Original subtitles

[Frank] Now nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate is the garden of Eden

but it's been a good home to us.

To me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids who I'm proud of,

'cause every single one of them reminds me a little of me.

[all gasp]

They can all think for themselves, which they've me to thank for.

-[Carl] Run! Run for it! -[Lip] Quick, leg it!

[Frank] Fiona, who's a massive help.

Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why nobody calls him Philip anymore.

Ian, a lot like his mam, which is handy for the others

'cause she's disappeared into thin air,

and Carl, we daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.

-[barking] -[Frank] One, it stands on end,

and makes him look like Toyah.

-Two, nits love him. -[screams]

[Frank] Debbie! Sent by God. Total angel.

You've to check your change, but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour.

Plus, Liam! Gonna be a star, once we've got the fits under control.

[screams]

[Frank] Steve, Fiona's boyfriend. The truth is out there. Not!

[Frank] Fantastic neighbours, Kev and Veronica, lend you anything.

Well, not anything.

But all of 'em, to a man, know first and foremost,

one of the most vital necessities in this life

is they know how to throw a party!

[laughing] Scatter!

[Veronica] After three years of having the Gallaghers as neighbours,

l can honestly say it's been an education.

l used to think we were rough till they moved in.

Made me and Kev feel like Charles and Camilla!

I've never gloated about the fact that we were quieter,

a bit better off, and a lot more stable,

which I'm regretting now 'cause I might never get the chance.

You tell me how a family that size with no visible income

ends up with a nearly new four by four,

a knock-through house with brand new fittings,

and more nights out than Georgie fucking Best?

Most days, l wake up feeling happy for them.

Others, I wish Margaret Thatcher was still alive.

You know, mentally, and give them a good hiding

and put 'em in their place.

Nah, I don't mean that. Well, I do a bit. Do I?

I do, actually. A little bit. Icky little bit. Ah, fuck it, yeah.

[Steve] Hey, I'm not late, am I?

No, I got an earlier bus.

I fancied a look round before we went in.

[priest grunting]

So, Father Polish, uh, what are the origins of that name?

Polish.

When were you last in church, Fiona?

Sunday.

Yes, but which?

1994.

And you're not even a Catholic?

No.

Look, does it matter?

A great deal.

You'd have to convert.

Well, that's fine, done.

After lessons.

Ten weeks of instruction every Thursday evening with me.

And l expect to see you both make a visible commitment to the church.

One mass a week for three months.

l was kinda hoping for a spring wedding.

Have a spring wedding next year.

Look...

the very least I'd want to know...

is that you're not just marrying here

because you think a civil ceremony

is a cheap and vulgar option for your big day.

What if I could get the whole family to come for the next three Sundays.

Would that give us any leeway?

It would make me smile,

but only if you left your father at home.

Spate of thefts in '97.

[Steve] So basically what you're saying is,

it's out of the question that we get married here,

in less than three months?

It's a dwindling parish.

The basic rules are all we have to...

bind a...

very poor community together.

Five hundred now, five on the day.

I can't believe he stung you for a grand.

Yeah, plus right, when you nipped to the loo,

two hundred for the flower displays, a hundred for the organist,

and fifty for someone to watch the cars while we're in having the service.

It's ridiculous.

Can't remember where I parked the car now.

You were parked there.

Who's took my car?

Who the fuck has taken my car!

Stop it or we'll both get battered.

-[keypad beeps] -[Fiona] You won't get a taxi out here.

When was the last time you got the bus?

-Fuck! -[Father Polish] Bye, Fiona.

-See ya, Father. -[Father Polish] God bless.

-[clock chimes] -I don't do refunds.

Off you fucking little rat.

-Off! Get off! -[Pepe growling]

-Off! Bastard! -[Pepe growling]

[sock snaps]

-[Pepe barks] -Ow! Fuck! Ow, fuck.

[Carol] Fine, What's the point of built in wardrobes

if what's in 'em makes her look like Nanette Newman on laughing gas.

[Marty] Come here, you little shit. You're dead!

[giggling]

[Marty] Dead dog.

[radio playing "Can't Get You Out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue]

[Fiona chuckles]

He's nicked me undies again. Bitten me again.

-He hasn't nicked 'em. -[Marty] Furball!

[Carol] He's sticking them in the wash

because he doesn't like the smell of rotting gusset.

