Original subtitles

- Chloe! - Yeah?

Have you seen my new blouse?

You mean that really cute orange and yellow one?

- Yeah! That's it. - No, haven't seen it.

Are you sure? Because it was here just a second ago.

- Have you checked the closet? - Maybe....

No, you were in the closet, so you would have seen it.

How about under here? Maybe under here. Yeah?

Chloe?

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

But it just looks so great on me.

Please, Riley? I've nothing else to wear today.

All the other clothes I borrowed from you are dirty.

Stuffed under my bed.

RILEY: Okay, I know.

But trading clothes is an occupational hazard...

of sisters who wear the same dress size.

But it has its advantages.

Rye, does my butt look big in these pants?

See, if her butt looks big in my pants...

then I can tell how my butt's gonna look.

That's killing two butts with one stone.

You get the idea.

Hey, listen, Chloe and I never fight...

so I'm not gonna start over a silly blouse.

Let her wear the blouse. It's not hurting me.

- Oh, great blouse! - Way cool.

Is that new?

- This old thing? - "This old thing?"

Hey, Larry, those Carlson girls are way cute, aren't they?

Maybe. Which one?

Don't worry man. I'm not interested in Riley.

Good. Why not?

I've got my eye on Chloe.

So you like Chloe, huh?

Well, she's a much sharper dresser than Riley.

[Tedi inhaling deeply]

Hi, Tedi. We'll get started trying on that new swimwear in a minute.

- In the meantime, you can have breakfast. - I am.

This morning, we're smelling eggs, bacon.

- Would you like to smell a pancake? - Oh, no!

No, Manuelo, you know I have to watch what I smell.

Well, at least, you could have some fresh fruit.

I don't want fruit, and I don't want veggies.

I want something with nuts and caramel and nougat.

You know what happened to me this morning?

I woke up with half a Milky Way in my mouth...

and I don't know how it got there.

The same thing happened to me, almost.

It was a Clark bar.

Morning. Hey, I thought I'd drive the girls to school.

How funny. They left early this morning.

Band and cheerleading practice.

Right. Well, I didn't mean to interrupt right in the middle of your breakfast.

I gotta run, I'll just grab something out.

If you insist.

Oh, yeah!

What?

Oh, yeah. Last week I said I was a vegan.

Well, I'm just not ready to give up ham on rye...

baby back ribs, BLTs, heavy on the mayo.

What? It's harder than quitting smoking.

I'm looking into a pork patch.

I'm just so hungry! And I hate my life!

I don't wanna model anymore.

I know baby, I know.

They hate us because we're beautiful.

I'm just.... I'm tired of starving myself...

and being told what to wear and how to stand and how to walk.

Tedi, look, I know you're having a bad day, hon...

but do you know how many people would kill to be you?

I would.

Jake, tell her.

Yeah, Tedi, you have got it all, you know...

beauty, charisma, success.

But if wanna quit, quit.

- Jake? - What? I did.

Look how great it turned out for me.

I'm still a work in progress.

Wow! This thing with Tedi is pretty weird.

Can you have a midlife crisis when you're 22?

I guess you can be any age when you get a big jolt...

and suddenly see something clearly for the first time.

I had one when I was six.

I was watching Mr. Rogers on TV, and I suddenly realized...

that watching a middle-aged guy put on a sweater was not entertainment.

Anyway, I think my own little clothing crisis with Chloe...

has just about blown over.

I mean, she's my best friend in the world.

No way was I gonna stay ticked off at Chloe.

Hey, Chloe, cool blouse.

Enough already.

As you know, people, we will be starting our classroom debates next week.

So we'll be using this time to select our topics and debate team partners.

All right.

Chloe, who would you like as your debate team partner?

I'll take Ryan.

How could Chloe do that to me?

But I'm not mad. Really, I'm okay.

[Riley screaming]

[Knocking at door]

Door, door, door!

- I need somebody to talk to. - Yeah, sure, just a second.

I just don't want any vibrations or noise to set off a chain reaction.

What are you doing?

I've been setting up these dominos for, like, three days.

Got to tell you, it's very Zen. It gets you very centered.

Wow. This is the kind of thing I never have time for.

Ain't almost nobody does.

I used to make little ones like this for the girls...

but I just thought I'd do something big...

so I can impress them next time they come over.

- Wow! - Yeah.

You're the only one who seems to understand what I'm going through.

- Tedi, what's wrong? - Everything. I'm so unhappy.

Sorry. Sorry.

- It's okay. - I'm just falling apart.

