Original subtitles

[Static]

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

You know, before we get into our second

Lucio Fulci movie, and by the way.

Who does Lucio Fulci double features?

Only we do double Lucio Fulci double features, right?

-[Laughs] -Yeah.

I think it's time for the next annoying staple

of late night TV.

The Jo-- it's time for the sketch.

It's time for the Joe Bob Briggs repertoire company

to kick some late show heinie. What do you think?

Absolutely.Yes, absolutely.

[Cheering]Let's do it.

And to help us out with that, we have the beautiful

and talented star of "Sleepaway Camp,"

our own resident mangled dick expert,

you know who I'm talking about, Felissa Rose!

Come on out here, Felissa!

[Cheers and applause]

Go, team!Welcome back, Felissa.

Hi. Wow.

I have to apologize.

We just haven't had that many dicks in the movies

that we've been showing lately,

much less mangled dicks, I mean, no dicks at all.

It happens. It happens. I understand, you know?

Alright, but we need your thespian assistance right now

for our official "Late Drive-In" comedy sketch.

We're only going to do this once.

I-I promise you, and we need at least one person

who's main job is acting.

So, how many movies have you made, Felissa?

Um, hmm, let's see.

200 a day. No. [Laughs]

How many?

Close to 200.

200 movies? Wow.

Getting there.I would have guessed more, honestly.

[Laughter]

It doesn't surprise me. Okay.

And you've become the darling of the horror cons.

You have done more horror conventions

than anybody in history.

And in fact, horror -- horror con organizers now,

they don't even feel like their con is complete

unless Felissa Rose is there at a table.

That's so sweet. It's my happy place.

I love connecting with everyone. It's so nice.

How old were you when you made "Sleepaway Camp?"

I was 13.

You were 13. Okay.

And then the day after you wrapped "Sleepaway Camp,"

you went to a horror convention.

[Laughter]

I never left.

And then you've gone to a horror convention

every week since then.

Is -- really, I mean, seriously.

Is there a week where you're not at a horror convention?

Not really, no.

Unless I'm here with our family.

[Laughs]

And as you've said many times,

sitting at the bar of the horror convention...

[Laughs] Yeah!

...'cause you also reign over the bars

at the horror conventions.

That's where you find me. Yes.

Okay.

As you've said many times, what happens at the horror con

stays at the horror con, right?

100 percent, baby. Yeah.

Alright. Well, thanks for being part of the Job Bob Briggs

Repertoire theater.

[Cheers and applause]

Come on, let's do it!

[Cheering]

♪♪

So, then what happened, John?

Well, the gate agent called Stuff It security

because she was attempting to smuggle

a second bag that had no tag.

She got all the way to the gate with that?

Why wasn't that charged at check in?

Well, she refused to pay the $47.

[Laughter]

How big was the illegal bag?

It was a mesh bag containing LEGO blocks

for her two-year-old.

Oh, and I guess she wanted special treatment.

Yeah, she had previously resisted the $80 charge

for printing out boarding passes.

So, she had three people in her party?

Yeah, three juveniles and a baby. Ugh.

No, that should have been $100 because you can't

carry a baby on board for free.

I'm sorry, sir. I missed that.

Yuki, what's the carry on charge for a baby?

$45.

[Laughter]

So, she really owed closer to...

What does that come to, Felissa?

Uh, that would be $135, sir, which was collected post flight

by charging her credit card.

Oh, good work.

Oh, and plus, the two-year-old had an undeclared

Mickey Mask backpack, so we got the $49 for that,

plus the inconvenience fee.

Tremendous.

How'd you resolve your end of it, Brennan?

Well, I bear hugged her to the ground

and then I held the LEGOs until she paid cash.

Oh, wow. Great job.

Good thinking on the fly.

Okay, people. Ideas, let have them.

At this point, we're charging additional fees for window seats,

aisle seats and exit row seats, but I've noticed

that there's some people with medical conditions

that request seats close to the toilet.

We could block those off and put an $80 premium on them.

Why only $80?

[Laughter]

Execute that right away.

We're not charging for entry to the toilet.

Oh.

Gold. Good thinking.

How could we overlook that?

Because why didn't they piss in the terminal?

That's not our responsibility.

Put a $30 charge on toilet entry.

[Pen clicks]Done.

[Laughter]

Anybody else.

$20 every time you speak to a flight attendant.

Make it $40 and we're done.

Overbooking.

Oh, right, I've heard about the Yuki

overbooking plan.

How does that work?

We announce that the plan is overbooked,

and then people have the right to bid

to not be kicked off the plane.

Lowest bid gets booted.

Damn, Darcy. That is brilliant.

I wish I could take credit, but it's all Yuki.

So we collect cash at the gate.

Exactly.

And if you have no money, you fly tomorrow.

[Laughter]

Yes!

And you connect through Fort Lauderdale

even if you're starting in Seattle.

[Laughter]

Our stock price shot up again, and it's because

I have the best managers in the world.

We're the world's most profitable airline,

and the reason is our bargain consumer prices.

That's our current L.A./New York online bargain fare, Felissa?

$65, sir.

$65 to fly coast to coast.

Who can do that?

All: Stuff It can do that!

And do the people still think $65 means $65?

All: Yes, they do, sir!

I love you guys!

I love you! You know what?

Nobody has to pay for their croissants and coffee today.

-Yeah. -Thank you, sir.

Well, either a croissant or -- or -- or a biscuit, Yuki.

Not both, alright?Yeah.

Oh, what the hell! Let's go!

Get both! Get ridiculous!

You know, I love this job!

♪♪

[Chanting "Stuff It"]

[Applause]

Uh, okay.

Alright. We won't be going back there again.

[Laughs] I hope not.

Our second movie tonight is Lucio Fulci's

more mature horror effort, when he stopped worrying about

exposition all together.

"The Beyond" is the sensitive story of a New York hottie

who inherits a rundown hotel in New Orleans

that just happens to be located on top of one

of the seven gateways to hell.

She starts fixing it up as charming antebellum

bed and breakfast, only to find out that 50 years ago

a lynch mob had gone into room 36

and beat a painter with chains and then nailed him to the wall.

Only to discover later that his spirit did not go

quitely into the earth but roams through

a watery sewer in the basement with his squadron

of demonic throat-ripping henchman.

Sure, we've seen it before, but have we seen it

with a vicious seeing eye demon dog subplot

and a two-minute tarantula attack?

I think not.

Let's look at those Drive-in totals and get started.

We have 25 dead bodies, 41 undead bodies,

17 dead undead bodies, one undead dog,

one lynching, one crucifixion,

one stone-faced monster,

two canine attacks with arterial spray,

neck ripping and ear consumption,

Torch bearing villagers in fedoras,

chain-link face beating, demon moaning,

yellow-goo vomiting, supernatural bloody hands,

acid to the face, flesh flaying,

spike through the heart with eyeball spearing,

blinding, head blown off,

eye clawing, underground blood river,

glass shards to the face, zombie-horde wall destruction,

bleeding painting, corpse sewing,

indoor lightning-strike, blood lava,

metal spikes through the wrists, eyeball rolling,

eyeball blood-squirting, lip eating,

nose ripping, gratuitous zombies,

gratuitous voice-of-Satan narration,

head rolls, nose rolls, eyeball rolls, tongue rolls,

lime fu, eyeball fu, Lake Pontchartrain fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for

Catriona MacColl as the hotel owner

with a plumbing problem who says

she's not scared of living at the gateway to Hell

because I've lived in New York all my life.

David Warbeck as the hunky doctor who says,

I'm a doctor and I will not accept

irrational explanations.

[Laughter]

Tonino Pulci as Joe the plumber who keeps coming back,

like no plumber ever did.

Veronica Lazar as spooky Martha,

Gianpaolo Saccarola as spooky Arthur,

Al Cliver as the assistant doctor for using a clever,

Sarah Keller as Emily the blind prophetis who says,

"Go back to where you came from and hurry.

Leave this place."

Maria Pia Marsala as the pig-tailed urchin,

the voiceover guy who says, "And you will face

the sea of darkness and all therein that may be explored."

Lucio Fulci as the librarian and the director

for doing things the drive-in way.

Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

Alright.

[Laughter]

I think we've demonstrated tonight why I

don't do talk shows.

But it's so much fun.

[Laughter]

Fabio Frizzi and his amazing band are still with us.

Fabio, this your most atmospheric score,

so, you know...

What does that mean, atmospheric score?

So play us something atmospheric.

[Mid-temp atmospheric music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

[Jazzy music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Cicadas chirping]

[Frogs croaking]

[Thunder rumbles]

[Water gently splashes]

[Thunder crashes repeatedly]

[Thunder booms]

[Suspenseful music plays]

♪♪

[Water splashes gently]

♪♪

[Cicadas chirping]

♪♪

[Thunder rumbles]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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♪♪

[Chains rattle]

♪♪

♪♪

In this book I collected all

the prophecies of Eibon,

handed down from generation to

generation over more than 4,000 years.

[Suspenseful music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Dramatic violin music plays]

♪♪

[Slow suspenseful music plays]

♪♪

[chains rattling]

♪♪

[Banging on door]

[Door crashes]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

You ungodly warlock.

