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1
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♪
2
00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,085
Woman on radio:
Robbery in progress.
3
00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,122
Mitchell Flute:
Detective Flute is on it,
4
00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:14,362
Detective...Mitchell Flute.
5
00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:16,299
[Engine revving, tires screech]
6
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,571
[Siren]
7
00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:20,775
Mitchell: Hey, dispatch,
sure got a sweet voice.
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00:00:20,876 --> 00:00:22,645
You new?
Dispatch: Don't bother, Flute.
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00:00:22,745 --> 00:00:24,883
I've been warned that
you are quite the ladies' man.
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00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,353
Mitchell: I don't know
who told you that,
11
00:00:26,453 --> 00:00:28,525
but your eyes sure sound
beautiful.
12
00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:31,095
Dispatch: Nice try, but--
wait. Why am I naked?
13
00:00:31,196 --> 00:00:32,632
Mitchell: I'll tell you
over breakfast.
14
00:00:32,765 --> 00:00:35,204
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got to slide across a hood
15
00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:37,709
and knock a guy out
with one punch.
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00:00:37,843 --> 00:00:40,681
[Tires screech]
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00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:43,086
[Man gasps]
Mitchell: Uh!
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00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:45,491
[Person clapping]
19
00:00:45,592 --> 00:00:46,827
Man: Well done.
20
00:00:46,961 --> 00:00:48,497
Mitchell: Can I help you
with something?
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00:00:48,531 --> 00:00:50,267
Man: I could use someone
like you
22
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,238
in my secret
crime fighting organization.
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00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:53,541
Mitchell: What's the catch?
24
00:00:53,641 --> 00:00:55,377
Man: You'll have to leave
your family.
25
00:00:55,511 --> 00:00:57,114
Now I know that--
[Vehicle recedes quickly]
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00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:59,252
Oh. You're gone.
27
00:00:59,352 --> 00:01:01,256
Mitchell: Your pop's got
a hell of an opportunity
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00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:03,561
to go town to town
fighting crime in tight jeans.
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00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:05,263
I got to take it, Marvin.
30
00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:08,236
Marvin: So you're just
gonna leave me and Junior?
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00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,074
Mitchell: Come on, now.
I'm not a monster.
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Junior's coming with me.
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Marvin: I knew it. You've always
loved him more than me.
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00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:16,419
Mitchell: Hey, that's not true.
35
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,092
In fact, you'd be my first
choice if he wasn't available.
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Marvin: Ohh. Thanks, Dad.
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00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:22,431
Mitchell: I'll be back soon,
Sport-o.
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And when I do, I'll teach you
how to play ball.
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Let's go, Junior.
Junior: You got it, Dad.
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00:01:29,646 --> 00:01:31,617
[Junior chuckles,
vehicle recedes]
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♪
42
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Marvin: I can't
wait for him any longer.
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Let me know
if a strange older man shows up.
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[Theme music playing]
45
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♪
46
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[Crack]
47
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Marvin Flute: Ugh. How did
I go from murders
48
00:02:07,623 --> 00:02:09,325
to mopping up
a boring bank robbery?
49
00:02:09,392 --> 00:02:10,895
What's next, solving CAPTCHAs?
God. I hope not.
50
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:12,598
I've literally
never gotten one right.
51
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,602
Is the driver part of
the motorcycle?
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Summers: Judging
from the markings here,
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00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:19,045
they got into the vault
using heavy machinery.
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00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:20,582
Sorry. "Heavy's" offensive.
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I meant big, beautiful
machinery.
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00:02:22,484 --> 00:02:25,056
Mitchell: Who's in charge
of this investigation?
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Marvin: I am. Who are you,
58
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,330
man inexplicably in shadow
on a bright day?
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00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:31,102
Mitchell: I'm 190 pounds
of dry-aged, grass-choked,
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00:02:31,202 --> 00:02:34,108
grade-A certified beefcake...
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00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:37,080
but you can call me Mitchell.
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Marvin: Daddy. Hee hee!
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00:02:39,318 --> 00:02:41,088
Mitchell: I'm sorry. You are...?
64
00:02:41,222 --> 00:02:44,563
Marvin: Ha! Good one, Dad!
Mitchell: Oh, Sport-o!
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00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:46,800
I just didn't recognize you
because you got so darn big.
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00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,472
Marvin: My doctor says
all my numbers are really high.
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00:02:49,606 --> 00:02:52,210
Junior: What, no hug for me,
little brother?
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00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:53,580
Marvin: Junior.
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00:02:53,714 --> 00:02:57,454
[Rock music playing]
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Junior: I missed you, buddy boy.
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00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:02,565
Mitchell: Go on.
Give your brother a hug.
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00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:04,401
[Marvin groans]
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00:03:04,502 --> 00:03:05,972
Junior: I see you're
still stupid.
74
00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:07,509
Marvin: I smell
you're still stinky.
