All language subtitles for Abbott.Elementary.S04E17.en

Thank you all for participating
in this Personality Potluck.

Especially you. Gregory.

- You're welcome.
- Alright,

so now we are going to work
together as a team

to match each person
to the dish

they brought to represent
their personality.

Gregory. Barbara. Jacob.
Janine. Me, obviously.

Great. Let's eat.

Well, hold on, now.
You forgot one.

Barbara: Ah.

Oh, is this Ava?

Why would I cook
for y'all?

Are one of you a man
that bought me a house?

Well, who does this
croquembouche belong to?

[ Clears throat ]

Nah.

Yeah.

Oh.
Janine:
Alright, Mr. Johnson,

but how does this
represent you?

Obviously, it's because
he's-- because he's bald.

- Ah.
- Actually, I studied pastry arts

at Le Cordon Bleu
in "Perr-ee."

- Whoa.
- Well, I'll be.

- Ooh, la, la.
- Damn.

I can't believe I actually did
learn something about somebody.

- Mm.
- Yeah.

- This is a beautiful moment.
- Yeah.

Okay, this is cuckoo,
but should we all bring it in?

- Ah, let's do it.
- Yeah.

Melissa: Come on.
Come on.

- Come here.
- Mmmmmm.

Melissa: Yeah.

I never went to no damn French
cooking school. [ Chuckles ]

[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]

♪

Attention, everyone.

Attention, everyone.
Barbara needs your attention.

Thank you. I need a final
head count for karaoke.

I'll be there.

I like big butts,

but someone out there
thinks I'm lying about it,

and I got to set
the record straight.

Gregory: Is it okay
if I come late?

I can't miss out
on Friday-night surge pricing.

You know,
if I got into a rideshare

and you were the driver,

well, brother,
I'd never get out.

Janine: I just hope
you don't miss our duet,

'cause I've been practicing
my Ja Rule voice all week, baby.

I'm not gonna miss
out on the duet,

and I put that on Murder I-N-C.

I love that name.

Well, I'm just excited
to finally have

a chance to be heard.

You know, Zach used to turn
my mic down during duets at home

because he said my voice
only worked in theory.

Hey, Barbara,
can I bring Erika to karaoke?

She's in need
of a pick-me-up.

She and Simon broke up
again.

I can't believe
you're forcing your friend

to throw it back
on a district employee

just so you can get back
in their good graces.

That is not
what I'm doing.

She's welcome to come.

As long as she does not throw it
back, forward, or to the side.

Mnh-mnh.
- She won't.

Ava will you be joining us?

I, the karaoke queen,
will not be in attendance.

But before you fret--
music joke.

- Ooh.
- [ Chuckles ]

It's because
I have a date.

Ooh. Well, I hope
he measures up.

- Nice.
- I'm sure he'll clear the bar.

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

I bet--
I hope he doesn't hit--

I hope he hits
all the right notes.

Now, Jacob,
that was a bridge too far.

[ Laughter ]

- Hey!
- Hey!

Melissa:
There it is. There it is.

Who's the date with?

Melissa,
you don't know who it is?

Who?

[ Singsong voice ]
It's O'Sho-o-o-o-o-n.

- [ Gasps ] Ooh.
- Mm-hmm.

- Now, that's a man.
- Oh.

Yes.
Fine for no reason.

Yes, he is.

- Oh, wow.
- Ooh, very fancy.

Yeah.
Look at this.

- Mm-hmm.
- Hey.

Where you guys been?

I've already done every
Fleetwood Mac song they've got.

Fleetwood Mac?
I don't think

that's in your register,
Mr. Johnson.

Mnh-mnh. Yeah, you're more
of a Macy Gray kind of range.
Girl.

I'll tell you two
just like I told Quincy Jones.
Uh-huh.

Mr. Johnson sings,
or Mr. Johnson walks.

- Okay.
- Alright.

- Let's do it.
- They're here already.

That's great.

Oh, why don't you go
say hi?

He's a little
cutie patootie.

Cuties are everywhere.
[ Chuckles ]

It's gonna take a lot more
than being

the cutest cutie
to ever patoot

to turn the head
of ol' Jacob Hill.

Okay.

Wow.

Then why is your neck
on owl mode right now?

It's because I'm--
I'm actually checking out--

- Oh, okay.
- Hey, girl.

Hey, Erika.

And Simon.

[ Janine and Simon chuckle ]

What-- What's--
What's he doing here? Hey.

Worshiping the ground
I walk on, of course.

