All language subtitles for Chico.and.the.Man.S03E02.Second.Coming.of.Della.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

♪ One, two,
a one, two, three and... ♪

[theme song]

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard
to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend
a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good
in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun
if you try ♪

♪ And I know
things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will
for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will
for Chico and The Man ♪♪

♪♪

Uh-huh-huh.

[cars honking]

I'm all jammed up.
Come back later.

- Mr. Brown.
- Oh, no.

- I'm afraid...
- Yeah?

I'm afraid that your car
is blocking my alley.

In the first place, it's not my car.

It belongs to a customer.

In the second place, it's not
your alley, it's my alley.

I beg to differ with you, sir.

Now that I own this
property, it's my alley.

Would you please move your car?

I have the right of way to this
alley during business hours.

- Read my lease.
- You read it.

That lease expires in three months

and you're goin' right out with it.

Uh, you slum landlords are all alike.

Slum landlord?

You are the thing that turned
this place into a slum!

Don't be runnin' away when
I'm tryin' to talk to you.

Now move that car, man.

I'll move it when I'm good and ready.

And right now I'm not
even ready to get ready.

It's blocking my way.
I can't get my truck to my door.

You should have thought of
that when you moved in here.

Ed Brown, if your wife were alive to see

what you've turned into,
it would kill that woman.

And what about you?

When I first met you

you were a nice, sweet
little girl with pigtails.

Now look at you.

A bulldozer in a recap girdle!

Why don't you soak your
mustache in gasoline

and throw a match in it?

If I did, it would still smell
better than that cabbage

you're cooking.
Now get out of my garage.

Don't point your finger at me.
Don't point your finger at me.

And don't holler at me, and I mean it.

Now, buddy, cut it out!

Hey.

- Hey!
- You.

What, what's all the fighting about?

What fighting? Wait a minute.

- She's the one who started it.
- He did, 30 years ago.

The only time this man
ever stopped fighting

was when he joined the
army during the war.

Della, come on, that's not nice.

Ed was a war hero, he
won the Purple Heart.

What for? Cutting his lip
with his sharp tongue?

I'm gonna ask you nicely one more time.

Move that car or I'm calling the police!

Oh, she calls that nicely.

You got five minutes
before my truck comes.

When your truck pulls in,
I hope you're under it.

Ed, give me the keys to that car, I'll--

- No way, I got--
- Give me the keys!

- I'll move the car.
- No way.

Well, I've gotta have a drink.

Oh.

Ed, this is no time to start drinkin'.

That's why I started in 1933.

Oh, that woman is gonna drive
me to an early grave.

Yeah, unless that beats her to it.

No, I'll, at least I'll go
with a smile on my face.

And a hole in your liver.

I'll wear a long coat, so it won't show.

What problem did whiskey ever solve?

My biggest problem, staying sober.

Only problem you've got is getting Della

to renew your lease.

Oh, that's impossible.

All I ever get from her are arguments.

Which you start.

What's the difference who started it?

Takes two to keep it going, doesn't it?

I wouldn't be so modest, Ed.

You could keep on going alone.

- Oh...
- Hey, fellas!

- Hi, Louie.
- Well, look who it is.

- How are you, Louie?
- Good, man.

May I say good morning?

- Only to some folks.
- Alright.

Sound like you got some
real trouble bubbling.

- Now what?
- W-what are you talking about?

Well, when I was coming
through the alley

I heard Ms. Rogers sound--

Shh. There.

I said, when I was coming
through the alley

I heard Ms. Della Rogers sounding off

about some pig-headed, loudmouth,

stale loaf of white bread.

Right away I said to myself,

"What has Ed Brown done this time?"

Uh, Louie, was she talking to a cop?

No, on a CB radio.

Oh, CB radio, big mouth.

She had to let the whole world know.

Broadcast it all over the place.

Why, she's the chocolate-chip
Barbara Walters.

She was talking to one of her
drivers, you vanilla-wafer.

I done told you, Ed, to quit
foolin' with that woman.

She's a powerful force
in this community.

Well, tell me one thing she's done.

Well, she's an organizer of Women For,

an organizer of Women Against,

a den mother for juvenile delinquents,

and a charter member of the
committee to save the whales.

- Yeah.
- Oh, big deal.

Ed, why didn't you pick a fight

with somebody you have a chance against?

- Like Muhammad Ali.
- Ah.

I didn't pick the fight, she did.

