Original subtitles

[Upbeat instrumental music]

If we have to take an elective, why not go with something fun...

like "Environmental Cleanup and Conservation"?

- How is that fun? - You have to read between the lines.

You go to the beach with a couple of friends and pick up a few cans.

TEDI: I got to use the phone. My agent beeped me while I was running.

- How can you run in heels? - How can I not? Somebody might see me.

Hi, it's Tedi. That's great! Thanks!

I got that commercial for the cellulite cream.

You don't have cellulite.

It's not like the cream actually works.

RILEY: Tedi, will you help us pick an elective?

Okay. There's "Financial Planning, Basic Nutrition"--

Why don't they teach you important things like tipping...

so that your bags are the first ones off the plane?

Or how to look windblown when it's dead calm.

Okay. While those are important skills...

not everyone is a supermodel.

I would have been a supermodel a lot sooner...

had I not wasted all that time at school.

Tedi, around here, we like to think of school as a good thing.

Does your school have a class on how to date for jewelry?

[Gasp of amazement]

Maybe we should drop out of school.

No one is dropping out of....

Oh, my God! Wow, is that real?

TEDI: Uh-huh.

- Mom, let the woman talk. - No. Wait a second.

Look, no one's dropping out of school, okay?

Sometimes it's really good to have a plan for your life, past the age of 23.

CHLOE [Voiceover]: And that's how I wound up in cooking class.

CHLOE: And Riley got.... TEACHER: Introduction to Sewing.

All right, ladies.

[Clears his throat]

And Larry.

Today we will be making aprons.

You know, I've always been kind of afraid of sewing machines.

Your dad's a designer.

You've been around sewing machines since you were a little baby.

Yes. But all I can remember is, "No! Don't touch!"

Relax. It's not like this thing is going to hurt you.

[Grunts in pain]

Unless, of course, you do that.

[Theme song]

[Upbeat pop music]

YOGA INSTRUCTOR [On TV]: Exhale, releasing all tension.

Return to heart position, and done. Very good.

Now check your pulse.

Sixty and holding.

YOGA INSTRUCTOR: Praise yourself. JAKE: Good job, Jake.

YOGA INSTRUCTOR: And go forth in serenity.

[Knocking on door]

- Hi. - Hey, Macy. Come. Sit. Breathe.

Actually, I don't have time to breathe. I have a problem.

There are no problems. Only opportunities.

Okay. You know, I shouldn't have come here. This was a bad idea.

- I'll manage somehow. - No!

Macy, look, if you need me, I'm here for you.

- No. You have your own problems. - It's not like I can't function.

I'm just trying to be a happier, calmer person.

No, never mind.

Tell me what it is, and I will do it! What?

I need you to help me do this magazine interview.

It's Rag Trade magazine, and I'm....

- [Mumbling] Kind of.... - What?

- Well, I'm a little.... - I'm sorry. What did you say?

- I'm scared! - The mighty Macy Carlson is scared?

I'm allowed!

I've been scared many times before. I just never showed you.

- When were you scared? - That time I couldn't find the label maker.

Yeah, you were pretty scared.

- So, will you do it? - Yeah, of course. I'm here to support you.

I'll tell you what. I'll send the sketches so you know what's going on.

Here's the list of all the current styles...

in order of priority, and cross-referenced alphabetically.

I made it simple for you.

Okay. And I want you to wear.... Not that.

You could shave late in the day.

Shave late. Don't wear this.

You know, suddenly I feel very calm.

Good for you 'cause I've got to start all over again.

[Fast-paced pop music]

Try this one on. I must be getting better, don't you think?

It's the best one so far.

Larry, if I can't make an apron, what will I do come doily time?

Now come on, that's just the needle pricks talking.

Please, I'm a little lightheaded from loss of blood.

- How's your apron coming? - I don't know. Let's try it on, and we'll see.

- I like the color. - I just threw together a bunch of scraps.

- And the attached oven mitts. - Yeah. For that absent-minded chef.

This is really good. I had no idea you could sew.

Yeah. Me neither.

Riley, your apron is very good! A plus!

- Oh, no-- - Everybody, look. Riley got an A plus.

Clap.

[Fast-paced pop music]

I can't take credit for your apron.

It would be wrong for me to get an A plus I didn't earn.

It would be great. But it would be wrong.

Actually, you'd be doing me a favor.

I mean, it's embarrassing enough the guys know I'm in sewing class.

It'd be humiliating if they found out I was actually good at it.

Hey, sewing boy! You look real stunning in that.

Great. Now they've seen me in an apron.

Look. I'm asking just this once. Please take my A.

Okay.

But tomorrow you're going to have to come in here and fail all by yourself.

[Fast-paced pop music]

Manuelo, do we have the ingredients for stroganoff?

Sure. But you don't have to make stroganoff from scratch.

Look at this.

Manuelo's Meals in a Minute.

