Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Hey, happy holidays!

- Thanks. - Hello.

So, how did your Tamara take the "urgent work trip" thing?

I thought I asked you not to say any destructive words around me.

That includes "epidemic," "disaster," "Tamara," and "rush hour."

Why are you still with her?

- Are you, like, a masochist? - Is this an invitation to Lviv?

In Lviv, I'll belong only to you.

Happy New Year!

- Happy holidays! Good to see you. - Same to you.

One of the most beloved songs among millions of Ukrainians.

YAKTAK just performed his collaboration song with DOVI live,

"Waiting at Home" for the listeners of Nashe Radio.

Happy New Year, Ukrainians! Wishing us all happiness and peace.

CENTRAL

Where to?

I'm starving!

The Kyiv-Odesa train is now on platform three.

It's time!

Dude, you didn't even let me change after filming,

at least let me grab a snack for the road.

Where to?

Knock-knock.

Ivanovych! Didn't they say you'd retired?

Such a pleasure, Mykola Ivanovych!

We thought we'd never see you again!

- Right. - Still kicking!

There'll be more trips.

What do you want?

Oh, Ivanovych, you should've been a radiologist,

you can see right through us.

We need to stash a few boxes somewhere.

They'd scare off the passengers in the dining car.

And inspectors, right?

No, it's nothing like that.

It just looks bad. If passengers get on and there are boxes everywhere,

it's not very inviting.

Just leave 'em here for a bit, nice and low-key…

We owe you a drink.

I can't shake you off.

First and last time.

Train number 598.

31st December.

Would you like some snacks?

- Did we make it? - Of course, departure's in 40 minutes.

Did you know that?

I know everything. It's my job.

Then why the hell were we sprinting?

You've got a lot of time. I still have to pick up Tsymbaliuk from Gyno.

Safe travels, Doc.

My knees crack like wafer cookies every time I squat. Got any advice?

Maybe… don't squat?

Some doc you are.

Oh, I'm not that kind of doc.

I'm a gyno.

Then I won't bother you with my bronchitis.

I'll stick you in the third cabin.

Just make sure no one bugs me until Lviv.

- I need some sleep. - Got it. Rest up.

- Are you out of your mind? - Ivanovych, what?

- You said it was fine! - A few boxes.

Not block half the train car.

Look, I see your car as half-empty.

You see it as half-full. What does that mean?

You're an optimist. Congrats!

Plus, who's crazy enough to head to Lviv right before New Year's?

- Only psychos and loners. - Then why the hell so much stuff?

Tomorrow, they're adding us to the Bukovel train.

It's kind of an after-party express. Route, "Hangover Kyiv."

We'll make you a dinner so good, it'll make you'll cry.

- And with 50% off? - 30% for regulars.

It's on us.

Obviously, it's on us. I'm joking!

- It's my sense of humor! - Comedic genius.

Here's your table for two. Feel free to bring company.

- Like who? You? - Oh, I don't know. If you're asking…

Better invite that one waiting for you there on the platform.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

No biggie. Still waiting for my man,

he's running late.

Well, you could wait on the train,

not out here in the freezing cold.

You're young, you've still got kids to have.

And if I were childfree, you'd leave me out here to freeze?

I've no idea what a "chai free" is,

but you can explain it to me where it's warm.

The suitcase.

Back in my day,

men waited for women,

not the other way around.

Do you need my ticket before we set off?

- I'll get it once we've departed. - Perfect.

Let her at least unpack her stuff!

Ivanovych, let's make a deal,

you don't tell me how to run business,

and I won't tell you how to feed ducks and pigeons at the pond…

or whatever retirement plans you've got.

New Year's special from the dining car!

Special offer!

Cheaper than at the station!

Why was the information that your train is on platform three

displayed on the board so late?

I've got a call scheduled with the station manager.

I'll mention your complaint.

What a mess! Chaos! Confusion!

- Everything needs order! - Please, get on.

Now I've got all the evidence of what state

my cabin was in when I came in.

That's a relief. Tea? Coffee?

My ticket says it includes two portions of tea.

So I'd like to ask you to bring the first one

17 minutes after the train departs,

and the second exactly one hour before we arrive.

Can I be given a 15-second leeway, in case of any external factors?

Yes, of course.

Maybe we will come with you?

Sure, let's all go together,

maybe even pick someone else up. Come on, Mom!

- Good evening. - Good evening.

And who's gonna watch the store? Please!

- How many times have we been over this? - We're just worried.

- I'm pregnant, not sick. - Pregnant.

Once you decide who's going, give me the ticket.

I'm going alone. Well, actually, it's the two of us.

- Who are you expecting? - A boy!

- What do you mean? - Or a girl.

Who knows at this point?

Have you opened the envelope?

Without me? Without Vovchyk? That's it.

- Sorry, I'm not going to Lviv. - Hey!

Did you open the envelope?

It's-- I have it in a safe place.

- It's safe and sound. Here, take it! - Take it.

- Damn, it's open. Mom! - What?

It's just the ticket. And the ultrasound findings…

the findings…

are here.

- Here. - Suspecting your own parents of betrayal…

What kind of example are you setting for your son?

Or daughter.

