All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore S01E04 Divorce Isnt Everything.DVDRip.HI.cc.en

♪ HOW WILL YOU
MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN ♪

♪ THIS WORLD IS AWFULLY BIG ♪

♪ AND, GIRL THIS TIME
YOU'RE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ BUT IT'S TIME YOU
STARTED LIVING ♪

♪ IT'S TIME YOU LET SOMEONE
ELSE DO SOME GIVING ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND ♪

♪ NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT JUST MAKE IT ♪

♪ AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT JUST
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

SO, MY FAN CLUB WANTS THE
ANSWERS TO ALL THESE QUESTIONS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
THEY WANT TO KNOW.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHAT
MY FAVORITE COLOR IS? I'M JUST A GUY.

JUST AN ORDINARY GUY.

WELL, THAT'S THE
WAY FAN CLUBS ARE.

JUST HAD A COUPLE
OF LUCKY BREAKS.

WELL, OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE
EXTRA THIS OR THAT. [Chuckles]

DASH OF CHARISMA,
INNATE SENSE OF STYLE.

I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST A GUY.

JUST A GUY WHO HAPPENS
TO DIG THE COLOR...

BLUE.

I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH THERE.

THERE WERE THOSE OF US
WHO WERE BETTING ON RED.

SAY, MARY, DID YOU READ
ANY FUNNY STORIES ON

THE WIRE WE CAN CLOSE
THE SHOW WITH TONIGHT?

- UH, NO, SORRY.
- DID YOU SEE ANY UNFUNNY STORIES
WE CAN CLOSE THE SHOW WITH?

NOPE. DID YOU HEAR ANY
GOOD JOKES RECENTLY?

[Chuckling]

"WHAT'S MY FAVORITE DESSERT?"

HONESTLY, YOU'D THINK I WAS
SOME SORT OF GOD OR SOMETHING.

BAKED ALASKA.

BAKED ALASKA. WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE AIRY.

MAYBE I OUGHTA MAKE IT A
LITTLE MORE SUBSTANTIAL,

LIKE APPLE PIE?

TED, ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING
TO LIE ABOUT WHAT YOUR FAVORITE DESSERT IS?

I WAS JUST KIDDING. CAN'T
YOU TELL WHEN I'M KIDDING?

BAKED ALASKA.

APPLE...

LASKA.

I'VE GOT MY CLOSER.
NOW, LISTEN TO THIS, MARY.

"A NEW SOCIAL CLUB IN MINNEAPOLIS
IS HOLDING A BRANCH MEETING TONIGHT.

THE CLUB, FOR DIVORCED PEOPLE ONLY, IS
CALLED THE BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME CLUB."

OH, IT'S SO AWFUL, IT'S GREAT.

WH-WH-WHAT'S SO AWFUL ABOUT
A CLUB FOR DIVORCED PEOPLE?

COME ON, MARY.
WOULD YOU JOIN IT?

WELL, NO, I WOULDN'T. AHA!

UH, MURRAY, I WOULDN'T JOIN IT BECAUSE
"A," I DON'T HAPPEN TO BE DIVORCED,

AND "B," I'M JUST NOT A JOINER.

BUT I THINK FOR
PEOPLE WHO ARE, UH...

DIVORCED JOINERS. THAT'S THE
PHRASE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. IT'S A WAY FOR
PEOPLE TO MEET PEOPLE, LIKE ALL CLUBS.

WHAT'S THIS THING ABOUT MEETING,

LIKE IT'S SOME BIG,
MYSTERIOUS THING?

- IT'S THE EASIEST THING IN THE
WORLD. TAKE MARIE AND ME.
- HOW'D YOU TWO MEET?

- SHE SAVED MY LIFE.
- WHAT?

IT WAS NO BIG DEAL. I WAS SKYDIVING
ONCE. MY CHUTE DIDN'T OPEN.

HERS DID. SHE MADE
A TERRIFIC CATCH.

RIGHT.

MARY... [Clears Throat]

I NEED YOUR ADVICE ABOUT
SOMETHING. YEAH, SURE, TED.