You pop this in the microwave and presto!

You've got authentic Russian-Rican stroganoffo!

Thanks. But I don't want to eat it. I have to make it for school.

We have to cook our favorite food.

Stroganoff is not so easy to make from scratch.

I want you to start with something simple, like toast.

I can't get a good grade with toast.

Don't worry. I've grown up watching you cook.

How hard can it be to follow a recipe?

Boy, was I wrong. Cooking is worse than chemistry.

Baking powder, baking soda, totally different things.

And how come when they say brown the meat...

they don't tell you how much food coloring to use?

And why do you have to cook at 3:50? I mean, what if I'm not home then?

Oh, my....

How's it going, baby?

Fine. Great. Yeah, piece of cake.

This was not good. I was embarrassed for not listening to Manuelo...

and I was blowing a grade I kind of needed to pass.

So, I did a very bad thing.

CHLOE [Voiceover]: I took Manuelo's Meals in a Minute...

and used them for my school project.

Then I replaced them in the freezer with my horrible cooking.

I knew it was wrong. But I had so much other homework...

and there was this really great old Johnny Depp movie on cable.

So I fudged on the stroganoff.

I don't hate it.

[Fast-paced pop music]

Manny, my pantyhose are all wet.

If you checked the schedule, you'd know that today is delicates.

But I can't be late.

The Models Over Thirty Fund is a very important charity.

I'm going to make this pantyhose...

drier than your tongue the morning after your last birthday.

[Knocking on door]

[Sighs with tension]

- I can't go through with the interview. - What?

As soon as I picked up the sketches, all the pressure came back.

The chest pains, the nausea, the Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Six months of meditation, right out the window!

I've been trying to get into the Rag Trade for years.

I can't do this interview without you.

Of course you can. You're great at interviews.

Yeah, but they don't want me. They want you.

And I promised them you would be there.

Now, you don't want to break my word, do you?

I hate this! Why do you do this to me?

Because for some reason, this woman thinks you're fabulous.

[Small explosion]

Oh my.... Are you all right?

The pantyhose is dry, but we need a new microwaver.

I can't wear these.

[Doorbell rings]

Jake, can you please get that...

while I see if Chloe has a pair I can borrow?

If that is Bridgette or Sophia, I'm home.

But if it's Helga, I am undercover in Bolivia.

Hey, Mr. C., Riley left this at school.

"Riley Carlson. Sewing: A plus."

- She made this? - That's what the card says.

It's brilliant. It's spectacular!

You think so? Coming from a designer that means a lot.

Yeah. It shows true talent.

My little girl.

Look what I found in Chloe's drawer.

It's the grade for her stroganoff: A plus and a commendation!

She has a gift. I tasted it. It was almost as good as mine. Almost.

You know, Riley got an A plus, too.

Look at this! It's brilliant. My designer genes.

You know, we raised a couple of really good kids.

Yeah.

You know what? The girls are huge fans of Rag Trade magazine.

To show them how proud we are, let's include them in the interview.

- Riley could do some fashion sketches. - That sure gets you off the hook.

No, look, Chloe can make her stroganoff.

Come on, it will make a great article.

Plus, it'll show everybody how talented the girls really are.

That is a fierce idea.

You know, I can't wait to see the expression on their faces.

- Design a few outfits? - Cook my award-winning stroganoff?

- Cool. - Sure. No prob.

[Soft pop music]

Kremlin Cafe?

Larry, can I ask you something?

Do you have stroganoff to go?

Good. 'Cause I need your help.

Chloe is just cooking up a storm.

What is that doing here?

It's my Fabbie award. I thought it'd be good for the interview.

How is she even going to see it through that haze of Canoe?

[Doorbell rings]

She's early!

[Groan of exasperation]

Okay.

Larry! Thank goodness you're here.

Wow, nobody's ever said that to me before.

- Larry, where have you been? - Getting the pizza that you wanted.

Pizza? But what about all....

Yes, the pizza...

for our school project on the shelf life of cheese.

Come on, let's go set up our petri dishes.

What's that smell?

It smells like rancid meat and cheap cologne.

Is my brother Fernando here?

CHLOE [Voiceover]: Unfortunately, that smell was the mess...

I was pretending to cook...

until my friend Chelsea could smuggle in the restaurant food.

So we dumped my bad stroganoff, and made the switch.

Things were going to be fine. Or so I thought.

Dad, I almost forgot. Here are your design sketches.

These are spectacular. I don't know what to say.

Neither do I.

Tedi, what are you doing here?

I came to model the apron. You don't have to thank me.

There is going to be a photographer here, right?

Tedi, would you like to stay for dinner?

Sure. I don't want to miss Chloe's award-winning cooking.

Yes, you do. We got a big problem.

[Doorbell rings]

She's here. Okay. Come on, everybody.

I'm really nervous. I've never been interviewed before.

