Original subtitles

Sleep well?

Why don't you ask her?

What?

Coffee's not ready yet?

Couldn't you wait? Chantal's place in your bed is still warm.

You're the one who told me to do it after the whole clothing episode.

There's a big difference between this and that.

Calm down.

Want the kids to think their mom can be replaced that easily?

She's not my girl.

Are you saying it's okay to date women just so you can clean your pipes?

Nice, Carl. Now that's family values.

Shit.

And you? Can't you just let me be?

-What are you saying? -You know... Annick.

You think that bugs me?

It doesn't?

-No. I'm happy for you. It's cool. -Really?

Just don't let her become my new mom.

-Well... -I'm not looking for a mom.

None of that asking for permission or her saying how I can or can't dress.

Let me make that clear. That won't be an issue.

Hi.

Hi.

Whoa. Great outfit.

-Coffee? -Yeah.

Hey.

-Is this your first cage fight? -Yeah.

I'm slowly getting used to it.

It must be reassuring to fight someone as gifted as me.

She came to see us.

-Is that Annick? -Yeah.

Remember last time?

She didn't know what she was doing.

It wasn't a one-night stand.

We're going camping after the fight.

Yeah, right.

In the end, she's as insignificant as you are.

She'd never get with a loser like you.

You better apologize.

You apologize.

You apologize.

I don't apologize to dumbasses.

You jerk.

No, I didn't like her behavior. It was just a ruse to win me over.

Next thing she'll do is judge my boyfriends and give me a curfew.

-She'll act like my mom. -You mom did that?

No, but she could have.

She was a good mom. You don't even realize how good you had it.

A little.

What if it's not a ruse? What if she likes to dress like that, too?

-Why would I wanna look like an old hag? -Well...

I said old.

Look, don't be afraid. I think if she has any maternal instinct,

she's not going to start criticizing you.

You're just trying to reassure me.

No...

You really don't want a new mom?

You're crazy.

It is kind of bizarre.

I miss our bickering.

That's normal. Just part of the mother-daughter dynamic.

You know, some girls call their mom three times a week

just to say, "Leave me alone."

That's enough.

Stop!

What's wrong with you two? What happened? I'm sick of this.

He started it.

Cut it out. Both of you.

This is wrestling, boys. You have to get along to fight.

You know what?

You're staying.

Don't do that, Guy!

You're staying in the cage until you work it out and get along.

You can't do that. We'll call the cops.

-Oh, yeah? How? -What's going on?

Guy locked us in the cage.

What about our weekend trip?

We'll start with one night and check in tomorrow morning.

They'll thank me, it'll do them good. We'll get you guys comfortable.

You're actually serious.

Why, you have something else planned? You have such an amazing life?

Not him, he's got kids, but I'm a celebrity.

Carl and I were supposed to go camping this weekend.

I took advantage and got my floors varnished.

Where am I gonna go?

Are you expecting someone?

I hope it's a Jehovah's witness. I need to get some anger out.

Hi. Carl said I could stay here until the floor is dry at my place.

Where is he?

In a cage for the weekend.

Can I come in?

Which side?

This one.

No. This... is my side.

Still at it? You'll be here a long time at this rate.

How do we go to the bathroom?

I got it covered.

It's high.

Open the door and pass it to us.

Good idea, Carl.

You thought I'd fall for that? I know what you're thinking.

This is perfect. See? You're already getting along.

Here. Better have good aim. Good night.

-I'm going out. -Okay, have fun.

What's my curfew? I'll be back by then.

Why would I give you a curfew?

Because my dad's not here and technically, Grandpa doesn't live with us,

which means maybe you're the "responsible" one.

Oh, don't worry, I'm not really that responsible.

-But that's not all. I'm meeting a guy. -Oh, good for you.

No, us kids are super promiscuous.

Don't take my word for it, it's all over the media. They're a lot more credible.

I can imagine.

I was dumb enough to put up and he's also in charge of birth control.

-He's 17, you know? -Yeah.

-Hormones up the wazoo. -Yeah.

He's due in juvenile court next month.

That's great. Can I take my shower now? Thanks.

I'll get you to react, you'll see.

Guy's right. We should talk it out and put this behind us.

What's up with you?

What's going on?

Tomorrow's my parents' 50th anniversary and because of this, I'm going to miss it.

Why didn't you tell Guy?

I don't know...

You didn't wanna look sensitive?

On top of that...

I wrote them a poem.

But now no one will hear it.

Christian.

I'd like to hear your poem.

I won't be long.

Can you grab a towel for me, please?

Thanks.

Well, good night.

No, I'm not going in yet.

Why not?

The light's still on. I'm home too early.

So, what should we do while we wait?

Hands on the steering wheel.

"Fifty years.

Is it still possible to be happy?

When you find it a little gross to touch your spouse's body.

