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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:23,066 IAN: We open up against Michigan in two weeks. 2 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:26,939 Coach's got me hitting the bench pretty hard. 3 00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:35,296 Shit. How much is a lot? 4 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,082 One... No, two. 5 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,655 I'm putting up three hundy. 6 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,840 Well, let's see, Tasty. 7 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,584 [EXHALES] 8 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,368 Wow! 9 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:06,979 Um... 10 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:12,202 Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen... 11 00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,682 No, stop it, stop it. 12 00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,510 Don't be so fucking desperate. 13 00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,164 Come on, be a dick. Be cool. 14 00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:20,819 MAN IMITATING VAN DAMME: Don't be a pussy. 15 00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:21,777 Tell her she's an ugly skank. 16 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,738 Yeah. 17 00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:27,696 Not bad. 18 00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:30,438 I've seen better. 19 00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,488 Yeah, whatever. 20 00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:43,015 Coach's got us running two-a-days, so I gotta bounce. 21 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:02,905 [BLANKET RUSTLES] 22 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,912 Miss Tasty? How did you get here? 23 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,306 Shh! 24 00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:15,787 [GASPING] 25 00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,383 [GROANING] 26 00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:14,716 [EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST] 27 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,545 [SNORING] 28 00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:35,040 Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20, 29 00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,738 so if you want a ride to work you better get your poop in a group. 30 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,522 Okay, I'll be right down. 31 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,784 No. Now, Clay Aiken. 32 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,526 Hey... 33 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,571 Ow! Cut it out. 34 00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,181 Hurts, doesn't it? 35 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,488 Shut up! I'm trying to sleep. 36 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:50,578 Hey, sorry, Big D. Just go back to sleep. 37 00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:51,883 You, get up. 38 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,189 Give me a minute. 39 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,582 What are you hiding? 40 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,714 You got a big fattie under there, don't you? 41 00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,542 Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too. 42 00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:00,544 Oh! What the F? 43 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,591 Good. My boys are all here. 44 00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:05,723 Dad, Ian's free...Can it, Rex. 45 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:09,292 Your pop's got a bombshell to drop, so ears open. 46 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,947 Last night, your old man popped the question. 47 00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,165 [LAUGHS] 48 00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:14,819 Show them, Karen. 49 00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,343 [EXCLAIMING] 50 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:18,823 I'm so happy. 51 00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:21,391 [LAUGHS] 52 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:24,176 Hey, way to go! 53 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,266 Ian, you wanna get off your duff 54 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,397 and come over here and give Karen a hug? 55 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,790 Um... 56 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:30,618 Yeah, Ian, get up. You're being rude. 57 00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,402 Can we do that later? 58 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,143 Damn it, Ian, get up... 59 00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,580 No, no, honey. It's okay. 60 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:40,584 We have to give him time to get used to the idea. 61 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,327 IAN'S DAD: Karen?REX: Are you okay? 62 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,329 Karen? Karen, honey?You okay? 63 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,896 Sweetheart? 64 00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:50,290 What smells like jizz? 65 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,683 [LET'S GET IT UP PLAYING ON CAR RADIO] 66 00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:53,902 [HONKING] 67 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,558 Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo! 68 00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,908 [ENGINE REVVING] 69 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:07,785 [LAUGHS] 70 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:10,962 Come on, get in. Get in! 71 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,969 [GRUNTS] 72 00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:19,406 [REX LAUGHING] 73 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:20,450 REX: You suck! 74 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:25,194 Okay, seriously. Quit being such a fag and get in. 75 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,375 ♪ Never go down 76 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,638 ♪ So let's get it up 77 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:37,598 [COUGHS] 78 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,340 Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want a straight answer. 79 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,517 You queer?What? 80 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,779 God damn it! I knew it! 81 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,346 I didn't say anything. 82 00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,522 Exactly. If someone asks you if you're a pole smoker, 83 00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,132 you just deny it, straight off. 84 00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,786 No pause, no farting around. 85 00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,440 Rex, I'm not gay. 86 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,443 Ian, you're 18, and you've never had a girlfriend. 87 00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:59,228 That's how people wind up getting gay, you know. 88 00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,448 I don't think that's really how it happens. 89 00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,667 Is that not how it happens? So tell me how it happens, expert. 90 00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:06,366 Fucking cock expert. Cockspert. 91 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,455 Hey, what do you like better, the shaft or the balls? 92 00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,674 That's gross. I don't know why you're talking about it. 93 00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,763 Look, every guy's got a fantasy about another guy, 94 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,635 but you got to bury that shit way down. 95 00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,419 This is America, God damn it. 96 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,595 There is... 97 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:20,467 There is a girl that I've been kind of... 98 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,598 All right, I'm listening. 99 00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,426 Where'd you meet her? 100 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,775 On the... Online. 101 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,299 [TIRES SQUEALING] 102 00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:30,259 What? For fuck's sake, Ian, don't you watch Dateline? 103 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:31,869 She's probably a guy. 104 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:35,003 Some fat old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe. 105 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,048 But you'd love that, wouldn't you? 'Cause you're a homo. 106 00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:51,367 REX: Try not to come home any gayer than you are now. 107 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,979 [GOT YOU PLAYING] 108 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,944 ♪ Hey 109 00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:07,731 ♪ What's your favorite song? 110 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,081 ♪ Maybe we could hum along 111 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:17,785 ♪ Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing 112 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:23,660 ♪ Tell me your name, I'm dying here 113 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,756 ♪ Got you where I want you 114 00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,367 ♪ Yeah 115 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,592 [SIGHS] 116 00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:47,075 Hey, Becca. How are you? 117 00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:50,252 I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever. 118 00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,515 [CHUCKLING] Hey, Becca. 119 00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:54,604 Looks like you had a long, nasty night. 120 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,432 Ron and Ian want the four-one- uno. 121 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,390 Whatever. You guys are gross. 122 00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,915 I'm not gross. I didn't say anything. 123 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,699 Okay, who's going on coupon rounds? 124 00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,182 No, Becca, I did it yesterday. 125 00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,531 Please, Ian. 126 00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,535 I love you so much. 127 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,452 IAN: Hello. This is a coupon for six free... 128 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,542 No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No. 129 00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:21,370 Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen.Thanks. 130 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,719 You're welcome. Sorry. 131 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,158 Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is? 132 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,638 It's just past the movie theater. 133 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,511 Thanks, man. 134 00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:33,077 [LAUGHING] 135 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,646 Yeah, real funny. 136 00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:43,348 Free donuts, free coupons. 137 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,046 TIFFANY: Felicia. How's it fitting, hon? 138 00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,932 Well, you look nice. 139 00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:03,804 You know, sweetie, there's still time to have your boobs done 140 00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,719 before my wedding. 141 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,851 Darren and I already discussed them, and he said he'd pay for it. 142 00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,593 I mean, he's a dentist, so it's totally not a big deal. 143 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,510 Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors? 144 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,034 Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie? 145 00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:20,429 Oh, no. I was just hoping you could slit my wrists for me quickly. 146 00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,649 My husband killed himself last Christmas. 147 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:28,611 I am so sorry. I was just... 148 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:32,920 Hello. This is a coupon for six free donuts. Donuts? 149 00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:37,925 Oh, my God! 150 00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,667 You look so hot in that. 151 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:43,321 Hey, sweetheart, listen. Please don't take this the wrong way, 152 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,628 but your whole trying too hard thing, 153 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,239 it's just coming across as needy, you know? 154 00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,415 And I think you're better than that, Kimberly. 155 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,330 But all I was saying was that... 156 00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:55,899 Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay? 157 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,597 I mean, Christ, I'm out buying him clothes right now. 158 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,642 He's 18 years old. 159 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,688 I don't have to do that shit anymore. 160 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:03,646 Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, I'm losing you. 161 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,561 I'm going into a tunnel. 162 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:11,785 Well, it's official, Lance, your mom's still bat-shit crazy. 163 00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,961 What? You're telling me she doesn't shit-talk me? 164 00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:17,007 No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever. 165 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,706 All right. Let me give you some advice, Lance, all right? 166 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,098 Don't ever get married. 167 00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,926 Just an endless parade of horseshit. 168 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:26,538 And whatever you do, man, always wear a rubber. Christ. 169 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:29,498 Nice. Always classy. 170 00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,326 Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like... 171 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,980 Come on, dawg. 172 00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:40,422 Hey, sir. I've got something yummy for your little girl. 173 00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,294 [SCREAMING] 174 00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:47,081 Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry! 175 00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,085 [WOMAN SCREAMS] 176 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:56,873 Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?I don't know. 177 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,093 Is there a cock and balls on the front of me again? 178 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,442 Like a little tree trunk. 179 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:01,356 IAN: Thank you. 180 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,359 Oh, my God. 181 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,712 Whoa. You look pretty. 182 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,758 God, shut up, Ian! 183 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:16,153 What? I'm just saying, you usually dress so... You look nice. 184 00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,938 Ian, why do you got to work the mouth when you talk to us? 185 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:20,027 Yeah, Ian. 186 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,724 Sorry, it's a... It's a habit. 187 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,465 Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, 188 00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:24,858 you gonna bring her to my party tonight? 189 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,903 Yeah, I asked her. She said no. 190 00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:29,645 Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you. 191 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,387 That's what you say about everyone. 192 00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:34,041 She made you wear the fucking costume again, right? 