-Call him picky. -And I wear what?

Clean garments.

Clean 'uns, Pepe, show him where.

-[barks] -[Carol] Show!

[Pepe's nails tapping on floor]

♪ Boy your lovin' Is all I think about ♪

♪ I just can't get you... ♪

-[Veronica wolf-whistles] -[both giggle]

[Pepe whimpers]

[barks]

[Pepe barks]

-Dead dog. -[Pepe barking]

[Marty] Furball!

[indistinct chatter]

You're joking, aren't you? From outside a church?

[Ian] It's not a first.

Julie Carter had her wedding car nicked during the actual ceremony.

[Carl] Yeah, but that weren't nicked in the first place.

-[Carl laughs] -Oi, give me that.

Answer the door, and keep your mouth shut.

-[Ian chuckles] -[Steve] Watch your mouth.

[Kev] Tony!

[all cheering]

[Tony] Sorry I'm late, uh, had to do a bit of overtime.

Now you know what it feels like to lose a valuable motor, Steve.

Make you think twice about your career path.

I wanna know who took it, and who's got it now.

[chuckles] If it was that simple, I'd be an inspector.

Two grand cash, Tony, if you can track it.

-I'll put feelers out. -[sighs]

[keys jangling]

I left something of sentimental value in there.

I see.

[indistinct commotion]

So, the wedding? When's it set for?

Last Saturday of the month.

-Congratulations, mate. -Yeah.

If I find it, do you want 'em arrested?

Uh, no.

Uh, not before you talk to me.

-I know, my darling, I know. -[Pepe whimpering]

She keeps talking to herself.

Well, it saves us a job, dun it?

It's the dog.

She thinks the fucking dog's talking to her.

-You're not cheering me up here, Marty. -Yeah, but it is.

-'Cause it talks to me an' all. -[coin clatters]

["Release Me" by Tom Jones plays on jukebox]

If it dun't like what ya doing,

it drives her mad to get on ya case.

It's on at me all the time, taking the piss.

[Pepe whimpers]

I know, Tom Jones was always

too much of a show off to be a soul searcher.

♪ Let me go ♪

[Frank] ♪ For l don't love you Any more... ♪

Hey, get down, Shep.

One of the finest songs ever written in the English language this, Carol,

apart from "Sultans of Swing" and "Chirpy, Chirpy, Cheep Cheep." [gasps]

-[Pepe whimpers] -[Frank growls]

Pint o' bitter an' a couple of Es for the dog, Kev.

♪ Where's your mama gone? ♪

♪ Where's your mama gone? ♪

Used to sing that to the kids when Monica fucked off.

Never a dry eye in the house.

Shot upstairs howling, they all did.

What?

Oh, here we go, men in black,

hard as nails, the future of our nation.

You got me house keys, Veronica?

Couple of gills for the lads, Jez.

-You eighteen? -Yeah.

Veronica, is your mum okay?

-Fucker! -[Veronica] Yeah, she's happy.

Woof.

-[Marty] Woof. -Fucking 'ell, sorry I asked.

-[both chuckle] -Whoa, do that again.

-Eh? -That...

what you ju-- that thing that you just did,

you know, with your face.

What you just said to Lip. I just said, "Sorry I asked."

[both chuckle]

How gay is that?

-No, it's not -Was a bit.

Gay.

What, you're not gay, are ya?

-No. -Oh, Jesus, he is.

He's gay. Fuck me!

You don't know what you're talking about.

He is, he must be, if I'd a said that to anybody else,

they'd have planted me one.

Oh, great, I'm having a flashback to John Inman.

-Fuck's sake! -[glass shatters]

-[Jez] Fucks sake! -[Kev] Oi!

Get up, Frank.

♪ Anymore ♪

♪ To waste our lives Would be a... ♪

Now you're talking.

Christ for that. Come here, eh?

Growin' up, eh?

Growin' up!

Can't ya tell when they're growing up?

Yeah, they're barred.

[door slams]

[panting]

What's the matter?

-You got away with it. -I didn't.

He can tell. He knows.

Come on.

It's all right, we'll go and see Mandy Maguire.

-[tense music] -[sirens in distance]

-Hi, John. -[John] All right, buddy?

All right, mate?

[suspenseful music playing]

[fumbling]

[clattering]

[exhales deeply]

[Stan] Are you right in the fucking head?

