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[man] One, two A one, two, three and...
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[opening theme song playing]
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♪ Chico, don't be
Discouraged ♪
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♪ The Man, he ain't
So hard to understand ♪
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♪ Chico, if you try now ♪
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♪ I know that you can lend
A helping hand ♪
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♪ Because there's good
In everyone ♪
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♪ And a new day has begun ♪
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♪ You can see the morning sun
If you try ♪
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♪ And I know
Things will be better ♪
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♪ Oh, yes, they will
For Chico and the Man ♪
12
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:07,526
♪ Yes, they will
For Chico and the Man ♪
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Hi, Raul.
14
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Hi, Aunt Della.
15
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Aw.
16
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Oh, hey, what is that?
17
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,182
Who's Randy?
18
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Oh, that's me.
19
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Now that I'm in America,
20
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I figured I should have
a real American name.
21
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"Randy." You like it?
22
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Yeah, that sounds okay.
23
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Randy Garcia.
24
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Oh, no. I changed "Garcia"
to American too.
25
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- Well, what is it now?
- Goldberg.
26
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Randy Goldberg?
27
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Well, that sure is American.
28
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,956
Where is Ed, baby?
29
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He's still down at city hall,
signing up to be my new papa.
30
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I got this letter of
reference he's gonna need.
31
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Louie's on the way over
here with his soon.
32
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One more and we're in business!
33
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,842
Why do they need all those
dumb letters anyway?
34
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,927
Oh, well, wait a minute, sugar.
They're not dumb letters.
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You see, the Foster Parents
Society cannot be too careful.
36
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,975
They want to make sure they
get the perfect parents
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for such a sweet,
intelligent little boy.
38
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You left out "adorable."
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You are adorable.
40
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If I were 30 years younger,
I'd go for you myself.
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00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,778
Aunt Della,
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if you were 30 years younger,
you wouldn't even be born yet.
43
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Oh, all right!
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You got more Latin charm
than any Goldberg I know!
45
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[Ed] Oh!
46
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Here you go...
47
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- Sit down, right here.
- [groaning]
48
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- [Della] What's the matter?
- What happened?
49
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You'll never know what I
went through for you.
50
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They took my fingerprints.
51
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,723
They asked me a lot of questions.
52
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The doctor stuck a needle
this big in my arm.
53
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I tell you, it's not easy
having a child at my age.
54
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Yes, but tell the truth, Uncle Ed,
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ain't it worth it?
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Look what you're getting.
57
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[flat tone] Terrific.
58
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A 75-pound bouncing wetback.
59
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I haven't got you yet.
60
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:24,955
We still need three
letters of reference.
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Speaking of which, I've
got mine right here.
62
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Oh, good.
63
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,461
- Let's see here.
- It ain't too bad.
Listen to it.
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"To whom it may concern,
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Ed Brown is a fine,
upstanding human being.
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In my opinion, he would make one
of the finest foster parents
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any child could have.
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00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:46,518
He is truly one of nature's noblemen."
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[sarcastically] Oh, Della,
you know me so well.
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00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,359
That's a great letter, Aunt Della.
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Thank you for writing it.
72
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Well, writing it was easy.
73
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- The hard part is going to be signing it.
- Yeah.
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00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:01,492
And while I do, maybe you
should stand over here
75
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:05,412
in case a bolt of lightning
comes shooting down here.
76
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:07,331
Ed, what happened to that
letter you were gonna get?
77
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,083
Ah, it's in the works,
it's in the works...
78
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He didn't get it.
79
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I'll get it. I'll get it.
Stop worrying.
80
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,048
All right, here you are,
Nature's Nobleman.
81
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,550
- Oh, thank you.
- And here comes nature's garbageman.
82
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In person!
83
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,517
And these pearls of
wisdom for the day...
84
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,226
Okay.
85
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,020
When all seems lost--
86
00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:31,480
Terrific. I love it.
87
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Where's the letter?
88
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I got it right here in the garbage.
89
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Good.
90
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,322
I bet this is a good one.
