Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGH]

I told you you didn't have to come.

[CELL RINGING]

Yeah, let you drive yourself when you look this bad?

-Yeah? -He's out.

He looks good.

-Well, talk to him. Get a sense. -Okay.

Your cousin's out of rehab. Looks good.

Okay. Sorry about that.

So…

Lyme titers, sed rate, inconclusive.

Score one for the Italians. You don't have lupus.

[TIMER GOING OFF]

Thank God for that.

Think we might be looking at a viral syndrome.

Maybe mono.

-Oh, God. -How's your emotional level?

Stress off the charts lately, like all of us?

-What do you mean? -Death? Major change of any kind?

No, just the usual. One day runs into the next.

Stay on the Advil. Your temperature goes up, you call me.

You know, it's amazing. I got a relative who's got a heroin problem.

Now, the people that need drugs, all they can get is shit like Advil.

Thank you for coming.

-That was Grove Street. -I gotta make a stop, down in Sea Bright.

-Tony, I don't feel well. -Get some sea air. We'll stop at Barr's.

-You won't have to cook. -Goddamn it. Yeah, I really want lobster.

The student-loan people called.

We're late with Allegra's nursing-school payment.

-Where you going? -Nordstrom's. They're having a sale.

Sallie Mae calls and your response is to go shopping?

It's a sale, John. I need clothes for Italy.

-We're still going, aren't we? -Might be time to tighten our belts.

I'll be losing money every day the Esplanade is shut down.

We should try to go. I spoke to Nicole Lupertazzi.

When she and Little Carmine stayed at the house all last year, he loved it.

That's good for Little Carmine, then.

His fucking wallet isn't tied to the goddamned Esplanade, goddamn it!

John, why are you yelling at me?

John, what'd I do?

Is that my father's truck?

-What the hell's going on? -Me to know, you to find out.

So, what do you think, Mel? Don't see no dry rot.

Mrs. Soprano, Virginia Lupo, RE/MAX Community Realty.

Hi.

-Tony? -That's right. It's even got a name.

-Where did this come from? -That's if we can get it.

It is a huge amount of money.

And your construction project shut down…

Yeah, well, that can't last forever. And it's for the family.

As the kids get older, it gets harder to keep us all together, but this is a draw.

Bring friends down, have big cookouts, Jet Ski…

And for us too, though. When we were piss-poor

this was the biggest caviar wish we could come up with.

[SEA GULLS SQUAWKING]

Kind of reminds you of the Kennedy compound, don't it?

Can I ask you why they're selling? My husband said, "If we can get it."

Well, there is a buyer already. In fact, the house is sold.

But there's a chance that these buyers won't qualify for financing.

And I know the owner, Alan.

He lives just next door here. He's an attorney.

If you're offering cash, I thought you should at least see the place.

So it's not really for sale.

It's just as well, because we really couldn't swing this.

There's Al!

The jury has claimed they are deadlocked.

However, I'm inclined to agree with prosecution.

I'm going to give them additional time to reach a verdict.

We should've had a hung-jury mistrial. Object, for chrissake!

Allen charge. It has to play out.

Ladies and gentlemen, you've communicated that you feel

that you're unable to come to a unanimous verdict.

Now, I know that you've been at it for a while, and it can be frustrating,

but we've all spent a lot of time on this trial.

And being as I have no reason to believe that another jury

with the same evidence would be better able to reach a verdict

I'm going to ask you to go back in there and reason with each other,

and apply the law and come back in here with a verdict.

If not, I wanna move on.

Here.

Did somebody check this to make sure we got everything?

Yes.

Well, keep me posted.

Dinner's served!

-Get any sleep? -Couldn't.

We have absolutely no business getting into something like that house

with A.J. two years away from college.

That was Virginia Lupo on the phone. She hasn't heard from the owner.

I guess that deal's gonna go through.

I wonder who they are.

Motherfucking goddamn orange-peel beef!

Well, call them up. You got me plain soup, right?

We'll be finished eating by the time he gets back.

You have to check the order while they're here.

What good does that do? You still gotta go get it and come back again.

-What happened? -They left out part of the order.

-Call them up. -Sit down and eat.

Well, I guess some things just weren't meant to be.

What are we talking about?