My husband and I decided we'd open the envelope together

to find out the gender.

I've been waiting so long, two months!

- We want to pick the name together. - Very interesting.

- Have you sorted out your documents? - Yeah.

When we've departed, I'll come and get it.

Okay.

- Get on. - Sure.

I am saying, take care of our daughter!

- Yeah, and the baby! - Yep!

Safe travels!

- Happy New Year to you! - Happy New Year!

Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine!

Train No. 723, Kharkiv-Kyiv,

will be arriving on platform three.

On this festive day, we're saying goodbye to an era.

Mykola Ivanovych Shvets is retiring.

Many of us weren't even born yet

when he was already a distinguished railway worker.

A true mentor, a wise friend,

he always…

- Wait, where are you going? - I'm retiring.

What about us? People have worked hard!

Poems, cakes. Bondarenko even wrote a song.

- "Railway Romance." - Did he?

- Really? Not a funeral march? - Can you explain what's wrong?

What's right? You're writing me off

and happily throwing a party to celebrate.

We're giving you an honorable send-off.

Well, that's a whole different story. How didn't I figure it out earlier?

The exceptional manager making another right decision.

Thank you. I'm very grateful.

Dad, stop.

Let's face it, you're not 18 anymore.

What if something happens on the road?

At least here, you'll have us. Me, Serhii, your grandkids.

We've set up a room for you.

Did it not occur to anyone to consult with me?

What if I'm not that lonely?

What if I'm happy with the passengers? Did you think about that?

- Where are you going? - Me?

Thanks to you, on my last trip.

There, I'll organize a send-off for myself.

- It'll be real. - And New Year's?

There'll be another one next year.

I've checked it 60 times. They don't run out.

But the last trip…

you only get one of those.

Bye-bye!

Wait!

Is this the New Year's Express to Lviv?

- Yes. - Oleksiunia, come on.

- Come on. - I'm coming.

Why are you rushing?

- Let me pass. - Get by.

- Good evening. - Go ahead, my lovely wife.

You know, I can't wait to start celebrating.

While you're getting settled, I'll go wash my hands.

No, wait. Show me your hands.

Hold this with your clean hands.

My stomach's in knots.

I must've eaten some dodgy salad at the office.

Probably another stomach bug.

- I'll go to the bathroom. - Good thing I packed Enterol.

Two sachets, just like the doctor prescribed for these situations.

Hope this helps.

Why are we sitting here like we're not celebrating?

Tomusinka, my soul needs a New Year's celebration!

- Didn't you bring a corkscrew? - I did!

It should be here somewhere.

Oh well, forgetting something for the trip is a good sign.

- No, I definitely packed it. - I'll find the corkscrew.

Also, you're the best woman in the world, and I love you.

You won't believe it. I broke my phone.

Why did you drag her along? You said you don't love her.

Of course I don't.

She invited herself when she heard about Lviv,

bought tickets, called a taxi.

You have no idea what I've been through.

Come on, calm down.

- I've got an idea. - What idea?

You get off at the next station

and head home. I'll ditch her somewhere in Lviv and come to you.

Why should I get off, Oleksiunia?

- Let her get off! - Quiet!

Okay, okay.

I'll figure something out.

Let's not focus on the negative.

There's a silver lining.

- Happy New Year to us. - Us?

Of course. Who am I with right now? Her?

No. I'm with you.

So, to us. Just you and me.

Passengers, please have your tickets ready.

You-- Where are you going?

- Just… - Just what?

- It's all… - All what?

That's it.

You're the best woman in the world.

I love you.

Is something wrong?

Nah.

Just grabbed a corkscrew from the dining car,

the neighbor saw me and asked me to open her bottle of wine.

So maybe invite her over? It'd be more fun to celebrate together.

Well, Tomusinka, if it's going to be the three of us,

how is that a romantic trip?

Exactly.

Is there something I don't know about your sexual fantasies?

Strange. This corkscrew looks just like ours.

I'm sure there are at least

50 million other lucky owners of such Chinese corkscrews in the world.

I suggest we drink to a fresh spark

in our romantic relationship.

- Thanks. - Romantic and railway.

Come in.

Your ticket, please.

- Where did I put them? - And where did you put them?

In my bag.

Here you go.

- ID, please. - Goodness, you're so fussy.

That's how I am.

By the way, excuse me, but is your Oleksiy Petrynenko

by any chance related to the Petrynenko?

Which Petrynenko?

You know…

Is that some kind of carol? Do I need to tip you?

It's a song by Petrynenko himself. How can you not know it?

Well, either way, he's not related.

- Where is he anyway? I don't see him. - He didn't make it.

Probably ate some dodgy canned food

or tripped over an old mop.

Got it. Well…

rest up.

I will.

Stop it!

- You know-- - Good evening. Ticket and passport check.

Of course.

Unbelievable.

This is a first in 40 years, two passengers with the same name

in neighboring compartments!

One Petrynenko here and another in there.

So what?

Petrynenko's a common name. There's even a singer with that name.

Yes, remember…

- You sing well. - Thanks.

But it's not just the last name, it's a full match.

An Oleksiy Petrynenko here and an Oleksiy Petrynenko there.

Hey, let's go introduce ourselves!

