Original subtitles

[Static]

Okay, welcome back

to the special Mother's Day edition

of "The Last Drive-In,"

and, Darcy, I just wanted some junk food tonight.

Go for it.

I mean, I know you're probably not

a fan of this next -- Well, maybe you are a fan

of this next movie, the way you dressed for it.

But there are days when you get up in the morning

and you just go, "I just can't watch 'Schindler's List' today."

That is me pretty much every day.

But I got up recently and I said,

"I'm gonna call Shudder

and ask 'em to go through the library

and see if they can find their very best

blaxploitation women-in-prison jungle-gang-warfare

kung-fu pirate movie shot in the Philippines

with at least four women with big boobs in the lead roles."

It's just how I felt that morning.

I mean, it happens.

So indulge me here just a little bit.

The only reason we're showing this one

is 'cause it's called "The Muthers."

Okay, yeah. That's true.Right?

But I've also wanted to show a Cirio Santiago movie

for the longest time, and this was my big chance.

Plus I really did feel like I needed

a blaxploitation women-in-prison

jungle-gang-warfare kung-fu pirate movie shot

in the Philippines with hot women in booty shorts

and tight shirts kicking ass and swinging through the forest

on vines and killing Filipino extras with machine-gun fire

when they weren't taking showers.

I mean, that's the kind of day it was.

I'm all for showing all those genres.

I am just surprised that you picked this one.

Get woke, Darcy.

This is a socially ground-breaking picture.

Four African-American women in the lead roles --

three "Playboy" centerfolds and one Bond girl.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay. And like I say, I needed junk food.

This one is pure bubble gum.

Actually I wanted to ask you something.

Okay.

We're both in show bus-- Well...

We're in this little Tasmanian island part

of show business down by Antarctica.

I don't think Tasmania is close to Antarctica,

but go ahead.Well, you know what I mean.

We're not exactly in the mainstream of show business,

so a lot of stuff happens to us.

True dat.

And there are two kinds of friends when stuff happens.

Here's the first kind of friend.

You say, "I got the job!"

And they say, "Yippie! Hooray! Alright!

Gimme five!

Dump some champagne on that man's head!"

And then here's the second kind of friend that you have.

You say, "I got the job!"

And they go, "Great."

Or, you know, they go, "Good for you.

I know you wanted that."

You know the kind of "That's great" that I'm talking about?

Oh, yeah.

Their mouth says, "That's great," but their jaw says,

"How long do I have to hold my mouth in this fake smile?"

You get the impression they wanna leave the room,

go to some other planet.

In fact, when this happens to me,

I start to feel embarrassed.

I start to apologize

for whatever good thing just happened.

I'll say something like, "Of course, I only got the job

because, you know, the other guy didn't want the job," so...

You know, I'll lie. I'll actually lie.

I'll make something up because I'm trying

to make my friend feel better

about the fact that I got the job.

That's so fucked up.I know.

I'm a sick individual for doing that.

No, not you, the so-called friend.

So you know what I'm talking about, right?

Yeah, totally.

But here's the way you can really tell the difference

between the two types of friends.

Tell 'em some bad news, like, "I lost my job."

And so, the first friend -- the normal one,

the one that goes "Yippie" when you got the job --

will say, "Oh, that's terrible, I'm so sorry to hear that."

But the second friend --

the one that went "That's great" when you got the job --

that friend -- he will double down on sympathy.

He'll go, "Oh, no, that's terrible.

I'm here for you, man. Anything you need.

I know how tough that can be..."

He'll go on and on and on.

They'll, like, wanna talk about it for hours,

just reinforce it.

They'll come over to your house to comfort you.

They'll give you money, you know?

They'll do anything.

And so after a while, you start to get weirded out by that,

and you start thinking

they kind of like it when you have nothing.

They like it when you lose stuff.

They like to hear about all the 17,000 terrible things

that happen to you in your life.

And at times like that -- So here's my question.

When you're really weak and you're feeling bad,

you tend to think that guy this is the greatest friend

that you've ever had in your life, right,

because he wants to spend 24 hours a day with you,

making you feel better, But are they?

Nope.

No, because what if you start succeeding again?

Exactly.So, bizarro, right?

It's just not healthy.

Did you lose a job?

Well, I lose lots of jobs.

But you didn't lose thisjob, did you?

Not that I know of!

Okay. Well, then let's have some junk food

and get on with it!

Alright. You never know, though. I'm with you.

"The Muthers" is the sensitive story

of a couple of big-haired pirates

who run an otherwise all-male gang

that attacks rich-guy yachts and fences the loot

and takes it back to their modest village

except when they have to fight with a Turkish sadist

who thinks his own pirate gang is tougher than them

and may be the person responsible

for the head pirate's missing sister

who according to a government agent

has been taken to a slave camp

disguised as a coffee plantation on a remote jungle island

where a prostitute recruited by the authorities

to infiltrate the slave-camp's sex-trafficking

and drug-smuggling ring

has resulted in the disappearance of the hooker

and the need for martial-arts-trained

female pirates to go undercover

and figure out what happened to her,

not to mention finding the missing sister

and bringing down the drug lord and his slave-trader friends

while investigating primitive working conditions

on the coffee plantation that are so strict

the imprisoned female workers on the coffee plantation

aren't even allowed to have coffee.

Good job.

Sure, we've seen it before, but have we seen it

with a terrifying boob assault by a cobra,

not to mention an extended jungle firefight

among three different criminal gangs

who end up exchanging cannon fire on the open seas

while women in tight shorts and halter tops

spray machine-gun ammo

across half of the stunt men working in the Philippines?

I think not.

Let's look at those drive-in totals and get started.

We have...

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Trina Parks

as the hot trustee Marcie,

who says, "What are you two black beauties

doing in a nice place like this?";

Jayne Kennedy as the hot house girl Serena,

for her emotional speech

comparing the jungle to a house cat;

Tony Carreon as the cruel slaver

who says, "Remember that I own you!";

Rosanne Katon as the feisty Anggie,

who says, "You can cut both of my arms off

and I will still find a way to kill you!";

Jeannie Bell as the unflappable pirate boss Kelly;

and Cirio Santiago, the writer-director,

for doing things the drive-in way.

Three stars. Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

You know, there is nothing like Playboy Playmates

running through the jungle with machine guns,

kung-fu'ing goons to make your whole day better.

Agreed.

In the Filipino industry actually, the word "goon"

is a technical term.

It is a day player

who's hired for tough-guy background.

He agrees to be beat up or killed if necessary.

But he has to be athletic, but he has to have a goon face.

The casting director decides if he has a goon face or not.

The guys line up, and they want to have a goon face

'cause they want to get hired for the day.

And if you have the right goon face, you get the job.

Cool.

Because they blow so many people up

in Philippine movies

that they've gotta be organized.

They need a system for it.

You can actually put it on your résumé.

"I was a goon for Cirio Santiago."

So they're like stunt men?

They're people doing stunt work who are not really stunt men.

They're not that safety conscious

in the Philippines.

The best ones --

How many times have you seen this

in a Filipino movie -- the guy throws a grenade,

and he throws it over the crest of the hill.

It disappears over the crest of a hill,

and then two guys are flung forward from behind the hill

and they turn somersaults as they die.

You know? And usually together.

[Laughing]

You know what I'm talking about?Totally.

So it's a somersault grenade.

It's so powerful, it launches you out of the foxhole

and causes you to flip 360 in the air,

with a partner before you land in a dead heap.

It oughta be an Olympic sport.

That's amazing.

So especially if you just got machine-gunned

by a Playboy Playmate in a halter top, you know.

Remember the movie within a movie in "Hollywood Boulevard"?

Yeah.

Actually, "Hollywood Boulevard II."

Remember?

Oh, yeah, the one we watched.

Yeah, we watched it rec--

Remember my cameo scene where we're in the jungle?

I mean, who could forget that?

The movie they're shooting when I'm in the jungle

is called "Machete Maidens of Mora Tao,"

and it's a direct parody

of Cirio Santiago movies from the Philippines.

In fact, I think they use footage

from actual Cirio Santiago movies --

those girls with the machine guns.

Now it all makes sense.

Did you actually go to the Philippines for that cameo?

Malibu.

I would have sworn it was the Philippines.

It's called acting, Darcy.

You're just so good.

Yeah. Thank you.

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

[Funk music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Tell me I'm seeing things.

♪♪

Nope, it's coming straight at us, alright.

I don't believe it. It gets easier every time.

Oh, you bragging up complaining.

Complaining?

It's getting to be boring.