193 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,433 You know, I don't mind... 194 00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:36,739 Dude, if you told her to fuck off, 195 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,654 she'd be two knuckles deep right now 196 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,221 daydreaming about your big black cock. 197 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:41,788 FELICIA: Ian, do not listen to him. 198 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,964 Okay, girls want a nice guy who's gonna treat them well. 199 00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,879 Really?Yes. Really. 200 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,924 Look, all I'm saying is everybody wants a challenge. 201 00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,621 Everybody wants... 202 00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:50,535 What they can't get. I know, I got it. 203 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,537 That shit does not work. 204 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,539 It works on you. 205 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,106 No, it doesn't. 206 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,678 Felicia! 207 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,724 Balls! I got to go. 208 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,464 Evil cousin's spending the weekend. 209 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:07,988 Pretty cousin? 210 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,380 Ian, she's the anti-Christ. 211 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,165 She's still super hot. 212 00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:12,427 Fuck you, too. See you. 213 00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:14,951 So what happened with Becca? 214 00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:16,474 You been doing like I told you, being a dick? 215 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,868 Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick. 216 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,958 I'd say... No, not really. 217 00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,004 I mean, you know, I've sort of been practicing 218 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:27,398 your whole being-a-dick thing with this girl I met online. 219 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:29,444 And I get it, but I just...Thanks. 220 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:30,924 I don't think I could do that for real. 221 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,316 Dude, sure you can. 222 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,101 I believe in you, you know. 223 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:37,408 You just got to stop worrying about being the good guy all the time. 224 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,497 I mean, okay, look at Andy and Randy over there. 225 00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:41,108 You think they care what women think about them? 226 00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:42,849 They could give a fuck. 227 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,025 What's up? What's up? 228 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,809 What's up, what's up? 229 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:50,030 Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador. 230 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,074 Would you like to help? 231 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,336 You wanna party? 232 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:54,817 Um... I'm kind of working right now. 233 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,166 When are you done? 234 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,385 Yeah, what are you doing after? 235 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,865 I have a church thing tonight. 236 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,041 Kick ass, we'll come.Yeah, where is it? 237 00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:02,956 Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there? 238 00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,435 Those guys are total nards. 239 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:06,133 They never get anywhere. 240 00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,135 That's just 'cause they don't know how to close. 241 00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:10,137 But they're ability to open is fucking heroic. 242 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:11,529 Do you wear thong underpants? 243 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:12,704 Do you want us to take our shirts off? 244 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,619 Where do you live?Is your mom hot, too? 245 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,360 Where do you live?What's your address? 246 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,884 Do you want us to come over?Do you like pizza? 247 00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,450 We've been to a motel. 248 00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,413 Fuck off, donut. 249 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,110 Rex, it's me. 250 00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,635 What the fuck is this all about? 251 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,637 I broke the key off of our locker. 252 00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,509 I couldn't get my clothes out. 253 00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:36,859 Stow that shit in the trunk. 254 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,252 Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole. 255 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:44,693 [LAUGHING] You suck. 256 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,960 Becca? Hey. 257 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,484 Wow, I didn't know that you were coming over. 258 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,792 Cool. 259 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,969 I didn't even know that you knew where I lived. I mean... 260 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,231 Yeah, I do. 261 00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:02,667 Yeah. 262 00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:04,365 So... 263 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,367 Oh! It's a funny story. I broke... 264 00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:10,197 I broke my key off and Ron let me borrow the... 265 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,896 Anyway, so this is great. You changed your mind. 266 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,290 Now, the party, it doesn't start for a few hours. 267 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,858 Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here. 268 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,600 Dylan? 269 00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,993 Yeah. Is he here? 270 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,213 My 14-year-old brother Dylan?Yeah. 271 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,911 DYLAN: Nice underpants, Ian. 272 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,261 Snap! Dang, that was funny. 273 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,133 You know he's 14, right? 274 00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,093 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 275 00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,590 Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here. 276 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,331 Get off your wallflower ass. 277 00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,767 Are you smoking cigars now? 278 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,377 Yes. 279 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:01,988 Hey, Lance. Tight party. 280 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,903 Okay, rude. 281 00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,730 You can see I'm having a conversation here. 282 00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:08,733 Now, I'll be with you in a few minutes, okay? 283 00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,257 Thank you.We're sorry. 284 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,215 Don't apologize to her.I'm sorry. 285 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:13,651 Don't apologize to me. 286 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:14,609 [SCOFFS] 287 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,484 Hey, I'm gonna go see who Felicia's talking to. 288 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,834 No, dude, forget Felicia, okay? 289 00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:25,054 I know you guys are BFF and all that shit, 290 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,230 but tonight's about getting that dick a little daylight. 291 00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:29,450 Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart, where you going? 292 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,713 Come here, we're not done. Get in here. 293 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,671 You know my boy Ian? 294 00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,673 Yeah. No. I don't know. 295 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,197 You used to be on my paper route. 296 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,982 Okay, sure. My mom likes you. 297 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:43,333 You know what else about our boy Ian here? 298 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,596 Ian is a bust-ass virgin. 299 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,684 [SPLUTTERS] 300 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,470 I'm so sorry. 301 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:50,906 He's fresh meat. 302 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,995 [GIGGLING] 303 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:56,172 Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked. I got into the University of Wisconsin, 304 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,261 and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine, 'cause that's where... 305 00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,349 Are you gonna go to college? 306 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,655 University of Boulder. 307 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,744 It's a great party school. 308 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:05,616 Oh, you know, I read that they have 309 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:08,010 a really great astronomy program. 310 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,925 I don't know if that's what you're going there for or... 311 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,884 Because it's really high elevation, 312 00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,365 and you can see the stars really well... 313 00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,414 Planets. 314 00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,155 Wow! A little tip action there. 315 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:24,331 That's really suggestive. 316 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:27,334 I'm not saying that you're gonna do that on my, well... 317 00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:30,163 There, what, you're gonna... Two in there. 318 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,468 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 319 00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:32,208 Wow, you're really...FELICIA: Ian! Dude! 320 00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:33,644 [POPPING] 321 00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:36,125 I'm... Could you excuse me for a second? 322 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:41,391 Hey!Hey! What up? 323 00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,306 What are you doing in there, man? 324 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,047 What're you doing out here, man? 325 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,440 I asked you first. 326 00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,442 Uh... Nothing. 327 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,793 No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt, so then I had to... 328 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:54,187 I thought you had, like, a girl in there. 329 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:57,233 Yeah, right. I wish. 330 00:16:57,277 --> 00:17:00,628 So, okay. So, are your parents, like, still going 331 00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,978 to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend? 332 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,066 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all take off in the morning. 333 00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,937 Okay. Awesome. 334 00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,766 'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts, 335 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,073 so, I don't know, 336 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:14,424 you think, like, maybe I could hang at your place this weekend? 337 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,731 Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something. It'll be fun. 338 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,908 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. 339 00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,650 Hey, I have a secret. 340 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,521 [LAUGHS] 341 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:27,046 Look at you acting like such a girl. 342 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,743 I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is. 343 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,836 I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy. 344 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:38,622 Yeah? Well, who is it? 345 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:39,884 Come on, you know me better than anyone. 346 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,103 I bet you know who it is. 347 00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,713 Come on, guess. 348 00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:45,760 Um... 349 00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:47,979 I think I know. 350 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,771 [GASPING] 351 00:17:56,814 --> 00:18:00,166 I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you. 352 00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,733 You're so easy. You're so easy! 353 00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:07,956 You're my best friend. 354 00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,871 I know, and you're my best friend. 355 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:13,222 That's why it's funny that we would kiss, because we wouldn't. 356 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,837 So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero? 357 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,405 Um... Nobody. 358 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,407 Nobody? 359 00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,105 I... I was kidding, too. 360 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,804 That is funny.It's hilarious. 361 00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:31,762 That is so funny.That is so funny. 362 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,461 Oh! I... 363 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:35,462 Oh, you got...Yeah. 364 00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:36,898 All right. So... 365 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,204 Hey! 366 00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,292 Okay. 367 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,386 Harsh. 368 00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,268 Hey, babe, you wanna party? 369 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,922 I'm at a party. 370 00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,142 RANDY: Do you wanna make out with us? 371 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,534 ANDY: Why don't you take a picture, Ian? 372 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,971 Yeah, and post it on Totalfuckingawesomeness.com. 373 00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,104 Backslash-we-rule! 374 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,453 Where'd you come up with that? 375 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:14,153 Hey, can I ask you guys a question? 376 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,416 You just did. 377 00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:17,678 Can I ask you another question? 378 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,984 You just did again.What's up? What's up? 379 00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,247 What's up, what's up? 380 00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,380 Dude, where you going? 381 00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:26,208 Dude, come on. Be a buddy. 382 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:29,820 I'm... All right, all right. 383 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,518 You got to get over the monkey. 384 00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:33,694 Where do you guys get the confidence to, 385 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,435 like, hit on every girl you see? 386 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,567 'Cause we're the shit. 387 00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,395 Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch. 388 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,136 So where's Felicia? 