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1
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:26,902
- Got a present for you.
- Who is it?
2
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:28,904
- Sammy.
- Sammy the Bull?
3
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,906
Sammy the Knife. I diced him up.
4
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,451
Did you clean him? Ah, man!
5
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,538
You're coming back for him
this weekend? All right. Good luck.
6
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:44,711
[♪♪♪]
7
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:07,734
Damn, Vince.
Cheap, leaky bags. Shit.
8
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,001
Shit.
9
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,088
You've looked better, Sammy.
10
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,545
- Hey, baby, how you doing?
- Hey.
11
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,425
- Can I ask an important question?
- Sure.
12
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:16,386
Where directly the fuck
have you been all week?
13
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:17,679
Working.
14
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:20,140
Looks like your ass is still working.
15
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:23,143
I'm doing a favour for Vince.
He got that thing this weekend.
16
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:25,645
Melvin, you're doing
this shit for free.
17
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,064
You have a mortgage to pay
and my car note.
18
00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:31,609
Did you see these notices?
Will you look at this shit?
19
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:37,365
Take care of your responsibilities
instead of doing favours for co-workers.
20
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:40,368
You're down at least 25 grand.
21
00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:43,204
- Twenty-five grand?
- Yeah, baby.
22
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:47,334
- How did that happen?
- That's considering the mortgage.
23
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,090
The note on my Jag.
24
00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:58,261
And all the other expenses.
25
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:02,265
[♪♪♪]
26
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,227
Ew.
27
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,439
Hm, he's kind of cute. Who is that?
28
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:12,359
That's Sammy the Knife,
one of Costanzo's crew.
29
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,362
That shit turns me off.
30
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:19,616
Vince is gonna be here on Saturday
to pick him up so I'm leaving him here.
31
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:22,452
- Are you going out this weekend?
- Maybe.
32
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:25,914
- Where's your fiancée?
- All right. Shit!
33
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:32,045
[FUN LOVIN' CRIMINALS'
"THE FUN LOVIN' CRIMINAL" PLAYS]
34
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,214
[GRUNTING]
35
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,397
You trying to clown me?
36
00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:34,524
CRUNCH:
I'm serious, dog. I've seen the light.
37
00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:38,611
Check out the six-pack!
Looking kind of diesel, kid.
38
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,364
I get my workout swerve
on six days a week.
39
00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:46,911
You telling me you never jerked
your dick in your life until last week?
40
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,414
That's bullshit, man.
41
00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:51,875
I never needed to.
42
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,794
I've been fucking since I was ten.
43
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,880
- I can relate to that.
- Woop, woop.
44
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,715
- Cisco!
- Cisco, yo.
45
00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:02,010
I can't wear green. Clashes with
my eyes. Look good on you, though.
46
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:04,471
Bust a move, man.
We're gonna be late.
47
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,514
CISCO:
Shit. Yo, Vinnie, you hear the news?
48
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:07,682
What's that?
49
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:11,853
This fool claim he don't bone females
since he discovered ringing his rag.
50
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:15,857
- Is that true?
- No doubt. It's lower maintenance.
51
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,569
[♪♪♪]
52
00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:21,863
VINCE:
Mel is like me. He loves to bump bag.
53
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:24,908
He's got two of the sweetest...
Mm. Woo!
54
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:29,746
If anybody needs to make a switch
to straight jacking, it's Mel.
55
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,957
Both of them chickenheads
is taking my man to the cleaners.
56
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,959
Especially Chantel.
57
00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,753
CISCO:
The way I see it,
58
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:40,423
with the loot I got saved
and the money I'll clock this weekend,
59
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:43,551
should be able to put the final
payment down on that Grande Pinoche.
60
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:47,263
Sail that baby around the world!
Can you imagine that?
61
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:51,434
Damn Caribbean. Mediterranean.
62
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,603
South Seas.
63
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,146
Sounds great.
64
00:05:57,441 --> 00:06:00,693
You need to get in on that weekend
job with me, Crunch and Gump.
65
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:04,322
- We could use a fourth.
- I got that thing this weekend.
66
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:08,159
Oh, well.
All right, gentlemen, synchronize.
67
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,745
[♪♪♪]
68
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,401
- You know the drill, baby.
- Word is bond.
69
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:28,031
As agreed. Three blondes under 20.
70
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:31,576
Midwestern. No tattoos.
71
00:07:31,744 --> 00:07:34,287
MAN 1: How much?
MAN 2: Fifty thousand apiece.
72
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,706
WOMAN: Fifty thousand?
MAN 2: Shut your hole.
73
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,921
[♪♪♪]
74
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,733
Fuck. All of them.
75
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:08,237
Get ready in five, four,
76
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,240
three, two, one.
77
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,292
Shit!
78
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,087
All right, all right.
79
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,923
In five, four,
80
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:28,800
three...
81
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,802
[SCREAMS]
82
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,766
Ah, go, go!
83
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:40,103
[♪♪♪]
84
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,954
- It's getting thick here. I need backup!
CISCO: We got incoming.
85
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,916
We'll hold them back for you, man!
86
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,794
They're backing off.
87
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,467
With the bonus from today's hit, and
the chips from this weekend's caper,
88
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,052
I should be able to take
about a year off.
89
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,054
This is a bonus hit?
90
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,974
Without a doubt. Twenty-five large
to whoever clip the big man.
91
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,852
- Nondairy creamer?
- Yeah.
92
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:07,315
- What happened?
- Get off!
93
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,251
MAN:
Go, go!
94
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,895
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
95
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,127
Are you ladies okay?
96
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,214
I'm really sorry about the mess.
97
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,551
- Time to get paid.
- Yes, sir.
98
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,970
[GRUNTING]
99
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,265
[WOMEN SCREAM]
100
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:25,601
- Take a piece of this!
- That's what we talking about!
101
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,353
Yeah, man!
102
00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:30,481
We fucked them up.
103
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,444
You're so fine.
104
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,115
I wanna pour milk on you and make
you part of my complete breakfast!
105
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,617
- Baby, you got a number for me?
-911.
106
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:45,288
Come on, fellas, we gotta go!
Quit wasting your time.
107
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,541
We better find Mel
before he gets my bonus.
108
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,002
- Damn lesbians.
CRUNCH: Come on.
109
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:58,050
Cisco, where the fuck you at?
I need backup!
110
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,219
CISCO:
We'll hold them back for you, baby.
111
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,641
[SCREAMING]
112
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,926
- I'm out of here!
- Protect me, I'll pay you double!
113
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,386
I can't spend it if I'm dead!
114
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,347
[GUNSHOT]
115
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,186
[BANG]
116
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:08,955
Bastard.
117
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,348
[GUN COCKS]
118
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:30,267
[♪♪♪]
119
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,245
Shit! Cisco, Vince, Crunch,
we gotta get out of here now!
120
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,956
[♪♪♪]
121
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,977
Good work, good work, good work.
122
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,480
Okay, Mel!
123
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:01,525
Looks like you owe me $25,000
in cash advances.
124
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,778
Your commission
should take care of that.
125
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:07,531
But the good news is,
here's your bonus.
126
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,366
Thank you, sir.
127
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:11,786
Oh.
128
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,663
- Mel got the bonus?
- What?
129
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:18,375
Yo, yo, yo. Vince,
that guy was still alive, huh?
130
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,044
Extremely alive.
131
00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:21,629
Shit!
132
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:27,301
- I'm the one who clipped him.
- I don't think so. He was dead.
133
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,971
Okay. Sure, whatever you say.
134
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,390
I'm wrong and you're right.
I'm lying.
135
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,602
I'm just trying to beat you
out of your hard-earned bonus, pal.
136
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,646
My kill, my bonus.
137
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:41,565
If you say you're the one
who clipped him,
138
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,651
who am I to say you didn't...
139
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,364
old friend?
140
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,993
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
141
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,750
[♪♪♪]
142
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:03,712
CISCO:
You're an honest man, Mel.
143
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,007
Don't think I don't appreciate
that shit, baby.
144
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:11,387
I'll tell you what. To show you
how much love I gots for you,
145
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:14,306
if anything were to...
146
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,977
you know, happen to me...
147
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:21,939
you could take my boat.
148
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:26,068
- How'd that be? Is that love or what?
- I guess.
149
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,404
CRUNCH:
You getting lonely, baby?
150
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:30,948
Ah, yes, Daddy loves both of you.
151
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:36,078
- That motherfucker. Shit!
- What?
152
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,539
Mel, you sure
you don't wanna get in
153
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,624
on this caper
we got planned for tomorrow?
154
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:44,879
That's like moonlighting.
Paris will kill us for that shit.
155
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,048
You're too honest
for your own good, baby.
156
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,722
[BUCK-O-NINE'S
"I'M THE MAN" PLAYS]
157
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,942
MAN:
Wrong house again, asshole!
158
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,485
MELVIN:
Sorry.
159
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:43,312
[PHONE RINGING]
160
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:51,987
Hello?
161
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,658
- Melvin Smiley, please.
- This is he.
162
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,826
Mr. Smiley, Big Top Video.
163
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:03,123
You've had our copy of
King Kong Lives for over two weeks.
164
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:07,461
Return it immediately
or we will have you killed!
165
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:08,837
Yeah.
166
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:11,674
Hon, how you doing?
167
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:16,595
- Fine. Seen my King Kong Lives tape?
- No, haven't seen it.
168
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,518
Mel, do you think my ass
is still perky?
169
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:26,689
- As a matter of fact...
- Go ahead, just give it a squeeze.
170
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,525
Let me know what you think.
171
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,819
- Is it still perky?
- Mm-hm.
172
00:18:31,987 --> 00:18:35,281
- Is it firm, yet pliable?
- Like a teenager.
173
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,702
- Is this turning you on?
- Uh-huh. Like a light switch.
174
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:43,205
- You know what I think we should do?
- What do you think we should do?
175
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,375
Invite Mom and Dad down
for the holiday weekend.
176
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,752
Actually, they're already coming down.
They're gonna be here tomorrow.
177
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,297
I figured we'd all
have dinner together.
178
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,383
I think this is gonna be
a great opportunity
179
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,802
for you and my parents to bond.
180
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:01,390
I also think that this will be the
right time to tell them we're engaged.
181
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:05,269
- You haven't told them yet?
- I've been waiting for the right time.
182
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:08,439
You've got to break things gently
to my parents.
183
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:12,484
What do you mean? It was a year
before you told them I wasn't Jewish.
184
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:17,072
Technically, they don't know
you're not Jewish.
185
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,868
Honey, it's gonna be fine.
186
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:24,246
I fixed things between us
just yesterday.
