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1
00:00:07,981 --> 00:00:10,141
[Frank] Now nobody's saying
the Chatsworth Estate
2
00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:13,541
is the Garden of Eden,
but it's been a good home to us,
3
00:00:13,621 --> 00:00:18,261
to me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of,
4
00:00:18,341 --> 00:00:22,061
'cause every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
5
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:22,980
[all gasp]
6
00:00:23,061 --> 00:00:26,061
[Frank] They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.
7
00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:27,780
-[Carl] Run! Run for it!
-[Lip] Quick, leg it!
8
00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,460
[Frank] Fiona, who's a massive help.
9
00:00:30,980 --> 00:00:35,021
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is
why nobody calls him Philip anymore.
10
00:00:35,461 --> 00:00:38,540
Ian, a lot like his mam,
which is handy for the others
11
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,381
'cause she's disappeared into thin air,
12
00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:42,860
and Carl, we daren't let him
grow his hair for two reasons.
13
00:00:42,940 --> 00:00:45,821
One, it stands on end
and makes him look like Toyah,
14
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:47,301
-two, nits love it.
-[screams]
15
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,781
[Frank] Debbie, sent by God.
Total angel.
16
00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:54,300
You've to check your change but she'll go
miles out of her way to do you a favour.
17
00:00:54,661 --> 00:00:57,181
Plus, Liam, gonna be a star,
18
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,501
once we've got the fits under control.
19
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:00,501
[screams]
20
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:05,661
[Frank] Steve, Fiona's boyfriend.
The truth is out there. Not!
21
00:01:06,381 --> 00:01:09,021
[Frank] Fantastic neighbours,
Kev and Veronica.
22
00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:11,181
Lend you anything. Well, not anything.
23
00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:15,060
But all of them to a man,
know first and foremost,
24
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:18,060
one of the most vital necessities
in this life,
25
00:01:18,181 --> 00:01:23,541
is they know how to throw
a party! [laughing] Scatter!
26
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,381
[Sheila] The thing I love most
about living with Frank,
27
00:01:28,461 --> 00:01:30,101
life's never short of surprises.
28
00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:33,381
Biggest, of course, the fact
he has three testicles.
29
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,461
And you're never short
of a giggle on a rainy day.
30
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:39,420
Next was, no matter how long Frank spent
with his own family,
31
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:42,741
he never seems to know for certain
how many of them there actually are.
32
00:01:44,661 --> 00:01:48,381
[overlapping loud chatter]
33
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,060
-[Frank groans]
-Frank? Frank.
34
00:01:53,021 --> 00:01:54,060
You smell that?
35
00:01:55,661 --> 00:01:56,500
What, me?
36
00:01:57,901 --> 00:01:59,181
-Is it me?
-Tuna.
37
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:00,940
No!
38
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:05,381
Tuna sandwiches.
39
00:02:05,461 --> 00:02:08,301
[portentous music]
40
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,341
Come at a bad time, Kev?
41
00:02:29,421 --> 00:02:31,861
Karen, you're freaking me out there,
no-one ever knocks on the back door
42
00:02:31,941 --> 00:02:33,581
unless it's trouble. Come in.
43
00:02:34,461 --> 00:02:36,581
Just moved into a flat on Pinder Street.
44
00:02:37,301 --> 00:02:39,581
I'm a bit stuck till I find someone
to share with me.
45
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,380
Well, I'm sorted here, obviously.
46
00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:46,141
Me mum said there might be
a job going in the Jockey.
47
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:49,100
Oh, barmaid, yeah. Part-time.
48
00:02:49,421 --> 00:02:50,901
Hey, but it's not for the faint-hearted.
49
00:02:51,941 --> 00:02:53,380
I just wondered if you'd, um...
50
00:02:54,581 --> 00:02:56,141
put a good word in for us, Kev.
51
00:02:56,621 --> 00:03:00,661
This T-shirt with this neck...
or a V-neck with more of a dip?
52
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,901
Bit of a dip, Veronica, definitely.
Couple of dips.
53
00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:05,221
Champion!
54
00:03:07,461 --> 00:03:08,461
Thanks, Conrad.
55
00:03:08,901 --> 00:03:11,380
You're an absolute angel, eh?
What are you?
56
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:12,820
A little angel.
57
00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:19,781
-Uh, meanwhile?
-Hi, Veronica.
58
00:03:19,861 --> 00:03:22,100
Just nipped around to see
if Kev'd give us a few tips,
59
00:03:22,181 --> 00:03:24,741
-you know the job at the Jockey?
-[Veronica] I've a few for you.
60
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,301
Get some conditioner
on that hair before you start a fire,
61
00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:29,700
and if you wanna lose some weight
try less make-up.
62
00:03:29,781 --> 00:03:30,781
I was only asking.
63
00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:32,661
Like I'm only telling. Now fuck off!
64
00:03:34,061 --> 00:03:35,181
-Cheers, Kev.
-All right.
65
00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,661
-[door closes]
-Why'd you have to be so nasty?
66
00:03:41,260 --> 00:03:43,901
Listen. She's not your friend.
67
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,221
Possession is nine-tenths
of the law.
68
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,861
-[boing]
-Jesus!
69
00:03:52,061 --> 00:03:54,540
[doorbell chimes]
70
00:03:57,501 --> 00:03:59,581
-[Neville] Sheila Jackson?
-Have I won?
71
00:03:59,661 --> 00:04:00,581
I'm sorry?
72
00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:03,741
I'll have to take the cash prize
option 'cause I'm a bit phobic
73
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,301
about having my photograph taken.
74
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:08,781
Uh, Neville Gallagher.
[chuckles] Frank's father.
75
00:04:09,621 --> 00:04:11,581
I hear I have two
new grandchildren.
76
00:04:11,661 --> 00:04:13,741
I'm sure Frank thinks you're dead!
77
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,901
Frank!
78
00:04:15,301 --> 00:04:17,500
Your dad's brought presents
for the kids!
79
00:04:18,381 --> 00:04:19,261
So he's not dead!
80
00:04:20,821 --> 00:04:22,060
Down when I can!
81
00:04:23,261 --> 00:04:25,261
Nigel and Delia.
82
00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:30,060
Am I to guess that you're a fan
of the raw ingredient, Sheila?
83
00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:31,500
Proper cooking? [chuckles]
84
00:04:31,821 --> 00:04:33,740
Oh, I'm absolutely fanatical about it.
85
00:04:34,461 --> 00:04:35,781
Aren't I, Frank?
86
00:04:42,301 --> 00:04:44,861
-Well, well. Hello, Frank.
-Dad.
87
00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:47,021
What about these two, then?
88
00:04:47,101 --> 00:04:49,101
Oh, little Nigel and little Delia!
89
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:50,581
[chuckles] Hey!
90
00:04:50,661 --> 00:04:52,940
They're like angels when they're sleeping.
91
00:04:53,021 --> 00:04:54,901
What's it like when they're
awake though, eh, Sheila?
92
00:04:54,981 --> 00:04:57,021
Mm? Helps out, does he?
93
00:04:57,101 --> 00:05:00,821
Oh, took 'em to the Jockey, for the quiz
on Tuesday, didn't you?
94
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,500
-[baby cooing]
-The pub?