[Indistinct conversations]

Man: Oh, how are you?

Oh, it's a nice little trip.

Oh, we're so glad you join us out here.

Rocco, get the boys ready.

Capitan, get ready. Lopez, get that gun ready.

♪♪

Anggie, you ready? Yeah.

Rocco, you ready?Rocco: Sí.

Fire across the bow!

[Machine-gun fire]

[Tourists screaming]

Let's go!

Alright, just settle down and no one gets hurt.

What's happening?

It's a hold-up, Dumbo.

These aren't girls, they're pirates.

Pirates? Like Errol Flynn?

Where's their sword?

Will this do, love?

[Funk music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Mellow guitar music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

Buenas noches.Good evening.

We have a boat in the harbor.

That is very nice.

Boats are very nice.

I understand you're the man we talk to

about unloading our cargo here.

You have fish?

A little more valuable than fish.

I always make arrangements for unloading fish.

Is there anyone else we can talk to?

Capitan Infante.

Oh, no, no. Somebody other than the capitan.

Somebody a little, um...A little grow?

A little.

Capitan Infante. Hey.

♪♪

A police captain makes very little money.

I have a big family.

One has to make ends meet somehow.

What did you say you want to sell?

Everything but the boat.

Oh, that sounds very interesting.

We'd like to unload as soon as possible.

Tomorrow.

No business tonight.

Tonight is fiesta night.

Tomorrow is bound to be a fiesta.

We have a fiesta for everything.

A fiesta when it rains, a fiesta when it stop raining.

A fiesta when a woman gives birth, a fiesta

when someone gets divorced, every day is fiesta time.

Why not?

Our life is a big fiesta.

Kelly: Oh, come on we're in a big hurry.

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

But tonight...

[Indistinct conversations]

...you are my guests.

Just be happy, eat, drink and dance

and do anything that will make you happy.

I have to see someone.

I thought you weren't doing any business tonight.

El Turko is one of my best costumers.

We got work to do.

Well, well, El Turko

is trying to move in on our territory.

Goddammit. Turko is beginning to bug me.

Me too.

You've been complaining of boredom.

What do you say we hit him?

[Gunfire]

[Shouting in Spanish]

♪♪

[Gunfire continues]

♪♪

Come on, come on! Get on board!

Let's go!

♪♪

♪♪

Now, Turko, how would it be?

Put down the arms, boys.

♪♪

Baby, remember, we got a score to settle.

Someday I'll get you for this.

Rocco.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Aah!

[Yells indistinctly]

♪♪

[Gunfire]

♪♪

Turko, now you got no score to settle!

[Laughs]

[Mellow music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

Rocco, help Pedro to gas up.

We leave first thing in the morning.

Yeah.

Oh, Rocco, clean my gun.

This afternoon, it jammed.

Will do.

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

♪♪

Where's my kiss?

Ahh!

Wait till you see what I have.

For me, really?

Sure, who else?

Thank you.

I love you, I love you, Kelly.

[Laughs]

Mama, mama.

[Speaking Spanish]

[Speaking Spanish]

[Fortunata yelling in Spanish]

Fortunata. Fortunata.

You're useless, useless.

And you say you are a brave man?

And you are a a fucking pirate?

Yeah, well, what are you doing hiding behind my skirt, eh?

[Speaking Spanish] Kelly, Kelly.

If you say you are half the man you are,

you go to talk to her yourself.

Come on!Welcome home, Kelly.

Welcome home.

Fortunata and I were just talking about you.

I was just telling her about our raids.

Remember Maracaibo?

The raid on Sea Fuego?

The sorties on Leeward Islands?

Those were the days.

There wasn't a sailor in the Seven Seas

wouldn't tremble at the mention of Crossbone Kelly.

I would've loved to see the look on Turko's face.

Niña, come on, niña, you can give me a hand, eh?

Come on, come on, Anggie.

Sancho: I hear that dreaded Turk

is nothing more than shredded duck.

Do you know what that makes us, Kelly?

Top dog.

Do you understand, Capitan?

Top dog.

Anggie, andale.

Sandra's gone.

What happened?

You know your sister.

Head like a rock when she makes up her mind.

A week ago, I wake up, she's gone.

Por Dios. What do you want me to do?

Tie her up to a tree?

If you keep your eyes open instead of sleeping,

you are always sleeping.

I'm sorry, Kelly.Where did she go?

Do you have any idea where she went?

When little Sandra gets out of camp,

she doesn't leave her itinerary.

Don't get sassy with me, Sancho.

Just wait until I lay my hands on her.

At Santo Domingo, she has friends there.

I've tried everywhere else.

No, sir.

If she wants out, she can damn well stay out.

Señorita Kelly.No, I mean it this time.

I am tired of babysitting for that brat.

From now on, every man is for himself.

Cut the crap, Kelly. Let's go.

We'll reach Santo Domingo by dawn tomorrow.

She's not here.

I can tell by the look on Sancho's face.

Wait here, I'll be right back.

Sancho: She's nowhere to be found.

Madre de Dios, I could kill her.

Let's hope no one's beat you to it.

Life ain't easy in these parts.

Excuse me, have you seen a girl

with a big natural, wearing beads?

She's about 5'7", my complexion.

Ah, yeah, yeah.

South of Suarez. Thank you.

Sancho, take us south of Suarez.

Sancho: What for? That's no man's land.

Kelly: They tell me they a black girl

singing in Murphy's bar.

It might turn out to be Sandy, yet.

Madre de Dios,Kelly.

That's no man's land.

Please, Kelly, please.

Oh, lighten up, Sancho.

It's not that bad.

[Mellow jazz music playing]

Somebody wants to see you.

Oh, yeah, where?

Oh, yeah.

♪♪

You wanna see me?

Yes, I'm looking for someone.

Oh, yeah?

Well, maybe I can help you.

How about coming up to my office?

We'll talk about that.

Sure. What a bunny.

What a bunny.

Oh, la la.

Que linda.

[Speaking Spanish]

Please don't touch.

No, I don't touch.

I say, "Te quiero mucho."

I like you.

In your language, I say, "I've got the blues."

You come at 'em, okay?Coffee, please.

Black, very hot.

Tengo mucho dinero.

[Speaking Spanish]

[Screams]

[Laughs]

[Yelling angrily in Spanish]

Fill that up again.

Why don't you leave, huh?

That's gonna keep happening

as long as you keep sitting here.

Oh, it doesn't bother me.

As long as you keep filling up that glass.

You're the first American girl

who ever stayed here long enough for a refill.

I like you.

You got a lot of spunk.

I like you, but you still didn't tell about my sister.

Oh, yeah, your sister.

I remember her.

Sandra, I think her name was, huh?

She worked for me for a couple of days,

and then she just disappeared.

Hey, wait a minute.

Why don't you --

Why don't you stay here and work for me, huh?

No, thanks.

But I really want you.

Oh, how flattering.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I can make you very happy here, baby.

Oh, you wanna make me happy?

Open this door.

I will, I will.

How about if you give me a little pleasure first, huh?

Oh, come on. Babe, come on.

I like it when a girl struggles.

I like it when a man doesn't get what he wants.

[Screaming]

Ohh!

Get over here!

You're hurting my arm!

You slob!

Aah!

[Lamp crashes]

Some people can't take yes for an answer.

That's it, baby. Now you got the idea.

That's just the way I like it.

You're a sick man.

[Banging on door]

Man: Open up!

Open up!

Grab her!

That bitch was trying to rob me!

Oh, sure.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪♪

[Gunfire]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Dónde estáKelly?

Dónde estáKelly?!

♪♪

[Speaking Spanish]

Dónde estáKelly?

Dónde estáKelly?!

Ah!

Dónde estáKelly?!

[Bird squawking]

Anggie: So, where do we go from here?

Kelly: I don't know.

Maybe the next town, I guess.

You know how Sandy is.

She's probably making all her rounds of all the bars.

Like she always says, "I'm trying to find myself."

Good morning. May I join you?

We were just leaving.

It will just take a minute.

Clemente Navarro.

I'm with the justice department.

Which of you is Kelly Harrington?

Neither of us, if you're here on business.

It's so far from being business,

not even my own staff knows I'm here.

I understand you're looking for your sister.

We were just getting ready to move up the coast.

I can save you some time.

Your sister is not up the coast.

Do you know where she is?

Where?Is she alive?

She's alive but in trouble.

She's been kidnapped.

Oh, no.

You want to see your sister,

I can help.

But I want you to do something for me.