[Chains clank, man cries out]

Because of you this hotel and this town

will be cursed forever.

[Chains rattle]

[Bone crunches]

[Thunder crashes]

The seven dreaded gateways

are concealed in seven cursed places.

Woe be unto him who ventures

near without knowledge.

[Man breathes shakily]

Man: Be careful what you do because

this hotel was built on one of the seven doors of evil

and only I can save you.

[Water drips, footsteps scoff]

[Chains rattle, man yells]

[Water drips]

[Chains rattle, man screaming]

[Nails clank]

[Man screams]

[Hammer clanks]

[Hammer clanking, man groaning]

[Man screams, flesh hisses]

[Spooky music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Woe be unto him who opens

one of the seven gateways to hell,

because through that gateway

evil will invade the world.

[Slow guitar music plays]

♪♪

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♪♪

I told you Martin, we can't.

All I inherited was the hotel, nothing else.

But it'd be such a pity not to.

Let me at least finish the plans.

No forget it.

I won't even charge you for it.

Look, really it's not the case.

I just wanted to clean up the outside

walls a bit, and maybe tidy up inside

and then, well, business starts booming we'll see.

It's better if you do it now because wait

four months or six and believe me,

you are going to lay out.

You can't imagine the effect

that double digit inflation is having on housing.

Hi, Larry. How's it going?

Oh, good morning, I'm gonna have

this whole wall finished by tonight.

-Great. -Bye.

Outside is okay, good old 1800s Louisiana,

but the interior.

I mean, hotels just aren't...

♪♪

[Man screams]

♪♪

The eyes!

♪♪

The eyes!

Her eyes!

Eyes!

Arthur, where's that doctor?

[Door opens]

He's on his way.

♪♪

This man needs to get to a hospital.

I'll clean up the wounds first. Have you got any water?

I'm sorry, but till the plumber comes

I'm afraid I can't get you any.

Then we'd better move him right now.

Give me a hand, will you?

Take the legs, gently.

Okay, up, right.

-Thank you doctor. -It's okay.

How can I check up on him?

Ask me at the hospital, John Mckay.

♪♪

We're off to a great start.

Let's just hope there isn't any lasting damage.

I sure would like to know how a man

can fall off a scaffolding six feet wide.

Liza, hey, look at this picture.

♪♪

Weird.

[Alarm clock ringing]

I wasn't aware that you had

already scored a client.

Client? There isn't a soul here.

I guess it must have been Arthur.

Yeah.

[Whistle blows in distance]

Hey, is anybody home?

Liza: Just a minute, I'm coming!

Good morning.

Are you the plumber, Joe, right?

Yes, ma'am. What's the trouble?

No, thank you. I'm afraid I can't tell you.

Nothing comes out of the faucets,

and yet somehow the basement is flooded.

You tell me.

The whole basement?

And how.

Well, let's take a look.

Okay, follow me this way

Off we go.

I hope it isn't too serious.

Watch out, the stairs are really slippery.

I'm an old sewer rat.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Well, here it is.

How long do you think it will take?

It'll take as long as it takes.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Martha.

I made this little pathway to the far end just for Joe.

♪♪

Thank you, Martha.

♪♪

Well, I'll go take that look.

Where is Arthur?

He is upstairs, tidying up the rooms.

We're doing our best to help, Miss Merrill.

Yeah, I know, thank you.

Listen, I'll be going into town later.

Would you please make me out a list

of all the things we need?

Yes. Okay.

Don't worry.

[Water dripping, soft banging]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Hammer banging]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Arthur.

What are you doing in my room?

I was looking for keys.

Which keys?

I told ma I was gonna clean up

the rooms but some of them are locked.

Well, I just have to find those keys,

Arthur, won't I?

Or else we'll simply call a locksmith.

In the meantime, could you go up on

the roof and check the chimney?

I think it's clogged.

I heard a car drive up before.

Was it Joe?

Yeah.

Why?

[Creature roars]

[Screaming]

[Tires squeal]

[Engine shuts off]

[Wind gusting]

♪♪

♪♪

You are Liza, aren't you?

Yes.

My name is Emily.

I've been looking for you.

♪♪

Joe!

♪♪

Joe!

♪♪

Joe!

[Rapid footsteps]

♪♪

Arthur?

[Footsteps]

Arthur?

[Dogs barking]

♪♪

I don't understand, Emily. How do you --

Don't worry, I know the way by heart.

And there's always Dickey here.

Come, Liza, I'll show you the way.

[Suspenseful piano music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Joe!

♪♪

♪♪

[Water splashing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Gurgling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Water splashes]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

You know how actors always complain about

the special effects makeup?

You know, I had to be in makeup for six hours.

Okay, so you're sitting in a barber chair

for six hours, poor baby.

You know, the guy who played Schweick,

the painter who gets nailed to the wall

and his face plastered in the opening sequence,

that guy is a French actor named Antoine Saint-John.

And so he had all these effects, make up stunt scenes

in this movie where he gets beat in the face

with chains, crucified, he just came bubbling up

out of that vat of goo.

And we're not even done with him.

He has three or four more special effects

moments in the scene.

So, apparently, Lucio Fulci was brutal with his actors.

Anytime they had to do anything physical,

he looked at it as a test of whether

they were real actors or just pretenders.

And so they beat this guy up so many different ways

in so many different scenes that he started

running away from the set and they would have send,

like, tough guys to find him and bring him back to the set.

They'd go all the way to Paris.

He was French, he lived in Paris.

And so they would go to Paris and bring him back to Rome

to finish his scenes.

All his scenes are interior, so he was never in New Orleans.

He was always at the De Paolis Studios in Rome.

Anyway, I know he fled the set at least twice,

and they would go, you know, capture him

to come back and finish his torture.

So, that's definitely a you will never work in this town again

Lucio Fulci speech when he gets back.

Also, who but Lucio Fulci would go to New Orleans

to film a movie and say, okay, I found my perfect location.

It's the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway?

Because, you know, where the blind girl and the dog

are standing in the middle of the road?

Nobody ever shoots on the Pontchartrain Causeway

'cause it looks boring, right?

But in a Fulci movie, looks beautiful.

Isn't that -- I think it's the longest bridge

in the world, right?

You know New Orleans, right?

Is it the longest bridge in the world?

I don't know.24 miles or something.

But that's Cinzia Monreale as the blind girl,

the Cassandra figure in the story.

She used the name Sarah Keller.

A lot of Italian actors chose to use English names,

supposedly, so they could get more work.

But she had been a famous runway model,

and then worked with Fulci in the spaghetti western

"Silver Saddle."

That's where they first worked together.

She mostly worked with Joe D'Amato,

our old friend from "Anthropophagus."

Yeah.But he used her a lot.

Anyway, one of the great openings in horror

with the creepy men in fedoras paddling down the river

as a slow-moving lynch mob.

So, as we were putting "The Last Drive-In" together,

we would to have the all the elements

of a traditional late night talk show,

and one of those elements is we needed a stand-up comic.

Well, only one choice for us, 'cause he's

the only guy doing Lucio Fulci material

at comedy clubs all over America.

You know who I'm talking about.

I'm talking about Bob Goldthwait.

You've probably seen him at your comedy club.

I love the part of -- I love the part of Bobcat's

act where he freaks out on stage and he says,

"It's a Lucio Fulci joke, you moron!"

So, and Bobcat, by the way -- I should plug this.

Bobcat, by the way, is appearing next week

as the third act at Lots of Yucks,

a monthly comedy spectacular at Paul's Lamplighter Inn

in Kokomo, Indiana where he's gonna work out

some new Roger Corman jokes.

That's the direction he's going now,

but we've -- we've invited him here tonight

to do his best zombie set.

So, take away, Bobcat!

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Oh, you're too kind. Thank you.

Yeah, you don't look the same either.

Um, so, Job Bob, thanks for having me on the show.

I'm not quite sure what you're dressed as.

[Laughter]

What are you from, "Toy Story: The Later Years?"

[Laughter]

Maybe next year you'll be Buzz Lightyear.

No, I'm kidding.

The show's not gonna be on next year.

So, speaking of Shudder, which is the federal witness

relocation network of streaming platforms.

If you need to cool off, they give you a show on Shudder.

Yeah, Sammy the Bull and Tara Reid

have a cooking show coming out.

Yeah!

Yeah, we're all excited about it.

It's called "Chupacabra Alfredo."

And speaking of the mafia, what about the band?

[Laughter]

Let's -- let's give it up, huh?

Alright.[Cheers and applause]

Fabio, fantastic.

Make sure you don't get hit in the head with a goose.

That's -- that's a deep cut.

The American Fabio got -- Never mind.

So, haven't seen you guys since you played John Gotti's

third arraignment party, but he got out on parole

so you could be here.

Alright, I don't think they're laughing,

but I can -- I can smell the garlic.

Okay.

But, what else is in the news?

That movie "Zombi 2."

It's -- it's so bad I can't believe I wasn't in it.

[Laughter]

No, all kidding aside, it's a really great movie.

I really enjoyed the shark/zombie fight

where Lucio --

I'm that conversation with his leading lady

was, uh, she's like, "What's going on this scene?"