95
00:05:03,461 --> 00:05:05,021
No, playgroup.
96
00:05:05,101 --> 00:05:07,821
Multicultural harmony and dozens of...
97
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,060
darkies and chinks and stuff, Dad.
98
00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:12,060
-[Sheila] ls it?
-[Neville] At least that's something.
99
00:05:12,541 --> 00:05:16,421
Aged 23, his mother was elected
councillor for Denton South.
100
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,701
She fought and won that campaign entirely
101
00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:22,021
on childcare for single parents.
102
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,180
My mum's completely doolally.
103
00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:27,861
-[Sheila chuckles nervously]
-Oh! Life's cruel, I'm sorry.
104
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:29,701
Oh, no, no, she's loving it.
105
00:05:29,781 --> 00:05:31,701
She thinks they've let her
stop paying the bills.
106
00:05:32,021 --> 00:05:33,380
-And they haven't?
-No.
107
00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:36,101
No, I'm taking care of all that
for her, which I love,
108
00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:37,581
because I'm very good with numbers.
109
00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:40,341
-Yeah! [chuckles]
-Oh dear, oh dear.
110
00:05:40,861 --> 00:05:42,940
Two new bairns, an upset mother,
111
00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:45,060
a house to look after.
112
00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:49,180
You'll be needing all the
support you can get, won't you?
113
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:51,180
Hey, what's for brekkie
before I go to work, Sheila?
114
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,021
You've got a job?
115
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:57,781
No, no-- but I've to slip
into Stretford to see
116
00:05:57,861 --> 00:05:59,661
Stevie Sullivan about that
second-in-charge
117
00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:02,261
-at Sampson's Sawmill.
-Is that right?
118
00:06:02,341 --> 00:06:04,620
Yeah, well, you've to look where you can
these days, haven't you, Dad?
119
00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:06,981
-Mouths to feed.
-[Frank] Absolutely.
120
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:09,740
-Eight now.
-I know! [chuckles]
121
00:06:10,221 --> 00:06:13,421
Actually, I'll-- I'll skip, uh,
brekkie, make an early start.
122
00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:15,301
It's nice-- nice to see you, Dad.
123
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:19,221
Look after yourself, eh.
124
00:06:37,581 --> 00:06:39,500
[kid crying]
125
00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:47,820
[Frank] Excuse me mate,
have you got the time?
126
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,060
[man] Five past eight.
127
00:06:56,261 --> 00:06:59,581
[plays harmonica]
128
00:07:08,901 --> 00:07:09,740
[thuds]
129
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:13,541
Sheila, love?
130
00:07:18,781 --> 00:07:19,661
Sheila?
131
00:07:21,101 --> 00:07:21,940
Sheila?
132
00:07:28,141 --> 00:07:29,620
How do you want your eggs, Neville?
133
00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:33,060
You're not epileptic?
134
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:34,701
-Since when?
-No.
135
00:07:35,461 --> 00:07:37,341
-Are you epileptic?
-[Sheila] Oh, God, no.
136
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:40,620
Nothing like that in our family,
Dad wouldn't have stood for it.
137
00:07:41,021 --> 00:07:42,301
How do you want your eggs, Neville?
138
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,620
No, no, no, you're going
back to bed. Grab an hour.
139
00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:45,940
I'll see to the kids.
140
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,861
-Oh, aren't you kind!
-No, you're too kind,
141
00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:51,141
shouldn't let people take advantage.
142
00:07:52,301 --> 00:07:54,101
That's what Frank's always telling me.
143
00:07:57,421 --> 00:07:58,341
ls that right?
144
00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:11,981
-[Kev] What you doing here?
-Got the job.
145
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,221
That's, uh, two pounds fifty, please.
146
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:16,461
What happened here?
147
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,781
[Jez] Silver lining on a very murky day.
148
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,461
Thanks for that, Kev.
149
00:08:21,260 --> 00:08:23,060
I thought you wanted a live-in
as the key holder?
150
00:08:23,581 --> 00:08:26,101
[Jez] She's a looker, she's homeless,
and she's no big drinker.
151
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:29,661
-Here's Frank.
-A pint and a couple of Es, Kev.
152
00:08:31,620 --> 00:08:33,021
Deliver us from evil
153
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,580
or grant us the certainty
of being caked enough
154
00:08:35,661 --> 00:08:38,381
to give not one iota of a fuck.
Amen.
155
00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:39,781
Thank you.
156
00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:47,501
How can you live in if you've
just moved into a flat?
157
00:08:47,741 --> 00:08:48,701
Just rented it out.
158
00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:50,581
Couple of young blokes over there.
159
00:08:51,021 --> 00:08:52,741
-When did this happen?
-Just now.
160
00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:55,661
You got a job, accommodation
and sublet in the time
161
00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,100
it took me to have a slash.
162
00:08:57,181 --> 00:08:58,980
Now you're making yourself
sound old, Kev.
163
00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:01,061
Stay awake, won't you.
164
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:04,021
Karen, we'll need a few more
tonics up the other end, love.
165
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:05,181
Coming right up.
166
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:19,821
How fab is she?
I can't believe it's not butter!
167
00:09:22,821 --> 00:09:25,061
[Sheila] They were my life.
You bastard!
168
00:09:25,141 --> 00:09:27,220
-[sobs]
-Just tell us exactly
169
00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:29,100
where the kiddies were
when you last saw 'em.
170
00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:30,980
[cries] They were there.
They were there.
171
00:09:31,061 --> 00:09:32,460
What, and you went back to bed?
172
00:09:32,980 --> 00:09:34,141
Only for an hour.
173
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,901
Leave the kids down here
for an hour. I mean, would you?
174
00:09:37,941 --> 00:09:39,821
I wouldn't, would I? I wouldn't.
175
00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:41,860
Maybe I left them in the spare room.
176
00:09:42,821 --> 00:09:44,661
No, we've gone right round
the house, Sheila.
177
00:09:44,741 --> 00:09:48,021
Oh, God, oh, God.
Where are they? Where are they?
178
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:50,941
[panting]
179
00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:52,301
[door opens]
180
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:55,220
-[Sheila sighs in relief]
-[Stan] Who are you?
181
00:09:56,181 --> 00:09:58,340
Neville Gallagher, their grandpa.
We--
182
00:09:58,421 --> 00:10:00,261
we've just been for a stroll
down the shops.
183
00:10:00,781 --> 00:10:05,501
Oh, Neville, I'm so sorry.
I thought I'd dreamt you.
184
00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:09,421
Oh, oh, my babies. My lovely,
185
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:14,261
darling babies. I thought
I'd lost you, my darlings.
186
00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:17,261
Oh, I'm so sorry. [chuckles]
187
00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:19,701
Sheila, forget it. Honestly.
As long as the kids are okay.
188
00:10:20,061 --> 00:10:21,381
But you've all rushed round here.
189
00:10:21,901 --> 00:10:23,340
Called out the dogs and stuff.
190
00:10:24,301 --> 00:10:25,781
No, as long as they're safe, Sheila.
191
00:10:26,821 --> 00:10:28,661
Right, we'll, uh, leave you to it then.
192
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,381
Yeah, wish all these kind
of call outs ended up like this.
193
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:34,661
Most of them don't, believe me.
Most of them can be pretty gruesome.
