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IS THAT NINA ZIMOY?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THE EDITOR OF VOGUE

IS PARADING HER BONY ASS AT A SKIRTPARTY!

HOW DARE SHE!

FAG.

ASSHOLE.

SO I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT ALLURE ARTICLE. I MEAN,

IT GOT ME TO STOP EATING SUSHI

FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES, BUT THEN I SAID...

SEIZE THE DIEM.

I WON'T BE SWAYED JUST 'CAUSE

SOME VILLAGE CHICK EATS A BAD EGG.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DINING

AT TERIYAKI BOY. AND HONESTLY,

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?

WHAT, I GET A TAPEWORM

AND CAN EAT WHATEVER I LIKE

AND STILL LOSE 20 POUNDS?

THEN I'D REALLY BE LIKE KAREN CARPENTER,

ON TOP OF THE WORLD LOOKING DOWN ON CREATION.

HA! WOULDN'T THAT BE DREAMY?

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT MOI.

WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS AGAIN?

JOCELYN.

AND YOU'RE OVER AT...

UM, SKIRTMAGAZINE.

OH! ROXANNE ROCHET. LOVE HER LIKE A SISTER.

WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?

UH... YOU KNOW...

THIS AND THAT.

DETAILS, DARLING.

YOU'RE A WRITER, A STYLIST?

OH, I'M... I'M THE HEAD PEON.

EXCUSE ME?

THE RESIDENT XEROX WHORE.

WHAT'S THAT?

I'M AN INTERN.

OKAY, I'M JOCELYN BENNETT, AND HERE WE ARE

AT THE SKIRTMAGAZINE CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS,

I.E., WHERE FASHION TRENDS ARE INVENTED.

HOW ABOUT HOW YOU GOT HERE?

WELL, I THINK I TOOK MY SCHOOL MOTTO

A LITTLE BIT TOO SERIOUSLY.

WHEN HORACE DUTTON TAFT PENNED

"NOT TO BE SERVED BUT TO SERVE,"

I THINK HE HAD AMFAR AND GOD'S LOVE WE DELIVER IN MIND,

NOT FASHION MAGAZINES.

I COULD'VE BEEN ON THE STAFF AT GLAMOUR,

BUT I'D RATHER BE AN INTERN AT SKIRT.

I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS A MISSIONARY

TO SALVAGE THE TACKY.

THIS IS OUR ASSOCIATE GREETER,

A.K.A. RECEPTIONIST.

HEY, DEBORAH.

DEBORAH DUCHET IS THE GATEKEEPER,

THE SAINT PETER OF SKIRT.

SHE SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE BOYS.

LET'S WATCH HER IN ACTION.

WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL THESE CAMERAS DOING HERE?

I'M DOING THE TOUR FOR THE CHANNEL 13

THAT NOBODY ELSE WANTED TO DO.

ALLO, SKIRT.

ISN'T THAT GENIUS?

LET'S MOVE ON.

OH! THAT'S ROXANNE ROCHET, OUR FASHION DIRECTOR.

LET'S FOLLOW HER.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HER CHANEL?

THIS IS HER FIRST DAY BACK SINCE THE ACCIDENT.

HER BREAST IMPLANT EXPLODED ON THE CONCORDE.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

MESSAGES? GET TOKYO ON LINE ONE

FEDEX MY BOOTS BACK

TO CHRISTINE DUBOTAI. IT NEEDS NEW LACE.

GET ME A HERBAL WRAP. DID YOU CALL GARREN?

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE JOHN BARTLETT SHOOT?

FORGET THE HERBAL WRAP.

I WANT A HIMALAYAN REJUVENATION

LIGONBERRY ACID PEEL.

AND GET ME SOME VALIUM.

I'M SUFFERING FROM SUCH JET SET LAG.

WHERE IS CECILIA SOLEIL?

SHE'S ON MATERNITY LEAVE THIS MONTH.

"THIS MONTH"?

IT ONLY TAKES ONE DAY TO BOND WITH A BABY.

YES, ROXANNE?

- CAPPUCCINO. - RIGHT AWAY, ROXANNE.

OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON.

THIS IS THE EDITOR AT LARGE.

THIS IS THE EDITOR, SUPER LARGE.

AND THIS IS THE EDITOR, SLENDER-REGULAR.

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SURE WHAT THEY DO.

THEY JUST ORDER IN FROM DOM REMI

AND GO TO SAMPLE SALES.

BOB.

EXCUSE ME, ANTOINETTE?

BOB.

NO, I'M JOCELYN.

NO. YOU NEED A BOB.

OH.

CHI CHI CHEMISE HAS FAINTED.

MESSAGES?

NO. LET'S GO CHECK IT OUT.

QU'EST-CE QUI SE PASSE?

FIRST BOUND OF VOGUE JUST CAME OUT.

THERE'S AN ARTICLE ON CANTEEN CHIC,

JUST LIKE WE HAVE IN OUR NEXT ISSUE.

IT'S OBVIOUSLY A LEAK.

ANOTHER LEAK?

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THIRD ISSUE IN A ROW THIS HAS HAPPENED.

THEN IT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE.

THERE MUST BE A YURI.

WHAT'S A YURI?

A SPY, YOU IDIOT! MATA HARI,

ETHAN HUNT, JAMES BOND, ALDRICH AMES.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME SHE ATE?

SHE HAD AN APPLE A FEW DAYS AGO.

SHE SHOULD BE FINE.

SO IT'S JUST THE TRAUMA FROM THE ARTICLE?

MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE HER SHOES OFF OR SOMETHING?

OH! EW!

OH, MY GOD!

WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

YOUR SHOES.

WE SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE.

TOO MANY YEARS ON POINT, YOU KNOW.

BALLET.

OH, MY GOSH! I'M SO SORRY!

DON'T WORRY, JOCELYN.

HOW'D YOU KNOW MY NAME?

UMM... GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

OH, THIS IS PAUL ROCHESTER, DEPUTY ART DIRECTOR.

UH, HELLO.

WELL, UM...

HAVE A NICE TOUR.

ALL RIGHT.

- THANKS. - OKAY. UM...

YOU GO-- I'LL-- YOU GO THAT WAY.

WHERE TO NOW?

THE BEAUTY DEPARTMENT.

WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

WHORE.

WHO?

WHORE IS HERE.

ROXANNE ROCHET?

NO, NOT THAT WHORE. THE NAIL ENAMEL!

WHORE!

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

IT MEANS "FUCK ME BUT RESPECT ME.

WORSHIP MY BODY,

BUT THE UPKEEP IS GONNA BE COSTLY.

STRIKE ME, SPURN ME, TREAT ME AS BUT YOUR SPANIEL!

I'M YOUR DOG, AND I'M GONNA BREAK THE LICK LAWS!"

OKAY, CALM DOWN, CORNELIA. ARF, ARF.

I'M SORRY. IT JUST TRANSPORTS ME

TO A DIRTY CORNER OF 42nd STREET, PRE-DISNEY.

OH, TSS! HUSSY!

I ADORE THE SHADE.

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

AND WHAT DO WE CARE WHAT YOU THINK?

WHAT ARE YOU, AN INTERN?

YES.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LAST INTERN?

HAD THESE BIG BUG EYES,

LOOKED LIKE COURTNEY COX ON CHEMO, HA HA!

HEY, LET ME GIVE YOU

ALWAYS WEAR BLACK,

AND YOU'RE NEVER FINISHED SHITTING

UNTIL YOU PISS AGAIN.

REMEMBER THAT, AND YOU'LL BE FINE HERE.

OKAY, THANKS. I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.

I'M JUST BUSTING YOUR BALLS!

- OUT LOUD! - COME ON!

I LIKE HER VIBE, THOUGH.

- YEAH, IT'S A NICE VIBE. - GOOD VIBE.

UH, COME VISIT ME IN MY OFFICE

AND WE'LL CHAT, OKAY? A LITTLE LESS ROUGE.

ARE WE WORKING OR ARE WE CHATTING?

WHAT, WHO, ME?

YEAH, OBVIOUSLY YOU.

WHO ELSE WOULD I BE TALKING TO,

ROCKY THE CAMERAMAN?

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY.

OH, GREAT.

UM, COME HERE NOW. CHOP CHOP.

REMEMBER THE OTHER DAY, I ASKED YOU TO DO

A VERY SPECIAL PROJECT FOR ME?

YEAH. DIDN'T YOU SEE IT?

OH, I SAW IT.

YOU BET YOUR LITTLE INTERN ASS I FOUND IT.

AND I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE

ERRORS, MAJOR ONES.

ERRORS THAT WE CANNOT AFFORD TO MAKE.

- LIKE WHAT? - HONEY...

WE ARE NOT AT HARPER'S BAZAAR.

THE BIG BOSS DOWN THE HALL WOULD NOT BE THRILLED.

YOU SHOULD BE VERY GLAD

THAT I HAD A SPARE MOMENT TO OVERSEE THIS--

THIS WORK. I DELEGATED THIS PROJECT TO YOU

BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU COULD HANDLE IT.

UNFORTUNATELY, I'VE LEARNED YOU CAN'T.

RETYPING MY ROLODEX

WAS JUST TOO DIFFICULT A TASK FOR YOU, HUH?

JANN WENNER'S CARD.

AHEM!

WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE "N" ON "JAN"?

HMM? DIDN'T YOU KNOW HE ADDED

THAT EXTRA "N" YEARS AGO?

WHAT'S GOING ON

WITH THIS ANDY WARHOL CARD?

DID YOU EVEN THINK TO VERIFY THIS NUMBER?

NO, BECAUSE HE'S-- HE'S DEAD.

EXCUSES!

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?

DEAD OR ALIVE,

I STILL NEED THEIR PHONE NUMBERS.

THIS IS FOR YOUR BENEFIT,

NOT MINE, OKAY?

NO BAD BLOOD.

IT'S A CURSE.

DOLLY!

YOU'RE BACK FROM THE COUTURE SHOWS!

HOW WAS LACROIX?

THAT'S DOLLY BELLOWS. SHE'S AN INSTITUTION.

GIVE ME A TISSUE.

THE MAN IS A GENIUS.

OH, THE WORD GENIUS IS WEARY WITH OVERUSE.

LACROIX...

LACROIX TRANSCENDS THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE,

MY GOD!

HOW COULD THEY THINK

THESE TRITE LITTLE VEHICLES OF WORDS

COULD EXPRESS WHAT LACROIX'S ALL ABOUT?

DON'T THEY GET IT? DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND?

HE'S NOT ABOUT A DICTIONARY. HE'S...

HE'S ABOUT SPIRIT! OH...

GOD, YES, SPIRIT, SPIRIT!

ANY MESSAGES?

WHOO! A FAX IS COMING IN.

FROM EUROPE.

FROM PARIS STUDIOS. KARL LAGERFELD

TO...

THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.

I HAVE A FAX FOR THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.

WELL, THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF IS WAITING FOR IT.

YOU CAN GO IN.

UM...

I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

I HAVE A FAX...

FOR YOU.

OKAY. UM, THANKS.

