All language subtitles for Mum 103 May

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,277 JASON: God, it is mad! 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,319 - I can't imagine it. - It wasn't that bad. You just opened it up... 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,279 What, you had to lift that up every time you wanted to play a song? 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,238 - Yeah. - (Jason laughs) 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,710 - It's amazing to think that was normal. - Yeah. 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,350 Then you'd put your LP on and if you were anything like your dad, 7 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,353 he had to make sure there wasn't any dust on his record 8 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,079 because it affected the stylus. 9 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:25,719 (Jason and Kelly laugh) 10 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,951 You needed a degree just to put a song on! 11 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,953 How did they find the time to lift the lid, do the dusting? 12 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,554 I know! 13 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,597 Was it anything to do with all the paedos? 14 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,833 What does that mean, love? 15 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,230 It occurred to me there might be a link between how hard it was 16 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,074 to put a song on in the '70s and the fact everyone was a paedo. 17 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,673 I don't think there's a link. 18 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,353 OK, then. 19 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,433 Also, not everyone who was alive in the '70s was a paedophile. 20 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,159 We'll see. 21 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,276 - Another question about your record player... - Shall we move on? 22 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,511 We could take these to Australia, Kell. 23 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:02,071 Oh, amazing! 24 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,152 God! I can't wait! 25 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,197 That's a great idea. Yeah. 26 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,157 - Was that convincing? - Almost. 27 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:14,710 Right, so your mum's gonna come and take that little fridge, isn't she? 28 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,792 D'you think she's gonna want anything else? 29 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,837 Oh, I'm sure, yeah. 30 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,594 I mean, who wouldn't want some of your clear out? 31 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,837 It looks like you've got some really great stuff here, Cathy. 32 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,400 (Cathy laughs) 33 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,315 Well, people can just take what they want. We'll chuck the rest or take it to Scope. 34 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:32,800 I bet they'll be pleased. 35 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,031 With the money they've raised from this lot, 36 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:39,433 they'll be able to give loads of people loads more "scope" or whatever it is they do. 37 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,434 I'm taking the mickey! 38 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,840 No. 39 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,760 - I'm taking the mickey out of your clear-out! - No. 40 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,399 Yeah! I'm so sorry! 41 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,994 But you seemed so serious. 42 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,799 I know, it was all fake! 43 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:54,836 No. 44 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,435 Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so mean. 45 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,877 - We have such a lot of fun, don't we? - Yeah. It's orgasmic. 46 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,519 (Jason laughs) 47 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,034 Cathy! 48 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,713 (Giggles) 49 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,911 Mum. Look what I found. 50 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,520 Oh. 51 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,719 Oh, wow! 52 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,760 Aw. 53 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,036 Well, I really liked Teddy Sheringham, didn't I? 54 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,000 - Did you think it was weird? - Little bit. 55 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,037 (Laughs) Mum! 56 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,879 What was really worrying was that T-shirt you made. 57 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,474 Oh, no! 58 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,517 What, this one? 59 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,512 KELLY: It's raining! - Oh, shit. 60 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,197 KELLY: Get the fridge! 61 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,316 - Cathy! - Calm down, love. 62 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,676 ♪ I got my ticket for the long way round 63 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,035 ♪ Boom-boom, boom-boom 64 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,555 ♪ Two bottle 'a whisky for the way 65 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,551 ♪ And I sure would like some sweet company 66 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,360 ♪ Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? 67 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,159 ♪ When I'm gone ♪ When I'm gone 68 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,517 ♪ When I'm gone ♪ When I'm gone 69 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,037 ♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone... 70 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,474 Everything's gonna get wet! 71 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,074 ♪ You're gonna miss me by my hair 72 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,117 ♪ You're gonna miss me everywhere 73 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,080 ♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 74 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,197 CATHY: That's it. In you go. 75 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,717 ♪ I got my ticket for the long way round ♪ Boom-boom, boom-boom 76 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,277 ♪ The one with the prettiest view 77 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,872 ♪ It's got mountains, it's got rivers 78 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,952 ♪ It's got woods that'll give you shivers 79 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,919 ♪ But it sure would be prettier with you 80 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,477 ♪ When I'm gone ♪ When I'm gone 81 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,120 ♪ When I'm gone ♪ When I'm gone 82 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,320 ♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 83 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,279 (Birdsong) 84 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,720 (Clattering) 85 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,919 Carol? 