389 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,529 Fel-ate-cha. Yeah. 390 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,140 She's in... 391 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,882 Fe-lay-cha! You banging her? 392 00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,405 We're just friends. 393 00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,798 I'm uncircumcised. 394 00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,278 GIRL: Fuck off! 395 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,323 Wait, I thought you took her to prom. 396 00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,847 Yeah, but it was a just-friends kind of thing. 397 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,854 You should bang her. We would. 398 00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,378 ANDY: Dude, we would bang her so hard. 399 00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,380 Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it. 400 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,990 Yeah. Hard. 401 00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:10,209 With our dicks! 402 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,427 Yeah, our dicks are huge. 403 00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,428 RANDY: You could see them from space! 404 00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:13,560 [ANDY SPITS] 405 00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:14,735 What's up?What's up? 406 00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:22,786 I'll call you from nationals. 407 00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:27,748 BECCA: Say it. 408 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:28,836 You're my little donut girl. 409 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,798 Bye, sexy. 410 00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,583 Yo, Ian. 411 00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,629 You want to smell my finger? 412 00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:42,676 Yeah, okay. 413 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,462 [SNIFFS] 414 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,551 Are you sure you got the right hole? 415 00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:49,726 [SNIFFS] 416 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,477 Awesome. 417 00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:09,529 Hmm... '69. 418 00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:16,753 [LAUGHS] 419 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,015 Whoa. 420 00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:28,939 Don't puss out. Be cool. 421 00:21:31,812 --> 00:21:34,858 I don't know. 422 00:21:34,902 --> 00:21:40,255 That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit! 423 00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,434 Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this. 424 00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:51,962 [SLURPING] 425 00:21:56,227 --> 00:21:57,620 [CLANGING] 426 00:21:57,664 --> 00:21:58,839 Holy buckets. 427 00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:01,581 [SLURPS] 428 00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:03,800 She wants me to give her the D. 429 00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:04,584 [NASTY GIRL PLAYING ON HEADPHONES] 430 00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:05,976 ♪ Well, honey 431 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:07,108 ♪ What ya got, Mr. Mans? 432 00:22:07,151 --> 00:22:08,936 ♪ I got a lot of money 433 00:22:08,979 --> 00:22:10,720 ♪ I don't see no keys in my hands 434 00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:13,288 ♪ I just wanna nasty girl 435 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,246 [GRUNTS] 436 00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:17,379 ♪ Now tell me, is that nasty girl you? 437 00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:19,729 ♪ Do you like what you see? 438 00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:25,300 ♪ Could you be my nasty girl and let me do that dirty dance with you? 439 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:26,910 ♪ I can love you long time 440 00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:36,006 [ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING] 441 00:22:41,534 --> 00:22:45,451 ♪ I like 'em all in shapes and sizes 442 00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:48,889 ♪ And it don't make no difference to me 443 00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:51,282 ♪ If you're short, tall, big or small 444 00:22:51,326 --> 00:22:53,502 ♪ Long if there ain't no big surprises 445 00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:54,938 ♪ Chances are you'll suit me to a T ♪ 446 00:22:59,334 --> 00:23:01,380 Dad, what did you do with my helmet? 447 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,227 Ian, honey, I made you some 448 00:23:26,970 --> 00:23:29,364 tollhouse cookies. 449 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,148 I'll just leave these here for you. 450 00:23:32,846 --> 00:23:33,890 I'll get them later. 451 00:23:35,239 --> 00:23:37,024 There's $40 in the cow for fun money, 452 00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:41,507 so be safe and sorry I didn't knock. 453 00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:47,164 Anytime. It's your home now. 454 00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,252 [THUDS] 455 00:23:48,296 --> 00:23:49,515 KAREN: Oh, dear. 456 00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:55,216 Dude.Hey. 457 00:23:55,259 --> 00:23:56,696 What is going on with you? 458 00:23:56,739 --> 00:23:57,697 You bought rubbers? 459 00:23:58,915 --> 00:24:00,308 How did you know that? 460 00:24:00,351 --> 00:24:01,135 It's on Russ Miller's blog. 461 00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:07,881 Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago. 462 00:24:07,924 --> 00:24:11,014 What's the deal? Dude. 463 00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:14,061 IAN: She wants me to meet her tonight at the Big Boy in Knoxville. 464 00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:16,150 Seriously, dude, pack your shit. We're going to Knoxville. 465 00:24:16,193 --> 00:24:18,369 No. Stop it. Put these back. 466 00:24:18,413 --> 00:24:20,459 This is the type of girl who has... 467 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:23,200 She has it shaved into a landing strip. 468 00:24:23,244 --> 00:24:24,767 I can't deal with a landing strip. 469 00:24:24,811 --> 00:24:26,203 Okay, dude, you don't know that. 470 00:24:26,247 --> 00:24:27,378 I mean, she could have anything under there. 471 00:24:27,422 --> 00:24:29,859 There could be a little Hitler 472 00:24:29,903 --> 00:24:32,340 or just a full, nasty Chewbacca. 473 00:24:32,383 --> 00:24:33,950 You know, she doesn't even want me. 474 00:24:33,994 --> 00:24:35,865 She wants him. 475 00:24:35,909 --> 00:24:37,345 [LANCE LAUGHING] 476 00:24:37,388 --> 00:24:41,131 I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine. 477 00:24:41,175 --> 00:24:43,394 I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes. 478 00:24:43,438 --> 00:24:46,006 Tasty's probably a guy, anyway. 479 00:24:46,049 --> 00:24:49,052 Maybe. But what if she's not? 480 00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:50,750 You know, I mean, look, you've already opened, 481 00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:52,229 and I could help you close. 482 00:24:53,056 --> 00:24:54,536 We just need one thing. 483 00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:55,232 [ENGINE REVVING] 484 00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:02,065 Ian, just look at this. 485 00:25:02,109 --> 00:25:04,720 I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO, 486 00:25:04,764 --> 00:25:07,288 she's gonna drop an egg right there in the Big Boy parking lot. 487 00:25:07,331 --> 00:25:09,029 Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this. 488 00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:12,989 Here. Strap that end down. Tight. 489 00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:15,818 The cord's too short. 490 00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:16,993 Put a little sack into it, powder puff. 491 00:25:21,128 --> 00:25:22,042 All right. Thanks, little brother. 492 00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:23,870 Yeah. 493 00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:26,350 Hey, Ian.Yeah. 494 00:25:26,394 --> 00:25:28,222 Did I hear something about you wanting to borrow my car? 495 00:25:28,265 --> 00:25:30,398 No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you. 496 00:25:31,791 --> 00:25:32,966 You sure? 497 00:25:34,663 --> 00:25:36,056 You're my little brother, Ian. 498 00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:37,274 All you gotta do is ask. 499 00:25:39,973 --> 00:25:40,930 Okay. 500 00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:44,499 Could I use The Judge this weekend? 501 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,370 Ow! 502 00:25:46,414 --> 00:25:47,633 [LAUGHING] 503 00:25:50,026 --> 00:25:51,941 Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive The Judge 504 00:25:51,985 --> 00:25:53,421 if it was parked on my shnuts. 505 00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,035 REX: Let's go, Dad. 506 00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:00,297 What a dick. 507 00:26:00,341 --> 00:26:02,604 You should take his car just on principle. 508 00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:04,606 What do you want me to do, you know? 509 00:26:04,650 --> 00:26:06,042 I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it, 510 00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,130 since I don't even know what that means. 511 00:26:07,174 --> 00:26:08,349 What are you doing? 512 00:26:10,003 --> 00:26:10,960 [LAUGHS] 513 00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:13,963 No. Lance, no! Put it back. 514 00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:15,704 Did you just hear him? Please. 515 00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:18,141 Come here, we're gonna have a talk. 516 00:26:18,185 --> 00:26:19,926 She's only nine short hours away. 517 00:26:19,969 --> 00:26:21,101 We're gonna head down there tonight 518 00:26:21,144 --> 00:26:22,363 and you're gonna pound on that va-J. 519 00:26:22,406 --> 00:26:23,799 Who's gonna pound on it? Say it. 520 00:26:23,843 --> 00:26:25,366 Ian's gonna pound on it. 521 00:26:25,409 --> 00:26:28,021 We're back tomorrow before Rex even knows the car is gone. 522 00:26:28,064 --> 00:26:29,239 Now, listen, these girls at Madison are 523 00:26:29,283 --> 00:26:30,632 gonna be fucking at a college level. 524 00:26:30,676 --> 00:26:33,417 [GARAGE DOOR OPENING]I need you ready for that. 525 00:26:33,461 --> 00:26:35,028 Wait! Put it... Put it back. 526 00:26:36,159 --> 00:26:37,117 Back here. 527 00:26:52,045 --> 00:26:54,830 For God's sake. You two rump rangers couldn't wait five minutes? 528 00:26:57,572 --> 00:26:58,529 [GRUNTS] 529 00:27:01,794 --> 00:27:03,012 [HONKING] 530 00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:07,408 Shit. 531 00:27:24,251 --> 00:27:26,079 Shit! Fuck! 532 00:27:26,122 --> 00:27:28,037 I told her she could stay here this weekend. 533 00:27:29,604 --> 00:27:30,997 What the hell? 534 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,563 Why are you driving Rex's car? 535 00:27:32,607 --> 00:27:33,739 I thought me and... 536 00:27:36,002 --> 00:27:37,481 Are you bitching out on me? 537 00:27:37,525 --> 00:27:38,744 No. 538 00:27:38,787 --> 00:27:40,310 No.No. 539 00:27:40,354 --> 00:27:43,009 Good. Well, then where are we going? 540 00:27:43,052 --> 00:27:45,664 Um... Knoxville, Tennessee. 541 00:27:47,578 --> 00:27:49,276 Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom. 542 00:27:49,319 --> 00:27:52,932 Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome. 543 00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:54,760 Dude, what the fuck? 544 00:27:54,803 --> 00:27:56,631 I don't want her along.Really? 545 00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:58,589 You don't want to bring Yoko on your sex trip? 546 00:27:58,633 --> 00:28:00,200 Yeah, no shit. 547 00:28:00,243 --> 00:28:01,418 She's always cock-blocking you. 548 00:28:01,462 --> 00:28:03,856 No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a... 549 00:28:03,899 --> 00:28:05,945 Okay, twat blocking. 550 00:28:05,988 --> 00:28:07,511 Professor. 551 00:28:07,555 --> 00:28:08,251 FELICIA'S MOM: When will you be coming back? 552 00:28:08,295 --> 00:28:09,775 No, tomorrow. 553 00:28:09,818 --> 00:28:11,298 FELICIA'S MOM: When? 554 00:28:11,341 --> 00:28:12,952 No. Bye! God. 555 00:28:12,995 --> 00:28:15,824 You guys drive safe now. Bye! 556 00:28:15,868 --> 00:28:18,131 So, what's in Tennessee? 557 00:28:18,174 --> 00:28:20,655 My grandma has got some cancer. 558 00:28:21,525 --> 00:28:22,744 Grammy K? 559 00:28:22,788 --> 00:28:24,006 IAN: She's fine. 560 00:28:24,050 --> 00:28:26,661 She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time. 561 00:28:28,402 --> 00:28:29,969 It's, you know... I mean, what is it called? 562 00:28:30,012 --> 00:28:31,231 It's foot cancer. 563 00:28:31,274 --> 00:28:32,362 She's got a little foot cancer. 564 00:28:32,406 --> 00:28:35,322 She'll be hopping around in no time. 565 00:28:35,365 --> 00:28:38,238 So what's she doing in Tennessee? 566 00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:41,937 Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass cancer center there. 567 00:28:41,981 --> 00:28:43,939 Yeah. 568 00:28:43,983 --> 00:28:46,028 Yeah, it's like... It's famous. 569 00:28:46,072 --> 00:28:47,247 Yeah. 570 00:28:47,290 --> 00:28:48,988 So if you ever get any cancer, 571 00:28:49,031 --> 00:28:53,340 you should totally check it out. 572 00:28:53,383 --> 00:28:54,471 [TIME TO PRETEND PLAYING] 573 00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:55,255 I would. 574 00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:00,956 LANCE: So you want I-80 East and then 575 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,653 65 goes all the way through Indiana. 576 00:29:03,959 --> 00:29:04,786 So how's it feel? 577 00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:06,570 IAN: What? 578 00:29:06,614 --> 00:29:08,529 I don't know, breaking the rules, 579 00:29:08,572 --> 00:29:10,183 talking some shit, driving The Judge? 580 00:29:11,662 --> 00:29:13,273 It feels pretty good. 581 00:29:13,316 --> 00:29:15,318 ♪ I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw 582 00:29:15,362 --> 00:29:16,798 ♪ I'm in the prime of my life 583 00:29:22,499 --> 00:29:24,806 ♪ Let's make some music, make some money 584 00:29:24,850 --> 00:29:27,417 ♪ Find some models for wives 585 00:29:31,421 --> 00:29:33,467 ♪ This is our decision 586 00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:35,208 ♪ To live fast and die young 587 00:29:36,470 --> 00:29:38,341 ♪ We've got the vision 588 00:29:38,385 --> 00:29:40,953 ♪ Now let's have some fun 589 00:29:43,912 --> 00:29:45,784 ♪ I said, yeah, yeah, yeah 590 00:29:46,872 --> 00:29:48,264 [ENGINE REVVING] 591 00:29:50,266 --> 00:29:51,659 This dude wants to race. 592 00:29:53,704 --> 00:29:55,315 Let's go, ladies. 593 00:29:55,358 --> 00:29:58,318 Lance! Cut it out! Come on, you don't know who's in there. 594 00:29:58,361 --> 00:30:02,191 Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car. 595 00:30:02,235 --> 00:30:03,714 I refuse to be embarrassed by a car 596 00:30:03,758 --> 00:30:05,281 that looks like a Trapper Keeper. 597 00:30:05,325 --> 00:30:06,979 I am not racing in my brother's car. 598 00:30:08,154 --> 00:30:10,069 IAN: Holy shit. 599 00:30:11,244 --> 00:30:12,723 What the hell is that? 600 00:30:13,246 --> 00:30:14,290 Whoa! 601 00:30:15,248 --> 00:30:17,293 Looks like a Nachos BellGrande. 602 00:30:17,337 --> 00:30:18,991 And a chalupa! 603 00:30:19,034 --> 00:30:20,557 Medium Coke! 604 00:30:20,601 --> 00:30:21,645 [SCREAMING] 605 00:30:21,689 --> 00:30:23,256 Go right! 606 00:30:23,299 --> 00:30:25,301 FELICIA: Turn the wipers on!IAN: They are on. 607 00:30:25,345 --> 00:30:27,303 They're not working! 608 00:30:27,347 --> 00:30:29,610 Please, don't yell at me. I'm doing the best I can. 609 00:30:31,046 --> 00:30:32,308 Winnebago!IAN: Where? 610 00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:33,527 Winnebago! Winnebago! 611 00:30:33,570 --> 00:30:34,876 [SCREECHING] 612 00:30:37,139 --> 00:30:38,488 [GASPING] 613 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,971 Oh, my God, are you all right? 614 00:30:43,015 --> 00:30:44,277 [LAUGHING] 615 00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:50,065 Yeah, nobody offer to help. 616 00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:51,284 I got this under control. 617 00:30:53,373 --> 00:30:54,461 [SNIFFLES] 618 00:31:00,032 --> 00:31:01,207 Are you all right? 619 00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:03,122 Do I look like I'm all right? 620 00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:03,992 Fuck! 621 00:31:06,255 --> 00:31:08,475 You know what might make you feel better? 622 00:31:08,518 --> 00:31:10,564 Putting 40 on pump two. 623 00:31:25,796 --> 00:31:26,667 Hey. 624 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,934 Another one for the collection. 625 00:31:32,978 --> 00:31:34,762 Aw! Cool. Thanks. 626 00:31:37,852 --> 00:31:38,548 What? 627 00:31:42,813 --> 00:31:44,641 [SOBBING] 628 00:31:44,685 --> 00:31:47,601 It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry. 629 00:31:47,644 --> 00:31:49,342 Lance, what are you doing? 630 00:31:49,385 --> 00:31:51,822 Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, 631 00:31:51,866 --> 00:31:52,954 because I'm just trying to show another human being 632 00:31:52,998 --> 00:31:54,695 a little compassion. 633 00:31:56,131 --> 00:31:57,132 [WHISPERING] And my dick. 634 00:32:00,048 --> 00:32:01,354 [LANCE LAUGHING] 635 00:32:04,748 --> 00:32:06,881 What have you got? 636 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,448 Hey, kid, where you from? 637 00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:12,974 I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago. 638 00:32:13,018 --> 00:32:15,020 Are you two married. No? 639 00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:20,982 No, we're just friends. We're amigos. 