OWW!

WELL, THE WORK IS PILING UP,

AND I REALLY SHOULD BE GETTING TO IT.

I HAVE TO RETYPE A ROLODEX, FETCH GREEN TEA,

AND PICK UP A HUGE GARMENT BAG AT KEEBLE.

ANYWAY, THE XEROX MACHINE AWAITS ME,

SO... NOW YOU KNOW.

THE PEOPLE ON STAFF AREN'T REALLY SNOBS.

THEY'RE JUST BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE IS.

IS THAT ENOUGH?

THAT WAS GREAT. I THINK WE GOT IT.

LET ME KNOW WHEN IT'S ON.

I CAN WATCH IT ON THE TREADMILL

IF THEY HAVE CHANNEL 13 ON EQUINOX.

THANKS A LOT, KIDDO. HANG IN THERE.

SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY TOUGH PLACE TO WORK.

OHH...

HEY, PAUL. THESE ARE THE PHOTOS

FOR THE BELT EDITOR'S ACCESSORY PAGE.

SHE'LL COME IN HERE AND SHOW YOU EXACTLY HOW SHE WANTS 'EM.

WHY WON'T THESE PEOPLE LET ME DO MY JOB?

I KNOW.

WHAT IS THAT STUFF

YOU'RE ALWAYS PLAYING WITH?

SILLY PUTTY.

IT CALMS ME DOWN.

"HOBOS ON A GRASSY KNOLL"?

I LOVE THEM! THEY'RE THE BEST BAND!

YOU KNOW HOBOS ON A GRASSY KNOLL?

TOTALLY! LEE HARVEY O. IS MY FAVORITE SONG!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. NO ONE IN THE STATES KNOWS THEM.

I SAW THEM WHEN I WENT TO LONDON LAST MARCH, IN CAMDEN.

THAT'S INSANE! I WAS THERE!

GET OUT OF HERE! YOU WERE THERE?

THAT'S CRAZY!

I WORSHIP THIS POSTER. WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

WELL, I...

DESIGNED IT, ACTUALLY.

YOU KNOW THEM?

YES. SAM, EDGAR, AND I WERE AT ETON TOGETHER.

WOW.

PAUL, I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!

UH, EVERYWHERE EXCEPT MY OFFICE, I GUESS.

I HEARD YOU WERE IN THE SHITTER.

ROXANNE NEEDS TO DISCUSS THE CONCEPT

OF TOMORROW'S COVER SHOOT.

YES. PARDON ME, JOCELYN.

HEY, CUT IT OUT! YOU CAN'T GO THROUGH HIS DRAWERS.

DOES HE NOT SMOKE? WHAT IS THIS?

THE 21st CENTURY,

NO SMOKING IN OFFICE BUILDINGS.

GO OUT ON THE STREET WITH THE JUNKIES!

OOH, SPANK ME AGAIN! I THINK

THERE'S A PART-TIME POSITION OPENING AT THE VAULT.

LET'S LOOK IN HERE.

MAYBE WE'LL FIND SOME NAUGHTY TOYS.

HE DOESN'T EXACTLY SEEM LIKE THE KIDDIE PORN TYPE.

I KNOW. HE'S SUCH A SWEETIE.

GORGEOUS.

I WISH TO DEATH HE WAS INTO SAUSAGES, BUT ALAS,

FIRE ISLAND WILL NEVER BE GRACED BY HIS SWEET ASS.

WHAT, YOU MEAN PAUL'S NOT GAY?

HONEY, YOUR GAY-DAR IS FAILING!

PAUL'S AS STRAIGHT AS A MARC JACOBS PLEAT.

INTERESTING.

EVERY FASHION MAGAZINE

NEEDS THE TOKEN HETERO MALE.

IT'S LIKE REVERSE AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.

FUCK! GOTTA DASH.

I'M OFF LIKE A PROM DRESS. MM!

I THINK JUDAISM

IS THE BUDDHISM OF THE NEXT CENTURY.

I REALLY DO, AND I'VE GOTTEN A JUMPSTART ON IT.

I'M TAKING KABBALAH CLASSES.

AND I'M SURE I'VE SEEN SKETCHES OF

THE MOSES COLLECTION COME ACROSS MY DESK.

WAIT A MINUTE. ANDRE, HAVE YOU SEEN

THE LATEST ISSUE OF SKIRT,MY DEAR?

PLEASE, DARLINGS...

ARE THEY FINALLY ECLIPSING VOGUE

IN FASHION-FORWARDNESS?

DARLING, PLEASE,

SKIRTWILL ONLY REIGN SUPREME

WHEN SHOULDER PADS ARE BACK ON THE RUNWAYS.

IT'S TRUE, YOU GUYS.

THEY COMPLETELY MISSED THE BALL

ON ALEXANDER McQUEEN'S PRINCESS SKIRT.

THAT'S 'CAUSE ROXANNE ROCHET IS A COKE WHORE.

NO.

SHE'S ONLY ADDICTED TO PAIN KILLERS.

REMEMBER, HER BREASTS EXPLODED.

SSS... OWW...

YOU KNOW, ANDRE, I DO THINK THEY'RE THE MOST CREATIVE.

I MEAN, WHO ELSE WOULD'VE PAID ME

TO SCOUT THAT ACTIVE VOLCANO

AND KEEP A DIARY OF IT?

AND THAT BIRKENSTOCK LAYOUT WAS GENIUS.

TRUE.

YOU LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN

IN EVERY ISSUE FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS.

EXCUSE ME?

I LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE INNOVATIVE, OKAY?

AND YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK, JACK.

I'M NOT WORRIED.

I'VE GOT SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE.

OOH...

YOU CROCODILE!

YOU KNOW IT, GIRL.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, OUR EDITOR-IN-CHIEF'S HUSBAND

IS SUFFERING FROM TESTICULAR CANCER.

ONCE AGAIN, SKIRTMAGAZINE

WILL HOST THIS YEAR'S CHARITY CARNIVAL IN FALL.

THE "SAVE OUR BALLS" BALL.

WE'LL HAVE BOOTHS THERE,

AND I NEED ALL OF YOU TO SIGN UP.

THE CLIPBOARD WILL NOW CIRCULATE.

OKAY... WE HAVE SOME VERY SERIOUS ISSUES

TO GET DOWN TO.

AS YOU KNOW, VOGUEMAGAZINE

RAN THE CANTEEN CHIC FEATURE.

OH, FELT IT. OH, YES.

AND THAT MEANS

THAT WE STILL HAVE AN INFILTRATOR

IN THE MIDST OF OUR OPERATIONS.

IT WAS DREADFUL ENOUGH

WHEN THEY COPIED OUR "EARMUFF EXPLOSIONS"

AND "TERRIFIC TOE RINGS" SPREADS,

BUT NOT THIS!

I ABHOR NINA ZIMOY.

I ABHOR THE... WHORE!

I WISH THE MOST EVIL THING IN THE WORLD

WOULD HAPPEN TO HER. I WISH THAT...

THAT ANTI-FUR ACTIVISTS

WOULD MARCH INTO THE FOUR SEASONS

AND DROP A BLOODY DEAD RACCOON CARCASS

ONTO HER FRISEE SALAD,

SPLATTERING THE BALSAMIC AND BLOOD

ALL OVER HER WHITE VALENTINO COUTURE SUIT--

CHI CHI!

FRANS, SECONAL.

OKAY, SIT DOWN.

NOW, WE'RE NOT IN THIS BATTLE ALONE.

I'VE ENLISTED THE AID OF A VERY VALUED ALLY.

DEEP THROAT.

OUI.

YOU KNOW, HE WAS INSTRUMENTAL

IN CRACKING THE CASE OF THE MISSING MANOLO BLAHNIKS.

ROXANNE, DO YOU REALLY THINK WE NEED A DEEP THROAT?

I MEAN, WHY CAN'T WE JUST FIND THE YURI

WITHIN OURSELVES?

HA! CALL ME SILLY, BUT...

I HAVE A HUNCH THAT--

THAT IT MIGHT BE PIERRE LaROUX.

NONSENSE.

PIERRE MAY BE AN OBSEQUIOUS,

ASS-LICKING, MERETRICIOUS SYCOPHANT,

BUT A YURI HE'S NOT.

HE'S OFF DOING A SECRET SHOOT...

FOR VOGUE.

WHAT?

LIES!

HE'D BETTER NOT BE.

OKAY NOW...

LET'S MOVE ON. CORNELIA?

CHI CHI, ANY TREND REPORT FROM THE FRONT?

I HEARD

WHO HEARD FROM HIS BOYFRIEND

WHO WORKED BACKSTAGE AT GALLIANO

WITH ORLANDO PITA,

WHOSE BLOW-DRYER ASSISTANT

JUST CAME FROM THE GAULTIER SHOW...

THAT HIS NEXT COLLECTION WILL BE REVOLUTIONARY.

THE GIRLS WILL COME OUT ON THE CATWALK...

IN WHEELCHAIRS.

WHEELCHAIR CHIC?

GENIUS!

INSPIRATIONAL!

I THINK DA VINCI DID SKETCHES

OF WHEELCHAIR PROTOTYPES.

WE CAN USE THOSE FOR THE LAYOUT.

I HAVE GOOSE BUMPS.

NINE PAGES.

HUH... JOCELYN,

I SEE YOU PUT YOUR NAME DOWN

FOR THE "MAKE YOUR OWN VIDEO" BOOTH.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA JOIN YOU

ON THAT ONE.

PAUL, JOCELYN, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS RUN OVER

TO GUSTAVE'S STUDIO NOW?

I'LL BE THERE IN A FEW MINUTES. JUST SIT TIGHT.

GREAT. GREAT.

TAXI!

HI. THIS IS LUKE PERRY TELLING YOU TO BUCKLE UP,

'CAUSE THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN SLAMMING INTO A WINDSHIELD

IS GETTING A WHIFF OF JASON PRIESTLEY'S BREATH

IN THE MORNING.

IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT EVERY TAXI IN NEW YORK REEKED,

NOW, IN ADDITION, TERTIARY-LEVEL CELEBRITIES

ARE IMPLORING US NOT TO PLUNGE THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD.

IT'S AN INTERESTING WAY TO ATTEMPT A COMEBACK.

I BET IT'S A BUMMER TO BE ALL FAMOUS.

ON THE COVER OF TIGER BEAT IN ONE DECADE,

THEN BE VIRTUALLY ANONYMOUS IN THE NEXT.

I WOULD RATHER NEVER BE FAMOUS THEN.

YEAH.

I TOTALLY AGREE.

BUT ACTUALLY, I DO THINK IT'D BE KIND OF BAD-ASS

TO DO A COUPLE GREAT CULTURE-KITSCHY PROJECTS

AND THEN DISAPPEAR INTO, LIKE, SUBURBIA

OR SOME RANDOM "M" STATE.

QUITE TRUE.

BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL TOO EASY

TO GET SUCKED IN.

FUCK! WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BLACK-AND-WHITE COW?

I ASKED YOU SPECIFICALLY FOR AN ALL-BLACK COW!