I was thinking of buying a house on the shore.

-Tony. -Un-fucking-believable!

Well, would we have a gym?

It's the shore. Wouldn't you want to be outdoors?

Forget that. You're fined $3 for the F-word.

I heard Dad say "mother-F" when I was coming down the stairs.

He's fined too. We're gonna make this policy work.

It's too late.

What's going on?

You know, it does seem like a good value, even at that price.

Waterfront property in that area…

We probably wouldn't get hurt, as an investment.

Well, you're the one that took real-estate classes.

Didn't you say that a person shouldn't look at a house as an investment?

I know you. If you don't get the place, you'll sulk. And I'll be the wet blanket.

I'll sulk? I was sleeping.

Just…

If you want me to sign off

we probably wouldn't lose money.

But if you don't want to go through with it, believe me, that's fine too.

But if you did, Virginia Lupo's phone number is on the bureau.

And, you know, better to act quickly if, you know…

More is lost by indecision than by wrong decision, that's all I'm saying.

-Hey, Jack Lemmon! How's Lee Remick? -Hey, Ton.

So how the fuck are you?

-That place help you? -Oh, yeah.

I found out about strengths I have I didn't even know I had.

-Well, you look fucking great. -Thank you.

Thank everybody for forcing me to deal with it.

-Especially Adriana. -So you're not shooting junk, right?

Fuck, no. I'm completely clean and sober.

Which one of the 12 steps you on now?

The only one I haven't exactly done is go around

to all the people I fucked over while I was using and apologize.

Maybe you shouldn't do that one.

-You know, let sleeping dogs lie. -That's what I was thinking.

Maybe in a couple of cases, I'll send flowers. Or cash, in some cases.

-Where's Carmine at? -No change whatsoever.

Where you at?

I think a movement from below is not palatable to the other bosses.

It's what they fear most.

A movement from outside, it's more forgivable.

And more understandable, given the facts.

I mean, you've been reasonable.

If I do it, what do you do for me?

I take a sad song and make it better with the other families, as regards you.

You're smart to have reservations.

But there's differences between this and Castellano.

Yes, you still got the four other families who could raise a stink.

But Andy's my brother-in-law. I have their ear.

I'm gonna pass.

-Fuck you talking about? -I'm taking all the risk.

Fuck were you talking about last time then?

What would it take?

Fuck even one percentage point.

All claims to my HUD business are irrigated.

-All right. -Not yet.

All future construction projects, 60/40 in my favor.

What I'm gonna tell you is for your ears only, and Sil's.

We're gonna take out Carmine Lupertazzi.

-Johnny Sack's gonna go to war, Ton. -No, he's not.

That's right. Carmine's got major income besides construction, Johnny don't.

The only other person hurting worse than these pricks is me.

Whacking the boss of one of the five families?

-Johnny's a snaky fuck. -Well, that's something to be considered.

But remember also how deeply hurt fucking Johnny felt over Carmine

not backing him on those slurs against Ginny.

Life's funny.

Carmine never made that right with John.

I knew back then that was a mistake.

We gonna hit Carmine soon?

If I'm gonna buy this house, I need the Esplanade scratch.

It shouldn't look like what it is.

Home invasion, carjacking, fucking ingrown toenail.

-I know these black guys from Irvington. -Well, that's the right idea.

It can never get out who whacked the old fuck.

-Are they trustworthy, these guys? -Yeah.

Make sure.

Help you?

Hi, how you doing? I'm Tony Soprano.

I was here with my wife the other day with Virginia Lupo.

Oh, right, right. Alan Sapinsly.

-How are you? -So, what do you think?

She says those other people are gonna go through with it.

I was gonna go talk to you, after I took another look at the place.

The whole thing is galling. I don't think they're gonna qualify for financing,

and we gave them this God-awful 90-day escrow. My wife's doing.

She liked Mrs. Kim.

I can do 15 days. Shortest allowable by law.

Never tire of painting this.

-You'd be coming in with cash, right? -Yeah.

Fuck this.

Dr. Kim? Hey, Alan Sapinsly.

It's not, huh? Well, we've got serious problems.

On the house. Sure.

He's going into surgery. Doesn't want to talk there in the prep room.

Yes, I'm here. So, look, what does your lender say?