640 00:32:21,026 --> 00:32:23,289 Oh! You make a good couple. 641 00:32:23,332 --> 00:32:26,988 She's pretty. Marry that girl. 642 00:32:27,032 --> 00:32:30,383 You kids want to help yourself to a can of Purple? 643 00:32:30,426 --> 00:32:32,820 Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple? 644 00:32:32,863 --> 00:32:34,343 Yeah, I can go... 645 00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:38,652 You ever had a peppermint fatty? 646 00:32:38,695 --> 00:32:40,654 No. Let's have that. 647 00:32:40,697 --> 00:32:42,395 See how that shoe fits. 648 00:32:44,266 --> 00:32:46,138 [LAUGHS] 649 00:32:46,181 --> 00:32:47,791 That is curiously strong. 650 00:32:49,619 --> 00:32:52,231 I feel like my dick just got bar mitzvahed. 651 00:32:52,274 --> 00:32:54,581 It actually says Purple Soda. 652 00:32:54,624 --> 00:32:56,278 [LANCE EXCLAIMING] 653 00:32:59,238 --> 00:33:01,066 BRANDY: Bad boy. 654 00:33:06,114 --> 00:33:07,333 You like him, don't you? 655 00:33:11,076 --> 00:33:13,643 What? Who? 656 00:33:13,687 --> 00:33:15,776 Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right? 657 00:33:15,819 --> 00:33:20,476 Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot. 658 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:24,176 I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever. 659 00:33:25,481 --> 00:33:26,961 [TIRES SCREECHING] 660 00:33:28,093 --> 00:33:29,659 RICK: Brandy! 661 00:33:29,703 --> 00:33:31,052 FELICIA: Uh-oh! 662 00:33:31,096 --> 00:33:34,012 Brandy! Shit. 663 00:33:37,102 --> 00:33:39,060 Howdy.Howdy. 664 00:33:39,104 --> 00:33:41,410 Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. 665 00:33:42,672 --> 00:33:44,413 Where the fuck's Brandy at? 666 00:33:44,457 --> 00:33:45,893 [BRANDY GIGGLING] 667 00:33:53,292 --> 00:33:56,077 You ever hear of a rolling brown-out? 668 00:33:56,121 --> 00:33:58,384 No. Let's try it. 669 00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,911 Wait, brown? No, no, nothing brown! 670 00:34:03,954 --> 00:34:06,218 Nothing brown! Nothing brown! 671 00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:08,829 What're you gonna do? Hit a girl? 672 00:34:08,872 --> 00:34:13,094 No, but I'm gonna pummel his ass real good. 673 00:34:13,138 --> 00:34:15,053 There you go. There you go. 674 00:34:16,489 --> 00:34:18,099 Brandy! Come on, baby! 675 00:34:18,143 --> 00:34:19,231 Open the God damn door! 676 00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,370 All right, this is not what it looks like. 677 00:34:28,414 --> 00:34:30,155 It was a project for school. 678 00:34:30,198 --> 00:34:31,460 Purple Soda! 679 00:34:31,504 --> 00:34:32,331 [SODA CAN HISSING] 680 00:34:37,553 --> 00:34:38,511 [RICK GRUNTING] 681 00:34:40,643 --> 00:34:41,514 Wiener! 682 00:34:45,692 --> 00:34:46,345 Ow! 683 00:34:57,965 --> 00:34:59,140 There you are. 684 00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:03,231 Come on, come on. 685 00:35:03,275 --> 00:35:04,363 I do not want to die naked. 686 00:35:07,366 --> 00:35:08,497 [LAUGHING] 687 00:35:11,152 --> 00:35:14,938 RICK: Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch! 688 00:35:23,338 --> 00:35:26,602 Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy! 689 00:35:29,214 --> 00:35:30,389 Hey, hold on! 690 00:35:32,521 --> 00:35:33,566 Come on, man, she's not worth it. 691 00:35:33,609 --> 00:35:35,002 She's just gonna shit all over you. 692 00:35:35,045 --> 00:35:36,177 Trust me. 693 00:35:36,221 --> 00:35:38,397 Eat bat, dickhead! 694 00:35:40,268 --> 00:35:41,443 Holy shit! 695 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,010 [LAUGHS] 696 00:35:44,011 --> 00:35:45,404 Ian just killed that guy. 697 00:35:45,447 --> 00:35:47,493 Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you all right? 698 00:35:47,536 --> 00:35:49,234 Look, I have my insurance card. 699 00:35:49,277 --> 00:35:50,757 I'm sorry. We're from out of town. 700 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,454 I couldn't see you through the corn. 701 00:35:52,498 --> 00:35:54,195 I'm sorry. 702 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,892 [LANCE LAUGHING] 703 00:35:57,894 --> 00:35:59,069 IAN: Where the hell's the road? 704 00:35:59,113 --> 00:36:00,288 FELICIA: It feels like left. 705 00:36:00,332 --> 00:36:01,507 IAN: I told you we didn't have time for this, 706 00:36:01,550 --> 00:36:02,508 but all you care about is your stupid dick. 707 00:36:02,551 --> 00:36:04,031 Ian. 708 00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:05,293 And you leave us out there with her mom's weird soda. 709 00:36:05,337 --> 00:36:06,773 Ian. 710 00:36:06,816 --> 00:36:07,948 And her dad's balls in plain view... 711 00:36:07,991 --> 00:36:09,210 Ian, Ian, whip a shitty! 712 00:36:09,254 --> 00:36:10,385 RICK: Motherfucker! 713 00:36:14,868 --> 00:36:16,174 [ALL SCREAMING] 714 00:36:20,221 --> 00:36:21,396 [WHOOPING] 715 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,573 Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that! 716 00:36:24,617 --> 00:36:27,272 Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving. 717 00:36:27,315 --> 00:36:28,708 Lance, you suck! 718 00:36:28,751 --> 00:36:29,883 FELICIA: Where the hell are we? 719 00:36:29,926 --> 00:36:31,101 IAN: Where are the Google maps? 720 00:36:31,145 --> 00:36:32,146 They're in my pants. 721 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:33,234 Which are? 722 00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:35,628 In the trailer. 723 00:36:37,630 --> 00:36:40,415 Mmm-hmm. Great. 724 00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:44,637 Shit. I got gum in my bush. 725 00:36:49,032 --> 00:36:51,252 Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can show us back to the highway. 726 00:36:51,296 --> 00:36:52,297 Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker. 727 00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:53,689 Don't worry, I won't. 728 00:36:53,733 --> 00:36:55,125 [ENGINE CHOKING] 729 00:36:56,170 --> 00:36:57,737 No, no, no. 730 00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:00,957 Oh, my God. 731 00:37:03,743 --> 00:37:05,788 Hey! Thanks for the lift, man. 732 00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:08,008 I've been out there for hours. 733 00:37:08,051 --> 00:37:09,618 Not one car. Can you believe it? 734 00:37:09,662 --> 00:37:11,098 Listen, sir, we didn't... 735 00:37:11,141 --> 00:37:12,578 You're good people. 736 00:37:12,621 --> 00:37:14,144 Guy, you're not wearing any pants. 737 00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:16,016 Yeah, I know. 738 00:37:16,059 --> 00:37:17,322 Right on. 739 00:37:24,938 --> 00:37:27,854 I got nothing. There's no bars. 740 00:37:27,897 --> 00:37:29,638 You know, it probably just needs water. 741 00:37:29,682 --> 00:37:31,727 Got any in the trunk? 742 00:37:31,771 --> 00:37:34,339 Hey, sweetheart, men are talking. We got this one. 743 00:37:34,382 --> 00:37:37,298 Yeah, thanks, but this happened to my brother's car once 744 00:37:37,342 --> 00:37:38,256 and you just piss in the radiator. 745 00:37:39,126 --> 00:37:40,388 Really? 746 00:37:40,432 --> 00:37:41,781 FELICIA: Yeah. 747 00:37:42,956 --> 00:37:45,132 Oh, God! Damn it! 748 00:37:45,175 --> 00:37:46,176 [GROANING] 749 00:37:46,220 --> 00:37:47,395 Are you okay? 750 00:37:47,439 --> 00:37:48,527 Fuck. Yeah. 751 00:37:48,570 --> 00:37:50,050 LANCE: That's a lesson learned. 752 00:37:53,314 --> 00:37:55,273 You can watch, if you're into that kind of thing. 753 00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:58,363 Oh, wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen your dick enough for one day. 754 00:37:58,406 --> 00:37:59,668 IAN: Do you hear that? There's a ringing. 755 00:37:59,712 --> 00:38:03,324 Your loss. It's like razor blades. 756 00:38:03,368 --> 00:38:08,242 IAN: What? There's ants down here. FYI. 757 00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:12,681 All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it. 758 00:38:13,508 --> 00:38:17,338 Okay. Go away. 759 00:38:17,382 --> 00:38:19,601 Dude, seriously? Still? 760 00:38:19,645 --> 00:38:21,168 I thought you got over this shit. 761 00:38:22,996 --> 00:38:24,171 You're a grown man. 762 00:38:32,222 --> 00:38:33,485 [WHISPERING] Flowing river, gentle stream. 763 00:38:33,528 --> 00:38:35,530 Flowing river, gentle stream. 764 00:38:35,574 --> 00:38:37,315 Yo, stage fright, how're we doing? 765 00:38:37,358 --> 00:38:38,925 Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute. 766 00:38:38,968 --> 00:38:40,318 [LANCE LAUGHING] 767 00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:43,799 Excuse me. 768 00:38:43,843 --> 00:38:45,540 We kind of need you to pee in the radiator. 769 00:38:46,149 --> 00:38:47,890 Why? 770 00:38:47,934 --> 00:38:49,152 We just do. 771 00:38:52,373 --> 00:38:54,767 Our new friend's got nothing left in the tank. 772 00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,034 What? 773 00:39:01,077 --> 00:39:02,818 [CHRISTIAN ROCK PLAYING ON STEREO] 774 00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:07,954 MAN: You kids need some help? 775 00:39:15,178 --> 00:39:15,831 Hi. 776 00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:23,535 Are you okay? 777 00:39:23,578 --> 00:39:25,667 Oh, yeah, I'm great. 778 00:39:25,711 --> 00:39:27,234 I just beaved a family of four. 779 00:39:27,277 --> 00:39:28,104 [LANCE LAUGHING] 780 00:39:28,148 --> 00:39:29,236 Try it. 781 00:39:31,456 --> 00:39:32,631 [ENGINE STARTING] 782 00:39:34,502 --> 00:39:36,199 All set? 783 00:39:36,243 --> 00:39:38,463 Look, I'm sorry, sir, but we can't give you a ride. 784 00:39:40,769 --> 00:39:43,293 I'm gonna say this once. 785 00:39:43,337 --> 00:39:47,602 You unlock this fucking car, or God is my witness, 786 00:39:47,646 --> 00:39:49,996 I'll stake you all to the ground, 787 00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:52,868 cut you open and let the dogs get at you. 788 00:39:54,435 --> 00:39:55,262 Oh, yeah? 789 00:39:58,178 --> 00:40:00,267 Bye-bye. 790 00:40:02,138 --> 00:40:03,401 [ENGINE SPUTTERING] 791 00:40:11,757 --> 00:40:13,454 Here's that pee you ordered. 792 00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:14,847 Roll them up. 793 00:40:16,326 --> 00:40:18,459 There you go, Tex. 794 00:40:18,503 --> 00:40:20,330 FELICIA: You're soaked with pee. 795 00:40:20,374 --> 00:40:21,854 Quick car wash? 796 00:40:21,897 --> 00:40:23,203 God! 797 00:40:23,246 --> 00:40:24,596 FELICIA: Gross. 798 00:40:24,639 --> 00:40:28,948 It smells like Halloween. Fuck. 799 00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:31,385 IAN: How can nobody go down a road for an hour and a half? 800 00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:33,256 Why did they even make this stupid road? 801 00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:35,302 FELICIA: It's so hot out here. 802 00:40:35,345 --> 00:40:36,608 Ow! 803 00:40:38,697 --> 00:40:39,915 [LAUGHING] 804 00:40:39,959 --> 00:40:42,570 Oh, my God, your head. 805 00:40:42,614 --> 00:40:44,703 Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see. 806 00:40:44,746 --> 00:40:46,661 Yes. It hurts. 807 00:40:49,185 --> 00:40:50,796 What is that? 808 00:40:50,839 --> 00:40:52,319 Oh, my God. 809 00:40:56,192 --> 00:40:56,758 IAN: Wow. 810 00:41:09,728 --> 00:41:11,991 That is so beautiful. 811 00:41:21,304 --> 00:41:22,262 Need some help? 812 00:41:22,305 --> 00:41:23,698 [LAUGHS] 813 00:41:23,742 --> 00:41:26,875 Yeah, but no offense... 814 00:41:26,919 --> 00:41:29,225 Oh, right, 'cause I'm Amish, 815 00:41:29,269 --> 00:41:32,185 so I wouldn't know anything about your '69 GTO Judge. 816 00:41:32,228 --> 00:41:36,406 455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi, something like that. 817 00:41:36,450 --> 00:41:39,540 Weird, that thing must have fallen straight from space. 818 00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:41,586 Well, good luck with the future ride, spaceman. 819 00:41:44,632 --> 00:41:46,416 Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on. 820 00:41:47,113 --> 00:41:48,331 IAN: Wow! 821 00:41:48,375 --> 00:41:49,550 FELICIA: Okay. 822 00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:51,813 What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. 823 00:41:51,857 --> 00:41:53,815 No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea. 824 00:41:53,859 --> 00:41:55,164 What?Come on. 825 00:41:55,208 --> 00:41:56,514 You don't know how far we have to walk. 826 00:41:56,557 --> 00:41:58,254 Those are your only pair of shoes. 827 00:41:58,298 --> 00:42:01,257 You know what? You're probably right. God, you're so sensible. 828 00:42:01,301 --> 00:42:03,738 But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? 829 00:42:03,782 --> 00:42:04,783 I should. 830 00:42:08,177 --> 00:42:09,527 I can't believe you just did that. 831 00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:11,050 All right. Now you. 832 00:42:11,093 --> 00:42:12,965 No way. Forget it. 833 00:42:13,008 --> 00:42:15,445 Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever. 834 00:42:15,489 --> 00:42:18,623 Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country to go to... 835 00:42:18,666 --> 00:42:22,496 To visit your grandma? Whoa! 836 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:25,412 So he met this chick on the Internet, which is sketchy. 837 00:42:25,455 --> 00:42:27,719 The Internet? 838 00:42:27,762 --> 00:42:31,505 Yeah, it's like a series of computers that are connected through... 839 00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:32,767 Computers? 840 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,817 A computer's like a big calculator, you know, with a screen. 841 00:42:38,860 --> 00:42:40,732 I'm just busting your balls, man. I know what the Internet is. 842 00:42:40,775 --> 00:42:44,039 [BOTH LAUGHING] 843 00:42:44,083 --> 00:42:46,128 Okay.You ever heard of Rumspringa? 844 00:42:46,172 --> 00:42:48,348 Yeah, that ska band from Delaware. 845 00:42:48,391 --> 00:42:50,742 No, it means "run wild." 846 00:42:50,785 --> 00:42:52,874 It's an Amish tradition where when we turn 16, 847 00:42:52,918 --> 00:42:55,311 we can go live like you heathens for a while. 848 00:42:55,355 --> 00:42:58,663 You go nuts, party for months or years 849 00:42:58,706 --> 00:43:00,621 till your folks start hassling you, 850 00:43:00,665 --> 00:43:03,276 and then it's back to the Stone Age. 851 00:43:03,319 --> 00:43:04,973 But if you're on Rumspringa, what's with the buggy? 852 00:43:05,017 --> 00:43:08,542 Oh, no, I'm not. Not anymore. 853 00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:11,066 I probably shouldn't even be talking to you, but... 854 00:43:11,110 --> 00:43:13,852 I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw. 855 00:43:13,895 --> 00:43:15,549 Sometimes I just miss the world. 856 00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:17,246 What do you miss the most? 857 00:43:17,290 --> 00:43:19,031 You know, I miss sarcasm. 858 00:43:19,074 --> 00:43:20,380 It's mostly lost on my people. 859 00:43:20,423 --> 00:43:21,642 Oh. 860 00:43:21,686 --> 00:43:24,123 And gambling. Went to Vegas once. 861 00:43:25,864 --> 00:43:29,171 And butt fucking. 862 00:43:29,215 --> 00:43:30,651 Got a lot of nice memories there. 863 00:43:30,695 --> 00:43:33,567 LANCE: I hear that. 864 00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:35,134 IAN: You know, when you cut your foot on a piece of glass, 865 00:43:35,177 --> 00:43:36,265 don't think I'm gonna carry you. 866 00:43:36,309 --> 00:43:37,397 You know what? I will be fine. Okay? 867 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,747 I was born barefoot. 868 00:43:39,791 --> 00:43:42,402 Hey! Wait! 869 00:43:42,445 --> 00:43:45,100 Hey! Stop! 870 00:43:49,148 --> 00:43:50,976 Have a nice walk, shit-birds. 871 00:43:54,196 --> 00:43:55,589 BOTH: Oh! 872 00:43:59,375 --> 00:44:01,856 Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel. 873 00:44:01,900 --> 00:44:03,379 What up, English? 874 00:44:12,737 --> 00:44:15,000 There's no service out here. 875 00:44:15,043 --> 00:44:16,479 I can't even tell her I'll be late. 876 00:44:16,523 --> 00:44:18,003 Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting. 877 00:44:18,046 --> 00:44:18,917 You don't want to come off as desperate. 878 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,048 [SCOFFS] 879 00:44:20,092 --> 00:44:21,789 I'm driving nine hours. 880 00:44:21,833 --> 00:44:23,051 How am I not coming off desperate? 881 00:44:23,095 --> 00:44:24,270 We had shit to do. 882 00:44:24,313 --> 00:44:26,664 Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff? 883 00:44:28,013 --> 00:44:29,231 You blew your head gasket. 884 00:44:29,275 --> 00:44:30,537 That's not good. 885 00:44:30,580 --> 00:44:31,930 Shit. 886 00:44:31,973 --> 00:44:33,235 Don't cry. We can fix it. 887 00:44:33,279 --> 00:44:34,584 Really? 888 00:44:34,628 --> 00:44:35,934 Yeah, really. We're good at it. 889 00:44:35,977 --> 00:44:37,022 Yeah?Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it, 890 00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:38,371 but it's an impressive thing. 891 00:44:38,414 --> 00:44:40,242 Yeah. We'll fix it.Wow, that'd be cool. 892 00:44:40,286 --> 00:44:42,592 Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? 893 00:44:42,636 --> 00:44:44,594 I might be the coolest guy you ever met. 894 00:44:44,638 --> 00:44:45,465 Wow.Wow. 895 00:44:46,945 --> 00:44:48,816 Thank you.Yeah. You're welcome. 896 00:44:48,860 --> 00:44:51,427 That's what you say when people do nice things for you. 897 00:44:51,471 --> 00:44:53,603 You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door 898 00:44:53,647 --> 00:44:56,389 if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. 899 00:44:56,432 --> 00:44:58,565 Take it easy while we do all this for you. 900 00:45:01,916 --> 00:45:03,613 Does he have an attitude? 901 00:45:03,657 --> 00:45:05,137 No, he's fucking with you. 902 00:45:06,138 --> 00:45:06,965 Okay. 903 00:45:08,793 --> 00:45:10,795 Just relax, man. 904 00:45:10,838 --> 00:45:12,753 I got a good feeling about this, you know. 905 00:45:12,797 --> 00:45:14,363 You're gonna party with the Amish. 906 00:45:14,407 --> 00:45:16,975 Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be one kick-ass quilting bee. 907 00:45:20,065 --> 00:45:21,544 What's up, man? 908 00:45:21,588 --> 00:45:24,286 Hey. 909 00:45:24,330 --> 00:45:26,767 No f-ing way! 910 00:45:26,811 --> 00:45:28,377 [FAME INFAMY PLAYING] 911 00:45:28,421 --> 00:45:32,730 ♪ When I'm home alone I just can't stop myself 912 00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:35,689 This is insane! 