Original subtitles

‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Ladies and gentlemen, this ‫is Sabrina carpenter. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Is Sabrina carpenter. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫This is the one and only Paul

‫[ cheering ] ‫This is the one and only Paul ‫Simon.

‫This is the one and only Paul ‫Simon. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Simon. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫I sang this song with George

‫[ cheering ] ‫I sang this song with George ‫Harrison on "Saturday night

‫I sang this song with George ‫Harrison on "Saturday night ‫live" in 1976.

‫Harrison on "Saturday night ‫live" in 1976. ‫I was not born then, and

‫live" in 1976. ‫I was not born then, and ‫neither were my parents.

‫I was not born then, and ‫neither were my parents. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Neither were my parents. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫I'm glad they're getting a

‫[ laughter ] ‫I'm glad they're getting a ‫chance to hear it tonight.

‫♪♪ ‫♪ sitting in the railway ‫station, ticket for my

‫♪ sitting in the railway ‫station, ticket for my ‫destination ♪

‫station, ticket for my ‫destination ♪ ‫♪ on a tour of

‫destination ♪ ‫♪ on a tour of ‫one-night stands

‫♪ on a tour of ‫one-night stands ‫my suitcase and

‫one-night stands ‫my suitcase and ‫guitar in hand ♪

‫my suitcase and ‫guitar in hand ♪ ‫♪ and every stop

‫guitar in hand ♪ ‫♪ and every stop ‫is neatly planned

‫♪ and every stop ‫is neatly planned ‫for a poet and

‫is neatly planned ‫for a poet and ‫a one-man band ♪

‫for a poet and ‫a one-man band ♪ ‫♪ homeward bound

‫a one-man band ♪ ‫♪ homeward bound ‫I wish I was

‫♪ homeward bound ‫I wish I was ‫homeward bound ♪

‫I wish I was ‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ home, where my

‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ home, where my ‫thought's escaping

‫♪ home, where my ‫thought's escaping ‫home, where my

‫thought's escaping ‫home, where my ‫music's playing ♪

‫home, where my ‫music's playing ♪ ‫♪ home, where my

‫music's playing ♪ ‫♪ home, where my ‫love lies waiting

‫♪ home, where my ‫love lies waiting ‫silently for me ♪

‫love lies waiting ‫silently for me ♪ ‫♪ every day's

‫silently for me ♪ ‫♪ every day's ‫an endless stream

‫♪ every day's ‫an endless stream ‫of cigarettes

‫an endless stream ‫of cigarettes ‫airport lounges and magazines ♪

‫of cigarettes ‫airport lounges and magazines ♪ ‫♪ and each town

‫airport lounges and magazines ♪ ‫♪ and each town ‫looks the same to me

‫♪ and each town ‫looks the same to me ‫the movies and

‫looks the same to me ‫the movies and ‫the factories ♪

‫the movies and ‫the factories ♪ ‫♪ and every stranger's

‫the factories ♪ ‫♪ and every stranger's ‫face I see

‫♪ and every stranger's ‫face I see ‫remind me that ♪

‫face I see ‫remind me that ♪ ‫♪ I long to be

‫remind me that ♪ ‫♪ I long to be ‫homeward bound ♪

‫♪ I long to be ‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ I wish I was

‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ I wish I was ‫homeward bound ♪

‫♪ I wish I was ‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ home, where my

‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ home, where my ‫thought's escaping

‫♪ home, where my ‫thought's escaping ‫home, where my

‫thought's escaping ‫home, where my ‫music's playing ♪

‫home, where my ‫music's playing ♪ ‫♪ home, where my

‫music's playing ♪ ‫♪ home, where my ‫love lies waiting

‫♪ home, where my ‫love lies waiting ‫silently for me ♪

‫♪♪ ‫♪ tonight I'll sing ‫my songs again

‫♪ tonight I'll sing ‫my songs again ‫I'll play the game

‫my songs again ‫I'll play the game ‫and pretend ♪

‫I'll play the game ‫and pretend ♪ ‫♪ but all my words come back to

‫and pretend ♪ ‫♪ but all my words come back to ‫me in shades of mediocrity ♪

‫♪ but all my words come ‫back to me in shades

‫of mediocrity ♪ ♪ like ‫emptiness and Harmony, I

‫me in shades of ‫mediocrity ♪ ♪ like emptiness

‫and Harmony, I need ‫someone to comfort me ♪

‫♪ like emptiness and Harmony, I ‫need someone to comfort me ♪ ‫homeward bound ♪

‫need someone to comfort me ♪ ‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ I wish I was home

‫homeward bound ♪ ‫♪ I wish I was home ‫home, where my

‫♪ I wish I was home ‫home, where my ‫thought's escaping ♪

‫home, where my ‫thought's escaping ♪ ‫♪ home, where my

‫thought's escaping ♪ ‫♪ home, where my ‫music's playing

‫♪ home, where my ‫music's playing ‫home, where my love

‫music's playing ‫home, where my love ‫lies waiting ♪

‫home, where my love ‫lies waiting ♪ ‫♪ silently for me

‫lies waiting ♪ ‫♪ silently for me ‫silently for me ♪♪

‫♪ silently for me ‫silently for me ♪♪ ‫♪ silently for me ♪

‫silently for me ♪♪ ‫♪ silently for me ♪ ‫♪ silently for me ♪♪

‫♪ silently for me ♪ ‫♪ silently for me ♪♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫it's the "Saturday night ‫live" 50th anniversary special,

‫it's the "Saturday ‫night live" 50th

‫anniversary special, with ‫musical guests Paul Simon

‫live" 50th anniversary special, ‫with musical guests Paul Simon ‫and Sabrina carpenter!

‫With musical guests Paul Simon ‫and Sabrina carpenter! ‫♪♪ Miley Cyrus and Brittany

‫and Sabrina carpenter! ‫♪♪ Miley Cyrus and Brittany ‫Howard, Lil Wayne and the roots,

‫♪♪ Miley Cyrus and Brittany ‫Howard, Lil Wayne and the roots, ‫roots.

‫Howard, Lil Wayne and the roots, ‫roots. ‫And Paul McCartney.

‫Roots. ‫And Paul McCartney. ‫♪♪ ladies and gentlemen, Steve

‫and Paul McCartney. ‫♪♪ ladies and gentlemen, Steve ‫Martin!

‫♪♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫good evening, and welcome to

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫Good evening, and welcome to ‫the 50th anniversary of

‫good evening, and welcome to ‫the 50th anniversary of ‫"Saturday night live."

‫The 50th anniversary of ‫"Saturday night live." ‫[ Cheering ]

‫"Saturday night live." ‫[ Cheering ] ‫I'm Steve Martin, "Saturday

‫[ cheering ] ‫I'm Steve Martin, "Saturday ‫night live's" newest diversity

‫I'm Steve Martin, "Saturday ‫night live's" newest diversity ‫hire.

‫Night live's" newest diversity ‫hire. ‫What a thrill it is to be here.

‫Hire. ‫What a thrill it is to be here. ‫When I heard "snl" wanted to do

‫what a thrill it is to be ‫here. When I heard "snl"

‫wanted to do an ‫anniversary special, I wanted

‫when I heard "snl" wanted to do ‫an anniversary special, I wanted ‫to leap in the air.

‫An anniversary special, I wanted ‫to leap in the air. ‫And the only reason I didn't is

‫to leap in the air. ‫And the only reason I didn't is ‫because at the time, I was

‫and the only reason I didn't is ‫because at the time, I was ‫wearing a short skirt with no

‫because at the time, I was ‫wearing a short skirt with no ‫underwear.

‫Wearing a short skirt with no ‫underwear. ‫I can't believe I made it here

‫underwear. ‫I can't believe I made it here ‫in time.

‫I can't believe I made it here ‫in time. ‫It was only a few days ago that

‫in time. ‫It was only a few days ago that ‫lorne told me I was doing the

‫it was only a few days ‫ago that lorne told me

‫I was doing the monologue, ‫and I was actually

‫lorne told me I was ‫doing the monologue, and

‫I was actually vacationing ‫on a friend's boat

‫monologue, and I was actually ‫vacationing on a friend's boat ‫down in the Gulf of Steve

‫vacationing on a friend's boat ‫down in the Gulf of Steve ‫Martin.

‫Down in the Gulf of Steve ‫Martin. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Martin. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫But finally, it took me a while

‫[ laughter ] ‫But finally, it took me a while ‫to get here, but I did.

‫But finally, it took me a while ‫to get here, but I did. ‫"Saturday night live," as you

‫to get here, but I did. ‫"Saturday night live," as you ‫know, turned 50 years old this

‫"Saturday night live," as you ‫know, turned 50 years old this ‫year, and I turned 79.

‫Know, turned 50 years old this ‫year, and I turned 79. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Year, and I turned 79. ‫[ Applause ] ‫But I feel like I'm 65, which is

‫[ applause ] ‫But I feel like I'm 65, which is ‫also not good.

‫But I feel like I'm 65, which is ‫also not good. ‫Now seriously, I do not mind

‫also not good. ‫Now seriously, I do not mind ‫getting older.

‫Now seriously, I do not mind ‫getting older. ‫Do you think these hearing aids

‫getting older. ‫Do you think these hearing aids ‫make my ass look smaller?

‫Do you think these hearing aids ‫make my ass look smaller? ‫I do.

‫Make my ass look smaller? ‫I do. ‫I'm still learning about life.

‫I do. ‫I'm still learning about life. ‫Actually, my wife, who is a very

‫I'm still learning ‫about life. Actually, my

‫wife, who is a very smart, ‫wise person, taught me

‫actually, my wife, who is a very ‫smart, wise person, taught me ‫something the other day.

‫Smart, wise person, taught me ‫something the other day. ‫She sat me down, and she said,

‫something the other day. ‫She sat me down, and she said, ‫"Steve, you know, babies don't

‫she sat me down, and she said, ‫"Steve, you know, babies don't ‫get sarcasm."

‫"Steve, you know, babies don't ‫get sarcasm." ‫And I realized I'd been wasting

‫get sarcasm." ‫And I realized I'd been wasting ‫my time going up to strollers in

‫and I realized I'd been ‫wasting my time going up

‫to strollers in the street ‫saying, "oh, what a

‫my time going up to strollers in ‫the street saying, "oh, what a ‫cute baby!"

‫The street saying, "oh, what a ‫cute baby!" ‫Whoa.

‫Cute baby!" ‫Whoa. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Whoa. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Now, a fun fact.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Now, a fun fact. ‫A person born during first

‫now, a fun fact. ‫A person born during first ‫season of "Saturday night live"

‫a person born during first ‫season of "Saturday night live" ‫could today be easily dead of

‫season of "Saturday night live" ‫could today be easily dead of ‫natural causes.

‫Could today be easily dead of ‫natural causes. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Natural causes. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Now you're going to see a lot of

‫[ laughter ] ‫Now you're going to see a lot of ‫familiar things tonight.

‫Now you're going ‫to see a lot of familiar

‫things tonight. Musical ‫guests, sketches, cameo

‫familiar things tonight. ‫Musical guests, sketches, cameo ‫appearances, the news.

‫Musical guests, sketches, cameo ‫appearances, the news. ‫And this is the monologue.

‫Appearances, the news. ‫And this is the monologue. ‫Traditionally, the weakest part

‫and this is the monologue. ‫Traditionally, the weakest part ‫of the show.

‫Traditionally, the weakest part ‫of the show. ‫Yes, the monologue is like a

‫of the show. ‫Yes, the monologue is like a ‫rent-controlled tenant.

‫Yes, the monologue is like a ‫rent-controlled tenant. ‫It's not going anywhere, even

‫rent-controlled tenant. ‫It's not going anywhere, even ‫though it stinks.

‫It's not going anywhere, even ‫though it stinks. ‫And there are so many members of

‫though it stinks. ‫And there are so many members of ‫the "snl" family here tonight.

‫And there are so many ‫members of the "snl" family

‫here tonight. The ‫great bill Murray is here.

‫The "snl" family here tonight. ‫The great bill Murray is here. ‫[ Applause ]

‫The great bill Murray is here. ‫[ Applause ] ‫We wanted to make sure bill

‫[ applause ] ‫We wanted to make sure bill ‫would be here tonight so we

‫we wanted to make sure bill ‫would be here tonight so we ‫didn't invite him.

‫Would be here tonight so we ‫didn't invite him. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Didn't invite him. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫And David letterman is here.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫And David letterman is here. ‫[ Applause ]

‫And David letterman is here. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Wow.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Wow. ‫Dave, thanks for leaving the

‫wow. ‫Dave, thanks for leaving the ‫sheep at home.

‫Dave, thanks for leaving the ‫sheep at home. ‫And we can't forget the writers

‫sheep at home. ‫And we can't forget the writers ‫who have always been the heart

‫and we can't forget the writers ‫who have always been the heart ‫and soul of "snl."

‫Who have always been the heart ‫and soul of "snl." ‫In fact, let's please have the

‫and soul of "snl." ‫In fact, let's please have the ‫great writers from the past 50

‫in fact, let's please ‫have the great writers

‫from the past 50 years ‫stand up and take a bow.

‫Great writers from the past 50 ‫years stand up and take a bow. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Years stand up and take a bow. ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫By the way, that tribute to the

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫By the way, that tribute to the ‫writers was written by ai.

‫By the way, that tribute to the ‫writers was written by ai. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Writers was written by ai. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Oh my god!

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Oh my god! ‫John mulaney!

‫Oh my god! ‫John mulaney! ‫I didn't know you were going to

‫John mulaney! ‫I didn't know you were going to ‫be here.

‫I didn't know you were going to ‫be here. ‫You would if you'd ever come

‫be here. ‫You would if you'd ever come ‫to rehearsal.

‫You would if you'd ever come ‫to rehearsal. ‫By the way, congratulations on

‫to rehearsal. ‫By the way, congratulations on ‫your Emmy win.

‫By the way, congratulations on ‫your Emmy win. ‫Nope.

‫Your Emmy win. ‫Nope. ‫Emmy nomination.

‫Nope. ‫Emmy nomination. ‫Nope.

‫Emmy nomination. ‫Nope. ‫Grammy win?

‫Nope. ‫Grammy win? ‫Nope.

‫Grammy win? ‫Nope. ‫Grammy nomination.

‫Nope. ‫Grammy nomination. ‫Nope.

‫Grammy nomination. ‫Nope. ‫Golden globe win?

‫Nope. ‫Golden globe win? ‫Nope.

‫Golden globe win? ‫Nope. ‫Golden globe nomination?

‫Nope. ‫Golden globe nomination? ‫Yes, sir, and thank you.

‫Golden globe nomination? ‫Yes, sir, and thank you. ‫You know, we writers really

‫yes, sir, and thank ‫you. >> You know, we

‫writers really appreciated ‫that tribute, but I

‫you know, we writers ‫really appreciated that

‫tribute, but I believe ‫the heart and soul of

‫appreciated that tribute, but I ‫believe the heart and soul of ‫this show is the celebrity

‫believe the heart and soul of ‫this show is the celebrity ‫hosts.

‫This show is the celebrity ‫hosts. ‫Many of whom are in this room

‫hosts. ‫Many of whom are in this room ‫tonight.

‫Many of whom are in this room ‫tonight. ‫You know, as I look around, I

‫tonight. ‫You know, as I look around, I ‫see some of the most difficult

‫you know, as I look ‫around, I see some of the

‫most difficult people ‫I have ever met in my

‫see some of the most difficult ‫people I have ever met in my ‫entire life.

‫People I have ever met in my ‫entire life. ‫Over the course of 50 years, 894

‫entire life. ‫Over the course of 50 years, 894 ‫people have hosted "Saturday

‫over the course of 50 ‫years, 894 people have

‫hosted "Saturday night ‫live," and it amazes me

‫people have hosted "Saturday ‫night live," and it amazes me ‫that only two of them have

‫night live," and it amazes me ‫that only two of them have ‫committed murder.

‫That only two of them have ‫committed murder. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Committed murder. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Each week, each week a new

‫[ laughter ] ‫Each week, each week a new ‫celebrity host comes in with

‫each week, each week a new ‫celebrity host comes in with ‫their own dynamic and they throw

‫celebrity host comes in with ‫their own dynamic and they throw ‫everything off.

‫Their own dynamic and they throw ‫everything off. ‫But not you, Steve, because you

‫everything off. ‫But not you, Steve, because you ‫have no dynamic.

‫But not you, Steve, because you ‫have no dynamic. ‫Thank you.

‫Have no dynamic. ‫Thank you. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Thank you. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Oh my god!

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Oh my god! ‫[ Applause ]

‫Oh my god! ‫[ Applause ] ‫Ladies and gentlemen, the

‫[ applause ] ‫Ladies and gentlemen, the ‫only Canadian who wasn't in

‫ladies and gentlemen, the ‫only Canadian who wasn't in ‫"schitt's creek," Martin short.

‫Only Canadian who ‫wasn't in "schitt's creek,"

‫Martin short. >> Wait ‫a second, I thought we

‫"schitt's creek," Martin short. ‫Wait a second, I thought we ‫were hosting together.

‫Wait a second, I thought we ‫were hosting together. ‫Do you have your passport

‫were hosting together. ‫Do you have your passport ‫with you?

‫Do you have your passport ‫with you? ‫No.

‫With you? ‫No. ‫I.C.E., get him!

‫No. ‫I.C.E., get him! ‫No!

‫I.c.e., get him! ‫No! ‫I'll cooperate!

‫No! ‫I'll cooperate! ‫Don't take me.

‫I'll cooperate! ‫Don't take me. ‫I'll name names.

‫Don't take me. ‫I'll name names. ‫Mike Myers, Jim carrey!

‫I'll name names. ‫Mike Myers, Jim carrey! ‫Damn you, you white-haired son

‫Mike Myers, Jim carrey! ‫Damn you, you white-haired son ‫of a bitch!

‫Damn you, you white-haired son ‫of a bitch! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Of a bitch! ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Marty and I have been working

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫Marty and I have been working ‫together so long that we can

‫Marty and I have ‫been working together so

‫long that we can ‫actually finish each other's

‫together so long that we can ‫actually finish each other's ‫careers.

‫Actually finish each other's ‫careers. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Careers. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫I hope you are enjoying my

‫[ laughter ] ‫I hope you are enjoying my ‫monologue tonight.

‫I hope you are enjoying my ‫monologue tonight. ‫But if you aren't enjoying it...

‫Monologue tonight. ‫But if you aren't enjoying it... ‫♪♪

‫But if you aren't enjoying it... ‫♪♪ ‫maybe you should get up and take

‫♪♪ ‫maybe you should get up and take ‫a good look at yourself in the

‫maybe you should get ‫up and take a good look at

‫yourself in the mirror ‫and say to yourself, what

‫a good look at yourself in the ‫mirror and say to yourself, what ‫have I become?

‫Mirror and say to yourself, what ‫have I become? ‫This can't be Steve's fault.

‫Have I become? ‫This can't be Steve's fault. ‫And ask yourselves,

‫this can't be Steve's fault. ‫And ask yourselves, ‫when did I abandon joy?

‫And ask yourselves, ‫when did I abandon joy? ‫And what can I bring to the

‫when did I abandon joy? ‫And what can I bring to the ‫monologue as an audience member

‫and what can I bring to the ‫monologue as an audience member ‫next time.

‫Monologue as an audience member ‫next time. ‫All right, we've got a great

‫next time. ‫All right, we've got a great ‫show tonight.

‫All right, we've got a great ‫show tonight. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Show tonight. ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫We have a great show.

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫We have a great show. ‫Paul Simon was here, Sabrina

‫we have a great show. ‫Paul Simon was here, Sabrina ‫carpenter was here, bill Murray

‫Paul Simon was here, ‫Sabrina carpenter was

‫here, bill Murray was ‫here, David letterman was

‫carpenter was here, bill ‫Murray was here, David

‫letterman was here, ‫John mulaney was here,

‫was here, David letterman was ‫here, John mulaney was here, ‫Martin short, it's called

‫here, John mulaney was here, ‫Martin short, it's called ‫front-loading.

‫Martin short, it's called ‫front-loading. ‫And we'll be back.

‫Front-loading. ‫And we'll be back. ‫Thank you.

‫And we'll be back. ‫Thank you. ‫♪

‫it's an American institution. ‫Streaming now on peacock.

‫This is pbs. ‫Thank you, thank you. ‫What a wonderful evening filled

‫thank you, thank you. ‫What a wonderful evening filled ‫with so much whimsy and wonder.

‫What a wonderful ‫evening filled with so much

‫whimsy and wonder. And ‫please give another big hand

‫with so much whimsy and ‫wonder. And please give

‫another big hand to ‫florian trunt, our body

‫and please give another big hand ‫to florian trunt, our body ‫contortionist.

‫To florian trunt, our body ‫contortionist. ‫I am stuck.

‫Contortionist. ‫I am stuck. ‫Is it me or did his mouth get

‫I am stuck. ‫Is it me or did his mouth get ‫dangerously close to his Fanny

‫is it me or did his mouth get ‫dangerously close to his Fanny ‫cheeks?

‫Dangerously close to his Fanny ‫cheeks? ‫Any way, our next act is no

‫cheeks? ‫Any way, our next act is no ‫stranger to the stage, all the

‫any way, our next act ‫is no stranger to the

‫stage, all the way ‫from the finger lakes, it's

‫stranger to the stage, all the ‫way from the finger lakes, it's ‫sisters.

‫Way from the finger lakes, it's ‫sisters. ‫You know what they say about the

‫sisters. ‫You know what they say about the ‫finger lakes.

‫You know what they say about the ‫finger lakes. ‫First you might one finger, but

‫finger lakes. ‫First you might one finger, but ‫soon you'll be asking for all

‫first you might one finger, but ‫soon you'll be asking for all ‫five.

‫Soon you'll be asking for all ‫five. ‫Tonight a special guest, he is

‫five. ‫Tonight a special guest, he is ‫the handsome young dark-haired

‫tonight a special guest, ‫he is the handsome

‫young dark-haired ‫alcoholic everyone has been

‫the handsome young dark-haired ‫alcoholic everyone has been ‫talking about, it's Robert

‫alcoholic everyone has been ‫talking about, it's Robert ‫goulet.

‫Talking about, it's Robert ‫goulet. ‫♪♪

‫Goulet. ‫♪♪ ‫♪ Robert goulet.

‫♪♪ ‫♪ Robert goulet. ‫[ Applause ]

‫♪ Robert goulet. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Hi, everyone, it's me, Robert

‫[ applause ] ‫Hi, everyone, it's me, Robert ‫goulet.

‫Hi, everyone, it's me, Robert ‫goulet. ‫You like my motor horseys?

‫Goulet. ‫You like my motor horseys? ‫Just rolled in from a rally in

‫you like my motor horseys? ‫Just rolled in from a rally in ‫sturgis, south Dakota.

‫Just rolled in from a rally in ‫sturgis, south Dakota. ‫100 miles per hour, no bathroom

‫sturgis, south Dakota. ‫100 miles per hour, no bathroom ‫breaks, no time to stop.

‫100 miles per hour, no bathroom ‫breaks, no time to stop. ‫You know the rest.

‫Breaks, no time to stop. ‫You know the rest. ‫Now let's get to those golden

‫you know the rest. ‫Now let's get to those golden ‫goulet pipes.

‫Now let's get to those golden ‫goulet pipes. ‫♪ need some warm and company to

‫goulet pipes. ‫♪ need some warm and company to ‫get me through the day ♪

‫♪ need some warm and company to ‫get me through the day ♪ ‫♪ it's been so long just me and

‫get me through the day ♪ ‫♪ it's been so long just me and ‫me, no woman just goulet ♪

‫♪ it's been so long just ‫me and me, no woman

‫just goulet ♪ ♪ if I ‫don't see a woman soon,

‫me, no woman just goulet ♪ ‫♪ if I don't see a woman soon, ‫no telling what I'll do ♪

‫♪ if I don't see a woman soon, ‫no telling what I'll do ♪ ‫♪ so got to deliver a woman or

‫no telling what I'll do ♪ ‫♪ so got to deliver a woman or ‫three or two ♪

‫♪ so got to deliver a woman or ‫three or two ♪ ‫♪♪

‫three or two ♪ ‫♪♪ ‫♪ ow, ow, oh my god ♪

‫♪♪ ‫♪ ow, ow, oh my god ♪ ‫did they put LSD in my Caesar

‫♪ ow, ow, oh my god ♪ ‫did they put LSD in my Caesar ‫salad or do I see three

‫did they put LSD in my Caesar ‫salad or do I see three ‫beautiful ladies hitchhiking my

‫salad or do I see three ‫beautiful ladies hitchhiking my ‫way.

‫Beautiful ladies hitchhiking my ‫way. ‫Hi, traveler!

‫Way. ‫Hi, traveler! ‫[ Applause ]

‫Hi, traveler! ‫[ Applause ] ‫♪ we want a ride ♪

‫[ applause ] ‫♪ we want a ride ♪ ‫♪ we'd love to it is right by

‫♪ we want a ride ♪ ‫♪ we'd love to it is right by ‫your side ♪

‫♪ we'd love to it is right by ‫your side ♪ ‫♪ and then we hope you will

‫your side ♪ ‫♪ and then we hope you will ‫decide, which one of US will be

‫♪ and then we hope you will ‫decide, which one of US will be ‫your bride ♪

‫decide, which one of US will be ‫your bride ♪ ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Your bride ♪ ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Whoa, volume!

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Whoa, volume! ‫Put that in my breath.

‫Whoa, volume! ‫Put that in my breath. ‫And did you say "bride"?

‫Put that in my breath. ‫And did you say "bride"? ‫Caesar salad first.

‫And did you say "bride"? ‫Caesar salad first. ‫Callback.

‫Caesar salad first. ‫Callback. ‫I don't even know your names.

‫Callback. ‫I don't even know your names. ‫Well, that's easy.

‫I don't even know your names. ‫Well, that's easy. ‫I'm Janet.

‫Well, that's easy. ‫I'm Janet. ‫Oh, Janet.

‫I'm Janet. ‫Oh, Janet. ‫I'm Holly.

‫Oh, Janet. ‫I'm Holly. ‫Like the bush.

‫I'm Holly. ‫Like the bush. ‫I'm Margaret.

‫Like the bush. ‫I'm Margaret. ‫You sure.

‫I'm Margaret. ‫You sure. ‫And I'm dooneese.

‫You sure. ‫And I'm dooneese. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫And I'm dooneese. ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫[ Honking ]

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫[ Honking ] ‫Forehead!

‫[ Honking ] ‫Forehead! ‫Sorry, sorry.

‫Forehead! ‫Sorry, sorry. ‫I meant to say forehead.

‫Sorry, sorry. ‫I meant to say forehead. ‫Nope, did it again.

‫I meant to say forehead. ‫Nope, did it again. ‫One more time.

‫Nope, did it again. ‫One more time. ‫Forehead.

‫One more time. ‫Forehead. ‫Just think.

‫Forehead. ‫Just think. ‫♪ sisters cute as cute can be,

‫just think. ‫♪ sisters cute as cute can be, ‫soon you'll fall for one of US

‫♪ sisters cute as cute can be, ‫soon you'll fall for one of US ‫three ♪

‫soon you'll fall for one of US ‫three ♪ ‫♪ we keep forgetting mom had

‫three ♪ ‫♪ we keep forgetting mom had ‫four ♪

‫♪ we keep forgetting mom had ‫four ♪ ‫♪ I came out of a different

‫four ♪ ‫♪ I came out of a different ‫hole ♪

‫♪ I came out of a different ‫hole ♪ ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Hole ♪ ‫[ Laughter ] ‫If your trying to do the math

‫[ laughter ] ‫If your trying to do the math ‫on that one, if you're trying to

‫if your trying to do ‫the math on that one, if

‫you're trying to think ‫of the hole it should be,

‫on that one, if you're ‫trying to think of the

‫hole it should be, it's ‫the one behind that.

‫Think of the hole it should be, ‫it's the one behind that. ‫Okay, gunshot.

‫It's the one behind that. ‫Okay, gunshot. ‫♪ men get lonely on a long cold

‫okay, gunshot. ‫♪ men get lonely on a long cold ‫night ♪

‫♪ men get lonely on a long cold ‫night ♪ ‫♪ you can count on US to hold

‫night ♪ ‫♪ you can count on US to hold ‫you tight.

‫♪ You can count on US to hold ‫you tight. ‫♪ your girlfriend ♪

‫you tight. ‫♪ your girlfriend ♪ ‫I'll be lover ♪

‫♪ your girlfriend ♪ ‫I'll be lover ♪ ‫♪ I'll be your sweetheart ♪

‫I'll be lover ♪ ‫♪ I'll be your sweetheart ♪ ‫♪ I'll be just like this ♪

‫♪♪ ‫can you come over here? ‫I want to talk to you in

‫can you come over here? ‫I want to talk to you in ‫private.

‫I want to talk to you in ‫private. ‫No, no, not those privates.

‫Private. ‫No, no, not those privates. ‫There is nothing to hear down

‫no, no, not those privates. ‫There is nothing to hear down ‫there, believe me.

‫There is nothing to hear down ‫there, believe me. ‫Just go.

‫There, believe me. ‫Just go. ‫Jesus the heck.

‫Just go. ‫Jesus the heck. ‫Let's wrap this bastard up.

‫Jesus the heck. ‫Let's wrap this bastard up. ‫I'll sing.

‫Let's wrap this bastard up. ‫I'll sing. ‫♪ I don't know how to choose

‫I'll sing. ‫♪ I don't know how to choose ‫normally I'm full of booze ♪

‫♪ I don't know how to choose ‫normally I'm full of booze ♪ ‫♪ just not sure how I feel,

‫normally I'm full of booze ♪ ‫♪ just not sure how I feel, ‫let's try to seal the deal ♪

‫♪ just not sure how I feel, ‫let's try to seal the deal ♪ ‫♪ with a kiss ♪

‫let's try to seal the deal ♪ ‫♪ with a kiss ♪ ‫oh, now we're talking.

‫♪ With a kiss ♪ ‫oh, now we're talking. ‫♪ with a snuggle.

‫Oh, now we're talking. ‫♪ with a snuggle. ‫Finally, some comfort.

‫♪ With a snuggle. ‫Finally, some comfort. ‫♪ with a tickle ♪

‫finally, some comfort. ‫♪ with a tickle ♪ ‫♪ you'll find out ♪

‫♪ with a tickle ♪ ‫♪ you'll find out ♪ ‫what is happening?

‫♪ You'll find out ♪ ‫what is happening? ‫Oh.

‫What is happening? ‫Oh. ‫That reminds me, I need to get

‫oh. ‫That reminds me, I need to get ‫some oral surgery done soon.

‫That reminds me, I need to get ‫some oral surgery done soon. ‫I got... I don't hate it.

‫Some oral surgery done soon. ‫I got... I don't hate it. ‫I don't hate it.

‫I got... I don't hate it. ‫I don't hate it. ‫I can't believe I'm saying this,

‫I don't hate it. ‫I can't believe I'm saying this, ‫but I think I love you.

‫I can't believe I'm saying this, ‫but I think I love you. ‫Yes.

‫But I think I love you. ‫Yes. ‫I love you.

‫Yes. ‫I love you. ‫There is nothing you could say

‫I love you. ‫There is nothing you could say ‫that would change my mind.

‫There is nothing you ‫could say that would

‫change my mind. ♪ a bird ‫in my mouth and I went

‫that would change ‫my mind. ♪ a bird in my

‫mouth and I went to the ‫movies and I laughed at

‫♪ a bird in my mouth ‫and I went to the movies

‫and I laughed at the ‫movies and the bird flew

‫to the movies and I laughed at ‫the movies and the bird flew ‫out, but the bird choked on

‫the movies and the bird flew ‫out, but the bird choked on ‫popcorn and I gave it cpr, and

‫out, but the bird choked ‫on popcorn and I gave

‫it cpr, and the bird ‫flew away and I caught

‫popcorn and I gave it cpr, and ‫the bird flew away and I caught ‫it and ate it wrong.

‫The bird flew away and I caught ‫it and ate it wrong. ‫Is that bad?

‫It and ate it wrong. ‫Is that bad? ‫Doo doo doo.

‫Is that bad? ‫Doo doo doo. ‫Wow, to think I almost picked

‫doo doo doo. ‫Wow, to think I almost picked ‫Kim Kardashian.

‫Wow, to think I almost picked ‫Kim Kardashian. ‫Isn't love wonderful?

‫Kim Kardashian. ‫Isn't love wonderful? ‫And by wonderful, I mean

‫isn't love wonderful? ‫And by wonderful, I mean ‫visually offending.

‫And by wonderful, I mean ‫visually offending. ‫And thanks once again to three

‫visually offending. ‫And thanks once again to three ‫of the four maharelle sisters.

‫And thanks once again ‫to three of the four

‫maharelle sisters. >> ‫Denise, I got a motorcycle

‫of the four maharelle sisters. ‫Denise, I got a motorcycle ‫helmet made for you.

‫Denise, I got a motorcycle ‫helmet made for you. ‫Tonight's show brought to you

‫helmet made for you. ‫Tonight's show brought to you ‫by stuff toer's community

‫tonight's show brought to you ‫by stuff toer's community ‫breakfast, and Dr. Wilson.

‫By stuff toer's community ‫breakfast, and Dr. Wilson. ‫We'll be right back.

‫Breakfast, and Dr. Wilson. ‫We'll be right back. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫ladies and gentlemen. ‫Talk about a live show!

‫Ladies and gentlemen. ‫Talk about a live show! ‫This is black jeopardy!

‫Talk about a live show! ‫This is black jeopardy! ‫[ Cheering ]

‫This is black jeopardy! ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Yeah, all right, what up?

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Yeah, all right, what up? ‫What up, what up?

‫Yeah, all right, what up? ‫What up, what up? ‫Welcome to black jeopardy, the

‫what up, what up? ‫Welcome to black jeopardy, the ‫only jeopardy where every single

‫welcome to black jeopardy, the ‫only jeopardy where every single ‫viewer fully understood

‫only jeopardy where ‫every single viewer fully

‫understood Kendrick's ‫halftime performance.

‫Viewer fully understood ‫Kendrick's halftime performance. ‫I'm your host, Darnell Hayes.

‫Kendrick's halftime ‫performance. I'm your host,

‫Darnell Hayes. Today's ‫contestants is shalice.

‫I'm your host, Darnell Hayes. ‫Today's contestants is shalice. ‫Hi!

‫Today's contestants is shalice. ‫Hi! ‫Darius, come on, now.

‫Hi! ‫Darius, come on, now. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Darius, come on, now. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Oh, and look at this, Tracy

‫[ applause ] ‫Oh, and look at this, Tracy ‫Morgan, big dog's going to make

‫oh, and look at this, Tracy ‫Morgan, big dog's going to make ‫the big money.

‫Morgan, big dog's going to make ‫the big money. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫The big money. ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Now wait a minute, Tracy,

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫Now wait a minute, Tracy, ‫don't you already have a lot of

‫now wait a minute, Tracy, ‫don't you already have a lot of ‫money?

‫Don't you already have a lot of ‫money? ‫You got to have a lot of money

‫money? ‫You got to have a lot of money ‫if you live like I live.

‫You got to have a lot of money ‫if you live like I live. ‫I eat four-cheese lasagna.

‫If you live like I live. ‫I eat four-cheese lasagna. ‫If they only got three cheeses,

‫I eat four-cheese lasagna. ‫If they only got three cheeses, ‫I ain't eating it.

‫If they only got three cheeses, ‫I ain't eating it. ‫Okay.