194
00:10:35,021 --> 00:10:36,941
-Even last week we had a--
-All right, all right.
195
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:40,421
-Can I pay for your petrol?
-No, don't be daft.
196
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:42,741
Would you like a vodka?
197
00:10:45,421 --> 00:10:47,860
-No, we'll leave you to it.
-Thank you, Gentlemen.
198
00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:51,741
[Sheila] Don't let Frank know about this.
199
00:10:53,381 --> 00:10:55,661
The faster she gets sectioned,
the sooner we can all retire.
200
00:10:56,181 --> 00:10:58,501
Did you see the size
of the dildos under the bed?
201
00:10:58,581 --> 00:11:00,220
I know, no wonder
she can't see straight.
202
00:11:00,301 --> 00:11:01,541
[music playing quietly]
203
00:11:03,141 --> 00:11:03,980
Hiya.
204
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,141
-What are you doing here?
-What can I get you?
205
00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:11,621
-Kev.
-Nipped out.
206
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,821
-Did he leave my house keys?
-He did, yeah.
207
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,220
Well, can I have them?
208
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,980
If I could remember where he'd put them.
209
00:11:18,381 --> 00:11:19,821
-You haven't even looked.
-[Karen] No,
210
00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:21,821
and I'm not going to,
not the way you talk to me.
211
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:26,340
Karen, give me the keys,
unless you want a twatting.
212
00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:29,821
-"Keys, please, Karen."
-[chuckles]
213
00:11:30,381 --> 00:11:31,541
-Fuck off!
-You bitch!
214
00:11:31,621 --> 00:11:36,181
[both scream]
215
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:37,621
Right, you, out! You're barred!
216
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:39,301
You can't bar me.
Me husband works here.
217
00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:41,421
Maybe he won't if you can't
behave yourself.
218
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,581
Sorry, Jez, won't happen again.
219
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,781
-Cross my heart and hope to die.
-[camera shutter snaps]
220
00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:51,141
Three weeks suspension
or twenty-one quid cash.
221
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:52,740
And no milk tokens.
222
00:11:52,821 --> 00:11:56,100
["One Love" by the Stone Roses playing
on jukebox]
223
00:11:56,181 --> 00:12:00,141
♪ ...And sink to the depths
of your soul ♪
224
00:12:02,541 --> 00:12:07,100
♪ One love
We don't need another love ♪
225
00:12:07,181 --> 00:12:09,781
♪ One love
One heart and one soul ♪
226
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:11,181
Whoo!
227
00:12:11,421 --> 00:12:13,460
♪ We can have it all ♪
228
00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:15,621
Well, of course, baby!
229
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,740
♪ Easy peasy ♪
230
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:20,821
You.
231
00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:22,501
Home.
232
00:12:23,541 --> 00:12:24,381
Now.
233
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,541
Carl, you're tidying the room
when we get in as well.
234
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,141
-Yeah.
-[all laugh]
235
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:42,460
[knocking on door]
236
00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:46,980
[knocking on door]
237
00:12:53,261 --> 00:12:55,141
-Ta-da.
-Grandad!
238
00:12:55,301 --> 00:12:56,541
[all cheering]
239
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,141
-[laughs]
-[laughs] Hello, lads!
240
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:01,501
-Oh, cheeky chops.
-[all laugh]
241
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,860
[Neville] Oh, no,
you're never too big for that.
242
00:13:03,941 --> 00:13:05,661
[all laugh]
243
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,541
-[Lip] You look fantastic!
-Come here, you.
244
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,421
-[Ian] You all right, Grandad?
-Yeah, not bad for a dead man, eh?
245
00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:11,421
[Ian] What?
246
00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:13,980
Little joke of your dad's apparently.
247
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:17,620
Not much,
but it's been thought through.
248
00:13:19,141 --> 00:13:22,701
Spending the winter in Benidorm is
the only time to see it like it really is.
249
00:13:23,141 --> 00:13:24,740
When you're not treated like a tourist.
250
00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:27,661
-[Lip] Oh, thanks.
-[Neville] Here you go. Now...
251
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,181
all of these-- all of these...
252
00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:37,021
were actually made by good,
honest artisanese, yeah.
253
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:38,941
Locals, working with their hands.
254
00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:41,860
-Artisan?
-What you up to here then?
255
00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:43,781
Steve and Fiona's house.
256
00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:46,421
We normally have to ask
permission to go round there
257
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:48,821
-but you're allowed, definitely.
-[Lip] Yeah.
258
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,620
They've knocked through
to next door.
259
00:13:53,061 --> 00:13:53,901
Oh!
260
00:13:57,701 --> 00:14:00,021
-Here we go, Grandad.
-[Neville] Good lad.
261
00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:06,100
-Here you go, Gran--
-[Neville] Oh, now you're spoiling me.
262
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:07,781
[chuckles]
263
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,021
Grandad,
264
00:14:10,541 --> 00:14:13,021
-brown sauce.
-Ah, mug of tea,
265
00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:16,421
pint of lager
and a bacon sarnie.
266
00:14:16,821 --> 00:14:18,941
-I could still be in Spain.
-[chuckles]
267
00:14:19,021 --> 00:14:20,021
[Debbie] Quick, Fiona!
268
00:14:21,901 --> 00:14:23,061
Ah!
269
00:14:24,261 --> 00:14:25,620
-What?
-Hiya.
270
00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:27,220
Fuck have I told you lot
about coming round
271
00:14:27,381 --> 00:14:29,941
-this side 'til it's finished?
-[Neville] Language, language.
272
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,901
[Fiona exclaims, laughs]
273
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,421
-When did you get back?
-Yesterday.
274
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,901
[both moan]
275
00:14:38,980 --> 00:14:41,860
-Granddad, this is Steve.
-Hi, I've--
276
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:44,701
-I've heard a lot about you.
-You're a very lucky lad.
277
00:14:45,181 --> 00:14:46,941
Yeah, that's what it feels
like most days.
278
00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:48,220
I'm serious.
279
00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:50,220
If he stays there much longer,
he's gonna drive
280
00:14:50,301 --> 00:14:51,821
that Sheila round the bleeding bend.
281
00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:53,821
Yeah, but we don't want him back.
282
00:14:53,901 --> 00:14:55,581
All I'm saying is what you need to do
283
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:58,821
is to make sure she gets
some kind of respite.
284
00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:00,261
I mean, she's not a well woman.
285
00:15:01,141 --> 00:15:03,220
-She's happy enough.
-Yeah, I know,
286
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:06,381
but as a favour to me you'd
make an effort, wouldn't you?
287
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:11,541
Fair do's Neville, myself
and Fiona have got enough
288
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,620
around here to worry about
289
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:14,980
without having to think about
Frank and Sheila, all right?
290
00:15:17,421 --> 00:15:18,500
No offence, son...
291
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:21,021
this is a family conversation.
292
00:15:27,141 --> 00:15:28,740
Fine. [chuckles] Like what?
293
00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:33,181
Sheila needs a babysitter
for tonight.
294
00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:34,781
I'll do it.
295
00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:36,421
Older than you.
296
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:38,620
I suppose I could do a few hours.
297
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,100
[Neville] Older than you.
298
00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:43,740
Okay.
299
00:15:45,261 --> 00:15:48,061
You stay in.