FINALLY! WE'VE BEEN DESPERATE FOR THIS!

EW! I HATE LIVESTOCK!

WHERE IS EVERYBODY? WE'RE COMPLETELY UNDERSTAFFED!

OH, PAUL! THANK GOD!

MMM, YOU LOOK STUNNING, MY DARLING.

PAUL, THESE PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!

THE TOENAIL ARTIST MAIMED ME.

WHAT DID HE DO?

HE FILED MY SECOND-TO-LAST TOE TOO MUCH,

AND IT LOOKS WEIRD!

LET ME SEE...

THEY LOOK PERFECT, DARLING.

THEN THE LIP-LINER ARTIST

FOUND THIS HORRID BURNT MAHOGANY HUE

WHICH TOTALLY CLASHES

WITH THE VERUSCHKA SCARLET LIPSTICK.

AND YOU KNOW HOW MY COSMETIC COMPANY HATES IT

WHEN THE LIPLINER'S DARKER THAN THE LIPSTICK.

IT'S TOTALLY DISTRACTING!

HE CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING!

DARLING, DARLING, IT'S A COVER SHOOT.

YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY ANYTHING.

EH! NO MORE.

AWW... WHATEVER.

COME ON. DO YOU WANT TO SEE

WHAT THEY WANT ME TO WEAR?

OOH, YES!

I'LL LET YOU TIE MY BIKINI STRINGS.

ROWRRR!

UH, EXCUSE ME. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THAT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. YOU'RE JOCELYN, RIGHT?

YEAH.

ALEX.

WE MET AT THE COUTURE BIRTHDAY FASHION SHOOT.

OH, YEAH! HOW ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE, MAN.

THEY'RE NUTS.

WHAT'S UP WITH THE 'TUDE ON THAT BROAD, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, WE'RE DOING FASHION HERE, NOT HIGH ART.

HUH. I GUESS SHE JUST TAKES PRIDE IN HER WORK.

WE NEED YOU TO FILL THE WATER BOTTLES

TO SPRAY ON RESIN.

PIERRE INSISTS ON THE MISTY LOOK.

I NEED YOU TO POUR THIS EVIAN INTO THE BOTTLES

AND PRACTICE SPRAYING NOW.

HERE, I'LL HELP YOU.

THAT'S THE SAME THING PAINT THE COW.

YOU!

YOU'RE THE SPRITZER?

FANTASTIQUE.

THE VISION!

GENTLE ROLLING HILLS

JUST OUTSIDE DUBLIN.

METEOROLOGY, 66 DEGREES.

A CRISP YET DEWY OCTOBER HAZE

ON A GRAY DAY.

THE CHARCOAL CLOUDS...

THEY TAUNT, YET...

BECKON.

I'M READY NOW.

OKAY, OKAY, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED NOW.

ALL RIGHT?

GUSTAVE, I AM NOT PAINTING THAT COW. I DON'T CARE.

THE HELL WITH YOU!

I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT ON THE PHONE

I WANTED AN ALL-BLACK COW.

AND YOU AND YOUR MAKE-UP PEOPLE

ARE GOING TO PAINT THAT GODDAMNED COW

ALL BLACK! GET OUT OF MY FACE!

I'M NOT PAYING FOR THIS BULLSHIT! MOVE!

OOF! THAT WAS A LONG DAY, WASN'T IT?

I CANNOT BELIEVE WE'VE BEEN WORKING

FOR EIGHT HOURS.

LIKE A FLIGHT TO MOSCOW,

BUT WITHOUT THE EMILIO ESTEVEZ FLICK.

YOU KNOW, JOCELYN,

I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU ONE THING.

I THINK YOU ARE

THE BEST SPRITZER I'VE EVER SEEN.

HM. INDEED.

INDEED.

MARVELOUS.

UH-HUH. I HAVE A NEW CALLING.

MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE!

OH, DAD,

I'VE GOT TO FOLLOW MY HEART.

WHO CARES ABOUT MY $300,000 EDUCATION?

OH, IS THAT-- THIS IS ME?

I CREATED THE HEATHERED HILLS OF DUBLIN

IN A GREENWICH VILLAGE STUDIO.

YOU WANT TO SEE MY VISION?

AAH! NO!

TITANICSTEERAGE CLASS!

STOP IT! WHERE'S KATHY BATES WHEN YOU NEED HER?

SEND A LIFEBOAT!

I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK!

YOU DON'T LET GO--

PAUL. PAUL.

- PAUL! - OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

LET'S GO.

I WAS JUST MUCKING AROUND

WITH JOCELYN HERE.

UH, THIS IS JOCELYN, YOUR SPRITZER.

HAVE YOU MET YET?

HI.

I'M GONNA BE LATE

FOR PATRICK DEMARCHELIER'S BOOK PARTY.

YEAH. OKAY.

UMM...

HAH! WHOA... I GOTTA SPLIT.

YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT WITH YOUR, UH...

WHAT IS THAT? UH...

- RIBBON? - RIBBON WRAPPING.

YEAH.

OH, HEY, JOCELYN, I CAN HELP YOU.

THANKS, ALEX.

RIGHT. WELL...

I'LL SEE YOU AT THE CARNIVAL TOMORROW.

- YEAH. - OKAY.

DON'T TOUCH ME. YOU'RE ALL WET.

UH...

JOCELYN, UM...

I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE WE CAN GO

GET A CUP OF COFFEE AFTER OR SOMETHING.

SURE.

CLEAN-UP TIME, JOCELYN.

HEY, JOCELYN!

HOW YOU DOING? WHERE YOU BEEN?

HEY, NADIK. I NEED TO PICK UP

SEBASTIAN'S FEDEX TO HIMSELF.

WHAT WAS HE FEDEXING? BIG OR SMALL?

HIS LUGGAGE FROM HIS TRIP TO ST. BART'S.

OH, IT'S THAT STUFF BACK THERE.

IT'S TOO BIG FOR YOU. WE'LL TAKE IT UP.

THANKS.

OH, HEY, WHILE YOU'RE HERE,

THINK YOU CAN HELP US OUT?

SURE. WHAT IS IT?

WE FOUND THIS PACKAGE

OUTSIDE OUR DOOR THIS MORNING,

NO TELEPHONE EXTENSION ON THE RETURN SLIP,

SO WE TOOK IT DOWN TO 4 TIMES SQUARE--

THAT'S CONDE NAST.

YEAH. IT WAS ADDRESSED TO AN ANDRE LEON TALLEY--

ANDRE LEON TALLEY? WAIT, LET ME SEE THIS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM.

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH IT?

I'LL TAKE IT. THANKS.

SLOW DOWN, THUNDERFOOT!

THIS ISN'T SPORTS ILLUSTRATED.

LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND IN THE MESSENGER CENTER.

- WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? - MESSENGER CENTER.

SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SEND IT--

I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR THIS.

- I KNOW! THAT'S WHY-- - THIS IS VERY SERIOUS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE THESE LAYOUTS

AND WHY YOU'RE "MESSENGERING" THEM TO SOMEONE.

I WASN'T. THE MESSENGER ASKED ME TO RETURN THEM.

SOMEBODY LEFT THEM THERE.

"SOMEONE"?

HMM...

MAYBE THAT SOMEONE IS YOU.

AND MAYBE YOU WERE PLANNING

ON SNEAKING THEM BACK INTO MY DRAWER

BEFORE YOU WERE DISCOVERED.

SEBASTIAN, I'M NOT THE YURI.

INTERESTING.

YOU'RE VERY DEFENSIVE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!

WELL, I'LL BELIEVE IT

UNTIL YOU COME UP WITH ANOTHER YURI.

I'M GONNA KEEP MY EYE ON YOU.

WATCH YOUR BACK...

JACK.

TAXI.

TAXI!

Deep PSST!

Over here.

WHERE?

Over here!

I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CONTACT ME AGAIN.

IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

LOOK, YOU HELPED ME WITH THE MANOLOS,

AND I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP NOW.

THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS GOES DEEPER.

HOW DEEP?

FFFUCKING...

MOTHERFUCKER! COCKSUCKER!

FRIG! FUCK! FUCK!

SORRY. IT'S MY TOURETTE'S ACTING UP AGAIN.

I KNOW, I'M USED TO IT. NOW, LISTEN.

- RAT FUCK! - WE NEED HELP.

SOMEBODY'S BEEN STEALING OUR STORY IDEAS

AND TRADING THEM TO NINA ZIMOY AT VOGUE.

I KNOW. I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT, PUSSY!

YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?

OH, NO. WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO IT THAT WAY.

OH, HO, NO! FIRST,

YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW,

AND THEN I'LL TELL YOU IF YOU'RE RIGHT.

I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION

IT COULD BE PIERRE LaROUX, OUR MAKE-UP ARTIST.

LOOK DEEPER. LOOK CLOSER.

FOLLOW THAT FASHION!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OH, THEY'RE BRILLIANT. DID YOU DESIGN THEM?

NO. I HAVE TO GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT'S DUE.

SEBASTIAN DESIGNED THEM.

OH, YES, DARLING. YOU DO KNOW

THAT I HAVE A BETTER GRASP ON THIS SUBJECT

THAN HE.

OKAY, PEOPLE, IT'S TIME TO PILE INTO THE TOWN CARS,

AND YOU CAN CHECK THE LIST

FOR WHAT BOOTH YOU'RE ASSIGNED TO

AND THE TIMES, AND REMEMBER,

WHEN YOU'RE NOT IN A BOOTH,

YOU'RE STILL REPRESENTING SKIRT.

WISH I COULD ALWAYS HAVE A COCK THIS BIG

THIS CLOSE TO MY FACE.

YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

ACTUALLY, MY ROOM SERVICE BOY IN PARIS

WASN'T SO DIFFERENT

THAN THE DIMENSIONS ON THIS SHIRT.

LET'S JUST SAY HE SERVED UP A LOT MORE

THAN PETIT DEJEUNER.

YOU JEZEBEL! WHAT'D YOU WRITE

ON YOUR CUSTOMS CARD WHEN YOU CAME BACK,

BUSINESS OR PLEASURE?

HONEY, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES

YOU GET YOUR CROISSANT BUTTERED OVER THERE,

IT'S STILL WORK.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, TIME TO MOVE OUT.

CHOP CHOP.

IF YOU NEED TO REACH ME, YOU CAN CALL MY BEEPER.

IT'S 917-UP-SKIRT.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT THING TO DO RIGHT NOW,

SO I'M NOT LISTENING. I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU.

IT'S AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE TO GO

ALL THE WAY DOWNTOWN TO VOLUNTEER

AT THIS DUMB CHARITY CARNIVAL.

IT'S PATHETIC! YOU DON'T SEE ANYONE IN VOGUE

HAVING TO DO THIS.

I'M THE HAIR EDITOR.

I DON'T CRAWL AROUND ON THE GROUND

PICKING UP DARTS IN THE NAME OF TESTES!

IT'S A FAIRLY UNUSUAL... CHARITY.

ALTHOUGH BALLS ARE IMPORTANT.