‫I ain't eating it. ‫Okay. ‫We hear you, Tracy Morgan.

‫Okay. ‫We hear you, Tracy Morgan. ‫I refuse to ingest three

‫we hear you, Tracy Morgan. ‫I refuse to ingest three ‫cheeses.

‫I refuse to ingest three ‫cheeses. ‫You're at four cheeses.

‫Cheeses. ‫You're at four cheeses. ‫We got Tracy Morgan.

‫You're at four cheeses. ‫We got Tracy Morgan. ‫Thank you.

‫We got Tracy Morgan. ‫Thank you. ‫All right.

‫Thank you. ‫All right. ‫Let's take a look at our

‫all right. ‫Let's take a look at our ‫categories.

‫Let's take a look at our ‫categories. ‫We've got look here, this joker

‫categories. ‫We've got look here, this joker ‫talking about, leave bronny

‫we've got look here, ‫this joker talking about,

‫leave bronny alone, ‫man, live from New York,

‫talking about, leave bronny ‫alone, man, live from New York, ‫and as always, white people.

‫Alone, man, live from New York, ‫and as always, white people. ‫All right.

‫And as always, white people. ‫All right. ‫Shalice, you're our returning

‫all right. ‫Shalice, you're our returning ‫champion, so you pick.

‫Shalice, you're our returning ‫champion, so you pick. ‫Let's go with look here for

‫champion, so you pick. ‫Let's go with look here for ‫honey.

‫Let's go with look here for ‫honey. ‫Okay.

‫Honey. ‫Okay. ‫Your 11-year-old is asking for

‫okay. ‫Your 11-year-old is asking for ‫something while you're on the

‫your 11-year-old is asking for ‫something while you're on the ‫phone.

‫Something while you're on the ‫phone. ‫What is look here!

‫Phone. ‫What is look here! ‫You this close.

‫What is look here! ‫You this close. ‫This close.

‫You this close. ‫This close. ‫That's right.

‫This close. ‫That's right. ‫That is right.

‫That's right. ‫That is right. ‫[ Applause ]

‫That is right. ‫[ Applause ] ‫That's exactly right.

‫[ Applause ] ‫That's exactly right. ‫Yep.

‫That's exactly right. ‫Yep. ‫Get a little close to see

‫yep. ‫Get a little close to see ‫what happens.

‫Get a little close to see ‫what happens. ‫Exactly.

‫What happens. ‫Exactly. ‫All right.

‫Exactly. ‫All right. ‫Pick again.

‫All right. ‫Pick again. ‫Let's go with maaannn for

‫pick again. ‫Let's go with maaannn for ‫300.

‫Let's go with maaannn for ‫300. ‫Answer there, there is 30

‫300. ‫Answer there, there is 30 ‫some people at the park wearing

‫answer there, there is 30 ‫some people at the park wearing ‫the same red t-shirt.

‫Some people at the park wearing ‫the same red t-shirt. ‫Darius?

‫The same red t-shirt. ‫Darius? ‫What is man, that's just the

‫Darius? ‫What is man, that's just the ‫Jansen family reunion.

‫What is man, that's just the ‫Jansen family reunion. ‫That's right.

‫Jansen family reunion. ‫That's right. ‫That's right.

‫That's right. ‫That's right. ‫Got a picture of a tree or

‫that's right. ‫Got a picture of a tree or ‫something.

‫Got a picture of a tree or ‫something. ‫I don't know.

‫Something. ‫I don't know. ‫Speaking of family, Darius,

‫I don't know. ‫Speaking of family, Darius, ‫Tracy, y'all seem like you might

‫speaking of family, Darius, ‫Tracy, y'all seem like you might ‫be related.

‫Tracy, y'all seem like you might ‫be related. ‫Well, James Earl Jones is my

‫be related. ‫Well, James Earl Jones is my ‫biological father.

‫Well, James Earl Jones is my ‫biological father. ‫James Earl Jones impregnated my

‫biological father. ‫James Earl Jones impregnated my ‫mother on the said of

‫James Earl Jones impregnated my ‫mother on the said of ‫"claudine."

‫Mother on the said of ‫"claudine." ‫You know what?

‫"Claudine." ‫you know what? ‫We might be related.

‫You know what? ‫We might be related. ‫I don't see it.

‫We might be related. ‫I don't see it. ‫You know what?

‫I don't see it. ‫You know what? ‫Let's just move on.

‫You know what? ‫Let's just move on. ‫Darius, it's still your pick.

‫Let's just move on. ‫Darius, it's still your pick. ‫Okay, let's go with live from

‫Darius, it's still your pick. ‫Okay, let's go with live from ‫New York for honeys.

‫Okay, let's go with live from ‫New York for honeys. ‫Okay.

‫New York for honeys. ‫Okay. ‫The answer there, this legendary

‫okay. ‫The answer there, this legendary ‫late night show created some of

‫the answer there, this legendary ‫late night show created some of ‫comedy's biggest stars.

‫Late night show created some of ‫comedy's biggest stars. ‫It's a skit comedy show, been on

‫comedy's biggest stars. ‫It's a skit comedy show, been on ‫for a long time.

‫It's a skit comedy show, been on ‫for a long time. ‫Darius?

‫For a long time. ‫Darius? ‫What is "in living color"?

‫Darius? ‫What is "in living color"? ‫No, no, I'm sorry.

‫What is "in living color"? ‫No, no, I'm sorry. ‫I think y'all know this, though.

‫No, no, I'm sorry. ‫I think y'all know this, though. ‫As kids, you probably stayed up

‫I think y'all know this, ‫though. As kids, you

‫probably stayed up late ‫on Saturday to watch.

‫As kids, you probably stayed up ‫late on Saturday to watch. ‫Tracy?

‫Late on Saturday to watch. ‫Tracy? ‫What is "showtime at the

‫Tracy? ‫What is "showtime at the ‫Apollo."

‫What is "showtime at the ‫Apollo." ‫[ Buzzer ]

‫Apollo." ‫[ Buzzer ] ‫Featuring sandman Simms.

‫[ Buzzer ] ‫Featuring sandman Simms. ‫[ Buzzer ]

‫Featuring sandman Simms. ‫[ Buzzer ] ‫No.

‫[ Buzzer ] ‫No. ‫Come on, y'all really don't

‫no. ‫Come on, y'all really don't ‫know?

‫Come on, y'all really don't ‫know? ‫Hosted by Steve Harvey?

‫Know? ‫Hosted by Steve Harvey? ‫Again, no.

‫Hosted by Steve Harvey? ‫Again, no. ‫Let me hear you say yeah.

‫Again, no. ‫Let me hear you say yeah. ‫This is not that.

‫Let me hear you say yeah. ‫This is not that. ‫Oh, my gosh.

‫This is not that. ‫Oh, my gosh. ‫Chenice?

‫Oh, my gosh. ‫Chenice? ‫Okay.

‫Chenice? ‫Okay. ‫Of course, this show has been on

‫okay. ‫Of course, this show has been on ‫every Saturday for years, right,

‫of course, this show has been on ‫every Saturday for years, right, ‫Darnell?

‫Every Saturday for years, right, ‫Darnell? ‫Yes.

‫Darnell? ‫Yes. ‫And it's got a host and a

‫yes. ‫And it's got a host and a ‫musical guest, right?

‫And it's got a host and a ‫musical guest, right? ‫Yes.

‫Musical guest, right? ‫Yes. ‫Okay, okay.

‫Yes. ‫Okay, okay. ‫Can I say the famous catchphrase

‫okay, okay. ‫Can I say the famous catchphrase ‫that opens the show?

‫Can I say the famous catchphrase ‫that opens the show? ‫Go ahead.

‫That opens the show? ‫Go ahead. ‫It's soul train!

‫Go ahead. ‫It's soul train! ‫[ Buzzer ]

‫It's soul train! ‫[ Buzzer ] ‫No!

‫[ Buzzer ] ‫No! ‫Now, y'all know the answer is

‫no! ‫Now, y'all know the answer is ‫"Saturday night live."

‫Now, y'all know the answer is ‫"Saturday night live." ‫What is "Saturday night

‫"Saturday night live." ‫What is "Saturday night ‫live"?

‫What is "Saturday night ‫live"? ‫Come on, Darius, I just gave

‫live"? ‫Come on, Darius, I just gave ‫you the answer.

‫Come on, Darius, I just gave ‫you the answer. ‫No, I'm asking.

‫You the answer. ‫No, I'm asking. ‫What is "Saturday night live"?

‫No, I'm asking. ‫What is "Saturday night live"? ‫I don't know that.

‫What is "Saturday night live"? ‫I don't know that. ‫It's "Saturday night live."

‫I don't know that. ‫It's "Saturday night live." ‫It's a skit comedy show.

‫It's "Saturday night live." ‫It's a skit comedy show. ‫It's been on for 50 years.

‫It's a skit comedy show. ‫It's been on for 50 years. ‫What day do they tape on?

‫It's been on for 50 years. ‫What day do they tape on? ‫[ Laughter ]

‫What day do they tape on? ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Saturday.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Saturday. ‫It's in the name.

‫Saturday. ‫It's in the name. ‫Now Tracy, you were on it with

‫it's in the name. ‫Now Tracy, you were on it with ‫Tina fey.

‫Now Tracy, you were on it with ‫Tina fey. ‫What is "30 rock"!

‫Tina fey. ‫What is "30 rock"! ‫[ Buzzer ]

‫What is "30 rock"! ‫[ Buzzer ] ‫You know what?

‫[ Buzzer ] ‫You know what? ‫I tell you what, let's just hear

‫you know what? ‫I tell you what, let's just hear ‫about today's prizes.

‫I tell you what, let's just hear ‫about today's prizes. ‫Donny?

‫About today's prizes. ‫Donny? ‫Thanks, Darnell.

‫Donny? ‫Thanks, Darnell. ‫Today's black jeopardy is

‫thanks, Darnell. ‫Today's black jeopardy is ‫sponsored by a te.

‫Today's black jeopardy is ‫sponsored by a te. ‫Now you don't have to say fix me

‫sponsored by a te. ‫Now you don't have to say fix me ‫a plate.

‫Now you don't have to say fix me ‫a plate. ‫You already got one.

‫A plate. ‫You already got one. ‫And by a tin of Danish butter

‫you already got one. ‫And by a tin of Danish butter ‫cookies or a sowing kit.

‫And by a tin of Danish butter ‫cookies or a sowing kit. ‫Which one is it?

‫Cookies or a sowing kit. ‫Which one is it? ‫You'll have to open to find out.

‫Which one is it? ‫You'll have to open to find out. ‫And by who all going to be

‫you'll have to open to find out. ‫And by who all going to be ‫there.

‫And by who all going to be ‫there. ‫The even invitation for all your

‫there. ‫The even invitation for all your ‫events, barbecues or meeting at

‫the even invitation for all your ‫events, barbecues or meeting at ‫the spot.

‫Events, barbecues or meeting at ‫the spot. ‫Before you put, always going to

‫the spot. ‫Before you put, always going to ‫be there.

‫Before you put, always going to ‫be there. ‫Back to you, Darnell.

‫Be there. ‫Back to you, Darnell. ‫Got to know who all going to

‫back to you, Darnell. ‫Got to know who all going to ‫be there.

‫Got to know who all going to ‫be there. ‫Let's stick with live from new

‫be there. ‫Let's stick with live from new ‫York.

‫Let's stick with live from new ‫York. ‫And to help, here is a special

‫York. ‫And to help, here is a special ‫guest clue from Mr. Chris rock.

‫And to help, here is a special ‫guest clue from Mr. Chris rock. ‫Thank you!

‫Guest clue from Mr. Chris rock. ‫Thank you! ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Thank you! ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Thank you, Darnell.

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Thank you, Darnell. ‫It's an honor to be here on

‫thank you, Darnell. ‫It's an honor to be here on ‫"black jeopardy."

‫It's an honor to be here on ‫"black jeopardy." ‫I've been a fan of the show

‫"black jeopardy." ‫I've been a fan of the show ‫since the '70s when it was

‫I've been a fan of the show ‫since the '70s when it was ‫called "mama's got questions."

‫Since the '70s when it was ‫called "mama's got questions." ‫Okay.

‫Called "mama's got questions." ‫Okay. ‫Now some of y'all might remember

‫okay. ‫Now some of y'all might remember ‫me from "Saturday night live."

‫Now some of y'all might ‫remember me from "Saturday

‫night live." I was a ‫black guy who came after

‫me from "Saturday night live." ‫I was a black guy who came after ‫Eddie Murphy.

‫I was a black guy who came after ‫Eddie Murphy. ‫That's kind of like being a the

‫Eddie Murphy. ‫That's kind of like being a the ‫point guard after Stephen curry.

‫That's kind of like being a the ‫point guard after Stephen curry. ‫Okay.

‫Point guard after Stephen curry. ‫Okay. ‫Here is your clue about "snl."

‫Okay. ‫Here is your clue about "snl." ‫This was character has made

‫here is your clue about "snl." ‫This was character has made ‫people laugh for years.

‫This was character has made ‫people laugh for years. ‫Who is my dear?

‫People laugh for years. ‫Who is my dear? ‫No.

‫Who is my dear? ‫No. ‫That is not Tyler Perry.

‫No. ‫That is not Tyler Perry. ‫Can't you see that she is right?

‫That is not Tyler Perry. ‫Can't you see that she is right?

‫Can't you see that she is right? ‫Now, could win some money

‫now, could win some money ‫here and the church lady. ‫Yes.

‫Here and the church lady. ‫Yes. ‫Yes.

‫Yes. ‫Yes. ‫That is correct.

‫Yes. ‫That is correct. ‫Thank you.

‫That is correct. ‫Thank you. ‫That is the church lady, $400

‫thank you. ‫That is the church lady, $400 ‫for you.

‫That is the church lady, $400 ‫for you. ‫Thank you.

‫For you. ‫Thank you. ‫Speaking of church, can I say

‫thank you. ‫Speaking of church, can I say ‫something?

‫Speaking of church, can I say ‫something? ‫It's more folks went to church,

‫something? ‫It's more folks went to church, ‫we wouldn't be in this mess

‫it's more folks went to church, ‫we wouldn't be in this mess ‫we're in now.

‫We wouldn't be in this mess ‫we're in now. ‫I would like to shake your

‫we're in now. ‫I would like to shake your ‫hand, sir.

‫I would like to shake your ‫hand, sir. ‫Here we go.

‫Hand, sir. ‫Here we go. ‫Thank you, now maybe I'll

‫here we go. ‫Thank you, now maybe I'll ‫start a show for you to come on

‫thank you, now maybe I'll ‫start a show for you to come on ‫and we'll call it "black

‫start a show for you to come on ‫and we'll call it "black ‫jeopardy."

‫And we'll call it "black ‫jeopardy." ‫We don't need it.

‫Jeopardy." ‫we don't need it. ‫We don't need it.

‫We don't need it. ‫We don't need it. ‫Slow it down a little bit.

‫We don't need it. ‫Slow it down a little bit. ‫We're going to take a break.

‫Slow it down a little bit. ‫We're going to take a break. ‫When we return to "black

‫we're going to take a break. ‫When we return to "black ‫jeopardy," we will see if anyone

‫when we return to "black ‫jeopardy," we will see if anyone ‫has watched any of this year's

‫jeopardy," we will see if anyone ‫has watched any of this year's ‫Oscar movies.

‫Has watched any of this year's ‫Oscar movies. ‫How about it?

‫Oscar movies. ‫How about it? ‫We'll see you.

‫How about it? ‫We'll see you. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Hi, everyone. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Tonight is a celebration of

‫[ cheering ] ‫Tonight is a celebration of ‫classic moments, but "snl" will

‫tonight is a celebration of ‫classic moments, but "snl" will ‫always have that contrarian

‫classic moments, but "snl" will ‫always have that contrarian ‫edge, never wanting to do

‫always have that contrarian ‫edge, never wanting to do ‫anything that feels too obvious,

‫edge, never wanting to do ‫anything that feels too obvious, ‫too on the nose.

‫Anything that feels too obvious, ‫too on the nose. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Too on the nose. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Who are you?

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Who are you? ‫What's your age and your name?

‫Who are you? ‫What's your age and your name? ‫Ladies and gentlemen, my name

‫what's your age and your name? ‫Ladies and gentlemen, my name ‫is Sally O'Malley.

‫Ladies and gentlemen, my name ‫is Sally O'Malley. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Is Sally O'Malley. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫I'm proud to say I'm 50 years

‫[ cheering ] ‫I'm proud to say I'm 50 years ‫old, just like "Saturday night

‫I'm proud to say I'm 50 years ‫old, just like "Saturday night ‫live."

‫Old, just like "Saturday night ‫live." ‫Listen, my mom, she is not one

‫live." ‫listen, my mom, she is not one ‫of the gals who is afraid to

‫listen, my mom, she is ‫not one of the gals who

‫is afraid to tell a ‫real, she likes to kick,

‫of the gals who is afraid to ‫tell a real, she likes to kick, ‫shred, and kick.

‫Tell a real, she likes to kick, ‫shred, and kick. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Shred, and kick. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫So please enjoy this video

‫[ cheering ] ‫So please enjoy this video ‫celebrating 50 years of physical

‫so please enjoy ‫this video celebrating 50

‫years of physical comedy ‫on "snl" while we kick,

‫celebrating 50 years of physical ‫comedy on "snl" while we kick, ‫stretch, and kick!

‫Comedy on "snl" while we kick, ‫stretch, and kick! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Stretch, and kick! ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Jury a gem, absolute gem.

‫Look, lorne, I'm not going to ‫do the fall. ‫I'm sorry.

‫Do the fall. ‫I'm sorry. ‫The whole noyfnt sketch is to

‫I'm sorry. ‫The whole noyfnt sketch is to ‫show your fall.

‫The whole noyfnt sketch is to ‫show your fall. ‫People expect to see you fall.

‫Show your fall. ‫People expect to see you fall. ‫It's a tradition.

‫People expect to see you fall. ‫It's a tradition. ‫No problem.

‫It's a tradition. ‫No problem. ‫No, absolutely not.

‫No problem. ‫No, absolutely not. ‫I'm not doing it.

‫No, absolutely not. ‫I'm not doing it. ‫And I'm going to tell you why.

‫I'm not doing it. ‫And I'm going to tell you why. ‫Why?

‫And I'm going to tell you why. ‫Why? ‫♪♪

‫♪♪ >> ah!

‫Mary Katharine. ‫I do gymnastics. ‫Mary, Mary...

‫♪ What is love, baby don't hurt ‫me, no more ♪ ‫♪ baby don't hurt me, no more ♪

‫me, no more ♪ ‫♪ baby don't hurt me, no more ♪ ‫♪ what is love ♪

‫♪ baby don't hurt me, no more ♪ ‫♪ what is love ♪ ‫♪ what is love ♪

‫♪ what is love ♪ ‫♪ what is love ♪ ‫you're making me very

‫♪ what is love ♪ ‫you're making me very ‫uncomfortable.

‫You're making me very ‫uncomfortable. ‫No I'm not.

‫Uncomfortable. ‫No I'm not. ‫You kind of are.

‫No I'm not. ‫You kind of are. ‫Might need a whole bottle.

‫You kind of are. ‫Might need a whole bottle. ‫I could eat a whole bottle

‫might need a whole bottle. ‫I could eat a whole bottle ‫too.

‫I could eat a whole bottle ‫too. ‫♪ don't even try to...

‫Too. ‫♪ don't even try to... ‫Jesus Christ!

‫♪ Don't even try to... ‫Jesus Christ! ‫You ready?

‫Jesus Christ! ‫You ready? ‫What?

‫You ready? ‫What? ‫Thing about the habit.

‫What? ‫Thing about the habit. ‫Now I've done it.

‫Thing about the habit. ‫Now I've done it. ‫I put the chickens on to my

‫now I've done it. ‫I put the chickens on to my ‫finger.

‫I put the chickens on to my ‫finger. ‫I'm glad in a way this happened.

‫Finger. ‫I'm glad in a way this happened. ‫I sing my...

‫I'm glad in a way this happened. ‫I sing my... ‫you're going to spook the

‫I sing my... ‫you're going to spook the ‫horse.

‫You're going to spook the ‫horse. ‫Do be careful.

‫Horse. ‫Do be careful. ‫No one is who they appear to

‫do be careful. ‫No one is who they appear to ‫be.

‫No one is who they appear to ‫be. ‫I can't feel my mouth.

‫Be. ‫I can't feel my mouth. ‫You know what?

‫I can't feel my mouth. ‫You know what? ‫Apparently a lot.

‫You know what? ‫Apparently a lot. ‫I'll stop bleeding if you open

‫apparently a lot. ‫I'll stop bleeding if you open ‫your mouth.

‫I'll stop bleeding if you open ‫your mouth. ‫I'm going to go to sleep now.

‫Your mouth. ‫I'm going to go to sleep now. ‫Bon appetit.

‫I'm going to go to sleep now. ‫Bon appetit. ‫[ Applause ]

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫[ applause ] ‫♪

‫You know, it's funny. ‫Do you... do you need a ‫kleenex?

‫Do you... do you need a ‫kleenex? ‫No, I've got it.

‫Kleenex? ‫No, I've got it. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫No, I've got it. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫When our daughter Kelsey told

‫[ laughter ] ‫When our daughter Kelsey told ‫US that she and Matt wanted to

‫when our daughter ‫Kelsey told US that she

‫and Matt wanted to do a ‫vowel renewal, we were a

‫US that she and Matt ‫wanted to do a vowel

‫renewal, we were a little ‫surprised since they've

‫do a vowel renewal, ‫we were a little surprised

‫since they've only ‫been married less than a

‫little surprised since ‫they've only been married

‫less than a year, but ‫hey, what's another 70

‫only been married less than a ‫year, but hey, what's another 70 ‫grand at best western.

‫Year, but hey, what's another 70 ‫grand at best western. ‫And I just want to say,

‫grand at best western. ‫And I just want to say, ‫congratulations, you guys!

‫And I just want to say, ‫congratulations, you guys! ‫Drinks for everyone!

‫Congratulations, you guys! ‫Drinks for everyone! ‫Open bar.

‫Drinks for everyone! ‫Open bar. ‫I apologize.

‫Open bar. ‫I apologize. ‫My wife is doing wet February.

‫I apologize. ‫My wife is doing wet February. ‫Oh hell yes I am.

‫My wife is doing wet February. ‫Oh hell yes I am. ‫Any way, Kelsey and Matt...

‫oh hell yes I am. ‫Any way, Kelsey and Matt... ‫I want to say, let me take

‫any way, Kelsey and Matt... ‫I want to say, let me take ‫the ring.

‫I want to say, let me take ‫the ring. ‫Sure.

‫The ring. ‫Sure. ‫May you have a marriage as

‫sure. ‫May you have a marriage as ‫loving and passionate as daddy

‫may you have a marriage as ‫loving and passionate as daddy ‫and me.

‫Loving and passionate as daddy ‫and me. ‫Oh, baby.

‫And me. ‫Oh, baby. ‫How about you.

‫Oh, baby. ‫How about you. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫How about you. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Mm, mm.

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Mm, mm. ‫Oh, wow!

‫Mm, mm. ‫Oh, wow! ‫What happened?

‫Oh, wow! ‫What happened? ‫What happened?

‫What happened? ‫What happened? ‫Okay.

‫What happened? ‫Okay. ‫For those of you who don't know

‫okay. ‫For those of you who don't know ‫me, I'm Sophie, the bride's

‫for those of you who don't know ‫me, I'm Sophie, the bride's ‫childhood bestie.

‫Me, I'm Sophie, the bride's ‫childhood bestie. ‫I couldn't make it to the

‫childhood bestie. ‫I couldn't make it to the ‫wedding because I was

‫I couldn't make it to the ‫wedding because I was ‫unfortunately in prison.

‫Wedding because I was ‫unfortunately in prison. ‫You got so skinny in jail,

‫unfortunately in prison. ‫You got so skinny in jail, ‫girl.

‫You got so skinny in jail, ‫girl. ‫I know, right?

‫Girl. ‫I know, right? ‫I couldn't eat the food.

‫I know, right? ‫I couldn't eat the food. ‫Any way, I'd love to invite

‫I couldn't eat the food. ‫Any way, I'd love to invite ‫Kelsey's best friends aka, the

‫any way, I'd love to invite ‫Kelsey's best friends aka, the ‫kel squad.

‫Kelsey's best friends aka, the ‫kel squad. ‫So instead of a speech, we're

‫kel squad. ‫So instead of a speech, we're ‫going to do something different

‫so instead of a ‫speech, we're going to do

‫something different ‫for y'all, because we're a

‫going to do something ‫different for y'all,

‫because we're a little ‫bit basic, a little bit

‫for y'all, because we're a ‫little bit basic, a little bit ‫toxic.

‫Little bit basic, a little bit ‫toxic. ‫So as some of you know, we

‫toxic. ‫So as some of you know, we ‫took Kelsey to city to celebrate

‫so as some of you know, we ‫took Kelsey to city to celebrate ‫renewal.

‫Took Kelsey to city to celebrate ‫renewal. ‫Matt said it had to be a day

‫renewal. ‫Matt said it had to be a day ‫trip because he doesn't trust

‫Matt said it had to be a day ‫trip because he doesn't trust ‫overnights anymore.

‫Trip because he doesn't trust ‫overnights anymore. ‫Guilty as charged.

‫Overnights anymore. ‫Guilty as charged. ‫Seriously, I love strong women.

‫Guilty as charged. ‫Seriously, I love strong women. ‫While in New York, we got

‫seriously, I love strong women. ‫While in New York, we got ‫blackout drunk and went to

‫while in New York, we got ‫blackout drunk and went to ‫"wicked."

‫Blackout drunk and went to ‫"wicked." ‫So Matt and Kelsey, this is for

‫"wicked." ‫so Matt and Kelsey, this is for ‫you.

‫♪♪ ‫♪ something has changed within ‫her, she's ready to commit ♪

‫♪ something has changed ‫within her, she's ready

‫to commit ♪ ♪ sees a ‫thing in Matthew that

‫her, she's ready to commit ♪ ‫♪ sees a thing in Matthew that ‫honestly we do not get ♪

‫♪ sees a thing in Matthew that ‫honestly we do not get ♪ ‫♪ and worked on herself, and

‫honestly we do not get ♪ ‫♪ and worked on herself, and ‫Matt has gone to the gym ♪

‫♪ and worked on herself, and ‫Matt has gone to the gym ♪ ‫Kelsey has made a commitment, so

‫Matt has gone to the gym ♪ ‫Kelsey has made a commitment, so ‫guess what?

‫Kelsey has made a commitment, so ‫guess what? ‫This just in ♪

‫guess what? ‫This just in ♪ ‫♪ she's going to try monogamy,

‫this just in ♪ ‫♪ she's going to try monogamy, ‫she's finally learned what is

‫♪ she's going to try monogamy, ‫she's finally learned what is ‫monogamy ♪

‫she's finally learned what is ‫monogamy ♪ ‫♪ and we will hold her dawn ♪

‫monogamy ♪ ‫♪ and we will hold her dawn ♪ ‫♪♪

‫♪ and we will hold her dawn ♪ ‫♪♪ ‫[ Applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫[ Applause ] ‫hey, well, that was great.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Hey, well, that was great. ‫And now the song is over, and we

‫hey, well, that was ‫great. And now the song

‫is over, and we will ‫not learn anything else.

‫And now the song is over, and we ‫will not learn anything else. ‫Really?

‫Will not learn anything else. ‫Really? ‫Because a lot more happened.

‫Really? ‫Because a lot more happened. ‫Oh my god, doing Taylor.

‫Because a lot more happened. ‫Oh my god, doing Taylor. ‫♪ after the show, in times

‫oh my god, doing Taylor. ‫♪ after the show, in times ‫square, there is a whack Kian

‫♪ after the show, in times ‫square, there is a whack Kian ‫know Reeves, but Kelsey doesn't

‫square, there is a whack ‫Kian know Reeves, but

‫Kelsey doesn't clear, ‫it's clear that Kelsey's

‫know Reeves, but Kelsey doesn't ‫clear, it's clear that Kelsey's ‫mind is elsewhere ♪

‫clear, it's clear that Kelsey's ‫mind is elsewhere ♪ ‫♪

‫mind is elsewhere ♪ ‫♪ ‫what were you thinking about?

‫♪ ‫what were you thinking about? ‫My friends are singing.

‫What were you thinking ‫about? >> My friends

‫are singing. ♪ next ‫up we take a pedicab in

‫my friends are singing. ‫♪ next up we take a pedicab in ‫central park ♪

‫♪ next up we take a pedicab in ‫central park ♪ ‫♪ Kelsey says there is a giant

‫central park ♪ ‫♪ Kelsey says there is a giant ‫hole in my heart ♪

‫♪ Kelsey says there is a giant ‫hole in my heart ♪ ‫♪ she turns and then whispers I

‫hole in my heart ♪ ‫♪ she turns and then whispers I ‫could be with him ♪

‫♪ she turns and then whispers I ‫could be with him ♪ ‫♪ we all know she is talking

‫could be with him ♪ ‫♪ we all know she is talking ‫about domingo, he the middle of

‫♪ we all know she is ‫talking about domingo,

‫he the middle of New ‫York and she turns to the

‫about domingo, he the middle of ‫New York and she turns to the ‫sky ♪

‫New York and she turns to the ‫sky ♪ ‫♪ she is looking for the Latin

‫sky ♪ ‫♪ she is looking for the Latin ‫guy ♪

‫♪ she is looking for the Latin ‫guy ♪ ‫♪ domingo ♪

‫guy ♪ ‫♪ domingo ♪ ‫♪ try to live without domingo,

‫♪ domingo ♪ ‫♪ try to live without domingo, ‫baby ♪

‫♪ try to live without domingo, ‫baby ♪ ‫♪ come on, open relationships ♪

‫baby ♪ ‫♪ come on, open relationships ♪ ‫hi, domingo.

‫♪ Come on, open relationships ♪ ‫hi, domingo. ‫How are the kitchen

‫hi, domingo. ‫How are the kitchen ‫renovation going?

‫How are the kitchen ‫renovation going? ‫Wait, you guys know domingo?

‫Renovation going? ‫Wait, you guys know domingo? ‫Yeah, yeah, yeah.

‫Wait, you guys know domingo? ‫Yeah, yeah, yeah. ‫He was my primary care

‫yeah, yeah, yeah. ‫He was my primary care ‫physician, and domingo, do you

‫he was my primary care ‫physician, and domingo, do you ‫know that you were right?

‫Physician, and domingo, do you ‫know that you were right? ‫I do have hashimoto's.

‫Know that you were right? ‫I do have hashimoto's. ‫I can't believe domingo is at

‫I do have hashimoto's. ‫I can't believe domingo is at ‫another major life event of

‫I can't believe domingo is at ‫another major life event of ‫mine.

‫Another major life event of ‫mine. ‫Don't worry, Matt, we got

‫mine. ‫Don't worry, Matt, we got ‫you.

‫Don't worry, Matt, we got ‫you. ‫Yeah.

‫You. ‫Yeah. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Yeah. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Reception is lit, as many of

‫[ cheering ] ‫Reception is lit, as many of ‫you know, we're Matt's

‫reception is lit, as many of ‫you know, we're Matt's ‫groomsmen, aka, the doormats.

‫You know, we're Matt's ‫groomsmen, aka, the doormats. ‫We took Matt a golf trip to the

‫groomsmen, aka, the ‫doormats. We took Matt a

‫golf trip to the real ‫city that never sleeps,

‫we took Matt a golf ‫trip to the real city that

‫never sleeps, scottsdale, ‫Arizona, which is

‫real city that never sleeps, ‫scottsdale, Arizona, which is ‫also our hometown.

‫Scottsdale, Arizona, which is ‫also our hometown. ‫And our name.

‫Also our hometown. ‫And our name. ‫These are the three Scots, and

‫and our name. ‫These are the three Scots, and ‫I'll Dale.

‫These are the three Scots, and ‫I'll Dale. ‫Scots... Dale!

‫I'll Dale. ‫Scots... Dale! ‫And to play 18 holes, we

‫Scots... Dale! ‫And to play 18 holes, we ‫needed a little...

‫and to play 18 holes, we ‫needed a little... ‫Espresso.

‫Needed a little... ‫Espresso. ‫♪♪

‫Espresso. ‫♪♪ ‫♪ the cruising had a local

‫♪♪ ‫♪ the cruising had a local ‫staycation because we'd been hit

‫♪ the cruising had a local ‫staycation because we'd been hit ‫hard by inflation ♪

‫staycation because we'd been hit ‫hard by inflation ♪ ‫♪ and we knew Matt needs a break

‫hard by inflation ♪ ‫♪ and we knew Matt needs a break ‫from Kelsey ♪

‫♪ and we knew Matt needs a break ‫from Kelsey ♪ ‫♪ just kidding, kels, your

‫from Kelsey ♪ ‫♪ just kidding, kels, your ‫marriage is healthy ♪

‫♪ just kidding, kels, your ‫marriage is healthy ♪ ‫wait, what even is this song?

‫Marriage is healthy ♪ ‫wait, what even is this song? ‫♪ now we're in a bar, caddie's

‫wait, what even is ‫this song? ♪ now we're in

‫a bar, caddie's named ‫renaldo, to the condo ♪

‫♪ now we're in a bar, ‫caddie's named renaldo,

‫to the condo ♪ ♪ we ‫got a bed, Matthew does

‫named renaldo, to the condo ♪ ‫♪ we got a bed, Matthew does ‫not ♪

‫♪ we got a bed, Matthew does ‫not ♪ ‫♪ he's going to walk with

‫not ♪ ‫♪ he's going to walk with ‫renaldo.

‫♪ He's going to walk with ‫renaldo. ‫Wait, Sophie, were you on the

‫renaldo. ‫Wait, Sophie, were you on the ‫guys trip?

‫Wait, Sophie, were you on the ‫guys trip? ‫You know, I'm pretty sick of

‫guys trip? ‫You know, I'm pretty sick of ‫girls after prison.

‫You know, I'm pretty sick of ‫girls after prison. ‫I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is

‫girls after prison. ‫I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is ‫renaldo.

‫I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is ‫renaldo. ‫Don't worry, renaldo is in my

‫renaldo. ‫Don't worry, renaldo is in my ‫past.

‫Don't worry, renaldo is in my ‫past. ‫Matthew, I'm here.

‫Past. ‫Matthew, I'm here. ‫Hey, man.

‫Matthew, I'm here. ‫Hey, man. ‫Hey.

‫Hey, man. ‫Hey. ‫Hey, man, came all this way,

‫hey. ‫Hey, man, came all this way, ‫had to explain, renaldo,

‫hey, man, came all this way, ‫had to explain, renaldo, ‫Matthew's my guy, said he's not

‫had to explain, renaldo, ‫Matthew's my guy, said he's not ‫mine, but we did hook up,

‫Matthew's my guy, said he's not ‫mine, but we did hook up, ‫though.

‫Mine, but we did hook up, ‫though. ‫What?

‫Though. ‫What? ‫Matt!

‫What? ‫Matt! ‫Renaldo?

‫Matt! ‫Renaldo? ‫Okay, I'm sorry, you two know

‫renaldo? ‫Okay, I'm sorry, you two know ‫each other?

‫Okay, I'm sorry, you two know ‫each other? ‫Of course!

‫Each other? ‫Of course! ‫We are brothers.

‫Of course! ‫We are brothers. ‫I'm the older brother.