NOT THAT IT'S
IMPORTANT, BUT, UH,

DO YOU THINK IT SOUNDS TOO RISQUE FOR
AN ANCHORMAN TO SAY HE SLEEPS IN THE RAW?

YOU GOTTA SNAP.

YEAH, RIGHT, MAR.
YOU GOTTA SNAP.

I DON'T WANNA SNAP.

HEY, MAR, WAS THAT YOUR IDEA TO DO THAT
DIVORCE CLUB THING ON TONIGHT'S NEWS?

UH, NO. OH.

WELL, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT IT, AND... JOG.

UH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
WE OUGHTA JOIN.

JOIN A CLUB FOR DIVORCED PEOPLE?

SURE. WHY NOT?

WH-WHY NOT?

YEAH. GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON.

GIVE YOU... ONE
GOOD REASON? YEAH.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

RHODA, YOU SHOULD ALREADY BE AWARE
OF THIS GOOD REASON: WE'RE NOT DIVORCED.

A TECHNICALITY.

SO WE SAY WE'RE DIVORCED.

YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO
LIE ABOUT BEING DIVORCED?

FORWARD.

MARY, YOU TALK ABOUT IT LIKE I'M
ASKING YOU TO DENY YOUR BIRTHRIGHT,

LIKE BEING SINGLE'S
PART OF YOUR HERITAGE.

IT'S A DRAG SAYING YOU'RE 30 AND
SINGLE ALL THE TIME. YOU KNOW IT IS.

I KNOW, I KNOW. [Bell Dings]

GOOD. WE'RE DONE.

[Sighs] AND THEN, MARY, THAT
EVER-POPULAR QUESTION...

HOW COME A GIRL
LIKE YOU ISN'T MARRIED?

HOW COME YOU'RE STILL SINGLE?

I THINK THAT I COULD DISCOVER THE SECRET
OF IMMORTALITY AND PEOPLE WOULD STILL SAY,

"LOOK AT THAT SINGLE GIRL
DISCOVERING THE SECRET OF IMMORTALITY."

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

IMAGINE THE RELIEF OF NOT
HAVING TO GO THROUGH THAT.

YOU MEET SOMEONE. YOU DON'T HAVE
TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.

- YOU'RE DIVORCED.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING, RHODA?

IT REALLY IS ALL
VERY, UH... RIGHT.

- BUT MOSTLY IT'S CRAZY.
- MARY, PLEASE LOOK AT IT
FROM MY POINT OF VIEW.

DRESSING DUMMIES IN A
DEPARTMENT STORE WINDOW

IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO
GET INTO THE SOCIAL SWIM.

UNLESS SOMEONE COMES UP
AND KISSES THE GLASS, I'VE HAD IT.

RHODA, I AM NOT JOINING A
CLUB FOR DIVORCED PEOPLE.

YOU MIGHT JUST AS WELL
CHANGE THE SUBJECT. OKAY, OKAY.

MY NEW SUBJECT IS PARIS, FRANCE.

YOU KNOW THAT TRIP TO PARIS
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO AFFORD?

THERE'S THIS CLUB, MAR.

IF YOU JOIN AND ARE A
MEMBER FOR SIX MONTHS,

YOU CAN GET A CHARTER
FLIGHT FOR JUST $300.

THREE HUNDRED
DOLLARS? THAT'S RIGHT.

- WHAT'S THE CLUB?
- THE DIVORCED PEOPLE'S CLUB.

OHH! AHA!

THAT STOPPED YOU, DIDN'T IT?

AND ON TOP OF THAT, MARY, YOU
SPEAK FLUENT FRENCH. SPANISH.

AH, THEY SPEAK
ANYTHING IN PARIS.

THE LEFT BANK. GENE
KELLY. "APRIL IN PARIS."

CHESTNUTS IN BLOSSOM.

OKAY, RHODA, I'LL DO IT.

BUT YOU'VE GOTTA PROMISE ME WE'RE JUST
GONNA GET OUR MEMBERSHIP CARDS AND LEAVE.

RIGHT? PROMISE. RIGHT.