- Hey, Janine.
- What's up?

Why don't you go talk
to Jacob?

Whatever you say,
E-baby.

Mm. Mm. You're so nasty.
[ Chuckles ]

Very nasty.
I thought he broke up with you.

Broke up with me?

Does that even sound
right to you?

I love it
when you guys are together.

It's kind of fun
but dangerous,

like walking backwards.
[ Chuckles ]

So how long are you
staying together this time?

You asking a lot of questions
about me and my man,

but where is yours?

He still built
like a Lego?

[ Laughs ]

Oh, hey. How you doing?

I'm Gregory, and I'll be your
driver for the next 13 minutes.

Please buckle up, and help
yourself to any of the drinks

and assorted snacks.

I also have
every kind of phone charger,

and if you feast your eyes
on the tablet attached

to the back of the headrest,
you'll find my latest addition,

Gregory's Goofy Games.

Okay, enough practice.
Time for the real thing.

[ Exhales sharply ]
Let's go.

Oh, hey.
How you doing?

I'm Gregory.

I'll sit here.

Oh, I got you.

In case someone hotter
walks by.

[ Chuckles ] Thank you.

Have you been here
before?

No, but it seems
up to my standards.

I'm gonna go ahead
and let my girl know

she doesn't have to pretend
she's going into labor.

I've been hesitant
to come here.

It's kind of a sore spot
since it replaced

one of
my favorite restaurants.

That old diner was one
of your favorite restaurants?

Well, for the nostalgia,
not for the food.

It was where my parents
would take me

whenever I got
a good report card.

Oh, you had to get
good grades just to eat?

[ Chuckles ] Sad.

Nah, nah,
if that was the case,

I wouldn't have eaten
very often.

I was not a great student.

A bad boy.

Or a dumb boy.
Both?

[ Chuckles ]
Neither now.

Damn.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

What about you, though?

Did your family go out to eat
a lot when you were growing up?

You're not supposed to ask
people if they grew up rich.

But if you're worried
I don't know what MP means.

I do, and those are the
only things I'll be ordering.

Both: [ Singing off-key ]
♪ I fou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-nd ♪

♪ Lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ve ♪

♪ Never knew
what I was missin' ♪

♪ But I knew
once we start kissin' ♪

How are they still
attracted to one another

after hearing each other sing?
- [ Chuckles ] Barb.

If Gerald even burps
off key, hm,

I'm not looking at him
for a week.

Hey, Mr. Johnson,
all these songs are in Korean.

I know that. I'm BTS ARMY.

What are you gonna sing,
Melissa?

That is a question
for the me

that is living three drinks
in the future, my friend.

I will get us a pitcher.

♪ Lo-o-o-o-ve ♪

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Hi.
Could I please get a--

[ Laughing ]
Whew!

No, no. No.

Come. Come on.

Whoo!
The stripper's here!

[ Women scream ]

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Not-- Not-- Not a--
Not a stripper.

Um, my-- my ex is here.

I need to just, uh,
hide out for a beat.

[ Women chanting,
"Take it off!" ]

♪ It's hard out here
for a pimp ♪

♪ When he's tryin' to get
this money for the rent ♪
♪ For the rent ♪

♪ For the Cadillac
and gas money spent ♪

♪ Who have a whole lot
of bitches jumpin' ship ♪

Simon: I don't care
what it's about.

♪ It's hard out here
for a pimp ♪
Janine. Janine.

Janine.
♪ When he's tryin' to get
this money for the rent ♪

♪ For the Cadillac
and gas money spent ♪

Hey,
you forgot the beer.

And where are
all the worship songs?

I was promised
the BeBes and the CeCes.

I saw my ex.

Avi?

- Zach.
- [ Gasps ] I like Zach.

He's out there
with a new gentleman caller.

Name unknown.

Okay, so I thought
the two yous were cool.

Hey, it's not like
you haven't seen each other

since the breakup.

Ah, you're right,
I don't--

I don't know
why I panicked.

Just go on out there
and say hello.

- Yeah, I'm gonna.
- Okay.

Um, save my place
in the queue.

Okay.
Get the pitcher first.

So, what do you think
so far?

Not to be rude-o,
but I hated the crudo.

[ Chuckles ]

- You know...
- Mm?

...you giggle a lot
for a man.

I just like to show
when I'm having a good time.

Mm.

[ Glass clatters ]

[ Speaking Japanese ]

[ Speaking Japanese ]

I don't get a lot of chances
to practice my Japanese.