‫We are brothers. ‫I'm the older brother. ‫And I'm the younger brother.

‫I'm the older brother. ‫And I'm the younger brother. ‫And I'm the half-brother.

‫And I'm the younger brother. ‫And I'm the half-brother. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫And I'm the half-brother. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Hi, Santiago.

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Hi, Santiago. ‫Mom, dad, wait, how do you

‫hi, Santiago. ‫Mom, dad, wait, how do you ‫know him?

‫Mom, dad, wait, how do you ‫know him? ‫Well, I did their kitchen

‫know him? ‫Well, I did their kitchen ‫renovation, and then I had sex

‫well, I did their kitchen ‫renovation, and then I had sex ‫with the wife.

‫Renovation, and then I had sex ‫with the wife. ‫Feel you, Santiago.

‫With the wife. ‫Feel you, Santiago. ‫♪♪

‫feel you, Santiago. ‫♪♪ ‫>>

‫♪♪ ‫>> ‫♪ came all this way, word to the

‫>> ‫♪ came all this way, word to the ‫wise, if you got wives, hide

‫♪ came all this way, word to the ‫wise, if you got wives, hide ‫them from US ♪

‫wise, if you got wives, hide ‫them from US ♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Them from US ♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Domingo!

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Domingo! ‫♪♪

‫And now deep thoughts by ‫Jack handy. ‫Looking back over 50 years,

‫Jack handy. ‫Looking back over 50 years, ‫we treasure the laughs, the

‫looking back over ‫50 years, we treasure the

‫laughs, the friendships, ‫the fond memories.

‫We treasure the laughs, ‫the friendships, the

‫fond memories. But the ‫real treasure was how

‫friendships, the fond memories. ‫But the real treasure was how ‫much money we were making.

‫Ladies and gentlemen, Tina ‫fey and Amy poehler! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Fey and Amy poehler! ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Oh, wow.

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Oh, wow. ‫What a night.

‫Oh, wow. ‫What a night. ‫Well, even after 50 years, there

‫what a night. ‫Well, even after 50 years, there ‫are still things about "snl"

‫well, even after 50 years, there ‫are still things about "snl" ‫that people don't know.

‫Are still things about "snl" ‫that people don't know. ‫So we are here to answer any

‫that people don't know. ‫So we are here to answer any ‫questions people still have

‫so we are here to answer any ‫questions people still have ‫about the show.

‫Questions people still have ‫about the show. ‫Don't be shy.

‫About the show. ‫Don't be shy. ‫Just raise your hand.

‫Don't be shy. ‫Just raise your hand. ‫Yes, quinta brunson.

‫Just raise your hand. ‫Yes, quinta brunson. ‫Hi.

‫Yes, quinta brunson. ‫Hi. ‫Hi!

‫Hi. ‫Hi! ‫[ Applause ]

‫Hi! ‫[ Applause ] ‫Hi.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Hi. ‫Quinta brunson here.

‫Hi. ‫Quinta brunson here. ‫First of all, I want to say, you

‫quinta brunson here. ‫First of all, I want to say, you ‫ladies look great.

‫First of all, I want to say, you ‫ladies look great. ‫What's your secret?

‫Ladies look great. ‫What's your secret? ‫Wow, thank you for asking

‫what's your secret? ‫Wow, thank you for asking ‫that question we wrote.

‫Wow, thank you for asking ‫that question we wrote. ‫I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of

‫that question we wrote. ‫I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of ‫my younger self.

‫I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of ‫my younger self. ‫And my face is all natural,

‫my younger self. ‫And my face is all natural, ‫but full disclosure, this is the

‫and my face is all natural, ‫but full disclosure, this is the ‫back of my head.

‫But full disclosure, this is the ‫back of my head. ‫I slip mid hair and started

‫back of my head. ‫I slip mid hair and started ‫over.

‫I slip mid hair and started ‫over. ‫Well, it's working for you,

‫over. ‫Well, it's working for you, ‫baby girl.

‫Well, it's working for you, ‫baby girl. ‫Any way, I am a "snl" superfan.

‫Baby girl. ‫Any way, I am a "snl" superfan. ‫My question is kind of a deep

‫any way, I am a "snl" superfan. ‫My question is kind of a deep ‫cut.

‫My question is kind of a deep ‫cut. ‫In the march 18th, 1993 good

‫cut. ‫In the march 18th, 1993 good ‫nights, Tim meadows whispered

‫in the march 18th, 1993 ‫good nights, Tim meadows

‫whispered something ‫to musical guest sade?

‫Nights, Tim meadows whispered ‫something to musical guest sade? ‫What was he saying?

‫Something to musical guest sade? ‫What was he saying? ‫Oh, wow, let's find out.

‫What was he saying? ‫Oh, wow, let's find out. ‫Tim, do you remember what you

‫oh, wow, let's find out. ‫Tim, do you remember what you ‫were saying?

‫Tim, do you remember what you ‫were saying? ‫Oh, yeah, wow.

‫Were saying? ‫Oh, yeah, wow. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Oh, yeah, wow. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Thank you.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Thank you. ‫Yes, it was march '93.

‫Thank you. ‫Yes, it was march '93. ‫I'm pretty sure I was saying

‫yes, it was march '93. ‫I'm pretty sure I was saying ‫hey, sade, you want to drink

‫I'm pretty sure I was ‫saying hey, sade, you

‫want to drink some zima ‫with me in my dressing

‫hey, sade, you want to drink ‫some zima with me in my dressing ‫room?

‫Some zima with me in my dressing ‫room? ‫We can play mortal kombat 1 and

‫room? ‫We can play mortal kombat 1 and ‫watch the new menendez trial.

‫We can play mortal kombat 1 and ‫watch the new menendez trial. ‫That's exactly what I

‫watch the new menendez trial. ‫That's exactly what I ‫thought.

‫That's exactly what I ‫thought. ‫Thank you so much.

‫Thought. ‫Thank you so much. ‫Thank you.

‫Thank you so much. ‫Thank you. ‫Thank you.

‫Thank you. ‫Thank you. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Thank you. ‫[ Applause ] ‫.

‫[ Applause ] ‫. ‫Also, at work by the way,

‫. ‫also, at work by the way, ‫sade are still together.

‫Also, at work by the way, ‫sade are still together. ‫That's awesome.

‫Sade are still together. ‫That's awesome. ‫That's awesome.

‫That's awesome. ‫That's awesome. ‫Who else has a question?

‫That's awesome. ‫Who else has a question? ‫I have a question.

‫Who else has a question? ‫I have a question. ‫Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hi.

‫I have a question. ‫Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hi. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hi. ‫[ Applause ] ‫How's it going?

‫[ Applause ] ‫How's it going? ‫Great.

‫How's it going? ‫Great. ‫Why, what have you heard?

‫Great. ‫Why, what have you heard? ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Why, what have you heard? ‫[ Laughter ] ‫My question is you flow the

‫[ laughter ] ‫My question is you flow the ‫materials that they made the

‫my question is you flow the ‫materials that they made the ‫coneheads with, are those

‫materials that they made the ‫coneheads with, are those ‫edible?

‫Coneheads with, are those ‫edible? ‫Edible?

‫Edible? ‫Edible? ‫No, no.

‫Edible? ‫No, no. ‫And based on them being made in

‫no, no. ‫And based on them being made in ‫1975, I'd assume they're highly

‫and based on them being made in ‫1975, I'd assume they're highly ‫toxic.

‫1975, I'd assume they're highly ‫toxic. ‫Oh, okay.

‫Toxic. ‫Oh, okay. ‫So somebody hypothetically took

‫oh, okay. ‫So somebody hypothetically took ‫a couple nibbles backstage and

‫so somebody hypothetically ‫took a couple nibbles

‫backstage and got ‫excited, should they go to

‫a couple nibbles ‫backstage and got excited,

‫should they go to the ‫hospital or should they...

‫Got excited, should they go to ‫the hospital or should they... ‫yes, they should go to

‫the hospital or should they... ‫yes, they should go to ‫hospital right away.

‫Yes, they should go to ‫hospital right away. ‫Good.

‫Hospital right away. ‫Good. ‫Good luck.

‫Good. ‫Good luck. ‫Okay.

‫Good luck. ‫Okay. ‫Next question...

‫Okay. ‫Next question... ‫I have a question.

‫Next question... ‫I have a question. ‫Yes?

‫I have a question. ‫Yes? ‫[ Applause ]

‫Yes? ‫[ Applause ] ‫When I hosted the show, there

‫[ applause ] ‫When I hosted the show, there ‫was a woman who pulled me behind

‫when I hosted the ‫show, there was a woman who

‫pulled me behind a ‫little curtain and took my

‫was a woman who pulled me behind ‫a little curtain and took my ‫pants off.

‫A little curtain and took my ‫pants off. ‫Does she work here?

‫Pants off. ‫Does she work here? ‫Is she a blond woman with a

‫does she work here? ‫Is she a blond woman with a ‫stopwatch?

‫Is she a blond woman with a ‫stopwatch? ‫Yeah.

‫Stopwatch? ‫Yeah. ‫She put her arm around my waist

‫yeah. ‫She put her arm around my waist ‫and kind of shook me until my

‫she put her arm around my waist ‫and kind of shook me until my ‫shoes fell off.

‫And kind of shook me until my ‫shoes fell off. ‫Did I dream that or is that...

‫Shoes fell off. ‫Did I dream that or is that... ‫no, that's Donna.

‫Did I dream that or is that... ‫no, that's Donna. ‫Come out here, Donna.

‫No, that's Donna. ‫Come out here, Donna. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Come out here, Donna. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Donna, hi!

‫[ Applause ] ‫Donna, hi! ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Donna, hi! ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Donna, Donna has been

‫[ cheering ] ‫Donna, Donna has been ‫dressing every host since 1997.

‫Donna, Donna has been ‫dressing every host since 1997. ‫She has seen every celebrity

‫dressing every host since 1997. ‫She has seen every celebrity ‫here in their underpants.

‫She has seen every celebrity ‫here in their underpants. ‫Donna, I know it's hard to

‫here in their underpants. ‫Donna, I know it's hard to ‫pick, but who was your fav...

‫Donna, I know it's hard to ‫pick, but who was your fav... ‫Jason momoa.

‫Pick, but who was your fav... ‫Jason momoa. ‫Our next question was

‫Jason momoa. ‫Our next question was ‫submitted by a viewer.

‫Our next question was ‫submitted by a viewer. ‫Loved fan 89 wants to know why

‫submitted by a viewer. ‫Loved fan 89 wants to know why ‫am I seated across the street in

‫loved fan 89 wants to ‫know why am I seated

‫across the street in ‫the American girls store?

‫Am I seated across the street in ‫the American girls store? ‫I'm not mad.

‫The American girls store? ‫I'm not mad. ‫I just want to know why.

‫I'm not mad. ‫I just want to know why. ‫Ladies?

‫I just want to know why. ‫Ladies? ‫[ Applause ]

‫Ladies? ‫[ Applause ] ‫Okay.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Okay. ‫So lovitz fan is Jon lovitz.

‫Okay. ‫So lovitz fan is Jon lovitz. ‫I know the seating chart was

‫so lovitz fan is Jon lovitz. ‫I know the seating chart was ‫really hard to figure out.

‫I know the seating chart was ‫really hard to figure out. ‫You were going to be seated in

‫really hard to figure out. ‫You were going to be seated in ‫the studio, but then Julia

‫you were going to be ‫seated in the studio, but

‫then Julia Louis-Dreyfus ‫asked to bring her

‫the studio, but then Julia ‫Louis-Dreyfus asked to bring her ‫service dog.

‫Louis-Dreyfus asked to bring her ‫service dog. ‫Yeah.

‫Service dog. ‫Yeah. ‫Yeah, sorry.

‫Yeah. ‫Yeah, sorry. ‫Jon, it's a medical thing.

‫Yeah, sorry. ‫Jon, it's a medical thing. ‫You really need that dog, right,

‫Jon, it's a medical thing. ‫You really need that dog, right, ‫Julia?

‫You really need that dog, right, ‫Julia? ‫Oh, no, no, no.

‫Julia? ‫Oh, no, no, no. ‫I'm here for him.

‫Oh, no, no, no. ‫I'm here for him. ‫He is blind.

‫I'm here for him. ‫He is blind. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫He is blind. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫So Ricky, the blond woman who

‫[ laughter ] ‫So Ricky, the blond woman who ‫just talked, that's Amy poehler.

‫So Ricky, the blond ‫woman who just talked,

‫that's Amy poehler. And ‫the older woman next to her

‫just talked, that's Amy poehler. ‫And the older woman next to her ‫is Tina fey.

‫And the older woman next to her ‫is Tina fey. ‫And the intense energy that

‫is Tina fey. ‫And the intense energy that ‫you're feeling to your left is

‫and the intense energy that ‫you're feeling to your left is ‫Adam driver.

‫You're feeling to your left is ‫Adam driver. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Adam driver. ‫[ Applause ] ‫He is an absolutely incredible

‫[ applause ] ‫He is an absolutely incredible ‫actor.

‫He is an absolutely incredible ‫actor. ‫And right now he is acting like

‫actor. ‫And right now he is acting like ‫he is not attracted to me.

‫And right now he is acting like ‫he is not attracted to me. ‫How you doing?

‫He is not attracted to me. ‫How you doing? ‫This is my puppy here.

‫How you doing? ‫This is my puppy here. ‫Yeah.

‫This is my puppy here. ‫Yeah. ‫All right.

‫Yeah. ‫All right. ‫Okay.

‫All right. ‫Okay. ‫All right.

‫Okay. ‫All right. ‫Let's take another question.

‫All right. ‫Let's take another question. ‫Yes, Cher, you have a question?

‫Let's take another question. ‫Yes, Cher, you have a question? ‫No, I don't.

‫Yes, Cher, you have a question? ‫No, I don't. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫No, I don't. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫I got a lot of answers.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫I got a lot of answers. ‫Hey!

‫I got a lot of answers. ‫Hey! ‫We'll hook up with you after

‫hey! ‫We'll hook up with you after ‫the show.

‫We'll hook up with you after ‫the show. ‫Next question.

‫The show. ‫Next question. ‫Yes, Keith Richards?

‫Next question. ‫Yes, Keith Richards? ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Yes, Keith Richards? ‫[ Cheering ] ‫I let a scarf here in 1988,

‫[ cheering ] ‫I let a scarf here in 1988, ‫and I'm kind of wondering if

‫I let a scarf here in 1988, ‫and I'm kind of wondering if ‫anybody has seen it around.

‫And I'm kind of wondering if ‫anybody has seen it around. ‫A scarf, yeah, in 1998?

‫Anybody has seen it around. ‫A scarf, yeah, in 1998? ‫Well, that's a long time ago.

‫A scarf, yeah, in 1998? ‫Well, that's a long time ago. ‫I don't think so.

‫Well, that's a long time ago. ‫I don't think so. ‫I'm not sure.

‫I don't think so. ‫I'm not sure. ‫Look, it's simply not here,

‫I'm not sure. ‫Look, it's simply not here, ‫okay?

‫Look, it's simply not here, ‫okay? ‫Can we all stop looking?

‫Okay? ‫Can we all stop looking? ‫Next question!

‫Can we all stop looking? ‫Next question! ‫Okay, okay.

‫Next question! ‫Okay, okay. ‫Yes, Jon hamm?

‫Okay, okay. ‫Yes, Jon hamm? ‫Yeah, hey, guys...

‫yes, Jon hamm? ‫Yeah, hey, guys... ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Yeah, hey, guys... ‫[ Cheering ] ‫This might be a weird

‫[ cheering ] ‫This might be a weird ‫question because I've hosted

‫this might be a weird ‫question because I've hosted ‫three times and I know I'm part

‫question because I've hosted ‫three times and I know I'm part ‫of the family.

‫Three times and I know I'm part ‫of the family. ‫But am I funny?

‫Of the family. ‫But am I funny? ‫Funny!

‫But am I funny? ‫Funny! ‫We...

‫funny! ‫We... ‫whenever we ask you to do a

‫we... ‫whenever we ask you to do a ‫bit, you always say yes.

‫Whenever we ask you to do a ‫bit, you always say yes. ‫And that's what matters.

‫Bit, you always say yes. ‫And that's what matters. ‫Yes, yes.

‫And that's what matters. ‫Yes, yes. ‫Next question.

‫Yes, yes. ‫Next question. ‫Hola.

‫Next question. ‫Hola. ‫[ Speaking in Spanish ]

‫Hola. ‫[ Speaking in Spanish ] ‫Yo sochitos.

‫[ Speaking in Spanish ] ‫Yo sochitos. ‫[ Speaking in Spanish ]

‫Yo sochitos. ‫[ Speaking in Spanish ] ‫So Jon hamon.

‫[ Speaking in Spanish ] ‫So Jon hamon. ‫All right, yes.

‫So Jon hamon. ‫All right, yes. ‫Next question, Seth?

‫All right, yes. ‫Next question, Seth? ‫Hi, guys.

‫Next question, Seth? ‫Hi, guys. ‫It kind of feels like this whole

‫hi, guys. ‫It kind of feels like this whole ‫question and answer thing is

‫it kind of feels like ‫this whole question and

‫answer thing is just ‫way for you guys to give

‫question and answer thing is ‫just way for you guys to give ‫air time to celebrities who

‫just way for you guys to give ‫air time to celebrities who ‫aren't in other parts of the

‫air time to celebrities who ‫aren't in other parts of the ‫show.

‫Aren't in other parts of the ‫show. ‫Really?

‫Show. ‫Really? ‫It doesn't seem that way to me.

‫Really? ‫It doesn't seem that way to me. ‫What do you think, reverend al

‫it doesn't seem that way to me. ‫What do you think, reverend al ‫sharpton and ray Romano?

‫What do you think, reverend al ‫sharpton and ray Romano? ‫It seems very natural to US.

‫Sharpton and ray Romano? ‫It seems very natural to US. ‫Really, don't be so cynical,

‫it seems very natural to US. ‫Really, don't be so cynical, ‫Seth.

‫Really, don't be so cynical, ‫Seth. ‫We're having a nice time here.

‫Seth. ‫We're having a nice time here. ‫There you go.

‫We're having a nice time here. ‫There you go. ‫Jason momoa, yes, Jason?

‫There you go. ‫Jason momoa, yes, Jason? ‫This Donny lady, she like to

‫Jason momoa, yes, Jason? ‫This Donny lady, she like to ‫travel?

‫This Donny lady, she like to ‫travel? ‫We'll have to ask her.

‫Travel? ‫We'll have to ask her. ‫All right.

‫We'll have to ask her. ‫All right. ‫Good to know.

‫All right. ‫Good to know. ‫Hi, I'm Fred armisen, thanks.

‫Good to know. ‫Hi, I'm Fred armisen, thanks. ‫Thank you.

‫Hi, I'm Fred armisen, thanks. ‫Thank you. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Thank you. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Thank you, guys.

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Thank you, guys. ‫My question is, do you know why

‫thank you, guys. ‫My question is, do you know why ‫lorne cut "vampire office"?

‫My question is, do you know why ‫lorne cut "vampire office"? ‫What?

‫Lorne cut "vampire office"? ‫What? ‫Well, in 2005, I wrote a

‫what? ‫Well, in 2005, I wrote a ‫sketch called "vampire office"

‫well, in 2005, I wrote a ‫sketch called "vampire office" ‫and it played pretty well at

‫sketch called "vampire ‫office" and it played

‫pretty well at dress ‫and it didn't get on air.

‫And it played pretty ‫well at dress and it

‫didn't get on air. >> ‫Okay, I guess maybe other

‫dress and it didn't get on air. ‫Okay, I guess maybe other ‫sketches did better?

‫Okay, I guess maybe other ‫sketches did better? ‫No.

‫Sketches did better? ‫No. ‫It was a pretty bad show front

‫no. ‫It was a pretty bad show front ‫to back.

‫It was a pretty bad show front ‫to back. ‫I don't know.

‫To back. ‫I don't know. ‫Okay, well, maybe he just

‫I don't know. ‫Okay, well, maybe he just ‫didn't like it.

‫Okay, well, maybe he just ‫didn't like it. ‫Well, do you know if he saw

‫didn't like it. ‫Well, do you know if he saw ‫the changes I was going to make,

‫well, do you know ‫if he saw the changes I

‫was going to make, ‫because I cut the b word as

‫the changes I was going to make, ‫because I cut the b word as ‫Vanessa comes in as Simon

‫because I cut the b word as ‫Vanessa comes in as Simon ‫cowell.

‫Vanessa comes in as Simon ‫cowell. ‫Wait, are you holding the

‫cowell. ‫Wait, are you holding the ‫sketch right now?

‫Wait, are you holding the ‫sketch right now? ‫Do you think I should resib

‫sketch right now? ‫Do you think I should resib ‫mitt ID?

‫Do you think I should resib ‫mitt ID? ‫Sure.

‫Mitt ID? ‫Sure. ‫Great.

‫Sure. ‫Great. ‫Okay.

‫Great. ‫Okay. ‫Okay, we only have time for

‫okay. ‫Okay, we only have time for ‫like 100 more questions.

‫Okay, we only have time for ‫like 100 more questions. ‫Yes, yes.

‫Like 100 more questions. ‫Yes, yes. ‫Peyton Manning?

‫Yes, yes. ‫Peyton Manning? ‫Yes...

‫Peyton Manning? ‫Yes... ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Yes... ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Is lorne going to retire now?

‫[ Cheering ] ‫Is lorne going to retire now? ‫No, I don't think so.

‫Is lorne going to retire now? ‫No, I don't think so. ‫Okay, that's great news.

‫No, I don't think so. ‫Okay, that's great news. ‫Lorne, never retire.

‫Okay, that's great news. ‫Lorne, never retire. ‫It's brutal out here.

‫Lorne, never retire. ‫It's brutal out here. ‫They have me doing all these

‫it's brutal out here. ‫They have me doing all these ‫commercials... insurance, beer.

‫They have me doing all these ‫commercials... insurance, beer. ‫I did one the other day for

‫commercials... insurance, ‫beer. I did one the

‫other day for something ‫called fan fight power

‫I did one the other day for ‫something called fan fight power ‫monster 3.

‫Something called fan fight power ‫monster 3. ‫I don't even know what the hell

‫monster 3. ‫I don't even know what the hell ‫it is.

‫I don't even know what the hell ‫it is. ‫I assumed it was a video game,

‫it is. ‫I assumed it was a video game, ‫but in the voice overi said now

‫I assumed it was a video game, ‫but in the voice overi said now ‫in diet chili flavor.

‫But in the voice overi said now ‫in diet chili flavor. ‫I hate being retired.

‫In diet chili flavor. ‫I hate being retired. ‫Okay, okay.

‫I hate being retired. ‫Okay, okay. ‫No, seriously, lorne, getting

‫okay, okay. ‫No, seriously, lorne, getting ‫old sucks.

‫No, seriously, lorne, getting ‫old sucks. ‫You feel like such a loser.

‫Old sucks. ‫You feel like such a loser. ‫Galifianakis knows what i'm

‫you feel like such a loser. ‫Galifianakis knows what i'm ‫talking about.

‫Galifianakis knows what i'm ‫talking about. ‫Please don't bother me.

‫Talking about. ‫Please don't bother me. ‫I just want to row elax and wat

‫please don't bother me. ‫I just want to row elax and wat ‫kanye perform.

‫I just want to row elax and wat ‫kanye perform. ‫You got it, Zach.

‫Kanye perform. ‫You got it, Zach. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Hello? ‫Bowflex. ‫What's up, dude.

‫Bowflex. ‫What's up, dude. ‫Are you going to the 50th?

‫What's up, dude. ‫Are you going to the 50th? ‫No, I can't.

‫Are you going to the 50th? ‫No, I can't. ‫I'm not going to go.

‫No, I can't. ‫I'm not going to go. ‫What you talking about?

‫I'm not going to go. ‫What you talking about? ‫It's going to be incredible.

‫What you talking about? ‫It's going to be incredible. ‫Everyone on earth is going to be

‫it's going to be incredible. ‫Everyone on earth is going to be ‫there.

‫Everyone on earth is going to be ‫there. ‫Honestly, it stresses me out

‫there. ‫Honestly, it stresses me out ‫too much.

‫Honestly, it stresses me out ‫too much. ‫What do you mean?

‫Too much. ‫What do you mean? ‫Come on, you knoll I get

‫what do you mean? ‫Come on, you knoll I get ‫anxiety.

‫Come on, you knoll I get ‫anxiety. ‫Bowen, cool it.

‫Anxiety. ‫Bowen, cool it. ‫♪ I know you're anxious just

‫Bowen, cool it. ‫♪ I know you're anxious just ‫looking at the side and when

‫♪ I know you're anxious ‫just looking at the

‫side and when you're ‫retired, it was the there

‫looking at the side and ‫when you're retired, it

‫was the there is one ‫thing you got to keep in

‫you're retired, it was the there ‫is one thing you got to keep in ‫mind ♪

‫is one thing you got to keep in ‫mind ♪ ‫♪ so we're going press rewind,

‫mind ♪ ‫♪ so we're going press rewind, ‫let's go back in time ♪

‫♪ so we're going press rewind, ‫let's go back in time ♪ ‫♪ young ackroyd, looks so fine

‫let's go back in time ♪ ‫♪ young ackroyd, looks so fine ‫and fancy free ♪

‫♪ young ackroyd, looks so fine ‫and fancy free ♪ ‫♪ but the reality was quite

‫and fancy free ♪ ‫♪ but the reality was quite ‫tragic, he suffered from

‫♪ but the reality was quite ‫tragic, he suffered from ‫anxiety ♪

‫tragic, he suffered from ‫anxiety ♪ ‫Jesus, what was that?

‫Anxiety ♪ ‫Jesus, what was that? ‫I don't know what you're

‫Jesus, what was that? ‫I don't know what you're ‫talking about.

‫I don't know what you're ‫talking about. ‫That's the footage exact lib as

‫talking about. ‫That's the footage exact lib as ‫it aired

‫that's the footage exact lib as ‫it aired ‫♪ Eddie Murphy and Mr.

‫It aired ‫♪ Eddie Murphy and Mr. ‫Robinson's neighborhood, she was

‫♪ Eddie Murphy and Mr. ‫Robinson's neighborhood, she was ‫the star of the show each

‫Robinson's neighborhood, she was ‫the star of the show each ‫Saturday, be he suffered

‫the star of the show each ‫Saturday, be he suffered ‫anxiety ♪

‫Saturday, be he suffered ‫anxiety ♪ ‫♪ hey, Billy crystal, saying

‫anxiety ♪ ‫♪ hey, Billy crystal, saying ‫marvelous, but one thing wasn't

‫♪ hey, Billy crystal, saying ‫marvelous, but one thing wasn't ‫marvelous, ♪

‫marvelous, but one thing wasn't ‫marvelous, ♪ ‫♪ because everyone that ever

‫marvelous, ♪ ‫♪ because everyone that ever ‫worked at "snl" had anxiety ♪

‫♪ because everyone ‫that ever worked at "snl"

‫had anxiety ♪ ♪ you ‫are not alone, my friend,

‫worked at "snl" had anxiety ♪ ‫♪ you are not alone, my friend, ‫and...

‫♪ You are not alone, my friend, ‫and... ‫what?

‫And... ‫what? ‫The connection is a complex

‫what? ‫The connection is a complex ‫of directional, a communication

‫the connection is a ‫complex of directional,

‫a communication between ‫essential nervous system

‫of directional, a communication ‫between essential nervous system ‫and your butt.

‫Between essential nervous system ‫and your butt. ‫♪ when you're watching "snl,"

‫and your butt. ‫♪ when you're watching "snl," ‫just imagine everyone you see,

‫♪ when you're watching ‫"snl," just imagine

‫everyone you see, right ‫before the show went to

‫just imagine everyone you see, ‫right before the show went to ‫the bathroom and took the

‫right before the show went to ‫the bathroom and took the ‫crazy...

‫The bathroom and took the ‫crazy... ‫right.

‫Crazy... ‫right. ‫♪ everybody, like this ♪

‫right. ‫♪ everybody, like this ♪ ‫you've got to stop doing

‫♪ everybody, like this ♪ ‫you've got to stop doing ‫that.

‫You've got to stop doing ‫that. ‫No promises.

‫That. ‫No promises. ‫♪ jump to the '90s, Molly,

‫no promises. ‫♪ jump to the '90s, Molly, ‫making them laugh, but that's

‫♪ jump to the '90s, Molly, ‫making them laugh, but that's ‫not how they felt at all ♪

‫making them laugh, but that's ‫not how they felt at all ♪ ‫♪ we wanted to die, we whisper

‫not how they felt at all ♪ ‫♪ we wanted to die, we whisper ‫and we had on the air ♪

‫♪ we wanted to die, we whisper ‫and we had on the air ♪ ‫come on, guys, we have

‫and we had on the air ♪ ‫come on, guys, we have ‫perspective.

‫Come on, guys, we have ‫perspective. ‫We know these are champagne

‫perspective. ‫We know these are champagne ‫problems.

‫We know these are champagne ‫problems. ‫I mean, it's not like we're

‫problems. ‫I mean, it's not like we're ‫working in a coal mine.

‫I mean, it's not like we're ‫working in a coal mine. ‫God, no.

‫Working in a coal mine. ‫God, no. ‫But here's a secret.

‫God, no. ‫But here's a secret. ‫♪ it's way worse than working in

‫but here's a secret. ‫♪ it's way worse than working in ‫a coal mine.

‫♪ It's way worse than working in ‫a coal mine. ‫We would love to be working in a

‫a coal mine. ‫We would love to be working in a ‫coal mine, just look at these

‫we would love to be ‫working in a coal mine, just

‫look at these coal ‫miners drinking sweet tea,

‫coal mine, just look ‫at these coal miners

‫drinking sweet tea, under ‫the lorne, good to you?

‫Coal miners drinking ‫sweet tea, under the lorne,

‫good to you? >> Now ‫that I hear it, I might

‫under the lorne, good ‫to you? >> Now that I

‫hear it, I might skip it ‫too, because in the end

‫now that I hear it, I might ‫skip it too, because in the end ‫you have to take care of

‫skip it too, because in the end ‫you have to take care of ‫yourself.

‫You have to take care of ‫yourself. ‫I'm a decision for mental

‫yourself. ‫I'm a decision for mental ‫health ♪

‫I'm a decision for mental ‫health ♪ ‫but what if they forget about

‫health ♪ ‫but what if they forget about ‫me, if I don't go to the show,

‫but what if they forget about ‫me, if I don't go to the show, ‫will I disappear ♪

‫me, if I don't go to the show, ‫will I disappear ♪ ‫♪ or will I fall to the bottom

‫will I disappear ♪ ‫♪ or will I fall to the bottom ‫of the cast members ♪

‫♪ or will I fall to the bottom ‫of the cast members ♪ ‫♪ that's your forte ♪

‫of the cast members ♪ ‫♪ that's your forte ♪ ‫you know what?

‫♪ That's your forte ♪ ‫you know what? ‫I'm in.

‫You know what? ‫I'm in. ‫Because everyone ♪

‫I'm in. ‫Because everyone ♪ ‫I get it now!

‫Because everyone ♪ ‫I get it now! ‫♪ that ever worked at "snl" had

‫I get it now! ‫♪ that ever worked at "snl" had ‫anxiety ♪

‫♪ that ever worked at "snl" had ‫anxiety ♪ ‫♪ it's hard the waiting rooms

‫anxiety ♪ ‫♪ it's hard the waiting rooms ‫and have the therapist in new

‫♪ it's hard the waiting rooms ‫and have the therapist in new ‫York say ♪

‫and have the therapist in new ‫York say ♪ ‫♪ every single person who worked

‫York say ♪ ‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety, every

‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety, every ‫single person who worked at

‫at "snl" had anxiety, every ‫single person who worked at ‫"snl" had anxiety.

‫Single person who worked at ‫"snl" had anxiety. ‫Everybody!

‫"Snl" had anxiety. ‫Everybody! ‫♪ every single person who worked

‫everybody! ‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪

‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪ ‫♪ every single person who worked

‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪ ‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪

‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪ ‫♪ every single person who worked

‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪ ‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪♪

‫♪ every single person who worked ‫at "snl" had anxiety ♪♪

‫Ladies and gentlemen, Miley ‫Cyrus and Brittany Howard. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫♪ it's been seven hours ‫and 13 days, since u took your

‫♪ it's been seven hours ‫and 13 days, since u took your ‫love away ♪

‫and 13 days, since u took your ‫love away ♪ ‫♪ I go out every night

‫love away ♪ ‫♪ I go out every night ‫and I sleep all day

‫♪ I go out every night ‫and I sleep all day ‫since you took

‫and I sleep all day ‫since you took ‫your love away ♪

‫since you took ‫your love away ♪ ‫♪ since you been gone

‫your love away ♪ ‫♪ since you been gone ‫I can do whatever I want

‫♪ since you been gone ‫I can do whatever I want ‫yeah, I can see whomever I

‫I can do whatever I want ‫yeah, I can see whomever I ‫choose ♪

‫yeah, I can see whomever I ‫choose ♪ ‫♪ I can eat my dinner

‫choose ♪ ‫♪ I can eat my dinner ‫at a fancy restaurant but

‫♪ I can eat my dinner ‫at a fancy restaurant but ‫nothing, oh nothing can take

‫at a fancy restaurant but ‫nothing, oh nothing can take ‫away these blues ♪

‫nothing, oh nothing can take ‫away these blues ♪ ‫♪ 'cause nothing compares

‫away these blues ♪ ‫♪ 'cause nothing compares ‫no, nothing compares to you ♪

‫♪ 'cause nothing compares ‫no, nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ oh, nothing, nothing ♪

‫no, nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ oh, nothing, nothing ♪ ‫Brittany Howard!

‫♪ Oh, nothing, nothing ♪ ‫Brittany Howard! ‫♪ it's been so lonely

‫Brittany Howard! ‫♪ it's been so lonely ‫without you here

‫♪ it's been so lonely ‫without you here ‫like a bird without a song ♪

‫without you here ‫like a bird without a song ♪ ‫♪ nothing can stop

‫like a bird without a song ♪ ‫♪ nothing can stop ‫these lonely tears

‫♪ nothing can stop ‫these lonely tears ‫from falling ♪

‫these lonely tears ‫from falling ♪ ‫♪ tell me baby

‫from falling ♪ ‫♪ tell me baby ‫where did I go wrong

‫♪ tell me baby ‫where did I go wrong ‫I could put my arms around

‫where did I go wrong ‫I could put my arms around ‫every boy I see ♪

‫I could put my arms around ‫every boy I see ♪ ‫♪ but they'd only

‫every boy I see ♪ ‫♪ but they'd only ‫remind me of you

‫♪ but they'd only ‫remind me of you ‫I went to the doctor

‫remind me of you ‫I went to the doctor ‫and guess what he told me ♪

‫I went to the doctor ‫and guess what he told me ♪ ‫♪ guess what he told me

‫and guess what he told me ♪ ‫♪ guess what he told me ‫he said girl

‫♪ guess what he told me ‫he said girl ‫you better have fun ♪

‫he said girl ‫you better have fun ♪ ‫♪ but he's a fool ♪

‫you better have fun ♪ ‫♪ but he's a fool ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares,

‫♪ but he's a fool ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you ♪

‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ nothing, nothing ♪

‫nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ nothing, nothing ♪ ‫wait for it.

