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1
00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:23,066
IAN: We open up against
Michigan in two weeks.
2
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:26,939
Coach's got me
hitting the bench
pretty hard.
3
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:35,296
Shit. How much is a lot?
4
00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,082
One... No, two.
5
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,655
I'm putting up three hundy.
6
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,840
Well, let's see, Tasty.
7
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,584
[EXHALES]
8
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,368
Wow!
9
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:06,979
Um...
10
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:12,202
Wow, you're really pretty.
I've never seen...
11
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,682
No, stop it, stop it.
12
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,510
Don't be so
fucking desperate.
13
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,164
Come on, be a dick.
Be cool.
14
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:20,819
MAN IMITATING VAN DAMME:
Don't be a pussy.
15
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:21,777
Tell her she's an ugly skank.
16
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,738
Yeah.
17
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:27,696
Not bad.
18
00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:30,438
I've seen better.
19
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,488
Yeah, whatever.
20
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:43,015
Coach's got us
running two-a-days,
so I gotta bounce.
21
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:02,905
[BLANKET RUSTLES]
22
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,912
Miss Tasty?
How did you get here?
23
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,306
Shh!
24
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:15,787
[GASPING]
25
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,383
[GROANING]
26
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:14,716
[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]
27
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,545
[SNORING]
28
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:35,040
Ian, wake up, faggot.
Judge rolls in 20,
29
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,738
so if you want a ride
to work you better get
your poop in a group.
30
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,522
Okay, I'll be right down.
31
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,784
No. Now, Clay Aiken.
32
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,526
Hey...
33
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,571
Ow! Cut it out.
34
00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,181
Hurts, doesn't it?
35
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,488
Shut up! I'm trying to sleep.
36
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:50,578
Hey, sorry, Big D.
Just go back to sleep.
37
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:51,883
You, get up.
38
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,189
Give me a minute.
39
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,582
What are you hiding?
40
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,714
You got a big fattie
under there, don't you?
41
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,542
Yeah, you do.
You're stroking it, too.
42
00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:00,544
Oh! What the F?
43
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,591
Good. My boys are all here.
44
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:05,723
Dad, Ian's free...Can it, Rex.
45
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:09,292
Your pop's got
a bombshell to drop,
so ears open.
46
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,947
Last night, your old man
popped the question.
47
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,165
[LAUGHS]
48
00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:14,819
Show them, Karen.
49
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,343
[EXCLAIMING]
50
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:18,823
I'm so happy.
51
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:21,391
[LAUGHS]
52
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:24,176
Hey, way to go!
53
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,266
Ian, you wanna
get off your duff
54
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,397
and come over here
and give Karen a hug?
55
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,790
Um...
56
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:30,618
Yeah, Ian, get up.
You're being rude.
57
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,402
Can we do that later?
58
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,143
Damn it, Ian, get up...
59
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,580
No, no, honey.
It's okay.
60
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:40,584
We have to give him time
to get used to the idea.
61
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,327
IAN'S DAD: Karen?REX: Are you okay?
62
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,329
Karen? Karen, honey?You okay?
63
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,896
Sweetheart?
64
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:50,290
What smells like jizz?
65
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,683
[LET'S GET IT UP
PLAYING ON CAR RADIO]
66
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:53,902
[HONKING]
67
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,558
Let's go!
Kick it in the ass, dildo!
68
00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,908
[ENGINE REVVING]
69
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:07,785
[LAUGHS]
70
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:10,962
Come on, get in.
Get in!
71
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,969
[GRUNTS]
72
00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:19,406
[REX LAUGHING]
73
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:20,450
REX: You suck!
74
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:25,194
Okay, seriously.
Quit being such
a fag and get in.
75
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,375
♪ Never go down
76
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,638
♪ So let's get it up
77
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:37,598
[COUGHS]
78
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,340
Ian,
I'm gonna ask you a question,
and I want a straight answer.
79
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,517
You queer?What?
80
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,779
God damn it! I knew it!
81
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,346
I didn't say anything.
82
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,522
Exactly. If someone asks you
if you're a pole smoker,
83
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,132
you just deny it,
straight off.
84
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,786
No pause, no farting around.
85
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,440
Rex, I'm not gay.
86
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,443
Ian, you're 18,
and you've never
had a girlfriend.
87
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:59,228
That's how people
wind up getting gay,
you know.
88
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,448
I don't think that's
really how it happens.
89
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,667
Is that not how it happens?
So tell me how it happens,
expert.
90
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:06,366
Fucking cock expert.
Cockspert.
91
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,455
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?
92
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,674
That's gross.
I don't know why
you're talking about it.
93
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,763
Look,
every guy's got a fantasy
about another guy,
94
00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,635
but you got to bury
that shit way down.
95
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,419
This is America,
God damn it.
96
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,595
There is...
97
00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:20,467
There is a girl
that I've been kind of...
98
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,598
All right, I'm listening.
99
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,426
Where'd you meet her?
100
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,775
On the... Online.
101
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,299
[TIRES SQUEALING]
102
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:30,259
What? For fuck's sake, Ian,
don't you watch Dateline?
103
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:31,869
She's probably a guy.
104
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:35,003
Some fat old dude
who wants to ram you
in the tailpipe.
105
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,048
But you'd love that,
wouldn't you?
'Cause you're a homo.
106
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:51,367
REX: Try not to
come home any gayer
than you are now.
107
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,979
[GOT YOU PLAYING]
108
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,944
♪ Hey
109
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:07,731
♪ What's your favorite song?
110
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,081
♪ Maybe we could hum along
111
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:17,785
♪ Well, I think you're smart,
you sweet thing
112
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:23,660
♪ Tell me your name,
I'm dying here
113
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,756
♪ Got you where I want you
114
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,367
♪ Yeah
115
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,592
[SIGHS]
116
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:47,075
Hey, Becca. How are you?
117
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:50,252
I'm good. I'm fine.
Whatever.
118
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,515
[CHUCKLING] Hey, Becca.
119
00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:54,604
Looks like you had a long,
nasty night.
120
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,432
Ron and Ian want
the four-one- uno.
121
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,390
Whatever.
You guys are gross.
122
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,915
I'm not gross.
I didn't say anything.
123
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,699
Okay, who's going
on coupon rounds?
124
00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,182
No, Becca,
I did it yesterday.
125
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,531
Please, Ian.
126
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,535
I love you so much.
127
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,452
IAN: Hello. This is
a coupon for six free...
128
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,542
No? Okay. Sorry.
Donuts? No.
129
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,370
Six free donuts with
the Bandito's Dozen.Thanks.
130
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,719
You're welcome. Sorry.
131
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,158
Excuse me.
Do you know where
the Gap is?
132
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,638
It's just past
the movie theater.
133
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,511
Thanks, man.
134
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:33,077
[LAUGHING]
135
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,646
Yeah, real funny.
136
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:43,348
Free donuts, free coupons.
137
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,046
TIFFANY: Felicia.
How's it fitting, hon?
138
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,932
Well, you look nice.
139
00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:03,804
You know, sweetie,
there's still time to
have your boobs done
140
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,719
before my wedding.
141
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,851
Darren and I
already discussed them,
and he said he'd pay for it.
142
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,593
I mean, he's a dentist,
so it's totally
not a big deal.
143
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,510
Excuse me, do you have
a pair of scissors?
144
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,034
Oh! Sure, sweetie.
Do you have a stringie?
145
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:20,429
Oh, no. I was just hoping
you could slit my
wrists for me quickly.
146
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,649
My husband killed
himself last Christmas.
147
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:28,611
I am so sorry.
I was just...
148
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:32,920
Hello. This is a coupon
for six free donuts. Donuts?
149
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:37,925
Oh, my God!
150
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,667
You look so hot in that.
151
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,321
Hey, sweetheart, listen.
Please don't take
this the wrong way,
152
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,628
but your whole
trying too hard thing,
153
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,239
it's just coming
across as needy,
you know?
154
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,415
And I think you're
better than that, Kimberly.
155
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,330
But all I was
saying was that...
156
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:55,899
Shh! Let's see it
in a large. Okay?
157
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,597
I mean, Christ,
I'm out buying him
clothes right now.
158
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,642
He's 18 years old.
159
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,688
I don't have to do
that shit anymore.
160
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,646
Look, Judy,
listen, I'm sorry,
I'm losing you.
161
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,561
I'm going into a tunnel.
162
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:11,785
Well, it's official, Lance,
your mom's still
bat-shit crazy.
163
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,961
What? You're telling me
she doesn't shit-talk me?
164
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:17,007
No, actually, she doesn't.
She doesn't, ever.
165
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,706
All right.
Let me give you some advice,
Lance, all right?
166
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,098
Don't ever get married.
167
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,926
Just an endless
parade of horseshit.
168
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:26,538
And whatever you do, man,
always wear a rubber. Christ.
169
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:29,498
Nice. Always classy.
170
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,326
Hey, come on, Lance,
I didn't mean it like...
171
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,980
Come on, dawg.
172
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:40,422
Hey, sir.
I've got something yummy
for your little girl.
173
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,294
[SCREAMING]
174
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:47,081
Oh, my God.
Excuse me! Sorry!
175
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,085
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
176
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:56,873
Ian? Oh, my God,
dude, what happened?I don't know.
177
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,093
Is there a cock and balls
on the front of me again?
178
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,442
Like a little tree trunk.
179
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:01,356
IAN: Thank you.
180
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,359
Oh, my God.
181
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,712
Whoa. You look pretty.
182
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,758
God, shut up, Ian!
183
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:16,153
What? I'm just saying,
you usually dress so...
You look nice.
184
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,938
Ian, why do you
got to work the mouth
when you talk to us?
185
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:20,027
Yeah, Ian.
186
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,724
Sorry, it's a...
It's a habit.
187
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,465
Hey, that girl you
work with, Becca,
188
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:24,858
you gonna bring her
to my party tonight?
189
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,903
Yeah, I asked her.
She said no.
190
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:29,645
Good. Dude, she's
totally wrong for you.
191
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,387
That's what you say
about everyone.
192
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:34,041
She made you wear
the fucking
costume again, right?
193
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,433
You know,
I don't mind...
194
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:36,739
Dude, if you told her
to fuck off,
195
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,654
she'd be two knuckles
deep right now
196
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,221
daydreaming about
your big black cock.
197
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:41,788
FELICIA:
Ian, do not listen to him.
198
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,964
Okay, girls want a nice guy
who's gonna treat them well.
199
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,879
Really?Yes. Really.
200
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,924
Look, all I'm saying is
everybody wants a challenge.
201
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,621
Everybody wants...
202
00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:50,535
What they can't get.
I know, I got it.
203
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,537
That shit does not work.
204
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,539
It works on you.
205
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,106
No, it doesn't.
206
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,678
Felicia!
207
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,724
Balls! I got to go.
208
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,464
Evil cousin's
spending the weekend.
209
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:07,988
Pretty cousin?
210
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,380
Ian, she's the anti-Christ.
211
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,165
She's still super hot.
212
00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:12,427
Fuck you, too. See you.
213
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:14,951
So what happened with Becca?
214
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:16,474
You been doing
like I told you,
being a dick?
215
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,868
Yeah, kind of.
Being kind of a dick.
216
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,958
I'd say...
No, not really.
217
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,004
I mean, you know,
I've sort of been practicing
218
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:27,398
your whole being-a-dick thing
with this girl I met online.
219
00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:29,444
And I get it, but I just...Thanks.
220
00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:30,924
I don't think I could
do that for real.
221
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,316
Dude, sure you can.
222
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,101
I believe in you, you know.
223
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:37,408
You just got to
stop worrying about being
the good guy all the time.
224
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,497
I mean, okay,
look at Andy and
Randy over there.
225
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:41,108
You think they care
what women think about them?
226
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,849
They could give a fuck.
227
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,025
What's up? What's up?
228
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,809
What's up, what's up?
229
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:50,030
Hi. I'm collecting for
the underprivileged
children of Ecuador.
230
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,074
Would you like to help?
231
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,336
You wanna party?
232
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:54,817
Um... I'm kind of
working right now.
233
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,166
When are you done?
234
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,385
Yeah, what are you
doing after?
235
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,865
I have a church
thing tonight.
236
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,041
Kick ass, we'll come.Yeah, where is it?
237
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:02,956
Is there gonna be
more hot snatch
like you there?
238
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,435
Those guys are total nards.
239
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:06,133
They never get anywhere.
240
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,135
That's just
'cause they don't know
how to close.
241
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:10,137
But they're ability to open
is fucking heroic.
242
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:11,529
Do you wear
thong underpants?
243
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:12,704
Do you want us to
take our shirts off?
244
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,619
Where do you live?Is your mom hot, too?
245
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,360
Where do you live?What's your address?
246
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,884
Do you want us to come over?Do you like pizza?
247
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,450
We've been to a motel.
248
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,413
Fuck off, donut.
249
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,110
Rex, it's me.
250
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,635
What the fuck is
this all about?
251
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,637
I broke the key
off of our locker.
252
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,509
I couldn't get
my clothes out.
253
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:36,859
Stow that shit in the trunk.
254
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,252
Christ, you look like
a Mexican butt-hole.
255
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:44,693
[LAUGHING] You suck.
256
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,960
Becca? Hey.
257
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,484
Wow, I didn't know
that you were coming over.
258
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,792
Cool.
259
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,969
I didn't even know
that you knew where I lived.
I mean...
260
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,231
Yeah, I do.
261
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,667
Yeah.
262
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:04,365
So...
263
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,367
Oh! It's a funny story.
I broke...
264
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:10,197
I broke my key off
and Ron let me borrow the...
265
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,896
Anyway, so this is great.
You changed your mind.
266
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,290
Now, the party,
it doesn't start
for a few hours.
267
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,858
Actually, I was wondering
if Dylan's here.
268
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,600
Dylan?
269
00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,993
Yeah. Is he here?
270
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,213
My 14-year-old brother Dylan?Yeah.
271
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,911
DYLAN: Nice underpants, Ian.
272
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,261
Snap! Dang, that was funny.
273
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,133
You know he's 14, right?
274
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,093
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
275
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,590
Ian, dude, there's
like 80 wet chicks here.
276
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,331
Get off your wallflower ass.
277
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,767
Are you smoking cigars now?
278
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,377
Yes.
279
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:01,988
Hey, Lance. Tight party.
280
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,903
Okay, rude.
281
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,730
You can see I'm having
a conversation here.
282
00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:08,733
Now, I'll be with you
in a few minutes, okay?
283
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,257
Thank you.We're sorry.
284
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,215
Don't apologize to her.I'm sorry.
285
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:13,651
Don't apologize to me.
286
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:14,609
[SCOFFS]
287
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,484
Hey, I'm gonna go see
who Felicia's talking to.
288
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,834
No, dude,
forget Felicia, okay?
289
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:25,054
I know you guys are
BFF and all that shit,
290
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,230
but tonight's
about getting that dick
a little daylight.
291
00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:29,450
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,
where you going?
292
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,713
Come here,
we're not done.
Get in here.
293
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,671
You know my boy Ian?
294
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,673
Yeah. No. I don't know.
295
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,197
You used to be
on my paper route.
296
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,982
Okay, sure.
My mom likes you.
297
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:43,333
You know what else
about our boy Ian here?
298
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,596
Ian is a bust-ass virgin.
299
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,684
[SPLUTTERS]
300
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,470
I'm so sorry.
301
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:50,906
He's fresh meat.
302
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,995
[GIGGLING]
303
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:56,172
Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked.
I got into the University
of Wisconsin,
304
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,261
and I'm gonna go for
veterinary medicine,
'cause that's where...
305
00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,349
Are you gonna go to college?
306
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,655
University of Boulder.
307
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,744
It's a great party school.
308
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:05,616
Oh, you know,
I read that they have
309
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:08,010
a really great
astronomy program.
310
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,925
I don't know if that's
what you're
going there for or...
311
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,884
Because it's
really high elevation,
312
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,365
and you can see
the stars really well...
313
00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,414
Planets.
314
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,155
Wow!
A little tip action there.
315
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:24,331
That's really suggestive.
316
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:27,334
I'm not saying that
you're gonna do
that on my, well...
317
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:30,163
There, what, you're gonna...
Two in there.
318
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,468
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
319
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:32,208
Wow, you're really...FELICIA: Ian! Dude!
320
00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:33,644
[POPPING]
321
00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:36,125
I'm... Could you
excuse me for a second?
322
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:41,391
Hey!Hey! What up?
323
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,306
What are you
doing in there, man?
324
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,047
What're you
doing out here, man?
325
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,440
I asked you first.
326
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,442
Uh... Nothing.
327
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,793
No, I just...
I spilled beer on my shirt,
so then I had to...
328
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:54,187
I thought you had,
like, a girl in there.
329
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:57,233
Yeah, right. I wish.
330
00:16:57,277 --> 00:17:00,628
So, okay.
So, are your parents,
like, still going
331
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,978
to Dylan's motor-cross thing
this weekend?
332
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,066
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They all take
off in the morning.
333
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,937
Okay. Awesome.
334
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,766
'Cause my evil cousin
is driving me nuts,
335
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,073
so, I don't know,
336
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:14,424
you think,
like, maybe I could hang
at your place this weekend?
337
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,731
Yeah. Yeah, like
a sleepover or something.
It'll be fun.
338
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,908
Oh, my God!
Thank you so much.
339
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,650
Hey, I have a secret.
340
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,521
[LAUGHS]
341
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:27,046
Look at you acting
like such a girl.
342
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,743
I know, I know.
Okay, okay. Here it is.
343
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,836
I have a crush on someone,
a boy, a guy.
344
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:38,622
Yeah? Well, who is it?
345
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:39,884
Come on, you know me
better than anyone.
346
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,103
I bet you know who it is.
347
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,713
Come on, guess.
348
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:45,760
Um...
349
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:47,979
I think I know.
350
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,771
[GASPING]
351
00:17:56,814 --> 00:18:00,166
I'm kidding.
Oh, God! I got you.
352
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,733
You're so easy.
You're so easy!
353
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:07,956
You're my best friend.
354
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,871
I know,
and you're my best friend.
355
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:13,222
That's why it's funny
that we would kiss,
because we wouldn't.
356
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,837
So who is it?
Who's the lucky caballero?
357
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,405
Um... Nobody.
358
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,407
Nobody?
359
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,105
I... I was kidding, too.
360
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,804
That is funny.It's hilarious.
361
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:31,762
That is so funny.That is so funny.
362
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,461
Oh! I...
363
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:35,462
Oh, you got...Yeah.
364
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:36,898
All right. So...
365
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,204
Hey!
366
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,292
Okay.
367
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,386
Harsh.
368
00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,268
Hey, babe,
you wanna party?
