearing Mary’s records on the radio,

(laughs): but we still lived in the projects.

Then the next thing you know, like,

we’re moving to a suburb.

It was extreme. (chuckles)

It was an extreme transition.

-(jet engine whirring) -Hi.

Hi. How you doing, ma’am? Frank Dickens is my name.

Mary.

MARY: I measure success for myself

when I’m able to, from the inside,

be happy enough to know that I’m successful,

to know that I did something great,

to be secure enough to know

that I am great or I did something great,

and that’s why I can understand it now.

I didn’t understand it then because I wasn’t--

I didn’t feel like I was great in my heart.

It’s, "Hey, I know you see me as this person

"and my life looks like so much fun.

"Well, guess what, my life sucks, too.

"And, you know, and I’m doing everything I can to make it--

to get over it and get better."

"Well, you have all this money." (stammers)

Oh, bullshit. You know what I mean?

I know more people who have had money, have lost it,

have had it, and they-- doesn’t, doesn’t change you.

The way they feel inside.

I couldn’t even enjoy...

what-what was going on.

I couldn’t even enjoy my success.

And I was in a relationship where we were both young,

both super successful.

I loved him, you know, but neither one of us could handle

the success of our lives.

So we became very, um, dark, the whole thing.

And abusive.

♪ ♪

It was, it was a lot of just m-manipulation.

It was like, but I was still there.

Like, I don’t-- you know.

I’m gonna be here. I’m-a dumb myself all the way down.

I’m-a play myself all the way down

so I don’t think I’m special, so I can be with you.

CHUCKY THOMPSON: When I first met Mary,

she had on, I swear, you had a sweat suit on

with the little suede bucket jawn, dude,

-and the Timberland jawns on, dude. -(laughter)

And was in the corner like this.

I said, "Man, I’m not saying nothing to her, yo.

(laughter)

She be done whupped everybody head up in this jawn, dude."

When it came to production, I was pretty much new to the game.

I had a couple of records out at the time.

And then Puff comes to me, and he’s like,

"Yo, I got this record to do with Mary,

and if you want to do it, let’s do it."

COMBS: So many people were coming up to me

and they’d be like, "You gonna be all right

with the sophomore jinx?"

The sophomore jinx, you know.

People don’t usually come out with a-a album

that’s doper than their first one.

That’s when I hooked up with Chucky and Bub.

Can’t stop the Bub rush.

BIG BUB: I was 23 years old.

I’m writing for different artists,

and here comes Puffy like, "Yo, I need these records for Mary."

I’m like, "Okay, cool."

First time we met, she was so cool.

Elevator door open up, she’s in there with security,

and I came through there with my, "Yo."

I said, "We ’bout to make history.

We ’bout to make some crack."

She was like this.

"Oh, really? Well, we gonna see."

I said, "Okay, cool."

I said, "Watch.

Watch, Mary. We ’bout to change the whole game."

And the rest is history.

MARY: I always made it where I controlled the environment.

It’s like I didn’t really trust people,

so I didn’t like a lot of people around

unless I knew them and we were really, really close.

-Yo, what’s up? -How you doing?

Chillin’. How are you?

THOMPSON: I wasn’t even looking at Mary

as, uh, you know, as this big artist.

I looked at her in the light of being, like, my extended sister.

And... I just wanted to make sure she had that royal

but yet still grounded, hood feeling

about the songs that we were-- or that I was delivering to her.

And at-at that particular time, you know, it was the early ’90s,

so a lot of music that was happening at that time

reflected 20 years back, which was the ’70s.

Which was really, like, a lot of Black exploitation films

and just that energy of street music and street life,

and we embodied that.

We’re both from the same

hood or whatever you want to call it.

People that are in that, it’s not all good all the time.

So when you find somebody that’s good,

it’s like, man.

You know what I’m saying?

It’s-it’s good out here in the world.

So I’m-a be real.

When-when that first 411 album came out,

and I know that Puff was pushing the fashion thing,

and it was like a little hard-core,

I said, "Hold up, joe.

It’s-it’s more to her than that."

So, I guess, from the songs

and the way I was coming with that music,

I-- that was where my brain was at.

You was dead-on with that shit.

You was dead-on with the dark, the dark that I was living.

You was dead-on with the street that I came from.

You was dead-on with the--

-all the shit that I was. -(chuckles)

What’s the 411? was dope.

It felt good. It was great.

It was all the stuff, but by the time

I got to this My Life part of my life, I was all fucked-up,

and I needed somebody to understand, through music,

and you-you tr-- you-you did.

You understood.

Her truth came out more on My Life than What’s the 411?

What’s the 411? came out real, real dope.

But then when we went to this,

when we went to this another level of truth,

My Life was a whole different thing.

The "Be With You" track

-jump-started the whole feeling. -Yo, that’s it, man.

When I heard that-- Puff came to my house in Jersey,

and he-he was like, "Yo, I got something for you to hear."