What have you nicked his car for?

I'm sick of that creep getting everything his way.

Because she said she'll marry him?

[Tony] Yeah, plus other stuff.

It was just a joke at first 'cause he thinks I'm not capable.

[Stan] Yeah, well now that you've joined the club, congratulations.

Now put it back, and count me out. I know nothing about this.

Stan.

-How much is that? -Hundred and fifty-odd grand.

I found it in the roof compartment.

You reckon Steve earns this much nicking the odd motor?

Depends how good he is at saving.

Coke?

-He's dealing. -[Stan] Oh, give over.

I've seen more gear than that shifted in The Jockey of a weekend.

[clattering]

Fuck me.

["Spice Up Your Life" by Spice Girls playing]

[Veronica] Reckon a replacement!

-[laughter] -[Fiona] Lillian, are you sure

you can get the dresses ready for Saturday?

-[Veronica grunting] -[laughter]

Knew I should have had a wee.

-[Debbie] What is it? -Pepe's waistcoat...

for the wedding. [chuckles]

[Debbie] Aw, it's beautiful.

[Carol] But the only hat we've found

he's not that thrilled about; makes him look like a chimp.

Mum, it's a church.

Fiona's not gonna want a dog yapping all the way

-through the ceremony. -He won't yap. He doesn't yap.

[Veronica] He's not invited.

-Carol and guest. -[Pepe barks]

[Veronica] Meaning Marty. His says the same, meaning you.

If I had a husband, he'd be totally ignored.

Your husband's dead...

-and Pepe is a dog. -[snorts]

[Carol] She's a lot cheaper than a husband,

if it's catering we're talking about,

and a little bit more talkative...

-[Pepe yaps] -...which, you know, Veronica...

[kisses] ...I'm very grateful for.

I'm getting worried about you.

I want you to see a doctor.

What the hell for?

Because you sounding pretty confused some days.

Am I?

No more than normal.

[Sheila] Pepe can come, Carol.

Course he can come.

The waistcoat looks fab.

-See, thank you, Fiona. -You're not helping.

[sighs] I just want you to get checked out.

They say there's medication that can help,

and the sooner they start it, the better it works.

-For what? -For what Grandma had.

-♪ Spice up your life ♪ -Colostomy?

Confusion!

♪ If you're having a good time Shake it to the right ♪

Look...

I know, you miss your Malcolm...

but, you've got to face facts.

A dog is not gonna make up for the loss of a lifelong friend.

-Who's Malcolm? -Oh, your dead husband!

My dead dad!

You don't have to shout.

I know who that Malcolm is.

You didn't till I fucking told you though, did ya?

[growls]

Groom and boys next, come on.

Who exports drugs from round here?

I mean, nobody exports from Britain.

We're the only mugs daft enough to pay these kind of prices.

-Same with flat screen tellies. -[TV plays in background]

[Tony] So how come I found a ferry ticket from Bilboa

in the glove compartment then?

Aw, more Tin Tin than Rin Tin Tin.

This is for a totally different vehicle, ya mong.

It's the same model.

Yeah, and apart from different colour and different registration.

Hey, these cars could be twins.

[Tony] Don't be thick. He rings cars for a living.

Changing the colour, registration, and the rest of its obvious characteristics

is what Steve does for a living.

Sometime or other this car's been abroad.

-Why? -So's mine.

I'm not talking about a car park in Wrexham.

Steve's car's come into Britain from Spain.

-What's that saying, eh? -Timeshare?

[tuts]

[sighs]

-[Ms Dynamite music playing] -[Frank] Hey. [giggles]

[Lip] Let's have it, come on, get on that beat.

[Lip giggles]

[laughs] S-- S-- Sorry.

Lillian, love. Sorry, Lillian. Lillian.

Okay, go for it.

[laughs]

[all laugh]

[Frank] I don't know why I'm laughing

‘cause I'm having a flashback to Strangeways here.

[whooping]

[Kev] Hey, only hurts the first time, Frank.

Our Fiona...

was--

was my first born.

-[both] To Fiona. -[Frank] It's a happy day...

-and a sad day for us all... -[man] You owe me a drink to go.

...to see her marrying Steve.

-[all] Steve! -And starting a brand new life.

[Kev] Steve-o!

[Frank] She's-- s-- she's guided all of us

through difficult times...

as a family, and for each of us

she has been a total godsend,

and we couldn't have managed without her.