369
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,922
I'm at a party.
370
00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,142
RANDY: Do you wanna
make out with us?
371
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,534
ANDY: Why don't you
take a picture, Ian?
372
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,971
Yeah, and post it on
Totalfuckingawesomeness.com.
373
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,104
Backslash-we-rule!
374
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,453
Where'd you
come up with that?
375
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:14,153
Hey, can I ask
you guys a question?
376
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,416
You just did.
377
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:17,678
Can I ask you
another question?
378
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,984
You just did again.What's up? What's up?
379
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,247
What's up, what's up?
380
00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,380
Dude, where you going?
381
00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:26,208
Dude, come on.
Be a buddy.
382
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:29,820
I'm... All right, all right.
383
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,518
You got to get
over the monkey.
384
00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:33,694
Where do you guys
get the confidence to,
385
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,435
like, hit on
every girl you see?
386
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,567
'Cause we're the shit.
387
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,395
Yeah, you oughts
to know that, bitch.
388
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,136
So where's Felicia?
389
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,529
Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
390
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,140
She's in...
391
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,882
Fe-lay-cha!
You banging her?
392
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,405
We're just friends.
393
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,798
I'm uncircumcised.
394
00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,278
GIRL: Fuck off!
395
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,323
Wait, I thought
you took her to prom.
396
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,847
Yeah, but it was
a just-friends kind of thing.
397
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,854
You should bang her.
We would.
398
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,378
ANDY: Dude,
we would bang her so hard.
399
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,380
Yeah, tell her
we'll bang her for you
if you're not into it.
400
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,990
Yeah. Hard.
401
00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:10,209
With our dicks!
402
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,427
Yeah, our dicks are huge.
403
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,428
RANDY: You could
see them from space!
404
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:13,560
[ANDY SPITS]
405
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:14,735
What's up?What's up?
406
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:22,786
I'll call you
from nationals.
407
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:27,748
BECCA: Say it.
408
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:28,836
You're my little donut girl.
409
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,798
Bye, sexy.
410
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,583
Yo, Ian.
411
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,629
You want to smell
my finger?
412
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:42,676
Yeah, okay.
413
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,462
[SNIFFS]
414
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,551
Are you sure you
got the right hole?
415
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:49,726
[SNIFFS]
416
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,477
Awesome.
417
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:09,529
Hmm... '69.
418
00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:16,753
[LAUGHS]
419
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,015
Whoa.
420
00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:28,939
Don't puss out. Be cool.
421
00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:34,858
I don't know.
422
00:21:34,902 --> 00:21:40,255
That is a long drive,
my sugar biscuit!
423
00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,434
Sugar biscuit?
God, I suck at this.
424
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:51,962
[SLURPING]
425
00:21:56,227 --> 00:21:57,620
[CLANGING]
426
00:21:57,664 --> 00:21:58,839
Holy buckets.
427
00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:01,581
[SLURPS]
428
00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:03,800
She wants me to
give her the D.
429
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:04,584
[NASTY GIRL
PLAYING ON HEADPHONES]
430
00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:05,976
♪ Well, honey
431
00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:07,108
♪ What ya got, Mr. Mans?
432
00:22:07,151 --> 00:22:08,936
♪ I got a lot of money
433
00:22:08,979 --> 00:22:10,720
♪ I don't see no keys
in my hands
434
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:13,288
♪ I just wanna nasty girl
435
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,246
[GRUNTS]
436
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:17,379
♪ Now tell me,
is that nasty girl you?
437
00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:19,729
♪ Do you like what you see?
438
00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:25,300
♪ Could you be my nasty girl
and let me do that
dirty dance with you?
439
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:26,910
♪ I can love you long time
440
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:36,006
[ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING]
441
00:22:41,534 --> 00:22:45,451
♪ I like 'em
all in shapes and sizes
442
00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:48,889
♪ And it don't make
no difference to me
443
00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:51,282
♪ If you're short,
tall, big or small
444
00:22:51,326 --> 00:22:53,502
♪ Long if there ain't
no big surprises
445
00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:54,938
♪ Chances are
you'll suit me to a T ♪
446
00:22:59,334 --> 00:23:01,380
Dad, what did you
do with my helmet?
447
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,227
Ian, honey,
I made you some
448
00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:29,364
tollhouse cookies.
449
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,148
I'll just leave
these here for you.
450
00:23:32,846 --> 00:23:33,890
I'll get them later.
451
00:23:35,239 --> 00:23:37,024
There's $40 in
the cow for fun money,
452
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:41,507
so be safe and
sorry I didn't knock.
453
00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:47,164
Anytime. It's your home now.
454
00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,252
[THUDS]
455
00:23:48,296 --> 00:23:49,515
KAREN: Oh, dear.
456
00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:55,216
Dude.Hey.
457
00:23:55,259 --> 00:23:56,696
What is going on with you?
458
00:23:56,739 --> 00:23:57,697
You bought rubbers?
459
00:23:58,915 --> 00:24:00,308
How did you know that?
460
00:24:00,351 --> 00:24:01,135
It's on Russ Miller's blog.
461
00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:07,881
Jesus! That was,
like, 11 minutes ago.
462
00:24:07,924 --> 00:24:11,014
What's the deal? Dude.
463
00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:14,061
IAN: She wants me
to meet her tonight
at the Big Boy in Knoxville.
464
00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:16,150
Seriously,
dude, pack your shit.
We're going to Knoxville.
465
00:24:16,193 --> 00:24:18,369
No. Stop it.
Put these back.
466
00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:20,459
This is the type
of girl who has...
467
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:23,200
She has it shaved
into a landing strip.
468
00:24:23,244 --> 00:24:24,767
I can't deal with
a landing strip.
469
00:24:24,811 --> 00:24:26,203
Okay, dude,
you don't know that.
470
00:24:26,247 --> 00:24:27,378
I mean, she could have
anything under there.
471
00:24:27,422 --> 00:24:29,859
There could be
a little Hitler
472
00:24:29,903 --> 00:24:32,340
or just a full,
nasty Chewbacca.
473
00:24:32,383 --> 00:24:33,950
You know,
she doesn't even want me.
474
00:24:33,994 --> 00:24:35,865
She wants him.
475
00:24:35,909 --> 00:24:37,345
[LANCE LAUGHING]
476
00:24:37,388 --> 00:24:41,131
I'm sorry.
This is good. This is fine.
477
00:24:41,175 --> 00:24:43,394
I mean, that looks like you.
Like the eyes.
478
00:24:43,438 --> 00:24:46,006
Tasty's probably a guy,
anyway.
479
00:24:46,049 --> 00:24:49,052
Maybe. But what if she's not?
480
00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:50,750
You know, I mean, look,
you've already opened,
481
00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:52,229
and I could
help you close.
482
00:24:53,056 --> 00:24:54,536
We just need one thing.
483
00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:55,232
[ENGINE REVVING]
484
00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:02,065
Ian, just look at this.
485
00:25:02,109 --> 00:25:04,720
I mean,
you roll up in a '69 GTO,
486
00:25:04,764 --> 00:25:07,288
she's gonna drop
an egg right there
in the Big Boy parking lot.
487
00:25:07,331 --> 00:25:09,029
Hey, Ian, come give
me a hand with this.
488
00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:12,989
Here.
Strap that end down. Tight.
489
00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:15,818
The cord's too short.
490
00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:16,993
Put a little sack
into it, powder puff.
491
00:25:21,128 --> 00:25:22,042
All right.
Thanks, little brother.
492
00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:23,870
Yeah.
493
00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:26,350
Hey, Ian.Yeah.
494
00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:28,222
Did I hear something
about you wanting
to borrow my car?
495
00:25:28,265 --> 00:25:30,398
No, no, it's fine.
Thanks. Thank you.
496
00:25:31,791 --> 00:25:32,966
You sure?
497
00:25:34,663 --> 00:25:36,056
You're my
little brother, Ian.
498
00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:37,274
All you gotta do is ask.
499
00:25:39,973 --> 00:25:40,930
Okay.
500
00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:44,499
Could I use The Judge
this weekend?
501
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,370
Ow!
502
00:25:46,414 --> 00:25:47,633
[LAUGHING]
503
00:25:50,026 --> 00:25:51,941
Fuck-stick,
I wouldn't let you drive
The Judge
504
00:25:51,985 --> 00:25:53,421
if it was parked
on my shnuts.
505
00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,035
REX: Let's go, Dad.
506
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:00,297
What a dick.
507
00:26:00,341 --> 00:26:02,604
You should take his
car just on principle.
508
00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:04,606
What do you want
me to do, you know?
509
00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:06,042
I mean,
I doubt I can hot-wire it,
510
00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,130
since I don't even know
what that means.
511
00:26:07,174 --> 00:26:08,349
What are you doing?
512
00:26:10,003 --> 00:26:10,960
[LAUGHS]
513
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:13,963
No. Lance, no!
Put it back.
514
00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:15,704
Did you just hear him?
Please.
515
00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:18,141
Come here,
we're gonna have a talk.
516
00:26:18,185 --> 00:26:19,926
She's only nine
short hours away.
517
00:26:19,969 --> 00:26:21,101
We're gonna head
down there tonight
518
00:26:21,144 --> 00:26:22,363
and you're gonna
pound on that va-J.
519
00:26:22,406 --> 00:26:23,799
Who's gonna pound on it?
Say it.
520
00:26:23,843 --> 00:26:25,366
Ian's gonna pound on it.
521
00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:28,021
We're back tomorrow
before Rex even
knows the car is gone.
522
00:26:28,064 --> 00:26:29,239
Now, listen,
these girls at Madison are
523
00:26:29,283 --> 00:26:30,632
gonna be fucking
at a college level.
524
00:26:30,676 --> 00:26:33,417
[GARAGE DOOR OPENING]I need you ready for that.
525
00:26:33,461 --> 00:26:35,028
Wait! Put it... Put it back.
526
00:26:36,159 --> 00:26:37,117
Back here.
527
00:26:52,045 --> 00:26:54,830
For God's sake.
You two rump rangers
couldn't wait five minutes?
528
00:26:57,572 --> 00:26:58,529
[GRUNTS]
529
00:27:01,794 --> 00:27:03,012
[HONKING]
530
00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:07,408
Shit.
531
00:27:24,251 --> 00:27:26,079
Shit! Fuck!
532
00:27:26,122 --> 00:27:28,037
I told her she could
stay here this weekend.
533
00:27:29,604 --> 00:27:30,997
What the hell?
534
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,563
Why are you
driving Rex's car?
535
00:27:32,607 --> 00:27:33,739
I thought me and...
536
00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:37,481
Are you bitching out on me?
537
00:27:37,525 --> 00:27:38,744
No.
538
00:27:38,787 --> 00:27:40,310
No.No.
539
00:27:40,354 --> 00:27:43,009
Good. Well,
then where are we going?
540
00:27:43,052 --> 00:27:45,664
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee.
541
00:27:47,578 --> 00:27:49,276
Okay. I'm gonna go
tell my mom.
542
00:27:49,319 --> 00:27:52,932
Okay.
Are you gonna... Awesome.
543
00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:54,760
Dude, what the fuck?
544
00:27:54,803 --> 00:27:56,631
I don't want her along.Really?
545
00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:58,589
You don't want to bring Yoko
on your sex trip?
546
00:27:58,633 --> 00:28:00,200
Yeah, no shit.
547
00:28:00,243 --> 00:28:01,418
She's always
cock-blocking you.
548
00:28:01,462 --> 00:28:03,856
No, she isn't.
She doesn't even have a...
549
00:28:03,899 --> 00:28:05,945
Okay, twat blocking.
550
00:28:05,988 --> 00:28:07,511
Professor.
551
00:28:07,555 --> 00:28:08,251
FELICIA'S MOM: When will you
be coming back?
552
00:28:08,295 --> 00:28:09,775
No, tomorrow.
553
00:28:09,818 --> 00:28:11,298
FELICIA'S MOM: When?
554
00:28:11,341 --> 00:28:12,952
No. Bye! God.
555
00:28:12,995 --> 00:28:15,824
You guys drive
safe now. Bye!
556
00:28:15,868 --> 00:28:18,131
So, what's in Tennessee?
557
00:28:18,174 --> 00:28:20,655
My grandma has
got some cancer.
558
00:28:21,525 --> 00:28:22,744
Grammy K?
559
00:28:22,788 --> 00:28:24,006
IAN: She's fine.
560
00:28:24,050 --> 00:28:26,661
She's gonna live forever.
Well, a long time.
561
00:28:28,402 --> 00:28:29,969
It's, you know...
I mean, what is it called?
562
00:28:30,012 --> 00:28:31,231
It's foot cancer.
563
00:28:31,274 --> 00:28:32,362
She's got
a little foot cancer.
564
00:28:32,406 --> 00:28:35,322
She'll be hopping
around in no time.
565
00:28:35,365 --> 00:28:38,238
So what's she
doing in Tennessee?
566
00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:41,937
Oh! Um...
Well, there's this kick-ass
cancer center there.
567
00:28:41,981 --> 00:28:43,939
Yeah.
568
00:28:43,983 --> 00:28:46,028
Yeah, it's like...
It's famous.
569
00:28:46,072 --> 00:28:47,247
Yeah.
570
00:28:47,290 --> 00:28:48,988
So if you ever
get any cancer,
571
00:28:49,031 --> 00:28:53,340
you should
totally check it out.
572
00:28:53,383 --> 00:28:54,471
[TIME TO PRETEND PLAYING]
573
00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:55,255
I would.
574
00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:00,956
LANCE: So you want
I-80 East and then
575
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,653
65 goes all the way
through Indiana.
576
00:29:03,959 --> 00:29:04,786
So how's it feel?
577
00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:06,570
IAN: What?
578
00:29:06,614 --> 00:29:08,529
I don't know,
breaking the rules,
579
00:29:08,572 --> 00:29:10,183
talking some shit,
driving The Judge?
580
00:29:11,662 --> 00:29:13,273
It feels pretty good.
581
00:29:13,316 --> 00:29:15,318
♪ I'm feeling rough,
I'm feeling raw
582
00:29:15,362 --> 00:29:16,798
♪ I'm in the prime
of my life
583
00:29:22,499 --> 00:29:24,806
♪ Let's make some music,
make some money
584
00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:27,417
♪ Find some models for wives
585
00:29:31,421 --> 00:29:33,467
♪ This is our decision
586
00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:35,208
♪ To live fast and die young
587
00:29:36,470 --> 00:29:38,341
♪ We've got the vision
588
00:29:38,385 --> 00:29:40,953
♪ Now let's have some fun
589
00:29:43,912 --> 00:29:45,784
♪ I said, yeah, yeah, yeah
590
00:29:46,872 --> 00:29:48,264
[ENGINE REVVING]
591
00:29:50,266 --> 00:29:51,659
This dude wants to race.
592
00:29:53,704 --> 00:29:55,315
Let's go, ladies.
593
00:29:55,358 --> 00:29:58,318
Lance! Cut it out!
Come on, you don't
know who's in there.
594
00:29:58,361 --> 00:30:02,191
Dude, I don't care if
fucking Steve McQueen's
zombie corpse is in that car.
595
00:30:02,235 --> 00:30:03,714
I refuse to be
embarrassed by a car
596
00:30:03,758 --> 00:30:05,281
that looks like
a Trapper Keeper.
597
00:30:05,325 --> 00:30:06,979
I am not racing
in my brother's car.
598
00:30:08,154 --> 00:30:10,069
IAN: Holy shit.
599
00:30:11,244 --> 00:30:12,723
What the hell is that?
600
00:30:13,246 --> 00:30:14,290
Whoa!
601
00:30:15,248 --> 00:30:17,293
Looks like
a Nachos BellGrande.
602
00:30:17,337 --> 00:30:18,991
And a chalupa!
603
00:30:19,034 --> 00:30:20,557
Medium Coke!
604
00:30:20,601 --> 00:30:21,645
[SCREAMING]
605
00:30:21,689 --> 00:30:23,256
Go right!
606
00:30:23,299 --> 00:30:25,301
FELICIA: Turn the wipers on!IAN: They are on.
607
00:30:25,345 --> 00:30:27,303
They're not working!
608
00:30:27,347 --> 00:30:29,610
Please, don't yell at me.
I'm doing the best I can.
609
00:30:31,046 --> 00:30:32,308
Winnebago!IAN: Where?
610
00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:33,527
Winnebago! Winnebago!
611
00:30:33,570 --> 00:30:34,876
[SCREECHING]
612
00:30:37,139 --> 00:30:38,488
[GASPING]
613
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,971
Oh, my God,
are you all right?
614
00:30:43,015 --> 00:30:44,277
[LAUGHING]
615
00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:50,065
Yeah, nobody offer to help.
616
00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:51,284
I got this under control.
617
00:30:53,373 --> 00:30:54,461
[SNIFFLES]
618
00:31:00,032 --> 00:31:01,207
Are you all right?
619
00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:03,122
Do I look like
I'm all right?
620
00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:03,992
Fuck!
621
00:31:06,255 --> 00:31:08,475
You know what might
make you feel better?
622
00:31:08,518 --> 00:31:10,564
Putting 40 on pump two.
623
00:31:25,796 --> 00:31:26,667
Hey.
624
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,934
Another one for
the collection.
625
00:31:32,978 --> 00:31:34,762
Aw! Cool. Thanks.
626
00:31:37,852 --> 00:31:38,548
What?
627
00:31:42,813 --> 00:31:44,641
[SOBBING]
628
00:31:44,685 --> 00:31:47,601
It's okay, Brandy.
It's okay, baby, don't cry.
629
00:31:47,644 --> 00:31:49,342
Lance, what are you doing?
630
00:31:49,385 --> 00:31:51,822
Dude, you should be
ashamed of yourself,
631
00:31:51,866 --> 00:31:52,954
because I'm
just trying to show
another human being
632
00:31:52,998 --> 00:31:54,695
a little compassion.
633
00:31:56,131 --> 00:31:57,132
[WHISPERING]
And my dick.
634
00:32:00,048 --> 00:32:01,354
[LANCE LAUGHING]
635
00:32:04,748 --> 00:32:06,881
What have you got?
636
00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,448
Hey, kid, where you from?
637
00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:12,974
I'm from Chicago,
I mean, outside Chicago.
638
00:32:13,018 --> 00:32:15,020
Are you two married. No?
639
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:20,982
No, we're just friends.
We're amigos.
640
00:32:21,026 --> 00:32:23,289
Oh! You make a good couple.
641
00:32:23,332 --> 00:32:26,988
She's pretty.
Marry that girl.
642
00:32:27,032 --> 00:32:30,383
You kids want
to help yourself
to a can of Purple?
643
00:32:30,426 --> 00:32:32,820
Purple sounds great, Ian.