91
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,907
It ought to be.
92
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Louie and I have been
friends for over 25 years.
93
00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,996
Go ahead, Louie, read it to 'em.
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- "To whom it may concern...
- [Ed] Yeah.
95
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...I've known Ed Brown for a long time.
96
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:51,750
- Signed Louie Wilson."
- Yeah...
97
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,300
That's it?
98
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,052
That's a letter of reference?
99
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:05,264
- Well, look what I had to work with, man.
- Why, you--
100
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,099
All right, all right.
Just leave it to me, Ed.
101
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,600
Come on in the office, Louie,
102
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,394
you and I got some
creative writing to do.
103
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,397
Okay. And I tell you what, say
some nice things about me.
104
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,065
Tell them how charitable I am.
105
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,984
- How big-hearted, how generous.
- You got it.
106
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,319
Yeah. And if you use the
phone, leave a dime.
107
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,738
Oh!
108
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,158
Just think, only one more letter...
109
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,076
- Yeah.
- ...and I will be an official gringo.
110
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,912
Big deal. All that gets you
is the right to pay taxes.
111
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,456
And the right to vote.
112
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,124
Yeah, for the people who
make you pay taxes.
113
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,460
- Uncle Ed...
- What?
114
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,420
You ain't gonna have any trouble
115
00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:37,921
getting that third letter for the
social worker lady, are you?
116
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,255
Are you kidding?
117
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,133
I've been living here for 30 years.
118
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,260
Everybody in the neighborhood loves me.
119
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:47,473
Ed Brown, you're a dirty, no-good bum!
120
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,558
- He must be from another neighborhood.
- Yeah.
121
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,687
Well, Ramirez, it's been
a lousy day so far.
122
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:56,273
You may as well stick around
and make it a real stinker.
123
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:59,318
- Speaking of stinkers, this muffler you sold me...
- Yeah.
124
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,403
- ...it's no good.
- What's wrong with it?
125
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,197
- It's got a hole in it.
- It's supposed to have a hole in it.
126
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,948
On the end, not in the middle.
127
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,825
Oh...
128
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,452
He's got a point, Uncle Ed.
129
00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,454
Listen, you, if you're gonna live here,
130
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,289
remember, I'm always right, got it?
131
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,624
Okay.
132
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,626
What hole?
133
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,587
Good boy.
You're learning fast.
134
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:21,673
Get out of my garage, you crook!
135
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,467
You're calling me a crook?
136
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:26,095
Yeah. Last year, you put
one crummy washer in here
137
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,138
and you charged me $90, parts and labor.
138
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,057
That's because you
called me on a Sunday.
139
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,517
You didn't show up till Tuesday.
140
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,392
You see?
It was a three-day job.
141
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:35,687
Get out of my garage.
142
00:06:36,522 --> 00:06:37,815
Gladly.
143
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,190
As soon as you give me a new muffler.
144
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:42,444
I have a written warranty signed by you.
145
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- Where?
- He's right, Uncle Ed.
146
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,115
It's signed "E. Brown."
147
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,199
Who's E. Brown?
148
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,450
- "Who's E. Brown"?
- Yeah.
149
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,202
- You're E. Brown!
- I'm Ed Brown.
150
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,870
I suggest you take this piece of junk
151
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,914
back to the place where you got it.
152
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,666
And demand that you get what's
coming from this "E. Brown,"
153
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,041
whoever the hell he is.
154
00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,710
You're gonna get what's coming to you!
155
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,337
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
156
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,005
Get out of my garage, you
Roto-Rooter reject!
157
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:05,467
- What did you call me?
- Oh...
158
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,136
I'll write it out for you!
159
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,303
- Oh! You...
- [indistinct shouting]
160
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,807
What in the world is happening out here?
161
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:15,853
- Eh, just another satisfied customer.
- [loud clang]
162
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,605
- Well, you got the letter?
- Oh, man. This is a gem.
163
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,691
Yeah? Will it get me the kid?
164
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:24,194
- This letter's so good, it won't only get you a kid...