UH, ANTOINETTE, HOW'S YOUR HUSBAND?

YOU'RE MARRIED?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND DOES HE STILL LIVE IN SPAIN?

YES. THE ATLANTIC THING

IS A FABULOUS THING FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE EACH OTHER?

AT HOLIDAYS.

YOU KNOW, YOU WERE A GREAT LITTLE DIRECTOR IN THAT VIDEO.

MAYBE A FILM SCHOOL IS CALLING.

ACTUALLY, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER,

BUT THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WOULD HIRE ME

WERE THESE SLEAZEBALLS IN THIS TABLOID PHOTO AGENCY.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO, STALK PEOPLE?

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID.

THEY ACTUALLY HAD ME FOLLOW

CARROLL O'CONNOR WITH HIS SON'S ASHES

TO FIND OUT WHERE HE WAS GONNA THROW THEM.

OH, THAT'S SICK!

YEAH, BEYOND.

I HAD THIS SEVERE MORAL EPIPHANY

WHEN I WAS CROUCHED DOWN IN THE BUSHES

WITH MY 30-POUND LEICA.

I BAGGED AFTER THAT.

SO, HOW'D YOU END UP AT SKIRT?

I JUST LOVE SKIRT.

IT HAS THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHY OF ANY MAGAZINE.

REALLY THE MOST INNOVATIVE, STYLISH,

ARTISTIC SHOOTS AROUND.

SO, HOW'D YOU END UP IN MAGAZINES?

I HAD AN ECCENTRIC UNCLE...

WHO WAS MY IDOL WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.

HE WAS SORT OF A...

BLACK-SHEEP, HIP REBEL TYPE, YOU KNOW,

AND, UH...

WHILST MY PARENTS ALWAYS TRIED

TO DRAG ME OFF TO POLO MATCHES

AND BLAH-BLAH-BLAH,

HE WAS ALWAYS ABDUCTING ME

AND TAKING ME ON THE MOST AMAZING ADVENTURES.

SOUNDS LIKE A COOL UNCLE.

YEAH, HE WAS. HE WAS--

HE WAS PRETTY MUCH MY SAVIOR

WHEN I WAS A CHILD.

MY PARENTS HAD A MESSY SPLIT,

AND HE SAW ME THROUGH IT, AND...

ANYWAY, HE KNEW I LOVED TO PAINT,

AND HE ALWAYS ENCOURAGED IT.

SO WHY DON'T YOU PAINT FULL-TIME?

THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I LIKE GRAPHIC DESIGN,

AND FORTUNATELY IT PAYS THE BILLS,

SO I HAVE JUST SORT OF GOTTEN

INTO THE WHOLE ROUTINE OF IT.

FURTHERMORE, I DON'T THINK ANYONE

WOULD WANT TO BUY MY PAINTINGS,

EXCEPT MAYBE A PIZZA PARLOR.

OH, I'M SURE PEOPLE WOULD BUY YOUR PAINTINGS.

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I'M BEING HARASSED.

THESE STICKY-FINGERED BEASTS

KEEP TUGGING AT ME,

BEGGING FOR MY AUTOGRAPH.

AND--AND ANNOYING ME!

HONEY, THEY'RE CHILDREN.

I'M NOT THE FUCKING PIED PIPER!

I DON'T WANT THEM FOLLOWING ME.

SHOO! GET AWAY! GO!

CALM DOWN.

I'M GONNA BE...

HALF AN HOUR MORE WITH THIS,

THEN WE'LL HAVE A NICE WALK.

I HATE WALKING.

BESIDES, MY DRIVER'S AROUND THE CORNER.

I HAVE TO GO MEET STEVEN MEISEL AT MORGANS.

HE'S GONNA INTRODUCE ME TO THE MODEL AT NORBERT

WHO'S GONNA BE IN THE NEW CK CAMPAIGN WITH ME.

OKAY, SHALL I COME WITH YOU?

IT'S BUSINESS.

IT'S BUSINESS. RIGHT.

UM... PAGE ME TOMORROW

AND MAYBE WE'LL HAVE DINNER, OKAY?

"PAGE..."

YOU KNOW WHAT, JOCELYN?

I HAVE BEEN INSIDE ALL DAY...

AND I THINK I DESERVE A NICE WALK.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME?

SURE! I'D LOVE TO!

CA VA, CHERI. AU REVOIR.

DARLING, CHANGE OF PLANS.

I HAVE TO MEET NORBERT AT THE MERCER AT 2 A.M.,

SO... LET'S GRAB SOME DINNER AT RAOUL'S.

OKAY.

I'LL TAKE A RAINCHECK, OKAY, ON THAT?

SURE. NO PROBLEM.

CHEERIO.

ANTOINETTE, CAN I BORROW YOUR INTERN?

THE DOYLE GALLERY JUST CALLED,

AND THEY'RE DESPERATE FOR THIS GARMENT.

IT'S THE DRESS KIM BASINGER WORE TO THE OSCARS,

THE ONE WITH THE ONE SLEEVE?

NEEDED FOR THE CELEBRITY AUCTION NOW!

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN FINISH THIS

WHEN YOU GET BACK. HURRY UP!

AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, WATCH YOUR BACK, JACK.

THERE ARE SPIES EVERYWHERE.

TRUST NO ONE AND GUARD THAT WITH YOUR SOUL, DARLING.

I SHALL.

I OWE YOU LUNCH.

NOVEMBER, DECEMBER, SOMETHING.

OUR GIRLS WILL FIGURE IT OUT.

TAKE THE SUBWAY BACK.

OH, HELLO, JOCELYN.

HOW'S EVERYTHING AT MENTAL WARD DOWNTOWN?

YOU KNOW, HEINOUS. BUT, AS ALWAYS,

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

YOU'RE A TROUPER.

THAT'S LOT 163, ALL RIGHT?

JOCELYN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

KIM BASINGER NEEDED TO GO UP ON THAT WALL

HOURS AGO.

SHE'S THE CORNERSTONE OF THIS ENTIRE OPERATION.

WHAT COULD'VE POSSIBLY HELD YOU UP?

OH. I GUESS YOU HAVEN'T HEARD.

HEARD WHAT?

OH, NOTHING.

JUST THE REVOLUTIONARY NEW NAIL COLOR FROM MAC.

EVERYONE'S FREAKING OUT. CHI CHI FAINTED.

YOU SHOULD'VE SAID THAT RIGHT AWAY!

HA HA! I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE MESSENGER ME SOME!

AHEM-HEM!

SO WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT ONE FROM?

YOU KNOW... TRICKS OF THE TRADE.

YES, BUT HE CAN BE A REAL TWIT SOMETIMES

TAKE NO NOTICE OF HIM.

I'LL TRY NOT TO.

YOU BEEN UPSTAIRS YET?

NO.

WELL, IF YOU GET THE CHANCE,

THERE'S A FANTASTIC NEW PHOTOGRAPHIC EXHIBITION UP THERE.

IT IS BRILLIANT.

I THINK YOU'D REALLY LOVE IT.

IT REMINDED ME OF YOU.

I'VE WRAPPED UP EVERYTHING DOWNSTAIRS.

MAYBE WE CAN--

WE CAN MAKE THAT WALK AFTER ALL.

SOUNDS GREAT.

ISN'T THAT AMAZING?

ISN'T THAT THE BEST FRENCH FRY

YOU'VE EVER TASTED?

I GIVE THEM A SILVER MEDAL.

SILVER MEDAL?

WHAT ARE YOU, THE EAST GERMAN JUDGE?

NO. I'VE JUST HAD BETTER.

WELL... WE'LL GO AND DO A TASTE TEST.

FINE, BUT YOU HAVE TO BUY THE PLANE TICKET.

WHERE IS THIS PLACE?

IN BRUGES, IN FLANDERS.

IT'S A PROVINCE IN BELGIUM.

YES, I-- I SEE SOMEONE DID

THE REQUISITE EURO-RAILING

WITH A BUNCH OF GIRLFRIENDS.

I WENT BY MYSELF.

DID YOU?

SO HOW MANY COUNTRIES DID YOU VISIT?

I TRAVELED THE WORLD. I GRADUATED EARLY

AND GOT A GRANT FROM MY COLLEGE

TO DO A PHOTO ESSAY AS PART OF MY THESIS.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

THAT IS AMAZING. I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU DID THAT ALL BY YOURSELF.

I'M SO IMPRESSED.

SO, UH...

WHAT, WERE YOU SCARED AT ALL?

WELL, THEY TRIED TO STRIP-SEARCH ME

IN INDONESIA, AND I GOT A LITTLE HEAT

FOR MY BUBBLICIOUS IN SINGAPORE,

BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS SMOOTH SAILING.

AND DID YOU MAKE, UH...

DID YOU MAKE ANY DISPOSABLE FRIENDS?

UH... A COUPLE,

BUT NO CRAZY NIGHT WITH ETHAN HAWKE IN VIENNA.

I DO STILL HAVE THIS MOROCCAN FAMILY

WHO WRITES TO ME.

I HAVE THE BEST PICTURES OF THEM.

WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM.

REALLY?

- MM. - YOU WOULD?

YOU ARE SO OBSERVANT, I BET YOU MAKE...

A GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER.

AH, HOME SWEET HOME.

I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME, JOCELYN.

WELL, ANYTIME RESIN'S INDISPOSED,

I'LL BE YOUR WALKING PARTNER.

YEAH. UH...

TOMORROW'S GONNA BE HECTIC.

I'VE BEEN ASSIGNED TO THE SKIRTSECURITY TASK FORCE

TO FIND THE YURI.

SOUNDS FAIRLY GLAMOROUS.

YOU KNOW, IT REALLY BOTHERS ME,

ALL THIS FASHION ESPIONAGE.

FOR SOMEONE TO JUST TAKE ALL OUR HARD WORK

AND HAND IT OVER TO VOGUE, IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF.

I'M GOING TO MAKE IT MY MISSION

TO APPREHEND THE YURI.

WELL, IF ANYONE CAN NAB HIM,

I THINK YOU CAN.

A SPY'S WORK IS NEVER DONE.

RIGHT.

WELL, I REALLY ENJOYED OUR WALK.

GOOD NIGHT, JOCELYN.

SWEET DREAMS.

OOH, PRETTY BABY!

OH, HI, TOBY.

HI, JOCELYN.

SORRY, JOCELYN.

NO, THAT'S OKAY.

VITE! VITE! VITE!

I NEED MY COMB!

FABULOUS! FABULOUS!

THIS IS FABULOUS!

THIS IS A BLESSING, HOT DAMN!

LOVELY LADIES,

EMBRACE THE WATER!

THAT'S IT, EMBRACE IT!

MAKE LOVE TO IT!

LET THE WATER WASH AWAY YOUR SINS, LADIES!

TAKE A LOT MORE THAN THIS RAIN

TO WASH AWAY THAT SIN, HA HA!

YES! BE SEXY IN THE RAIN, YES!

PRAISE GOD!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? THE LIGHTNING MACHINE.

LIGHTNING!

LIGHTNING MACHINE?