Purple?
644
00:32:32,863 --> 00:32:34,343
Yeah, I can go...
645
00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:38,652
You ever had
a peppermint fatty?
646
00:32:38,695 --> 00:32:40,654
No. Let's have that.
647
00:32:40,697 --> 00:32:42,395
See how that shoe fits.
648
00:32:44,266 --> 00:32:46,138
[LAUGHS]
649
00:32:46,181 --> 00:32:47,791
That is curiously strong.
650
00:32:49,619 --> 00:32:52,231
I feel like my dick
just got bar mitzvahed.
651
00:32:52,274 --> 00:32:54,581
It actually says
Purple Soda.
652
00:32:54,624 --> 00:32:56,278
[LANCE EXCLAIMING]
653
00:32:59,238 --> 00:33:01,066
BRANDY: Bad boy.
654
00:33:06,114 --> 00:33:07,333
You like him, don't you?
655
00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:13,643
What? Who?
656
00:33:13,687 --> 00:33:15,776
Lance. I mean,
he's the crush, right?
657
00:33:15,819 --> 00:33:20,476
Oh, yeah! I like Lance,
'cause he's so hot.
658
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:24,176
I wanna have his baby, he's...
Whatever.
659
00:33:25,481 --> 00:33:26,961
[TIRES SCREECHING]
660
00:33:28,093 --> 00:33:29,659
RICK: Brandy!
661
00:33:29,703 --> 00:33:31,052
FELICIA: Uh-oh!
662
00:33:31,096 --> 00:33:34,012
Brandy! Shit.
663
00:33:37,102 --> 00:33:39,060
Howdy.Howdy.
664
00:33:39,104 --> 00:33:41,410
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am.
665
00:33:42,672 --> 00:33:44,413
Where the fuck's Brandy at?
666
00:33:44,457 --> 00:33:45,893
[BRANDY GIGGLING]
667
00:33:53,292 --> 00:33:56,077
You ever hear of
a rolling brown-out?
668
00:33:56,121 --> 00:33:58,384
No. Let's try it.
669
00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,911
Wait, brown?
No, no, nothing brown!
670
00:34:03,954 --> 00:34:06,218
Nothing brown!
Nothing brown!
671
00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:08,829
What're you gonna do?
Hit a girl?
672
00:34:08,872 --> 00:34:13,094
No, but I'm gonna
pummel his ass real good.
673
00:34:13,138 --> 00:34:15,053
There you go.
There you go.
674
00:34:16,489 --> 00:34:18,099
Brandy! Come on, baby!
675
00:34:18,143 --> 00:34:19,231
Open the God damn door!
676
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,370
All right, this is
not what it looks like.
677
00:34:28,414 --> 00:34:30,155
It was a project for school.
678
00:34:30,198 --> 00:34:31,460
Purple Soda!
679
00:34:31,504 --> 00:34:32,331
[SODA CAN HISSING]
680
00:34:37,553 --> 00:34:38,511
[RICK GRUNTING]
681
00:34:40,643 --> 00:34:41,514
Wiener!
682
00:34:45,692 --> 00:34:46,345
Ow!
683
00:34:57,965 --> 00:34:59,140
There you are.
684
00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:03,231
Come on, come on.
685
00:35:03,275 --> 00:35:04,363
I do not want to die naked.
686
00:35:07,366 --> 00:35:08,497
[LAUGHING]
687
00:35:11,152 --> 00:35:14,938
RICK: Fuck you!
Motherfucking son of a bitch!
688
00:35:23,338 --> 00:35:26,602
Get on your feet,
you motherfucking pussy!
689
00:35:29,214 --> 00:35:30,389
Hey, hold on!
690
00:35:32,521 --> 00:35:33,566
Come on, man,
she's not worth it.
691
00:35:33,609 --> 00:35:35,002
She's just gonna
shit all over you.
692
00:35:35,045 --> 00:35:36,177
Trust me.
693
00:35:36,221 --> 00:35:38,397
Eat bat, dickhead!
694
00:35:40,268 --> 00:35:41,443
Holy shit!
695
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,010
[LAUGHS]
696
00:35:44,011 --> 00:35:45,404
Ian just killed that guy.
697
00:35:45,447 --> 00:35:47,493
Sir?
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
698
00:35:47,536 --> 00:35:49,234
Look, I have
my insurance card.
699
00:35:49,277 --> 00:35:50,757
I'm sorry.
We're from out of town.
700
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,454
I couldn't see you
through the corn.
701
00:35:52,498 --> 00:35:54,195
I'm sorry.
702
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,892
[LANCE LAUGHING]
703
00:35:57,894 --> 00:35:59,069
IAN:
Where the hell's the road?
704
00:35:59,113 --> 00:36:00,288
FELICIA: It feels like left.
705
00:36:00,332 --> 00:36:01,507
IAN: I told you we
didn't have time for this,
706
00:36:01,550 --> 00:36:02,508
but all you care
about is your stupid dick.
707
00:36:02,551 --> 00:36:04,031
Ian.
708
00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:05,293
And you leave us out there
with her mom's weird soda.
709
00:36:05,337 --> 00:36:06,773
Ian.
710
00:36:06,816 --> 00:36:07,948
And her dad's balls
in plain view...
711
00:36:07,991 --> 00:36:09,210
Ian, Ian, whip a shitty!
712
00:36:09,254 --> 00:36:10,385
RICK: Motherfucker!
713
00:36:14,868 --> 00:36:16,174
[ALL SCREAMING]
714
00:36:20,221 --> 00:36:21,396
[WHOOPING]
715
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,573
Holy fucking shit!
That's how you do that!
716
00:36:24,617 --> 00:36:27,272
Oh, my God,
Ian, amazing driving.
717
00:36:27,315 --> 00:36:28,708
Lance, you suck!
718
00:36:28,751 --> 00:36:29,883
FELICIA:
Where the hell are we?
719
00:36:29,926 --> 00:36:31,101
IAN:
Where are the Google maps?
720
00:36:31,145 --> 00:36:32,146
They're in my pants.
721
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:33,234
Which are?
722
00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:35,628
In the trailer.
723
00:36:37,630 --> 00:36:40,415
Mmm-hmm. Great.
724
00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:44,637
Shit. I got gum in my bush.
725
00:36:49,032 --> 00:36:51,252
Hey, pick this guy up.
Maybe he can show us
back to the highway.
726
00:36:51,296 --> 00:36:52,297
Ian, do not
pick up a hitchhiker.
727
00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:53,689
Don't worry, I won't.
728
00:36:53,733 --> 00:36:55,125
[ENGINE CHOKING]
729
00:36:56,170 --> 00:36:57,737
No, no, no.
730
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:00,957
Oh, my God.
731
00:37:03,743 --> 00:37:05,788
Hey!
Thanks for the lift, man.
732
00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:08,008
I've been out
there for hours.
733
00:37:08,051 --> 00:37:09,618
Not one car.
Can you believe it?
734
00:37:09,662 --> 00:37:11,098
Listen, sir, we didn't...
735
00:37:11,141 --> 00:37:12,578
You're good people.
736
00:37:12,621 --> 00:37:14,144
Guy, you're not
wearing any pants.
737
00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:16,016
Yeah, I know.
738
00:37:16,059 --> 00:37:17,322
Right on.
739
00:37:24,938 --> 00:37:27,854
I got nothing.
There's no bars.
740
00:37:27,897 --> 00:37:29,638
You know,
it probably just needs water.
741
00:37:29,682 --> 00:37:31,727
Got any in the trunk?
742
00:37:31,771 --> 00:37:34,339
Hey, sweetheart,
men are talking.
We got this one.
743
00:37:34,382 --> 00:37:37,298
Yeah, thanks,
but this happened to
my brother's car once
744
00:37:37,342 --> 00:37:38,256
and you just piss
in the radiator.
745
00:37:39,126 --> 00:37:40,388
Really?
746
00:37:40,432 --> 00:37:41,781
FELICIA: Yeah.
747
00:37:42,956 --> 00:37:45,132
Oh, God! Damn it!
748
00:37:45,175 --> 00:37:46,176
[GROANING]
749
00:37:46,220 --> 00:37:47,395
Are you okay?
750
00:37:47,439 --> 00:37:48,527
Fuck. Yeah.
751
00:37:48,570 --> 00:37:50,050
LANCE:
That's a lesson learned.
752
00:37:53,314 --> 00:37:55,273
You can watch,
if you're into
that kind of thing.
753
00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:58,363
Oh, wow, thanks,
but I think we've all seen
your dick enough for one day.
754
00:37:58,406 --> 00:37:59,668
IAN: Do you hear that?
There's a ringing.
755
00:37:59,712 --> 00:38:03,324
Your loss.
It's like razor blades.
756
00:38:03,368 --> 00:38:08,242
IAN: What?
There's ants down here. FYI.
757
00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:12,681
All right, you're up.
Grip it and rip it.
758
00:38:13,508 --> 00:38:17,338
Okay. Go away.
759
00:38:17,382 --> 00:38:19,601
Dude, seriously? Still?
760
00:38:19,645 --> 00:38:21,168
I thought you got
over this shit.
761
00:38:22,996 --> 00:38:24,171
You're a grown man.
762
00:38:32,222 --> 00:38:33,485
[WHISPERING]
Flowing river,
gentle stream.
763
00:38:33,528 --> 00:38:35,530
Flowing river,
gentle stream.
764
00:38:35,574 --> 00:38:37,315
Yo, stage fright,
how're we doing?
765
00:38:37,358 --> 00:38:38,925
Damn it, Lance,
just give me a minute.
766
00:38:38,968 --> 00:38:40,318
[LANCE LAUGHING]
767
00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:43,799
Excuse me.
768
00:38:43,843 --> 00:38:45,540
We kind of need you
to pee in the radiator.
769
00:38:46,149 --> 00:38:47,890
Why?
770
00:38:47,934 --> 00:38:49,152
We just do.
771
00:38:52,373 --> 00:38:54,767
Our new friend's
got nothing left
in the tank.
772
00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,034
What?
773
00:39:01,077 --> 00:39:02,818
[CHRISTIAN ROCK
PLAYING ON STEREO]
774
00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:07,954
MAN: You kids need some help?
775
00:39:15,178 --> 00:39:15,831
Hi.
776
00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:23,535
Are you okay?
777
00:39:23,578 --> 00:39:25,667
Oh, yeah, I'm great.
778
00:39:25,711 --> 00:39:27,234
I just beaved
a family of four.
779
00:39:27,277 --> 00:39:28,104
[LANCE LAUGHING]
780
00:39:28,148 --> 00:39:29,236
Try it.
781
00:39:31,456 --> 00:39:32,631
[ENGINE STARTING]
782
00:39:34,502 --> 00:39:36,199
All set?
783
00:39:36,243 --> 00:39:38,463
Look, I'm sorry, sir,
but we can't give you a ride.
784
00:39:40,769 --> 00:39:43,293
I'm gonna say this once.
785
00:39:43,337 --> 00:39:47,602
You unlock this fucking car,
or God is my witness,
786
00:39:47,646 --> 00:39:49,996
I'll stake you
all to the ground,
787
00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:52,868
cut you open and let
the dogs get at you.
788
00:39:54,435 --> 00:39:55,262
Oh, yeah?
789
00:39:58,178 --> 00:40:00,267
Bye-bye.
790
00:40:02,138 --> 00:40:03,401
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
791
00:40:11,757 --> 00:40:13,454
Here's that pee you ordered.
792
00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:14,847
Roll them up.
793
00:40:16,326 --> 00:40:18,459
There you go, Tex.
794
00:40:18,503 --> 00:40:20,330
FELICIA:
You're soaked with pee.
795
00:40:20,374 --> 00:40:21,854
Quick car wash?
796
00:40:21,897 --> 00:40:23,203
God!
797
00:40:23,246 --> 00:40:24,596
FELICIA: Gross.
798
00:40:24,639 --> 00:40:28,948
It smells like Halloween.
Fuck.
799
00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:31,385
IAN:
How can nobody go down a road
for an hour and a half?
800
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:33,256
Why did they even
make this stupid road?
801
00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:35,302
FELICIA:
It's so hot out here.
802
00:40:35,345 --> 00:40:36,608
Ow!
803
00:40:38,697 --> 00:40:39,915
[LAUGHING]
804
00:40:39,959 --> 00:40:42,570
Oh, my God, your head.
805
00:40:42,614 --> 00:40:44,703
Wait... Does it hurt?
Let me see.
806
00:40:44,746 --> 00:40:46,661
Yes. It hurts.
807
00:40:49,185 --> 00:40:50,796
What is that?
808
00:40:50,839 --> 00:40:52,319
Oh, my God.
809
00:40:56,192 --> 00:40:56,758
IAN: Wow.
810
00:41:09,728 --> 00:41:11,991
That is so beautiful.
811
00:41:21,304 --> 00:41:22,262
Need some help?
812
00:41:22,305 --> 00:41:23,698
[LAUGHS]
813
00:41:23,742 --> 00:41:26,875
Yeah, but no offense...
814
00:41:26,919 --> 00:41:29,225
Oh, right,
'cause I'm Amish,
815
00:41:29,269 --> 00:41:32,185
so I wouldn't know anything
about your '69 GTO Judge.
816
00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:36,406
455 Big Block, Ram Air.
4-11 posi,
something like that.
817
00:41:36,450 --> 00:41:39,540
Weird,
that thing must have fallen
straight from space.
818
00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:41,586
Well, good luck
with the future ride,
spaceman.
819
00:41:44,632 --> 00:41:46,416
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.
820
00:41:47,113 --> 00:41:48,331
IAN: Wow!
821
00:41:48,375 --> 00:41:49,550
FELICIA: Okay.
822
00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:51,813
What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa.
823
00:41:51,857 --> 00:41:53,815
No, no, no.
Leesh, that's a bad idea.
824
00:41:53,859 --> 00:41:55,164
What?Come on.
825
00:41:55,208 --> 00:41:56,514
You don't know how
far we have to walk.
826
00:41:56,557 --> 00:41:58,254
Those are your
only pair of shoes.
827
00:41:58,298 --> 00:42:01,257
You know what?
You're probably right.
God, you're so sensible.
828
00:42:01,301 --> 00:42:03,738
But maybe I should?
Or maybe I shouldn't?
829
00:42:03,782 --> 00:42:04,783
I should.
830
00:42:08,177 --> 00:42:09,527
I can't believe
you just did that.
831
00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:11,050
All right. Now you.
832
00:42:11,093 --> 00:42:12,965
No way. Forget it.
833
00:42:13,008 --> 00:42:15,445
Dude, you never do
anything crazy. Ever.
834
00:42:15,489 --> 00:42:18,623
Hey! I'm driving
halfway across the country
to go to...
835
00:42:18,666 --> 00:42:22,496
To visit your grandma? Whoa!
836
00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:25,412
So he met this
chick on the Internet,
which is sketchy.
837
00:42:25,455 --> 00:42:27,719
The Internet?
838
00:42:27,762 --> 00:42:31,505
Yeah, it's like
a series of computers
that are connected through...
839
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:32,767
Computers?
840
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,817
A computer's like
a big calculator,
you know, with a screen.
841
00:42:38,860 --> 00:42:40,732
I'm just busting
your balls, man.
I know what the Internet is.
842
00:42:40,775 --> 00:42:44,039
[BOTH LAUGHING]
843
00:42:44,083 --> 00:42:46,128
Okay.You ever heard
of Rumspringa?
844
00:42:46,172 --> 00:42:48,348
Yeah, that ska band
from Delaware.
845
00:42:48,391 --> 00:42:50,742
No, it means "run wild."
846
00:42:50,785 --> 00:42:52,874
It's an Amish
tradition where
when we turn 16,
847
00:42:52,918 --> 00:42:55,311
we can go live
like you heathens
for a while.
848
00:42:55,355 --> 00:42:58,663
You go nuts,
party for months or years
849
00:42:58,706 --> 00:43:00,621
till your folks
start hassling you,
850
00:43:00,665 --> 00:43:03,276
and then it's back
to the Stone Age.
851
00:43:03,319 --> 00:43:04,973
But if you're on Rumspringa,
what's with the buggy?
852
00:43:05,017 --> 00:43:08,542
Oh, no, I'm not.
Not anymore.
853
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:11,066
I probably shouldn't even be
talking to you, but...
854
00:43:11,110 --> 00:43:13,852
I'm a little bit of
an Amish floutlaw.
855
00:43:13,895 --> 00:43:15,549
Sometimes I just
miss the world.
856
00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:17,246
What do you miss the most?
857
00:43:17,290 --> 00:43:19,031
You know, I miss sarcasm.
858
00:43:19,074 --> 00:43:20,380
It's mostly
lost on my people.
859
00:43:20,423 --> 00:43:21,642
Oh.
860
00:43:21,686 --> 00:43:24,123
And gambling.
Went to Vegas once.
861
00:43:25,864 --> 00:43:29,171
And butt fucking.
862
00:43:29,215 --> 00:43:30,651
Got a lot of
nice memories there.
863
00:43:30,695 --> 00:43:33,567
LANCE: I hear that.
864
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:35,134
IAN: You know,
when you cut your foot on
a piece of glass,
865
00:43:35,177 --> 00:43:36,265
don't think I'm
gonna carry you.
866
00:43:36,309 --> 00:43:37,397
You know what?
I will be fine. Okay?
867
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,747
I was born barefoot.
868
00:43:39,791 --> 00:43:42,402
Hey! Wait!
869
00:43:42,445 --> 00:43:45,100
Hey! Stop!
870
00:43:49,148 --> 00:43:50,976
Have a nice walk, shit-birds.
871
00:43:54,196 --> 00:43:55,589
BOTH: Oh!
872
00:43:59,375 --> 00:44:01,856
Hey, Ian, Felicia,
this is my boy, Ezekiel.
873
00:44:01,900 --> 00:44:03,379
What up, English?
874
00:44:12,737 --> 00:44:15,000
There's no service out here.
875
00:44:15,043 --> 00:44:16,479
I can't even tell her
I'll be late.
876
00:44:16,523 --> 00:44:18,003
Good. That's perfect.
Keep her waiting.
877
00:44:18,046 --> 00:44:18,917
You don't want to
come off as desperate.
878
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,048
[SCOFFS]
879
00:44:20,092 --> 00:44:21,789
I'm driving nine hours.
880
00:44:21,833 --> 00:44:23,051
How am I not
coming off desperate?
881
00:44:23,095 --> 00:44:24,270
We had shit to do.
882
00:44:24,313 --> 00:44:26,664
Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff?
883
00:44:28,013 --> 00:44:29,231
You blew your head gasket.
884
00:44:29,275 --> 00:44:30,537
That's not good.