187
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,665
They are gonna love you,
188
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:30,169
just as soon as they get over
the whole goyim factor.
189
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,920
What makes you think
they're gonna love me?
190
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:36,633
Well, remember when I told you Dad's
business was in trouble with the I. R.S.?
191
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,510
Yeah, so?
192
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,264
He was unable to get a loan
because of Mom's gambling
193
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:45,142
and her plastic surgery
and everything, right?
194
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,644
Are you still having problems
with your stomach?
195
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:50,189
I told you about that spicy food.
196
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:55,986
Anyway, I took the $50,000 we had in
our savings account and lent it to Dad.
197
00:19:56,154 --> 00:20:01,408
With as much money as we make,
we'll be fine until they get on their feet.
198
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:04,203
[GROANING]
199
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,208
MAN:
I can't believe that this guy
200
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,960
will give you 25 grand more.
201
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:15,464
We've already got 50,000
out of this clown.
202
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,841
He thinks I'm paying my bills off.
203
00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:20,511
What? You're not paying your bills?
204
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,513
Hell no! Why should I?
205
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,224
Let his fucking fiancée pay them off.
206
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,436
Mel?
207
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,856
Honey?
208
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,025
- Are you awake?
- Yeah.
209
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:38,487
Melvin, I'm really starting
to dislike you.
210
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,156
I didn't find my money!
211
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,414
You all right, babe?
212
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,875
Yeah.
213
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,347
Hello? Cisco, what's up, man?
214
00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:06,557
CISCO:
Mel, what's up, kid?
215
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:12,146
That thing you got going
for tomorrow? Can I still get in?
216
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:18,902
[LATONYA'S "WHAT U ON" PLAYS]
217
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,195
CISCO:
Yo, Gump,
218
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,990
I don't want no fuckups
on this kidnapping.
219
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:28,078
Come on. I ain't like that no more!
You know I gots my shit...
220
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:30,080
Together.
You gots your shit together.
221
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:32,749
You non-word-remembering
motherfucker.
222
00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:36,170
Cisco, I don't know about
no kidnapping shit.
223
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:39,631
- A hundred large apiece.
- A hundred?
224
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,426
Word up. Here's the deal.
225
00:21:42,594 --> 00:21:46,221
There's this rich Japanese industrialist
named Jiro Nishi.
226
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:49,308
- Nishi Electric?
- The one and only, baby.
227
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,478
- Richest motherfucker on the seaboard.
- How do you know he's gonna pay?
228
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:59,485
You're starting to sound like a bitch.
"How do you know he's gonna pay?"
229
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:03,030
I gots this shit covered.
230
00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:06,366
That motherfucker Nishi's got millions
in cash laying around his crib.
231
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,827
This motherfucker's loaded!
232
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,455
It was a legitimate question.
233
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,751
[♪♪♪]
234
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:21,256
LAWYER: That's it, Mr. Nishi.
You are officially broke.
235
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:24,968
NISHl: Everything. How could this
have happened?
236
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:30,182
You knew the market was bearish.
It was risky making that movie.
237
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:35,145
All my life, I wanted to make
a big Hollywood movie!
238
00:22:35,313 --> 00:22:40,275
I understand. Taste The Golden Spray
was a big movie, a huge movie.
239
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:43,278
Actually, it was
the biggest movie ever made.
240
00:22:43,446 --> 00:22:46,949
Maybe you shouldn't have directed
and starred in it.
241
00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,868
I'm not the first person
to make big movie.
242
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:55,374
I know. But gold leaf posters
for everybody? That was excessive.
243
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:58,835
I need to pick up my daughter
at college.
244
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:00,837
And?
245
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:03,423
I can't afford to pay the driver.
246
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:07,636
LAWYER: For crying out loud!
How much is it gonna cost?
247
00:23:10,515 --> 00:23:12,641
It's a stretch limo.
248
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,643
Stretch this.
249
00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:18,438
Fuck ass no! Hell no.
250
00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:21,733
No advances. I've got my chips
wrapped up in the Grande Pinoche.
251
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,902
Ask Crunch. He's got spare loot.
252
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:27,698
He don't spend it on shit
except maybe some smut.
253
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:32,578
Can you hook me with 25 G's
until we do this?
254
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:36,582
You need it for that
sell-out bitch again, don't you?
255
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,001
- Who's a bitch?
- Get the fuck out of here.
256
00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:44,214
Get with the programme.
257
00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:48,010
Straight jacking saves you
that mad cream.
258
00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:50,637
Oh, well.
259
00:23:50,805 --> 00:23:53,348
Give me a call at the crib later.
I'll hook you up.
260
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:56,351
Good looking out, man.
261
00:23:57,228 --> 00:24:00,856
I don't know why I'm encouraging you.
Fuck both them bitches.
262
00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:03,025
If they're running you through
that much shit, dump both their asses.
263
00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:06,361
- Where the hell is that limo?
- I can't, man.
264
00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:08,905
- What do you mean, you can't?
- I just can't. Okay?
265
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,366
How the fuck come
you can't dump these two
266
00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:14,411
whack-ass, money-grubbing,
no-respect-giving bitches?
267
00:24:14,579 --> 00:24:16,204
- The truth?
- Yeah, I want the truth.
268
00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:18,582
CRUNCH:
You can't handle truth!
269
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,584
Shut the fuck up!
270
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:24,254
The truth is I can't stand the idea
of them not liking me anymore.
271
00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:27,758
The idea of those two women
not liking me is more than I can stand.
272
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:31,178
I can't stand the idea
of anybody not liking me. Okay?
273
00:24:31,346 --> 00:24:34,306
There, I said it.
The truth. That's the truth.
274
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,687
- Yo, Mel?
- What?
275
00:24:42,732 --> 00:24:47,402
The hundred or so people you
murdered in the past five years
276
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:51,448
more than likely have relatives
who don't think too highly of you.
277
00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:00,582
[PHONE RINGS]
278
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:02,417
- Hello?
CHANTEL: Hey, baby.
279
00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:07,089
- What's up, girl?
- You know why I called, don't you?
280
00:25:07,256 --> 00:25:09,925
I don't know. Why did you call me?
281
00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:14,429
Because, Melvin,
I'm getting sick of your ass!
282
00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:17,224
- Why do you always procrastinate?
- Stand up to her, Mel.
283
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:22,270
Melvin, why are you
always lying to me...?
284
00:25:22,438 --> 00:25:24,940
Car trouble?
285
00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:29,069
Put that damn phone to your ear!
286
00:25:29,237 --> 00:25:31,780
Mel, show her you're the man.
287
00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:35,033
What are you doing?
Playing with your friends?
288
00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:36,868
Ugh! You are pathetic.
289
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,245
Bye!
290
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:41,248
Yeah, of course,
you know I love you.
291
00:25:41,416 --> 00:25:43,959
All right. We'll hook up later.
Anything you want, sweetie.
292
00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:49,089
[MOLOTOV'S
"VOTO LATINO" PLAYS]
293
00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,510
Here you go.
294
00:25:54,846 --> 00:25:59,141
- This is the girl?
- No, it's your mammy.
295
00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:09,693
GIRL:
Maria's having a party tonight.
296
00:26:09,861 --> 00:26:11,653
- Bye, guys.
GIRLS: Bye.
297
00:26:12,697 --> 00:26:15,198
Are you gonna go?
I'll meet you there. See you tonight.
298
00:26:15,366 --> 00:26:17,284
Bye.
299
00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:18,785
Ha!
300
00:26:18,953 --> 00:26:21,371
Lance! You're so nasty.
301
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:26,376
A much deserved and hard-won
reputation. Am I still riding with you?
302
00:26:26,544 --> 00:26:30,672
- Don't push my hand away.
- Stop!
303
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:35,010
What's your problem?
You're an ice queen today.
304
00:26:36,012 --> 00:26:38,388
- Stop!
MELVIN: Good afternoon, Miss Nishi.
305
00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:41,224
Hi. Who are you? Where's Aaron?
306
00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:45,228
He couldn't make it today. He's sick.
Is this yours?
307
00:26:45,396 --> 00:26:46,730
Yeah.
308
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:57,157
See you.
309
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:03,246
[WHISTLES]
310
00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:08,126
Sir, I think it would better if you
could get a ride from somebody else.
311
00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:10,337
Bro, don't worry about me.
312
00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:13,089
Drive the car.
That's what you're paid to do.
313
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:15,383
And don't forget my suitcase.
314
00:27:18,095 --> 00:27:22,224
Careful with that case, bro!
There's fragile crystal in there.
315
00:27:22,391 --> 00:27:25,477
You break it,
you'll be back driving cabs.
316
00:27:25,645 --> 00:27:27,771
Sorry about that, sir.
317
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:36,530
[♪♪♪]
318
00:27:41,828 --> 00:27:43,411
LANCE: Bro?
- Yes, sir?
319
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:46,498
- A little privacy!
- Yes, sir. Sorry about that.
320
00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:48,083
LANCE:
Domestics.
321
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,422
KEIKO:
Lance!
322
00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:57,592
Lance, no. No. Come on.
323
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,178
Yeah, right! No means yes.
324
00:28:00,346 --> 00:28:02,764
- Come on, baby, you know you want it.
- Stop!
325
00:28:03,850 --> 00:28:05,267
Get off me!
326
00:28:06,269 --> 00:28:09,312
Fucky-sucky. Me love you long time!
327
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,314
Get off me!
328
00:28:11,482 --> 00:28:13,066
Stop it!
329
00:28:21,117 --> 00:28:23,451
LANCE:
What's up with that, bro?
330
00:28:24,453 --> 00:28:27,247
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
331
00:28:27,415 --> 00:28:28,415
Ah!
332
00:28:33,087 --> 00:28:37,424
He's gonna take his hand off your
mouth. Don't scream or he'll shoot you.
333
00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:39,968
I'll blow your, uh...
334
00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:41,720
motherfucking...
335
00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:44,264
I think she gets the point.
336
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,809
Professor.
337
00:28:49,729 --> 00:28:53,648
I'm really sorry about your boyfriend.
He was being kind of rude.
338
00:28:53,816 --> 00:28:55,692
Do you mind?
339
00:28:56,527 --> 00:28:58,904
This is a kidnapping, right?
340
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,323
- Right.
- So what's up with you guys?
341
00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:03,825
You supposed to be the Spice Boys?
342
00:29:11,334 --> 00:29:14,711
You need to chill
with that being-witty shit.
343
00:29:14,879 --> 00:29:17,005
Professor, put the cuffs on her.
344
00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:21,635
Skipper, Professor, take care
of that mess in the backseat.
345
00:29:21,802 --> 00:29:23,678
You must be the millionaire.
