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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,109 --> 00:00:02,007 No. No way. 2 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,203 You're the first cop on the scene, dude. 3 00:00:04,969 --> 00:00:06,177 Doesn't matter. 4 00:00:06,183 --> 00:00:08,305 Backup to the police are 20 minutes away. 5 00:00:08,311 --> 00:00:10,687 - She's still warm. - Yeah, I still wouldn't do it. 6 00:00:10,693 --> 00:00:12,986 - It's Marilyn Monroe! - I'd sneak a peek, 7 00:00:12,992 --> 00:00:15,152 but I wouldn't do that. I do have some morals. 8 00:00:15,158 --> 00:00:16,451 You won't get caught. 9 00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:18,649 Her body would be riddled with evidence. 10 00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:22,061 You know, prints, hair, 11 00:00:22,746 --> 00:00:24,625 - my semen. - So? 12 00:00:24,631 --> 00:00:28,238 Dude, it's the Sixties. DNA hasn't even been discovered yet. 13 00:00:28,244 --> 00:00:29,444 No one will ever know. 14 00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:30,920 They'd keep it on file. 15 00:00:30,926 --> 00:00:33,733 They'd cut to a 70-year-old me explaining to my grand-kids 16 00:00:33,739 --> 00:00:37,211 that I went to prison for having sex with Marilyn Monroe's corpse. 17 00:00:37,616 --> 00:00:40,482 Dude, this'll have to be my last one. I gotta get ready for work. 18 00:00:41,179 --> 00:00:43,603 Just take the day off. I did. 19 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:45,095 What, again? 20 00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:46,417 Yep. 21 00:00:46,423 --> 00:00:48,803 All I gotta do is put up some missing cat posters. 22 00:00:48,809 --> 00:00:51,905 So, Becca still doesn't know you killed her cat? 23 00:00:52,389 --> 00:00:54,729 Nope. And she never will. 24 00:00:55,363 --> 00:00:59,097 _ 25 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:01,319 I still bear the scars. 26 00:01:02,612 --> 00:01:05,261 _ 27 00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:07,658 And I am their Queen. 28 00:01:08,870 --> 00:01:10,070 Oh! 29 00:01:14,057 --> 00:01:16,260 - Shit. - What's wrong? 30 00:01:18,628 --> 00:01:22,039 Oh, shit! Shit! Becca's back. 31 00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:28,322 Shit! 32 00:01:30,062 --> 00:01:31,371 _ 33 00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:44,980 Oh! 34 00:01:45,258 --> 00:01:46,512 Hi, honey. 35 00:01:48,584 --> 00:01:50,711 - Why can I smell smoke? - Can you? 36 00:01:51,274 --> 00:01:53,477 Oh, um, I know, huh... 37 00:01:53,664 --> 00:01:57,181 there were some, uh, teenagers smoking some weed. 38 00:01:57,455 --> 00:01:59,798 - Must have wafted in. - Do you think I'm an idiot? 39 00:01:59,804 --> 00:02:01,386 Don't smoke in the flat. 40 00:02:01,392 --> 00:02:03,999 - I told you, I've given up. - What are you doing here anyway? 41 00:02:04,606 --> 00:02:07,726 Oh, I... I had my scan today. For my arm. 42 00:02:07,811 --> 00:02:09,081 Oh yeah, how was it? 43 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,978 Oh, it's always the same. 44 00:02:10,984 --> 00:02:12,558 They don't... they don't know what wrong with it. 45 00:02:12,564 --> 00:02:14,890 They just said, you know, just keep it rested. 46 00:02:14,896 --> 00:02:18,768 Just keep... doing... what you're doing. 47 00:02:18,969 --> 00:02:20,766 Hasn't stopped you playing PlayStation then? 48 00:02:20,864 --> 00:02:22,064 No. 49 00:02:22,070 --> 00:02:25,433 No, well they... actually they said it was good exercise, for my thumb. 50 00:02:25,943 --> 00:02:28,036 So, what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you... 51 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,545 - shouldn't you be at work? - Oh, this isn't yours, you make it stink. 52 00:02:33,005 --> 00:02:34,820 - Me lamp! - Yes. 53 00:02:34,826 --> 00:02:36,809 Your... your lamp. Um... 54 00:02:37,009 --> 00:02:38,619 You're not gonna believe this, 55 00:02:39,521 --> 00:02:41,468 but it was... Peanut. 56 00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:43,529 - Peanut's back? - Yeah. 57 00:02:43,535 --> 00:02:45,183 And... no. 58 00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:48,746 Oh, it's the weirdest thing, he just... jumped into the window. 59 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,935 - Oh, my God! - Like he was possessed. 60 00:02:50,941 --> 00:02:53,625 You know, running around, knocking things over, 61 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,337 including your lamp, 62 00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:57,515 - and uh... - Why do you always lie to me? 63 00:02:57,639 --> 00:02:58,839 I don't. 64 00:02:58,905 --> 00:03:01,308 Just tell the truth for once in your life. 65 00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:03,221 I am telling the truth. 66 00:03:03,227 --> 00:03:04,647 I can't do this anymore. 67 00:03:05,132 --> 00:03:06,332 We're finished. 68 00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:09,835 We're finished? What... what... what... You're dumping me? But... 69 00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:12,290 but we're only halfway through season 5 of Game of Thrones? 70 00:03:12,296 --> 00:03:14,286 Oh, great! So that's your only argument for us to stay together? 71 00:03:14,292 --> 00:03:16,825 - 'Cause I don't even like Game of Thrones. - What? 72 00:03:16,831 --> 00:03:18,720 You cried when they killed Ned. 73 00:03:18,726 --> 00:03:21,132 Get out! Get out! Get your things together and leave. 74 00:03:21,138 --> 00:03:23,092 - But this is my home. - No, it's my home. 75 00:03:23,098 --> 00:03:24,624 You don't even pay rent. 76 00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:27,530 I pay our Netflix subscription. 77 00:03:27,536 --> 00:03:29,725 I'm gonna stay with my mum and dad, 78 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:32,890 and I'm gonna give you till the end of the week to get your things out. 79 00:03:32,896 --> 00:03:34,096 'Kay? 80 00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,814 Ooh, harsh, dude. 81 00:03:44,195 --> 00:03:45,438 Quick game? 82 00:03:48,885 --> 00:03:53,885 Transcription & Sync by PopcornAWH and emeline-whovian Proofed by PetaG for www.addic7ed.com 83 00:03:57,543 --> 00:03:58,743 Hurry up. 84 00:03:58,852 --> 00:04:00,383 I'm coming, my sweetie. 85 00:04:01,258 --> 00:04:03,274 Wear your glasses. 86 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,470 My... my glasses make me look old, light of my life. 87 00:04:06,476 --> 00:04:07,676 You are old. 88 00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:09,897 Even Botox wouldn't help. 89 00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:11,915 I'll just wear my glasses. 90 00:04:13,891 --> 00:04:15,091 Oh, right. 91 00:04:15,299 --> 00:04:16,499 Hello. 92 00:04:21,213 --> 00:04:22,842 How do I get her back, Ash? 93 00:04:23,332 --> 00:04:26,379 Don't know. Maybe you need to give her some space. 94 00:04:27,031 --> 00:04:29,968 What if... what if I took her to a really expensive restaurant? 