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Stop! Stupid jerk! Let go! Dad!
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00:03:09,546 --> 00:03:11,249
Junior: Oh, he's crying
because he missed me.
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[Mitchell laughing]
Summers: Wait.
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00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,123
Your brother's a car?
Mitchell: Not just any car.
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00:03:15,223 --> 00:03:16,794
This here is Junior.
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00:03:16,861 --> 00:03:20,234
He's loaded with the coolest
technology 1985 had to offer--
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00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,704
T-tops, six lighters,
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00:03:21,804 --> 00:03:23,440
and a back seat
big enough for one handsome man
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00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:25,712
and the lucky waitress
he picked up that night.
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00:03:25,778 --> 00:03:27,648
Junior: Dad's had a ton of sex
inside me.
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00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,787
Mitchell: And on your hood.
Heh heh!
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00:03:29,887 --> 00:03:32,626
Summers: And this is OK
because he's a car?
87
00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:34,462
Marvin: So you came back here
just to see me?
88
00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:36,166
Mitchell: Of course I did.
89
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,336
And I'm investigating
a string of bank robberies
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00:03:38,436 --> 00:03:39,472
across the country.
91
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:41,442
But I'm mainly here to see you
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and also mainly to solve
this case.
93
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Marvin: If you want, you can
come back to the office
94
00:03:45,885 --> 00:03:47,689
and we can, like, share clues
and leads
95
00:03:47,855 --> 00:03:50,093
and, like, you can, like,
meet my friends and stuff
96
00:03:50,193 --> 00:03:51,429
or whatever.
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00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,300
Mitchell: Sounds great, Chief-o.
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00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,404
Junior: Oh, hey,
your fly's down.
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Marvin: It is?
Junior: Bam!
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Gas cap sack tap.
[Marvin groaning]
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Summers: White families
are [bleep] weird.
102
00:04:04,155 --> 00:04:05,558
[Stan moaning]
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00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,428
Stan: Oh, God. I'm dying,
104
00:04:07,494 --> 00:04:08,831
and I never got to shake
Lena Dunham's hand
105
00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,369
and thank her for
her short window of bravery.
106
00:04:11,469 --> 00:04:12,839
Mr. Flesh: Who cares about you?
107
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What happens to me if you die?
Do I come alive?
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Do I become you?
Aah. What a nightmare!
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No offense.
We gotta talk to your mom.
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Stan:
No! She's too overprotective.
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00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:25,397
Mr. Flesh: Then we better hurry
and find your dad
112
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,001
while we're in the sweet spot
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between breakfast, beer,
and lunch--also beer. Come on.
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Marvin:
Look, Dad, here's my award
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for most property damage
during a pursuit.
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00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:36,987
Mitchell: Uh-huh.
You know, Tom Selleck
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once complimented me on
my chest hair at the airport.
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00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:41,730
Marvin: As he should.
It's very lush.
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00:04:41,797 --> 00:04:44,068
Junior: And that's
when a whole turd
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00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,638
fell out of Flute's pant leg
121
00:04:45,739 --> 00:04:47,876
during the Presidential Fitness
Test.
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00:04:47,976 --> 00:04:49,479
[Laughter]
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00:04:49,613 --> 00:04:51,516
Martinez: What an absolute
pooser. That's a--
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00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:53,553
Junior: Poop loser! Very funny.
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00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:55,490
Martinez: Thank you.
Marvin: How the--
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00:04:55,558 --> 00:04:56,927
You're on my desk, Junior!
127
00:04:57,061 --> 00:05:00,233
Junior: Oh, sorry.
Did I crush your desky-wesky?
128
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,302
[Engine revs]
129
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,739
[Junior and Martinez laugh]
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00:05:02,906 --> 00:05:05,176
Kang: Mitchell Flute.
Mitchell: This guy.
131
00:05:05,243 --> 00:05:07,882
Marvin: You two know each other?
Mitchell: We worked together.
132
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,355
I used to call him Kemosabe,
and he used to tell me to stop.
133
00:05:11,489 --> 00:05:12,792
Kang: Many times.
Where you been?
134
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:14,328
Mitchell: You know me.
135
00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:15,998
Solving cases, kissing faces,
and jumping cars
136
00:05:16,031 --> 00:05:18,470
over drawbridges that
are almost but not quite open,
137
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:19,906
too far to get across.
138
00:05:20,006 --> 00:05:22,745
Junior: Mitchell's too humble,
so I made this.
139
00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:24,516
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
140
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,485
Junior:
Welcome to the dangerous world
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00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:28,758
of a hero who was never there--
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00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:32,632
Mitchell Flute,
a loner with fists of stone
143
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,538
and the hair of
an aging secretary.
144
00:05:35,605 --> 00:05:37,609
Finally free from his son
145
00:05:37,742 --> 00:05:40,380
who shakes out full turds
from his pant leg,
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00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:42,852
Mitchell vowed to help
the helpless.