885
00:44:30,580 --> 00:44:31,930
Shit.
886
00:44:31,973 --> 00:44:33,235
Don't cry. We can fix it.
887
00:44:33,279 --> 00:44:34,584
Really?
888
00:44:34,628 --> 00:44:35,934
Yeah, really.
We're good at it.
889
00:44:35,977 --> 00:44:37,022
Yeah?Yeah. I didn't mean
to undersell it,
890
00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:38,371
but it's an impressive thing.
891
00:44:38,414 --> 00:44:40,242
Yeah. We'll fix it.Wow, that'd be cool.
892
00:44:40,286 --> 00:44:42,592
Yeah, would be cool,
wouldn't it?
893
00:44:42,636 --> 00:44:44,594
I might be
the coolest guy
you ever met.
894
00:44:44,638 --> 00:44:45,465
Wow.Wow.
895
00:44:46,945 --> 00:44:48,816
Thank you.Yeah. You're welcome.
896
00:44:48,860 --> 00:44:51,427
That's what you say
when people do
nice things for you.
897
00:44:51,471 --> 00:44:53,603
You know,
there's a pretty big shindig
shaping up next door
898
00:44:53,647 --> 00:44:56,389
if you guys
want to hang there
while we work on it.
899
00:44:56,432 --> 00:44:58,565
Take it easy while we
do all this for you.
900
00:45:01,916 --> 00:45:03,613
Does he have an attitude?
901
00:45:03,657 --> 00:45:05,137
No, he's fucking with you.
902
00:45:06,138 --> 00:45:06,965
Okay.
903
00:45:08,793 --> 00:45:10,795
Just relax, man.
904
00:45:10,838 --> 00:45:12,753
I got a good feeling
about this, you know.
905
00:45:12,797 --> 00:45:14,363
You're gonna party
with the Amish.
906
00:45:14,407 --> 00:45:16,975
Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be
one kick-ass quilting bee.
907
00:45:20,065 --> 00:45:21,544
What's up, man?
908
00:45:21,588 --> 00:45:24,286
Hey.
909
00:45:24,330 --> 00:45:26,767
No f-ing way!
910
00:45:26,811 --> 00:45:28,377
[FAME INFAMY PLAYING]
911
00:45:28,421 --> 00:45:32,730
♪ When I'm home alone
I just can't stop myself
912
00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:35,689
This is insane!
913
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:36,821
I know.
914
00:45:37,691 --> 00:45:40,085
[WHOOPING]
915
00:45:40,128 --> 00:45:46,787
♪ Signing off,
"I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen"
916
00:45:46,831 --> 00:45:52,488
♪ I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen
917
00:45:52,532 --> 00:45:58,059
♪ I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen
918
00:45:58,103 --> 00:46:02,890
♪ The kid was all right,
but it went to his head ♪
919
00:46:11,464 --> 00:46:13,901
Thank you, guys,
very, very, very much.
920
00:46:13,945 --> 00:46:16,643
You guys fucking rule, man.
921
00:46:16,686 --> 00:46:18,340
[GRAND THEFT AUTUMN /
WHERE IS YOUR BOY PLAYING]
922
00:46:32,224 --> 00:46:34,443
Dude. Don't even bother.
923
00:46:34,487 --> 00:46:36,706
Your game is not
gonna work on that girl.
924
00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:39,013
What do you know about girls?
I've never even
seen you with a girl.
925
00:46:41,189 --> 00:46:43,235
I'm gonna go
check on the car.
926
00:46:49,371 --> 00:46:51,852
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.
927
00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:54,115
Bite me. I'm not
your consolation prize.
928
00:46:54,159 --> 00:46:55,943
Come on. Don't be hating.
929
00:46:58,032 --> 00:46:59,207
[SCOFFS]
930
00:47:00,730 --> 00:47:02,167
Fine.
931
00:47:15,093 --> 00:47:16,572
EZEKIEL:
I've never shot a flaming
arrow that far,
932
00:47:16,616 --> 00:47:18,661
but I was game to try.
933
00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:19,749
And the thing is,
the second you
let it release...
934
00:47:19,793 --> 00:47:23,405
Whoa! Hey, what is this?
935
00:47:23,449 --> 00:47:25,886
Why are the seats out?
936
00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:27,932
Ian, do you know anything
about fixing
these old Pontiacs?
937
00:47:27,975 --> 00:47:29,324
I don't care, okay?
938
00:47:29,368 --> 00:47:31,805
Ezekiel,
take all the pieces
939
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,676
and just put them
back in there.
I don't want...
940
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:35,417
Ian, you've gotta calm down.
941
00:47:35,461 --> 00:47:36,810
Do you know any
breathing exercises?
942
00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:38,899
Because you are
right on the verge
of a freak-out.
943
00:47:38,943 --> 00:47:40,727
You don't know my brother,
okay?
944
00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:43,773
He's gonna fuck my ass
with a roll of quarters.
945
00:47:43,817 --> 00:47:47,342
What?
He's gonna what?
With what?
946
00:47:47,386 --> 00:47:50,345
Oh, yeah! He's gonna
go get off work early,
947
00:47:50,389 --> 00:47:52,565
and he's gonna
walk into the bank,
948
00:47:52,608 --> 00:47:56,482
stand in line,
change a 10,
find my ass
949
00:47:56,525 --> 00:47:58,179
and just fuck it
with a roll of
fucking quarters.
950
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:01,400
[LAUGHING]
951
00:48:09,669 --> 00:48:10,713
[CLANGING]
952
00:48:38,306 --> 00:48:42,397
Check it out.
It's totally working.
953
00:48:42,441 --> 00:48:44,922
You're the best
wing-man ever.
954
00:48:44,965 --> 00:48:47,054
She's in, she's in.
Watch this.
955
00:48:57,412 --> 00:49:00,633
GIRL: Rumspringa! Whoo!
956
00:49:02,591 --> 00:49:03,984
I took a wicked digger.
957
00:49:04,028 --> 00:49:04,898
Yes, you did.
958
00:49:06,247 --> 00:49:07,509
First day of Rumspringa?
959
00:49:07,553 --> 00:49:09,120
Rumspringa!
960
00:49:09,163 --> 00:49:11,078
[ALL CHEERING]
961
00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,602
Uh-oh!Oh!
962
00:49:13,646 --> 00:49:14,690
[RETCHING]
963
00:49:16,170 --> 00:49:17,128
Hey.
964
00:49:19,565 --> 00:49:22,350
All right.
Okay. You good? All right.
965
00:49:22,394 --> 00:49:25,092
Aw! You guys are so nice.
966
00:49:25,136 --> 00:49:27,138
Don't let her step in it.
967
00:49:27,181 --> 00:49:28,269
[LAUGHS]
968
00:49:30,358 --> 00:49:33,883
What? What's wrong with you?
969
00:49:33,927 --> 00:49:35,668
Yeah,
what's your problem, bitch?
970
00:49:35,711 --> 00:49:38,105
Nothing. I'm fine.
971
00:49:38,149 --> 00:49:41,108
Nothing.
She's fine.
God, lay off.
972
00:49:41,152 --> 00:49:42,892
It's Lance, right?No.
973
00:49:42,936 --> 00:49:44,720
I'll bet he's in
there with that Amish girl
and you're out here.
974
00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:46,548
Wrong.
975
00:49:46,592 --> 00:49:49,073
Come on, Leesh,
just drop the hard-ass
thing for two minutes.
976
00:49:49,116 --> 00:49:52,424
You know. It's okay.
You're into Lance.
977
00:49:53,860 --> 00:49:55,166
[SCOFFS]
978
00:49:55,209 --> 00:49:56,950
God, I'm such an idiot.
979
00:49:56,994 --> 00:49:58,256
Look, there's
something about Lance.
980
00:49:59,692 --> 00:50:03,478
Everybody likes Lance.
I like Lance.
981
00:50:05,654 --> 00:50:08,527
Just promise me
you won't ever be
like Lance.
982
00:50:08,570 --> 00:50:10,050
[SCOFFS]
983
00:50:10,094 --> 00:50:12,748
What is wrong with us?
984
00:50:12,792 --> 00:50:14,707
Let's go have some fun.
Come on.
985
00:50:15,664 --> 00:50:18,232
No. No.No?
986
00:50:18,276 --> 00:50:20,408
Come on, we're young,
and we're Amish,
987
00:50:21,627 --> 00:50:22,932
and it's Rumspringa.
988
00:50:22,976 --> 00:50:24,499
Rumspringa!
989
00:50:24,543 --> 00:50:25,805
[ALL CHEERING]
990
00:50:28,068 --> 00:50:29,504
[GASPING]
991
00:50:51,961 --> 00:50:54,529
Ian, you little cock-sucker!
992
00:50:56,575 --> 00:50:58,011
[ROOSTER CROWING]
993
00:51:11,111 --> 00:51:12,373
[GROANING]
994
00:51:14,506 --> 00:51:15,594
Ah!
995
00:51:15,637 --> 00:51:17,117
Leesh, you're so stubborn.
996
00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:18,292
Look at your feet.
997
00:51:18,336 --> 00:51:20,555
They are fine. All right?
998
00:51:22,340 --> 00:51:24,255
Hey. What's the plan?
999
00:51:25,952 --> 00:51:29,477
I might as well find
a phone and call Rex
1000
00:51:29,521 --> 00:51:31,610
so he can get on
with killing me.
1001
00:51:31,653 --> 00:51:33,829
What about visiting
your grandma?
1002
00:51:33,873 --> 00:51:35,266
Yeah, dude.
You been putting off
1003
00:51:35,309 --> 00:51:37,485
visiting your
grandma for too long.
1004
00:51:37,529 --> 00:51:38,791
It's about time
you visited Grandma.
1005
00:51:38,834 --> 00:51:41,010
Yeah.
1006
00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:46,103
Lance, you know,
I really do want to
visit my grandma, but...
1007
00:51:46,146 --> 00:51:48,975
Dude, I really can't stress
enough how much
1008
00:51:49,018 --> 00:51:51,412
you're gonna
enjoy visiting Grandma.
1009
00:51:51,456 --> 00:51:54,937
You know,
I visit my grandma sometimes
two or three times a week,
1010
00:51:54,981 --> 00:51:56,504
and it is always a pleasure.
1011
00:51:56,548 --> 00:51:58,245
She's just a delight.
1012
00:51:58,289 --> 00:51:59,855
What am I supposed to do?
1013
00:51:59,899 --> 00:52:01,596
Our transportation
is all over the floor
of that barn.
1014
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:02,641
Hey, Mary!
1015
00:52:05,252 --> 00:52:06,123
Hi.
1016
00:52:10,214 --> 00:52:13,173
Wow, you look beautiful.
1017
00:52:13,956 --> 00:52:15,741
Oh, please.
1018
00:52:15,784 --> 00:52:20,659
I mean,
seriously, you wearing that,
churning some butter. Sexy.
1019
00:52:20,702 --> 00:52:23,183
So I had the best time
with you last night.
1020
00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:25,142
Yeah, me, too.
1021
00:52:25,185 --> 00:52:27,492
So you got my number.
You're gonna call me, right?
1022
00:52:28,841 --> 00:52:29,885
No.
1023
00:52:29,929 --> 00:52:31,278
[LAUGHS]
1024
00:52:31,322 --> 00:52:34,716
"No." You're funny.
1025
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,501
I mean, Lance,
I really like you,
1026
00:52:38,024 --> 00:52:40,026
but Rumspringa's over for me.
1027
00:52:41,419 --> 00:52:43,116
So...Rumspringa!
1028
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:44,161
[WHOOPING]
1029
00:52:46,424 --> 00:52:48,034
[CHICKENS SQUAWKING]
1030
00:52:49,557 --> 00:52:50,602
Sorry.
1031
00:53:04,616 --> 00:53:06,052
[ENGINE STARTING]
1032
00:53:16,932 --> 00:53:18,673
You fixed it?
1033
00:53:18,717 --> 00:53:22,155
Yeah, we hit a few snags,
but she's banging
like a champ now.
1034
00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:24,723
Man, I don't even...
I don't even know
what to say here.
1035
00:53:24,766 --> 00:53:27,291
You know,
I don't really have much...
1036
00:53:27,334 --> 00:53:29,467
Oh, no, we're good.
We're good.
1037
00:53:29,510 --> 00:53:31,686
I mean, the opportunity
to help a neighbor,
that's a gift.
1038
00:53:33,253 --> 00:53:34,733
Man, you're too...
Here, thanks.
1039
00:53:34,776 --> 00:53:36,604
Thank you so much.
1040
00:53:36,648 --> 00:53:38,215
You're welcome.Thank you, it's really cool.
1041
00:53:38,258 --> 00:53:40,434
It is. You know, I mean,
1042
00:53:40,478 --> 00:53:43,916
if you felt
the need to reciprocate
in some way,
1043
00:53:43,959 --> 00:53:46,179
I mean, there's a lot of
chores that need to be
done around here.
1044
00:53:46,223 --> 00:53:48,268
Yeah, no,
the only thing about that is
1045
00:53:48,312 --> 00:53:50,357
we're kind of behind
schedule right now.
1046
00:53:50,401 --> 00:53:52,533
Yeah, but, I mean,
we could totally come back.
1047
00:53:52,577 --> 00:53:53,404
We could hit you on
our way back through.
1048
00:53:53,447 --> 00:53:56,189
Okay. Yeah, you should.
1049
00:53:56,233 --> 00:53:57,669
You should really
get on the road.
1050
00:53:57,712 --> 00:54:00,672
I mean,
you got a smooth-running
vehicle now,
1051
00:54:00,715 --> 00:54:02,456
you know,
'cause we fixed it.
1052
00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:04,719
Yeah. No, but it's...
So we're good?
1053
00:54:04,763 --> 00:54:06,808
We're good.
Yeah, technically.
1054
00:54:08,070 --> 00:54:09,420
We'll come back.
I promise.
1055
00:54:09,463 --> 00:54:11,073
I'm looking forward to that.
1056
00:54:11,117 --> 00:54:13,119
Hey, no, seriously, we will.
1057
00:54:13,162 --> 00:54:15,382
Okay.
We'll all hold our breath
till you get back.
1058
00:54:15,426 --> 00:54:18,037
On three, guys.
Three, two...
1059
00:54:21,432 --> 00:54:23,085
[MESSAGE FROM YUZ PLAYING]
1060
00:54:28,003 --> 00:54:29,614
My stomach's killing me.
1061
00:54:29,657 --> 00:54:32,181
Tell me if you see
a rest stop.
1062
00:54:32,225 --> 00:54:36,185
♪ Last night
I got a message from you
1063
00:54:36,229 --> 00:54:40,146
♪ You told me
that my head got blue
1064
00:54:40,189 --> 00:54:44,019
♪ Last night
I got a message from you
1065
00:54:44,063 --> 00:54:46,457
♪ You told me
what I needed to do
1066
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,203
Fuck. I know you didn't
take my car, Ian.
1067
00:54:54,247 --> 00:54:55,161
'Cause you're a big,
giant pussy.
1068
00:54:55,204 --> 00:54:56,336
That's right.
1069
00:54:56,380 --> 00:54:57,946
That's why.
It's here, isn't it?
1070
00:55:11,395 --> 00:55:12,700
[MUTTERING]
1071
00:55:14,659 --> 00:55:15,660
Want some of this?
1072
00:55:21,796 --> 00:55:22,971
Shit!
1073
00:55:23,015 --> 00:55:24,756
Hey, Knievel,
what say you get
1074
00:55:24,799 --> 00:55:26,671
your bike out of
the fricking road?
1075
00:55:26,714 --> 00:55:29,761
♪ Hey! Hey!
1076
00:55:44,732 --> 00:55:46,255
All ocupado,eh, sport?
1077
00:55:52,131 --> 00:55:53,219
Gents.
1078
00:55:54,133 --> 00:55:57,528
Well, looks like we're up.
1079
00:55:57,571 --> 00:55:59,225
Go on, get in there.
1080
00:56:03,751 --> 00:56:06,058
[GASPING]
1081
00:56:06,101 --> 00:56:07,189
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
1082
00:56:07,233 --> 00:56:07,842
Oh!
1083
00:56:08,713 --> 00:56:10,367
Am I getting a signal?
1084
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:15,154
Tasty,
I got sidetracked last night.
1085
00:56:16,721 --> 00:56:19,288
I had to party
with some new homies.
1086
00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:26,208
Tonight, 8:00 p.m.
at Big Boy.
1087
00:56:28,254 --> 00:56:29,777
I'm worth the wait.
1088
00:56:34,826 --> 00:56:35,653
Yes!
1089
00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:47,839
No! Oh, God!
No, thank you!
No, thank you!
1090
00:56:51,625 --> 00:56:54,759
Little buddy?
Hello? Hello.
1091
00:56:58,023 --> 00:56:59,720
LANCE: Was that you
screaming in there?
1092
00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:01,505
I don't want to talk about it.
Ever.
1093
00:57:01,548 --> 00:57:02,941
Where's Felicia?
1094
00:57:02,984 --> 00:57:04,203
She went to get corn dogs.
1095
00:57:29,968 --> 00:57:32,710
Can you believe the girls
around here, man?
1096
00:57:32,753 --> 00:57:35,887
But, man,
where am I ever gonna find
another girl as cool as Mary?
1097
00:57:39,325 --> 00:57:40,413
You like it?
1098
00:57:45,636 --> 00:57:46,637
What about Felicia?
1099
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:47,768
What about her?
1100
00:57:51,555 --> 00:57:53,426
She's into you.
1101
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,254
Yeah, no shit. Get in line.
1102
00:57:55,297 --> 00:57:56,864
What is that?
1103
00:57:56,908 --> 00:57:57,952
She's not good
enough for you?
1104
00:57:57,996 --> 00:58:00,477
Felicia's awesome,
1105
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,783
but the obvious
statement to make here
is that you like her.
1106
00:58:04,002 --> 00:58:06,483
What? No, I...
1107
00:58:06,526 --> 00:58:08,615
You're shocked.
You can't believe it.
1108
00:58:08,659 --> 00:58:11,009
This bombshell. Come on.
1109
00:58:11,052 --> 00:58:13,098
You know,
she's not into me anyways.
1110
00:58:13,141 --> 00:58:15,230
Yeah, I know.
But it doesn't matter.
1111
00:58:15,274 --> 00:58:16,971
I still...
I could never do that to you.
1112
00:58:18,756 --> 00:58:22,542
Okay, but you do know
that she's not
into you, right?
1113
00:58:22,586 --> 00:58:24,936
Yeah. Well,
maybe you don't know.
1114
00:58:24,979 --> 00:58:26,851
No. No, no,
I'm gonna stop you.