I just opened a bottle of wine

for the lady next door. I doubt she's Oleksiy Tarasovych.

Want some?

- No, thanks. Have a good trip. - Do take a tangerine.

Thanks.

- Happy New Year. - Thanks.

You know how it is, one éclair isn't enough,

but three is too many. Good thing there are two of us.

- Enjoy your food. - Thanks.

Tickets, please.

Here you are.

Okay. It's in the envelope somewhere.

One second.

Could you come back later?

How could I? Everything must be in order.

Besides, I need to bring your tea

in 3 minutes and 20 seconds.

- What? - The ticket.

Oh, the suitcase! Hold on. Maybe it's in there.

Would you mind helping me get it down?

Okay.

I don't know.

Dad must've put it somewhere.

Where's that ticket?

Here it is!

Your unfortunate ticket!

What have you done? That's the ultrasound findings!

I'm not supposed to look at them!

We wanted to open the envelope together!

But you said the ticket

was in the envelope, so I thought--

Volodia was finally granted rotation leave with his brothers-in-arms.

Look, I'm bringing them treats, bringing them goodies,

and you've just ruined it all!

Don't worry. I'll fix it.

Nobody saw anything. I'll be back soon.

I guess you don't want tea anymore.

I can't see the ultrasound findings.

Ultrasounds aren't meant to be kept in envelopes.

They're to check the baby's health.

What if something's wrong with your baby?

LOST AND FOUND

Here you are.

I did my best to repair the unwelcome interference

in your family matters.

- Handmade? - Unfortunately not. I made it myself.

It's so beautiful.

They say if you put ultrasound findings

in a certificate of honor, the child grows up to be a real leader.

Craftwork.

Mykola Ivanovych, allow me to treat you to something from the dining car

as a token of gratitude.

- I don't drink. - Neither do I.

- How about juice? - My favorite drink.

Let's go, then.

Excuse me, sir,

but how can you stand such a dump?

What a mess you've made. Clean up!

Attention, passengers. Train number 598,

the Kyiv-Lviv route,

is arriving on platform three.

Carriage numbering starts at the head of the train.

Khmelnytskyi Station.

Stopover is five minutes.

Please do not leave the carriage.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Here's my ticket.

This one's for Vasyl, this one's for Taras, Viacheslav,

Ramil, and Valik.

That's lovely, but I can't let you on.

- Why not? - Because these are tickets to Kyiv,

and we're headed to Lviv. That's a different platform.

Dear God!

Sorry about that.

- Happy New Year! Let's go! - Same to you.

- Good evening. - Evening.

Happy New Year to you!

As I understand,

you have no ticket.

Will you take me to Lviv?

This isn't a minibus, you need to buy a ticket over there.

Only one ticket window is open, and their comp's acting up--

Their computer.

I'd love to help, but I don't fix computers.

Maybe we can work something out?

Hey!

We've got a free seat!

It's yours for 3,000.

Free tea included.

Do you even have a conscience?

We've got the seat.

- If you're interested, let me know. - That's fine with me.

Hold on. I've got one spot.

New Year's discount, 50% off.

New Year's special, free of charge.

Come on, hop on.

Maybe I'll just sit in the corridor or the dining car?

There's one more option.

Thanks, I don't need anything.

Here's the deal,

someone didn't show up in your compartment.

I thought it'd be a waste to let the spot sit empty.

Mind if I put a travel buddy in here?

I mind. The seat's paid for, and I don't need any buddies.

Come on, it's New Year's Eve. Do you really want someone to travel

in the corridor?

If you pity him so much,

call him a cab to Lviv.

Where's all this selfishness coming from? What kind of generation are you?

The kind that knows how to set boundaries.

- And by the way-- - It's fine, I'll stay in the corridor.

You know what? Let him in.

It's New Year's, after all.

No need for someone so cute to be stuck in the corridor.

Go on in.

Thanks.

Thanks, of course. You too.

Well, get acquainted. If you need me, I'll be in my spot.

I'm Solomiya. And you?

- Oleh. - Oh, Oleh.

Want some wine, Oleh?

You know, I've always dreamed of riding in the conductor's compartment just once.

That's against the rules.

Oleh, I'm sure we're gonna get along.

Can you put that up there so it's out of the way?

Is it really bothering you that much?

Okay.

Just kidding.

I'm not a fan of jokes like that.

Okay, I'll think of better ones.

I haven't thought of any yet.

What's the matter?

- It slipped. - Here.

Wait!

Why aren't you staying home for New Year's?

I guess that's none of your business.

And men don't get to tell me where to be or what to do.

So, I take it that the wedding didn't go well?

The wedding never even started.

What's that?

Is this a New Year's diet?

Boiled egg and sausage.

That's the real spirit of train travel.

What can be better for the farewell dinner of a legendary conductor?

You've got five minutes to get me a proper dinner.

Ivanovych, look, I'm a man of my word.

I didn't just get you dinner, I organized a full-on themed party.

Conceptual.

I want a steak dinner.

Anything else?

Want my paycheck too?

I can't give you all of it. Some goes to child support,

but go ahead, rob me! What are you waiting for?

You're not the first, won't be the last.