147
00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:47,227
Assisting him along the way is
his hot mechanic Ashley
148
00:05:47,294 --> 00:05:51,537
until she turned 26
and had to be replaced.
149
00:05:51,637 --> 00:05:54,809
Also, here's another pic of
Flute shaking turds out
150
00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:58,383
created by A.I. in the style
of Wes Anderson.
151
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,019
Marvin: Why is that
in the video?
152
00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:02,057
[Laughter]
Mitchell: Heh! You boys.
153
00:06:02,157 --> 00:06:04,797
Hey, I gotta clean the old
spit valve on my meat horn,
154
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,833
but when I get back,
remind me to tell you
155
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,671
about the time I bedded
Mrs. America
156
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:10,675
after taking down three
terrorists with a thumbtack
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00:06:10,775 --> 00:06:13,614
and a skunked can of Lowenbrau.
158
00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:17,955
Marvin: Look, I know
what you're gonna say.
159
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:19,759
My dad is such a hunk, right?
160
00:06:19,893 --> 00:06:22,264
Summers: Uh, that's not how
you should describe a parent.
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00:06:22,397 --> 00:06:23,634
And didn't he abandon you?
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00:06:23,768 --> 00:06:25,437
Marvin: What? No. Pay attention.
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00:06:25,505 --> 00:06:27,642
My dad wasn't the problem.
Junior was.
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00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,580
He's the one who drove
my dad away from me,
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00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,115
literally and the opposite one.
166
00:06:31,215 --> 00:06:33,554
Imagine a son not having
his father around at that age.
167
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:36,292
Stan: Dad, can I talk to you
about something?
168
00:06:36,392 --> 00:06:37,963
It's kind of important.
169
00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:39,832
Marvin: The most important thing
in life is
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00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,104
a father connecting on
a deep level with his son.
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00:06:42,204 --> 00:06:46,145
So please leave me alone, so I
can connect with my father...
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00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:47,849
son.
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00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:51,456
Summers: You OK, Stan? You look
absolutely crushed emotionally.
174
00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:55,230
As your dad's partner, I'm
very familiar with that look.
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00:06:55,297 --> 00:06:57,334
Stan: There's something I really
need to talk to my dad about,
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00:06:57,435 --> 00:06:58,804
but it's private.
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00:06:58,938 --> 00:07:00,675
Wynona: You can talk
freely here.
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00:07:00,808 --> 00:07:03,881
Your dad's so abusive to us,
we're practically family.
179
00:07:04,014 --> 00:07:06,720
Stan: Well, last night,
I sort of had a weird dream,
180
00:07:06,854 --> 00:07:08,757
where everyone I knew was dead.
181
00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:10,562
Kang: You were just having
a nightmare.
182
00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:11,997
Stan: But when I woke up,
183
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:15,605
there was a mess on the front of
my pajama pants.
184
00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:17,040
Kang: Come back.
Summers: Flute!
185
00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:18,844
Wynona: Wait!
Martinez: Bad parenting ass.
186
00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:20,782
Flute: Hope you enjoyed
stealing Dad from me
187
00:07:20,882 --> 00:07:22,986
because once he sees how good I
am at detectiving,
188
00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:25,490
he's gonna dump you off
at a Carvana and stay with me.
189
00:07:25,624 --> 00:07:27,194
Junior: I wouldn't try that
if I were you.
190
00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:28,631
You couldn't handle Dad.
191
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:30,768
Marvin: Oh. Want to bet?
I'll bet you my legs.
192
00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:33,740
Junior: That's OK. I'm good
with my 4 wheels and one dad.
193
00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:35,778
Marvin: Fine.
Then what about this?
194
00:07:35,878 --> 00:07:38,784
Junior: Oh, my hood ornament!
I knew you stole it.
195
00:07:38,884 --> 00:07:40,220
Marvin: Solve the case
and I'll give it back,
196
00:07:40,387 --> 00:07:41,624
but if I solve it...
197
00:07:41,657 --> 00:07:43,727
Junior: I'll leave town
and you get Dad.
198
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,865
Both: Deal. Jinx!
Jinx. You owe me a Coke.
199
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,768
[Junior says phrase first]
Jinx. You owe me a kiss.
200
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,171
[Marvin groans]
201
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:51,209
Woman: And that's what happens
when you lose a jinx.
202
00:07:51,342 --> 00:07:52,578
Child: What if you win it?
203
00:07:52,712 --> 00:07:54,549
Woman: Ohh, I don't know
why I kidnapped you.
204
00:07:59,157 --> 00:08:01,028
Mitchell: All right, Junior,
what you got?
205
00:08:01,061 --> 00:08:03,065
Junior: I've indexed businesses
with heavy machinery
206
00:08:03,165 --> 00:08:05,036
able to rip off a bank wall--
Mitchell: No, no, no, no.
