Original subtitles

Well, it's all kicking off.

Some of the townswomen are demanding chore remuneration

for all the hours logged in their ledgers

while others are calling for a hoover amnesty.

Question is will Linda step up

and be the leader that the women need?

Back after this.

FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

Thank you.

The Verderer's really got his tits in a tangle this time.

WOMEN LAUGH & CHATTER

HE MUTTERS

PHONE PINGS

COUGHING

PHONE PINGS AGAIN

Oh, come on!

Oh.

How do they even get my number?

COUGHING

Give up the fags, Siobhain.

Oh, it's not the fags, it's the menopause.

Coughing's not a symptom of the menopause! Isn't it?

I thought everything was a symptom of the menopause these days.

Don't start.

Why are you here, Siobhain?

I'm taking some time for myself.

Well, who's looking after Martin's mum?

Martin.

You've dropped Irene off at Martin and Binky's?

Well, I'll tell you something,

Martin won't be looking after her, and neither will Binky.

She's pregnant.

She's 86!

Not Martin's mum, you idiot.

But you didn't have kids cos Martin didn't want them.

I know.

And now it's too late for you.

I know.

Decades too late.

Not decades.

I'm sorry.

You can stay here until you get your head sorted out.

All right?

Cuppa?

Oh, that's not cider in that jug.

One week, and then I want you gone.

FAINTLY: I wanna know, Have you ever seen the rain? ... ?

Late again, are we?

BOTH: What?

Have you always had plaits?

Have you always had an abnormal gait?

Oh, why does everyone keep going on about this?

People have different walks. What are you on about?

Well, my friend bounces when she walks.

Huh?

You know, like that.

Like that.

Oh!

I really think you should stop eating endangered species.

It's like serving panda and mash.

I really think you should consider making vegan eels.

No. We will serve vegan eels over our dead bodies, Linda.

Ew. I think you should hear her out, Therese.

You know, numbers are seriously down and my bucket is all but dried up.

Vegan mushroom eels. It makes perfect sense.

The forest is full of mushrooms.

The men wouldn't even notice. Leave it all to me.

I've got my mushroom guidebook,

I've got my mushroom recipe.

What could possibly go wrong?

All right, one batch.

I'm surprised you've even got time what with all

the riling up of the womenfolk you've been doing.

I am not riling them up.

PHONE PINGS

Oh! Is my number posted up all over town or something?

Yeah. Yeah. We put it there.

You can do your home-wrecking housework hotline in your own time,

all right, not ours.

BIRD CAWS And my guys up there,

they will tell me if you so much as look at your phone, Linda.

Do you hear me?

BIRD CAWS

Yeah, I, I literally just told her that, mate.

Not a bad idea, Linda.

LAUGHTER, CHATTER

All right, Tone?

It's a bleeding disgrace, Linda. What is?

Well, the blooming PC brigade coming down hard

on Julie's Pantry's Cornish pasties. Ah?

Pasty Nazis, it's as simple as that.

I mean, you can't even say Cornish pasty these days

without getting cancelled.

Well, you can.

Can you name one person who said something politically incorrect

and then was never heard of again?

Yes. Oh. Bald guy. Former kickboxer.

Looks like a cross between Vin Diesel

and the head of security at a Las Vegas casino?

I know who you mean, but I can't think of his name.

Very popular with boys between eight and 14.

He's got a perfume out now. Anyone else?

Yes. The tall bloke from the acting dynasty.

He's always getting cancelled.

Looks like Where's Wally if he shopped in Next?

I know who you mean, but I can't think of his name.

Failed actor. Failed musician. Failed Politician.

Over half a million X formerly Twitter followers.

More popular than ever. Anyone else?

Yes, Professor Lobster.

Only eats meat and salt, looks like a sad Christopher Lee?

I know who you mean, but I can't think of his name.

Very popular with boys between 14 and 35

who are very impressed by long words.

Multi-millionaire, appears on everything.

I just need one, Tone.

I can't think of one off the top of my head, actually.

OK. Yeah.

So do you think Julie is going to get cancelled

for saying Cornish pasty, Tone?

No, I don't think so.

No. Well, I'm glad we got that one sorted out.

Yeah. Me too.

Whoo-hoo! Woman with a bit of spunk.

What can limbo.

That is just my type.

Don't even think about it, Tone.

YELLING

Tony?

Well, get what you can while you can still bend your knees, Lin.

Urgh.

In my bed, next to me, while I'm asleep.

One week, Siobhain.

It's grounding, isn't it?

I connect to the soil every day.

Sometimes I stand. Sometimes I lay down.