OKAY. I'M GONNA CHANGE, SHOWER.

I'LL MEET YOU HERE IN,
WHAT, HALF AN HOUR. OKAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?

I AM CHANGING MY CLOTHES AT
8:00 AT NIGHT SO I CAN GO TO A CLUB...

WHERE I'M GONNA LIE
ABOUT BEING DIVORCED...

SO THAT I CAN, PERHAPS, IN A FEW MONTHS
TIME, END UP IN PARIS SPEAKING SPANISH.

YOU TOO? HMM. YOU'RE THE TENTH
PERSON WHO'S TOLD ME THAT TODAY.

ARE YOU NEW HERE? UH, YES.

ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN BUYING A HOUSE?

UH, NO. I DON'T THINK SO. UH-UH.

RIGHT. NICE TO MEET YOU.

IT'S STARTING. IT'S
STARTING ALREADY.

I HEAR THESE LITTLE VOICES
SAYING, "GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN."

IS THAT WHAT YOURS SAY? MY VOICES
USUALLY TELL ME TO GO SAVE FRANCE.

WILL YOU RELAX.

OH, HI! WELCOME TO THE BETTER
LUCK NEXT TIME SOCIAL CLUB.

I'M KAREN NORRIS, YOUR BETTER
LUCK NEXT TIME REGISTRATION GAL,

AND THIS IS DR. WALTER
UDALL, OUR PRESIDENT...

AND ALSO YOUR BETTER LUCK
NEXT TIME REGISTRATION GUY.

OH, AND ALSO YOUR BETTER
LUCK NEXT TIME RESIDENT DENTIST.

INCREDIBLE.

[Stammers]

ARE YOU AWARE OF THE FACT THAT YOU
HAVE INCREDIBLE TEETH, YOUNG LADY?

OH. THANK YOU.

BRUSHING AFTER MEALS, ELECTRIC
TOOTHBRUSH, SUGARLESS GUM.

YOU'RE INTO THAT
WHOLE BAG, RIGHT?

OH, YES, I GUESS SO.

[Chuckling] I DIDN'T
EVEN HAVE TO ASK.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU. THANK YOU.

AND WITH THAT MOUTH,
YOU WON'T NEED IT.

YOU CAME ON A BIG NIGHT.
WE'RE ELECTING OFFICERS.

- UH, MARY RICHARDS.
- MARY RICHARDS.

AND YOUR MAIDEN
NAME, MRS. RICHARDS?

UH, MY, UH, EH...

UH, MRS. RICHARDS... EXCUSE ME,
KAREN, BUT YOU KNOW HOW I GET.

TELL ME, UH, DID YOU HAVE
SUCH BEAUTIFUL TEETH...

EVEN BEFORE YOUR
MARRIAGE WENT ON THE ROCKS?

- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- OFTEN AFTER A DIVORCE A WOMAN
DECIDES TO SPRUCE HERSELF UP.

NATURALLY, THE FIRST THING SHE
THINKS ABOUT IS HER TEETH AND GUMS.

WELL, I CAN SAY, AS AN
OBJECTIVE BYSTANDER,

THAT MRS. RICHARDS'S TEETH WERE AS
BEAUTIFUL THE DAY SHE MARRIED STEFANO...

AS THEY ARE TODAY.

LOOK, UH, ABOUT
THOSE APPLICATIONS,

COULD MARY AND I JUST
FILL THEM OUT OURSELVES?

CERTAINLY, IF IT MAKES
IT EASIER, MRS., UM...

MISS MORGENSTERN.
RHODA MORGENSTERN.

MISS MORGENSTERN?

HE THOUGHT IT WAS IN
THE BEST INTEREST OF THE

SPACE PROGRAM THAT I
RETAIN MY MAIDEN NAME.

THE PROGRAM! YOU WERE
MARRIED TO AN ASTRONAUT.

- WHICH ONE?
- OH, PLEASE. I'D RATHER NOT SAY ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. WORD GETS OUT,
PEOPLE START HITTING YOU UP FOR MOON ROCKS.