That's what you said.

We can all say from the bottom of our hearts...

that she is really the other half...

of all of us.

[Kev] And...

us.

Honestly, that's, fucking-- I'm welling up here.

Thieving bastard's been upstairs and nicked that outta my bag.

-[Ian] Dad! -[Frank laughs]

[Frank] He was a poet and he knew it.

-You said... -[Frank] Knows it..

...you didn't want to give her away.

Well, I've changed me mind now I've got something to say.

[Lip mutters] It's my speech.

Lillian,

if you keep that up the least I'm gonna want is a blow job.

Any more of that talk, I'll pin your whatsit to your knackers.

[cheering]

[Lilian] Who's next?

-[phone ringing] -[Stan] So, uh,

where were you in just before we picked ya up?

-[woman] Uh, Eden club. -[Stan] Eden club?

That'd be the, uh,

Eden club in the middle of town, would it? Yeah?

[indistinct chattering]

[Veronica] She getting ready? Lemme look.

[Sheila and Veronica] Aww!

-[Veronica] Look at you! -[Sheila] Beautiful!

[Veronica] I hope you're happy!

[Lilian] 'Ere, give us a walk.

Oh my God, I'm so nervous.

Ey up, ey up, are you ready?

[Sheila humming "Bridal March"]

What is that?

[laughing]

[all cooing]

[Veronica] Ey, ey, 'ere, 'ere.

-You look beautiful. [gasps] -You do. There y'are.

Oh my God.

-[phone ringing] -[indistinct chatter]

[Father Polish grunts] Exchanging of the vows.

Thank you, Veronica.

You will lead the wedding procession to, uh...

the wedding march. Slowly on the day, Fiona.

Now, Philip, this is where you hand over Fiona to Steve.

-So, let go of her arm. -[Lip] All right.

-Now? [laughs] -[laughs]

-[Father Polish grunts] -[Fiona giggles]

This is where I will greet the bride and bridegroom in a friendly manner,

showing that the church shares their joy.

[indistinct police radio]

[Father Polish] Uh, Kevin, this is where you step forward,

and give the rings to Steve.

Repeat after me.

l, Steve McBride.

[Steve] l, Steve McBride.

[Father Polish] Do take thee...

Do take thee, Fiona Gallagher.

To be my lawful wedded wife.

To be my lawful wedded wife.

To have and to hold.

-To have and-- -[mobile phone ringing]

Excuse me, sorry. Sorry about this.

Excuse me, sorry about this. Sorry, excuse me.

-[Steve] Two secs. -[mobile phone beeps]

All right, listen, I'm gonna have to shoot off.

-Steve! -[Steve] It's all right.

Honestly, fine, um, just had to get it through my head.

You know? Walk through, all that, be fine.

Kev, can I borrow you for two secs, just two secs.

-Bit quicker than that, mate. -Steve.

-[Veronica] Kev. -I'm best man, aren't I?

Steve.

[tyres screeching]

[children chattering in distance]

Is it?

[Steve] Where'd you find it?

Just a couple of wideboys showing off to their mates on the M60.

There's no damage as far as I can see, apart from the ignition.

[Kev] How good do you feel now, mate, eh?

-These are on me. -[Steve] Hey, not for me, Kev.

Not if I'm driving, and, uh...

I am now.

Come here, listen...

I'll sort you out, with the, you know, tomorrow.

Nah, nah, forget about it, Steve.

[scoffs]

[Tony] I'm just glad to be of some use.

You know, we can be... sometimes.

All right, see you later, mate. Kev, thanks for the lift.

-Ta-ra. -[Steve] Jez.

Hey, has Jensen Button just turned his nose up at that?

Cheers. Mind your back, Kev, let this blind lady through.

Who the fuck are you calling blind?

Sorry, fuck you dressed like that for then?

Eh?

Don't start with me Frank.

[Frank] She started it.

She started it.

You should put a sign up about that, nice behaviour.

It's a Government thing now, you know, you gotta be caring.

[tense music]

[Frank] Why? Yeah, oh. Oh, that's very nice.

-[Fiona cheering] -[Veronica] Oh, look at that.

Oh! Smell that!

[Fiona] Oh, you've done us proud, Yvonne.

-That's lovely. -This is fantastic, Yvonne.

Sure you can cater for fifty-odd people by this weekend?