Sometimes I dance.

The soil doesn't just filter toxins, it can absorb your grief as well.

Hmm, yeah, I feel...

I feel calmer already.

Good.

Don't be stressing about the women's strike.

Oh. It's all the texts.

They shouldn't be telling me this intimate stuff.

You've no idea what people get up to.

Seriously though, I think you'd make a great leader.

No. Why?

Because you're, erm,

braver than you believe, you're stronger than you seem,

and you're smarter than you think.

Is that Winnie the Pooh?

No.

Oh, I listened to the mushrooms, like you said.

Really, what did they say?

They said, "Tell Pig Man

"to stop eavesdropping on our private conversations."

Oh, and I found this.

Isn't that...? Yeah, Eel sisters as children.

Wow.

I don't know what it is yet,

but there's a missing link here somewhere.

You know what?

Fuck off, the lot of you.

You're just jealous.

Cos you look old and shit.

Coming to you raw, unfiltered, and white like milk,

it's The Verderer.

Good morning, good morning, good morning.

I had planned on discussing Jimmy Saville today,

but my attention has been turned to a far greater threat to society.

Women. Angry, foul-mouthed, old women.

Ooh, thought my ears were burning.

It's very sweet of you to try and get my attention this way, Verderer,

very old school,

but I'm just not interested, I'm afraid.

You think you're a MILF,

but you're just bitter, old and barren.

Are you on air?

Linda fancies herself as a bit of a feminist messiah,

er, liberating the oppressed women from the shackles of domesticity.

But let me tell you, she is no such thing.

She is a fake, a charlatan, a home-wrecker.

She just wants the women of this town to be as unhappy as she is.

The women came to me, Verderer, OK?

Because my ledger resonated with them.

And it's not my fault if their husbands aren't pulling their weight.

I wish I didn't know the things that they told me, but I do now,

and to be honest with you, I think they should be getting paid for them.

There is not a fetish club in this country

that would tolerate half the things they have to do.

Yeah?

But they were happy before,

in the garden, hanging out the washing with the snake.

And then you come along, Linda Jenkins,

or should I say Eve? With her poisoned apple,

or should I say poisoned ledger? And now they're ashamed.

Of themselves. Of their roles.

Of their aprons.

They're not ashamed. They're happy and liberated.

Man and women were never equal. Eve was made for Adam.

Yes, so that he had someone to gaslight, and mansplain to,

and to laugh at his shit jokes.

It's biology, Linda.

Men and women's brains are different.

The brain isn't gendered. It's an organ,

like the kidney or an appendix.

Men's brains are bigger.

Not necessarily better.

Especially if all that extra space is just taken up

with pointless trivia,

like which 1980s single topped the charts the longest.

Two Tribes, Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Nine weeks.

It is a fact.

Women are biologically predisposed to care and to nurture,

whereas men are predisposed to explore,

to take risks, to destroy and rebuild,

to learn, to think.

I mean men invented everything.

Do you think we'd have electricity now,

if Thomas Eddison had to do his fair share of the dusting?

Yes, well Thomas Eddison's wife probably invented it,

and he took all the credit.

Lose these traditional roles now, and who are we?

What are we?

When are we?

Let me ask you, what kind of middle-aged woman plays pool,

in a pub, on a Monday morning?

Smacking balls about while men are trying to write and think?

I mean, it might be pool balls today, gentlemen,

but it'll be OUR balls tomorrow. Nice.

As Fayther Watkins' unofficial heir, I will see to it

that his traditional values are upheld.

I will restore order in this town.

Linda Jenkins' feminist agenda

has nothing to do with equal rights for women.

It's all about pushing an anti-family movement

that encourages women to leave their husbands,

abandon their children, practise witchcraft,

destroy the patriarchy and become lezzers.

Sounds brilliant. Where do I sign up?

You've made an enemy of me, Linda Jane Jenkins.

Prepare for battle.

MUSIC PLAYS

Ah!

You're scared of a chair, I think I'll be all right.

I'm scared of no chair.

Erm... will it hurt?

Hurt is an essential human experience.

To hurt is to feel.

If one cannot feel, one is not truly alive.

Yes, but will it hurt?

I forgot. This came for you earlier.

Doesn't smell like your weekly Stinking Bishop delivery.

HE SNIFFS

To fear change is to fear life.

Life is always changing, and so are we.

'Hope it fits. Let battle commence. The lads.'

DIDGERIDOO PLAYS

Fayther's codpiece!

? Oh, Sally my dear, it's you I'd be kissing

? She smiled and replied "You don't know what you're missing"

? Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could wed you

? Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could bed you ... ?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0