So, is dinner happening or not?

Honestly, I think a decent conductor…

should stay in their compartment instead of hanging out in the dining car.

Thanks for reminding me.

I've got plenty to do, like tossing out

all those random boxes someone left behind.

Ivanovych, you missed my joke again.

It's all part of the friendly prank, part of the theme party.

Your dinner's coming right up.

Here's the menu.

Treat yourself.

But keep it under 500 hryvnias.

What are you doing?

My neck's stiff. Just stretching.

I'll be right back.

- Where are you going? - I'm gonna return the corkscrew.

I'll come with you. I'm craving something sweet.

Great, stay here.

Your sweetie will bring you something sweet.

Intriguing.

- I'll make you a New Year's surprise… - Wow.

…because you're the best woman in the world.

Wait. Give me your hands.

Love you.

- Who's this? - Introduce yourselves.

- Good evening. - This is Oleh.

My new…

friend. We're headed to Lviv together.

Together as in the same compartment, not together-together.

You're hilarious!

Olezhek just doesn't realize how lucky he is yet.

Enough with the circus.

Oh, Oleksiunia, you don't like it?

That's it, enough!

Exactly, enough!

I'm sick of hearing your giggles through the wall.

So, go to your Tomusinka,

while Olezhek and I--

Solomiya, what's your goal here?

- What, are you jealous? - Me?

Right. Sober up, and we'll talk.

Oleh, you're so passionate.

Oleh, not in front of people.

Move your meathooks.

Don't! You're a free person in a free country.

- I said, move your hands. Now. - What's going on?

Tomka! So glad you're here. I need your help!

With what? Holding this woman's boobs?

No, you're going to be a witness

as I save this completely random girl

from domestic violence.

- Hands. - Here you go.

Good thing I was nearby to stop this wildness.

How could you attack a defenseless girl?

I didn't do anything! It was her, and you--

- I'll explain it all. - Go ahead.

You'll explain to the investigator. Tomka, call the police.

They'll bag him at the next station. Maybe he'll learn not to attack women

in train cars.

Who can tell who the attacker was?

- There was no violence. - Thank God.

Oleh and I are just a very passionate couple.

Sure, from the outside, it might look a little rough,

but my boyfriend is actually very gentle.

I'm not her boyfriend, and actually she and him--

she actually--

Oh God, what a passionate couple.

All right, we believe you. Enough.

- I said, we believe you! - Stop it!

Sorry about my husband and this unpleasant incident,

but I think I know how to smooth things over.

Let's meet at the restaurant.

Oops.

We didn't come empty-handed.

Thanks. Sorry, we'd like to can--

Too late. Your order's already done.

I rang up the receipt. And bringing your own stuff isn't allowed.

I said, bringing your own stuff isn't allowed.

But hey, it's a holiday.

So I'll put this in the fridge, and enjoy your meal.

How long have you been seeing each other?

We're not see--

Oleh doesn't like this term.

- Here. - Neighbors in the elevator see each other.

We're in a romantic relationship.

Six months already.

- How'd you two meet? - Today, in a compartment.

You're such a joker, Olezhka!

Our love story is super romantic.

So, I was walking through the park,

and these two thugs started following me. They wanted to steal my bag.

And Oleh stood up for me.

Oh my, how romantic!

Aggression never leads to good.

That's not true!

With Oleh, I feel safe like I'm behind a stone wall.

- We're fine, thank you. - You're welcome. Careful.

Oh, I just love sweets.

And how long have you and Oleksiy been married?

We've been together for 15 years.

Wow! Strong marriages like that are rare.

Statistically, half of men cheat after ten years of marriage.

I don't even worry about that.

Oh, you trust him that much?

I just know him really well.

He works so hard

that he doesn't even have the energy left for a mistress,

right, my dear?

You know, New Year's is almost here…

and here we are, diving into family dramas.

A bottle of wine, please.

Coming up!

- I forgot the corkscrew. - We have it.

Oleksiy borrowed it from you. One sec!

Here you go.

Just open the bottle already, for God's sake--

How are you?

I'm okay.

Thank God you saved the most precious thing.

Otherwise, we'd have been in the red.

The most expensive bottle of champagne. Where's the cash? Got it?

Keep the change.

You should've given him a cheaper bottle.

Lesia!

Lesia!

Come on, we had our fun, enough. Let's go.

I'm not going anywhere.

Lesia, what actually happened?

- Let's talk. - I don't talk to traitors.

Where's the conductor? Conductor!

Excuse me, what is the problem?

- Open the door. - Tickets, please?

If you don't have tickets, please leave the train.

Look, don't start with this, all right?

Show some understanding. Open the door.

If you don't leave the train, I'll have to use non-lethals.

Whoa!

Non-lethals! You're given those?

There's no need to leave the train, and no need for non-lethals.

We don't want any trouble. Guys, let's bounce.

- Come on, let's go. - I'll escort you out.

Everything's fine, don't worry.

Lesia!

Thanks for choosing to travel with Ukrainian Railways.

Guys!

Stay in touch.

- Playing tricks? - You know, I enjoyed it here.

Did I lock it properly? Maybe you could hire me part-time?

Like hell I could.