207
00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:07,942
What you got for us tonight?
Daddy's looking for love.
208
00:08:08,043 --> 00:08:10,246
Marvin: I have so much love
to give.
209
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:11,917
Junior: Daddy's looking for sex,
dummy.
210
00:08:12,017 --> 00:08:13,653
Marvin: Well, since you like
waitresses, you should
211
00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,223
try The Wet Noodle.
212
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:18,430
They're not the prettiest,
but they're not the prettiest.
213
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,701
Mitchell: Heh. My boy gets me.
214
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,772
Take us there, Junior.
Junior: Sounds great.
215
00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:24,542
Mitchell: Did I ever tell you
about the time
216
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,178
I bedded Mrs. America
217
00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:28,784
after killing three terrorists
with a thumbtack
218
00:08:28,951 --> 00:08:30,821
and a skunked can of Lowenbrau?
219
00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:32,958
[Tires screech]
220
00:08:34,061 --> 00:08:36,934
Marvin: A table for two...
people. No cars.
221
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,971
Junior: Great.
Well, while you two eat,
222
00:08:39,071 --> 00:08:41,008
I'll check the heavy machinery
rental shop.
223
00:08:41,108 --> 00:08:42,812
Marvin: Actually,
maybe I'll help Junior.
224
00:08:42,946 --> 00:08:45,250
Mitchell: Glad to see my boys
getting along.
225
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,687
What's your name, doll?
226
00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:48,557
Junior: Huh. You're crazy
227
00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:50,193
if you think I'll
ever let you drive me.
228
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:51,930
Marvin: And you're crazy if you
think anyone
229
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:53,867
would drive you now.
Junior: "Now"?
230
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,605
Marvin: Now that you're
covered in seagulls.
231
00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:57,041
Crouton attack!
232
00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:59,244
Junior: Aah! Not the seagulls!
Marvin: Yes, yes.
233
00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:02,417
Poop, my pretties. Poop...
Junior: Ugh! Why? Ugh. Ohh...
234
00:09:02,484 --> 00:09:04,155
[Marvin laughs]
235
00:09:04,322 --> 00:09:06,158
♪
236
00:09:06,325 --> 00:09:07,562
Kang: Oh, great.
237
00:09:07,596 --> 00:09:09,031
He's one of those spiral-drawing
kids.
238
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,104
Look, we owe it to our community
to help this kid
239
00:09:12,171 --> 00:09:14,241
or we're gonna wind up
with another Jake Paul.
240
00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:17,348
Martinez: As a lapsed/relapsed/
prolapsed Catholic,
241
00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:18,684
you shouldn't talk about sex
242
00:09:18,751 --> 00:09:20,019
until after you've had
your third kid.
243
00:09:20,153 --> 00:09:21,790
Summers: Don't worry.
I'm downloading
244
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,760
a chronological history of sex
off the internet
245
00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:25,463
to help explain it to Stan.
246
00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,301
I'm starting in the 1800s--
247
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:31,008
blowing kisses, tasteful
decolletage, furtive glances.
248
00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:34,181
Wynona: Seriously?
The human body is my specialty.
249
00:09:34,315 --> 00:09:35,718
I'll handle this.
250
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:38,022
Summers: Hmm. Pornography
used to be so artistic.
251
00:09:38,122 --> 00:09:42,197
Whoa! Looks like razors
haven't been invented yet.
252
00:09:42,297 --> 00:09:43,867
[Tires screech]
253
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,705
Marvin: Wait here while I go
bond with a human
254
00:09:45,771 --> 00:09:49,478
in a way you can't because
you're a stupid car.
255
00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:50,915
Hey, man, I'm also a man.
256
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,752
You want to shake hands
because we both have them?
257
00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:54,188
[Vehicle horn honks]
258
00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:56,058
Worker: Oh, my God.
Is that a classic car?
259
00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:58,730
Wow. She's a beaut.
260
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,601
Junior: You ain't
so bad yourself, Don.
261
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,204
Don: Whoa! You can talk?
262
00:10:02,304 --> 00:10:05,944
Junior: I can say all kinds of
things, like "Suck it, Flute,"
263
00:10:06,045 --> 00:10:08,449
and "I need the names of anyone
that rented heavy machinery
264
00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:09,819
from you this week."
265
00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,656
Don: Happy to give you that
private info
266
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:14,261
if you'll let me look under
the hood.
267
00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:15,798
[Low whistle]
268
00:10:15,898 --> 00:10:19,338
Junior: Yeah, you're looking
at 250 cubic inches.
269
00:10:19,404 --> 00:10:20,675
Don: Damn! You're huge.
270
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:22,912
Marvin: Yeah, well,
I'm 5 1/2 clean.
271
00:10:23,046 --> 00:10:26,686
Now, give me that list of names
and a Mach Three Sensitive.
272
00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:31,963
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
273
00:10:32,096 --> 00:10:33,133
Marvin: Ha!
