Original subtitles

May I get my usual, please?

Well, you're in a good mood.

What's up?

Well, actually...

No, I better not. Don't want to jinx it.

No problem.

Besides, the mark of a true gentleman is discretion.

Okay.

Listen, about your dad's bachelor party...

Charlotte and I spent the night together.

I thought she was seeing that super-hotty Frank.

Dumped him, thank you.

For you?

I mean, wow! Way to go!

Yes, I know.

It's funny I should end up

with my own matchmaker, isn't it?

Yeah. I mean, that Frank was the whole package.

Those eyes,

that chin, that bod that wouldn't quit.

Yes, well, it didn't have to quit; it was fired.

Uh, thank you very much.

Now, you were saying something

about my dad's bachelor party?

Yeah. Weren't you having a problem

deciding on the entertainment?

Oh, yes.

Well, there's this girl in my spin class,

and she does it all-- strips, lap dances, movies.

Really?

Would I be familiar with her work?

I don't know. Have you seenGrinding Nemo?

Anyway, I invited her over here so you could check her out.

She's going to be here any second.

Her name is Amber Licious.

Really? Well...

I'm afraid I can't d o it right now.

I'm meeting Charlotte for coffee. Uh...

You can tell her yourself.

Hey, Amber.

Hi, Roz. How are you?

This is Frasier.

Hello.

Hello. Uh, how do you do, Miss Licious? Uh...

Um, I'm terribly sorry, but,

uh, I've got something scheduled

so I'll have to postpone our interview.

Perhaps we could meet, uh, this evening

at my place, around 7:00?

I live at the Elliot Bay Towers.

Can we make it 7:30?

I have to go redub some groans for He Biscuit.

Well, I'll see you then. Great.

Frasier? Hmm? Oh, uh...

Oh, hi. Listen, I...

Gosh, I'm sorry I had to dash off this morning.

No, it's okay.

I have to dash off myself right now.

Oh, I thought we were having coffee.

We were. I forgot,

I have to catch a train to Portland in 20 minutes.

I'm giving a talk

to the Northwest Businesswoman'? Association. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, it's all right.

I'm sure you'll be wonderful .

Yeah. It's a good speech.

I gave it last year

to the Midwest Businesswoman's Association.

Anyway, I'll be back Sunday night.

We can have dinner then.

I-I really should catch a cab.

Maybe I could just drive you to the station.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

No, no. I'd like to.

Besides, I've always been a sucker

for that romantic, movie-ending good-bye--

a fog-shrouded train platform, a-a passionate kiss.

With a romantic dip.

Yes, well,

maybe I am, but there are damn few of us left.

Dip, dip, dip...

Oh.

So, I could make us a reservation for dinner on Sunday.

I would suggest Cucina. Yeah, okay.

Charlotte, you seem a little distracted.

Is there something on your mind?

Charlotte?

Oh, Frasier.

Oh, boy.

I-I really don't want to get into this now.

Why don't we talk about it Sunday night?

Please, I can't wait till Sunday.

My imagination will torture me.

Okay.

I'm moving back to Chicago in three weeks.

Three weeks?

It's not you.

I bought my old business back from my ex. I...

I know I should have told you sooner,

but it was never the right time.

Are you okay?

(softly) : I had to blab to Roz.

What?

Nothing.

Are you sure?

This all happened before we got together.

Well, let's look on the bright side.

I mean, Chicago isn't that far away.

I don't want a long-distance relationship,

and neither do you.

You said so on your application.

Okay. But you know,

we still have, uh, three weeks.

Don't be hurt, but...

if someone called your show and said,

"I'm leaving town in three weeks.

Should I get involved with someone?"

What would you say?

I'd say it was foolish to take the plunge

and bring up feelings that must be dashed,

and so forth.

But what do I know?

. I'm not infallible

Frasier...

All right.

Son of a bitch!

Ooh, I'm sorry . My hand slipped.

No, no. It's my train.

Damn it!

Oh, dear. All right, look,

Uh, the next station isn't too far.

I-I bet I can beat the train.

(train whistle blowing)

Well, round two to Amtrak.

I could drive us to the next station.

Okay, but you do know

you're going to have to drive a little faster.

You do realize we got passed by a school bus

and a prefab home?

Point taken.

I really do appreciate this.

. Oh, it's all right

o. Didn't have anything else to d

Oh, dear.

I've got t o make a call.

Could you hold the wheel, please?

I just, uh, got this.

It's a... it's a... a hands-free unit.

Much, uh, much, much safer.

Can we just meet her?

Everyone in Frasier's building raves about her,

and I hear she's unhappy.

I just hate the idea

of poaching the Steingarden's nanny.

I seem to recall

you poaching another man's fiance' once.

Oh, Daphne, I was in college. I...

Oh, you mean...

(phone rings)

Well, who did you mean?

Sorry. I have to get this.

Hello.

Niles. Frasier.

Listen, you remember that idea we proposed

about Dad's party?

