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1
00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:04,474
I can't say how nice it is
2
00:00:04,475 --> 00:00:06,514
to talk to a guy like you.
Fatherinlawsus.
3
00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:08,584
King to king.
Yes, you have
4
00:00:08,585 --> 00:00:09,720
a fine city.
5
00:00:09,853 --> 00:00:11,288
A good place
to raise kids, I hope.
6
00:00:11,289 --> 00:00:14,596
Oh, yes.
Our infant survival rate is 14%.
7
00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,165
I'm very proud of that number.
8
00:00:16,298 --> 00:00:18,504
My boy,
you don't know how hard it is
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00:00:18,604 --> 00:00:20,942
to find a king
whose junk still works.
10
00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,013
You know, a lot of your
contemporaries get their
11
00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,481
genitals blown off in war.
12
00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:26,286
My sister is a warrior
around here.
13
00:00:26,419 --> 00:00:28,924
And there she is now,
ravaged by some battle.
14
00:00:29,025 --> 00:00:31,697
Did you know we're
getting attacked by hordes now?
15
00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:32,965
We've really made it.
16
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,270
Hey, who's this guy?
He's got a sword!
17
00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:37,141
Ha ha ha ha!
Relax, Stupe.
18
00:00:37,241 --> 00:00:38,844
This is
Fatherinlawsus the Great.
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00:00:38,845 --> 00:00:41,015
A warrior king
whose vast empire
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00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:43,186
stretches from one
body of water to another.
21
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,490
He's seen noodles before!
It's cute.
22
00:00:45,491 --> 00:00:47,294
She doesn't even
know what noodles are.
23
00:00:47,394 --> 00:00:49,398
Why would you let
a conquering warrior king
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00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:53,073
inside the city walls without
letting me murder him first?
25
00:00:53,173 --> 00:00:56,012
Where is your army?
Are they disguised as bushes?
26
00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:57,414
Are they behind
trees and walls,
27
00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,320
just waiting to jump out
and scream "Surprise!"
28
00:01:00,454 --> 00:01:02,759
That is
a great idea for a party.
29
00:01:02,859 --> 00:01:05,129
You know, one of my guys
has a birthday coming up.
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00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,333
I should be real mean to him
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00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:07,903
and make him think
I forgot about it
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00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,138
so when we jump out and yell,
33
00:01:09,238 --> 00:01:11,042
it almost kills him.
Only almost.
34
00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:13,112
No, it's not
a great idea for a party.
35
00:01:13,212 --> 00:01:16,286
It's a great idea for an attack.
What is going on here?
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00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:18,724
I understand
your concern, but I found
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00:01:18,824 --> 00:01:20,794
a new way to grow my empire.
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00:01:20,795 --> 00:01:22,799
Go ahead.
Tell her the news, son.
39
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,903
I'm getting married!
40
00:01:25,003 --> 00:01:27,809
Uhh... kay?
41
00:01:54,128 --> 00:01:55,097
My own son
getting married.
42
00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:56,332
I'm so proud of you.
43
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:58,571
Now let's talk
consummation tent.
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00:01:58,671 --> 00:02:00,775
Shall we put it on the porch
so we can all hear
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00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:03,646
the erotic noises when
the blessed moment comes?
46
00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:07,454
I don't care where it is
as long as the sex bell
is front and center.
47
00:02:07,556 --> 00:02:10,360
The whole city needs to hear
when it goes ring-a-ding-ding.
48
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,164
Oh, I love a wedding
because it's all about
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00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,634
me and my blessing.
50
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,807
Oh, the weird things I'll
expect you to do to please me.
51
00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,342
Congratulations to us.
52
00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:19,847
I think
you're being stupid.
53
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:22,250
Who gets married
to expand an empire?
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00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,687
I do, and it's genius.
55
00:02:23,787 --> 00:02:25,859
It's an arrangement that
combines sex and
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00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:27,461
whatever it is Ty's trying
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00:02:27,562 --> 00:02:29,766
to do in the world.
That's genius to me.
58
00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:32,204
How did you not
talk to me about this first?
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00:02:32,304 --> 00:02:34,509
Did you even think about how
being under the thumb of
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00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:36,714
some warrior king
would affect my life?
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00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:39,285
I'm not manageable!
Come on, Stupe, lighten up.
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00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:41,055
Krapopolis will still
be Krapopolis.
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00:02:41,155 --> 00:02:43,026
You know, once our families
are allied,
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00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:44,662
I bet we can
get pepper again.
65
00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,332
Mmm, spicy!
66
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,437
Do you even know
who you're marrying?
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00:02:48,571 --> 00:02:50,374
Have you thought about that?
Oh, Stupendous.
68
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,612
If she's a dog, we can just
lock her in a tower.
69
00:02:52,712 --> 00:02:54,382
A nice tower.
