All language subtitles for Chico.and.the.Man.S03E16.Matchmaker.Matchmaker.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

♪ One two...
A one two three and... ♪

[theme song]

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so
hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can
lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's
good in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun
if you try ♪

♪ And I know
things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will
for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will
for Chico and The Man ♪

- Ed...
- Ed, my foot.

I'm cleaning up his office.

Looks like he got a
picnic for litterbugs.

- You do windows?
- Don't you sass me, Chico.

If you men don't start taking
better care of my property

I'm gonna hire a housekeeper
and charge you.

Chico. Chico. Hey!

I need help. Help! Help!

- You don't know what's going--
- What's the matter?

I'll tell you what's the matter.

My room is now a swimming pool.

Shh. Della will raise your rent.

What? What was that?
What happened up there?

I'll tell you what happened.
It's your lousy plumbing.

The water in my bathtub backed up

and now my socks are
floating in the alley.

Well, you've got a washing machine

what're your socks doing in the tub?

They weren't in the tub,
they were on the floor.

Well, it serves your right for
leaving them lying around.

Yeah, why don't you hang them
on the nail on the door?

That's what the hole
in the toes are for.

Shut up.
Are you going to fix it or not?

You clogged it, you clean it.

- Why you, one of these days--
- Ed!

Please, uh, let me. With just
one small swing for mankind.

All right. You owe me
some white Snoopy socks.

And don't forget it.

Well. He did it again.

He woke up this morning on
the wrong side of his head.

You should've seen him at breakfast.

Instead of snap-crackle-pop
a cereal hissed at him.

I'm sorry I even started this.

This man does not need a housekeeper.

He needs a zoo keeper.

What Ed needs is a good woman.

Now, please, don't start that again.

Well, it's true.

He needs a good woman to
love him, admire him

take care of him.

Good woman to unclog his pipes.

A lady plumber wouldn't be a bad idea.

Come on, Della.
You know lots of women.

Don't you know anybody
we can fix him up with?

A widow, a lonely divorcee,
a lonely old maid?

Why me? Why don't try one of
these computer dating services?

I did, they analyzed his personality

and match him up with a moose.

I've tried everything, Della.

Maybe, you can think of something.

Well, let me see.
Who do I know in Alaska?

Why Alaska?

Well, if it works out,
he might move there.

Wait a minute, I'll get the phone.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Ed Brown's garage.

Oh, hi, Sugar Bridges.
Yeah, it's only me.

Yeah, hold on a minute.
She's here.

Mother Courage, it's for you.

- Who is it?
- Sugar Bridges.

- I'll sweep up.
- Thanks.

Hello.

Oh, yeah.

Well, tell her I'll call her
back in about 10 minutes.

Chico... you are not
going to believe this.

Well, try me.

That call was about a lady I
admitted to art counsel.

And she wants me to help
her buy a used car.

Why wouldn't I believe that?

Peggy Randall is a widow.
And her only son is in Chicago.

Mm-hmm. You're coming in loud and clear.

A lonely widow, huh?

Yeah, there's only one problem though.

Peggy is so sweet I just
don't have the heart

to introduce her to Ed Brown.

Yeah, he'd never go for
a setup date anyway.

He turned down the moose.

But, you know, I think I know
how we can get them to meet.

How?

Well, you said she's buying a used car.

So, she's got to have it checked
out by a reliable mechanic.

Ed maybe a grouch but he's reliable.

Oh, yeah. You can always rely
on him to be an old grouch.

Della, that phone call was fate.

You call Peggy Randall and
tell her to come down here

so Ed can check her out.

- Tell her to bring her car too.
- Okay.

There we are.

- Hey, Ed.
- What?

- The plumber get here yet?
- Yeah.

He was here a couple hours ago.
You know what he did?

Dropped two aspirins in the bathtub

and said if it didn't look
any better in the morning

to give him a call.

- What's that?
- It's a present from Della.

