Original subtitles

? Who's the improbable duo That you heard about? ?

? Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal ?

? Who's the little girl And her domesticated rodent? ?

? Who's still standing When you see the dust settle? ?

? It's Hamster Hamster, Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? If they can't do it Then nobody can ?

? Hamster, Hamster, Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? There's also Kevin In the minivan ?

Um, shouldn't you guys be training to fight Mordros the Annihilator?

You know, the guy who said he's going to annihilate us?

Oh, haven't you heard? He's not coming.

- What? - I'm just messin' with you. He's still coming.

[sighs] This is exactly the problem.

You're not taking this seriously enough.

You should be preparing.

Kevin, we're training constantly.

We fight bad guys every day.

Speaking of training,

I'm gonna get out on the golf course

and work on my swing.

Gretel, you might need more practice than just fighting bad guys.

When you face Mordros, it might be your smarts,

not your powers that wins the day.

And that's why I've planned a special training day in the woods

where you're gonna have to use your smarts instead of your powers.

Insects and sunburn sounds great,

but I'm gonna stay here in case a villain attacks or something.

Hamster can hold down the fort. Can't you, Hamster?

I've already paid my caddie.

Hamster, Gretel needs this training.

Fine. What's on the schedule?

Nothing big. Just reading to some preschoolers.

Nothing big?

I love kids. And more importantly, kids love me.

I mean, look at me.

Before we start the challenges I've set up,

I wanna tell you Kevin's three rules for using your smarts.

Rule number one, you can learn a lot from nature.

- [growling] - [squeals]

Oh, no! That poor chipmunk is being attacked by a badger.

Hold on. Chipmunks are smarter than you think.

- [chitters] - [snarling]

See, he used his small size to get away.

Which is my second rule,

sometimes your weakness can be your strength.

The third rule, always be aware of your surroundings.

[grunts]

Um, that was an example of what not to do.

Aha! Any idea of what might have caused this broken branch?

A larger angrier branch?

Be serious.

- Take a look at the ground. - Oh, hoofprints.

Let's see where they take us.

Oh!

Aw!

[branch breaks]

Oh! That was so cool. You think we can follow them?

Oh, I get it.

This is my first challenge.

Kevin is missing, and I have to find him!

I sure hope Kevin is okay.

I will have to search for him now without using my powers.

Stop it! What are you doing?

- You shouldn't have come onto our land, Hill Man! - [screams]

[all jeering]

This is some kind of mistake.

I'm-I'm not a Hill Man.

I'm-I'm not even a man man! I'm just a teenager.

- Silence! - We are the Mountain Men.

We have lived in the mountains for generations.

We do not like outsiders coming into our land.

Especially Hill People!

Um, isn't a Hill Person the same thing as a Mountain Man?

No, no, no, no. It's completely different.

A hill is a rounded elevation of land.

Whereas a mountain is a landmass

that protrudes conspicuously from its surroundings.

They're completely different.

And only a Hill Man would say they're not.

I'm not a Hill Person. I'm just a normal person.

Do you live on flat land?

I mean, it's on a slight incline.

Aha! A hill!

Tell us where your secret hideout is, Hill Man,

or we'll do to you what we did to the last Hill Men we found.

Oh, my gosh! Did you ki-

That's right! We stole the skeletons from their Halloween party.

But I don't have Halloween decorations!

Then we'll have to find something worse to do to you.

[all laughing]

Hamster, we're so glad you could be here.

Well, I love kids, and kids love me.

And, uh, where is Gretel?

She has the day off.

- Oh, uh, I see. - [gasps]

Well, I'm sure that's fine.

Young children never have a problem with disappointment.

Change the signs!

Children, let's give a big welcome

to our favorite superhero, Hamster!

Where's Gretel?

Oh, well, Gretel couldn't make it today, so... [chuckles, clears throat]

[screaming, crying]

I'm a superpowered hamster. What more do you want?

Gretel! We find her aspirational!

[children] We want Gretel! We want Gretel!

Teachers, to the bunker!

- [screaming] - Go, go, go!

- Where is she? - Let me in there.

We don't have room for you.

I'm the size of an empanada.

[children] We want Gretel! We want Gretel!

This is the scariest villain I've ever faced.

I wonder if there are any clues around here

that might help me find Kevin.

Oh, look! A clue.

I wonder if there are any footprints.

Three sets of footprints?

I hear they captured a lanky teenage Hill Man.

He lies and says his name is Kevin.

Oh, no. Kevin...

went to way too much trouble hiring these actors.

Please! Just let me go.

Not until you tell us where your hideout is.

I told you, I don't know.

Oh, I think you do know,

and we're gonna make you tell us...

[screams] No! Please don't poke me with that spear!

Spear?

This is a toy for a child.

Come on, Thorgon.

- Let's play catch. - Yippee! [panting]

[sighs] What a relief. That was scary.

No that wasn't scary... But this is scary!

[screams] No! Don't use those claws on me!