She'll love it.
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00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:56,186
You know weddings
are primo locations
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00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:57,756
for massacres, right?
Like, the second
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00:02:57,889 --> 00:03:00,561
most dangerous place to be
after a battlefield?
73
00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:02,699
I could have told you
if you'd consulted me.
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00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:05,303
I'm sure Fatherinlawsus
isn't that kind of guy,
75
00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,407
and that means no massacres
from you, either.
76
00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:10,280
I'm serious, Stupe.
That's an order.
No massacres!
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00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:13,955
An order?
Ugh, this keeps getting worse!
78
00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:15,424
Does Fatherinlawsus dance?
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00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:19,164
I'm gonna say yes.
Yes to dancing, no to massacres.
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00:03:19,264 --> 00:03:21,368
Fantastic.
We'll end the whole thing
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00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:24,175
with a showstopping
Dance of the Dads.
82
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:26,714
That'll get me hot and bothered.
83
00:03:26,847 --> 00:03:28,483
Just what a son
wants on his wedding day.
84
00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:30,320
This day
has to be perfect.
85
00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:32,659
You know Hermes will show up
whether we invite him or not.
86
00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:35,030
He's the god of critiquing
seating arrangements,
87
00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:36,533
and he loves a free meal.
88
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,338
He also may be angry with me
since I ripped out his eyes.
89
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:40,942
Since you did
what-was-it-though?
90
00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,244
There!
Now that's a dress
91
00:03:42,377 --> 00:03:45,084
that will
pull focus from a bride.
92
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:46,787
Sorry about
the bachelor party.
93
00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:49,893
This was the only strip club
I could find on short notice.
94
00:03:52,063 --> 00:03:53,700
Some people think this is hot.
95
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,905
This guy!
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00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:57,642
So, what Stupe
was saying about
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00:03:57,742 --> 00:03:59,813
how dangerous weddings are--
she was just
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00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:01,081
trying to scare me, right?
99
00:04:01,215 --> 00:04:02,318
Are you kidding? We've got
100
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,954
the Bootios Bloodbath,
101
00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:05,858
the Sacking of the Terziade,
102
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:07,894
the Dark Lemming Murders,
103
00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:09,365
the Fall of the Eel King,
104
00:04:09,465 --> 00:04:12,772
The-The Flaming Eagle
of Lord Philmox,
105
00:04:12,906 --> 00:04:16,512
The Dark King's Demise
in Calfothorag,
106
00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:21,623
The Cauldron Feint, the-the-the
immolation of Emperor Tong!
107
00:04:21,723 --> 00:04:24,028
Those were all weddings?
I thought they were wars.
108
00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,634
The Dance of the Dads
is weighing heavily upon me.
109
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,871
I'm going to ask that fish
for some pointers.
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00:04:28,971 --> 00:04:30,675
So, you're not worried
about a massacre?
111
00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:33,013
Why would I be?
I'm never the target.
112
00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:34,616
I'm too beloved.
113
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:37,121
General Stupendous.
114
00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,058
I thought I'd find you here.
You seem upset.
115
00:04:39,158 --> 00:04:41,262
Well, yeah.
My dumb brother thinks he can do
116
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,366
whatever he wants on a whim
with the city
117
00:04:43,499 --> 00:04:45,437
I've devoted
my life to defending.
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00:04:45,538 --> 00:04:48,710
I could be out there splitting
your guys' skulls in half,
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00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,814
and instead I'm
trying on dresses
120
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,086
and being told things
about pepper.
121
00:04:53,186 --> 00:04:55,323
So, yeah, I'm a little upset.
122
00:04:55,456 --> 00:04:56,794
I don't blame you.
In my heyday,
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00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:58,830
I would have hated to be
denied a good fight.
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00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,868
I bet you think
I'm some old fuddy-duddy
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00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,705
who can't swing a sword anymore,
so, I just
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00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:04,976
marry off my daughters
for territory.
127
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,446
Well, yeah, kinda.
128
00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,417
And you're right.
I'm ready to
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00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:10,721
retire from warfare,
but I know you're not,
130
00:05:10,821 --> 00:05:13,828
and I need someone like you
to lead my armies.
131
00:05:13,928 --> 00:05:15,297
You do?
Tell me.
132
00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:17,168
Have you
ever commanded an army of
133
00:05:17,268 --> 00:05:19,304
5,000 pre-castrated soldiers?
134
00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:20,908
"Pre-castrated"?
Like you still
135
00:05:20,909 --> 00:05:23,179
gotta castrate 'em or...
No, no, no.
136
00:05:23,312 --> 00:05:24,950
Pre-castrated.
It's already taken care of.
137
00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:27,254
Wow.
To answer your question, no,
138
00:05:27,354 --> 00:05:28,758
but I've always wanted to.