86 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,560 Oh, hello, I'm Cathy. Nice to meet you at last. 87 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,199 Hello. Yeah. 88 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,158 Cathy, yeah. (Laughs) 89 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,200 Yeah, take anything you want. I want to get it all cleared out today so... 90 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,000 - I'll definitely take a lot of this, yeah. - Oh, good. 91 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,391 I'm taking the piss, you silly bitch. It's a load of old crap! 92 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,994 (Carol laughs) 93 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,673 - Hi, Mum! - Hi, Carol. 94 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,194 D'you hear that Kell? 95 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,479 She was, like, "I'm having a clear out, take what you want." "As if, you silly bitch!" 96 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,950 (Laughs) Like I'd want any of that crap! 97 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,158 My Mum's so funny, isn't she? 98 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,515 Yeah. 99 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,240 Let me take that for you. 100 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,959 Where you gonna take it? 101 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,997 (Awkward laughter) 102 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,474 Yeah, I'll erm... probably just put it on the erm... 103 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,914 Who's that? 104 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,229 My dad. 105 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,239 Fit. 106 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,394 Good. 107 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:46,157 I've put the fridge out front but feel free to look in the garage and take whatever you want. 108 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,197 I want to get rid of as much as I can. 109 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:51,830 No, I was sorry to hear about your husband, Cathy, erm... 110 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,877 - Dave. - Yeah. That's right. 111 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,357 - Very sad. - Thank you. Yeah. 112 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,956 It's not been easy, the past couple of years. 113 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,235 Seen that, Kell? 114 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,800 Oh, yeah. 115 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,633 What d'you keep in there? 116 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,637 - Tea. - (Carol guffaws) 117 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,120 - You heard about Kelly's new job, Kathy? - No. 118 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,317 She's been headhunted by MI5. 119 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,914 Mum! 120 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,559 I'm joking. 121 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,597 She's been poached by NASA. 122 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,239 (Kelly laughs) Mum! 123 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,754 No, I'm joking. I'm sorry, Kell. 124 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,797 She has got a new job, Cathy. 125 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,711 She's writing the questions on Mastermind. 126 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:36,429 She didn't want to make a thing of it, as it's not been confirmed yet, but... 127 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,672 she's 90 per cent certain that she's got the job in Sainsbury's. 128 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,797 Well done, love! That's great. 129 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,873 My daughter, working in Sainsbury's. I feel like dancing! 130 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,917 (Giggles awkwardly) 131 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,834 Oh, I see what you've done. You knocked it through. 132 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,794 Basically, if she says something horrible to me, 133 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:01,796 or, like, if she says something to me that's true and I wish it wasn't and it makes me want to cry, 134 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,473 what I do is, I just laugh. 135 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,720 Great. 136 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,592 Well, this is gonna be fun. 137 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,156 - What's that? - Kelly's mum's here. 138 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,553 Oh, God. How is she? 139 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,758 I'm not sure but I think she might be the worst person I've ever met. 140 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,919 - Worcester Sauce. - I'll pass. 141 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,957 Jason nicks all the good flavours. 142 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,997 So...how's it going? 143 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,753 Yeah. Good, good. Yeah. 144 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,553 Oh, wow. That's massive. 145 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,437 - Shall I do it in one? - Give it a try. 146 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,512 (Crunches) 147 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,794 Yeah. Congratulations. That was very pleasant to watch. 148 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,280 Thank you. 149 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,714 (Cathy chuckles) 150 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,237 No, no. It's all coming along. Yeah, yeah. Everything's under control. 151 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,073 All pretty simple. 152 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:56,200 Basically you put the brackets to the telly and fix the telly to the wall. 153 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,237 You know. 154 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,357 I won't bore you with all the details. 155 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,673 I'm actually supposed to be somewhere so I'm just gonna go and check I've got all the bits. 156 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,194 I'll just get on with it. 157 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,398 If I have to watch Jason and Kelly canoodling on the sofa one more time, 158 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,790 I think I might dig my eyes out with a spoon. 159 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,191 It almost makes me want them to go to Australia. They call each other "babe". 160 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,397 God. My Nikki calls her boyfriend "baby lips". 161 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,800 (Cathy laughs) 162 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,394 Sorry. 