OH, UM, RHODA, DIDN'T YOU WANT TO
INQUIRE ABOUT THE, UH... WHAT WAS IT?

CHARTER FLIGHTS
TO PARIS. OF COURSE.

OH, YES, WE'RE GOING TO JOT DOWN THE NAMES
OF THOSE INTERESTED AFTER THE MEETING.

MEANTIME, WHY DON'T YOU INTRODUCE
YOURSELVES TO SOME OF THE OTHER DIVORCEDS.

[Both Chuckle Nervously] OKAY.

UNBELIEVABLE TEETH.

I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL NIGHT.

AW, COME ON. IT'S OKAY,
MAR. JUST A FEW HOURS.

JUST ACT NATURAL AND
TRY TO LOOK DIVORCED.

HI. MY NAME IS FRANCES FRANKLIN,
BUT EVERYBODY CALLS ME SPARKIE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY. ALL MY
FRIENDS SAY I SPARKLE AND BUBBLE.

THEY SAY SINCE I'M DIVORCED I'M
LIKE ANOTHER PERSON, ALL SPARKLING.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL
ME SPARKIE. [Giggles]

ISN'T THAT CRAZY?

YES.

LISTEN, DO YOU KNOW WHO
THE GUY IN THE ARGYLES IS?

UH, NO, WE'RE NEW HERE, SO...

HI! YOU'RE NEW HERE.

THE NAME'S ROY. THIS IS MY
BUDDY HAL. HOW ARE YOU?

ROY, HAL, I'M MARY.

THIS IS RHODA AND, UH, SPARKIE.

UH, NO, MY REAL NAME
IS FRANCES FRANKLIN,

BUT ALL MY FRIENDS
CALL ME SPARKIE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY. I GUESS IT'S 'CAUSE
I SPARKLE AND BUBBLE ALL THE TIME.

UH-HUH.

LISTEN, I WANT TO WARN
YOU ABOUT THIS PLACE.

IT'S FILLED WITH LOSERS. IT'S UP TO HERE
WITH LOSERS THAT YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
[Hal] NOTHIN' BUT LOSERS.

BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO
STEER YOU CLEAR FROM THE LOSERS,

JUST CALL ON ME, BECAUSE
I CAN DO IT FOR YOU.

- THE NAME IS, UH, ROY.
- ROY.

- R-O-Y.
- THAT'S IT.

I'LL TALK TO YOU
LATER. [Giggles]

SPARKIE, HUH?

SO LONG, ROY.

HE'S SUCH A LOSER.

LOOK, I, UH, I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ANYWAY.

- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE
SPITTING IMAGE OF MY EX-WIFE.
- OH, REALLY?

OH, YEAH, YEAH. EXCEPT
SHE WORE HER HAIR UP.

AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER
OF THIS SO-CALLED SOCIAL CLUB, MAY I ASK?

WELL, YOU KNOW...

YEAH, IF YOU HAD IT ON TOP OF YOUR
HEAD, YOU'D LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HER.

WELL, EXCUSE ME. WHAT?

I SAID, EXCUSE ME. I SEEM TO
BE INTERRUPTING SOMETHING.

OH, NO. NOT A BIT.

LET'S TRY IT, SHALL WE? LET'S
JUST PUT IT UP. [Stammering]

YOU SEE, NOW, THAT
LOOKS TERRIBLE.

SO DID SHE. Y-Y-YES.

HEY, YOU WANNA BUY A... AH,
YOU'RE NO GOOD. I ASKED YOU.

RHODA, NOW. PLEASE?

- UH, WHAT'D YOU SAY
YOUR NAME WAS?
- MARY.

- WANNA SPLIT?
- UH, NO, THANK YOU.

- WELL, WHAT'D YOU COME HERE FOR
IF YOU DON'T WANNA LEAVE?
- I CAME HERE FOR THE MEETING.

OH, THE MEETING. WHAT ABOUT
WHAT'S-HER-NAME? HEY, YOU WANNA SPLIT?

UH, NO, I'M ALREADY
SPLITTING WITH ROY.