He was just, like, you know, all antsy and, you know, excited.

So I get in the car with Puff, and it starts.

-(humming "Be With You") -("Be With You" playing)

Yep.

And it just grabbed everything that I was feeling.

And I just, like-- I-I may have started writing it on the spot.

♪ ♪

That record was the beginning of it all.

It was the beginning of me spilling myself into this album.

We used to hear that, like, all day.

Like, that’s what she was-- that was her first, like, first song,

so we’d hear that beat playing all day

and just be in the house, n-nothing else playing.

You know, she’d just be writing,

you know, balling up papers, writing.

I remember when we made that record.

It was one of the most unsecured times of our lives.

I was going through breaking up with Misa.

You know, Mary was going through a lot of things with K-Ci.

And we was in this studio in New York

that you could actually see outside, and it was raining.

♪ I wanna be with you ♪

♪ Does he care for you... ♪

And it was one of those days where you’re walking around

with the tears balled up in your eyes.

Like, we was kids that was just heartbroken.

You know what I’m saying?

Like-like, really, like, like--

Misa was my heart.

K-Ci was her heart.

And me and her in the studio looking at each other, crying.

♪ Does he even care... ♪

We’d made a connection through pain,

and we was like, from that point on, we was like,

"Fuck that." Like, "We gonna bring the pain."

♪ I can’t deal with the fact that ♪

♪ You don’t want me around ♪

♪ Why you wanna see me down... ♪

MARY: So the whole album, the whole My Life album is,

"Please, love me.

"Don’t go.

I need you."

It was a, it was a cry for help.

♪ I spent all my days ♪

♪ And all my nights with you ♪

♪ Just tell me what am I gonna do without you... ♪

"Got to believe that I won’t hurt you."

You know, "I never want to live without you. Don’t go."

You know, she was going through those things.

So we’re gonna write about it.

And we’re gonna bring that out.

(laughing)

(Mary laughs)

Bub. (laughing)

(muffled): Okay, baby.

I love you, Mary.

How you doing? (laughs)

-Good to see you, man. -Good to see you, baby.

MARY: Being in the studio with you and doing those songs,

it was healing, it was what I needed.

And "Never Wanna Live" was just-- it makes me cry now.

-"Don’t Go" makes me cry now. -Don’t start crying.

-Nah, I’m not, I’m not. -Don’t-don’t start.

-I’m-a try not to cry. -’Cause-’cause I’m telling you,

my tears-- I’m holding back my tears

’cause we cried at the booth.

I know. I remember that.

I’ll never forget. Like this, look.

-And I remember. I-I... -We was like, we was like this.

-I remember that. -I was like, "Mary, it’s good."

I said, "We good."

But the song was so powerful.

-Yeah. -Tears coming out our eyes,

and all I can see, you, like, nodding like...

And I remember the pain in my stomach.

Like, it was, it was like pain and joy all at the same time.

-Mm. -I can’t describe it.

I know I sound like a crazy person.

-No, you do not. -But these are the things

that I was feeling.

Just from the beginning when it started.

-♪ Can’t live with ♪ -("I Never Wanna Live Without You" playing)

-It was like... -(humming)

♪ Can’t live without you, baby ♪

♪ Live without you, baby... ♪

BIG BUB: She went to the core.

It was cut-and-dry.

It wasn’t no watering-- Let’s not water nothing down.

Whatever you feeling, that’s what is going down.

(over speakers): ♪ Love is so amazing ♪

♪ I have a man that I want ♪

(laughing)

♪ I prayed so many nights for you ♪

Come on, you heard.

♪ And then my prayers came true of you ♪

(Big Bub vocalizing)

♪ Now that I have the answer ♪

♪ I’ll be wishing on a star ♪

♪ I’ll follow you where you are ♪

Oh! Oh!

♪ I don’t wanna be alone ♪

♪ So, baby, let’s stay together ♪

♪ Stay together ♪

♪ Through any kind of weather, yeah ♪

-Oh, shit. -Mm-hmm.

♪ Let’s make a happy... ♪

Yes, I was begging!

Yeah, you were for real with yours.

♪ Because you mean so much to me, baby ♪

♪ That’s why I wanna be your lady ♪

(Big Bub whoops)

Oh, I said my...

Yo, that record there, man.

That shit fucked me up.

-And then "Don’t Go." -(song ends)

I didn’t know it was gonna do anything.

I-I thought I would be dead probably.

I was in a dark place myself.

I’m drinking more than ever. You know what I’m saying?

I got money.

I’m young with money, traveling the world.

And I was in a place where I was unhappy.

So it made sense, like...

"A’ight, come on, let’s get this out."

You know what I’m saying? I’m-I’m torn apart, too.

The only thing, I think, that kept us guided was the music,

-because the music is the thing that felt good... -That’s right.

-...whether you was too high or too low. -Mm-hmm.

It just saved you, because it was all bitter then.