139
00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:30,260
They're very obedient.
140
00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,530
Totally hairless.
141
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,633
I bet
they're gorgeous singers.
142
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,439
Their falsettos
could crack marble.
143
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,342
Here. This is for you.
144
00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:43,153
I should get out
of this wedding. right?
145
00:05:43,253 --> 00:05:44,889
Let's just say
if you go through with it,
146
00:05:45,023 --> 00:05:47,094
I'm planning on having
a stomach bug that day.
147
00:05:47,194 --> 00:05:50,065
But there's also a chance
that there won't
be a massacre, right?
148
00:05:50,066 --> 00:05:52,404
What's that thing you were
telling me you just invented?
149
00:05:52,572 --> 00:05:55,611
The thing where you can
guess how likely it is
that something will happen.
150
00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:58,383
You mean odds?
Yeah. What are the odds
151
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,820
that I get murdered
at my wedding?
152
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,322
Dude,
there's no way of knowing
153
00:06:01,422 --> 00:06:02,857
unless you have 1,000 weddings.
154
00:06:02,858 --> 00:06:05,363
Oh, if only there was
a way to go through with this
155
00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,502
and not go through with it
at the same time.
156
00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:09,038
Holy moly.
157
00:06:09,138 --> 00:06:10,575
Look, do you see that guy?
158
00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,545
That wretched baker.
What about him?
159
00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,516
He looks
exactly like you.
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00:06:14,649 --> 00:06:16,553
What? No, he doesn't.
He's wearing an apron.
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00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:19,058
His face, Ty.
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00:06:19,158 --> 00:06:21,062
You're right.
You can get
that guy
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00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:23,266
to go to the wedding
in your place.
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00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,836
So, if there's a massacre,
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00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:27,441
he gets a sword
through his guts, not me.
166
00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:29,211
And if there isn't,
we just switch back.
167
00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:31,850
Either way, Krapopolis keeps
her king, and I'm a genius.
168
00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:34,488
Or you're a guy who
got a good idea from a genius.
169
00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:36,358
That's its own
kind of intelligence.
170
00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,028
Hey, you! Mr. Bread Guy!
171
00:06:38,029 --> 00:06:40,367
Please. Mr. Bread Guy
was my father.
172
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:44,108
I just inherited his debt.
You can call me Cyrus.
173
00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:46,779
Whoa! King Tyrannis?
Well, I'll be!
174
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,651
Actually, that's
sort of the idea.
175
00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,089
How would you like to be me?
Pretend to be.
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00:06:51,189 --> 00:06:52,490
I mean, just through my wedding.
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00:06:52,591 --> 00:06:54,061
I've learned that royal weddings
can be dangerous.
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00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:56,632
We're talking
notoriously massacre-prone.
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00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,436
Eh, that doesn't
worry me.
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00:06:58,537 --> 00:06:59,740
Honestly, in some ways,
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00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,077
death would come as a relief.
182
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:03,847
Will there be a buffet?
183
00:07:07,487 --> 00:07:09,759
No, no, no!
The bride's brining tank
184
00:07:09,892 --> 00:07:11,863
should be in the corner,
and there should be enough space
185
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:15,003
for her handmaidens to
stand around and get bad updos.
186
00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:18,944
This altar is too plain and it
needs a gutter for blood.
187
00:07:19,044 --> 00:07:20,648
If I'm going to bless the couple
with fertility,
188
00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:22,552
I'm going to need
a lot of goats.
189
00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:24,188
And can somebody clear
the area in front?
190
00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:26,627
That's not enough space
for the Dance of the Dads!
191
00:07:26,727 --> 00:07:28,697
Stupendous, what on earth
are you wearing?
192
00:07:28,797 --> 00:07:29,999
Is this some kind of prank?
193
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,737
You're not allowed
to ruin this wedding.
194
00:07:31,837 --> 00:07:34,208
Hermes is going to be here,
and that messy bitch
195
00:07:34,308 --> 00:07:36,078
talks, and holds a grudge.
196
00:07:36,212 --> 00:07:39,151
It's a gift
from Fatherinlawsus.
He says it commands respect.
197
00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:42,692
Oh, if you say so.
Now, don't forget
that the sister of the groom
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00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,730
ties up her brother
before the ceremony.
199
00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:46,497
Why do I
do that again?
200
00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:48,203
Well, I could
come up with some symbolism,
201
00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:49,839
but really, I just think
it's funny.
202
00:07:50,006 --> 00:07:52,277
You tie him up
and then, when it's time,
203
00:07:52,377 --> 00:07:54,481
you toss him
into the consummation tent.
204
00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,150
And those knots
had better be tight.
205
00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:59,023
I come to you sheepishly.
What? You usually
206
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,895
come to me wolfishly.
What's wrong?