163 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,233 - "Baby lips"? - Baby lips. 164 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,913 Has he got lips like a baby? 165 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,789 He does, actually. 166 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,117 I can talk. When Dave and I were their age, we used to call each other "pet". 167 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,157 Yeah, I remember that. 168 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,917 - Can I stay up here? - No. Bugger off. 169 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,593 - Oh, come on. - No, go on. 170 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,718 Go bugger off and let me finish putting up this telly. 171 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,757 CATHY: Please. - Go. 172 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,594 (Sighs) 173 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,797 (Mobile phone rings) 174 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,357 (Doorbell rings) 175 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,795 Come in, come in. Oh, thanks. 176 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,394 It's big, isn't it? 177 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,437 The steam cleaner or Derek's penis? 178 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,476 - She's had a glass of wine. - (Chuckles) Right. 179 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,952 So, how was the golf? 180 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,997 It was good, wasn't it? 181 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,515 Yeah, no, it was something different, yeah. 182 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,638 I shouldn't laugh but Derek kept using the nine-iron. 183 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,677 The nine-iron. 184 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,433 Sorry, I don't know what that is. 185 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,558 - It's the stick thing. - The stick thing? It's called a club. 186 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,996 Yeah, I know it is. I know it is. I was joking. 187 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,834 He was in the bunker for ages. Everyone was watching. 188 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,718 I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. 189 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,315 - She did both. - Right. 190 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,357 So... So the golf was OK? 191 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,956 Yeah, no, it was good. I mean, it's more about the social side, isn't it? 192 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,997 - I met a millionaire. - Oh, OK. 193 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,878 - Yeah. - Was he nice? 194 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,952 Yeah, he was lovely. He let me carry his clubs. 195 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,394 Great. 196 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,519 Er...so, Carol? 197 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,276 D'you want to have a look in the garage, then? Help yourself to anything you want. 198 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,591 OK, thanks, Cathy. That's lovely. Yeah. 199 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,717 Amazing. Like I'd want any of her crap, Kell. D'you know what I mean? 200 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,269 - Yeah, I know! She's so full of bullshit. - I know! 201 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,878 I'm so, so sorry. I don't mean a word of it. 202 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,679 Don't worry. It's fine. 203 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,160 Thanks. 204 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,197 Yeah, such a rotten old slag! 205 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,191 JASON: Mum! Nan and Granddad are here! 206 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,274 You've got fat! 207 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,840 Thanks, Maureen. 208 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,516 - I barely recognised you. - I don't think I've put on any weight, actually. 209 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,559 Oh, you have. You're ginormous! 210 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,840 OK. 211 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,071 - All right, Nan? KELLY: You all right? 212 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,117 Everything hurts! 213 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,920 - OK. - I'm going blind in one eye! 214 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,036 Oh, no! 215 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,479 If I'd known when I met her she'd end up like this, honestly, I'd have run a mile. 216 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,631 - "Hello, Deepak"? - Are you kidding me? 217 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,235 - I don't know. - "Hello, Deepak"? Have you lost your mind? 218 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,518 - I don't know! - Have you no idea how to text a millionaire? 219 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:16,038 Of course I know how to text a millionaire. You've just got to be humble and use big words. 220 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,840 Oh, Derek. You're such a brute. 221 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,117 DEREK: Hello, Reg. You all right? 222 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,397 Why are you dressed like a poof? 223 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,949 Reg! They've been playing golf. 224 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,077 REG: Golf? - Yeah. 225 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,037 Why are they dressed like poofs? 226 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,351 - Maureen! - They've been playing golf. 227 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,873 - Olf? - Golf! 228 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,553 What's "olf"? 229 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,597 (Savagely) Golf! 230 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,790 His outfit cost him £575. 231 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,234 (Laughter) 232 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,960 Well, it's breathable polyester, so... 233 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,590 That's the kind of price you have to pay if you want breathable polyester. 234 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,796 (Sniggering) 235 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,918 I know I shouldn't laugh, but Derek kept trying to use a nine-iron. 236 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,591 He was in the bunker using a nine-iron. 237 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,035 - He was stood in the bunker... - I wouldn't bother. 238 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,520 Yes. 239 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:14,277 We've put the rugs in the boot, Maureen. Help yourself to anything else you want, OK? 240 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,317 Can we have her telly? 241 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,756 Nan, this is Carol, Kelly's mum. 242 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,398 MAUREEN: Who? - Kelly's mum! 243 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,199 Nice to meet you! 244 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,753 Who's Kelly? 