- Yeah?
165
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:26,321
... it'd get me 20 years for perjury.
166
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,867
Couldn't happen to a nicer fella.
167
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,869
Now all we need is one more.
168
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,579
Who we gonna get it from, Uncle Ed?
169
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,664
Listen, kid, better get over here.
170
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,750
I'm going to have to level with you.
171
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,836
I'm having a little trouble
getting that letter.
172
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,629
Me too, Ed.
173
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,381
I asked everybody on my route.
174
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,383
Yeah? You mean they all said no?
175
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,385
- The polite ones did.
- Well, that's...
176
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,929
You know, I had that same problem.
177
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,182
Then I finally figured out my mistake.
178
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,224
What was that?
179
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,893
I told them who it was for.
180
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,061
What...
181
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,813
- Hello, everybody.
- [Della] Hello, Ms. Wilkerson.
182
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,398
[Louie] Hi, Ms. Wilkerson.
183
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,445
Buenos tardes, Raul.
184
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,197
Buenos tardes, Ms. Wilkerson.
185
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,574
Look everyone, it's nice Ms. Wilkerson
186
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,743
from the nice Department
of Social Services.
187
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,244
Let's tell her the nice news.
188
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:17,623
- What nice news?
- We got the three letters!
189
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:18,665
We did?
190
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:22,586
Sure, and here we are.
191
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,421
One, two.
192
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,632
Oops, I goofed.
This one is two.
193
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,467
So this one is three.
194
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,302
So three letters.
195
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,845
He's my papa!
196
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,016
Un momento, Raul.
197
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,977
You see, I-I only have two letters here.
198
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,646
You lost one already?
199
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,275
Cute. Mr. Brown...
200
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:48,320
- [Ed] Yeah?
- I just dropped by to tell you that your, your application
201
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,780
is being processed, and
everything looks good.
202
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,951
- [Ed] Oh.
- Now it's just a matter of that third letter of reference.
203
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,870
- Uh-huh.
- Senorita, please, don't make any trouble.
204
00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,499
I want Uncle Ed to be my papa more
than anything else in the world.
205
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,125
- [Amanda] Raul...
- Oh, stop worrying, kid.
206
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,961
Everything's gonna work out all right.
207
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,463
Tell you what, why don't you
go down to the playground
208
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,381
and play with the other midgets?
209
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,468
Okay.
210
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,511
But when I get older and
start having girlfriends,
211
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,014
I might have to get rid
of you sometimes too.
212
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,481
How do you like that?
213
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,982
Now, look, Ms. Wilkerson--
214
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,777
Mr. Brown, I'm on your side.
215
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:30,988
I gave you the highest recommendation
216
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,657
I've ever given any applicant
for foster parenthood.
217
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,493
- This must be her first case.
- Will you be quiet?
218
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,538
And I'm sure you'll be able
to get that third letter.
219
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:42,874
- In the meantime, why don't we just sit--
- Ed Brown!
220
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:44,333
Now you're gonna get it.
221
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:45,836
- [Ed] Yeah?
- I just talked to my lawyer
222
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,504
and he says you're in a lot of trouble.
223
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,339
- Oh, you talked to your lawyer, huh?
- Yes!
224
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,216
How would you like a little
conversation with this?
225
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,343
- Your fist don't scare me.
- It doesn't, huh?
226
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:56,304
Maybe if I attached an
optional accessory.
227
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,015
- Huh?
- Mr. Brown, what are you doing!
228
00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,975
[indistinct shouting]
229
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,227
[Amanda] Stop that, right this minute!
I want... Stop it!
230
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:05,147
Get out of here, I'm telling you...
231
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,692
If he comes in here
again, I'll kill him!
232
00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:10,193
So all I have to do now
233
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:13,572
is get another letter to
prove I'm a nice guy.
234
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:16,325
Mr. Brown, you almost struck that man!
235
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,535
Yeah, I missed him.
He moved too fast for me.
236
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:23,707
I'm shocked. I had no idea you
had such a violent streak.