[Yvonne] Course I can. You should see when I've got Kash's family round.

Believe me, she lives for the challenge.

Did you teach her how to cook like this then?

[Yvonne] Yeah, right, it's all tins with him.

Microwave pings that often in our house that kids think it's fire alarm.

Do you like it? See, even for kids.

I mean, I'll tone it down a bit, you know,

so that there's something for everyone at the wedding.

Give me a curry instead of a scabby prawn cocktail any day.

Too spicy for me.

Never used to be.

End of another era.

[suspenseful music]

[Yvonne] Pilau rice, samosas, bhajis.

You name it, I've got it.

-[Carol] Why? -Why d'ya think?

[Carol] Three-day mystery cruise

round the Bay of Biscay.

So, how's that a mystery?

Agatha Christie murder mystery tour!

[screams] Marty! Aww!

[barks]

[Debbie] Yay!

[Carol] I'm going on a cruise.

[Carol whooping]

-Oh, sorry, come at a bad time? -What's up?

-Where did you get money like this? -Money Dad left me.

We're off upstairs.

[Carol] That money's meant for you!

Yeah, to make me happy, and if you're happy, so am I.

-[barking] -Bit of 'omework.

I'll be shutting the door 'cause we need some peace and quiet.

-I'm reading it. -[Marty] Fuck off.

-[Veronica] You fuck off. -Hopeless, find Lip.

-My t-- -Oh, fuckin' have it then.

Talk about jealous.

[whimpering]

[Lip breathing heavily]

As long as you know I'm only doing this for Ian.

[Lip] Yeah, same here.

I hope he's grateful. 'Cause...

Wow.

-[Lip exhales] -Wow? It's not for you.

No problem.

Wow.

If you stuck a bonnet on that it'd look like a microphone.

Whatever.

You sing, I'll dance.

[energetic music]

[Lip grunting]

-Batteries are going on this! -Fuck off.

[Lip grunting]

[Mandy moaning]

[Tony] Fiona know you're dealing?

I don't know what you're talking about, mate.

You think I'm taping this?

Like I wanna hear this more than once.

-Get real. -[bottle opening]

Tony, the stuff you've got's not mine.

Looking after it for a mate?

No, just somebody I know.

All right if I sit down?

[bottle clinks]

[Tony] Been away recently?

No.

Spain?

No.

Chassis number from that car matches a Jeep that came via Spain.

Different reg plate, and different colour, obviously.

Is that where all your cars are coming from?

Just the occasional one.

-How occasional? -T--

Two, three...

a year, three.

How did you get to be involved in a racket like this?

-Bloody drugs. -Tony, look,

it's just an occasional thing to pay off an old debt.

I don't wanna do it, Tony, but I have to pay this off.

The car owners never know the cargo they're carrying.

I get told which car to target,

I pick it up, I ring it, then my...

mates...

they come and pick up their cargo.

I get a small wage, and I get to move the car off on my own.

Name a price, gimme the stuff, and-- and--

can have done with this.

[scoffs]

You think I want a slice of some of this?

Drug money?

Well, what else are we here for?

[scoffs]

I'm right in guessing that Fiona doesn't know?

So, nothing

about the money that she'll be spending as the wife of Steve McBride?

Nothing about the kind of life she's letting herself in for?

Seems you don't have a fucking clue what you're on about.

I'm dead if I don't get that gear where it belongs by Wednesday.

Precisely my point! 'Cause it's not gonna be cowboys you're dealing with, is it?

And debts like these, they go on forever, don't they, Steve?

[exhales]

[strikes match]

[sighs]

Fine.

How safe's Fiona, eh?

If it hadn't been me nicking that car for a laugh

to wind you up, how safe would she be now?

Ever do anything to harm her,

I want you to know, Steve...

I'll make you regret it for the rest of your life.

-Never been caught, Tony. -I caught you.

Promise me now you'll put a stop to it.

-I'm trying. -Promise.

Else you're getting fuck all.

Please.

I need it by Wednesday.

[sighs]

[gate rattles]

[indistinct arguing]

-What? -Upstairs.

-[Carl] Wait. -[Debbie] No!

-[Carl] Hang on. -[Debbie] No, I'm hungry!

-[Carl] Give it! -[Debbie] Get off me!