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T STAND AROUND

DURING THE LIGHTNING HOLDING A REFLECTOR!

GO!

BE EXCITING!

ALL RIGHT, LADIES...

I'M FREEZING! CALL ME A CUBE!

THIS IS UNBEARABLE, CUBE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT THEY'RE MAKING RAIN FOR THE PHOTO SHOOT

WITH WATER FROM THE EAST RIVER!

THEY'RE CRAZY! WE'RE ALL GONNA GET HEPATITIS D!

THIS IS NUTS!

LISTEN, WE GOT TO GET OUT OF THESE CLOTHES.

WE DON'T WANT YOU GETTING PNEUMONIA.

DO YOU THINK THAT THEY WOULD MIND

IF I WORE SOMETHING FROM WARDROBE?

HA HA! GO FOR IT!

THIS LOOKS OKAY...

UH-OH...

IT'S DOLCE.

HA HA HA!

THESE THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WORN,

NOT FRAMED.

I'M SWIMMING IN THIS!

HANG ON. WHERE'S YOUR HEAD?

THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

THERE YOU GO.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S THAT? OH, LOOK.

HANG ON. EXCUSE ME.

YOU'VE GOT A TAG HERE.

I CAN'T GET IT.

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY EYELASH CURLER?

PIECE OF PUTAIN MERDE!

STUPID PEOPLE--

OH. HERE IT IS.

I THINK MAYBE

WE SHOULD GET BACK OUT THERE.

NO. NO.

LOOK, I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME TIME LEFT.

THEY WON'T BE FINISHED FOR A WHILE.

I'M GONNA SORT YOU OUT.

THERE YOU GO.

OH! OH! IT'S HIDEOUS OUT THERE!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

I JUST WALKED OFF!

I DON'T FEEL WELL, PAUL.

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME

AND CURL UP WITH YOU.

UM...

OKAY, LOOK, UH,

I'LL GO-- GO AND GET YOUR CAR, OKAY?

YOU'RE SO SWEET, SO GOOD TO ME.

AWW...

WOW...

UH... LISTEN, I HAD A GREAT TIME LAST NIGHT.

ME TOO.

I LOVED WORKING WITH YOU AT THE SHOOT,

AND I THINK THAT WE MAKE GREAT WALKING PARTNERS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD CONSIDER THE MARATHON.

LOOK, JOCELYN...

I THINK YOU ARE AMAZING.

YOU KNOW? AND-- AND I LOVED...

THAT WALK WITH YOU AS WELL,

AND I LOVED...

HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THE SHOOT...

AND GOD ONLY KNOWS I'M ALWAYS SO HAPPY

WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE.

AND, UH...

WELL, I THINK WE MAKE GREAT FRIENDS.

BUT?

UM, BUT RESIN WAS A LITTLE PISSED OFF

THAT I'VE BEEN SEEING SO MUCH OF YOU,

AND I REALIZE THAT...

OH, YOU KNOW, I JUST HOPE

I WASN'T GIVING YOU THE WRONG IDEA.

OH, NO, NO, NO!

I MEAN, HOW CAN I FORGET

YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH COVER GIRL?

EVERYONE ELSE IS ORGASMIC YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH HER.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY. GOOD.

'CAUSE I JUST WANTED TO...

YEAH. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, PAUL.

IT'S GOOD TO KEEP THINGS OUT IN THE OPEN.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I...

HEY.

HERE. YOU GOT TEN MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM.

JOCELYN!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS JUST WRAPPING THIS UP

SO I COULD GO TO THE LAST

OF LAGERFELD'S BOOK PARTY.

I'LL SEND KARL YOUR BEST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING.

WE HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT PROJECT TO DO.

HAVE YOU NOTICED PEOPLE'S DESKS LATELY?

ATROCITIES!

I HAVEN'T SEEN SO MANY COLORS

SINCE TODD OLDHAM'S DEBUT COLLECTION.

IT'S ALL ABOUT BLACK.

I MEAN, WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT ANYWAY?

THIS IS NOT LUCKY CHARMS CEREAL.

THIS IS NOT OZ.

THIS IS NOT SKITTLES.

I WANT YOU TO REPLACE EACH AND EVERY ONE

OF THESE HIDEOUS FIVE-AND-DIME ACCESSORIES

IMMEDIATELY. EVERYONE'S DESK

SHOULD BE IN SHIP SHAPE BY TOMORROW MORNING.

PHILLIPPE STARK JUST MESSENGERED OVER

HIS NEW LINE OF DESK ACCESSORIES.

FROM NOW ON, EVERYTHING SHOULD BE BLACK.

THOSE BITCHES!

THEY ALL SAY BROWN'S THE NEW BLACK.

WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BABY.

BLACK

COULD KICK BROWN'S ASS!

JOCELYN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WORKING SO LATE?

I'M MAKING THE BULLETIN BOARDS CLASH-PROOF.

GOD FORBID WE HAVE A STRAY YELLOW THUMB TACK.

OH. SO SORRY.

YOU MISSED A GREAT PARTY.

EVERYBODY WAS THERE.

I COULD'VE STAYED ALL NIGHT,

BUT PAUL FORGOT HIS STUPID DISK

AND WE HAD TO COME ALL THE WAY BACK UPTOWN.

BUMMER.

WELL, HA HA!

WE WON'T KEEP YOU FROM YOUR WORK.

I'M SURE IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

COME ON, PAULIE. I WANNA GO HOME.

JOCELYN, DON'T WORK TOO LATE, WILL YOU?

COME ON.

AAAH!

YOU'RE PATHETIC!

FIE UPON THEE!

YOU ARE TORTURE TO AIRBRUSH!

YOU GET OFF!

YOU! YOU! YOU!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE STUPID!

YOU'RE A BAD PERSON!

YOU FOOL!

YOU UGLY NORTH DAKOTAN!

YOU PUT A POX UPON SKIRT

AND YOU ARE NEVER EVER WORKING WITH US AGAIN!

YOU!

YOU... YOU... YOU...

THE NEW MUSE!

LOOK AT YOU!

YOU ARE FABULOUS!

YOU'RE INCREDIBLE!

THE EYES! THE HAIR! THE SMILE!

THIS IS IT!

THE NEW MUSE!

HI, JOSS.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS CRAP I CAN TAKE.

I'VE BEEN THERE FOR HOURS

RE-ACCESSORIZING THE BULLETIN BOARDS.

HOW'S THE HOTTIE?

STILL COMPLETELY TAKEN.

IT'S HOPELESS, JOSIE, COMPLETELY HOPELESS.

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK I'LL NEVER GET ON STAFF,

AND MY SUMMER MONEY IS RUNNING LOW.

WELL,

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

YOU ARE THE STAR OF PUBLIC TELEVISION.

THEY'RE RUNNING YOUR OFFICE TOUR AGAIN

FOR THE FIFTH TIME THIS WEEK.

THEY MUST HAVE IT ON A LOOP.

COME HERE.

I'M HORRIFIED.

HEY, DID YOU SEE THAT?

SHE JUST CAME OUT OF THE FAX ROOM.

SO?

SO SHE NEVER SENDS HER OWN FAXES.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

MAYBE SHE HAD SOMETHING ELSE TO DO

IN THE FAX ROOM.

THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING.

OH. I'M LOVING THIS TOTE.

TOM FORD JUST SENT IT OVER.

ISN'T IT GENIUS?

IT'S GUCCI DOES L.L. BEAN. GENIUS.

I'LL HAVE TO HAVE TOM MESSENGER SOME OVER FOR ME.

OH,

LVMH IS PLANNING A HOSTILE TAKEOVER

OF FAYVA.

VUITTON JELLIES... I LOVE IT!

DID ANYONE SEE THE FENDI BRIOCHE BAG?

I'VE GOT TO HAVE IT!

IT'S GONNA BE A STAPLE.

WE'RE DOING FOUR PAGES ON IT.

SO, OLIVIER, WHAT'S THE DEAL AVEC VOGUE

STEALING ALL YOUR STORIES?

I HEARD THERE WAS A CURRY.

IT'S "YURI," DARLING.

WE'RE TALKING RUSSIANS, NOT INDIANS.

WELL, IT'S NOT ME.

I WON'T WORK FOR VOGUEANYMORE.

THEY DIDN'T AIRBRUSH ME PROPERLY.

THE DESIGNERS ARE BUTCHERS!

BUTCHERS!

ANYWAYS, NOW I HAVE MY OWN PRIVATE AIRBRUSHER

OVER HERE AT SKIRT.

PAUL IS SUCH A SWEETIE.

OH! THE DUKE WITH A MACINTOSH!

I LOVE WORKING WITH ROYALTY.

I LOVE SLEEPING WITH ROYALTY.

WHAT ARE YOU, THE FOURTH MILLER SISTER?

NOT QUITE, OLIVIER.

I DON'T DO EXILES.

I LIKE MY MEN UNDERFED

AND OVERBRED.

CAN YOU GET ME A TIARA?

SURE.

ANYWAY, THIS ONE IS BACKED

BY POLO FIELDS

AND THE LARGEST PRIVATE ESTATE

IN ALL OF ENGLAND.

WHORES! ALL OF YOU.

HEY, HEY, MAN.

YOU KNOW WHERE JOCELYN IS?

UH NO.

HEY, FRENCH FRIES, YEAH!

SEE YA, ALEX.

- LATER. PEACE. - YEAH.

HEY, ALEX, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

I WAS JUST DROPPING OFF SOME CONTACT SHEETS,

I FIGURED I'D STOP BY AND SAY HI.

- HI. - HOW YOU DOING, YOU HOLDING UP?

BARELY, I GOT STUCK WITH ALL THE TRUNKS

FOR THE WESTERN SHOOT ALL DAY.

HEE-HAW!

YOU WANNA GO GET SOME COFFEE?

YEAH, I CAN PROBABLY SNEAK OUT OF HERE FOR FIVE MINUTES

BEFORE I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THIS CLOSET.

COOL.

LET ME JUST GRAB MY COAT.

ALL RIGHT.

JOHN! SIMON!

HELLO! OH, SWEETIE, HELLO, THERE.

HOW ART THOU?

GOOD, HEARD ABOUT THE YURI.

OH, BRUTAL.

BRUTAL? I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

BEFORE BREAKFAST, PLEASE!

JOCELYN, YOU JUST MISSED IT.

WHAT?

RAW BRILLIANCE.

HELMETS... HELMETS.

HELMUT LANG?

SAFETY CHIC.

LIVING IS CHIC. HELMUT LANG.

HELMETS.

FOR MOTORCYCLES, MOPEDS, VESPAS. SCOOTERS, EVEN.

TO DIE FOR!

FOOFY! GREEN TEA.

WE'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS TREND CATCHES ON.

WE'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE THIS TREND IS COVERED

WITH PAGES OF THE MAGAZINE.

ROXANNE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL THE RAGE.

BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR,

WE'LL HAVE EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN AMERICA

WEARING A HELMET.

THERE WILL BE HELMETS IN WALL STREET,

HELMETS AT THE OPERA,

WOMEN IN THE MATERNITY WARD IN HELMETS.