237
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,876
What are you talking about?
What violent streak?
238
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,919
Haven't you ever wanted
to slug a plumber?
239
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:29,546
- That's beside the point.
- Eh!
240
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,631
Mr. Brown, would you
ever strike a child?
241
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,051
Is he a plumber?
242
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,428
- Mr. Brown.
- What?
243
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,263
Of course, I would never strike a child.
244
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,224
- Thank goodness.
- Except in self-defense.
245
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,059
That is not acceptable.
246
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,229
I-I'm sorry.
I mean, it says... It says right here.
247
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,898
- Here. Let me help you, honey.
- It says...
248
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,732
In our regulations, it says,
"Corporal punishment,
249
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:53,737
that is, spanking, is not permitted
under any circumstances."
250
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,113
That's stupid.
251
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,074
Uh, Ed means it lacks wisdom, honey.
252
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,617
No, Ed means it's stupid.
253
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,452
Whatever happened to that old adage,
254
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,078
"Spare the rod and spoil the child"?
255
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,705
Why, I even think it's in the Bible.
256
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,957
Well if it is, it's been superseded
257
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:10,879
by Section 6001 of the
Operations Manual,
258
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,714
of the Department of Social Services.
259
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,256
How do you like that, Margaret?
260
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,260
You can now tell him
he's being rewritten.
261
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,761
That ain't in the Bible.
262
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,429
Well, it ought to be.
263
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,099
Well, I-I'm sorry.
264
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,309
I mean, our, our first concern
is always the child.
265
00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:28,897
I'm afraid I'm going to have to
report all of this to my superiors.
266
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,525
And that may mean a reevaluation
267
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:34,152
of your application for
foster parenthood.
268
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,862
I'm sorry.
269
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:38,407
You ought to be sorry,
you little squirt.
270
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,574
You...
271
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:41,785
Hmm.
272
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,413
I mean, you talk about stupid.
273
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:47,749
You said it, of all the
loudmouthed troublemakers.
274
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,167
You're absolutely right.
275
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,253
I pity the poor guy who marries her.
276
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,801
[indistinct]
277
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,640
Ed Brown, how could you
say those things to her?
278
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,976
You know you'd never hit little Raul.
279
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,311
Yeah, spanking is old-fashioned.
280
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,522
Nowadays, you gotta talk to kids.
281
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,357
Well, sometimes talking
doesn't mean anything.
282
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:15,152
It's like driving a car.
283
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,695
You never really learn your lesson
284
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,030
until you've been rear-ended.
285
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,324
I saw the Social lady drive away.
286
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,742
What's the good news?
287
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,495
Not so good news?
288
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,458
Rotten news, huh?
289
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,336
Uh, Louie, come on.
290
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,754
I think Ed and Raul wanna talk a little bit.
See you later, baby.
291
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,173
[Louie] Yeah.
292
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,094
What happened?
293
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,181
Well, kid... [sighs]
294
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,266
I might as well tell you the truth.
295
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,852
It doesn't look too hot.
296
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,813
But why?
We are made for each other.
297
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,398
You need me.
298
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,485
You're all alone, you
could die of loneliness.
299
00:12:56,526 --> 00:13:01,823
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe that's the only way to get a good reference.
300
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:06,410
You know, after you die, people
always say nice things about you.
301
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,538
- Wait a minute!
- [groans] What?
302
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,541
- You don't have to die if you don't want to.
- No?
303
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,585
I'll get you that letter.
304
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,719
But how?
305
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,725
Aunt Margarita, who is a
saint that takes care
306
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,352
of this kind of stuff?
307
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,229
The one that puts good
ideas in your head?
308
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,446
That's a smart idea.
309
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,365
That saint ain't a saint for nothing.
310
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,367
I'll get you that letter, Uncle Ed!
311
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,043
I'm gonna get that Ed Brown this time!
312
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,755
What do you mean, "small claims court"?
313
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:02,133
I want to get him in "big claims court."
314
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,469
You seem to forget, counselor, that I--
315
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,429
What are you doing here?