It was-- everything was bitter, bitter, bitter.

Oh, we was... we were dark.

It was very dark.

LISATH: When I first met Mary,

we were both going through the same thing

at the same time with brothers.

♪ ♪

They promised us love and happiness forever,

and we’re gonna move away and have kids

and have a family and... perfect.

And it wasn’t perfect.

I have to ask this really quickly.

Uh, Jodeci were on the show, uh, earlier on in the series,

and, uh, Terry asked K-Ci this question.

Have a look at this.

Now, you’re gonna break a few hearts because I-I’ve heard

that y-you’re gonna marry Mary J. Blige, are you?

Nah, nah, man.

(crowd exclaiming)

Nah, that’s-that’s... that’s a rumor.

You know what I’m saying?

That’s a rumor for the States, too, you know.

K-Ci is not getting married, for the record.

(crowd exclaiming, women screaming)

So there’s no huge engagement ring?

Oh, there-- yeah, whatever.

-Whatever. -Let’s move on please.

-Okay, but now... -I’m disgusted.

LaTONYA: When stuff happened, I’d be like,

"You need to throw-- kick him to the curb

and go find somebody else."

I surely was that sister saying that and everything.

And I was like, "You’re better than that

and you’re bigger than that."

I-- Sorry, I’m not nice.

I’m-I’m not the nice sister at all and everything.

I surely was that sister like, "You know what?

"You don’t need nobody treating you like this and everything.

Now, you can do better."

But it’s-- when-when you’re in love,

you can’t hear that.

You can’t hear any of that.

She just wanted somebody to love her, you know?

That time, it was just such a sad time, you know?

Um, and it was just back-to-back situations.

Like, it just-- At one point, he came over,

and he was filled with rage.

He was upset.

We don’t know why he was upset.

And he started to physically attack her.

I’ve had to physically fight for my life a lot,

because just like my mom, I’m a fighter.

My mom had to suffer a lot of physical abuse as well,

so as a little girl, I saw her--

this little woman-- fighting.

So... when it all

started to happen to me, all I could think about was my mom.

-(crowd cheering) -(band playing "I’m Goin’ Down")

♪ Time on my hands ♪

♪ Since you’ve been away, boy ♪

CROWD: ♪ I ain’t got no plans... ♪

It’s not simple or black-and-white

to just walk out the door when you’re just beyond insecure,

because you think that...

this is the best that you can get.

And now whatever you think is love,

which is silly infatuation,

is all you have to hold on to.

And no matter what bad happens,

you don’t want to let this person go

because you feel like he validates you

or he makes you feel...

...like, I guess, he loves you, but-but he--

It’s-it’s the craziest thing.

I-I will never understand why we stay so long.

And I guess it’s be-- and the insecurity

just makes you think, "This is it."

CROWD: ♪ I’m going down ♪

♪ I’m going down ♪

♪ ’Cause you ain’t around, baby ♪

♪ My whole world’s upside down ♪

♪ My whole world’s upside down ♪

♪ I don’t know what to do with myself ♪

♪ I got too much time ♪

♪ Too much time on my hand, y’all, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Now, now I don’t know what I’d do ♪

♪ If I ever lose you ♪

♪ I’ll be going down ♪

♪ Yeah, I said I’ll be going down ♪

♪ Down, down, down, down ♪

♪ Oh, no, don’t go, don’t go ♪

♪ Please forgive me, baby ♪

♪ But I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry ♪

♪ I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not ♪

-♪ I’m not, I’m not, I’m not ♪ -(crowd cheering)

♪ I’m not sorry. ♪

(band playing flourish)

(music and cheering fades)

The only thing that’s gonna fix your life

is you learning how to love yourself.

And there was no love. There was no self-love.

♪ ♪

It was just a dark-- one big giant hole of darkness,

and that depression from that relationship

rewinded life and brought back a whole bunch of other stuff

that I never dealt with from things that happened to me

as a child, a little girl.

So it was a snowball, like, effect, like a-a avalanche,

like a big snowball picking up things,

you know, rolling right into my life,

and it landed me in, like, a really dark, depressed place.

I-I was just trying to drink my life away,

take drugs till I die, whatever it was.

Most of the times, I was just depressed

and didn’t want to live.

I stayed away from my mother

because I didn’t want her to see me like that.

I didn’t want my sister--

I didn’t want anybody to see me like that,

’cause I was falling completely off the planet.

That feeling of you’re screaming,

but everybody around you is like, "Oh, you know, it’s okay,"

because you can’t really tell everybody what’s going on.

And you’re screaming and nothing’s coming out.

("My Life" playing, Mary vocalizing)

That was all just inspired from her when she started

picking up the pen and the pad and started writing

what was in her heart.

Um...

She-- I mean, I mean, she was fighting for her heart.

When she made that album, she was fighting for her heart.

(Mary vocalizing)

♪ My life, my life... ♪

MARY: My life is not in the sunshine.