I missed the train in Zdolbuniv, so I had to chase you down.

No!

- I don't even want to see you. - Listen.

We need to talk.

Or what? You'll court-martial me or demote me?

- Lesia, we're not in the army right now. - Exactly. You're not my commander here.

Excuse me, why'd you let that jerk on the train?

Because he had a ticket.

That poor girl ran away from him and the conductor happily lets him on!

He must've slipped you some cash.

Unfortunately not. But he could've.

Yeah, I figured.

While my husband's out at war, he's living it up!

He could've donated money for drones instead of buying a new car.

He's clearly some politician's or prosecutor's son,

so he gets away with everything.

I'm so fed up with these spoiled brats.

Max, why the hell did you pull strings

to have me transferred to rear-line duties after the wedding?

- How did you find out? - Everyone knew.

Except me. I find out about my own transfer

by accident, from strangers. How's that even okay?

- I'll feel more at ease. - You will do. Did you think about me?

- I was thinking about your comfort. - Comfort?

Why are you making decisions for me?

By law, after marriage, one of us can be assigned to a rear unit.

Great, so if you want, go ahead and transfer yourself

to be with the rear-line rats. I don't want this.

Sorry. Sorry for caring about your safety.

This isn't a reason to be a runaway bride.

The order goes into effect tomorrow, and this is the only way to cancel it.

So, I'm not the one who started this mess.

- Ouch! - Did you hear that?

- He's hitting her! - Damn, my dress got stuck.

Wait, hitting her?

Let me help.

If the dress tears, Tania'll kill us.

Come on!

Are you messing with me? Stand up properly.

What are you doing? Are you nuts?

He's been injured!

I can't see anything.

Maksym is the commander of our recon platoon,

and since his injury, he's had breathing problems.

And these tricks with the cans--

- Who knew? - …are not good for him.

- I'm fine. - How do you know?

Listen, we're really sorry, it's so awkward.

We thought some bad things about you and talked about you in a bad way.

But you do look like a silver spoon.

I mean, the suit, the cars, the spending binge.

- What else could we think? - Yeah.

There's nowhere to spend all this money on the front line.

So we decided to make our dream wedding with it.

Right, Lesia?

I pictured my dream wedding a little differently. Look up.

Lesia, there were no white cars available for rent.

Well, if someone wanted it, they would have tried harder.

- But we congratulate you! - On what?

On experiencing the real love people have for silver spoons.

That's what happens when someone acts like a jerk.

I'm definitely not talking about you.

You're not a jerk, right?

Max is actually the kindest human being I know.

His call sign is "Bunny."

Because my first prisoner had the call sign "Wolf,"

our commander thought it'd be funny to give me that call sign.

It wasn't the commander who gave you that call sign.

I see you're feeling better now?

I don't know about you, but I'm hungry, and I'm heading to the dining car.

- That's a great idea. - Finally!

We can't breathe, and I haven't eaten since yesterday.

So we're good now?

That's still undecided.

Listen, why did you decide to get married on December 31st?

Well, first off, Max and I finally got some time off.

And second, the first day of the new year will be the first day of our married life.

Nice. I should've done the same

because my husband always forgets our anniversary.

I never forget, never.

20.05.2010.

Look at that, that's right!

Almost. A month off.

It's September. We got married in September.

We were so madly in love that it felt like spring in our hearts,

so that's how I remember it.

Never mind us, look at this couple.

I've never seen such passion in my life.

They're practically eating each other with their eyes, especially Olezhka.

Seriously, why are you here? You've got things to do.

Don't worry, we'll make it.

We've got the whole night ahead of us.

- Right, Olezhka? - Oleh, don't be embarrassed!

It's embarrassing when your only passion is lying on the sofa in front of the TV.

Like a couple I know.

If you're talking about those friends I think you're talking about,

it's not so simple.

It's as clear as day.

They were very passionate

as long as someone was still capable of certain things.

So the problem is in him?

Or maybe it's the other way around?

- Maybe it's her fault? - What's her fault?

That the fiery, fun,

sexy girl he fell in love with is no longer there. Zero.

Oh really? And what's happened to her now?

Now she's a head chef,

an accountant, a caregiver, anything but a passion object.

A million excuses not to do the most important thing.

You're pushing it now.

It's funny how you're so concerned about your friends, you're even blushing.

What's going on?

Stay calm, don't worry. I'll find out what's happened.

Thanks.

Mykhaylovych, what's going on here?

This is it. It's dead in the water.

All the electricity went out.

I'll call a tow truck.

We'll have to wait!

All right.

Maybe you're right, she's guilty too.

But it's hard to be a passionate wife when your husband's cheating on you.

What are you saying?

Do you think I'm blind and can't see?

I've suspected for a while that you've got a mistress.

I knew it. There were no friends.

A mistress? Are you kidding?

You have watched too many soap operas and now you're pulling some kind of crap.

Crap? Crap is me sitting here

with you on this so-called urgent business trip.

What freaking urgent trip on New Year's?

You're going to Lviv to see your mistress.

- Right? - A mistress?

- At work? - Am I wrong?

Have you seen the monsters I work with?

If it's not a crocodile, it's a monkey.

I feel like our HR department only hires women from a freak show.