Me and Steve will go and sit.
300
00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:50,541
Cool, how long is Sheila gonna be?
301
00:15:51,541 --> 00:15:53,581
Well, depends...
302
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,701
depends where our Frank takes us
for a meal.
303
00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:01,941
[Kev] You can't barge in there
nutting people.
304
00:16:02,021 --> 00:16:03,620
-Well, not women anyway.
-I can.
305
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,581
And I'll do it again
if she talks to me like that,
306
00:16:05,661 --> 00:16:07,380
-the spoon-faced bitch.
-Veronica,
307
00:16:08,021 --> 00:16:10,740
I'm as surprised as you are,
but I didn't get her the job.
308
00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:13,980
You lying fuck!
I watch you sniffing round her.
309
00:16:14,301 --> 00:16:16,220
If I catch you within an inch of that
310
00:16:16,661 --> 00:16:20,421
two faced, pan faced, magpie,
I'll cut your lumpy little dick off.
311
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,141
-I didn't get her the job.
-Yeah, well, I'm barred now!
312
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,500
Well, not if you pay the fine.
313
00:16:24,581 --> 00:16:27,581
Like fuck I'm paying a fine!
That's my local!
314
00:16:27,661 --> 00:16:30,541
She's on my patch.
Get rid of her.
315
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,581
Veronica, be reasonable.
316
00:16:32,661 --> 00:16:36,821
I want that twisted little bitch's head
on a big fucking stick!
317
00:16:39,701 --> 00:16:42,100
[Sheila] Frank. Frank!
318
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,941
My God, what's happened to you?
319
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,661
Gas board van reversed into us.
320
00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:54,141
Oh, not again.
321
00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:58,421
[breathes deeply]
I'm doing fishcakes...
322
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,860
and I've forgotten, do you like
them with or without the fish?
323
00:17:02,581 --> 00:17:03,980
We're going out for a meal.
324
00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:06,541
What do you mean?
325
00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:11,100
We're going out for a meal.
326
00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:13,821
[whimpers] I can't--
327
00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:18,301
I can't eat in front
of other people, Frank.
328
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:23,140
It's not my idea,
and it's not other people.
329
00:17:25,940 --> 00:17:27,781
It's just me...
330
00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:30,461
just me and me dad.
331
00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:34,461
[Sheila exhales deeply]
332
00:17:35,861 --> 00:17:37,541
I could wear that dress
I bought online
333
00:17:38,221 --> 00:17:39,341
for the millennium.
334
00:17:40,741 --> 00:17:41,660
[sighs]
335
00:17:42,940 --> 00:17:45,381
[distorted voice] Your mother was one
of the finest trade unionists
336
00:17:45,461 --> 00:17:46,301
that ever lived.
337
00:17:46,861 --> 00:17:50,781
She wiped the floor with Vic Feather
and he thought he was somebody.
338
00:17:51,981 --> 00:17:53,461
She worshipped you
339
00:17:53,541 --> 00:17:57,021
and made the most pathetic
excuses for you.
340
00:17:57,261 --> 00:17:59,501
I didn't realise you weren't autistic,
341
00:18:00,021 --> 00:18:02,420
until you called me a cunt
342
00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:05,660
in suspiciously fitting circumstances.
343
00:18:15,221 --> 00:18:17,381
[Veronica] Oi. Down here
when you're ready.
344
00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:19,621
Here.
345
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:24,341
Fuck's sake,
346
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:26,741
she'll bar you permanently
if she sees you.
347
00:18:26,821 --> 00:18:28,061
So she won't.
348
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:34,341
-Yes, ladies?
-Oh, we're sorted, thanks love.
349
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:36,180
-[Karen] All right.
-Spoon-faced slapper!
350
00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:37,141
What did he just say?
351
00:18:37,781 --> 00:18:40,341
He said it's his birthday
and he's never felt happier.
352
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,021
Gallagher. For three.
353
00:19:06,381 --> 00:19:07,301
Excuse me.
354
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,700
I mentioned on the phone
that we'd eat absolutely anything,
355
00:19:11,301 --> 00:19:13,461
but ideally, I'd like a prune
and vodka sorbet
356
00:19:14,101 --> 00:19:16,381
with a custard on a side plate
for pudding.
357
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:19,981
If you do one at all. Thank you.
358
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:36,341
[indistinct chatter]
359
00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:39,741
[Veronica] She's getting all Kev's tips.
360
00:19:39,821 --> 00:19:41,621
Give over. It's only coppers.
361
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:43,461
Yeah, twenty-five quid a week
in coppers
362
00:19:43,541 --> 00:19:45,101
and she's only been here a fucking day.
363
00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,501
[Carol] Keep your voice down
or you won't last long enough
364
00:19:47,581 --> 00:19:48,660
to finish your drink.
365
00:19:56,541 --> 00:19:57,581
[Karen] Shit!
366
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,021
Oh, merci.
367
00:20:02,741 --> 00:20:06,141
Merci, merci. Excuse me.
368
00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:13,660
[indistinct chatter]
369
00:20:16,541 --> 00:20:18,501
[Sheila sighs]
370
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,700
[clattering]
371
00:20:26,461 --> 00:20:28,381
[Sheila exclaims] Oh!
372
00:20:28,981 --> 00:20:30,501
Very good lamb, isn't it, Neville?
373
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,261
Cooked by a man who knows
the landscape, Sheila.
374
00:20:33,341 --> 00:20:34,221
[chuckles]
375
00:20:34,660 --> 00:20:37,461
Rosemary, mint, oh, and...
376
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:38,741
[Sheila] Um...
377
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:40,741
port, I think.
378
00:20:41,981 --> 00:20:43,461
-Correct.
-[Sheila] Ah, thank you.
379
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:46,180
When I bought this dress,
380
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,581
I never imagined it would see
the light of day.
381
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,221
Fortnight back it was nearly cushions.
382
00:20:51,781 --> 00:20:53,981
-[sighs] So I'm thrilled!
-Yeah, whatever,
383
00:20:54,061 --> 00:20:56,180
I just don't see the point
of paying for food.
384
00:20:56,261 --> 00:20:58,180
[Neville] It's not for you.
It's a gift for the lady wife
385
00:20:58,261 --> 00:21:00,061
for all the hard work she puts in.
386
00:21:01,021 --> 00:21:03,501
Point is, you are paying for it.
387
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,341
-Mine or yours?
-All three.
388
00:21:08,660 --> 00:21:10,700
To celebrate the fact you start work
next week.
389
00:21:10,781 --> 00:21:13,141
-As what?
-We'll have to wait and see,
390
00:21:13,621 --> 00:21:14,461
won't we?
391
00:21:17,781 --> 00:21:20,021
[sirens blaring]
392
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:23,261
♪ How much is that slapper
in the bike shed ♪
393
00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:26,541
♪ The one with the arse
like a whale ♪
394
00:21:27,021 --> 00:21:29,741
♪ They reckon she sucks
and she swallows ♪
395
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:31,741
-♪ And her name is Abigail ♪
-Dick head!
396
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:34,541
[Frank] How's it hanging Abi, eh?
Chubby chops.
397
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:36,221
Chubby salty chops--
398
00:21:37,261 --> 00:21:38,101
[man screams]
399
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,541
[man groans]
400
00:21:42,341 --> 00:21:44,700
[man] Who let you off your fucking lead?