245 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,797 How's it going up there? 246 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,917 Er...yeah. Er... 247 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,232 I just need one more bit, I think, and I can hang it up properly. 248 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,314 So, Pauline is trying to get Derek into golf 249 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:44,030 and his golf uniform...outfit thing cost... 250 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,077 Get ready for this. 251 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,436 ..£575. 252 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,917 - No? - (Chuckles) Yeah. 253 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,957 That's almost as much as my car! 254 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,160 How much did your outfit cost? 255 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,920 - 20 quid? - Does that include the shoes? 256 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,677 Yeah, charity shop. 257 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,672 You'd never know. 258 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,433 (Both chuckle) 259 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,194 Look. Have a look what I found. 260 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,834 Bognor. 261 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,637 Oh. (Chuckles) 262 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,437 - D'you remember taking it? - Yeah. 263 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,596 I was trying to think why Dave wasn't there. 264 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,033 He'd missed the train, hadn't he? 265 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,316 So we made the journey, just the two of us. 266 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,040 Drinking the beer your dad used to make. 267 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,792 And then we got there, got bored waiting for him... 268 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,160 ..and we went for a little walk together on the beach. 269 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,876 God, I'd forgotten all about that. 270 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,519 Pair of bloody idiots! 271 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,557 - Speak for yourself. - (Chuckles) 272 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,911 And he's going for tennis lessons on Sundays. 273 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,435 - What's that? - Tennis lessons. 274 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,637 - Bit of luck. - (Sighs) 275 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,632 Mondays and Fridays is yoga. 276 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,120 Yoga. 277 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,079 - Why's she telling us this? - I don't know! 278 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,358 Tuesdays we'll go to the theatre. He's never seen a play. 279 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:08,635 I saw Blood Brothers. 280 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,999 Yes, I know you did. 281 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,040 (Message alert) 282 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,199 You expecting something? 283 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,670 Yes. We're expecting a text from a millionaire. 284 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,717 (Message alert) 285 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:23,790 Well? 286 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:28,193 All together that's 12 texts from my mum and not one of them makes any sense. 287 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,237 Oh, wow. 288 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,552 - I gave her my old phone. - How's that going? 289 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,996 - Biggest mistake of my life. - (Chuckles) 290 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,673 (Message alert) 291 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:42,516 Oh, I got an email from Emiliana who wants to hook me up with some sexy sluts from my area. 292 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,159 - That's nice of her. - Yeah. 293 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,197 - Good of her to think of me. - Yeah. 294 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,193 I got an email the other day offering to make my penis bigger. 295 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,478 Oh, great! Yeah, it's about time you did something about that. 296 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,359 (Laughs) That's very good. 297 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,353 How's Kelly's mum? 298 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,675 CAROL: She's, like, "Oh, my God, Mum, I've got a job in Sainsbury's!" 299 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,719 KELLY: I'm such a dumbo! I'm such a knob! 300 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,360 CAROL: Where you going, Kell? KELLY: No, I'm just laughing. It's funny. 301 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,875 I'm going inside to have a good laugh about it. 302 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,954 CAROL: Seriously, though, Derek. My daughter. She's working in Sainsbury's. 303 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,997 I feel like dancing. 304 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,037 See what I mean? 305 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,316 - (Mobile phone rings) - Is that your friend? 306 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,278 Yeah. 307 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,831 You better get going. You don't want to keep them waiting. 308 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,038 All right, Michael? I met a millionaire. 309 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,077 Oh, good. 310 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,714 - How's it going, love? - Oh, yeah, it's all good. 311 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,393 All good. 312 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,872 I just thought I'd come inside and try and clear up a load of old bits and pieces. 313 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,917 OK. Thanks. 314 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,640 Oh. 315 00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,520 Sorry. 316 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,557 Don't worry. 317 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,680 Sorry. 318 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,831 - I wasn't really paying attention when I put it in. - That's OK. 319 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,991 - Lovely set of clubs, wasn't it? - Oh, yeah, top of the range. 320 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,037 Did he let you have a look at them? 321 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,634 Look at them? I was carrying them. 322 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,677 - No! - Yeah, yeah. 323 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,479 He was very gracious, wasn't he? 324 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,519 He was much more polite than he needed to be to someone like Derek. 