[Fiona] What you and Mandy Maguire get up to in private is your own business,

and I'm glad you're sensible enough to use protection, Ian,

but...

if you ever leave your bed in this state

thinking I'm gonna clear it up,

you've another bloody thing coming.

Shift that condom, and give Mandy Maguire her knickers back.

-What's he done now? -[Fiona] Mind your own business.

[groans] State of that bed! You scummy git.

-Sorry, Fiona. -[Fiona] You better be.

‘Cause I'm not getting married so I can babysit you lot for the rest of my life.

Strip that bed, and stick it on a boil wash!

[both giggle]

But you shift your leftovers.

-On your back. -Oh! Lip.

Plus, Mandy Maguire slipped me a note at school.

Said she wants a rematch.

Hey, be careful though.

Never not.

No, I mean you can't get caught if I'm not there.

Eugh, he wants to watch.

-No, I'm sayin-- -Dirty little deviant.

-Yeah, right. -Cheesy little homo

wanting to see how the carnivores do it.

[Lip and Ian laughing]

What is it?

Ey, I dunno, but thank God we killed it.

Come on, Mam!

[Steve] Come on, Carol, foot on the gas!

[Carol] Easier said than done in this.

[all cheering]

[Steve] Look at you!

[wolf-whistling and whooping]

[Fiona] Wish I was goin' now; love dressin' up.

What, an Agatha Christie honeymoon? What would I wear?

An axe in the back.

-Ay. -[Carol] Bye.

-See ya. -[Steve] See ya, Carol.

-[all] See ya, Carol! -[Debbie] See you Saturday, the wedding.

-See ya. -[all] See ya.

[Marty] Bye.

Say goodbye to Mummy.

Wave goodbye.

Bye bye, Mummy.

-Bye bye. -[Pepe whimpering]

[eerie music]

[Marty makes kiss noise] Come on.

Come on, Pepe, come on.

-Come on. -[Pepe whimpers]

Come on, that's it, come on.

Look, hey, come on.

Come on, who's a good boy? Lamb!

Come on, come on, that's it.

Good boy. Slaughter!

Come on.

Come to Marty.

Look what Marty's got for ya.

[suspenseful music]

[Pepe whimpers]

Are ya ready?

Go on, are ya ready?

Go on, yeah.

Sweet dreams!

[chuckling]

I'd recommend Barbados for honeymoon.

Oh, yeah?

Where did you stay?

Oh no, we haven't been.

I just recommend it.

In that case,

I recommend... Palestine.

I don't mean, Palestine, do I?

Where did Beverley go when she won the lottery?

-[Fiona tuts] Dubai. -[Veronica] Dubai!

[Marty] What?

[Veronica] Where you off?

-Just to a mate's. -[Veronica] Oh?

Requiem!

[Fiona coos]

He looks a bit lost without your mum, dun' he?

[Kev] Not lost enough.

-Has he got any mates? -No.

Anyway, Dubai, loved it.

Said it were like Blackpool with money.

Came back like a beetroot, with a bloke who made watches.

[all laugh]

[vet] It's just not something we can do to a healthy dog.

-It goes against everything that we-- -[Marty] Well, I wouldn't mind but...

when he bites, it's never that deep.

I mean most he's ever given anyone is seven stitches.

But, it's the noise. Noise! [barks]

There's been two attempts on his life by the neighbours.

So I presume, the police have intervened?

With a court order?

[whimpering]

Yeah.

-Okay. -[paper rustling]

Okay, get Mr. Fisher a cup of tea.

[Pepe whimpering]

[vet] Would you like to stay for the procedure?

You don't have to.

Yes, please.

[horn blaring]

Hey, how you doing Ol?

-Where's Tonto? -Tonsillitis!

Forty-two and tonsillitis!

You wouldn't even tell anybody, would ya?

I think Tonto made it up to avoid getting in the car with this dick

-dressed like Dracula. -Hey!

What's wrong with it?

Hey, you'd buy one of these for a one-er, wouldn't you, Steve?

Yeah, maybe if I got one to fit me a bit better than that, mate.

-Know what I mean? -[Mack laughs] Nice one.

All right, here we go. [grunts]

[bird wings flapping]

[clangs]

-Good work. -Good man, cheers.

[tyres screeching]

[siren wailing]

[Tony] Armed Police! Nobody move!

Not an inch or you're dead!

[Tony] Face down, on the ground, all of ya!