346
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:25,680
Pretty soon.
347
00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:34,689
- Read this.
- "Father... "
348
00:29:38,486 --> 00:29:40,654
"Father, I have been abduct.
I am fine. "
349
00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:42,364
CISCO:
Abducted.
350
00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:45,700
- It says "abduct. "
- Just say "abducted. "
351
00:29:47,578 --> 00:29:52,832
"I have been abducted. I am fine now,
but I may not be for loring.
352
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,211
If you do not pay the sun
of one million doolers... "
353
00:29:56,379 --> 00:30:01,049
- "Loring"? "Sun of one million doolers"?
- That's what it says.
354
00:30:01,217 --> 00:30:04,719
That's "long" and "the sum
of one million dollars. "
355
00:30:04,887 --> 00:30:06,805
- You know what it means.
- You told me to read this.
356
00:30:06,973 --> 00:30:09,224
- That's what I'm doing.
- Say what it means.
357
00:30:10,226 --> 00:30:13,520
Be careful with that one.
That's Lance's crystal. It's fragile.
358
00:30:13,688 --> 00:30:14,813
Ooh.
359
00:30:22,905 --> 00:30:26,700
"I may not be for long. If you do not
pay the sum of one million dollars,
360
00:30:26,867 --> 00:30:30,328
you will never see me alive again.
These men mean businesses. "
361
00:30:30,496 --> 00:30:32,163
Who wrote this?
362
00:30:33,374 --> 00:30:35,291
- Crunch!
CRUNCH: What?
363
00:30:36,961 --> 00:30:39,254
I think he's pissed about the note.
364
00:30:39,422 --> 00:30:41,047
It says "businesses. "
365
00:30:41,215 --> 00:30:44,551
You told me to read the note.
You never said to improv it.
366
00:30:44,719 --> 00:30:49,389
Improv! Are you Meryl-fucking-Streep?
Okay, improv the note.
367
00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:54,436
These sexually frustrated
degenerate losers mean business.
368
00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:57,605
Don't, don't improv.
Don't improv the note.
369
00:30:57,773 --> 00:31:00,650
Gump, give me a fucking pen!
370
00:31:12,246 --> 00:31:13,413
Read.
371
00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:16,791
"Dad, been kidnapped.
Send one million or I'm dead. "
372
00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:18,460
Perfect.
373
00:31:23,674 --> 00:31:26,801
Yo, Mel, my player,
here go the scenario.
374
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:30,555
Since Chantel is cool, take homegirl
and store her at your place.
375
00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,766
- Why my place?
- Because.
376
00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:35,101
- Because why?
- Because!
377
00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:38,188
Because that's the best plan right now.
Just do what I say.
378
00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:41,733
[♪♪♪]
379
00:31:50,618 --> 00:31:51,701
CISCO:
What about the limo?
380
00:31:51,869 --> 00:31:53,495
MELVIN:
You want me to drive that, too?
381
00:31:53,662 --> 00:31:56,081
I got the limo, the girl,
all kind of shit.
382
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,083
CRUNCH: What's your name, kid?
GUMP: Uh...
383
00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:01,628
CRUNCH: Shut up. Don't fuck this up.
I got to get home and jerk off.
384
00:32:01,796 --> 00:32:03,046
GUMP:
Can you...?
385
00:32:03,214 --> 00:32:04,672
CRUNCH:
Drive! Yes, I can fucking drive.
386
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,509
[ALARM HONKING]
387
00:32:08,511 --> 00:32:11,513
[♪♪♪]
388
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:12,931
[DOORBELL RINGS]
389
00:32:14,350 --> 00:32:16,893
- Hi, honey!
- Hiya, Mom!
390
00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:20,980
Look at you!
391
00:32:21,148 --> 00:32:23,525
Hiya, Dad. How are you?
392
00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:25,568
How was your train ride?
393
00:32:25,736 --> 00:32:29,239
The train ride was fine. It's the
cab ride over I could've lived without.
394
00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:32,492
This Turkish idiot who barely spoke
one word of English,
395
00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:35,036
he drops us off at that schmuck
next door's house.
396
00:32:35,204 --> 00:32:37,956
And the bastard, could you believe this,
he starts cursing at us!
397
00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:40,333
- I need a drink.
BOTH: No!
398
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:46,089
- Ma?
- Yeah?
399
00:32:46,257 --> 00:32:50,552
I'm not criticizing you
or anything like that, okay?
400
00:32:50,719 --> 00:32:52,887
It's just that I think
401
00:32:53,055 --> 00:32:56,266
maybe you should dress your age.
402
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,938
I mean, look at Dad. He's dressed
like a villain from "Miami Vice. "
403
00:33:02,106 --> 00:33:06,109
Dress my age? I'll have you know
Morton and I dress the way we feel.
404
00:33:06,277 --> 00:33:08,111
Look at your father.
405
00:33:08,279 --> 00:33:10,738
He's a regular sex machine.
406
00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:13,575
Yeah, a regular Brad Pitt.
407
00:33:13,742 --> 00:33:17,412
So where is our benefactor?
408
00:33:17,580 --> 00:33:19,247
[GORILLA GROWLING ON TV]
409
00:33:21,083 --> 00:33:22,584
Are you okay?
410
00:33:23,669 --> 00:33:25,837
All right. I'll be right back.
411
00:33:29,425 --> 00:33:33,511
I went to the bank today,
and do you know what I found?
412
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:36,431
Or should I say, do you know
what I didn't find?
413
00:33:36,599 --> 00:33:40,476
- I wasn't able to...
- I am really starting to dislike you.
414
00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:42,020
[STOMACH GURGLING]
415
00:33:42,813 --> 00:33:46,441
- I didn't find my money!
- It's at Crunch's.
416
00:33:46,609 --> 00:33:49,444
I'll call and get it tonight.
417
00:33:49,612 --> 00:33:51,154
Now!
418
00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:57,035
[SUGARHILL GANG'S
"APACHE" PLAYS]
419
00:33:57,203 --> 00:34:00,538
GUMP: Yo, money, you ready to...
CISCO: Do it. Yeah.
420
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:02,624
That's my word!
421
00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:05,668
CISCO:
Make sure we get this right.
422
00:34:05,836 --> 00:34:08,254
Crunch fucked me up
with that whack-ass note.
423
00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:11,174
All right.
My phone is plugged into here.
424
00:34:11,342 --> 00:34:14,886
This motherfucking Tracebuster
will keep that motherfucker from...
425
00:34:15,054 --> 00:34:17,680
- Trace?
- Tracing our shit. Know what I say?
426
00:34:17,848 --> 00:34:22,143
This Tracebuster keeps a buster
from tracing your call.
427
00:34:22,311 --> 00:34:25,605
- It can also...
- Trace?
428
00:34:25,773 --> 00:34:28,066
Trace the motherfucker
that's tracing your shit!
429
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:30,944
What if they got a Tracebuster, too?
430
00:34:31,111 --> 00:34:34,572
That's why I've got
this Tracebuster Buster.
431
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:37,325
When a motherfucker try to bust
your trace with a Tracebuster,
432
00:34:37,493 --> 00:34:43,206
this will bust the motherfucking
Tracebuster that's busting your, uh...
433
00:34:43,374 --> 00:34:46,334
- Trace!
- That's my word, player!
434
00:34:46,502 --> 00:34:51,256
- Use my cell phone.
- Patch that into here, all right?
435
00:34:51,423 --> 00:34:54,717
- Plug and play, motherfucker!
- Yo!
436
00:34:54,969 --> 00:34:58,721
[MAN SINGING CHANT]
437
00:35:15,572 --> 00:35:17,991
[PHONE RINGING]
438
00:35:29,086 --> 00:35:30,712
Hello.
439
00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:34,966
Mr. Nishi, you don't know me, but I
have something you may want to hear.
440
00:35:36,051 --> 00:35:38,553
KEIKO [ON TAPE]:
It says "businesses. " That's what it...
441
00:35:38,721 --> 00:35:40,805
Hold on. That's not it.
442
00:35:41,140 --> 00:35:43,057
[TAPE FAST-FORWARDING]
443
00:35:43,225 --> 00:35:46,269
These sexually frustrated...
444
00:35:46,437 --> 00:35:49,897
Hold on. Just, you know, relax.
445
00:35:52,401 --> 00:35:53,901
Listen to this.
446
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:56,654
CISCO [ON TAPE]:
Tooth polish, haemorrhoid cream...
447
00:35:56,947 --> 00:35:59,657
[YELLS IN JAPANESE]
448
00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:02,076
Hello? Hello?
449
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:07,123
That motherfucker had the nerve
to hop smart on my ass!
450
00:36:07,541 --> 00:36:10,960
[SINGING]
451
00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:18,092
[PHONE RINGING]
452
00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:27,435
What? What?
453
00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:28,686
KEIKO [ON TAPE]:
Dad, I've been kidnapped.
454
00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:31,981
Send one million or I'm dead.
455
00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:33,483
Who is this?
456
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:35,985
Don't worry about who this is!
We have your daughter.
457
00:36:36,153 --> 00:36:38,279
We want $1 million or she dies.
458
00:36:38,447 --> 00:36:40,740
- Plain and simple.
- Is she okay?
459
00:36:40,908 --> 00:36:44,118
She's fine, but if we don't get
that money she won't be.
460
00:36:44,286 --> 00:36:48,581
I don't have money. I go bankrupt.
461
00:36:48,749 --> 00:36:53,711
Bullshit! Don't fuck with us or we'll
send her back in little fucking pieces!
462
00:36:54,922 --> 00:36:58,925
Get us the million by noon tomorrow
or she's a slab of meat!
463
00:36:59,093 --> 00:37:01,302
- Understand me?
- I understand.
464
00:37:01,470 --> 00:37:04,806
I'll call you at 10:00 a. m. and tell you
where the drop goes down. No cops
465
00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:08,893
or I start cutting.
I smell a cop, I'll cut off her hand!
466
00:37:09,061 --> 00:37:11,646
Don't try to trace this call.
It won't do you no good.
467
00:37:12,856 --> 00:37:15,149
That's how you do shit!
468
00:37:15,317 --> 00:37:18,986
I gots this shit well in control!
We're about to get paid.
469
00:37:19,154 --> 00:37:23,116
I not call police. Fuck all the police!
470
00:37:23,283 --> 00:37:25,118
Was I a bad motherfucker?
471
00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:27,787
- You was a bad...
- Motherfucker!
472
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:29,747
- Bad!
- Bad motherfucker!
473
00:37:29,915 --> 00:37:32,458
- Bad!
- Mean! Nasty!
474
00:37:33,669 --> 00:37:35,837
I trace you, buster.