274
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,737
Have fun on the ground, car.
275
00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:39,745
Junior: Last one to the top has
to french my tailpipe. Ha ha!
276
00:10:39,846 --> 00:10:44,388
♪
277
00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,960
Junior: Uhh? Huh? Wait. Don't!
278
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:49,900
I know all the words to "All Too
Well," ten-minute version.
279
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:51,368
Ow! Fire!
280
00:10:51,503 --> 00:10:55,578
♪
281
00:10:55,711 --> 00:10:56,947
Junior: Ah, yes. Thank you.
282
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:59,218
Mmm.
[Object flies, thud]
283
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:04,294
Ah, ha ha ha! Got you back.
Now please flip me over.
284
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:09,137
Stan: This is the morgue.
I am dying!
285
00:11:09,237 --> 00:11:10,774
Wynona, chuckling: No.
286
00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:12,344
You are here to see that
the human body is
287
00:11:12,444 --> 00:11:14,114
a beautiful piece of
engineering.
288
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:17,321
And it all starts with
reproduction.
289
00:11:17,421 --> 00:11:18,289
[Others scream]
290
00:11:18,356 --> 00:11:19,693
Mr. Flesh: Holy human centipede.
291
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,729
Wynona: Sorry. Wrong body.
Ha ha!
292
00:11:21,830 --> 00:11:23,901
This guy was attacked by
his pet chimp.
293
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:26,673
Anyway, this is where
the genitals would be
294
00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:28,242
if Bobo hadn't bitten them off.
295
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:30,113
Mr. Flesh: Don't worry.
[Stan breathing heavily]
296
00:11:30,146 --> 00:11:31,850
This will be a pivotal part
of the podcast
297
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:33,720
after you Menendez your parents.
298
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:35,123
Kang: All right. That's enough.
299
00:11:35,223 --> 00:11:38,663
It's time to do things
the old-fashioned way.
300
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,199
Summers:
Watching "Deep Throat" now.
301
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,736
Still no sign of Nixon,
302
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,205
and I'm really praying
that continues.
303
00:11:43,372 --> 00:11:45,076
Marvin: Well, none of
those leads turned out.
304
00:11:45,243 --> 00:11:47,080
Can wait to tell Dad
how you beefed it.
305
00:11:47,247 --> 00:11:49,719
Junior: Well, not if I tell
him how you beefed it first.
306
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,890
Marvin: Wait. Is that Dad?
307
00:11:52,024 --> 00:11:53,994
♪
308
00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:57,033
Junior: Hey, Dad, um,
are--are you feeling OK?
309
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:59,739
Marvin: He's feeling great.
This dawg's on a walk of shame.
310
00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:01,643
Told you The Wet Noodle
was a bronze mine.
311
00:12:01,744 --> 00:12:03,046
What was her name?
312
00:12:03,146 --> 00:12:06,218
Mitchell: I...don't remember.
313
00:12:06,285 --> 00:12:08,757
Junior: Dad, I think you need
something to eat.
314
00:12:08,923 --> 00:12:10,160
Mitchell: I'm fine.
Don't tell me what to do.
315
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,830
Marvin: I wouldn't tell you
what to do, Dad.
316
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:13,199
I believe
in permissive childing.
317
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,036
Junior: You still got that
butt banana?
318
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:17,006
He needs food.
He's not thinking straight.
319
00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:19,477
Marvin: Oh, really?
Then what's that?
320
00:12:19,612 --> 00:12:21,015
Dad figured it out.
321
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,520
This is the heavy machinery
we've been looking for.
322
00:12:23,621 --> 00:12:25,156
Junior: Cross-checking
the internet,
323
00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:26,860
and they've had a rally
in every city
324
00:12:26,927 --> 00:12:29,198
where a bank's been robbed.
Let's go.
325
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:30,901
Marvin: You remember how many
fingers she had?
326
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,272
That's how I know
the waitresses' names.
327
00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:38,249
Junior: Someone here robbed
the bank, but which one?
328
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:41,088
♪
329
00:12:41,254 --> 00:12:42,625
[Loud clank]
330
00:12:42,692 --> 00:12:45,497
[Footsteps clanking]
331
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,434
Marvin: Freeze. Police.
332
00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:50,908
♪
333
00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:53,279
Junior: Gah! I can't see.
334
00:12:53,346 --> 00:13:05,804
['80s-style synthesizer
rock music playing]
335
00:13:05,871 --> 00:13:08,108
[Breathing heavily]
Junior: I won.
336
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,313
Looks like Dad and I will
see you in another 30 years,
337
00:13:10,446 --> 00:13:11,516
Flutie boy.
338
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,087
Marvin: I doubt that based
on my cholesterol numbers
339
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:17,193
and because I'm busting
this perp.
340
00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:18,597
♪
341
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:19,966
Junior: Hey. What the...?