Face down or tits up.

-It's your call! -Get down!

[Steve] All right, all right.

Right, hands on your heads where I can see 'em!

[indistinct chatter on police radio]

Armed with what?

[metal clicking]

[Tony] One crack from this'll break yer arm, pal.

-Come on, I'm warning ya! -Yeah?

-Paper, rock, scissors! -Woah!

Mack! Fucking hell.

-[Steve] Calm down, everybody! -Back!

[Steve] Just calm down, mate.

Woah, easy. Where's that come from?

Insurance.

[indistinct TV noise]

Hi, this is Steve's phone.

I'm probably away from my desk, or on another line...

-We off? -...leave a message.

-[phone beeps] -Steve's not back yet.

Goody, goody, rum-rum.

Does he know the taxi's booked for eight?

Yeah, he booked it.

[gun cocks]

[tense music]

[Tony] This is the kind of life that you think Fiona deserves, eh, Steve?

[Mack] You know him!

[Stan] We could just walk out. We've seen nothing.

Like fuck you can!

[Steve] Come on, Ollie, look, time to put the gun down.

This is just silly, it's fuckin' stupid.

-[gun cocks] -For fuck's sake, Steve.

Just tell him put the gun down. This is fucking stupid, mate.

[Mack] How d'you know him?

He's an undercover.

Don't talk rubbish, mate.

-[thud] -[Steve grunts]

We've been nothin' but mates to you.

-We haven't shit on you once. -[Steve] Ollie, look, I promise you,

I did not know they were gonna be here.

-Tony, tell them! -Well, seeing as they are...

if you think you're walking out of here with the money and the gear...

[Steve] Ollie, we can sort this out, mate.

I'll wait for you outside.

And what am I supposed to do?

Steve won't mind you taking his car.

He won't be needing it.

[chuckles] Mack!

Mack, we can sort this out between us, all right?

Come on, mate, we can sort this out between the two of us.

Just put the gun down.

Ollie, don't you fucking do this!

[engine revs]

[tyres screeching]

Mack, put the gun down.

-Put the gun down! -[gunshot]

[tyres screech]

[engine revs]

[tyres screech]

[Stan] Jesus Christ.

Oh, Jesus.

[whimpering]

-[Stan whimpering] Jesus Christ. -You'd better disappear.

You're a fucking lunatic!

Yeah, none of this is your fault!

No, it's not my fucking fault!

D'you know what's gonna happen, Tony?

They're gonna think I set 'em up!

They're gonna come after me, and they're gonna kill me.

[sniffling]

They're gonna kill me, Tony.

Holy Mother Mary of God, pray for us sinners.

Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee...

[sighs] ...with Christ.

[Stan] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Stan sniffles]

[Tony] Call for help.

[Stan] Mayday. [Stan breathing heavily]

Mayday.

This is PC Stan Waterman.

Mayday.

Requiring urgent assistance

to the March Road Industrial Estate.

Say again, mayday, mayday.

This is PC Stan Waterman

requiring urgent assistance

to the March Road Industrial Estate.

Repeat, urgent assistance.

Well, just get 'ere, okay?

Vanish.

-Go on. -Where?

-Here. -[keys jingle]

Go on.

[engine revs]

[tyres screeching]

[tyres screeching]

[indistinct chatter on TV]

-[door opens] -[Pepe whimpers]

[muffled barking]

[laughs]

-[muffled barking] -[Marty laughs]

Money well spent.

[door opens]

-[Kev] No show? -[Veronica sighs]

[Veronica] Have you tried Steve's other house?

No, Veronica, the thought never occurred to me.

[muffled barking continues]

Yeah...

his tenants haven't seen him since Friday.

[Kev] What's wrong with the dog?

[Marty chuckling] He just wants letting out.

Yeah, but what's wrong with the dog?

[door closes]

I'm goin' to bed.

Tell 'im he'd better sleep down here when he turns up!

[imitates barking]

[muffled barking]

-[imitates barking] -[muffled barking]

[barks]

[Marty laughing]

[muffled barking continues]

[sirens wailing in distance]

He's poorly. How long's he been like this?

Just lost his voice.

Dog can't lose it's voice, Marty.

Can if you pay enough.

[barks]

You knew exactly what you were doing.

You set me up as a grass

so that I've got no option but to trust someone like you.

-I was just tryin' to help. -[Steve] Me?