1115
00:58:26,894 --> 00:58:28,853
There's no maybe. Okay?
1116
00:58:28,896 --> 00:58:31,290
And I'm saying this
as your best friend,
1117
00:58:31,333 --> 00:58:34,641
but never.
1118
00:58:34,685 --> 00:58:37,165
Never fucking ever.
You know?
1119
00:58:37,209 --> 00:58:38,645
Because you guys are friends.
1120
00:58:38,689 --> 00:58:41,866
You know what every girl
I've ever
banged had in common?
1121
00:58:43,476 --> 00:58:45,565
I wasn't friends
with any of them.
1122
00:58:48,002 --> 00:58:49,613
And they all had
gorgeous teeth.
1123
00:58:49,656 --> 00:58:51,615
I'm into that.
1124
00:58:51,658 --> 00:58:55,270
Real simple. Climb the rope,
hit the bell, win a prize.
1125
00:58:55,314 --> 00:58:58,970
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no
height requirement.
1126
00:58:59,013 --> 00:59:01,407
Why don't you step up
and win your
girlfriend a prize?
1127
00:59:01,450 --> 00:59:05,063
Uh... We're not...
She's not my girlfriend.
1128
00:59:05,106 --> 00:59:06,455
What about your
other girlfriend there?
1129
00:59:06,499 --> 00:59:07,674
Nice.
1130
00:59:25,736 --> 00:59:27,476
All right, come on, Ian.
You can do it.
1131
00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:29,087
Come on, you're almost there!
1132
00:59:29,130 --> 00:59:31,132
You're almost there!
Go, go, go!
1133
00:59:31,176 --> 00:59:32,307
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE:
Winner! Winner! Winner!
1134
00:59:33,918 --> 00:59:35,223
That was awesome.
1135
00:59:35,267 --> 00:59:36,834
How the hell did you do that?
1136
00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:38,792
We had one of these
at Cub Scout camp.
I kind of mastered it.
1137
00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:40,489
Yeah,
you think you're hot shit?
1138
00:59:42,666 --> 00:59:44,276
Lolly?
1139
00:59:44,319 --> 00:59:45,451
Thank you.
1140
00:59:49,542 --> 00:59:51,065
Hey, hey, hey, ass.
1141
00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:56,636
Hey. What's your secret?
1142
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:58,333
You just...
1143
00:59:58,377 --> 00:59:59,552
If you keep your
shoulders down...
1144
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,032
No coaching.
1145
01:00:01,075 --> 01:00:02,947
What?
1146
01:00:02,990 --> 01:00:05,297
No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.
1147
01:00:05,340 --> 01:00:06,907
No coaching.
1148
01:00:10,084 --> 01:00:11,520
Cheese and rice!
1149
01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:12,913
Oh.
1150
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:16,525
Thanks. I'm Sandy.
1151
01:00:16,569 --> 01:00:17,875
I'm Ian.
1152
01:00:18,571 --> 01:00:19,659
Hi.Hey.
1153
01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:25,970
Consolation prize?
1154
01:00:26,013 --> 01:00:28,102
Wow! Thank you so much.
1155
01:00:28,146 --> 01:00:29,669
You know,
my dance team's performing
1156
01:00:29,713 --> 01:00:30,801
over at the tent in
a couple of minutes.
1157
01:00:30,844 --> 01:00:32,498
You guys should come watch.
1158
01:00:32,541 --> 01:00:33,847
Actually,
we were just about to go.
1159
01:00:33,891 --> 01:00:35,240
That sounds super fun.
He'll be there.
1160
01:00:35,283 --> 01:00:36,676
Great. See you.
1161
01:00:38,156 --> 01:00:40,767
Dude, that girl reeks of sex.
1162
01:00:40,811 --> 01:00:42,464
[MY PREROGATIVE PLAYING]
1163
01:00:42,508 --> 01:00:46,338
♪ Everybody's talking
all this stuff about me
1164
01:00:46,381 --> 01:00:50,298
♪ Why don't they
just let me live?
1165
01:00:50,342 --> 01:00:52,039
♪ I don't need permission
1166
01:00:52,083 --> 01:00:53,954
Do we really have time for...Hey, hey.
1167
01:00:53,998 --> 01:00:55,608
You have to stop
doing that to him.
1168
01:00:55,652 --> 01:00:57,697
Doing what?Twat blocking.
1169
01:00:57,741 --> 01:01:00,395
I'm not twat...
Doing that.
1170
01:01:09,883 --> 01:01:15,454
Yeah! Let's give it up
for the AX Dancers!
1171
01:01:15,497 --> 01:01:18,152
Come on, girls,
let's help me get
some fellas up in here.
1172
01:01:20,241 --> 01:01:21,547
Ian.Oh, no. Please.
1173
01:01:21,590 --> 01:01:23,418
Get up there. Come on.
1174
01:01:23,462 --> 01:01:26,117
Come on!
1175
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:27,727
KAT: In the back!
In the back!
1176
01:01:27,771 --> 01:01:29,686
Yeah!
1177
01:01:33,690 --> 01:01:37,955
Come on, two more, two more!
Yeah!
1178
01:01:40,174 --> 01:01:41,219
[LAUGHING]
1179
01:01:41,262 --> 01:01:42,873
Dude, turn around.
1180
01:01:42,916 --> 01:01:43,874
[KAT WHOOPING]
1181
01:01:48,574 --> 01:01:51,664
[LAUGHING]
1182
01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:56,234
Look at this fine crop
of handsome
fellas I got here.
1183
01:01:58,584 --> 01:02:00,978
But before we get
down to business,
1184
01:02:01,021 --> 01:02:02,980
there's a young woman here
1185
01:02:03,023 --> 01:02:05,765
who would like
to share her story
with these young men.
1186
01:02:05,809 --> 01:02:08,507
Kristy, you ready, baby?
1187
01:02:08,550 --> 01:02:10,335
Okay.
1188
01:02:12,903 --> 01:02:17,037
So,
last year I was at a dance
with my boyfriend.
1189
01:02:17,081 --> 01:02:18,735
He wanted to go to his car.
1190
01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:22,042
So I did.
1191
01:02:22,086 --> 01:02:26,743
So we were both
naked in the back seat
and we started having oral...
1192
01:02:28,701 --> 01:02:31,182
[INAUDIBLE]
1193
01:02:41,714 --> 01:02:42,584
MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER:
♪ Yeah!
1194
01:02:45,196 --> 01:02:46,240
♪ Daddy likes that!
1195
01:02:49,417 --> 01:02:50,157
Excuse me!
1196
01:02:50,854 --> 01:02:53,944
Excuse me!
1197
01:02:53,987 --> 01:02:56,120
Is this tragic story
turning you on?
1198
01:02:57,643 --> 01:02:59,819
[LAUGHING]
1199
01:03:06,826 --> 01:03:09,568
This courageous
young lady pours
her heart out
1200
01:03:09,611 --> 01:03:12,614
and this is
getting you hot?
1201
01:03:12,658 --> 01:03:15,443
It's time for you to pledge.
Right now!
1202
01:03:15,487 --> 01:03:17,663
Boy, you need this
more than anybody.
1203
01:03:19,404 --> 01:03:21,058
Hey, keep
a wrinkle in it, captain.
1204
01:03:23,234 --> 01:03:27,586
I can't believe you took
a fucking abstinence
pledge with a hard-on.
1205
01:03:27,629 --> 01:03:29,109
It's classic.
1206
01:03:29,153 --> 01:03:30,328
Look, I didn't
even know what she was
talking about.
1207
01:03:30,371 --> 01:03:32,243
That doesn't count! Okay?
1208
01:03:32,286 --> 01:03:34,027
Ian! Hey!It gets better.
1209
01:03:34,071 --> 01:03:36,377
I am so proud of you!
1210
01:03:36,421 --> 01:03:38,205
Get away from me.
Is that what you do?
1211
01:03:38,249 --> 01:03:39,859
You go out and you lure
little dorks like me
1212
01:03:39,903 --> 01:03:41,382
into your little
no-having-sex club?
1213
01:03:41,426 --> 01:03:43,471
Ian,
it's not like that at all.
1214
01:03:43,515 --> 01:03:45,909
Just go away. Now.
1215
01:03:50,261 --> 01:03:51,523
I would've blown you,
you know.
1216
01:03:51,566 --> 01:03:52,872
Really?
1217
01:03:52,916 --> 01:03:54,308
Oh, man.Wow.
1218
01:03:54,352 --> 01:03:57,007
You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!
1219
01:04:00,184 --> 01:04:02,229
You are dead, psycho-virgin!No, no!
1220
01:04:02,273 --> 01:04:04,014
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1221
01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:11,021
Hey, are you sure you want
to get dental work done in
Floater, Kentucky?
1222
01:04:12,936 --> 01:04:15,286
Dr. Teddescoe will be
with you present-like.
1223
01:04:15,329 --> 01:04:17,157
Thank you.Welcome.
1224
01:04:17,201 --> 01:04:18,419
[COUNTRY MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO]
1225
01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:33,304
Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,
1226
01:04:33,347 --> 01:04:36,307
and I never should've
tossed my shoes.
1227
01:04:36,350 --> 01:04:39,701
No, come on.
I love that your shoes
are in that tree.
1228
01:04:42,748 --> 01:04:45,229
I do. That's premium Felicia.
1229
01:04:49,189 --> 01:04:50,016
Oh.
1230
01:04:51,104 --> 01:04:53,237
So what'd you do to her?
1231
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,413
Hmm?
1232
01:04:55,456 --> 01:04:57,067
Smack her
around a little bit?
1233
01:04:57,110 --> 01:04:58,938
She gets out of line,
you pop her one?
1234
01:04:58,982 --> 01:05:00,940
No. No, sir, I...
1235
01:05:00,984 --> 01:05:02,637
I got you.
I'm just teasing you, man.
1236
01:05:02,681 --> 01:05:03,987
We have fun.
1237
01:05:05,118 --> 01:05:06,598
He didn't, though, did he?
1238
01:05:06,641 --> 01:05:07,555
Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
1239
01:05:08,861 --> 01:05:10,036
Be back in a couple minutes.
1240
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:10,863
I'm gonna wait
for that to numb up.
1241
01:05:10,907 --> 01:05:12,125
Mmm-hmm.
1242
01:05:12,169 --> 01:05:14,084
Hands to yourself, O.J.
1243
01:05:16,651 --> 01:05:20,177
Ian, you know the other night
at Lance's party?
1244
01:05:23,006 --> 01:05:24,703
Was I there?
1245
01:05:24,746 --> 01:05:25,922
No, come on.
1246
01:05:27,749 --> 01:05:29,447
Here.
1247
01:05:33,233 --> 01:05:36,193
I mean,
you know the only reason is
1248
01:05:36,236 --> 01:05:38,673
because I don't want
to ruin our friendship.
1249
01:05:40,327 --> 01:05:43,069
Totally, I mean
friendship is awesome.
1250
01:05:43,983 --> 01:05:45,811
Good call.
1251
01:05:45,854 --> 01:05:49,467
I don't know what I'd do
if I ever lost you.
1252
01:05:57,344 --> 01:05:59,825
You won't.
1253
01:05:59,868 --> 01:06:01,740
What are you thinking about?
1254
01:06:04,438 --> 01:06:05,918
What are you thinking about?
1255
01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:07,354
I asked you first.
1256
01:06:11,793 --> 01:06:12,925
You got a little loogie.
1257
01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:14,361
[GRUNTING]
1258
01:06:16,189 --> 01:06:18,061
I'm gonna go see if Lance...
1259
01:06:18,104 --> 01:06:19,192
Mmm-hmm.
1260
01:06:19,236 --> 01:06:20,585
Go. Go.
1261
01:06:33,250 --> 01:06:36,253
Um, I'll take these as well.
1262
01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:45,262
They're not for me.
They're not.
1263
01:06:54,053 --> 01:06:55,533
Heads up.
1264
01:06:55,576 --> 01:06:56,577
What's with you?
1265
01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,929
I'm thinking maybe
we head back home.
1266
01:07:00,973 --> 01:07:02,975
What? Why?
1267
01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:06,544
Well, Felicia and I
were talking in there,
1268
01:07:06,587 --> 01:07:08,807
and we kind of had a moment.
1269
01:07:08,850 --> 01:07:10,417
Oh! Oh, did you guys
have a little moment?
1270
01:07:10,461 --> 01:07:12,593
Yeah.You're a moron.
1271
01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:15,857
Fuck you.
We've talked about this.
1272
01:07:15,901 --> 01:07:19,078
Look, we're almost there,
and I'm not
letting her do this.
1273
01:07:19,122 --> 01:07:21,385
We're going to Knoxville,
and you're getting your nut.
1274
01:07:22,429 --> 01:07:25,084
No, I'm not. I'm not.
1275
01:07:25,128 --> 01:07:27,434
No, I'm gonna text Tasty,
and I'm gonna tell
her I'm not coming.
1276
01:07:27,478 --> 01:07:29,436
Ian, get in this car.
1277
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,090
I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
1278
01:07:31,134 --> 01:07:33,527
Shit, where's my phone?
1279
01:07:33,571 --> 01:07:35,964
Hey, you got a new smile.
1280
01:07:36,008 --> 01:07:37,444
You have my phone.
I didn't know...
1281
01:07:37,488 --> 01:07:39,490
This is for you.
1282
01:07:39,533 --> 01:07:42,623
Mmm! A message came in.
1283
01:07:42,667 --> 01:07:45,539
Your grandma says
she's really excited
to see you.
1284
01:07:45,583 --> 01:07:47,628
And something about her hot,
shaved pussy.
1285
01:07:47,672 --> 01:07:49,326
Must be the cancer talking.
1286
01:07:49,369 --> 01:07:52,285
[LAUGHS]
All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.
1287
01:07:52,329 --> 01:07:53,460
[GIVE UP? PLAYING]
1288
01:07:55,984 --> 01:08:01,251
♪ All I've got is frustration,
frustration
1289
01:08:01,294 --> 01:08:04,471
♪ I hate this vacation
1290
01:08:04,515 --> 01:08:06,473
♪ So, give up, give up
1291
01:08:06,517 --> 01:08:08,997
♪ Give up, give up
1292
01:08:09,041 --> 01:08:10,869
♪ I've got to get
away from here
1293
01:08:10,912 --> 01:08:12,436
♪ It's killing me
just thinking 'bout
1294
01:08:12,479 --> 01:08:15,526
♪ Frustration, frustration
1295
01:08:15,569 --> 01:08:17,571
♪ I hate this vacation...
1296
01:08:17,615 --> 01:08:20,139
Ian, you're going
the wrong way.
1297
01:08:20,183 --> 01:08:21,227
We're going home.
1298
01:08:21,271 --> 01:08:22,924
What?
1299
01:08:22,968 --> 01:08:25,927
Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.
1300
01:08:25,971 --> 01:08:27,190
Yeah, no shit.
1301
01:08:27,233 --> 01:08:28,495
I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty.
1302
01:08:28,539 --> 01:08:29,801
This is going
to be hilarious.
1303
01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:32,456
A hundred bucks says
she has a wiener.
1304
01:08:32,499 --> 01:08:33,848
Look,
I said we're going home.
1305
01:08:33,892 --> 01:08:35,415
I don't want to
talk about it.
1306
01:08:35,459 --> 01:08:37,374
I knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.
1307
01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:40,203
[LISPING] Me?
You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.
1308
01:08:40,246 --> 01:08:41,552
No, we're not.
1309
01:08:41,595 --> 01:08:42,944
Okay. You stole Rex's car.
1310
01:08:42,988 --> 01:08:44,598
You drove halfway
across the country.
1311
01:08:44,642 --> 01:08:46,165
This must be
what you want to do.
1312
01:08:46,209 --> 01:08:48,036
So do it, chicken shit!
1313
01:08:48,080 --> 01:08:50,256
[LISPING] Fucking A,
chicken shit.Fine! You know what?
1314
01:08:50,300 --> 01:08:51,649
I'll turn the car around,
I'll flip a bitch,
1315
01:08:51,692 --> 01:08:53,259
and I'll go pork somebody.
Right now.
1316
01:08:53,303 --> 01:08:55,043
I'll be that guy.
Is that what you want?
1317
01:08:55,087 --> 01:08:56,610
Be that guy!
That guy rules.FELICIA: Sounds awesome.
1318
01:08:56,654 --> 01:08:58,699
That would make me
so happy.
1319
01:08:58,743 --> 01:09:00,484
All right. All right.
Fantastic! I'm doing it.
1320
01:09:00,527 --> 01:09:01,876
LANCE: Watch out, Ian! Fuck!
1321
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,051
FELICIA: Watch it, Ian!
1322
01:09:05,271 --> 01:09:06,533
Whoo!
1323
01:09:06,577 --> 01:09:07,795
[LAUGHING]
1324
01:09:07,839 --> 01:09:09,188
IAN: You like that?
1325
01:09:09,232 --> 01:09:10,233
Did your fucking
balls just drop?
1326
01:09:10,276 --> 01:09:11,538
Holy shit, Ian.
1327
01:09:12,974 --> 01:09:15,803
Oh, man,
it's this douche again.
1328
01:09:17,457 --> 01:09:19,416
You want it? You got it.
1329
01:09:20,373 --> 01:09:21,635
Hold on to your pantyhose.
1330
01:09:21,679 --> 01:09:22,897
Okay, we gotta work
on your banter,
1331
01:09:22,941 --> 01:09:25,030
but otherwise,
this is awesome.
1332
01:09:25,073 --> 01:09:26,858
[DANGER ZONE PLAYING]
1333
01:09:27,859 --> 01:09:28,903
You're losing him.
1334
01:09:28,947 --> 01:09:30,644
No, I got him. I got him.
1335
01:09:33,256 --> 01:09:34,431
Jesus, Ian!
Not so close.
1336
01:09:35,388 --> 01:09:36,998
God damn it!
1337
01:09:41,568 --> 01:09:43,048
No way, man!
You're dead.
1338
01:09:45,442 --> 01:09:47,879
Sorry. He's all right.
1339
01:09:47,922 --> 01:09:50,186
LANCE:
This guy's fucking dangerous!
1340
01:09:56,104 --> 01:09:57,802
Where is he?
Talk to me, dudes.
1341
01:09:57,845 --> 01:10:00,108
Right up our ass.
He's in our ass.
1342
01:10:05,113 --> 01:10:06,637
LANCE: He's tagging out.
1343
01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:08,160
Ah! Ladies!
1344
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,248
Ian, look out!
1345
01:10:09,292 --> 01:10:10,118
[THUDDING]
1346
01:10:15,385 --> 01:10:16,951
Oh! Oh!
1347
01:10:16,995 --> 01:10:17,778
God damn it.