NO LONGER WILL LESBIANS HAVE THAT LOCK ON HELMETS.

I'LL SEE TO THAT PERSONALLY.

IT'S GREAT, GREAT.

NOW EVERYBODY'S GONNA RUN OUT,

AND SPEND $4000 FOR A HELMET.

THAT'S INSANE!

THESE PEOPLE WOULDN'T CARE ABOUT SAFETY

IF A TOP DESIGNER DIDN'T TELL THEM TO.

HOW DO YOU DEAL?

WELL A SENSE OF HUMOR IS ESSENTIAL FOR THIS JOB.

YEAH.

RICHARD, HI, HOW ARE YOU?

- GREAT SHOE STORY. - OH, KENNETH!

THANK YOU.

HI, CORNELIA, HOW ARE YOU?

GREAT TO SEE YOU.

DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?

WOW.

DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?

STATEMENT.

STATEMENT? KENNETH COLE JUST CUT ME DEAD.

OBVIOUSLY HE DIDN'T APPRECIATE

OUR DOMINATRIX BABY SHOE EDITORIAL.

NOW WHERE WERE WE.

$25,000, I REPEAT,

IS NOT ENOUGH TO DO A PIECE.

IT SCRATCHES THE SURFACE.

IT IS AN INSULT TO THE DESIGNER,

IT IS AN INSULT TO THE MAKEUP ARTIST,

IT IS AN INSULT TO THE PHOTOGRAPHER,

AND AN INSULT TO ME.

DON'T HURT HER.

RAYMOND MEIER SAID SKIRT ISN'T WORTH HIS TIME

IF WE CAN'T PUT OUT THE DOUGH

TO HANG THE HARRY WINSTON NECKLACES

OFF THE GARGOYLES OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING.

- I AGREE WITH RAYMOND MEIER. - YES.

CAN YOU BLAME RAYMOND FOR SAYING THAT?

BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY,

NOT IN THIS DAY AND AGE, NOT WITH THIS TECHNOLOGY.

I CAN JUST SUPERIMPOSE THEM,

AND THEN PHOTOSHOP THEM ON MY MAC.

BUT YOU WOULD BE CHEATING YOURSELF

AND THE READER!

I DON'T THINK THE READER'S REALLY GOING TO KNOW.

THE READER KNOWS.

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW? BECAUSE I KNEW.

LOOK, I WAS RAISED IN A TRAILER PARK,

- WHAT? - NOT TO LEAVE THIS TABLE.

MY GOD!

BUT THE POINT IS, WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO,

I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING MY MONTHLY SKIRT.

OR I DROPPED OFF RIGHT AT THE TRAILER,

TO GET ME JUST A DOLLOP OF GOTHAM GRAMMAR.

I NEEDED IT,

SO DID THE MILLIONS OF OTHER TEENAGE GIRLS,

ACID WASH-CLAD, COMING HOME FROM THE ARCADE,

WE NEEDED THAT!

WE WANTED HOPE,

AND FANTASY,

AND WE WANT OUR GARGOYLES REAL.

YES, WE WANT REAL GARGOYLES!

YOU UNDERSTAND US? REAL GARGOYLES!

OH, THERE'S MY SWEETIE.

HEY SWEETIE!

SIT YOUR CUTE BUTT DOWN HERE.

SHE'S GREAT.

AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING?

WE WERE ENTRENCHED IN A SERIOUS DEBATE,

REGARDING THE IMPORTANCE OF INVESTING IN BEAUTY,

HAVE YOU ANY THOUGHTS?

SHOULD ONE

SACRIFICE THEIR SOUL FOR JUST SOME CHANGE?

DO YOU WANT TO DECIDE

BETWEEN A BUDGET AND TRUTH?

WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO SAY, JOCELYN,

IS DO YOU THINK THERE SHOULD BE CAPS

ON OUR SHOOTS?

WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT THE SKY SHOULD BE THE LIMIT,

BUT I DO THINK THAT MAGAZINES OFFER

ESCAPE AND INNOVATION, AND,

I HOPE TO ALWAYS FIND FANTASY AND NOVELTY

ON THE PAGES OF SKIRT.

- BRAVO! - JUST AS I THOUGHT.

YEAH, THANK YOU, BUT FANTASY

DOESN'T COME CHEAP, SWEETHEART.

PLEASE, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE "C" WORD.

HELLO, DARLINGS.

- DON'T YOU DARE THROW THAT WAY! - I DON'T WANNA--

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE STARVING AT VOGUE?

JOCELYN, DID YOU FINISH TESTING

ALL OF THE MOUSSE IN THE CLOSET?

OH, I WAS ALMOST DONE, I JUST WANTED TO GRAB A BITE.

CHARMINGLY NAIVE, BUT DON'T YOU THINK,

WITH SUCH IMPORTANT WORK AHEAD OF YOU,

YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE TIME FOR LUNCH?

BESIDES, WHICH I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED,

THESE ARE ALL EDITORS.

TAKE IT EASY, ANTOINETTE.

JUST BE NICE TO HER.

SHE'S THE BEST INTERN YOU'VE EVER HAD.

Deep OVER HERE.

SO GLAD YOU GOT MY SIGNAL,

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.

YOU BLEW IT, THEY GOT YOU AGAIN,

COCKSUCKING HUSSY!

POTS AND PANS!

I KNOW, I KNOW,

BUT I NEED YOUR HELP.

NOW, IS THERE GONNA BE ANOTHER LEAK,

AND IF SO, WHAT STORY?

THINK DEEPER. THINK FDR.

EAST RIVER DRIVE?

TRAFFIC JAMS?

SQUEEGEE BOYS?

THINK DEEPER.

THINK TACKY BLONDE BOMBSHELL.

SHARON STONE.

NO!

FUCKING ROADKILL!

WHO HAS BLACK EYES WHEN SHE JOGS?

WHAT?

WE'RE ON DEADLINE AND THERE'S A SHORTAGE OF INTERNS?

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

I HAVE A SERIES OF APPOINTMENTS,

AND I DESPERATELY NEED SOMEONE TO CARRY MY POLAROID.

BUT WE NEED HER, DARLING.

GET FOOFY!

I DON'T KNOW WHERE FOOFY IS.

ARE YOU FILING CARDS FOR UPCOMING SHOOTS?

YOU KNOW WE ONLY USE FIVE MODELS ANYWAY.

ARE YOU AN IDIOT?

NO! SO DON'T ACT LIKE ONE.

LA!

SO HERE'S THE TRICK

YOU CALL LOUIS VUITTON,

YOU CALL IN FOUR BAGS, SEND BACK THREE.

NEXT DAY, CALL IN TWO, SEND BACK ONE.

THEN CALL IN FIVE, SEND BACK FOUR.

WHEN THEY ASK YOU TO COUGH UP

THE MISSING LUGGAGE, YOU DELAY,

AND TELL THEM IT'S ON A SHOOT IN BARBADOS,

UNTIL YOU FIND OUT SOMEBODY OVER THERE QUIT,

WHICH IS WEEKLY,

AND SAY YOU JUST SENT IT BACK TO SHEILA,

AND FEIGN SURPRISE WHEN THEY SAY

"SHE LEFT THE COMPANY."

NO WAY!

YEAH, AND IF THEY KEEP QUESTIONING YOU,

TELL THEM YOU MESSENGERED IT OVER TO VOGUE,

BECAUSE AN EDITOR THERE REQUESTED IT.

THAT'S HILARIOUS.

WORKS EVERY TIME.

HELLO, LOUIS V!

THIS SOUP IS DELICIOUS.

SURE BEATS THROWING SVETLANA IN THE ACCEPTABLE PILE. THANKS.

IT'S SUCH CHAOS OVER THERE,

AND THIS WHOLE YURI HASSLE WILL DRIVE ME INSANE.

I HAD ENOUGH OF THE COLD WAR

WHEN WE DID THE DR. ZHIVAGO SHOOT.

OH YOU GOT THE CHICKEN TOO?

IT'S SO GOOD.

YEAH, BUT I GOT THE PAILLARD.

I DON'T LIKE PLAYING WITH BONES.

I'D BITE MY TONGUE ON THAT ONE.

YOU ARE SO GREAT, RICHARD,

I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU WORK AT SKIRT.

SOME OF THE PEOPLE THERE ARE JUST SO SNOBBY.

THE IRONY IS,

THEY'RE ALL FROM TRAILER PARKS,

AND THEY'RE ALL ON THE MAKE.

I WAS IN THE FASHION CLOSET THE OTHER DAY,

AND I HEARD ALOHA AND RESIN TALKING.

WHAT IS IT WITH PAUL?

THE DUKE?

YEAH, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

IS HE ROYALTY OR SOMETHING?

PRINCE CHUCK'S HIS COUSIN, OR SOMETHING,

YOU'D NEVER KNOW, WOULD YA?

WHY DO YOU THINK RESIN IS GOING OUT WITH HIM?

YOU THINK SHE'D BE ATTRACTED

TO A GUY IN AN ART DEPARTMENT?

WELL HE IS REALLY CUTE,

AND FUNNY,

AND SMART.

UH-OH.

IS THAT AN ARROW IN YOUR ASS

FROM CUPID'S QUIVER?

I GOT YOU.

BUT IT'S HOPELESS.

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

THINGS COULD WORK OUT,

YOU NEVER KNOW HOW A MAN'S HEART WORKS.

YES, I DO. HE ALREADY TOLD ME

HE THINKS OF ME AS A GREAT FRIEND.

THE KISS OF DEATH.

UM-HMM.

BUT THEN, THE OTHER DAY HE BROUGHT ME FRIES.

HE DID? THAT'S A SIGN.

HE'S SO THOUGHTFUL.

I'M SMITTEN.

GEE, I CAN TELL.

IN FACT, YOU LOOK GREEN, IS THAT YOUR HEART

IN YOUR THROAT OR YOUR FOCACCIA?

DON'T PUKE ON THE CARPET!

SOMEBODY GET THE PEPTO!

SPRITZER GIRL.

WHERE IS THE ART DEPARTMENT?

THINGS SHOULD BE CLEARLY MARKED

IN THESE OFFICES.

IT'S DOWN THERE.

I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET WITH SEBASTIAN

TO DISCUSS STRATEGY

FOR COVERING UP HEROIN TRACKS.

OH, IT'S SO SAD.

I KNOW, IT'S TERRIBLE THAT THESE GIRLS

DO THAT TO THEMSELVES.

IT CAUSES SO MUCH EXTRA WORK FOR US,

MATCHING SKIN TONES, BLENDING PALETTES,

FOREARMS CAN BE QUITE DIFFICULT FOR ARTISTES.

I CAN IMAGINE.

- GOOD LUCK. - MON DIEU.

JOCELYN?

MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?

OH GOD, I THINK I GOT FOOD POISONING AT DORMI.

I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO SEE ME LIKE THIS.

SHH, DON'T WORRY, IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.

I'LL GET SOME WATER.