Excuse me, do you know

that talking about women like that is outright sexism?

- Absolutely. - You know what, ladies?

You've never worked with me.

If you worked with him, he wouldn't let you pass either.

- Right? No? - That's it.

That's alcohol speaking.

I've figured it out. We were just poisoned with cheap stuff.

Let's go to our compartment and have quality drinks.

I'm not going anywhere. I'm fine here.

Excuse me, please go back to your compartments,

we need to save battery life.

- Please. - Are we stuck here for long?

I don't know, but there's nothing to worry about.

I'm not worried.

Thanks for playing along.

Need anything else?

- Because I can help. - Nah, no need.

- Someone's coming! - Hold me.

I'm fine.

You know, he wasn't always like this.

I remember he once wrote me a song

and sang it at a talent show.

It was unbearable to listen to,

so off-key,

and everyone in the room was booing, but I was…

watching him with admiration.

I thought

only the song was off-key, but all our life turned out to be off-key.

Toma, maybe you're wrong?

No, young man, I know him too well.

I've studied all his fake notes.

But you're wonderful.

Pure, real, young, and beautiful.

Hold on to your feelings.

You'll make it, I feel it,

because you're better than--

Thank you, Toma. You're so kind. You've got such a sincere soul and heart.

Thank you, sweetie, thank you.

It's a shame not everyone thinks so.

It's a shame there's a woman somewhere who doesn't think so.

And he appreciates something else, someone else.

But it's okay.

Sorry.

Tamara! Toma…

you're a wonderful woman.

Thank you.

And he… he's nobody.

But I…

I'm your husband's mistress.

And he was going to Lviv on a date with me.

I am sorry.

Don't worry, it'll be okay.

Don't worry.

There's no stress.

I'm not worried.

But I'm not talking to you.

All will be fine.

Dad's protecting us both.

Whoa!

And there's a punch to the liver.

Seems like the little one wants to say hi to you.

It's so hard to breathe, we've been here forever.

All right, give me your hand.

- I-- - Come on, round two's about to start.

Here.

- Oh! - I'm telling you!

Who? She's my mistress?

What kind of nonsense is that? Who even is she?

- Great. - Tomusyk, don't listen to her.

Just some drunk lady

in the train car spouting complete garbage.

Hey, dude, watch your mouth.

Whatever, I don't even know her.

Go figure!

What a coincidence, huh?

Come on, anyone with a printer

can make a badge like that.

Technology these days is capable of anything.

Tomusyk, I've figured it out!

These two are scammers. This is an attack on our company.

Tomusyk, they found out everything about me and decided to wreck and disrupt

our happy family life.

Who sent you? Competitors?

Come on, confess!

- Tomka… - You're so pathetic.

I'm sick of your lies.

Tomka, come on.

Quiet, we'll figure something out.

Stay calm, don't panic, we'll be moving soon.

She's--

- Her water broke, I think. - What's happened?

- Her water broke. - That's it, I--

- I'm in labor. - Okay, we need a doctor.

Why aren't we moving?

We're waiting for the tow truck.

The driver said all the electronics are fried.

Okay.

Take me to him.

What, you know how to fix trains?

Not yet, but I need to see what it's made of.

- Let's go. - I'm coming with you.

- Let's go. - I didn't do anything, I swear!

I just touched her belly. She let me!

They all say that, and then they don't pay child support.

- What?! - Relax, buddy, the girls are just joking.

This part sparked, that part smoked,

and that's it. Who knows what the hell happened.

- Try arm/disarm? - What?

- Turn it off and on again. - What is this, a computer?

- This is a serious machine. - Mykhaylovych, calm down.

Let me take a look.

It must be straightforward.

Don't break anything here.

My witnesses can say it was already broken.

You got a screwdriver?

That won't help, this needs magic.

Lumos Maxima!

It should make it to Lviv, but don't go too fast,

or it'll completely fry and burn down.

Is he a wizard?

Just don't tell anyone.

Our Ministry of Magic doesn't like that.

Oh, thank God, we're moving.

Hey, when you pick a godfather, make sure it's…

- Oleh. - Oleh. He's saved us all.

Well done. He's got skillful fingers.

Will we be in Lviv soon?

About three hours, if we pull it off.

I think I'll pull it off faster.

- I had a quick labor too, it's normal. - Great.

Hey, could we maybe ask Ukrainian Railways to send a doctor

from the nearest station?

Out here? In the middle of nowhere?

- On New Year's Eve? - She's in labor.

I'm in labor.

It's good there are still people who believe in miracles.

You know what? Miracles do happen.

We've got a doctor.

- Sir! - Lviv?

We need your help right now.

Come on.

Hurry up.

- Here. - What are you--

- Oh my! - It's the gyno.

God, that's right, it's him.

Andrii Isaienko. Can I get a picture with you?

Oh, I see. Thank you for your attention, but I'm going to bed.

No! Wait. Her water broke, and we need you to deliver the baby.

- Deliver a baby? I-- - She's in labor.

I'm not a real doctor.

I'm an actor who plays a doctor who delivers babies.

Come on, you're not stupid.

Look, we don't have any other options.

You do this in every episode. Just do it here again.