1348
01:10:20,041 --> 01:10:23,393
What were you doing, man?
Shit.
1349
01:10:25,351 --> 01:10:26,744
Dude, take it easy.
This wasn't your fault.
1350
01:10:26,787 --> 01:10:28,049
He jumped right
in front of you.
1351
01:10:28,093 --> 01:10:31,314
Just shut up, Lance.
Of course it's my fault.
1352
01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:32,532
Now, come on, man,
this possum's
not gonna fuck you.
1353
01:10:32,576 --> 01:10:34,317
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.
1354
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:35,796
He's suffering, Lance.
1355
01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:37,494
I'm not gonna leave him
here by himself. Okay?
1356
01:10:39,931 --> 01:10:42,412
Okay. You're right.
1357
01:10:44,762 --> 01:10:46,720
We gotta help him.
1358
01:10:46,764 --> 01:10:48,287
We gotta call a vet
or something.
1359
01:10:48,331 --> 01:10:51,159
Ian, look at him.
1360
01:10:51,203 --> 01:10:53,249
There's not
a lot that we can do.
1361
01:10:55,381 --> 01:10:56,643
You guys'll probably
want to back up.
1362
01:10:56,687 --> 01:10:57,688
This'll probably
stink like shit.
1363
01:10:57,731 --> 01:10:59,646
What the fuck are you doing?
1364
01:10:59,690 --> 01:11:01,300
I'm gonna take him
out of his misery.
1365
01:11:01,344 --> 01:11:02,823
They don't make
little wheelchairs for him.
1366
01:11:02,867 --> 01:11:04,608
He's done, man.
1367
01:11:04,651 --> 01:11:06,479
IAN: Fuck you, Lance.
1368
01:11:06,523 --> 01:11:07,567
God, you don't even
give a shit about him.
1369
01:11:09,700 --> 01:11:10,744
I'll do it.
1370
01:11:20,145 --> 01:11:21,364
I'm sorry.
1371
01:11:22,452 --> 01:11:23,627
[GRUNTS]
1372
01:11:25,846 --> 01:11:27,326
LANCE:
All possums go to heaven.
1373
01:11:28,762 --> 01:11:30,764
FELICIA: Uh... Ian.
1374
01:11:33,419 --> 01:11:35,682
It... I think it's still...
1375
01:11:35,726 --> 01:11:36,814
Shit.
1376
01:11:44,212 --> 01:11:45,953
Oh, no.
1377
01:11:46,998 --> 01:11:50,567
Ian, I'm so sorry, it's...
1378
01:11:50,610 --> 01:11:53,831
Oh, God!
Jesus fucking...
God damn it!
1379
01:11:53,874 --> 01:11:56,964
I'm trying to do
the right thing here.
1380
01:11:57,008 --> 01:11:59,227
He's really hanging in there.
1381
01:11:59,271 --> 01:12:01,447
God! Fuck!
1382
01:12:03,449 --> 01:12:05,712
You guys ever listen
to Sonic Youth?
1383
01:12:05,756 --> 01:12:07,584
I've been on a big
Sonic Youth phase lately.
1384
01:12:07,627 --> 01:12:08,846
[SIREN WAILING]
1385
01:12:08,889 --> 01:12:10,891
You know,
their bass player's a woman.
1386
01:12:13,024 --> 01:12:13,981
[GROANS]
1387
01:12:23,077 --> 01:12:24,340
We are in jail.
1388
01:12:34,001 --> 01:12:35,612
Okay, listen,
you have got to be cool,
1389
01:12:35,655 --> 01:12:36,874
'cause if they see you
shitting yourself
1390
01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:38,049
they're gonna fuck with us.
1391
01:12:38,092 --> 01:12:40,399
Hey! Hey, ladies.
1392
01:12:40,443 --> 01:12:42,358
Hey, how about you sit
the fuck back down
1393
01:12:42,401 --> 01:12:44,185
before me and you
have a problem?
1394
01:12:44,229 --> 01:12:47,624
How about you
just chill out, man?
Be cool.
1395
01:12:47,667 --> 01:12:49,060
All right. We good?
1396
01:12:49,103 --> 01:12:49,930
Yeah, we're good.
1397
01:13:02,116 --> 01:13:04,771
Excuse me.
1398
01:13:04,815 --> 01:13:06,773
Listen, old man,
I'm only gonna tell you...
1399
01:13:08,775 --> 01:13:11,648
You should've seen
the look in his eyes.
1400
01:13:11,691 --> 01:13:14,738
His heart was breaking
for this poor little thing.
1401
01:13:14,781 --> 01:13:19,569
Shit, that boy Ian don't seem
like he got no balls at all.
1402
01:13:19,612 --> 01:13:22,789
Why?
'Cause he got to fussing some
over a suffering critter?
1403
01:13:23,877 --> 01:13:26,053
I think that's real sweet.
1404
01:13:26,097 --> 01:13:29,100
Well, I say this Lance,
he sounds like
a real hunk of man.
1405
01:13:29,143 --> 01:13:32,451
But he got no
respect for bitches.
1406
01:13:32,495 --> 01:13:36,847
Shathayd's right.
No respect for bitches.
None whatsoever.
1407
01:13:38,326 --> 01:13:40,416
You love Ian,
don't you, baby?
1408
01:13:44,158 --> 01:13:49,033
Well, it's just
we've been best friends
since we were really little,
1409
01:13:49,076 --> 01:13:50,817
and I don't know,
he's the only person
1410
01:13:50,861 --> 01:13:52,471
I can really talk to,
you know?
1411
01:13:52,515 --> 01:13:55,387
When I was a girl,
my best friend was
1412
01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:59,304
a fella named
Creighton McDaniel.
1413
01:13:59,347 --> 01:14:04,222
We used to stay up
all night just talking
and laughing and carrying on.
1414
01:14:06,137 --> 01:14:07,965
Then one day I got it
into my head
1415
01:14:08,008 --> 01:14:09,270
that we ought to be
more than friends.
1416
01:14:10,576 --> 01:14:12,578
So I tell him I love him.
1417
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:14,624
What happened?
1418
01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:20,760
We dated for a few weeks.
1419
01:14:20,804 --> 01:14:22,893
Then he met a gal
over in Wofford.
1420
01:14:24,982 --> 01:14:26,897
We still talk
from time to time.
1421
01:14:28,420 --> 01:14:30,553
But it was never
the same between us.
1422
01:14:37,951 --> 01:14:41,302
Baby. Come here.
1423
01:14:41,346 --> 01:14:43,914
Come on, now.
Come on, now.
1424
01:14:46,264 --> 01:14:47,874
You know you need a hug.
1425
01:14:47,918 --> 01:14:49,310
Come on, honey.
1426
01:14:51,008 --> 01:14:52,226
Cuddle up.
1427
01:14:52,270 --> 01:14:53,924
[URINATING]
1428
01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:57,362
Dude.
1429
01:14:59,103 --> 01:15:01,279
What?
1430
01:15:01,322 --> 01:15:02,498
Look, you're pissing
in front of everybody.
1431
01:15:05,413 --> 01:15:07,241
Yeah, I am.
1432
01:15:07,285 --> 01:15:08,765
And that guy's looking
right at your dick.
1433
01:15:08,808 --> 01:15:10,157
Atta-boy.
1434
01:15:11,724 --> 01:15:13,117
[FLUSHING]
1435
01:15:15,467 --> 01:15:17,121
Look at you.
You're a new man.
1436
01:15:17,164 --> 01:15:19,297
No, I'm not.
1437
01:15:19,340 --> 01:15:22,692
Dude. You stole a car,
you got arrested,
1438
01:15:22,735 --> 01:15:24,998
you got in a prison fight.
1439
01:15:25,042 --> 01:15:27,697
And now you're
in here pissing
like a big dog.
1440
01:15:27,740 --> 01:15:29,655
I mean,
there's only one thing left.
1441
01:15:29,699 --> 01:15:31,439
Yeah, well, that's out.
1442
01:15:31,483 --> 01:15:32,615
I was supposed to
meet her two hours ago.
1443
01:15:33,833 --> 01:15:35,008
Dude,
when we get out of here,
1444
01:15:35,052 --> 01:15:36,357
just tell her
you got pinched.
1445
01:15:36,401 --> 01:15:38,969
She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it is.
1446
01:15:40,448 --> 01:15:43,234
Lafferty, Nesbitt,
your bail has been posted.
1447
01:15:43,277 --> 01:15:44,365
Really?
1448
01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:46,585
Time to go.
1449
01:15:47,978 --> 01:15:49,675
Shit!
1450
01:15:49,719 --> 01:15:51,024
What?
1451
01:15:51,068 --> 01:15:51,851
Rex.
1452
01:15:52,983 --> 01:15:53,897
Oh.
1453
01:15:55,463 --> 01:15:57,074
[SIGHS]
1454
01:15:57,117 --> 01:15:58,597
All right, Duane,
I'm gonna go to your
MySpace page
1455
01:15:58,641 --> 01:16:00,338
and listen to your album.
1456
01:16:00,381 --> 01:16:04,385
And I hope to see you soon
in better circumstances.
1457
01:16:15,483 --> 01:16:16,441
Hey.Mary!
1458
01:16:20,010 --> 01:16:22,142
Wait. Wait.
How did you find me?
1459
01:16:22,186 --> 01:16:23,579
Well, I called
your cell phone,
1460
01:16:23,622 --> 01:16:24,797
and then someone
answered here.
1461
01:16:24,841 --> 01:16:27,800
That's awesome. Okay.
1462
01:16:27,844 --> 01:16:29,889
Are you okay?
Why are you in jail?
1463
01:16:32,892 --> 01:16:34,502
I mean, there's
a number of charges,
1464
01:16:34,546 --> 01:16:35,852
but the most prominent ones
were animal cruelty
1465
01:16:35,895 --> 01:16:38,550
and the assaulting
the officer.
1466
01:16:38,594 --> 01:16:40,944
But it's not nearly as bad
as it sounds on paper, okay?
I promise.
1467
01:16:40,987 --> 01:16:43,860
Okay.Okay. Wait right here. Okay.
1468
01:16:44,730 --> 01:16:45,818
Teddy, Carol.
1469
01:16:45,862 --> 01:16:46,906
Lance, my man.
1470
01:16:46,950 --> 01:16:48,473
You guys got my stuff?
1471
01:16:48,516 --> 01:16:49,909
It's gonna be a few minutes.
1472
01:16:49,953 --> 01:16:52,216
All right. I gotta
put up with a lot here.
1473
01:16:52,259 --> 01:16:53,957
I was raped last night.
I'm just fucking with you.
1474
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:55,001
[LAUGHING]
1475
01:16:56,699 --> 01:16:58,614
Oh, man.
But one guy did get raped.
1476
01:17:12,932 --> 01:17:14,542
[FLYING HIGH PLAYING]
1477
01:17:25,162 --> 01:17:27,512
♪ You can't know, oh, no
1478
01:17:27,555 --> 01:17:28,948
♪ You can't know
1479
01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:33,692
♪ How much I think
about you, no
1480
01:17:35,433 --> 01:17:38,131
♪ It's making my head spin
1481
01:17:41,569 --> 01:17:42,962
♪ Looking at you
1482
01:17:43,006 --> 01:17:45,486
♪ And you are looking at me
1483
01:17:45,530 --> 01:17:48,098
♪ And we both know
what we want
1484
01:17:51,754 --> 01:17:55,540
♪ So close to giving in
1485
01:17:55,583 --> 01:17:57,150
FELICIA: Ian, don't do this.
1486
01:17:58,717 --> 01:18:03,330
No, don't turn into Lance.
You're a good guy.
1487
01:18:03,374 --> 01:18:05,419
Yeah, well, that's
why I'm still a virgin.
1488
01:18:05,463 --> 01:18:07,595
So what if you're a virgin?
1489
01:18:07,639 --> 01:18:10,337
God, Ian, it's just sex.
It's not...
1490
01:18:10,381 --> 01:18:12,775
No, Felicia,
it's not about the sex.
1491
01:18:12,818 --> 01:18:15,691
It's not. I'm weird.
1492
01:18:15,734 --> 01:18:20,130
I'm the only virgin I know.
I need to get this done
1493
01:18:20,173 --> 01:18:23,655
so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.
1494
01:18:23,699 --> 01:18:26,092
Look,
I know you don't approve,
but I'm sorry, I just...
1495
01:18:26,136 --> 01:18:28,051
I'm not going home a virgin.
1496
01:18:28,094 --> 01:18:29,574
Then do it with me.
1497
01:18:32,055 --> 01:18:32,882
What?
1498
01:18:35,406 --> 01:18:37,277
Do it with me and
not some stranger.
1499
01:18:39,323 --> 01:18:42,892
We're friends so you know
you're not gonna
get some, like,
1500
01:18:42,935 --> 01:18:46,896
crabs or genital warts
or some pussing
thing that's coming...
1501
01:18:46,939 --> 01:18:49,202
Wow, Leesh. That's hot!
1502
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:54,947
You know what?
1503
01:18:54,991 --> 01:18:57,863
I think I'd rather
stay a virgin forever
than lose it on pity-sex.
1504
01:18:59,343 --> 01:19:00,605
I'm not talking
about pity-sex.
1505
01:19:00,648 --> 01:19:01,867
Then what are
you talking about?
1506
01:19:01,911 --> 01:19:06,002
I don't know. Sex.
1507
01:19:06,045 --> 01:19:09,135
It doesn't have
to mean anything.
1508
01:19:09,179 --> 01:19:11,616
It doesn't have to
jeopardize our friendship.
1509
01:19:12,225 --> 01:19:13,357
Ah!
1510
01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:14,880
Leesh, you know what?
1511
01:19:14,924 --> 01:19:15,881
Fuck the friendship!
1512
01:19:17,187 --> 01:19:19,145
I'm sorry,
I just can't do it.
1513
01:19:19,189 --> 01:19:21,800
I can't be the guy
that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore.
1514
01:19:21,844 --> 01:19:23,846
I can't...
1515
01:19:23,889 --> 01:19:26,239
I can't be the guy
who's gonna pick you up
in the middle of the night,
1516
01:19:26,283 --> 01:19:29,503
and you're gonna cry to
because Derrick Dicottes
found some other girl.
1517
01:19:31,810 --> 01:19:35,422
And maybe I'm just
being selfish here,
but it is not enough.
1518
01:19:35,466 --> 01:19:37,511
Okay, so I'm gonna
go out that door,
1519
01:19:37,555 --> 01:19:39,209
and I'm gonna go have
meaningless sex
1520
01:19:39,252 --> 01:19:42,734
with some random,
hopefully hot, hopefully
female person
1521
01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:44,040
that I met on the Internet.
1522
01:19:46,477 --> 01:19:48,522
Unless you've got
something better
to say to me.
1523
01:20:02,885 --> 01:20:04,277
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
1524
01:20:06,018 --> 01:20:07,759
That's what I thought.
1525
01:20:38,529 --> 01:20:40,836
Check out time, dick-cheese.
1526
01:20:40,879 --> 01:20:42,881
Rex, how'd you find me?
1527
01:20:42,925 --> 01:20:44,274
You ever heard of LoJack,
cheese-dick?
1528
01:20:46,754 --> 01:20:48,321
[SIREN WAILING]
1529
01:20:48,365 --> 01:20:50,758
[DISCO INFERNO PLAYING]
1530
01:20:50,802 --> 01:20:51,977
Come here.
1531
01:20:52,021 --> 01:20:54,675
♪ Burn that mother down, y'all
1532
01:20:54,719 --> 01:20:56,329
♪ Burn, baby, burn
1533
01:20:56,373 --> 01:20:58,157
♪ Disco inferno
1534
01:20:58,201 --> 01:21:00,029
♪ Burn, baby, burn
1535
01:21:00,072 --> 01:21:01,247
♪ Burn that mother down
1536
01:21:01,291 --> 01:21:02,814
Come on, Rex, wait.
The girl...
1537
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:04,381
The one I told you
about from the Internet.
1538
01:21:04,424 --> 01:21:06,035
She's right
across the street, Rex.
1539
01:21:06,078 --> 01:21:07,601
She wants to do it
with me and everything.
1540
01:21:07,645 --> 01:21:09,125
Like I give a shit!
1541
01:21:15,131 --> 01:21:16,219
[SCREAMING]
1542
01:21:22,442 --> 01:21:24,009
Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.
1543
01:21:24,053 --> 01:21:25,489
Okay. Okay, fine.
1544
01:21:25,968 --> 01:21:28,361
Now!
1545
01:21:28,405 --> 01:21:30,407
It probably wouldn't
have changed
1546
01:21:30,450 --> 01:21:33,192
all these feelings
that I've been
having lately anyway.
1547
01:21:35,107 --> 01:21:37,805
What are you talking about?
1548
01:21:37,849 --> 01:21:41,244
I don't know, Rex.
You know, just feelings,
1549
01:21:43,115 --> 01:21:47,990
curiosity about men.
1550
01:21:50,818 --> 01:21:52,168
Oh, shit, Ian!
1551
01:21:53,821 --> 01:21:56,346
I think you might be right.
1552
01:21:56,389 --> 01:21:58,783
I think I might
be getting gay.
1553
01:21:58,826 --> 01:22:01,177
Oh, God damn it.
1554
01:22:01,873 --> 01:22:03,353
Oh, fuck!
1555
01:22:04,963 --> 01:22:08,445
But I just haven't had
any luck with girls, Rex.
1556
01:22:08,488 --> 01:22:11,883
No way!
No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.
1557
01:22:19,021 --> 01:22:23,155
All right,
you take the car,
1558
01:22:23,199 --> 01:22:25,984
and you go bang
a female woman
like the good Lord intended.
1559
01:22:26,028 --> 01:22:27,290
You've got one hour!
1560
01:22:28,291 --> 01:22:29,379
Ian.Yeah?
1561
01:22:32,512 --> 01:22:33,818
Not up the butt.
1562
01:22:34,688 --> 01:22:36,212
Right.
1563
01:22:59,365 --> 01:23:03,152
Hey, man.
You looking for somebody?
1564
01:23:07,112 --> 01:23:08,070
Ms. Tasty.
1565
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,074
MS. TASTY: Ian?
1566
01:23:17,296 --> 01:23:20,778
Oh, my gosh! Hey.
1567
01:23:20,821 --> 01:23:22,823
I was sure you were
standing me up.
1568
01:23:24,869 --> 01:23:27,437
But here you are.
Look at you.See you.
1569
01:23:29,308 --> 01:23:32,572
You look a little
different than your picture.
1570
01:23:32,616 --> 01:23:34,270
Yeah, I know.
I lost a lot of weight
1571
01:23:34,313 --> 01:23:35,358
'cause I had the runs...