325 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,670 That's nice. 326 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,672 Have you played this? 327 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,114 (Under her breath) God. 328 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,671 Derek just sent our millionaire friend a text. Didn't you? 329 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,400 Yeah. It's...sort of borderline racist. 330 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,073 - But in a funny way. - Oh, yeah. 331 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,276 That's good. 332 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,519 - Where are we gonna put that? - Next to the armchair. 333 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,834 (Sighs) 334 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,713 Oh, come on. 335 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,190 It'll be nice for me to have something to sit on. 336 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,839 (Sighs) 337 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,877 It's like... 338 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,230 I know it's only Sainsbury's and it's gonna be hard. 339 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,597 Some mornings I'm gonna have to get up at half-past eight! 340 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,957 I'm getting all excited about it. 341 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:17,638 About, like, working my way up to being a Sainsbury's manager and maybe one day- 342 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,677 I don't want to get ahead of myself- 343 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,797 but, like, maybe becoming the owner? 344 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,479 - That's not too much to ask, is it? - No. Of course not. 345 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:32,032 But Jason's, like, he wants me to go Australia. 346 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,717 And my mum just makes everything... 347 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,114 I dunno. 348 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,559 I just think it's hard for me cos my mum's so hilarious. 349 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:43,960 Yeah. 350 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,832 Whereas Jason's fine, isn't he? Cos you never say anything funny. 351 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,959 (Plastic bag rustles) 352 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,197 (Heavy bass music plays outside) 353 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,597 (Music pounds on car stereo) 354 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,513 Fucking prick. 355 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,477 (Mobile rings) 356 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,517 It's Deepak. Shit! 357 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,795 Shit! 358 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,792 - Shit, shit, shit! - Answer it. 359 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,360 What do I say? 360 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:46,071 Just answer it. For God's sake, Derek, don't keep him waiting. He's a millionaire. 361 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,117 Hello, Deepak, mate! 362 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,309 Derek. 363 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,314 Derek. 364 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,556 We met today at golf. Derek Evans. 365 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,911 The fella with the nine-iron. 366 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,593 Yeah. 367 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,637 Well, I... 368 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,189 You had your cards in one of the pockets of your bag, 369 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,715 so I sort of took one so we could stay in touch. 370 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,314 Oh. 371 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,392 Yeah. No problem. 372 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,156 Tell him who my husband is. Tell him about the divorce settlement! 373 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,197 It wasn't actually racist, Deepak. 374 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,237 (Chuckles nervously) 375 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,277 Come on. It was playful! 376 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,713 It's only a turban. 377 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:36,079 No...yeah, I do understand. 378 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,474 I can sort of see, now you put it like that, how offensive it would be, yeah. 379 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,876 OK. Bye, Deepak. 380 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,917 Sorry again, mate. 381 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,275 Bye. 382 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,191 Well, it was nice of him to call. 383 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,636 - What's this? - Michael's going on a date. 384 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,313 (Jason laughs) 385 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,357 - Poor cow! - Jason! 386 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,912 What does she do? What does she look like? Tell me all about her. 387 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,117 Well...her name's Lisa. 388 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:20,433 She's sort of petite, brunette and she's an administrator for the council. 389 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,477 JASON: How many dates you been on? 390 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:27,831 Well, one last week and...one last night. 391 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,559 And? 392 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,000 She wanted to go clubbing. 393 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,037 - No? - It was her idea. 394 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,953 - I bet you looked ridiculous! (Laughs) - Jason! 395 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,032 Didn't get in till three in the morning. 396 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,998 Michael Callum Roberts! 397 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,753 No wonder you look tired! 398 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,513 I'm absolutely bloody knackered. 399 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,920 (Laughter) 400 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,277 JASON: How old is she? 401 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,510 45. 402 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,160 - (Cathy and Jason gasp) - You dirty old sod! 403 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,993 Got a 13-year-old son. 404 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,914 Well, that's gonna be fun, bringing up a teenager. 405 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,592 You're such a funny old man. 406 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,558 Well, thank you, Jason. 