HONEY! OH MY GOD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU GOT IT ALL DRIPPING!

I JUST CHUNDERED IN FRONT OF PAUL.

I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.

DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL LOSE WEIGHT.

HERE HE COMES.

BONDING OVER BARFING IS KEY.

HERE'S SOME WATER.

GOOD, SHE'LL NEED SOME WATER.

HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

I HAVE SOME MINTS.

I'LL LEAVE THEM HERE.

I'M OKAY, I JUST...

I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK.

OH NO, I WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT.

NO, YOU'RE GOING HOME.

I'LL PUT YOU IN A CAB.

HERE YOU GO.

WAIT!

SHE'S SICK, BUDDY, COME ON.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

GO HOME, CURL UP, GET SOME REST.

YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF,

YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD. COME ON.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, PAUL.

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY

AT THE ROMEO AND JULIET SHOOT, OKAY?

Splattering against the windshield

won't win you any cosmetics contracts.

This is Resin, telling you to buckle up,

because safety is always in fashion.

- WHAT? - WHAT?

I CAN SEE THE DRESSES HAVE ARRIVED FOR JULIET.

BEAUTIUFL, SENSUOUS, FEMININE.

THANKS, DIANE, YOU ARE A GODDESS.

REMEMBER, CHILD,

LIFE IS LOVE AND LOVE IS LIFE.

RIMY, YET CHARMING,

NEW YORK SUBWAY IN THE SUMMERTIME.

SHH.

112 DEGREES.

HASSLED, HOT, HOSTILE, HARASSED.

YOU'RE HYSTERICAL.

I'VE JUST BEEN AROUND THESE PEOPLE TOO LONG.

- IT CATCHES ON. - YEAH, TOTALLY,

I GET FAR AWAY FROM THE FASHION CROWD WHEN I'M NOT WORKING.

YEAH, BUT IT'S JUST SO INCESTUOUS,

EVERYONE'S DOING EVERYBODY ELSE.

THEY FEEL LIKE IF THEY DON'T,

THEY'RE GONNA MISS OUT.

YEAH, IT'S PATHETIC.

LISTEN, I GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK

BEFORE I GET FIRED, BUT,

MAYBE WE CAN GRAB A DRINK AFTER?

I'D LOVE TO,

UNFORTUNATELY, MY DAY DOESN'T END HERE.

MAYBE TOMORROW.

GREAT.

OH, WAIT, SHIT, THERE'S THIS COOL BAND, NIMBUS,

PLAYING AT REBARDS.

SORT OF LIKE DISCO,

SORT OF FUNK, YOU INTERESTED?

SOUNDS FABULOUS, I'D LOVE TO.

YEAH, COOL!

OH, AND DEFINITELY BRING THAT SILLY PUTTY,

I'M ALL OVER THAT.

RESIN, JOEY,

TIME TO TAKE YOUR PLACES.

I'M NOT READY YET.

I'M STILL IN MAKEUP.

SEE, CHI CHI, I TOLD YOU,

I DON'T WORK LIKE THIS.

SUPER MODELS!

I KNOW.

OKAY, ATTENDEZ!

OKAY I NEED STAND-INS, STAND-INS.

OH, YOU, SPRITZER GIRL.

DID I HEAR MY NAME?

UM-HMM, GO STAND ON TOP OF THE BALCONY.

I NEED ANOTHER.

YEAH!

YEAH, I'LL DO IT.

GO CLIMB UP THE TRELLIS

AND STAND ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BALCONY RAILING.

PIERRE, MON CHERE, WE NEED A VISION!

1323... NO, FOUR!

THE SETTING,

A STONY ALCOVE IN THE HOUSE OF CAPULET PERCHED UPON

THE ROCKY, JAGGED CLIFFS OF STAFFORDSHIRE.

58 DEGREES

WITH A POST-PRECEPITIVE CHILL IN THE AIR.

THE TEMPEST HAS FLED TO BALMIER PASTURES,

BUT ITS ICY KISS LINGERS.

UNBRIDLED PASSION.

PASSION THAT RIVALS NATURE'S FIERY VOLCANOS

AND RUMBLING EARTHQUAKES.

AS THESE ARE ACTS OF GODS,

SO IS THIS UNION.

- GUSTAVE? - YES, BABY?

YOU NEED TO SHOW

THESE ROMEO AND JULIET HOW TO POSE.

AND YOU CAN BET YOUR SWEET ASS I WILL.

OKAY, ROMEO,

YOU JUST BEEN RUNNING IN FROM THE MOORS, OKAY?

YOU'RE ALL HOT AND SWEATY,

"DAMN, JULIET IS LOOKING

HOT AS HELL RIGHT ABOUT NOW."

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO MEAN?

I WANT THE BODY LANGUAGE TO BE A LOT MORE CHARGED, OKAY?

SO MOVE IN A LOT TIGHTER, CLOSER TOGETHER.

OKAY, LOOK INTO YOUR JULIET'S EYES

AND "OH, ROMEO, ROMEO...

WHEREFORE ART THOU, BOY?

COME ON, OPEN YOUR HEART, MAN!

SHOW SOME LOVE AND SOME AFFECTION FOR THE GIRL,

AND JULIET, JULIET YOU JUST LOVE THIS MAN,

YES, YOU KNOW THAT'S YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.

OH I LIKE THAT. HOLD THAT!

I'M GONNA TAKE SOME TEST POLAROIDS.

YES, ALEX, MOVE YOUR ASS,

MOVE YOUR ASS,

ALEX, PLEASE MOVE!

I LIKE THAT. YEAH!

OH, YES,

I LOVE THAT!

ROMEO AND JULIET!

ROMEO LOVES YOU JULIET!

WAIT, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON ON HERE?

RESIN, GIRL,

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,

'CAUSE WE GOT SOME GOOD MODELS OVER HERE.

WELL, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT HER TAKING MY JOB.

SHE PROBABLY COULDN'T EVEN FIT INTO THE SAMPLES.

WELL,

YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE A SHEEP DOG.

AND JULIET CROAKS ANYWAY.

OH YES, YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS SOMETHING

WHEN TOM CRUISE CAUGHT THAT BEAD OF SWEAT

IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND IN MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

OH, THAT HARNESS SCENE IS SO HOT.

THIS IS A FEAT BIGGER THAN BREAKING INTO QUANTICO.

YOU GOT THE STORY FROM SKIRT?

AND HOW!

FULL DETAILS.

VOGUEIS IN FORT KNOX.

NINA WILL BE EUPHORIC.

MAN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS IT.

YEAH, SEE SOHO USED TO BE FLY,

BUT NOW IT'S ALL JUST SELL OUT, SELL OUT, SELL OUT.

THEN, TRIBECA WAS THE "IT" HOOD.

BUT NOW IT'S A BUNCH OF YUPPIES

WITH THEIR OWN EDITING FACILITIES,

WAITING 45 MINUTES IN LINE FOR BRUNCH AT BUBBY'S.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ALPHABET CITY

IN THE Y2K.

PAUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- YOU REMEMBER ALEX? - HEY, MAN.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

I NEED SOME LIQUIDS. WHAT'S YOUR POISON, JOS?

OH, I'M OKAY.

GARSON!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

OH IT'S "JOS" NOW, IS IT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU,

HANGING OUT WITH THAT GRUNGY POSER,

HE'S BENEATH YOU.

WHAT DO YOU CARE WHO I HANG OUT WITH?

HE IS BENEATH YOU.

LET'S NOT GET STARTED WITH PEOPLE HANGING OUT

WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE BENEATH THEM.

ARE YOU SLAMMING MY COVER GIRL?

MY SEXY, GORGEOUS COVER GIRL?

BECAUSE LOOK AT HER,

EVERYONE ELSE WANTS

TO SLEEP WITH HER OR BE HER.

EVERYONE EXCEPT ME.

YEAH, WHAT IS THAT ABOUT YOU?

HOW COME YOU CAN SEE THROUGH HER?

PAULIE!

HEY, MAN, YOU LIKE THIS MUSIC?

YEAH, I THINK THEY ARE GREAT TUNES, MAN,

TERRIFIC TUNES, MAN, YEAH!

PAUL!

EASY THERE, BRO.

YOU'RE DRUNK!

GO FIND RESIN, SHE'S LOOKING FOR YOU.

SO, RESIN IS COMING IN.

OH, HI.

HEY.

MAY I ASSUME THIS IS FINALLY MY ICED CAPPUCCINO?

YES, AND YOUR CHANGE.

THANK YOU.

GEEZ, ANTOINEETE,

YOU REALLY SUCKED THAT PUPPY BACK.

ARE YOU SURE THIS WAS SKIM MILK?

WELL, THEY RAN OUT SO THEY USED TWO PERCENT.

OH, MY GOD!

OKAY, COME ON.

OH, MY GOD.

COME ON, BABY.

COME ON, BABY, DO IT.

DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO.

OKAY.

HERE YOU GO SWEETIE.

OH, MY GOD...

HOW DARE YOU?

I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR SKIM MILK,

AND YOU BRING ME THIS FATTY MOO JUICE,

THIS COW LARD?

I'M SORRY, I AM SO, SO SORRY,

IT'S JUST YOU'RE SO THIN--

DON'T PATRONIZE ME!

GET THIS OUT OF HERE, CLEAN IT UP NOW!

WOULD YOU GET MY HUSBAND ON THE PHONE?

THE HOTEL SAID HE CHECKED OUT.

CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?

CALL AGAIN!

I TRIED THREE TIMES.

DID YOU ASK FOR THE RIGHT NAME?

MONSIEUR DE LA PAIX?

I'M SURE YOU GOT IT WRONG.

MONSIEUR DE PAIX, NOT THAT HARD.

I'M CERTAIN THAT I SAID IT RIGHT.

MONSIEUR DE LA PAIX.

THE HOTEL SPECIFICALLY SAID THAT

MR. AND MRS. DE LA PAIX CHECKED OUT.

JOCELYN, I'M SO TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE WAY I BEHAVED.

I'M OFF TO LONDON FOR A WEEK OR SO FOR MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY,

AND TO SORT OUT SOME THINGS.

I'LL SEE YOU AT THE RENTREE FETE.

TAKE CARE. PAUL.

OH, THANKS.

JAY, LONDON'S GREAT.

I AM MISSING THE NEW YORK SKYLINE.

I HOPE YOU'RE WELL. PAUL.

JOCELYN!

FAX THIS TO GALLIANO'S

BUTTON MAKER'S BOYFRIEND'S STYLIST IN MONACO.

YOU LITTLE--

YOU FREAK!

IT MUST BE CORNELIA.

WHAT ARE THOSE FOR?

WE'RE DOING A STORY ON SABLE TAIL SHAWLS.

ROXANNE GAVE IT SIX PAGES.

JAMIS MAL. TU EST TROP STUPIDE.

JE M'AI FOU!

COME IN!

I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT, ANOTHER RAISE?

I DON'T GET PAID, I'M AN INTERN.

OH.

OKAY, A DEMAIN, CHERI, OUI?

I THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHO THE YURI IS.

