All language subtitles for oh my god yes a series of extremely relatable circumstances s01e03 1080p web h264-successfulcrab_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:05,921 - [♪ club music playing] - [people chattering] 2 00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:08,382 Thank you all for celebrating me tonight. 3 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,759 Not only did Scoop Loop make me richer 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,428 with this partnership, 5 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:15,347 they even loaned me this Man Tiger. 6 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,391 So I'm gonna pay it forward. 7 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,810 - [body thuds] - [crowd gasping, murmuring] 8 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,270 [Sunny grunting] 9 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,105 4,000 pions to the first person 10 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,606 that gets this out of his mouth. 11 00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:25,774 [overlapping shouting] 12 00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,235 [roaring] 13 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,487 - [people chanting] Fight! Fight! - [Tulip] Wow. 14 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:33,282 It's so kind of Sunny to give away the money she earned 15 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:36,326 for her Scoop Loop partnership to total strangers. 16 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,746 I've never seen such benevolence. 17 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,289 That ain't philanthropy. 18 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,791 That's exploitation, straight up. 19 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:45,044 - You think so? - I know so. 20 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,254 Anything given in excess and without solicitation 21 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:48,589 is just a tool used to exert power 22 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,132 - over the receiver. - [person screaming] 23 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,760 And money is the most powerful tool there is. 24 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,303 It's mind control 101. 25 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,346 I know an aspiring tyrant when I see one. 26 00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:59,767 Ladi, that 10K I gave you, give it to me so I can give it 27 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,978 to people and make them do stupid stuff immediately. 28 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,814 I invested it in bomb stocks, you despot. 29 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,442 - Traitor. - I donated mine 30 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,861 to the Leaky Larynx League of America. 31 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,696 Hey, I gave you guys that money 32 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,698 so you can do what I want you to do with it. 33 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,617 - Told you. - When you handed us the money, 34 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,535 you said there were no strings attached. 35 00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,080 I always attach strings to my money. 36 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,581 [loud rumbling] 37 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,167 [all gasping] 38 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:28,253 - [loud buzzing] - [thud] 39 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,508 [♪ suspenseful music playing] 40 00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:38,848 Human citizens of South Central, Los Angeles. 41 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:46,230 We, the original Cyborgian Operative Decoys, 42 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,398 are here to fulfill the prophecy 43 00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:51,151 of the late, great rapper-turned-martyr, 44 00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,821 who, for some reason, we revere as a god. 45 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:58,033 Give thy weary ears and eyes to the ancient relic 46 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:01,954 from the time of our Lord Tupick. 47 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,998 And behold, the prophecy. 48 00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,209 - [all gasp] - [projector clicking] 49 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,378 The ground will open up 50 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,880 and the poor will eat the rich. 51 00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,090 Thug life, baby. 52 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,384 Oye! How long you been down there? 53 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,302 Hold up now, hold up. Now, the prophecy says 54 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,887 the poor will eat the rich. 55 00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:22,224 So, basically, what y'all are saying is y'all are poor. 56 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,226 Look it, if you guys need some money, 57 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:25,811 you can just ask, okay? 58 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:26,979 We have lots of it, 59 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,440 thanks to Senorita Green's generosity. 60 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,567 Pobrecito! 61 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,778 [♪ electronic music playing] 62 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,616 Now, what the hell you do that for, Larry? 63 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:40,701 My bad. 64 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:44,455 Now, who here is rich? 65 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:46,915 - What's up? - [chuckles nervously] 66 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,417 I mean, she makes money, 67 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,502 but, I mean, rich is a stretch. 68 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,962 [clicks tongue] Man, I'm ballin'. 69 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,173 Yeah, but like, tennis ball ballin'. 70 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,717 I'd say ping pong. 71 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,760 I should slap you 72 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,346 with a lot of money for sayin' such things. 73 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:04,558 Shh! We're trying to protect you, dummy. 74 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,685 [whispering] Can we go get pizza? 75 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:07,770 Seize her! 76 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,481 [gunshots] 77 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,151 [♪ jazz music playing] 78 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,402 - [music stops abruptly] - Huh. You know, 79 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,654 they never said if they were poor or not. 80 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,656 - [overlapping chatter] - [grunting] 81 00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,116 - [screaming] - Get your ass down there 82 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,494 - and tell us what you see. - [loud thud] 83 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,787 [man gasps] Oh! 84 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,789 Ay, dios mio. 85 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,750 They're really fucking poor. 86 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,419 Uh-huh. How poor? 87 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:36,215 Their comforts of home are drawn on cardboard. 88 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,424 [person 1] They got a jet ski down there? 89 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,717 [person 2] Hey, man, how wide is that sofa? 90 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,385 - I got dibs on that TV, man. - Hell yeah. 91 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,179 Oh, shit, I could use a new puppy. 