Yeah, this magazine is really important.

Just relax, and just be yourself.

[Doorbell rings again]

Great. Now I've kept her waiting, she'll trash us in the article.

MACY: Hi, I'm Macy--

Jake Carlson. You are a genius!

- Kendall Clarke. Big fan. - Nice to meet you, too.

Well, since you're a big fan, perhaps you'd like to see my Fabbie.

Chloe's stroganoff is not good. She must have clutched in her choke.

Great. We can't tell that reporter...

if she writes about it, then Chloe will be humiliated.

What are we going to do? This is all my fault.

Get Manuelo's Meals in a Minute.

Okay.

The microwave is broken.

We'll defrost the food with the heat from our own bodies.

[Manuelo and Macy wail loudly]

I'll go see if they need help.

- What is going on out here? - Quick! Put this down your pants!

[Jake moans]

[In falsetto] Everything's fine.

Tedi, would you help Manny in the kitchen, please?

- Moi? In a kitchen? - Just do it! Please.

Say hi to Minnie and Pluto for him.

[Macy wails]

Sorry for all the commotion.

You know how it is when you entertain at home.

What are you writing?

[Moaning from the kitchen continues]

Frozen daiquiris. I'm sorry.

Jake, stoke up the fire, man.

And please, in the name of all that's holy, do it quickly!

I'm actually a little warm. Can we open a window?

No!

I mean, maybe later.

In the meantime, Rye, why don't you tell her about the apron?

Tedi's wearing it, and it's an apron.

Riley started with a simple design.

And then she gave it color and function with the removable oven mitts.

- Tedi? - I wish it had a hood.

JAKE: Much better.

MACY: That's the ticket. Let's do the other side.

There's something wrong with Tedi.

And don't look now, but the folks are melting.

Tedi was rushed to the hospital for hypothermia.

Mom said it was because she had no meat on her bones.

Tedi said perhaps it was the frozen noodles in her bra.

Eventually things settled down, and the food was served.

Okay. Everybody dig into the award-winning stroganoff...

that totally was made by Chloe...

that I had nothing to do with whatsoever.

Buon appetito.

[Coughing and groaning]

This is just like home.

That's it. I'm calling the restaurant and getting my money back.

Oops!

I don't understand. I thought these were the Manuelo Meals.

No. I turned the Manuelo Meals in to school.

Which means....

I got an A!

With a commendation.

There are so many people to thank, and I hardly know where to begin.

I hate cooking. I mean, I can't cook.

I don't have the patience for it. I don't have the attention span. I....

What was I talking about again?

And I can't sew. It was awful!

I mean, me threading the needle. It was bloodier than Gla dia tor!

- That is totally off the record. - Too late.

- See, this is why I quit the business. - You quit the business?

Only in the sense that he's not working anymore.

I'd love to interview you one-on-one.

You know, how a genius handles his downtime.

Give it a rest, Kendall.

You are supposed to be interviewing all of us.

He's not the only one in the room, okay?

The girls over here have lied and cheated and schemed to impress you!

Yeah! We all have!

Because that's the kind of family we are!

CHLOE [Voiceover]: Things didn't turn out too badly.

Mom and Dad were so mad at that woman, they forgot to punish us.

We ordered pizza and life was good.

Until the magazine came out, and we were busted.

Dad got called a pompous airhead, Mom was an uptight control freak...

and Rye and I got detention and had to redo our projects.

So everyone's dirty little secrets were out. Except....

These are good. You should take credit for them.

How did you know?

Who else would give up an A plus for Riley?

So did you just find out you could do this?

Yeah. Maybe it's from hitting my head on that sewing machine.

But I just start sewing and matching colors...

and all of a sudden, it's like I'm piecing together a building.

A building that goes around a beautiful woman.

I could be good at that.

Yeah. For me it happened watching this old movie.

This total babe was singing about blaming it all on someone named Mame...

and she was wearing this strapless dress...

and the way it moved when she moved, I couldn't figure out how it stayed up.

And that's when you thought, "I want to be a fashion designer."

No. I thought, "I wonder if I'm gay."

Did you ever get beat up for being sewing boy?

No, I could run pretty fast.

Don't ever let anyone scare you away from something that might be your future.

In the meantime...

you are going to need a tougher sewing box.

This was mine, and I want you to have it.

- Thanks, Mr. C. - Yeah.

Now go. Be fearless! Be proud!

And be sure to look behind you in dark alleys.

[Upbeat pop music]

If it isn't sewing boy.

Yeah, you want to make something of it?

Yeah. Me and the boys were thinking about starting a rap group...

hoping maybe you could make us some slamming duds. You dig?

Yeah. Okay, sure. But the most important thing is...

that you got to feel beautiful about yourself. You dig?

So we're going to start with this.

You get some big baggy pants like MC Hammer.

TOUGH GUY: No way.

English - SDH