"I want you -- I want you to swim very close,

very close to the shark."

"Well, is it a fake shark?"

-"No, it's a real shark.

You swim close to the real shark."

And I -- "No, I don't think..."

-"You'll do it. You do it for cinema."

"Okay, alright."

"And could you take off your top?

I want to see your cans in this scene."

So, uh, and then the stunt guy goes,

"So, what am I doing in this scene?"

"Oh, in this scene you hug the shark,

you hug the shark really tight and then you bite

and you bite him and there's blood.

Well, it's fake blood, don't worry."

"How does -- how does this shark know it's fake blood?"

"Oh, the shark? He's very high.

He's very high."

He's stoned. This shark, he don't --

He was at Tom Sizemore's hookah lounge.

So, that's where we found him. Tom Sizemore's hookah lounge."

Alright, well, speaking of "Zombi 2"

or "Zombie," that hospital, kind of sketchy.

First of all, it was really filthy.

If you noticed, there's a scene where the doctor

picks up a syringe next to the rat cage.

And then it seems like whenever a patient starts getting up,

the doctor shoots them in the face.

[Laughter]

I think the patients are like, "Doc, I need you

like I need a hole in the head."

And speaking of hole in the head,

a lot of people don't know that Sandy Duncan

original was going to play the part of the doctor's wife,

but they thought it would have been a little tasteless

seeing that she gets her eye gouged out with the splinter.

Alright, if you know, Sandy Duncan had one eye.

Alright, so, in all seriousness, we're really divided

as a country right now.

And as The Beatles said, The Beatles said

all you need is love.

But let's not forget that The Beatles were

multimillionaire hippies stoned out of their brains,

so it was easy for them to say all you need is love

'cause, well, they had mansions and they were --

they were pulling all kinds of crazy [indistinct]

Alright, God bless America.

Thanks for having me on the show.

[Cheers and applause]

Come on over, Bobcat.

Yeah. Thank you.

That was so good.Thank you.

Oh, it's great to see you.So good.

Thank you. Thanks.

Fabio's not mad at me is he?

Nobody does zombie material like you.

Well, thank you. Thanks.

You ever get -- you ever get a zombie-hating audience?

You know, or maybe a politically correct audience,

thinks zombies are beyond criticism?

Yeah, they refer to them as the, you know, formerly living.

They don't like the word zombie.

That's the way you have to describe them now.

The movie we're watching tonight

was originally called "Seven Doors of Death."

Ah.And upon its drive-in release in 1981,

and of course all stand-up comics can relate

to the gates of hell theory

because, you know, the number one --

I would say the number one --

what's the number one door of death?

I would say it's the comedy store on Sunset Boulevard.

I'm pretty sure it is, yeah.

That crowd could send you to the mortuary right away.

But, you know, I've done dates, like,

people are terrified of stand-up.

That's their worst thing.

But, you know, at the end day, all it is someone

hurts your feelings, you know?

I -- I opened for Nirvana. I went on --

What?Yeah, I opened for Nirvana,

so I used to have M80s going off by my head,

they would throw boots.

I got hit with a teenager one night.

They actually threw a kid out off the pit.

I don't know if you can put this on the show, but here's --

I don't know why I'm saying this.

This got cut out off "Colbert," but...

Oh, we have to show it.Then we have to have it.

Yes. I truly -- I truly would not do this today

and I actually do feel bad.

I seriously do feel bad, but first gig

I opened for Nirvana in Chicago, Michael Jordan

had just retired from basketball and I go -- I go,

"Hey, Chicago, I feel bad for Michael Jordan,

but $40 million a year, I'd shoot my own dad in the head.

Oh! [Laughs]

In Chicago.In Chicago.

And the crowd -- that's not the noise.

The crowd -- [shrieks]. It was, like, pure rage.

Only person laughing, Kurt Cobain.

Looked over and saw Kurt laughing

on the side of the stage.

And you thought, oh, okay?

No, I was aces, but then after the show,

the security guy comes up.

He's like, "We got a big problem."

I go, "What's the problem?"

He goes, "There's two lines at the stage door.

One's to meet the band, the other's to beat

the fuck out of you.

And that line's actually bigger than the one to meet the band."

I go, "Well, what do we do?"

And he goes, "Relax your body."

And he put a towel over my head, and he lifts me up

and he ran me out the door and threw me in the band's truck.

Oh, my God.I don't really have a punchline,

but I guess -- I guess when a large guy

puts a towel over you head and says relax your body,

not always a bad thing.

[Laughter]

What is the worst place you ever worked, seriously?

Uh, I don't know.

I -- I, you know, opening for Nirvana was pretty bad,

but I enjoyed that actually.

So worst gigs, I don't want to say worst,

but there's one that's -- there's a comedy club

and the guy, I can hear him loading the gun right now

and blowing his brains out because there's not

a lot of comedy clubs in Peoria.

But it's the comedy club in Peoria

where it's on -- across the street from a dirt track.

Okay.And it shares a parking lot with a strip club.

So while you're on the stage, the dirt track,

you hear [imitates engine revving].

So you got to get to your punchline really quick.

[Imitates engine revving]

[Laughs]So that -- that place is pretty good.

But, you know, I've done a lot of --

I've done -- I've done a lot of gigs

like, why would you do those gigs, you know?

Yeah, me too.

I did the Gathering of Juggalos.

The Gathering of the Juggalos?

Yeah. Have you done that?

No. Where's that?Oh, my God.

That's the juggalos, the Insane Clown Posse's music.

You know, they have -- they have a festival.

I'm using music really loosely.

They have a music festival,

the Gathering of the Juggalos.

And -- and I did it.

I did it the year after Tila Tequila

had been performing there, and they ran out

of Faygo to throw at each other

so they knocked over a outhouse, the whole row,

and the fans grabbed human duke and throw it at...

Oh, my God.It was an inverted GG Allin concert.

The whole crowd just throwing poo,

and then -- and then...

Nevermind, it's a long story.Alright.

Alright. Enough.

Don't get me going.

Bobcat, you are also the only standup

who has made a Bigfoot movie.

Yeah, yeah.

How the Bigfoot movie do?

I got to say, I've made eight movies.

That's the most financially successful movie I've done

is Bigfoot movie.Really?

Yeah. Yeah, I don't wanna --

I'm kind of a big deal in the Bigfoot community.

You went straight ahead horror with your Bigfoot take.

Yeah, it's well -- It's suspense, you know?

I do want to do, like, a gory film.

It's a very suspenseful film.

You know, when I was prepping for that movie,

I'd go to Bigfoot conferences.

And they're very -- there's a lot of infighting.

So Bigfoot is supposed to have a flat head,

and this guy had a cardboard cut out

of a pointy-headed Bigfoot.

He had a stall with this cardboard cut out,

and this guy goes, "You disgust me."

And he goes -- he goes -- "Look at his head."

And then the guy goes, "Well, I've seen Bigfoot three times

and you're never gonna see him because you smoke."

So I guess Bigfoot doesn't smoke.

So just before the keynote speaker,

this is a true story, just before the keynote speaker,

this one guy gets up and he starts talking about UFOs,

and about a fourth of the room went

[heavy sigh].

[Laughter]

[Cuckoo whistle] Like, who invited this nut?

[Laughter]

This is about Bigfoot.

Are you insane? There's no UFOs.

But you actually went to the location...

Yeah, yeah, I shot where they --

...of the original Bigfoot setting.Patterson-Gimlin footage.

Yeah.The Patterson-Gimlin, what is it?

54 seconds or something.

Yeah, yeah. The -- the --

The only --54 frames.

54 frames of truth.

54 frames of...

The Patterson-Gimlin footage.

But you actually went there to do your movie, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And this scene where we shot it there

and we're filming it, we saw two mountain lions that night

and the actor's getting really nervous.

He's like -- we do the first take with him inside the tent,

and he knows there's mountain lions supposed to be out there.

He goes -- he goes, "I don't know why we're here, man.

We can -- it's inside a tent.

We can shoot it in the parking lot."

I go, "That's really good. We're gonna go again.

Use that energy."

[Laughter]

Oh, did you tell him to do the thing?

The famous Paddy walk.

Well, I've spent a lot of time.

One day I was -- I think it was while we were filming it --

there was...

Yeah, it was because of the mountain lions.

So, this guy, Robert Lederman, he's a squatcher,

and he had a gun because he's a ranger.

And after we saw the mountain lions,

we're sitting around the campfire

so I'm sitting next to him.

And he goes, "You know, I'm a writer, too."

I go, "Oh, what do you write?"

He goes, "Well, I write, you know, like 'Twilight?'

I write tween fiction set in the Bigfoot community."

Okay.And I go, "Oh, okay."

Yeah, I go, "What's your book?"

"My first book was 'Yeti or Not.'

[Laughter]

By the way, it's available on Amazon.

Well, we're Team Sasquatch here at "The Last Drive-In."

We kicked off our first marathon

with "The Legend of Boggy Creek."

Yeah, and that's where it all starts.

And that, by the way, is a town that would

really appreciate your act

the next time you're looking for a booking.

Fouke -- Fouke, Arkansas.

I've been --You've been to Fouke?

No, but I really do enjoy that movie.