475
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:41,217
[PHONE RINGS]
476
00:37:41,385 --> 00:37:44,387
Up you go. Go, go.
477
00:37:47,391 --> 00:37:49,559
Hello.
478
00:37:49,726 --> 00:37:51,436
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
479
00:37:52,563 --> 00:37:53,646
[IN JAPANESE]
480
00:38:09,913 --> 00:38:11,873
That's it, baby.
481
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,751
Ten a. m. tomorrow we set up
the drop and by noon we get paid.
482
00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:17,253
Yo, my nigga!
483
00:38:17,421 --> 00:38:19,922
We gonna get paid!
484
00:38:20,090 --> 00:38:21,632
[PHONE RINGS]
485
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,509
In the house!
486
00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:26,721
Get your ass to my office
in 20 minutes.
487
00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:31,642
Fuck! Motherfucker!
488
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:35,021
Paris called me for some emergency
shit. Don't do jack till I get back.
489
00:38:35,189 --> 00:38:37,482
Yo, yo, if you want me to,
I could set up the...
490
00:38:37,649 --> 00:38:40,568
Drop it, motherfucker!
Don't do shit till I get back!
491
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,787
I'm really sorry.
I mean, it's nice to finally meet you.
492
00:38:51,955 --> 00:38:55,458
You seem like a nice enough
German-Irish fella.
493
00:38:55,626 --> 00:38:58,586
And I hope you won't take any offence
when I say:
494
00:38:58,754 --> 00:39:01,589
"What are you both,
out of your minds?"
495
00:39:01,757 --> 00:39:04,133
- Ma, we know what we're doing.
- Oh, yeah?
496
00:39:04,301 --> 00:39:07,428
You're gonna kill your father.
That's what you're doing.
497
00:39:07,596 --> 00:39:10,806
Marriage? You two?
A Catholic and a Jew? God forbid.
498
00:39:10,974 --> 00:39:12,433
Puy, puy, puy.
499
00:39:12,601 --> 00:39:14,310
You're gonna put your father
in an early grave!
500
00:39:14,478 --> 00:39:17,230
- Hit me.
- What is this doing to your parents?
501
00:39:17,397 --> 00:39:19,273
Actually they're both dead.
502
00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:22,985
- You see? Do you see?
- Ma, they were dead before we met.
503
00:39:23,153 --> 00:39:24,195
Please.
504
00:39:24,363 --> 00:39:28,741
I know what this is about. This isn't
about Daddy or Mel's parents.
505
00:39:28,909 --> 00:39:32,245
It's about you. You're prejudiced.
506
00:39:32,412 --> 00:39:34,747
- Prejudiced? I'm prejudiced?
- Yeah.
507
00:39:34,915 --> 00:39:38,251
I'll have you know there is not one
prejudiced bone in my body.
508
00:39:38,418 --> 00:39:42,380
Not prejudiced? If I wanna
marry goyim, I'll marry goyim!
509
00:39:42,548 --> 00:39:45,800
- Over my dead body you will!
- If I want, I'll marry a black man.
510
00:39:45,968 --> 00:39:48,469
- Shut your mouth!
- A six-foot-nine...
511
00:39:48,637 --> 00:39:50,471
[WOMEN CONTINUE YELLING]
512
00:39:52,474 --> 00:39:54,934
Excuse me, sir.
I just wanted to apologise.
513
00:39:55,102 --> 00:39:57,186
I didn't mean to cause
such a schlimazel.
514
00:39:57,354 --> 00:39:59,772
I'll take them to temple tomorrow.
515
00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:02,817
Do you think that might work?
516
00:40:04,278 --> 00:40:06,404
- Mr. Shulman?
- Mort.
517
00:40:06,572 --> 00:40:10,449
Sorry. Mort. Sir, I know how
your wife feels about me and Pam.
518
00:40:10,617 --> 00:40:14,287
I just wanted you to know that I would
never marry her without your blessing.
519
00:40:15,706 --> 00:40:18,207
- Melvin?
- Yes, sir?
520
00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:21,002
Could you get me a shot of that rum
I saw in there?
521
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:22,753
Yeah, sure.
522
00:40:34,016 --> 00:40:36,851
[♪♪♪]
523
00:40:38,562 --> 00:40:41,022
BOTH:
No!
524
00:40:47,446 --> 00:40:49,280
Mort!
525
00:40:49,448 --> 00:40:52,283
- Never give Daddy something to drink.
- Why? What's the matter?
526
00:40:52,451 --> 00:40:54,910
- It's horrible.
- It's not so bad.
527
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:59,040
It's not so bad? He's a meshuggenah,
that's what he is.
528
00:41:02,294 --> 00:41:04,545
[SIRENS WAILING]
529
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:30,071
- Yo, boss, what's going on?
- Sit down and shut up.
530
00:41:38,872 --> 00:41:41,290
Even for those who live
outside the law...
531
00:41:43,210 --> 00:41:48,130
it is commonly understood there are
certain rules which must be observed.
532
00:41:48,298 --> 00:41:51,342
Otherwise what you have is anarchy.
533
00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:54,303
I hear you, boss.
534
00:41:56,223 --> 00:42:00,434
We run a serious business here.
The business of making money.
535
00:42:00,602 --> 00:42:04,689
This business is based on trust
and loyalty and honour.
536
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:08,150
In the house of Paris,
that's all we've got.
537
00:42:08,318 --> 00:42:10,653
That's it, baby. It's all about love.
538
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:19,954
When the rules are broken
in the house of Paris,
539
00:42:20,122 --> 00:42:21,580
the machine breaks down.
540
00:42:22,833 --> 00:42:25,167
Discipline must be enforced.
541
00:42:25,335 --> 00:42:28,629
Order must be restored.
542
00:42:28,797 --> 00:42:31,966
In my house,
there has been a transgression.
543
00:42:32,968 --> 00:42:37,471
An unauthorized kidnapping
in my house.
544
00:42:38,974 --> 00:42:41,809
- Who could be that stupid?
- It gets worse.
545
00:42:41,977 --> 00:42:44,729
In this particular case,
546
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:46,772
the transgression is personal.
547
00:42:46,940 --> 00:42:48,983
In this case,
548
00:42:49,151 --> 00:42:53,237
the kidnappee happens to be
my goddaughter.
549
00:42:53,405 --> 00:42:55,865
- Oh, fuck no!
- Some rock.
550
00:42:56,032 --> 00:42:57,616
Some dolt.
551
00:42:57,784 --> 00:43:01,495
Some less-than-senseless thing
has decided to come
552
00:43:01,663 --> 00:43:04,415
to my house
and kidnap my goddaughter.
553
00:43:04,583 --> 00:43:06,500
And I am looking,
554
00:43:06,668 --> 00:43:09,670
I am searching for a motherfucker
555
00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:12,757
stupid enough to fuck with me.
556
00:43:15,385 --> 00:43:17,887
Yo, boss, what's this got
to do with me?
557
00:43:18,180 --> 00:43:21,640
I want to know what you would do
to that son of a jackal.
558
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,351
Me?
559
00:43:26,396 --> 00:43:28,814
I would, you know, I would...
560
00:43:28,982 --> 00:43:32,651
What would you do to someone
561
00:43:32,819 --> 00:43:37,406
who decided to fuck with you
in your own house?
562
00:43:38,450 --> 00:43:39,742
I'd bust some caps!
563
00:43:39,910 --> 00:43:44,705
Bust some caps!
Give this man a gold star.
564
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:49,001
It is you who...
565
00:43:49,169 --> 00:43:50,878
[PHONE RINGING]
566
00:43:51,588 --> 00:43:53,005
Give me that!
567
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,673
[SHATTERS]
568
00:43:55,550 --> 00:44:00,888
It is you that I'm putting in charge
of this whole operation.
569
00:44:01,056 --> 00:44:04,558
It is you who must go forth
570
00:44:04,726 --> 00:44:09,355
and bring these motherfuckers
to me.
571
00:44:09,523 --> 00:44:12,983
[♪♪♪]
572
00:44:19,574 --> 00:44:21,992
Let's just take the money
573
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,995
and go to L.A. where people
like us belong.
574
00:44:26,164 --> 00:44:27,581
I love this movie.
575
00:44:30,418 --> 00:44:36,465
[SAVE FERRIS'
"THE WORLD IS NEW" PLAYS]
576
00:44:51,231 --> 00:44:52,940
[DOORBELL RINGS]
577
00:44:53,108 --> 00:44:55,860
PAM: Get that, Mel, will you?
I'm not dressed.
578
00:44:56,736 --> 00:44:58,779
What are you doing here?
579
00:44:58,947 --> 00:45:02,032
I just came to drop your shit off
before I said goodbye.
580
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,827
Goodbye, you punk-ass bitch.
I'm leaving this town.
581
00:45:04,995 --> 00:45:08,205
What are you doing? Chantel?
582
00:45:08,373 --> 00:45:09,957
Shit!
583
00:45:10,125 --> 00:45:11,250
[KEIKO GROANS]
584
00:45:11,418 --> 00:45:14,628
I'm getting a glass of prune juice.
585
00:45:14,796 --> 00:45:16,463
Hurry up.
We've got a long way to go.
586
00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:19,633
Don't worry. I know a shortcut.
587
00:45:47,913 --> 00:45:50,164
No, sweetie.
You don't want to do that.
588
00:45:50,332 --> 00:45:52,583
- What's in there? It's heavy.
- It's deer meat, actually.
589
00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:56,170
- What?
- Cisco went hunting and got a deer.
590
00:45:56,338 --> 00:45:59,006
He gave the meat to me
because he's a vegetarian.
591
00:45:59,174 --> 00:46:01,008
- There's a dead deer in there?
- Yeah.
592
00:46:01,176 --> 00:46:03,969
That's gross. Take it out
to the garbage, please.
593
00:46:04,137 --> 00:46:06,680
Sorry about that.
594
00:46:06,932 --> 00:46:08,807
[GRUNTING]
595
00:46:22,238 --> 00:46:24,198
Ma, pour me some coffee.
596
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:28,243
- You don't want to go in there.
- I need to get something.
597
00:46:28,411 --> 00:46:30,829
It smells really bad. Stinky poo-poo.
598
00:46:30,997 --> 00:46:33,624
Oh, Melvin, that's disgusting.
599
00:46:36,127 --> 00:46:38,629
Morton, look at that dog.
600
00:46:43,051 --> 00:46:45,886
Hey, get away!
601
00:46:46,054 --> 00:46:48,555
Go away, you giant rat!
602
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:51,600
There's something so peculiar
about that boy.
603
00:46:54,229 --> 00:46:55,813
Let go!