407 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,597 Why didn't you tell me about her? 408 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,319 Well, it's embarrassing, isn't it? 409 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,995 No, why? I don't care who you go on dates with. 410 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,237 Well, no, I know you don't. 411 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,634 Sorry. 412 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,517 Laughing at you, it's a bit mean. 413 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,397 She sounds really lovely. 414 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,437 She is. She's really sweet, she is. 415 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,834 You'd better get going. I'll make you even later! 416 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,794 We're gonna get on with the garage. I want to get it done before Jason and Kelly go. 417 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,396 I think I'm gonna be doing the shed on my own, which I was a bit sad about at first 418 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:44,360 but then I realised I could charge up Dave's radio and listen to 5 Live. 419 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,392 I mean, that's sad, isn't it? 420 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,713 Me on my own in my shed listening to 5 Live while you're on a date. 421 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,951 I mean, what's become of me? (Chuckles) 422 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,833 - Well, it is a bit worrying. - (Chuckles) 423 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,517 Well, you better get going. See Lisa and leave me to my shed. 424 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,517 I've taken the fridge, Cathy. 425 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,035 Are you gonna introduce me to your fancy man? 426 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,078 - (Mobile phone rings) - That's Michael, an old friend of ours. 427 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,038 He was best man at our wedding. 428 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,679 Don't be shy, Cathy. 429 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,638 It must be nice to get a bit at your age. 430 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,279 Hello. 431 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,033 Nice to meet you. 432 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,077 And you. I'm just gonna... 433 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,117 (Phone continues ringing) 434 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:27,630 Phwoar. 435 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,669 Hi, Lisa. 436 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,909 Hm. 437 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,151 Sorry. Something's come up with my mum. 438 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,959 You work in a school, Cathy? 439 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,111 Yeah, I'm one of the support staff. 440 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,669 - Oh, so is that like a teacher but... - Yeah. 441 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:44,830 ..worse? 442 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,320 - (Laughs) - Erm... 443 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,357 Not like worse but unqualified. 444 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,794 (Giggles) 445 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,314 H&M. 446 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,959 Nice. 447 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,192 No, I help the teachers and look after the kids 448 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,159 who have different needs or need a bit more attention. 449 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,837 No wonder you get on so well with Kelly. 450 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,274 (Laughs) 451 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:06,319 You must be retiring soon. How old are you now? 452 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,073 Oh, no, I'm only 59. 453 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,594 Ah. 454 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,717 Sounds so much younger than 60, don't it? 455 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,757 (Chuckles politely) 456 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,431 When you phone a millionaire, you expect a bit of rough and tumble. 457 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,558 To be honest, when would Deepak ever speak to someone like Derek? 458 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,791 - Exactly. - Only if he was getting his car fixed. 459 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,633 - Yeah. - Or his drains unblocked. 460 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:26,870 Yeah. 461 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,032 Or at some traffic lights and they were trying to wash his windscreen. 462 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:32,077 Come on. I did that once. 463 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,474 (Wagon hatch slams) 464 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,114 - Is that all right? - Yeah. 465 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,840 I like apples. I'm like my mum. She liked apples. 466 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,389 It's great. I love it. I'm the same with cider. 467 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,437 Get that down me, no one's safe! 468 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,477 (Kelly laughs) 469 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,917 I was gonna say, Carol, erm... 470 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:57,754 It's gonna be difficult, isn't it, if Jason and Kelly move to Australia? 471 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,354 Pardon? 472 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,112 No, I mean, you know, 473 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,955 I know we can't stop them but if both our kids are gonna move to Australia, 474 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,919 maybe it's something we should get together about. 475 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,354 What d'you mean? 476 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,357 Oh, sorry, I thought you knew. 477 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,237 Jason's looking for a job there. 478 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,277 (Laughs) No, he's not! 479 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:19,680 (Laughs) 480 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,434 I think Kelly would've mentioned it to me, Cathy. 481 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,239 She's my daughter. No offence. 482 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,074 I think she would've talked to me about something as big as that 483 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,356 before she talked to you about it, you silly old cow! 484 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,033 (Carol laughs) 485 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,680 Maybe she's worried you're gonna laugh at her. 486 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,952 - What d'you mean? - You do laugh at her quite a lot, don't you? 487 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:40,952 She finds it funny. 