Good thing we came
to this Japanese restaurant.

[ Chuckles ] Touché.

Wow.
Now he's speaking French.

This man is turning into
a Rosetta Stone

right before my very eyes.

Uh, do you speak
any other languages?

Just the universal one.

Love?

That's hilarious.
Money.

You know, if you want to get
some more practice,

you can order us
some sake.

Japanese word for that
is "sake."

[ Chuckles ]

♪ I never would have made it ♪

♪ Never would have made it ♪

♪ No, I never,
I never could have made it ♪

♪ Never could have made it ♪

♪ Without you ♪

- Wow.
- Yeah! Oh, my God.

Hallelujah. Yes.

Why is anybody else
wasting their time?

It should just be you
and me all night, Barb.

- Oh, thank you friend.
- Yeah

I can't wait to hear
what you're cooking up.

Okay, well, one more drink,
and I'll be in the zone.

Alright. Have mine.

Oh, my gosh.
Appreciate you guys

for helping
Barbara out like that.

She made us sing
that song

because she said
we needed Jesus.

- And we do.
- Oh.

- Janine, you're up.
- Oh, uh, I am not ready yet

'cause-- 'cause Gregory
and I are doing a duet, so...

You mean you
and that Gregory?

Oh, he...

[ Chuckles ]
Got yo ass.

[ Laughter ]

Ah-ha-ha.
I'm sure he's almost here.

I'm gonna go check.
- Okay, girl.

[ Cellphone rings ]
Hello?

Hey, so no pressure,
but I've already moved our names

to the bottom of the queue
like twice now.

Uh, yeah.
Okay, I'm just picking up

one more ride,
and then I'm there.

Alright, well, please hurry,

But don't speed.

I can't wait.

But there's always time
to make a safe choice.

So excited to see you.

In however long it takes.
[ Door opens ]

Leonard:
For Leonard.

- Uh, yep.
- Ah.

Uh, Janine,
I gotta go.

Oh, totally.
Alright, well,

if you're rider gets strange
or aggressive,

just give me a call.

People get weird at night.

- Love you.
- Alright. Love you, too.

Love you three.

[ Camera shutter clicks,
camera whirs ]

Ah.

Oh, it's all happening.

- What are you doing here?
- Hi.

Um,
Barbara won a raffle

for, like, a free karaoke room,
so-- what about you?

We're celebrating the opening
night of my one-man show,

"Got Out."
- Oh. Oh, you changed the title.

Yeah, writing about you
actually broke down some walls

for me creatively.

But what about you?
What are you up to?

Mm. Well, um,
Melissa got a guinea pig.

That's... cool.

You know,
I'm near you guys now.

I just moved
to Northern Liberties.

Zach, what the hell?

That's been your dream
neighborhood for, like, ever.

I know. I'm really
going after what I want.

It feels good.

Oh.

Well...
Well, good.

Zach...

You're up. Come on.
Our song.

I don't need
the lyrics.

♪ He-e-e-ey, hey ♪

♪ Every single day
I walk down the street ♪

♪ I hear people say,
"Baby, so sweet" ♪

♪ And don't lose
your mind ♪

Dessert menu?

- Mm.
- Yes, please.

Domo.

So, yeah, those are
my top five roller coasters,

but I'm more of a immersive
motion simulator kind of guy.

Do you have a--
Do you have a favorite?

A favorite what?

Thing I never wanted
to talk about tonight?

[ Scoffs ]

Um, excuse me.

C-Could we just get
the check, actually?

Oh,
so you just decided

I didn't want
the matcha cheesecake?

Nah, I just didn't want to
waste any more of your time

since this is going
so poorly.

Why would you say that?

Uh, because of
basically everything

that you said
over the course of this date.

Been making fun of me
the whole night.

But... that's kind of been
our thing.

Would've been nice
to build on that rapport,

to actually,
I don't know,

learn something
about each other.

Learn what? I'm perfect.
You're obsessed with me.

Domo.

How long do you think
it'll be until you get here?

Um, it should be about...
[ Cellphone dings ]

Whoa.
- What?

It's just surge pricing
is the highest

I've ever seen it
right now.

A fare to Jersey
just came in,

and it'd pay for like
a fifth of my rent.

Oh.

Would it be the worst thing
in the world

if I didn't make it
tonight?

Oh, um...
[ Sighs ]

You know what? No.
Never mind.

I'll just, um--
I shouldn't have even asked.

