Original subtitles

[Upbeat instrumental music]

MANUELO: Riley, eat the oatmeal. It's going to stick to your ribs.

Just the ribs?

CHLOE: Good morning. MANUELO: Breakfast?

I'll skip.

Manuelo, that's not an apple you're putting in my lunch?

Let me check.

Yeah, that's a Mclntosh.

I can't eat an apple in school. No one looks good eating an apple.

It's loud, you have to chomp it like a horse...

pieces get stuck in your teeth, and juice runs down your chin.

Chloe has this new theory that in front of boys at school, you can only eat cute food.

Cute food?

- What's cute food? - Food you look cute eating.

Like grapes. Seedless, of course.

Carrots: wrong.

- Celery? - Are you trying to destroy her?

I want food that's seen and not heard.

I guess, refried beans are out of the question.

CHLOE: Manuelo, think cute. MANUELO: You want cute food?

Let me show you cute food.

Cute food.

Enjoy.

And you can call him Wilson.

[Theme song plays]

[Upbeat pop music]

RILEY: Chloe, what's with all these clothes?

You're only going to Dad's for the weekend.

Riley, it's hard to believe that you're only eight minutes younger than me.

For your information, all these clothes have nothing to do with Dad.

Are you forgetting who lives in the trailer next door to Dad?

The guy who keeps getting hit by lightning?

- No, the other side. - Travis Morgan?

Give it up, Chloe. You've been trying to get his attention for weeks.

Travis Morgan is not interested.

This coming from a girl who still thinks she has a shot with Brad Pitt?

- It could happen. - Okay, he's married now.

CHLOE: To Jennifer Aniston, and they're very happy.

I'm not listening!

Besides, things happen, things change.

People break up. I mean, look at Mom and Dad.

And besides, what's Jennifer Aniston got that I haven't got?

Or couldn't get eventually?

Don't you see, Riley? You always go after fantasy boys.

Guys who seem perfect because they're not real.

Real boys have rough edges. They're clay you mould.

But first you ha ve to get the clay's attention.

- Riley. - I know.

Ignore. Maybe he'll go away.

It's Larry. He never goes away.

Will you...

go out...

- with me? - No.

Give me one good reason why not?

You're hanging from my window.

I can't help myself though.

You're all that I need to be happy. That's it. Just you.

And maybe my PlayStation 2. But that's it.

Just you and my PlayStation 2.

And maybe a breakfast burrito. But that's it.

Just you, my PlayStation 2, and a breakfast burrito.

And my autographed Goldberg WrestleMania poster.

But that is it.

RILEY: Some people get birds or squirrels on their windowsill.

I get Larry Slotnick.

Sometimes I come to this old lifeguard station to think.

I started coming down here after Mom and Dad separated.

I mean, it's quiet, it's private, and it's completely Larry-free.

At least, so far.

I think it's a chemical thing with Larry.

You know, I read somewhere that everyone has their own special scent...

that only attracts certain other people.

The way bees are attracted to flowers.

Jennifer smells great to Brad.

And apparently, I've spent my whole life downwind of Larry Slotnick.

Meanwhile, Mom is having her own weird boy problems.

I've been standing in this dress now for two hours, and I'm starving.

Help me out here.

This is the first dress I've designed on my own since Jake quit the business.

And the model is over three hours late. So can you put the apple back.

Thank you. Now suck it in!

Okay.

I am sucking it in where it does not suck.

That thong underwear that you put onto me...

I think that it just came in to stay for a long time.

Sorry, I have to see how the dress lays with the proper undergarments.

I have never worn a thong underwear before.

And I'll tell you something:

I don't hate it.

Okay. Well, it's not working.

I know somebody who can help.

Señor Jake, your separated husband.

Manuelo, I am not calling señor Jake.

[Doorbell rings]

Finally.

Larry.

It's so nice to see you at a door...

as opposed to hanging from my daughter's window.

By the way, here's your rainspout.

Anyways, I'm here to apologize about the whole hanging-from-the-window thing.

I lost it. I lost it over Riley, again.

I guess I always lose it over Riley.

It's just, she always smells like vanilla.