You see, there's a gang of kidnappers

victimizing unescorted women in the remote sections of town.

They work for a sadist called Monteiro.

That's where Sandra is?

He is caught up in a reef,

bound by forests and swamps.

Very strategic and quite impregnable.

They call the area Salir Si Puedes,

which is Spanish for "Get out if you can."

That's cute.

The few who have been to the camp

say that it's nothing more than a coffee plantation.

But I know different.

But I have no proof.

I sent one of my people in a few month ago

and made her pose as a prostitute.

They fell for it.

She was supplying us with information

about Monteiro's activities,

but we haven't heard from Joyce for weeks.

And I need someone to go in there

and be, well, for a lack of a better word --

Spies?

Are you sure Sandy is there?

Yes. That we know.

And we also know...

the kind of business you're engaged in.

We're willing to let bygones to be bygones.

That is, if you cooperate.

Otherwise, we will go through the embarrassing ordeal

of arresting you.

Thereby, preventing you from saving your sister.

How do we get in to this Monteiro plantation?

Getting in is easy,

but getting out, that's another story.

Just get us in, we worry about getting out.

Right, Sancho?

[Static]

In case you're not familiar with Filipino culture,

all undercover work by the Justice Department

is conducted at corn dog stands.

But this movie had me as soon as I saw that pirate skiff

scooting through the water

to the fake Isaac Hayes wah-wah music.

It actually sounds like

if you couldn't afford Isaac Hayes.

so you hired his 12-year-old nephew

to do similar music on a toy Hammond organ.

At any rate, we've now got two pirate gangs,

one led by Miss October 1969.

That would be Jeannie Bell as Kelly,

the second African-American Playmate in history,

the first black Playmate to be on the cover of "Playboy,"

the star of Roger Corman's first venture into blaxploitation.

She was TNT Jackson.

Jeannie Bell plays Sandy,

the head pirate who bosses her all-male gang

around with the help of...

Miss September 1978,

Rosanne Katon --

one of the three stars in Jack Hill's immortal

"The Swinging Cheerleaders."

The other swinging cheerleaders

were Colleen Camp and Rainbeaux Smith.

Rosanne Katon plays Anggie,

and I guess she's the first lieutenant in the pirate gang

which, in case you didn't notice,

has a Robin Hood element in that they give money

to the crippled children in the village.

Now, if you were watching this movie in 1976

when it first came out,

you might have noticed that Cirio Santiago,

the king of Filipino exploitation,

is combining quite a few tried-and-true genres.

The boom in made-in-Philippines exploitation

started with horror.

It moved quickly to women-in-prison movies,

and then suddenly any movie that needed action and pretty girls

was slated for Philippine shooting.

Why?

Because in 1971, the year they made 250 feature films

in the Philippines, day players cost 5 bucks a day.

That included stunt men,

so you could shoot action sequences

on free jungle locations.

You could use hundreds of actors.

They actually shot World War II epics there.

And the local Philippine sensation at the time

was the "bomba" movie, or sex movie.

There were movies that had a lot of nudity, lot of soft-core sex.

And there was a third element for filming in the Philippines.

The country's dictator, Ferdinand Marcos,

was a film fan,

and so he made all locations free to filmmakers

and he would even provide the helicopters

and the Army vehicles

and anything you needed to shoot action movies.

And Imelda Marcos, his wife, was a former beauty queen

who was determined to make Manila

the center of Asian film.

They built this huge film center in Manila,

and they built it so fast -- This is not funny.

They built it so fast that several dozen workers died

during the building of it, and I'm not making this up.

The workers had been buried by the collapse of the walls

and they were stuck in the wet cement,

so they just...

They were on a deadline, so they just covered them up.

They didn't have time to exhume the bodies.

I hope they've gone back and pulled 'em out by now,

but who knows? It's the Philippines.

Anyway, at the very first Manila International Film Festival,

at the beautiful film center erected by Imelda Marcos,

one of the panelists was...

Roger Corman, who by that time

had made some 40 movies in the Philippines.

This was not one of them.

This was actually released by Dimension Pictures,

which was the company set up by Stephanie Rothman,

a director who started out working for Roger,

but she had a falling-out with him

and so set up her own distribution company

in New York.

But if you look at all the blaxploitation movies

of the '70s, you --

You know, blaxploitation started in New York City --

You know, gritty environments like "Shaft," "Super Fly" --

but as the genre progresses, more and more of them

are shot in these jungle locations

because the Philippines were selling,

and everybody was buying!

So my point is, by the time this movie was made in 1976,

you have directors and crews

who have made literally dozens of blaxploitation films,

dozens of soft-core sex films, dozens of horror films,

dozens of martial-arts films, dozens of jungle-warfare films,

dozens of women-in-prison films.

Several of the Italian directors

had set up shop in Manila to make cannibal films.

So with "The Muthers," you have Cirio Santiago

essentially saying, "Let's just put together

every single genre we've ever used.

Let's mix 'em into one big Filipino exploitation stew."

And that's what this is, so I love it.

Back to the movie.

And now we're going deep into yet another no man's land.

That bar where they had the two scenes,

that was the first no man's land.

But now there's a coffee plantation

surrounded by swamps and dense jungle.

Is Filipino coffee a thing? Anyway...

the name of the land is this incredibly complicated

Tagalog or maybe it's a Spanish word,

but what does it mean in English?

It means "Get out if you can."

It's the Get Out If You Can swamp.

Ooooooooooooh.

In almost every Filipino movie,

whether it's women-in-prison or martial arts or action,

they have to go to the most dangerous place in the world

to rescue my sister.

Sometimes it's my brother.

Sometimes it's my daughter,

but usually it's, "I have to get my sister out."

And, of course, wreak vengeance on the people who took her.

There's a gang out there kidnapping unescorted women.

That's what the government agent said.

These unescorted women are getting kidnapped.

So two unescorted women are going in to get her out.

Remember the "Missing in Action" movies?

Those were all made in the Philippines.

"We have go to Vietnam and liberate the POWs

who are still being held in bamboo cages,

years after the war is over."

And then in "Missing in Action 2,"

"We have to go get the POWs we forgot to liberate

in 'Missing in Action 1."'

Were there ever any POWs that were still being held

by the Viet Cong after 1974?

I don't think so.

I don't think they ever found any.

And there were all these movies,

and there were those POW signs on the highways for years.

That didn't peter out until the '90s.

It was one of those things everybody wanted to believe in.

"Oh, yeah, those Communist Vietnamese,

they've still got prisons for Americans over there."

Did we ever apologize for that because...

Of course not! We did not.

If you asked, "Why would they wanna keep prisoners

after they won the war?

Wouldn't that cost a lot of money?"

Because they're mean, because they're wicked.

The real reason was,

American filmmakers needed that to be true, so...

We are sick.

[Laughter]

[Static]

[Funk music playing]

♪♪

Anggie: Imagine if you knew this was the key.

♪♪

♪♪

[Women yelling in Spanish]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Whistle blowing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Slow ambient music playing]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

There's a lot of work to be done around here.

Our rules are simple enough.

[Whip cracks]

Obey them without question, and you will be treated well.

If you don't, you'll get yourself into a lot of trouble.

Welcome to [chuckles] Salir Si Puede.

[Ominous music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Crickets chirping]

Ah, this bugs are driving me crazy!

Hi.

We're gonna be roommates for a long time.

So I think we better get to know each other.

I'm Marcie.

Angela.

I've been here eight months.

I'm the trustee here.

Hmm.

Well, I guess that's my problem.

You see, I trusted this dude

who said he was gonna set me up

real nice and comfy like.

He set me up, alright.

He set me up right here. Hmm.

Well, enough of that.

What are you two black beauties doing

in a nice place like this?

We're pirates.

And I'm Snow White.

Come on.

Alright, it was a bunch of girls and myself.

We saw this ad in this Berkeley bar.

This rich dude wanted some girls

to help him sail his yacht around the world.

No experience necessary, right?

Hmm. Sounds like here.

Come as you are.

Well, the yacht turned out to be a bathtub.

The captain got broke, he split and there we were.

We picked up Anggie here in Paraguay.

I was slinging hash with tourists

in a hotel coffee shop when I met Kelly and her sister.

They asked me to join them.

I said, "Why not?

Time for me to take my destiny in my hands."

Been one big adventure since then, huh.

This is just another glamorous stop

on our global tour.

I never did like coffee in the morning.

[Laughs]

[Mellow music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

There's a lucky one.

And that's Barrows.

He's what you call a procurer for the flesh market.

If he likes you, he pays Monteiro.