316
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,100
Mr. Brown sent this over to you.
317
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,643
Free, for no money.
318
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,186
Hold on a minute, counselor.
319
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,189
He sent me this muffler?
320
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,941
Si. He said to me,
321
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,277
"Raul, take this brand new muffler
322
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,780
to that nice Mr. Ramirez
and tell him I apologize.
323
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:24,990
Signed Ed Brown."
324
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,451
I can't believe it, I can't believe it.
325
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,953
Here's the proof, senor.
326
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,290
It's not a trick?
327
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,000
It's not gonna make my car blow up?
328
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,336
Do I look like a hitman?
329
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:48,305
Counselor, about suing Ed Brown,
330
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,433
drop the case.
331
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:54,603
Who would ever think Ed Brown would
do a decent thing like this?
332
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,024
Tell him I appreciate it.
333
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,817
Mr. Brown will be very happy,
334
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,820
and he wants absolutely
nothing in return.
335
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:04,863
Positively.
336
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:05,947
Uh-oh.
337
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,993
- Nothing. Good.
- Nada.
338
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,078
- However...
- We're back to "uh-oh."
339
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,499
All right, what is it?
340
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,418
Mr. Brown will hate me for asking,
341
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,629
but there's this very fancy club.
342
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,006
- The Mooses.
- The Mooses?
343
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,508
And to get in, he needs
a letter of reference
344
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,344
from some big-shot citizen.
345
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,680
Someone who knows a lot
of important people.
346
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:31,890
Why, that's me!
347
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,808
I put in all their toilets!
348
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,105
What do you want me to say?
349
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:40,315
How about this?
350
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,400
"Dear to whom it may concern,
351
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:45,403
Mr. Ed Brown is a very noble man.
352
00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:48,031
He is honest, he is simpatico..."
353
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,658
Am I going too fast for you?
354
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,534
Not unless you want me to
get a pencil and paper.
355
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,244
- Good thinking.
- Come on.
356
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:56,247
- I wish we had a dictionary.
- What for?
357
00:15:56,331 --> 00:16:00,418
To use classy words like
magnifico, fantastico, stupendo!
358
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,419
Far out!
359
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,838
Maravilloso. Simpatico.
360
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,256
[laughing]
361
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,134
Here you are, Ed.
362
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,387
You sure you don't want me to lace
this with some of your joy-juice?
363
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,763
Make you feel better.
364
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,390
Oh...
365
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,725
I'm too miserable to take a
chance of feeling good.
366
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:20,230
Hey, maybe I ought to talk to that, uh,
367
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,898
lady social worker again, huh?
368
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,025
Oh, please, Ed, your
talking is what's got us
369
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,819
in this mess in the first place.
370
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,946
Why don't you try something
completely different for you?
371
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,698
- Like what?
- Total silence.
372
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,118
Are you saying I have a big mouth?
373
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,578
No, but if the Grand Canyon
ever needed a place
374
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,996
to stay, baby--
375
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,540
Now listen you, I've
had enough of that--
376
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:39,541
- [Ed] What's the matter?
- Here's Ms. Wilkerson.
377
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:40,959
Good afternoon, everybody.
378
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,252
Good afternoon, Ms. Wilkerson.
379
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:45,755
Ah, good afternoon, my dear!
380
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,591
And may I compliment you
on your lovely frock?
381
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,969
Hmm... What's the good news, girlie?
382
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,971
[sighing]
383
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:54,931
Not too favorable, I'm afraid.
384
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,225
You see, this matter of
corporal punishment
385
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,643
- is really quite important.
- It is.
386
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,437
And I have instructions--
387
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,272
- Uncle Ed, Uncle Ed!
I got the letter!
- What? Yeah?
388
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,816
Ah! Senorita, how lucky you are here.
389
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:06,651
Here's the third letter.
390
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,529
- Well, it's not a matter of--
- Read it, read it, read it!
391
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,532
- "To whom it may concern..."
- [Ed] Yeah.
392
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,452
- "Dear Whom..."