207
00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:03,433
It's the Dance of the Dads.
I'm wondering
208
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,002
how important that is to you.
209
00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:08,109
It's the final offering
before I grant my blessing.
210
00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:11,382
You know I love a show, and you
know I love dads dancing.
211
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:13,353
Why would you ask
how important it is?
212
00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:15,123
I just wanted
to make sure I knew you
213
00:08:15,223 --> 00:08:16,425
as well as I thought I did,
214
00:08:16,526 --> 00:08:18,062
though I have heard
a crazy thing
215
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,233
that at some weddings,
there's a dance between
216
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,103
the mother of the groom
and the groom.
217
00:08:22,204 --> 00:08:24,408
What? This wedding
is about pleasing me, remember.
218
00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:28,249
How would dancing with
my son do that?
Where is he, anyway?
219
00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:30,755
OK, first things first.
Do you know what this is?
220
00:08:30,922 --> 00:08:35,430
A lice pick. Thanks!
I've got lice, like, everywhere.
221
00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,166
Why don't we
work on your accent?
222
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:41,643
"Fatherinlawsus, it is a great
honor to join your family."
223
00:08:41,777 --> 00:08:44,315
That's not what
you sound like.
224
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,919
Cyrus [Ty's accent]:
I fart all the time
and blame Servant No Name,
225
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,757
but everyone knows it's me.
Wow.
226
00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:51,329
First of all, everyone does
that with Servant No Name,
227
00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:52,965
but I agree.
That was incredible!
228
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,704
All right, get me
in that toga!
229
00:08:59,846 --> 00:09:02,451
Well, fellas, I'm off
to goof around at the bakery.
230
00:09:02,552 --> 00:09:04,455
I'll be seeing you both later.
And remember,
231
00:09:04,556 --> 00:09:06,492
no funny business
in the consummation tent.
232
00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:08,598
I'll be back before the bell.
233
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:10,768
Oh, no.
I never showed him how to be
234
00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,005
an indentured bread baker!
235
00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,711
Excuse me.
Is this the bakery?
236
00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:17,212
Bakery Boss: What the hell
is wrong with you, Cyrus?
237
00:09:17,213 --> 00:09:19,553
You're not gonna
pay off your debts with jokes.
238
00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:22,357
Get to work
or get to be in debt.
239
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,973
Hello--
Oh. Sorry I'm late.
240
00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:32,444
No crust off my bread.
But if you don't get busy,
241
00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:34,515
they'll throw you in the fire
and feed your
242
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,084
charred bones to the goats.
243
00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:39,324
"Yer worth more to me that way."
Ha ha ha!
244
00:09:39,457 --> 00:09:43,466
No, no! Aah!
245
00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,639
Hey, brother. Wink, wink.
Hello, Ty.
246
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,775
No wink.
Just Ty.
247
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,410
What are
you up to, Hippo?
248
00:09:49,411 --> 00:09:52,284
Making a duplicate me.
A Hip replacement
249
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,390
So you don't have to go
to Ty--I mean, my wedding.
250
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:58,162
Yes.
Right on.
So, it was the craziest thing.
251
00:09:58,262 --> 00:09:59,932
Jonathan here--
Servant No Name's
252
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,636
name is Jonathan?
Uh-huh.
253
00:10:01,736 --> 00:10:03,808
So, he was feeding me figs,
which, wow,
254
00:10:03,908 --> 00:10:06,546
what an experience, and anyway,
we got to talking,
255
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,583
and I thought,
Jonathan is interesting.
256
00:10:08,717 --> 00:10:10,185
He's been on a boat, you know.
257
00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:11,322
I fled a famine.
258
00:10:11,455 --> 00:10:12,825
I was a doctor in my city.
259
00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:14,861
And, Hippo, you're
a really smart fish guy.
260
00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:16,933
You're, like, the most
impressive guy I know.
261
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,871
Um, thank you.
Anyway, so, yeah,
262
00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,774
he's a doctor,
he's been on a boat,
263
00:10:20,775 --> 00:10:22,143
and I thought you'd hit it off.
264
00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,813
You're being
so nice, Ty.
265
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,654
So nice and so,
so out of character.
266
00:10:27,655 --> 00:10:29,726
He's nice, huh?
I never knew it!
267
00:10:29,826 --> 00:10:32,530
I guess getting married
can change a guy.
268
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,034
Children!
Come here, please!
269
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,706
I think that's our dad.
He's very fun.
270
00:10:36,806 --> 00:10:38,777
Coming, Dad!
Ugh. OK.
271
00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:41,850
I'm gonna test this out.
Hippo 2, you ready?
272
00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,796
Put those over there.
273
00:10:47,896 --> 00:10:49,364
Knock, knock.
274
00:10:49,498 --> 00:10:51,302
We all clear?