I walked out in the middle of a lingerie shoot.

Look what they made me wear.

Hi! Hello.

I know! I feel cheap like I'm selling my soul.

And I'm not like a lot of those other girls...

who've got all kinds of stuff done.

I'm not fake. This is all God-given.

And I gotta say he does great work.

I just can't take it anymore.

You know, that's actually about all I can take, too.

Can you believe they made me wear this?

Let me look one more time. No, I can't.

See, you're the only one who gets it, Jake.

Money and success, those things aren't enough.

Everybody thinks I'm so lucky.

But I can't even go out for a hamburger and fries without feeling guilty.

Well, so do like I do.

Quit. Live in a trailer.

Well, maybe I could keep my condo and just model shoes.

No! You're right, Jake. I can change my life.

I can do something wild and crazy, right now, with you.

- Yeah? - Jake, I want you...

- Yeah. - ...to take me...

- Yeah. - ...out for a hamburger! I'll go change.

All right, Larry, let's take it from the top.

And be sure to emphasize each major point.

Remember, our job in this debate is to prove that capital punishment...

is morally wrong, is cruel and unusual punishment...

and is not a deterrent to crime.

All right? Go.

[Sighing]

I'm sorry, Riley. I'm just....

I get really nervous when it comes to public speaking.

No, no, that's okay. A lot of people have that problem.

My mom taught me a great trick to relax myself...

in front of an audience so I don't feel intimidated.

Okay, just pick someone out of the audience.

Yeah.

And imagine them in their underwear.

- Okay. - All right.

All right.

This is really good.

Okay, Larry.

So, wait, am I allowed to do this when I'm not public speaking?

Quit it!

Great. Now I have to wear a trench coat around Larry.

But I haven't told you the best part about the debating skills of Larry Slotnick.

Because taking another human life is always wrong.

And what if you're innocent? Bummer.

When Larry tries to be really serious, he usually gets the giggles.

Chloe should've been my debate partner.

But instead Chloe ended up with Ryan.

And I ended up with this.

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

Tedi is so late.

And she'll be wearing this?

Yeah! Wait a minute. Where could she be?

Well, if it were me, getting waxed.

Mrs. Macy, can I ask you a question?

I know that the fashion industry pays the bills in this house...

- but who would wear this? - You'd have to be young...

and have a perfect body like Tedi to wear this.

- Oh, yeah! - Yeah.

Don't worry, honey, these are not for your mother.

My mother in that, I would put my eyes out.

How could you put that image into my head...

now I have to go wash my brain out with soap. Take that!

Oh, good God. These are so unbelievably good.

What's going on here?

Tedi, you're over two hours late.

- You, Jake, back on fast food? - Well, you know...

it was over 80 million being served, I felt I wasn't keeping up my end.

Macy?

I've come to an important decision.

I love onion rings more than modeling.

Can you believe how good these are? I'm quitting modeling.

But, Tedi, I need you for my new line.

I'm sorry to hang you up, Macy, but you'll find someone else.

I'm practically over the hill, anyway. I just wanna be normal.

Tedi, you're six feet tall...

gorgeous, and a perfect size two.

You're not normal.

You are Vogue!

You are Paris!

You are Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!

You're a goddess!

Are you telling me that you want to give all that up for an onion ring?

Well, almost ready for the great debate.

Good.

Ryan is so cute.

Picking him as my debate partner is working out so great.

I'm so glad.

- Do you mind? - What?

Oh, sorry.

You know, I should probably highlight the key points.

Good idea.

Have you seen the yellow marker?

Nope.

- There it is, Miss Forgetful. - Silly me.

- Do you have to do that? - What?

That thing you do with the sucker, you know, using your teeth as a keyboard?

Oh, that! Sorry.

Oops.

What? It's just a nervous habit.

I'm not mad at Chloe. She can have my new blouse.

She can have all my clothes.

And I'm not upset that she picked Ryan instead of me for her debate partner.

She can have Ryan.

After all, I have Larry.

- What's so funny? - Apparently death by lethal injection.

- Jake, you are so funny. - Wait, I got another one.

What am I?

A monk with an idea.

- Jake, stop it. - Okay, okay.

You know, you have really nice arms.

- You mean for an old guy. - I do not.

I've always thought that you're a very attractive man.

- Yeah? - Definitely yeah.

Jake? Jake?

Oh, I'm sorry. I went away for a second. But I'm back.

Now, I never used to have time for a long lunch.

This is really fun.

- Yeah, I'm having fun, too. - These oysters are really good, huh?

- You know what they say about oysters? - I sure do.