And then it's hot baths,

good food, and soft bed from then on.

Sandy!

♪♪

[Yells in Spanish]

You know her?

It ain't the Hilton, but at least they give you

the decency of a shower after work.

It's not too bad once you get used to it.

I could never get used to being caged in.

Yeah, well, I know what you mean,

but I had to get used to it.

You make the best of this situation, you'll survive.

Honey, we're not staying.

Didn't you know? There's no way out.

Huh, there's my way.

Well, I was just trying to make conversation.

What's she so uptight about?

Her sister.

Well, I'm not her sister.

Her sister's been missing for about a month now.

Oh.

Nobody knows where she is.

That sounds bad.

Maybe you can help.

How?

They say she might have been brought here.

That's why we came.

How old is she? 16.

Did she have curly black hair

and sort of a -- kinda wild

and had bangles and beads on?

Yeah, yeah. That's Sandra.

Sandra Harrington?

Kelly!

Yeah?

She's here. Sandy's here.

Well, not really.

What's happened to her?

You see, she escaped two days ago with a girl, Joyce.

Marcie, what are her chances out there?

Bad, very bad.

She got out, didn't she?

They'll get them. They always do.

Shit.

[Clanking]

[Indistinct conversations]

They found her, heaven help us.

What are you talking about?She's been caught.

She's badly beaten up.

Out! Out, out!

[Guard yelling in Spanish]

You, stay there.

[Speaks indistinctly]

[Dramatic music playing]

♪♪

That's Serena.

She got sent down here for something or other.

But she managed to get herself

a job in the house instead of the field.

Looks to me like she does a lot more

than just work around the house.

Kelly: You can say that again.

There are different kinds of work, honey.

But she's cool.

She'll sneak stuff to me sometimes --

food, books, even nail polish.

You know, there ain't no luxuries

in this plantation.

But you can't hate a girl just because she got it easy.

Monteiro: Let this serve as a lesson to all of you!

That no one can escape Monteiro!

No one!

Even before the jungle can kill you...

we shall find you and bring you back.

Then you will wish that you had never left camp.

Or that the crocodiles had killed you in the swamp.

[Gasps]

[Panting]

This stupid girl thought she could escape.

But as you can see, she's sadly mistaken.

But we will make sure she does not repeat the same mistake.

A more severe penalty awaits the other girl when she's caught.

And she will be caught.

It is only a matter of time.

[Women gasp]

[Ominous music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

That bastard better be glad it wasn't Sandy.

Oh, Kelly, you realize Joyce was the girl

Navarro was counting on.

This Monteiro really knows

how to make our life difficult.

You haven't seen half of it yet.

Wait till you see what happens to the guard

who gave that girl the gun.

♪♪

♪♪

You all know Ramon.

He is the one responsible for the girl's escape.

Señor Monteiro is not happy.

So because of this man,

lights out at 9:00.

Only one meal a day for two months.

Everyone in the fields at 4:00 every morning.

No lunch break.

If you show Señor Monteiro how displeased you are

with this man, he will reconsider

and give you back your privileges.

It's up to you.

♪♪

♪♪

Are they gonna kill him?

They're being kind to him.

[Ramon yelling]

♪♪

Somebody oughta help him.

They'll kill you.

Have you ever been raped?

Enough to know that fighting back

is the surest way to get your head kicked in.

[Fast-paced drum music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

You'd think with all the work we do around here,

they'd give us a little coffee.

We're what you call minimum maintenance.

I'm what you call sick of this slop.

You wanna make a petition to make get a new cook?

You mean to tell me somebody cooked this mess?

And here comes dessert.

Thought you might need some cigarettes.

Oh, Serena, you're a mind reader.

Yeah, I'm also a reckless fool.

You know I could get my head bashed in for this?

Oh, these are the new girls.

Anggie and Kelly.

Hello, welcome to the penitentiary.

Hey, Kelly, take a look at this.

A house nigger.

[Both laughing]

Be cool, girls.

[Laughing continues]

I have to go through a lot more

than picking coffee beans, honey.

A hell of a lot more.

Yeah, but I don't think

I have the stomach to do what you do.

No, I don't think you do.

Enjoy your lunch.

You know, I kissed a lot of ass in my time,

but I'm not gonna take none of her shit.

This place is really getting on my nerves, too.

Well, let's bust out then.

I wouldn't try it.

Sandy's out there somewhere, and she needs help.

We'll leave tonight. How?

You know what happens when somebody tries.

I see what happens when somebody don't.

What the hell do you think we're running here?

A nursery school?

But, Señor Monteiro --Excuses, I don't need excuses.

What I want is action. Results, positive results.

But we've doubled the guards, Señor.

Double the guards is nothing.

Loyalty, discipline, fear.

That's what you need among the ranks.

Sí, señor.

It took you one whole week to catch one girl.

Unforgivable.

Sí, señor.

You have until this afternoon to bring me the other one.

She will be caught, señor.

If you value your necks.

Vamanos!

Where have you been?Just riding.

[Whispering] Sancho.

What the hell are you doing here?

Turko hit the camp.

Killed some of our men.

He's looking for you.

Where's Sandra?

She's not here.

Get us out of here, Sancho.

The men are ready.

They're waiting at Pico de Loro, along the coast.

Let's go.

Now!

♪♪

[Gunfire]

♪♪

♪♪

Anggie: Sancho!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Oh, no!

You bastards, you fucking bastards!

♪♪

I'm gonna kill every last one of you.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

That man has gotta die.

That's what all the girls talk about.

Talk about killing Monteiro and talk about escaping.

You know, I must've heard 10,000 ways how to kill a man

and another five how to get out of here.

I guess talking that way keeps us going.

But pretty soon, all you wanna do is just stay alive.

And you get on your knees and you crawl

and you do anything they want you to do.

I'm not crawling on my knees for nobody.

I'm not one of Monteiro's slaves.

I was fighting for my life when I was 5 years old,

and I'm not rolling over and playing dead now.

Anggie, there is no way out of here.

Just no way.

I'm gonna find it.

Guard: You, time is up.

Okay, so once Miss October '69 and Miss September '78

arrive at the slave plantation run by the evil Monteiro,

the first person they meet is a Bond girl.

That's Trina Parks as Marcie.

Who remembers "Diamonds Are Forever,"

the final Sean Connery Bond film?

James Bond's quest takes him to the suburbs of Las Vegas

where Blofeld is holding the multi-millionaire Willard Whyte

in a private mansion that serves as a prison,

and the prison is guarded by two acrobatic ninja women

named Bambi and Thumper.

Now you remember, right?

Well, Trina Parks is Thumper.

She was a great dancer.

She could do all those complicated moves.

Bambi and Thumper try to drown James Bond in the pool, I think,

but I don't think he kills 'em.

I think they get away, I can't remember.

Anyway, she was also known for starring as Syreena

in "Darktown Strutters," the blaxploitation flick

about super soul sisters on motorcycles.

And then after they meet the Bond girl,

they meet the most well-known member

of this cast, who would not become

a "Playboy" centerfold till 1981,

and by then she had become the first woman commentator

on "The NFL Today."

Jayne Kennedy, as Serena,

the concubine of the slave plantation owner Monteiro.

Jayne Kennedy was everywhere in the '70s and the early '80s.

She was on the Bob Hope Christmas tour.

She was on "The Dean Martin Show"

as one of the Ding-A-Ling Sisters.

She guested on a whole bunch of TV shows,

several movies, including the ones made by her husband,

Leon Isaac Kennedy.

They remade "Body and Soul" together.

She was also in a Stephanie Rothman movie,

"Group Marriage," one of those pictures

that Stephanie made after she left New World.

Didn't make much of an impact.

Rosanne Katon, the actress playing Anggie,

was asked, "Why she would do such low-budget stuff

in the Philippines?"

And she said, "Show me another movie

starring four African-American women.

Normally I would just get asked to play hookers."

And so that's pretty much how all four women felt.

However, like most actors,

they were a little shocked to find out

just how primitive some of the filming conditions

could be in the Philippines,

but they felt they were doing something important

just by making this movie happen.

This is the part of the movie where normally you would have

some really rough scenes with torture and abuse.

Many of them carried out by a lesbian warden.

That was a stock figure in these movies.

But by 1976, women-in-prison had sort of exhausted

that sort of plot

and the emphasis now was on the escape, the break-out.

Cirio Santiago always wanted to get as quickly as possible

to the gunfight scene.

That was always what he loved.