I got my daughter here.
275
00:10:51,402 --> 00:10:53,039
Wait!
276
00:10:53,139 --> 00:10:54,742
Oh, sorry.
I thought Ty was in the room,
277
00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:56,513
but it was just this plant.
278
00:10:58,784 --> 00:10:59,886
Bring her in.
279
00:10:59,986 --> 00:11:03,025
Ah, there's my future
daughter-in-law.
280
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,796
I thought everyone
was supposed to, like,
281
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,900
stand up and make a big deal
about the bride.
282
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,337
On my big day?
I don't think so.
283
00:11:09,437 --> 00:11:11,341
Now, that suit
fits your status.
284
00:11:11,441 --> 00:11:14,782
It does, right?
You're really good
at guessing sizes.
285
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,285
What do you say
before the wedding,
286
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:17,353
you and me go check out
287
00:11:17,453 --> 00:11:18,790
some pre-castrated soldiers?
288
00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:21,261
Meaning they're
slated for castration?
289
00:11:21,262 --> 00:11:24,167
Common mistake.
No. Pre-castrated,
290
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,604
like ready-castrated.
291
00:11:25,704 --> 00:11:27,641
No disassembly required.
292
00:11:27,775 --> 00:11:30,446
Oh, of course.
Good deal.
293
00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:34,421
Sons, tell me,
how am I doing?
294
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,295
I think you're
doing a great job.
295
00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:40,200
Hippo 2: Yes, fah-der.
Thanks, boys,
296
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,837
but I know I'm not.
Your mother cares a lot about
297
00:11:42,838 --> 00:11:44,809
the Dance of the Dads,
and I didn't have the heart
298
00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:46,946
to tell her I have
3 left feet.
299
00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:49,619
Hippo, can you make me
one of those contraptions
300
00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:51,990
that keeps time?
Hippo 2: Gargle gargle.
301
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:54,628
Maybe I can help you.
There's no way.
302
00:11:54,629 --> 00:11:56,733
Just relax
and feel the music.
303
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,737
Oh, since when
can you dance?
304
00:11:58,837 --> 00:12:01,242
I'm seeing a whole new side
of you.
305
00:12:01,342 --> 00:12:03,379
Hippo, look at Ty and me.
306
00:12:04,816 --> 00:12:06,217
He seriously
thinks that's me?
307
00:12:06,218 --> 00:12:09,057
Has my dad never
looked at me before?
308
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,863
This is actually
so simple and beautiful.
309
00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:15,269
Grain and water brought together
with my powerful hands.
310
00:12:15,369 --> 00:12:17,942
Forged in fire. Bread!
311
00:12:18,877 --> 00:12:20,313
Ha ha!
312
00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,785
No, stop!
313
00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:26,125
What are you doing?
Man 2: You are wasting dough.
314
00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:28,495
Man 3: Please, please,
please stop that.
I have kids.
315
00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,534
Man 4: You're gonna
get us all killed.
316
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:32,905
Man 5: That's yeast!
Ha ha ha!
317
00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:34,810
This is fun,
but it's escalating
318
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:37,014
in a way that I don't know
how to deal with.
319
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:40,253
Uhh!
OK, OK, I'll stop.
320
00:12:40,353 --> 00:12:42,090
It's weird.
It never occurred to me
321
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:45,296
that a lowly commoner--like me--
could have feelings.
322
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:49,270
Do our lives--I mean,
our baker lives--do they matter?
323
00:12:49,404 --> 00:12:50,708
Well, the old me
would have thought
324
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:52,611
you were a common
kitchen wench.
325
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,147
But you're like a real person.
326
00:12:54,281 --> 00:12:56,953
And the old me would have
thought you were brain dead.
327
00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,625
Really makes you think,
doesn't it?
328
00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:00,828
Uhh!
Ah!
329
00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:01,962
Wow, you weren't kidding.
330
00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,199
There's not a hair on 'em.
331
00:13:03,299 --> 00:13:04,669
I thought
I'd bring 'em
332
00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:06,005
as a wedding present.
For you.
333
00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:07,808
You really don't
want 'em anymore?
334
00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:10,446
The truth is,
I'm just an old softie.
335
00:13:10,547 --> 00:13:13,620
I want to focus on my family.
I want grandchildren.
336
00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:15,958
Grandchildren
and an enormous empire.
337
00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:17,562
That's what it's
all about, right?
338
00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,665
I'll be a general to the kids.
339
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:22,270
General Granddad.
That's me: Papa.
340
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,407
And where does
that leave Ty?
341
00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:27,147
Well, once I
have the grandkids, we'll just
342
00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:29,485
send him off on our next
military campaign,
343
00:13:29,586 --> 00:13:31,021
one where we know
he's gonna die.