I mean, I think that's why I ended up making "Willow Creek."

Because of "Legend of Boggy Creek?"

Yeah, yeah, because it scared me as a kid, you know?

Really? That's great.Sure, sure.

When that arm crashes through, yeah.

Darcy performed in Fouke, right?

I didn't perform. I went to cryptozoology conference.

Oh, you went to the same kind of conference...

Yeah, that he was talking about. Yeah.

They take it very seriously.

Do the the cryptozoologist --Yeah, they take it very serious.

Did they confirm the existence of the Fouke monster?

Oh, yeah, they did.

Yeah? Really?

Yeah.What's the Fouke Monster?

It's the Boggy Creek monster.

Oh, oh, okay.

But he's -- so he's not a sasquatch?

-He is. -He is.

Because he's got --Oh, he's just got his own name?

Yeah.Well, the town is called Fouke, so...

Look, my name is not Bob "Syracuse" Goldthwait.

[Laughter]

Why does the town get to...

Stupid stuff, yeah.

It's just so that guy.

Like, you go, I know you. You're from Fouke.

And I think your movie, "Willow Creek" is your movie.

We haven't named your movie. "Willow Creek."

"Willow Creek," confirmed the existence of

the Patterson-Gimlin monster.

Yeah, I didn't really take -- I didn't take

shots at the Bigfoot community.

I think people thought I'd be making a comedy, you know?

But did do a found footage, which, you know,

that's troublesome because I've always --

I never liked a lot of found footage movies

because it's like -- it's like who found this footage

and said I'm sorry your family got raped and killed

but I think if we recut it,

there's a tremendous picture here

and they'll be -- and they'll be really flattered if we did this?

So, "Willow Creek's" a little different.

There's only 67 edits in the whole movie.

Wow. Yeah.

So it's pretty much like you push play on a camera,

and that's the movie.

And that's the movie.That's amazing.

Okay, thank you for being here, Bobcat.

Well, thank you.

I thank you.

[Cheers and applause]

And the ghost of Lucio Fulci thanks you.

Back to the movie.

I want to show "Willow Creek" on our Bigfoot marathon

that we're planning that we can't get approved.

We will. We will.

Well, I got a copy in the car.

You can come back and say writer/director stuff.

Do you have, like, a lot of writer/director stuff?

Can you talk like a writer/director?

Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah.

Okay, we'll put you on right after the Andre The Giant...

Have you seen the Andre The Giant Bigfoot.

You mean "The Six Million Dollar Man?"

"Secret of --"

No, "The Secret of Bigfoot."

Andre The Giant played Bigfoot.

Wow, I didn't know that. Spoiler.

-It was a two-parter. -I didn't either.

Spoiler.

"The Secret of Bigfoot: Parts 1 and 2."

They couldn't get the real Bigfoot.

No, that's the place of honor in any Bigfoot marathon.

I thought you meant from "Six Million Dollar Man."

Do you remember that one?No.

No. That was Bigfoot, two episodes.

Oh, we'll show that one, too.

Sure.

[Laughter]

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

Emily, why did you say I must give up the hotel?

I can't explain it to you.

Just take my word for it.

Go back to where you came from

and hurry, leave this place.

[Man whistling]

What's the matter?

I don't know, he is in amazingly

good shape for a corpse

that's supposed to have been dead for six years.

Well, the D.A. said to open him up

and see what he had for breakfast.

How about we give it a try with --

Forget it.

You wanna wire this old guy into

your brain wave machine?

Why not?

Okay, okay, but you're on your own with this one.

I warn you though, when I get back,

I'm gonna give him an autopsy.

Man #1: I got some tickets to the Saints' game.

Man #2: Oh, really? Who they play?

[Door closes]

[Indistinct conversation]

[Birds chirping]

[Engine starts]

[Horn honks]

[Pager beeps]

Harris here.

Woman: Miller wants you up in 24 on the double.

I'm on my way, honey.

[Thumping]

Wait here for me, Jill.

I won't be long.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Wheel squeaking loudly]

[Screaming]

[Gasps] Mommy.

[Screaming continues]

Mommy!

[Liquid pouring]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasps]

[Groaning]

[Screaming]

[Jazz music playing]

♪♪

John: So, what did you do in the Big Apple?

Just about everything a girl could do

without losing her good English

breeding and reputation --

modeling, dancing, secretary.

I almost became an unsuccessful

fashion designer

when this letter arrived announcing the inheritance.

Big surprise, huh?

More or less.

I mean, I knew I had a rich uncle who was a bachelor

with a lot of real estate, but I never imagined

from one day to the next that I'd be running a hotel.

Tell me, with all those accidents,

you know, with Joe the plumber

and the house painter.

Do you think you'll give up now?

I couldn't do that if I wanted to.

This is my last chance.

Either I run this hotel or I go on relief.

Well, I tell you what. When you get the hotel

fixed up, I'll come and stay there, okay?

So you can book me a room now.

Sure, you've got it.

The best in the house.

Of course.

How long do you think it'll be before it's ready?

I don't know. It's driving on so much.

Arthur and Martha are more of a hindrance than a help.

They just can't seem to get it together.

Well, if you hired them, you can fire them.

But, I can't fire them.

They came with the hotel.

Strange, I've never heard of them.

[Telephone ringing]

♪♪

Dr. Mckay,

Dr. Mckay, you're wanted on the phone.

It's the hospital. Thank you.

Excuse me.

♪♪

♪♪

Hello.

Oh, Harris. Hi.

What?

♪♪

Man: In heaven give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those

who trespass against us.

Lead us not to temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

And as we commit the souls of Joe and Mary Ann,

to our father in heaven we pray together,

oh, merciful Lord,

watch over Jill, their daughter

whom Joe and Mary Ann's untimely departure

has left alone in this world, a helpless child.

Comfort her, and guide her, and give her strength.

We ask this, oh Lord,

in the name of the father and of the son,

and of the holy ghost, amen.

Courage, my child.

Woman: [Sobbing]

Oh, my dear.

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

You can't witness an acid-blob attack

without your eyes turning to marbles.

Is that what we just saw?

You know, I'm not really sure of the rules in "The Beyond."

I know it's the gateway to hell, but what's in hell?

What's coming out of the gateway?

Or who's -- What has to happen for you to go into the gateway?

Or is the idea that people are moving back and forth

between the worlds above the ground and below the ground?

Worlds that meet at the basement sewer.

See, I think this is why critics love "The Beyond"

more than they love "Zombie" because you can make up

any reason you want for what's going on.

There's an article in Cinefantastique

that's been quoted a lot that says...

[Laughter]

Not just a dream. A fever dream.

And not just a fever dream. An advanced fever dream.

So those of us who don't often have dreams

while we're suffering from high fever

and especially those of us who don't have fevers

enough times to have advanced fever dreams

that we can compare against the normal fever dreams

will never know how the movie is structured.

There's another critic who says

the movie is all about purgatory.

So I guess if you're waiting around to know whether

you're going to heaven or hell, it would be in a dark sewer

under a bed-and-breakfast.

And there's a whole school of criticism

about Fulci's use of eye imagery.

You know, people in this movie keep going blind, you know.

We can't let you see what's in hell.

We'll have to blind you first before you go there.

Which is very convenient for a filmmaker

'cause then you don't have to show us what's there.

It's true that Fulci mutilates eyeballs

in almost every movie that he makes,

but I've always thought it's just --

I've always thought it was just kind of a screw-you

to the viewer, as in, "You know what?

This is what I'm gonna do to you."

This phrase -- "Assault the eye, caress the ear."

Right, Fabio? Is that -- Did I get that right?

Yes, we tried...

Okay. Who said --

Who said, "Assault the eye, caress the ear"?

Was that you?

I thought it was just Fulci.

Oh, okay. Alright.

I'm gonna throw my opinion into the mix here, though.

I think Fulci just likes to do gross-out set pieces.

You know? He likes to say, "Here's something you've never

seen before and is grosser than you could ever imagine."

And so he manipulates the text of the movie to fit that.

He changes the plots a lot so he can do the set piece.

And he's able to do that because his producers don't care.

His producers know that as long as he's delivered

some horrific visual sequences, the audience would not follow

along with the logic or lack thereof.

So, the producer of this movie is Fabrizio De Angelis,

who first worked with Fulci on "Zombie,"

and then he made "City of the Living Dead" with him.

And then this is the third in the so-called trilogy,

even though I don't see much connection

between the three movies.

I don't know why they call them a trilogy.

Fulci, by the way, referred to De Angelis as "The Cobra."

And De Angelis was very much involved

with what was expected to be in the movie.

But the very talented Dardano Sacchetti,

the screenwriter for "Zombie," was again hired

to do the script for this movie.

And he says he didn't have much guidance other than that,

"Dardano, it's a hotel that's sitting on top of hell."

So Sacchetti decided, okay,

the hotel is architecturally real

and what's underneath the hotel

exists outside of Euclidean geometry,

so it has to be supernatural.

And the theme was that

we're born for only one reason -- to die.

[Laughs] These guys were bleak!

Okay.

Fabio, did Fulci tell you

which sequences were most important to him?

Or did you just do the music after the film was completed?

Usually, it was always after the movie.