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪ ‫♪ all the flowers that you ‫planted, mama, in the backyard ♪

‫♪ all the flowers that ‫you planted, mama, in

‫the backyard ♪ ♪ all ‫died when you went away,

‫planted, mama, in the backyard ♪ ‫♪ all died when you went away, ‫oh, oh oh, oh ♪

‫♪ all died when you went away, ‫oh, oh oh, oh ♪ ‫♪ I know that living with you,

‫oh, oh oh, oh ♪ ‫♪ I know that living with you, ‫baby, was sometimes hard, but

‫♪ I know that living ‫with you, baby, was

‫sometimes hard, but I'm ‫willing to give it another

‫baby, was sometimes hard, but ‫I'm willing to give it another ‫try ♪

‫I'm willing to give it another ‫try ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares,

‫try ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you ♪

‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares,

‫nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you ♪

‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares.

‫Nothing compares to you ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares. ‫Nothing, nothing compares to

‫♪ because nothing compares. ‫Nothing, nothing compares to ‫you ♪

‫nothing, nothing compares to ‫you ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares,

‫you ♪ ‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you, you,

‫♪ because nothing compares, ‫nothing compares to you, you, ‫you, you, you, you ♪♪

‫nothing compares to you, you, ‫you, you, you, you ♪♪ ‫[ Applause ]

‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫it's weekend update, 50th ‫anniversary edition.

‫It's weekend update, 50th ‫anniversary edition. ‫With Colin jost and mikele...

‫Anniversary edition. ‫With Colin jost and mikele... ‫Michael che.

‫With Colin jost and mikele... ‫Michael che. ‫I'm Michael che.

‫Michael che. ‫I'm Michael che. ‫I'm Colin jost.

‫I'm Michael che. ‫I'm Colin jost. ‫Well, it is an honor and a

‫I'm Colin jost. ‫Well, it is an honor and a ‫thrill to be hosting weekend

‫well, it is an ‫honor and a thrill to be

‫hosting weekend update ‫for the 50th, and if it

‫thrill to be hosting ‫weekend update for the

‫50th, and if it was up ‫to our president, final

‫update for the 50th, and if it ‫was up to our president, final ‫season of "snl."

‫Was up to our president, final ‫season of "snl." ‫It is incredible that "snl" is

‫season of "snl." ‫It is incredible that "snl" is ‫still going after all this time.

‫It is incredible that ‫"snl" is still going

‫after all this time. And ‫I'm just talking about

‫still going after all this time. ‫And I'm just talking about ‫tonight's show.

‫And I'm just talking about ‫tonight's show. ‫There are so many famous hosts

‫tonight's show. ‫There are so many famous hosts ‫and musical guests here tonight

‫there are so many ‫famous hosts and musical

‫guests here tonight that ‫some huge names actually

‫and musical guests here ‫tonight that some huge

‫names actually have ‫to watch from studio 8g

‫that some huge names actually ‫have to watch from studio 8g ‫next door as well as from the

‫have to watch from ‫studio 8g next door as well

‫as from the metropolitan ‫detention center in

‫next door as well as from the ‫metropolitan detention center in ‫Brooklyn.

‫Metropolitan detention center in ‫Brooklyn. ‫Oh, you went to the parties,

‫Brooklyn. ‫Oh, you went to the parties, ‫okay.

‫Oh, you went to the parties, ‫okay. ‫"Saturday night live" has won

‫okay. ‫"Saturday night live" has won ‫95 emmys, one grammy, three

‫"Saturday night live" ‫has won 95 emmys, one

‫grammy, three peabodys, ‫and has over 100 Tonys

‫95 emmys, one grammy, three ‫peabodys, and has over 100 Tonys ‫on the crew.

‫Peabodys, and has over 100 Tonys ‫on the crew. ‫I'm kidding, but let's actually

‫on the crew. ‫I'm kidding, but let's actually ‫take a moment to thank foez

‫I'm kidding, but let's actually ‫take a moment to thank foez ‫hard-

‫take a moment to thank foez ‫hard- ‫those hardworking crew guys.

‫Hard- ‫those hardworking crew guys. ‫I want to thank those crew guy,

‫those hardworking crew ‫guys. I want to thank

‫those crew guy, and ‫also like to congratulate

‫I want to thank those crew guy, ‫and also like to congratulate ‫them on their January 6th

‫and also like to congratulate ‫them on their January 6th ‫pardons.

‫Them on their January 6th ‫pardons. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Pardons. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫A lot of ponies.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫A lot of ponies. ‫Health experts are facing

‫a lot of ponies. ‫Health experts are facing ‫increased pressure in the face

‫health experts are ‫facing increased pressure

‫in the face of outbreak ‫of covid, the flu,

‫increased pressure in ‫the face of outbreak of

‫covid, the flu, rsv and ‫norovirus, which they're

‫of outbreak of covid, ‫the flu, rsv and norovirus,

‫which they're calling a ‫quad deem Mick. Emic,

‫rsv and norovirus, which ‫they're calling a quad

‫deem Mick. Emic, the ‫smart thing, packed every

‫calling a quad deem Mick. Emic, ‫the smart thing, packed every ‫entertainer over 60 in one

‫the smart thing, packed every ‫entertainer over 60 in one ‫stage.

‫Entertainer over 60 in one ‫stage. ‫"Snl's" first major cast change

‫stage. ‫"Snl's" first major cast change ‫was in season 2 when Chevy chase

‫"snl's" first major cast ‫change was in season 2

‫when Chevy chase left ‫the show and was replaced

‫was in season 2 when Chevy chase ‫left the show and was replaced ‫by kenan Thompson.

‫Left the show and was replaced ‫by kenan Thompson. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫By kenan Thompson. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Me and Colin are actually the

‫[ laughter ] ‫Me and Colin are actually the ‫longest serving weekend update

‫me and Colin are actually the ‫longest serving weekend update ‫anchors.

‫Longest serving weekend update ‫anchors. ‫I've done weekend update for so

‫anchors. ‫I've done weekend update for so ‫long, next season I'm co-hosting

‫I've done weekend update for so ‫long, next season I'm co-hosting ‫with my son bronny.

‫Long, next season I'm co-hosting ‫with my son bronny. ‫And since the 40est we've lost

‫with my son bronny. ‫And since the 40est we've lost ‫the late great Norman Donald who

‫and since the 40est we've lost ‫the late great Norman Donald who ‫hosted weekend update.

‫The late great Norman Donald who ‫hosted weekend update. ‫That's right.

‫Hosted weekend update. ‫That's right. ‫Norman Donald who hosted weekend

‫that's right. ‫Norman Donald who hosted weekend ‫update until he was fired for

‫Norman Donald who hosted ‫weekend update until he

‫was fired for making ‫jokes about o.J. Simpson,

‫update until he was ‫fired for making jokes

‫about o.J. Simpson, and ‫he is one of my heroes.

‫Making jokes about o.J. ‫Simpson, and he is one

‫of my heroes. So if he ‫is watching up there, I

‫and he is one of my ‫heroes. So if he is watching

‫up there, I just want ‫to say, we love you,

‫so if he is watching up there, I ‫just want to say, we love you, ‫o.J.

‫Just want to say, we love you, ‫o.J. ‫Well, there is a lot going on

‫o.j. ‫Well, there is a lot going on ‫in the world right now, and here

‫well, there is a lot ‫going on in the world

‫right now, and here to ‫tell US her thoughts on all

‫in the world right now, ‫and here to tell US her

‫thoughts on all of it ‫is the girl you wish you

‫to tell US her thoughts ‫on all of it is the

‫girl you wish you hadn't ‫started a conversation

‫of it is the girl you wish you ‫hadn't started a conversation ‫with at a party.

‫Hadn't started a conversation ‫with at a party. ‫Oh, my gosh, notice anything

‫with at a party. ‫Oh, my gosh, notice anything ‫different about me.

‫Oh, my gosh, notice anything ‫different about me. ‫Are you pregnant?

‫Different about me. ‫Are you pregnant? ‫Wow.

‫Are you pregnant? ‫Wow. ‫You just assume I'm pregnant.

‫Wow. ‫You just assume I'm pregnant. ‫Just because I have a baby

‫you just assume I'm pregnant. ‫Just because I have a baby ‫inside me.

‫Just because I have a baby ‫inside me. ‫That's misogynistic.

‫Inside me. ‫That's misogynistic. ‫Congratulations.

‫That's misogynistic. ‫Congratulations. ‫It's nice to see.

‫Congratulations. ‫It's nice to see. ‫Oh, is it nice, Michael?

‫It's nice to see. ‫Oh, is it nice, Michael? ‫Is it nice to be on the verge of

‫oh, is it nice, Michael? ‫Is it nice to be on the verge of ‫the apocalypse.

‫Is it nice to be on the verge of ‫the apocalypse. ‫It's devastating.

‫The apocalypse. ‫It's devastating. ‫It's a constipational crisis,

‫it's devastating. ‫It's a constipational crisis, ‫literally for me.

‫It's a constipational crisis, ‫literally for me. ‫Do I want to bring a baby into

‫literally for me. ‫Do I want to bring a baby into ‫the world or should I keep her

‫do I want to bring a ‫baby into the world or

‫should I keep her in here ‫for another 3 1/2 years.

‫The world or should ‫I keep her in here for

‫another 3 1/2 years. >> ‫I don't think you can do

‫in here for another 3 1/2 years. ‫I don't think you can do ‫that.

‫I don't think you can do ‫that. ‫Oh, I guess you know more

‫that. ‫Oh, I guess you know more ‫than my ob/gyn.

‫Oh, I guess you know more ‫than my ob/gyn. ‫Do your research, Michael.

‫Than my ob/gyn. ‫Do your research, Michael. ‫Facts.

‫Do your research, Michael. ‫Facts. ‫90% of babies born today will

‫facts. ‫90% of babies born today will ‫never know who your father is.

‫90% of babies born today will ‫never know who your father is. ‫My father?

‫Never know who your father is. ‫My father? ‫Three out of four kids get

‫my father? ‫Three out of four kids get ‫bullied.

‫Three out of four kids get ‫bullied. ‫And only two of them deserve it.

‫Bullied. ‫And only two of them deserve it. ‫What?

‫And only two of them deserve it. ‫What? ‫And there are people in

‫what? ‫And there are people in ‫Africa right now...

‫and there are people in ‫Africa right now... ‫was that it?

‫Africa right now... ‫was that it? ‫Yes.

‫Was that it? ‫Yes. ‫There are people there now.

‫Yes. ‫There are people there now. ‫You should know that, Michael.

‫There are people there now. ‫You should know that, Michael. ‫Read a phone.

‫You should know that, Michael. ‫Read a phone. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Read a phone. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Have your elon salute really

‫[ laughter ] ‫Have your elon salute really ‫quick.

‫Have your elon salute really ‫quick. ‫No, don't do that.

‫Quick. ‫No, don't do that. ‫I have to do this dance.

‫No, don't do that. ‫I have to do this dance. ‫I'm sorry, where did you

‫I have to do this dance. ‫I'm sorry, where did you ‫work?

‫I'm sorry, where did you ‫work? ‫I'm the press secretary at

‫work? ‫I'm the press secretary at ‫the white house.

‫I'm the press secretary at ‫the white house. ‫People are so angry about dei,

‫the white house. ‫People are so angry about dei, ‫well, stop drinking and driving.

‫People are so angry about dei, ‫well, stop drinking and driving. ‫Bettina, bettina!

‫Well, stop drinking and driving. ‫Bettina, bettina! ‫Who are you talking to?

‫Bettina, bettina! ‫Who are you talking to? ‫That's bettina.

‫Who are you talking to? ‫That's bettina. ‫She is a horrible person.

‫That's bettina. ‫She is a horrible person. ‫At least now we have some good

‫she is a horrible person. ‫At least now we have some good ‫people in charge.

‫At least now we have some good ‫people in charge. ‫Like everyone's mad that rf

‫people in charge. ‫Like everyone's mad that rf ‫Carlos Jr. is a nippo baby, but

‫like everyone's mad that rf ‫Carlos Jr. is a nippo baby, but ‫hi brain worm earned it.

‫Carlos Jr. is a nippo baby, but ‫hi brain worm earned it. ‫It ate its way to the top.

‫Hi brain worm earned it. ‫It ate its way to the top. ‫Oh my god.

‫It ate its way to the top. ‫Oh my god. ‫In fallujah, why is no one

‫oh my god. ‫In fallujah, why is no one ‫talking about Luigi woman-gione.

‫In fallujah, why is no one ‫talking about Luigi woman-gione. ‫Yes.

‫Talking about Luigi woman-gione. ‫Yes. ‫I just blew Michael che.

‫Yes. ‫I just blew Michael che. ‫You're welcome.

‫I just blew Michael che. ‫You're welcome. ‫Well, thank you.

‫You're welcome. ‫Well, thank you. ‫And by the way, can I ask who

‫well, thank you. ‫And by the way, can I ask who ‫the father is?

‫And by the way, can I ask who ‫the father is? ‫You sure can!

‫The father is? ‫You sure can! ‫Wow.

‫You sure can! ‫Wow. ‫Huge reveal.

‫Wow. ‫Huge reveal. ‫Oh my god.

‫Huge reveal. ‫Oh my god. ‫Huge.

‫Oh my god. ‫Huge. ‫You two are together?

‫Huge. ‫You two are together? ‫Yep.

‫You two are together? ‫Yep. ‫We're the typical Hollywood

‫yep. ‫We're the typical Hollywood ‫couple.

‫We're the typical Hollywood ‫couple. ‫A beautiful woman in her 30s,

‫couple. ‫A beautiful woman in her 30s, ‫drunk idiot in his 70s.

‫A beautiful woman in her 30s, ‫drunk idiot in his 70s. ‫You're really going to be a

‫drunk idiot in his 70s. ‫You're really going to be a ‫dad?

‫You're really going to be a ‫dad? ‫Hey, if Alec Baldwin can do

‫dad? ‫Hey, if Alec Baldwin can do ‫it.

‫Hey, if Alec Baldwin can do ‫it. ‫When I was a kid, everyone was

‫it. ‫When I was a kid, everyone was ‫pregnant.

‫When I was a kid, everyone was ‫pregnant. ‫High school baby married Vietnam

‫pregnant. ‫High school baby married Vietnam ‫job you hate.

‫High school baby married Vietnam ‫job you hate. ‫Okay?

‫Job you hate. ‫Okay? ‫But nowadays, it's just oh, i'm

‫okay? ‫But nowadays, it's just oh, i'm ‫sorry, can you yassify my

‫but nowadays, it's just oh, i'm ‫sorry, can you yassify my ‫chickpea pasta?

‫Sorry, can you yassify my ‫chickpea pasta? ‫Excuse me, excuse me, are these

‫chickpea pasta? ‫Excuse me, excuse me, are these ‫flare jeans ai?

‫Excuse me, excuse me, are these ‫flare jeans ai? ‫Ooh, oh, wait, we're in a brave

‫flare jeans ai? ‫Ooh, oh, wait, we're in a brave ‫new world.

‫Ooh, oh, wait, we're in a brave ‫new world. ‫Not my captain america.

‫New world. ‫Not my captain america. ‫Okay.

‫Not my captain america. ‫Okay. ‫Okay.

‫Okay. ‫Okay. ‫Drunk uncle.

‫Okay. ‫Drunk uncle. ‫>

‫drunk uncle. ‫> ‫I rip your buttons off.

‫> ‫I rip your buttons off. ‫♪ if I could turn back time ♪

‫I rip your buttons ‫off. ♪ if I could turn

‫back time ♪ ♪ if I ‫could... rip your shirt ♪

‫♪ if I could turn back time ♪ ‫♪ if I could... rip your shirt ♪ ‫drunk uncle.

‫♪ If I could... rip your shirt ♪ ‫drunk uncle. ‫So I'm not land shark, okay?

‫Drunk uncle. ‫So I'm not land shark, okay? ‫So I'm not Brian fellows, okay?

‫So I'm not land ‫shark, okay? So I'm not

‫Brian fellows, okay? So ‫I'm not beautiful guest

‫so I'm not Brian fellows, okay? ‫So I'm not beautiful guest ‫timothee chalamet!

‫So I'm not beautiful guest ‫timothee chalamet! ‫G burger, g burger, g burger.

‫Timothee chalamet! ‫G burger, g burger, g burger. ‫Yes, from the '70s.

‫G burger, g burger, g burger. ‫Yes, from the '70s. ‫No, I misplaced 14

‫yes, from the '70s. ‫No, I misplaced 14 ‫cheesebergers.

‫No, I misplaced 14 ‫cheesebergers. ‫I'm sorry, but I think you

‫cheesebergers. ‫I'm sorry, but I think you ‫might be too drunk.

‫I'm sorry, but I think you ‫might be too drunk. ‫Yes, I had to tackle Paul

‫might be too drunk. ‫Yes, I had to tackle Paul ‫Simon.

‫Yes, I had to tackle Paul ‫Simon. ‫But I missed, and now Sabrina

‫Simon. ‫But I missed, and now Sabrina ‫carpenter's dead.

‫But I missed, and now Sabrina ‫carpenter's dead. ‫Okay.

‫Carpenter's dead. ‫Okay. ‫Drunk uncle and girl at a

‫okay. ‫Drunk uncle and girl at a ‫party, everyone.

‫Drunk uncle and girl at a ‫party, everyone. ‫♪ if I could turn...

‫Party, everyone. ‫♪ if I could turn... ‫bettina.

‫♪ If I could turn... ‫bettina. ‫Bettina.

‫Bettina. ‫Bettina. ‫And now we will throw it over to

‫bettina. ‫And now we will throw it over to ‫you, Seth.

‫And now we will throw it over to ‫you, Seth. ‫Thank you, Amy.

‫You, Seth. ‫Thank you, Amy. ‫I really appreciate it.

‫Thank you, Amy. ‫I really appreciate it. ‫You know, it's important that we

‫I really appreciate it. ‫You know, it's important that we ‫spend some time tonight talking

‫you know, it's important ‫that we spend some time

‫tonight talking about ‫lorne Michaels, and no one

‫spend some time ‫tonight talking about lorne

‫Michaels, and no one knows ‫him better than our next

‫about lorne Michaels, and no one ‫knows him better than our next ‫guest.

‫Knows him better than our next ‫guest. ‫Please welcome lorne's best

‫guest. ‫Please welcome lorne's best ‫friends from growing up.

‫Please welcome lorne's best ‫friends from growing up. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Friends from growing up. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Hi, guys.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Hi, guys. ‫How you doing?

‫Hi, guys. ‫How you doing? ‫Better than anyone.

‫How you doing? ‫Better than anyone. ‫What's lorne really like?

‫Better than anyone. ‫What's lorne really like? ‫Oh, he is the best.

‫What's lorne really like? ‫Oh, he is the best. ‫He is relax and chill.

‫Oh, he is the best. ‫He is relax and chill. ‫He is super down to earth and

‫he is relax and chill. ‫He is super down to earth and ‫approachable.

‫He is super down to earth and ‫approachable. ‫We love, we love him.

‫Approachable. ‫We love, we love him. ‫He is our buddy.

‫We love, we love him. ‫He is our buddy. ‫Totally, yes.

‫He is our buddy. ‫Totally, yes. ‫I will say sometimes he can

‫totally, yes. ‫I will say sometimes he can ‫be a little rude.

‫I will say sometimes he can ‫be a little rude. ‫Yeah, like a month ago, he

‫be a little rude. ‫Yeah, like a month ago, he ‫asked US to help him move.

‫Yeah, like a month ago, he ‫asked US to help him move. ‫And we're like sure, of course.

‫Asked US to help him move. ‫And we're like sure, of course. ‫Help you move.

‫And we're like sure, of course. ‫Help you move. ‫Have a little dinner, whatever.

‫Help you move. ‫Have a little dinner, whatever. ‫So we get there.

‫Have a little dinner, whatever. ‫So we get there. ‫Lorne opens the door, and he is

‫so we get there. ‫Lorne opens the door, and he is ‫like oh, you two.

‫Lorne opens the door, and he is ‫like oh, you two. ‫And we're like what?

‫Like oh, you two. ‫And we're like what? ‫You invited US.

‫And we're like what? ‫You invited US. ‫We don't have to be here.

‫You invited US. ‫We don't have to be here. ‫So we look around.

‫We don't have to be here. ‫So we look around. ‫Nothing is packed.

‫So we look around. ‫Nothing is packed. ‫Nothing is packed.

‫Nothing is packed. ‫Nothing is packed. ‫You haven't even started yet?

‫Nothing is packed. ‫You haven't even started yet? ‫And then he starts pointing at

‫you haven't even ‫started yet? And then he

‫starts pointing at ‫paintings and saying this is

‫and then he starts ‫pointing at paintings and

‫saying this is from ‫Steve, this is from Paul,

‫paintings and saying this is ‫from Steve, this is from Paul, ‫this is from Mick.

‫From Steve, this is from Paul, ‫this is from Mick. ‫And does he mean Mick Jagger?

‫This is from Mick. ‫And does he mean Mick Jagger? ‫Just to say it.

‫And does he mean Mick Jagger? ‫Just to say it. ‫I'm sorry, you guys have to

‫just to say it. ‫I'm sorry, you guys have to ‫speak up.

‫I'm sorry, you guys have to ‫speak up. ‫I don't think anybody can hear

‫speak up. ‫I don't think anybody can hear ‫you.

‫I don't think anybody can hear ‫you. ‫But also, it does sound like

‫you. ‫But also, it does sound like ‫maybe lorne can be a little

‫but also, it does sound like ‫maybe lorne can be a little ‫difficult.

‫Maybe lorne can be a little ‫difficult. ‫No.

‫Difficult. ‫No. ‫No, no.

‫No. ‫No, no. ‫No.

‫No, no. ‫No. ‫He is our friend.

‫No. ‫He is our friend. ‫He is our best friend.

‫He is our friend. ‫He is our best friend. ‫He is easy-breezy crazy time,

‫he is our best friend. ‫He is easy-breezy crazy time, ‫all of it.

‫He is easy-breezy crazy time, ‫all of it. ‫I will say he can be kind of

‫all of it. ‫I will say he can be kind of ‫like inconsiderate.

‫I will say he can be kind of ‫like inconsiderate. ‫Like we're packing his stuff for

‫like inconsiderate. ‫Like we're packing his stuff for ‫hours, and he's gone.

‫Like we're packing his stuff for ‫hours, and he's gone. ‫And he comes back, and oh, hey,

‫hours, and he's gone. ‫And he comes back, and oh, hey, ‫like which bathroom can I use?

‫And he comes back, and ‫oh, hey, like which bathroom

‫can I use? And he ‫goes there is a Starbucks

‫like which bathroom can I use? ‫And he goes there is a Starbucks ‫across the street.

‫And he goes there is a Starbucks ‫across the street. ‫But you have to buy something

‫across the street. ‫But you have to buy something ‫first.

‫But you have to buy something ‫first. ‫So get me a latte.

‫First. ‫So get me a latte. ‫What?

‫So get me a latte. ‫What? ‫We're helping you move.

‫What? ‫We're helping you move. ‫Again, you guys have to speak

‫we're helping you move. ‫Again, you guys have to speak ‫up.

‫Again, you guys have to speak ‫up. ‫But it seems like maybe you guys

‫up. ‫But it seems like maybe you guys ‫aren't that good a friends with

‫but it seems like maybe you guys ‫aren't that good a friends with ‫him.

‫Aren't that good a friends with ‫him. ‫Oh, no, no, no.

‫Him. ‫Oh, no, no, no. ‫Best friends.

‫Oh, no, no, no. ‫Best friends. ‫He is our person.

‫Best friends. ‫He is our person. ‫He is our person.

‫He is our person. ‫He is our person. ‫My emergency contact.

‫He is our person. ‫My emergency contact. ‫He gets all my organs if I

‫my emergency contact. ‫He gets all my organs if I ‫die.

‫He gets all my organs if I ‫die. ‫I love him so much.

‫Die. ‫I love him so much. ‫But any way, it's like it's

‫I love him so much. ‫But any way, it's like it's ‫nighttime.

‫But any way, it's like it's ‫nighttime. ‫And he's like... he's like i'm

‫nighttime. ‫And he's like... he's like i'm ‫going to dinner, keep at it.

‫And he's like... he's ‫like i'm going to dinner,

‫keep at it. >> We've ‫been packing your stuff

‫going to dinner, keep at it. ‫We've been packing your stuff ‫all day.

‫We've been packing your stuff ‫all day. ‫Where are we supposed to eat?

‫All day. ‫Where are we supposed to eat? ‫And he goes, by the way you two

‫where are we supposed ‫to eat? And he goes, by

‫the way you two look, ‫I don't think you need

‫and he goes, by the way you two ‫look, I don't think you need ‫help finding food.

‫Look, I don't think you need ‫help finding food. ‫What?

‫Help finding food. ‫What? ‫He is he saying we're fat?

‫What? ‫He is he saying we're fat? ‫He can't talk to US like

‫he is he saying we're fat? ‫He can't talk to US like ‫that.

‫He can't talk to US like ‫that. ‫We're friends from growing up.

‫That. ‫We're friends from growing up. ‫And then he goes you guys had

‫we're friends from ‫growing up. >> And then he

‫goes you guys had a ‫problem with me from the

‫and then he goes you guys had ‫a problem with me from the ‫moment you walked in here.

‫A problem with me from the ‫moment you walked in here. ‫You didn't ask me how my day was

‫moment you walked in here. ‫You didn't ask me how my day was ‫or notice my haircut.

‫You didn't ask me how my day was ‫or notice my haircut. ‫You don't understand how much

‫or notice my haircut. ‫You don't understand how much ‫pressure I'm under.

‫You don't understand how much ‫pressure I'm under. ‫Nbc's breathing down my neck.

‫Pressure I'm under. ‫Nbc's breathing down my neck. ‫Making 100 documentaries and

‫nbc's breathing down ‫my neck. >> Making 100

‫documentaries and they ‫don't even give me a free

‫making 100 documentaries and ‫they don't even give me a free ‫membership.

‫They don't even give me a free ‫membership. ‫Guys, I can barely hear you,

‫membership. ‫Guys, I can barely hear you, ‫but it sounds like you have a

‫guys, I can barely hear you, ‫but it sounds like you have a ‫deeply dysfunctional

‫but it sounds like you have a ‫deeply dysfunctional ‫relationship with him.

‫Deeply dysfunctional ‫relationship with him. ‫No.

‫Relationship with him. ‫No. ‫No, no, no.

‫No. ‫No, no, no. ‫It's kind of how you feel

‫no, no, no. ‫It's kind of how you feel ‫about Colin and che.

‫It's kind of how you feel ‫about Colin and che. ‫No, I love Colin and che.

‫About Colin and che. ‫No, I love Colin and che. ‫They're the best.

‫No, I love Colin and che. ‫They're the best. ‫I will say, I do feel like their

‫they're the best. ‫I will say, I do feel like their ‫chemistry is like a work in

‫I will say, I do feel like their ‫chemistry is like a work in ‫progress.

‫Chemistry is like a work in ‫progress. ‫Seth meyers, everybody.

‫Progress. ‫Seth meyers, everybody. ‫Lorne's best friends growing

‫Seth meyers, everybody. ‫Lorne's best friends growing ‫up, everybody.

‫Lorne's best friends growing ‫up, everybody. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Up, everybody. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Well, you guys, you may have

‫[ applause ] ‫Well, you guys, you may have ‫seen in the lead-up, the 50th

‫well, you guys, you may have ‫seen in the lead-up, the 50th ‫anniversary there a lot of

‫seen in the lead-up, the 50th ‫anniversary there a lot of ‫"snl" -related lists and

‫anniversary there a lot of ‫"snl" -related lists and ‫rankings.

‫"Snl" -related lists and ‫rankings. ‫Here with his ranking of the

‫rankings. ‫Here with his ranking of the ‫best weekend update anchors of

‫here with his ranking of the ‫best weekend update anchors of ‫all time, it's former update

‫best weekend update anchors of ‫all time, it's former update ‫anchor bill Murray.

‫All time, it's former update ‫anchor bill Murray. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Anchor bill Murray. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Thank you, Colin.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Thank you, Colin. ‫Let's just jump right in.

‫Thank you, Colin. ‫Let's just jump right in. ‫In honor of black history month,

‫let's just jump right ‫in. In honor of black

‫history month, I want ‫to start by ranking the

‫in honor of black history ‫month, I want to start

‫by ranking the African ‫American weekend update

‫I want to start by ranking the ‫African American weekend update ‫anchors.

‫African American weekend update ‫anchors. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Anchors. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫We'll start with number one, and

‫[ laughter ] ‫We'll start with number one, and ‫this is by default, Michael che.

‫We'll start with number one, and ‫this is by default, Michael che. ‫[ Applause ]

‫This is by default, Michael che. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Now we'll move on to the regular

‫[ applause ] ‫Now we'll move on to the regular ‫weekend update anchors.

‫Now we'll move on to the regular ‫weekend update anchors. ‫Regular?

‫Weekend update anchors. ‫Regular? ‫What the hell you mean regular?

‫Regular? ‫What the hell you mean regular? ‫These are in no particular

‫what the hell you mean ‫regular? >> These are in

‫no particular order, ‫so I've listed them from

‫these are in no particular ‫order, so I've listed them from ‫worst to best.

‫Order, so I've listed them from ‫worst to best. ‫First off, I have to disqualify

‫worst to best. ‫First off, I have to disqualify ‫myself because my entire time

‫first off, I have to disqualify ‫myself because my entire time ‫here I was on

‫myself because my entire time ‫here I was on ‫performance-enhancing drugs.

‫Here I was on ‫performance-enhancing drugs. ‫All right.

‫Performance-enhancing drugs. ‫All right. ‫It's what we call an 88-shaker,

‫all right. ‫It's what we call an 88-shaker, ‫quaaludes, cocaine, and

‫it's what we call an 88-shaker, ‫quaaludes, cocaine, and ‫nighttime thera flu.

‫Quaaludes, cocaine, and ‫nighttime thera flu. ‫All right.

‫Nighttime thera flu. ‫All right. ‫Number 10.

‫All right. ‫Number 10. ‫He's one of the all-time greats,

‫number 10. ‫He's one of the all-time greats, ‫Mr. Colin Quinn.

‫He's one of the all-time greats, ‫Mr. Colin Quinn. ‫Okay, okay.

‫Mr. Colin Quinn. ‫Okay, okay. ‫I had you for a second.

‫Okay, okay. ‫I had you for a second. ‫Don't worry.

‫I had you for a second. ‫Don't worry. ‫Numbers 9, 8, and 7, okay?

‫Don't worry. ‫Numbers 9, 8, and 7, okay? ‫Heads up, Kevin nealon.

‫Numbers 9, 8, and 7, okay? ‫Heads up, Kevin nealon. ‫Come on!

‫Heads up, Kevin nealon. ‫Come on! ‫Dennis Miller, and Seth meyers.

‫Come on! ‫Dennis Miller, and Seth meyers. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Dennis Miller, and Seth meyers. ‫[ Applause ] ‫.

‫[ Applause ] ‫. ‫I just wish we had the time

‫. ‫I just wish we had the time ‫tonight to say something nice

‫I just wish we had the time ‫tonight to say something nice ‫about any of them.

‫Tonight to say something nice ‫about any of them. ‫We actually do probably have

‫about any of them. ‫We actually do probably have ‫enough time.

‫We actually do probably have ‫enough time. ‫We're right here at 6:00 now.

‫Enough time. ‫We're right here at 6:00 now. ‫Okay.

‫We're right here at 6:00 now. ‫Okay. ‫Colin, this could be you, huh?

‫Okay. ‫Colin, this could be you, huh? ‫Is it?

‫Colin, this could be you, huh? ‫Is it? ‫No, it is not.

‫Is it? ‫No, it is not. ‫The next two are controversial.

‫No, it is not. ‫The next two are controversial. ‫This was tough.

‫The next two are controversial. ‫This was tough. ‫But I'm going to put Tina and

‫this was tough. ‫But I'm going to put Tina and ‫Amy just ahead of Tina and

‫but I'm going to put Tina and ‫Amy just ahead of Tina and ‫Jimmy.

‫Amy just ahead of Tina and ‫Jimmy. ‫Okay.

‫Jimmy. ‫Okay. ‫Sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry.

‫Okay. ‫Sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry. ‫And congratulations, Tina.

‫Sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry. ‫And congratulations, Tina. ‫It was close, but I checked

‫and congratulations, Tina. ‫It was close, but I checked ‫online, and girl on girl is

‫it was close, but I checked ‫online, and girl on girl is ‫still very, very popular.

‫Online, and girl on girl is ‫still very, very popular. ‫Okay.

‫Still very, very popular. ‫Okay. ‫Next up, Cornelius crane chase.

‫Okay. ‫Next up, Cornelius crane chase. ‫Hmm.

‫Next up, Cornelius crane chase. ‫Hmm. ‫Who we've all come to know as

‫hmm. ‫Who we've all come to know as ‫Connie.

‫Who we've all come to know as ‫Connie. ‫Let's face it, weekend updates

‫Connie. ‫Let's face it, weekend updates ‫simply would not exist without

‫let's face it, weekend updates ‫simply would not exist without ‫him.

‫Simply would not exist without ‫him. ‫So it would be wrong to have him

‫him. ‫So it would be wrong to have him ‫listed at anywhere but number

‫so it would be wrong to have him ‫listed at anywhere but number ‫four.

‫Listed at anywhere but number ‫four. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Four. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Number three, Jane curtain and

‫[ applause ] ‫Number three, Jane curtain and ‫Danny ackroyd.

‫Number three, Jane curtain and ‫Danny ackroyd. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Danny ackroyd. ‫[ Cheering ] ‫A true story, I was the first to

‫[ cheering ] ‫A true story, I was the first to ‫call Jane an ignorant slut.

‫A true story, I was the first to ‫call Jane an ignorant slut. ‫Backstage.

‫Call Jane an ignorant slut. ‫Backstage. ‫Danny had the brilliant idea to

‫backstage. ‫Danny had the brilliant idea to ‫say it on camera, and really,

‫Danny had the brilliant idea to ‫say it on camera, and really, ‫really mean it.

‫Say it on camera, and really, ‫really mean it. ‫Number two is norm McDonald.

‫Really mean it. ‫Number two is norm McDonald. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Number two is norm McDonald. ‫[ Applause ] ‫He may have been the best ever,

‫[ applause ] ‫He may have been the best ever, ‫but more importantly, he made

‫he may have been ‫the best ever, but more

‫importantly, he made me, ‫for one, ask the question of

‫but more importantly, ‫he made me, for one, ask

‫the question of myself ‫could o.J. Possibly have

‫me, for one, ask the question of ‫myself could o.J. Possibly have ‫done it?

‫Myself could o.J. Possibly have ‫done it? ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Done it? ‫[ Laughter ] ‫So that brings US to number one.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫So that brings US to number one. ‫Colin?

‫So that brings US to number one. ‫Colin? ‫Got a good feeling about this.

‫Colin? ‫Got a good feeling about this. ‫Okay.

‫Got a good feeling about this. ‫Okay. ‫Number one is funny, got a great

‫okay. ‫Number one is funny, got a great ‫smile, ha, and he is currently

‫number one is funny, ‫got a great smile, ha, and

‫he is currently sleeping ‫every kind of way with

‫smile, ha, and he is ‫currently sleeping every

‫kind of way with the ‫lovely actress Scarlett

‫sleeping every kind of way with ‫the lovely actress Scarlett ‫Johansson.

‫The lovely actress Scarlett ‫Johansson. ‫Of course I'm talking about my

‫Johansson. ‫Of course I'm talking about my ‫brother, Brian

‫of course I'm talking about my ‫brother, Brian ‫[ Applause ]

‫Brother, Brian ‫[ Applause ] ‫What?