344
00:13:31,121 --> 00:13:32,658
I say "we" but, of course,
345
00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:34,361
I'd leave that decision
up to you.
346
00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:37,233
I think Persia could be fun.
He'll love the kebabs.
347
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,673
They're slightly different
from how they are here,
348
00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:41,909
but again, totally up to you.
349
00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:45,985
Bakery Boss: Well,
this wouldn't kill a hog.
350
00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,788
That's one loaf
off your death sentence.
351
00:13:47,889 --> 00:13:49,692
Aah! I just
realized something,
352
00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:52,798
and when I realize something,
I need to act on it right away.
353
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,903
Ana, will you get out
of here with me?
354
00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,440
Hey, boss, we're leaving,
and if you don't like it,
355
00:13:57,441 --> 00:13:59,812
you can throw more peasants
into the fire.
356
00:13:59,912 --> 00:14:03,085
Why would you say that?
357
00:14:06,994 --> 00:14:09,732
Well, well, well.
358
00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,937
Hermes, darling,
359
00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:13,973
look at the spectacle
they're putting on for me.
360
00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:17,414
Seems promising.
The blood gutter on your altar
is positively teeming.
361
00:14:17,548 --> 00:14:19,618
Oh, you'll have to tell
everyone back on Mount Olympus.
362
00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:22,859
Not that I care about them.
I have enough attention here.
363
00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:24,328
I'm gonna get a drink
and talk trash
364
00:14:24,461 --> 00:14:26,633
with some old spinsters.
It'll really make their day.
365
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,937
Oh, they're seated
in a pen by the meat.
366
00:14:29,037 --> 00:14:32,043
Now, that is an inspired
seating arrangement.
367
00:14:32,143 --> 00:14:35,316
Not bad, Deliria.
Not bad. Super speed!
368
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,721
Good. Seems to have
forgotten the eye.
369
00:14:37,855 --> 00:14:39,490
Stupendous, what are you doing?
370
00:14:39,491 --> 00:14:41,460
Your brother should be
all tied up by now.
371
00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,067
Can we move this along,
please? I'm pruning.
372
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,073
Soon she'll be
your problem, Ty.
373
00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:49,512
The most ungrateful
daughter ever.
374
00:14:51,115 --> 00:14:52,919
Hippo, I need you
to get Stupe for me.
375
00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:54,188
I need to talk to her.
376
00:14:54,288 --> 00:14:56,759
Hippo 2: Stupe! Stupe! Stupe!
377
00:14:56,893 --> 00:14:58,061
What are we doing
in the palace?
378
00:14:58,162 --> 00:14:59,497
You aren't gonna
believe this, but
379
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,735
I'm King Tyrannis.
380
00:15:00,835 --> 00:15:03,405
Hippo 2: Stupe, Stupe, Stupe!
381
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,278
Is a weird
not-Hippo Hippo
shouting my name?
382
00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,148
Thank you.
What the--
383
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,619
Oof!
OK,
384
00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:10,888
who did I just drop?
385
00:15:10,988 --> 00:15:12,357
That's Cyrus, the baker
I switched with.
386
00:15:12,457 --> 00:15:14,295
Hello!
Been having a great time!
387
00:15:14,395 --> 00:15:15,898
What is going on?
We did a switch.
388
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,167
Now, Stupe, I know
you wanted to do
389
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,570
a massacre on Fatherinlawsus,
390
00:15:18,703 --> 00:15:20,707
and I ordered you not to,
but I've changed my mind.
391
00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:22,344
Follow your bliss.
Massacre him
392
00:15:22,477 --> 00:15:24,081
and his whole family
and do it now.
393
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,684
I've found a regular woman
to marry.
394
00:15:25,785 --> 00:15:27,655
Stupendous and Ana: What?
Dad!
395
00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:28,958
Dad?
What do you mean, "Dad"?
396
00:15:29,091 --> 00:15:30,995
I did a switch, too!
397
00:15:31,095 --> 00:15:33,098
Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no,
oh, no, oh, no!
398
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,336
A little help, please!
I know I'm not officially
399
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:38,142
part of the family, but
at this point, I've invested.
400
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,886
Dad!
Ana!
401
00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:46,191
Why aren't you plump and juicy
and sopping wet?
402
00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:48,797
Because I am!
Can someone get me
403
00:15:48,897 --> 00:15:49,966
out of here now, please?
404
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,468
Oh, don't tell me.
405
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:52,837
You did a switch again.
406
00:15:52,838 --> 00:15:55,210
Is that your
identical cousin Sarah in there?
407
00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,380
That's just great.
You'll never be
408
00:15:57,515 --> 00:15:59,251
someone else's problem
at this rate.
409
00:15:59,351 --> 00:16:01,656
They want to do a massacre!
410
00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:03,626
I'm here for this.