When putting up with one another is your sole activity.

And all that's left to French kiss is your gums.

Yes.

Even when you can no longer look at each other...

look elsewhere. You'll see your greatest accomplishment.

In fact...

who is this gorgeous warrior

with such strong and smooth muscles?

Watch him smash into the ropes

and you'll forget the old age that ropes you down.

This is a very special day.

A day so special, I have to say.

What is it that blessed this couple on and on?

None other than Christian, their beloved son."

And?

Uh, sorry.

Bravo.

I gotta say that was really...

touching.

That's what I thought.

And it's pretty original.

Who else would write a poem about themselves for their parents' anniversary?

No one. I really wanted to please them.

Thanks.

Guy's right. Maybe we'll end up getting along.

You okay, Jonathan?

She's a fine lady, isn't she?

Look, that wasn't on purpose.

I move a lot in my sleep. I must've rolled over.

Oh, please, who are you kidding?

We both know we're straight. That's not the question.

I'm still grossed out.

It's our job to touch each other.

Not when no one's watching.

Do you get excited when I lift you up and lunge at you?

Me? No. But you? Maybe.

Oh, yeah? If you slept there, it's because it felt good.

I was asleep.

That means that somewhere, deep inside, you must crave physical closeness.

Whatever.

That's okay. We all need intimacy.

It's a good thing we're not in prison. I would've started to really wonder.

Of course.

If we were locked up in the same cell for God knows how long...

Then what?

I'm a good-looking guy. At some point, you'd fantasize about me.

I don't think so.

Sure, you say that now. But after a couple months...

No.

After a year?

No.

Two years?

No. Three?

No?

It's the first time I've seen a real pair.

And?

I can't wait for the next time.

Oh, yeah.

Get ready. You're gonna feel that way for the next 70 years.

It doesn't go away?

Nope. Oh, no, no.

You'll see. It's quite the journey.

It's not easy. You'll make ridiculous decisions.

Your judgment will be fucked. Sometimes, you'll get hurt.

Right here.

It hurts your wallet, too.

You'll get involved in all sorts of things without knowing why.

And worse.

Why did she do it?

Who? Grandma?

Oh, sorry. It's just that your granddad is...

a hopeless romantic.

By the way, if Annick forgets her towel again...

think you could take a photo with this?

Yeah. Okay.

Don't tell me after 25 years in prison, you wouldn't get a little...

What do you want me to say? I'm not gay.

Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. It's just hypothetical.

What's your fucking problem?

Fine. One last question, then we forget the whole thing, okay?

We're on a desert island and... you're forced to choose between me...

and... Brad Pitt. Who do you choose?

On a desert island? You or Brad Pitt?

Brad Pitt.

What's the matter with you?

Goddammit.

Fine. On a desert island, you or Brad Pitt? I'd choose you.

Bam, I knew I was right. This wasn't about physical closeness.

What? I was just trying to be nice.

This was an indecent assault.

Just forget about it.

And you know what? Your poem was a piece of shit!

You asshole!

Why the long face?

It's my problem, okay?

I just don't get why you came with me if you didn't want to.

Why are you criticizing me?

I'm not.

-Really? -Nope.

Oh.

Can your sister come for a spin?

We're not sisters.

He thinks you're my daughter, that's his way of telling us

I look young and he'd be happy with either one.

She's not my mom, okay? She's just my dad's fuck buddy.

Then you don't need her permission to take a ride in my truck.

Listen, asshole. You wanna say that again to my face?

Jerk! Just try and see what happens. I'll fuck you up!

You do look older than you are, but still.

What?

Did you just try to protect me? I knew you'd pull the mom card.

You guys are hopeless.

Okay, guys. It's over.

Hey.

I give up. It'll never work.

Yeah. I'd like to see how you react being caged up with this Neanderthal.

Hey, take that back.

You don't even know the word.

Okay, that's enough, get out. Come on, out!

It reeks of man here.

You guys are gonna clean this up. I want it to be spotless.

Hey, what are you doing?

You know, Guy, Christian and I learned your lesson.

-Yep. -We get along now.

Okay, guys, that's not funny.

Like, right now, we're really on the same wavelength.

Yep.

Guys, that's enough, okay?

Guys? Guys, this isn't funny.

Guys! Bring back the key!

So... how did it go with Annick?

I've warmed up to her.

Good.

Yeah, he's right. You have my apologies, Carl.

You? Apologizing?

What can I say? You were right.

It's not too soon to have a woman around.

I'm really happy you changed your minds.

She's got a great... rack.

Who are you talking about? Hopefully not about Annick.

Why not?

She's so controlling and annoying. I can't even explain.

She even tried to talk to me about boys. Can you imagine?

But she's welcome at any time.

What are you doing with your grandpa's camera?

Weird.