The flu.
1572
01:23:37,882 --> 01:23:40,841
Well, you're mighty cute,
and your car is
really pretty.
1573
01:23:43,148 --> 01:23:45,020
Why don't you
take me for a ride?
1574
01:23:50,460 --> 01:23:53,593
So, Ms. Tasty,
what's your real name?
1575
01:23:55,856 --> 01:23:58,468
How about I tell you after?
1576
01:24:00,035 --> 01:24:01,514
Yeah, sure.
1577
01:24:03,864 --> 01:24:05,518
Works for me.
1578
01:24:11,263 --> 01:24:12,351
[ATLANTIS PLAYING]
1579
01:24:12,395 --> 01:24:14,484
♪ ...below the ocean
1580
01:24:15,876 --> 01:24:19,967
♪ Where I wanna be
1581
01:24:20,011 --> 01:24:22,405
♪ She may be
1582
01:24:22,448 --> 01:24:25,669
♪ Way down
below the ocean... ♪
1583
01:24:25,712 --> 01:24:27,584
No, Mary, wait.
1584
01:24:27,627 --> 01:24:28,933
What?
1585
01:24:28,976 --> 01:24:30,674
What's wrong?
1586
01:24:30,717 --> 01:24:33,111
Nothing. I mean...
1587
01:24:33,155 --> 01:24:36,332
Nothing, I just...
I really like you,
1588
01:24:39,900 --> 01:24:43,643
and I don't want to ruin this.
You know?
1589
01:24:45,254 --> 01:24:47,952
But, hey,
maybe you could come
to Chicago
1590
01:24:47,995 --> 01:24:51,129
and we could hang out
and take it a little...
1591
01:24:51,173 --> 01:24:55,481
No. Lance,
it doesn't work like that.
1592
01:24:59,659 --> 01:25:02,575
And, I mean,
if I don't go back,
I'm gonna be shunned.
1593
01:25:04,403 --> 01:25:06,275
I could never see
my family again.
1594
01:25:08,233 --> 01:25:09,843
This Amish thing is
a real motherfucker.
1595
01:25:11,193 --> 01:25:12,237
Yeah, tell me about it.
1596
01:25:21,551 --> 01:25:23,596
Ian.Yeah.
1597
01:25:23,640 --> 01:25:25,772
I think we should
take our clothes off.
1598
01:25:27,383 --> 01:25:28,993
Wow. Really? Right here?
1599
01:25:29,036 --> 01:25:30,821
Mmm-hmm.
1600
01:25:30,864 --> 01:25:33,563
No one's around for miles.
Come on.
1601
01:25:34,694 --> 01:25:35,434
Okay.
1602
01:25:43,181 --> 01:25:44,313
What do you think?
1603
01:25:44,878 --> 01:25:46,271
Ample.
1604
01:25:46,315 --> 01:25:47,533
Mmm-hmm.
1605
01:25:49,840 --> 01:25:52,277
I think we should take
your clothes off now.
1606
01:25:52,321 --> 01:25:55,672
Yeah, maybe we should.
1607
01:25:55,715 --> 01:25:57,543
I don't play football!
1608
01:25:58,762 --> 01:26:00,720
Okay.
1609
01:26:00,764 --> 01:26:01,982
I... I really don't.
1610
01:26:02,026 --> 01:26:04,071
I mean, I don't even
really watch football.
1611
01:26:04,115 --> 01:26:06,596
I mean, I got all that stuff
from Friday Night Lights,
which is a show.
1612
01:26:06,639 --> 01:26:08,163
It's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.
1613
01:26:08,206 --> 01:26:09,251
I don't know if
you saw it, but...
1614
01:26:09,294 --> 01:26:11,209
Ian.
1615
01:26:11,253 --> 01:26:13,864
What? You think
everything in my profile's
the God's honest truth?
1616
01:26:14,734 --> 01:26:16,780
No.
1617
01:26:16,823 --> 01:26:19,174
Now, come on,
take your clothes off.
1618
01:26:21,828 --> 01:26:26,006
Look, there's this girl...
1619
01:26:27,834 --> 01:26:29,662
Ian, this can be
our little secret.
1620
01:26:29,706 --> 01:26:31,621
No one has to know.
1621
01:26:33,362 --> 01:26:34,580
Now come here.
1622
01:26:48,159 --> 01:26:53,643
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I can't do this with you.
1623
01:26:53,686 --> 01:26:57,647
I'm kissing you,
and I'm thinking
about somebody else.
1624
01:26:59,039 --> 01:27:00,998
No, and I know that's
a stupid thing to say.
1625
01:27:01,041 --> 01:27:02,478
I mean, she's not even...
1626
01:27:03,566 --> 01:27:05,002
[SNIFFLING]
1627
01:27:05,045 --> 01:27:07,570
Oh, no, no, no.
Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.
1628
01:27:08,875 --> 01:27:10,747
It's not a reflection of...
1629
01:27:10,790 --> 01:27:12,401
You're so pretty, like...
1630
01:27:13,228 --> 01:27:15,230
You're laughing.
1631
01:27:15,273 --> 01:27:19,277
Just take your fucking
clothes off, asshole!
1632
01:27:19,321 --> 01:27:22,628
Look, I'm sorry, okay.
I don't mean to
lead you on here,
1633
01:27:22,672 --> 01:27:24,891
and I'll give you
a ride home,
1634
01:27:24,935 --> 01:27:26,937
but I don't think that...
What the fuck?
1635
01:27:26,980 --> 01:27:28,765
You heard the lady. Strip.
1636
01:27:32,334 --> 01:27:33,857
Do you have any jacks?
1637
01:27:33,900 --> 01:27:35,119
Yup.
1638
01:27:36,773 --> 01:27:38,165
I win.
1639
01:27:38,209 --> 01:27:39,602
Oh! Again.
1640
01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:41,125
Yup.
1641
01:27:46,130 --> 01:27:47,131
All right,
just take your shirt off.
1642
01:27:47,174 --> 01:27:48,263
Okay, good.
1643
01:27:51,875 --> 01:27:53,746
You were right, Ian.
'69 Judge.
1644
01:27:53,790 --> 01:27:55,705
You were worth the wait.
1645
01:27:59,099 --> 01:28:01,580
Please, no! Come on,
it's not even my car!
1646
01:28:01,624 --> 01:28:03,669
Oh, and good luck
with the lady friend.
1647
01:28:05,758 --> 01:28:08,195
[MS. TASTY WHOOPING]
1648
01:28:08,239 --> 01:28:11,329
Felicia. Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
1649
01:28:13,853 --> 01:28:16,987
Now, listen.
I got another car coming
any minute now, okay?
1650
01:28:17,030 --> 01:28:18,597
Got it.
So take me back
to the Big Boy
1651
01:28:18,641 --> 01:28:20,077
and get this goat
over to Luis.
1652
01:28:20,120 --> 01:28:20,860
Right.
1653
01:28:22,340 --> 01:28:27,693
And where is Luis?
5th and Crescent!
1654
01:28:28,607 --> 01:28:29,739
I fucking told you.
1655
01:28:29,782 --> 01:28:30,870
I know where it is.
1656
01:28:30,914 --> 01:28:31,915
[CLANKING]
1657
01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:34,265
Shit!
1658
01:28:46,321 --> 01:28:47,278
Hi.
1659
01:28:53,719 --> 01:28:55,504
Hey, boys.
You finally made it.
1660
01:28:55,547 --> 01:28:57,157
What's up, Ms. Tasty?
1661
01:28:57,201 --> 01:28:59,638
What's up? What's up?
1662
01:28:59,682 --> 01:29:01,118
Damn, you're hot as fuck.
1663
01:29:01,161 --> 01:29:02,598
Yeah.
1664
01:29:02,641 --> 01:29:03,642
We brought beers
and rubbers.
1665
01:29:03,686 --> 01:29:05,340
And some lotion
for your tits.
1666
01:29:11,302 --> 01:29:12,347
[PHONE RINGING]
1667
01:29:12,390 --> 01:29:17,526
[LANCE AND MARY MOANING]
1668
01:29:21,530 --> 01:29:23,749
I can't believe I'm
banging an Amish chick.
1669
01:29:23,793 --> 01:29:25,882
I mean, seriously,
what are the odds?
1670
01:29:27,100 --> 01:29:29,015
Oh, yeah! More of that.
1671
01:29:31,801 --> 01:29:36,022
So, wait,
you do want to party?
1672
01:29:37,241 --> 01:29:38,547
With us?
1673
01:29:38,590 --> 01:29:41,158
Yeah. I want us all
to get naked and party.
1674
01:30:01,744 --> 01:30:04,050
Get your ass out of the car,
motherfucker!
1675
01:30:06,270 --> 01:30:08,446
Who the fuck are you?
1676
01:30:08,490 --> 01:30:10,666
Holy fucking fuck-balls!
1677
01:30:11,406 --> 01:30:15,627
Okay, my bad.
1678
01:30:15,671 --> 01:30:17,063
Now, I thought you
were someone else,
all right?
1679
01:30:17,107 --> 01:30:18,761
You done fouled up my ride,
1680
01:30:20,893 --> 01:30:22,199
so I'm gonna
have to take yours.
1681
01:30:23,461 --> 01:30:24,375
Fuck that shit.
1682
01:30:24,419 --> 01:30:25,681
[GUN COCKING]
1683
01:30:25,724 --> 01:30:27,117
Here you go.
Pulls to the left.
1684
01:30:29,511 --> 01:30:31,077
MAN: What the fuck, dumb-ass?
1685
01:30:35,430 --> 01:30:37,127
Oh, shit!
1686
01:30:38,650 --> 01:30:44,787
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
1687
01:30:44,830 --> 01:30:46,832
Hey, highlights, back it up.
1688
01:30:48,007 --> 01:30:49,661
Bite my dick, asshole!
1689
01:30:54,797 --> 01:30:58,931
Ow! What the fuck
you do that for?
1690
01:30:58,975 --> 01:31:01,412
Lance?
What the fuck is going on?
1691
01:31:01,456 --> 01:31:02,935
That's the son of a bitch
I was looking for!
1692
01:31:02,979 --> 01:31:06,243
Hey, guy. How'd you...
1693
01:31:06,286 --> 01:31:07,810
Found your computer maps,
douche-bag!
1694
01:31:07,853 --> 01:31:09,768
Okay.
1695
01:31:09,812 --> 01:31:11,901
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Boat show,
1696
01:31:11,944 --> 01:31:13,903
you and your boyfriend
bring it in here.
1697
01:31:13,946 --> 01:31:15,078
I don't need no
trouble right now.
1698
01:31:15,121 --> 01:31:16,775
Let's go. Bring it in.
1699
01:31:18,603 --> 01:31:20,910
Bobby Jo,
who the fuck is that?
1700
01:31:20,953 --> 01:31:22,172
Who?
1701
01:31:22,215 --> 01:31:23,478
That!
1702
01:31:23,521 --> 01:31:24,348
Son of a bitch!
1703
01:31:25,305 --> 01:31:27,090
[GROANING]
1704
01:31:27,133 --> 01:31:28,265
Come on, darling.
1705
01:31:28,308 --> 01:31:29,919
Shut up!
1706
01:31:29,962 --> 01:31:30,789
Now,
take it easy on the hair.
1707
01:31:30,833 --> 01:31:32,138
Get down!
1708
01:31:32,182 --> 01:31:33,531
Hey, hey, come on.
1709
01:31:33,575 --> 01:31:35,359
All right, all right.
1710
01:31:35,402 --> 01:31:36,578
IAN: Take your hands off her!
1711
01:31:41,017 --> 01:31:42,584
[IAN EXCLAIMING]
1712
01:31:45,021 --> 01:31:46,239
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
1713
01:31:48,285 --> 01:31:49,939
ANDY: Holy loud!
1714
01:31:49,982 --> 01:31:51,201
RANDY:
People are in the vehicle.
1715
01:31:56,641 --> 01:31:58,295
IAN: Please! No!
1716
01:32:04,780 --> 01:32:07,565
All right. Get back, man.Ian?
1717
01:32:07,609 --> 01:32:10,568
Everybody just be cool.
1718
01:32:10,612 --> 01:32:11,700
Felicia, you okay?
1719
01:32:11,743 --> 01:32:13,528
Yeah, I'm fine.
1720
01:32:13,571 --> 01:32:16,356
Ian, give me the goddamn gun
before you
shoot your dick off.
1721
01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:17,706
Rex, I got this.Ian!
1722
01:32:17,749 --> 01:32:19,055
God damn it, Rex,
I got this!
1723
01:32:19,098 --> 01:32:21,013
Do not fuck with me!
Not now!
1724
01:32:22,145 --> 01:32:24,016
Ease it back, man.
1725
01:32:24,060 --> 01:32:24,930
That donut ain't
fucking around.
1726
01:32:27,019 --> 01:32:28,978
Hands where I can see them.
1727
01:32:30,196 --> 01:32:32,764
Ian, dude,
you're working the mouth.
1728
01:32:32,808 --> 01:32:34,331
I don't give a shit!
1729
01:32:34,374 --> 01:32:36,594
Okay. All right, sorry.
1730
01:32:36,638 --> 01:32:38,640
You're doing so good.
Proud of you.
1731
01:32:38,683 --> 01:32:40,250
I mean that.
I don't say it enough.
1732
01:32:40,293 --> 01:32:42,469
All right, you, corn-fed,
1733
01:32:42,513 --> 01:32:44,602
you can punch my friend Lance,
but just once.
1734
01:32:44,646 --> 01:32:46,169
Dude! What the fuck?
1735
01:32:46,212 --> 01:32:47,953
You nailed his girlfriend.
1736
01:32:47,997 --> 01:32:49,520
Not exactly.
I mean, it was...
1737
01:32:49,564 --> 01:32:51,043
And he came all this way.
1738
01:32:51,087 --> 01:32:52,741
All right.
All right, fair enough.
1739
01:32:52,784 --> 01:32:54,264
Just not in the nuts.
1740
01:32:56,614 --> 01:32:58,137
[LANCE GRUNTS]
1741
01:32:58,181 --> 01:33:00,705
Oh, shit!
1742
01:33:00,749 --> 01:33:03,055
Okay. Okay, all right.
1743
01:33:05,231 --> 01:33:07,799
What a punch.
1744
01:33:07,843 --> 01:33:10,323
I think my kids are
gonna be retarded.
1745
01:33:10,367 --> 01:33:11,890
You got a fucking
cannon for an arm, dude.
1746
01:33:11,934 --> 01:33:14,806
Yeah, you got a little...
1747
01:33:14,850 --> 01:33:17,940
Thanks. My ears are ringing.
1748
01:33:17,983 --> 01:33:20,116
IAN: Stop it!
I'm warning you!
1749
01:33:20,159 --> 01:33:22,466
Come on, bro.
You ain't gonna kill no one.
1750
01:33:23,336 --> 01:33:24,642
[MS. TASTY EXCLAIMS]
1751
01:33:24,686 --> 01:33:25,556
Whoa!
1752
01:33:28,472 --> 01:33:29,865
Anybody can shoot
a gun in the air, dude.
1753
01:33:29,908 --> 01:33:31,431
I'll shoot you in the leg.
1754
01:33:31,475 --> 01:33:33,085
Smoke that cock, Ian!
1755
01:33:34,826 --> 01:33:36,611
I don't think you
got the plums, boy.
1756
01:33:36,654 --> 01:33:38,351
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
1757
01:33:39,962 --> 01:33:41,877
God!
1758
01:33:43,705 --> 01:33:44,662
[GROANING]
1759
01:33:48,492 --> 01:33:50,450
Okay. Okay.
1760
01:33:52,844 --> 01:33:55,151
Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.
1761
01:33:56,979 --> 01:33:58,676
Give me the gun!Jesus, man,
what do I got to do?
1762
01:34:03,289 --> 01:34:05,988
Don't move, asshole,
or you're a fucking stain.
1763
01:34:06,031 --> 01:34:07,032
Okay.
1764
01:34:08,555 --> 01:34:12,124
Holy shit, Ian. Right on!
1765
01:34:12,168 --> 01:34:14,213
Where do you think
you're going, bitch?
1766
01:34:14,257 --> 01:34:15,519
Cat fight!
1767
01:34:15,562 --> 01:34:16,999
[BOTH SQUEALING]
1768
01:34:17,042 --> 01:34:18,653
[CAN'T FIGHT THIS
FEELING PLAYING]
1769
01:34:18,696 --> 01:34:21,743
♪ 'Cause I can't fight
this feeling anymore
1770
01:34:21,786 --> 01:34:23,875
FELICIA: Damn you, whore!
1771
01:34:23,919 --> 01:34:25,050
♪ I've forgotten what
I started fighting for
1772
01:34:25,094 --> 01:34:26,486
Fuck you!
1773
01:34:29,141 --> 01:34:33,624
♪ And if I have to
crawl upon the floor
1774
01:34:33,668 --> 01:34:34,712
♪ Come crashing
through your door
1775
01:34:37,410 --> 01:34:43,503
♪ Baby, I can't fight
this feeling anymore ♪
1776
01:34:43,547 --> 01:34:45,157
Drop the weapon,
donut man!
1777
01:34:47,333 --> 01:34:49,640
Okay, put your hands
on your head!
1778
01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:51,511
Both hands, asshole!
1779
01:34:51,555 --> 01:34:53,252
IAN:
I can't move the other arm.
1780
01:34:53,296 --> 01:34:54,819
Who said that?
Who said that?
1781
01:34:54,863 --> 01:34:56,473
I can't move the other arm.
1782
01:34:58,736 --> 01:35:00,042
[TASER ZAPPING]
1783
01:35:00,085 --> 01:35:02,827
Sir, I'm not resisting.
It's foam, sir.
1784
01:35:02,871 --> 01:35:03,959
[SCREAMING]
1785
01:35:06,831 --> 01:35:08,703
The big Mexican
won't go down!
1786
01:35:08,746 --> 01:35:10,095
Take the shot!
1787
01:35:10,922 --> 01:35:12,315
Holy shit.
1788
01:35:12,358 --> 01:35:16,014
Jesus! Hold your fire!
Hold your fire, okay?
1789
01:35:16,058 --> 01:35:19,409
He is not the bad guy!
She is the car thief.
1790
01:35:20,932 --> 01:35:24,153
Right there. The blond,
in a belt for a skirt.
1791
01:35:32,639 --> 01:35:33,815
FEMALE OFFICER:
Anything else?
1792
01:35:35,991 --> 01:35:38,907
FELICIA: Oh, yeah,
apparently there's
a guy named Luis,
1793
01:35:38,950 --> 01:35:41,648
and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!
1794
01:35:42,475 --> 01:35:43,955
Thanks.