Well. Guilty conscious, eh?

Here, isn't this nice?

- Take it back.
I don't want it.
- Come on. At least try it on.

Why do I have to try it on?
I-I don't like it.

This is one hundred percent
pure virgin wool.

How do you know?
Maybe the sheep was lying.

No. Now take your hands off.

- I don't need any help.
- I'm just buttoning it up.

- Yes ma'am. Let me help you.
- Oh.

Good afternoon.

Which of you two gentlemen is Ed Brown?

Who wants to know?

- Why me. I'm Peggy Randall.
- Oh, Mrs. Randall.

T-this is Ed Brown, over
here at your service.

Oh, Mr. Brown, I'm thinking
of buying this car

and I was advised to have
you check it over first.

- Chico, take care of it.
- I'm Chico.

Oh, but I was told to ask
for you personally.

Forget it.

They said you are a fabulous mechanic.

Listen, my associate will handle
the whole... What did you say?

I said, I was told that Ed
Brown was a great mechanic.

You said fabulous, but
let's not quibble.

All right, what can I do for you?

Oh, I'm such a ninny
when it comes to cars.

And I would appreciate very
much if you look this over

and see if it's in good shape.

Yeah, well if it's half
the shape you are in

it's worthwhile looking into.

They didn't tell me you were also witty.

They didn't want to lie to you.

Excuse me.

- He's cute.
- Yeah.

All right, Mrs. Randall...

- Peggy.
- Oh, Peggy.

That's short for Margaret, isn't it?

- Yes.
- Yes.

And Ed is short for Edgar.

Ah, no, no. Edward.

- Oh, Edward.
- Yeah.

Like the kings of England.

Oh, how true.

All right, let's take a look and see

what's going on inside here.

Let me see. Where is it? There.

Here we are. Right here.
That's it.

Oh!

Well, your release catch
is working fine.

That's a good sign.

Goodness mercy me, look at
all those thingamabobs.

Do you know what they all are?

Oh, I'll have you know I'm
an expert on thingamabobs.

Well, what's that metal
doohickey over there?

Oh, that's a beautifully
turned ankle there.

Would you mind showing
me that again, dear?

It's that little thing right there.

Yeah.

I mean that's the carburetor
over there. Yes.

Well, what do you say, uh...

Shall we take a little spin?

Well, excuse me if you don't mind here.

- What're you doing there? Oh!
- Well see, this goes there.

- That's better.
- Oh, thank you. Quite nice.

You know Margaret used
to do that for me.

- Who?
- My late wife.

- Oh, your late wife. Oh!
- Yeah, my late wife.

Thank you.

Well, uh, none of the
vital parts are missing.

Why don't we take her out for
a little trial run, huh?

You're the mechanic Ed.

Okay, hop in, Margaret.

- Oh, Peggy.
- Uh, Peggy.

Oh, but you can call me Margaret.

- Okay, Peggy.
- Thank you.

Step right in there.
That's the idea. Chico!

Della, hold on.

- Yeah?
- Uh...

Peggy and I are going
out for about an hour.

- So, keep an eye on everything.
- Okay.

Ah! Good, good, good,
good, good, good. Yes.

Hey, there's a little bar about
halfway down the block.

Della. Looking good!

Hey, there, Chico!

Buenos dias, amigo.

No, no, no. Buenas noches.
That's evening.

Oh, really?
I thought it was Hungarian.

What's the latest on the
beauty and the beast.

Beauty has turned the beast
into a prince charming.

It's like a fairytale.

Turning Ed into anything charming

is more like science fiction.

Well, whatever it is it's magic.

He's seen Peggy for
three nights in a row.

I think he's really serious about her.

She really turns him on.

Why, that's amazing.

I thought his switch was
disconnected years ago.

Hey, Chico!
I've been looking all over.

Where's my wash and wear tie?

Right here, Ed.
I've been ironing it.

- Okay. Let me have it.
- Hi there, Ed.