And the first time I saw her in fourth grade, you know...

I knew I wanted to have her baby.

Strike that.

Larry, may I interject a thought into you?

You have to lighten up, dude. Women like to have their space.

You think?

And I'm gonna take advice from a guy in a dress?

MACY: Tedi, you made it. TEDI: I am sorry, I am so late.

My flight was delayed. My baggage was lost.

My limo didn't have cable. I've been in beautiful-person hell.

Tell me about it.

Supermodel Tedi?

Swimsuit edition-Victoria's Secret Tedi?

I'm up here.

I'll be with you in one second.

I feel like I know you.

And I feel like I don't want to know why.

Larry, go home.

- Don't tell Riley about us. - Okay.

I need some water. And that dress needs me.

RILEY: Are we still on Larry alert?

No, I think we can stand down.

Mom's a wreck out there.

This is the first dress she's designed without Dad since they've separated.

Nothing like some mint chocolate chip.

Brain freeze!

I think I'm blind.

They ought to put a warning on this stuff.

That supermodel's giving me a lot of attitude, man.

Now she wants bottled water. Everybody is a diva.

Is that the dress I'm wearing to the Billboard Music Awards?

Yes. What do you think?

- I like it. - Great.

I also liked it last year, when Madonna wore one just like it to the Golden Globes.

You got some serious sewing to do, sister.

[Upbeat pop music]

CHLOE: Wow, Dad.

So, not bad?

I've been working my tail off to get this place all straightened up...

since you and Riley were here last.

So, do you just love what I've done with it?

Yeah. What have you done with it?

Come here. Let me show you around.

That's the kitchen-breakfast nook.

This is my den-game room.

And that's the dining room-living room.

CHLOE: Don't tell me.

The gym.

I don't get over there as much as I'd like.

Yeah, the commute alone.

I know what's going on between me and your mom may be a little confusing...

but I just need my life to be a little simpler.

I got you a little present.

Dad, Riley and I come here because we love you.

We both like to have one-on-one time with you.

You don't have to bribe us with presents.

You know, you're right, and I respect that.

Although, if you went to all that trouble...

it wouldn't make sense to let a good present go to waste.

Right. Wait right there.

[Chloe gasps]

CHLOE: He's so cute! JAKE: She.

Oh!

She kisses like Aunt Violet at Christmas.

- After the eggnog. - Yeah.

- What's her name? - Macy, after your mom.

She's part pit bull.

[Pop music playing]

There's Travis Morgan. The guy I can't get to notice me.

He's been working out here on his off-road scooter for hours.

[Pop music continues playing]

He must not have seen me.

Here he comes again.

All right, don't say it.

[Chloe screaming]

Come on, over here.

Great, I can't even get a dog's attention.

You know, honey, I picked up a book on Amazon.com:

Beginner's Guide to Dog Training.

It's over here in the library.

CHLOE: Let's see. "Eye contact:

"Establish dominance by getting him to blink first."

[Mystical instrumental music]

"Tone: Use clear, direct, simple commands."

CHLOE: Okay, here we go.

Stay.

Sit.

Speak.

[Dog barks]

Hi.

Thank you, Amazon.com.

[Upbeat pop music]

What are you guys watching?

We're just running a tape of last year's Golden Globes.

Just want to make sure that I didn't copy Madonna's dress.

Look, there's Madonna!

Okay. So what do you think, guys?

It didn't look exactly like my dress. Does it?

Bing!

Is that the timer?

My buns are in the oven.

And yours are in a sling.

No, Mom, you see that dress...

it's so much....

You see, and yours is much more....

And the color....

Sweetheart, no. You know what? It's almost identical. Tedi's right.

How will I design a new dress by tomorrow night?

Maybe I.... Drop the neckline.

You can drop that neckline down to Compton.

I'm not going to the Billboard Music Awards with Lenny Kravitz...

wearing Madonna's hand-me-downs!

Don't even think of calling your father.

Don't you just hate that?

Parents think they always know exactly what you're thinking.

I've got news for her if she thinks she can read Riley Carlson like a book.

Hi, Dad?

Help Mom? I don't know, honey. Daddy's awfully busy.