488 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,713 OK. 489 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,115 Maybe she just hasn't got round to telling you yet. 490 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,431 It's what we do. I take the piss out of her. 491 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,113 It's funny. 492 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,157 - Yeah, OK. JASON: Mum? 493 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,479 Mum! 494 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,633 Is that Jason? 495 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,633 Oh, yes! Isn't he gorgeous? 496 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,837 Reg. Look at that. 497 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,679 Urgh! What an ugly baby! 498 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,114 (Laughter) 499 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,271 - Granddad! - What's that? 500 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:14,158 What was Jason like as a baby? 501 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,153 He was fucking ugly! 502 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:18,913 Stop swearing! 503 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,229 Why? 504 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,279 It's not becoming for a woman to be stood in the street swearing. 505 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,194 Oh, shut your face, you silly old man! 506 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,600 (Laughs) 507 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,319 That's me told. 508 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,357 Oh, no. He was lovely. 509 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,432 Apart from when he used to bite on my boobs. 510 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,591 - (Laughter) - Oh, Mum! 511 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,591 CATHY: Breast-fed until he was 18 months old. 512 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,433 - (Laughter) KELLY: Oh, my God! 513 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,477 No wonder he spends so long on mine! 514 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,836 (Laughs) That's enough! 515 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,757 Well, you should see Derek on me. 516 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,479 He's like a wolf on a carcass. 517 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,392 (Sniggering and laughter) 518 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,717 I like the feel of them on my face. 519 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,597 What was Kelly like as a baby? 520 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,433 Oh, my God, I tell you what... 521 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,637 I was a silly, ugly little thing, wasn't I? 522 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,677 I was a right idiot. 523 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,717 Dumbo baby! That's me. 524 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,032 - Yeah. I was probably the stupidest... - You not going? 525 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:12,077 No. No, no, she cancelled. 526 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,117 Oh, sorry. Sorry to hear that. 527 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,159 No, it's all right. It means I can help out in the shed. 528 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,677 Though I don't want to interrupt your exciting 5 Live moment. 529 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,717 Oh, don't worry about that. 530 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,031 KELLY: "..I want to work in Sainsbury's." 531 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:28,079 (Giggles nervously) Is that what it was like, Mum? 532 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,197 Go on. Tell everyone what a knob I was. 533 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,919 No, Kell. 534 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,639 You were... 535 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,157 You were the most beautiful silly little thing I'd ever seen. 536 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,197 (Laughs nervously) 537 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,838 I've changed now, though, ain't I? Ugly bitch! 538 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,276 Yeah! Look at the state of me now! 539 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:47,999 My arse is so big... 540 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,515 Come on, Kell. As if! 541 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,678 You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 542 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,632 Are you taking the mickey out of me? 543 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,677 No, of course I'm not. 544 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,353 You're my Kell. 545 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,471 Oh, my God, Mum, you're gonna make me cry! 546 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,517 Oh, Jesus, don't do that! 547 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,637 - I know! - Don't cry, for God's sake! 548 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,758 - You'll never stop! - I don't know what's wrong with me! 549 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,958 Let's all just calm down and have a cup of tea. 550 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,632 That's if we can work out which tin it's in. 551 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,552 (Carol laughs) 552 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,393 (Others force a laugh) 553 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,597 The label on her tin of tea! 554 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,195 - (Carol laughs) KELLY: That's such a Cathy thing to do. 555 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,192 Have you seen what she's wearing? 556 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,078 - I know! - Yeah. 557 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,879 She dresses like that all the time. 558 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,600 You should've seen what she was wearing on her birthday! 559 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,115 - All right, Kelly. That's enough. - (Laughs) 560 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,193 Oh, no! I don't mean it, you great big hullaballoo! 561 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,237 - Ow! - Sorry! 562 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,998 ♪ I got my ticket for the long way round 563 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,637 ♪ Two bottle 'a whisky for the way 564 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,111 ♪ And I sure would like some sweet company 565 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,911 ♪ And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? 566 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,594 ♪ When I'm gone 567 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,077 ♪ When I'm gone 568 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,517 ♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 569 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,393 ♪ You're gonna miss me by my hair 570 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,437 ♪ You're gonna miss me everywhere 571 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,876 ♪ Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone 42091

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.