You...
401
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:49,101
[indistinct clamouring]
402
00:21:57,660 --> 00:21:59,021
-All right, Jed.
-All right, Frank.
403
00:22:14,101 --> 00:22:15,061
So, how many hours?
404
00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:18,981
Uh, four just the first day,
break us in.
405
00:22:19,061 --> 00:22:20,101
-All right.
-How many houses?
406
00:22:20,741 --> 00:22:24,341
[Frank] Ten, fifteen.
Big houses, Sandown Cross.
407
00:22:25,141 --> 00:22:26,180
Totally knackering.
408
00:22:27,301 --> 00:22:28,741
Feel me arm, it's got new muscles.
409
00:22:28,821 --> 00:22:29,700
[Sheila chuckles]
410
00:22:30,021 --> 00:22:31,501
You're completely different, Frank.
411
00:22:32,420 --> 00:22:33,821
Well, it's been an eye opener.
412
00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:36,381
-Gaffer reckons I'm a natural.
-See.
413
00:22:37,180 --> 00:22:39,460
How much better do you feel
for an honest day?
414
00:22:39,541 --> 00:22:41,101
[Frank] Yeah, yeah, you're right, Dad.
415
00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:43,900
I got blood going everywhere.
Fingers, toes.
416
00:22:44,741 --> 00:22:47,621
I could seriously get to like it.
417
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,061
[Neville] What did I tell you, hmm?
418
00:22:49,381 --> 00:22:51,581
Wake the dead.
I said I was determined.
419
00:22:52,420 --> 00:22:56,381
So, how can you do a round
if you haven't got a van?
420
00:22:58,021 --> 00:23:00,981
Gaffer picks us all up
in the morning and then drops us
421
00:23:01,061 --> 00:23:04,660
at various sites up and down
and then, um...
422
00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:09,021
you know, we, uh, we all meet
for a fry up at midday.
423
00:23:09,341 --> 00:23:11,460
Hey, great lads,
cracking banter.
424
00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:13,341
I think they can't believe
their luck 'cause, you know,
425
00:23:13,420 --> 00:23:15,581
I get on with all of them, straight off.
426
00:23:15,981 --> 00:23:17,621
Band of brothers. [chuckles]
427
00:23:17,861 --> 00:23:20,301
Well, why doesn't he just keep the ladders
and stuff in the van?
428
00:23:20,940 --> 00:23:23,541
Kid, will you just-- just
fuck off and leave us alone.
429
00:23:24,061 --> 00:23:26,221
Just-- you know,
I just can't fucking,
430
00:23:26,541 --> 00:23:28,021
um, think here now.
431
00:23:29,061 --> 00:23:30,541
-He's exhausted.
-Uh-- yeah.
432
00:23:31,101 --> 00:23:32,621
[Sheila] Let's get you home and fed.
433
00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:35,021
Well, look after yourself, Dad,
and don't leave it
434
00:23:35,101 --> 00:23:37,101
so long next time, otherwise
none of us'll recognise you.
435
00:23:37,460 --> 00:23:39,301
-[chuckles]
-[Neville chuckles] No,
436
00:23:39,621 --> 00:23:42,341
looks as if I'll be in your hair
for a while longer.
437
00:23:43,821 --> 00:23:45,541
I've offered Neville our Karen's room
438
00:23:45,621 --> 00:23:46,781
while his flat's being painted.
439
00:23:47,621 --> 00:23:49,261
And very kind you are too.
440
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:55,541
And, um, he's bringing round all
his photo albums
441
00:23:55,621 --> 00:23:56,460
to show the twins.
442
00:23:57,741 --> 00:23:59,541
I'm bidding for a photocopier
on eBay...
443
00:24:00,261 --> 00:24:02,781
which closes in half an hour
so I'd better get a move on.
444
00:24:06,101 --> 00:24:07,261
How-- how long for?
445
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:10,261
Only a week or so, from Tuesday.
446
00:24:10,581 --> 00:24:12,541
Except you know what the council's like.
447
00:24:13,940 --> 00:24:15,660
Think of a number and double it.
448
00:24:17,501 --> 00:24:19,501
Fine. I'm just...
449
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,981
[sobs]
450
00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:26,981
[sobbing]
451
00:24:30,301 --> 00:24:32,700
-[knocking]
-[Frank sobs, sniffles]
452
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:36,501
[wails]
453
00:24:37,061 --> 00:24:38,981
You're gonna need a bit of help
with this one, aren't you?
454
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:46,021
[sobs]
455
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:50,021
[snorts]
456
00:24:53,581 --> 00:24:54,940
[indistinct chatter]
457
00:24:56,821 --> 00:24:58,460
There's a barrel that wants changing, Kev.
458
00:25:07,581 --> 00:25:09,900
Don't spend too long talking to the lads.
459
00:25:12,061 --> 00:25:13,061
Which lads?
460
00:25:15,621 --> 00:25:16,460
Any lads.
461
00:25:20,381 --> 00:25:22,101
-Yes, love?
-[man] Pint of bitter, please.
462
00:25:22,700 --> 00:25:24,341
[Marty] Veronica, you look ridic--
463
00:25:24,420 --> 00:25:27,660
-Dirty old bastard!
-Shh, don't use her name.
464
00:25:27,981 --> 00:25:29,061
Sorry. She's here!
465
00:25:30,501 --> 00:25:32,700
Hey, I've just realised
who you remind me of.
466
00:25:33,021 --> 00:25:35,621
Remember that bloke on the way
to school with the rucksack.
467
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:37,381
When we got level, he used
to get his knob out.
468
00:25:37,660 --> 00:25:41,341
[Veronica laughs]
469
00:25:41,581 --> 00:25:44,821
Right, Veronica, last warning.
Let's have you.
470
00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:50,861
[camera shutter snaps]
471
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,141
[Jez] Fuckin' barred!
472
00:26:03,460 --> 00:26:04,981
[Fiona] Just a bit of a temperature
473
00:26:05,061 --> 00:26:06,861
and she says she's feeling
a bit queasy.
474
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:09,781
Aw. Ooh, God, you're burning up.
475
00:26:09,981 --> 00:26:12,141
Shops aren't open yet.
Have you got any aspirin?
476
00:26:12,220 --> 00:26:15,021
No, I don't think so,
but as luck would have it,
477
00:26:15,381 --> 00:26:17,101
I made a martini sorbet yesterday.
478
00:26:17,180 --> 00:26:18,621
[Neville] Oh, I'm sorry,
479
00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:21,261
I think I might have polished
that off last night. [chuckles]
480
00:26:21,341 --> 00:26:23,220
[man on TV] ...Fighting going on
down here today.
481
00:26:23,301 --> 00:26:25,581
[man on TV speaking indistinctly]
482
00:26:26,021 --> 00:26:27,940
[slurps]
483
00:26:31,581 --> 00:26:32,541
Aw, she's not well.
484
00:26:34,301 --> 00:26:35,781
Can I walk to work with you, Dad?
485
00:26:36,101 --> 00:26:36,940
[Frank] No!
486
00:26:37,581 --> 00:26:38,621
What?
487
00:26:39,700 --> 00:26:42,460
Oh, yeah. What? Yeah, all right, yeah.