So all the cruel, barbarian scenes --

the killing of the two runaways,

the punishment of the guard, the throwing of Kelly and Anggie

into the hole --

they're not that cruel and not that barbaric.

Maybe it's because Santiago was short of money,

but he was just suggesting what happens behind the scenes,

like that girl who's taken away on the train

supposedly to be raped.

Um...that guy in charge of sex trafficking,

we see so little of him that we can't be certain

that it is a sex-trafficking operation.

It looks like the main thing they want the girls to do

is pick those coffee beans.

So I would say this is restrained

as far as the usual elements

of women-in-captivity stories go,

so what it leaves is the sisterhood

among the imprisoned women,

especially the four black ones, who, if you'll notice,

are the only black actors in the movie.

That's a fact that they don't really make that much of,

but we have a little bit of an exposition scene

where Kelly and Anggie give their backstories,

but I think the backstories are lies

'cause they don't trust Marcie with their real stories.

You would think if you're gonna make a movie

about tough-women pirates,

you would show us how they became tough-woman pirates,

but nope, no time for that.

Cue the machine guns.

Alright, back to the movie.

Roll the flick.

And the girls probably could have worked

on their martial arts a little more.

Some of those kicks are, you know...

But then again, who knows what Cirio Santiago

was asking them to do.

He wasn't the kind of guy to say,

"Go to this martial-arts academy in town

and work with this stunt coordinator,

and I'll see you in two weeks."

He was more the kinda guy who would say,

"Don't kick so high.

I need to see your boobs while you're kicking."

The Philippines was the only place that made

all genres of martial arts, though.

Starting in the '60s, they made karate films,

which originated in Japan.

Then they made kung fu, which originated in Hong Kong.

And of course, both periods of kung fu --

the Bruce Lee period and the post-Bruce Lee period

'cause the Philippines welcomed Bruce Li, Bruce Lei,

Bruce Lo, they all worked in the Philippines.

Then kung fu started to decline

and you had those "Rambo" ripoffs.

That was just old-fashioned fisticuffs

and brawls and guns.

Then you had the ninja movie,

which started with Sho Kosugi.

And then you had what they called White Fu,

which was Chuck Norris

and Jean-Claude Van Damme and Michael Dudikoff.

Roger Corman had a White Fu guy

under long-term contract -- Don "The Dragon" Wilson.

And, yes, he worked in the Philippines.

If you wanted to film a fight,

but you didn't wanna pay for insurance,

go to the Philippines.

Today I don't know where you would go.

You'd just hire a wrestler or something.

But they have stories --

The Roger Corman directors have these stories

about trying to protect the stunt men,

but the Filipino directors would go,

"Hit him! Hit him harder!

Why are you holding back? He's paid to do this!

He's getting $5 a day!" You know?

Reminds me of coaches I had in high school.

"Shake it off, Briggs. Shake that --"

"Coach, I'm hurt." "Shake it off, son."

What does that even mean? Why did they say that?

What do I shake to make it stop hurting, you know?

One time I got hit with a fastball right in the mouth

when I was playing Little League.

And my face was just one big mess of blood

and, of course, blood is spewing out onto the ground,

and the manager says, "Okay, shake it off."

Shake it off where?

So the blood goes on my shoes

instead of on my uniform shirt, you know?

There was a time when playing Little League

was like being a stunt man in the Philippines.

"He's blocking that base path, son.

You have the right to knock him on his ass.

"Don't let him take the inside corner away, Briggs.

You lean in there.

You play for Porterfield Realty."

That was the name of the team.

Porterfield Real Estate.

"Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yes, Coach, now I'm inspired to triumph!

I play for Porterfield Realty!"

[Laughter]

But they would say, "Okay, this kid is wild,

and he's trying to throw curves.

A hit by pitch is as good as a walk is as good as a hit."

"Okay, Coach, I'll just stick my head

into the strike zone, good strategy."

Where do these kids' coaches come from, you know?

Actually, now that I think of it,

some of 'em came from the Philippines.

'Cause they had fought there in the war,

and they wanted you to remember that.

[Static]

[Mellow music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Just tell your friends they better be extra careful.

Monteiro has his eye on them.

You know how he works.

Half the girls on this plantation

would sell him their mother for a cigarette.

I don't think there's any stopping them.

Would you go with them?

I might.

You'd be killed.

Is that an official statement?

Marcie, you know me better than that.

If I thought there was a chance, I'd go with you,

but there isn't.

I know Monteiro better than anybody alive.

No one has ever escaped from here.

That's more important to him than anybody's life.

You call this a life?

I'm trying to make it as easy for you as I can.

Serena, it ain't easy enough.

I'll do this much.

I'll see to it that they're released from their cells,

and they can work the fields again.

Gee, thanks.

Marcie, at least they get a chance to eat a full meal

and a chance to think it over.

But no more games.

At least not until we've get a definite plan mapped out.

Is that a deal?

The only deal I'm gonna make

is to put a bullet through Monteiro's head.

Now, Serena's only trying to help.

There's not much difference

between the frying pan and the fire.

Take my word.

We should stay away from her.

Anggie, I've had enough of your bitchiness.

And another thing,

there ain't no house niggers around here either.

So let's forget all that bull

and figure out how Serena can help us get out of here.

Fuck Serena.

If only we can get a message to our men

so they can come and blow this place sky high.

My clients were very pleased with the last batch.

All the credit goes to Serena.

It would be a shame if you ever had to lose all this.

I don't intend to.

I believe the government has different ideas.

You know, in the capital, I keep hearing

all this loose talk about the justice department

being anxious to see this place closed down.

Barrows, it will take much more

than loose talk to do that.

Much, much more, my friend.

It won't work.

I don't care how many men they've got.

Monteiro has this place so well-guarded,

it would be suicide to try anything.

Serena, they're gonna die here.

You know that.

Trust me.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

That's the best of the breed.

Her.

You know your women.

Serena.

Open your mouth.

I'm getting us out of here.

Anggie, don't be stupid.

Save me please. No!

Leave me alone!

Save me, please! No!

Please!

Please take me with you.

Please!

Goddammit, leave me alone!

No! No!

I'm sorry for this.

They'll have better manners next time.

[Crickets chirping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groans]

You see what happens, Anggie?

I'm only sorry I didn't get to him.

You'll be alright, Anggie.

♪♪

♪♪

Monteiro: Serena!

What do you want?

Nothing. It can wait.

What's the matter with you?

Is it those black girls again?

I'm fed up about your concern over them.

You've interceded for them once too often.

You forget why you're here?

No.

Don't forget you're here because I need you.

For my convenience.

And I can do any damn thing that I want,

so stop meddling in my affairs.

Remember that I own you

and never forget where you came from or else.

Then why don't you just let me go?

You?

Go?

Up to this time,

you're still hoping that I would change?

That somehow, we could still make it together?

Kelly.

Kelly.

I've decided.

Kelly: What?

Beer. Oh, Anggie.

[Laughs]

When I get out of here,

I'm gonna get a barrel of beer

and I'm gonna get in there, I'm gonna wallow.

Aah! Whoa.

That's the spirit, girl.

Not spirits, beer.

I'm gonna get out of here.

I know what I need when I get out of here, girl.

Whoo! Dancing?

No, a good man.

[Laughter]Can I have a piece?

I'm sticking it out with them, Serena.

I guess I haven't been fair

getting you involved like this.

But you got yourself out of the field

and out of the barracks.

You think that's the hell of a deal, huh?

You know damn well what I go through.

You think I wouldn't get out of this shit

if I thought there was a way?

Then help us.

If there is a way,

you are the only one who can find it.

Marcie, it's not that I don't wanna help you.

It's just that you'd stand a better chance

if you went alone than if you went with me.

Anybody else, he'd follow them

till he figured the jungle killed them.

But me, Marcie, he's never gonna give up on me.

Well, think about it, will you?

Marcie, I've been thinking about it for years.

[Dramatic music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

Guard: You, you! Follow me, come on!

Anggie: Ow!

♪♪

I find you very troublesome, indeed.

You never seem to be content with your lot.

If you was in our shoes, you'd understand why.

You must be Kelly.

Crossbone Kelly.

You see, nothing ever escapes me.

Nothing at all.

Except me.

I'm busting out of this loony bin, Monteiro.

But before I do,

I'm gonna put a bullet between your eyes.

Aah!

You resent me because of your sister's death, of course.

But you must realize, she gave me no choice.

She made me do it.

Fuck you!

I understand you were sent by the justice department

to find out what happened with a contact here.

But as you know, they have lost their contact here.

She's been disconnected.

At least, her neck was.