My life is hell.

My life is me not being able to get things out of my head from--

that happened to me, not-not being able

to get being molested out of my head.

From a childhood, from being five years old.

Other things that happened that I will not discuss.

Just so many things happening to a little girl.

♪ In the sunshine ♪

♪ Life can be ♪

♪ Only what you make it ♪

♪ When you’re feeling down ♪

♪ You should never fake it... ♪

But that’s why I had that pen.

And that’s why I had, I had it all inside,

and I was able to put it on, you know... to sing it.

I was able to sing it and write it.

♪ It will all decease... ♪

It was the only way to survive.

It was the only way to...

get through what I was getting through.

(Mary vocalizing)

(over speakers): ♪ If you looked at my life ♪

♪ And see what I see ♪

♪ All you got to do is ♪

♪ If you looked at my life... ♪

♪ Take your time, one day at a time ♪

♪ It’s all on you, what you gonna do... ♪

(shouts) Stop, stop! Stop.

-♪ And see what I see... ♪ -(music stops)

That shit is scaring the shit out of me right now.

-(Thompson chuckles) -That shit’s just

-fucking scaring the shit out of me. -Yo, man.

It’s like... "Take your time, one day at a time.

-It’s all on you. What you gonna do?" -Yeah. Mm.

♪ My ladies, check me out ♪

(band playing "My Life")

♪ I got something I want y’all to hear, see, you see ♪

♪ It gets so lonely sometimes ♪

♪ But that’s my choice ♪

♪ I’d rather be by myself ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ Than to be going through some more hell ♪

♪ I’d rather go through the fire, y’all ♪

♪ Than to live in denial... ♪

That’s me thinking those lyrics before I check out,

because I-- you know, those were those times

when I felt like that.

♪ I’m talking ’bout getting it together ♪

♪ Yeah, oh... ♪

I was writing just to-to-to get free

so I can move around and I wasn’t in so much bondage

and I wasn’t in-- and I won’t be stuck.

And I was literally writing for my life.

♪ Let it burn, let it burn ♪

-♪ Let it burn, let it burn ♪ -(crowd cheering)

♪ Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn ♪

♪ Let it burn, let it burn... ♪

No matter how bad it hurts dealing with the truth,

whatever the truth is, that’s how you get to the core.

You got to feel it to heal.

-(scatting) -♪ If you looked at my life ♪

♪ And see what I see ♪

♪ I... I had to let it burn, y’all ♪

♪ Let it burn, y’all, let it burn ♪

♪ Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn ♪

♪ Burn! ♪

♪ My life is just like your life ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ All the time ♪

♪ If you looked at my life and see what I see ♪

♪ See, I had to let it burn ♪

♪ I had to let it burn ♪

♪ Sometimes you got to let it burn ♪

♪ Sometimes you got to let it ♪

-♪ I had to let it burn ♪ -(music ends)

♪ All the way down to the ground ♪

♪ And start over new. ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ ♪

I just wanted you to know that, in case you ever thought

that what you was doing is not saving somebody...

-Wow. -...that you need to know that you saved my life.

-Wow. -I tried to jump and I couldn’t,

’cause I heard your voice that you can’t hold a good woman down

and I thank you.

-And I love you. -Come on.

(camera clicks)

-Thank you so much. -Stay strong.

-I am, and I’m gonna follow... -And you look beautiful.

Thank you so much.

-You’re welcome. -God bless you.

HYLTON: Mary went to those deep dark places

that we-- a lot of times, we don’t want to admit

that we feel this way, and we don’t want to even go there.

It’s just too scary, uh, to be, uh,

that raw and to

let the world know, like, "I’m hurting. I’m confused.

"I don’t know what to do. I’m so sad.

I feel lonely."

-I think growing up in general is just rough. -MAN: Mm.

It’s really rough, and just trying to, like,

find out who you are and then having people

tell you who you are at the same time

-is just really frustrating. -WOMAN: Mm-hmm.

So, um...

My Life was kind of just like, yo, like, somebody, like,

somebody out there is feeling that exact same way.

Because, like, whenever you’re going through something, like,

automatically you-you feel alone,

you feel like no one gets it, you feel like no one

in the world can ever go through that experience,

and then it’s like Mary-Mary, she’s right here.

She’s telling me, like, "Hey, you’re not by yourself.

You can get through this."

So, My Life, like, for me, just felt like

it was just an anthem to be strong and to just keep

pushing through, like, whatever it is that you’re going through.

(others murmur quietly)

WOMAN: You know, I was always one of these people

that could not tell the truth,

especially if it was painful

or I had to put on this façade that I was this strong woman,

and inside I was just, like, breaking up,

like this big hole was inside of me.

And I was like, "Damn, when-when is this ever going to change?"

And that part when she said, "You don’t have to fake it,"

I was like, "Oh, you don’t?"

Like, you really could be authentic.

MAN: Mm.

-I love her so much. -WOMAN: Me, too.