[imitating Muhammad Ali] Well, whoever
picked the fight don't matter, you see,

cause she floats like a
butterfly, stings like a bee.

Come on, show your move.
Come on, man!

Come on, show me your best shot.

Here, here, here are the keys.

Go move the car, get out of here.

Alright, I'll move the
car, I'll move it.

But after I do, I'm gonna
go over and see Della.

And with my Latin charm, I come back

with a new lease in my pocket.

You're kidding, if you
could renew that lease

you could get a chicken to tap-dance.

I can do that.

[scatting]

Breaker-1-7, Breaker-1-7.

Break for that Sugar
Britches just one time.

[Sugar Britches on radio]
Bring yourself on in, Mother Courage.

Girl, have you heard from Big Bernie?

[Sugar Britches] Last I heard, he
was looking for a dragon wagon.

on his way into bay.

Okay, 10-4, Sugar Britches.

[Sugar Britches] Eight's another
good number, Mother Courage.

Mother Courage.

May I say the perfect code
name for you, Ms. Rogers.

[Della] Thank you.

That's a nifty CB rig you got there.

I've been telling Ed he
ought to get one of those.

Be great for the business he's
been running in that same garage

as a service to the
community, to my people.

To the underprivileged, the underfed,

the over-arrested...

...and where he wants to go
on serving his fellow man

for many years to come.

Uh, oh, I almost forgot.

For you, Della, from Ed.

Chico, you're very sweet.

But I cannot accept

second-hand apologies or
second-hand flowers.

"Second-hand?"

After Ed went out of his way
to pick these for you?

Well, he didn't go too
far out of his way.

I tossed them in my trash
can this morning.

[chuckles]

Yeah, well, uh, anybody
can go to a florist.

But doesn't it say something about a man

who's willing to grovel in
garbage to please you?

Yes.

It says he's cheap.

Della, Della, how could
a woman who's done

so much good work with problem children

turn her back on widow Eddie Brown?

Widow Eddie Brown?

That's right, he's in
his second childhood.

He threw a tantrum, but now he's sorry.

Oh, Chico, honey, you ought to
be with our State Department.

And give up the good job I
got now? No way, Jose.

Would you give him a second chance?

Will you look me in my eye and tell me

how a sensitive young man like you

ever got so involved with
that bad-tempered old goat?

Yeah, well, that bad-tempered
old goat gave me a job.

He gave me a home, he taught me a trade.

He's given me a lot, Della,
including a pain in my tacos.

I heard that.

Yeah, but nobody's perfect, you know?
I mean, I tolerate him.

And if you throw him out of that garage

it'll be the end of him.

He brought it on himself.

I know, that's why he's
a pain in my tacos.

Chico, you're either going to jail

for trying to sell the Brooklyn Bridge

or else you're gonna be a millionaire

when you do sell it.

Then you'll give him a new lease?

No, but I tell you what I will do.

If you'll give me a good price
on the Brooklyn Bridge...

[indistinct chatter]

[big Bernie on radio] Big Bernie to the base.
Are you on?

This is the base.
Where are you, Big Bernie?

[big Bernie] In the garage,
Mother Courage, in the garage.

In what garage?

[Ed on radio] Ed Brown's Garage.
Service with a smile on his face...

Yeah, I told you about him.

Yeah, many years of
experience have taught me

that a car is like a female patient.

There's no way of diagnosing
until she remains quiet.

So have a little
refreshment, Big Bernie.

Yeah, you sure know how
to treat your customers.

Ah, lovable Ed Brown
doesn't have costumers.

He has friends. Uh-huh.

Oh, look who is here!

The patient's next of kin.

I have not seen such a
change of character

since "The Exorcist."

What's wrong with my roach coach, Brown?

Well, I suspect that it's overheating

uh, due to a faulty thermostat,
but I'll make sure of it.

Hey, Della, Big Bernie,
what do you say, man?

- Hey, baby.
- Hey, man.

Hey, how'd you find us here?

Oh, Sugar Britches called us on the CB.

God bless her financial heart.

You don't mind if I open
this up, do you, Ed?

- Yeah.
- Oh, of course not.

I-I hope you'll notice

that my lips never leave
my mouth. Ha-ha.

Wait a minute, who's he?
Where's he going? I was...

Hey, you, there's no lock on the john.

No lock on the john?
I wouldn't worry about it.

Nothing's been stolen out
of there in 30 years.

- Hey, you...
- Nice shot!

- Fool.
- Hey, man!

Where are the paper towels?