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm sure you will if I let you.

But I won't.

You can rip both of my arms off,

but I'll still find a way to kill you.

Oh!

Now, listen here and listen good.

I'm sick and tired of all this business.

I have no quarrel with you.

So forget about your friend in the justice department

because he's dead.

♪♪

♪♪

Forget about your sister because she's dead, too.

And if you don't forget about escaping,

you will be dead.

Take them away!

No food, no water, two days.

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Marcie] Oh, Kelly.

♪♪

♪♪

[Clanking]

♪♪

Guard: Get some water, get some water.

Come on!

Don't let the girls escape!

The water!

Marcie.

Hold this. Let's go.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groans]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Birds squawking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

Okay, it wasn't the most dramatic prison break

in the history of women-in-prison movies,

but we did have that one suspenseful moment

when they encounter a booby trap apparently built

by 6-year-old Sam from "The Babadook."

They touch some kind of bamboo, spiky contrivance,

and it kind of wobbles across the footpath.

Anyway, we now have all four of our Amazons

liberated from the evil coffee plantation.

Let's make sure that place does not get fair-trade certification

at Starbucks, and what I would expect to see at this point

is a struggle for leadership within the foursome.

That's the natural way you set up an ending.

Conflict within the escaping unit,

conflict with outside forces,

mental and emotional conflicts within each character,

and we're all set up for that, but, of course,

much more important is taking a bath under the waterfall

and arguing over who forgot the can opener.

You think I'm kidding. I'm not.

Alright, what else can I tell you about this stuff?

Let me fill you in a little more on Cirio Santiago.

He was about 40 years old when he made this,

but he had already made dozens of movies.

His father was the founder of Premiere Productions

in Manila in 1946.

That was one of the Big Four studios in the Philippines

during the rebuilding period after World War II,

when the whole country was crazy about cinema.

And I'm sure you won't be surprised to find out that,

of the four main production companies,

Premiere specialized in action, especially war films.

Cirio Santiago started out as a writer

and a producer at the age of 19,

and he didn't really make anything

for the English-language market

until he started collaborating with Roger Corman

in the early '70s.

The first thing they did together was "Savage!,"

which was a blaxploitation film

about the black leader of a rebel army,

with a super-soul soundtrack --

That's what they called it --

starring an actor that Corman had used in a biker film

and had been in a couple of Russ Meyer films,

James Iglehart.

James Iglehart never really caught on

as a blaxploitation star, but the movie was a success,

and that led to "TNT Jackson,"

with Jeannie Bell doing a lot of kung fu

in the nude in the title role

as she avenges the death of her brother

at the hands of vicious drug dealers.

And this is telling.

What made the Roger Corman produced movies

better than the ones Cirio Santiago produced himself

is that Corman based "TNT Jackson"

on a Dashiell Hammett story

that he had purchased the rights to,

called "Red Harvest."

As time went on, Corman would send American directors

over to the Philippines to do the movies

that he thought needed an American point of view,

and he would just have Cirio line-produce the movies.

But he directed many pro--

Cirio directed many projects on his own

and they always had great titles --

"Fly Me,"

flight attendants battling kung-fu killers,

"Cover Girl Models," "Vampire Hookers"

with John Carradine and a team of vampire beauties,

"Fighting Mad," "Hell Hole," "Caged Fury,"

"Naked Vengeance," "Silk" starring Cec Verrell

as the toughest cop in Honolulu,

"Angel Fist," "Bloodfist."

He was making movies right up

until his death in 2008.

In fact, his final film "Water Wars" --

also called "Road Raiders" --

was a "Mad Max" post-apocalyptic thing

that was finished by Jim Wynorski.

Cirio learned about women-in-prison movies,

though, from Jack Hill,

because Jack was the producer on "The Big Doll House,"

"The Big Bird Cage," and "Women in Cages,"

but the first one done entirely by Santiago

was "Ebony, Ivory & Jade,"

also called "She Devils in Chains" in some markets

and "American Beauty Hostages" in other markets.

He worked with the young Jonathan Demme a lot.

He directed one of Jonathan Demme's early scripts,

"Hot Box," women-in-prison movie,

also called "Hell Cats."

He did a "Jaws" ripoff, "Up from the Depths."

He did a bunch of Vietnam movies.

And then in the '80s, he made a whole slew

of post-apocalyptic flicks and "Rambo" ripoffs.

He also did sword-and-sorcery during that period

right after "Conan the Barbarian" came out.

Anyway, definitely what you would call

a journeyman director.

Everybody liked him.

Well, editors didn't care for him

because he never seemed to have enough coverage.

His work was sometimes subject to reshoots,

but personally everybody liked him.

Alright, where were we?

Oh, yes, our four fugitives are clambering through the jungle

on their way to the coast.

It's time for Serena's cat speech.

Don't look away.

Roll it. [Chuckles]

When Jeannie Bell made this movie,

she was living with Richard Burton.

They were living together in Switzerland.

How does that work?

You know, "Would you like to come to Manila with me, honey,

or just stay here in the mountains with your whiskey?"

You know, they had actually met shortly before

appearing together in one of the worst movies ever made --

"The Klansman."

If you've been to my live show,

you've heard me talk about that movie at length.

Jeannie Bell had a very practical attitude

towards modeling and acting.

She wanted to find a man who could take care of her

and her daughter.

She didn't party, she didn't smoke,

she didn't drink, she didn't hang out on the set,

she went to bed early,

she didn't get to know too many people in the business,

but when rich and powerful men showed an interest in her,

she was willing to give them a chance,

because that represented security to her.

She had grown up in the Fifth Ward of Houston,

poorest part of Houston,

and she didn't wanna go back there.

Modeling had gotten her out of the Fifth Ward,

her Playboy centerfold had gotten her into acting,

and that led to chances to trade up in the world.

So, she couldn't handle Richard Burton's drinking,

though, and so they broke up, you know, a couple years

after this movie, and she married Gary Judis,

who was the chairman of Aames Home Loan

and a millionaire, and she was done

with show business, and they're still married today.

So, she had about an eight-year career.

The highlights were "TNT Jackson."

She was the topless dancer at Volpe's Bar

in Martin Scorsese's breakout movie, "Mean Streets."

She's in the Guinness Book of World Records

She's the world's oldest competitive rope skipper.

She's still competing at the age of 80.

Yes, that's what I said.

You know, I like saying things that make people

immediately scramble for Google.

You know, "Is that true? Joe Bob said something weird."

Oldest competitive rope skipper.

Yes, indeed, she is.

[Laughter] ♪♪

[Birds chirping]

[Animals squawking]

Anggie: And to think, the only thing I ever liked

about the Girl Scouts is the Boy Scouts.

You never know when you gonna learn something useful.

I'm learning something useful,

like staying of jungle.

I just hope we're the only ones in the jungle.

Serena, throw out that fire.

You want everybody to know where we are?

Every time I move,

I can't help feeling someone's following

right behind me.

It's the jungle. It's got eyes.

Everywhere you turn, there's eyes looking at you.

Birds, animals.

You ever have a cat?

You can be sitting at home,

doing something, reading a book,

then that cat comes in the room,

and he just sits there in the doorway staring at you.

You know it.

You feel it.

I never felt like no cat was going drive me back

to that plantation.

[Animals squawking]

Marcie: Serena, are you sure we're headed to the coast?

Serena: I'm sure.

We're gonna have to take a rest.

I'm too used to hopping in my car

when I need to go someplace.

I don't suppose den mother here

would let us build a campfire now?

[Groans] We don't need a fire.

We just need to sleep.

Or eat.

You don't suppose you could kill an animal or something.

The gorillas are close enough as it is.

Oh, shit.

I didn't bring a can opener.

Oh, that's terrific,Serena.

You planned a hell of a picnic.

We've got mosquitoes, we've got ants, we got no can opener.

Listen, do you wanna go back?

Serena, let me see one of the cans.

Serena?

[Clanging]

Is this another one of Monteiro's tortures?

Did he send you out here to starve us to death?

Do you see her eating anything?

[Gun cocks]

Dinner is served.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, Serena. Serena.

Serena!

Hmm? Huh?

[Gasps] Don't move.

[Screams]

Just like every other snake I ever met.

Can't leave my tits alone.

This is gonna hurt.

No more than it does already.

Just do it.

[Screams]

Look at it this way, Marcie. It could've been worse.

Snake could've crawled up your pants.

Oh, please! Don't make me laugh.

Just get some rest, and you'll be as good as new.

