Original subtitles

Which not only helps in the healing process,

but also provides one with the confidence to go forward

in spite of the fear this kind of trauma can cause.

Honestly, I can't say enough about these new medicated bandage strips.

But thanks for asking, Jordan.

Up next is the stock-market report with Julia Wilcox.

Hello, Avery.

Impeccable timing.

- Good to see you, Frasier. - Hello.

Oh, careful, careful, careful. Paper cut.

Yes, I caught the last half-hour of your show.

Oh, Roz, come and meet an old friend of mine, Avery McManus.

This is Roz Doyle, my producer.

- Lovely to meet you. - Same here.

We lived across the hall from each other back at Oxford.

Now he lives in Seattle.

A very accomplished accountant who's gonna take me on as a client.

Well, my taxes could use some serious doing.

FRASIER: Roz, he's married.

I'll tell you what, I'll be back in about an hour

to go over this month's Best of.

I don't think an hour is going to be long enough, Frasier.

Your finances are a mess.

Your spending's out of control.

Well, that's impossible. I'm very prudent.

Then what about this $9,000 caviar bill for last month?

And what's with you and wine?

I had to take on an associate just to go through your sherry receipts.

You know, I've completely forgotten myself.

How is Amanda? I don't believe I've seen her since the wedding.

- Amanda's great. She made partner. - Oh.

Okay, everybody. The I'm-a-pathetic-loser show is over.

My listeners are not pathetic losers.

I wasn't referring to your listeners.

- You're Julia Wilcox. - Yes, I am.

You wrote Practical Applications of Econometrics.

Yes, I did.

I love that book. Ha.

Avery McManus.

Oh, it's a pleasure to meet a fan, Avery.

A fan is someone who enjoys your work.

Yes, and do you know what they call someone who can't stand your work?

In your case, the public.

She was supposed to say, "What?" and I was gonna say, "Me."

Oh, come on, let's get out of here.

Ow. How come you only rub where it hurts?

Your sons hired me to torture you, so that's what I'm doing.

Ow. Oh, Eddie, Daddy's in trouble. Sic her.

Okay, all done, old man.

And I hope you got your griping out of your system.

I need you on your best behaviour next time.

Why?

Because the agency won't assign me any new clients

until an evaluator observes me at work.

Oh, jeez, I don't wanna go on display like some trained seal.

Please? I'll give you some treats.

Treats, huh?

Okay.

Hey, Fras, how was your trip to the accountant?

Fine.

Fine. Uh...

Why are all these lights on?

All right, I'll be honest with you.

Avery had some very stern warnings for me.

The situation isn't dire, but it...

It could become serious if I don't change my ways.

That doesn't sound too tough.

You could get balcony seats at the opera.

- And stop throwing away your change. - Oh, that was one time.

If you'd seen that cashier's fingernails, you'd have done the same thing.

The point is I just have to come up with a plan.

You know, perhaps a ruminative latte would do me some good at Nervosa.

What? You just had a whole new espresso machine

shipped here from Italy.

Yes, well, I'm waiting for the cups.

Besides, Nervosa is more to me than just a place for coffee.

It's my refuge, my sanctuary for contemplation.

Oh. Oh, I've just had a cost-saving idea.

Daphne, you're family now, yet I still pay you full price for Dad's therapy.

All right, I'll keep thinking. Off I go.

This happens every time you hire a new accountant.

You let their fear get to you.

But remember, it's Avery's job to worry about your finances, not yours.

Yes, of course it is, of course it is. He's the professional.

Thanks so much, Niles. That's really quite helpful.

I feel better now.

Excuse me, uh, change my shortbread order to a tarte Tatin.

Ha, ha. And one for my brother, please. A la mode.

- He's back. - Ha-ha-ha.

You ready for some more music show?

PEOPLE: Yeah.

BEN: Great.

I quite agree.

I am sorry, young man, if we wanted to hear your music,

we would attend one of your concerts in the bus station.

Well, people seem to like it. Here, they clap along.

And it's been enough to keep me out of the three-piece cage.

- The what? - The suit, man, the suit.

- Excuse me, is there a problem? - Yes, there is.

This man is making it impossible for me to converse with my brother.

- I think he's great. FRASIER: Ah.

I understand.

You two are friends.

Perhaps you used to gig together in your salad days.

But if you wish to alter the atmosphere of this cafe,

I suggest you consult with the owner.

I am the owner.

I'm Frasier Crane. It's a pleasure.

Maureen Nervosa.

Really?

Well, I happen to be one of your core customers, Ms. Nervosa.

In fact, I spend over $3,000 a year here,

which I just found out today.

Frasier, people are starting to stare.

Let's just come back tomorrow afternoon when the cafe's quieter.

Actually, Ben will be playing afternoons from now on.

Really? Well, you know, I would think about that.

I mean, although we do adore your establishment,

if there is one thing we can find in Seattle, it is another coffee shop.

Yeah, but not many of them will let you change in the men's room.

I don't relish the idea of asking you this, but I'm afraid you will have to choose...

I choose Ben.