95 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:34,218 You know, pay for everything, nice wine, steak. 96 00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:36,683 Steak? Isn't she vegetarian? 97 00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:41,421 Do you know what? She might be. Shit! 98 00:04:45,206 --> 00:04:46,682 So... 99 00:04:47,249 --> 00:04:48,600 what are you gonna do? 100 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,343 Can I stay at yours? 101 00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:53,557 Oh, man, that might be tricky. The baby still sleeps with Vanessa. 102 00:04:54,064 --> 00:04:55,788 I've just broken my arm. 103 00:04:56,435 --> 00:04:58,045 How do I get over this? 104 00:05:01,947 --> 00:05:03,469 These things never work. 105 00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:06,351 Can't it just be a... key in a lock? 106 00:05:06,461 --> 00:05:07,741 The old days. 107 00:05:08,226 --> 00:05:11,147 Those are my keys and that's a USB stick you're pressing. 108 00:05:22,995 --> 00:05:26,758 - Hello? - Hi, am I speaking to Daniel Glass? 109 00:05:26,764 --> 00:05:28,029 Uh, yeah, that's me. 110 00:05:28,035 --> 00:05:30,156 Just a remind that you have an appointment here 111 00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:32,664 at St. Frederik's clinic at 12:15. 112 00:05:32,670 --> 00:05:34,143 Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there. 113 00:05:34,149 --> 00:05:37,107 Just to let you know you won't be seeing Dr Leek today 114 00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:38,547 as he is on leave. 115 00:05:38,553 --> 00:05:42,213 All of his cases are being overseen by Dr Glennis. 116 00:05:42,219 --> 00:05:43,419 Dr Glennis? 117 00:05:43,425 --> 00:05:47,525 He's one of our best doctors. You'll be in safe hands. 118 00:05:51,908 --> 00:05:54,834 The NHS is on its death bed. 119 00:05:54,993 --> 00:05:58,236 Long waiting times, outdated equipment, 120 00:05:58,242 --> 00:06:01,420 and wards riddled with MRSA... 121 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:06,608 At We Cover Insurance, we want to give our customers the peace of mind 122 00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:09,233 that their health is in good hands. 123 00:06:09,239 --> 00:06:11,109 Our hands. 124 00:06:11,343 --> 00:06:13,853 - We Cover Insurance. - Bollocks. 125 00:06:20,076 --> 00:06:21,301 _ 126 00:06:32,270 --> 00:06:33,470 Hello? 127 00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,558 Hey! Hey? 128 00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:39,393 Did, uh, did Michael notice I wasn't here? 129 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,040 I don't think so. Is it your first day here? 130 00:06:43,431 --> 00:06:47,448 What? No, no, I've worked here for like two years. 131 00:06:49,437 --> 00:06:50,953 No way. 132 00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:55,353 Hi, this is Daniel at We Cover Insurance. 133 00:06:55,359 --> 00:06:56,705 How can I help you today? 134 00:06:56,711 --> 00:07:01,107 I want to cancel my cancel my husband's plan. Account number 31A28D. 135 00:07:01,113 --> 00:07:02,427 Uh, yeah, why? 136 00:07:02,433 --> 00:07:05,178 - H... he passed away. - Oh. 137 00:07:05,388 --> 00:07:09,066 Oh right, um, it says he's got another four payments to make, 138 00:07:09,072 --> 00:07:12,486 - I just, I... - um, and plus, if you cancel now, you will, 139 00:07:12,492 --> 00:07:16,576 er, invalidate your �35 M&S voucher. 140 00:07:18,346 --> 00:07:19,558 Hello? 141 00:07:22,313 --> 00:07:23,610 Ah, hi, Mom. 142 00:07:23,616 --> 00:07:26,307 - Hi, Simon. - No. It's not Simon, it's 143 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,585 - Daniel, your other son. - Oh, sorry, Daniel. 144 00:07:29,591 --> 00:07:32,288 - Everything okay? - Uh, not really. 145 00:07:32,294 --> 00:07:34,393 Becca kicked me out. 146 00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:36,085 Oh dear... 147 00:07:36,886 --> 00:07:38,421 Who... who's Becca? 148 00:07:38,427 --> 00:07:40,357 But... She... My girlfriend... 149 00:07:40,363 --> 00:07:42,771 who I've been living with for two years. 150 00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:45,442 Oh, Becca. What a shame. 151 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,061 - Do you think I could come and stay? - Oh! 152 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,074 Your brother's calling. Gotta go. 153 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,379 Hi, Simon. 154 00:07:51,385 --> 00:07:55,340 You had one job to do, get me a make-up artist and you ass fucked it! 155 00:07:55,346 --> 00:07:56,734 You didn't mention it yesterday. 156 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:59,201 Isn't it obvious that I need make-up? 157 00:07:59,207 --> 00:08:01,828 I'm going on television to promote this fucking company. 158 00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:04,510 - Yeah, sorry, Kenny. - I'm working harder than a hooker's pussy 159 00:08:04,516 --> 00:08:07,742 to grow We Cover and can you explain to me 160 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,968 why we only get a one-percent increase in the last quarter. 161 00:08:10,974 --> 00:08:13,688 - Can you explain that to me? - Well, an increase is an increase. 162 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:16,477 I want you to fire some of these pricks. 163 00:08:16,483 --> 00:08:20,493 Maybe it'll shove a red hot dildo up the rest of their lazy asses. 164 00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:23,001 I... I thought this was the best area for the interview. 165 00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:25,500 With this bunch of gargoyles behind me? 166 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,717 Wouldn't jizz on them if they were on fire. 167 00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:31,292 Hi, this is Daniel at We Cover Insurance. How can I help you today? 168 00:08:31,298 --> 00:08:36,059 Jesus-H-fucking-Christ, there's not a single face in this place 169 00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:37,757 that's fit for TV. 170 00:08:37,763 --> 00:08:40,384 Except... maybe her. 171 00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:44,812 Move her to this desk here. Get rid of this asshole. 172 00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:46,704 We'll just keep the camera tight. 173 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:49,660 So we don't get any of these other shit lickers in the shot. 174 00:08:49,666 --> 00:08:52,543 - Okay. Yeah. - Okay? Yeah, good. I'm gonna crap. 175 00:08:52,826 --> 00:08:54,263 Ah, hi, Mike. 176 00:08:54,269 --> 00:08:56,911 He's the shit licker, right? 177 00:08:56,917 --> 00:08:58,519 Are you not on the phone to a customer? 178 00:08:59,435 --> 00:09:02,533 Oh, they... they've had some shopping delivered. 179 00:09:02,539 --> 00:09:06,054 Okay, well when you're done, can you come in for a quick word please? 180 00:09:08,044 --> 00:09:09,428 It's your numbers. 