MAN: When I was, like, 13, 14,

those songs like "My Life," you know, held me together.

-WOMAN: Yes. -And...

I was going through a lot, you know.

Like, why would a kid be going through a lot?

Well, I was going through a lot of--

I went through a lot of trauma growing up, a lot of abuse.

So...

it...

The-the song "My Life" in particular made...

for the first time in my life, made me feel like

I could relate to somebody.

And...

I also want to share that, at one point in my life--

I think I was, like, 16-- I was about to commit suicide.

It was... I was being picked on for being, you know, a big guy,

for being myself, and, you know, being gay or whatnot,

and it was just all too much.

And...

it was that song, "My Life," that helped me

to not actually go through with that.

-MAN: That’s awesome. -Yeah. -WOMAN: Beautiful.

MARY: I want the fans to understand how important

they are to me,

’cause I didn’t think I would even make it

to see this day during that time.

I didn’t think I was gonna live.

♪ ♪

But something happened one day when it was just too much.

I was sitting in my living room. I had been up all night long.

And... it looked like the window opening.

All these clouds came in.

I was just high out of my mind.

And my heart started racing, and it was a Sunday morning.

I always feel strange on a Sunday morning.

I always feel like God can see, really see what I’m doing.

And I was like, "I don’t want to do this.

I-I got to stop doing this."

Either you choose life or you choose death,

and I chose life, and it wasn’t even so much me

that was important to me, it was my fans.

They bought the album.

They listened to what I had to say.

They said, "Me, too, Mary," and that was it.

That was the beginning of our relationship,

and I think that’s what-what I needed.

I needed someone to understand.

’Cause it seemed like no one ever did.

They help me to sustain and want to live

and survive on my journey.

We did something really great and really powerful,

uh, inspiring each other, by inspiring...

each other to want to live to see another day.

So I just want people to just... know that they-they’re not--

when you think you’re alone, you’re not alone.

We-we soldiers out here, all of us.

We got a job to fight, and we all in the fight together.

-(band playing "You Gotta Believe") -Come on, y’all.

-♪ Never hurt you ♪ -(crowd cheering)

♪ I told you once before ♪

♪ That I love you and I need you ♪

♪ But let me tell you once again ♪

♪ You were my closest friend ♪

♪ I’ll never leave you ♪

♪ So hold me tight all through the night ♪

♪ Caress me with your tender care ♪

♪ Anytime or anywhere... ♪

TYLER PERRY: Her gift and her singing

and the way she sings and where it comes from,

her gut was born out of trauma.

-♪ In me, baby ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Stay with... ♪

It’s like having a balloon where you’re filling it

with trauma and pain and just so much, so much, so much, so much.

You got to let it out.

And you can put a pin in it and...

and blow up the whole world--

which-which Mary will do if you really piss her off.

She will burn up the damn house with her "in it to get you"

if you go at her, and I, and I know that.

But-but to have that moment

where you take the edge of the balloon and you let the air out

a little bit at a time so you don’t destroy everything,

it’s almost primal.

It’s almost the little girl crying out.

But it’s such a beautiful thing

because there’s so much healing in it.

♪ Please, baby, take my hand ♪

♪ I don’t need another man ♪

♪ But if you wanna hold on tight ♪

♪ You cannot be afraid ♪

-♪ You gotta believe... ♪ -(song fades)

(woman speaking indistinctly over TV)

MARY: Oh!

(chuckles) Who is that?

-That’s my baby. -Cute little Mary.

Look at my little girl.

Oh, my God.

WOMAN: ...just the title track, "My Life," I thought that was...

I know. The picture’s all fat, and I look like Skeletor.

-No, you don’t. -(laughs)

You’re so cute.

WOMAN: ...just about what you were going through.

You look like you’re giving her that eye.

WOMAN: ...but again, running to your emotion.

Well, I wrote it when I was in...

I was living-- I first moved to Jersey.

Uh, that’s when I started the second album in summer.

And I wrote it through just watching...

...even as I was little,

watching people, couples or whatever go through...

Looking at my face, I probably didn’t like the interviewer.

-Mm-hmm. -And, um, I didn’t want to give her everything.

I didn’t want to tell her what I was really dealing with,

because it was none of her fucking business.

-And I was really, really mean then. -(laughs)

So if it was some energy that I picked up that was wrong,

I was, I-I... I withheld.

I didn’t want her to know where all the shit really came from.

It was, "It’s none of your fucking business."

-You understand? -WOMAN: Wait, is it-- like what?

-Going through what, though? -Whatever.

You know what I’m saying?

Whatever it may be.

MARY: That’s my child and that’s who I protect, you know?

That-that girl right there

and little five-year-old Mary I protect today.

-You know what I’m saying? -WOMAN: I do.

Never mind. You don’t understand.

(laughter)

LaTONYA: Yeah, you told her the deal.

But deal with it and not pry.