913 00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:36,821 I know. 914 00:45:37,691 --> 00:45:40,085 [WHOOPING] 915 00:45:40,128 --> 00:45:46,787 ♪ Signing off, "I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen" 916 00:45:46,831 --> 00:45:52,488 ♪ I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 917 00:45:52,532 --> 00:45:58,059 ♪ I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 918 00:45:58,103 --> 00:46:02,890 ♪ The kid was all right, but it went to his head ♪ 919 00:46:11,464 --> 00:46:13,901 Thank you, guys, very, very, very much. 920 00:46:13,945 --> 00:46:16,643 You guys fucking rule, man. 921 00:46:16,686 --> 00:46:18,340 [GRAND THEFT AUTUMN / WHERE IS YOUR BOY PLAYING] 922 00:46:32,224 --> 00:46:34,443 Dude. Don't even bother. 923 00:46:34,487 --> 00:46:36,706 Your game is not gonna work on that girl. 924 00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:39,013 What do you know about girls? I've never even seen you with a girl. 925 00:46:41,189 --> 00:46:43,235 I'm gonna go check on the car. 926 00:46:49,371 --> 00:46:51,852 Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance. 927 00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:54,115 Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize. 928 00:46:54,159 --> 00:46:55,943 Come on. Don't be hating. 929 00:46:58,032 --> 00:46:59,207 [SCOFFS] 930 00:47:00,730 --> 00:47:02,167 Fine. 931 00:47:15,093 --> 00:47:16,572 EZEKIEL: I've never shot a flaming arrow that far, 932 00:47:16,616 --> 00:47:18,661 but I was game to try. 933 00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:19,749 And the thing is, the second you let it release... 934 00:47:19,793 --> 00:47:23,405 Whoa! Hey, what is this? 935 00:47:23,449 --> 00:47:25,886 Why are the seats out? 936 00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:27,932 Ian, do you know anything about fixing these old Pontiacs? 937 00:47:27,975 --> 00:47:29,324 I don't care, okay? 938 00:47:29,368 --> 00:47:31,805 Ezekiel, take all the pieces 939 00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,676 and just put them back in there. I don't want... 940 00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:35,417 Ian, you've gotta calm down. 941 00:47:35,461 --> 00:47:36,810 Do you know any breathing exercises? 942 00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:38,899 Because you are right on the verge of a freak-out. 943 00:47:38,943 --> 00:47:40,727 You don't know my brother, okay? 944 00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:43,773 He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters. 945 00:47:43,817 --> 00:47:47,342 What? He's gonna what? With what? 946 00:47:47,386 --> 00:47:50,345 Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, 947 00:47:50,389 --> 00:47:52,565 and he's gonna walk into the bank, 948 00:47:52,608 --> 00:47:56,482 stand in line, change a 10, find my ass 949 00:47:56,525 --> 00:47:58,179 and just fuck it with a roll of fucking quarters. 950 00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:01,400 [LAUGHING] 951 00:48:09,669 --> 00:48:10,713 [CLANGING] 952 00:48:38,306 --> 00:48:42,397 Check it out. It's totally working. 953 00:48:42,441 --> 00:48:44,922 You're the best wing-man ever. 954 00:48:44,965 --> 00:48:47,054 She's in, she's in. Watch this. 955 00:48:57,412 --> 00:49:00,633 GIRL: Rumspringa! Whoo! 956 00:49:02,591 --> 00:49:03,984 I took a wicked digger. 957 00:49:04,028 --> 00:49:04,898 Yes, you did. 958 00:49:06,247 --> 00:49:07,509 First day of Rumspringa? 959 00:49:07,553 --> 00:49:09,120 Rumspringa! 960 00:49:09,163 --> 00:49:11,078 [ALL CHEERING] 961 00:49:11,949 --> 00:49:13,602 Uh-oh!Oh! 962 00:49:13,646 --> 00:49:14,690 [RETCHING] 963 00:49:16,170 --> 00:49:17,128 Hey. 964 00:49:19,565 --> 00:49:22,350 All right. Okay. You good? All right. 965 00:49:22,394 --> 00:49:25,092 Aw! You guys are so nice. 966 00:49:25,136 --> 00:49:27,138 Don't let her step in it. 967 00:49:27,181 --> 00:49:28,269 [LAUGHS] 968 00:49:30,358 --> 00:49:33,883 What? What's wrong with you? 969 00:49:33,927 --> 00:49:35,668 Yeah, what's your problem, bitch? 970 00:49:35,711 --> 00:49:38,105 Nothing. I'm fine. 971 00:49:38,149 --> 00:49:41,108 Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off. 972 00:49:41,152 --> 00:49:42,892 It's Lance, right?No. 973 00:49:42,936 --> 00:49:44,720 I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl and you're out here. 974 00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:46,548 Wrong. 975 00:49:46,592 --> 00:49:49,073 Come on, Leesh, just drop the hard-ass thing for two minutes. 976 00:49:49,116 --> 00:49:52,424 You know. It's okay. You're into Lance. 977 00:49:53,860 --> 00:49:55,166 [SCOFFS] 978 00:49:55,209 --> 00:49:56,950 God, I'm such an idiot. 979 00:49:56,994 --> 00:49:58,256 Look, there's something about Lance. 980 00:49:59,692 --> 00:50:03,478 Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance. 981 00:50:05,654 --> 00:50:08,527 Just promise me you won't ever be like Lance. 982 00:50:08,570 --> 00:50:10,050 [SCOFFS] 983 00:50:10,094 --> 00:50:12,748 What is wrong with us? 984 00:50:12,792 --> 00:50:14,707 Let's go have some fun. Come on. 985 00:50:15,664 --> 00:50:18,232 No. No.No? 986 00:50:18,276 --> 00:50:20,408 Come on, we're young, and we're Amish, 987 00:50:21,627 --> 00:50:22,932 and it's Rumspringa. 988 00:50:22,976 --> 00:50:24,499 Rumspringa! 989 00:50:24,543 --> 00:50:25,805 [ALL CHEERING] 990 00:50:28,068 --> 00:50:29,504 [GASPING] 991 00:50:51,961 --> 00:50:54,529 Ian, you little cock-sucker! 992 00:50:56,575 --> 00:50:58,011 [ROOSTER CROWING] 993 00:51:11,111 --> 00:51:12,373 [GROANING] 994 00:51:14,506 --> 00:51:15,594 Ah! 995 00:51:15,637 --> 00:51:17,117 Leesh, you're so stubborn. 996 00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:18,292 Look at your feet. 997 00:51:18,336 --> 00:51:20,555 They are fine. All right? 998 00:51:22,340 --> 00:51:24,255 Hey. What's the plan? 999 00:51:25,952 --> 00:51:29,477 I might as well find a phone and call Rex 1000 00:51:29,521 --> 00:51:31,610 so he can get on with killing me. 1001 00:51:31,653 --> 00:51:33,829 What about visiting your grandma? 1002 00:51:33,873 --> 00:51:35,266 Yeah, dude. You been putting off 1003 00:51:35,309 --> 00:51:37,485 visiting your grandma for too long. 1004 00:51:37,529 --> 00:51:38,791 It's about time you visited Grandma. 1005 00:51:38,834 --> 00:51:41,010 Yeah. 1006 00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:46,103 Lance, you know, I really do want to visit my grandma, but... 1007 00:51:46,146 --> 00:51:48,975 Dude, I really can't stress enough how much 1008 00:51:49,018 --> 00:51:51,412 you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma. 1009 00:51:51,456 --> 00:51:54,937 You know, I visit my grandma sometimes two or three times a week, 1010 00:51:54,981 --> 00:51:56,504 and it is always a pleasure. 1011 00:51:56,548 --> 00:51:58,245 She's just a delight. 1012 00:51:58,289 --> 00:51:59,855 What am I supposed to do? 1013 00:51:59,899 --> 00:52:01,596 Our transportation is all over the floor of that barn. 1014 00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:02,641 Hey, Mary! 1015 00:52:05,252 --> 00:52:06,123 Hi. 1016 00:52:10,214 --> 00:52:13,173 Wow, you look beautiful. 1017 00:52:13,956 --> 00:52:15,741 Oh, please. 1018 00:52:15,784 --> 00:52:20,659 I mean, seriously, you wearing that, churning some butter. Sexy. 1019 00:52:20,702 --> 00:52:23,183 So I had the best time with you last night. 1020 00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:25,142 Yeah, me, too. 1021 00:52:25,185 --> 00:52:27,492 So you got my number. You're gonna call me, right? 1022 00:52:28,841 --> 00:52:29,885 No. 1023 00:52:29,929 --> 00:52:31,278 [LAUGHS] 1024 00:52:31,322 --> 00:52:34,716 "No." You're funny. 1025 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,501 I mean, Lance, I really like you, 1026 00:52:38,024 --> 00:52:40,026 but Rumspringa's over for me. 1027 00:52:41,419 --> 00:52:43,116 So...Rumspringa! 1028 00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:44,161 [WHOOPING] 1029 00:52:46,424 --> 00:52:48,034 [CHICKENS SQUAWKING] 1030 00:52:49,557 --> 00:52:50,602 Sorry. 1031 00:53:04,616 --> 00:53:06,052 [ENGINE STARTING] 1032 00:53:16,932 --> 00:53:18,673 You fixed it? 1033 00:53:18,717 --> 00:53:22,155 Yeah, we hit a few snags, but she's banging like a champ now. 1034 00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:24,723 Man, I don't even... I don't even know what to say here. 1035 00:53:24,766 --> 00:53:27,291 You know, I don't really have much... 1036 00:53:27,334 --> 00:53:29,467 Oh, no, we're good. We're good. 1037 00:53:29,510 --> 00:53:31,686 I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor, that's a gift. 1038 00:53:33,253 --> 00:53:34,733 Man, you're too... Here, thanks. 1039 00:53:34,776 --> 00:53:36,604 Thank you so much. 1040 00:53:36,648 --> 00:53:38,215 You're welcome.Thank you, it's really cool. 1041 00:53:38,258 --> 00:53:40,434 It is. You know, I mean, 1042 00:53:40,478 --> 00:53:43,916 if you felt the need to reciprocate in some way, 1043 00:53:43,959 --> 00:53:46,179 I mean, there's a lot of chores that need to be done around here. 1044 00:53:46,223 --> 00:53:48,268 Yeah, no, the only thing about that is 1045 00:53:48,312 --> 00:53:50,357 we're kind of behind schedule right now. 1046 00:53:50,401 --> 00:53:52,533 Yeah, but, I mean, we could totally come back. 1047 00:53:52,577 --> 00:53:53,404 We could hit you on our way back through. 1048 00:53:53,447 --> 00:53:56,189 Okay. Yeah, you should. 1049 00:53:56,233 --> 00:53:57,669 You should really get on the road. 1050 00:53:57,712 --> 00:54:00,672 I mean, you got a smooth-running vehicle now, 1051 00:54:00,715 --> 00:54:02,456 you know, 'cause we fixed it. 1052 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:04,719 Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good? 1053 00:54:04,763 --> 00:54:06,808 We're good. Yeah, technically. 1054 00:54:08,070 --> 00:54:09,420 We'll come back. I promise. 1055 00:54:09,463 --> 00:54:11,073 I'm looking forward to that. 1056 00:54:11,117 --> 00:54:13,119 Hey, no, seriously, we will. 1057 00:54:13,162 --> 00:54:15,382 Okay. We'll all hold our breath till you get back. 1058 00:54:15,426 --> 00:54:18,037 On three, guys. Three, two... 1059 00:54:21,432 --> 00:54:23,085 [MESSAGE FROM YUZ PLAYING] 1060 00:54:28,003 --> 00:54:29,614 My stomach's killing me. 1061 00:54:29,657 --> 00:54:32,181 Tell me if you see a rest stop. 1062 00:54:32,225 --> 00:54:36,185 ♪ Last night I got a message from you 1063 00:54:36,229 --> 00:54:40,146 ♪ You told me that my head got blue 1064 00:54:40,189 --> 00:54:44,019 ♪ Last night I got a message from you 1065 00:54:44,063 --> 00:54:46,457 ♪ You told me what I needed to do 1066 00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,203 Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian. 1067 00:54:54,247 --> 00:54:55,161 'Cause you're a big, giant pussy. 1068 00:54:55,204 --> 00:54:56,336 That's right. 1069 00:54:56,380 --> 00:54:57,946 That's why. It's here, isn't it? 1070 00:55:11,395 --> 00:55:12,700 [MUTTERING] 1071 00:55:14,659 --> 00:55:15,660 Want some of this? 1072 00:55:21,796 --> 00:55:22,971 Shit! 1073 00:55:23,015 --> 00:55:24,756 Hey, Knievel, what say you get 1074 00:55:24,799 --> 00:55:26,671 your bike out of the fricking road? 1075 00:55:26,714 --> 00:55:29,761 ♪ Hey! Hey! 1076 00:55:44,732 --> 00:55:46,255 All ocupado,eh, sport? 1077 00:55:52,131 --> 00:55:53,219 Gents. 1078 00:55:54,133 --> 00:55:57,528 Well, looks like we're up. 1079 00:55:57,571 --> 00:55:59,225 Go on, get in there. 1080 00:56:03,751 --> 00:56:06,058 [GASPING] 1081 00:56:06,101 --> 00:56:07,189 [CELL PHONE BEEPS] 1082 00:56:07,233 --> 00:56:07,842 Oh! 1083 00:56:08,713 --> 00:56:10,367 Am I getting a signal? 1084 00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:15,154 Tasty, I got sidetracked last night. 1085 00:56:16,721 --> 00:56:19,288 I had to party with some new homies. 1086 00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:26,208 Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy. 1087 00:56:28,254 --> 00:56:29,777 I'm worth the wait. 1088 00:56:34,826 --> 00:56:35,653 Yes! 1089 00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:47,839 No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you! 1090 00:56:51,625 --> 00:56:54,759 Little buddy? Hello? Hello. 1091 00:56:58,023 --> 00:56:59,720 LANCE: Was that you screaming in there? 1092 00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:01,505 I don't want to talk about it. Ever. 1093 00:57:01,548 --> 00:57:02,941 Where's Felicia? 1094 00:57:02,984 --> 00:57:04,203 She went to get corn dogs. 1095 00:57:29,968 --> 00:57:32,710 Can you believe the girls around here, man? 1096 00:57:32,753 --> 00:57:35,887 But, man, where am I ever gonna find another girl as cool as Mary? 1097 00:57:39,325 --> 00:57:40,413 You like it? 1098 00:57:45,636 --> 00:57:46,637 What about Felicia? 1099 00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:47,768 What about her? 1100 00:57:51,555 --> 00:57:53,426 She's into you. 1101 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,254 Yeah, no shit. Get in line. 1102 00:57:55,297 --> 00:57:56,864 What is that? 1103 00:57:56,908 --> 00:57:57,952 She's not good enough for you? 1104 00:57:57,996 --> 00:58:00,477 Felicia's awesome, 1105 00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,783 but the obvious statement to make here is that you like her. 1106 00:58:04,002 --> 00:58:06,483 What? No, I... 1107 00:58:06,526 --> 00:58:08,615 You're shocked. You can't believe it. 1108 00:58:08,659 --> 00:58:11,009 This bombshell. Come on. 1109 00:58:11,052 --> 00:58:13,098 You know, she's not into me anyways. 1110 00:58:13,141 --> 00:58:15,230 Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter. 1111 00:58:15,274 --> 00:58:16,971 I still... I could never do that to you. 1112 00:58:18,756 --> 00:58:22,542 Okay, but you do know that she's not into you, right? 1113 00:58:22,586 --> 00:58:24,936 Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know. 1114 00:58:24,979 --> 00:58:26,851 No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you. 1115 00:58:26,894 --> 00:58:28,853 There's no maybe. Okay? 1116 00:58:28,896 --> 00:58:31,290 And I'm saying this as your best friend, 1117 00:58:31,333 --> 00:58:34,641 but never. 1118 00:58:34,685 --> 00:58:37,165 Never fucking ever. You know? 1119 00:58:37,209 --> 00:58:38,645 Because you guys are friends. 1120 00:58:38,689 --> 00:58:41,866 You know what every girl I've ever banged had in common? 1121 00:58:43,476 --> 00:58:45,565 I wasn't friends with any of them. 1122 00:58:48,002 --> 00:58:49,613 And they all had gorgeous teeth. 1123 00:58:49,656 --> 00:58:51,615 I'm into that. 1124 00:58:51,658 --> 00:58:55,270 Real simple. Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize. 1125 00:58:55,314 --> 00:58:58,970 Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins, there's no height requirement. 1126 00:58:59,013 --> 00:59:01,407 Why don't you step up and win your girlfriend a prize? 1127 00:59:01,450 --> 00:59:05,063 Uh... We're not... She's not my girlfriend. 1128 00:59:05,106 --> 00:59:06,455 What about your other girlfriend there? 1129 00:59:06,499 --> 00:59:07,674 Nice. 1130 00:59:25,736 --> 00:59:27,476 All right, come on, Ian. You can do it. 1131 00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:29,087 Come on, you're almost there! 1132 00:59:29,130 --> 00:59:31,132 You're almost there! Go, go, go! 1133 00:59:31,176 --> 00:59:32,307 AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: Winner! Winner! Winner! 1134 00:59:33,918 --> 00:59:35,223 That was awesome. 1135 00:59:35,267 --> 00:59:36,834 How the hell did you do that? 1136 00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:38,792 We had one of these at Cub Scout camp. I kind of mastered it. 1137 00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:40,489 Yeah, you think you're hot shit? 1138 00:59:42,666 --> 00:59:44,276 Lolly? 1139 00:59:44,319 --> 00:59:45,451 Thank you. 1140 00:59:49,542 --> 00:59:51,065 Hey, hey, hey, ass. 1141 00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:56,636 Hey. What's your secret? 1142 00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:58,333 You just... 1143 00:59:58,377 --> 00:59:59,552 If you keep your shoulders down... 1144 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,032 No coaching. 1145 01:00:01,075 --> 01:00:02,947 What? 1146 01:00:02,990 --> 01:00:05,297 No coaching there, Lombardi. Read the sign. 1147 01:00:05,340 --> 01:00:06,907 No coaching. 1148 01:00:10,084 --> 01:00:11,520 Cheese and rice! 1149 01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:12,913 Oh. 1150 01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:16,525 Thanks. I'm Sandy. 1151 01:00:16,569 --> 01:00:17,875 I'm Ian. 1152 01:00:18,571 --> 01:00:19,659 Hi.Hey. 1153 01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:25,970 Consolation prize? 1154 01:00:26,013 --> 01:00:28,102 Wow! Thank you so much. 1155 01:00:28,146 --> 01:00:29,669 You know, my dance team's performing 1156 01:00:29,713 --> 01:00:30,801 over at the tent in a couple of minutes. 1157 01:00:30,844 --> 01:00:32,498 You guys should come watch. 1158 01:00:32,541 --> 01:00:33,847 Actually, we were just about to go. 1159 01:00:33,891 --> 01:00:35,240 That sounds super fun. He'll be there. 1160 01:00:35,283 --> 01:00:36,676 Great. See you. 1161 01:00:38,156 --> 01:00:40,767 Dude, that girl reeks of sex. 1162 01:00:40,811 --> 01:00:42,464 [MY PREROGATIVE PLAYING] 1163 01:00:42,508 --> 01:00:46,338 ♪ Everybody's talking all this stuff about me 1164 01:00:46,381 --> 01:00:50,298 ♪ Why don't they just let me live? 1165 01:00:50,342 --> 01:00:52,039 ♪ I don't need permission 1166 01:00:52,083 --> 01:00:53,954 Do we really have time for...Hey, hey. 1167 01:00:53,998 --> 01:00:55,608 You have to stop doing that to him. 1168 01:00:55,652 --> 01:00:57,697 Doing what?Twat blocking. 1169 01:00:57,741 --> 01:01:00,395 I'm not twat... Doing that. 1170 01:01:09,883 --> 01:01:15,454 Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers! 1171 01:01:15,497 --> 01:01:18,152 Come on, girls, let's help me get some fellas up in here. 1172 01:01:20,241 --> 01:01:21,547 Ian.Oh, no. Please. 1173 01:01:21,590 --> 01:01:23,418 Get up there. Come on. 1174 01:01:23,462 --> 01:01:26,117 Come on! 1175 01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:27,727 KAT: In the back! In the back! 1176 01:01:27,771 --> 01:01:29,686 Yeah! 1177 01:01:33,690 --> 01:01:37,955 Come on, two more, two more! Yeah! 1178 01:01:40,174 --> 01:01:41,219 [LAUGHING] 1179 01:01:41,262 --> 01:01:42,873 Dude, turn around. 