I'll just pass on the ride,
and I'll be there in 10.

No, Gregory,
don't do that.

You gotta take it.
Took a second job to make money.

Make the money.

Thank you
for understanding.

I'll, um...

I promise
I'll make it up to you.

Okay.

It's about time, Jacob.
You're up.

Oh, okay. Hold on.

Just want to, uh,
switch my song real quick.

How'd things go
with Zach?

Went great. He looks great.
Sounds great.

Overall, just, uh--
just great.

He better not sing
anything ironic.

And he certainly better
not sing "Ironic."

Barbara: Yeah, well,
you know, I love the boy,

but he's always pitchy, and
he refuses to use his diaphragm.

♪ Cut my life into pieces ♪

♪ This is my last resort ♪

Let's go!

♪ Suffocation, no breathing ♪

♪ Don't give a [bleep]
if I cut my arm bleeding ♪

[ Both imitating guitar
strumming ]

♪ This is my last resort ♪

[ Grunting ]

- [ Sighs ]
- Jacob,

I know you said
you're okay,

but the songs you have
in the queue,

they sound quite alarming.
Mm.

Is this because, uh,
Zach's got a new guy?

No, he's a--
he's a serial monogamist.

That was inevitable.

It's just that Zach has,
like, done so much

since we broke up,
you know?

He's gotten back into theater.
- Yep.

He's got his dream apartment,
new friends.

I didn't recognize anybody
in his karaoke room.

You know, he's, like,
moving forward,

and I just--
I don't know, I feel stuck.

- [ Exhales sharply ]
- This is the part

where you tell me I'm doing
great, and I'm overreacting.

Sometimes the best thing
that you can do for someone

is just be a mirror.

But, hey, look, I-I--
I helped RJ get into golf.
Yeah.

You know, I got the school
a counselor, so--
You did,

and those are amazing
professional wins,

but, sweetheart,
there's more to life than work.

Mm-hmm.
Maybe it's time

for you to start
looking for whatever

your dream apartment is.

Hey, you might even think about
looking for something deeper

- in your dating life.
- Hm.

Hey, can't be that hard with
your Drillr app and everything.

Janine: [ Sighs ]
So Ava just texted.

Turns out she's gonna come
after all.

Great.

I can't believe you are
not letting me choose a song.

Well, I can't believe
you bought another condo

when you can barely
take me out on dates.

It has an outdoor pool.

We live
in Philadelphia.

And it's like,
if I'm driving to make money

so I'm not stressed
about going out,

but then I'm missing that
when I'm driving,

then, like,
what's the point?

It's-- It's like
I'm going in circles.

But you are going
the right way, right?

I meant it
metaphorically.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Dang. Surge pricing's
five times the normal fare?

[ Cellphone chimes ]

You gonna accept that ride
or what?

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Moira F.
is five minutes away.

You don't have to wait
with me.

'Course I'm gonna wait
with you.

My family used to go out
to eat

at chain restaurants
all the time.

It was like my dad's
favorite thing to do.

But he has
the worst taste.

I kind of like
chain restaurants.

Me, too.

But I was talking about
his taste in women.

He started a second family
with a waitress

at one
of those restaurants,

and queso dips are
very triggering for me now.

Thank you
for telling me that.

I don't really like
queso dip anyways,

so it won't be hard
to avoid on our next date.

This date doesn't have to end
right now.

I was invited to karaoke
tonight.

I wasn't planning on
gracing it with my talents,

but [chuckles]
you want to go with me?

[ Brakes squeak ]
I'm down.

Go ahead.
- No, no.

I don't want to hurt
your feelings.

I know you're sensitive.

I ain't sensitive.
I ain't sensitive.

Go ahead.
Make your little joke.

What divorced lesbian
did you steal this Subaru from?

[ Chuckles ]
- Get in my car.

♪ Way up high ♪

♪ Or down low ♪

♪ I'll go
wherever you will ♪

♪ Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o ♪

Unh!
- Yes.

She's, like,
your best friend, right?

What are you talking about?
She sounds just like him.

- I crushed it.
- Whoa. Okay.

- Alright. I guess it's me.
- Oh.

- Whoo!
- Go, Janine.

- Come on, baby.
- What's up, guys?

That was great, Melissa.
- Thank you.

Um, as you guys know,
Gregory was supposed to be here,

but he couldn't make it.

But it's okay,
because, in his honor,

I'm gonna do both parts
of the duet.

- Okay.
- Which, um, shouldn't be hard.

Done it before.