Paper towel's in the supermarket.

Two blocks away, third
aisle on the left.

- Della! Wha-wha-what?
- [Della] Yes?

Hey, hey, you, my office is off-limits.

Ah, forget it, Virgil's
using the phone anyhow.

[mumbling]

Well, I'll knock him limb
from limb, I'll put him...

Oh, well, you really got
a busy signal? I...

Hey, is this water clean?

Certainly not.
That's Los Angeles water. Why?

- I wanna wash my hands.
- Oh, permit me.

- Ha.
- Thank you.

Hey, you, what are you doing?

- Hey!
- Come on!

Ed! Ed!

[clamoring]

Get out of my garage!

Ed, at least be polite!

No more nice guy!

Stop it, stop it, stop that!

- Out of my garage.
- If we go, my wagon goes.

I'm including that ptomaine truck.

- Get it out of here.
- That cuts it, buster Brown.

Ernie, fellas, come on,
let's go for our purchase.

- Yeah.
- This is a garage.

- Not a picnic ground.
- Oh, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!

Oh, I've had it with
that female chainsaw.

- Oh, Ed, Ed, Ed.
- Look what she's done.

She's turned a nice,
sweet, gentle human being

into a monster.

Oh, Ed, Ed, Ed...

The moment she moved in here,
we've had nothing but trouble.

But she's not gonna get away
with it. I'll show her!

Oh, Ed... Uh, where are you goin'?

- I'll show you--
- Ed, what are you gonna do?

- What are you gonna do?
- This is now your business.

Watch.

From now on I'm Chico
and you're The Man.

- Here.
- Ah...

♪♪

- Mornin', Chico.
- Hi, Louie.

How's the man for mad today?

He's still in his room, he hasn't been

out of his pajamas in two weeks.

Two weeks, why, he must
be taking some strange

interesting shower.

He's just killing time until
Della throws him out.

Oh, come on, Chico, how can a woman

who heads so many good causes evict Ed?

It's easy, she's got a great
cause. He was rotten to her.

Well, Ed has to be patient.

She'll get used to his rottenness.

- We did.
- Yeah.

Hello, Ed.

Hello, Chico.

Hello, Louie.

[sobbing]

- Ed, what's wrong?
- Oh, don't ask.

Well, look, if there's
anything bothering you

everything's gonna be alright,
don't worry about it.

Oh, that's what the doctor
said, but I think he's lying.

But what did he say to you?

Not to me, it's Joanna's other husband.

Oh, is that the new dude with
the rubber garbage cans?

No, no, Louie, it's a soap opera.

Yes. Oh, poor Warren.
He's so brilliant.

He knows what the x-rays have shown.

And he's just trying to protect Joanna

because the shock might bring
on a premature birth.

And they live ten miles from
the nearest hospital. Oh.

"Ten miles from the hospital?"
What does that mean?

What does it mean?

Suppose the rainy season comes on.

Suppose the bridge is washed away

while she's in labor...

Oh, no, no, no.

Who? Who'll deliver the baby?

Uncle George?

[sniffles] He's a dermatologist.

[telephone ringing]

Oh...

Hello?

No, you have the wrong number.

No, this is not Ed Brown's Garage.

It's now Chico's Garage.

Yes. You're welcome.

[Chico] Ed, it's your garage.

No, no, it's not my garage any longer.

Okay, then it's my garage.

But if it's my garage,
you get paid to work

not to sit up there and drink
and watch television.

Oh, you think watching TV is easy?

Poor Joanna.

Yeah, the batteries in her
pacemaker are running low.

And that scheming stepson has
hidden the jumper cables.

[sobbing]

Well, look, Ed, if it
upset you that much

why don't you watch
some other soap opera?

You think "Against The
Stream" is any better?

David has just discovered that
the girl he's engaged to

is a transvestite.

Well, nobody's perfect.

[laughs]

Well, you sound just like
David's stepmother.

Oh, why, why is she so anxious

to get that poor little
dwarf out of the house?

That's enough to drive a man to drink.

Well, look, Ed, if it
bothers you that much

why don't you watch a game show instead?

- They're happy.
- Happy, he says, happy.

Do you know what happened yesterday

on "Let's Make A Bet?"

A young couple from Marshalltown, Iowa,

were one question away from winning

the all expense two-week
vacation in Des Moines, Iowa

and they blew it.

They couldn't remember

how many there are in the Jackson 5.

How many are there?

Hey, Ed...