[Soft pop music]

How's it coming?

[Manuelo and Macy shushing]

[Whispering] What's he doing?

[Whispering] He's listening to the fabric.

It speaks to him.

This is not a dress. It's a pantsuit.

Talk among yourselves.

Excuse me, can I borrow Jake for a second?

I wasn't done listening to that.

Listen, I know how you have your creative process and everything.

- I respect that. - Thank you, Macy.

Remember how, when we were together, and it used to really drive me crazy?

Okay, well, it still does!

- Look, I can speed things up. - Great.

If you want something from the Marge Simpson collection.

You're just leaving?

It's after midnight.

That is just so like you. Walking out, when I need you the most.

Come on, Macy, I've paid my dues. I've done this for 20 years.

The deadlines. The all nighters. The fall collection.

The spring unveiling. The self-absorbed airhead models!

No offense.

- Fine. Leave! - Fine!

- What time tomorrow? - 8:00 sharp.

I'll be there.

[Upbeat pop music]

Come on, Chloe, how can you compare boys to dogs?

Think about it.

They both follow you around, growl when you take their food away...

and they both scratch themselves in front of company.

I'm not buying it, Chloe. Boys are human beings.

Really?

Larry!

You rang?

Quick, give me the book.

[Upbeat pop music]

How's it going?

I think he finally noticed me.

I'm not surprised.

You look like the front row of a Willy Nelson concert.

Do me a favor: Put me out of my misery.

Don't give up. This book you gave me really works.

Remember: sharp, crisp commands.

Don't lose eye contact. Stare him down.

Right.

We'll show him who his master is.

[Mystical instrumental music]

[Boys yelling]

Ms. Carlson.

What do you say, we go to my office and talk?

"Beginner's Guide to Dog Training.

"Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact."

Chloe, you dropped your book.

- About that, Travis, I can explain. - Don't worry about it.

Really? I thought you'd be mad.

No, I admire it.

You were just experimenting with some simple behavior modification techniques...

to determine if behavior patterns of canines...

were uniform with those of higher mammals.

Yeah, right. What you said.

Well, see you.

Travis, I put my homework in this book.

You didn't happen to see it, did you?

See it? I ate it.

[Barks]

[Upbeat pop music]

TV ANNOUNCER: Live from Radio City Music Hall, the Billboard Music A wards!

Okay, here's Lenny Kravitz. Here comes Tedi!

- There's the dress! - Look at her!

That's a million dollars of publicity right there.

Okay, you guys, I am going to go up to my room.

Manuelo, aren't you forgetting something?

Thank you.

Do me a favor.

Call me when the big thong song comes on.

I have a new appreciation for it.

It's getting late. I should get going.

But you haven't even finished your champagne.

To old times.

CHLOE: Hi, guys. MACY: Hello.

Dad, I'm surprised you're still here.

And drinking champagne with Mom.

We're just celebrating the award show, the dress.

Well, how about that? You still make a great team.

That's what you guys should celebrate.

I'll admit pulling that all nighter with your mom...

sure did bring back a lot of memories.

- Really? Like what? - Yeah, like what? Come on, Dad.

Remember Milan, 15 years ago?

Italy? It's getting good.

It was our first international fashion show.

And just our luck, the airline loses the dress.

And we're running all over the city, looking for fabric.

We have no money left for a hotel room.

We had to sleep in the back of a Fiat.

When was that again?

It was the fall show, right? 1985, right after we got married.

Wait a minute.

We were born in the spring of 1986.

You know what that means?

Chloe, we're Italian.

I guess, Mom made Dad an offer he couldn't refuse.

All right, good night, girls.

Arrivederci!

Paisano, what do you say we order a pizza?

With hot peppers and pepperoni.

[Upbeat pop music]

Hi, Larry. I just really wanted to apologize.

No one deserves to be treated like a dog.

Not even you.

Anyway, we're getting rid of the book.

And I'm so sorry I didn't buy you a flea-and-tick collar...

before I dragged you to the dog park.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is:

Do you forgive me?

Riley, you're going to have to speak up...

because I'm having some trouble hearing you.

[Theme song plays]

English SDH subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER

English - SDH