I was a very lonely
"High School Musical" fan.

So here we go.

- Okay.
- [ Clears throat ]

♪ I'm not always there
when you call ♪

♪ But I'm always on time ♪
- [ Gasps ]

♪ Gave you my all ♪

♪ Now, baby, come on ♪
- ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Give me a piece of this
late-night lover, you know ♪

♪ The one that save kids
like no other ♪

Gregory: ♪ I know I got a lot
of things I need to explain ♪

♪ But, baby,
you know the name ♪

♪ And love is about pain ♪

♪ So stop the complaints,
and drop the order restraints ♪

♪ My sex life is a game,
so back me down in the paint ♪

[ As Ja Rule ]
♪ And I can't wait no more ♪

♪ 'Cause it's about
a quarter past 3:00 ♪

♪ And shorty's eyein' me ♪

♪ I got the Bentley valeted ♪

Bill?

Elijah.

Hi, Elijah.
I'm Jacob.

[ Chuckles ]
Hi, Jacob.

That was really risky.
I'm not gonna lie.

I'm so glad that worked.

What were you gonna do
if it didn't?

Probably say,
"Hey, I'm Jacob,

the guy you forgot
to hit on earlier."

That's also pretty good.

Thank you.

What brings you
to karaoke?

It is
my friend's birthday,

and I volunteered to get the
drinks because I hate singing.

Do you think
I could get your number?

For sure.

I'm gonna put it in
as Bill.

There you go.

Alright.

- See you, Jacob.
- Yeah.

- What's up, man?
- Okay, Jacob, I see you.

Uh, come on. I'll, uh,
show you where the room is.

Ava,
it's so great to see you.

I want you to meet
my new boyfriend.

- White?
- It's actually pronounced Wyatt.

Right. [ Chuckles ]

You're talking about how
I'm looking around at everyone.

I'm looking around...
- I see you.

- Oh, wow.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- There they are.
- Finally.

- [ Normal voice ] How did it go?
- He's here, ain't he?

We got time
for one more song.

Ava, you choose.

Simon:
You never let me be me.

You literally never
let me be me.

- Help me pick.
- What are you even doing?

You know what?
I'm not. I'm done.

I am done. I'm out.
Mnh-mnh.

Nope.
[ Scoffs ]

Ugh.
- Yep, just, uh...

Ooh.

I appreciate you, bro.

They've got the wrong idea
about you at the district.

[ Chuckles ]

Erika: They got "No More Drama"
by Mary J. on there?

♪ What would you do
if your son was at home ♪

♪ Cryin' all alone
on the bedroom floor ♪

♪ 'Cause he's hungry,
and the only way to feed him ♪

♪ Is to sleep with a man
for a little bit of money ♪

♪ And his daddy's gone ♪

♪ Somewhere smokin' rock now,
in and out of lockdown ♪

♪ I ain't got a job now ♪

♪ So for you
this is just a good time ♪
♪ Oh, no,
not a long time ♪

♪ But for me
this is what I call life ♪

♪ Mm, girl, you ain't
the only one with a baby ♪

Yeah, there's some things
you just can't put a price on.

♪ What would you do
if your son was at home ♪

♪ Cryin' all alone
on the bedroom floor ♪

♪ 'Cause he's hungry,
and the only way to feed him ♪

♪ Is to sleep with a man
for a little bit of money ♪

♪ And his daddy's gone ♪

♪ Somewhere smokin' rock now,
in and out of lockdown ♪
[ Crying ]

♪ I ain't got a job now ♪

♪ So for you
this is just a good time ♪

♪ But for me
this is what I call life ♪

Hey!

- But so sad.
- Killed that.

You know, as somebody
who usually shuns the spotlight,

I never really got
the appeal of karaoke,

- Uh-huh.
- ...but, um, it was--

it-- it was fun.
It was really fun.

- It was fun, wasn't it?
- It was. It was.

And you were
so good.

Oh, I practiced
the entire time I was driving.

- You did?
- Yeah.

Okay, let me catch you up
on everything you missed

while you were gone.

Kept a log,
just the way you like.

Oh. Oh, great.

So, 8:02 P.M.,
we arrived.

Two minutes late.
What happened?

Hey, uh, I'm pretty sure
I requested a quiet ride.

- Oh.
- You know what? You sure did.

- Um, my bad.
- Sorry.

[ Whispering ] My shoelace
was caught in the escalator.

A quiet ride,
not a whisper one.

A quiet one.

-- Captions by Verbit--