181 00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:11,262 They're way up. 182 00:09:11,268 --> 00:09:12,752 Oh, great. 183 00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:14,662 Oh, no, no, it's not great. 184 00:09:14,706 --> 00:09:17,283 You've got a very high cancellation rate. 185 00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:19,722 I mean, our customers are slipping through your fingers. 186 00:09:19,728 --> 00:09:22,738 You try keeping up an angry customer when all you can offer is a 187 00:09:22,744 --> 00:09:24,925 �35 M&S voucher. 188 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,543 That, I think, is a pretty good deal. 189 00:09:28,549 --> 00:09:31,955 I mean, do you even like working here? 190 00:09:32,316 --> 00:09:34,636 - I... love it. - Now... 191 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,629 I'm... I'm s... I'm sorry, Daniel, to have to do this but I... 192 00:09:37,635 --> 00:09:42,220 No, no, no, I... I'm really sorry. I've... I've got my appointment. 193 00:09:42,226 --> 00:09:44,804 Yeah... yeah, of course. 194 00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:47,336 - Another test? - Scan results today. 195 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,472 Uh, fingers crossed they finally 196 00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:52,237 - work out what's wrong with it. - Let's hope so. 197 00:09:54,035 --> 00:09:55,592 Wasn't it your left arm? 198 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,160 Yes. 199 00:09:59,221 --> 00:10:00,421 Yeah, it was. 200 00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:02,698 But now it's the right. 201 00:10:02,704 --> 00:10:06,115 I've been, uh, overcompensating. 202 00:10:10,771 --> 00:10:12,898 Uh. Very unusual. 203 00:10:12,966 --> 00:10:14,596 Tell me, uh, Daniel, 204 00:10:14,763 --> 00:10:16,981 are you, uh... are you a smoker? 205 00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:20,486 Uh, no. No. Ah, why? 206 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,026 Something has come up. 207 00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:23,792 Look... 208 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,470 I'll level with you. 209 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:29,498 There's nothing really wrong with my arm. 210 00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:32,672 I was just trying to get some time off work. 211 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,236 Well, you may be getting, uh, 212 00:10:35,242 --> 00:10:37,649 a bit more time off than you bargained for. 213 00:10:41,705 --> 00:10:45,491 That was in... in bad taste actually. I'm... uh, I'm sorry. 214 00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:47,101 Sorry for what? 215 00:10:47,892 --> 00:10:52,611 I'm afraid I have to tell you, Daniel, that you have cancer. 216 00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,225 I have cancer? 217 00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:16,291 Yes. Yes, there was a shadow on one of your scans 218 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:21,087 and the... the biopsy we did has, it has confirmed that. 219 00:11:23,587 --> 00:11:25,306 I... I have... 220 00:11:25,572 --> 00:11:27,096 elbow cancer? 221 00:11:29,727 --> 00:11:32,556 No. No, no. Your... your... your elbow is fine. 222 00:11:32,562 --> 00:11:35,740 There's... there's no such thing as... as elbow cancer. 223 00:11:35,746 --> 00:11:39,634 Um... you... you have cancer of the osni... of the oth... 224 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,935 uh, it's here. 225 00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:44,281 You have cancer of the osni... Very difficult to pronounce this one. 226 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,547 Yeah. Your asnophagus. 227 00:11:48,339 --> 00:11:50,961 My... my oesophagus? 228 00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:52,885 That's right. Your osnophagus. 229 00:11:53,341 --> 00:11:55,388 Look, uh... I'm gonna level with you. 230 00:11:55,394 --> 00:11:57,503 Uh, it really couldn't be in a worse place 231 00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,519 but, uh, I am a very experienced oncologist, 232 00:12:00,525 --> 00:12:02,808 um, I've successfully treated many patients. 233 00:12:02,814 --> 00:12:05,722 - You're a young man, you're fit, you're healthy. - I'm not. 234 00:12:07,466 --> 00:12:09,572 I don't do any exercise. 235 00:12:10,568 --> 00:12:13,804 And I... I do smoke. Smoke all the time. 236 00:12:15,076 --> 00:12:16,725 My diet's shit. 237 00:12:17,943 --> 00:12:20,489 I've probably eat about fifty units already this week. 238 00:12:20,495 --> 00:12:22,773 Yes... that... that explains a lot. 239 00:12:24,789 --> 00:12:27,474 Look... it's not all bad news. I've... 240 00:12:27,552 --> 00:12:31,312 as part of a special relationship we have here at the clinic, 241 00:12:31,398 --> 00:12:34,971 we treat every We Cover employee... for free. 242 00:12:34,977 --> 00:12:36,250 Just don't get fired. 243 00:12:37,046 --> 00:12:38,252 That's what I say. 244 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,245 Ag-again, I'm... I'm sorry. 245 00:12:40,569 --> 00:12:43,645 Must assure you my doctoring skills 246 00:12:43,651 --> 00:12:46,156 are... are better than my lightening the mood skills. 247 00:12:48,597 --> 00:12:49,797 Huh! 248 00:12:50,017 --> 00:12:51,910 - Good Lord. - What? 249 00:12:51,916 --> 00:12:53,116 I was wrong. 250 00:12:54,119 --> 00:12:56,918 It says here you can get cancer of the elbow. 251 00:13:13,171 --> 00:13:16,942 So, tell me, have you ever been on television before? 252 00:13:16,948 --> 00:13:19,056 Yes, once. 253 00:13:19,239 --> 00:13:22,653 - Well, I was on a train plat... - I've done a million of these. 254 00:13:22,659 --> 00:13:25,632 I dunno what it feels like to be nervous anymore. 255 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,526 - Well, what about stress? - You know what's good for stress? 256 00:13:28,923 --> 00:13:30,123 Fucking. 257 00:13:31,527 --> 00:13:32,753 Well, yes... 258 00:13:32,759 --> 00:13:34,617 but I've got something better. 259 00:13:34,718 --> 00:13:37,985 I've been working on an invention that I'd like to run past you. 260 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,554 The stress thumb. 261 00:13:40,288 --> 00:13:41,488 So... 262 00:13:41,894 --> 00:13:44,210 What, you put that up your asshole? 263 00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:47,210 No, silly... 264 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,105 You put it in your mouth. 265 00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:51,834 You know, 266 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:56,546 I have a reservation at a rather exclusive restaurant for lunch. 