-Just leading now a little too deep. -LISATH: Wow.

Wow.

I’ve always had a thing where my intuition was strong,

and it would make me go into a pr-protection mode.

And that’s what I’m doing there, because I didn’t know I was me.

-Damn, that shit make me want to cry. -Mm.

I didn’t know I was me.

I didn’t know I was this Mary J. Blige

that was gonna have this much courage,

that was gonna do all these things.

I didn’t know I was me, so I guess that happens

when you grow up in an environment

where little girls are not safe.

Little girls are not safe and you...

-Yeah, it’s just instincts, yeah. -Yeah.

And that’s why my gut is God.

♪ ♪

I didn’t know I was me.

But I was me. That’s why I was able to do what I did.

I was always this person.

Just didn’t know it.

It’s about you sitting and knowing that,

in your gut, there’s God.

God is love.

God is you making decisions on what-what do you want to do,

what you want to be.

You know, I-- even if I’m afraid,

I got to keep moving afraid, as long as I get out there.

And once you, you know, pass the fear threshold,

it’s over, game over, you know?

You can do anything.

(band playing "Mary Jane (All Night Long)")

(crowd cheering)

Happy 25th anniversary

to the My Life album!

Here we go.

♪ Ooh, baby ♪

♪ Not tonight ♪

♪ I don’t wanna fuss and fight ♪

♪ I just wanna make it right ♪

♪ Ooh, there’s work to do ♪

♪ I wanna get real close to you ♪

-♪ I wanna get you in the ♪ -♪ Mood ♪

♪ All the things you want to do ♪

♪ Just relax and ♪

CROWD: ♪ I’ll take care of you. ♪

(song fades)

XENOS: I didn’t discover My Life

until I was about 16, 17,

going through some of the hardest times of my life.

I would digest the lyrics and listen to it.

-I’m like, "My aunt wrote that." -(others murmuring)

And I felt like, you know, even though you wrote it

for the masses, you wrote it for yourself,

I felt like, every time I listened to it, it’s for me.

Yeah, but Little Xe, I didn’t write it for the masses.

I write it-- I wrote it because I needed to write it.

-Right. -I-- That whole album was a cry for help.

-Auntie needed help. -LaTONYA: Mm.

So everything you feel is what I was really, really feeling.

-XENOS SR.: Right. -You know, I really wanted to be happy.

Everything I wanted to be, I was like, "I want to be happy."

-LaTONYA: Mm-hmm. -Or, "I want this man

-to like me a whole lot." -(chuckles)

So I didn’t realize I wanted me to like me a whole lot.

-Yeah. -Right. -Wow.

What I realize at this stage in my life,

it’s not for me to go through these things

and come out bitter.

It’s to come out better and forgiveness.

So the choices of now

is life can be only what you make it, for real.

♪ ♪

There’s something about sadness

that makes you happy when you’ve overcome,

and something about the sadness in that album,

it’s very triumphant now.

Nice to meet you. Thank you so much.

-Let’s make it happen. -MARY: Oh, yeah.

(crowd singing, Mary joins in)

HENSON: To have the world tell you you ain’t shit,

and then to rise up out of that and-and prove that I matter,

that my story means something,

that my story is impactful.

And, no, I didn’t go to Harvard.

But I still have a story to tell

that’s gonna change someone’s life.

-♪ Oh, boy ♪ -("You Bring Me Joy" playing)

♪ You’ve got it going on ♪

♪ And you satisfy me, yes, you do ♪

♪ You satisfy me ♪

-♪ So much joy ♪ -Ooh.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ In my world ♪

♪ Ooh, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

-♪ Be my man ♪ -♪ Mm, be my man ♪

♪ And I’ll be your girl ♪

-(vocalizing, song fades) -Yeah.

-CROWD: ♪ I don’t know what I would do ♪ -(chuckles)

-♪ Do without you ♪ -(whooping, excited chatter)

-♪ In my life, boy. ♪ -Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

(cheering, applause)

But it’s funny ’cause, like, that song, like,

there’s a lot of darkness, right, and pain in the album,

but that-that feels more, like, upbeat,

just, like, positive and fresh.

-Like, like, did y’all, like... -I mean, it’s positive,

but the first line is: "You know if the time is right,

-I don’t wanna fuss and fight." -(laughter)

-And then... -A lot of fussing and fighting on the album, Mary.

And then "All Night Long" is like: "Ooh, baby, not tonight,

-I don’t wanna fuss," so... -(laughter)

I was trying to be positive in-in... in dark situations.

-Yeah. -I was trying to,

you know, have some fun somewhere, an-anywhere I could.

Yeah. Like, one of the most uplifting records

is the first single, "Be Happy," where you’re literally asserting

that, "This is where I need to be.

-Like, I don’t deserve this. I deserve to have that." -Yeah.

-(applause) -Mm-hmm.

One of the most powerful lyrics:

"How can I love somebody else if I can’t love myself

-enough to know when it’s time?" -Yeah.