Oh, hello, Louie. Well, I'm
glad you're here Louie.

I have to inform you I'll be unable

to go bowling with you tonight.

You see, Peggy and I are going to see

the Burbank String Quartet.

- String Quartet?
- Yeah.

Since when are you a tennis fan?

Music, you peon. Music.

The Burbank String Quartet it's
three banjos and a drummer.

Yeah, it is. Never mind that.

Give me that tie and get out of the way.

All right, all right.

I'll have you know that Peggy
and I have been having a ball.

Yes, for it's nice to
know, I've still got it.

Well, you know the old saying.

"If you don't use it, you lose it."

Yeah.

Before mine goes over the hill

I wish Della could fix me
up with a fine fox too.

What do you mean "fine...
fox... fix you up too?"

Yeah, what do you mean Louie,
uh, meeting Peggy was fate!

Kismet.

- Kiss-what?
- Ah, kiss-what?

Kismet. That's fate.
That's how Peggy and I met.

Well, ain't the way that I heard it.

Now, Della told me--

Louie, close your entire mouth.

You close your entire mouth.

I want to hear what Della
told Louie. Well?

- Well, she-she said that-that...
- What is that?

She said she sent Ms. Randall in here

to have her car checked out.

She did, huh?

- Uh, for you to check it out.
- Yeah and you to check her out.

Oh... and you guys knew
this all the time?

You knew this was a setup?

Hey, no wonder she know all the
things that Margaret liked.

You are the one that tipped her
off, you Latin loud mouth.

You and Della ought to be hung.

All right, Ed, we were just
thinking of your happiness.

Happiness is a bluebird.

Not an old crow and a
Chicano stool pigeon.

Now, Ed, Ed, don't flip your bird, see.

- I'll flip anything I want to.
- Excuse me, gentlemen.

Ed, dear, I found a parking
space in the street.

Oh, really?

Well, did you find it all yourself

or did Della fix it up for you too?

- Oh, what're you talking about?
- Uh, Peggy, uh...

He found out that Della
sent you here to meet him.

She sent me in to have
my car checked out.

Yeah, and to have me checked out too.

Oh, do you mean Della
arranged this whole thing?

- Yeah.
- That's right.

Old, Della Kismet.

We were thinking of you both.

Oh, I didn't know anything
about it, Ed. Believe me.

Believe you, huh?
How much did you pay Della?

Pay her? Pay... To meet
an old walrus like you?

Old walrus?
Why, you cackle head.

- Ed.
- Silly goat!

- Peggy!
- Goodnight.

Goodbye.

- Peggy.
- Ed.

- Peggy.
- Ed!

- Louie.
- Chico.

Well, we really messed that up.

Yeah, wait till Della finds
out that the old crow

and the Mexican pair just
laid a big fat egg.

- Here, Ed.
- Okay.

Wish you'd stop being so stubborn.

So, what if Della played matchmaker?

A lot of romances are arranged.

That's how Eleanor met Franklin.

Queen Elizabeth met Philip.

Toulouse and Latreche.

Toulouse Latreche was one person.

Well, see, how close you become
when you're very much in love?

Well, I didn't need a matchmaker
to meet my first true love.

- It was fate.
- How did you meet Margaret?

Well, if you really wanna
know, it was very romantic.

There I was working in my
father's butcher shop

and she came in to buy
a pair of panties.

Oh.

A pair of panties in a butcher shop?

- Lamb chop panties.
- Oh.

You see, uh, she was new in town

and my George, uh, informed
her that we make the best

and finest lamb chop panties
this side of Paris.

Uh, Ed, you always told me that
Margaret was a vegetarian.

That's right, a devout
vegetarian as a matter of fact.

Yes sir, she could do 83
things with broccoli.

And when it came to turnips, I
have to tell you that she...

Wait a minute.

She was a vegetarian.
What was she doing in a butcher shop?

That meeting was arranged.