267 00:13:56,941 --> 00:13:59,425 Maybe you'd like to tell me all about it then. 268 00:14:15,123 --> 00:14:16,404 You see... 269 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:19,401 We Cover works with a number of top clinics, 270 00:14:19,407 --> 00:14:22,400 that we immediately refer our people to. 271 00:14:22,406 --> 00:14:24,804 We wanna offer the people the... 272 00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:29,159 the level of care that we believe, everyone deserves. 273 00:14:29,532 --> 00:14:32,540 Caring for the sick is what We Cover, 274 00:14:32,546 --> 00:14:33,859 is all about. 275 00:14:37,395 --> 00:14:39,967 You fucking asshole! 276 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,764 - Okay, um, can we... - Watch the... 277 00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,896 can we stop that... that film, can we... can we just... 278 00:14:43,902 --> 00:14:45,432 - What the? - Okay, do... 279 00:14:45,438 --> 00:14:46,892 - Gimme the tape. - Are you okay? 280 00:14:46,898 --> 00:14:50,268 I've spoken to BBC news, and they promised not to run the footage. 281 00:14:50,274 --> 00:14:52,221 - Thank God it wasn't live. - Michael... 282 00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:54,521 fire this cumstain. 283 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,727 Leave this to me. 284 00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:58,310 Uh, Daniel, I... I... w... y-y-you know the 285 00:14:58,316 --> 00:15:00,616 issues that we discussed earlier... 286 00:15:00,622 --> 00:15:03,026 Fucking fire him! 287 00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,198 - I'm afraid... - I've got cancer. 288 00:15:08,595 --> 00:15:10,001 What? 289 00:15:10,519 --> 00:15:13,231 I've been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. 290 00:15:15,109 --> 00:15:18,241 So? Boo-hoo. 291 00:15:18,296 --> 00:15:21,035 - Clear your desk! - Well obviously he's in shock. 292 00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:24,007 - That's why he was sick. - But so fucking what? 293 00:15:24,093 --> 00:15:26,423 One in three people get cancer. 294 00:15:26,429 --> 00:15:29,025 That means that one of us was always gonna get it. 295 00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,916 I'm just glad it was him. 296 00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:33,210 Oh, now Kenny, there is protocol, um... 297 00:15:33,216 --> 00:15:35,212 Daniel, maybe you should head home. 298 00:15:36,288 --> 00:15:37,488 Yeah. 299 00:15:38,191 --> 00:15:39,502 Thanks. 300 00:15:44,613 --> 00:15:47,129 I'm sor... I'm sorry, Mr West. 301 00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,772 Take the cleaning bill out of his pay. 302 00:16:01,338 --> 00:16:02,654 Oh... 303 00:16:02,735 --> 00:16:05,847 hi, Daniel. Look, I know Becca's chucked you out, 304 00:16:05,853 --> 00:16:08,146 but, honestly, we jus... 305 00:16:13,394 --> 00:16:15,596 Ash, you all right? 306 00:16:17,888 --> 00:16:19,894 You'd loose your voice. 307 00:16:20,555 --> 00:16:23,469 Your last words are just gonna be gargles and noises. 308 00:16:23,475 --> 00:16:26,391 - It's not gonna be like that. - My uncle had it... 309 00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:28,657 It was horrible. 310 00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,891 He just wasted away. 311 00:16:32,847 --> 00:16:35,063 I didn't even recognise him at the end. 312 00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,658 He just stank of death. 313 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,651 And now, you will too. 314 00:16:39,657 --> 00:16:42,156 I dunno if I can go through this again. 315 00:16:42,162 --> 00:16:44,756 Oh, honey. Come here. 316 00:16:45,146 --> 00:16:46,859 It's gonna be okay. 317 00:16:47,154 --> 00:16:48,967 He is gonna get through this, 318 00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:51,086 and we are gonna help him. 319 00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,265 I.. I love you. 320 00:16:53,271 --> 00:16:54,642 You too. 321 00:16:55,845 --> 00:16:57,821 Now, I really need to get some sleep, because... 322 00:16:57,827 --> 00:16:59,626 Benny's gonna be up in a few hours. 323 00:16:59,829 --> 00:17:02,252 Everything will look better in the morning. 324 00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:14,781 All right, come on. 325 00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:17,071 Yeah. 326 00:17:22,655 --> 00:17:24,351 Well, I wanted to... 327 00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:29,265 apologise, on behalf of Mr West and myself, 328 00:17:29,436 --> 00:17:33,031 for any distress that was caused yesterday. 329 00:17:34,176 --> 00:17:37,176 I... I'm sorry for throwing up on Mr West. 330 00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:38,888 Uh, it couldn't be helped. 331 00:17:39,778 --> 00:17:42,696 I don't... I guess there was a funny side to it. 332 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,158 - Did he... did he think it was funny? - No. 333 00:17:47,335 --> 00:17:50,356 Anyway, um, your job here is safe. 334 00:17:50,733 --> 00:17:53,970 - That's amazing. Thank you, Michael. - No, thank you, Daniel. 335 00:17:54,546 --> 00:17:57,165 Thank you for all your hard wor... 336 00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:58,734 for your bravery. 337 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,120 I... 338 00:18:01,616 --> 00:18:02,898 I'll just... yeah. 339 00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:04,901 Huh. 340 00:18:29,473 --> 00:18:31,182 You know I didn't want it to end like this. 341 00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:33,297 It was... my fault. 342 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,776 I was a terrible boyfriend. 343 00:18:38,064 --> 00:18:39,979 I took you for granted. 344 00:18:41,127 --> 00:18:42,717 Spent all your money. 345 00:18:43,716 --> 00:18:45,419 Didn't give you anything back. 346 00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:48,841 We had something great.. 347 00:18:50,194 --> 00:18:51,788 and I blew it. 348 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,124 Have you found somewhere to stay? 349 00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:58,617 Yeah... yeah, no, I'm staying with Ash, 350 00:18:58,623 --> 00:19:00,718 - for a bit... - Oh. 351 00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,868 Oh, right... I... I... I thought you were... 352 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,257 gonna try and find a place on your own. 353 00:19:06,263 --> 00:19:08,379 Oh, well, I'll be fine. 354 00:19:10,548 --> 00:19:12,154 So your arm's better then. 355 00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:15,645 Yeah, yeah, my arm... 356 00:19:15,651 --> 00:19:18,352 my arm's fine. Everything's fine. 357 00:19:19,329 --> 00:19:22,556 Yeah, okay, I know when you're lying to me Daniel, what's going on? 358 00:19:22,774 --> 00:19:25,789 Uh, I wasn't gonna say anything... 359 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,885 but... 360 00:19:29,891 --> 00:19:32,281 You were gonna go without telling me. 361 00:19:32,817 --> 00:19:34,943 You can't do this on your own. 362 00:19:36,115 --> 00:19:37,528 Wait a minute... 