♪♪

♪♪

Kelly, that way.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Kelly: I swear someone's watching us.

Anggie: I feel it, too, and it ain't owls.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[All cheering]

Hey, listen, listen, we got girls over there.

We gotta get 'em.

We did it! Come on!

The captain's up ahead!

Oh!Come on, now.

Hey! Tell me what's going on?

[All cheering]

I want you to meet my fiends.

That's Marcie, and that's Serena in the back.

They're gonna be friends, boys.Yeah.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Gunshot]

Rocco.

[Speaking Spanish] Come.

Sí.

[Turko laughing]

Now that the amenities are over,

may I ask you to put down your guns?

Serena.

Of course, Turko here deserves our gratitude, as well.

You low-down bitch!

You set us up!

Drop the gun, Monteiro.

Drop it!

♪♪

Go ahead, shoot!

I dare you to shoot![Speaks Spanish]

♪♪

♪♪

Marcie, get Serena.

[Gun cocks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Let's go!

Follow me.

[Both speaking Spanish]

[Gunfire]

Go ahead, Serena.

[Gun cocks] Shoot me.

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

Wow. Did we just have a sisterhood moment

in the middle of a gunfight

after a catfight brought on by an ambush?

It's all too much for me.

But let's back up just a little bit.

Obviously, the best line in the whole movie --

"Just like every other snake I ever met.

Can't leave my tits alone."

This is the big emotional part of the film for

Jayne Kennedy as Serena.

Jayne was born in Washington, D.C.

She moved to Ohio, became Miss Ohio in 1970

at the age of 19.

And she was interviewed by the hot local deejay

Leon Isaac Kennedy, better known as Leon the Lover,

and before she could even finish out her reign as Miss Ohio,

they were married and plotting dual careers in Hollywood.

And, as I pointed out before,

she was on a lot of shows in the '70s.

She became semi-famous as the first woman

to be hired by the "NFL Today."

But then she and Leon broke up shortly after making

"Body and Soul" together, which was directed by Leon.

He would also direct "Penitentiary."

That's the one he's mostly known for.

And then she married the actor Bill Overton in 1985

and raised a family and hasn't done much since then

in the entertainment world, other than exercise videos.

Trina Parks, who is hugging her in the sisterhood moment,

popped back on to the film scene in 2012

when she made a film with Dave Dakota,

"Immortal Kiss: Queen of the Night."

She plays a queen vampire who gets her slave to invite men

to her Malibu mansion so she can decide

which one she wants to own as her perfect eternal mate.

But, in the meantime, she feeds on the rejects.

Rosanne Katon, as Anggie, is the one of the four

who just loved working in the Philippines.

She had grown up in New York City.

She went to the High School of the Performing Arts.

She worked on a lot of sitcoms, like "Good Times,"

"Sanford and Son."

She had a brief recurring role

opposite Denzel Washington in "St. Elsewhere."

She made her first Philippines movie in 1974,

"The Swinging Cheerleaders."

Then she was in "Chesty Anderson U.S. Navy."

Shari Eubank was her costar in that.

Shari was in the title role.

Shari was a Russ Meyer girl.

And then Rosanne was also one of the three stars

in "She Devils in Chains."

So she loved working with Cirio Santiago.

She was still working in TV up through the '90s,

but her last movie role was "Harem" in 1985.

That was the Nastassja Kinski, Ben Kingsley movie

that was a virtual remake of Rudolph Valentino's "The Sheik."

Anyway, Rosanne Katon would probably

be best known to this audience as one of the supporting players

in the classic "Motel Hell."

Okay. I love the way

Cirio Santiago set up the ending of this movie.

Kelly and Anggie are reunited with The Muthers,

but Turko's gang is out there, too.

Turko may or may not be in league with the militia,

run by the white slaver Monteiro.

So it's a three-way gunfight on land with three gangs

with different motives,

and then there are two gunships right off the coast.

Everybody has plenty of weaponry and plenty of ammo.

So let's party.

The thrilling conclusion of "The Muthers."

And the question remains near the end of the movie --

why are they called The Muthers?

Because -- Since none of them seem to be mothers.

The fact that it's spelled with a "U"

indicates somebody was attempting a reference to being

a mean mother, which had been a term for a badass

ever since Isaac Hayes put it in the "Theme From Shaft,"

you know?

"You're a mean mother. Shut your mouth."

You know, isn't that the lyric from "Shaft"?

The fact that they had the first, last, and only movie

with four kick-ass female African-American leads --

That was their gimmick,

but they kind of undermined the power of it

with that title, I think, you know?

This movie came out at the tail end of Blaxploitation,

although Cirio Santiago --

he continued to make black action films

well into the '80s.

And his analysis of why Blaxploitation died

was that several African-American leaders

came out against the movies

and there were some African-American church leaders

who thought the movies were a bad social example.

And I'm not sure why. I guess because of the violence.

And that caused the audience to dwindle.

And Fred Williamson and a few other directors

continued to make these movies, but, for the most part,

they were gone from movie screens by 1977.

And it could be the genre just died a natural death

by becoming formulaic.

"The Muthers" is formulaic as it can be,

basically a series of clichés.

But, as I said at the beginning, this is junk-food night,

and I refuse to apologize for that.

And, Jeanie Bell, wherever you are,

a toast to your achievements.

Keep skipping that rope, girl.

We got some Lady Tarzan moves coming up here

and with bad sisters wearing tight turtlenecks in the jungle,

because that's how they roll.

Power to The Muthers.

[Laughter] ♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Shouting in native language]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Come on, Marcie! Hurry!

Serena!

[Speaking Spanish]

Serena, for the last time, come back here!

Get out of here, Marcie.

I'm not leaving you here, Serena.

Come on!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Magazine!

Let's get back in the boat!

Kelly, Turko!

To the beach!

Quick, cover the bridge!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

That's them! Follow me!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Get back, you guys!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

It's Turko!

♪♪

How the hell do we get out of this?

♪♪

I'll get Monteiro.

Anggie!

Rocco, get the boys ready.

Marcie, get that gun ready!

Come on, faster!

Come on, Capitan, load that gun!

Come on! Come on, hurry!

♪♪

♪♪

Steady as she goes.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hard right!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hold on tight!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Rocco, tell the captain, back to the beach.

Rocco: Capitan, to the beach!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

At last, we're free, never to go home.

Kelly: But we are home.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

"We're lost at sea, never to go home."

"But we are home." [Laughter]

The Muthers on their pirate ship.

The perfect Mother's Day message after hundreds are dead

in the 1976 Filipino blaxploitation women-in-prison,

Kung Fu, maritime feminist pirate jungle adventure

with automatic-weapons fire.

Did you notice that The Muthers get safely to their ship

and then decide to go back to shore to kill Monteiro?

Also, does anybody notice that they totally failed

in their goal, which was to rescue Sandy

from the coffee-plantation prison?

In fact, there's a scene where they recognize Sandy in a car,

only to be told in the next scene

that she escaped from the prison two days earlier.

So who was in the car?

Only to discover her executed body

two scenes after that.

I guess after that, it becomes a revenge movie.

So it's not over until Monteiro is dead.

And that's Tony Carreon as the despicable Monteiro.

Veteran character actor.

175 Filipino movies, going all the way back to 1969.

He was the go-to bad guy for a lot of

made-in-Philippines action films.

Passed away in 2003, sadly.

In the subgenre of female blaxploitation pirate flicks,

"The Muthers"...

Well, that was pretty much the only one.

But the same stunt teams that worked on this film

also worked on one of the other

"only in the Philippines" genres,

the midget spy film,

starring the 2'9" starring martial artist

Weng Weng as a pint-sized James Bond.

The most famous Weng Weng film is "For Y'ur Height Only"...

[Laughter]

...released in 1981, just three years

before Weng Weng died at the age of 34.

One more factoid I want to take note of --

at the height of the made-in-Philippines craze,

Sam Sherman and Al Adamson

made a movie in California called "Brain of Blood."

They pretended it was made in the Philippines to get more

publicity for it.

Roger Corman stopped making Philippines movies in 1975

after he wrapped "Cover Girl Models."

He said it was getting too expensive,

and the market was saturated with Philippines movies.

But he went back to Cirio Santiago in the '80s

to make sword-and-sorcery movies

and post-apocalypse "Mad Max"-style movies,

because both of those genres need lots of space

and lots of extras and lots of cheap costumes.

And Cannon Films also had a big presence

in the Philippines in the '80s.

They made the Sho Kosugi "Ninja" Films.

They made "American Ninja" there.