Jesus, Doctor. Well, I take almost no comfort from those words.

And were I you, I wouldn't either.

I'm aware we have a contract in place.

Doctor, please, I'm an attorney. Look, Cho-san…

No, wait, you're not listening.

Simply stated, I want the chance to sell to a more-qualified buyer

if I can find one at this late date.

Well, actually, it's very simp…

Do you want to do all the talking and I'll just stand here?

Thank you.

You call Virginia Lupo, she calls the bank, you get your deposit back.

Your wife's a grown woman, she'll adjust.

Look, Dr. Kim, I spent 10 years as a litigator.

Buy this property, I'll make your life a misery. I'll tort you into the poorhouse.

I've got an overseas call.

Well, think it over. You have Virginia's number.

-We'll see. -I wouldn't wanna be the patient

-he's gonna operate on. -Let's hold a good thought?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Oh, Virginia, sure, hi.

We did?

All right!

Picture the fishing off that dock.

God, it really is beautiful, isn't it?

-First time I felt good signing papers. -Dad, blue crabs!

Oh, my God. This is nice.

You'll inherit this.

Dad, what a thing to say.

Anthony Soprano, you are full of surprises.

It's good to see a smile on your face.

[WAVES CRASHING INTO SHORE]

-Praise the Lord for sobriety. -The higher power.

-That 12-step shit doing for you? -Yeah. Thanks for asking.

We sold you H when that was your thing.

And still we here when it's wop-whacking time in Brooklyn.

-It should look like a carjack. -See? That's why you came to us.

That's some stereotyping shit.

He goes mall-walking inside King's Plaza.

7 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays. Regular.

Macy's entrance, Avenue U and Flatbush.

You got the down payment?

Next sound you hear.

Home of the burger, what's your beef?

OHH

I'm sorry.

-I have wrong number. -Well, this is the Soprano residence.

-Tony? -No, this is Anthony.

Oh, yes. The handsome boy.

Who is this?

Is your mother there?

Ma, telephone!

-Who is it? -I don't know.

Hello?

-Is this Mrs. Soprano? -Yes, it is.

I used to fuck your husband.

Hello…

[PHONE RINGING]

A.J., I got it!

-Hello? -Tony loves me, you know.

If it wasn't for his kids, you would be out on the street.

-What do you want? -I thought you'd want to know

we have some sadness in common.

He has been sleeping with my cousin Svetlana.

That's right. While she was taking care of his uncle.

-Hello? -You piece of shit.

Yes, I'm a piece of shit.

I'm a piece of shit which the world every morning pushes out of its butt.

So, if you can, imagine where you are on the pecking order.

You call my house again, you ever speak to one of my children again

I will track you down and I will kill you. We have got guns here.

-I mean it. -You remember my cousin.

She was also his mama's caregiver with the one leg.

It is so absurd, why would I make it up?

[MUSIC BLARING TONY WHISTLING TO IT]

[CRASH OF TIRES TO METAL]

What the fuck?

Carmela!

-What the fuck are you doing? -You fucking shitbag!

Don't come up here! Get the fuck out of this house!

[HEAVY BREATHING]

Carm?

What's the matter?

Carm, what did I do now, huh?

Carm?

What did I do?

What did I do?

Your mother told you what I said to your father about her psoriasis?

I was just trying to be honest with him.

You have made a fool of me for years with these whores.

Now it's come into our home?

-What are you talking about? -The Russian called.

Your son answered the telephone.

Oh, Jesus.

She's insane. She's fucking certifiable.

I told you, you can't believe nothing she says, whatever it is.

We haven't seen each other like that. I swear to Christ. I told you!

-What about her cousin? -What?

-No. -The nurse

who took care of your mother? Who I liked?

Who I talked to on the phone about your mother's alopecia,

and her bowel movements? Who you told me came from an agency?

Who I shared vodka with the night your mother died?

-You've been fucking her? -There is not a shred of truth in that.

Why would the cousin make it up? Because she's jealous! Why, you fuck!

[SLAMMING OF DOOR]

Let go of me!

[HEAVY BREATHING]

Carm.

Just get out, Tony. Don't even say anything.

I'm not going anywhere, and you know it.

-So let's just lie down, we'll calm down. -Get your hands off of me!