604
00:46:59,651 --> 00:47:01,735
[PHONE RINGING]
605
00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:05,280
- Hello? Hold on.
- Big Top Video.
606
00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:06,949
Mel?
607
00:47:16,918 --> 00:47:18,544
Now I'm hearing things.
608
00:47:18,712 --> 00:47:21,588
[GROANING]
609
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,590
[GRUNTS]
610
00:47:24,759 --> 00:47:26,802
PAM: I am not going to temple.
- Hello?
611
00:47:27,012 --> 00:47:29,680
Hello! Understandable
you're avoiding us.
612
00:47:29,848 --> 00:47:33,726
- You know why we're calling.
- Sorry. I apologise.
613
00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:35,769
JEANNE: She has become godless.
- What's the matter, little girl?
614
00:47:35,937 --> 00:47:39,773
Why are you crying? "Because
I wanna rent King Kong Lives. "
615
00:47:39,941 --> 00:47:42,401
- Who are you talking to?
- Well, I'm sorry.
616
00:47:42,569 --> 00:47:46,321
But you can't rent that.
Melvin Smiley has that out right now.
617
00:47:46,489 --> 00:47:50,367
- And he's too busy to bring it back.
- I promise I'll bring it back.
618
00:47:51,161 --> 00:47:53,954
[GROWLS]
619
00:47:54,122 --> 00:47:56,457
- Aren't you going to temple?
- No.
620
00:47:56,624 --> 00:47:59,793
- What do you mean, no?
- You're going to ruin my surprise.
621
00:47:59,961 --> 00:48:02,337
I don't like surprises.
What surprise? Tell me.
622
00:48:02,505 --> 00:48:06,884
I was planning on cooking a nice
kosher meal for you and your folks.
623
00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:12,306
- This I gotta see.
- Excuse me one second.
624
00:48:12,474 --> 00:48:14,433
Let go of that!
625
00:48:16,311 --> 00:48:17,728
Let go!
626
00:48:19,481 --> 00:48:21,023
Get out of here.
627
00:48:21,191 --> 00:48:24,693
You are a pathetic little man.
628
00:48:25,862 --> 00:48:27,696
Pam!
629
00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:34,369
Shit!
630
00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:49,635
Oh.
631
00:48:52,514 --> 00:48:53,889
- You're back.
- Yeah.
632
00:48:54,057 --> 00:48:57,684
Daddy had to make a pit stop,
and I forgot my purse.
633
00:48:57,852 --> 00:48:59,812
You don't have to make a pit stop,
Mrs. Shulman?
634
00:48:59,979 --> 00:49:02,064
No, I'm fine. I'm fine right here.
635
00:49:02,232 --> 00:49:04,900
- It's a long drive.
- I'm fine.
636
00:49:05,068 --> 00:49:07,778
- You sure?
- I'm sure.
637
00:49:07,946 --> 00:49:11,907
I forgot a thing in the trunk there.
638
00:49:12,075 --> 00:49:15,119
Look, if you've got a thing
in the trunk, you'd better get it out.
639
00:49:15,286 --> 00:49:16,703
I will.
640
00:49:18,206 --> 00:49:21,667
- What's that?
- It's his thing. Get in. We're late.
641
00:49:21,835 --> 00:49:23,669
If there's a dead deer in there,
get it out of there.
642
00:49:23,837 --> 00:49:24,878
- Okay.
- Let's go!
643
00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:26,463
I swear.
644
00:49:31,761 --> 00:49:34,054
I can do this.
645
00:49:36,432 --> 00:49:38,392
Cisco, where the fuck are you?
646
00:49:41,563 --> 00:49:43,147
[♪♪♪]
647
00:49:49,279 --> 00:49:52,114
Don't call. Don't you call.
648
00:49:52,282 --> 00:49:55,117
Don't you fucking call,
you stupid fuck.
649
00:49:55,285 --> 00:49:58,162
They got Tracebuster Buster.
650
00:49:58,329 --> 00:50:02,708
I got Tracebuster Buster Buster
for their ass.
651
00:50:06,254 --> 00:50:08,255
All right, think, think. Crunch!
652
00:50:09,424 --> 00:50:13,010
Be cool, playboy.
I got you covered.
653
00:50:13,178 --> 00:50:15,012
I tell you what.
654
00:50:15,180 --> 00:50:18,682
I'll pick the chick up and keep her
here in my crib. You feel better?
655
00:50:18,850 --> 00:50:21,435
- Much. What time?
- I've gotta stop by the office.
656
00:50:21,603 --> 00:50:25,689
- Give me an hour and a half. Cool?
- Yeah, cool. Thanks, bro.
657
00:50:28,443 --> 00:50:30,277
Oh, shit.
658
00:50:32,155 --> 00:50:35,949
You ready again? You ready again?
Come on.
659
00:50:41,623 --> 00:50:43,582
- Are you okay?
- Mm-hm.
660
00:50:45,293 --> 00:50:48,629
I'm gonna take your gag off,
but you gotta promise not to scream.
661
00:50:54,510 --> 00:50:57,512
I don't suppose you could take
these cuffs off, too?
662
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:00,557
- Sorry.
- I didn't think so.
663
00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:02,935
- I have to pee.
- Oh, yeah.
664
00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:07,147
- Hey.
- Huh?
665
00:51:07,315 --> 00:51:08,941
I need help.
666
00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:10,359
Oh, sorry.
667
00:51:11,486 --> 00:51:16,823
No, I need help with my underwear,
unless you wanna take my cuffs off.
668
00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:18,367
Sorry.
669
00:51:18,534 --> 00:51:22,287
[BEHAN JOHNSON'S "SOMEONE
TO CALL MY OWN" PLAYS]
670
00:51:40,848 --> 00:51:42,307
I'm done.
671
00:51:49,190 --> 00:51:52,401
- You don't seem like a kidnapper.
- I'm usually not.
672
00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:55,612
- Aren't you gonna flush?
- Yeah.
673
00:51:55,780 --> 00:51:57,864
Technically you could call me
a hit man.
674
00:51:58,658 --> 00:52:01,660
KEIKO: Really? A hit man?
Does that pay well?
675
00:52:01,828 --> 00:52:04,371
Of course. I make a killing.
676
00:52:05,665 --> 00:52:08,250
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
677
00:52:08,418 --> 00:52:10,377
I'm hungry. You must be starved.
678
00:52:10,545 --> 00:52:14,047
- I'm so hungry, I could eat a...
- Horse?
679
00:52:14,215 --> 00:52:16,049
I could never eat a horse.
680
00:52:16,217 --> 00:52:19,219
Let me know what you want. I can go
in the kitchen and cook it for us.
681
00:52:19,387 --> 00:52:21,305
Will you put a hit on it for me?
682
00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:23,265
Yeah.
683
00:52:23,433 --> 00:52:26,727
- How about a pterodactyl?
- You're in luck.
684
00:52:26,894 --> 00:52:30,605
I just whacked a rare extra-cheese-
and-pepperoni pterodactyl.
685
00:52:30,773 --> 00:52:32,816
- Cold or nuked?
- Nuke it.
686
00:52:34,110 --> 00:52:36,737
That girl from the other house,
she your girlfriend?
687
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:41,325
Chantel? Yeah, I guess so, kind of,
but I'm engaged to Pam.
688
00:52:41,492 --> 00:52:44,911
Chantel is kind of your girlfriend, but
you're engaged to another girl, Pam?
689
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:48,248
Sounds complicated.
Wanna tell me more?
690
00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:53,295
Cisco, I can do this.
I ain't no fuck-up. I can do this.
691
00:52:53,463 --> 00:52:56,131
I'm gonna prove it. I'm gonna prove
my ass to all you motherfuckers
692
00:52:56,299 --> 00:52:58,216
that I can handle my, uh...
693
00:53:01,095 --> 00:53:02,971
business.
694
00:53:03,139 --> 00:53:06,433
Yeah. I can handle my business!
695
00:53:08,019 --> 00:53:10,020
[CHATTERING]
696
00:53:21,282 --> 00:53:24,993
[PHONE RINGING]
697
00:53:38,841 --> 00:53:41,718
[♪♪♪]
698
00:53:51,646 --> 00:53:53,563
Hello?
699
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:55,899
GUMP: Mr. Nishi, noon today,
$1 million cash.
700
00:53:56,067 --> 00:53:59,986
In a plastic garbage bag.
Place it in the green garbage can
701
00:54:00,154 --> 00:54:02,406
near the Abbey Shelter
on McBryde Trail,
702
00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,408
right off of Old School Road.
703
00:54:04,575 --> 00:54:06,118
Do you understand?
704
00:54:08,996 --> 00:54:12,916
I don't understand "McBlyde. "
705
00:54:13,793 --> 00:54:14,793
What?
706
00:54:14,961 --> 00:54:17,963
No, no. Hang up.
707
00:54:18,131 --> 00:54:20,006
What is "McBlyde"?
708
00:54:20,174 --> 00:54:23,802
McBryde Trail is a, uh...
709
00:54:23,970 --> 00:54:26,638
A goddamn...
710
00:54:26,806 --> 00:54:31,518
- What is "McBlyde"?
- It's a motherfucking, uh...
711
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:36,022
A goddamn, um, thing.
712
00:54:36,649 --> 00:54:39,901
Uh, ah... Oh...
713
00:54:42,530 --> 00:54:44,656
[BEEPING]
714
00:54:46,868 --> 00:54:49,870
I understand.
715
00:54:50,037 --> 00:54:52,289
McBryde Trail.
716
00:54:53,916 --> 00:54:56,751
I will drop money there.
717
00:54:56,919 --> 00:54:58,545
Good.
718
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:07,471
Get him. Get him!
719
00:55:08,389 --> 00:55:11,016
Let's go, let's go! Bust a move!
720
00:55:13,060 --> 00:55:15,896
Let's get busy! Come on, move!
721
00:55:20,401 --> 00:55:23,737
KEIKO: It's your life.
You have to take some responsibility.
722
00:55:24,906 --> 00:55:28,033
It seems like no matter what I do,
it's never really good enough.
723
00:55:29,118 --> 00:55:31,119
You know?
It's starting to make me miserable.
724
00:55:31,287 --> 00:55:34,539
You can't blame Chantel and Pam
for taking advantage of you.
725
00:55:34,707 --> 00:55:36,416
You make it too easy for them.
726
00:55:36,584 --> 00:55:40,754
I'm not blaming them,
at least I'm not trying to.
727
00:55:42,340 --> 00:55:46,009
At the end of the day,
all I want them to do is be happy.
728
00:55:46,761 --> 00:55:48,595
I don't know.
729
00:55:48,763 --> 00:55:52,057
I just can't stand the idea
of them not liking me anymore.