1180 01:01:42,916 --> 01:01:43,874 [KAT WHOOPING] 1181 01:01:48,574 --> 01:01:51,664 [LAUGHING] 1182 01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:56,234 Look at this fine crop of handsome fellas I got here. 1183 01:01:58,584 --> 01:02:00,978 But before we get down to business, 1184 01:02:01,021 --> 01:02:02,980 there's a young woman here 1185 01:02:03,023 --> 01:02:05,765 who would like to share her story with these young men. 1186 01:02:05,809 --> 01:02:08,507 Kristy, you ready, baby? 1187 01:02:08,550 --> 01:02:10,335 Okay. 1188 01:02:12,903 --> 01:02:17,037 So, last year I was at a dance with my boyfriend. 1189 01:02:17,081 --> 01:02:18,735 He wanted to go to his car. 1190 01:02:19,823 --> 01:02:22,042 So I did. 1191 01:02:22,086 --> 01:02:26,743 So we were both naked in the back seat and we started having oral... 1192 01:02:28,701 --> 01:02:31,182 [INAUDIBLE] 1193 01:02:41,714 --> 01:02:42,584 MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER: ♪ Yeah! 1194 01:02:45,196 --> 01:02:46,240 ♪ Daddy likes that! 1195 01:02:49,417 --> 01:02:50,157 Excuse me! 1196 01:02:50,854 --> 01:02:53,944 Excuse me! 1197 01:02:53,987 --> 01:02:56,120 Is this tragic story turning you on? 1198 01:02:57,643 --> 01:02:59,819 [LAUGHING] 1199 01:03:06,826 --> 01:03:09,568 This courageous young lady pours her heart out 1200 01:03:09,611 --> 01:03:12,614 and this is getting you hot? 1201 01:03:12,658 --> 01:03:15,443 It's time for you to pledge. Right now! 1202 01:03:15,487 --> 01:03:17,663 Boy, you need this more than anybody. 1203 01:03:19,404 --> 01:03:21,058 Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain. 1204 01:03:23,234 --> 01:03:27,586 I can't believe you took a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on. 1205 01:03:27,629 --> 01:03:29,109 It's classic. 1206 01:03:29,153 --> 01:03:30,328 Look, I didn't even know what she was talking about. 1207 01:03:30,371 --> 01:03:32,243 That doesn't count! Okay? 1208 01:03:32,286 --> 01:03:34,027 Ian! Hey!It gets better. 1209 01:03:34,071 --> 01:03:36,377 I am so proud of you! 1210 01:03:36,421 --> 01:03:38,205 Get away from me. Is that what you do? 1211 01:03:38,249 --> 01:03:39,859 You go out and you lure little dorks like me 1212 01:03:39,903 --> 01:03:41,382 into your little no-having-sex club? 1213 01:03:41,426 --> 01:03:43,471 Ian, it's not like that at all. 1214 01:03:43,515 --> 01:03:45,909 Just go away. Now. 1215 01:03:50,261 --> 01:03:51,523 I would've blown you, you know. 1216 01:03:51,566 --> 01:03:52,872 Really? 1217 01:03:52,916 --> 01:03:54,308 Oh, man.Wow. 1218 01:03:54,352 --> 01:03:57,007 You can keep your stupid flipping lollipop, anyway! 1219 01:04:00,184 --> 01:04:02,229 You are dead, psycho-virgin!No, no! 1220 01:04:02,273 --> 01:04:04,014 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1221 01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:11,021 Hey, are you sure you want to get dental work done in Floater, Kentucky? 1222 01:04:12,936 --> 01:04:15,286 Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like. 1223 01:04:15,329 --> 01:04:17,157 Thank you.Welcome. 1224 01:04:17,201 --> 01:04:18,419 [COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 1225 01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:33,304 Fine, okay, you were right. My feet are killing me, 1226 01:04:33,347 --> 01:04:36,307 and I never should've tossed my shoes. 1227 01:04:36,350 --> 01:04:39,701 No, come on. I love that your shoes are in that tree. 1228 01:04:42,748 --> 01:04:45,229 I do. That's premium Felicia. 1229 01:04:49,189 --> 01:04:50,016 Oh. 1230 01:04:51,104 --> 01:04:53,237 So what'd you do to her? 1231 01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:55,413 Hmm? 1232 01:04:55,456 --> 01:04:57,067 Smack her around a little bit? 1233 01:04:57,110 --> 01:04:58,938 She gets out of line, you pop her one? 1234 01:04:58,982 --> 01:05:00,940 No. No, sir, I... 1235 01:05:00,984 --> 01:05:02,637 I got you. I'm just teasing you, man. 1236 01:05:02,681 --> 01:05:03,987 We have fun. 1237 01:05:05,118 --> 01:05:06,598 He didn't, though, did he? 1238 01:05:06,641 --> 01:05:07,555 Hmm? Mmm-mmm. 1239 01:05:08,861 --> 01:05:10,036 Be back in a couple minutes. 1240 01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:10,863 I'm gonna wait for that to numb up. 1241 01:05:10,907 --> 01:05:12,125 Mmm-hmm. 1242 01:05:12,169 --> 01:05:14,084 Hands to yourself, O.J. 1243 01:05:16,651 --> 01:05:20,177 Ian, you know the other night at Lance's party? 1244 01:05:23,006 --> 01:05:24,703 Was I there? 1245 01:05:24,746 --> 01:05:25,922 No, come on. 1246 01:05:27,749 --> 01:05:29,447 Here. 1247 01:05:33,233 --> 01:05:36,193 I mean, you know the only reason is 1248 01:05:36,236 --> 01:05:38,673 because I don't want to ruin our friendship. 1249 01:05:40,327 --> 01:05:43,069 Totally, I mean friendship is awesome. 1250 01:05:43,983 --> 01:05:45,811 Good call. 1251 01:05:45,854 --> 01:05:49,467 I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. 1252 01:05:57,344 --> 01:05:59,825 You won't. 1253 01:05:59,868 --> 01:06:01,740 What are you thinking about? 1254 01:06:04,438 --> 01:06:05,918 What are you thinking about? 1255 01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:07,354 I asked you first. 1256 01:06:11,793 --> 01:06:12,925 You got a little loogie. 1257 01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:14,361 [GRUNTING] 1258 01:06:16,189 --> 01:06:18,061 I'm gonna go see if Lance... 1259 01:06:18,104 --> 01:06:19,192 Mmm-hmm. 1260 01:06:19,236 --> 01:06:20,585 Go. Go. 1261 01:06:33,250 --> 01:06:36,253 Um, I'll take these as well. 1262 01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:45,262 They're not for me. They're not. 1263 01:06:54,053 --> 01:06:55,533 Heads up. 1264 01:06:55,576 --> 01:06:56,577 What's with you? 1265 01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,929 I'm thinking maybe we head back home. 1266 01:07:00,973 --> 01:07:02,975 What? Why? 1267 01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:06,544 Well, Felicia and I were talking in there, 1268 01:07:06,587 --> 01:07:08,807 and we kind of had a moment. 1269 01:07:08,850 --> 01:07:10,417 Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment? 1270 01:07:10,461 --> 01:07:12,593 Yeah.You're a moron. 1271 01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:15,857 Fuck you. We've talked about this. 1272 01:07:15,901 --> 01:07:19,078 Look, we're almost there, and I'm not letting her do this. 1273 01:07:19,122 --> 01:07:21,385 We're going to Knoxville, and you're getting your nut. 1274 01:07:22,429 --> 01:07:25,084 No, I'm not. I'm not. 1275 01:07:25,128 --> 01:07:27,434 No, I'm gonna text Tasty, and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming. 1276 01:07:27,478 --> 01:07:29,436 Ian, get in this car. 1277 01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,090 I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. 1278 01:07:31,134 --> 01:07:33,527 Shit, where's my phone? 1279 01:07:33,571 --> 01:07:35,964 Hey, you got a new smile. 1280 01:07:36,008 --> 01:07:37,444 You have my phone. I didn't know... 1281 01:07:37,488 --> 01:07:39,490 This is for you. 1282 01:07:39,533 --> 01:07:42,623 Mmm! A message came in. 1283 01:07:42,667 --> 01:07:45,539 Your grandma says she's really excited to see you. 1284 01:07:45,583 --> 01:07:47,628 And something about her hot, shaved pussy. 1285 01:07:47,672 --> 01:07:49,326 Must be the cancer talking. 1286 01:07:49,369 --> 01:07:52,285 [LAUGHS] All right. Good deal. We're going to Knoxville. 1287 01:07:52,329 --> 01:07:53,460 [GIVE UP? PLAYING] 1288 01:07:55,984 --> 01:08:01,251 ♪ All I've got is frustration, frustration 1289 01:08:01,294 --> 01:08:04,471 ♪ I hate this vacation 1290 01:08:04,515 --> 01:08:06,473 ♪ So, give up, give up 1291 01:08:06,517 --> 01:08:08,997 ♪ Give up, give up 1292 01:08:09,041 --> 01:08:10,869 ♪ I've got to get away from here 1293 01:08:10,912 --> 01:08:12,436 ♪ It's killing me just thinking 'bout 1294 01:08:12,479 --> 01:08:15,526 ♪ Frustration, frustration 1295 01:08:15,569 --> 01:08:17,571 ♪ I hate this vacation... 1296 01:08:17,615 --> 01:08:20,139 Ian, you're going the wrong way. 1297 01:08:20,183 --> 01:08:21,227 We're going home. 1298 01:08:21,271 --> 01:08:22,924 What? 1299 01:08:22,968 --> 01:08:25,927 Please, do not turn around because of me. Okay. 1300 01:08:25,971 --> 01:08:27,190 Yeah, no shit. 1301 01:08:27,233 --> 01:08:28,495 I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty. 1302 01:08:28,539 --> 01:08:29,801 This is going to be hilarious. 1303 01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:32,456 A hundred bucks says she has a wiener. 1304 01:08:32,499 --> 01:08:33,848 Look, I said we're going home. 1305 01:08:33,892 --> 01:08:35,415 I don't want to talk about it. 1306 01:08:35,459 --> 01:08:37,374 I knew you'd find some way to fuck this up for him. 1307 01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:40,203 [LISPING] Me? You two are fucking scheming behind my back. 1308 01:08:40,246 --> 01:08:41,552 No, we're not. 1309 01:08:41,595 --> 01:08:42,944 Okay. You stole Rex's car. 1310 01:08:42,988 --> 01:08:44,598 You drove halfway across the country. 1311 01:08:44,642 --> 01:08:46,165 This must be what you want to do. 1312 01:08:46,209 --> 01:08:48,036 So do it, chicken shit! 1313 01:08:48,080 --> 01:08:50,256 [LISPING] Fucking A, chicken shit.Fine! You know what? 1314 01:08:50,300 --> 01:08:51,649 I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch, 1315 01:08:51,692 --> 01:08:53,259 and I'll go pork somebody. Right now. 1316 01:08:53,303 --> 01:08:55,043 I'll be that guy. Is that what you want? 1317 01:08:55,087 --> 01:08:56,610 Be that guy! That guy rules.FELICIA: Sounds awesome. 1318 01:08:56,654 --> 01:08:58,699 That would make me so happy. 1319 01:08:58,743 --> 01:09:00,484 All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it. 1320 01:09:00,527 --> 01:09:01,876 LANCE: Watch out, Ian! Fuck! 1321 01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,051 FELICIA: Watch it, Ian! 1322 01:09:05,271 --> 01:09:06,533 Whoo! 1323 01:09:06,577 --> 01:09:07,795 [LAUGHING] 1324 01:09:07,839 --> 01:09:09,188 IAN: You like that? 1325 01:09:09,232 --> 01:09:10,233 Did your fucking balls just drop? 1326 01:09:10,276 --> 01:09:11,538 Holy shit, Ian. 1327 01:09:12,974 --> 01:09:15,803 Oh, man, it's this douche again. 1328 01:09:17,457 --> 01:09:19,416 You want it? You got it. 1329 01:09:20,373 --> 01:09:21,635 Hold on to your pantyhose. 1330 01:09:21,679 --> 01:09:22,897 Okay, we gotta work on your banter, 1331 01:09:22,941 --> 01:09:25,030 but otherwise, this is awesome. 1332 01:09:25,073 --> 01:09:26,858 [DANGER ZONE PLAYING] 1333 01:09:27,859 --> 01:09:28,903 You're losing him. 1334 01:09:28,947 --> 01:09:30,644 No, I got him. I got him. 1335 01:09:33,256 --> 01:09:34,431 Jesus, Ian! Not so close. 1336 01:09:35,388 --> 01:09:36,998 God damn it! 1337 01:09:41,568 --> 01:09:43,048 No way, man! You're dead. 1338 01:09:45,442 --> 01:09:47,879 Sorry. He's all right. 1339 01:09:47,922 --> 01:09:50,186 LANCE: This guy's fucking dangerous! 1340 01:09:56,104 --> 01:09:57,802 Where is he? Talk to me, dudes. 1341 01:09:57,845 --> 01:10:00,108 Right up our ass. He's in our ass. 1342 01:10:05,113 --> 01:10:06,637 LANCE: He's tagging out. 1343 01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:08,160 Ah! Ladies! 1344 01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,248 Ian, look out! 1345 01:10:09,292 --> 01:10:10,118 [THUDDING] 1346 01:10:15,385 --> 01:10:16,951 Oh! Oh! 1347 01:10:16,995 --> 01:10:17,778 God damn it. 1348 01:10:20,041 --> 01:10:23,393 What were you doing, man? Shit. 1349 01:10:25,351 --> 01:10:26,744 Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault. 1350 01:10:26,787 --> 01:10:28,049 He jumped right in front of you. 1351 01:10:28,093 --> 01:10:31,314 Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault. 1352 01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:32,532 Now, come on, man, this possum's not gonna fuck you. 1353 01:10:32,576 --> 01:10:34,317 We gotta go find Ms. Tasty. 1354 01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:35,796 He's suffering, Lance. 1355 01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:37,494 I'm not gonna leave him here by himself. Okay? 1356 01:10:39,931 --> 01:10:42,412 Okay. You're right. 1357 01:10:44,762 --> 01:10:46,720 We gotta help him. 1358 01:10:46,764 --> 01:10:48,287 We gotta call a vet or something. 1359 01:10:48,331 --> 01:10:51,159 Ian, look at him. 1360 01:10:51,203 --> 01:10:53,249 There's not a lot that we can do. 1361 01:10:55,381 --> 01:10:56,643 You guys'll probably want to back up. 1362 01:10:56,687 --> 01:10:57,688 This'll probably stink like shit. 1363 01:10:57,731 --> 01:10:59,646 What the fuck are you doing? 1364 01:10:59,690 --> 01:11:01,300 I'm gonna take him out of his misery. 1365 01:11:01,344 --> 01:11:02,823 They don't make little wheelchairs for him. 1366 01:11:02,867 --> 01:11:04,608 He's done, man. 1367 01:11:04,651 --> 01:11:06,479 IAN: Fuck you, Lance. 1368 01:11:06,523 --> 01:11:07,567 God, you don't even give a shit about him. 1369 01:11:09,700 --> 01:11:10,744 I'll do it. 1370 01:11:20,145 --> 01:11:21,364 I'm sorry. 1371 01:11:22,452 --> 01:11:23,627 [GRUNTS] 1372 01:11:25,846 --> 01:11:27,326 LANCE: All possums go to heaven. 1373 01:11:28,762 --> 01:11:30,764 FELICIA: Uh... Ian. 1374 01:11:33,419 --> 01:11:35,682 It... I think it's still... 1375 01:11:35,726 --> 01:11:36,814 Shit. 1376 01:11:44,212 --> 01:11:45,953 Oh, no. 1377 01:11:46,998 --> 01:11:50,567 Ian, I'm so sorry, it's... 1378 01:11:50,610 --> 01:11:53,831 Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it! 1379 01:11:53,874 --> 01:11:56,964 I'm trying to do the right thing here. 1380 01:11:57,008 --> 01:11:59,227 He's really hanging in there. 1381 01:11:59,271 --> 01:12:01,447 God! Fuck! 1382 01:12:03,449 --> 01:12:05,712 You guys ever listen to Sonic Youth? 1383 01:12:05,756 --> 01:12:07,584 I've been on a big Sonic Youth phase lately. 1384 01:12:07,627 --> 01:12:08,846 [SIREN WAILING] 1385 01:12:08,889 --> 01:12:10,891 You know, their bass player's a woman. 1386 01:12:13,024 --> 01:12:13,981 [GROANS] 1387 01:12:23,077 --> 01:12:24,340 We are in jail. 1388 01:12:34,001 --> 01:12:35,612 Okay, listen, you have got to be cool, 1389 01:12:35,655 --> 01:12:36,874 'cause if they see you shitting yourself 1390 01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:38,049 they're gonna fuck with us. 1391 01:12:38,092 --> 01:12:40,399 Hey! Hey, ladies. 1392 01:12:40,443 --> 01:12:42,358 Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down 1393 01:12:42,401 --> 01:12:44,185 before me and you have a problem? 1394 01:12:44,229 --> 01:12:47,624 How about you just chill out, man? Be cool. 1395 01:12:47,667 --> 01:12:49,060 All right. We good? 1396 01:12:49,103 --> 01:12:49,930 Yeah, we're good. 1397 01:13:02,116 --> 01:13:04,771 Excuse me. 1398 01:13:04,815 --> 01:13:06,773 Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you... 1399 01:13:08,775 --> 01:13:11,648 You should've seen the look in his eyes. 1400 01:13:11,691 --> 01:13:14,738 His heart was breaking for this poor little thing. 1401 01:13:14,781 --> 01:13:19,569 Shit, that boy Ian don't seem like he got no balls at all. 1402 01:13:19,612 --> 01:13:22,789 Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some over a suffering critter? 1403 01:13:23,877 --> 01:13:26,053 I think that's real sweet. 1404 01:13:26,097 --> 01:13:29,100 Well, I say this Lance, he sounds like a real hunk of man. 1405 01:13:29,143 --> 01:13:32,451 But he got no respect for bitches. 1406 01:13:32,495 --> 01:13:36,847 Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches. None whatsoever. 1407 01:13:38,326 --> 01:13:40,416 You love Ian, don't you, baby? 1408 01:13:44,158 --> 01:13:49,033 Well, it's just we've been best friends since we were really little, 1409 01:13:49,076 --> 01:13:50,817 and I don't know, he's the only person 1410 01:13:50,861 --> 01:13:52,471 I can really talk to, you know? 1411 01:13:52,515 --> 01:13:55,387 When I was a girl, my best friend was 1412 01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:59,304 a fella named Creighton McDaniel. 1413 01:13:59,347 --> 01:14:04,222 We used to stay up all night just talking and laughing and carrying on. 1414 01:14:06,137 --> 01:14:07,965 Then one day I got it into my head 1415 01:14:08,008 --> 01:14:09,270 that we ought to be more than friends. 1416 01:14:10,576 --> 01:14:12,578 So I tell him I love him. 1417 01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:14,624 What happened? 1418 01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:20,760 We dated for a few weeks. 1419 01:14:20,804 --> 01:14:22,893 Then he met a gal over in Wofford. 1420 01:14:24,982 --> 01:14:26,897 We still talk from time to time. 1421 01:14:28,420 --> 01:14:30,553 But it was never the same between us. 1422 01:14:37,951 --> 01:14:41,302 Baby. Come here. 1423 01:14:41,346 --> 01:14:43,914 Come on, now. Come on, now. 1424 01:14:46,264 --> 01:14:47,874 You know you need a hug. 1425 01:14:47,918 --> 01:14:49,310 Come on, honey. 1426 01:14:51,008 --> 01:14:52,226 Cuddle up. 1427 01:14:52,270 --> 01:14:53,924 [URINATING] 1428 01:14:56,492 --> 01:14:57,362 Dude. 1429 01:14:59,103 --> 01:15:01,279 What? 1430 01:15:01,322 --> 01:15:02,498 Look, you're pissing in front of everybody. 1431 01:15:05,413 --> 01:15:07,241 Yeah, I am. 1432 01:15:07,285 --> 01:15:08,765 And that guy's looking right at your dick. 1433 01:15:08,808 --> 01:15:10,157 Atta-boy. 1434 01:15:11,724 --> 01:15:13,117 [FLUSHING] 1435 01:15:15,467 --> 01:15:17,121 Look at you. You're a new man. 1436 01:15:17,164 --> 01:15:19,297 No, I'm not. 1437 01:15:19,340 --> 01:15:22,692 Dude. You stole a car, you got arrested, 1438 01:15:22,735 --> 01:15:24,998 you got in a prison fight. 1439 01:15:25,042 --> 01:15:27,697 And now you're in here pissing like a big dog. 1440 01:15:27,740 --> 01:15:29,655 I mean, there's only one thing left. 1441 01:15:29,699 --> 01:15:31,439 Yeah, well, that's out. 1442 01:15:31,483 --> 01:15:32,615 I was supposed to meet her two hours ago. 1443 01:15:33,833 --> 01:15:35,008 Dude, when we get out of here, 1444 01:15:35,052 --> 01:15:36,357 just tell her you got pinched. 1445 01:15:36,401 --> 01:15:38,969 She'll think that's bad-ass, because it is. 1446 01:15:40,448 --> 01:15:43,234 Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted. 1447 01:15:43,277 --> 01:15:44,365 Really? 