Don't you touch me ever again.

Where's A.J.?

So you've had a one-legged one now, huh? That's nice.

You've had quite a time on my watch.

The preschool assistant.

-The weight lifter. -Least I never stole from you.

-Who stole, Tony? Who? Me? -My own wife.

Forty grand from the bird feeder.

Bird feeder? Listen to yourself. You sound demented.

You want to hit me, Tony? Go ahead.

Just go away, please. I can't stand it anymore.

-I didn't do any… -I found her fingernail, Tony!

You saw it that day on your night table. I found it and I put it there.

-I know you saw it. -That…

What? "That" what?

Nothing.

Nothing.

I mean…

What?

You know what I don't understand, Tony?

What does she have that I don't have?

[SOBBING]

I did not carry on an affair with the cousin,

and I will take a goddamn polygraph to that effect.

I want you to leave this house, Tony. Please.

I want you to leave me alone.

-What about the kids? -Yeah, it's horrible.

God help them.

[HEAVY SOBBING]

[LOUD POUNDING ON DOOR]

Irina!

[POUNDING CONTINUES]

Irina!

Open the fucking door, or I'll kick it in!

She's not there. Probably she hides in Brighton Beach.

She blames you for Ronnie Zellman. You beat him with belt.

He felt weak in front of her. She told me he couldn't perform.

-They broke up not so long after. -Fuck that!

Who told her about us? Not you, please.

It was what's-her-name, right? The fucking one who walked in on us.

Branca. We had bad argument over FICA,

and federal withholding I take from her paycheck.

Jesus fucking Christ. FICA and federal withholding?

I gotta go home tomorrow, and I gotta tell my kids we're separating.

It's gonna rip them up.

Divorce is very hard for kids.

After this, they don't trust.

I'm child of divorce.

Shouldn't have been drinking in the afternoon.

How about a little sympathy?

You got ice in your veins?

I had ice in my veins on your uncle couch?

-Most expensive piece of ass I ever had. -Right. I know what you are thinking too.

Take care, Tony. You're a strong guy. You'll be all right.

[CAR DOOR OPENING]

-What's up? -So how's it going with Christopher home?

-Good. That place was a godsend. -So the wedding's back on?

We haven't talked about it.

Except…

Except what?

Well…

He says he isn't sure anymore he'd be a good father.

After killing my dog.

You have kids?

So how's Tony? He's been house-hunting down the shore?

Beautiful place too.

What about Ralph?

Cifaretto? Heard anything there?

Chrissy says he has a pretty serious drug problem too.

May have hit bottom somewheres.

Chrissy says he wants to

you know, help get him in recovery when he resurfaces.

You know Ralph's second-in-command, Vito?

Yeah, the fat guy.

When Christopher was away I had that asshole calling every five minutes

-to see if I "needed anything." -No!

-Does Christopher know? -You kidding me? He'd kill him.

Not really, I mean…

You know, he'd be angry.

I'm supposed to meet my mom.

Go ahead.

Thank you.

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

I saw your car. Qué pasa?

Well…

Things aren't very good at home, so I came down to sleep on my boat,

and it was being refinished, and the smell of the paint drove me out.

-Sorry, I've been up to bat three times. -Yeah, I think she's

thinking of separating.

What you wanna do, you wanna go around and meet perfunctorily

with the top divorce attorneys in your area.

That way, if worst happens, none of them can take her as a client.

Conflict of interest.

-That's pretty good. -Just do it, fella.

But you gotta find a hotel until you officially take possession.

-Something happens to you, I'm liable. -All right. Let me just clean up a little.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-Hi, I'm Tony… -I know who you are. Come in, please.

Tony.

What's up?

That thing we were talking about, this thing with me and my wife…

Alan just told me.

The thing is, in light of it, I was going over it in the shower,

and I realized that as much as I want this place

now is not the time for me to be buying a house.

Sorry. I know it's a big disappointment. You ought to see how I feel.

I just wanna get my deposit back, and I'll get out of your life.

Tony, it's not that clear to me how your marital situation negates the purchase.

I mean, most of this was for my kids. For my wife.

-That is so sad. -Excuse me, honey.

We had that place on the market a year and a half.

We had two offers, you and the Kims.