Just one thing. When I went...

In the small house where Emily used to live.

And there was a piano... in a place.

And I did a couple of notes, and Lucio told me,

"This is the sound I want for her."

So the theme -- [Imitates theme]

It started on the scene, on set.

Really? You went to the set and you composed Emily's theme

on Emily's piano?

Yeah, absolutely. I started there,

then I obviously went home and I completed.

But it started on the set.

Wow. That is crazy.

[Clears throat]What?

Peaches is ready.

Oh! Yeah. I almost forgot.

Ladies and gentlemen...Oh, no, you didn't.

...live from the Castro Theatre in the nasty part of San Fran,

the Queen of Queens, Peaches Christ!

[Cheers and applause]

Hi! Hi!

Ohh! Welcome, Peaches.

I can see you just threw something on at the last minute.

That's right! Just a little thing.

[Laughter]

Oh, Peaches, I'm so happy to have you here.

This is a thrill, a dream come true, honestly.

Really?Yes, I'm a huge fan.

I first met you --

It was at a film festival.Yes.

You and Elvira were glamming it up...

Yes.

...in the Silver Lake neighborhood of L.A.

What was the name of that theater?

The Vista. The Vista Theatre. Yes.

And we were judges together on a film festival.

You remember that?Yes, of course.

It was Elvira's Horror Hunt.

And it was supposed to be a potential TV show for she and I,

and it never got picked up.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Alright, well, I hope it wasn't my fault.

No, no. You -- You had nothing to do with it.

Alright, well, I wanted to ask Joshua Grannell

this question when he was out here earlier.

The director of the cult film "All About Evil."

Are you willing to speak for Joshua?

Sure, yeah, I think I can speak for him.

Joshua directed you and Cassandra Peterson

in "All About Evil."

Now, what was Joshua's honest opinion

of Cassandra's acting chops

when she's outside of Elvira makeup?

Well, I mean, the truth is Joshua and myself

got to know Elvira through doing stage shows

and show-business stuff, which, like, for me

was amazing because I was an obsessed fan.

She's had a huge, huge influence on me and Joshua.

And so getting to know her behind the scenes

as a friend over the years,

I got to see her be a mom, you know, and raise her kid.

And so when I was writing the film --

or Joshua was writing the film, you know --

You always take credit for...

I do. I take credit. I might as well just take all the credit.

I thought a lot about who could play this concerned mother

of a kid who loves horror movies,

and she kept popping into my mind.

So, you know, I asked her, and she did not say yes right away.

And then Joshua put some pressure on her.

But I think it was more the convincing her

to do it out of drag.

You know, she hadn't appeared in a movie out of drag

since "Pee-wee's Big Adventure."

Oh, wow. Yeah.

Okay. Are you buddies enough to, like,

give each other wardrobe advice and stuff like that?

[Laughs]

Well, I mean, I would never give her wardrobe advice

because she only wears one outfit.

You know what I mean? There's nothing wrong with that.

How many outfits do you have?I have too many.

In fact, I wish she had given me the advice of, like,

just stick to one look, you know?

But, like, yeah, I have, well, two storage units

in San Francisco that house costumes.

Really? Yeah.

And you go out and get a costume that you wore back in 2001

and wear it again?

I wish. I gained the COVID 90.

You know, so I'm having new costumes made these days.

Alright, well, I've never watched --

We were talking earlier about your original film that you did

for Joshua's Penn State senior thesis --

"Jizmopper: A Love Story."

That just sounds inspirational.

[Laughs] I'll just say this.

The Penn State faculty at the time --

Most of the other students wanted to all be like

Martin Scorsese or Spielberg.

And, you know, I was obsessed with, you know,

John Waters and Wes Craven and Pedro Almodóvar.

So it was sort of like --

The faculty didn't know what to do with me, especially

when I said I was gonna make a movie called "Jizmopper."

But we did win the award for Best Film, the audience award,

at the student film festival.

And was that your first acting role?

Was that the first time you were on film?

That was. Well, I had done, like, improv and stuff,

but I had never done drag and I had never appeared in a movie,

so it was really 'cause the actor that we had playing

the drag queen in the movie dropped out.

And so I was born.Oh.

Yeah. In "Jizmopper."

You're famous for the shows that you do in San Francisco

called "Midnight Mass.' You're still doing those, right?

Yes.

At the Castro Theatre in San Francisco.

And you do parody send-ups

of cult movies, a lot of horror movies.

And then you show the real movie afterwards.

How long have you been doing those?

I started that in 1998.

Wow.

Yeah, it started as a proper midnight movie event.

And I was running a movie theater,

a single-screen old movie theater at the time

for Landmark Theatres.

I went to them and said, "I want to do this movie event,"

and was really inspired by The Cockettes,

who are this hippie drag troupe of bearded queens

that in San Francisco performed at the Palace Theater

in North Beach in 1969.

And Landmark Theatres was like, "No way.

That will never work. What are you talking about?"

But I was annoying and young and badgered them,

and finally they were like, "Okay, we'll let you try it."

And so the first film I ever screened

was "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" Yeah!

The Russ Meyer classic.Yes.

And we did a Tura Satana look-alike contest.

And it was a hit.

And then many years later it became successful enough

that I became friends with Tura Satana

and she and I did screenings together, so it built over time.

Let me ask you this.

I work with the Boulet brothers sometimes.

Okay. Me too.

And that's like the drag community of L.A.

They're kind of like the queens of L.A.

And I think of you as the queen of San Francisco, really.

I am! No. Just kidding.

Is there drag competition between San Francisco and L.A.?

Not the way you would think, no.

I mean, in fact, I think the Boulets are great example

of how drag queens actually are, you know?

They're very generous and very sweet,

and they've had me on "Dragula" every year,

and they made me a part of their event early on,

and I've always invited them to be part of my events.

So we tend to actually help each other more than --

I think the more romantic or titillating idea

is that we're kind of pulling each other's wigs off

and at each other's throats.

But we're not. We're all friends.

Okay. Did you get the eyeliner you needed?

Yes.

I will admit that it is generic Walgreens eyeliner

or whatever you have.

Darcy!Duane Reade.

I thought you were taking care of the eyeliner problem.

I don't know know what to say there.

[Laughter]

I like the cheap eyeliner.Oh, you do?!

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine with it.

Liquid eyeliner. Love it.

Okay. Great. Um, thank you for being here.

I hope that we can do something together in the future

'cause I live live shows, you like live shows.

We gotta do something together.

I would love that.Alright.

And we're gonna roll the movie.

Alright. Do you guys -- We were talking about fever dreams.

Do you have fever dreams?

Yeah.Yeah?

Yeah, I do.What about you, Darcy?

Oh, I've had 'em. Yeah.

Why do horror critics use that all the time?

You know? "It's like a fever dream."

I think it's because they copy each other.

Yeah, they might as well just say, you know,

"This movie's like something that throbbed in my head

while I had COVID.

You can't understand it. Only I can understand it."

Pretty much, yeah.Alright.

Tell me your fever -- What was your fever dream?

I'll tell you later.

You won't share your fever dream on the air?

There are children watching right now.

Oh, really? Okay. I really am gonna ask you later.

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

[Wind whistling]

[Wind whistling]

Emily: Liza!

Liza!

Liza!

Emily?

Why didn't you listen to me, Liza?

We blind see things more clearly.

I wanted to spare you, but now

I'll have to tell you everything.

♪♪

♪♪

[Heavy breathing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

60 years ago, everybody in this hotel disappeared.

Every last person.

A painter called Schweik,

who lived here closeted in his room,

had found a key.

What key?

The seven gateways to hell.

This house was constructed. On one of the s--

[Creaking][Gasps]

Who else is here?!

There's nobody here.

[Wings flapping]

I can feel a presence! Somebody else is in here!

No, Emily. Nobody's here.

Yes.

It's him. He's here again.

He's come back to the hotel.

Get a hold of yourself, Emily, please.

What is this?

That? A painting. Just an old painting.

[Bell ringing][Gasps]

There's the bell!

[Bell ringing]

Yeah.

That's the bell from -- from room 36.

That's where he was killed -- in his room.

36 was Schweik's room,

the man who found the key.

He's returned, Liza. Don't ever enter that room.

Now, look, Emily.

I've lived in New York all my life,

and if there's one thing I've learned not to believe in,

it's ghosts.

I was lucky to inherit this hotel.

It's the first good break I've had.

It'll take more than a faulty electrical contact

or some crazy story to make me give it up.

[Gasps]

♪♪

[Emily gasps and groans]

[Emily screaming]

Emily! Emily! Emily!

[Footsteps]

[Creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasps]

♪♪

[Gasps]

[Creaking]

[Gasps]

[Thunder crashes]

[Screaming]

[Thunder crashing]

♪♪

[Screams]

Liza!

John!

Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Calm down. Calm down.

John. John.

Take it easy. Take it easy, now.

Come on.

But I saw him, there...

nailed to the wall.

He...

See those nails?

Well, they certainly look old,

but this looks more like rust than blood.

Now it seems so impossible.

So absurd.

And, yet, I don't know.

Now, look, come and tell me exactly what you saw, hm?

No. Never mind. It's useless.