I see.

Well...

Farewell, Nervosa.

It's been a splendid decade,

but I'm afraid your brew has become a bit too bold for my brother and me.

- Come, Niles, let's go. - But I don't want to go.

Nervosa is my haven, my cocoon.

BEN: This next one's called "The Wild Rover."

I've been a wild rover For many a year.

And I spent all me money On whisky and beer.

And now I'm returning With gold in great store

I never will play The wild rover no more.

And it's no, nay, never No, nay, never no more.

FRASIER: My name is Frasier. This is my brother, Niles.

We're thinking of making this our regular haunt.

Way to go.

We'll have two espressos, please.

- I'm sorry, and your name is...? - Steve.

Steven, outstanding.

Just Steve.

Steve.

I look forward to years of this sort of lively banter.

They've found a way to bring the charm of an airport

to a midtown location.

Now, Niles, let's try to be positive. This may be our new home.

Yes, this will do nicely.

This will be our regular table.

And that will be our backup regular table.

Oh, perhaps we should keep looking.

Hello, Julia.

Hello, Frasier.

Wow, who's this, your stunt double?

This is my brother, Niles.

Niles, I'd like you to meet my colleague, Julia Wilcox.

- How do you do? - Oh, that's very good, Frasier.

I didn't even see your lips move.

You know, I thought you always go to Nervosa.

Well, uh, sadly, no more.

They've hired a terribly annoying folksinger,

whose hideous noisemaking has made it impossible for me

to enjoy my one sanctuary.

I didn't ask for your life story.

Ah, Steve, I'm afraid we'll be taking these to go, thank you.

Glad to hear it. Goodbye, Frasier.

Goodbye, Emergency Frasier.

I don't like her.

I don't like her café anymore. Let's go.

Ah, thank you, Steve.

Sorry to have to tell you, but I'm afraid my brother and I

will not be the everyday stalwarts I had predicted we'd be.

Damn.

Every time I open my heart.

You know, Avery was always a bit of a playboy,

but honestly, I thought marriage would settle him down.

I should just tell Julia that he's married.

But then, she's been so rude to me,

why should I do something nice for her?

But then again, can I just stand idly by and keep my mouth shut?

I can answer that one.

Doesn't he wear a ring?

No, but I know he has one. I was at the wedding.

Dad, you see, I'm facing a perplexing dilemma here.

Some guidance would be welcome.

No, it wouldn't.

You always ask for my opinion, and then completely ignore it.

Well, this time, while I've got the floor,

I'm gonna talk about what I wanna talk about.

NBA referees need to enforce the travelling rule.

It's dribble, one step, shoot.

Not dribble, step, step, step, step, shoot.

Thank you.

That was very helpful.

I guess I'll just do what I always do. Sort through this myself.

All right, I'm off to Nervosa.

No, I'm off to that other place where young Steve works.

No, that's Avery and Julia's place.

I hope you're both satisfied.

Now, I don't know where the hell I'm going.

I'm hashing over an ethical dilemma,

so I think I could use some black coffee.

What size would you like?

I've got a lot to ponder, so I think a large.

I'm afraid we don't have large, sir.

We have piccolo, macho, mucho and mucho macho.

I see. Uh...

Do you happen to know what size

would correspond to a Nervosa grande?

No, but our mucho is about the same

as the semi-colossal over at Don't Spill the Beans.

Ah. All right, I know that their colossal is comparable to a Nervosa grande,

so the semi-colossal would be three-quarters of a colossal.

So the mucho and the semi-colossal would be equivalent,

so I should have the mucho macho.

But only fill it five-eighths.

Yes, sir. For 50 cents extra, we can preheat the vessel.

No. Can we just move this along, please?

I understand completely. Your zip code, sir?

You don't have to give your real zip if you don't want to.

Then what's the point?

It unlocks the cash register.

Put in whatever code you wish.

Here we are.

Now, I'd just like a cup of coffee and a quiet place to drink it.

Can do, sir.

Okay, here's your change.

You're number four.

I'll bring it to your beanbag.

Now, you have a bullet lodged in your hip, correct?

Do I?

Oh, that's right, I do.

Sometimes I forget, the way Daphne takes care of me.

She's the best.

All right, and how would you rate your level of comfort during therapy?

Oh, I don't think you could come up with a number high enough,

so I'd just say 30.

Sorry.

Oh, it's my nanny.

Well, not my nanny.

Wouldn't that be something? Ha, ha.

- Uh, do you mind? - No, please, go ahead.

EVELYN: Hi.

- What are you doing? - What do you think?

- I'm making you look good. - Well, stop it.

My work speaks for itself.

Oh, Daphne, I love you, but sometimes you can be so naive.

Sure, you're good at the job, but you need a little salesmanship.

That's why I'm here.

- You so much as... EVELYN: Sorry about that.

Suzie got stuck in the laundry chute again.

Oh, poor thing.

How old is she?

What's the difference?

After tomorrow, she's not our nanny anymore.

All right, shall we begin, Martin?

Are you kidding? This is my favourite part of the day.