-(applause) -Yeah. -Yeah.

That’s how I felt.

That’s how I still-- t-today, you know?

-(laughter) -WILSON: Yeah.

That’s where we are now.

Like, the journey is to, every day,

-to want to try to be happy. -Mm.

Uh, that’s-that’s all we, all we can try to do.

-(applause) -WILSON: Yeah.

You got a lot of shit on your mind

and no way to let it out.

Some people do it with guns.

Some people do it with drugs.

Some people never have an outlet to-to express themself

and they die young or they die early.

Anxiety, all kind of shit.

But then when you do have that outlet,

then you can always express yourself freely,

and then you got a bunch of people around you

that was like, "Oh, shit, I think the same fucking way.

Let me hear some more of that shit."

(band playing "Be Happy")

(crowd cheering)

Now...

how many of y’all really want to be happy tonight?

(crowd cheering)

If you really want to be happy,

I want to hear you sing this song so loud.

And that’s all I’m trying to do.

CROWD: ♪ How can I love somebody else ♪

♪ If I can’t love myself enough to know ♪

♪ When it’s time ♪

♪ Time to let go? ♪

MARY: Uh-huh. ♪ Sing ♪

-♪ All I really want ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Is to be happy ♪ -♪ Oh, yeah... ♪

KEYS: Self-love is simply acknowledging your own voice,

your own instinct,

and actually thinking about what’s good for you,

as opposed to just doing what everybody else

is telling you is good for you.

So it’s simple to love yourself.

Can’t love anybody else before you love yourself.

Hardest thing in practice.

CROWD: ♪ Why must it be this way? ♪

♪ Why do you have to play with my mind ♪

♪ All the time? ♪

♪ Help me sing it... ♪

Mary is still on that journey with us.

She’s-she’s gonna be here,

and she’s on that-- this-this journey to

put her life out there for us to see.

CROWD: ♪ All I really want is for me to be happy. ♪

(song ends)

(crowd cheering)

My Life truly was a blessing, and I would say the empowerment

that it gave us from telling the truth

changed our lives.

MARY: And if you’re here tonight and you’re a Mary J. Blige fan,

you have been tested, you have been tried,

and you have been proven.

And trust me, there’s a lot-- you know--

there’s a lot more testing to go

and a lot more trying and all that stuff.

But right now, I need to speak to all those die-hard,

been-there-since-1991...

(crowd cheering)

...whether I was doing good, bad--

I need to talk to those fans that did not leave me!

I need y’all right now!

(crowd cheering)

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you!

(band playing upbeat music)

-(music ends) -(cheering continues)

♪ ♪

(lively chatter)

-You are so cute. -WOMAN: Damn, baby, damn.

-I love it. -Damn.

-I try. -MAN: Yes!

You look so beautiful.

MAN: (chuckles) Yes!

MARY: Bless you, Father God.

Bless your holy and righteous name.

-MAN: Thank you, Jesus. -(others murmuring)

MARY: Father, thank you so much for your presence right now.

We thank you for a phenomenal night.

We in agreement.

-Amen. -ALL: Amen.

(cheering)

♪ ♪

WOMAN: Every day, we’re growing into new people,

and Mary brings that to her fans.

Yes, today was a bad day, but guess what,

tomorrow’s a new day and you can start over.

MARY: It’s a lot of stuff to come through still,

a lot of stuff that I... have not come through,

but I’m coming through.

And my fans, they’re coming through stuff, too,

and that’s what we-- we’re healing each other.

We’re back and forth, sending energy back and forth

that’s helping each other to grow,

and that’s what we’ve been doing for years.

-Mary! -We love you!

I love you, Mary, all my heart and soul,

since the day I was like six and I could walk and talk, okay?

Mary.

-Come on... -Let’s go, let’s go.

♪ ♪

BOY: Have you always wanted to be a singer,

or was there other, um, things that you wanted to do?

-No. -Before you went inside this booth and made this song.

-(laughter) -I mean, I always knew

that I-I-I could sing and I wanted to sing,

but I really...

singing wasn’t, like, the only thing that was on my mind,

because I didn’t think that, you know,

stuff like that could happen to somebody like me.

-You know what I’m saying? Like us. -Yeah, yeah.

GIRL: So you feel that, since you did

a lot of work on this album, you feel better for yourself

-that you did something... -Yeah.

...for our-- for yourself, you know, this came from you?

(chuckles) I feel real good about it,

’cause it was a challenge to do something like that,

’cause I never had the confidence to bring it

to, you know, anybody and say, "Do you like it?"

And when I finally, you know, got up the confidence,

you know, I brought it to a couple people, they liked it,

and it made me happy, so I just kept writing and kept doing it.

Were you aware of that, Andre, as-as she was growing?

Yeah. I watched, I watched Mary, um, grow.

Like, when she was writing the songs

and I was listening to the songs,

I was feeling like Mary is becoming a full-fledged artist.