342
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,237
All right. Fine. You won.
343
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:25,043
But you need to understand,
Dad didn't just choose me.
344
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:26,580
He needs me.
345
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,215
Marvin: You're not that special.
346
00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:30,120
You're just a talking car.
Everything talks these days--
347
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,856
my phone, my doorbell, my son.
348
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:33,158
Junior: You don't understand.
349
00:13:33,225 --> 00:13:35,831
Marvin: No, you don't
understand,
350
00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:38,035
so let me put it
in your language.
351
00:13:38,102 --> 00:13:40,574
The tank's on E and there's not
a gas station for miles.
352
00:13:40,741 --> 00:13:42,444
You're a wreck,
completely totaled.
353
00:13:42,545 --> 00:13:45,150
Even NPR wouldn't take you
as a tax-deductible donation
354
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,987
to keep quality independent
programing on the air.
355
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,524
Your VIN number has been
sanded down.
356
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:52,097
Junior: Stop it, stop it!
You made your point.
357
00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:55,638
[Sighs]
Here's Mitchell's stuff.
358
00:13:55,705 --> 00:13:57,140
Mitchell: Where's Junior going?
359
00:13:57,273 --> 00:13:59,111
Marvin: Who cares?
It's just me and you now.
360
00:13:59,178 --> 00:14:01,115
Uhh! Boy, this is heavy.
What's in it?
361
00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:03,520
Pills, CPAP machine, more pills.
362
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:05,423
Mitchell: Say, did I ever tell
you about the time
363
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:08,362
I bedded a terrorist after
I killed three Mrs. Americas
364
00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:11,368
with a thumbtack
and a skunked can of, um,
365
00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:12,705
of, uh...
366
00:14:12,872 --> 00:14:14,040
Marvin: Lowenbrau?
367
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:15,242
Mitchell: Sounds good.
Let's go get one.
368
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:17,280
[Beep]
Oh. Time to scrub Daddy.
369
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:19,284
And I'm not
referring to "Shark Tank's"
370
00:14:19,384 --> 00:14:21,923
number-one selling product,
though you may need one,
371
00:14:22,057 --> 00:14:24,027
because my adult diaper is full
372
00:14:24,128 --> 00:14:26,264
and it does not
smell Mr. Wonderful.
373
00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:32,411
Marvin: 36, 37.
374
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,414
Wow. I didn't realize you had
so many health issues.
375
00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:37,354
Mitchell: Look, I know I wasn't
there when you needed me,
376
00:14:37,454 --> 00:14:40,794
and I appreciate you're here
when I need you.
377
00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:42,196
I love you.
378
00:14:42,296 --> 00:14:43,634
Marvin: I've been waiting
my whole life
379
00:14:43,734 --> 00:14:45,036
for you to say that to me.
380
00:14:45,103 --> 00:14:46,606
Mitchell: Now
come sit on Daddy's lap.
381
00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:48,075
Marvin: Hee hee! OK.
382
00:14:48,209 --> 00:14:50,547
Mitchell: So what's
underneath that shirt?
383
00:14:50,614 --> 00:14:52,752
Marvin: A butcher's diagram
of a cow tattoo I got
384
00:14:52,818 --> 00:14:54,555
after watching ten minutes
of "The Bear."
385
00:14:54,722 --> 00:14:56,559
But then I binged the rest, and
now I want to get it removed.
386
00:14:56,726 --> 00:14:58,864
Too much screaming. You don't
have to work with your cousin.
387
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,366
Mitchell: OK. Come on, darling.
388
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,604
I'm not paying you to talk.
I'm paying you to clap.
389
00:15:02,704 --> 00:15:04,642
[Slaps butt]
390
00:15:04,776 --> 00:15:05,945
♪
391
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:07,180
Kang: Now, when I was your age,
392
00:15:07,313 --> 00:15:08,950
a boy learned this stuff
by doing.
393
00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:11,789
Stan, I want you to meet...
394
00:15:11,889 --> 00:15:13,459
Vernadette.
395
00:15:13,594 --> 00:15:16,232
Vernadette holds the record for
the most arrests in Grimsburg.
396
00:15:16,365 --> 00:15:19,237
She does it all--
petty theft, light arson,
397
00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:21,141
instructional prostitution.
398
00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:23,781
Vernadette: Hey, kid,
you ready to become a--
399
00:15:23,914 --> 00:15:26,151
[Coughing]
400
00:15:26,318 --> 00:15:27,955
a man?
401
00:15:28,089 --> 00:15:30,393
Kang: Oh, Vernadette.
[Laugh track]
402
00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:33,566
["Vernadette"
theme music playing]
403
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:45,056
♪
404
00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:53,707
♪
405
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,478
[Cheering and applause]
406
00:15:56,612 --> 00:15:58,984
[Stan and Vernadette laugh]
407
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,288
Kang: So did you two...you know?