-So, what about them? -The Kims?

I can't go back to them. I guess I could, but I'm not going to.

They'd hold my feet to the fire. I don't wanna be insensitive with what you've

got on your plate but we have a signed contract.

-Alan… -No, baloney! I dumped a buyer

-because they were in love with it. -It was the cash and the short escrow.

Look, who knows what's gonna happen, Tony?

You and your wife could be back together in a month

leaving A.S. here fucked in the ass.

Whatever.

Look…

What's the big deal? Why don't you just let me out of this thing, okay?

I can't. I have partners.

[CELL RINGING]

Excuse me.

I gotta take this. It was very nice to meet you.

But I'm not buying your house.

That guy's a mobster.

They buy houses from people, they conduct business.

I dealt with them on that Neapolitan copyright thing for Enya.

I'll probably let him walk. But that's a negotiation, which he knows full well.

-You don't have any partners. -Thank you, Rabbi.

I just talked to Carmine. He's ready to settle.

Are you kidding me? Everything's in motion.

Welcome to my world.

Now sit.

I'm sorry to learn about the marital situation, Tony.

Our thing is more than a livelihood.

If one of us suffers a personal tragedy, falls ill and whatnot

we all feel it deeply.

No matter what kind of acrimony is in the air.

What's in the air is you're losing money.

We all agree we want to get back to earning.

But I reiterate again

Zellman had a hand in HUD, so I can't, as a matter of principle

relinquish my claim.

-So? -I said 40

you said five and a half, which was ridiculous.

Let's split the difference.

Twenty percent.

All right, 15.

You know what?

In the interest of putting this shit to bed, if that's what it's gonna take

fifteen.

Good.

My son was a big help in all this. I want you always to remember that.

Even after I'm gone.

-But I'm not going no place. -Healthy as a fucking rhino, this guy.

You stay that way.

-Hi. -Hi.

Did you get any sleep?

A little, I think.

Maybe it would be better if you went back to school.

Got your head into your schoolwork. Be with your friends.

I'd just be thinking about what's going on here all the time.

I just keep thinking

I used to feel so superior because so many of my friends

-had these fucked-up divorced parents. -I guess I did too.

And like Finn…

I'm not saying I want kids, but if we did

I used to imagine

we'd all be together on the holidays, Christmas, all around this big fire.

You will have a wonderful future, Meadow.

We had a lot of wonderful times as a family.

-All predicated on bullshit. -I don't want to fight with you, Meadow.

That's not true. I think you know it.

It was because of Furio, wasn't it?

Who said anything about Furio?

I have never been unfaithful to your father.

Daddy was.

This is not something I want to talk about. I'm sorry.

Not now, not ever.

Jesus, how could you eat shit from him for all those years?

Fresh pepper?

Just a little.

About you and Carmela…

I'm sorry.

This is not al dente.

[CELL RINGING]

-Hello? -Fucking amazing, huh?

Well, I guess that's that, huh?

Things have a momentum of their own.

More is lost by indecision than wrong decision.

That's a good point.

Okay, then. You'll hear from me.

That was J.S.

We're not on for Tuesday no more, right?

Wrong.

Johnny Sack.

I always worked very fucking hard to make him think I liked him.

I'd try to feel him out about shit.

I think he and Ralphie were in bed in some way.

[DOOR OPENING]

It went bad with that joke shit.

So?

We reached an agreement.

When Tony gave him his final number, Carmine's Depends blew out.

Oh, my fucking back!

That cot at the pork store, not really good for sleeping, T.

With all due love and respect to Carmela

I'd put her shit out on the curb and let it rain on her.

You can't disrupt the kids.

-That shit traumatizes them for life. -It's his house as much as it is hers.

More. I paid for it.

That's right, T. I'm on your side on this.

She talked me into buying it in the first place.

Now I'm out in the streets?

[CELL RINGING]

These fucking phones.

We were better off years ago.

-Yeah? -Tony? Alan Sapinsly.

-What? -I hadn't heard from you.

My partners and I have decided to let you out of your obligation.

I want my 200 grand by the end of the week.

As to that, I'm not rescinding the deposit.

That's what they're for, to hold parties to agreements.

If you want to make me an offer…

No, I think I'll buy the house.