1448 01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:46,585 Time to go. 1449 01:15:47,978 --> 01:15:49,675 Shit! 1450 01:15:49,719 --> 01:15:51,024 What? 1451 01:15:51,068 --> 01:15:51,851 Rex. 1452 01:15:52,983 --> 01:15:53,897 Oh. 1453 01:15:55,463 --> 01:15:57,074 [SIGHS] 1454 01:15:57,117 --> 01:15:58,597 All right, Duane, I'm gonna go to your MySpace page 1455 01:15:58,641 --> 01:16:00,338 and listen to your album. 1456 01:16:00,381 --> 01:16:04,385 And I hope to see you soon in better circumstances. 1457 01:16:15,483 --> 01:16:16,441 Hey.Mary! 1458 01:16:20,010 --> 01:16:22,142 Wait. Wait. How did you find me? 1459 01:16:22,186 --> 01:16:23,579 Well, I called your cell phone, 1460 01:16:23,622 --> 01:16:24,797 and then someone answered here. 1461 01:16:24,841 --> 01:16:27,800 That's awesome. Okay. 1462 01:16:27,844 --> 01:16:29,889 Are you okay? Why are you in jail? 1463 01:16:32,892 --> 01:16:34,502 I mean, there's a number of charges, 1464 01:16:34,546 --> 01:16:35,852 but the most prominent ones were animal cruelty 1465 01:16:35,895 --> 01:16:38,550 and the assaulting the officer. 1466 01:16:38,594 --> 01:16:40,944 But it's not nearly as bad as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise. 1467 01:16:40,987 --> 01:16:43,860 Okay.Okay. Wait right here. Okay. 1468 01:16:44,730 --> 01:16:45,818 Teddy, Carol. 1469 01:16:45,862 --> 01:16:46,906 Lance, my man. 1470 01:16:46,950 --> 01:16:48,473 You guys got my stuff? 1471 01:16:48,516 --> 01:16:49,909 It's gonna be a few minutes. 1472 01:16:49,953 --> 01:16:52,216 All right. I gotta put up with a lot here. 1473 01:16:52,259 --> 01:16:53,957 I was raped last night. I'm just fucking with you. 1474 01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:55,001 [LAUGHING] 1475 01:16:56,699 --> 01:16:58,614 Oh, man. But one guy did get raped. 1476 01:17:12,932 --> 01:17:14,542 [FLYING HIGH PLAYING] 1477 01:17:25,162 --> 01:17:27,512 ♪ You can't know, oh, no 1478 01:17:27,555 --> 01:17:28,948 ♪ You can't know 1479 01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:33,692 ♪ How much I think about you, no 1480 01:17:35,433 --> 01:17:38,131 ♪ It's making my head spin 1481 01:17:41,569 --> 01:17:42,962 ♪ Looking at you 1482 01:17:43,006 --> 01:17:45,486 ♪ And you are looking at me 1483 01:17:45,530 --> 01:17:48,098 ♪ And we both know what we want 1484 01:17:51,754 --> 01:17:55,540 ♪ So close to giving in 1485 01:17:55,583 --> 01:17:57,150 FELICIA: Ian, don't do this. 1486 01:17:58,717 --> 01:18:03,330 No, don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy. 1487 01:18:03,374 --> 01:18:05,419 Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin. 1488 01:18:05,463 --> 01:18:07,595 So what if you're a virgin? 1489 01:18:07,639 --> 01:18:10,337 God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not... 1490 01:18:10,381 --> 01:18:12,775 No, Felicia, it's not about the sex. 1491 01:18:12,818 --> 01:18:15,691 It's not. I'm weird. 1492 01:18:15,734 --> 01:18:20,130 I'm the only virgin I know. I need to get this done 1493 01:18:20,173 --> 01:18:23,655 so everyone can just stop freaking out about it. 1494 01:18:23,699 --> 01:18:26,092 Look, I know you don't approve, but I'm sorry, I just... 1495 01:18:26,136 --> 01:18:28,051 I'm not going home a virgin. 1496 01:18:28,094 --> 01:18:29,574 Then do it with me. 1497 01:18:32,055 --> 01:18:32,882 What? 1498 01:18:35,406 --> 01:18:37,277 Do it with me and not some stranger. 1499 01:18:39,323 --> 01:18:42,892 We're friends so you know you're not gonna get some, like, 1500 01:18:42,935 --> 01:18:46,896 crabs or genital warts or some pussing thing that's coming... 1501 01:18:46,939 --> 01:18:49,202 Wow, Leesh. That's hot! 1502 01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:54,947 You know what? 1503 01:18:54,991 --> 01:18:57,863 I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever than lose it on pity-sex. 1504 01:18:59,343 --> 01:19:00,605 I'm not talking about pity-sex. 1505 01:19:00,648 --> 01:19:01,867 Then what are you talking about? 1506 01:19:01,911 --> 01:19:06,002 I don't know. Sex. 1507 01:19:06,045 --> 01:19:09,135 It doesn't have to mean anything. 1508 01:19:09,179 --> 01:19:11,616 It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship. 1509 01:19:12,225 --> 01:19:13,357 Ah! 1510 01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:14,880 Leesh, you know what? 1511 01:19:14,924 --> 01:19:15,881 Fuck the friendship! 1512 01:19:17,187 --> 01:19:19,145 I'm sorry, I just can't do it. 1513 01:19:19,189 --> 01:19:21,800 I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to about your boyfriends anymore. 1514 01:19:21,844 --> 01:19:23,846 I can't... 1515 01:19:23,889 --> 01:19:26,239 I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up in the middle of the night, 1516 01:19:26,283 --> 01:19:29,503 and you're gonna cry to because Derrick Dicottes found some other girl. 1517 01:19:31,810 --> 01:19:35,422 And maybe I'm just being selfish here, but it is not enough. 1518 01:19:35,466 --> 01:19:37,511 Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door, 1519 01:19:37,555 --> 01:19:39,209 and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex 1520 01:19:39,252 --> 01:19:42,734 with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully female person 1521 01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:44,040 that I met on the Internet. 1522 01:19:46,477 --> 01:19:48,522 Unless you've got something better to say to me. 1523 01:20:02,885 --> 01:20:04,277 [DOOR SLAMS SHUT] 1524 01:20:06,018 --> 01:20:07,759 That's what I thought. 1525 01:20:38,529 --> 01:20:40,836 Check out time, dick-cheese. 1526 01:20:40,879 --> 01:20:42,881 Rex, how'd you find me? 1527 01:20:42,925 --> 01:20:44,274 You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick? 1528 01:20:46,754 --> 01:20:48,321 [SIREN WAILING] 1529 01:20:48,365 --> 01:20:50,758 [DISCO INFERNO PLAYING] 1530 01:20:50,802 --> 01:20:51,977 Come here. 1531 01:20:52,021 --> 01:20:54,675 ♪ Burn that mother down, y'all 1532 01:20:54,719 --> 01:20:56,329 ♪ Burn, baby, burn 1533 01:20:56,373 --> 01:20:58,157 ♪ Disco inferno 1534 01:20:58,201 --> 01:21:00,029 ♪ Burn, baby, burn 1535 01:21:00,072 --> 01:21:01,247 ♪ Burn that mother down 1536 01:21:01,291 --> 01:21:02,814 Come on, Rex, wait. The girl... 1537 01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:04,381 The one I told you about from the Internet. 1538 01:21:04,424 --> 01:21:06,035 She's right across the street, Rex. 1539 01:21:06,078 --> 01:21:07,601 She wants to do it with me and everything. 1540 01:21:07,645 --> 01:21:09,125 Like I give a shit! 1541 01:21:15,131 --> 01:21:16,219 [SCREAMING] 1542 01:21:22,442 --> 01:21:24,009 Get your shit, queer-bait! We're going home. 1543 01:21:24,053 --> 01:21:25,489 Okay. Okay, fine. 1544 01:21:25,968 --> 01:21:28,361 Now! 1545 01:21:28,405 --> 01:21:30,407 It probably wouldn't have changed 1546 01:21:30,450 --> 01:21:33,192 all these feelings that I've been having lately anyway. 1547 01:21:35,107 --> 01:21:37,805 What are you talking about? 1548 01:21:37,849 --> 01:21:41,244 I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings, 1549 01:21:43,115 --> 01:21:47,990 curiosity about men. 1550 01:21:50,818 --> 01:21:52,168 Oh, shit, Ian! 1551 01:21:53,821 --> 01:21:56,346 I think you might be right. 1552 01:21:56,389 --> 01:21:58,783 I think I might be getting gay. 1553 01:21:58,826 --> 01:22:01,177 Oh, God damn it. 1554 01:22:01,873 --> 01:22:03,353 Oh, fuck! 1555 01:22:04,963 --> 01:22:08,445 But I just haven't had any luck with girls, Rex. 1556 01:22:08,488 --> 01:22:11,883 No way! No way my little brother's taking it in the chili ring. 1557 01:22:19,021 --> 01:22:23,155 All right, you take the car, 1558 01:22:23,199 --> 01:22:25,984 and you go bang a female woman like the good Lord intended. 1559 01:22:26,028 --> 01:22:27,290 You've got one hour! 1560 01:22:28,291 --> 01:22:29,379 Ian.Yeah? 1561 01:22:32,512 --> 01:22:33,818 Not up the butt. 1562 01:22:34,688 --> 01:22:36,212 Right. 1563 01:22:59,365 --> 01:23:03,152 Hey, man. You looking for somebody? 1564 01:23:07,112 --> 01:23:08,070 Ms. Tasty. 1565 01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,074 MS. TASTY: Ian? 1566 01:23:17,296 --> 01:23:20,778 Oh, my gosh! Hey. 1567 01:23:20,821 --> 01:23:22,823 I was sure you were standing me up. 1568 01:23:24,869 --> 01:23:27,437 But here you are. Look at you.See you. 1569 01:23:29,308 --> 01:23:32,572 You look a little different than your picture. 1570 01:23:32,616 --> 01:23:34,270 Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight 1571 01:23:34,313 --> 01:23:35,358 'cause I had the runs... The flu. 1572 01:23:37,882 --> 01:23:40,841 Well, you're mighty cute, and your car is really pretty. 1573 01:23:43,148 --> 01:23:45,020 Why don't you take me for a ride? 1574 01:23:50,460 --> 01:23:53,593 So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name? 1575 01:23:55,856 --> 01:23:58,468 How about I tell you after? 1576 01:24:00,035 --> 01:24:01,514 Yeah, sure. 1577 01:24:03,864 --> 01:24:05,518 Works for me. 1578 01:24:11,263 --> 01:24:12,351 [ATLANTIS PLAYING] 1579 01:24:12,395 --> 01:24:14,484 ♪ ...below the ocean 1580 01:24:15,876 --> 01:24:19,967 ♪ Where I wanna be 1581 01:24:20,011 --> 01:24:22,405 ♪ She may be 1582 01:24:22,448 --> 01:24:25,669 ♪ Way down below the ocean... ♪ 1583 01:24:25,712 --> 01:24:27,584 No, Mary, wait. 1584 01:24:27,627 --> 01:24:28,933 What? 1585 01:24:28,976 --> 01:24:30,674 What's wrong? 1586 01:24:30,717 --> 01:24:33,111 Nothing. I mean... 1587 01:24:33,155 --> 01:24:36,332 Nothing, I just... I really like you, 1588 01:24:39,900 --> 01:24:43,643 and I don't want to ruin this. You know? 1589 01:24:45,254 --> 01:24:47,952 But, hey, maybe you could come to Chicago 1590 01:24:47,995 --> 01:24:51,129 and we could hang out and take it a little... 1591 01:24:51,173 --> 01:24:55,481 No. Lance, it doesn't work like that. 1592 01:24:59,659 --> 01:25:02,575 And, I mean, if I don't go back, I'm gonna be shunned. 1593 01:25:04,403 --> 01:25:06,275 I could never see my family again. 1594 01:25:08,233 --> 01:25:09,843 This Amish thing is a real motherfucker. 1595 01:25:11,193 --> 01:25:12,237 Yeah, tell me about it. 1596 01:25:21,551 --> 01:25:23,596 Ian.Yeah. 1597 01:25:23,640 --> 01:25:25,772 I think we should take our clothes off. 1598 01:25:27,383 --> 01:25:28,993 Wow. Really? Right here? 1599 01:25:29,036 --> 01:25:30,821 Mmm-hmm. 1600 01:25:30,864 --> 01:25:33,563 No one's around for miles. Come on. 1601 01:25:34,694 --> 01:25:35,434 Okay. 1602 01:25:43,181 --> 01:25:44,313 What do you think? 1603 01:25:44,878 --> 01:25:46,271 Ample. 1604 01:25:46,315 --> 01:25:47,533 Mmm-hmm. 1605 01:25:49,840 --> 01:25:52,277 I think we should take your clothes off now. 1606 01:25:52,321 --> 01:25:55,672 Yeah, maybe we should. 1607 01:25:55,715 --> 01:25:57,543 I don't play football! 1608 01:25:58,762 --> 01:26:00,720 Okay. 1609 01:26:00,764 --> 01:26:01,982 I... I really don't. 1610 01:26:02,026 --> 01:26:04,071 I mean, I don't even really watch football. 1611 01:26:04,115 --> 01:26:06,596 I mean, I got all that stuff from Friday Night Lights, which is a show. 1612 01:26:06,639 --> 01:26:08,163 It's also a movie starring Billy Bob Thornton. 1613 01:26:08,206 --> 01:26:09,251 I don't know if you saw it, but... 1614 01:26:09,294 --> 01:26:11,209 Ian. 1615 01:26:11,253 --> 01:26:13,864 What? You think everything in my profile's the God's honest truth? 1616 01:26:14,734 --> 01:26:16,780 No. 1617 01:26:16,823 --> 01:26:19,174 Now, come on, take your clothes off. 1618 01:26:21,828 --> 01:26:26,006 Look, there's this girl... 1619 01:26:27,834 --> 01:26:29,662 Ian, this can be our little secret. 1620 01:26:29,706 --> 01:26:31,621 No one has to know. 1621 01:26:33,362 --> 01:26:34,580 Now come here. 1622 01:26:48,159 --> 01:26:53,643 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you. 1623 01:26:53,686 --> 01:26:57,647 I'm kissing you, and I'm thinking about somebody else. 1624 01:26:59,039 --> 01:27:00,998 No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say. 1625 01:27:01,041 --> 01:27:02,478 I mean, she's not even... 1626 01:27:03,566 --> 01:27:05,002 [SNIFFLING] 1627 01:27:05,045 --> 01:27:07,570 Oh, no, no, no. Ms. Tasty, please don't cry. 1628 01:27:08,875 --> 01:27:10,747 It's not a reflection of... 1629 01:27:10,790 --> 01:27:12,401 You're so pretty, like... 1630 01:27:13,228 --> 01:27:15,230 You're laughing. 1631 01:27:15,273 --> 01:27:19,277 Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole! 1632 01:27:19,321 --> 01:27:22,628 Look, I'm sorry, okay. I don't mean to lead you on here, 1633 01:27:22,672 --> 01:27:24,891 and I'll give you a ride home, 1634 01:27:24,935 --> 01:27:26,937 but I don't think that... What the fuck? 1635 01:27:26,980 --> 01:27:28,765 You heard the lady. Strip. 1636 01:27:32,334 --> 01:27:33,857 Do you have any jacks? 1637 01:27:33,900 --> 01:27:35,119 Yup. 1638 01:27:36,773 --> 01:27:38,165 I win. 1639 01:27:38,209 --> 01:27:39,602 Oh! Again. 1640 01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:41,125 Yup. 1641 01:27:46,130 --> 01:27:47,131 All right, just take your shirt off. 1642 01:27:47,174 --> 01:27:48,263 Okay, good. 1643 01:27:51,875 --> 01:27:53,746 You were right, Ian. '69 Judge. 1644 01:27:53,790 --> 01:27:55,705 You were worth the wait. 1645 01:27:59,099 --> 01:28:01,580 Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car! 1646 01:28:01,624 --> 01:28:03,669 Oh, and good luck with the lady friend. 1647 01:28:05,758 --> 01:28:08,195 [MS. TASTY WHOOPING] 1648 01:28:08,239 --> 01:28:11,329 Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit. 1649 01:28:13,853 --> 01:28:16,987 Now, listen. I got another car coming any minute now, okay? 1650 01:28:17,030 --> 01:28:18,597 Got it. So take me back to the Big Boy 1651 01:28:18,641 --> 01:28:20,077 and get this goat over to Luis. 1652 01:28:20,120 --> 01:28:20,860 Right. 1653 01:28:22,340 --> 01:28:27,693 And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent! 1654 01:28:28,607 --> 01:28:29,739 I fucking told you. 1655 01:28:29,782 --> 01:28:30,870 I know where it is. 1656 01:28:30,914 --> 01:28:31,915 [CLANKING] 1657 01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:34,265 Shit! 1658 01:28:46,321 --> 01:28:47,278 Hi. 1659 01:28:53,719 --> 01:28:55,504 Hey, boys. You finally made it. 1660 01:28:55,547 --> 01:28:57,157 What's up, Ms. Tasty? 1661 01:28:57,201 --> 01:28:59,638 What's up? What's up? 1662 01:28:59,682 --> 01:29:01,118 Damn, you're hot as fuck. 1663 01:29:01,161 --> 01:29:02,598 Yeah. 1664 01:29:02,641 --> 01:29:03,642 We brought beers and rubbers. 1665 01:29:03,686 --> 01:29:05,340 And some lotion for your tits. 1666 01:29:11,302 --> 01:29:12,347 [PHONE RINGING] 1667 01:29:12,390 --> 01:29:17,526 [LANCE AND MARY MOANING] 1668 01:29:21,530 --> 01:29:23,749 I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. 1669 01:29:23,793 --> 01:29:25,882 I mean, seriously, what are the odds? 1670 01:29:27,100 --> 01:29:29,015 Oh, yeah! More of that. 1671 01:29:31,801 --> 01:29:36,022 So, wait, you do want to party? 1672 01:29:37,241 --> 01:29:38,547 With us? 1673 01:29:38,590 --> 01:29:41,158 Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party. 1674 01:30:01,744 --> 01:30:04,050 Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker! 1675 01:30:06,270 --> 01:30:08,446 Who the fuck are you? 1676 01:30:08,490 --> 01:30:10,666 Holy fucking fuck-balls! 1677 01:30:11,406 --> 01:30:15,627 Okay, my bad. 1678 01:30:15,671 --> 01:30:17,063 Now, I thought you were someone else, all right? 1679 01:30:17,107 --> 01:30:18,761 You done fouled up my ride, 1680 01:30:20,893 --> 01:30:22,199 so I'm gonna have to take yours. 1681 01:30:23,461 --> 01:30:24,375 Fuck that shit. 1682 01:30:24,419 --> 01:30:25,681 [GUN COCKING] 1683 01:30:25,724 --> 01:30:27,117 Here you go. Pulls to the left. 1684 01:30:29,511 --> 01:30:31,077 MAN: What the fuck, dumb-ass? 1685 01:30:35,430 --> 01:30:37,127 Oh, shit! 1686 01:30:38,650 --> 01:30:44,787 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! 1687 01:30:44,830 --> 01:30:46,832 Hey, highlights, back it up. 1688 01:30:48,007 --> 01:30:49,661 Bite my dick, asshole! 1689 01:30:54,797 --> 01:30:58,931 Ow! What the fuck you do that for? 1690 01:30:58,975 --> 01:31:01,412 Lance? What the fuck is going on? 1691 01:31:01,456 --> 01:31:02,935 That's the son of a bitch I was looking for! 1692 01:31:02,979 --> 01:31:06,243 Hey, guy. How'd you... 1693 01:31:06,286 --> 01:31:07,810 Found your computer maps, douche-bag! 1694 01:31:07,853 --> 01:31:09,768 Okay. 1695 01:31:09,812 --> 01:31:11,901 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Boat show, 1696 01:31:11,944 --> 01:31:13,903 you and your boyfriend bring it in here. 1697 01:31:13,946 --> 01:31:15,078 I don't need no trouble right now. 1698 01:31:15,121 --> 01:31:16,775 Let's go. Bring it in. 1699 01:31:18,603 --> 01:31:20,910 Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that? 1700 01:31:20,953 --> 01:31:22,172 Who? 1701 01:31:22,215 --> 01:31:23,478 That! 1702 01:31:23,521 --> 01:31:24,348 Son of a bitch! 1703 01:31:25,305 --> 01:31:27,090 [GROANING] 1704 01:31:27,133 --> 01:31:28,265 Come on, darling. 1705 01:31:28,308 --> 01:31:29,919 Shut up! 1706 01:31:29,962 --> 01:31:30,789 Now, take it easy on the hair. 1707 01:31:30,833 --> 01:31:32,138 Get down! 1708 01:31:32,182 --> 01:31:33,531 Hey, hey, come on. 1709 01:31:33,575 --> 01:31:35,359 All right, all right. 1710 01:31:35,402 --> 01:31:36,578 IAN: Take your hands off her! 1711 01:31:41,017 --> 01:31:42,584 [IAN EXCLAIMING] 1712 01:31:45,021 --> 01:31:46,239 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1713 01:31:48,285 --> 01:31:49,939 ANDY: Holy loud! 1714 01:31:49,982 --> 01:31:51,201 RANDY: People are in the vehicle. 1715 01:31:56,641 --> 01:31:58,295 IAN: Please! No! 1716 01:32:04,780 --> 01:32:07,565 All right. Get back, man.Ian? 1717 01:32:07,609 --> 01:32:10,568 Everybody just be cool. 1718 01:32:10,612 --> 01:32:11,700 Felicia, you okay? 1719 01:32:11,743 --> 01:32:13,528 Yeah, I'm fine. 1720 01:32:13,571 --> 01:32:16,356 Ian, give me the goddamn gun before you shoot your dick off. 1721 01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:17,706 Rex, I got this.Ian! 1722 01:32:17,749 --> 01:32:19,055 God damn it, Rex, I got this! 1723 01:32:19,098 --> 01:32:21,013 Do not fuck with me! Not now! 1724 01:32:22,145 --> 01:32:24,016 Ease it back, man. 1725 01:32:24,060 --> 01:32:24,930 That donut ain't fucking around. 1726 01:32:27,019 --> 01:32:28,978 Hands where I can see them. 1727 01:32:30,196 --> 01:32:32,764 Ian, dude, you're working the mouth. 1728 01:32:32,808 --> 01:32:34,331 I don't give a shit! 1729 01:32:34,374 --> 01:32:36,594 Okay. All right, sorry. 1730 01:32:36,638 --> 01:32:38,640 You're doing so good. Proud of you. 1731 01:32:38,683 --> 01:32:40,250 I mean that. I don't say it enough. 