408
00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:03,961
Vernadette: Shucks!
We was having way too much fun
409
00:16:04,027 --> 00:16:05,998
on an all-new "Vernadette,"
410
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,572
Friday nights at 8/7 Central.
411
00:16:09,672 --> 00:16:10,674
[Thud]
412
00:16:10,808 --> 00:16:12,578
[Adults groan]
413
00:16:12,712 --> 00:16:14,114
♪
414
00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:17,154
Junior, drunkenly:
Keep the ethanol coming, man.
415
00:16:17,254 --> 00:16:21,896
Say, you got a nice perm.
Want to solve crimes?
416
00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:23,499
I'll let you inside me.
417
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:26,573
Marvin: Hey! I can't believe you
cared more about winning a bet
418
00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,743
to hurt me than telling me
Dad was losing it.
419
00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:30,881
Junior: I was trying
to win the bet
420
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,450
to save you from finding out.
421
00:16:32,585 --> 00:16:34,421
Marvin: And were you saving
me when you ruined my life
422
00:16:34,488 --> 00:16:36,458
and ran away with Dad?
Junior: Fine.
423
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,462
Look, I was happy he took me
with him,
424
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,333
but it hasn't been as great
as you think.
425
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,206
I mean, did we have incredible
adventures? Sure.
426
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,276
Have we dabbled in every sexual
experience,
427
00:16:45,343 --> 00:16:47,180
including a devil's four-way
with dad,
428
00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:50,153
a Waffle House waitress,
and her mid-size SUV? You bet.
429
00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:52,024
Did it traumatize me?
Ask my therapist.
430
00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:53,560
Do I have a therapist?
431
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:56,766
No. Because my car insurance
doesn't cover mental health.
432
00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:59,539
Marvin: I guess it wasn't
so great being you either, huh?
433
00:16:59,606 --> 00:17:02,277
You're too close to Dad
and I'm not close enough.
434
00:17:02,343 --> 00:17:04,347
Junior: It's been hard
since Dad's health turned south,
435
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:06,285
but I didn't want you
to see that.
436
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:08,288
I wanted you to remember him
the way he was.
437
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:11,061
Marvin: So you were trying to
protect me?
438
00:17:11,161 --> 00:17:14,669
Junior: Isn't that
what big brothers do?
439
00:17:14,736 --> 00:17:15,871
[Squeak]
440
00:17:16,005 --> 00:17:19,010
Marvin: Thank you. Also, might
be time to change your blades.
441
00:17:19,077 --> 00:17:21,314
Junior: Thanks. So where is he?
442
00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:23,252
Marvin: I left Dad at home.
Junior: Alone?!
443
00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:26,058
Y--you saw how he wanders.
444
00:17:26,191 --> 00:17:27,360
Oh...
[Horn honks]
445
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,064
According to my tracking map,
446
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:30,800
he's on the field at
the monster truck event.
447
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:32,137
We gotta save Dad!
448
00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:33,438
Marvin: You're too drunk.
I'll drive.
449
00:17:33,573 --> 00:17:35,577
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
450
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,346
I've always dreamed of getting
to drive--
451
00:17:37,446 --> 00:17:39,084
Oh, my God!
This seat is also a bedpan?
452
00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:40,888
How often do you empty this?
453
00:17:40,988 --> 00:17:42,357
Junior: Just drive.
454
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:45,697
[Tires screech, horns honk]
455
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:48,637
Kang: Well, I guess we're as bad
at parenting as Flute.
456
00:17:48,804 --> 00:17:50,306
Wynona: We can't be that bad.
457
00:17:50,439 --> 00:17:52,611
The kid feels calm enough
to sleep around us.
458
00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:56,886
Martinez: Aw. Cute kid.
Wonder what he's dreaming about.
459
00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:58,188
Dreaming?
460
00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:00,126
Wake him up before it happens
again.
461
00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:02,096
Kang: I'd say shake him,
but the last 20 years
462
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,766
are the first time
in human history
463
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:06,272
where you can't touch a kid,
no matter how rotten they are.
464
00:18:06,405 --> 00:18:09,845
Harmony: What the hell are you
doing to Stan?
465
00:18:11,181 --> 00:18:13,452
Oh, great. Now I gotta
wash these, too?
466
00:18:13,519 --> 00:18:15,289
I already washed his pajamas
467
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:16,959
after he slept on
that yogurt tube last night.
468
00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:18,362
Martinez: Yogurt tube?
469
00:18:18,429 --> 00:18:20,266
Harmony: Yeah, he lost
his last tooth,
470
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:21,802
so I put a Go-Gurt under
his pillow
471
00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:24,274
because I had blown
the last of my cash on a horse
472
00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:26,646
that was supposed to
be a sure thing but turned out
473
00:18:26,712 --> 00:18:29,284
to be a kiddie ride
in front of a supermarket.
474
00:18:29,384 --> 00:18:32,090
I'm not a perfect mother.