363 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,300 Are you bullshitting me? 364 00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:42,770 Look, I know I've told a few white lies in my time, but... 365 00:19:42,939 --> 00:19:45,946 come on, people... people don't lie about cancer. 366 00:19:51,251 --> 00:19:53,157 I want to be there for you. 367 00:20:23,591 --> 00:20:25,678 Fuck, I was*, but it hasn't been like that for ages. 368 00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:27,513 Oh... yeah! 369 00:20:28,287 --> 00:20:30,701 - Where did we go wrong, Becca? - We? 370 00:20:30,841 --> 00:20:32,041 Really? 371 00:20:32,863 --> 00:20:35,566 No, I just... I just couldn't trust you. 372 00:20:35,746 --> 00:20:37,356 You lied to me all the time. 373 00:20:38,652 --> 00:20:41,969 Look... full disclosure. 374 00:20:43,927 --> 00:20:45,957 I've got something else to tell you. 375 00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,152 Peanut's dead. 376 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:51,683 What? 377 00:20:52,144 --> 00:20:53,344 Mmm. 378 00:20:53,829 --> 00:20:55,285 Oh, no. 379 00:20:56,329 --> 00:20:57,988 Oh, God no. I didn't... 380 00:20:58,134 --> 00:20:59,967 Well, did someone cause it? 381 00:21:00,011 --> 00:21:01,395 Was it a car? 382 00:21:01,610 --> 00:21:03,909 No... um... 383 00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:06,455 I killed him. 384 00:21:07,739 --> 00:21:09,653 It was an accident, you know. I... 385 00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:13,559 I was walking out the door, I didn't realise he was behind me, and I... 386 00:21:14,129 --> 00:21:17,631 slammed the door on his neck. Yeah, but it was instant... 387 00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:22,286 No. No more lies. 388 00:21:23,056 --> 00:21:25,844 It wasn't instant, it was... I had to slam the door 389 00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:28,634 three or four more times to stop the screaming. 390 00:21:32,012 --> 00:21:33,780 Poor Peanut. 391 00:21:34,161 --> 00:21:36,438 Look, I'm gonna finish packing my things. 392 00:21:36,444 --> 00:21:38,287 No... no! No way. 393 00:21:38,561 --> 00:21:40,473 I don't want you to move out. 394 00:21:41,094 --> 00:21:44,519 You know, like you said, it was an accident. 395 00:21:46,297 --> 00:21:47,821 You need me right now, 396 00:21:47,827 --> 00:21:50,329 and I wanna be there for you, every step of the way. 397 00:21:51,113 --> 00:21:52,464 I love you. 398 00:21:55,526 --> 00:21:57,172 I love you too. 399 00:22:01,182 --> 00:22:03,861 _ 400 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,396 Hey... are you feeling better? 401 00:22:07,573 --> 00:22:08,870 Oh, yeah. 402 00:22:08,876 --> 00:22:11,787 Was it something you ate, or stress? 403 00:22:12,182 --> 00:22:17,189 Uh, probably stress, I... I had just been... diagnosed with cancer. 404 00:22:19,374 --> 00:22:20,993 Yeah, right. 405 00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:25,733 Well... say hello to: 'Stressthumb'. 406 00:22:25,739 --> 00:22:28,444 You place it over your actual thumb, suck, 407 00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:30,711 and it releases essential vitamins and minerals, 408 00:22:30,717 --> 00:22:32,746 that will melt your stress away. 409 00:22:33,022 --> 00:22:34,726 It's strawberry flavoured. 410 00:22:34,827 --> 00:22:36,452 Oh, what a... 411 00:22:36,837 --> 00:22:40,139 - great idea. - I know, no one's ever made these before. 412 00:22:48,861 --> 00:22:52,021 _ 413 00:22:55,887 --> 00:22:57,809 So you're saying 'six months'? 414 00:22:58,336 --> 00:22:59,536 Yes. 415 00:22:59,605 --> 00:23:04,629 So... so... so, Daniel might be dead in six months. 416 00:23:04,635 --> 00:23:07,829 Yes, yes. Less even. 417 00:23:08,066 --> 00:23:09,266 Oh, my God. 418 00:23:13,629 --> 00:23:14,955 - What? - _ 419 00:23:15,558 --> 00:23:18,439 07700-900843. 420 00:23:18,445 --> 00:23:21,206 You've taken my phone, you fucking idiot. 421 00:23:21,915 --> 00:23:23,544 Really? Uh, hang on... 422 00:23:24,524 --> 00:23:27,815 Oh, sorry I have to... 423 00:23:28,011 --> 00:23:31,021 speak to another patient about a rather important matter. 424 00:23:31,318 --> 00:23:32,620 Um... 425 00:23:34,994 --> 00:23:36,417 Ugh! 426 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,460 Ah, ha-ha-ha. 427 00:23:40,554 --> 00:23:42,205 I always forget it opens inward. 428 00:23:43,849 --> 00:23:45,708 You should get a second opinion. 429 00:23:49,364 --> 00:23:52,075 - I can take as many days off as I like, - Uh-huh. 430 00:23:52,081 --> 00:23:55,576 people at work, who used to ignore me, now bring me coffee, 431 00:23:55,582 --> 00:23:57,375 and everyone's just being so nice to me. 432 00:23:57,381 --> 00:23:59,775 Huh, what, even... even your folks? 433 00:23:59,781 --> 00:24:02,052 Oh yeah... I... I haven't actually told them yet. 434 00:24:02,943 --> 00:24:05,971 You haven't, hmm? So... 435 00:24:05,977 --> 00:24:09,677 - You and Becca? - Yeah, yeah, thing's are good. 436 00:24:09,755 --> 00:24:12,811 You know I've realised I was taking her for granted all this time so... 437 00:24:13,409 --> 00:24:16,292 - Not anymore. - Well, proud of you dude. 438 00:24:16,784 --> 00:24:19,784 Hey, if you ever need anything from me, just holler. 439 00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:22,612 Yeah, right now I need you to stop pissing about, 440 00:24:22,618 --> 00:24:24,764 and lay down some suppressing fire. 441 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,342 - Gonna storm that bunker. - Ha-ha-ha, okay... 442 00:24:27,348 --> 00:24:29,227 Locking and loading. 443 00:24:29,342 --> 00:24:32,350 Stealing and self-administering medication is dangerous... 444 00:24:32,356 --> 00:24:33,642 and illegal. 445 00:24:33,648 --> 00:24:35,663 Can I ask wha... 446 00:24:36,555 --> 00:24:40,383 - this is in connection with? - The missing Botox. 447 00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:42,969 I've no id... I've no idea what you're talking about. 448 00:24:42,975 --> 00:24:45,540 Ian, how do you explain your face? 449 00:24:45,749 --> 00:24:49,561 We, uh, we... we had a crab supper last night, 450 00:24:49,567 --> 00:24:52,077 and I... I think... I think I'm having... 451 00:24:52,256 --> 00:24:54,069 - an allergic reaction to it. - 452 00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:56,170 Look at you, you're a mess. 453 00:24:56,176 --> 00:24:57,719 The last time you covered for Dr Leek 454 00:24:57,725 --> 00:24:59,609 you prescribed Tetracycline to a pregnant woman. 455 00:24:59,615 --> 00:25:01,829 It could've killed her, not to mention her unborn child. 456 00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:03,617 Thank God the pharmacist spotted it. 457 00:25:03,623 --> 00:25:05,537 No, I didn't know she was pregnant. 458 00:25:05,617 --> 00:25:07,735 She was in her third trimester! 459 00:25:09,374 --> 00:25:10,706 This is it, Iain, 460 00:25:12,159 --> 00:25:15,182 one more slip-up, and you're finished. 461 00:25:24,984 --> 00:25:27,530 Jesus, Mary and Joseph. 