The, uh, the entertainer? Oh.

The klezmer band?

No, no. The stripper.

Uh, well, I found one.

Daphne's fine, thank you for asking.

She's right he re beside me.

Niles, I'm supposed to interview her

this evening at 7:30 at my place.

I can't make it.

Something came up. You'll have to do it for me.

Oh, no, thank you.

Niles, if you're worried about Dad being there.

He's got a date with Ronee tonight.

(laughs)

Don't we want south?

Listen, Niles, I-I know that you get nervous

around fan dancers and their ilk,

but you have got to conquer your fear.

Thank you. I'll talk to you later. Good-bye.

South.

What? I'm sorry?

South! South!

What? What?

South!

Oh, dear, uh...

You know, perhaps it would be best

if you just said left or right.

It's not like there's a compass in the car.

What's that?

. Oh, well, I'll be damned

What's that red light?

Hmm. Oh, that.

Oh, that's nothing to worry about.

It's been on for months.

I think there' s something wrong with the bulb.

Cell phones don't work here.

Please tell me

you know what's wrong with the car.

Not a clue.

I opened the hood as a mere formality.

(knocking)

Hello?

Uh, we're terribly sorry to bother you,

but our car has broken down.

Well, come on in out of that cold.

My husband knows everything about cars.

Harbin, these people's car broke down.

Go take a look at it for them.

Harbin!

(mumbling)

Thank you. Thank you very much.

We certainly appreciate that.

Have a seat and have a cup of coffee

and warm up.

I'm Sue, by the way.

Thank you. You're very kind.

Yes, yes, indeed.

I'm Charlotte. And I'm Frasier.

Gosh, you seem to be preparing for some sort of a party.

Well, Harbin's mother passed away,

so people will be coming over tomorrow.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

We should get out of your hair.

Oh, no, please! The company will do us good.

Harbin really perked up when you came in.

Really?

Because he seems to be crying in our car.

Excuse me.

Harbin!

For goodness sake, pop the hood!

You will have to excuse him.

He was very attached to his mother.

A little too attached for my taste.

Hi, baby.

Who are these?

Their car broke down.

This is my son Jonathan.

Isn't he handsome?

Jonathan, this is Frasier and Charlotte.

How do you do?

Yes, nice to meet you.

How is your project today, baby?

Fine, Mother.

You want a butterscotch?

. No, I'm good. I'm good

So what are you making?

Art.

He won't let any of us see it till it's finished.

Oh. So, how's our car?

Can we just scoot right away from here?

No, I'll have to...

drive to town tomorrow for the parts.

What happened?

Well, we were just driving along the highway

and suddenly the engine just died.

(sobbing) : Excuse me.

Excuseme.

Will you please cut out the hangdog bit,

Mr. Welcome Wagon?

We got company!

Get in there, show 'em some manners.

Offer them a place to stay for the night.

You're not gonna like it here.

Of course, of course,

you'll have to spend the night.

We couldn't.

No, we really, really couldn't.

There must be a hotel in town.

What does this look like, Lancaster?

(laughing)

It's no problem.

You could bunk with Jonathan,

and Charlotte, you could have the fold-out.

I'll help make up your bed.

No, it's okay.

We'll stay together.

Yes, that's right, together.

Well, are you married?

Because we don't want to set a bad example.

Oh, yes, yes. Yes, married. We're married.

For how long?

Two months . Oh, two years.

Hey, Ronee, it's me.

Uh, I got to interview a new physical therapist

to fill in for Daph, so pick me up 1 5 minutes later, okay?

Well, just have a drink.

Well, have another one!

Really?

Maybe I'll pickyouup.

Frasier?

You're too busy to answer the phone.

But I'm just about to interview this stripper,

and I have no idea what to ask.

I just hope Dad doesn't walk i and spoil the surprise.

I'm already developing some sort

of aversion-based mouth dryness as we speak.

This is Niles, by the way.

Hey, Niles.

Oh!

What's up?

Frasier is going to split a case of oloroso with me,

because we both like oloroso.

. But he's not here, so I'll stop bothering you

Nice chatting.

Oh! Oh!

Are you-you here for the interview?

Yes. Crane, right?

Uh, yes, yes.

But, um... uh... the place is a mess.

Do you mind if we... if we talk in the lobby?

I guess that's okay.

(whispers): Wonderful.

Uh, so...

(clears throat)

How-how long have you been doing what you do?

Oh, years now.

At first I just did it for friends, but then I thought,

"Why am I giving this away when I can make money at it?"

Here are my references.

Oh! I didn't know you people had references.

Let alone...

The mayor?!

Yeah.

I started with him,

and now I do most of the city council.

Uh, well, uh, that's-that' s good enough for me.

You're hired.

Shouldn't your dad meet me before you decide?

Oh, no, no. We don't want him to see you

till you're taking off your clothes.

What are you talking about?

And why are you sweating so much?

. I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I'm just, I'm just a little ill at ease around, you know...

What?