475
00:18:32,156 --> 00:18:33,560
[Door shuts]
476
00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:35,296
Kang: Perhaps we're not
as bad as we thought.
477
00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:37,434
Maybe parenting is just hard.
478
00:18:37,568 --> 00:18:40,039
Summers: Not as hard
as the stepmoms are making it.
479
00:18:40,139 --> 00:18:42,745
That's not how homework works!
480
00:18:42,878 --> 00:18:48,923
[Rock music]
481
00:18:49,023 --> 00:18:50,661
Marvin: Dad!
482
00:18:50,794 --> 00:18:53,933
Announcer: And that'll do it for
our monster truck show tonight.
483
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,469
Marvin: Oh, thank goodness.
484
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:58,342
Announcer: Which means it's
time for Biggosaurus,
485
00:18:58,409 --> 00:19:01,415
and he's hungry
for some junky cars.
486
00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,418
[Cheering]
487
00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:06,927
Mitchell: Vroom. Vroom.
Meep-meep.
488
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:11,167
[Cheering]
489
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:12,905
Vroom. Rrr!
490
00:19:13,039 --> 00:19:14,441
♪
491
00:19:14,575 --> 00:19:17,949
Marvin: Time for turbo boost.
[Beep]
492
00:19:18,015 --> 00:19:19,519
Oops.
493
00:19:19,686 --> 00:19:22,490
♪
494
00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:24,461
Junior: It's too dangerous.
Jump out.
495
00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:28,102
Marvin: No! We're a team.
Junior: No, we're a family.
496
00:19:28,202 --> 00:19:30,774
[Beeping]
497
00:19:30,874 --> 00:19:33,546
Marvin: No!
498
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:41,328
♪
499
00:19:41,428 --> 00:19:43,098
Junior: Oh, you can't hurt me.
500
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:45,637
I've seen my dad's anus.
501
00:19:45,704 --> 00:19:46,973
♪
502
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:48,976
[Cheering]
503
00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:51,982
Marvin: Brother!
504
00:19:52,116 --> 00:19:53,620
[Cheering continues]
505
00:19:53,754 --> 00:19:55,657
But we were just getting to know
each other.
506
00:19:55,824 --> 00:19:57,460
I had so many questions.
507
00:19:57,561 --> 00:19:59,197
Like, do you get horny
for other cars?
508
00:19:59,263 --> 00:20:00,567
And, well, that was it,
509
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,437
but I'm sure there would have
been more.
510
00:20:02,538 --> 00:20:05,944
Junior: Just take care of Dad,
and I'm actually...
511
00:20:06,077 --> 00:20:08,516
into trains.
512
00:20:08,616 --> 00:20:11,054
Marvin: No, Junior.
Please don't--
513
00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:13,458
[Engine revving]
514
00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:15,697
die.
515
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:21,942
Thanks for fixing Junior, Tisha.
Happy birthday.
516
00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:24,915
Mitchell: I know this
is a rare moment of lucidity,
517
00:20:24,982 --> 00:20:27,253
so I'm going to say it quick
before it's gone.
518
00:20:27,354 --> 00:20:31,361
I'm proud of you.
You're a good man...
519
00:20:31,428 --> 00:20:33,767
with a great rack.
520
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,104
Junior: I feel good as new.
521
00:20:36,204 --> 00:20:37,775
Marvin: Well, not quite.
522
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:40,880
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
523
00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:42,918
♪
524
00:20:42,985 --> 00:20:47,427
[Engine revving]
525
00:20:47,494 --> 00:20:53,171
♪
526
00:20:53,305 --> 00:20:55,409
Marvin: My dad is such a hunk.
527
00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:57,313
Ugh.
I guess that does sound weird.
528
00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:02,691
Junior: Mitchell Flute,
529
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,162
a lone crusader
in a dangerous world
530
00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:07,067
that has totally passed him by.
531
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:09,404
He and his car--mostly his car--
532
00:21:09,505 --> 00:21:10,940
fight crime, help the helpless,
533
00:21:11,007 --> 00:21:13,412
and no longer have sex
in front of each other
534
00:21:13,547 --> 00:21:15,416
because they've set up
healthy boundaries.
535
00:21:15,551 --> 00:21:18,055
So if you seek justice
and you can find him
536
00:21:18,155 --> 00:21:19,692
and it's within daylight hours
537
00:21:19,825 --> 00:21:22,162
and there's not
lots of memorizing involved,
538
00:21:22,296 --> 00:21:23,733
you, too, can hire--
539
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:25,504
Mitchell: Should we pull over
and...?
540
00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:26,906
Junior: No.
541
00:21:27,006 --> 00:21:28,943
Mitchell Flute.
542
00:21:29,044 --> 00:21:34,487
♪
543
00:21:34,588 --> 00:21:35,823
Person: Bento.
[Cheering]
40983
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