411
00:16:03,726 --> 00:16:06,132
Don't worry, spinsters.
Nobody's coming for you.
412
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,637
Fatherinlawsus is your dad?
Yes. And you just
413
00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:11,008
told your sister to murder him
and my whole family.
414
00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:13,713
Why is anyone
listening to a baker?
415
00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,316
I demand an offering
of bread so I can
416
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,988
have a base for my stomach
for the rest of the night.
417
00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:20,059
Now, everybody,
back to your seats.
418
00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:21,862
Mom, it's me!
I'm Tyrannis!
419
00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:23,967
But you're wearing
an apron.
420
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,137
Hello, everyone.
I'm Cyrus, just a baker.
421
00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:29,177
Not important enough to kill.
Just putting that out there.
422
00:16:29,277 --> 00:16:30,581
Please, Fatherinlawsus,
this is all
423
00:16:30,714 --> 00:16:31,850
just a big misunderstanding.
424
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,452
I'm in love
with your daughter.
425
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:35,558
Is it true
about the massacre, Stupendous?
426
00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:38,128
Ty told me to do it,
but I don't want to.
427
00:16:38,228 --> 00:16:39,766
Where did you
find this family?
428
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,302
Did you do
any research
429
00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:42,805
before you promised me to them?
430
00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:44,575
I ordered her
not to do it once.
431
00:16:44,675 --> 00:16:46,011
Can't we focus on that part?
432
00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:47,615
Look, I'll order her
not to do it again.
433
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,220
Stupe, don't kill them.
Oh. I'm confused.
434
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,590
One of them is Tyrannis, yes?
435
00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:55,029
One thing's for certain.
That's our Hippo.
436
00:16:55,129 --> 00:16:56,464
Hippo 2: Aah!
437
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:58,469
Ana, you have
to believe me.
438
00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:00,039
I never would have
told my sister
439
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,876
to kill your family if I
knew you were you.
440
00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,814
In fact, it's really
out of character
441
00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:05,249
that I supported
a massacre at all.
442
00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:07,755
I just did it because
I want to be with you.
443
00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:10,794
I do get that, but--
Everybody,
please listen up.
444
00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,731
Today, I met
the most amazing woman.
445
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:15,604
I didn't know she was her,
and she didn't know I was me,
446
00:17:15,704 --> 00:17:16,905
but somehow, it just worked.
447
00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,475
Heh, heh.
Come on, Ty, quit it.
448
00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:20,747
No, I won't quit it.
Because you don't quit love.
449
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,016
And you don't quit weddings
450
00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,653
and you don't quit
consummation tents.
451
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,158
We have it in us to fix
everything about today.
452
00:17:26,258 --> 00:17:28,495
I felt something when I was
hurling buns with you,
453
00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:30,466
and it's a feeling
I never want to lose.
454
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:32,403
Ty! I think you got
the wrong idea.
455
00:17:32,504 --> 00:17:35,308
I have fun throwing flour around
with everybody.
456
00:17:35,309 --> 00:17:38,382
That wasn't sexual for me.
And it's kind of weird
457
00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:40,218
that you interpreted it
that way.
458
00:17:40,219 --> 00:17:41,790
So, you don't want
to marry me?
459
00:17:41,957 --> 00:17:43,226
I don't want
to marry any man.
460
00:17:43,326 --> 00:17:46,431
I'm super gay.
That's why I keep switching.
461
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:49,003
And if my father
would listen to me,
462
00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:50,372
we could stop this charade.
463
00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:53,412
Hmm? Huh?
Did you hear something?
464
00:17:54,314 --> 00:17:55,683
Well, that was a bust.
465
00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:57,320
Do you know what
I'm looking at right now?
466
00:17:57,487 --> 00:18:00,193
A bunch of
hairless freaks?
467
00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:02,830
They were gonna be
my hairless freaks.
468
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:04,802
Fatherinlawsus
promised them to me.
469
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,373
5,000 pre-castrated soldiers.
470
00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:09,611
Wow. Well, that's one
silver lining.
471
00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:12,818
At least now you don't have to
castrate all those guys, right?
472
00:18:12,952 --> 00:18:15,523
No, it's--
ah, whatever.
473
00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:18,328
Why are you mad at me?
474
00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:20,133
I'm just
feeling really shut out.
475
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,235
I mean, you want
to find other ways
476
00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:24,307
than war for Krapopolis
to expand.
477
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,877
Where does that leave me?
478
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:28,416
I want to find all of the
ways for Krapopolis to grow.
479
00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,252
I've even been thinking of
slogans like
480
00:18:30,352 --> 00:18:32,223
"The Stone City With Sass."
481
00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:34,728
So, I'm just
supposed to go along with
482
00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:35,997
everything you say?
483
00:18:36,097 --> 00:18:38,737
Fatherinlawsus valued
my opinions.