They made the Chuck Norris films,

like "Missing in Action," "Behind Enemy Lines."

And later on, they made what were called

the chop-chop films, the Grisliest films ever made,

based on true crimes.

Cirio Santiago never stopped making movies,

but toward the end of his life,

he was back to making "Bakya" films.

Now, "bakya" is the put-down term that people in the industry

use for cheap films made in the Tagalog language.

And "bakya" refers to the wooden shoes

that are worn by the lower classes in the Philippines,

because they would pound their wooden shoes

on the floor of the theater to show

their approval for the movie.

So, come on over, Darcy.

What do you think of "The Muthers"?

Oh, it's like a time capsule.

A time capsule of what, though?

Oh, of everything.

Of clothing styles, music,

types of films that they don't make anymore.

It's true they don't make these anymore.

What about the acting?I mean, that doesn't matter.

It's, like, four badass babes running half naked

through the jungle.

Like, what's better than that?

I just thought it was a little confusing.

That's why I didn't give it a --I mean, yeah, but in a fun way.

Okay.

Quentin Tarantino once called it his favorite movie.

How many movies has he called his favorite movie?

Exactly. 9,000?Yeah.

I think he does that to promote films

that people wouldn't hear about otherwise.

Which is sort of what we do, so...

So you go for it, Quentin. Alright.

Got any mail?Ooh! I do.

There you go.Alright.

This comes from James Lovett of Mesa, Arizona.

Okay.

"Hello, Joe Bob.

Back in the '90s, Claypool Comics put out

an Elvira series.

Issues 18 to 23 featured parody versions

of popular movie hosts,

including a character called Billy Beau Braggard

of the Movie Network's 'Drive-Thru Takeout.'

Joe Bob -- I mean, Billy Beau

would return for Issue 27, as well.

I wasn't sure if you were ever aware of the series,

but hopefully you found this interesting.

I'm going to try to include some images in the message

and in an attachment."

Okay. Thank you, James. I have not seen these.

Where's the attachment?

Actually, I have something better.

I have the actual comics. So, here they are.

And there you are.

Oh, really?Mm-hmm.

That's not me.

Billy Beau Braggard.

Were they making fun of me?

I think it's kind of a non-suable tribute.

Did a lot of people read these comics?

No, I don't think so.

So, what am I doing in these stories?

Well, in the first one,

you're kind of in the background,

but the second one is literally all about you.

Really? I'm in the main story?

Yeah. You're the only story.

You get canceled and essentially fired from your TV job.

Wow. Too real.Mm-hmm.

So then Elvira helps you get a job as a weatherman,

and that does not go very well.

I'm an inept weatherman?Yes, you are.

So, then you and Elvira decide to host a show together,

which you should totally do in real life.

But then you decide to quit hosting

and become a college professor.

Who wrote these?

I mean, really talented people all worked together.

And they thought I would end up at a university

and not get canceled at a university?

People get canceled in universities for teaching

the George Washington cherry-tree story, so...

On one of the shows with Elvira,

you are actually talking about the Philippines.

Oh, really?Mm-hmm.

Like, you and Elvira are reviewing

"The Utilities Guy of Blood Island,"

and you talk about the Blood Island movie.

"Utilities Guy of Blood Island"?Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I think it's this one, right? This...

Yep. Yeah?

Wow. This is like...

"Shoo-ey!"

This is me talking.Uh-huh.

"You got to hand it to the guys

that make those 'Blood Island' flicks."

[Laughter]

Have you ever heard me say "shoo-ey"?

Shoo-ey!

No, but you rock it.

You know who says that? Do you know who says "shoo-ey"?

Buddy Ebsen as Jed Clampett.

He was always saying "shoo-ey!"

I like it.

One of these is a six-part serial called

"The Host Dangerous Game."

"The Host Dangerous Game"?

Instead of "The Most Dangerous Game." Get it?

Okay.

And all the movie hosts are in a house together,

but only one will survive,

and the rest will be dead by morning.

Really? Do I survive?

I mean, I guess you do, because you're in a later issue.

There they are.You see it?

[Laughs]Right.

So, who are the other hosts?

They have Wanda and Sullivan,

hosts of "America Home All Night."

Okay, Rhonda Shear and Gilbert Gottfried. Alright.

You have The Creep from Home Ticket Machine's

"Tales from the Creep."

Okay, the Crypt Keeper.Yep.

Parker Pine Valeley, host and trivia expert

on cable's "All My Classics."

Oh, okay. That's got to be Robert Osborne.

I think it's Nick Clooney, but yeah.

Okay. Nick Clooney.

Okay. "All My Classics."

Yeah.Alright.

Artemis Figg, the English actress and ex-spy,

who hosts PVC's "Enigma" anthology series.

I don't know that one.

Could that be, uh...

Could that be Diana Rigg, maybe?

I wasn't sure either, but sure, maybe.

Just judging by the "Figg" you know, and the ex-spy thing.

Yeah, okay.

But they also have Joe L. Skywalker

and his two wisecracking robots,

Rudy and Fawn Cerval,

hosts of "Whodunnit High Tech Cinema 2001."

Okay, "Mystery Science Theater."

Yes.That's an elaborate comic book.

I mean --

There's a part in there where you say you want to neck

with Elvira in your last minutes on Earth.

Neck? I want to neck with her?

That is the word you use.Okay, awesome.

And you also review a blaxploitation movie.

Oh, yeah.I bookmarked that one for you.

Yeah, that's the one that -- That's the one I showed.

"Coco Jackson."Right.

I mean, how cool is that, though?

With a machine gun. Alright.

I'm going to read these.

Is there a Darcy comic?

No, but I've been featured in a few of them.

I would buy a comic called

"Darcy: The Complete True Story."

You will never see that one.

I would settle for "Darcy: The Half-Truth Story," actually.

Okay, that might -- I could go for that one.

Alright, well, this has been

a very interesting Mother's Day special.

Happy Mother's Day to you, Darcy,

and to all mothers watching,

including mothers who spell mother with a "U."

And I'm Joe Bob Briggs

reminding you that Tuesday and Wednesday night,

we will be back at Majestic theaters in Phoenix --

actually, Tempe one night and Chandler the next night.

And you'll be there for that, right?

You're coming for that.

You couldn't do it without me.

Alright. True.

And, in the meantime,

I'm reminding you that consciousness is

that annoying time between naps.

And the drive-in will never die.

Priest and a nun get caught in a blizzard.

Not another Catholic joke.

Not really a Catholic joke.

So, the priest and the nun find a deserted cabin

and they take shelter and they rummage around in the cabin

and they find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.

So the priest, being a gentleman --

he offers the nun the bed

and he takes the sleeping bag for himself.

And, so, as they get tucked in for the night,

the nun calls out, "Father, I'm cold."

So the priest gets up.

He puts an extra blanket on the nun.

He says, "Is that better?"

She says, "Yes, Father, much better."

So, he gets back in his sleeping bag

and he starts to nod off, and she again calls out,

"Father, I'm still cold."

So, once again, the priest gets up.

He puts another blanket on her.

He ensures she's tucked into the bed very well.

"Is that better, Sister?"

You know, "Oh, yes, Father, That's much better."

So, the priest gets himself back into his sleeping bag,

and this time, he's just starting to dream

when he wakes up to her call of,

"Father, Father, I'm just so cold."

And so the priest thinks about this situation for a while.

And, finally he says, "Sister,

we are in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard.

There's no one but you, myself, and the Lord Himself

who will ever know what happens here this night.

How about, just for this one night,

we act as though we were married?"

So, the nun thinks about that for a minute,

and she can't help but admit to herself

she's been curious about marriage.

And so she finally answers with a tentative, "Okay, Father.

Just for tonight, we will act as though we're married."

The priest says, "Get up

and get your own damn blanket, you cow."

[Laughter]

Rolls over and falls asleep.

That's your Mother's Day joke? Really?

That's my Mother's Day joke.

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪ We are drive-in mutants

♪ We are not like other people

♪ We are sick

♪ We are disgusting

♪ We believe in

♪ Yeah, we believe in

♪ Blood

♪ And breasts

♪ And beasts

♪ Yeah, we believe in blood

♪ And breasts

♪ And beasts

♪ If life had a vomit meter

♪ We'd be off the scale

♪ As long as one drive-in remains

on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke

♪ The drive-in will never die

♪ We will boogie till we puke

♪ The drive-in will never die

♪ We believe in blood

♪ And breasts

♪ And beasts

♪ We believe in blood

♪ And breasts

♪ And beasts

♪ Yeah, we believe in