730
00:55:54,185 --> 00:55:57,562
To be perfectly honest, I can't stand
the idea of anybody not liking me.
731
00:55:58,272 --> 00:56:01,066
That sounds pretty dysfunctional.
732
00:56:01,275 --> 00:56:04,611
Why do you say that?
What do you mean?
733
00:56:04,779 --> 00:56:09,157
I mean, you might suffer from
a borderline personality disorder.
734
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:11,910
- And you have co-dependency issues.
- What?
735
00:56:12,787 --> 00:56:15,413
You're whipped.
736
00:56:15,581 --> 00:56:18,792
You seem nice. You're not like
the others. Do what's right for you.
737
00:56:22,338 --> 00:56:24,089
You're really smart.
You know that?
738
00:56:24,549 --> 00:56:30,804
[FUNKDOOBIEST'S
"ACT ON IT" PLAYS]
739
00:56:40,147 --> 00:56:42,482
What the fuck is that?
740
00:56:42,984 --> 00:56:45,735
[♪♪♪]
741
00:56:51,993 --> 00:56:53,868
Hey... Oh!
742
00:56:54,036 --> 00:56:57,539
All right, you filthy
kidnapping scum person, you!
743
00:56:57,707 --> 00:56:59,916
- Where's the girl?
- She's at...
744
00:57:01,335 --> 00:57:03,211
Don't get cute with us, scumbag.
745
00:57:03,379 --> 00:57:05,338
I've been sent here
by my boss, Paris,
746
00:57:05,506 --> 00:57:08,133
whose goddaughter you all happen
to be kidnapping,
747
00:57:08,301 --> 00:57:09,718
to find her.
748
00:57:09,885 --> 00:57:13,346
If you wanna stay breathing,
you better tell me...
749
00:57:13,514 --> 00:57:14,973
[WHISPERS]
Melvin.
750
00:57:15,141 --> 00:57:18,059
...where the fuck she is
and who the fuck... Melvin.
751
00:57:18,227 --> 00:57:20,353
...is the insidious mastermind
behind this plot.
752
00:57:20,521 --> 00:57:21,896
Melvin.
753
00:57:23,399 --> 00:57:24,858
Melvin?
754
00:57:25,860 --> 00:57:29,613
Melvin? Melvin Smiley?
755
00:57:30,906 --> 00:57:33,950
Melvin Smiley is the mastermind
behind this kidnapping?
756
00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:37,579
Oh, my God.
757
00:57:39,582 --> 00:57:41,541
What a world.
758
00:57:41,709 --> 00:57:43,960
I mean, the humanity.
759
00:57:44,128 --> 00:57:45,545
The betrayal.
760
00:57:46,464 --> 00:57:49,382
He was like a brother to me, man.
761
00:57:51,552 --> 00:57:53,219
Oh, well.
762
00:58:00,978 --> 00:58:03,396
Yah!
763
00:58:09,737 --> 00:58:11,112
Somebody's gotta die.
764
00:58:12,657 --> 00:58:14,908
Look at it as a privilege, you know?
765
00:58:15,076 --> 00:58:18,953
You're always dying to do something
for me. Now's your chance.
766
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:39,933
All right, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
767
00:58:40,101 --> 00:58:42,435
Now we're gonna find Melvin Smiley
768
00:58:42,603 --> 00:58:44,729
and we're gonna kill him.
769
00:58:46,148 --> 00:58:48,358
Melvin. Son of a bitch.
770
00:58:48,526 --> 00:58:51,653
I knew the boy had financial problems,
but I didn't dream he'd go this far.
771
00:58:51,821 --> 00:58:54,739
Find the girl first, then deal him.
772
00:58:54,907 --> 00:58:56,366
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
773
00:58:56,534 --> 00:58:58,535
Pack up. We are going for a ride.
774
00:58:58,703 --> 00:59:03,123
Who knows what unspeakable things
they do to my little girl?
775
00:59:03,290 --> 00:59:06,626
It says you're supposed to soak
the matzo for five minutes.
776
00:59:06,794 --> 00:59:09,129
- Okay.
- Is this traditional Jewish cooking?
777
00:59:09,296 --> 00:59:11,631
I hope so. It's the only
Jewish cookbook in the house.
778
00:59:14,135 --> 00:59:16,094
You need margarine
to sauté the mushrooms.
779
00:59:16,262 --> 00:59:17,595
Okay.
780
00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:20,181
Shit! Is that kosher?
781
00:59:20,349 --> 00:59:24,227
Like I would know. You need to stir it
so it doesn't stick.
782
00:59:25,479 --> 00:59:28,273
I could help you better
if I didn't have these cuffs on.
783
00:59:28,441 --> 00:59:29,816
All right.
784
00:59:29,984 --> 00:59:33,278
[WORLD PARTY'S
"SHE'S THE ONE" PLAYS]
785
00:59:40,995 --> 00:59:42,996
MELVIN:
You're pretty good at this.
786
00:59:43,998 --> 00:59:46,124
You ever cook for your dad?
787
00:59:46,292 --> 00:59:48,460
My father doesn't even know
I'm alive.
788
00:59:48,627 --> 00:59:51,171
Not until I have to impress
some of his associates.
789
00:59:52,298 --> 00:59:54,299
- Do you have brown sugar?
- Yeah.
790
00:59:58,512 --> 01:00:01,890
Do you know what it's like living
your life to please other people?
791
01:00:02,057 --> 01:00:04,184
I mean... Actually,
I guess you do, huh?
792
01:00:05,352 --> 01:00:10,148
It's a drag. Sometimes I wish I could
just get away. Know what I mean?
793
01:00:10,316 --> 01:00:13,651
I do, as a matter of fact.
I've always dreamt of getting away.
794
01:00:17,740 --> 01:00:20,784
Come here. What are you doing?
You're missing the point.
795
01:00:20,951 --> 01:00:23,995
The whole joy of cooking. You have to
use your hands, get in and get messy.
796
01:00:24,789 --> 01:00:26,706
Get in there.
797
01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:30,210
Kind of like it.
798
01:00:37,593 --> 01:00:40,887
Now we have to glaze
our LM-4 white leghorn.
799
01:00:41,055 --> 01:00:44,057
- Our LM what?
- Common broiler chicken.
800
01:00:44,225 --> 01:00:46,893
I'm studying them
in advanced biotechnology.
801
01:01:41,866 --> 01:01:43,366
MELVIN:
Damn!
802
01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:47,120
I'm sorry.
I'll clean it up for you, okay?
803
01:02:14,481 --> 01:02:17,609
Did you know the white leghorn
was bred with the Ross sire line
804
01:02:17,776 --> 01:02:20,778
to create the hybrid
known as the Roslin QTL Cross?
805
01:02:20,946 --> 01:02:23,156
Of course. Doesn't everybody?
806
01:02:23,324 --> 01:02:25,992
Gave rise to over
33 different phenotypes,
807
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,828
all distinct for reaching their
sexual maturity within two months.
808
01:02:29,496 --> 01:02:30,663
Then we eat them.
809
01:02:30,831 --> 01:02:32,790
Yep.
810
01:02:32,958 --> 01:02:37,295
You know, it's kind of sad.
In order to feed us,
811
01:02:37,463 --> 01:02:40,548
something so young and
in the prime of its life...
812
01:02:42,343 --> 01:02:43,927
has to die.
813
01:02:45,429 --> 01:02:46,804
Oh!
814
01:02:46,972 --> 01:02:49,599
- Help! Help!
- Keiko!
815
01:02:56,857 --> 01:02:58,775
I'm sorry.
816
01:03:04,990 --> 01:03:06,407
Oh, shit!
817
01:03:12,831 --> 01:03:14,248
Fuck!
818
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:36,437
JEANNE:
Yi, yi, yi. Whew.
819
01:03:36,605 --> 01:03:37,730
Here you go, Ma.
820
01:03:37,898 --> 01:03:39,899
- You feel better, Bunza Bun?
- Eh.
821
01:03:40,067 --> 01:03:44,028
Getting your hair done always helps
to mend a broken heart.
822
01:03:44,196 --> 01:03:46,614
You're doing the right thing, baby.
823
01:03:46,782 --> 01:03:49,409
We have to preserve our heritage.
824
01:03:49,576 --> 01:03:51,452
You'll tell him after eating.
825
01:03:51,620 --> 01:03:54,914
Better he should have a broken heart
on a full stomach.
826
01:03:55,082 --> 01:03:57,250
Think he's gonna take
the money back?
827
01:03:57,418 --> 01:03:59,377
[♪♪♪]
828
01:04:10,556 --> 01:04:11,597
Hey.
829
01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:14,767
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. How was your outing?
830
01:04:14,935 --> 01:04:17,270
Smells good. Something's cooking.
831
01:04:17,438 --> 01:04:19,313
We're ready to eat when you are.
832
01:04:19,481 --> 01:04:21,232
[PHONE RINGS]
833
01:04:22,151 --> 01:04:24,152
- Hello?
- This is Crunch.
834
01:04:24,319 --> 01:04:26,404
What's up? Hold on one second.
835
01:04:26,572 --> 01:04:28,531
- Can you excuse me one second?
- Sure.
836
01:04:28,699 --> 01:04:30,616
- Let's go.
MELVIN: Hello?
837
01:04:30,784 --> 01:04:32,785
Yo, Crunch.
What the fuck is going on?
838
01:04:33,537 --> 01:04:34,954
CISCO:
Left.
839
01:04:36,790 --> 01:04:38,374
Right here.
840
01:04:38,542 --> 01:04:40,543
This is the place.
841
01:04:40,794 --> 01:04:45,465
I'm getting the fuck out of the country,
and you need to do the same. Now!
842
01:04:46,592 --> 01:04:49,052
I went by the office today.
843
01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:51,137
Paris is planning a big hit.
844
01:04:52,264 --> 01:04:55,767
Yo, nigga! I said it should have
some lanolin in it.
845
01:04:55,934 --> 01:04:59,479
Not some goddamn aloe vera bullshit.
Motherfucker!
846
01:04:59,646 --> 01:05:01,647
Get it straight.
847
01:05:02,649 --> 01:05:04,400
Seems like some motherfuckers
done gone
848
01:05:04,568 --> 01:05:07,070
and kidnapped Paris' goddaughter.
849
01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:08,946
Some Japanese bitch.
850
01:05:09,114 --> 01:05:11,657
Our Japanese bitch.
See what I'm saying?
851
01:05:11,825 --> 01:05:15,286
Look, you've got to let him have it
point blank.
852
01:05:15,454 --> 01:05:17,955
It's over. Kaput. That's it!