My family has parties till 4, 5 in the morning.

I can show damages, and I'm being generous in not enforcing the sale.

Damages? They haven't started yet.

Listen to me. There's a paper trail to our dispute, and Virginia Lupo's a witness.

A hair on my head gets mussed, the authorities know just where to go.

Alan, you misread me entirely.

-You must think I'm a fucking thug. -Just be forewarned.

You're not getting your deposit back.

[SILVERWARE DROPPING]

Jesus, you scared me to death.

This is my house, Carmela, and I'm not leaving.

Get out of here, Tony. I asked you once nicely.

All right, look.

I know what happened was wrong. I was an asshole.

And I apologize. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

-I said, get out. -Make me.

I have an appointment with a lawyer, Tony. I will get a restraining order.

A lawyer? Go ahead.

Go on, call him. Here. Use my phone.

-Fine, stay. -Come here.

-You're not going anywhere. -Let go! Your son'll be home.

-You want him to see his father like this? -You'd love that.

-I'm not leaving here, Carmela. -I don't love you anymore!

I don't want you! You are not sleeping in my bed, Tony!

The thought of it now makes me sick!

Jesus Christ almighty, I'm going fucking crazy!

-Mom's gonna let you stay out here? -Let? This is my house.

Ain't it better when I'm here?

-Well, sure. -Come on.

We'll bring them down to the garage tomorrow.

What time is it?

-You just getting home? -We were studying.

Oh, yeah? From now on, I'm gonna take a bigger hand in this shit.

I'm gonna be right out here. Be extra respectful to your mother.

She's going through a hard time.

-Did she say something? -I'm just saying.

All right. Go to bed. It's a school night.

[ELECTRIC PUMP HUMMING TO LIFE]

[GROANS OF DISCOMFORT]

[RUBBER REDISTRIBUTING]

[SIGH]

Audiences have been given an abundance of programming,

and they vote every hour, every minute

every five minutes with their remote…

[CELL RINGING]

Thanks, by the way, for drinking wine in front of me.

-Hello? -Call it off.

-The old guy. -Yeah?

-Something don't make sense here. -You think it's a setup?

Not necessarily, but

our friend is very anxious to pass the ball, the prick.

But nobody can know this was ever considered.

I'll offer my guys half of what they'd have got. That should do it.

I just want you to make sure. I told you that.

Hey.

It's all there.

You get the taste to chip a little H again…

[BAG UNZIPPING]

-…don't forget to call us. -You're gonna keep this quiet.

-I got the mouth on a statue, nigga. -Word.

See you around.

-He ain't quit. He's just freshening up. -Don't say shit to Kaisha about this.

Or she be haunting my ass for that child support.

[RAPID GUN SHOTS]

[GUN SHOTS CONTINUE]

[GUN SHOTS]

[CAR HORN]

[ENGINE STARTING UP]

Hey.

Hi.

[SIGH]

What?

I was wondering when you were gonna move those seats down to the garage.

Seriously? That's what you came out here to talk to me about?

They're on the lawn. They'll ruin the grass.

"Bad for the grass, bad for the grass."

I can't put the sprinklers on over there, Tony, without the seats getting wet.

They're your seats, I don't wanna wreck them.

I'll get right on it.

Why do you have to make even this little thing so difficult?

What reason could you have for talking to me about theater seats

-except to bust my balls? -I wanted to water while I was out.

Yeah, right.

Fuck you.

That's gonna cost you $3.

You know what, Tony? What's done is done.

We are where we are, and it's for the best.

But just for the record, or it might even interest you to know

that I might actually have gone on with your cheating and your bullshit

if your attitude around here had been even the least bit loving

cooperative, interested…

Whose idea was Whitecaps?

It's just a bigger version of an emerald ring.

-So you can keep on with your other life. -You don't know me at all.

I know you better than anybody, Tony. Even your friends.

-Which is probably why you hate me. -Hate you?

Well, don't worry, I'm going to hell when I die.

Nice thing to say to a person heading into an MRI.

You know, Tony

I have always been sorry I said that.

You were my guy.

You could be so sweet. Nobody could make me laugh like you.

Carmela, who the fuck did you think I was when you married me?

You knew my father. You grew up around Dickie Moltisanti and your Uncle Eddie.