- Dear Whom?
393
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:22,709
- "Ed Brown is a great guy, especially for a gringo."
- Yeah.
394
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,714
"And I think he would make
one terrific Moose."
395
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,549
"Terrific Moose"?
396
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,261
"He's upright and true,
397
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:36,556
loyal and blue, and lots
of other good stuff too."
398
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:43,354
Hey, that's pretty clever, kid.
Whose name did you sign?
399
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:45,732
"Signed Hector Ramirez, plumber."
400
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,567
Hector Ra--
401
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:48,902
Hector Ramirez?
402
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,653
Hector Ra... [laughing]
403
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,530
That's funny!
404
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,032
Ha ha! That's funny! Ha ha ha!
405
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,910
That's a good one.
406
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,536
- Well, this is a nice letter, Mr. Brown.
- [Ed] Yes, yes.
407
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,705
And it says lots of
good things about you,
408
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,875
but I'm afraid my instructions
are quite clear.
409
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:07,462
We cannot approve a foster
parent who would spank a child.
410
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,255
Why not?
411
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,882
- My real papa believed in spanking...
- [Ed] Yeah.
412
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,259
...and look how I turned out. Perfect!
413
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,888
The kid is absolutely right.
414
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,393
Now, let me ask you something.
415
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,854
Didn't your papa ever spank you?
416
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,482
- Oh, Ed, sit down, sit down.
It'll make it easier.
- What? Why should I sit down?
417
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,026
- What?
- Much easier for you to put both feet in your mouth.
418
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,402
Ah.
419
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,863
Ed Brown. Ed Brown, mi amigo!
420
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,323
[speaking Spanish]
421
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:36,699
[in English] Did you get my letter?
422
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,618
What's with this "amigo" business?
423
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,744
- What letter?
- To be a Moose.
424
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,914
- Was it okay?
- Senor Ramirez!
425
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:45,124
- Hmm?
- I think I smell smoke coming from your store.
426
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,710
- [exclaiming]
- [Ed] Wait a minute, wait a minute.
427
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,712
Just a minute.
428
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,549
Are you trying to tell me that
you really wrote that letter?
429
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,425
Of course.
That's the least I could do
430
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,219
after you send Raul
with the new muffler.
431
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,304
Well, of course, I always give the...
432
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,560
I did what?
433
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:07,021
Hey, where do you think you're going?
434
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,982
For a short walk.
I'll be back in a few weeks.
435
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,900
Never mind that.
Get over here.
436
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:14,696
So, you gave him a brand
new muffler, huh?
437
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:18,116
Brand new, for which I thank you.
438
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,909
Yeah...
439
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:22,412
Hey, you stole a muffler, huh?
440
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,955
No, I didn't steal.
441
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,540
Don't lie to me!
442
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,250
- You stole it. You stole it.
- I borrowed it.
443
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,585
- I took it.
- You stole it.
444
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,169
I stole it!
445
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,799
But it was for a good reason.
446
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,136
I wanted that third letter from
Mr. Ramirez so I could be your kid.
447
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,263
That's right, Ed. And besides,
448
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,640
you know Ramirez was entitled
to that new muffler.
449
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:45,059
I decide who's entitled
to what around here.
450
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,561
And you, you're entitled to a spanking.
451
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,813
- Now, get over here.
- [Amanda] A spanking? Oh!
452
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,607
Ah, there's no excuse for stealing.
453
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,773
No reason at all.
454
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,192
Ever, ever. You got it?
455
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,111
Oh, si, I got it good.
456
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,988
So now there's no reason to spank me.
457
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,157
So why not forget the whole thing, okay?
458
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,076
Back here. Come on over here.
459
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:05,580
- Mr. Brown!
- Shut up. This is between me and my kid.
460
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,790
Ooh, ow! No, it hurts!
461
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,292
Please. No. Ow!
462
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,669
Ow-- That's funny. Uncle Ed!
463
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:15,256
- What?
- You either got bad eyes or a short arm.
464
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,807
Or a good heart.