853
01:05:18,123 --> 01:05:21,084
But, Ma, that seems very harsh.
854
01:05:26,632 --> 01:05:28,633
Cisco's trying to save himself.
855
01:05:28,801 --> 01:05:30,593
He's after all of us.
856
01:05:30,761 --> 01:05:33,054
He got Gump.
857
01:05:33,222 --> 01:05:34,555
My advice.
858
01:05:34,890 --> 01:05:37,975
Get the fuck out of Dodge now,
nigga.
859
01:05:38,143 --> 01:05:40,937
There's a hit squad coming
for your ass right now.
860
01:05:41,105 --> 01:05:42,563
Peace out.
861
01:05:42,731 --> 01:05:44,190
Shit.
862
01:05:44,358 --> 01:05:46,484
[♪♪♪]
863
01:06:00,374 --> 01:06:03,042
- Here's your prune juice, darling.
- Leave the bottle.
864
01:06:03,210 --> 01:06:04,669
[DOORBELL RINGS]
865
01:06:04,837 --> 01:06:06,712
Who's that?
866
01:06:09,633 --> 01:06:12,677
CISCO:
Hello. Is Melvin Smiley here?
867
01:06:12,845 --> 01:06:16,055
We're Melvin's coworkers.
We work in the same office.
868
01:06:16,223 --> 01:06:17,682
JEANNE:
Really?
869
01:06:17,850 --> 01:06:22,061
- Is that chicken I smell?
JEANNE: Have you eaten? Lunch?
870
01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:24,897
CISCO: I haven't eaten all day.
Boys, could you eat something?
871
01:06:25,065 --> 01:06:26,232
JEANNE:
Come on in.
872
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,734
CISCO:
You're so gracious. Thank you.
873
01:06:28,902 --> 01:06:33,823
He's a devoted colleague. A man who
works for the betterment of society.
874
01:06:33,991 --> 01:06:36,284
JEANNE: So why does Melvin
work on weekends?
875
01:06:36,451 --> 01:06:38,244
He works with the homeless a lot.
876
01:06:38,412 --> 01:06:40,580
He sells computers to the homeless?
877
01:06:40,747 --> 01:06:45,418
You'd be surprised how many
homeless people buy computers.
878
01:06:45,586 --> 01:06:47,086
Oh, really?
879
01:06:48,213 --> 01:06:50,715
- Hello, Melvin.
- Hi, Melvin.
880
01:06:51,383 --> 01:06:53,134
You wanna talk about this outside?
881
01:06:53,302 --> 01:06:54,802
[MORT TAPPING ON GLASS]
882
01:06:55,095 --> 01:06:58,389
Sit down, Melvin.
I'd like to propose a toast.
883
01:06:59,391 --> 01:07:03,853
To my wife. A lovely woman,
who for the past eight years
884
01:07:04,021 --> 01:07:08,149
has cost me over $200,000
885
01:07:08,317 --> 01:07:10,109
in plastic-surgery bills.
886
01:07:10,277 --> 01:07:12,862
And what was the end result
of all that surgery?
887
01:07:13,071 --> 01:07:16,282
A 57-year-old woman
with the face
888
01:07:16,450 --> 01:07:19,744
of a beautiful 25-year-old ape.
889
01:07:19,912 --> 01:07:22,371
- Oh, Morton!
- Shut your pisk!
890
01:07:22,539 --> 01:07:25,917
I'll have you know that many men have
found me to be a ravishing creature.
891
01:07:26,084 --> 01:07:27,585
[MOUTHING]
892
01:07:28,921 --> 01:07:30,755
Don't you think I'm attractive still?
893
01:07:30,923 --> 01:07:33,716
- A ravishing creature?
- Yes. Certainly.
894
01:07:34,968 --> 01:07:36,093
Yeah, sure.
895
01:07:36,261 --> 01:07:38,721
I agree. You're a creature.
896
01:07:38,889 --> 01:07:40,806
JEANNE:
Morton, just sit down! You're drunk.
897
01:07:40,974 --> 01:07:44,435
To my darling daughter Pamela.
898
01:07:44,603 --> 01:07:47,772
A princess. My only child.
899
01:07:47,940 --> 01:07:50,316
And the source of constant pride
900
01:07:50,484 --> 01:07:53,152
to degenerate, manipulative,
901
01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:55,655
gold-digging leeches
the world over.
902
01:07:55,822 --> 01:08:00,243
Which leads me
to my would-be son-in-law, Melvin,
903
01:08:00,410 --> 01:08:03,704
who's very charming
in a Rain Man kind of way.
904
01:08:03,872 --> 01:08:07,416
But obviously not good enough
for some parties.
905
01:08:07,584 --> 01:08:11,045
- Daddy, I think you better...
- Sit down and shut your pisk.
906
01:08:11,213 --> 01:08:15,007
JEANNE: Morton, please. Sit down!
MORT: Where was I?
907
01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:18,719
The first thing we do when we meet
this young man is have a big fight.
908
01:08:18,887 --> 01:08:21,514
Then the young man comes to me
like Sidney Poitier
909
01:08:21,682 --> 01:08:24,976
in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
A fine film, I might add.
910
01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:26,519
And he proclaims:
911
01:08:26,687 --> 01:08:30,564
"I will not marry your daughter
unless I have your blessing. "
912
01:08:30,732 --> 01:08:33,192
To which I say:
913
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:35,361
"She doesn't deserve you.
914
01:08:35,529 --> 01:08:39,532
You deserve to be in an environment
of tolerance and brotherhood. "
915
01:08:39,700 --> 01:08:44,245
When I see four men
of different races,
916
01:08:44,413 --> 01:08:48,708
colours and creeds, sitting together
at the dinner table,
917
01:08:48,875 --> 01:08:50,918
it fills me with hope.
918
01:08:51,086 --> 01:08:57,174
So you see, my friends, you four
are what this country is all about.
919
01:08:57,342 --> 01:08:59,969
[♪♪♪]
920
01:09:00,137 --> 01:09:03,055
[SCREAMING]
921
01:09:03,223 --> 01:09:05,766
Oh, gross! You nasty mother...
922
01:09:09,730 --> 01:09:12,315
[♪♪♪]
923
01:09:14,860 --> 01:09:17,611
CISCO: It's bonus time,
and guess who's the bonus.
924
01:09:21,700 --> 01:09:23,909
Yo, Mel. You pissed at me, baby?
925
01:09:24,161 --> 01:09:27,705
Backstabbing motherfucker.
We're supposed to be friends.
926
01:09:33,795 --> 01:09:37,923
We're still friends. I just need space.
I still love you, baby.
927
01:09:40,010 --> 01:09:41,969
Yeah, just like
you loved Gump, huh?
928
01:09:43,221 --> 01:09:45,973
It's every man for himself, Mel.
929
01:09:51,605 --> 01:09:54,482
MAN:
Move it out. Freddy, you're with me.
930
01:09:56,985 --> 01:09:59,111
[SCREAMING]
931
01:10:00,238 --> 01:10:02,531
- Pam?
- Yeah?
932
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:05,451
- Were you gonna break up with me?
- Yeah.
933
01:10:09,956 --> 01:10:13,417
- I guess this is goodbye.
- Yes. Yes.
934
01:10:13,585 --> 01:10:15,419
I'm sorry about the meal.
935
01:10:15,587 --> 01:10:18,297
Things could be worse.
936
01:10:30,018 --> 01:10:31,811
[TYRES SQUEALING]
937
01:10:44,241 --> 01:10:45,950
CISCO:
He's getting away!
938
01:10:48,662 --> 01:10:50,955
Come on, move!
939
01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:03,968
"Don't worry, baby. This'll shave
four hours off our drive. "
940
01:11:04,136 --> 01:11:07,304
We're right back where we started,
you fucking idiot!
941
01:11:08,348 --> 01:11:12,059
He's an animal.
I should've found the money.
942
01:11:12,227 --> 01:11:15,813
Don't worry. He won't hurt her now.
She's the only insurance he's got.
943
01:11:16,231 --> 01:11:19,316
[♪♪♪]
944
01:11:19,484 --> 01:11:20,776
[SCREAMING]
945
01:11:59,232 --> 01:12:01,734
[MUFFLED YELLING]
946
01:12:01,902 --> 01:12:03,402
Shit!
947
01:12:07,699 --> 01:12:09,116
[SCREAMING]
948
01:12:33,433 --> 01:12:35,309
That was intense!
949
01:12:35,477 --> 01:12:37,436
I'll be right back.
950
01:12:39,189 --> 01:12:40,773
CHANTEL:
Oh, God.
951
01:12:40,941 --> 01:12:43,359
- My leg! I think I broke my leg.
- Shit.
952
01:13:12,180 --> 01:13:15,224
Nice fucking driving, Mario.
Now get us out of here!
953
01:13:15,392 --> 01:13:18,602
NISHl:
You have Triple-A card?
954
01:13:18,770 --> 01:13:21,230
Mine expired.
955
01:13:24,484 --> 01:13:26,318
Oh, my God. He's got a gun.
956
01:13:31,157 --> 01:13:34,243
- You were gonna keep this?
- He wanted it.
957
01:13:35,787 --> 01:13:38,372
You should be ashamed of yourself.
958
01:13:42,043 --> 01:13:43,502
Melvin!
959
01:13:43,670 --> 01:13:48,340
Melvin, I'm sorry.
Can we just talk about this?
960
01:13:48,508 --> 01:13:49,925
I love you!
961
01:13:52,178 --> 01:13:53,637
Shit!
962
01:13:55,140 --> 01:13:57,891
[♪♪♪]
963
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:08,902
I wanted it?
964
01:14:09,070 --> 01:14:12,906
If you would've stayed your narrow ass
on the freeway like I told you to,
965
01:14:13,074 --> 01:14:14,700
this wouldn't have happened.
966
01:14:14,868 --> 01:14:15,993
[GASPS]
967
01:14:23,084 --> 01:14:27,212
You wouldn't happen to know
where Melvin is headed, would you?
968
01:14:29,549 --> 01:14:31,383
[COUGHING]
969
01:14:34,429 --> 01:14:37,431
You wouldn't happen to know where
Melvin might be headed, would you?
970
01:14:39,059 --> 01:14:40,392
Would you?
971
01:14:43,021 --> 01:14:44,021
KEIKO:
What happens now?
972
01:14:44,189 --> 01:14:46,231
MELVIN:
I drop you off and you go home.
973
01:14:46,399 --> 01:14:48,817
No, I mean,
what happens with us?
974
01:14:59,412 --> 01:15:02,206
If you're gonna be with me, there are
certain things you need to understand.
975
01:15:02,374 --> 01:15:04,458
I'm a contract killer.