Sex workers!

Ew!

Get away from me, you freak!

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing here, and why are you so sweaty?

I was talking to Dad about my case of oloroso.

Oh, well, if it doesn't clear by tomorrow,

you should call a doctor.

I will.

Oh!

Hello, Kathy!

Yeah, it's Daphne Crane.

Listen I'm going to be over here in 1 901,

and I was wondering if we could finally meet.

Oh, that's wonderful!

Don't even call it an interview.

Everyone says you're the best nanny in Seattle.

Good. I'll see you up there, then.

Oh, wow, that was fast.

Come on in.

All right. What happened to Dr. Crane?

Oh, he's not feeling well.

Thanks for coming.

I know you're busy.

Please, have a seat.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, right after this,

I have to go pick up a new teddy.

Oh! That's so sweet!

(both giggling)

Well, I'll make this quick, then.

We're not expecting anything fancy.

Just the basic burping, diapering and so forth.

Okay, I guess I'm game for that.

Oh, wonderful!

Why don't I make us some tea, and we can talk?

Great! Uh, did you want me to wear something special?

Oh! Since you ask,

. I've always been partial to a simple white nurse's uniform

It's a classic.

Oh, hi! I thought I heard some talking out here.

I'm Marty Crane. Hi.

How you doing? Great.

Yeah. So, Daphne give you the third degree?

Oh, not really. No? Well, that's good.

I think she's a little sensitive, you know,

about being replaced.

She's been doing me for ten years.

Oh! But then she got pregnant.

Right, right.

But you know, lately she's bee having me up on the table.

I like it better on the floor.

The floor all right with you?

It's your dime.

Great, great.

Well, uh, maybe you could show me your stuff.

Oh... I'll never hear the end of it

if I don't take you out for a spin.

Oh, sure. I just need to change.

. Oh, yeah. The powder room's right there

Here? Okay.

Where did she go?

You didn't drive her off, did you?

No, not at all. I like her.

What do you think about her?

I like her a lot. Good!

'Course we won't really know till we see her in action.

Ta-dah!

You're hired!

CHARLO TTE: Hi, sweetie! Hi.

Gone for 20 minutes? Yes.

Well, uh, Harbin was just giving me a tour of my engine...

Uh...

You've got either a blown rod bearing or a loose pin.

We had a stethoscope, I'm sure we could tell the difference.

Oh, yes, well, you know,

I'm so hopeless with cars.

I know I would just misdiagnose it.

Wouldn't be the first misdiagnosis

that ever happened.

Friend Charlotte...

Excuse me?

I thought most married women wore a ring,

yet your hand is bare and white.

Yes, i-it is.

Um...

that's because this is the hand that I...

fell in love with...

a hand too... too perfect

for, uh...

the profanity of gold

or-or platinum.

After all, what diamond could possibly rival the...

sparkle in those eyes?

I'll take my coffee in the living room, you don't mind!

If that will make you happy, Harbin.

Shall we?

This is Grandma.

We... had no idea.

We are having the wake here tomorrow.

(sobbing): Mama loved to party.

Excuse me again.

SUE: Yeah, she loved to party, all right,

with me as her personal slave and handmaiden,

doing all the cooking and the cleaning

and the wiping her sorry...

Sugar?

You know, we're a bit tired, really.

Maybe we could just turn in?

Well, help me get the cushions off the fold-up.

We'll make up the bed.

You mean, we're-we'r e sleeping in here?

. Well, there's Mama's bed

But that's in our room.

e. This'll be fin

(machine humming)

Did you hear that?

What?

(buzzing)

That!

What do you think he's doing down there?

Well, how should I know? He's your friend.

Shh!

(chuckling)

(footsteps)

Grandma?

It's Jonathan.

I just wanted to tell you

that our little secret is still safe.

Well, this tops anything that would have happened at the Portland Radisson.

(chuckles)

(footsteps)

(voice breaking) : Hi, Mama!

I can't believe I'm not going to get one more hug.

What's that?

One more?

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

I better go, Mama.

I'm sorry I scraped your head with my watch.

You know...

he said the same thing to my engine

when he opened the hood.

(chuckling)

(sighs)

Charlotte...

I'm afraid we're making a terrible mistake.

Frasier, I'm not switching sides again.

No.

I mean, writing off these three weeks

just 'cause you're moving.

I had a great time with you today.

And with somebody else, it would have been a disaster.

With somebody else,

I would have been in Portland.

Come on. You know what I'm talking about.

We have a lot of fun together.

And why deny ourselves the chance to have even more?

I know the sensible thing would be to just end it now

and walk away.

And normally, that's what I would do.

But...

I don't want to be sensible.

But we'd only have three weeks.

I know.

It'd be like a summer fling.

But wouldn't we be sad when it ended?

Of course we would.

That's what happens.

You-you're sad when summer's over.

Well, I... never was.

I mean, I always looked forward to the new school year.

I would buy my books a month...

Are you going to talk all summer?