488
00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:44,180
Wave me off, yeah, okay.
489
00:26:49,381 --> 00:26:50,581
He's still there.
490
00:26:53,741 --> 00:26:54,861
He's watching us.
491
00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:56,621
Just trust me.
492
00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:59,501
If he finds out, he'll fucking have us.
493
00:26:59,581 --> 00:27:01,381
Well, stop looking so obvious
and he never will.
494
00:27:03,101 --> 00:27:05,501
Talk to him. Talk to him.
495
00:27:09,141 --> 00:27:10,061
[Frank] Hello, mate.
496
00:27:10,821 --> 00:27:13,660
[talks gibberish]
497
00:27:16,821 --> 00:27:18,141
Ey? Oh, aye, aye, aye.
498
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:19,741
[laughs loudly]
499
00:27:24,021 --> 00:27:25,021
There now go. Go, quick.
500
00:27:38,021 --> 00:27:38,981
Hmm.
501
00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:49,220
[indistinct chatter]
502
00:27:56,061 --> 00:27:58,180
People are complaining
about your ladders out the back.
503
00:27:58,261 --> 00:27:59,220
Tell them they can have them.
504
00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:01,061
When's the meat and potato pie ready?
505
00:28:01,141 --> 00:28:02,301
Can you afford it?
506
00:28:03,180 --> 00:28:04,621
Our Debbie's subbed us.
507
00:28:04,981 --> 00:28:08,261
How long do you think you can camp
out here without getting arthritis?
508
00:28:08,341 --> 00:28:11,781
Six nights and seven more days.
I can't get shot of him.
509
00:28:11,861 --> 00:28:13,180
Well, wouldn't it be easier right,
510
00:28:13,261 --> 00:28:15,821
to actually get a job
until your dad's gone?
511
00:28:22,141 --> 00:28:24,061
I'll bring the pie over
when it's ready.
512
00:28:24,141 --> 00:28:25,900
With the right change.
513
00:28:32,621 --> 00:28:34,781
[electrical buzzing]
514
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:39,980
-What time is it?
-[Sheila] Half past seven.
515
00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:43,180
But look at this...
516
00:28:43,940 --> 00:28:46,021
a picture of your mother
when she first worked
517
00:28:46,101 --> 00:28:47,301
as a clippie on the buses.
518
00:28:47,381 --> 00:28:48,700
[sighs]
519
00:28:50,581 --> 00:28:51,980
That could be you in a skirt.
520
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:57,621
How much do you look like her?
521
00:28:58,501 --> 00:29:00,940
[Neville] Wakey, wakey working man.
522
00:29:01,021 --> 00:29:02,621
-Oh.
-[Neville] Get the bread home
523
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:03,980
as soon as you can.
524
00:29:09,141 --> 00:29:10,541
[toilet flushing]
525
00:29:11,861 --> 00:29:15,420
Fuel for the worker! Workers.
526
00:29:15,781 --> 00:29:18,541
Because all mothers are workers
and that's a fact.
527
00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:23,900
[chuckles] Formally acknowledged in
the TUC Women's Charter of 1983...
528
00:29:24,980 --> 00:29:26,541
-et cetera.
-[chuckles]
529
00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:29,101
Anyway. Thank you for the tea.
530
00:29:40,061 --> 00:29:40,900
[door closes]
531
00:29:44,101 --> 00:29:45,021
Oh, my God!
532
00:29:45,460 --> 00:29:46,980
Are you sure you don't want me
in there with you?
533
00:29:47,061 --> 00:29:48,660
Oh, give over,
you'd only be in the way.
534
00:29:48,741 --> 00:29:49,940
Put your feet up, take your tablets.
535
00:29:50,460 --> 00:29:52,341
I think I'd better. [whimpers]
536
00:29:54,341 --> 00:29:55,541
Come on, come on.
537
00:29:55,980 --> 00:29:58,220
I've got a test today.
I'd better be off to school.
538
00:29:58,420 --> 00:29:59,980
Fuck's sake,
don't let him see you.
539
00:30:00,061 --> 00:30:01,621
Have you got that tenner
I borrowed you?
540
00:30:01,821 --> 00:30:03,700
Hey, have I fuck. I'll pay you Friday.
541
00:30:03,781 --> 00:30:04,621
[door opens]
542
00:30:11,101 --> 00:30:12,940
They're still being breastfed,
aren't they?
543
00:30:13,381 --> 00:30:14,341
I know!
544
00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:16,741
But they can look, can't they?
545
00:30:17,460 --> 00:30:20,141
Uh, I'll get that washing up done
before I shoot off to work.
546
00:30:21,141 --> 00:30:22,381
See you. See you, Dad!
547
00:30:59,261 --> 00:31:04,581
[footsteps approaching]
548
00:31:07,341 --> 00:31:09,460
Nothing better to do.
I thought I'd give you
549
00:31:09,541 --> 00:31:12,141
and the, uh, lads a hand.
550
00:31:12,501 --> 00:31:15,741
No! Yeah, yeah. No-- um, no.
551
00:31:16,700 --> 00:31:18,381
They just want me down
this side today.
552
00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:20,420
That's just kind of uh,
553
00:31:20,741 --> 00:31:22,541
uh, kind of a promo--
promotion...
554
00:31:23,460 --> 00:31:24,980
for me. Bit nearer home,
Dad, you know.
555
00:31:25,581 --> 00:31:27,621
-So soon? [chuckles]
-Yeah, yeah.
556
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,261
-Congratulations.
-Thanks, yeah.
557
00:31:31,220 --> 00:31:33,900
Right! Let's get tucked in then.
558
00:31:38,460 --> 00:31:39,621
Fuck are you up to?
559
00:31:40,021 --> 00:31:42,660
Well, I'm doing your windows,
Lillian, love.
560
00:31:43,141 --> 00:31:45,180
Here, here, just help us out.
561
00:31:45,541 --> 00:31:46,940
Right, let's just-- let it ride.
562
00:31:47,220 --> 00:31:48,900
[Lillian] Bugger off,
I know your game.
563
00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:52,180
We lost two tellies
and a PlayStation last month,
564
00:31:52,261 --> 00:31:54,021
and I can't get insurance anymore.
565
00:31:54,301 --> 00:31:57,621
-I'm gonna phone the police.
-Lillian, love, don't-- Oh!
566
00:31:57,900 --> 00:31:58,781
[clattering]
567
00:31:59,381 --> 00:32:00,700
[mouths] I've phoned 'em.
568
00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:03,781
Hey, hey, hey, fuck's sake.
569
00:32:03,861 --> 00:32:05,541
My stomach's
doing somersaults here.
570
00:32:05,740 --> 00:32:11,141
You filthy, scummy,
bone idle little shite.
571
00:32:12,261 --> 00:32:13,101
[clattering]
572
00:32:13,180 --> 00:32:16,341
Hey, come on, now cut--
cut it-- cut it out, Dad.
573
00:32:17,141 --> 00:32:18,821
Fucking-- you'll break me neck here.
574
00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:22,980
Two minutes after you were born,
they let me cut the cord.
575
00:32:23,940 --> 00:32:26,061
One of the proudest moments
of my life.