Huh? Claws?

No, no, these are salad mixers.

I can toss a scary amount of lettuce.

Not that you'll be eating any once I use this!

[screams] No, not the mallet!

Mallet? No, this is a pepper grinder.

This salad is going to be too spicy for the likes of you.

- [sighs] - All right, finished all my meal prep.

Now the torture can begin!

[screams]

Eh, after lunch, of course.

I can't take any more misdirects.

Hmm. It's gonna be hard to defeat them without using my powers.

[gasps] Camouflage.

Great idea, Mr. Lizard.

All right. Time to use the power of no powers.

? I'm trying to avoid frustration ?

? But I've been given All of these limitations ?

? How am I supposed To fight the bad guy ?

? When I've got a specific skill set ?

? I'm not allowed to apply ?

? Supposedly "nature can be your teacher" ?

? And "weakness can be your strength"? ?

That doesn't make any sense.

? I'm "aware of my surroundings" ?

? And I'm eager ?

? To get out of these surroundings ?

? 'Cause they're making me tense ?

? It's no powers day But I'm joining in the fray ?

? I'll stand up to these mountain men ?

? And show them who's in charge ?

? I'm not allowed to fly Or punch anyone to the sky ?

? These boulders would be helpful ?

? But I can't lift anything large anyway ?

? 'Cause it's no powers day ?

? I can't use my heat vision ?

? It's no powers day ?

? I can't use my super speed ?

? It's no powers day ?

? I can't even use my ability ?

? To taste what kind of ice cream someone else is eating ?

? 'Cause it's no powers day ?

- [screaming, crying] - [children] We want Gretel! We want Gretel!

Okay, buddy, you can do this.

Remember, you're great with kids.

- children] We want Gretel! - Hey, everyone.

- Who wants to hear a story? - [screaming stops]

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

- "It was the best of times..." - [children screaming]

"...it was worst of times."

That sounds like a Hill Man noise.

Sounded like a rock to me.

That's what the Hill Men want you to think.

Let us rend the flesh from their bones!

This is fun.

They're gonna finish lunch any minute.

I gotta get out of here.

Okay, Kevin. I'm here to "rescue" you.

- Gretel! - Good job on this cave.

Nice production value.

No, Gretel. This is real. We've gotta get out of here.

"We've gotta get out of here!" Great acting.

Ooh, my last challenge. Unlocking this door.

Use your super strength. They'll be back any second.

Nice try. Not taking the bait.

I'm gonna use my smarts.

What's this? A little Hill Person has come to rescue you?

- [yelps] - [groans] I have to beat you guys again?

Let me just get my brother out of here,

and then we're done with this.

[all gasp]

You have committed the greatest sin among Mountain Men,

helping a Hill Person!

For this, you will be punished by the great leader.

Wow, Kevin. This is great.

It looks so real.

Gretel, this is real. We're in danger.

[leader] Silence!

You two have broken the rules of the Mountain Men.

- Rule breaker! - How dare you!

And your punishment is...

to eat some berries.

Oh, that's not so bad.

In the Pit of Despair!

And first into the pit is the teenager

because we've known him longer

and feel like we have more of a connection with him.

[yelps, whimpering]

Gretel...

Oh, the fake stakes are getting higher.

Whatever will I do?

Wait! I invoke the right of trial by combat.

- [all gasp] - How do you know of our ways?

I read the sign.

Fine, you shall battle our fiercest warrior...

- [groaning] - ...Tim-Tim.

First one on the ground loses.

If you win, you are free.

If you lose...

Yeah, yeah, be pushed into the Pit of Despair.

I think this one needs a few acting lessons, Kevin.

All right, let's do this thing.

Gretel, this would be a super time to make a powerful choice.

Kevin, I get it. I won't use my powers.

No, no. I want you to use...

My smarts. I get it.

- [grunts] - [groans]

[shouts]

All right, you big badger.

It's chipmunk time. [blows raspberry]

[grunts, shouts]

[yells]

- Bravo! Bravo! - Did you see that?

Amazing. You win, Gretel of the Hill People.

Okay, you're staying in character. Great.

So what happens now?

Ordinarily, we would throw you both in the Pit of Despair

because we hate losing.

But you impressed us by knowing the ways of the chipmunk,

whom we worship...

so you may go free.

Oh, thank goodness.

Gretel, you beat their best warrior,

just using your smarts.

You mean, I beat their best actor.

Just pay your crew and let's go.

Oh, but they're not... [groans] Forget it.

- [screaming] - children] We want Gretel! We want Gretel!

We want Gretel! We want Gretel!

They're everywhere, Mr. Fluffers.

I don't know what to do.

- Gotta admit, that's kind of relaxing. - [child screams]

Mr. Fluffers, you've just given me an idea.

- [screaming continues] - All right!

If you behave, you can pet me.

[all cheering]

Okay, crisscross applesauce. In a row.

I guess kids aren't so bad.

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