- By George.
- By George is right.

Oh.

I feel terrible.

I guess, I really over
reacted with Peggy.

Huh, you sure did.
Don't you always?

I'll be surprised if she
even speaks to you again.

Yeah, well...

You got to do something for me.

You've got to call her
and talk to her for me.

No way, Jose.

Oh, come on.
Now, who's being stubborn?

Ed from now on this one
Mexican stool pigeon

that's keeping his beak shut.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Ed.

Peggy. Oh.

- Can you ever forgive me?
- We certainly do.

Who asked you?

Ed, I don't like being
manipulated either.

But when we're our age,
does make any difference

how we found each other?

Of course, it doesn't.

I said, I'm not talking to you.
You stay out of this.

Oh, I'm sorry I called
you an old walrus.

That's all right my dear.
I am an old walrus.

But you make me feel
like a young sea lion.

Chico. Throw him a fish.

That's a good idea Della.
I'll take him out for one with chips.

Okay, let's go.

And there's a nice, little bar

right next to the fish and chips store.

Wow!

- Almost missed it.
- Almost missed it.

♪ I don't care
if the market crashes ♪

♪ 'Cause all my dough
is tied up in trashes ♪

Louie, you sing like a bird.

- Oh, thank you, Chico.
- A vulture.

Hey, that's nice.

Uh, well, what is it?

Peggy gave it to Ed.
It's the Inca god of fertility.

For Ed?

Futility is more like it.

Nah, I wouldn't be too sure, Louie.

You know last night, he didn't get back

'til after two in the morning.

Well, maybe the old man
run out of gas, Chico.

Well, if he did, it was in lover's lane.

He had so much lipstick on his shirt

he looked like he got mugged
by Helena Rubinstein.

You know something?

Our big boy really digs Ms. Randall.

- They're talking marriage.
- Marriage?

To each other?

Far out, huh?
I'm a little worried about Ed.

I don't think he knows her long
enough to know if he loves her.

Well, Chico, love doesn't matter.

You know at Ed's age, it's, uh,
companionship that counts.

And he better do it before she finds out

what kind of companion he really is.

So, uh...

♪ Here comes the bride
all dressed in yellow ♪

♪ She'd be wearing white
but she's had another fellow ♪

♪ La la la la la... ♪

Hey, help yourself.

♪ La la la la la... ♪

Hey, you.

Is there an Ed Brown in
this dismal establishment?

- Who may I say is calling?
- Lawrence Pritchett Randall.

Oh, you're Peggy's son.

I flew in from Chicago the
moment I heard about

mother's ridiculous affair
with this Brown person.

Wait a minute chum.
He happens to be a friend of mine.

I'm Francisco Rodriguez.

I don't care if you're
the man of La Mancha.

- I'm here to rescue my mother.
- Rescue her from what?

From this, obviously.

Mother is a lady of culture and
means. A fine background.

From one of California's first families.

Oh, is she Mexican too?

Certainly not!

And how she ever got involved
with this... this... mechanic.

Now wait a papaya picking minute man.

When this greasy fingered

fortune hunting friend of
your shows up would you--

Hold it!

Now if he marries your mother--

Marry? My mother?
To a common laborer?

You're talking about a man
that treats me like a son.

So, I'm just liable to
become your half brother.

Won't that be fun, then we can borrow

each other's polo ponies.

You're quite ill, aren't you?

Why don't you Mexicans go
back to where you belong?

- To Cuba.
- Wait a minute, man.

My people in this country
settled peacefully

while yours were still having
trouble at Little Big Horn.

That's for starters gringo.

I will not listen to this drivel.

Yes, you will. I listened
to yours. Sit down, man.

Now, about Mr. Brown
being a common laborer

it was people like Ed Brown
who made this country.

They got their hands dirty so
you can keep your pants clean.

And let me lay something on you
Lawrence Pritchett Randall

if you're what your mama raised

then she ain't good enough for him.