576
00:32:26,900 --> 00:32:29,781
If I'd know what a fucking
heretic you'd be,
577
00:32:29,861 --> 00:32:32,381
I'd have let you bleed to death
right there.
578
00:32:32,460 --> 00:32:33,940
-[clattering]
-Dad!
579
00:32:35,581 --> 00:32:36,940
And when your mother died,
580
00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:40,381
she made me promise
that I'd take care of you,
581
00:32:40,861 --> 00:32:43,141
-so I will.
-[clattering]
582
00:32:43,341 --> 00:32:45,141
[Frank] Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!
583
00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:46,781
You killed her.
584
00:32:47,621 --> 00:32:48,940
She's up there now...
585
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,621
cursing her own fucking womb
586
00:32:52,940 --> 00:32:55,900
with good men and women all
standing beside her and going...
587
00:32:55,980 --> 00:32:57,301
[clattering]
588
00:32:57,381 --> 00:32:58,581
[gasps]
589
00:33:08,341 --> 00:33:09,180
[chuckles]
590
00:33:10,621 --> 00:33:12,781
[Neville groaning]
591
00:33:15,381 --> 00:33:18,180
[continues groaning]
592
00:33:19,821 --> 00:33:20,821
[groans]
593
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:23,460
[Frank mumbles]
594
00:33:27,261 --> 00:33:28,101
[phone beeps]
595
00:33:28,460 --> 00:33:30,101
You're still pay-as-you-go!
596
00:33:31,740 --> 00:33:32,581
Meaning...
597
00:33:34,141 --> 00:33:35,821
no pay, no go.
598
00:33:37,900 --> 00:33:39,220
You're out of credit.
599
00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:41,740
[laughing]
600
00:33:45,021 --> 00:33:45,861
You...
601
00:33:47,940 --> 00:33:51,101
you vicious, mean...
602
00:33:52,581 --> 00:33:55,141
up your own arse old man.
603
00:33:57,301 --> 00:33:58,660
And them's not my words.
604
00:33:59,420 --> 00:34:01,460
No, that-- that's what me mam
used to call you.
605
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:04,101
Yeah! [chuckles] Yeah!
606
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:07,460
Yeah, other things that used
to make us both smile
607
00:34:07,541 --> 00:34:11,381
were sanctimonious old goat
and devious old cunt.
608
00:34:16,581 --> 00:34:20,660
'Cause she knew...
she was better than you!
609
00:34:22,061 --> 00:34:24,101
So did everybody in the TUC.
610
00:34:25,180 --> 00:34:28,300
Three years younger and
she was flying way beyond you...
611
00:34:29,461 --> 00:34:31,860
which is the only reason you got...
612
00:34:33,621 --> 00:34:35,501
that you got her pregnant!
613
00:34:37,981 --> 00:34:41,381
And that's the only reason
you smiled when I was born.
614
00:34:42,901 --> 00:34:45,220
[crying] 'Cause you,
'cause you--
615
00:34:45,421 --> 00:34:47,621
you knew you'd slowed her down.
616
00:34:52,780 --> 00:34:55,180
[laughs]
617
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,461
You know my only promise
to my mam before she died...
618
00:34:59,621 --> 00:35:00,461
eh?
619
00:35:01,381 --> 00:35:03,300
Eh? I'd have you cremated...
620
00:35:04,941 --> 00:35:07,221
'cause she knew how much
you wanted to be buried
621
00:35:07,300 --> 00:35:10,501
for us all to blub over,
then I'd bury your ashes
622
00:35:10,581 --> 00:35:13,860
round the toilet block
of the Conservative Club.
623
00:35:14,621 --> 00:35:15,461
Eh?
624
00:35:16,661 --> 00:35:18,661
Which I promised.
625
00:35:19,661 --> 00:35:23,261
So. I. Fucking. Will!
626
00:35:44,581 --> 00:35:47,141
[both laughing]
627
00:35:48,021 --> 00:35:51,261
-Oi!
-Oi! In your corner, Mitzi.
628
00:35:53,340 --> 00:35:54,820
[Veronica]
Get your hands off my lager...
629
00:35:55,901 --> 00:35:57,780
and get the fuck out of my house.
630
00:35:58,701 --> 00:36:01,701
Karen brought the lagers for you.
Along with the rest.
631
00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:09,661
The only reason I got the job
at the Jockey
632
00:36:09,741 --> 00:36:11,141
is 'cause Jez thinks I'm gay.
633
00:36:11,621 --> 00:36:14,061
I'm not interested in a bloke
with that much hair.
634
00:36:15,261 --> 00:36:17,501
And every time you say she is,
you're threatening
635
00:36:17,581 --> 00:36:19,981
to get her sacked and she's done
fuck all wrong.
636
00:36:20,461 --> 00:36:22,860
Except for defending myself
when you start having a go,
637
00:36:22,941 --> 00:36:24,820
which I'll be the first
to apologise for, Veronica.
638
00:36:25,461 --> 00:36:27,141
I'll get your suspension lifted,
639
00:36:27,221 --> 00:36:29,741
plus I'll knock a few bob off
your bar bill when I can.
640
00:36:30,181 --> 00:36:32,780
And all my tips are gonna
be shared with Kev
641
00:36:32,860 --> 00:36:34,701
absolutely fifty/fifty.
642
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:40,340
[Veronica sighs]
643
00:36:42,780 --> 00:36:43,741
Yeah, I'm sorry and all.
644
00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,780
Jockey tonight in my own clothes.
645
00:36:49,221 --> 00:36:51,501
See, this is what she's like
after we've had a barny.
646
00:36:51,581 --> 00:36:53,101
Calls me a useless spack
of a husband
647
00:36:53,181 --> 00:36:55,261
with a lumpy little dick
and thinks sorry's enough.
648
00:36:56,101 --> 00:36:57,661
Don't know what you're on about.
649
00:36:57,741 --> 00:36:59,221
Well, it's Jez that needs convincing.
650
00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:02,541
So, you're far from out
the fucking woods yet, gobby bear.
651
00:37:06,300 --> 00:37:07,340
On all fours!
652
00:37:07,741 --> 00:37:08,901
Jez,
653
00:37:09,621 --> 00:37:11,380
can I nip to the loo while it's quiet?
654
00:37:11,621 --> 00:37:13,061
Course you can, sweetheart.
655
00:37:13,820 --> 00:37:14,820
What can I get you?
656
00:37:15,461 --> 00:37:16,300
Jez,
657
00:37:16,941 --> 00:37:19,141
do you mind if I nip for a slash
while it's quiet?
658
00:37:19,581 --> 00:37:21,061
Not one of your long ones.
659
00:37:25,421 --> 00:37:26,581
I'll be back in a sec.
660
00:37:27,141 --> 00:37:29,380
If you help yourself,
I'll cut your hands off.
661
00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:31,860
It's a waste if you ask me!
662
00:37:34,061 --> 00:37:35,820
It's not my fault,
she-- she dived on me.
663
00:37:36,101 --> 00:37:38,141
You filthy, two timing cow!
664
00:37:38,501 --> 00:37:39,820
Don't tell Kev, Jez.
665
00:37:40,181 --> 00:37:42,221
-God, please.
-Back to work, you.
666
00:37:45,461 --> 00:37:46,501
I might have known.