462 00:25:28,158 --> 00:25:31,244 Okay, can I take some details, from you first, um... 463 00:25:31,652 --> 00:25:33,147 Hey, champ... 464 00:25:33,644 --> 00:25:36,543 um, you've got a visitor to see you, in my office. 465 00:25:36,933 --> 00:25:39,559 Can I just put you on hold, for one second? 466 00:25:40,693 --> 00:25:44,683 - Who is it? - Ah, your doctor. Glennis, is it? 467 00:25:50,906 --> 00:25:52,113 What is it? 468 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,209 - It.. it's spread, hasn't it? - No. 469 00:25:54,215 --> 00:25:57,131 It's... it's... it's not, it's not bad news. In fact it's... 470 00:25:57,137 --> 00:25:59,139 it's actually the opposite of bad news. 471 00:26:00,164 --> 00:26:01,651 G-g-go on. 472 00:26:02,246 --> 00:26:05,874 I'm very pleased to say, Daniel, that you.... 473 00:26:06,257 --> 00:26:08,258 you don't have cancer. 474 00:26:11,534 --> 00:26:14,731 I... I don't have cancer? 475 00:26:14,817 --> 00:26:16,427 No. 476 00:26:17,505 --> 00:26:21,309 - So... I'm... I'm not... I'm not ill? - No! 477 00:26:23,334 --> 00:26:24,967 Oh, my God. 478 00:26:25,032 --> 00:26:28,252 Thank you, thank you, God, I-I don't have cancer? 479 00:26:28,258 --> 00:26:30,759 No, you're, you're as fit as a fisherman. 480 00:26:30,765 --> 00:26:32,176 Oh, my God. Um... 481 00:26:32,182 --> 00:26:33,603 If you just sign that for me, it's just... 482 00:26:33,609 --> 00:26:34,871 it's a formality. I wouldn't... 483 00:26:34,877 --> 00:26:39,066 Oh, Th-thank you so much Dr Glennis. I can't believe it. 484 00:26:39,072 --> 00:26:41,041 Ha-ha-ha, it's amazing. 485 00:26:41,263 --> 00:26:42,466 What, uh, what's this? 486 00:26:42,472 --> 00:26:44,069 It's just a formality, you don't... 487 00:26:44,075 --> 00:26:45,679 Uh, "I hereby agree, 488 00:26:45,685 --> 00:26:47,520 - "not to tell anyone - ...don't have to read it all. 489 00:26:47,526 --> 00:26:50,309 "that I was misdiagnosed with cancer." I'm not signing this! 490 00:26:50,315 --> 00:26:53,018 - I really, really need you to sign it. - No, no way. 491 00:26:53,024 --> 00:26:56,948 You told me I had cancer. Do you know what I've been through? Jesus! 492 00:26:57,317 --> 00:26:58,620 Please! 493 00:26:58,626 --> 00:27:00,922 If this get's out, I'm finished. 494 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:03,134 My wife will leave me. 495 00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:05,830 She's only sticking around for the money, what's left of it. 496 00:27:05,836 --> 00:27:07,234 She can't even bare to touch me. 497 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,833 That... that's not really my problem. 498 00:27:10,726 --> 00:27:15,704 Fine.... then you will be in breach of doctor-patient confidentiality. 499 00:27:15,710 --> 00:27:17,703 That only works one way! 500 00:27:18,009 --> 00:27:19,209 D-does it? 501 00:27:19,705 --> 00:27:21,119 Oh, all right. 502 00:27:22,297 --> 00:27:23,806 I'll... I'll pay you. 503 00:27:24,845 --> 00:27:26,045 - How much? - 504 00:27:27,048 --> 00:27:28,481 Fifty pounds. 505 00:27:28,487 --> 00:27:29,962 - God! - No, sixty! 506 00:27:30,126 --> 00:27:34,345 Tell your boss, he'll be hearing from my lawyer, first thing. 507 00:27:34,351 --> 00:27:36,961 Yeah! I'm sure my lawyer 508 00:27:36,967 --> 00:27:40,368 is gonna be very interested to read this 'contract'. 509 00:27:40,454 --> 00:27:42,377 N-no... please! 510 00:27:42,383 --> 00:27:43,741 _ 511 00:27:46,849 --> 00:27:49,959 - Fuck you cancer, fuck you. - _ 512 00:27:55,502 --> 00:27:58,978 Oh no... has it spread? 513 00:27:59,182 --> 00:28:03,588 No. No, no, i-i-it hasn't. Um... 514 00:28:06,508 --> 00:28:08,824 - Lost my dad to liver cancer last year. - 515 00:28:08,928 --> 00:28:10,128 That's awful. 516 00:28:10,319 --> 00:28:11,817 I dunno how I'd cope. 517 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:14,302 Yeah... the... the thing is... 518 00:28:14,615 --> 00:28:17,131 I... I don't have cancer. 519 00:28:25,108 --> 00:28:27,100 God, you're so funny. 520 00:28:32,265 --> 00:28:34,472 Hi, this is Becca, leave a message. 521 00:28:34,570 --> 00:28:39,382 Hey, babe. Listen, I'm taking you out tonight, somewhere fancy. 522 00:28:39,569 --> 00:28:41,273 We've got something to celebrate. 523 00:28:42,802 --> 00:28:45,045 I can't remember the last time you took me out on a date. 524 00:28:45,051 --> 00:28:48,319 Ha! Well, there'll be plenty more dates from now on. 525 00:28:48,325 --> 00:28:49,528 Mmm, yeah... 526 00:28:49,803 --> 00:28:52,126 be it six months... two years... 527 00:28:52,132 --> 00:28:53,923 Well, who knows, you might even out-live me. 528 00:28:55,371 --> 00:28:57,870 Well, you know, you might just be right. 529 00:28:57,876 --> 00:28:59,161 - Mmm. - Um... 530 00:28:59,492 --> 00:29:01,354 because we're here to celebrate... 531 00:29:01,953 --> 00:29:03,895 - and... - I just want you to know. 532 00:29:03,901 --> 00:29:06,713 that I'm going to be here for you, throughout your illness. 533 00:29:06,884 --> 00:29:09,384 Oh, that... that means so much to me. 534 00:29:10,111 --> 00:29:11,994 - Anyway, er... - And to think I've given up on you. 535 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,205 It's just... 536 00:29:13,559 --> 00:29:15,899 Well, I promise I won't again, not now that you are sick. 537 00:29:19,444 --> 00:29:20,842 Um... 538 00:29:22,334 --> 00:29:25,049 - Don't take this the wrong way... - Mmm. 539 00:29:25,551 --> 00:29:26,751 but... 540 00:29:28,980 --> 00:29:32,402 Do you only love me now, 541 00:29:32,482 --> 00:29:36,776 because of my, you know, illness? 542 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:44,176 I'm not gonna lie to you... 543 00:29:44,853 --> 00:29:47,892 yes, but it's made you a better person. 544 00:29:48,462 --> 00:29:52,353 You're more thoughtful, loving, and, well... 545 00:29:53,048 --> 00:29:54,394 honest. 546 00:29:56,537 --> 00:29:57,856 Wow... 547 00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:01,966 it's almost like, me getting cancer was... 548 00:30:02,038 --> 00:30:05,251 - what our relationship needed. - Yeah. 549 00:30:06,316 --> 00:30:07,615 Cheers. 550 00:30:17,713 --> 00:30:18,978 Tomorrow... 551 00:30:19,689 --> 00:30:21,449 I'll tell her tomorrow. 552 00:30:27,622 --> 00:30:29,686 - Ooh. Shit, - What? 553 00:30:29,692 --> 00:30:31,608 I've left my phone at the restaurant. I have to go back. 554 00:30:31,614 --> 00:30:33,717 - Uh, do you want me to come with? - No, no, no, no. You go in. 555 00:30:33,723 --> 00:30:35,217 Yeah, uh, I'll pop by the shop too. 556 00:30:35,223 --> 00:30:37,703 - Do you want me to get you some beers? - Oh, you're the best. 557 00:30:48,742 --> 00:30:52,855 _ 558 00:30:52,861 --> 00:30:55,168 _ 559 00:30:55,541 --> 00:30:57,941 _ 560 00:30:57,947 --> 00:31:00,539 _ 561 00:31:00,847 --> 00:31:04,154 Dude, that's such amazing news! You must be so relieved. 562 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,451 Yeah... 563 00:31:05,457 --> 00:31:07,164 Look, it sounds awful, but... 564 00:31:07,441 --> 00:31:10,086 having cancer all week has been so great. 565 00:31:10,575 --> 00:31:12,270 My job's safe... 566 00:31:12,598 --> 00:31:14,457 people giving me stuff... 