[Sighs] I guess I must just have a pretty wild imagination.

Hmm.

I got carried away by that story

that Emily told me about room 36.

Emily? Who's Emily?

The blind girl that lives in the old house

by the crossroads.

Hm. There's no blind girl living there.

And I know everyone around here.

-The book! -The what?

The book that was on the desk, it's gone!

[Mid-tempo piano music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Dog whimpers]

[Static]

Announcer: Tonight's broadcast is brought to you by Sky Bar.

Keep your eye on the SKY!

[Cheers and applause]

So, the lead role in the film is played by Catriona MacColl,

who we've talked about before. We talked about her when

Eli Roth and I were presenting "House by the Cemetery."

Fulci liked to hire classical British actors.

He was considering Tisa Farrow for the lead in this movie,

the one that had the lead in "Zombie,"

but then he switched gears and he decided to use Catriona.

In fact, she was also in "City of the Living Dead,"

so if you believe in the Lucio Fulci horror quadrilogy,

which is "Zombie," "City of the Living Dead,"

"House by the Cemetery," "The Beyond,"

she was in three of the four.

All of those were written, by the way, by Dardano Sacchetti,

which makes me wonder why it's not called

the Dardano Sacchetti quadrilogy.

Anyway, Catriona MacColl was one of the few women

who would stand up to Fulci

and not put up with any abuse from him,

and so he came to respect her.

And during the early planning for this movie,

Fulci was on set with Sacchetti

and two other of the screenwriters

who helped out Sacchetti.

And so she walks up to this distinguished group

of screenwriters and she says,

"So, I guess what we're doing here

is a lower-budget rougher version of 'The Shining'"?

And all three of the screenwriters said,

"'The Shining'? What's that?"

[Laughter]I mean...

"The Shining" had only come out a year earlier.

So they're not saying, "No, we didn't copy anything in 'The Shining.'

They're saying, "We've never even heard of 'The Shining.'

What is 'The Shining'? None of us have seen 'The Shining'."

So we have to assume that a lot of the movie was inspired by

Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining," right?

The other interesting thing that Catriona MacColl remembered

about the film is that the guy who falls off the scaffolding

in the first scene after the titles,

that was the head of the Louisiana Film Commission.

That's how bad he wanted to be in the movie. Alright.

Um, is Felissa still here? Felissa, come on over.

Felissa. There you are. Alright.

-Yeah! -Whoo!

Whoo-whoo!

-Mangled dick! Mangled dick! -Mangled dick!

Yeah!

Thanks for being in our little sketch.

I thought you would be a great person to ask this question.

Okay. Alright.

90% of your films...

[Laughs] Oh, no.

...have been horror films, right?

Y-- 100%. Yes.

100%. Okay.

Alright, do you feel like you were ever turned down for work

because you're associated with horror?

Absolutely not, no.

Maybe it's because I don't want those bitches.

People say that all the time.

They say, "I shouldn't have done those horror films

'cause I lost work."

But I find that hard to believe

because I don't think Jack Nicholson got turned down

for work because he was in "The Shining."

I don't think Jodie Foster got turned down for work 'cause

she did "The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane"

or "Silence of the Lambs."

In fact, I don't think Hannibal Lecter was turned down

for work 'cause he did "Silence of the Lambs."

Anthony Hopkins. Didn't they --

They gave him a knighthood, right?

I think he's the oldest actor ever to win an Academy Award.

So, anyway, I just wanted to, like, say that because

so many people say, "I can't do those horror films.

I'll never work again."

Well, that's crazy. That's their choice.

And I don't agree with it.

And the greatest actors are horror actors.

You get chased by someone with a machete, see how easy that is.

Okay?

Okay, well, Catriona MacColl made four films with Fulci,

and then she said, you know, "I was Fulci'd out.

I wasn't gonna do anything more with him."

And she was embarrassed because so many of those films

turned up on the video nasty list.

We were talking to Ian McCulloch about this earlier.

And so she moved back to Paris. That's where she was living.

And she took all the Fulci titles off of her résumé.

It wasn't until about the last 10 years that she started

showing up at the events and acknowledging these films.

But this is the one that she says

is her favorite because of what she --

She calls it "decadent Italian macabre poetry."

[Laughs] Alright?

Ooh. Yeah. That sounds delicious.

Alright.

[Laughter]

Alright. We're gonna go back to the movie.

But did Fulci --

Did Fulci ever mutilate a dick?

You're our mangled-dick expert.

Yeah, no. I -- That is true.

And, no, I do not believe he ever did.

He was not a mutilator of sexual organs.

He mutilated everything else,

but he drew the line at private parts.

I don't think he really drew the line.

I think he was more afraid of ratings boards.

But actually what about "New York Ripper"?

What? "New York Ripper."

Mangled-dick censorship is an ugly thing.

What is "New York Ripper"?

He mutilated some genitalia

if you count, you know, lady genitalia.

Oh, he mutilated some vaginas.

Yes, he did.

-He really did hate women. -Oh, wow.

We need a mangled-vagina expert now.

-I'm spreading out! -Yay.

[Laughter]See the horizon.

Wait. What did you say?

[Laughter]

Thank you, Peaches.

Fabio, I don't think you have any mangled-dick music,

but play us out with a dark theme, anyway.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

Open two walls, see, and lent in the basement,

and you'd have a room for a kitchen

and maybe even for -- for a laundry, huh?

What do you think of that?

Martin, I've already told you. I don't have the money.

Do whatever you want to do, as long as it doesn't cost.

I have carte blanche?

Carte blanche, but not a blank check, okay?

Okay, well, the first thing we do is bring someone in

to pump out all the water.

That I can get done real cheap.

And then -- Oh, and on the other side,

I'll make a living room and a game room.

Have you got the original plans of the cellar by any chance?

♪♪

[Man laughing]

[Man laughing]

T-There was another book here! A different one!

You wanna buy the book?

No, not this one.

The one that was here before, just a second ago.

That book's been there for two years.

Nobody wants to buy it.

It's very nice, though. Very, very interesting.

[Laughing]

Liza, what's wrong?

About the book?

I-I was just looking for --

What -- Is anything the matter? You look sick. You sure?

It's nothing. I'm just a little tired, that's all.

I think I'm beginning to see things.

I get the picture. I'll have to go to the town hall

and dig out the originals from the files.

[Water dripping]

Reopen that hotel?

-Mm-hmm. -[Scoffs]

Anyway, all the turn-of-the-century

building plans are on those upper shelves there.

They should be under what the card says -- M-13012.

Hm. Well, let's get them down and look at them.

You surprise me, Mr. Avery.

You haven't heard about our town employees' latest labor victory?

It took a three-week strike to win.

Yeah, it was something about lunch.

An earlier break. I'm sure you'll be okay on your own.

I'll be out until, I don't know, 1:00 or a quarter of,

but you feel completely at home, now, you hear?

-Have a happy lunch. -Thank you!

[Door closes]

I'm gonna lock the door! That way, you won't be disturbed!

[Lock clicks]

First from 1 to 2. And now from 12 to 1.

Three weeks of picketing. A great labor victory.

Now, then, M-13012.

Mm-hmm.

Manderville. "Seven Doors Hotel."

"Hotel."

"Seven Doors."

What the...?

[Thunder crashes]

[Screaming]

[Squish]

[Soft squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasping]

[Squeaking]

[Groans]

♪♪

♪♪

[Squish]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Crow caws]

[Clang]

[Creaking]

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

"The seven dreaded gateways to hell

are concealed in seven cursed places."

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

[Water draining]

[Groans]

[Squish]

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasps]

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

No. N-No.

♪♪

No.

[Groaning]

♪♪

No!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

And yet another eyeball bites the dust.

After the famous "splinter to the eyeball" scene in "Zombie,"

Lucio Fulci apparently decided, "Hey, you know what?

I'm going with eyeballs. This works."

I want to focus on the tarantulas.

Tarantulas are nasty. I think --

You know, I think it's because of those hairs all over them.

Something about that makes them just look toxic.

But this scene, though, was a marvel of tarantula wrangling.

This is another one of those, you know,

"This probably can't be done, Lucio" scenes

that Lucio Fulci goes ahead and he says,

"No, we're gonna do it anyway."

'Cause, well, first of all, that is Lucio Fulci as the librarian,

you know, the guy who has to go to lunch early,

"Just go up and get your book," you know?

Secondly, the scene goes on forever,

and you think it's gonna be -- Okay.

Tarantulas are gonna crawl up on his stomach, bite him,

maybe bite him on the neck, he's gonna die.

But then the tarantulas turn out to be vicious sadist tarantulas

who rip off his ear, rip out his tongue, destroy his nose,

you know, all to the lilting themes of Fabio Frizzi.

You know?

So, Felissa, what animals are you afraid of?

Well, that's an exciting question, Joe Bob.

I love all animals. Come on. You know that.

Really? Even killer animals?

Yes. Those are the best.

What about you, Peaches?

Peaches: Snakes.

Snakes. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I have a phobia of snakes, for sure.

Um, alright. And, Darcy, what --

I don't think there's any animals that scare me unless --

Do we count human animals?

'Cause the human animal scares me.