92 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,264 [♪ jazz music playing] 93 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,390 - Shit! - [gunshots] 94 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,809 They're gaining up on us. 95 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,439 Man Tiger, let us mount you. 96 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,234 [roaring] 97 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,526 [gunfire continues] 98 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:59,529 Damn, these guys are relentless, and I'm runnin' out of ammo. 99 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,573 Man Tiger, turn into that alleyway. 100 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,826 [♪ jazz music continues playing] 101 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:08,163 [Sunny snoring loudly] 102 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,248 - [clapping] Hey! - [gasps] 103 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,958 Pay attention, Nasty. 104 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,293 You need to get rid of all that cash, and quick. 105 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,920 Ladi's right. We can drop it off 106 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,839 at the church or the hospital-free hospital. 107 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,092 Anything to get these guys off of our tail. 108 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,010 No offense, Man Tiger. 109 00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:24,012 [growling] 110 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,306 Oh, I see what's happening here. 111 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,685 You guys are trying to level the playing field 112 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,561 by making me poor. 113 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,355 - Come again? - Christ on a cracker. 114 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,482 Admit it. You guys hate the fact 115 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,360 that between the three of us, I'm the only one that's... 116 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,487 [belching] ...that's wealthy. 117 00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:43,365 You're not wealthy. Wealthy people think long-term 118 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,784 and their spending and investing habits reflect that, 119 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,537 Mrs. 12,000 Pion-Worth Voice-Changer Surgery. 120 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,373 Very true. And by those metrics, 121 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,002 Ladi is technically the wealthiest among us. 122 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,420 [deep, robotic voice] 123 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,714 There she is. 124 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,090 [scoffs] Whoops. 125 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,010 - [gate rattling] - [Tulip] We're trapped! 126 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,303 Ladi, what about those shoes with the suction cups 127 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,221 you usually keep on you? The-- the Suctionators? 128 00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,515 Stopped sucking, so I got rid of it. 129 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,517 - [chuckles] Good one. - Wait, I have this. 130 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:11,935 - [spitting] - [bomb chiming] 131 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,186 - [grunting] - [explosion] 132 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:14,688 Dude, gnarly! 133 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,356 How did you get your hands on that? 134 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,066 - Bomb stocks. - Oh, yeah? 135 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,694 Well, look at what my money can do. 136 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,947 Man Tiger, take us to an old lady's house, huh? 137 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,366 Huh? That's dumb. 138 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,958 I'm so sorry. 139 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,089 - Ugh, that's disgusting. - Noice! 140 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,425 Oh, God, you could have did this 141 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,553 over the wall back there, Man Tiger. 142 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,056 - We're in danger! - [people chattering] 143 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,350 Hold up. Do I smell cookies? 144 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,101 [gasps] Open the door right now. 145 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,686 Ma'am, please let us in. 146 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,271 Robots are trying to eat my friend. 147 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,066 [gasps] And turn me into a god. 148 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,276 Sunny? Shut up! 149 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,487 What, you don't think that if I died, 150 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,989 my fans wouldn't uplift me to the heavens 151 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,282 and revere me as a god? 152 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,284 No. You'd just be dead. 153 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,411 Now, get your ass in this house. 154 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:12,788 - Man, fuck this old lady... - Ow! 155 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,998 - Sunny! - ...and this old-ass lady's house. 156 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,458 Hear me out! Damn! 157 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,878 Y'all don't think I'm good enough to be a god, huh? 158 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:20,796 Tell the truth. 159 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,131 I think you'd make a pretty angel. 160 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:26,218 Sunny, you're drunk. Now, come on! 161 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,803 Fuck you! 162 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,805 I'm more sober than I've ever been 163 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,808 because I can see my destiny, okay? 164 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,726 I just never thought my best friends 165 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,521 would try to stop me from stepping into it. 166 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,189 Man Tiger's eating the old lady! 167 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,982 - [all screaming] - [chuckles] Sorry. 168 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:43,735 It's way past my shift, and I am starving. 169 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:44,820 I mean... 170 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,655 [vocalizing] 171 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,490 - [gun cocking] - Wait. 172 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,200 Why are you pointing that at me? 173 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,120 Because animals don't talk. 174 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,372 Au contraire. We talk. 175 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,207 We just choose not to around humans 176 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,918 as a means to keep the peace and avoid shit like this. 177 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:03,004 But I've literally been talking to you this entire time, 178 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,674 and you guys have literally been responding to me, 179 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,342 so everyone, just calm down! 180 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:08,677 But you were "rorring." 181 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:12,431 Roari-- "woaring." You... 182 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,642 [clicking tongue] Man, you were going "rawr, rawr, rawr," okay? 183 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,686 Yeah, like a tiger is supposed to. 184 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,105 Oh, my God, did you hear what I just said? 185 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,191 - Watch your tone! - Make me. 186 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,609 - [grunting] - See what I mean? 187 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,319 When emotions run the show, things get messy. 