WE'RE GONNA TAKE FLASHLIGHTS
AND GO HUNTING FOR LOSERS.

WELL, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR
MIND, YOU KNOW WHERE I'LL BE.

REMEMBER THE NAME... HAL. YOU MIGHT
WANT A TALL ONE. YOU NEVER KNOW.

LEAVING! GOING AWAY!

SAYING BYE-BYE TO THE CREEPIES!

MARY, PLEASE, GIVE
IT A CHANCE. NO MORE!

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING NOW, ARE YOU?
THE MEETING'S JUST ABOUT TO START.

THERE. YOU SEE,
MARY? WE CAN'T GO YET.

- UH, THAT'S, UH, FREDDIE.
- [Mary] FREDDIE?

YEAH, MY YOUNGER BROTHER.
NICE-LOOKING BOY, ISN'T HE?

NOT ONE FILLING.

WONDERFUL.

DR. UDALL, CAN YOU TELL ME WHEN
WE'LL BE GETTING TO THE CHARTER FLIGHTS?

WE PROBABLY WON'T BE GETTING
TO THAT TILL NEXT TIME. WHY?

WELL, TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT
WHEN WE EACH STAND UP...

AND, IN INTIMATE DETAIL, TELL ALL
ABOUT WHAT LED TO OUR DIVORCES.

WELL, I DON'T
THINK I CAN DO THAT.

- WHY NOT?
- WELL, UH, BECAUSE, UH...

BECAUSE THE DETAILS WERE SORT OF
EMBARRASSING. YES, UH, HUMILIATING.

- SORDID, EVEN.
- OH, REALLY?

WELL, THEN YOU CAN GO FIRST.

HE SAID WE COULD SIGN UP FOR
THE CHARTER FLIGHT NEXT WEEK.

THAT IS NOT WHAT I'M UPSET
ABOUT, AND YOU KNOW IT, RHODA.

THE STORY OF HOW YOU GOT
DIVORCED? YOU DID THAT TERRIFIC.

IT ISN'T THAT EITHER.

JUST RELAX. WE'LL SIT
DOWN AND TALK. [Phone Rings]

HELLO.

OH, HI, PHYLLIS. I
WAS AT MY NEW CLUB.

MY NEW, UH, SOCIAL CLUB.

UH, WE IN THE CLUB CALL IT THE BETTER LUCK
NEXT TIME CLUB. IT'S FOR DIVORCED PEOPLE.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO INTO THAT WITH HER.
- NO, NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.

HOW DID YOU GUESS?

SHE SAID, "IT WAS RHODA'S IDEA."

YEAH, IT WAS. RHODA'S DUMB IDEA.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT MAKES
PERFECT SENSE NOT TO GO BACK.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING.

- DUE TO THE EFFORTS OF
A DENTAL ADMIRER OF MINE...
- WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

I AM THE NEW VICE PRESIDENT.

[Receptionist] MRS. RICHARDS?
RIGHT IN THERE, PLEASE.

OH. HELLO, DOCTOR.

OH, MRS. RICHARDS. YOU
JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN HERE.

WELL, I... I HAVE BEEN LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS EVER SINCE YOU CALLED.

DID THE NURSE TAKE
YOUR X RAYS YET?

YES, SHE DID, EVEN
THOUGH I KEPT TELLING

HER I DIDN'T WANT TO
SEE YOU PROFESSIONALLY.

YOU DON'T MEAN YOU'RE GOING
TO CALL THE EXAMINATION OFF.

I CANCELED THREE
APPOINTMENTS TO GET YOU IN.

WELL, NO, OF COURSE I WANT
AN EXAMINATION TOO. OHH! OHH!

GOODNESS, YOU GAVE ME QUITE
A START THERE, I'M TELLING YOU.

I MEAN, TO HAVE THAT MOUTH IN
THIS CHAIR AND NOT TO GET AT IT...

[Nervous Chuckle]

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME YOU HAD YOUR TEETH EXAMINED?

UH, THURSDAY.

THURSDAY?

WELL, THEY SAY YOU SHOULD
ALWAYS GET A SECOND OPINION.