Whenever you're ready.

First, I like to start with some simple range-of-motion exercises

to warm up the muscles.

Oh. Am I on a cloud?

Because that's how it feels, like I'm on a cloud.

Then some strokes around the flexors, smoothing out any knots.

And do you feel any discomfort, Martin?

MARTIN: Discomfort?

Try disbelief. I don't know how she does it.

You know, physical therapy shouldn't be a pleasure trip.

It is challenging healing work.

You really need to be digging into the muscles there, Daphne.

- Yeah... EVELYN: Here, let me show you.

MARTIN: That's digging all right. - Oh, it's not so bad.

I think you've just been pampered a little too long, huh?

- Whoa! - There you go.

That is the sound of progress. You think you can work like this?

Watch me.

You can stop checking the door.

Frasier swore he'd never come back here.

Oh, I'm not worried about him.

Yes, we do have a pact to boycott Nervosa,

but I only came in here because I saw you sitting alone

and I thought you needed company.

Are you ready for some more music?

PEOPLE: Yeah.

Oh, fudge, time to go.

Why don't you like Ben?

He's really nice.

He was selling his CDs outside.

I got Abbey Road and the soundtrack from Grease.

I'm gonna need help with this one.

What about you, sir? What about you?

- Can you keep a steady beat for me? - Sorry, no.

What do you think? Is he the man for the job?

- PEOPLE: Yeah. - ROZ: Go.

- That's, that's... - He doesn't really think you mean it.

ROZ: Go!

- If I do this, will you take a break? - Yeah, I love breaks.

He says yes.

I'm sorry, you gonna stick with that four-four tempo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- That's sort of an andante feeling? - Just shake it, okay?

Tie me kangaroo down, sport.

Tie me kangaroo down.

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down.

Watch me Wallaby feed, mate Watch me Wallaby feed.

It's a dangerous breed, mate Watch me Wallaby feed.

All together now!

ALL: Tie me kangaroo down, sport.

Tie me kangaroo down.

Tie me kangaroo down, sport Tie me kangaroo down.

Egg solo.

Niles!

Oh, don't you run, you coward.

I'll be right back.

Oh, by the way, $10 is still the best price for Quadrophenia.

ROZ: Well, well, look who's here.

I thought you were Nervosa non grata.

I had no place else to go.

Would you like your usual?

More than you could possibly know.

This is a song that I wrote about doing the right thing.

Oh, Lord, I'm gonna need that to go.

I think we always know in our hearts what the right thing is,

but we don't always have the courage to do it.

In my case, I knew this guy, well, he was playing around with a woman.

But what she didn't know was he already had a girlfriend.

Anyway, I was the only one that knew the facts.

But what was I to do?

Tell the guy to back off?

Tell the girl that she was dating a sleaze?

So I thought and I thought, and here's what I done.

Oh, what a drag. I broke a string.

Uh, anyway, I'll be back in a moment.

Excuse me, excuse me. Uh...

- What? - What happened?

- What? - In the song, what happened?

I have to think all the way through it. Uh...

I knew a guy Who had a wandering eye...

Yes, yes, we know that part. What next?

He met a lady He told her a lie.

- And then? - And then chorus.

- Repeat chorus. - Yeah.

The end. How did it end?

Oh, San Antonio blues.

AVERY: I said, I'm coming.

- Frasier, what can I do for you? - Avery, we need to talk.

I'm a little busy at the moment.

I'm sorry, it can't wait. I know about you and Julia Wilcox.

- I have no idea what you... - Oh, stop that.

You are a married man.

This may be fun and games to you, but she could get hurt.

- This is really not a good time. - And why the hell not?

JULIA: Because I'm in the closet.

FRASIER: Uh...

I had no idea. I didn't mean for you to overhear...

What? That Avery's married?

- I already know. - You do?

We're having an affair, you idiot.

Well, I'm sorry.

Uh, I thought I was helping you.

- Are you finished helping? FRASIER: I am.

I'm also finished thinking that you and I owe each other

the loyalty of professional kinship.

From this day forward, we are merely coworkers, cut and dried.

And as for you, I am deducting my mileage here

as a business expense.

Unbelievable.

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

Yeah, he was just trying to help in his own heavy-handed way.

He was always trying to be the hero.

You know, one night back at Oxford,

he crawled out onto a ledge to rescue what turned out to be a gargoyle.

Ah. It's my wife. Excuse me.

Hello?

Hello, darling.

Oh, I miss you too.

Uh, not long.

When does the alleged music start?

It doesn't. Ben quit.

- Really? Why? - Ask him yourself.

Well, well, that's quite a sharp-looking three-piece cage.

- What happened? - Well, you know, I don't really know.

Some little blond doxy came in here

and hooked me up with a job at the Pelham Bay Bank.

- Have you got my cheque, old man? - In the back.

Would you like that for here or to go?

For here.

I'm staying.

Congratulations, Frasier.

You got your café back.

Whatever.

Say, Julia, wait.

Didn't you use to be on the board of the Pelham Bay Bank?

You wanna know my bio, go to my website.