‫[ Applause ] ‫What? ‫Yes.

‫What? ‫Yes. ‫Wow.

‫Yes. ‫Wow. ‫I'm told a very, very

‫wow. ‫I'm told a very, very ‫considerate lover.

‫I'm told a very, very ‫considerate lover. ‫I couldn't be happier to be

‫considerate lover. ‫I couldn't be happier to be ‫here.

‫I couldn't be happier to be ‫here. ‫Bill Murray, everybody.

‫Here. ‫Bill Murray, everybody. ‫I'm Michael che.

‫Bill Murray, everybody. ‫I'm Michael che. ‫Good night!

‫Thank you all for coming. ‫I'm general Fairfax with the ‫u.S. Space force.

‫I'm general Fairfax with the ‫u.S. Space force. ‫This is Dr. Tyler from SETI.

‫U.s. Space force. ‫This is Dr. Tyler from SETI. ‫We are eager to talk to you

‫this is Dr. Tyler from SETI. ‫We are eager to talk to you ‫as you have all experience

‫we are eager to talk to you ‫as you have all experience ‫advairified alien abduction.

‫As you have all experience ‫advairified alien abduction. ‫This is wild.

‫Advairified alien abduction. ‫This is wild. ‫One minute we're three friends

‫this is wild. ‫One minute we're three friends ‫slamming Miller tall boys behind

‫one minute we're three ‫friends slamming Miller

‫tall boys behind the ‫dollar tree, now we're

‫slamming Miller tall boys behind ‫the dollar tree, now we're ‫sitting at the Pentagon.

‫The dollar tree, now we're ‫sitting at the Pentagon. ‫Hey, I've been meaning to ask

‫sitting at the Pentagon. ‫Hey, I've been meaning to ask ‫like why do you call it the

‫hey, I've been ‫meaning to ask like why do

‫you call it the Pentagon ‫when it's only got five

‫like why do you call it the ‫Pentagon when it's only got five ‫sides?

‫Pentagon when it's only got five ‫sides? ‫Because a shape with five

‫sides? ‫Because a shape with five ‫sides is called a Pentagon.

‫Because a shape with five ‫sides is called a Pentagon. ‫I don't think that's right.

‫Sides is called a Pentagon. ‫I don't think that's right. ‫We'll look into it.

‫I don't think that's right. ‫We'll look into it. ‫Now let's start with how you

‫we'll look into it. ‫Now let's start with how you ‫were all brought aboard the

‫now let's start with how you ‫were all brought aboard the ‫spacecraft.

‫Were all brought aboard the ‫spacecraft. ‫Well, this beam of light

‫spacecraft. ‫Well, this beam of light ‫appeared from the bottom of the

‫well, this beam of light ‫appeared from the bottom of the ‫ship.

‫Appeared from the bottom of the ‫ship. ‫Floated me up like a saw pan

‫ship. ‫Floated me up like a saw pan ‫beckoning me.

‫Floated me up like a saw pan ‫beckoning me. ‫Same-same, and we met these

‫beckoning me. ‫Same-same, and we met these ‫two beautiful glowing aliens who

‫same-same, and we met these ‫two beautiful glowing aliens who ‫took our hands and said

‫two beautiful glowing aliens who ‫took our hands and said ‫"welcome."

‫Took our hands and said ‫"welcome." ‫I've never felt so safe.

‫"Welcome." ‫I've never felt so safe. ‫And you, Ms. Rafferty?

‫I've never felt so safe. ‫And you, Ms. Rafferty? ‫Yeah, a little different for

‫and you, Ms. Rafferty? ‫Yeah, a little different for ‫me.

‫Yeah, a little different for ‫me. ‫I was less cradled by light and

‫me. ‫I was less cradled by light and ‫more grabbed by a giant rusty

‫I was less cradled by ‫light and more grabbed

‫by a giant rusty claw ‫which yanked me right out

‫more grabbed by a giant rusty ‫claw which yanked me right out ‫of my slacks.

‫Claw which yanked me right out ‫of my slacks. ‫So I'm pantsless, right?

‫Of my slacks. ‫So I'm pantsless, right? ‫I'm folded in half like a

‫so I'm pantsless, right? ‫I'm folded in half like a ‫wallet.

‫I'm folded in half like a ‫wallet. ‫I'm getting winched skyward with

‫wallet. ‫I'm getting winched skyward with ‫my vagita and my tragedy, and

‫I'm getting winched ‫skyward with my vagita and

‫my tragedy, and aye ‫tossed into the bottom of

‫my vagita and my tragedy, and ‫aye tossed into the bottom of ‫the ship.

‫Aye tossed into the bottom of ‫the ship. ‫I see my old pals the gray

‫the ship. ‫I see my old pals the gray ‫aliens with the big dumb eyes.

‫I see my old pals the ‫gray aliens with the

‫big dumb eyes. >> ‫Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this

‫aliens with the big dumb eyes. ‫Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this ‫is your fifth time being

‫Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this ‫is your fifth time being ‫abducted by these gray aliens?

‫Is your fifth time being ‫abducted by these gray aliens? ‫Yeah.

‫Abducted by these gray aliens? ‫Yeah. ‫Only other place I've been

‫yeah. ‫Only other place I've been ‫pantsless five times is six

‫only other place I've been ‫pantsless five times is six ‫flags.

‫Pantsless five times is six ‫flags. ‫Okay, well, let's move past

‫flags. ‫Okay, well, let's move past ‫that.

‫Okay, well, let's move past ‫that. ‫Now what happened next in the

‫that. ‫Now what happened next in the ‫upper part of the ship?

‫Now what happened next in the ‫upper part of the ship? ‫Well, the smart aliens bathed

‫upper part of the ship? ‫Well, the smart aliens bathed ‫US in this glowing liquid that

‫well, the smart aliens bathed ‫US in this glowing liquid that ‫erased all my pain.

‫US in this glowing liquid that ‫erased all my pain. ‫My bad knee didn't even hurt.

‫Erased all my pain. ‫My bad knee didn't even hurt. ‫I busted it a few years back

‫my bad knee didn't even hurt. ‫I busted it a few years back ‫playing paint ball.

‫I busted it a few years back ‫playing paint ball. ‫Competitive.

‫Playing paint ball. ‫Competitive. ‫I don't know why you winked

‫competitive. ‫I don't know why you winked ‫at me after saying that, but

‫I don't know why you winked ‫at me after saying that, but ‫let's continue.

‫At me after saying that, but ‫let's continue. ‫Were you also bathed in this

‫let's continue. ‫Were you also bathed in this ‫light, sir?

‫Were you also bathed in this ‫light, sir? ‫Huh, yes, ma'am.

‫Light, sir? ‫Huh, yes, ma'am. ‫It felt better than any drug,

‫huh, yes, ma'am. ‫It felt better than any drug, ‫including the ones I'm on right

‫it felt better than any drug, ‫including the ones I'm on right ‫now.

‫Including the ones I'm on right ‫now. ‫Now that really tweaks my

‫now. ‫Now that really tweaks my ‫cheeks because down in steerage,

‫now that really tweaks my ‫cheeks because down in steerage, ‫the mood was tense.

‫Cheeks because down in steerage, ‫the mood was tense. ‫Steerage, what do you think

‫the mood was tense. ‫Steerage, what do you think ‫could have caused this reaction?

‫Steerage, what do ‫you think could have caused

‫this reaction? >> Well, ‫between you, me and

‫could have caused ‫this reaction? >> Well,

‫between you, me and ‫Jesus c., I think it had the

‫well, between you, me and ‫Jesus c., I think it had the ‫state of my down there hair.

‫Jesus c., I think it had the ‫state of my down there hair. ‫Because remember, I'm Donald

‫state of my down there hair. ‫Because remember, I'm Donald ‫ducking it, okay?

‫Because remember, I'm Donald ‫ducking it, okay? ‫Shirt, no pants.

‫Ducking it, okay? ‫Shirt, no pants. ‫So I'm poke Kay bowl and my

‫shirt, no pants. ‫So I'm poke Kay bowl and my ‫smoky hole are out.

‫So I'm poke Kay bowl and my ‫smoky hole are out. ‫And pubically speaking, nature

‫smoky hole are out. ‫And pubically speaking, nature ‫has reclaimed the earth.

‫And pubically speaking, nature ‫has reclaimed the earth. ‫Last time I had a Brazilian down

‫has reclaimed the earth. ‫Last time I had a Brazilian down ‫there was 2002.

‫Last time I had a Brazilian down ‫there was 2002. ‫His name was Diego, and he got

‫there was 2002. ‫His name was Diego, and he got ‫strep throat.

‫His name was Diego, and he got ‫strep throat. ‫Who mows the lawn in winter, am

‫strep throat. ‫Who mows the lawn in winter, am ‫I right?

‫Who mows the lawn in winter, am ‫I right? ‫Amen.

‫I right? ‫Amen. ‫Not say amen to that country.

‫Amen. ‫Not say amen to that country. ‫Mrs. Reporty, I'm failing to

‫not say amen to that ‫country. >> Mrs. Reporty,

‫I'm failing to see what ‫your unkempt private

‫Mrs. Reporty, I'm ‫failing to see what your

‫unkempt private area ‫has to do with the aliens'

‫see what your unkempt private ‫area has to do with the aliens' ‫demeanor.

‫Area has to do with the aliens' ‫demeanor. ‫Okay, my theory is they

‫demeanor. ‫Okay, my theory is they ‫thought it was an animal.

‫Okay, my theory is they ‫thought it was an animal. ‫First, they didn't know if it

‫thought it was an animal. ‫First, they didn't know if it ‫was friendly.

‫First, they didn't know if it ‫was friendly. ‫So they're cautious.

‫Was friendly. ‫So they're cautious. ‫They're going up the cabinet,

‫so they're cautious. ‫They're going up the cabinet, ‫and they're going... and then,

‫they're going up the ‫cabinet, and they're going

‫and then, then, the ‫Alpha comes in, and he

‫and they're going... and then, ‫then, the Alpha comes in, and he ‫challenges it, right.

‫Then, the Alpha comes in, and he ‫challenges it, right. ‫He goes like this.

‫Challenges it, right. ‫He goes like this. ‫Hehhhhh!

‫He goes like this. ‫Hehhhhh! ‫So he gives a thumbs-up like

‫hehhhhh! ‫So he gives a thumbs-up like ‫we're good, it's tame.

‫So he gives a thumbs-up like ‫we're good, it's tame. ‫And whoa, it's play time.

‫We're good, it's tame. ‫And whoa, it's play time. ‫And one of them comes up under

‫and whoa, it's play time. ‫And one of them comes up under ‫it, puts it on like a wig, and

‫and one of them comes ‫up under it, puts it on

‫like a wig, and he's like ‫doing frat comedy, and

‫it, puts it on like a ‫wig, and he's like doing

‫frat comedy, and another ‫one, he is so excited,

‫he's like doing frat ‫comedy, and another one,

‫he is so excited, he ‫is wrestling with it, like

‫another one, he is so ‫excited, he is wrestling

‫with it, like it's his ‫brother, pulling me all

‫he is wrestling with it, like ‫it's his brother, pulling me all ‫around the room.

‫It's his brother, pulling me all ‫around the room. ‫So I look down.

‫Around the room. ‫So I look down. ‫I see a guy between my legs with

‫so I look down. ‫I see a guy between my legs with ‫a smile on his face.

‫I see a guy between my legs with ‫a smile on his face. ‫I don't know.

‫A smile on his face. ‫I don't know. ‫First time for everything.

‫I don't know. ‫First time for everything. ‫Amen.

‫First time for everything. ‫Amen. ‫Okay, again, not a thing to

‫amen. ‫Okay, again, not a thing to ‫say amen to.

‫Okay, again, not a thing to ‫say amen to. ‫And this goes on about 15

‫say amen to. ‫And this goes on about 15 ‫minutes until who comes to the

‫and this goes on about 15 ‫minutes until who comes to the ‫door but my frigging mother,

‫minutes until who comes to the ‫door but my frigging mother, ‫Colleen sr.

‫Door but my frigging mother, ‫Colleen sr. ‫Yes.

‫Colleen sr. ‫Yes. ‫We actually had some questions

‫yes. ‫We actually had some questions ‫for her as well.

‫We actually had some questions ‫for her as well. ‫I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

‫For her as well. ‫I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. ‫[ Applause ]

‫I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Sorry, sorry, my bathroom

‫[ applause ] ‫Sorry, sorry, my bathroom ‫break took longer than I

‫sorry, sorry, my bathroom ‫break took longer than I ‫thought.

‫Break took longer than I ‫thought. ‫My number one turned into a

‫thought. ‫My number one turned into a ‫number three.

‫My number one turned into a ‫number three. ‫Mega mill of alert.

‫Number three. ‫Mega mill of alert. ‫Not.

‫Mega mill of alert. ‫Not. ‫Now Mrs. Rafferty, you had been

‫not. ‫Now Mrs. Rafferty, you had been ‫abducted earlier that same

‫now Mrs. Rafferty, you had been ‫abducted earlier that same ‫evening?

‫Abducted earlier that same ‫evening? ‫Yep.

‫Evening? ‫Yep. ‫US Rafferty gals, we always

‫yep. ‫US Rafferty gals, we always ‫attracted the freaks.

‫US Rafferty gals, we always ‫attracted the freaks. ‫For years I thought Colleen's

‫attracted the freaks. ‫For years I thought Colleen's ‫father was part alien, but it

‫for years I thought Colleen's ‫father was part alien, but it ‫turns out he was just

‫father was part alien, but it ‫turns out he was just ‫uncircumcised.

‫Turns out he was just ‫uncircumcised. ‫Amen.

‫Uncircumcised. ‫Amen. ‫Please, stop.

‫Amen. ‫Please, stop. ‫Stop.

‫Please, stop. ‫Stop. ‫Any way, I still had my pants

‫stop. ‫Any way, I still had my pants ‫on when they took me, but that

‫any way, I still had ‫my pants on when they

‫took me, but that was ‫good because much like her,

‫on when they took me, but that ‫was good because much like her, ‫I got a into the woods

‫was good because much like her, ‫I got a into the woods ‫situation.

‫I got a into the woods ‫situation. ‫My ex used to say that it was

‫situation. ‫My ex used to say that it was ‫like trying to hack his way

‫my ex used to say that it was ‫like trying to hack his way ‫through the black forest.

‫Like trying to hack his way ‫through the black forest. ‫Okay.

‫Through the black forest. ‫Okay. ‫Okay.

‫Okay. ‫Okay. ‫I feel like we're off track.

‫Okay. ‫I feel like we're off track. ‫You said that after arriving on

‫I feel like we're ‫off track. You said that

‫after arriving on the ‫ship, the aliens lost

‫you said that after arriving on ‫the ship, the aliens lost ‫interest and, quote, stuck you

‫the ship, the aliens lost ‫interest and, quote, stuck you ‫in a closet?

‫Interest and, quote, stuck you ‫in a closet? ‫Yeah, yes.

‫In a closet? ‫Yeah, yes. ‫Can you believe that?

‫Yeah, yes. ‫Can you believe that? ‫I mean, hey, I'm used to being

‫can you believe that? ‫I mean, hey, I'm used to being ‫stuffed into those closets, but

‫I mean, hey, I'm used ‫to being stuffed into those

‫closets, but it's usually ‫when the guy's wife

‫stuffed into those closets, ‫but it's usually when

‫the guy's wife comes ‫home later or earlier or

‫it's usually when the guy's wife ‫comes home later or earlier or ‫whatever.

‫Comes home later or earlier or ‫whatever. ‫So all of the sudden I hear this

‫whatever. ‫So all of the sudden I hear this ‫screaming, this one.

‫So all of the sudden I hear this ‫screaming, this one. ‫And so I just kind of... just

‫screaming, this one. ‫And so I just kind of... just ‫kind of bust out of that... I

‫and so I just kind of ‫just kind of bust out

‫of that... I just bust ‫out, and I just kicked

‫kind of bust out of ‫that... I just bust out,

‫and I just kicked those ‫little... I just kicked

‫just bust out, and I just kicked ‫those little... I just kicked ‫those little p ervs away.

‫Those little... I just kicked ‫those little p ervs away. ‫Wow, you are a good mama.

‫Those little p ervs away. ‫Wow, you are a good mama. ‫Yeah, well, a good mother can

‫wow, you are a good mama. ‫Yeah, well, a good mother can ‫also be a gad girl.

‫Yeah, well, a good mother can ‫also be a gad girl. ‫What's your name, mustache?

‫Also be a gad girl. ‫What's your name, mustache? ‫Okay, can we not do any of

‫what's your name, mustache? ‫Okay, can we not do any of ‫that right now, please?

‫Okay, can we not do any of ‫that right now, please? ‫How did you all exit the

‫that right now, please? ‫How did you all exit the ‫spacecraft?

‫How did you all exit the ‫spacecraft? ‫That same soft light picked

‫spacecraft? ‫That same soft light picked ‫me up and placed me back in my

‫that same soft light picked ‫me up and placed me back in my ‫bed.

‫Me up and placed me back in my ‫bed. ‫Me too.

‫Bed. ‫Me too. ‫That light even tucked me in,

‫me too. ‫That light even tucked me in, ‫which was so thoughtful of it.

‫That light even tucked ‫me in, which was so

‫thoughtful of it. >> And ‫how did you two depart

‫which was so thoughtful of it. ‫And how did you two depart ‫the spacecraft?

‫And how did you two depart ‫the spacecraft? ‫Well, in the past I've just

‫the spacecraft? ‫Well, in the past I've just ‫been pushed out of a hatch, but

‫well, in the past ‫I've just been pushed out

‫of a hatch, but this time ‫that's what happened

‫been pushed out of a hatch, but ‫this time that's what happened ‫too.

‫This time that's what happened ‫too. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Too. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Yeah, but my pants got

‫[ laughter ] ‫Yeah, but my pants got ‫snagged on a piece of metal, so

‫yeah, but my pants got ‫snagged on a piece of metal, so ‫they're gone.

‫Snagged on a piece of metal, so ‫they're gone. ‫And then as for underwear,

‫they're gone. ‫And then as for underwear, ‫underwear wise, this devil wears

‫and then as for underwear, ‫underwear wise, this devil wears ‫nada.

‫Underwear wise, this devil wears ‫nada. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Nada. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Basically, we kind of it was

‫[ applause ] ‫Basically, we kind of it was ‫a free-fall for 40 feet with our

‫basically, we kind ‫of it was a free-fall for

‫40 feet with our Crockett's ‫and our parapets on

‫a free-fall for 40 feet with our ‫Crockett's and our parapets on ‫full display.

‫Crockett's and our parapets on ‫full display. ‫We crashed through a ceiling.

‫Full display. ‫We crashed through a ceiling. ‫We land ass up on top of Phil

‫we crashed through a ceiling. ‫We land ass up on top of Phil ‫mcdermott.

‫We land ass up on top of Phil ‫mcdermott. ‫And who is Phil mcdermott?

‫Mcdermott. ‫And who is Phil mcdermott? ‫He is a gentleman whose

‫and who is Phil mcdermott? ‫He is a gentleman whose ‫family I bet wished they went

‫he is a gentleman whose ‫family I bet wished they went ‫with the closed cassette

‫family I bet wished they went ‫with the closed cassette ‫funeral.

‫With the closed cassette ‫funeral. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Funeral. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Not the worst thing my mom

‫[ laughter ] ‫Not the worst thing my mom ‫and I have done in a church.

‫Not the worst thing ‫my mom and I have done

‫in a church. >> Please, ‫let's not finish that

‫and I have done in a church. ‫Please, let's not finish that ‫story at all.

‫Please, let's not finish that ‫story at all. ‫Thank you for your candor.

‫Story at all. ‫Thank you for your candor. ‫We're going to take you for some

‫thank you for your candor. ‫We're going to take you for some ‫psychological tests now.

‫We're going to take you for some ‫psychological tests now. ‫Oh, we'll save you the

‫psychological tests now. ‫Oh, we'll save you the ‫trouble.

‫Oh, we'll save you the ‫trouble. ‫Fail.

‫Trouble. ‫Fail. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫that's right. ‫It was early, only 50 bucks.

‫That's right. ‫It was early, only 50 bucks. ‫Young man.

‫It was early, only 50 bucks. ‫Young man. ‫Oh my god, laraine Newman.

‫Young man. ‫Oh my god, laraine Newman. ‫Would you mind keeping the

‫oh my god, laraine Newman. ‫Would you mind keeping the ‫studio open a few minutes

‫would you mind keeping the ‫studio open a few minutes ‫longer?

‫Studio open a few minutes ‫longer? ‫Of course, take as long as

‫longer? ‫Of course, take as long as ‫you need.

‫♪♪ ‫god. ‫Excuse me?

‫God. ‫Excuse me? ‫What up?

‫Excuse me? ‫What up? ‫Oh, you startled me, that's

‫what up? ‫Oh, you startled me, that's ‫all.

‫Oh, you startled me, that's ‫all. ‫I thought I was alone.

‫All. ‫I thought I was alone. ‫I'm larrain.

‫I thought I was alone. ‫I'm larrain. ‫Okay.

‫I'm larrain. ‫Okay. ‫What's your name?

‫Okay. ‫What's your name? ‫Chad.

‫What's your name? ‫Chad. ‫Hi, Chad.

‫Chad. ‫Hi, Chad. ‫I'm sorry to disturb you.

‫Hi, Chad. ‫I'm sorry to disturb you. ‫I used to work here.

‫I'm sorry to disturb you. ‫I used to work here. ‫Back when the show first

‫I used to work here. ‫Back when the show first ‫started.

‫Back when the show first ‫started. ‫Hey, Chad, Chad, do you think

‫started. ‫Hey, Chad, Chad, do you think ‫maybe you could take a

‫hey, Chad, Chad, do you think ‫maybe you could take a ‫five-minute break?

‫Maybe you could take a ‫five-minute break? ‫I was hoping to have a quiet

‫five-minute break? ‫I was hoping to have a quiet ‫moment in here.

‫I was hoping to have a quiet ‫moment in here. ‫Okay.

‫Moment in here. ‫Okay. ‫Actually, would you join me.

‫Okay. ‫Actually, would you join me. ‫It might be nice to have some

‫actually, would you join me. ‫It might be nice to have some ‫company.

‫It might be nice to have some ‫company. ‫Okay.

‫♪♪ ‫wow, look at US. ‫Look at our clothes.

‫Wow, look at US. ‫Look at our clothes. ‫Gay.

‫Look at our clothes. ‫Gay. ‫God, I look so young, but you

‫gay. ‫God, I look so young, but you ‫know what I had in 1975?

‫God, I look so young, but you ‫know what I had in 1975? ‫Big ass bush?

‫Know what I had in 1975? ‫Big ass bush? ‫No.

‫Big ass bush? ‫No. ‫I had ambition.

‫No. ‫I had ambition. ‫We all did, but god, we were

‫I had ambition. ‫We all did, but god, we were ‫terrified.

‫We all did, but god, we were ‫terrified. ‫I think that's why we clung to

‫terrified. ‫I think that's why we clung to ‫each other like we did, which of

‫I think that's why we ‫clung to each other like

‫we did, which of course ‫created its own problems

‫each other like we did, ‫which of course created

‫its own problems with ‫the partying and sex.

‫Course created its own problems ‫with the partying and sex. ‫What up?

‫With the partying and sex. ‫What up? ‫If I wasn't wild, I would

‫what up? ‫If I wasn't wild, I would ‫have been all over you back

‫if I wasn't wild, I would ‫have been all over you back ‫then.

‫Have been all over you back ‫then. ‫But I'm not like that anymore.

‫Then. ‫But I'm not like that anymore. ‫Okay.

‫But I'm not like that anymore. ‫Okay. ‫Chad, would you do me a

‫okay. ‫Chad, would you do me a ‫favor?

‫Chad, would you do me a ‫favor? ‫Do me.

‫Favor? ‫Do me. ‫Would you put a follow spot

‫do me. ‫Would you put a follow spot ‫on me?

‫Would you put a follow spot ‫on me? ‫I just want to feel what it's

‫on me? ‫I just want to feel what it's ‫like to walk on to that stage

‫I just want to feel what it's ‫like to walk on to that stage ‫one more time.

‫Like to walk on to that stage ‫one more time. ‫Okay.

‫One more time. ‫Okay. ‫I'm ready, Chad.

‫Okay. ‫I'm ready, Chad. ‫My bad!

‫I'm ready, Chad. ‫My bad! ‫My bad.

‫My bad! ‫My bad. ‫My bad.

‫My bad. ‫My bad. ‫My bad.

‫My bad. ‫My bad. ‫My bad.

‫My bad. ‫My bad. ‫So unflattering.

‫My bad. ‫So unflattering. ‫My bad.

‫So unflattering. ‫My bad. ‫My bad.

‫My bad. ‫My bad. ‫There we go.

‫My bad. ‫There we go. ‫I can almost hear the laughs,

‫there we go. ‫I can almost hear the laughs, ‫Chad.

‫I can almost hear the laughs, ‫Chad. ‫The band, that famous sacks, I

‫Chad. ‫The band, that famous sacks, I ‫can almost feel what it was like

‫the band, that famous ‫sacks, I can almost feel

‫what it was like when ‫all of this was new.

‫Can almost feel what it was like ‫when all of this was new. ‫Okay.

‫When all of this was new. ‫Okay. ‫I can almost see my old

‫okay. ‫I can almost see my old ‫friends.

‫I can almost see my old ‫friends. ‫Thanks for indulging me, Chad.

‫Friends. ‫Thanks for indulging me, Chad. ‫I have so many wonderful

‫thanks for indulging me, Chad. ‫I have so many wonderful ‫memories here.

‫I have so many wonderful ‫memories here. ‫I'm sure you do too.

‫Memories here. ‫I'm sure you do too. ‫I hope you realize how lucky you

‫I'm sure you do too. ‫I hope you realize how lucky you ‫are to work here, Chad.

‫I hope you realize how lucky you ‫are to work here, Chad. ‫It's a pretty magical place.

‫Are to work here, Chad. ‫It's a pretty magical place. ‫Okay.

‫It's a pretty magical place. ‫Okay. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Okay. ‫[ Applause ] ‫♪

‫[ applause ] ‫♪ ‫[ Cheering ]

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Ladies and gentlemen, Adam ‫sandler.

‫Ladies and gentlemen, Adam ‫sandler. ‫Yeah, baby!

‫Sandler. ‫Yeah, baby! ‫Let's hear it for Jack, baby.

‫Yeah, baby! ‫Let's hear it for Jack, baby. ‫Jack made it out tonight!

‫Let's hear it for Jack, baby. ‫Jack made it out tonight! ‫Love you, brother.

‫Jack made it out tonight! ‫Love you, brother. ‫Okay, here we go.

‫Love you, brother. ‫Okay, here we go. ‫♪ everyone in this room has

‫okay, here we go. ‫♪ everyone in this room has ‫something in common ♪

‫♪ everyone in this room has ‫something in common ♪ ‫♪ all of our lives were changed

‫something in common ♪ ‫♪ all of our lives were changed ‫by the show ♪

‫♪ all of our lives were changed ‫by the show ♪ ‫♪ everyone in this room has

‫by the show ♪ ‫♪ everyone in this room has ‫something else in common, none

‫♪ everyone in this room has ‫something else in common, none ‫of US were allowed to use the

‫something else in common, none ‫of US were allowed to use the ‫little bathroom in lorne's

‫of US were allowed to use the ‫little bathroom in lorne's ‫office ♪

‫little bathroom in lorne's ‫office ♪ ‫♪ 50 years, 50 years, Saturday

‫office ♪ ‫♪ 50 years, 50 years, Saturday ‫night live has been on for 50

‫♪ 50 years, 50 years, Saturday ‫night live has been on for 50 ‫years ♪

‫night live has been on for 50 ‫years ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of your sketch

‫years ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of your sketch ‫killing at read-through and

‫♪ 50 years of your sketch ‫killing at read-through and ‫finding out they didn't take it

‫killing at read-through ‫and finding out they

‫didn't take it because ‫the host didn't want to

‫finding out they didn't take it ‫because the host didn't want to ‫take off his shirt ♪

‫because the host didn't want to ‫take off his shirt ♪ ‫♪ 50 years, of Tuesday late

‫take off his shirt ♪ ‫♪ 50 years, of Tuesday late ‫night pizza ♪

‫♪ 50 years, of Tuesday late ‫night pizza ♪ ‫♪ 35 years of pepto-bismol from

‫night pizza ♪ ‫♪ 35 years of pepto-bismol from ‫nurse Theresa ♪

‫♪ 35 years of pepto-bismol from ‫nurse Theresa ♪ ‫yeah, baby!

‫Nurse Theresa ♪ ‫yeah, baby! ‫♪ 50 years of the cast looking

‫yeah, baby! ‫♪ 50 years of the cast looking ‫straight at the cue cards, and

‫♪ 50 years of the cast ‫looking straight at the

‫cue cards, and 30 years ‫of drunk Wally holding

‫straight at the cue ‫cards, and 30 years of

‫drunk Wally holding the ‫cue cards upside down ♪

‫30 years of drunk Wally holding ‫the cue cards upside down ♪ ‫that a baby, Wally!

‫The cue cards upside down ♪ ‫that a baby, Wally! ‫♪ 50 years of writers seeing

‫that a baby, Wally! ‫♪ 50 years of writers seeing ‫Steven Spielberg at lorne's

‫♪ 50 years of writers ‫seeing Steven Spielberg

‫at lorne's monitors, ‫not laughing at one of

‫Steven Spielberg at ‫lorne's monitors, not

‫laughing at one of his ‫sketches that he obviously

‫monitors, not laughing at one of ‫his sketches that he obviously ‫hated ♪

‫his sketches that he obviously ‫hated ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of those same writers

‫hated ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of those same writers ‫getting wasted at the after

‫♪ 50 years of those same writers ‫getting wasted at the after ‫party ♪

‫getting wasted at the after ‫party ♪ ‫♪ and loudly telling everybody

‫party ♪ ‫♪ and loudly telling everybody ‫that jaws was overrated ♪

‫♪ and loudly telling ‫everybody that jaws was

‫overrated ♪ ♪ 50 years ‫of prank calling some

‫that jaws was overrated ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of prank calling some ‫"New York" magazine critic, ♪

‫♪ 50 years of prank ‫calling some "New York"

‫magazine critic, ♪ ♪ 50 ‫years of finding out your

‫"New York" magazine critic, ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of finding out your ‫favorite musician's

‫♪ 50 years of finding out your ‫favorite musician's ‫antisemitic ♪

‫favorite musician's ‫antisemitic ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of asking an intern

‫antisemitic ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of asking an intern ‫to pick up your laundry at 2:30

‫♪ 50 years of asking ‫an intern to pick up your

‫laundry at 2:30 A.M., ‫not realizing that the

‫to pick up your ‫laundry at 2:30 A.M., not

‫realizing that the intern ‫was Martin scorsese's kid

‫A.M., not realizing that ‫the intern was Martin

‫scorsese's kid or Nora ‫efron's kid or Randy

‫intern was Martin ‫scorsese's kid or Nora efron's

‫kid or Randy Newman's ‫kid or whoever lorne

‫or Nora efron's kid or Randy ‫Newman's kid or whoever lorne ‫had dinner with on Wednesday

‫Newman's kid or whoever lorne ‫had dinner with on Wednesday ‫night's kid ♪

‫had dinner with on Wednesday ‫night's kid ♪ ‫♪ 50 years from cast members

‫night's kid ♪ ‫♪ 50 years from cast members ‫saying I'm not getting on

‫♪ 50 years from cast members ‫saying I'm not getting on ‫enough ♪

‫saying I'm not getting on ‫enough ♪ ‫♪ their spirits are broken and

‫enough ♪ ‫♪ their spirits are broken and ‫their hearts are full of

‫♪ their spirits are broken and ‫their hearts are full of ‫malice ♪

‫their hearts are full of ‫malice ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of them storming off

‫malice ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of them storming off ‫to tell lorne how they really

‫♪ 50 years of them storming off ‫to tell lorne how they really ‫feel ♪

‫to tell lorne how they really ‫feel ♪ ‫♪ then chickening out and saying

‫feel ♪ ‫♪ then chickening out and saying ‫hey lorne, I knitted this scarf

‫♪ then chickening out and saying ‫hey lorne, I knitted this scarf ‫for Alice ♪

‫hey lorne, I knitted this scarf ‫for Alice ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of waking up Sunday

‫for Alice ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of waking up Sunday ‫afternoon to threats, 50 years

‫♪ 50 years of waking ‫up Sunday afternoon to

‫threats, 50 years of ‫downing writing that cold

‫afternoon to threats, ‫50 years of downing

‫writing that cold open ‫five minutes until dress,

‫of downing writing that cold ‫open five minutes until dress, ‫and Colin ♪

‫open five minutes until dress, ‫and Colin ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of wondering who is

‫and Colin ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of wondering who is ‫going to take over the show when

‫♪ 50 years of wondering ‫who is going to take

‫over the show when ‫lorne retires, but everyone

‫going to take over the ‫show when lorne retires,

‫but everyone knows ‫the answer is of course is

‫lorne retires, but everyone ‫knows the answer is of course is ‫petey ♪

‫knows the answer is of course is ‫petey ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of young comedians

‫petey ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of young comedians ‫getting hired for other shows ♪

‫♪ 50 years of young ‫comedians getting hired

‫for other shows ♪ ♪ ‫stand-up second city in all

‫getting hired for other shows ♪ ‫♪ stand-up second city in all ‫the rest ♪

‫♪ stand-up second city in all ‫the rest ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of cast members

‫the rest ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of cast members ‫saying I think our cast is the

‫♪ 50 years of cast members ‫saying I think our cast is the ‫greatest of all time ♪

‫saying I think our cast is the ‫greatest of all time ♪ ‫♪ but we all know that the first

‫greatest of all time ♪ ‫♪ but we all know that the first ‫cast was the best ♪

‫♪ but we all know that the first ‫cast was the best ♪ ‫♪ and because of them we got

‫cast was the best ♪ ‫♪ and because of them we got ‫four years of Eddie Murphy,

‫♪ and because of them we got ‫four years of Eddie Murphy, ‫eight years of will forte ♪

‫four years of Eddie Murphy, ‫eight years of will forte ♪ ‫♪ five years of chan hooks and

‫eight years of will forte ♪ ‫♪ five years of chan hooks and ‫gilda, six of Victoria, 11 of

‫♪ five years of chan hooks and ‫gilda, six of Victoria, 11 of ‫chase ♪

‫gilda, six of Victoria, 11 of ‫chase ♪ ‫♪ three years of Melanie

‫chase ♪ ‫♪ three years of Melanie ‫hutsell, Michael mckeon crushed

‫♪ three years of Melanie ‫hutsell, Michael mckeon crushed ‫it in two ♪

‫hutsell, Michael mckeon crushed ‫it in two ♪ ‫♪ one in Billy crystal, six of

‫it in two ♪ ‫♪ one in Billy crystal, six of ‫Dennis Miller, eight of Harvey

‫♪ one in Billy crystal, six of ‫Dennis Miller, eight of Harvey ‫the blue ♪

‫Dennis Miller, eight of Harvey ‫the blue ♪ ‫♪ seven years of, five years

‫the blue ♪ ‫♪ seven years of, five years ‫Terry and Quinn, four of

‫♪ seven years of, five years ‫Terry and Quinn, four of ‫klingon, 11 of armisen ♪

‫Terry and Quinn, four of ‫klingon, 11 of armisen ♪ ‫♪ 14 years of Davis and handy,

‫klingon, 11 of armisen ♪ ‫♪ 14 years of Davis and handy, ‫Schiller, 18 of ammon and disco,

‫♪ 14 years of Davis ‫and handy, Schiller, 18 of

‫ammon and disco, 30 ‫years of downey, 45 years of

‫Schiller, 18 of ammon and disco, ‫30 years of downey, 45 years of ‫lorne ♪

‫30 years of downey, 45 years of ‫lorne ♪ ‫♪ six years of our boy farley,

‫lorne ♪ ‫♪ six years of our boy farley, ‫five of our buddy norm ♪

‫♪ six years of our boy farley, ‫five of our buddy norm ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of one of US getting

‫five of our buddy norm ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of one of US getting ‫to say live from New York, it's

‫♪ 50 years of one of US getting ‫to say live from New York, it's ‫Saturday night ♪

‫to say live from New York, it's ‫Saturday night ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of standing on home

‫Saturday night ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of standing on home ‫base, waving good night and

‫♪ 50 years of standing on home ‫base, waving good night and ‫goodbye ♪

‫base, waving good night and ‫goodbye ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of the best times of

‫goodbye ♪ ‫♪ 50 years of the best times of ‫our lives ♪♪

‫♪ 50 years of the best times of ‫our lives ♪♪ ‫all right!