Very intellectual answer, Darcy, you know.

So, you two, Felissa and Darcy, are the opposite

of the typical female in a horror movie, right?

My thing -- I agree with Peaches.

My thing is snakes. I've talked about this before.

But especially water moccassins

'cause of some encounters that I had as a kid.

But really all snakes. Which is why...

[Laughter]

Which is why we did this.

Every talk show needs an animal handler.

And we have one with us tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

David Dastmalchian and his good friend Sophie.

[Cheers and applause]

Darcy: Yay, Sophie!

Felissa, get up and make room for David and Sophie.

-What a sweet baby! -Joe Bob.

David, you don't look too -- Yeah, just have a seat, David.

That's fine. We'll shake hands later.

Alright.

So, David, um, how long have you been doing this?

Snake handling.

Joe Bob, good to meet you.Yeah, good to meet you.

How long you been doing this? Your snake-handling.

Oh, yeah, I've been doing this a long time.

Really?

About -- About 30 minutes ago, they --

they introduced me to this --

I knew that. I knew that. Because actors.

You know, you ask them, "What do you do?"

"Well, I can do snake-handling."

"Can you juggle? You wanna go on Joe Bob's show?

Can you juggle?" "Of course I can.'

"Can you speak Polish?" "Of course I can. Fluently."

"Can you handle snakes?" "Sure. Why not?"

David, did you really do that?

Absolutely.

So you don't even know this snake.

This is Sophie. We go back --

No, we go back a long time.

We met earlier, about 27 minutes ago.

What kind of snake is it?

This is a boa constrictor.

That's true. This is a beautiful boa constrictor.

One of nature's truly glorious creatures.

A queen of the jungle, Sophie is.

Well, let me ask you a question.

Don't boa constrictors kill by constricting?

Constricting. This is true.

And you have it -- It's kind of close to your neck.

They said --If we pissed it off, what would it do?

She --

I don't really want to know, to be quite honest.

I went and stood in the --

There's a walk-in refrigerator on the way.

I just wanted to lower my body temperature

by about a few degrees.

Okay. So why did you put it on your shoulder?

Well, I've gotta be convincing at my job, right?

As an actor, it's my job

to convince everyone who's watching.

So, knowing this, why do people put them around their necks?

I never got that about...

That's actually a really good question.

You ever seen that? You see somebody at the boardwalk.

Alright, well, I think both Darcy and Felissa

would like to -- You know, they like Sophie.

And they would probably like to --

Darcy, I agree with you.

They might even want to kiss Sophie.

You know, they like all animals.

-Aww. I'll kiss Sophie. -You guys want to touch Sophie?

That actor who just said, "I would do anything."

...involved on any level with Sophie.

I did it. Oh, boy. Where you going, Soph?

Not this way.Wanna see...?

Okay. This would -- That's okay.

Come on over, girls. You love all animals.

Come on over.How about it?

-Peaches, come on! -No, thank you.

I mean, she's gorgeous, right? Look at this beautiful...

-So pretty. -Really, really soft.

David: She's getting ready to shed.

Okay, this would be the point in the Lucio Fulci movie version

of this scene where, you know, the snake

just rips everybody's throat out, so...

She's gorgeous.

Or at least squeezes you until your eyeballs pop out.

So...

Peaches, you should touch her. She's really soft.

So, David, any new projects?

Got any new work you wanna tell us about?

Besides your snake handling?

[Laughter]

As actors, we have these résumés with special skills,

and I'm putting "can comfortably hold a large constrictor for..."

Why is it hissing? Does anybody hear that?!

-Can you hear the hissing? -Yes.

Okay. So, let me tell you about me.

Sophie, I love you. She's -- Projects, yes.

Um, let's see. Whew. I, um --

I grew up in Kansas City watching my favorite horror host

as a child, Crematia Mortem,

and she has inspired the comic book that I write

to this day, which is called

"Count Crowley: Reluctant Midnight Monster Hunter."

You, as well -- a big influence and inspiration on me.

This is why I was willing to...

To lie about your ability to handle snakes.

...lie about my ability to work with snakes

so that I could be on your show, Joe Bob.

Alright.

This is the profound effect that you and your work

have had on my life as a storyteller,

that I am endangering my own to be here.

Are you a Lucio Fulci fan at all?

[Laughter]

Crew: Boo!

Aw! Come on!

I don't think Lucio trusted animals.

I don't think he liked animals.

He certainly portrayed them in a pretty gruesome manner.

The spiders. I mean...great kills.

Some of the greatest kills.

Didn't you write a comic book about late-night shows?

I did. I did.

Speaking of Fulci, all my early inspirations

were introduced to me by my horror host in Kansas City,

watching all the old Giallo films

and Hammer Films and Castle Films, you name it --

was my late-night creature-feature host, Crematia.

And then I grew up, and now I get to tell stories

for a living, and I said I want to tell a story

about a horror host who...

♪ Hi, Sophie

Who -- [Laughs]

Who, uh -- Who hunts monsters.

Okay.

Yes, and so I've got a comic book called

"Count Crowley: Reluctant Midnight Monster Hunter."

She's actually now

Count Crowley, the Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter.

Okay. Yes. Yes.

Well, seriously, I think you could work carnivals now.

You know who you should work with?

Fred Olen Ray owns a carny show

called "Secrets of the Amazon."

Fred Olen Ray, who's made a hundred films.

You guys should work together.

You could be in his "Secrets of the Amazon"

carnival show.

If I hadn't been an actor or a comic-book writer,

I feel like I would be involved in the carnival

in some way or another. I never imagined it would be...

But I do love animals and I love this beautiful creature.

And I gotta say, we didn't have an animal handler on the show,

but I did a horror film that I'm so excited for you to see

called "Late Night with the Devil."

We shot it down in Australia,

but it takes place in New York City.

The magic of movies, how that works.

But I play a late-night talk-show host who is gonna

boost his ratings by having the first-ever on-air exorcism.

And things don't go as he had hoped or planned.

Well, sometimes life imitates art.

It does.

Give us a little snake music, Fabio!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

[Wind whistling]

[Thunder crashes]

[Animal howling]

♪♪

John: "And the day the gates of hell are opened,

on that day the dead will walk the earth."

♪♪

♪♪

[Dog whimpering]

[Dog barks]

Good boy, Dicky.

[Dog barking]

Good boy.

Good boy.

[Creaking]

♪♪

[Gasps]

Who's there?!

Who's there?!

[Creaking]

[Wind whistling]

Answer me!

I know you're there!

[Wind whistling]

[Sighs]

[Sharp inhale]

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

Where are you?!

Who are you?! Who?!

I know it's you! I can sense it!

What do you want from me now?!

What is it now?!

Schweik, I know you're here!

[Screams]

[Growling]

N-No!

No! No, Schweik! Go away!

I don't want to go back! You can't take me!

I don't want to go back! Stop tormenting me!

Don't come any closer! Don't come any closer!

No!

No! Go away! Leave me in peace!

No! Go away! Don't touch me!

You can't take me back!

I did what I've been asked!

Now leave me alone! Go! Go away!

Away! No!

I never spoke. You can't condemn me!

I don't want to go back!

I don't want to go back.

[Creaking]

[Dog whimpers]

Attack, Dicky! Attack, Dicky! Attack!

[Dog growling]

Dicky! Dicky! Don't let them get near me!

Attack, Dicky! Attack!

Attack, Dicky! Attack!

Chase them away! Chase them away!

[Dog barking and growling]

Dicky, attack!

Get rid of them, Dicky! Get them!

Attack, Dicky!

Attack! Get them!

[Barking and growling stop]

[Dog whimpers]

Good boy.

Good boy. Good boy, Dicky.

Good boy. Good boy.

You made them go away.

[Dog growls]No!

[Growling]

[Screaming]

[Groaning]

[Dog barking]

[Screaming]

[Groaning]

[Telephone ringing]

[Line ringing]

[Sharp breathing]

Martha?

Arthur?

Arthur?

[Groaning]

No! No! No!

[Groaning]

No!

[Grunting]

[Breathing heavily]

[Bell ringing]

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Liza! Liza! Stop it! Stop it! Come on!

Come on! Stop it! Come on. It's me.

Come on, Liza. You'll be okay.

Come on. Calm down. Calm down.

Come on. Sit down here. Come on. Sit down.

I thought he was dead, but... [Sobbing]

Liza. Liza, stop it!

Look. I'm sick of hearing all these stories.

What stories?Well, like the first one

about the man nailed to the wall in room 36.

And the blind girl that doesn't exist.

Emily's real. She does exist.

I-I saw her. I spoke to her.

The girl that lives in the old house by the crossroads?

Yes!

That house has been abandoned for the last 50 years.

But that's not true. It's not possible.

I was there. I-I mean, I went there.

I was there.

Yes, I knew you were there.

I found the book you left for me to read.

You found the book?

And I read it.

W-What did it say?

Show me where you saw Arthur.

♪♪

Here?

And he tried to kill you, huh?

Please, John.

You -- You must believe me. I swear.

So where's Arthur now?

I don't know! He attacked me!

I-I was trying to break free. He was here!

The cuts on my...

♪♪

There are none.

I must be going crazy.

Perhaps.