MRS. RICHARDS, YOU
ARE ONE IN A MILLION.

YOU'RE A DENTIST'S DREAM.

I, I... YOU KNOW... I... MAY I?

OH, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW, NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE
REALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR TEETH.

OR, FOR THAT MATTER, THEIR GUMS.

SEE, PROFESSIONALLY
SPEAKING, I'M A GUM MAN MYSELF.

DO YOU, BY ANY CHANCE,
KEEP UP WITH GUMS?

WELL, UH, NOT ANY MORE THAN
I'VE NEEDED JUST TO GET ALONG.

YEAH, WELL... WELL, YOU
MIGHT HAVE HEARD LATELY...

THAT, UH, TEETH
THEMSELVES ARE NOWHERE.

I MEAN, TEETH ARE STILL
TEETH, GOD BLESS 'EM, BUT, UH,

BUT PEOPLE ARE FINALLY REALIZING
THAT GUMS ARE WHERE IT'S AT.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS
WITH ME. AFTER ALL, I AM A DENTIST.

UH, WELL, IT'S JUST THAT IT'S...
WELL, IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.

EMBARRASSING? YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU TRUST ME ALREADY.

I-I DO? WHY, OF COURSE.

HOW MANY STRANGERS DO YOU KNOW WHO
YOU'D LET PUT THEIR FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH?

WELL, YES, THAT'S...
THAT'S TRUE. YEAH, SEE?

DR. UDALL, I AM NOT DIVORCED.

OH, WELL, YOU HAVEN'T
GOT YOUR FINAL DECREE YET.

I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN
MARRIED YET. I'M SINGLE.

I KNOW. IT SOUNDS TERRIBLE.

BUT, WELL, YOU HAD THESE CHARTER FLIGHTS
TO EUROPE, AND I KNOW I SHOULDN'T...

ALL RIGHT, LEAN BACK. LET'S GET
ON WITH THE EXAMINATION, PLEASE.

UH, DR. UDALL, D-D-DID
YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

YOU SAID NOTHING. THIS
CONVERSATION NEVER TOOK PLACE.

MOUTH, PLEASE.

UH, MRS. RI...

OH, MISS RICHARDS. IS THAT
RIGHT? YOUR LAST NAME IS RICHARDS?

I-I HAD THAT COMING.
I KNOW IT. I HAD...

YOU BIT MY PROBE.

I'M SORRY. OPEN.

MISS RICHARDS, ARE YOU
AWARE OF WHAT IT'S LIKE...

TO PLACE SOME
UNKNOWN PERSON'S NAME,

NOMINATE THEM AGAINST A
CLUB FAVORITE, THE INCUMBENT?

I-I HAD THAT COMING TOO. I DID.

AND YOU KNOW... YOU'RE
BITING IT AGAIN. I'M SORRY.

AND YOU KNOW WHO THAT INCUMBENT
WAS, MISS RICHARDS? YES, I DO.

MY YOUNGER BROTHER FREDDIE.

I NOMINATED YOU, AND YOU BEAT
OUT MY KID BROTHER FREDDIE.

UH, PRETTY CLOSE?

YES.

UNTIL I NOMINATED YOU.

AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE...

TO SIT THERE AND TELL
ME YOU ARE SINGLE.

ALL RIGHT, THIS
EXAMINATION IS OVER.

HOWEVER, UNLESS YOU WISH
TO HUMILIATE ME COMPLETELY,

YOU'LL BE AT THAT
MEETING NEXT WEDNESDAY.

YES, SIR, YES.

THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING, OF COURSE. WHAT?

HOW AM I GONNA GET MARRIED
AND DIVORCED BY NEXT WEDNESDAY?

HURRY.

[People Chattering]

MARY, I BEEN CIRCULATING.
I GOT BAD NEWS.

THOSE TWO GUYS WE MET
LAST WEEK? ROY AND HAL? YEAH?

THEY'RE THE CREAM OF THE
CROP. OH, RHODA, WOULD YOU...