Okay, thank you for your attention, good luck with the labor, wake me in Lviv.

Oh, look at him, the hero gyno, all talk, no action, not a doctor at all!

What are you doing? Don't record me.

- Turn off the camera, please. - Wait.

Imagine you're on set, and we're your fellow actors.

Just show us what to do, and we'll follow your lead.

- She won't make it to the hospital. - So what do we do?

Look, I never thought I'd say this, but…

you're our only hope.

Please!

Well--

Fine. Let's give it a shot.

- All right. - Get her to the dining car, there's space.

- I'm heading to the staff room. - Where?

To put on a lab coat.

Ready?

Then go ahead.

No, I'm out.

- I'm out. No-go! - Why? What's wrong?

Everything's wrong! There must be a director over there

and a cameraman watching me here.

Everything just isn't right.

Pull yourself together, there's no time for your whining!

Okay, got it, thanks.

- I'm good. - That's my girl.

What do you need? Towels, hot water? What should I bring?

My telephone.

Oh, look who it is. Just a second.

Look who's wishing us a Happy New Year.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Sasha, help me out!

I'm done for without your medical advice.

I'm delivering a baby.

Okay, patient,

calm down. I thought actors celebrated

New Year's at home. Are you filming your series over there?

Filming? No, I'm actually delivering a baby on a train. Look.

- Happy New Year. - Put it on the screen.

Ladies, can you take the kids into the house?

The most important thing is to stay calm.

Do exactly what we say…

…and all will be fine.

Okay, you and you, stay and help me.

Everyone else, leave the operating room.

- Head to the bar! - Can I go to the bar?

Okay… Do you have any sanitizer?

Yeah, I've got three!

Mint, lemon balm, eucalyptus.

- That one. - Eucalyptus.

By the way, who fixed the train?

Oh, that was Oleh.

He's our hero.

Stop it. What kind of hero?

Just a little theory, a little luck.

You're one lucky guy.

Look at the catch you landed,

young, beautiful.

She's sleeping with the boss for her career,

but since when is that a problem?

- I warned you, one more word-- - I get it, calm down.

We're grown men.

Do we have to fight over some…

hooker?

- She hasn't had the baby yet? - Guys!

Craniofacial surgery is a different show!

- Sash, how much longer? - Your kebabs are burnt.

Girls, are you serious? This is a matter of life and new life.

For God's sake!

Don't panic, we'll make pizza.

- Girls, don't panic, we'll make pizza. - Make what?

- What pizza? - Oh, medical slang, huh?

Oh, right, yes.

It means the delivery's going well,

everything's on track.

- What's next? - Next is simple.

- What about the dilation? - My iPhone camera's focused perfectly.

No, I mean, show us the patient.

We need to see if the labor's started.

Oh… right.

Show us the mom!

Andrii!

Hello?

No signal, we've gotta wait.

- What do you mean? - What?

I can't wait.

What do we do?

Do you need help or something?

No.

Let's go.

- Okay, what… - Come on.

Actually, it's just like he said.

- You don't need me. - Stop it.

It's for the best.

- Why? - You'll find someone real, like you.

Do you think I'm real?

You know why I'm going to Lviv?

To hide at my aunt's.

In a small town, they'll find me and take me,

but in a big city, I've got a shot at staying hidden.

- You've got this! - Come on!

Because I'm scared.

First, I was scared of getting caught, now I'm scared of living like this.

- Come on! - Way to go!

- Wait. - Wait a bit.

You say "real." That's real over there.

From day one, he's been there.

Now he's getting married and going back.

Because he's not scared. He's not like me.

Are you kidding me?

Listen, let me tell you something.

Only fools aren't scared, and that's how they make mistakes.

Come on!

I'm scared. Every time.

Scared for myself, my friends.

Especially her.

Come on.

Wait, push!

Come on!

- Wait! - Breathe.

Listen, you're a great guy.

You stand up for others.

You've got skillful fingers, you're brainy.

Only you can decide how to live your life.

- Come on! - Come on!

- Well done! Come on! - Come on!

Good job.

- Is it over? - Well done!

What's the news? A boy?

Yeah!

I knew it, I believed in you!

A boy! Isaienko is a badass!

Hey, you hear me? I'm calling you, and it says,

"Can't answer the call." And I'm saying, "Oh, he can!"

And he did!

For the baby from friends.

Guys, who hasn't chipped in yet?

My phone died.

Oh, wait, it's charged now.

So, 500 each?

A thousand, right?

However much is needed for kids.

Traditions are traditions.

Can I say something?

Friends…

I've…

been on the road for 40 years.

Tonight is my last trip.

I dreamed it'd be quiet and peaceful, but…

I'm so glad it turned out the opposite.

These cars were part of the Train of Life that saved Ukrainians

in the early months of the war.

Tonight, this Train of Life

fulfilled its mission again.

Right before our eyes…

a new life was born.

Life.

Many of your lives

have changed drastically,

and I'm sure, no, I'm convinced

they've changed for the better.

By the way, how are the newlyweds? Have they made up?

- Seems like it. - Then where's the joy?

The hugs? The kisses?

The "now kiss!" chants?

We were hoping to start married life on New Year's. Now it's…

just a dream.