1732 01:32:40,293 --> 01:32:42,469 All right, you, corn-fed, 1733 01:32:42,513 --> 01:32:44,602 you can punch my friend Lance, but just once. 1734 01:32:44,646 --> 01:32:46,169 Dude! What the fuck? 1735 01:32:46,212 --> 01:32:47,953 You nailed his girlfriend. 1736 01:32:47,997 --> 01:32:49,520 Not exactly. I mean, it was... 1737 01:32:49,564 --> 01:32:51,043 And he came all this way. 1738 01:32:51,087 --> 01:32:52,741 All right. All right, fair enough. 1739 01:32:52,784 --> 01:32:54,264 Just not in the nuts. 1740 01:32:56,614 --> 01:32:58,137 [LANCE GRUNTS] 1741 01:32:58,181 --> 01:33:00,705 Oh, shit! 1742 01:33:00,749 --> 01:33:03,055 Okay. Okay, all right. 1743 01:33:05,231 --> 01:33:07,799 What a punch. 1744 01:33:07,843 --> 01:33:10,323 I think my kids are gonna be retarded. 1745 01:33:10,367 --> 01:33:11,890 You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude. 1746 01:33:11,934 --> 01:33:14,806 Yeah, you got a little... 1747 01:33:14,850 --> 01:33:17,940 Thanks. My ears are ringing. 1748 01:33:17,983 --> 01:33:20,116 IAN: Stop it! I'm warning you! 1749 01:33:20,159 --> 01:33:22,466 Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one. 1750 01:33:23,336 --> 01:33:24,642 [MS. TASTY EXCLAIMS] 1751 01:33:24,686 --> 01:33:25,556 Whoa! 1752 01:33:28,472 --> 01:33:29,865 Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude. 1753 01:33:29,908 --> 01:33:31,431 I'll shoot you in the leg. 1754 01:33:31,475 --> 01:33:33,085 Smoke that cock, Ian! 1755 01:33:34,826 --> 01:33:36,611 I don't think you got the plums, boy. 1756 01:33:36,654 --> 01:33:38,351 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 1757 01:33:39,962 --> 01:33:41,877 God! 1758 01:33:43,705 --> 01:33:44,662 [GROANING] 1759 01:33:48,492 --> 01:33:50,450 Okay. Okay. 1760 01:33:52,844 --> 01:33:55,151 Anybody can shoot someone in the leg, dude. 1761 01:33:56,979 --> 01:33:58,676 Give me the gun!Jesus, man, what do I got to do? 1762 01:34:03,289 --> 01:34:05,988 Don't move, asshole, or you're a fucking stain. 1763 01:34:06,031 --> 01:34:07,032 Okay. 1764 01:34:08,555 --> 01:34:12,124 Holy shit, Ian. Right on! 1765 01:34:12,168 --> 01:34:14,213 Where do you think you're going, bitch? 1766 01:34:14,257 --> 01:34:15,519 Cat fight! 1767 01:34:15,562 --> 01:34:16,999 [BOTH SQUEALING] 1768 01:34:17,042 --> 01:34:18,653 [CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING PLAYING] 1769 01:34:18,696 --> 01:34:21,743 ♪ 'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore 1770 01:34:21,786 --> 01:34:23,875 FELICIA: Damn you, whore! 1771 01:34:23,919 --> 01:34:25,050 ♪ I've forgotten what I started fighting for 1772 01:34:25,094 --> 01:34:26,486 Fuck you! 1773 01:34:29,141 --> 01:34:33,624 ♪ And if I have to crawl upon the floor 1774 01:34:33,668 --> 01:34:34,712 ♪ Come crashing through your door 1775 01:34:37,410 --> 01:34:43,503 ♪ Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore ♪ 1776 01:34:43,547 --> 01:34:45,157 Drop the weapon, donut man! 1777 01:34:47,333 --> 01:34:49,640 Okay, put your hands on your head! 1778 01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:51,511 Both hands, asshole! 1779 01:34:51,555 --> 01:34:53,252 IAN: I can't move the other arm. 1780 01:34:53,296 --> 01:34:54,819 Who said that? Who said that? 1781 01:34:54,863 --> 01:34:56,473 I can't move the other arm. 1782 01:34:58,736 --> 01:35:00,042 [TASER ZAPPING] 1783 01:35:00,085 --> 01:35:02,827 Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir. 1784 01:35:02,871 --> 01:35:03,959 [SCREAMING] 1785 01:35:06,831 --> 01:35:08,703 The big Mexican won't go down! 1786 01:35:08,746 --> 01:35:10,095 Take the shot! 1787 01:35:10,922 --> 01:35:12,315 Holy shit. 1788 01:35:12,358 --> 01:35:16,014 Jesus! Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay? 1789 01:35:16,058 --> 01:35:19,409 He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief. 1790 01:35:20,932 --> 01:35:24,153 Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt. 1791 01:35:32,639 --> 01:35:33,815 FEMALE OFFICER: Anything else? 1792 01:35:35,991 --> 01:35:38,907 FELICIA: Oh, yeah, apparently there's a guy named Luis, 1793 01:35:38,950 --> 01:35:41,648 and he has a chop shop at 5th and Crescent! 1794 01:35:42,475 --> 01:35:43,955 Thanks. 1795 01:35:43,999 --> 01:35:45,174 We were just banging that chick in our car. 1796 01:35:45,217 --> 01:35:46,741 Yeah, you mentioned that. 1797 01:35:46,784 --> 01:35:48,525 Yeah, super hard. 1798 01:35:48,568 --> 01:35:51,484 The boy did have some plums. 1799 01:35:51,528 --> 01:35:54,574 He had some plums. 1800 01:35:54,618 --> 01:35:56,098 Hey, this is Rick. 1801 01:35:56,141 --> 01:35:57,621 He's played arena football. 1802 01:35:57,664 --> 01:35:59,275 Hi. I'm Mary. 1803 01:35:59,318 --> 01:36:00,406 RICK: Hi. Nice to meet you. 1804 01:36:00,450 --> 01:36:02,017 That's a weird little dude you got there. 1805 01:36:02,060 --> 01:36:02,887 LANCE: Are you guys hungry? 1806 01:36:02,931 --> 01:36:04,976 Is this place open 24 hours? 1807 01:36:07,631 --> 01:36:09,894 Thank you for coming for me. 1808 01:36:11,330 --> 01:36:14,203 What were you doing in the back seat? 1809 01:36:14,246 --> 01:36:17,597 Nothing. I was... 1810 01:36:17,641 --> 01:36:19,643 You were stalking me. 1811 01:36:19,686 --> 01:36:21,166 No, I wasn't. I... 1812 01:36:23,516 --> 01:36:26,519 Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little. 1813 01:36:28,391 --> 01:36:30,393 I just... I knew you were gonna do 1814 01:36:30,436 --> 01:36:32,003 something you were gonna regret, and I... 1815 01:36:32,047 --> 01:36:35,833 Felicia. Why can't you just say it? 1816 01:36:41,056 --> 01:36:43,449 Why can't you? 1817 01:36:43,493 --> 01:36:45,147 Well, I asked you first. 1818 01:36:52,937 --> 01:36:54,417 Fine. I'll say it. 1819 01:37:01,380 --> 01:37:02,860 You love me. 1820 01:37:03,861 --> 01:37:05,384 Fine. 1821 01:37:07,038 --> 01:37:09,258 You love me, too, then. 1822 01:37:09,301 --> 01:37:10,955 [LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL PLAYING] 1823 01:37:14,132 --> 01:37:19,746 ♪ Life is beautiful 1824 01:37:22,662 --> 01:37:26,405 ♪ But it's complicated 1825 01:37:26,449 --> 01:37:27,667 Thank God. 1826 01:37:27,711 --> 01:37:31,671 ♪ We barely make it 1827 01:37:34,761 --> 01:37:35,937 [MOOING] 1828 01:37:44,902 --> 01:37:47,122 You fucking heifer. 1829 01:37:47,165 --> 01:37:48,166 [ENGINE REVVING] 1830 01:38:00,918 --> 01:38:02,267 You fixed it!Yeah. 1831 01:38:02,311 --> 01:38:03,703 Don't lean on it. 1832 01:38:06,402 --> 01:38:08,839 I guess you get to live. 1833 01:38:08,883 --> 01:38:10,058 IAN: You guys are amazing. 1834 01:38:10,101 --> 01:38:12,016 Thanks. 1835 01:38:12,060 --> 01:38:13,539 Let's talk seriously for a second. 1836 01:38:13,583 --> 01:38:16,281 I figure with the parts and labor, 1837 01:38:16,325 --> 01:38:18,718 you know, out the door... 4,200. 1838 01:38:21,069 --> 01:38:22,331 Oh. Um... 1839 01:38:22,374 --> 01:38:23,462 It's just a round number. 1840 01:38:23,506 --> 01:38:25,682 Yeah. No, I didn't really... 1841 01:38:30,078 --> 01:38:31,949 I don't know what to... 1842 01:38:31,993 --> 01:38:34,778 [LAUGHING] I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man. 1843 01:38:34,821 --> 01:38:36,911 Wait, I mean, you're serious? 1844 01:38:36,954 --> 01:38:38,956 Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries. 1845 01:38:39,000 --> 01:38:40,523 You sure?Yeah, of course. 1846 01:38:40,566 --> 01:38:41,654 Thank you, man.It's what I live for, 1847 01:38:41,698 --> 01:38:43,569 fixing other people's shit for free. 1848 01:38:46,790 --> 01:38:47,747 Yeah. 1849 01:38:53,492 --> 01:38:54,754 Hey. 1850 01:38:54,798 --> 01:38:55,973 REX: Straight home, pussy! 1851 01:38:56,017 --> 01:38:58,193 Dude, we got to go. 1852 01:38:58,236 --> 01:39:00,369 REX: Fucking piece of shit! 1853 01:39:00,412 --> 01:39:02,675 You go on ahead. 1854 01:39:02,719 --> 01:39:04,460 I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish. 1855 01:39:04,503 --> 01:39:06,505 Dude, what are you talking about? 1856 01:39:06,549 --> 01:39:08,507 I don't know, a little hard work, fresh air, 1857 01:39:08,551 --> 01:39:10,509 missionary position. 1858 01:39:10,553 --> 01:39:12,598 It's a man's life. 1859 01:39:12,642 --> 01:39:14,296 Sounds pretty good, you know.Yeah, it sounds... 1860 01:39:14,339 --> 01:39:16,385 Come on, Lance. Get serious. 1861 01:39:21,085 --> 01:39:22,434 Come here. 1862 01:39:23,653 --> 01:39:25,133 I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. 1863 01:39:25,176 --> 01:39:26,786 I'm proud of you, you know. 1864 01:39:26,830 --> 01:39:29,441 You held out for a good one, the one you wanted. 1865 01:39:30,529 --> 01:39:34,359 And you fucking made it happen. 1866 01:39:34,403 --> 01:39:38,755 But, please, I'm begging you, go take that girl to visit Grandma. 1867 01:39:38,798 --> 01:39:40,235 All right. 1868 01:39:40,278 --> 01:39:41,105 And when you do, don't... 1869 01:39:41,149 --> 01:39:43,890 Lance, I got it. 1870 01:39:43,934 --> 01:39:45,153 Yeah? 1871 01:39:45,762 --> 01:39:46,719 Yeah. 1872 01:39:49,244 --> 01:39:50,810 Okay. I think you might. 1873 01:39:51,768 --> 01:39:53,204 See you.Bye. 1874 01:39:55,250 --> 01:39:57,730 [PORCUPINE JACKET PLAYING] 1875 01:39:59,994 --> 01:40:03,736 ♪ Well, no, no, me, I never worry 1876 01:40:03,780 --> 01:40:07,523 ♪ Because, me, I never try 1877 01:40:07,566 --> 01:40:13,616 ♪ And I never care to hold onto what I just couldn't kiss goodbye ♪ 1878 01:40:32,200 --> 01:40:33,940 Are you sure you're ready? 1879 01:40:35,159 --> 01:40:36,639 Yeah. 1880 01:40:38,249 --> 01:40:40,425 All right, well, come on, take them off. 1881 01:40:53,395 --> 01:40:54,483 Let's do it. 1882 01:41:14,807 --> 01:41:16,287 TIFFANY: Fuck! 1883 01:41:16,331 --> 01:41:17,114 Don't start your fucking shit with me. 1884 01:41:17,158 --> 01:41:18,681 You know what? Fuck you! 1885 01:41:18,724 --> 01:41:20,813 I want a divorce. 1886 01:41:20,857 --> 01:41:23,816 IAN: A few weeks later, I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding. 1887 01:41:23,860 --> 01:41:26,471 But this time, it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing. 1888 01:41:29,387 --> 01:41:31,650 And Rex did make my life hell for a while. 1889 01:41:32,956 --> 01:41:34,958 But that Thanksgiving, 1890 01:41:35,001 --> 01:41:37,961 we finally found out what's been up his ass all these years. 1891 01:41:38,004 --> 01:41:41,356 I'm gay! And, so, that's it. 1892 01:41:44,663 --> 01:41:47,449 IAN: By Christmas, my dad got used to the idea. 1893 01:41:47,492 --> 01:41:50,495 And Rex is actually a pretty great guy these days. 1894 01:41:50,539 --> 01:41:53,150 Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot during rough sex. 1895 01:41:53,194 --> 01:41:55,239 Karen and I want you to have this, for Christmas. 1896 01:41:55,283 --> 01:41:56,327 Merry Christmas. 1897 01:41:56,371 --> 01:41:57,546 Thanks. 1898 01:41:59,852 --> 01:42:01,332 A juicer. 1899 01:42:01,376 --> 01:42:04,553 Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome. 1900 01:42:04,596 --> 01:42:06,903 Wow, I gotta get some fruit. 1901 01:42:06,946 --> 01:42:07,860 Wow! 1902 01:42:12,256 --> 01:42:14,476 Thank you, thank you. 1903 01:42:14,519 --> 01:42:17,609 IAN: And on New Year's Eve, Felicia and I finally visited Grandma. 1904 01:42:17,653 --> 01:42:18,958 Again? 1905 01:42:19,002 --> 01:42:19,829 Really? 1906 01:42:21,309 --> 01:42:22,397 IAN: Twice. 1907 01:42:29,534 --> 01:42:30,579 [LAUGHING] 1908 01:42:33,016 --> 01:42:34,539 REX: Oh, that was awesome! 1909 01:43:15,058 --> 01:43:17,147 Hey, boys. You get some rest? 1910 01:43:17,191 --> 01:43:19,193 Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus. 1911 01:43:19,236 --> 01:43:20,803 A pleasure.Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus. 1912 01:43:20,846 --> 01:43:22,152 Appreciate it. 1913 01:43:22,196 --> 01:43:23,153 Thanks for playing that show for us, too. 1914 01:43:23,197 --> 01:43:25,068 Yeah, no worries. 1915 01:43:25,111 --> 01:43:26,765 It was a nice five-song set. 1916 01:43:26,809 --> 01:43:29,290 Yeah, what do you guys typically... 1917 01:43:29,333 --> 01:43:31,770 I assume you get compensated very well for that. 1918 01:43:31,814 --> 01:43:33,424 Must be a good living. 1919 01:43:33,468 --> 01:43:35,165 Yeah, we do. I mean... 1920 01:43:35,209 --> 01:43:38,168 Yeah, you know, I... Gosh, if I was really to calculate 1921 01:43:38,212 --> 01:43:40,997 what you'd lose if this bus couldn't have gotten back on the road, 1922 01:43:41,040 --> 01:43:42,955 if you couldn't have gotten to your shows, 1923 01:43:42,999 --> 01:43:47,351 I imagine all those weeping teenage girls outside, "I need to dance." 1924 01:43:47,395 --> 01:43:48,874 Could we send you some pictures? 1925 01:43:48,918 --> 01:43:49,962 We don't really have cash or anything. 1926 01:43:50,006 --> 01:43:51,442 Some autographed photos? 1927 01:43:51,486 --> 01:43:53,227 Or we could give you CDs. 1928 01:43:53,270 --> 01:43:55,533 Yeah, we've got a lot of use for that around here. 1929 01:43:55,577 --> 01:43:57,840 There is a lot of work that needs to be done around here. 1930 01:43:57,883 --> 01:43:59,842 You guys are some strapping young lads. 1931 01:43:59,885 --> 01:44:01,583 I don't know if we're really built for that. 1932 01:44:03,541 --> 01:44:04,847 Yeah. 1933 01:44:04,890 --> 01:44:06,327 I can hear you. 1934 01:44:06,370 --> 01:44:08,633 I'm just saying, you guys put in a 20-minute show, 1935 01:44:08,677 --> 01:44:10,200 we spent all night on the bus...Yeah. 1936 01:44:10,244 --> 01:44:11,593 I mean, that was a lot of work. 1937 01:44:11,636 --> 01:44:14,204 We could maybe try to write a check later on, 1938 01:44:14,248 --> 01:44:16,206 or like I said, we could send you guys some CDs. 1939 01:44:16,250 --> 01:44:18,861 City folk are always trying to solve things with money. 1940 01:44:18,904 --> 01:44:20,645 It's the spirit of the community around here. 1941 01:44:20,689 --> 01:44:23,300 Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy. 1942 01:44:23,344 --> 01:44:26,129 Keep him safe on the road. 1943 01:44:26,172 --> 01:44:29,306 Help him to aspire to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi. 1944 01:44:29,350 --> 01:44:30,655 Help him to...Thanks. 1945 01:44:30,699 --> 01:44:32,831 Okay, thanks, man.Thanks, man. We gotta roll. 1946 01:44:32,875 --> 01:44:34,833 Amen.We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much. 1947 01:44:34,877 --> 01:44:36,400 All right, boys. It was a pleasure meeting you. 1948 01:44:36,444 --> 01:44:39,316 I loved your penis on the Internet, by the way. 1949 01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,317 Fucking asshole! 1950 01:44:40,361 --> 01:44:41,623 You're a dick! 1951 01:44:41,666 --> 01:44:43,320 [I DON'T CARE PLAYING] 1952 01:44:57,943 --> 01:45:01,817 ♪ Say my name and his in the same breath 1953 01:45:01,860 --> 01:45:05,255 ♪ I dare you to say they taste the same 1954 01:45:05,299 --> 01:45:08,998 ♪ Let the leaves fall off in the summer 1955 01:45:09,041 --> 01:45:12,349 ♪ And let December glow feel flames 1956 01:45:12,393 --> 01:45:15,744 ♪ Brace myself and let go 1957 01:45:15,787 --> 01:45:19,356 ♪ Start it over again in Mexico 1958 01:45:19,400 --> 01:45:23,404 ♪ These friends, they don't love you 1959 01:45:23,447 --> 01:45:26,842 ♪ They just love the hotel suites, now 1960 01:45:26,885 --> 01:45:29,758 ♪ I don't care what you think 1961 01:45:29,801 --> 01:45:33,979 ♪ As long as it's about me 1962 01:45:34,023 --> 01:45:36,852 ♪ The best of us can find happiness 1963 01:45:36,895 --> 01:45:40,725 ♪ In misery 1964 01:45:40,769 --> 01:45:44,120 ♪ Said, I don't care what you think 1965 01:45:44,163 --> 01:45:48,385 ♪ As long as it's about me 1966 01:45:48,429 --> 01:45:51,388 ♪ The best of us can find happiness 1967 01:45:51,432 --> 01:45:52,650 ♪ In misery 1968 01:45:59,614 --> 01:46:03,052 ♪ Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance 1969 01:46:03,095 --> 01:46:06,055 ♪ I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants 1970 01:46:06,098 --> 01:46:08,362 ♪ Pull a breath like another cigarette 1971 01:46:08,405 --> 01:46:10,494 ♪ Palms up, I'm trading 'em 1972 01:46:11,495 --> 01:46:13,584 ♪ Trading 'em 1973 01:46:13,628 --> 01:46:17,458 ♪ I'm the oracle in my chest 1974 01:46:17,501 --> 01:46:20,069 ♪ Let the guitar scream like a fascist 1975 01:46:20,112 --> 01:46:21,636 ♪ Sweat it out, shut your mouth 1976 01:46:21,679 --> 01:46:23,899 ♪ Free love on the streets 1977 01:46:23,942 --> 01:46:27,859 ♪ But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now 1978 01:46:27,903 --> 01:46:30,688 ♪ I don't care what you think 1979 01:46:30,732 --> 01:46:35,127 ♪ As long as it's about me 1980 01:46:35,171 --> 01:46:37,826 ♪ The best of us can find happiness 1981 01:46:37,869 --> 01:46:41,699 ♪ In misery 1982 01:46:41,743 --> 01:46:45,181 ♪ Said, I don't care what you think 1983 01:46:45,224 --> 01:46:49,446 ♪ As long as it's about me 1984 01:46:49,490 --> 01:46:52,231 ♪ The best of us can find happiness 1985 01:46:52,275 --> 01:46:53,711 ♪ In misery 1986 01:47:06,811 --> 01:47:10,336 ♪ Said I don't care just what you think 1987 01:47:10,380 --> 01:47:13,992 ♪ As long as it's about me 1988 01:47:14,036 --> 01:47:17,126 ♪ Said I don't care just what you think 1989 01:47:17,169 --> 01:47:21,217 ♪ As long as it's about me 1990 01:47:21,260 --> 01:47:24,742 ♪ Said I don't care, I don't care 1991 01:47:24,786 --> 01:47:28,267 ♪ Said I don't care, I don't care 1992 01:47:28,311 --> 01:47:33,751 ♪ Said I don't care, I don't care 1993 01:47:34,622 --> 01:47:35,927 ♪ No, I don't 1994 01:47:35,971 --> 01:47:39,235 ♪ I don't care, I don't care 1995 01:47:39,278 --> 01:47:43,065 ♪ I don't care 1996 01:47:43,108 --> 01:47:46,024 ♪ I don't care what you think 1997 01:47:46,068 --> 01:47:50,376 ♪ As long as it's about me 1998 01:47:50,420 --> 01:47:53,162 ♪ The best of us can find happiness 1999 01:47:53,205 --> 01:47:56,948 ♪ In misery 2000 01:47:56,992 --> 01:48:00,212 ♪ Said I don't care what you think 2001 01:48:00,256 --> 01:48:04,434 ♪ As long as it's about me 2002 01:48:04,478 --> 01:48:07,742 ♪ The best of us can find happiness 2003 01:48:07,785 --> 01:48:13,399 ♪ In misery 2004 01:49:05,669 --> 01:49:06,844 BRANDY'S DAD: This is a serious matter. 2005 01:49:07,715 --> 01:49:09,107 Run for your life. 2006 01:49:09,151 --> 01:49:10,369 MAN 1: Oh, shit! You know what? 2007 01:49:10,413 --> 01:49:11,370 We see the fake balls on the table there. 2008 01:49:11,414 --> 01:49:13,068 [CREW EXCLAIMING] 2009 01:49:13,111 --> 01:49:14,373 MAN 2: All right. We'll shoot another. Cut. 2010 01:49:14,417 --> 01:49:15,505 MAN 3: Cut. 139743

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