1795
01:35:43,999 --> 01:35:45,174
We were just banging
that chick in our car.
1796
01:35:45,217 --> 01:35:46,741
Yeah, you mentioned that.
1797
01:35:46,784 --> 01:35:48,525
Yeah, super hard.
1798
01:35:48,568 --> 01:35:51,484
The boy did have
some plums.
1799
01:35:51,528 --> 01:35:54,574
He had some plums.
1800
01:35:54,618 --> 01:35:56,098
Hey, this is Rick.
1801
01:35:56,141 --> 01:35:57,621
He's played arena football.
1802
01:35:57,664 --> 01:35:59,275
Hi. I'm Mary.
1803
01:35:59,318 --> 01:36:00,406
RICK:
Hi. Nice to meet you.
1804
01:36:00,450 --> 01:36:02,017
That's a weird
little dude you got there.
1805
01:36:02,060 --> 01:36:02,887
LANCE: Are you guys hungry?
1806
01:36:02,931 --> 01:36:04,976
Is this place open 24 hours?
1807
01:36:07,631 --> 01:36:09,894
Thank you for coming for me.
1808
01:36:11,330 --> 01:36:14,203
What were you
doing in the back seat?
1809
01:36:14,246 --> 01:36:17,597
Nothing. I was...
1810
01:36:17,641 --> 01:36:19,643
You were stalking me.
1811
01:36:19,686 --> 01:36:21,166
No, I wasn't. I...
1812
01:36:23,516 --> 01:36:26,519
Okay. Yeah, I was
stalking you just a little.
1813
01:36:28,391 --> 01:36:30,393
I just...
I knew you were gonna do
1814
01:36:30,436 --> 01:36:32,003
something you were
gonna regret, and I...
1815
01:36:32,047 --> 01:36:35,833
Felicia.
Why can't you just say it?
1816
01:36:41,056 --> 01:36:43,449
Why can't you?
1817
01:36:43,493 --> 01:36:45,147
Well, I asked you first.
1818
01:36:52,937 --> 01:36:54,417
Fine. I'll say it.
1819
01:37:01,380 --> 01:37:02,860
You love me.
1820
01:37:03,861 --> 01:37:05,384
Fine.
1821
01:37:07,038 --> 01:37:09,258
You love me, too, then.
1822
01:37:09,301 --> 01:37:10,955
[LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL PLAYING]
1823
01:37:14,132 --> 01:37:19,746
♪ Life is beautiful
1824
01:37:22,662 --> 01:37:26,405
♪ But it's complicated
1825
01:37:26,449 --> 01:37:27,667
Thank God.
1826
01:37:27,711 --> 01:37:31,671
♪ We barely make it
1827
01:37:34,761 --> 01:37:35,937
[MOOING]
1828
01:37:44,902 --> 01:37:47,122
You fucking heifer.
1829
01:37:47,165 --> 01:37:48,166
[ENGINE REVVING]
1830
01:38:00,918 --> 01:38:02,267
You fixed it!Yeah.
1831
01:38:02,311 --> 01:38:03,703
Don't lean on it.
1832
01:38:06,402 --> 01:38:08,839
I guess you get to live.
1833
01:38:08,883 --> 01:38:10,058
IAN: You guys are amazing.
1834
01:38:10,101 --> 01:38:12,016
Thanks.
1835
01:38:12,060 --> 01:38:13,539
Let's talk seriously
for a second.
1836
01:38:13,583 --> 01:38:16,281
I figure with
the parts and labor,
1837
01:38:16,325 --> 01:38:18,718
you know, out the door...
4,200.
1838
01:38:21,069 --> 01:38:22,331
Oh. Um...
1839
01:38:22,374 --> 01:38:23,462
It's just a round number.
1840
01:38:23,506 --> 01:38:25,682
Yeah. No, I didn't really...
1841
01:38:30,078 --> 01:38:31,949
I don't know what to...
1842
01:38:31,993 --> 01:38:34,778
[LAUGHING]
I'm fucking with you, Ian.
We're good, man.
1843
01:38:34,821 --> 01:38:36,911
Wait, I mean,
you're serious?
1844
01:38:36,954 --> 01:38:38,956
Yeah. I'm serious.
We're good. No worries.
1845
01:38:39,000 --> 01:38:40,523
You sure?Yeah, of course.
1846
01:38:40,566 --> 01:38:41,654
Thank you, man.It's what I live for,
1847
01:38:41,698 --> 01:38:43,569
fixing other
people's shit for free.
1848
01:38:46,790 --> 01:38:47,747
Yeah.
1849
01:38:53,492 --> 01:38:54,754
Hey.
1850
01:38:54,798 --> 01:38:55,973
REX: Straight home, pussy!
1851
01:38:56,017 --> 01:38:58,193
Dude, we got to go.
1852
01:38:58,236 --> 01:39:00,369
REX: Fucking piece of shit!
1853
01:39:00,412 --> 01:39:02,675
You go on ahead.
1854
01:39:02,719 --> 01:39:04,460
I think I'm gonna
stay here, kick it Amish.
1855
01:39:04,503 --> 01:39:06,505
Dude,
what are you talking about?
1856
01:39:06,549 --> 01:39:08,507
I don't know,
a little hard work,
fresh air,
1857
01:39:08,551 --> 01:39:10,509
missionary position.
1858
01:39:10,553 --> 01:39:12,598
It's a man's life.
1859
01:39:12,642 --> 01:39:14,296
Sounds pretty good, you know.Yeah, it sounds...
1860
01:39:14,339 --> 01:39:16,385
Come on, Lance.
Get serious.
1861
01:39:21,085 --> 01:39:22,434
Come here.
1862
01:39:23,653 --> 01:39:25,133
I gotta tell you,
I'm impressed.
1863
01:39:25,176 --> 01:39:26,786
I'm proud of you, you know.
1864
01:39:26,830 --> 01:39:29,441
You held out for a good one,
the one you wanted.
1865
01:39:30,529 --> 01:39:34,359
And you fucking
made it happen.
1866
01:39:34,403 --> 01:39:38,755
But, please, I'm begging you,
go take that girl
to visit Grandma.
1867
01:39:38,798 --> 01:39:40,235
All right.
1868
01:39:40,278 --> 01:39:41,105
And when you do, don't...
1869
01:39:41,149 --> 01:39:43,890
Lance, I got it.
1870
01:39:43,934 --> 01:39:45,153
Yeah?
1871
01:39:45,762 --> 01:39:46,719
Yeah.
1872
01:39:49,244 --> 01:39:50,810
Okay. I think you might.
1873
01:39:51,768 --> 01:39:53,204
See you.Bye.
1874
01:39:55,250 --> 01:39:57,730
[PORCUPINE JACKET PLAYING]
1875
01:39:59,994 --> 01:40:03,736
♪ Well, no, no, me,
I never worry
1876
01:40:03,780 --> 01:40:07,523
♪ Because, me, I never try
1877
01:40:07,566 --> 01:40:13,616
♪ And I never care to
hold onto what I just
couldn't kiss goodbye ♪
1878
01:40:32,200 --> 01:40:33,940
Are you sure you're ready?
1879
01:40:35,159 --> 01:40:36,639
Yeah.
1880
01:40:38,249 --> 01:40:40,425
All right, well, come on,
take them off.
1881
01:40:53,395 --> 01:40:54,483
Let's do it.
1882
01:41:14,807 --> 01:41:16,287
TIFFANY: Fuck!
1883
01:41:16,331 --> 01:41:17,114
Don't start your
fucking shit with me.
1884
01:41:17,158 --> 01:41:18,681
You know what? Fuck you!
1885
01:41:18,724 --> 01:41:20,813
I want a divorce.
1886
01:41:20,857 --> 01:41:23,816
IAN: A few weeks later,
I was Felicia's date
to Tiffany's wedding.
1887
01:41:23,860 --> 01:41:26,471
But this time, it wasn't
a just-friends kind of thing.
1888
01:41:29,387 --> 01:41:31,650
And Rex did make my life
hell for a while.
1889
01:41:32,956 --> 01:41:34,958
But that Thanksgiving,
1890
01:41:35,001 --> 01:41:37,961
we finally found out
what's been up his
ass all these years.
1891
01:41:38,004 --> 01:41:41,356
I'm gay! And, so, that's it.
1892
01:41:44,663 --> 01:41:47,449
IAN: By Christmas,
my dad got used to the idea.
1893
01:41:47,492 --> 01:41:50,495
And Rex is actually
a pretty great
guy these days.
1894
01:41:50,539 --> 01:41:53,150
Yeah, now he only
uses the word faggot
during rough sex.
1895
01:41:53,194 --> 01:41:55,239
Karen and I want
you to have this,
for Christmas.
1896
01:41:55,283 --> 01:41:56,327
Merry Christmas.
1897
01:41:56,371 --> 01:41:57,546
Thanks.
1898
01:41:59,852 --> 01:42:01,332
A juicer.
1899
01:42:01,376 --> 01:42:04,553
Oh, my gosh!
That's so awesome.
1900
01:42:04,596 --> 01:42:06,903
Wow, I gotta get some fruit.
1901
01:42:06,946 --> 01:42:07,860
Wow!
1902
01:42:12,256 --> 01:42:14,476
Thank you, thank you.
1903
01:42:14,519 --> 01:42:17,609
IAN: And on New Year's Eve,
Felicia and I
finally visited Grandma.
1904
01:42:17,653 --> 01:42:18,958
Again?
1905
01:42:19,002 --> 01:42:19,829
Really?
1906
01:42:21,309 --> 01:42:22,397
IAN: Twice.
1907
01:42:29,534 --> 01:42:30,579
[LAUGHING]
1908
01:42:33,016 --> 01:42:34,539
REX: Oh, that was awesome!
1909
01:43:15,058 --> 01:43:17,147
Hey, boys.
You get some rest?
1910
01:43:17,191 --> 01:43:19,193
Thanks, man.
Thanks for fixing the bus.
1911
01:43:19,236 --> 01:43:20,803
A pleasure.Yeah,
thanks for fixing our bus.
1912
01:43:20,846 --> 01:43:22,152
Appreciate it.
1913
01:43:22,196 --> 01:43:23,153
Thanks for playing
that show for us, too.
1914
01:43:23,197 --> 01:43:25,068
Yeah, no worries.
1915
01:43:25,111 --> 01:43:26,765
It was a nice five-song set.
1916
01:43:26,809 --> 01:43:29,290
Yeah,
what do you guys typically...
1917
01:43:29,333 --> 01:43:31,770
I assume you get compensated
very well for that.
1918
01:43:31,814 --> 01:43:33,424
Must be a good living.
1919
01:43:33,468 --> 01:43:35,165
Yeah, we do. I mean...
1920
01:43:35,209 --> 01:43:38,168
Yeah, you know, I...
Gosh, if I was really
to calculate
1921
01:43:38,212 --> 01:43:40,997
what you'd lose if this bus
couldn't have
gotten back on the road,
1922
01:43:41,040 --> 01:43:42,955
if you couldn't have
gotten to your shows,
1923
01:43:42,999 --> 01:43:47,351
I imagine all those
weeping teenage girls
outside, "I need to dance."
1924
01:43:47,395 --> 01:43:48,874
Could we send
you some pictures?
1925
01:43:48,918 --> 01:43:49,962
We don't really
have cash or anything.
1926
01:43:50,006 --> 01:43:51,442
Some autographed photos?
1927
01:43:51,486 --> 01:43:53,227
Or we could give you CDs.
1928
01:43:53,270 --> 01:43:55,533
Yeah, we've got a lot of use
for that around here.
1929
01:43:55,577 --> 01:43:57,840
There is a lot of work
that needs to be
done around here.
1930
01:43:57,883 --> 01:43:59,842
You guys are some
strapping young lads.
1931
01:43:59,885 --> 01:44:01,583
I don't know if we're
really built for that.
1932
01:44:03,541 --> 01:44:04,847
Yeah.
1933
01:44:04,890 --> 01:44:06,327
I can hear you.
1934
01:44:06,370 --> 01:44:08,633
I'm just saying,
you guys put in
a 20-minute show,
1935
01:44:08,677 --> 01:44:10,200
we spent all
night on the bus...Yeah.
1936
01:44:10,244 --> 01:44:11,593
I mean,
that was a lot of work.
1937
01:44:11,636 --> 01:44:14,204
We could maybe try
to write a check later on,
1938
01:44:14,248 --> 01:44:16,206
or like I said,
we could send
you guys some CDs.
1939
01:44:16,250 --> 01:44:18,861
City folk are always
trying to solve things
with money.
1940
01:44:18,904 --> 01:44:20,645
It's the spirit
of the community
around here.
1941
01:44:20,689 --> 01:44:23,300
Lord, please bless
this Fall Out Boy.
1942
01:44:23,344 --> 01:44:26,129
Keep him safe on the road.
1943
01:44:26,172 --> 01:44:29,306
Help him to aspire
to the heights
of Jon Bon Jovi.
1944
01:44:29,350 --> 01:44:30,655
Help him to...Thanks.
1945
01:44:30,699 --> 01:44:32,831
Okay, thanks, man.Thanks, man. We gotta roll.
1946
01:44:32,875 --> 01:44:34,833
Amen.We gotta roll, man.
Thank you very much.
1947
01:44:34,877 --> 01:44:36,400
All right, boys.
It was
a pleasure meeting you.
1948
01:44:36,444 --> 01:44:39,316
I loved your
penis on the Internet,
by the way.
1949
01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,317
Fucking asshole!
1950
01:44:40,361 --> 01:44:41,623
You're a dick!
1951
01:44:41,666 --> 01:44:43,320
[I DON'T CARE PLAYING]
1952
01:44:57,943 --> 01:45:01,817
♪ Say my name and his
in the same breath
1953
01:45:01,860 --> 01:45:05,255
♪ I dare you to say
they taste the same
1954
01:45:05,299 --> 01:45:08,998
♪ Let the leaves
fall off in the summer
1955
01:45:09,041 --> 01:45:12,349
♪ And let December
glow feel flames
1956
01:45:12,393 --> 01:45:15,744
♪ Brace myself and let go
1957
01:45:15,787 --> 01:45:19,356
♪ Start it over again
in Mexico
1958
01:45:19,400 --> 01:45:23,404
♪ These friends,
they don't love you
1959
01:45:23,447 --> 01:45:26,842
♪ They just love
the hotel suites, now
1960
01:45:26,885 --> 01:45:29,758
♪ I don't care what you think
1961
01:45:29,801 --> 01:45:33,979
♪ As long as it's about me
1962
01:45:34,023 --> 01:45:36,852
♪ The best of us
can find happiness
1963
01:45:36,895 --> 01:45:40,725
♪ In misery
1964
01:45:40,769 --> 01:45:44,120
♪ Said,
I don't care what you think
1965
01:45:44,163 --> 01:45:48,385
♪ As long as it's about me
1966
01:45:48,429 --> 01:45:51,388
♪ The best of us
can find happiness
1967
01:45:51,432 --> 01:45:52,650
♪ In misery
1968
01:45:59,614 --> 01:46:03,052
♪ Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance
1969
01:46:03,095 --> 01:46:06,055
♪ I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants
1970
01:46:06,098 --> 01:46:08,362
♪ Pull a breath like
another cigarette
1971
01:46:08,405 --> 01:46:10,494
♪ Palms up, I'm trading 'em
1972
01:46:11,495 --> 01:46:13,584
♪ Trading 'em
1973
01:46:13,628 --> 01:46:17,458
♪ I'm the oracle in my chest
1974
01:46:17,501 --> 01:46:20,069
♪ Let the guitar
scream like a fascist
1975
01:46:20,112 --> 01:46:21,636
♪ Sweat it out,
shut your mouth
1976
01:46:21,679 --> 01:46:23,899
♪ Free love on the streets
1977
01:46:23,942 --> 01:46:27,859
♪ But in the alley and I
ain't that cheap, now
1978
01:46:27,903 --> 01:46:30,688
♪ I don't care what you think
1979
01:46:30,732 --> 01:46:35,127
♪ As long as it's about me
1980
01:46:35,171 --> 01:46:37,826
♪ The best of us
can find happiness
1981
01:46:37,869 --> 01:46:41,699
♪ In misery
1982
01:46:41,743 --> 01:46:45,181
♪ Said,
I don't care what you think
1983
01:46:45,224 --> 01:46:49,446
♪ As long as it's about me
1984
01:46:49,490 --> 01:46:52,231
♪ The best of us
can find happiness
1985
01:46:52,275 --> 01:46:53,711
♪ In misery
1986
01:47:06,811 --> 01:47:10,336
♪ Said I don't care
just what you think
1987
01:47:10,380 --> 01:47:13,992
♪ As long as it's about me
1988
01:47:14,036 --> 01:47:17,126
♪ Said I don't care
just what you think
1989
01:47:17,169 --> 01:47:21,217
♪ As long as it's about me
1990
01:47:21,260 --> 01:47:24,742
♪ Said I don't care,
I don't care
1991
01:47:24,786 --> 01:47:28,267
♪ Said I don't care,
I don't care
1992
01:47:28,311 --> 01:47:33,751
♪ Said I don't care,
I don't care
1993
01:47:34,622 --> 01:47:35,927
♪ No, I don't
1994
01:47:35,971 --> 01:47:39,235
♪ I don't care, I don't care
1995
01:47:39,278 --> 01:47:43,065
♪ I don't care
1996
01:47:43,108 --> 01:47:46,024
♪ I don't care what you think
1997
01:47:46,068 --> 01:47:50,376
♪ As long as it's about me
1998
01:47:50,420 --> 01:47:53,162
♪ The best of us
can find happiness
1999
01:47:53,205 --> 01:47:56,948
♪ In misery
2000
01:47:56,992 --> 01:48:00,212
♪ Said I don't care
what you think
2001
01:48:00,256 --> 01:48:04,434
♪ As long as it's about me
2002
01:48:04,478 --> 01:48:07,742
♪ The best of us
can find happiness
2003
01:48:07,785 --> 01:48:13,399
♪ In misery
2004
01:49:05,669 --> 01:49:06,844
BRANDY'S DAD:
This is a serious matter.
2005
01:49:07,715 --> 01:49:09,107
Run for your life.
2006
01:49:09,151 --> 01:49:10,369
MAN 1: Oh, shit!
You know what?
2007
01:49:10,413 --> 01:49:11,370
We see the fake balls
on the table there.
2008
01:49:11,414 --> 01:49:13,068
[CREW EXCLAIMING]
2009
01:49:13,111 --> 01:49:14,373
MAN 2: All right.
We'll shoot another. Cut.
2010
01:49:14,417 --> 01:49:15,505
MAN 3: Cut.
139743
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