The registry offices are probably closed in Lviv.

Who needs a registry office?

Use that app, it's called Diia. You can do it all online now.

Wait, but you still need someone from the registry office to be online.

Where are we gonna find them on New Year's?

- Olia, sweetheart? - Hello?

Dad?

I need your help.

Yes, of course.

Got it.

Okay, Dad, I'll figure something out.

Registry office, address.

Sorry.

Three, two, one, let's begin!

The team that gathers the most snowballs in their basket wins.

Faster!

Attention!

Which one of you registers marriages?

Hey, sweetie, so our friends Maksym and Lesia

want to get married before New Year's.

I'm aware. Lovebirds, you've got six minutes left.

What do you mean, six minutes? There's an hour till midnight!

Yeah, but the server cuts off access to the system at 11 p.m.

Don't ask me why, that's just how it works.

- Ready to start? - Yeah, let's do it.

Here, hold this.

Dear Lesia and Maksym!

A new day is beginning,

bringing with it a new life.

Are you kidding? Just get them married already.

What? A wedding without a proper commencement address?

That will never happen in this event hall while I'm alive.

…new life!

And sometimes it feels like--

And sometimes it feels like there are plenty of days like this in our lives,

but not for them, because today…

Hey, how do I make an appointment with you guys?

You make an appointment with a proctologist.

With us, you enlist.

Today, the ship called Love is docking in the port called Family.

Okay, how do I make-- enlist?

- Did you have military training at uni? - I'm gonna kill you both now.

No, this is something else. It's the source of a dream with wings…

You're in. Your call sign is gonna be Harry Potter.

We bless you and wish you a happy marriage.

…a happy marriage.

Congratulations! Now you just need to complete ID veri--

verification in Diia.

I'm done.

What the hell?

- You're blinking wrong. - I'm blinking fine!

Hurry up, or you're not gonna make it!

We're trying, but it's glitching or something.

Just open your eyes and close them. How hard is that?

I don't know, maybe the app needs an update?

No, if you update it, it'll reset and we'll have to start all over.

If it works, I'll put on red underwear.

Oh no… time's up.

Wait.

Where's my glass?

Thank you.

Thank you, sweetie.

Everything was perfect.

For luck!

What, again?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven!

Vovchyk, sorry, I ruined the surprise!

We were supposed to open the ultrasound envelope together,

but-- here you go.

Are you kidding?

You didn't ruin it.

You gave me a real New Year's miracle!

Look at this miracle.

Our boy.

A boy!

Where to now?

Look, I don't know where you're off to,

but Lesia and I have something to do tonight. See you tomorrow.

- The day after tomorrow. - The day after tomorrow.

- For now, you're off duty. Got it? - Yeah.

- Not "yeah." Say, "Yes, sir!" - Yea-- yes, sir!

He'll get there. After all, he's Harry Potter.

Tomusyk…

let's start fresh.

- What do you say? - Okay.

But you start your fresh page, and I'll start mine.

Attention, passengers and visitors,

on the special Ukrainian Railways train,

a baby boy has been born.

Congratulations to the happy parents,

Iryna and Volodymyr.

Hello, everybody!

Happy New Year, Ukrainians!

Is he real?

Ma'am? What are you doing tonight?

She's cashing out.

Happy New Year to you too, my sunshine.

Grandpa's coming back from Lviv with presents

for you and your brother, of course.

Sure! Now pass Mommy the phone.

Olia… that room you set up for me,

what's the mattress like on that bed?

Orthopedic?

Five, four,

three, two,

one!

Oh, sorry!

Happy New Year!

- Happy New Year! - Happy New Year!

- You can! - Say it!

One, six, three, one, one.

One, sixty-three, one, one.

…sixty-eight, one, three.

Who's that?

Andrii Isaienko, have you not seen The Gyno?

Isaienko, for God's sake!

Isn't it Taras Tsymbaliuk?

Oh, girls, I'll start watching the show, just let's do this.

- Has anyone got sanitizer? - Yeah.

Three kinds. Lemon balm, mint, eucalyptus.

Is it okay? Meat? Mint?

MEAT?

Everything just isn't right!

Pull yourself together, there's no time for your whining!

- What a blow! - Yeah, this time it was kinda--

Can you do this again? I didn't have the right--

- A towel, warm water, what do I bring? - Horilka.

Cappuccino with coconut milk.

It'll get better now.

But I think I know how to smooth things over.

Guys, don't push the luck!

It's not cranial--

Guys, it's not--

Craniofacial surgery is a different show!

We're filming The Gyno!

You know--

You know--

Snow's in my mouth.

Swallow it and keep going.

You know, I've always dreamt of…

- …shitting your pants. - Yeah.

One, three A, two, two.

Stasik Boklan was here.

Take a rest.

I'll find people who'll fix this.

If you worked with him, he would--

Ladies and gentlemen, get back to your compartments.

We need to-- What do we need? Save.

- One, 86-- - Wait, what?

Instead of buying a new car--

What's this?

Where's my bag with my ID?

In your ass.

One, nine, six, one, two.

Hello, everybody!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Ukrainians!

Subtitle translation by: Hanna Voloshyna