How was that helping?

It's Fiona's best interests.

-Fuck off! -[Tony grunts]

One guy's dead, Tony.

The other's gonna come screaming down the M62,

with his mates, to take my fucking head off!

Look, you're safe.

Ollie Bibby got lifted before he even made it back to Liverpool.

[camera shutter snapping]

Oh aye, hard as nails until he realised it was a murder enquiry.

Now he's singing like a choirboy.

Naming all his mates for a plea bargain.

The drug squad are roundin' 'em all up.

So, I'm safe?

That's your debt cleared.

He thinks I set him up, Tony.

How's he not gonna name me?

They've issued a warrant for your arrest.

But at your old address.

They want us keeping our eyes peeled for him.

You brainless cunt.

Right, you've got me and Stan as witnesses.

We'll-- We'll-- we'll just say that

-you were nowhere near the incident. -Oh, well, that's just fine, innit?

What about the coke?

What?

Where's the coke?

That's Bibby's coke.

You said so.

That's evidence for the drug squad.

Without that, we'd never get a conviction.

Thanks to you,

my prints are all over those bags...

aren't they?

Unless you took time to clean every single last one of them...

just for my benefit.

[melancholy music plays]

[siren wailing in distance]

[dog barking in distance]

Oh, thank God.

Fiona.

Hey, what's this?

It's a-- It's just a favour from Tony.

Look-- I-- I... [takes a deep breath]

The police are after me.

Everyone is. Okay?

What have you done?

I can't stay here.

I've really messed this up, Fiona.

[clattering]

[Steve] Hey, mate.

Put your coat on.

-[Steve] Gotta run. -[Liam] Yep!

-[Debbie giggles and sobs] -[Carl] All right, Kev.

[Kev] All right you.

Yeah, look after your sister now. We'll drop you at the service station.

It's a white Renault mini bus. Ex-taxi.

-Where from though? -Brother-in-law, five an' half grand.

I didn't have time to beat him down.

[Veronica] I can't believe I'm seeing this.

Will you ring me when you get wherever?

-[Fiona] I promise. -Oh, God.

[Tony] We need to shift, otherwise someone's gonna wonder what we're doing.

[Steve] Right, everyone, coats on.

[indistinct chattering]

[Steve] Thank you, mate. All right?

[Lip] You doing?

[Ian] Nothing.

Not this.

Look, I wouldn't know what to do anywhere else.

[Steve] Ian...

I know this is all my fault but I'm really trying here.

I'm not blaming anybody.

I'm just not goin'.

But you can't stay here on your own.

I'm here. [barks]

[Tony] Come on, we can't hang about.

Lip!

We'll be fine.

[Steve] Lip, Lip, please.

Ian, come on.

Look, there-- nobody's saying this is forever

It's just a-- This is all my fuck up,

and I'm truly, truly sorry but come--

Debbie.

-[Liam] Ooft, ouch. -[Debbie] Come 'ere.

Come on, please!

Just get in the van!

Just get in the van.

None of 'em know how to cook.

Oh, my God.

[sobs] Oh, God.

[sobs]

[sobbing]

Oh, God.

[Fiona] Oh, my God. [sobs]

Fiona.

Fiona, I can't stay.

-[Fiona sobbing] -Hey.

I can't stay!

[sobs] Listen, I can't stay, darling.

Listen to me, it's not my fault!

Well, who's fault is it, eh?

It's not theirs.

It's not mine.

You stupid fucking idiot.

Why d'you need so much money?

Why does anybody need so much money?

[Fiona sobbing]

[Fiona sobbing]

-I'm still going. -[Marty laughs]

[Marty laughing]

What?

[Fiona sobbing]

I love you.

[crying]

[engine revs]

Fuck it.

[Kev] Hey, come on, his loss.

[Veronica] Come inside, sweetheart.

[sirens wailing in distance]

[dog barking]

[woman] Your son is charged with aggravated burglary...

-It wasn't me! -...and resisting arrest.

[grunting]

He's saying nothing 'til he sees a lawyer.

You took Ian and Carl on a burglary?

l go out for ten minutes,

and the whole house goes fucking ape!

Marty!

Best present anybody's ever bought me!

l swear to God! [laughs]

-Pepe! -[tyres screeching]

[thuds]

[birds tweeting]

[thuds]

[sirens in distance]

[barks]