I mean, you know, it all comes from her.

Mary J. Blige all comes from her feeling.

And I think that gives her the confidence to know, like,

I know she believes "I’m Miss Mary J. Blige."

-And that’s all right with y’all, huh? -(laughter)

(crowd cheering)

GROUP: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Mary ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

(cheering)

Um... (clears throat)

Two cakes for the queen.

-Who is the other cake for? -WOMAN: Yes, queen!

For you, so you can have a choice. You deserve choices.

-Vanilla or chocolate, baby. -Options, baby, you got options.

(laughter)

HARRELL: Mary, from the moment I met you--

you were 18 years old--

I heard your voice, I looked in your heart,

and I saw that you were truly gifted but you were troubled.

But the amazing thing about you as a person

is how you are able to put your troubles on the canvas

and deal with them in front of people and get over them.

And by you getting over them, it inspires us,

-so here’s to you, Mary. -WOMAN: Mm-hmm.

-Aw. -You truly are a queen.

-(others murmuring) -Hear! Hear!

-Thank you so much! -(glasses clinking)

(lively chatter, laughter)

I just want to say thank y’all for hanging in there with me

and believing that I can make it

to another year, another birthday,

because I didn’t think I was gonna make it.

Life is looking up, but in the midst of the beautiful things

that God was doing and is doing, there’s still trial.

But I choose life and I choose the good,

and I’m gonna continue to work on Mary, whether it be

spiritual, mental, physical, it’s--

First thing, my baby is my Mary, my little Mary and my big Mary,

my confused Mary, my every kind of Mary.

So, it took us a while to get here, and when we all--

we’re almost 50, and we gonna really act up.

-(laughter) -This is only the beginning.

Y’all ain’t seen nothing yet. So thank y’all.

Like, I’m grateful and I’m not gonna let nobody take away

-my strength... -That’s right.

...or my joy ever again.

♪ ♪

Being human is hard,

but I think I’ve evolved in a, in a major way.

But what’s consistent is my heart,

and my heart is that little girl in Yonkers.

My heart is that teenager

trying to get through and making it through.

My heart is never forgetting

the environment that I grew up in

and going back and helping others.

So the evolution is not being afraid to expose my truth

and myself to touch someone else’s life.

(cheering, clapping)

-You make a wish? -(laughter)

I don’t think you really made a wish, though.

-Yo, make a wish. -How you know I didn’t make a wish?

You got two-- make two wishes. ’Cause I can feel you.

Okay, I don’t like to wish,

-so I’m-a go and believe... -Say a prayer.

-HARRELL: Mm. -Say a prayer.

...that what I desire in my heart will be.

-Amen. -Amen. Amen.

(group cheering, clapping)

("Hour Glass" by Mary J. Blige playing)

♪ If you could see a second’s in an hourglass ♪

♪ If you could see the minutes of the life you have ♪

♪ Would you run and would you try ♪

♪ To win it back? ♪

♪ If you can see your future in a photograph ♪

♪ If you could see the life that you wish you had ♪

♪ Could you be strong and carry on ♪

♪ With what you have? ♪

♪ Why we wasting life? ♪

♪ Should be chasing life ♪

♪ If we’re breathing for the very last time ♪

♪ I don’t wanna hold on to goodbye ♪

♪ If there’s no tomorrow ♪

♪ We better make it last tonight ♪

♪ If we’re standing when the walls come down ♪

♪ If we make it to the final round ♪

♪ If we’re here tomorrow ♪

♪ We live it better than we did last night ♪

(vocalizing)

♪ If you were on your knees, would you take a stand? ♪

♪ If you were in need, would you take my hand? ♪

♪ Would you lie and lose your pride ♪

♪ To live again? ♪

♪ If you could wake up and see through yourself ♪

♪ Would you find the room to blame someone else? ♪

♪ Could you change in just a day ♪

♪ And cry for help? ♪

♪ Why we wasting life? ♪

♪ Should be chasing life ♪

♪ If we’re breathing for the very last time ♪

♪ I don’t wanna hold on to goodbye ♪

♪ If there’s no tomorrow ♪

♪ We better make it last tonight ♪

♪ If we’re standing when the walls come down ♪

♪ If we make it to the final round ♪

♪ If we’re here tomorrow ♪

♪ We live it better than we did last night ♪

♪ ’Cause you’re not alone, no, you’re not alone ♪

♪ We’ve all been wasting time ♪

♪ No, it’s not too late ♪

♪ For us to make it right ♪

♪ We still have today ♪

♪ If we’re breathing for the very last time ♪

♪ I don’t wanna hold on to goodbye ♪

♪ If there’s no tomorrow ♪

♪ We better make it last tonight ♪

♪ If we’re standing when the walls come down ♪

♪ If we make it to the final round ♪

♪ If we’re here tomorrow ♪

♪ We live it better than we did last night. ♪

(song fades)