567 00:31:14,582 --> 00:31:16,684 - Becca's taken me back, - That's great. 568 00:31:16,690 --> 00:31:19,987 you know, and last night she even... she even licked my, uh... 569 00:31:20,077 --> 00:31:22,629 Licked your what? Your balls? 570 00:31:22,739 --> 00:31:25,154 No, no, um, behind there. 571 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,639 - Wow... what was that like? - Yeah... 572 00:31:28,645 --> 00:31:31,131 yeah, no, it was... it was all right, I guess. It was... 573 00:31:31,137 --> 00:31:32,934 a bit uncomfortable. 574 00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:40,766 I've got twenty minutes. 575 00:31:43,954 --> 00:31:46,334 And this is all gonna end when I tell everyone. 576 00:31:46,340 --> 00:31:49,319 What do you mean "when"? You... you haven't told Becca yet? 577 00:31:49,325 --> 00:31:52,132 No... no, I was gonna tell her tonight but... 578 00:31:52,418 --> 00:31:54,139 You know, the right moment didn't come up. 579 00:31:54,145 --> 00:31:55,826 Well, when is the right moment? I mean... 580 00:31:55,832 --> 00:31:57,872 the next time she's licking your asshole? 581 00:32:00,473 --> 00:32:02,282 This just feels wrong. 582 00:32:02,567 --> 00:32:03,767 I know. 583 00:32:04,137 --> 00:32:05,790 And not hot wrong. 584 00:32:06,062 --> 00:32:07,262 Yeah, I know. 585 00:32:10,309 --> 00:32:12,635 He's dying, we shouldn't be doing this. 586 00:32:14,503 --> 00:32:17,132 I was all ready to leave him, and now this... 587 00:32:17,138 --> 00:32:18,535 He needs me. I feel awful. 588 00:32:18,541 --> 00:32:21,413 - I feel awful, he was my best friend. - Yeah, and I'm his girlfriend. 589 00:32:21,419 --> 00:32:24,282 He needs me, he's got cancer, Ash. I've got to be there for him. 590 00:32:24,288 --> 00:32:26,093 - Not sexually. - Ugh! 591 00:32:26,099 --> 00:32:28,697 No. God, no. I can't leave him now. 592 00:32:28,703 --> 00:32:31,380 Everyone will just be saying how much of a heartless bitch you were. 593 00:32:31,386 --> 00:32:32,920 Uh, what about you? 594 00:32:32,926 --> 00:32:35,371 Screwing your best friend's girlfriend while he's dying. 595 00:32:35,377 --> 00:32:36,868 Not to mention your wife and baby. 596 00:32:37,007 --> 00:32:39,302 Why do bad things always happen to me? 597 00:32:41,296 --> 00:32:42,573 We should end this. 598 00:32:42,823 --> 00:32:44,023 You're right. 599 00:32:46,712 --> 00:32:49,705 - I think we should end this right now. - We can't see each other again. 600 00:32:49,711 --> 00:32:50,920 After this one. 601 00:32:50,926 --> 00:32:54,236 Yeah, this... this is the last one. It's the last one. 602 00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:58,959 Oh, Ash! 603 00:32:59,038 --> 00:33:00,238 Ash! 604 00:33:09,590 --> 00:33:10,790 _ 605 00:33:10,796 --> 00:33:12,052 Shush. 606 00:33:12,577 --> 00:33:13,777 _ 607 00:33:13,804 --> 00:33:15,702 _ 608 00:33:18,874 --> 00:33:20,074 _ 609 00:33:26,725 --> 00:33:27,925 Hello. 610 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,285 It's work. They want to know where you are. 611 00:33:31,465 --> 00:33:33,989 Can you tell 'em I've... I've left already, my love. 612 00:33:58,754 --> 00:34:02,390 If you tell her, she'll leave you. 613 00:34:03,747 --> 00:34:04,947 Will she? 614 00:34:05,548 --> 00:34:07,165 She wouldn't do that. 615 00:34:08,119 --> 00:34:09,365 Would she? 616 00:34:10,201 --> 00:34:12,426 No. No more lies. 617 00:34:16,279 --> 00:34:18,354 Hi, this is Becca. Leave a message. 618 00:34:18,411 --> 00:34:19,688 Rebecca. 619 00:34:20,666 --> 00:34:23,416 Yeah, I-I-I just want you to know that I, uh... 620 00:34:23,783 --> 00:34:27,123 I just want you to know, I don't have cancer! 621 00:34:28,237 --> 00:34:30,208 Yeah, it-it-it was all a mistake. 622 00:34:30,214 --> 00:34:33,131 Um, I just found out, total misdiagnosis. 623 00:34:33,791 --> 00:34:36,300 Um, isn't that amazing? Um... 624 00:34:36,306 --> 00:34:40,599 Anyway, I-I-I can't wait to see you and... and.. and to celebrate. 625 00:34:41,290 --> 00:34:42,884 I love you so much. 626 00:34:43,369 --> 00:34:44,678 Okay, bye. 627 00:34:52,961 --> 00:34:54,493 Oh, there you are. 628 00:34:54,571 --> 00:34:57,595 That's... so weird, I was just leaving you a voice mess... 629 00:34:57,799 --> 00:34:58,999 Follow me. 630 00:35:01,742 --> 00:35:03,553 Here he is! 631 00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:06,061 Oh, surprise! 632 00:35:09,835 --> 00:35:13,139 Um, Daniel, I-I... I would just like to say, 633 00:35:13,145 --> 00:35:17,520 uh, myself, Mr West and, well everybody at We Cover 634 00:35:17,706 --> 00:35:19,327 are here for you... 635 00:35:19,394 --> 00:35:20,926 Hear, hear! 636 00:35:21,317 --> 00:35:23,918 ...and, uh, a trust has been set up in your name 637 00:35:23,924 --> 00:35:28,715 that will help go in to, uh, funding research into oesophageal cancer. 638 00:35:29,157 --> 00:35:30,388 Wow. 639 00:35:30,478 --> 00:35:33,611 Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! 640 00:35:33,617 --> 00:35:34,817 Yeah. 641 00:35:35,776 --> 00:35:36,976 Um... 642 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:38,560 Yeah, uh... 643 00:35:38,566 --> 00:35:40,863 You... you guys... 644 00:35:41,219 --> 00:35:44,719 uh, you know, you... you've been so... 645 00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,468 great. 646 00:35:46,609 --> 00:35:47,809 Um... 647 00:35:48,811 --> 00:35:50,718 You're not gonna believe this... 648 00:35:51,403 --> 00:35:53,123 but I... 649 00:36:02,911 --> 00:36:04,428 I love you. 650 00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:07,283 Okay. 651 00:36:08,111 --> 00:36:10,927 I remember everything about the day I was... 652 00:36:11,011 --> 00:36:12,892 diagnosed with cancer. 653 00:36:16,324 --> 00:36:18,197 I still bear the scars. 654 00:36:19,943 --> 00:36:22,185 You are all my family, now... 655 00:36:23,449 --> 00:36:26,446 And I am your... Queen... 656 00:36:27,916 --> 00:36:29,908 of hearts. 657 00:36:30,029 --> 00:36:33,839 Queen of... Queen of hearts. Queen... 658 00:36:35,111 --> 00:36:36,676 Whoo! 659 00:36:37,140 --> 00:36:38,340 Uh, Dad! 660 00:36:38,346 --> 00:36:42,187 Humphrey Bogart died of oesophageal cancer. 661 00:36:43,215 --> 00:36:44,895 Oh, really? 662 00:36:45,163 --> 00:36:46,363 Oh God. 663 00:36:46,369 --> 00:36:48,577 I wanted you to phone everyday. 664 00:36:48,858 --> 00:36:51,053 Yep, no, I will. Yeah. 665 00:36:51,059 --> 00:36:53,583 Uh, otherwise your mum will worry. 666 00:36:53,589 --> 00:36:54,789 Yeah. 667 00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:57,769 Thanks, Dad. 668 00:36:57,988 --> 00:36:59,941 - Oh! - Ooh. 669 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,684 Ah... ha-ha. 670 00:37:23,708 --> 00:37:25,917 Dr Iain Glennis speaking. 671 00:37:26,060 --> 00:37:29,220 Okay, I'm not gonna tell anyone about your mistake. 672 00:37:30,025 --> 00:37:32,302 Ah, that is... 673 00:37:32,679 --> 00:37:36,181 absolutely wonderful. 674 00:37:36,187 --> 00:37:38,008 But you've got to do something for me. 675 00:37:38,014 --> 00:37:39,539 Yes, anything. 