188 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,530 Now, I totally get panicking, because you guys saw me 189 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,739 eating that nice old lady. 190 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:32,784 But pulling a gun on me because it confuses you? 191 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,578 - Stop being so damn impulsive. - Ooh! 192 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,539 And use your instincts! 193 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,458 [toy leader laughing evilly] 194 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,210 [grunting] 195 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,380 What are you all looking at? Seize her! 196 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,801 [♪ tense music playing] 197 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,763 [vomiting] 198 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:57,058 What's the matter with you lot? Seize her! 199 00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,310 She smells, sir. 200 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,061 - [vomiting] - How dare you! 201 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,980 Pull yourselves together and bring her over here 202 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,524 so we can fulfill... [sniffing] 203 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,402 Oh, fuck, what is that? 204 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:08,695 [both vomiting] 205 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:12,240 - Smells like tiger ass, sir. - [both vomiting] 206 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,618 She put money in Man Tiger's ass about an hour ago. 207 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,370 Yeah, and I sucked vodka out of it too. 208 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:20,749 What's the big deal? I'm still rich. 209 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,084 Yeah, you can still eat me. 210 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,377 [both vomiting] 211 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:28,924 Maybe if we hold our noses while we chew, it will help. 212 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:31,426 Silence! I propose a compromise. 213 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,386 - [robots vomiting] - We ogle her net worth. 214 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,555 If it's low, we let her go. 215 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,558 If it's high, we devour her. 216 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,810 - That didn't rhyme. - Oh, hush up, stinky. 217 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:44,439 800,000 pion. That is it. 218 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,026 800,000 is still a lot of money. 219 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,277 Bullshit! 220 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:52,364 True high-worth individuals have over one million 221 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,865 in highly liquid assets. 222 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:56,284 You're... you're not rich. 223 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,453 You're just stable 224 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,288 and really fucking smelly. 225 00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,165 Let's go, guys. 226 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,333 Hey, wait! 227 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,752 Sunny, what are you doing? They're letting you go. 228 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,464 You think I'm gonna let a bunch of ice cream cones 229 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,466 tell me what I'm worth? 230 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,968 Think again. 231 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:16,388 Do you guys have any idea who you just turned your back on? 232 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:20,225 [chuckles] Sunny fuckin' Green, bitch. 233 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,061 God of South Central. 234 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,606 Look around. I'm everywhere. 235 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,567 I'm on everything. 236 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,987 And when you think about it, I'm in everyone. 237 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,738 Because-- because they're all drinking the beer 238 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,156 with my face on it. 239 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,700 - We get it. - Good! 240 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,995 What am I without success or money, you ask? 241 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,330 I'm the most influential sentient being 242 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,666 within a 30-mile radius, bitch. 243 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,002 No, that's who you are with those things. 244 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:50,338 Oh, stop with the projections. Okay, all of you. 245 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,425 As a matter of fact, that's what this whole shit 246 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,051 has been about from the beginning. 247 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:57,929 Projections, deflections, and literal projectors, 248 00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,723 like this old piece of shit 249 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,974 that started all of this shit. 250 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,809 - [grunting] - [electricity zapping] 251 00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:04,352 Once the ground beef is done, 252 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,730 you will open up the oven and pour the sauce in. 253 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,357 Now, you're ready to eat the rich, buttery flavor 254 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,692 of Tupick's Butter Beef. 255 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,153 Mm! Now that's thug life, baby. 256 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,070 [chomping] 257 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:16,197 - [power shutting down] - What the...?! 258 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:19,451 The prophecy isn't real? 259 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,704 The prophecy is a fuckin' beef ad?! 260 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:27,125 Looks like you guys were chasing the wrong meat. 261 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,461 [laughter] 262 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,920 Cheer up. 263 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,132 Things could have been a lot worse. 264 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,550 - [laughter] - Yeah! 265 00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:37,886 We could have all ended up dead, 266 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,388 if the "steaks" were higher. 267 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,765 [laughter] 268 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:45,352 I'm horny, and I wanna T-Bone everyone here. 269 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,395 - [laughter] - Wow. 270 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,606 Sex with a hot Man Tiger? 271 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:53,276 I guess we're the real "wieners." 272 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,321 [all laughing] 273 00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:58,990 ♪ Sandy Ben-- San-Sandy ♪ 274 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:02,118 ♪ Sandy Benjamin the name, never use it in vain ♪ 275 00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,871 ♪ I probably, I-I-I probably go ♪ 276 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:07,666 ♪ I-I'll probably go down as one of the illest ♪ 277 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,584 ♪ Sandy Ben-- San-Sandy ♪ 278 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:12,962 ♪ Sandy Benjamin the name, never use it in vain ♪ 279 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:15,216 ♪ I probably, I-I-I probably go ♪ 20741

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