Or else.

♪♪

Who are you, Liza?

Who are you, really?

John, I don't understand you.

What a question. Why do you ask?

Because according to the Book of Eibon,

this hotel is one of the seven gateways of hell!

[Rumbling]

[Wind whistling]

[Both screaming]

[Thunder crashes]

[Liza screaming]

[Thunder crashing]

[Rumbling]

Run!

[Thunder crashes]

♪♪

[Both panting]

♪♪

"And you will face the sea of darkness

and all therein that may be explored."

♪♪

[Thunder rumbles]

♪♪

[Tires squeal]

[Voices whispering]

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

I love that shot where they drive away

and all the undead occupiers of the seventh gate of hell

start turning on the lights inside the hotel.

And then we have the set piece with Emily and her dog,

who ends up ripping off her ear and neck

apparently as a result of his battle to the death

with the zombie.

I guess the zombie won and he became a zombie dog, right?

But what is that moment when some voice

just speaks over the movie out of nowhere, you know?

"And you will face the sea of darkness

and all therein that may be explored."

Like the voice of God. Or the voice of Satan, you know?

And what does that mean? What's the sea of darkness?

Who's he talking to? And where is he?

And obviously he's in the editing booth

'cause how else does he make that noise?

But who's he supposed to be? I don't think the voice --

You know, I don't think that's credited anywhere in the movie.

So, Felissa, what does that all mean, Felissa?

I don't know. I think it's like the rest of the movie.

It's just whatever you believe it is.

-Really? -Yeah.

What do you think, Peaches?

Oh, gosh. Well, if I were to break it down, it's like --

Sea of darkness. So it's like water, liquid, dark water.

But also sea of darkness, I think of closing my eyes

and dreaming or a nightmare.

So it's like a dream with water.

It's a wet dream. That's what it is.

It's a wet dream. Yeah.

Oh, man. So, Darcy, what do you think?

I would say the sea of darkness is hell,

and what can be explored there is death.

Oh. Very bleak. Okay.

I mean, it's fun, yeah!

[Laughter]

Fever dream, right?

Okay, well, at this point in the movie,

Fulci decided, "You know what?

We did pretty well two years ago when we went

full-bore zombie attack at the end of the movie.

Let's just do that again!"

You know, even though there's no zombies up to this point.

There is nothing wrong with that.

"Let's just do that again."

No, there's nothing wrong with that. I agree with you.

So, Fabio, let's go!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

Strange. There -- Theres isn't a soul in sight.

Yeah, well, we'll be at the hospital pretty soon.

Wanna talk to Harris.

Where is everybody?

Let's try the laboratory.

[Door slides]

-But, John, I -- -No, Liza. I'm a doctor.

And I won't accept irrational explanations.

I want to talk to Harris. I'm gonna call the FBI.

[Gasping]

John!

[Gasping]

John! [Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Body thuds]

[Glass crinkling]

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

The elevator. Get the hell going!

♪♪

♪♪

Wait! John!

♪♪

♪♪

[Clicking]

♪♪

[Thudding]

[Pounding]

[Groaning]

[Gasping]

♪♪

Jill! Jill!

Jill!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Harris! What the hell is going on around here?

I don't know. I think I'm going crazy.

Here they come!

[Groaning]

[Thud]

[Gunshot][Gasps]

[Gunshot]

[Thud]

[Thud]

[Growling]

[Wind whistling]

[Glass crinkling]

[Gasps]

[Whirring]

[Gasps]

It's Jill. She was in the autopsy theater all alone.

♪♪

[Groaning]

[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Thud]

♪♪

This way.

♪♪

Come on!

[Screams]

Come on!

[Growling]

Liza: No!

♪♪

[Gunshot]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Get back!

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

[Clicking]

♪♪

♪♪

-No. -We're under the hotel.

Impossible. Impossible.

It's crazy.

[Gasps]

What's happened? Why are we here?

[Groaning in distance]

[Footsteps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Come on.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groans echoing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groans continue]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

"And you will face the sea of darkness

and all therein that may be explored."

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

Okay, a couple more blind people, Liza and John,

wearing those contact lenses

that I'm gonna guess were not very comfortable.

This is a massively complicated movie

about a very simple premise --

that hell is somewhere underground

and occasionally it comes into our world.

The original script had Liza and John

running into a weird amusement park where the dead people

ride carnival rides for eternity,

but they didn't have the means to do that.

So there happened to be an empty stage next door to the stage

where they were filming, and Sergio Salvati dumped

some dirt on the floor of it, and he got the humidity

up to a certain level where it created a mist,

and they found some homeless people

who agreed to be dead for the day,

and they paid them with alcohol,

and they covered these people with clay.

And the humidity mixed with the clay

caused a sort of misty aura around each body.

And whenever one of the homeless people would get tired

of being dead and move or sit up,

Fulci would remind them they get no alcohol

until they finish the day.

And that ended up being Lucio Fulci's vision

of the other side -- gray mist and lifeless lumps.

And I thought it was

especially imaginative screenwriting, though,

to explain how they got from the hospital

to the basement of the house, which is where the gateway is.

They just go down a staircase in the hospital,

and then they say, "Impossible.

It's impossible that we could now be

in the basement of the house."

Because they were covering for the changed ending.

This was considered one of Lucio Fulci's most troubled sets.

Now, it was not strange for Lucio to be screaming,

but on this one, he was throwing mad fits every day,

and there was always some actress weeping in the corner.

Usually it was Cinzia Monreale,

the woman who played blind Emily.

She was the designated abuse victim on this film.

He was also really mean to Maria Pia Marsala,

the pig-tailed red-headed young girl

who lasts almost to the end of the movie.

He accused her of being a drug addict and humiliated her.

And Catriona MacColl's only explanation for his behavior

was he just decided he didn't like her.

But then he didn't like his producer, either.

He shoved Fabrizio De Angelis into that underground sewer.

De Angelis got wet up to his armpits in all that nasty muck

'cause he was fighting with Fulci.

The nicest thing people would say about Fulci as a person

is that he was one of the world's great eccentrics.

Always smoked a pipe, but he would often forget

to turn it right-side up and the embers would fall out

and set his T-shirt on fire.

When he was ready to shoot a scene, he would scream,

"Call the puppets," meaning the actors.

Yet, many people loved working with him

because they considered him a great artist.

Fabio, in one sentence, how would you describe Fulci?

Uh, a great old friend.

-Aww! -Aww!

-That's nice. -That's so sweet.

Alright, Darcy. What do we have left to do here?

Mail!

Oh, yeah, we're still doing mail.

Alright. Alright. Hit me with the mail.

Alright. This is from Mike Cadaver of Salt Lake City.

Mike Cadaver? That's his name?

I mean, I think it's a screen name.

You can go with Mike Benedict if you prefer.

Okay. "Dear Joe Bob, I have the best fiancée in the world,

but she hates horror. What do I do?

Mike Cadaver Benedict. Salt Lake City."

Mike...

you will face the sea of darkness

and all therein that may be explored.

[Laughter]

Good luck.

And now John Brennan.

John, I want to thank you

and Justin Martell, one of our producers,

and Austin Jennings, our director,

for being instrumental in bringing the maestro,

Mr. Fabrio Frizzi, to "The Last Drive-in."

And I understand you have a very special message before we go.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Well, season five is certainly alive ♪

♪ There's so much coming up, it boggles my mind ♪

♪ Out of sight, "The Drive-in" will never die ♪

♪ And we hope you agree this premiere was all fire ♪

♪ The dead got up and walked

♪ We saw a zombie fight a shark ♪

♪♪

-♪ Oh, my -♪ Splinter in the eye

♪ At the gates of hell, the blind were leading the blind ♪

♪ We gave you Fulci, we showed you "Zombie" ♪

♪ We went all the way beyond with Fabio Frizzi ♪

♪ Thank you, Maestro, but now it's time to go ♪

♪ So please take us on out with the synthesizer solo, oh! ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Thank you, Maestro, heck of a solo ♪

♪ We'll have Yuki paint you up a very shiny bolo ♪

♪ That's the whole show, it's time to go-go ♪

♪ So here's Joe Bob Briggs now to take us on home, yo ♪

I want to thank everyone who came for this little experiment,

including Ian McCulloch, Felissa Rose, Danhausen,

David Dastmalchian, Peaches Christ,

Bobcat Goldthwait, Darcy the Mail Girl,

"The Last Drive-in" crack team of on-set technicians

and backstage...artists

and, of course, the pride of Bologna,

Mr. Fabrio Frizzi.

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughs]

♪♪

♪ We are drive-in mutants

♪ We are not like other people

♪ We are sick, we are disgusting ♪

♪ We believe in, we believe in

♪ Blood and breasts and beasts

♪ Yeah, we believe in

♪ Blood and breasts and beasts

♪♪

♪ If life had a vomit meter

♪ We'd be off the scale

♪ As long as one drive-in remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪♪

♪ We will boogie 'til we puke

♪ The drive-in will never die

♪ We will boogie 'til we puke

♪ The drive-in will never die

♪ We believe in

♪ Blood and breasts and beasts

♪ We believe in

♪ Blood and breasts and beasts

♪ Yeah, we believe in