Hey, hey, hey. What's going on?
What's all the hollering about?

- Mother.
- L.P.

What're you doing here?

Ed have you been in your
bedroom all this time?

His bedroom? Mother, do you
know what you're doing?

Well yes, I was coming
down out of Ed's bedroom.

You're coming home with me this minute.

Don't you give her orders.

You stay out of this, you dirty old man.

Dirty old man?

L.P, don't you talk to
Mr. Brown like that.

Mother, I'm shocked!

Why can't you be like a
normal son and neglect me?

Yeah.

Why can't you leave us alone?

Mother, how can you even
associate with this... this...

...moth-eaten grease monkey.

- Grease monkey?
- L.P. you're out of line.

Why don't I pop L.P. on his flip side?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'll do my own popping.

Put 'em up, you pipsqueak!

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Peggy. Wait a minute.
Wait-wait, hey, listen, listen.

What's coming off here?

- His head.
- Oh!

Come on, mother.
I'm taking you out of this junk.

Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Will you stop it?
You're acting like children.

Mother, are these the kind
of friends you want?

A donkey and a wet back?

Who are you calling a donkey, honky?

Oh, Della, that was uncalled for.

Yeah, Della, you can call
him something else.

- How about tryin'...?
- Oh, Chico!

- You stay out of this.
- He's askin' for it!

Don't you raise your voice at my mother.

I'll raise a lump on
your head, your bigot!

Hold it!

Mother, I have only one thing to say.

If father were alive
he would take a very

dim view of this relationship.

But the decision is yours.

You're going to have to choose.
It's either me or that thing.

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry, Ed, I guess I blew my top.

And I didn't help any
with my honky remark.

Oh. I-I just don't believe it.
Margaret's gone.

How could a nice woman like that

have such a miserable creep for a son.

Why couldn't they leave us alone?

Life was just beginning to
look so beautiful and now...

Ed.

- Oh.
- Peggy, you came back!

Of course.

I couldn't embarrass my son by
telling him off in front of you.

Besides, h-he's given
me his sullen promise

he's going to runaway from home.

Oh, good.

That's great! That means your
wedding is going to be on.

Oh no, no, no, no.

No, we talked about it up at Ed's room.

And we decided not to be pushed
into marriage at this time.

But I changed my mind.
I want you two to get married.

Yeah, and as the senior partner
of Matchmaker's Incorporate

I second the motion.

Oh, listen you two, it was
because of your meddling

that this whole thing started

and I-I must say we're very grateful.

But from now on, please lay off.

- I second that motion.
- Yeah.

We're young enough to have
a romantic relationship.

And we're old enough to appreciate it.

Yeah.

And if ever do get married

you of course, will be
invited to the wedding.

But in the meantime,
if you should need us

we'll be in Palm Springs.

We're going to Peggy's house
there for the weekend.

See ya. Ed, Ed, Ed.

Aren't you gonna take any luggage?

Luggage? Oh, of course.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What happened?
- Ed.

Leave the god of fertility here.

I may need help.

There's a little bar right
behind the Country Club.

[humming] Morning, Chico.

- Morning, Della.
- Ed back from the Springs yet?

He got back last night.

I hear they had miserable weather.

They had a rainstorm and a windstorm.

Yeah but that was outdoors and
Peggy's place is indoors.

And there was a full moon indoors.

[howls]

[humming]

- Oh.
- Morning, Ed.

Hello Della. How are you,
Chico? Good to see you here.

Sounds like you and Peggy
had a real good time

up there at the Springs.

Oh, yes, we had a wonderful
time as the kids say, uh...

...marvie. Marvie.

That's right.
That's the way they put it.

And I, uh... wanted to take... I...

Oh, hold this for a moment,
will you old boy?

Okay.

[humming]

You and me together?
All right.

[narrator] Chico and The
Man was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC studios

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his
time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was
craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly
for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's all right yeah ♪