667
00:37:46,860 --> 00:37:48,741
The fucking hypocrites I've had
to put up with
668
00:37:48,820 --> 00:37:51,221
-and it's always women.
-I'll drink down the Butterfly.
669
00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:55,101
You-- you can bar me forever.
Just don't tell Kev.
670
00:37:57,820 --> 00:37:58,780
So, what do you think then?
671
00:37:59,541 --> 00:38:00,380
Dunno.
672
00:38:00,901 --> 00:38:02,380
She's a foxy little tinker
in't she, our Karen?
673
00:38:02,941 --> 00:38:03,780
Well, yeah.
674
00:38:04,380 --> 00:38:05,701
It's never happened to me before.
675
00:38:06,581 --> 00:38:09,820
-She makes me fanny go all wavy.
-[Jez] Touch her again,
676
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:11,501
you'll have me to answer to.
677
00:38:13,380 --> 00:38:14,501
Might not be a bad thing.
678
00:38:15,741 --> 00:38:18,300
Tidy yourself up and I'll, uh,
I'll pay you a drink on.
679
00:38:28,901 --> 00:38:31,021
I've got the biggest hard on
you've ever seen.
680
00:38:31,101 --> 00:38:32,581
[Veronica laughing]
681
00:38:34,101 --> 00:38:37,061
-Get in here, you dirty bitch.
-[Veronica laughing]
682
00:38:43,181 --> 00:38:46,380
I pumped his chest
and then I blew in his thingy,
683
00:38:46,461 --> 00:38:49,061
till the ambulance arrived.
684
00:38:49,541 --> 00:38:52,300
And then I said, can I go with him?
[sniffles]
685
00:38:52,380 --> 00:38:54,780
And they said, "no, no point, mate."
686
00:38:55,621 --> 00:38:58,261
Steve, get over here now,
I need a lift to the hospital.
687
00:38:58,340 --> 00:38:59,501
Where did they take him?
688
00:39:00,941 --> 00:39:03,501
How the fuck do I know,
they just drove off...
689
00:39:05,300 --> 00:39:07,421
[sighs] I'll tell you
when you get here.
690
00:39:10,741 --> 00:39:11,701
It's an ambulance.
691
00:39:11,780 --> 00:39:13,661
I know it was a fucking
ambulance, Carl.
692
00:39:13,741 --> 00:39:15,141
I wanna know where it took him.
693
00:39:15,221 --> 00:39:17,221
No, here.
There's an ambulance here.
694
00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:18,501
What for now?
695
00:39:37,061 --> 00:39:39,701
Guess who's not dead? Again.
[exhales]
696
00:39:43,541 --> 00:39:44,621
Hiatus hernia.
697
00:39:45,741 --> 00:39:47,421
They slugged me full of antacids
698
00:39:47,501 --> 00:39:49,860
and it faded like a bad dream.
[chuckles]
699
00:39:50,421 --> 00:39:53,141
In and out of casualty
in less than seven hours.
700
00:39:53,221 --> 00:39:55,820
That's pretty good
for a free service. [chuckles]
701
00:39:55,901 --> 00:39:57,461
[Ian] You look good to me.
702
00:39:57,541 --> 00:39:59,181
[Sheila] You look wonderful, Neville.
703
00:39:59,261 --> 00:40:00,860
We thought you'd died.
[chuckles]
704
00:40:08,421 --> 00:40:10,501
[chuckles]
705
00:40:10,780 --> 00:40:12,860
Imagine how you'd feel
if you thought your dad was dead
706
00:40:12,941 --> 00:40:14,261
and it turned out he wasn't.
707
00:40:14,820 --> 00:40:18,421
I wouldn't, uh--
I know, Sheila. Shocking.
708
00:40:20,340 --> 00:40:22,741
Medical staff said you were
to be commended
709
00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:24,101
on all your first aid.
710
00:40:25,661 --> 00:40:27,701
-Yeah.
-[Neville] Very much so.
711
00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:29,661
Witnesses testified.
712
00:40:30,820 --> 00:40:31,701
That so?
713
00:40:37,901 --> 00:40:38,741
So?
714
00:40:46,461 --> 00:40:48,860
You take back every single word.
715
00:40:49,261 --> 00:40:51,780
[laughs] Get fucked.
716
00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:54,340
[Neville]
She totally worshipped me.
717
00:40:54,421 --> 00:40:56,421
She used to piss
in your bait box.
718
00:40:58,421 --> 00:40:59,501
Don't overdo it, Dad.
719
00:40:59,941 --> 00:41:01,501
We don't want a repeat now, do we?
720
00:41:02,181 --> 00:41:04,541
Aye, he wants to go back
to his own flat.
721
00:41:05,461 --> 00:41:07,501
Bit excited about the paint job.
722
00:41:09,820 --> 00:41:11,981
[Sheila] Being an only child,
I was very touched
723
00:41:12,061 --> 00:41:15,261
by the warmth of the big family.
I loved it.
724
00:41:18,661 --> 00:41:21,061
Eric, your new temporary
foster parents.
725
00:41:21,501 --> 00:41:23,061
Veronica and Kelvin Ball.
726
00:41:23,621 --> 00:41:27,141
From now on, we've just got to try
really hard not to kill him.
727
00:41:27,221 --> 00:41:28,741
-[Veronica] Eric?
-Don't pump her!
728
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:30,340
You'll flood the fucking engine!
729
00:41:31,061 --> 00:41:32,661
[Tony] Green Cherokee,
Easton Street car park.
730
00:41:32,741 --> 00:41:34,941
You've been caught on CCTV, Steve.
731
00:41:35,021 --> 00:41:36,901
-Whose is it?
-Chief Inspector's.
732
00:41:36,981 --> 00:41:38,340
[Frank] Do you remember school?
733
00:41:38,581 --> 00:41:40,101
The fucking cannibal.
734
00:41:41,820 --> 00:41:43,061
[Veronica] You can't just snatch a kid
735
00:41:43,141 --> 00:41:45,860
and expect to get away with it,
you daft sod!
736
00:41:45,941 --> 00:41:48,300
-They were turning him over!
-Fucking shit!
737
00:41:49,181 --> 00:41:51,661
It's not funny, Steve.
He's freaking me out.
738
00:41:52,181 --> 00:41:54,421
I keep dreaming about the house
being on fire.
739
00:41:54,501 --> 00:41:55,541
Hit me!
740
00:41:56,181 --> 00:41:57,300
Yay!
741
00:41:58,141 --> 00:41:59,941
[theme music playing]
742
00:42:38,820 --> 00:42:42,181
Whatever Frank and Sheila
are having and a quick Scotch for me.
743
00:42:44,141 --> 00:42:45,780
[indistinct chatter]
744
00:42:46,340 --> 00:42:47,340
This is on me, son.
745
00:42:48,181 --> 00:42:49,181
[Sheila sighs]
746
00:43:07,461 --> 00:43:08,501
[Frank] Tell you what, Dad.
747
00:43:09,461 --> 00:43:12,701
-Stick it right up your arse.
-No, Frank.
748
00:43:13,461 --> 00:43:15,061
I did that before I came in here.
749
00:43:17,820 --> 00:43:18,661
Cheers.
750
00:43:20,541 --> 00:43:21,541
Drinks are on Frank.
52565
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