DO YOU REALIZE THAT IN FIVE MINUTES
I HAVE TO STAND UP ON THIS STAGE,

FACE THOSE PEOPLE THERE
AND TELL THEM THE TRUTH?

- I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GONNA PUT IT.
- TAKE IT EASY, KID.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. YOU
CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT YOU'LL SAY.

IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE
THAT IT'LL TURN OUT RIGHT.

- AND THEN SOMETHING JUST
KINDA POPS INTO YOUR HEAD?
- NO, YOU USUALLY JUST BOMB.

OH, RHODA!

CHEESE IT! THE
DIVORCEDS ARE COMING.

SO, ANYWAY, IN THIS DREAM...
IT WAS KIND OF PECULIAR.

I DREAMT I WAS WITH SOMEBODY
WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE
ELECTED VICE PRESIDENT?

UH, WELL, IT FEELS
LIKE I'D LIKE A RECOUNT.

ANYWAY, IN THIS DREAM, THIS PERSON
THAT LOOKED LIKE YOU WAS SO WONDERFUL.

AND WE WERE HAVING A REALLY
GREAT TIME. [Giggling Loudly]

NO KIDDING. YEAH. THEN I ASKED
HIM TO COME HOME WITH ME.

WHAT? IN MY DREAM, I ASKED
HIM TO COME HOME WITH ME.

KOOKY, HUH? [Giggling]

KOOKY. YOU WANNA SPLIT?

YOU AND I GET A LITTLE
SIX-PACK AND, UH... HUH?

OKAY. LET'S GO SIT DOWN, AND I'LL TELL
YOU ABOUT THE REST OF MY KOOKY DREAM.

YEAH, TELL ME ALL OF IT.

[Rhoda] UH-OH. BAD NEWS.

HELLO, MISS NO-NAME.

HELLO, DR. UDALL.

THAT'S MY BROTHER
FREDDIE, THE EX-INCUMBENT.

I'D JUST AS SOON
YOU DIDN'T MEET.

DR. UDALL, I REALLY FEEL JUST
TERRIBLE ABOUT ALL THIS. YES.

UH, OH, BY THE BY, I
GOT YOU OFF THE HOOK.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CONFIRM MY
STORY BY ANNOUNCING TO THE OTHERS...

THE DIVORCED OTHERS...

THAT YOU'VE RECONCILED
WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

GEE, MARY, THAT'S GREAT. HERE'S
HOPING YOU AND STEFANO MAKE IT THIS TIME.

OH, INCIDENTALLY, YOUR
NOT-PAID-FOR-YET X RAYS CAME BACK TODAY.

YOU HAVE A CAVITY.

AND I'M NOT GOING
TO TELL YOU WHERE.

MARY.

NOW YOU DON'T HAVE
TO TELL THE TRUTH.

THAT'S TERRIFIC!
YEAH, IT'S TERRIFIC.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS LIE AGAIN. A LITTLE
MORE PRACTICE, I MIGHT GET VERY GOOD AT IT.

MARY, WE'LL START
THE MEETING NOW.

NOW, IN A LITTLE
WHILE I'LL HAVE NEWS...

ABOUT OUR TUESDAY NIGHT "WHERE IT'S
AT" EXCURSION TO THE HIPPIE QUARTER.

BUT FIRST OF ALL,

WE'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD FROM OUR
BRAND-NEW VICE PRESIDENT MARY RICHARDS.

- ALL RIGHT, MAR!
- NO, NO. PLEASE. PLEASE.

I, UH, I GUESS THAT I'LL JUST
MAKE IT SHORT AND SWEET.

AS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD, I AM...

R-RECONCILING WITH MY HUSBAND.

SO IT, UH, TURNS OUT THAT I CAN'T
BE YOUR VICE PRESIDENT ANY LONGER.

SO, UH... BUT YOU'VE
ALL BEEN JUST LOVELY.

I WANT TO THANK YOU.
SO, UH... THANK YOU.

DIDN'T SHE JUST GET
ELECTED LAST WEEK?

HEY, DIDN'T YOU JUST
GET ELECTED LAST WEEK?