SHUI, LET'S CONTINUE WITH THE PEDICURE LATER.

PRIVACY.

LET'S TALK.

DELICIOUS.

GOOD MORNING!

MORNING, BOYS!

GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING.

HOW ARE YOU?

MY, MY, MY, AREN'T WE A BUNCH OF SILENT STAFF!

DID SOMEBODY DIE HERE?

YEAH.

WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS FROM THE WAY THAT YOU TWO ARE DRESSED,

YOU'RE NOT HERE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT FASHION.

I'M AFRAID NOT.

I'M LIEUTENANT PATHMARK, AND YOU'RE UNDER ARREST

FOR THE INSIDER TRADING CODE 3-2-7 B

FOR INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE.

I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE THE YURI.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

YES.

YES I DID IT.

I WANTED TO MAKE SURE

THESE WERE ACROSS-THE-BOARD TRENDS.

I WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT IF WE'D FEATURED IT,

THEY WOULD COME.

BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I DID IT?

BECAUSE I LOVE FASHION.

FASHION IS MY LIFE OR, AT LEAST,

A GOOD PORTION OF MY DAY.

MY DREAM WAS ALWAYS EVERY MAN, WOMAN, CHILD IN AMERICA

WOULD LEARN TO SPELL "FERRAGAMO,"

LITTLE FIVE-YEAR-OLDS WOULD LEARN TO PLAY HOPSCOTCH

ON SIMPLICITY PATTERNS,

THAT WORDS LIKE "POLYESTER" AND "LEISURE SUIT"

AND "HOUSEDRESS"

WOULD BE STRICKEN FROM OUR VOCABULARIES!

YES, YES IF THAT'S MY CRIME,

I'M PROUD THAT I DID IT.

IF I HAVE TO GO TO JAIL, SO BE IT,

AS LONG AS I CAN TAKE MY WARDROBE WITH ME.

OFFICER,

GOLD-CUFF ME!

YOUR TREND-MAKING DAYS ARE OVER.

YOU CAN SHARE YOUR PRECIOUS FASHION ADVICE

WITH THE BITCHES IN THE SLAMMER.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL THE GIRLS IN MY CELL BLOCK,

YES, YOU CAN MIX STRIPES WITH FLORAL!

THEY'LL BE SO HAPPY.

PEOPLE! PEOPLE!

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

THIS HAS BEEN A MONUMENTAL DAY,

MARKING THE END

OF A BITTER AND TRAGIC ERA

THAT'S CAST A PALL

ABOUT OUR FAIR HEADQUARTERS.

THE YURI HAS BEEN APPREHENDED,

AND IT'S THANKS TO THE BRILLIANT

COUNTER ESPIONAGE BY A VERY INDUSTRIOUS,

PROACTIVE INTERN.

SO LET US RAISE OUR VEUVE CLICQUOT

TO JOCELYN.

- BRAVO! - GOOD JOB, HONEY,

AND I HAVE MORE GOOD NEWS.

JOCELYN HAS BEEN MADE AN ASSISTANT.

SHE'S ON STAFF,

AND SHE'S OUR NEWEST LITTLE SKIRT.

- ALL RIGHT! - YEAH!

JOCELYN, GUSTAVE JUST MESSENGERED OVER

THE PHOTOS FROM THE SHOOTING,

AND HE INCLUDED THE POLAROIDS

OF YOU AND PAUL, THEY'RE ADORABLE.

I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED THAT PAUL MISSED MY COUP.

I'VE GOT TO GET THAT GUY OUT OF MY HEAD,

I NEED SOME MENTAL FLOSS.

DON'T WORRY, SWEETIE,

JUST TAKE A THOUGHT SHOWER.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

KNOWS YOUR TRIUMPH AND PUT YOU ON STAFF.

I GUESS.

OH, ARE YOU STILL COMING WITH ME TO PICK UP

THE STATIONARY FROM THE CALLIGRAPHERS?

I HAVE TO GET IT TO THE ARMED 00.

I'M TOTALLY GOING,

I'LL JUST DO A QUICK EMAIL AND WE'RE OFF.

WE'LL GO TO IL CANTINORI

AND CELEBRATE THE END OF YOUR LIFE

AS AN INTERN/SLAVE.

WHEW!

THIS WAY.

HOLD ON, THERE GOES MY CALL WAITING.

CORNELIA, CORNELIA, HAVE YOU SEEN JOCELYN?

WHO'S JOCELYN?

RIGHT.

PINK.

APPARENTLY, KIKI LORD GOT HER BONY CAN CANNED

FROM CALVIN KLEIN,

AND HE WAS SO GOOD TO HER, TOO.

SHE WAS SWELL WITH EVERYTHING.

I'M SORRY, EXCUSE ME, HAVE YOU SEEN JOCELYN?

THE INTERN? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

THANK YOU.

SO JOCELYN, I HEAR YOU GOT TO DO

THE "BILLY CRUDUP IN LAS VEGAS" SHOOT WITH ROXANNE.

AM I GREEN OR WHAT?

OH YEAH, I'M SO PSYCHED.

OH, I SEE OUR LITTLE RESIN

HAS FOUND HERSELF A NEW BOYFRIEND.

OH, GET A ROOM!

BUT, WHAT ABOUT PAUL?

HE'S OVER AT SABRINA HEELS.

SHE SWINGS LIKE TARZAN THROUGH THE VINES,

AND I DON'T THINK PAUL'S TOO UPSET.

CAN YOU BELIEVE ANTOINETTE?

WATCHING HER IN PREDATOR MODE

IS BETTER THAN "SHARK WEEK" ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

HI, WHORES.

THERE'S STEPHEN SPROUSE AND CHINA CHOW.

HE'S PROBABLY GIVING HER TIPS ON HOW TO REMAIN

IN THE SPOTLIGHT WITHOUT EVER ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING.

I'M GONNA TAKE NOTES.

OH, I THINK I'LL FOLLOW YOU.

HOW YOU DOING, SWEETIE?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M KIND OF TIRED, I DON'T FEEL SO WELL,

I WANT TO JUST GO HOME AND GO TO SLEEP.

OH, SWEETIE, HAVE A DRINK OF BOURBON,

HIT THE HAY FOR 15 HOURS,

YOU'LL FEEL A MILLION TIMES BETTER.

I'LL WALK YOU TO THE DOOR.

SO I TOLD HER, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR GUCCI BIRKENSTOCKS

AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FANCY TITLE,

BUT REALLY, YOU'RE NOTHING

BUT A SHORT, FAT JACKIE O. WANNABE

WITH HIDEOUS FEET.

Cynthia THERE'S GOOD NEWS, AND THERE'S BAD NEWS.

THE GOOD NEWS IS,

DIRECTOR OF SPECIAL PROJECTS.

THE BAD NEWS IS, THERE ARE NO SPECIAL PROJECTS.

UH, EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO--

PAUL, YOU ARE NOT GOING,

LET'S GO HAVE A DRINK?

NO, ANTOINETTE, NOT TONIGHT.

OH!

HEY, PAULIE.

NO HARD FEELINGS, RIGHT?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

LOOK, YOU MAKE A PERFECT COUPLE.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE LENGTHY PHILOSOPHICAL CONVERSATIONS

YOU WILL ENJOY FOR YEARS TO COME.

RICHARD, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'VE SEEN JOCELYN.

SHE JUST LEFT RIGHT BEHIND THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF,

SHE DOESN'T FEEL SO HOT.

RIGHT, GOOD!

JOCELYN! JOCELYN!

JOCELYN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE?

I DIDN'T SEE YOU ALL NIGHT.

I WAS NOT HAVING VERY MUCH FUN, I GUESS.

WHY?

WELL, I REALIZE--

LISTEN, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

JOCELYN, RESIN AND I SPLIT UP.

I DON'T LOVE HER.

AND I NOTICED ANOTHER BLONDE

HAS GROWN IN HER PLACE.

ANTOINETTE?

YOU INSANE? SHE'S A NIGHTMARE.

SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME.

I AM STANDING HERE WITH YOU,

LEAVING THOSE PHONIES BEHIND ME,

BECAUSE I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU!

YOU ARE?

YES!

BUT, PAUL, I COULD NEVER BE LIKE THEM.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE.

YOU AND I BOTH KNOW HOW ABSURD IT IS.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE THE FACT

THAT YOU ARE NOT OBSESSED WITH IT?

I'M NOT INTO ALL THAT BULLSHIT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING OF BEFORE!

ALL THAT GLAMOUR FADES FAST,

AND WHEN IT IS GONE, THERE IS NOTHING.

PAUL, I'VE SEEN WHO YOU'VE BEEN WITH.

HOW COULD I COMPETE WITH RESIN?

SHE'S GORGEOUS.

NO, SHE'S NOT GORGEOUS.

I'VE BEEN SO STUPID,

SHE DOESN'T LIKE FRENCH FRIES,

SHE DOESN'T PLAY

WITH SILLY PUTTY ALL DAY LONG,

AND SHE DOESN'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

AND YOU KNOW, SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN

CLEVER ENOUGH TO FIND THE YURI.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

RICHARD EMAILED ME THE WHOLE STORY.

- LISTEN, - PAUL,

NO, LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE.

NO, IT'S OKAY--

JOCELYN, YOU ARE AN UPDATED VERSION

OF QUARK EXPRESS,

YOU ARE A SHORT LINE AT THE DMV,

YOU'RE A WALK AROUND NEW YORK IN THE FALL,

YOU ARE FUNNY AND FUN AND EXCITING,

AND KIND, AND BEAUTIFUL,

AND WHEN I WENT TO ENGLAND I MISSED YOU.

I MISSED YOU.

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

JOCELYN,

YOU HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD INSIDE OF YOU.

Hi, this is Jocelyn Bennett,

photo editor ofSkirt Magazine.

There are a lot of beautiful things to see in New York,

but your view could be ruined

if it's from the hood of your cab, so buckle up.

There are too many amazing things

that will happen in your life, that you won't wanna miss.

AND THIS IS THE KITCHEN.

HERE'S OUR WATER SUPPLY.

MOST OF OUR EDITORS HAVE A PREFERENCE,

LIKE CHI CHI CHEMISE IS INTO VOLVIC.

CORNEY CRISP GETS SO UPSET IF THERE'S NO MORE PELLEGRINO.

ANYWAY.

HERE'S THE DESIGN STUDIO.

THAT'S JOCELYN BENNETT, THE SENIOR PHOTO EDITOR.

SHE'S SO NICE.

HEY, CHARLOTTE!

ROCKY! HI!

OH, HELLO.

HI.

THAT WAS PAUL,

HE USED TO WORK HERE,

AND NOW HE'S A FAMOUS ARTIST.

HE SHOWS IN SOHO AND STUFF.

SO RAD!

HE AND JOCELYN ARE GETTING MARRIED NEXT MONTH.

YOGI YAMAMOTO IS DOING HER DRESS.

THEY ARE SO COOL, I LOVE THEM.

OH, GET A ROOM.

OW!

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

WHAT'S WITH THE ANGRY?

I'M ANGRY TOO.