Only eat them in months with an "R."

- September, October-- - No, no, no.

I meant that they're supposed to be an aphrodisiac.

Yeah, right, like shark fin and rhino horn. I don't believe that stuff.

- Hey, is that Madonna and Russell Crowe? - Where?

My mistake.

The Bible says, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth."

How about a blouse for a blouse?

When you commit the ultimate crime, you should pay the ultimate price.

In the name of justice, society demands its pound of flesh!

Just think about how you'd feel...

if somebody you cared about was the victim.

Wouldn't you want to take the guy who did it and rip his heart out...

and tear him limb from limb? I know I would!

Thanks. Peace and love.

Mr. Slotnick.

Larry, are you okay?

Remember how you told me to relax...

by imagining somebody in their underwear?

- Yeah. - I did it with Miss Westmore.

Oh, the horror, the horror!

Mr. Slotnick, we're waiting.

Just try not to laugh.

I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

Okay.

And further more...

what if you find out after you execute somebody...

that they didn't do it, and that the DNA was incorrect?

What about that, Mr. Smart Guy?

- Time. Thank you, Mr. Slotnick. - What about it?

- Thank you. - Answer me.

Thank you. Sit down!

That was really good, and you didn't get the giggles once.

I really want to beat Chloe.

Capital punishment is not a deterrent to crime.

"Ask anybody who's been killed."

Sorry.

"My esteemed opponents speak of justice, but what about compassion?

"Capital punishment is cruel and unusual punishment.

"We are talking about the value of a human life."

- Miss Carlson! - Sorry.

"It is always wrong to take a life.

"If you believe in capital punishment...

"should we kill the people who kill people because they killed people?"

This kills me.

Capital punishment is no laughing matter.

Why didn't you tell me that you were mad at me?

Well, you know we never fight.

And I wasn't gonna start over a stupid blouse.

But it's not healthy to bottle up your feelings.

And I'm pretty sure it's bad for your skin.

- I just hate being mad at you. - Me, too.

Okay, from now on, you have to promise that...

whenever something's bothering you, you'll tell me.

Okay, I'll try. You know what our problem is?

We don't get angry because we're just too nice.

Yeah, we're too nice for our own good.

- Hey, Chloe. - Can't you see I'm talking?

- Riley-- - Go away.

- I'm sorry. - Me, too.

- Wow, is it all done? - Yeah. My masterpiece.

- Oh, man, the girls are gonna love this. - That is so sweet.

You know, Jake, these last couple of days with you've really meant a lot to me.

I felt like I was drowning.

It's okay. Look, you just need a little break.

You know, a little R and R.

Sometimes people just forget how to have fun.

I got an offer to fly to Paris this weekend for a shoot.

- I really love Paris. - So go.

Yeah, but I made such a big deal about quitting.

Poor me, overworked supermodel.

It's okay.

Look, it doesn't have to be all work or all play.

It's about finding that right balance in your life.

My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow morning.

Oh, wow, Tedi...

you know, this doesn't quite feel right.

I mean, you are an amazing woman, but you're so young and--

Are you saying you're too old for me?

Well, no, I wasn't going to go all the way there...

but you've been going through something lately...

and I think you're a little vulnerable.

- I'm a big girl, Jake. - Tell me.

I just think you need a little space right now.

- Doesn't happen to me too often. - I believe that.

Hey, look.

How about we talk when you get back?

Okay. No pressure. No stress.

But I'll be thinking of you.

Hi, guys. Welcome to Behind the Scenes of So Little Time.

Hi! My name is Jesse Head, and I play the part of Larry Slotnick.

How about that?

...is no laughing matter.

Taylor is like.... He's like a kid trapped in a man's body.

He's crazy.

Hey, Lar, it is a laugh minute.

[Audience cheering]

Well, I've been working with myself now for....

I'm exactly two years older than Justin Timberlake.

Talk louder.

Natashia's great. She's so nice and sweet and caring.

MAN: Come on! I want to hear some more!

So, like, down to earth, and she's gorgeous, too.

Eric's cool.

[Audience cheering]

He's so, like, chilled and laid back and always joking around.

Hi.

Clare's great, man. She's so, like, understanding.

She let me borrow her guitar signed by James Taylor. Okay?

No, this is real.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen...

they're probably so engulfed in their magazines that...

they're not gonna hear a word I say right now.

I can hear you.

MAN: Mary-Kate and A shley Olsen!

[Audience cheering]

No hug back.

MAN: It's right here at the door.

Hello.

English - SDH