‫Our lives ♪♪ ‫all right! ‫Thank you, all!

‫All right! ‫Thank you, all! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫BMW. ‫Hot dogs and heroin, get ‫your hot dogs and heroin here.

‫Hot dogs and heroin, get ‫your hot dogs and heroin here. ‫Hello, kind sir.

‫Your hot dogs and heroin here. ‫Hello, kind sir. ‫We just moved here from the

‫hello, kind sir. ‫We just moved here from the ‫small towns we grew up in.

‫We just moved here from the ‫small towns we grew up in. ‫That's right.

‫Small towns we grew up in. ‫That's right. ‫We're both young and of the same

‫that's right. ‫We're both young and of the same ‫age, with dreams of making it

‫we're both young and ‫of the same age, with

‫dreams of making it big ‫here in New York City.

‫Age, with dreams of making it ‫big here in New York City. ‫You're moving to New York

‫big here in New York City. ‫You're moving to New York ‫now?

‫You're moving to New York ‫now? ‫It's 1975.

‫Now? ‫It's 1975. ‫New York is dying.

‫It's 1975. ‫New York is dying. ‫It's a bankrupt hell hole.

‫New York is dying. ‫It's a bankrupt hell hole. ‫Oh, it is?

‫It's a bankrupt hell hole. ‫Oh, it is? ‫Well, let's get out of here.

‫Oh, it is? ‫Well, let's get out of here. ‫No.

‫Well, let's get out of here. ‫No. ‫We're poets and dreamers, and

‫no. ‫We're poets and dreamers, and ‫New York can where we belong.

‫We're poets and dreamers, and ‫New York can where we belong. ‫So one hot dog with heroin,

‫New York can where we belong. ‫So one hot dog with heroin, ‫please.

‫So one hot dog with heroin, ‫please. ‫Very well.

‫Please. ‫Very well. ‫Hot dog and heroin, tell these

‫very well. ‫Hot dog and heroin, tell these ‫boys what New York City is all

‫hot dog and heroin, tell these ‫boys what New York City is all ‫about.

‫Boys what New York City is all ‫about. ‫♪♪

‫About. ‫♪♪ ‫♪ baby look at me, and tell me

‫♪♪ ‫♪ baby look at me, and tell me ‫what you see ♪

‫♪ baby look at me, and tell me ‫what you see ♪ ‫♪ this old city is going to

‫what you see ♪ ‫♪ this old city is going to ‫hell ♪

‫♪ this old city is going to ‫hell ♪ ‫♪ urine is all you can smell ♪

‫hell ♪ ‫♪ urine is all you can smell ♪ ‫♪ fame, you're going to get shot

‫♪ urine is all you can ‫smell ♪ ♪ fame, you're

‫going to get shot in ‫a taxi, you're going to

‫♪ fame, you're going to get shot ‫in a taxi, you're going to ‫stabbed on the train ♪

‫in a taxi, you're going to ‫stabbed on the train ♪ ‫♪ the president... baby remember

‫stabbed on the train ♪ ‫♪ the president... baby remember ‫the game ♪

‫♪ the president... baby remember ‫the game ♪ ‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫[ applause ] ‫Whoa, where are we now, John? ‫It's the 1980s.

‫Whoa, where are we now, John? ‫It's the 1980s. ‫We're at a power lunch on wall

‫it's the 1980s. ‫We're at a power lunch on wall ‫street.

‫We're at a power lunch on wall ‫street. ‫Oh, New York is fine now?

‫Street. ‫Oh, New York is fine now? ‫If you're white, yes.

‫Oh, New York is fine now? ‫If you're white, yes. ‫It's all thanks to the boom on

‫if you're white, yes. ‫It's all thanks to the boom on ‫the stock market and a new diet

‫it's all thanks to the ‫boom on the stock market

‫and a new diet that's ‫been sweeping the city.

‫The stock market and a new diet ‫that's been sweeping the city. ‫Cocaine and some vodka.

‫That's been sweeping the city. ‫Cocaine and some vodka. ‫What a wonderful fame.

‫Cocaine and some vodka. ‫What a wonderful fame. ‫Cocaine and some vodka, it's how

‫what a wonderful fame. ‫Cocaine and some vodka, it's how ‫the mets win their games.

‫Cocaine and some vodka, ‫it's how the mets win

‫their games. ♪ no ‫sleeping, for a couple of

‫the mets win their games. ‫♪ no sleeping, for a couple of ‫days ♪

‫♪ no sleeping, for a couple of ‫days ♪ ‫♪ it's the power lift that

‫days ♪ ‫♪ it's the power lift that ‫shrinks your dick ♪

‫♪ it's the power lift that ‫shrinks your dick ♪ ‫♪ cocaine and vodka ♪

‫shrinks your dick ♪ ‫♪ cocaine and vodka ♪ ‫♪ vodka, wow.

‫♪ Cocaine and vodka ♪ ‫♪ vodka, wow. ‫I think Kinsey is going to be

‫♪ vodka, wow. ‫I think Kinsey is going to be ‫psyched.

‫I think Kinsey is going to be ‫psyched. ‫Won't it make it harder for

‫psyched. ‫Won't it make it harder for ‫artists like me to live here?

‫Won't it make it harder for ‫artists like me to live here? ‫It will.

‫Artists like me to live here? ‫It will. ‫And as we enter the '90s, times

‫it will. ‫And as we enter the '90s, times ‫square will be transformed from

‫and as we enter the ‫'90s, times square will

‫be transformed from ‫pimps and photographers to

‫square will be transformed from ‫pimps and photographers to ‫something filthier, cartoon

‫pimps and photographers to ‫something filthier, cartoon ‫mascots.

‫Something filthier, cartoon ‫mascots. ‫But the old guard will not go

‫mascots. ‫But the old guard will not go ‫quietly.

‫But the old guard will not go ‫quietly. ‫♪ look down, look down, you're

‫quietly. ‫♪ look down, look down, you're ‫standing in my grave ♪

‫♪ look down, look down, you're ‫standing in my grave ♪ ‫♪ look down you fool, I have

‫standing in my grave ♪ ‫♪ look down you fool, I have ‫served ♪

‫♪ look down you fool, I have ‫served ♪ ‫♪ you will never change, I swear

‫served ♪ ‫♪ you will never change, I swear ‫I do, you know nothing, two for

‫♪ you will never change, I swear ‫I do, you know nothing, two for ‫eight ♪

‫I do, you know nothing, two for ‫eight ♪ ‫♪

‫eight ♪ ♪ ♪♪

‫♪ ‫♪♪ ‫♪ but look, it's the one who

‫♪♪ ‫♪ but look, it's the one who ‫will unite them, the one

‫♪ but look, it's the one who ‫will unite them, the one ‫character in Times Square whose

‫will unite them, the one ‫character in Times Square whose ‫family friendly but also a

‫character in Times Square whose ‫family friendly but also a ‫prostitute, the green MandM.

‫Family friendly but also a ‫prostitute, the green MandM. ‫♪♪

‫Prostitute, the green MandM. ‫♪♪ ‫♪ I dreamed a dream I'm... cough

‫♪♪ ‫♪ I dreamed a dream I'm... cough ‫cough... and I was high on meth

‫♪ I dreamed a dream I'm... cough ‫cough... and I was high on meth ‫and skittles ♪

‫cough... and I was high on meth ‫and skittles ♪ ‫♪ so different than it used to

‫and skittles ♪ ‫♪ so different than it used to ‫be, so different from this hell

‫♪ so different than it used to ‫be, so different from this hell ‫I'm living ♪

‫be, so different from this hell ‫I'm living ♪ ‫♪ so different now that it used

‫I'm living ♪ ‫♪ so different now that it used ‫to be, but Julie killed the

‫♪ so different now that it used ‫to be, but Julie killed the ‫dream I dreamed ♪

‫to be, but Julie killed the ‫dream I dreamed ♪ ‫what are you doing?

‫Dream I dreamed ♪ ‫what are you doing? ‫Stop.

‫What are you doing? ‫Stop. ‫What are you doing?

‫Stop. ‫What are you doing? ‫That's right, Rudy giuliani,

‫what are you doing? ‫That's right, Rudy giuliani, ‫here in post-9/11 New York, the

‫that's right, Rudy ‫giuliani, here in post-9/11

‫New York, the city ‫has rallied like never

‫here in post-9/11 New York, the ‫city has rallied like never ‫before.

‫City has rallied like never ‫before. ‫Rudy, Rudy, you're america's

‫before. ‫Rudy, Rudy, you're america's ‫mayor.

‫Rudy, Rudy, you're america's ‫mayor. ‫You're beloved all across the

‫mayor. ‫You're beloved all across the ‫country, this is your big shot.

‫You're beloved all ‫across the country, this is

‫your big shot. What ‫are you going to do with

‫country, this is your big shot. ‫What are you going to do with ‫it?

‫What are you going to do with ‫it? ‫Simple.

‫It? ‫Simple. ‫I am throwing away my shots.

‫Simple. ‫I am throwing away my shots. ‫I am throwing my shots.

‫I am throwing away my shots. ‫I am throwing my shots. ‫Anyone and I am throwing away my

‫I am throwing my shots. ‫Anyone and I am throwing away my ‫shots.

‫Anyone and I am throwing away my ‫shots. ‫♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

‫shots. ‫♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ‫♪ rise up, a rise up, I'll plant

‫♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ‫♪ rise up, a rise up, I'll plant ‫the thieves, and rise up,

‫♪ rise up, a rise up, I'll plant ‫the thieves, and rise up, ‫getting crazy, going to rise

‫the thieves, and rise up, ‫getting crazy, going to rise ‫up ♪

‫getting crazy, going to rise ‫up ♪ ‫♪ rise up, and just like a city,

‫up ♪ ‫♪ rise up, and just like a city, ‫buzz he is going away, I am

‫♪ rise up, and just like a city, ‫buzz he is going away, I am ‫throwing away ♪

‫buzz he is going away, I am ‫throwing away ♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Throwing away ♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Then after Michael bloomberg

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫Then after Michael bloomberg ‫took New York to new heights.

‫Then after Michael ‫bloomberg took New York

‫to new heights. >> In ‫terms of how unaffordable

‫took New York to new heights. ‫In terms of how unaffordable ‫it became.

‫In terms of how unaffordable ‫it became. ‫Great impression.

‫It became. ‫Great impression. ‫And sylvie blasio brought ill

‫great impression. ‫And sylvie blasio brought ill ‫brought US universal di care.

‫And sylvie blasio brought ill ‫brought US universal di care. ‫Yeah, that right.

‫Brought US universal di care. ‫Yeah, that right. ‫Homeless dudes want to push

‫yeah, that right. ‫Homeless dudes want to push ‫people on to the subway track,

‫homeless dudes want to push ‫people on to the subway track, ‫they got it.

‫People on to the subway track, ‫they got it. ‫Somehow New York today feels

‫they got it. ‫Somehow New York today feels ‫like it's back in the '70s, back

‫somehow New York today feels ‫like it's back in the '70s, back ‫on skid row.

‫Like it's back in the '70s, back ‫on skid row. ‫That's right.

‫On skid row. ‫That's right. ‫Skid row.

‫That's right. ‫Skid row. ‫Oh my god, who hit you,

‫skid row. ‫Oh my god, who hit you, ‫Colin?

‫Oh my god, who hit you, ‫Colin? ‫No.

‫Colin? ‫No. ‫Not this time.

‫No. ‫Not this time. ‫You see, there is a new menace

‫not this time. ‫You see, there is a new menace ‫on the streets of our city.

‫You see, there is a new menace ‫on the streets of our city. ‫♪♪

‫On the streets of our city. ‫♪♪ ‫♪ suddenly evites, they're

‫♪♪ ‫♪ suddenly evites, they're ‫flying around me, on the

‫♪ suddenly evites, they're ‫flying around me, on the ‫sidewalk and suddenly e-bikes,

‫flying around me, on the ‫sidewalk and suddenly e-bikes, ‫they're trying to kill you, it's

‫sidewalk and suddenly e-bikes, ‫they're trying to kill you, it's ‫like from midnight ies ♪

‫they're trying to kill you, it's ‫like from midnight ies ♪ ‫[ Applause ]

‫Like from midnight ies ♪ ‫[ Applause ] ‫Then why even live in new

‫[ applause ] ‫Then why even live in new ‫York anymore?

‫Then why even live in new ‫York anymore? ‫It's too loud, it's too

‫York anymore? ‫It's too loud, it's too ‫dangerous.

‫It's too loud, it's too ‫dangerous. ‫They gives rats free birth

‫dangerous. ‫They gives rats free birth ‫control, but not human women?

‫They gives rats free ‫birth control, but not

‫human women? I mean, ‫if this is what New York

‫control, but not human women? ‫I mean, if this is what New York ‫is, I'm out.

‫I mean, if this is what New York ‫is, I'm out. ‫Wait, Pete, and where did

‫is, I'm out. ‫Wait, Pete, and where did ‫spade go, by the way?

‫Wait, Pete, and where did ‫spade go, by the way? ‫Oh, he sat back down in the

‫spade go, by the way? ‫Oh, he sat back down in the ‫audience.

‫Oh, he sat back down in the ‫audience. ‫Yeah, I got a feel for it.

‫Audience. ‫Yeah, I got a feel for it. ‫Pete, before you turn your

‫yeah, I got a feel ‫for it. >> Pete, before

‫you turn your back on ‫New York, remember what

‫Pete, before you turn your ‫back on New York, remember what ‫this city gave you.

‫Back on New York, remember what ‫this city gave you. ‫Herpes?

‫This city gave you. ‫Herpes? ‫No, this city didn't give you

‫herpes? ‫No, this city didn't give you ‫that.

‫No, this city didn't give you ‫that. ‫I remember how the city inspired

‫that. ‫I remember how the city inspired ‫you.

‫I remember how the city inspired ‫you. ‫Just because the art scene and

‫you. ‫Just because the art scene and ‫the music scene are dead and the

‫just because the art ‫scene and the music scene

‫are dead and the city is ‫a bunch of td banks and

‫the music scene are dead and the ‫city is a bunch of td banks and ‫you can't just give up.

‫City is a bunch of td banks and ‫you can't just give up. ‫I'm just asking you, nay, all of

‫you can't just give ‫up. I'm just asking you,

‫nay, all of US here, ‫to still believe in the

‫I'm just asking you, ‫nay, all of US here, to still

‫believe in the power ‫of New York, and to give

‫US here, to still believe in the ‫power of New York, and to give ‫the city we love...

‫Power of New York, and to give ‫the city we love... ‫♪♪

‫The city we love... ‫♪♪ ‫♪ one day more, another

‫♪♪ ‫♪ one day more, another ‫destiny ♪

‫♪ one day more, another ‫destiny ♪ ‫♪ still having a horse and

‫destiny ♪ ‫♪ still having a horse and ‫carriage, how can it be ♪

‫♪ still having a horse and ‫carriage, how can it be ♪ ‫♪ even though it's full of guns,

‫carriage, how can it ‫be ♪ ♪ even though it's

‫full of guns, there is ‫no place I would spend

‫♪ even though it's full of guns, ‫there is no place I would spend ‫my time ♪

‫there is no place I would spend ‫my time ♪ ‫♪ I would not live another

‫my time ♪ ‫♪ I would not live another ‫place ♪

‫♪ I would not live another ‫place ♪ ‫yes.

‫Place ♪ ‫yes. ‫♪ though we cannot afford

‫yes. ‫♪ though we cannot afford ‫apartments ♪

‫♪ though we cannot afford ‫apartments ♪ ‫♪ one day more, we will unite

‫apartments ♪ ‫♪ one day more, we will unite ‫again ♪

‫♪ one day more, we will unite ‫again ♪ ‫♪ our rise to power merely...

‫Again ♪ ‫♪ our rise to power merely... ‫one day more ♪

‫♪ our rise to power merely... ‫one day more ♪ ‫♪ revolution, how to stop the

‫one day more ♪ ‫♪ revolution, how to stop the ‫violent crime, most cities don't

‫♪ revolution, how to stop the ‫violent crime, most cities don't ‫have more people, here it

‫violent crime, most cities don't ‫have more people, here it ‫happens all the time ♪

‫have more people, here it ‫happens all the time ♪ ‫♪ I dreamed a dream that king

‫happens all the time ♪ ‫♪ I dreamed a dream that king ‫Kong died, then I remembered

‫♪ I dreamed a dream that king ‫Kong died, then I remembered ‫he's in Florida ♪

‫Kong died, then I remembered ‫he's in Florida ♪ ‫♪ I place is here, I fight with

‫he's in Florida ♪ ‫♪ I place is here, I fight with ‫you ♪

‫♪ I place is here, I fight with ‫you ♪ ‫♪ tomorrow we'll discover what

‫you ♪ ‫♪ tomorrow we'll discover what ‫our city has in store, one more

‫♪ tomorrow we'll ‫discover what our city has

‫in store, one more time, ‫one more day, one day

‫our city has in store, one more ‫time, one more day, one day ‫more ♪♪

‫time, one more day, one day ‫more ♪♪ ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Sfliefnlgt, 17-time host, Alec ‫Baldwin. ‫Thank you.

‫Baldwin. ‫Thank you. ‫Thank you very much.

‫Thank you. ‫Thank you very much. ‫Good evening, everyone.

‫Thank you very much. ‫Good evening, everyone. ‫I'm Alex Baldwin.

‫Good evening, everyone. ‫I'm Alex Baldwin. ‫I should have corrected you

‫I'm Alex Baldwin. ‫I should have corrected you ‫about that a long time ago.

‫I should have corrected you ‫about that a long time ago. ‫I'm here to introduce some of

‫about that a long ‫time ago. I'm here to

‫introduce some of the ‫best commercial parodies to

‫I'm here to introduce ‫some of the best commercial

‫parodies to ever appear ‫on "Saturday night

‫the best commercial parodies to ‫ever appear on "Saturday night ‫live."

‫Ever appear on "Saturday night ‫live." ‫I'm also like to thank the fine

‫live." ‫I'm also like to thank the fine ‫folks who are sponsoring this

‫I'm also like to thank the fine ‫folks who are sponsoring this ‫soygd.

‫Folks who are sponsoring this ‫soygd. ‫Segment.

‫Soygd. ‫Segment. ‫Are you having trouble falling

‫segment. ‫Are you having trouble falling ‫asleep?

‫Are you having trouble falling ‫asleep? ‫Nothing puts people... nothing

‫asleep? ‫Nothing puts people... nothing ‫puts people to sleep faster than

‫nothing puts people... ‫Nothing puts people to

‫sleep faster than the ‫sketches to air after

‫puts people to sleep faster than ‫the sketches to air after ‫update.

‫The sketches to air after ‫update. ‫We also third year veneers.

‫Update. ‫We also third year veneers. ‫Arrived here with no money and

‫we also third year ‫veneers. Arrived here with

‫no money and gaffed ‫up teeth, by year three,

‫arrived here with no ‫money and gaffed up teeth,

‫by year three, you ‫better believe they're

‫gaffed up teeth, by year three, ‫you better believe they're ‫getting third year veneers.

‫You better believe they're ‫getting third year veneers. ‫Right, Sam?

‫Getting third year veneers. ‫Right, Sam? ‫You bet, Alex.

‫Right, Sam? ‫You bet, Alex. ‫Just never bite into an

‫you bet, Alex. ‫Just never bite into an ‫apple.

‫Just never bite into an ‫apple. ‫And now without further ado,

‫apple. ‫And now without further ado, ‫here are some commercials.

‫And now without further ado, ‫here are some commercials. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Here are some commercials. ‫[ Applause ] ‫You just go ahead, have a

‫[ applause ] ‫You just go ahead, have a ‫talk with the your old grandma.

‫You just go ahead, have a ‫talk with the your old grandma. ‫You're still having control

‫talk with the your old grandma. ‫You're still having control ‫problems, aren't you?

‫You're still having control ‫problems, aren't you? ‫I don't feel confident,

‫problems, aren't you? ‫I don't feel confident, ‫Harvey.

‫I don't feel confident, ‫Harvey. ‫Come with me.

‫Harvey. ‫Come with me. ‫I'll let you in on a little

‫come with me. ‫I'll let you in on a little ‫secret.

‫I'll let you in on a little ‫secret. ‫Here we are.

‫Secret. ‫Here we are. ‫Oops, I pooped my pants.

‫Here we are. ‫Oops, I pooped my pants. ‫A lot of miles that day and

‫oops, I pooped my pants. ‫A lot of miles that day and ‫downed a lot of donuts.

‫A lot of miles that day and ‫downed a lot of donuts. ‫Have been on my tray table since

‫downed a lot of donuts. ‫Have been on my tray table since ‫I was a kid.

‫Have been on my tray table since ‫I was a kid. ‫Well, there is fiber and

‫I was a kid. ‫Well, there is fiber and ‫there is high fiber.

‫Well, there is fiber and ‫there is high fiber. ‫Colon blow.

‫There is high fiber. ‫Colon blow. ‫I think I get the picture.

‫Colon blow. ‫I think I get the picture. ‫Get the edge.

‫I think I get the picture. ‫Get the edge. ‫Hi, I'm Mel where you find

‫get the edge. ‫Hi, I'm Mel where you find ‫your own towel, you cut your own

‫hi, I'm Mel where you find ‫your own towel, you cut your own ‫steaks.

‫Your own towel, you cut your own ‫steaks. ‫Wilson trap doors.

‫Steaks. ‫Wilson trap doors. ‫Watch, the British toupee.

‫Wilson trap doors. ‫Watch, the British toupee. ‫But can it copy your ad?

‫Watch, the British toupee. ‫But can it copy your ad? ‫The xerox 790 ad check can.

‫But can it copy your ad? ‫The xerox 790 ad check can. ‫Why not share the most moment

‫the xerox 790 ad check can. ‫Why not share the most moment ‫of them all with the love

‫why not share the most moment ‫of them all with the love ‫toilet.

‫Of them all with the love ‫toilet. ‫♪♪

‫Toilet. ‫♪♪ ‫the canon ae 1, a Cannon so

‫♪♪ ‫the canon ae 1, a Cannon so ‫simple, even Stevie wonder can

‫the canon ae 1, a Cannon so ‫simple, even Stevie wonder can ‫use it.

‫Simple, even Stevie wonder can ‫use it. ‫Robots are everywhere.

‫Use it. ‫Robots are everywhere. ‫And they eat all people's

‫robots are everywhere. ‫And they eat all people's ‫medicine for fuel.

‫And they eat all people's ‫medicine for fuel. ‫Now there is a company that

‫medicine for fuel. ‫Now there is a company that ‫offers coverage against the

‫now there is a company that ‫offers coverage against the ‫unfortunate event of a robot

‫offers coverage against the ‫unfortunate event of a robot ‫attack, old glory insurance.

‫Unfortunate event of a robot ‫attack, old glory insurance. ‫Discontinue use of happy fun

‫attack, old glory insurance. ‫Discontinue use of happy fun ‫ball if any of the following

‫discontinue use of happy fun ‫ball if any of the following ‫occurs.

‫Ball if any of the following ‫occurs. ‫This mother's day, give her

‫occurs. ‫This mother's day, give her ‫something that says I'm not a

‫this mother's day, give her ‫something that says I'm not a ‫woman anymore.

‫Something that says I'm not a ‫woman anymore. ‫I'm a mom.

‫Woman anymore. ‫I'm a mom. ‫With Tylenol P.M., I know i'm

‫I'm a mom. ‫With Tylenol P.M., I know i'm ‫going get a good night sleep.

‫With Tylenol P.M., I ‫know i'm going get a good

‫night sleep. I Salim ‫through my first dump in

‫going get a good night sleep. ‫I Salim through my first dump in ‫the morning.

‫I Salim through my first dump in ‫the morning. ‫Did you [ Bleep ] the bed?

‫The morning. ‫Did you [ Bleep ] the bed? ‫Now with ecstasy.

‫Did you [ Bleep ] the bed? ‫Now with ecstasy. ‫Nutraquick suppository.

‫Now with ecstasy. ‫Nutraquick suppository. ‫Jon hamm's Jon hamm.

‫Nutraquick suppository. ‫Jon hamm's Jon hamm. ‫Crystal gravy.

‫Jon hamm's Jon hamm. ‫Crystal gravy. ‫Baby's thing.

‫Crystal gravy. ‫Baby's thing. ‫Baby's toupee.

‫Baby's thing. ‫Baby's toupee. ‫Tampon, made for a woman by a

‫baby's toupee. ‫Tampon, made for a woman by a ‫republican.

‫Tampon, made for a woman by a ‫republican. ‫It's a robot and it cleans my

‫republican. ‫It's a robot and it cleans my ‫business, my lady business, and

‫it's a robot and it cleans my ‫business, my lady business, and ‫I like that.

‫Business, my lady business, and ‫I like that. ‫Using bosley's breakthrough

‫I like that. ‫Using bosley's breakthrough ‫technique, harvested from the

‫using bosley's ‫breakthrough technique,

‫harvested from the ‫mezzanine and brought to the

‫technique, harvested from the ‫mezzanine and brought to the ‫head.

‫Mezzanine and brought to the ‫head. ‫That's what I call taco.

‫Head. ‫That's what I call taco. ‫Well, it's not a taco town,

‫that's what I call ‫taco. >> Well, it's not

‫a taco town, taco, ‫until we roll it up in a

‫well, it's not a taco town, ‫taco, until we roll it up in a ‫blueberry pancake.

‫Taco, until we roll it up in a ‫blueberry pancake. ‫It's almost pizza, pizza that

‫blueberry pancake. ‫It's almost pizza, pizza that ‫is practically in every way

‫it's almost pizza, pizza that ‫is practically in every way ‫except for a few key once.

‫Is practically in every way ‫except for a few key once. ‫I'll eat it.

‫Except for a few key once. ‫I'll eat it. ‫No!

‫I'll eat it. ‫No! ‫Absolutely not.

‫No! ‫Absolutely not. ‫Is it a b shirt?

‫Absolutely not. ‫Is it a b shirt? ‫Is it a c shirt?

‫Is it a b shirt? ‫Is it a c shirt? ‫No, a z shirt.

‫Is it a c shirt? ‫No, a z shirt. ‫For when you realize you love

‫no, a z shirt. ‫For when you realize you love ‫Taylor swift.

‫For when you realize you love ‫Taylor swift. ‫Babe, we need those.

‫Taylor swift. ‫Babe, we need those. ‫What's going on back there?

‫Babe, we need those. ‫What's going on back there? ‫[ Bleep ] Love function guy.

‫What's going on back ‫there? [ Bleep ] Love

‫function guy. >> You ‫can't smoke in here, man.

‫[ Bleep ] Love function guy. ‫You can't smoke in here, man. ‫You're smoking in here.

‫You can't smoke in here, man. ‫You're smoking in here. ‫We've got toilet.

‫You're smoking in here. ‫We've got toilet. ‫Ozempic for ramadan.

‫We've got toilet. ‫Ozempic for ramadan. ‫Xanax for gay summer

‫ozempic for ramadan. ‫Xanax for gay summer ‫weddings.

‫Xanax for gay summer ‫weddings. ‫Freeways.

‫Weddings. ‫Freeways. ‫Undercover office potty.

‫Freeways. ‫Undercover office potty. ‫Bathroom cobra.

‫Undercover office potty. ‫Bathroom cobra. ‫Rogaine.

‫Bathroom cobra. ‫Rogaine. ‫Deluxe 2.

‫Rogaine. ‫Deluxe 2. ‫With a smile that says yum.

‫Deluxe 2. ‫With a smile that says yum. ‫Introducing Wells for

‫with a smile that says yum. ‫Introducing Wells for ‫sensitive little boys.

‫Introducing Wells for ‫sensitive little boys. ‫You want to do the commercial

‫sensitive little boys. ‫You want to do the commercial ‫anymore?

‫You want to do the commercial ‫anymore? ‫Okay.

‫Anymore? ‫Okay. ‫He wants to go back to the well.

‫Okay. ‫He wants to go back to the well. ‫[ Applause ]

‫He wants to go back to the well. ‫[ Applause ] ‫I agree.

‫[ Applause ] ‫I agree. ‫I think needs a vacation.

‫I agree. ‫I think needs a vacation. ‫I agree.

‫I think needs a vacation. ‫I agree. ‫Hello.

‫I agree. ‫Hello. ‫Hi, I'm Betty.

‫Hello. ‫Hi, I'm Betty. ‫Welcome to Bronx beat.

‫Hi, I'm Betty. ‫Welcome to Bronx beat. ‫Yes.

‫Welcome to Bronx beat. ‫Yes. ‫This is a very special

‫yes. ‫This is a very special ‫episode because we are coming

‫this is a very special ‫episode because we are coming ‫from the "snl" 50th anniversary

‫episode because we are coming ‫from the "snl" 50th anniversary ‫show.

‫From the "snl" 50th anniversary ‫show. ‫Right.

‫Show. ‫Right. ‫Ooh la la!

‫Right. ‫Ooh la la! ‫[ Applause ]

‫Ooh la la! ‫[ Applause ] ‫I am seeing so many icons.

‫[ Applause ] ‫I am seeing so many icons. ‫What an incredible night.

‫I am seeing so many icons. ‫What an incredible night. ‫We got very famous people in

‫what an incredible night. ‫We got very famous people in ‫the audience.

‫We got very famous people in ‫the audience. ‫Actor, actor.

‫The audience. ‫Actor, actor. ‫Actor.

‫Actor, actor. ‫Actor. ‫Conan o'brien.

‫Actor. ‫Conan o'brien. ‫Actor, actor.

‫Conan o'brien. ‫Actor, actor. ‫And look at this guy.

‫Actor, actor. ‫And look at this guy. ‫Oh, yeah.

‫And look at this guy. ‫Oh, yeah. ‫He's a cutie.

‫Oh, yeah. ‫He's a cutie. ‫Hey, hi.

‫He's a cutie. ‫Hey, hi. ‫Who you?

‫Hey, hi. ‫Who you? ‫Hi, cutie.

‫Who you? ‫Hi, cutie. ‫What do you do?

‫Hi, cutie. ‫What do you do? ‫I'm an actor.

‫What do you do? ‫I'm an actor. ‫Oh, you know what?

‫I'm an actor. ‫Oh, you know what? ‫Honey, get up here.

‫Oh, you know what? ‫Honey, get up here. ‫Come on.

‫Honey, get up here. ‫Come on. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Come on. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Hurry up.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Hurry up. ‫We don't have time.

‫Hurry up. ‫We don't have time. ‫The show is 30 minutes.

‫We don't have time. ‫The show is 30 minutes. ‫Okay.

‫The show is 30 minutes. ‫Okay. ‫Okay, okay.

‫Okay. ‫Okay, okay. ‫So tell US your name, honey, who

‫okay, okay. ‫So tell US your name, honey, who ‫are you?

‫So tell US your name, honey, who ‫are you? ‫Miles teller.

‫Are you? ‫Miles teller. ‫Oh, you're cute, miles.

‫Miles teller. ‫Oh, you're cute, miles. ‫Miles, I like your smile.

‫Oh, you're cute, miles. ‫Miles, I like your smile. ‫Miles smiles.

‫Miles, I like your smile. ‫Miles smiles. ‫So you're an actor.

‫Miles smiles. ‫So you're an actor. ‫So what's that like?

‫So you're an actor. ‫So what's that like? ‫You know what, miles, if I

‫so what's that like? ‫You know what, miles, if I ‫was an actor and had to kiss

‫you know what, miles, if I ‫was an actor and had to kiss ‫someone in a movie, I would

‫was an actor and had to kiss ‫someone in a movie, I would ‫immediately fall in love.

‫Someone in a movie, I would ‫immediately fall in love. ‫You know what?

‫Immediately fall in love. ‫You know what? ‫It's not very romantic.

‫You know what? ‫It's not very romantic. ‫If my job were to be in

‫it's not very romantic. ‫If my job were to be in ‫movies and do love scenes, i'd

‫if my job were to be in ‫movies and do love scenes, i'd ‫be in jail.

‫Movies and do love scenes, i'd ‫be in jail. ‫Yeah.

‫Be in jail. ‫Yeah. ‫So miles, we want to know

‫yeah. ‫So miles, we want to know ‫every single little thing about

‫so miles, we want to know ‫every single little thing about ‫you.

‫Every single little thing about ‫you. ‫How did you get your start?

‫You. ‫How did you get your start? ‫I caught the acting bug when

‫how did you get your start? ‫I caught the acting bug when ‫I was a sophomore in high

‫I caught the acting bug when ‫I was a sophomore in high ‫school.

‫I was a sophomore in high ‫school. ‫Whoa, whoa, whoa.

‫School. ‫Whoa, whoa, whoa. ‫Don't start that far back.

‫Whoa, whoa, whoa. ‫Don't start that far back. ‫We don't have that kind of time.

‫Don't start that far back. ‫We don't have that kind of time. ‫Yeah, miles, we're not

‫we don't have that kind of time. ‫Yeah, miles, we're not ‫immortal.

‫Yeah, miles, we're not ‫immortal. ‫Okay.

‫Immortal. ‫Okay. ‫What do we know you from?

‫Okay. ‫What do we know you from? ‫Well, I was in "top gun:

‫What do we know you from? ‫Well, I was in "top gun: ‫Maverick."

‫Well, I was in "top gun: ‫Maverick." ‫Oh, there we go.

‫Maverick." ‫oh, there we go. ‫We've seen that.

‫Oh, there we go. ‫We've seen that. ‫We've seen that.

‫We've seen that. ‫We've seen that. ‫Look at you.

‫We've seen that. ‫Look at you. ‫Look at you in "top gun 2".

‫Look at you. ‫Look at you in "top gun 2". ‫It's actually "top gun:

‫Look at you in "top gun 2". ‫It's actually "top gun: ‫Maverick."

‫It's actually "top gun: ‫Maverick." ‫Oh, "top gun 2."

‫Maverick." ‫oh, "top gun 2." ‫"Top gun 2".

‫Oh, "top gun 2." ‫"Top gun 2". ‫I'm proud of you.

‫"Top gun 2". ‫I'm proud of you. ‫Proud of you in "top gun 2" with

‫I'm proud of you. ‫Proud of you in "top gun 2" with ‫Tom Cruise.