484
00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,206
We were making plans.
485
00:18:40,306 --> 00:18:42,512
We were talking about
conquering Persia.
486
00:18:42,612 --> 00:18:45,316
You never talk to me
about conquering Persia.
487
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,520
Ah, you're
telling him about Persia.
488
00:18:47,521 --> 00:18:49,524
Look, Ty,
I'm sorry about my daughter,
489
00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:51,763
but the good news is
we're not gonna have to
490
00:18:51,863 --> 00:18:53,332
send you to your death anymore.
491
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,002
Wait, what?
It's nothing!
492
00:18:55,136 --> 00:18:57,406
Cyrus, did my sister
ever mention to you
493
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,378
that she and Fatherinlawsus
were going to
494
00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:01,081
send me to die at some point?
495
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,018
No, but to be fair,
496
00:19:03,118 --> 00:19:04,522
we didn't spend that much
time together.
497
00:19:04,622 --> 00:19:06,324
Really?
How long did it take you
498
00:19:06,424 --> 00:19:08,028
to get rigged up like this?
499
00:19:08,128 --> 00:19:09,698
Um...
I thought so.
500
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:11,368
It really wasn't
that big of a deal.
501
00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:13,707
It would be years away.
I wouldn't do it.
502
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,478
He really only cares about
being a grandfather.
503
00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,215
What's a grandfather?
504
00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:19,886
I don't think we have them
in the slums.
505
00:19:19,986 --> 00:19:21,756
It's an old man
who's obsessed with
506
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,292
seeing his nose on a baby.
507
00:19:23,425 --> 00:19:26,431
That was the
best wedding I've ever been to.
508
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,669
You mean "best"
in a bad way.
509
00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:30,674
But that's still good.
Think of it this way.
510
00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:33,478
You could be the goddess of
messy events:
511
00:19:33,479 --> 00:19:35,550
weddings gone awry,
girls' weekends
512
00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:37,353
where the goal is
to reset the dynamic,
513
00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,090
revenge that you never
know when it's gonna come
514
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,527
for plucking out
somebody's eye,
515
00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,631
road trips where one person
is a secret planner.
516
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,771
Anyway, invite me to
your next party.
Buh-bye. Super speed!
517
00:19:45,871 --> 00:19:48,007
He's going to
tell everyone
what a disaster this was.
518
00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:51,180
Oh, Deliria, this doesn't
have to be a disaster.
519
00:19:51,181 --> 00:19:52,585
Really? How?
520
00:19:52,685 --> 00:19:54,955
I talked to
Fatherinlawsus and he agreed.
521
00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:56,425
The Dance of the Dads.
522
00:19:56,559 --> 00:20:00,867
Oh, Shlub!
Fatherinlawsus, shall we?
523
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,372
Why not?
Might as well have a little fun.
524
00:20:03,472 --> 00:20:06,612
Ha ha ha ha! You're very light
on your feet.
525
00:20:06,613 --> 00:20:08,048
Thank you.
The stranger
526
00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:09,719
who I thought was my son
taught me.
527
00:20:09,819 --> 00:20:12,223
Tell me, is there
a Mrs. Fatherinlawsus?
528
00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:14,194
Oh, no.
She died in childbirth,
529
00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:15,631
giving me my
ungrateful daughter.
530
00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:18,637
Good.
531
00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:21,609
I haven't been to a lot
of weddings, and I'm wondering--
532
00:20:21,743 --> 00:20:24,480
No, it's not normal.
533
00:20:27,353 --> 00:20:30,326
I knew it.
They're beautiful singers.
534
00:20:30,426 --> 00:20:34,301
This is nice.
It's nice with you.
535
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:37,006
Can I stay?
536
00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:40,345
No, seriously. My boss will
kill me if I try and go back.
537
00:20:47,026 --> 00:20:50,768
Hello? Is it safe
to come out?
538
00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:52,036
Is anyone there?
539
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,577
Hello? Oh, thank God.
540
00:20:55,677 --> 00:20:58,182
I thought if I was quiet,
I could ride out the massacre,
541
00:20:58,282 --> 00:20:59,519
but then everyone
forgot me and--
542
00:20:59,619 --> 00:21:01,689
Shh.
What? Is it still
going on?
543
00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:04,695
Can you help me get out?
Is it--
544
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,200
Oh, my God!
Aah!
545
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:11,709
What the--
546
00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:13,177
Oh! Oh, my--
547
00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:18,623
Hello?
Hippo 2: Har-lo.
548
00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:20,527
Hippocampus!
Please help me.
549
00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,062
I don't know what's going on.
550
00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:23,900
Hippo 2: I don't know
why I was made,
551
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,339
but I think I exist for evil.
552
00:21:29,243 --> 00:21:30,713
Well, that's just great.
42263
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