676 00:37:39,545 --> 00:37:42,153 We're gonna pretend I've got cancer, 677 00:37:42,222 --> 00:37:44,732 and then we're gonna say that you cured me. 678 00:37:44,848 --> 00:37:47,145 Will people believe us? Can we do it? 679 00:37:47,151 --> 00:37:48,559 Yeah, yes. 680 00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:51,882 Yes. Yes, we can do this. 681 00:37:52,496 --> 00:37:53,748 Okay. 682 00:37:54,894 --> 00:37:56,397 I've got cancer then. 683 00:38:29,987 --> 00:38:31,229 Oh, I love you. 684 00:38:32,820 --> 00:38:34,432 You misspelled suicide. 685 00:38:37,432 --> 00:38:39,726 Mmm, you were so brave today, baby. 686 00:38:39,732 --> 00:38:41,838 Oh, I couldn't have done it without you. 687 00:38:43,424 --> 00:38:46,159 - I'm gonna check my messages. - Mmm. 688 00:38:49,254 --> 00:38:52,847 - Mmm, there's one from you. - You have two new messages. 689 00:38:52,853 --> 00:38:54,165 Rebecca... 690 00:38:54,953 --> 00:38:57,117 - Yeah, I-I just want you to know that... - Arrrgh! 691 00:38:57,123 --> 00:38:59,054 - What's wrong? - Oh, it's my cancer. 692 00:38:59,216 --> 00:39:01,921 Ooh! Oh, could you put that down and... and just get me a glass 693 00:39:01,927 --> 00:39:04,146 - a glass of water? Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. 694 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:06,044 I've got something to tell you... 695 00:39:09,109 --> 00:39:10,338 I don't have can... 696 00:39:12,814 --> 00:39:16,198 - Well, should I take you to a hospital? - Oh, no, no, it's been so... it's passed. 697 00:39:16,714 --> 00:39:17,914 I'm okay. 698 00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,822 - Oh, my God! - Yeah. Thanks, babe. 699 00:39:19,828 --> 00:39:22,149 Oh, God... poor thing. 700 00:39:24,032 --> 00:39:25,232 Oh... 701 00:39:29,501 --> 00:39:31,004 _ 702 00:39:35,285 --> 00:39:37,379 Uh-oh! Oh! 703 00:39:37,385 --> 00:39:38,896 Hard at work, are we? 704 00:39:38,902 --> 00:39:41,256 Well, I'm only paying you for another six months, so... 705 00:39:41,262 --> 00:39:42,792 Oh, Mr West. 706 00:39:43,574 --> 00:39:45,578 So, any news on my Stressthumbs? 707 00:39:45,584 --> 00:39:48,389 I'm sorry but it's thumb down. 708 00:39:48,395 --> 00:39:51,756 The lab boys said it was commercially not viable. 709 00:39:51,762 --> 00:39:54,325 - I thought those trials took months. - I fast-tracked it. 710 00:39:54,331 --> 00:39:56,544 I was just so sure they'd be a hit. 711 00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:57,960 You know, 712 00:39:57,966 --> 00:40:02,744 an early lunch with Kenny West will turn that frown upside down. 713 00:40:02,750 --> 00:40:04,726 Really? That girl from accounts 714 00:40:04,732 --> 00:40:06,861 seemed pretty upset when you took her out last month. 715 00:40:07,062 --> 00:40:10,731 Oh, look, you have a customer. Cancer cunt. 716 00:40:18,192 --> 00:40:20,037 _ 717 00:40:20,318 --> 00:40:22,498 Okay, so that was definitely the last time. 718 00:40:22,504 --> 00:40:24,045 Yeah, it's over. 719 00:40:24,904 --> 00:40:27,448 You know, we should be doing nice things for Daniel, not this. 720 00:40:27,454 --> 00:40:28,654 You're right. 721 00:40:29,051 --> 00:40:32,225 Hey, I'll get him a secret cinema ticket. They're doing Gladiator. 722 00:40:33,051 --> 00:40:34,369 Whatever, come on. 723 00:40:34,375 --> 00:40:36,949 Yeah, and I just need to... 724 00:40:37,398 --> 00:40:38,598 you know. 725 00:40:38,604 --> 00:40:40,555 Ew! I'm not waiting around for that. Just... 726 00:40:40,561 --> 00:40:42,885 ugh, just make the bed and let yourself out. 727 00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:56,810 _ 728 00:40:56,907 --> 00:40:59,115 Hey, buddy. You okay? 729 00:40:59,204 --> 00:41:00,795 Uh, yeah, I'm good. 730 00:41:00,801 --> 00:41:02,963 Listen, they're given me the afternoon off. 731 00:41:02,969 --> 00:41:06,785 I was thinking we could grab a few drinks, play some pool. 732 00:41:07,190 --> 00:41:08,448 You about? 733 00:41:09,503 --> 00:41:10,703 Ash? 734 00:41:12,163 --> 00:41:14,660 - Ash, are you still there? - Yeah, man. 735 00:41:15,043 --> 00:41:18,178 It just went really quiet. Can barely hear you. 736 00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:20,537 Yeah, um... I'm just on the toilet. 737 00:41:20,543 --> 00:41:22,939 Oh, great. You've been taking a dump this whole time? 738 00:41:22,945 --> 00:41:24,145 Oh, sorry. 739 00:41:25,379 --> 00:41:29,852 Um, look, you got the Game of Thrones Blu-Ray box set, right? 740 00:41:29,858 --> 00:41:32,560 Uh, Torch-Winterfell Edition, yes. 741 00:41:32,566 --> 00:41:35,766 Could you just, um, help me check something on the back? 742 00:41:35,772 --> 00:41:37,077 Can't it wait? 743 00:41:37,763 --> 00:41:40,138 It's just, it's kind of an emergency. 744 00:41:48,039 --> 00:41:49,341 What the fuck! 745 00:41:51,832 --> 00:41:54,928 Yeah, okay man. Uh, what... what you wanna know? 746 00:41:55,208 --> 00:41:57,334 What special features are listed? 747 00:41:58,521 --> 00:41:59,948 Uh, photo gallery, 748 00:41:59,954 --> 00:42:03,811 anatomy of an episode featurette, the season 7 preview... 749 00:42:06,094 --> 00:42:07,514 You're welcome. 750 00:42:15,727 --> 00:42:18,142 Oh! That's not one of mine. 751 00:42:18,148 --> 00:42:20,220 She'd kill me if I forgot to flush that. 752 00:42:24,109 --> 00:42:25,460 It's like I've won the lottery. 753 00:42:25,466 --> 00:42:28,949 - By lying about having cancer? - It's only for six months... 754 00:42:29,238 --> 00:42:32,152 okay? And then everyone will think I've beat it. 755 00:42:32,519 --> 00:42:36,747 And then get my life back on track and no one will ever know... 756 00:42:36,753 --> 00:42:39,528 - I... faked cancer. - You faked it? 757 00:42:40,707 --> 00:42:41,907 Who's that? 758 00:42:42,538 --> 00:42:44,944 Ash? What are you doing on my window? 759 00:42:44,950 --> 00:42:47,929 You... you lied to everyone. You lied to me. 760 00:42:47,935 --> 00:42:49,275 What is going on? 761 00:42:51,441 --> 00:42:53,440 _ 762 00:42:54,127 --> 00:42:56,713 - You and Becca? - I cried for you, Daniel. 763 00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:00,090 - I cried for days, you're my best friend. - Who's fucking my girlfriend! 764 00:43:00,096 --> 00:43:01,785 Gonna give you secret cinema tickets! 765 00:43:01,791 --> 00:43:04,411 - They're doing Gladiator! - You've just had a baby! 766 00:43:04,417 --> 00:43:06,687 Becca's my girlfriend and you're my best... 767 00:43:06,693 --> 00:43:08,081 Aaaah! 768 00:43:09,061 --> 00:43:10,496 Ash! 769 00:43:11,188 --> 00:43:12,388 Shit. 770 00:43:15,763 --> 00:43:16,963 Daniel? 771 00:43:17,576 --> 00:43:19,281 Dude, you still there? 772 00:43:19,927 --> 00:43:21,127 Daniel? 773 00:43:25,738 --> 00:43:28,347 - Do you wanna go to prison for murder? - Murder?! 774 00:43:33,054 --> 00:43:34,758 Oh, for Pete's sake. 775 00:43:37,545 --> 00:43:39,246 You bastard! 776 00:43:42,709 --> 00:43:44,397 I thought you'd been arrested. 777 00:43:44,403 --> 00:43:51,409 Transcription & Sync by PopcornAWH and emeline-whovian Proofed by PetaG for www.addic7ed.com 55852

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