‫Proud of you in "top gun 2" with ‫Tom Cruise. ‫Who did you play?

‫Tom Cruise. ‫Who did you play? ‫Who did you play?

‫Who did you play? ‫Who did you play? ‫I played rooster.

‫Who did you play? ‫I played rooster. ‫Okay.

‫I played rooster. ‫Okay. ‫Okay, rooster.

‫Okay. ‫Okay, rooster. ‫I remember you.

‫Okay, rooster. ‫I remember you. ‫That was you playing football on

‫I remember you. ‫That was you playing football on ‫the beach tussling with Tom

‫that was you playing football on ‫the beach tussling with Tom ‫cruise, huh?

‫The beach tussling with Tom ‫cruise, huh? ‫Let me ask you a question.

‫Cruise, huh? ‫Let me ask you a question. ‫You like to tussle?

‫Let me ask you a question. ‫You like to tussle? ‫You like to tussle?

‫You like to tussle? ‫You like to tussle? ‫You like to tussle on the beach?

‫You like to tussle? ‫You like to tussle on the beach? ‫You a tussler?

‫You like to tussle on the beach? ‫You a tussler? ‫I bet you do.

‫You a tussler? ‫I bet you do. ‫I bet you like to tussle with

‫I bet you do. ‫I bet you like to tussle with ‫Tom Cruise on the beach.

‫I bet you like to tussle with ‫Tom Cruise on the beach. ‫You like to tussle?

‫Tom Cruise on the beach. ‫You like to tussle? ‫Cock-a-doodle-doo.

‫You like to tussle? ‫Cock-a-doodle-doo. ‫Cock-a-doodle-doo in "top gun

‫cock-a-doodle-doo. ‫Cock-a-doodle-doo in "top gun ‫2.

‫Cock-a-doodle-doo in "top gun ‫2. ‫"Top gun: Maverick."

‫2. ‫"Top gun: Maverick." ‫I've never going to call it

‫"top gun: Maverick." ‫I've never going to call it ‫that.

‫I've never going to call it ‫that. ‫Thank you.

‫That. ‫Thank you. ‫You can go sit down, rooster.

‫Thank you. ‫You can go sit down, rooster. ‫Goodbye.

‫You can go sit down, rooster. ‫Goodbye. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Goodbye. ‫[ Applause ] ‫He's cute.

‫[ Applause ] ‫He's cute. ‫He should be an actor.

‫He's cute. ‫He should be an actor. ‫He is cute.

‫He should be an actor. ‫He is cute. ‫All right.

‫He is cute. ‫All right. ‫That's all the time we have.

‫All right. ‫That's all the time we have. ‫It's a very packed show.

‫That's all the time we have. ‫It's a very packed show. ‫Betty, let's get out of here,

‫it's a very packed show. ‫Betty, let's get out of here, ‫you know.

‫Betty, let's get out of here, ‫you know. ‫We can go get some coffee or

‫you know. ‫We can go get some coffee or ‫something.

‫We can go get some coffee or ‫something. ‫Somebody talking about

‫something. ‫Somebody talking about ‫coffee?

‫Somebody talking about ‫coffee? ‫[ Cheering ]

‫Coffee? ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Oh, my gosh, we're not

‫[ cheering ] ‫Oh, my gosh, we're not ‫worthy, we're not worthy!

‫Oh, my gosh, we're not ‫worthy, we're not worthy! ‫Touch my monkey, touch my

‫worthy, we're not worthy! ‫Touch my monkey, touch my ‫monkey.

‫Touch my monkey, touch my ‫monkey. ‫Okay.

‫Monkey. ‫Okay. ‫Oh my god, look at you, it's

‫okay. ‫Oh my god, look at you, it's ‫so good to see you.

‫Oh my god, look at you, it's ‫so good to see you. ‫Thank you for stopping by.

‫So good to see you. ‫Thank you for stopping by. ‫Well, I was at zabar's

‫thank you for stopping by. ‫Well, I was at zabar's ‫picking up a noodle cuing kugel

‫well, I was at zabar's ‫picking up a noodle cuing kugel ‫thought I would come see the

‫picking up a noodle cuing kugel ‫thought I would come see the ‫girls.

‫Thought I would come see the ‫girls. ‫We are thrilled you're here.

‫Girls. ‫We are thrilled you're here. ‫You look wonderful.

‫We are thrilled you're here. ‫You look wonderful. ‫Thank you.

‫You look wonderful. ‫Thank you. ‫Both of you, you look like

‫thank you. ‫Both of you, you look like ‫butter.

‫Both of you, you look like ‫butter. ‫My god.

‫Butter. ‫My god. ‫Oh, come on, look at you.

‫My god. ‫Oh, come on, look at you. ‫Two big sticks of butter, that's

‫oh, come on, look at you. ‫Two big sticks of butter, that's ‫what you are.

‫Two big sticks of butter, that's ‫what you are. ‫Well, I do use a salve on my

‫what you are. ‫Well, I do use a salve on my ‫skin that is made of stem cells

‫well, I do use a salve on my ‫skin that is made of stem cells ‫and snail mucin.

‫Skin that is made of stem cells ‫and snail mucin. ‫I think it's made of snail

‫and snail mucin. ‫I think it's made of snail ‫sperm.

‫I think it's made of snail ‫sperm. ‫Good for you, good for you.

‫Sperm. ‫Good for you, good for you. ‫How is our mutual friend Paul

‫good for you, good for you. ‫How is our mutual friend Paul ‫Baldwin?

‫How is our mutual friend Paul ‫Baldwin? ‫Well, our dear friend Paul

‫Baldwin? ‫Well, our dear friend Paul ‫Baldwin is in the clinic here in

‫well, our dear friend Paul ‫Baldwin is in the clinic here in ‫the city.

‫Baldwin is in the clinic here in ‫the city. ‫He's got advanced spillken

‫the city. ‫He's got advanced spillken ‫connector, flew him up from boca

‫he's got advanced spillken ‫connector, flew him up from boca ‫raton in an iron lung.

‫Connector, flew him up from boca ‫raton in an iron lung. ‫What a shonda.

‫Raton in an iron lung. ‫What a shonda. ‫Poor Baldwin.

‫What a shonda. ‫Poor Baldwin. ‫I'm telling you right now,

‫poor Baldwin. ‫I'm telling you right now, ‫I'm getting a little verklempt.

‫I'm telling you right now, ‫I'm getting a little verklempt. ‫Talk amongst yourselves.

‫I'm getting a little verklempt. ‫Talk amongst yourselves. ‫I'll give you a topic.

‫Talk amongst yourselves. ‫I'll give you a topic. ‫Professor Vera was neither

‫I'll give you a topic. ‫Professor Vera was neither ‫progressive nor an error.

‫Professor Vera was neither ‫progressive nor an error. ‫Okay.

‫Progressive nor an error. ‫Okay. ‫Okay.

‫Okay. ‫Okay. ‫That's a good way to pull

‫okay. ‫That's a good way to pull ‫through.

‫That's a good way to pull ‫through. ‫Thanks, god, pooh-pooh pooh.

‫Through. ‫Thanks, god, pooh-pooh pooh. ‫How you doing?

‫Thanks, god, pooh-pooh pooh. ‫How you doing? ‫It's been a tough year.

‫How you doing? ‫It's been a tough year. ‫What's wrong?

‫It's been a tough year. ‫What's wrong? ‫I have a hematoma

‫what's wrong? ‫I have a hematoma ‫infactoryum.

‫I have a hematoma ‫infactoryum. ‫My shorts are on fire.

‫Infactoryum. ‫My shorts are on fire. ‫I had to have it moved four

‫my shorts are on fire. ‫I had to have it moved four ‫inches.

‫I had to have it moved four ‫inches. ‫Where my belly button used to

‫inches. ‫Where my belly button used to ‫be, I can't wear belmonts.

‫Where my belly button used to ‫be, I can't wear belmonts. ‫Your store. Zorch?

‫Be, I can't wear belmonts. ‫Your store. Zorch? ‫Your what?

‫Your store. Zorch? ‫Your what? ‫My zorch.

‫Your what? ‫My zorch. ‫I think he means the downtown

‫my zorch. ‫I think he means the downtown ‫area.

‫I think he means the downtown ‫area. ‫You in know what I want to

‫area. ‫You in know what I want to ‫do, sit down.

‫You in know what I want to ‫do, sit down. ‫You know who likes sitting down?

‫Do, sit down. ‫You know who likes sitting down? ‫My stupid husband.

‫You know who likes sitting down? ‫My stupid husband. ‫Yeah, I heard about the

‫my stupid husband. ‫Yeah, I heard about the ‫husband.

‫Yeah, I heard about the ‫husband. ‫All he does is sit around and

‫husband. ‫All he does is sit around and ‫watch outlander reruns on starz.

‫All he does is sit around and ‫watch outlander reruns on starz. ‫Here it comes.

‫Watch outlander reruns on starz. ‫Here it comes. ‫Stupid, but I love him so much.

‫Here it comes. ‫Stupid, but I love him so much. ‫I know, I know.

‫Stupid, but I love him so much. ‫I know, I know. ‫Give me my four children.

‫I know, I know. ‫Give me my four children. ‫I want them to live forever.

‫Give me my four children. ‫I want them to live forever. ‫You better pray he doesn't.

‫I want them to live ‫forever. >> You better

‫pray he doesn't. Never ‫going to say his splunk

‫you better pray he doesn't. ‫Never going to say his splunk ‫is...

‫Never going to say his splunk ‫is... ‫[ Talking gibberish ]

‫Is... ‫[ Talking gibberish ] ‫Everybody try, my ssris must

‫[ talking gibberish ] ‫Everybody try, my ssris must ‫be booming because I don't feel

‫everybody try, my ssris must ‫be booming because I don't feel ‫a thing.

‫Be booming because I don't feel ‫a thing. ‫Can I just say something?

‫A thing. ‫Can I just say something? ‫Can I just say something?

‫Can I just say something? ‫Can I just say something? ‫We're all miracles.

‫Can I just say something? ‫We're all miracles. ‫Maybe the secret of life is that

‫we're all miracles. ‫Maybe the secret of life is that ‫there are no big whoops, only a

‫maybe the secret of ‫life is that there are no

‫big whoops, only a ‫series of small agonizing

‫there are no big whoops, only a ‫series of small agonizing ‫whoops.

‫Series of small agonizing ‫whoops. ‫You're right, Linda.

‫Whoops. ‫You're right, Linda. ‫Bring it in.

‫You're right, Linda. ‫Bring it in. ‫You are so right, Linda.

‫Bring it in. ‫You are so right, Linda. ‫You know what?

‫You are so right, Linda. ‫You know what? ‫The whole world is going to blow

‫you know what? ‫The whole world is going to blow ‫up.

‫The whole world is going to blow ‫up. ‫Who cares.

‫Up. ‫Who cares. ‫Have a glass of wine.

‫Who cares. ‫Have a glass of wine. ‫Have two glasses of wine.

‫Have a glass of wine. ‫Have two glasses of wine. ‫Who cares.

‫Have two glasses of wine. ‫Who cares. ‫You know what?

‫Who cares. ‫You know what? ‫We should go for a glass of

‫you know what? ‫We should go for a glass of ‫wine.

‫We should go for a glass of ‫wine. ‫Right now.

‫Wine. ‫Right now. ‫You know what?

‫Right now. ‫You know what? ‫Bad news, it's raining.

‫You know what? ‫Bad news, it's raining. ‫But good news, it's sweater

‫bad news, it's raining. ‫But good news, it's sweater ‫weather.

‫But good news, it's sweater ‫weather. ‫Sweater weather!

‫Weather. ‫Sweater weather! ‫We're going to have some

‫sweater weather! ‫We're going to have some ‫wine.

‫We're going to have some ‫wine. ‫Let's go.

‫Wine. ‫Let's go. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Ladies and gentlemen, lil ‫Wayne and the roots. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Wayne and the roots. ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫♪♪

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫♪♪ ‫ladies and gentlemen what

‫♪♪ ‫ladies and gentlemen what ‫the, y'all.

‫Ladies and gentlemen what ‫the, y'all. ‫Five for three two...

‫The, y'all. ‫Five for three two... ‫♪ what the f-though

‫five for three two... ‫♪ what the f-though ‫where the love go

‫♪ what the f-though ‫where the love go ‫five, four, three, two

‫where the love go ‫five, four, three, two ‫I let one go ♪

‫five, four, three, two ‫I let one go ♪ ‫♪ bow, get the f-though

‫I let one go ♪ ‫♪ bow, get the f-though ‫I don't bluff, bro

‫♪ bow, get the f-though ‫I don't bluff, bro ‫aiming at your head

‫I don't bluff, bro ‫aiming at your head ‫like a buffalo ♪

‫aiming at your head ‫like a buffalo ♪ ‫♪ you a roughneck

‫like a buffalo ♪ ‫♪ you a roughneck ‫I'm a cutthroat

‫♪ you a roughneck ‫I'm a cutthroat ‫you're a tough guy

‫I'm a cutthroat ‫you're a tough guy ‫that's enough jokes ♪

‫you're a tough guy ‫that's enough jokes ♪ ‫♪ then the sun die

‫that's enough jokes ♪ ‫♪ then the sun die ‫the night is young though

‫♪ then the sun die ‫the night is young though ‫the diamonds still shine

‫the night is young though ‫the diamonds still shine ‫get it rough ♪

‫the diamonds still shine ‫get it rough ♪ ‫♪ let's work

‫get it rough ♪ ‫♪ let's work ‫what the f-though

‫♪ let's work ‫what the f-though ‫where the love go ♪

‫what the f-though ‫where the love go ♪ ‫♪ five, four, three, two

‫where the love go ♪ ‫♪ five, four, three, two ‫I let one go

‫♪ five, four, three, two ‫I let one go ‫let's work ♪

‫I let one go ‫let's work ♪ ‫♪ bow, get the f-though

‫let's work ♪ ‫♪ bow, get the f-though ‫I don't bluff, bro

‫♪ bow, get the f-though ‫I don't bluff, bro ‫aiming at your head

‫I don't bluff, bro ‫aiming at your head ‫like a buffalo ♪

‫aiming at your head ‫like a buffalo ♪ ‫♪ she lick me

‫like a buffalo ♪ ‫♪ she lick me ‫like a lollipop

‫♪ she lick me ‫like a lollipop ‫lollipop ♪

‫like a lollipop ‫lollipop ♪ ‫♪ shorty want a thug

‫lollipop ♪ ‫♪ shorty want a thug ‫thug, thug

‫♪ shorty want a thug ‫thug, thug ‫bottles in the club

‫thug, thug ‫bottles in the club ‫club, club ♪

‫bottles in the club ‫club, club ♪ ‫he like a lollipop

‫club, club ♪ ‫he like a lollipop ‫♪♪

‫he like a lollipop ‫♪♪ ‫♪ she even wear her hair like

‫♪♪ ‫♪ she even wear her hair like ‫mine, but man, she never had a

‫♪ she even wear her hair like ‫mine, but man, she never had a ‫love like mine ♪

‫mine, but man, she never had a ‫love like mine ♪ ‫♪ I never seen a body like

‫love like mine ♪ ‫♪ I never seen a body like ‫hers ♪

‫♪ I never seen a body like ‫hers ♪ ‫♪ that body err love for word ♪

‫hers ♪ ‫♪ that body err love for word ♪ ‫♪ I told her to back it up, she

‫♪ that body err love for word ♪ ‫♪ I told her to back it up, she ‫made it jump ♪♪

‫♪ I told her to back it up, she ‫made it jump ♪♪ ‫that's when she... okay, okay,

‫made it jump ♪♪ ‫that's when she... okay, okay, ‫okay ♪

‫that's when she... okay, okay, ‫okay ♪ ‫♪ you don't understand ♪

‫okay ♪ ‫♪ you don't understand ♪ ‫♪ two women at the same time,

‫♪ you don't understand ♪ ‫♪ two women at the same time, ‫synchronized swimming ♪

‫♪ two women at the same time, ‫synchronized swimming ♪ ‫♪ I never met the girl, but I

‫synchronized swimming ♪ ‫♪ I never met the girl, but I ‫like I missed her ♪

‫♪ I never met the girl, but I ‫like I missed her ♪ ‫♪ and death is a sister ♪

‫like I missed her ♪ ‫♪ and death is a sister ♪ ‫♪ can resist her ♪

‫♪ and death is a sister ♪ ‫♪ can resist her ♪ ‫♪ we are no mother nature, it's

‫♪ can resist her ♪ ‫♪ we are no mother nature, it's ‫all in the family, I got no

‫♪ we are no mother nature, it's ‫all in the family, I got no ‫relation ♪

‫all in the family, I got no ‫relation ♪ ‫♪ no matter who's buying, I'm a

‫relation ♪ ‫♪ no matter who's buying, I'm a ‫celebration, black and white

‫♪ no matter who's buying, I'm a ‫celebration, black and white ‫diamonds ♪

‫celebration, black and white ‫diamonds ♪ ‫♪ I don't feel like I've done

‫diamonds ♪ ‫♪ I don't feel like I've done ‫enough, ♪

‫♪ I don't feel like I've done ‫enough, ♪ ‫♪ yeah, yeah, yeah

‫♪ I got to stop, she got me ‫thinking ♪ ‫I could date a cop ♪

‫thinking ♪ ‫I could date a cop ♪ ‫♪ 'cause her uniform

‫I could date a cop ♪ ‫♪ 'cause her uniform ‫fits her so tight

‫♪ 'cause her uniform ‫fits her so tight ‫she read me my rights ♪

‫fits her so tight ‫she read me my rights ♪ ‫♪ she put me in her car

‫she read me my rights ♪ ‫♪ she put me in her car ‫she cut off all the lights

‫♪ she put me in her car ‫she cut off all the lights ‫she said I have the right

‫she cut off all the lights ‫she said I have the right ‫to remain silent ♪

‫she said I have the right ‫to remain silent ♪ ‫♪ now I got her hollering

‫to remain silent ♪ ‫♪ now I got her hollering ‫sounding like a siren

‫♪ now I got her hollering ‫sounding like a siren ‫talking 'bout

‫sounding like a siren ‫talking 'bout ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪

‫talking 'bout ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪ ‫♪ and I know she the law

‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪ ‫♪ and I know she the law ‫and she know I'm the boss

‫♪ and I know she the law ‫and she know I'm the boss ‫and she know I get high

‫and she know I'm the boss ‫and she know I get high ‫above the law ♪

‫and she know I get high ‫above the law ♪ ‫♪ and she know I'm raw

‫above the law ♪ ‫♪ and she know I'm raw ‫she know I'm from the streets

‫♪ and she know I'm raw ‫she know I'm from the streets ‫and all she want me to do

‫she know I'm from the streets ‫and all she want me to do ‫is f-the police ♪

‫and all she want me to do ‫is f-the police ♪ ‫♪ talking 'bout

‫is f-the police ♪ ‫♪ talking 'bout ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee, yeah ♪

‫♪ talking 'bout ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee, yeah ♪ ‫♪ when I get up all in you

‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee, yeah ♪ ‫♪ when I get up all in you ‫we can hear the

‫♪ when I get up all in you ‫we can hear the ‫angels calling US ♪

‫we can hear the ‫angels calling US ♪ ‫♪ we can see

‫angels calling US ♪ ‫♪ we can see ‫the sunrise before US

‫♪ we can see ‫the sunrise before US ‫and when I'm in that thang ♪

‫the sunrise before US ‫and when I'm in that thang ♪ ‫♪ I'll make that body sing

‫and when I'm in that thang ♪ ‫♪ I'll make that body sing ‫I'll make it say

‫♪ I'll make that body sing ‫I'll make it say ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪

‫I'll make it say ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪ ‫♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪ ‫♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

‫♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪

‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪ ‫♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪ ‫♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

‫♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ‫I'll make ya say ♪

‫♪ A million, a million, a ‫million, a million, a million ♪ ‫♪ a million, a million, a

‫million, a million, a million ♪ ‫♪ a million, a million, a ‫million ♪

‫♪ a million, a million, a ‫million ♪ ‫♪ a millionaire

‫million ♪ ‫♪ a millionaire ‫I'm a young money millionaire

‫♪ a millionaire ‫I'm a young money millionaire ‫tougher than Nigerian hair ♪

‫I'm a young money millionaire ‫tougher than Nigerian hair ♪ ‫♪ my criteria compared

‫tougher than Nigerian hair ♪ ‫♪ my criteria compared ‫to your career

‫♪ my criteria compared ‫to your career ‫and leak on the sheet ♪

‫to your career ‫and leak on the sheet ♪ ‫♪ of the tablet in my mind

‫and leak on the sheet ♪ ‫♪ of the tablet in my mind ‫'cause I don't write...

‫♪ Of the tablet in my mind ‫'cause I don't write... ‫cause I ain't got time ♪

‫'cause I don't write... ‫cause I ain't got time ♪ ‫♪ and the almighty power

‫cause I ain't got time ♪ ‫♪ and the almighty power ‫of that ch-ch-ch-chopper

‫♪ and the almighty power ‫of that ch-ch-ch-chopper ‫sister, brother

‫of that ch-ch-ch-chopper ‫sister, brother ‫son, daughter ♪

‫sister, brother ‫son, daughter ♪ ‫♪ father, mother

‫son, daughter ♪ ‫♪ father, mother ‫♪

‫♪ father, mother ‫♪ ‫tell the coppers

‫♪ tell the coppers ha-ha-ha-ha ♪

‫tell the coppers ‫ha-ha-ha-ha ♪ ‫♪ you can't catch 'em

‫ha-ha-ha-ha ♪ ‫♪ you can't catch 'em ‫you can't stop 'em

‫♪ you can't catch 'em ‫you can't stop 'em ‫I go by them goon rules ♪

‫you can't stop 'em ‫I go by them goon rules ♪ ‫♪ if you can't beat 'em

‫I go by them goon rules ♪ ‫♪ if you can't beat 'em ‫then you pop 'em

‫♪ if you can't beat 'em ‫then you pop 'em ‫you can't man 'em

‫then you pop 'em ‫you can't man 'em ‫then you mop 'em ♪

‫you can't man 'em ‫then you mop 'em ♪ ‫♪ you can't stand 'em

‫then you mop 'em ♪ ‫♪ you can't stand 'em ‫then you drop 'em

‫♪ you can't stand 'em ‫then you drop 'em ‫you pop 'em 'cause ♪

‫then you drop 'em ‫you pop 'em 'cause ♪ ‫♪ we pop 'em like

‫you pop 'em 'cause ♪ ‫♪ we pop 'em like ‫Orville redenbacher

‫♪ we pop 'em like ‫Orville redenbacher ‫♪ everybody, homeboy ♪

‫Orville redenbacher ‫♪ everybody, homeboy ♪ ‫♪ a million here

‫♪ everybody, homeboy ♪ ‫♪ a million here ‫a million there

‫♪ a million here ‫a million there ‫sicilian with long hair ♪

‫a million there ‫sicilian with long hair ♪ ‫♪ with coke in her derriere

‫sicilian with long hair ♪ ‫♪ with coke in her derriere ‫like smoke in

‫♪ with coke in her derriere ‫like smoke in ‫the thinnest air ♪

‫like smoke in ‫the thinnest air ♪ ‫♪ I open the lamborghini

‫the thinnest air ♪ ‫♪ I open the lamborghini ‫hopin' them guys see me

‫♪ I open the lamborghini ‫hopin' them guys see me ‫like look at

‫hopin' them guys see me ‫like look at ‫that bastard weezy ♪

‫like look at ‫that bastard weezy ♪ ‫♪ he's a beast

‫that bastard weezy ♪ ‫♪ he's a beast ‫he's a dog

‫♪ he's a beast ‫he's a dog ‫he's a mother... problem ♪

‫he's a dog ‫he's a mother... problem ♪ ‫♪ okay, you're a goon

‫he's a mother... problem ♪ ‫♪ okay, you're a goon ‫but what's a goon

‫♪ okay, you're a goon ‫but what's a goon ‫to a goblin ♪♪

‫but what's a goon ‫to a goblin ♪♪ ‫thank you.

‫To a goblin ♪♪ ‫thank you. ‫Happy 50th.

‫Thank you. ‫Happy 50th. ‫[ Cheering ]

‫As we celebrate the ‫achievements of the past 50 ‫years, we must also take a

‫achievements of the past 50 ‫years, we must also take a ‫moment to honor those who we've

‫years, we must also take a ‫moment to honor those who we've ‫lost.

‫Moment to honor those who we've ‫lost. ‫Countless members of the "snl"

‫lost. ‫Countless members of the "snl" ‫family taken from US too soon.

‫Countless members ‫of the "snl" family taken

‫from US too soon. I'm ‫talking of course "snl"

‫family taken from US too soon. ‫I'm talking of course "snl" ‫characters and sketches that

‫I'm talking of course "snl" ‫characters and sketches that ‫have aged horribly.

‫Characters and sketches that ‫have aged horribly. ‫But even though these

‫have aged horribly. ‫But even though these ‫characters, accents and let's

‫but even though these ‫characters, accents and let's ‫just call them ethnic wigs were

‫characters, accents ‫and let's just call them

‫ethnic wigs were ‫unquestionably in poor taste,

‫just call them ethnic wigs were ‫unquestionably in poor taste, ‫you all laughed at them.

‫Unquestionably in poor taste, ‫you all laughed at them. ‫So if anyone should be canceled,

‫you all laughed at them. ‫So if anyone should be canceled, ‫shouldn't it be you, the

‫so if anyone should be canceled, ‫shouldn't it be you, the ‫audience?

‫Shouldn't it be you, the ‫audience? ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Audience? ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Something to think about.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Something to think about. ‫Any way, we now present to you

‫something to think about. ‫Any way, we now present to you ‫this in memoriam.

‫Would you tell me... ‫it will give me a job. ‫Your job, he he he.

‫It will give me a job. ‫Your job, he he he. ‫Make you believe.

‫Your job, he he he. ‫Make you believe. ‫Hey, excuse me.

‫Make you believe. ‫Hey, excuse me. ‫This is getting out of hand.

‫Hey, excuse me. ‫This is getting out of hand. ‫Why don't you drop out of

‫this is getting out of ‫hand. >> Why don't you

‫drop out of that green ‫jumpsuit and show me

‫why don't you drop out of ‫that green jumpsuit and show me ‫that fat ass.

‫That green jumpsuit and show me ‫that fat ass. ‫Hey, what do you say we

‫that fat ass. ‫Hey, what do you say we ‫adjoin to the janitor's closet,

‫hey, what do you ‫say we adjoin to the

‫janitor's closet, drop trow ‫and see if we can make

‫adjoin to the janitor's closet, ‫drop trow and see if we can make ‫baby?

‫Drop trow and see if we can make ‫baby? ‫It looks like this is my

‫baby? ‫It looks like this is my ‫lucky day.

‫It looks like this is my ‫lucky day. ‫I'll take the rapist for 200.

‫Lucky day. ‫I'll take the rapist for 200. ‫That's therapist.

‫I'll take the rapist for 200. ‫That's therapist. ‫Look at my bum, I look at

‫that's therapist. ‫Look at my bum, I look at ‫your bum.

‫Look at my bum, I look at ‫your bum. ‫I made a little diary to show

‫your bum. ‫I made a little diary to show ‫everybody how it is to be a

‫I made a little diary to show ‫everybody how it is to be a ‫host here.

‫Everybody how it is to be a ‫host here. ‫I made my grandmother's

‫host here. ‫I made my grandmother's ‫special recipe for cocker

‫I made my grandmother's ‫special recipe for cocker ‫spaniel.

‫Special recipe for cocker ‫spaniel. ‫I know it's not your first

‫spaniel. ‫I know it's not your first ‫choice, but keep in mind you're

‫I know it's not your first ‫choice, but keep in mind you're ‫a doll.

‫Choice, but keep in mind you're ‫a doll. ‫All right.

‫A doll. ‫All right. ‫Jane, you ignorant slut!

‫All right. ‫Jane, you ignorant slut! ‫Guys dancing with guys, girls

‫Jane, you ignorant ‫slut! >> Guys dancing

‫with guys, girls dancing ‫with girls, guys that

‫guys dancing with ‫guys, girls dancing with

‫girls, guys that looks ‫like girls dancing with

‫dancing with girls, guys that ‫looks like girls dancing with ‫girls.

‫Looks like girls dancing with ‫girls. ‫You don't even know what gay

‫girls. ‫You don't even know what gay ‫is.

‫You don't even know what gay ‫is. ‫I didn't like it the first

‫is. ‫I didn't like it the first ‫time when it was called chasing

‫I didn't like it the first ‫time when it was called chasing ‫Amy.

‫Time when it was called chasing ‫Amy. ‫Run, throw, and catch like a

‫Amy. ‫Run, throw, and catch like a ‫girl.

‫Run, throw, and catch like a ‫girl. ‫Olympics.

‫Girl. ‫Olympics. ‫The winner is.

‫Olympics. ‫The winner is. ‫It should be noted that that

‫the winner is. ‫It should be noted that that ‫joke was written by a woman.

‫It should be noted that that ‫joke was written by a woman. ‫No, just kidding.

‫Joke was written by a woman. ‫No, just kidding. ‫We don't hire women.

‫No, just kidding. ‫We don't hire women. ‫Happy holidays for everyone,

‫we don't hire women. ‫Happy holidays for everyone, ‫expect New Jersey!

‫Happy holidays for everyone, ‫expect New Jersey! ‫What the hell is that?

‫Please welcome Marsha Quinn, ‫sue chow and li hao. ‫Welcome to celebrity battle

‫sue chow and li hao. ‫Welcome to celebrity battle ‫of the sexes and races.

‫Welcome to celebrity battle ‫of the sexes and races. ‫You know you're a beautiful

‫of the sexes and races. ‫You know you're a beautiful ‫woman.

‫You know you're a beautiful ‫woman. ‫Robert Blake, puff daddy.

‫Woman. ‫Robert Blake, puff daddy. ‫Don't judge a book by its

‫Robert Blake, puff daddy. ‫Don't judge a book by its ‫cover.

‫Don't judge a book by its ‫cover. ‫My man is like r. Kelly.

‫Cover. ‫My man is like r. Kelly. ‫Thank you to r. Kelly.

‫My man is like r. Kelly. ‫Thank you to r. Kelly. ‫I'm Jared Vogel from subway.

‫Thank you to r. Kelly. ‫I'm Jared Vogel from subway. ‫White trash.

‫I'm Jared Vogel from subway. ‫White trash. ‫Jungle bunny.

‫White trash. ‫Jungle bunny. ‫Honky!

‫Jungle bunny. ‫Honky! ‫Spade.

‫Honky! ‫Spade. ‫Honky honky.

‫Spade. ‫Honky honky. ‫[ Bleep ] [ Bleep ].

‫Honky honky. ‫[ Bleep ] [ Bleep ]. ‫Dead honky.

‫Hi, guys! ‫Hi. ‫Hi, drew.

‫Hi. ‫Hi, drew. ‫Hi.

‫Hi, drew. ‫Hi. ‫Good to see you.

‫Hi. ‫Good to see you. ‫I didn't know you knew eyo.

‫Good to see you. ‫I didn't know you knew eyo. ‫Just met in the bathroom.

‫I didn't know you knew eyo. ‫Just met in the bathroom. ‫Crawled under her stall.

‫Just met in the bathroom. ‫Crawled under her stall. ‫My kind of gal.

‫Crawled under her stall. ‫My kind of gal. ‫What a night to celebrate.

‫My kind of gal. ‫What a night to celebrate. ‫I know.

‫What a night to celebrate. ‫I know. ‫You know what?

‫I know. ‫You know what? ‫Is there a bartender here?

‫You know what? ‫Is there a bartender here? ‫What can I get you?

‫Is there a bartender here? ‫What can I get you? ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫What can I get you? ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Well, you know, it's a

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫Well, you know, it's a ‫celebration.

‫Well, you know, it's a ‫celebration. ‫I'm thinking some bubbly.

‫Celebration. ‫I'm thinking some bubbly. ‫I love that yeah, it's great.

‫I'm thinking some bubbly. ‫I love that yeah, it's great. ‫Here you go, guys.

‫I love that yeah, it's great. ‫Here you go, guys. ‫Thank you.

‫Here you go, guys. ‫Thank you. ‫All right!

‫Thank you. ‫All right! ‫Party!

‫All right! ‫Party! ‫Ex-official.

‫Party! ‫Ex-official. ‫Have you seen the latest

‫ex-official. ‫Have you seen the latest ‫study on alcohol?

‫Have you seen the latest ‫study on alcohol? ‫Even one drink can significantly

‫study on alcohol? ‫Even one drink can significantly ‫slash life expectancy.

‫Even one drink can significantly ‫slash life expectancy. ‫♪♪

‫Slash life expectancy. ‫♪♪ ‫♪ you're enjoying your day,

‫♪♪ ‫♪ you're enjoying your day, ‫everything going your way, then

‫♪ you're enjoying your day, ‫everything going your way, then ‫along comes Debbie downer ♪

‫everything going your ‫way, then along comes

‫Debbie downer ♪ ♪ tell ‫you about a new disease,

‫along comes Debbie downer ♪ ‫♪ tell you about a new disease, ‫a car accident or a killer

‫♪ tell you about a new disease, ‫a car accident or a killer ‫bees ♪

‫a car accident or a killer ‫bees ♪ ‫♪ but you can't stop Debbie

‫bees ♪ ‫♪ but you can't stop Debbie ‫downer ♪

‫♪ but you can't stop Debbie ‫downer ♪ ‫okay, I think sometimes you

‫downer ♪ ‫okay, I think sometimes you ‫just got to celebrate.

‫Okay, I think sometimes you ‫just got to celebrate. ‫I mean, this is such a

‫just got to celebrate. ‫I mean, this is such a ‫special night.

‫I mean, this is such a ‫special night. ‫I agree.

‫Special night. ‫I agree. ‫To "snl," to another 50 years!

‫I agree. ‫To "snl," to another 50 years! ‫Cheers!

‫To "snl," to another 50 years! ‫Cheers! ‫Let's hope humanity lasts

‫cheers! ‫Let's hope humanity lasts ‫that long.

‫Let's hope humanity lasts ‫that long. ‫At this point, it looks like

‫that long. ‫At this point, it looks like ‫we're going the way of the white

‫at this point, it looks like ‫we're going the way of the white ‫rhino.

‫We're going the way of the white ‫rhino. ‫What are you talking about?

‫Rhino. ‫What are you talking about? ‫There are only two left in

‫what are you talking about? ‫There are only two left in ‫captivity, and they're both

‫there are only two left in ‫captivity, and they're both ‫female.

‫Captivity, and they're both ‫female. ‫♪♪

‫Female. ‫♪♪ ‫well, here is a toast to all

‫♪♪ ‫well, here is a toast to all ‫of the friends we've made, both

‫well, here is a toast to all ‫of the friends we've made, both ‫old and new.

‫Of the friends we've made, both ‫old and new. ‫Hey, amen to that.

‫Old and new. ‫Hey, amen to that. ‫Hey, just a heads up, we

‫hey, amen to that. ‫Hey, just a heads up, we ‫don't have any eggs.

‫Hey, just a heads up, we ‫don't have any eggs. ‫What?

‫Don't have any eggs. ‫What? ‫Why would we want eggs?

‫What? ‫Why would we want eggs? ‫Bird flu is on the rampage.

‫Why would we want eggs? ‫Bird flu is on the rampage. ‫Millions of s s of fowl have a

‫bird flu is on the rampage. ‫Millions of s s of fowl have a ‫been culled.