Where do you get off acting surprised and miffed

when there are women on the side?

-You knew the deal. -Deal?

Your mother can talk all she wants about what's-his-name.

You and I know that the other boyfriend you were debating marrying

was Jerry Tufi with his father's snowplow business.

And we now know that that wouldn't have suited you at all.

You really don't hear me, do you?

-You think for me it's all about things. -No, no, I forced all this shit on you.

What you really crave is a little Hyundai and a simple gold heart on a chain.

You are so fucking hateful.

-Can I tell you something, Tony? -Don't pretend like I got a choice.

The last year, I have been dreaming,

and fantasizing and in love with Furio.

What?

When he'd come to pick you up

I would look forward to it all night long in bed next to you.

Those nights when you were actually in the bed.

And he would ring the doorbell, I felt like my heart would come out of my chest.

He would smile and we'd talk, and then you would come down the stairs.

And I felt probably like someone who is terminally ill,

and somehow they manage to forget it for a minute.

And then it all comes back.

[WOOD BREAKING]

-He'd talk to you? Oh, poor you! -He made me feel like I mattered!

You asked me what Irina's cousin has that you don't have.

I thought about it, because it's a pretty good question.

Yeah, she's sexy enough, even with one pin gone, but that's not it.

I could converse with her because she had something to say!

I am here! I have things to say!

Besides "Bring the chairs down" and "Did you sign the living trust?"

She's a grown woman who's been kicked around.

She's been on her own, and she's had to fight and struggle.

Unlike me, is that it? Who the fuck wanted it like this?

Who the fuck pissed and moaned at just the idea

of me with a fucking real-estate license?

Free to sit back for 20 fucking years and fiddle with the air conditioning,

and fucking bitch and complain and fucking bitch, bitch, bitch!

To me! To your priest!

Fuck it!

Who knew all this time you wanted Tracy and Hepburn?

Tony, what about the thousand other fucking pigs you had your dick in?

The strippers, the cocktail waitresses.

Were you best friends with all of them too?

You fucking hypocrite.

The judge is calling you all into the courtroom.

Okay, thanks.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Hello?

The number you are calling was blocked,

and cannot be called back using your last-call return service.

"We are still hopelessly deadlocked.

One juror refuses to deliberate and can't be reasoned with.

-What should we do now?" -Your Honor.

Again, I must move for a mistrial.

Your Honor, the government asks that you give them another Allen charge

to go back and try again.

As much as I'd like to, this jury's been at it a long time.

I don't see where one or two more days is going to change anything.

Bring in the jury.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury

I see that you are hopelessly deadlocked.

And I have no choice but to declare a mistrial.

I know that you did the best you could.

You have performed a valuable service. You may be excused.

[GASPS OF RELIEF]

-Hey. -Well done.

Beth, stay in touch.

Call me when your grandson is born.

I wouldn't want to think of you on that day.

Dad?

Battle of Tarawa. Marines had no air cover.

It was a slaughter.

-War? I don't know. -There's a Coke in there.

Can I move in here?

-What's wrong with your room? -I can't take it anymore.

Mom's just on my case all the time. My dinner got cold.

So I was on the phone with Devin. We had to do an algebra problem.

[TV CLICKING OFF]

Look, I told you she's having a hard time right now.

-She goes to a lot of trouble to cook. -Well, I didn't ask her to.

It's not fair. Why do I have to get stuck with her?

Hey, don't talk about your mother like that.

You don't have to put up with her shit anymore.

I heard you tell her off out by the pool.

Well, you're not staying in here.

-Get that out of your head. -Why not?

It would hurt her feelings, you don't want to be in her part of the house.

Your old amp's hooked back up.

Be careful. I heard you bang the other one.

What are you gonna do without your speakers? I'll take them.

-They're just borrowing them. -I'll come back for the amp.

You can come in here and watch TV with me, but you can't stay here.

Fuck.

Here. Go buy her one of those CDs she likes and some flowers.

Tell her you're sorry, that you'll try to be more considerate.

[TV CLICKING BACK ON]

We should call everybody, have a big party.

Call Volpe's, have them send over a couple of pies. But that's it.

There's a hearty Burgundy still in the fridge.

I don't suppose Tony would come.