976
01:15:04,626 --> 01:15:08,504
I murder people for money.
So far they've all been bad people.
977
01:15:08,672 --> 01:15:12,216
Give or take a few obnoxious ones.
That's what I do.
978
01:15:12,384 --> 01:15:15,094
- It's the only thing that I'm good at.
- I'm cool with that.
979
01:15:15,261 --> 01:15:17,429
If you stay with me,
your life's gonna be in danger.
980
01:15:17,597 --> 01:15:20,140
A constant adrenaline rush?
Are you kidding?
981
01:15:20,308 --> 01:15:23,310
- I like it.
- Understand this, okay?
982
01:15:23,478 --> 01:15:27,940
I positively cannot be the only one
falling in love in this relationship.
983
01:15:28,108 --> 01:15:32,361
- It's got to be mutual.
- I'm feeling you, skipper.
984
01:15:35,281 --> 01:15:37,241
I'm gonna return this tape.
985
01:15:37,409 --> 01:15:41,829
When I come back, if you really
want to, we'll disappear together.
986
01:15:41,996 --> 01:15:47,459
[WORLD PARTY'S
"SHE'S THE ONE" PLAYS
987
01:16:10,692 --> 01:16:12,234
[KEIKO SCREAMS]
988
01:16:13,194 --> 01:16:15,487
[CRASHES]
989
01:16:16,990 --> 01:16:18,615
Ah!
990
01:16:18,783 --> 01:16:20,951
Stay still. Please.
991
01:16:22,829 --> 01:16:25,414
Oh, God. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Just calm down. Please.
992
01:16:25,582 --> 01:16:27,499
KEIKO:
You don't seem that calm!
993
01:16:34,174 --> 01:16:35,924
MELVIN:
Aw, shit.
994
01:16:36,092 --> 01:16:37,509
- You okay?
KEIKO: Uh-huh.
995
01:16:39,012 --> 01:16:41,430
All right. We can get out the back.
996
01:16:49,689 --> 01:16:53,150
Come on. It's safe.
Just don't look down.
997
01:16:58,072 --> 01:16:59,198
Skipper, look.
998
01:17:00,909 --> 01:17:02,951
Oh, shit.
You gotta get out of here.
999
01:17:03,119 --> 01:17:06,288
Meet me by the video store.
I gotta deal with this guy. Go!
1000
01:17:06,456 --> 01:17:09,416
[♪♪♪]
1001
01:17:12,420 --> 01:17:13,462
[GUNSHOT]
1002
01:17:22,180 --> 01:17:23,263
[GUN CLICKS EMPTY]
1003
01:17:25,266 --> 01:17:26,475
[CACKLING]
1004
01:18:06,641 --> 01:18:08,851
[♪♪♪]
1005
01:18:32,333 --> 01:18:34,668
[♪♪♪]
1006
01:18:34,878 --> 01:18:36,378
Ah!
1007
01:18:54,022 --> 01:18:55,647
[GRUNTING]
1008
01:19:37,398 --> 01:19:40,067
[♪♪♪]
1009
01:19:42,862 --> 01:19:47,950
The most expensive stand-up in the
history of motion-picture marketing.
1010
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:49,534
Awesome.
1011
01:19:53,373 --> 01:19:56,792
[♪♪♪]
1012
01:20:01,714 --> 01:20:02,714
CLERK:
Smiley.
1013
01:20:04,133 --> 01:20:06,176
Hm.
1014
01:20:08,012 --> 01:20:09,930
Here's your fucking tape back.
1015
01:20:10,348 --> 01:20:11,640
Hmmph.
1016
01:20:11,975 --> 01:20:14,559
Ah, let's see here.
1017
01:20:16,312 --> 01:20:18,230
Ooh, late charges.
1018
01:20:20,858 --> 01:20:22,943
Oh, mama! What's this?
1019
01:20:23,111 --> 01:20:27,072
Tape's not rewound?
That's gonna cost you!
1020
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:29,783
I've taken a lot of shit from you.
1021
01:20:29,951 --> 01:20:32,744
I put up with your high prices,
your lousy selection.
1022
01:20:32,912 --> 01:20:35,414
- Your rude phone calls.
- Sorry about that.
1023
01:20:35,581 --> 01:20:37,916
- I want to tell you one thing.
- What?
1024
01:20:38,084 --> 01:20:41,128
I will never rent tapes
from this store again, you snotty...
1025
01:20:43,840 --> 01:20:46,216
I'm gonna finish what I started,
motherfucker.
1026
01:20:52,890 --> 01:20:54,850
No, please.
1027
01:20:55,893 --> 01:20:58,061
- Knuckle up, bitch.
- Yeah?
1028
01:20:58,229 --> 01:21:00,355
Let's go, motherfucker. Let's work.
1029
01:21:00,523 --> 01:21:02,065
[♪♪♪]
1030
01:21:13,244 --> 01:21:15,078
CISCO: Where's the girl?
MELVIN: I let her go.
1031
01:21:17,790 --> 01:21:19,791
Whoa.
1032
01:21:19,959 --> 01:21:24,921
You let that bitch go? I can't believe
how fucking stupid you are, man.
1033
01:21:25,089 --> 01:21:27,549
MELVIN: She ain't no bitch.
CISCO: Oh, she's not a bitch.
1034
01:21:27,717 --> 01:21:31,261
I see. You like this girl.
Come on! She tricked you, fool.
1035
01:21:31,429 --> 01:21:35,015
Just another ho manipulating
your sorry ass to get what she wants.
1036
01:21:36,476 --> 01:21:38,393
You don't know what you're
talking about. That's not true.
1037
01:21:38,561 --> 01:21:42,105
You never learn. Haven't I taught
you nothing? She don't like you.
1038
01:21:42,273 --> 01:21:44,357
Hell, I don't fucking like you.
1039
01:22:04,087 --> 01:22:06,004
CISCO: Shit, man,
when I found you, you was nothing.
1040
01:22:06,172 --> 01:22:08,173
I got you a job,
taught you everything you know.
1041
01:22:10,009 --> 01:22:13,261
Remember that promise I made about
my boat? I lied. You ain't getting shit.
1042
01:22:13,429 --> 01:22:15,555
Hey, Cisco. You know what?
I don't give a fuck!
1043
01:22:22,897 --> 01:22:24,106
[♪♪♪]
1044
01:22:27,443 --> 01:22:29,194
[♪♪♪]
1045
01:22:49,132 --> 01:22:50,423
Ugh!
1046
01:23:04,897 --> 01:23:06,273
Son of a bitch!
1047
01:23:11,112 --> 01:23:13,238
Ain't that a bitch!
1048
01:23:17,326 --> 01:23:21,329
All I wanted to do
was to sail my boat, man.
1049
01:23:21,956 --> 01:23:23,498
You know?
1050
01:23:24,500 --> 01:23:26,418
Navigate by the stars.
1051
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:30,839
See dolphins racing alongside,
you know?
1052
01:23:31,007 --> 01:23:32,966
Maybe even kill a few of them.
1053
01:23:36,470 --> 01:23:37,929
Yo, Mel,
1054
01:23:38,848 --> 01:23:40,765
I can almost see it.
1055
01:23:41,684 --> 01:23:43,935
It's fucking beautiful.
1056
01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:51,693
- Mel?
- I'm here, buddy.
1057
01:23:52,278 --> 01:23:53,987
I can't see it no more.
1058
01:23:55,531 --> 01:23:58,116
I can see it. You're there, man.
1059
01:23:58,993 --> 01:24:02,204
You're there now.
Right there on the deck.
1060
01:24:02,371 --> 01:24:04,998
It's just you and the sea.
One on one.
1061
01:24:06,375 --> 01:24:08,543
You're free now.
1062
01:24:13,049 --> 01:24:14,132
[CLICKING]
1063
01:24:14,300 --> 01:24:17,260
[♪♪♪]
1064
01:24:24,435 --> 01:24:26,686
[BEEPING]
1065
01:24:48,334 --> 01:24:51,461
[♪♪♪]
1066
01:24:51,879 --> 01:24:53,255
[SPEAKS JAPANESE]
1067
01:24:56,467 --> 01:24:57,801
[GASPS]
1068
01:25:16,529 --> 01:25:18,905
Ah!
1069
01:25:32,378 --> 01:25:35,380
[♪♪♪]
1070
01:25:50,563 --> 01:25:52,522
[SPEAKING JAPANESE]
1071
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:05,952
[SOBBING]
1072
01:26:07,496 --> 01:26:08,747
Why?
1073
01:26:16,714 --> 01:26:17,964
That is so cool.
1074
01:26:18,132 --> 01:26:21,051
I can't believe they're making a movie
about your kidnapping.
1075
01:26:21,218 --> 01:26:23,762
My dad's in L.A. finalizing the deal.
1076
01:26:23,929 --> 01:26:26,931
This is such a story.
Your dad was totally broke.
1077
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,391
Then you get kidnapped,
1078
01:26:28,559 --> 01:26:30,477
and now they're making
a big Hollywood movie?
1079
01:26:30,644 --> 01:26:33,271
Your dad must be so happy.
1080
01:26:33,439 --> 01:26:36,483
Yeah, everything's back to normal.
My ride's here. I gotta go.
1081
01:26:39,445 --> 01:26:41,905
[♪♪♪]
1082
01:26:47,495 --> 01:26:49,037
MAN:
Straight home, ma'am?
1083
01:26:49,205 --> 01:26:51,164
Or would you like to just
get away from it all?
1084
01:26:51,332 --> 01:26:52,457
Skipper?
1085
01:27:07,556 --> 01:27:12,560
[BUCK-O-NINE'S
"I'M THE MAN" PLAYS]
1086
01:27:12,728 --> 01:27:15,397
- I don't understand.
- Thanks, Vince. Let's go.
1087
01:27:15,564 --> 01:27:17,273
You got it, kid.
1088
01:27:18,651 --> 01:27:20,860
- You know your dad's movie display?
- Uh-huh.
1089
01:27:21,028 --> 01:27:22,487
It was really well made.
1090
01:27:22,655 --> 01:27:24,781
[♪♪♪]
1091
01:27:38,087 --> 01:27:40,255
- So?
- Yeah?
1092
01:27:40,423 --> 01:27:42,257
Are we gonna disappear or what?
1093
01:27:42,425 --> 01:27:44,342
You're the man.
1094
01:28:26,385 --> 01:28:32,390
[BUDDHA MONK'S "GOT'S LIKE
COME ON THRU" PLAYS]
1095
01:29:53,138 --> 01:29:59,143
[MARK WAHLBERG'S
"DON'T SLEEP" PLAYS]
82228
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