‫Millions of s s of fowl have a ‫been culled. ‫Debbie, we're trying to have

‫been culled. ‫Debbie, we're trying to have ‫fun, okay.

‫Debbie, we're trying to have ‫fun, okay. ‫Why don't you go take five.

‫Fun, okay. ‫Why don't you go take five. ‫Believe me, I'd love to sit

‫why don't you go take five. ‫Believe me, I'd love to sit ‫down.

‫Believe me, I'd love to sit ‫down. ‫My right foot is throbbing.

‫Down. ‫My right foot is throbbing. ‫Pretty sure it's my old friend

‫my right foot is throbbing. ‫Pretty sure it's my old friend ‫gout.

‫Pretty sure it's my old friend ‫gout. ‫♪♪

‫Gout. ‫♪♪ ‫thank you.

‫♪♪ ‫thank you. ‫Well.

‫Thank you. ‫Well. ‫Hey, Bobby!

‫Well. ‫Hey, Bobby! ‫Good to see you.

‫Hey, Bobby! ‫Good to see you. ‫Nice to see you.

‫Good to see you. ‫Nice to see you. ‫Excuse me, I'm such a big

‫nice to see you. ‫Excuse me, I'm such a big ‫fan.

‫Excuse me, I'm such a big ‫fan. ‫It's good to see you.

‫Fan. ‫It's good to see you. ‫Can I have a Tequila and a soda

‫it's good to see you. ‫Can I have a Tequila and a soda ‫with a straw?

‫Can I have a Tequila and a soda ‫with a straw? ‫You talking to me?

‫With a straw? ‫You talking to me? ‫You talking to me?

‫You talking to me? ‫You talking to me? ‫Is that supposed to be a

‫you talking to me? ‫Is that supposed to be a ‫joke?

‫Is that supposed to be a ‫joke? ‫No, I'm asking, I have dry

‫joke? ‫No, I'm asking, I have dry ‫eye, and it's hard to discern if

‫no, I'm asking, I have dry ‫eye, and it's hard to discern if ‫you were talking to me.

‫Eye, and it's hard to discern if ‫you were talking to me. ‫♪♪

‫You were talking to me. ‫♪♪ ‫just give me a drink.

‫♪♪ ‫just give me a drink. ‫Okay, sure.

‫Just give me a drink. ‫Okay, sure. ‫Coming right up.

‫Okay, sure. ‫Coming right up. ‫Here you go.

‫Coming right up. ‫Here you go. ‫There you go with that.

‫Here you go. ‫There you go with that. ‫There you go.

‫There you go with that. ‫There you go. ‫Kind of surprise you'd want a

‫there you go. ‫Kind of surprise you'd want a ‫straw.

‫Kind of surprise you'd want a ‫straw. ‫Why is that?

‫Straw. ‫Why is that? ‫Microplastic.

‫Why is that? ‫Microplastic. ‫At this point, we're all walking

‫microplastic. ‫At this point, we're all walking ‫landfills.

‫At this point, we're all walking ‫landfills. ‫♪♪

‫Landfills. ‫♪♪ ‫odds are they've already

‫♪♪ ‫odds are they've already ‫taken up residence in your

‫odds are they've already ‫taken up residence in your ‫testes.

‫Taken up residence in your ‫testes. ‫♪♪

‫Testes. ‫♪♪ ‫[ Laughter ]

‫♪♪ ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Deborah, I'm going to talk

‫[ laughter ] ‫Deborah, I'm going to talk ‫now, and you're going to shut

‫Deborah, I'm going to talk ‫now, and you're going to shut ‫it.

‫Now, and you're going to shut ‫it. ‫I do not appreciate this

‫it. ‫I do not appreciate this ‫conversation.

‫I do not appreciate this ‫conversation. ‫I don't want to talk about

‫conversation. ‫I don't want to talk about ‫plastic in my balls.

‫I don't want to talk about ‫plastic in my balls. ‫I want to laugh and feel joy and

‫plastic in my balls. ‫I want to laugh and feel joy and ‫have a sliver of hope for three

‫I want to laugh and ‫feel joy and have a sliver

‫of hope for three ‫goddamn hours of my life.

‫Have a sliver of hope for three ‫goddamn hours of my life. ‫That's all I want.

‫Goddamn hours of my life. ‫That's all I want. ‫I came here tonight to get a

‫that's all I want. ‫I came here tonight to get a ‫little frigging break from our

‫I came here tonight ‫to get a little frigging

‫break from our world ‫right now, which is like

‫little frigging break ‫from our world right

‫now, which is like ‫living under a... in a full

‫world right now, which is like ‫living under a... in a full ‫diaper.

‫Living under a... in a full ‫diaper. ‫Diapers are a leading culprit

‫diaper. ‫Diapers are a leading culprit ‫in the microplastic saga.

‫Diapers are a leading culprit ‫in the microplastic saga. ‫♪♪

‫In the microplastic saga. ‫♪♪ ‫Bobby, Bobby, Bob, it's all

‫♪♪ ‫Bobby, Bobby, Bob, it's all ‫working.

‫Bobby, Bobby, Bob, it's all ‫working. ‫She think she is helping, okay?

‫Working. ‫She think she is helping, okay? ‫My kids think the best of you.

‫She think she is helping, okay? ‫My kids think the best of you. ‫Speaking of kids, it's

‫my kids think the best of you. ‫Speaking of kids, it's ‫official.

‫Speaking of kids, it's ‫official. ‫I can't have children.

‫Official. ‫I can't have children. ‫♪♪ but I told you that once,

‫I can't have children. ‫♪♪ but I told you that once, ‫Jimmy.

‫♪♪ But I told you that once, ‫Jimmy. ‫Yeah, did you?

‫Jimmy. ‫Yeah, did you? ‫I don't remember.

‫Yeah, did you? ‫I don't remember. ‫You know what, Debbie,

‫I don't remember. ‫You know what, Debbie, ‫Jimmy's right.

‫You know what, Debbie, ‫Jimmy's right. ‫Why don't you join US in a

‫Jimmy's right. ‫Why don't you join US in a ‫toast.

‫Why don't you join US in a ‫toast. ‫Okay.

‫Toast. ‫Okay. ‫Okay.

‫Okay. ‫Okay. ‫Let me get my drink.

‫Okay. ‫Let me get my drink. ‫To laughter, to friendship,

‫let me get my drink. ‫To laughter, to friendship, ‫and to 50 years!

‫To laughter, to friendship, ‫and to 50 years! ‫And to continuing advances in

‫and to 50 years! ‫And to continuing advances in ‫curing feline aids.

‫And to continuing advances in ‫curing feline aids. ‫It's the number one killer of

‫curing feline aids. ‫It's the number one killer of ‫domestic cats.

‫It's the number one killer of ‫domestic cats. ‫Meow, meow.

‫Domestic cats. ‫Meow, meow. ‫♪ no, you can't stop Debbie

‫meow, meow. ‫♪ no, you can't stop Debbie ‫downer ♪

‫♪ no, you can't stop Debbie ‫downer ♪ ‫[ Applause ]

‫♪♪

‫All right, you knucklehead, ‫listen up. ‫I bet you think robbing a

‫listen up. ‫I bet you think robbing a ‫convenience store is pretty

‫I bet you think robbing a ‫convenience store is pretty ‫boss, yeah?

‫Convenience store is pretty ‫boss, yeah? ‫Whatever, man.

‫Boss, yeah? ‫Whatever, man. ‫You may think it's one big

‫whatever, man. ‫You may think it's one big ‫joke, but it's not.

‫You may think it's one big ‫joke, but it's not. ‫It's why I invited

‫joke, but it's not. ‫It's why I invited ‫representatives from the scared

‫it's why I invited ‫representatives from the scared ‫straight program.

‫Representatives from the scared ‫straight program. ‫They're inmates at the larchmont

‫straight program. ‫They're inmates at the larchmont ‫maximum security prison and here

‫they're inmates at the ‫larchmont maximum security

‫prison and here to ‫warn you of a dangerous

‫maximum security prison and here ‫to warn you of a dangerous ‫lifestyle.

‫To warn you of a dangerous ‫lifestyle. ‫Get in here!

‫Lifestyle. ‫Get in here! ‫All right, here we come.

‫Get in here! ‫All right, here we come. ‫On your feet!

‫All right, here we come. ‫On your feet! ‫Coming up.

‫On your feet! ‫Coming up. ‫Sit your asses down!

‫Coming up. ‫Sit your asses down! ‫On your feet!

‫Sit your asses down! ‫On your feet! ‫Sit down before I kill

‫on your feet! ‫Sit down before I kill ‫somebody.

‫Sit down before I kill ‫somebody. ‫There you go.

‫Somebody. ‫There you go. ‫All right.

‫There you go. ‫All right. ‫My name is Lorenzo macintosh.

‫All right. ‫My name is Lorenzo macintosh. ‫And my name is all the way

‫my name is Lorenzo macintosh. ‫And my name is all the way ‫ray may.

‫And my name is all the way ‫ray may. ‫I don't do nothing halfway.

‫Ray may. ‫I don't do nothing halfway. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫I don't do nothing halfway. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫What you in here for, chief?

‫[ Laughter ] ‫What you in here for, chief? ‫Let me guess, manipulating

‫what you in here for, chief? ‫Let me guess, manipulating ‫crypto market.

‫Let me guess, manipulating ‫crypto market. ‫No, no, that's a terrible

‫crypto market. ‫No, no, that's a terrible ‫guess, no.

‫No, no, that's a terrible ‫guess, no. ‫I got these little bozos

‫guess, no. ‫I got these little bozos ‫shoplifting.

‫I got these little bozos ‫shoplifting. ‫Oh, shoplifting.

‫Shoplifting. ‫Oh, shoplifting. ‫It starts with shoplifting.

‫Oh, shoplifting. ‫It starts with shoplifting. ‫Guess where it ends... genocide!

‫It starts with shoplifting. ‫Guess where it ends... genocide! ‫What?

‫Guess where it ends... genocide! ‫What? ‫But wait.

‫What? ‫But wait. ‫You better listen up.

‫But wait. ‫You better listen up. ‫You think you tough, huh?

‫You better listen up. ‫You think you tough, huh? ‫You real street?

‫You think you tough, huh? ‫You real street? ‫Well, guess what?

‫You real street? ‫Well, guess what? ‫When I was a boy, I watched both

‫well, guess what? ‫When I was a boy, I watched both ‫my parents die on these streets.

‫When I was a boy, I watched both ‫my parents die on these streets. ‫That's right.

‫My parents die on these streets. ‫That's right. ‫And the family that adopted him

‫that's right. ‫And the family that adopted him ‫made him sleep under the

‫and the family that adopted him ‫made him sleep under the ‫staircase.

‫Made him sleep under the ‫staircase. ‫Until one day I got a letter

‫staircase. ‫Until one day I got a letter ‫from an owl telling me I had to

‫until one day I ‫got a letter from an owl

‫telling me I had to report ‫to some kind of school

‫from an owl telling me I had to ‫report to some kind of school ‫for wizards.

‫Report to some kind of school ‫for wizards. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫For wizards. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Is that what you want, huh?

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Is that what you want, huh? ‫You and Hermione have to stop

‫is that what you want, ‫huh? You and Hermione

‫have to stop who must ‫not be named before he

‫you and Hermione have ‫to stop who must not be

‫named before he gets ‫his hands on the sorcerer's

‫who must not be named before he ‫gets his hands on the sorcerer's ‫stone?

‫Gets his hands on the sorcerer's ‫stone? ‫That's definitely Harry

‫stone? ‫That's definitely Harry ‫Potter.

‫That's definitely Harry ‫Potter. ‫No, no.

‫Potter. ‫No, no. ‫Shut your damn mouth.

‫No, no. ‫Shut your damn mouth. ‫Your mind.

‫Shut your damn mouth. ‫Your mind. ‫In prison there will be a dude

‫your mind. ‫In prison there will be a dude ‫entering your chamber of

‫in prison there will be a dude ‫entering your chamber of ‫secrets.

‫Entering your chamber of ‫secrets. ‫Maybe Slytherin right into your

‫secrets. ‫Maybe Slytherin right into your ‫ass-ka-ban.

‫Maybe Slytherin right into your ‫ass-ka-ban. ‫You're not going to be in

‫ass-ka-ban. ‫You're not going to be in ‫Hogwarts.

‫You're not going to be in ‫Hogwarts. ‫There will be warts on your hog.

‫Hogwarts. ‫There will be warts on your hog. ‫Come on, hufflepuff it.

‫There will be warts on your hog. ‫Come on, hufflepuff it. ‫The dude I describe as

‫come on, hufflepuff it. ‫The dude I describe as ‫serious black is going to wave

‫the dude I describe as ‫serious black is going to wave ‫his wand in your face and say

‫serious black is going to wave ‫his wand in your face and say ‫expect

‫his wand in your face and say ‫expect ‫expecto fellatio.

‫Expect ‫expecto fellatio. ‫Good lord, fellows.

‫Expecto fellatio. ‫Good lord, fellows. ‫Well done, chief.

‫Good lord, fellows. ‫Well done, chief. ‫We stepped on the line.

‫Well done, chief. ‫We stepped on the line. ‫That's a two point shot.

‫We stepped on the line. ‫That's a two point shot. ‫Now which one of you all is

‫that's a two point shot. ‫Now which one of you all is ‫the ringleader?

‫Now which one of you all is ‫the ringleader? ‫What I didn't realize it was

‫the ringleader? ‫What I didn't realize it was ‫national rat out a latino day.

‫What I didn't realize it was ‫national rat out a latino day. ‫On your damn feet.

‫National rat out a latino day. ‫On your damn feet. ‫Look at them pretty brown

‫on your damn feet. ‫Look at them pretty brown ‫eyes.

‫Look at them pretty brown ‫eyes. ‫They're going love you in

‫eyes. ‫They're going love you in ‫prison, Arianna pequeno.

‫They're going love you in ‫prison, Arianna pequeno. ‫Why you shoplift?

‫Prison, Arianna pequeno. ‫Why you shoplift? ‫I was trying to impress my

‫why you shoplift? ‫I was trying to impress my ‫girlfriend.

‫I was trying to impress my ‫girlfriend. ‫She thick as hell.

‫Girlfriend. ‫She thick as hell. ‫You think I'm going to try

‫she thick as hell. ‫You think I'm going to try ‫those?

‫You think I'm going to try ‫those? ‫Start with a 400 pound

‫those? ‫Start with a 400 pound ‫professor, huh?

‫Start with a 400 pound ‫professor, huh? ‫And I fell in love with Jada

‫professor, huh? ‫And I fell in love with Jada ‫pinkett?

‫And I fell in love with Jada ‫pinkett? ‫But he was ashamed of his weight

‫pinkett? ‫But he was ashamed of his weight ‫so he drank a serum that turned

‫but he was ashamed of his weight ‫so he drank a serum that turned ‫him into buddy love.

‫So he drank a serum that turned ‫him into buddy love. ‫Is that what you want?

‫Him into buddy love. ‫Is that what you want? ‫Then you go through a den and

‫is that what you want? ‫Then you go through a den and ‫realize that everybody at the

‫then you go through a den and ‫realize that everybody at the ‫table is the same person.

‫Realize that everybody at the ‫table is the same person. ‫Because this is real!

‫Table is the same person. ‫Because this is real! ‫Yo, okay, that's almost

‫because this is real! ‫Yo, okay, that's almost ‫certainly "the nutty professor."

‫Yo, okay, that's ‫almost certainly "the

‫nutty professor." >> ‫What will that what you're

‫certainly "the nutty professor." ‫What will that what you're ‫going to both get.

‫What will that what you're ‫going to both get. ‫Prison, you'll be professor

‫going to both get. ‫Prison, you'll be professor ‫your love of nuts all right, but

‫prison, you'll be ‫professor your love of

‫nuts all right, but you ‫won't be losing no 200

‫your love of nuts all right, but ‫you won't be losing no 200 ‫pounds.

‫You won't be losing no 200 ‫pounds. ‫You'll be gaining 9 inches.

‫Pounds. ‫You'll be gaining 9 inches. ‫See they give you a

‫you'll be gaining 9 inches. ‫See they give you a ‫possession, muscle relaxants.

‫See they give you a ‫possession, muscle relaxants. ‫You'll be handling so many dudes

‫possession, muscle ‫relaxants. You'll be handling

‫so many dudes at once, ‫they'll all be cheering

‫you'll be handling so ‫many dudes at once, they'll

‫all be cheering at the ‫same time, Hercules,

‫at once, they'll all be cheering ‫at the same time, Hercules, ‫Hercules.

‫At the same time, Hercules, ‫Hercules. ‫Absolutely not, no.

‫Hercules. ‫Absolutely not, no. ‫I let that go way too long

‫absolutely not, no. ‫I let that go way too long ‫because optimism a fan of the

‫I let that go way too long ‫because optimism a fan of the ‫film.

‫Because optimism a fan of the ‫film. ‫Come on.

‫Film. ‫Come on. ‫These are children.

‫Come on. ‫These are children. ‫Fellows all right?

‫These are children. ‫Fellows all right? ‫30-year-old children.

‫Fellows all right? ‫30-year-old children. ‫Come on.

‫30-year-old children. ‫Come on. ‫Hey, hey, hey, hey.

‫Come on. ‫Hey, hey, hey, hey. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Hey, hey, hey, hey. ‫[ Applause ] ‫No one else is wearing their

‫[ applause ] ‫No one else is wearing their ‫spring uniform.

‫No one else is wearing their ‫spring uniform. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫Spring uniform. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫Who the hell is this guy?

‫[ Laughter ] ‫Who the hell is this guy? ‫That's big red.

‫Who the hell is this guy? ‫That's big red. ‫That's right.

‫That's big red. ‫That's right. ‫They call me big red.

‫That's right. ‫They call me big red. ‫Because of your hair?

‫They call me big red. ‫Because of your hair? ‫No, because I'm well read.

‫Because of your hair? ‫No, because I'm well read. ‫I got six geds and a nagging

‫no, because I'm well read. ‫I got six geds and a nagging ‫uti, and I'd like to offer a

‫I got six geds and a nagging ‫uti, and I'd like to offer a ‫counterpoint.

‫Uti, and I'd like to offer a ‫counterpoint. ‫Prison is actually really fun.

‫Counterpoint. ‫Prison is actually really fun. ‫I'm in an improv group, i'm

‫prison is actually really fun. ‫I'm in an improv group, i'm ‫scrapbooking like crazy.

‫I'm in an improv group, i'm ‫scrapbooking like crazy. ‫Outside I never used to get

‫scrapbooking like crazy. ‫Outside I never used to get ‫laid.

‫Outside I never used to get ‫laid. ‫Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times

‫laid. ‫Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times ‫a day.

‫Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times ‫a day. ‫It's incredible.

‫A day. ‫It's incredible. ‫Yeah, but don't let all of

‫it's incredible. ‫Yeah, but don't let all of ‫that fool you.

‫Yeah, but don't let all of ‫that fool you. ‫This man is tough as nails.

‫That fool you. ‫This man is tough as nails. ‫Tough as press-on nails.

‫This man is tough as nails. ‫Tough as press-on nails. ‫You better believe that, buster.

‫Tough as press-on ‫nails. You better believe

‫that, buster. >> Tell ‫him your story, red.

‫You better believe that, buster. ‫Tell him your story, red. ‫Well, you see, I was

‫tell him your story, red. ‫Well, you see, I was ‫abandoned as a baby.

‫Well, you see, I was ‫abandoned as a baby. ‫Got my human parents.

‫Abandoned as a baby. ‫Got my human parents. ‫So I was forced to grow up at

‫got my human parents. ‫So I was forced to grow up at ‫the north pole.

‫So I was forced to grow up at ‫the north pole. ‫And you know, I'm going to skip

‫the north pole. ‫And you know, I'm going to skip ‫ahead to elf.

‫And you know, I'm going to skip ‫ahead to elf. ‫I'm going to talk about elf.

‫Ahead to elf. ‫I'm going to talk about elf. ‫But guess what!

‫I'm going to talk about elf. ‫But guess what! ‫This is real.

‫But guess what! ‫This is real. ‫This is elf.

‫This is real. ‫This is elf. ‫I mean, real!

‫This is elf. ‫I mean, real! ‫So you were an elf?

‫I mean, real! ‫So you were an elf? ‫I knew you were a little bitch.

‫So you were an elf? ‫I knew you were a little bitch. ‫Oh!

‫I knew you were a little bitch. ‫Oh! ‫That's the night the lights

‫oh! ‫That's the night the lights ‫went out in Georgia.

‫That's the night the lights ‫went out in Georgia. ‫You better keep your damn

‫went out in Georgia. ‫You better keep your damn ‫mouth shut.

‫You better keep your damn ‫mouth shut. ‫In prison, you're not going

‫mouth shut. ‫In prison, you're not going ‫to be named elf you're no.

‫In prison, you're not going ‫to be named elf you're no. ‫You're going to get elfed.

‫To be named elf you're no. ‫You're going to get elfed. ‫In your butt.

‫You're going to get elfed. ‫In your butt. ‫I'm trying, I'm trying.

‫In your butt. ‫I'm trying, I'm trying. ‫You're doing good.

‫I'm trying, I'm trying. ‫You're doing good. ‫That's right, that's right.

‫You're doing good. ‫That's right, that's right. ‫And forget about your nut

‫that's right, that's right. ‫And forget about your nut ‫hole.

‫And forget about your nut ‫hole. ‫What you need to be worrying

‫hole. ‫What you need to be worrying ‫about is your south pole,

‫what you need to be worrying ‫about is your south pole, ‫because you'll be yelling son of

‫about is your south pole, ‫because you'll be yelling son of ‫a nutcracker, all right?

‫Because you'll be yelling ‫son of a nutcracker,

‫all right? And it won't ‫be no Santa coming

‫a nutcracker, all right? ‫And it won't be no Santa coming ‫to town.

‫And it won't be no Santa coming ‫to town. ‫It will be Santos coming in your

‫to town. ‫It will be Santos coming in your ‫brown.

‫It will be Santos coming in your ‫brown. ‫No, no!

‫Brown. ‫No, no! ‫Get out of here.

‫No, no! ‫Get out of here. ‫Let's go.

‫Get out of here. ‫Let's go. ‫All three.

‫Let's go. ‫All three. ‫Let's go.

‫All three. ‫Let's go. ‫That's okay.

‫Let's go. ‫That's okay. ‫That's okay.

‫That's okay. ‫That's okay. ‫Red, come on.

‫That's okay. ‫Red, come on. ‫We got to go.

‫Red, come on. ‫We got to go. ‫Red, get we got to go.

‫We got to go. ‫Red, get we got to go. ‫[ Applause ]

‫Red, get we got to go. ‫[ Applause ] ‫Boy.

‫[ Applause ] ‫Boy. ‫I don't know what I was

‫boy. ‫I don't know what I was ‫thinking.

‫I don't know what I was ‫thinking. ‫I don't know how that would be

‫thinking. ‫I don't know how that would be ‫helpful, you know.

‫I don't know how that would be ‫helpful, you know. ‫Ask what I can do for you.

‫Helpful, you know. ‫Ask what I can do for you. ‫Come on, enough.

‫Ask what I can do for you. ‫Come on, enough. ‫It's too much.

‫Come on, enough. ‫It's too much. ‫It's all right.

‫It's too much. ‫It's all right. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫It's all right. ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫♪♪

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫♪♪ ‫ladies and gentlemen, a live

‫♪♪ ‫ladies and gentlemen, a live ‫show!

‫Ladies and gentlemen, a live ‫show! ‫>>.

‫Show! ‫>>. ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪

‫[ cheers and applause ] ‫Hello, y'all. ‫I am Jared Maurice!

‫Hello, y'all. ‫I am Jared Maurice! ‫[ Cheering ]

‫I am Jared Maurice! ‫[ Cheering ] ‫Wait a minute, are there any

‫[ cheering ] ‫Wait a minute, are there any ‫cops in the audience?

‫Wait a minute, are there any ‫cops in the audience? ‫I am Garrett Morris, okay, and

‫cops in the audience? ‫I am Garrett Morris, okay, and ‫way back there, when I joined

‫I am Garrett Morris, okay, and ‫way back there, when I joined ‫the cast of "Saturday night

‫way back there, when I joined ‫the cast of "Saturday night ‫live," I had no idea, y'all,

‫the cast of "Saturday night ‫live," I had no idea, y'all, ‫that I would be required to do

‫live," I had no idea, y'all, ‫that I would be required to do ‫so many reunion shows.

‫That I would be required to do ‫so many reunion shows. ‫[ Laughter ]

‫So many reunion shows. ‫[ Laughter ] ‫But here I am, okay.

‫[ Laughter ] ‫But here I am, okay. ‫Now, this film you're going to

‫but here I am, okay. ‫Now, this film you're going to ‫see, it's a great film made by

‫now, this film you're going to ‫see, it's a great film made by ‫my man Tom Schiller, yeah.

‫See, it's a great film made by ‫my man Tom Schiller, yeah. ‫In 1978, and it features the

‫my man Tom Schiller, yeah. ‫In 1978, and it features the ‫entire cast.

‫In 1978, and it features the ‫entire cast. ‫So sit back, relax, and enjoy

‫entire cast. ‫So sit back, relax, and enjoy ‫"look back in anger."

‫So sit back, relax, and enjoy ‫"look back in anger." ‫[ Applause ]

‫I guess this is my stop. ‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫I thought I'd be the first to ‫go. ‫I was one of those live hard,

‫go. ‫I was one of those live hard, ‫die young, good-looking corpse

‫I was one of those live hard, ‫die young, good-looking corpse ‫types.

‫Die young, good-looking corpse ‫types. ‫Well, I guess they were wrong.

‫Types. ‫Well, I guess they were wrong. ‫Here they are, all my friends.

‫Well, I guess they were ‫wrong. Here they are,

‫all my friends. This is ‫not ready for prime time

‫here they are, all my friends. ‫This is not ready for prime time ‫cemetery.

‫This is not ready for prime time ‫cemetery. ‫Oh, no.

‫Cemetery. ‫Oh, no. ‫♪♪

‫Here's gilda radner. ‫She had her own show on Canadian ‫television for years and years,

‫she had her own show ‫on Canadian television

‫for years and years, ‫"the gilda radner show."

‫Television for years ‫and years, "the gilda

‫radner show." Well, at ‫least now I can see her

‫"the gilda radner show." ‫Well, at least now I can see her ‫on reruns.

‫Well, at least now I can see her ‫on reruns. ‫God bless her.

‫On reruns. ‫God bless her. ‫Here is where laraine is.

‫God bless her. ‫Here is where laraine is. ‫They say she murdered her dej

‫here is where laraine is. ‫They say she murdered her dej ‫husband.

‫They say she murdered her dej ‫husband. ‫Then moved to the valley in

‫husband. ‫Then moved to the valley in ‫California and had pecan farms.

‫Then moved to the ‫valley in California and had

‫pecan farms. She was ‫a big one when she died.

‫California and had pecan ‫farms. She was a big

‫one when she died. Jane ‫curtain, she married a

‫she was a big one when ‫she died. Jane curtain,

‫she married a stockbroker, ‫had two children,

‫Jane curtain, she married a ‫stockbroker, had two children, ‫moved upstate New York.

‫Stockbroker, had two children, ‫moved upstate New York. ‫She died of complications during

‫moved upstate New York. ‫She died of complications during ‫cosmetic surgery.

‫She died of complications during ‫cosmetic surgery. ‫Garrett Morris.

‫Cosmetic surgery. ‫Garrett Morris. ‫Apparently Garrett left the show

‫Garrett Morris. ‫Apparently Garrett left the show ‫and worked in the black theater

‫apparently Garrett left the show ‫and worked in the black theater ‫for years.

‫And worked in the black theater ‫for years. ‫And then he died of an overdose

‫for years. ‫And then he died of an overdose ‫of heroin.

‫And then he died of an overdose ‫of heroin. ‫Here is bill Murray.

‫Of heroin. ‫Here is bill Murray. ‫He lived the longest.

‫Here is bill Murray. ‫He lived the longest. ‫38 years.

‫He lived the longest. ‫38 years. ‫He was happy when he died,

‫38 years. ‫He was happy when he died, ‫though.

‫He was happy when he died, ‫though. ‫He just grown his mustache back.

‫Though. ‫He just grown his mustache back. ‫Probably still growing.

‫He just grown his mustache back. ‫Probably still growing. ‫Oh, and here is Chevy chase.

‫Probably still growing. ‫Oh, and here is Chevy chase. ‫The guy his first movie with

‫oh, and here is Chevy chase. ‫The guy his first movie with ‫Goldie hawn.

‫The guy his first movie with ‫Goldie hawn. ‫Over here is Danny ackroyd.

‫Goldie hawn. ‫Over here is Danny ackroyd. ‫I guess he loved his Harley too

‫over here is Danny ackroyd. ‫I guess he loved his Harley too ‫much.

‫I guess he loved his Harley too ‫much. ‫I clocked him at 175 miles an

‫much. ‫I clocked him at 175 miles an ‫hour before the crash.

‫I clocked him at 175 miles an ‫hour before the crash. ‫It was a blur.

‫Hour before the crash. ‫It was a blur. ‫I got called in to identify his

‫it was a blur. ‫I got called in to identify his ‫body.

‫I got called in to identify his ‫body. ‫I recognized him by his webbed

‫body. ‫I recognized him by his webbed ‫toes.

‫I recognized him by his webbed ‫toes. ‫Saturday night show was the best

‫toes. ‫Saturday night show was the best ‫experience of my life.

‫Saturday night show was the best ‫experience of my life. ‫Now they're all gone.

‫Experience of my life. ‫Now they're all gone. ‫I miss every one of them.

‫Now they're all gone. ‫I miss every one of them. ‫Why me?

‫I miss every one of them. ‫Why me? ‫Why did I live so long?

‫Why me? ‫Why did I live so long? ‫They're all dead.

‫Why did I live so long? ‫They're all dead. ‫I'll tell you why.

‫They're all dead. ‫I'll tell you why. ‫Because I'm a dancer.

‫I'll tell you why. ‫Because I'm a dancer. ‫♪♪

‫♪♪ [ Applause ]

‫♪♪

‫[ applause ]

‫♪♪

‫Ladies and gentlemen, sir ‫Paul McCartney! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ ‫♪ once there was a way to get ‫back homeward ♪

‫♪ once there was a way to get ‫back homeward ♪ ‫♪ once there was a way to get

‫back homeward ♪ ‫♪ once there was a way to get ‫back home ♪

‫♪ once there was a way to get ‫back home ♪ ‫♪ a secret door, do not cry, and

‫back home ♪ ‫♪ a secret door, do not cry, and ‫I will sing a lullaby ♪

‫♪ a secret door, do not cry, and ‫I will sing a lullaby ♪ ‫snowe

‫I will sing a lullaby ♪ snowe ♪

‫snowe ♪ ♪♪

‫♪ Darling do not cry and I will ‫sing a lullaby ♪ ‫♪ once there was a way to get

‫sing a lullaby ♪ ‫♪ once there was a way to get ‫back homeward ♪

‫♪ once there was a way to get ‫back homeward ♪ ‫♪ once there was a way, to get

‫back homeward ♪ ‫♪ once there was a way, to get ‫back home ♪

‫♪ once there was a way, to get ‫back home ♪ ‫♪ sleep, pretty darling, do not

‫back home ♪ ‫♪ sleep, pretty darling, do not ‫cry ♪

‫♪ sleep, pretty darling, do not ‫cry ♪ ‫♪ and I will sing you a

‫cry ♪ ‫♪ and I will sing you a ‫lullaby ♪

‫♪ and I will sing you a ‫lullaby ♪ ‫♪ oh, you're going to carry that

‫lullaby ♪ ‫♪ oh, you're going to carry that ‫way carry the way long way ♪

‫♪ oh, you're going to ‫carry that way carry the

‫way long way ♪ ♪ oh, ‫you're going to carry that

‫way carry the way long ‫way ♪ ♪ oh, you're going

‫to carry that weight, ‫carry that weight the

‫♪ oh, you're going to carry that ‫weight, carry that weight the ‫long time ♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪ ‫♪ I never give you my pillow, I ‫only send my invitations ♪

‫♪ I never give you my pillow, I ‫only send my invitations ♪ ‫♪ and in the middle of the

‫only send my invitations ♪ ‫♪ and in the middle of the ‫celebration I pray that ♪

‫♪ and in the middle of the ‫celebration I pray that ♪ ‫♪ oh you're going to carry that

‫celebration I pray ‫that ♪ ♪ oh you're going

‫to carry that weight, ‫carry that weight a long

‫♪ oh you're going to carry that ‫weight, carry that weight a long ‫time ♪

‫weight, carry that weight a long ‫time ♪ ‫♪ boy, you're going to carry

‫time ♪ ‫♪ boy, you're going to carry ‫that that weight, carry that

‫♪ boy, you're going to carry ‫that that weight, carry that ‫weight a long time ♪

‫♪♪

‫♪ Oh, yeah, all right ♪

‫♪ Are you going to be in my ‫dreams tonight ♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪ ‫♪ love you, love you, love you, ‫love you ♪

‫♪ love you, love you, love you, ‫love you ♪ ‫♪ love you, love you, love you,

‫love you ♪ ‫♪ love you, love you, love you, ‫love you ♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪

‫♪♪ [ Cheering ]

‫♪ And in the end, the love you ‫take ♪ ‫♪ is equal to the love you

‫take ♪ ‫♪ is equal to the love you ‫make ♪

‫♪ is equal to the love you ‫make ♪ ‫♪ ahhh-ahhh ♪♪

‫make ♪ ♪ ahhh-ahhh ♪♪

‫[ cheers and applause ]

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫Thank you.

‫♪♪ ‫if you want to know what it ‫takes to make a show like this

‫if you want to ‫know what it takes to make

‫a show like this last ‫for 50 years, see these

‫takes to make a show like this ‫last for 50 years, see these ‫people right around me, the

‫last for 50 years, ‫see these people right

‫around me, the first ‫cast, laraine Newman, Jane

‫people right around me, the ‫first cast, laraine Newman, Jane ‫curtain, Garrett and Chevy

‫first cast, laraine Newman, Jane ‫curtain, Garrett and Chevy ‫chase.

‫Curtain, Garrett and Chevy ‫chase. ‫They paved the way for people

‫chase. ‫They paved the way for people ‫like cheri oteri, Jay pharaoh,

‫they paved the way for ‫people like cheri oteri,

‫Jay pharaoh, the great ‫kenan Thompson and

‫like cheri oteri, Jay pharaoh, ‫the great kenan Thompson and ‫Billy crystal.

‫The great kenan Thompson and ‫Billy crystal. ‫And finall the reason we're

‫Billy crystal. ‫And finall the reason we're ‫all here, the man who made our

‫and finall the reason we're ‫all here, the man who made our ‫dream come true, the one and

‫all here, the man who made our ‫dream come true, the one and ‫only, oh, and Paul.

‫Dream come true, the one and ‫only, oh, and Paul. ‫Lorne Michaels!

‫Only, oh, and Paul. ‫Lorne Michaels! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫Lorne Michaels! ‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫50, best of luck, we can't wait.

‫[ Cheers and applause ] ‫50, best of luck, we can't wait. ‫God knows we love you all.

‫50, best of luck, we can't wait. ‫God knows we love you all. ‫Good night and god bless!

‫God knows we love you all. ‫Good night and god bless! ‫[ Cheers and applause ]

‫♪♪ [ Applause ]

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪♪

‫♪