- YES, I WAS.
- LISTEN, I THINK THAT'S LOUSY! VERY LOUSY!

YOU'RE PLANNING
A RECONCILIATION,

AND WE ELECT YOU
VICE PRESIDENT...

UH, ORDER! ORDER!

NO, I DIDN'T PLAN THE
RECONCILIATION. IT JUST, UH, HAPPENED.

[Murmuring] OH, WHAT A LOSER.

NO, NO, NO. NO, WAIT,
EVERYBODY, WAIT.

LISTEN, WE ALL KNOW HOW OFTEN THESE
RECONCILIATIONS WORK OUT... HARDLY EVER.

SO I SAY LET'S LET HER STAY VICE
PRESIDENT UNTIL SHE SEES WHAT HAPPENS.

ORDER. ORDER. [
Murmuring Continues]

THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME.

WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER, HAVE A
LITTLE VOTE. AFTER ALL, IT'S A DEMOCRACY.

NO. ORDER. NO VOTE!

NO, BECAUSE IT'S A LIE.

IT IS! YOU KNOW IT'S A LIE.

I AM NOT DIVORCED. I WAS NOT
EVEN EVER MARRIED. I'M SINGLE!

IT'S JUST THAT, WELL, YOU HAD
THESE INEXPENSIVE TRIPS TO EUROPE,

AND IT JUST DIDN'T SEEM SO
BAD AT THE TIME, LYING TO A CLUB.

BUT IT TURNED OUT THAT
I WAS LYING TO PEOPLE.

I'M... I'M SORRY, AND I JUST WISH
THAT SOMEONE WOULD SAY SOMETHING.

THAT'S A LOUSY THING YOU DID.

YEAH, I DO. AND I
DID IT TOO. YEAH.

I LIED. IT'S TRUE, FOLKS.

THE FACT IS, MY
DIVORCE IS NOT YET FINAL.

THE SPACE CENTER IS HOLDING
IT UP, SO I'M NOT ELIGIBLE EITHER.

SO IF YOU CAST A STONE
AT THIS POOR UNFORTUNATE,

CAST ONE AT ME TOO,
MISS RHODA MORGENSTERN.

OKAY, OKAY.

ROY VICKERSON, AGE 33.

SINGLE.

NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT,

BUT I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

I MEAN, THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS,
THE YOUNG DEMOCRATS,

THEY WERE SUCH LOSERS.

THEY WERE!

I LIED TOO.

BUT THEN, THAT'S THE KIND
OF CRAZY, KOOKY PERSON I AM.

RICHIE RAIDER. I-I'M NOT M-MARRIED.
I NEVER EVEN WENT STEADY.

ANYBODY WANNA START A NEW CLUB?

BOY, YOU SURE KNOW
HOW TO CLEAR A ROOM.

THE ONLY ONES WHO WERE
REALLY DIVORCED WERE MRS. NORRIS,

DR. UDALL AND HIS BROTHER.

YOU CAN'T BLAME THE
MAN FOR HATING YOU.

YOU SHOT HIS WHOLE
CLUB OUT FROM UNDER HIM.

HI.

HI. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR DATE WITH HAL?

WE NEVER GOT OUT
OF THE PARKING LOT.

WE HAD AN ARGUMENT OVER WHOSE
CAR TO TAKE. HIS WAS A CAMPER.

WHAT ARE YOU
GIRLS DOING TONIGHT?

I FEEL LIKE DOING SOMETHING
REALLY CRAZY AND KOOKY.

WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T
FEEL UP TO KOOKY. OR CRAZY.

OH. YOU KNOW, I HAD
ANOTHER DREAM LAST NIGHT.

IT WAS ALL ABOUT TEETH.

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

THERE I WAS, AND I WAS SURROUNDED
BY ALL THESE DAZZLING TEETH,

AND THERE WERE SOFT, DENTAL
FLOSS CLOUDS IN THE SKY.

HELLO, DR. UDALL.

WOULD YOU CARE TO GO
NEXT DOOR FOR SOME PUNCH?

OH! DO THEY HAVE PUNCH?

NO.

[Mews]