465
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:27,060
- Yeah.
- You couldn't bring yourself to hit him, could you?
466
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:28,603
Of course I could.
467
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,979
How do I know my tennis
elbow was gonna act up
468
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:31,981
at this point?
469
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,359
Ed Brown, you have never played
tennis a day in your life.
470
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,152
All right, so I have a carburetor elbow.
471
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:39,113
What's the difference?
What do you want from me?
472
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,032
- Senorita?
- Si?
473
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:43,117
[speaking Spanish]
474
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,122
[speaking Spanish]
475
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,172
- [in English] Hot dog!
- "Hot dog."
476
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:58,007
This I understand.
477
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,051
Now what was all that Mexican
yadda de yadda de yadda de?
478
00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:01,844
Wonderful news.
479
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:05,598
The senorita is saying,
"Take me. I'm yours."
480
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,935
[indistinct]
481
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:17,193
Does that mean that Ed gets the kid?
482
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:19,529
- Ah, Mr. Brown...
- Yes.
483
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,698
You've fulfilled all the requirements.
484
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,366
- He's yours.
- Oh, good, yes.
485
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,368
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
486
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,244
Well, as my people say since I
moved into this neighborhood...
487
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:28,204
- Ole!
- Ole!
488
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:29,580
Ole!
489
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:31,708
Now what's with the "ole" here?
490
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,876
Now that I'm your father, there's
gonna be some new rules around here.
491
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,420
You'll make your bed every morning.
492
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:36,921
You'll spend an hour on your homework,
493
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,173
and you'll take a bath every day.
494
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:42,010
Boy, I didn't know being an official kid
495
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:44,178
would turn out to be such a tough job.
496
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,224
Hey! What was that for?
497
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,101
I just wanted to show you I can do it.
498
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:51,894
- And you're next!
- Oh, wait a minute!
499
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:54,022
[indistinct shouting]
500
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:56,482
[Della] Don't do that!
501
00:21:57,567 --> 00:21:58,568
Wait!
502
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,285
[grunting]
503
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,082
Well, you happy now, kid?
504
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,126
There it is. Front and center,
where everybody can see it.
505
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:18,004
How about that, huh?
506
00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:22,925
Well, that's the way it should be.
507
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,261
It says right here on the
foster parents' license,
508
00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,430
"Post in a prominent place."
509
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,265
I love it.
510
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,101
I am now an official foster
gringo, in black and white.
511
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:33,436
Yeah.
512
00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:35,146
Hey, hey, hey.
513
00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:36,773
Hold it, hold it.
Where do you think you're going?
514
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,273
To church.
515
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,401
I'm going to say a prayer
of thanks to my saint.
516
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:41,652
- Oh?
- [kisses]
517
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:44,655
[chuckling]
518
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,748
Say, maybe I ought to try
one of those prayers.
519
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:57,960
I should pray to Margaret that she
forgives me for what I've done to her.
520
00:22:58,002 --> 00:23:00,755
Huh? What have you done now?
521
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,673
Are you kidding?
After 40 years of marriage,
522
00:23:02,757 --> 00:23:05,426
I've just become the father
of another woman's child.
523
00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:16,311
[Jack Albertson] Chico and the Man was
recorded live before a studio audience
524
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,816
at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.
525
00:23:19,857 --> 00:23:23,319
[closing theme song playing]
526
00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:26,696
♪ Chico was born
In El Barrio♪
527
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,826
♪ Spent much of his time
In the street ♪
528
00:23:29,867 --> 00:23:33,496
♪ His mind was craving
For knowledge ♪
529
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:35,832
♪ His belly
For something to eat ♪
530
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:39,502
♪ But times are hard ♪
531
00:23:39,544 --> 00:23:42,004
♪ For Chico and the Man ♪
532
00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:46,342
♪ Times are hard♪
533
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,470
♪ For Chico and the Man♪
534
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:53,766
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey
All right ♪
535
00:23:54,684 --> 00:23:55,685
♪ Yeah, yeah♪
39520
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