With what's going on up at that abattoir.

I don't think so, Uncle Jun.

[GIGGLING]

Yeah, I want to get one large cheese and tomato and then one with alig'.

Yeah, it's me.

[BOBBY SINGING]

Bobby.

Go down by the cellar door, see if Murf left the envelope under the flagstone.

He wouldn't have been around today.

-I'll go look later. -Do it now. Is that asking so much?

I just went through the trial of my life.

[BOAT MOTORING PAST]

[SEA GULLS SQUAWKING]

[ANCHOR SPLASHING INTO WATER]

[ANCHOR SPLASHING INTO WATER]

To wonderful friends, to Alan's shark-fin soup and to a wonderful day.

-Hear, hear. -Cheers.

[DRUM ROLL]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Sands Hotel proudly presents

the star of our show, direct from the bar, Dean Martin!

What the hell?

[SHOW MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]

It's that boat.

[DEAN MARTIN SINGING]

Stugots? Fucking goombah trash.

This whole shoreline's turning into the Gulf of Sorrento.

Hey, buddy! Turn it down!

[MUSIC CONTINUES TO PLAY]

How long I been on?

[MUSIC BLARES THROUGH WALL]

Been waiting long?

Sorry, I was interviewing divorce lawyers.

That's why I always ask myself, is it worth it financially?

You and Ginny are the old married couple.

Marriage can be very hard work if both aren't pulling that load.

I was wondering, why the delay?

I was gonna call you.

You're not gonna be happy.

I'm out.

Come on, whacking a boss is bad for business.

-And now that he's settled… -We can weather it.

It's not just the internal upheaval.

Mr. and Mrs. John Q. America

they sit still for our shit. So people get ripped off. They figure it's not them.

But if it's the fucking O.K. Corral out there, the feds take heat.

-Tony, this is very disappointing. -I know.

But he's old. You're gonna get your chance soon enough.

Don't go into coaching, Tony. It's not your long suit.

-What I was gonna say… -Tomorrow I go into work.

Creeps on this petty pace. And I take orders from him again?

Or that disgusting fucking cocksucker idiot son of his?

-I shouldn't be hearing that. -Oh, really?

What I was gonna say was

it's a major step.

But if you wanna do it without me as a partner

you do what you gotta do.

I will never, ever reveal any conversation we ever had.

The thing is, we had those conversations.

Your mouth was moving along with mine.

So now we go back about our business at the Esplanade like it never happened?

-Yeah, that would be the healthy choice. -Healthy for who?

Why would I trust somebody who would leave me holding my cock like this?

-I shouldn't have heard that either. -Well, there you go.

There's the fucking problem.

John.

I still consider you a dear, dear friend.

[ENGINE STARTING UP]

So they're actually moored about 2 1/2 centimeters away from the fire.

They're finally making a little bit of an impact with their buckets…

I didn't know you were in the house.

-Stopped by to pick up a few things. -Fine.

The geeks are really making some progress now.

[TV IN BACKGROUND]

Turn that off and come here.

I got something to say to your mother, I might as well tell you.

It's almost over.

Now.

I've been thinking about things, me living out there.

And I've decided it's probably not a good idea.

What's going on?

I was just telling everybody, it's probably

better if I don't live here anymore.

Because I wanted to stay in there with you? I won't ask.

-I just got pissed off. -He asked to live with you?

No, A.J.

Come here.

That's not why.

-Where are you gonna go? -Don't worry about it.

You should go back to counseling.

It's better this way.

He's making the right decision. He'll get a place, you'll go and visit.

It'll be better. You'll see.

Well, you guys could still get back together maybe?

-Right? -Yeah. Sure.

We're still close.

God, is there nothing to eat in this house?

Be careful.

I'll be at the Plaza.

[ENGINE STARTING UP]

Well, I don't drink anymore. I freeze it now, and I eat it like a Popsicle.

A drink never hurt nobody. Remember the words of Joe E. Lewis:

"You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on."

Fucking gangster asshole!

Call the police.

They'll just turn it down again when the police boat comes.

[DEAN MARTIN SINGING]

-The Coast Guard… -He can keep paying

those $200 fines forever, Alan! You've gotta let it go, Alan!

Give him his money! God!

[MUSIC CONTINUES]