Hey, Ed, why don't you
come on and go with me

and take a little spin
in my garbage truck?

What? And miss "The Proud
And The Passionate?"

You realize that tomorrow

the blind minister is going to learn

that the girl he loves has leprosy?

Oh! Oh, my God.

Maybe some other time, Louie.

After Joanna has her baby.

That may be in September.

Or maybe November.

Could even be December.

Well...

♪♪

Well, Louie, you see what I mean?

What are we gonna do?

Well, Chico, I guess
we'll just have to wait

until Joanna has her baby.

Hey, Louie, are you gonna
pick up the garbage?

How can you talk about some garbage

at a time like this, Chico?

Bye, see you tomorrow.

[car honking]

[Della] Be right out, Bernie!

Okay, Mother Courage.

[whistles]

[door slams]

Hi, Bernie!

I don't wanna get involved, man.

Come on, all I said was "hi."

- Good morning, Ms. Rogers.
- Mr. Rodriguez.

Oh, what do we have here?

Turkey, avocado and raisin sandwich

with organic beansprouts,
distilled mayonnaise

on stone-ground wheat bread
with unbleached flour.

Are you buying or
practicing speed-reading?

Since it-it all looks so
good, I think I'll have

this turkey and soybean sandwich.

And just a small skim milk for Ed.

Poor man, it's the only thing
he can keep down nowadays

due to his deteriorating
physical condition.

Dollar 35 cents, please.

But it's not all physical,
some of it's mental, too.

I mean, who wouldn't be upset
knowing they're gonna wind up

in the California state home
for the criminally aged?

- Your change.
- Bernie?

- Yeah?
- I mean, wouldn't you?

Hey, I don't wanna get involved, man.

Yeah, that's the trouble.
Nobody wants to get involved.

Alright, I'm done playing.
Della Rogers...

Compared to you, hard-hearted Hannah.

- Sweet Georgia Brown.
- Say what?

You talk about being a humanitarian

about saving the whales.

Ed Brown's an endangered species, too.

Now you wait just a minute.
Let me tell you something.

I got enough enemies to fight out there

in the street, in the City
Hall, and in Washington.

I don't need another
enemy across my alley.

Ed's not your enemy.
The fight's gone out of him.

He's a boob-tube freak.
He's vegged out up there.

If you take this garage away
from him, his life is over.

You want that on your conscience?

Are you trying to sell me
the Brooklyn Bridge again?

Have you seen him in the last ten days?

No, I have not, and it
has been delightful.

Come here, let me talk
to you for a minute.

Now, when Ms. Margaret died

Ed cut himself off from the world

and locked himself in this garage.

The time has come for him
to face up to life again.

Yeah, but now it's worse.
Now he's locked up in his room.

Him, his bottle and the TV.

All he does all day is
sit, sip and stare.

Sit, sip and stare.

The only thing he's living
for is Joanna's baby.

Joanna? You mean, the one
with the maniac husband?

You watch the show, too?

Well, it's the only one I have time for.

Poor woman. She's been
pregnant for 13 months.

I guess you're right, Chico,
I'll have to talk to him.

Maybe not about the lease, but
at least about Joanna's baby.

No, talking's not gonna bring
him out of the funk he's in.

But yelling will.

You see, that man's not
happy about anything

unless he's mad about something.

You may have him.

Stay right here and keep
your left, though.

What are you gonna do?
Chico, what are you gonna do?

Wha-- Oh, my goodness.

Hey, hey, what's going on here?

What happened? Come on, tell
me what's going on here.

- What, Ed?
- Uh...

My, uh, what happened to my television?

Susan and Paul were just about to...

Oh, good afternoon, Ms. Rogers.

Don't you good-afternoon me, honky.

Playin' that TV so loud?
I cut your juice.

Yeah, how about that, Ed, huh?
What nerve?

Well, she's the boss, Chico.

Uh, I tell you what, if
you, if you'll just let me

uh, or show me right where the cut is

I'll patch it together

and I'll guarantee to
play it more softly.

Huh, she could have told
you to turn it down.

We got a good mind to
take you to court, lady.

- You ain't got the guts.
- I didn't say that, he did.

Don't you play possum with me, Ed Brown.

I teach possums how to play possum.

You got me over a barrel
and you know it.

Uh, Chico, if you'll just show me

where it was cut, I'll fix it up--

Don't you change the subject.

You are not weaseling out
of this lease this easily.

Lease? Well, didn't Chico tell you?

I don't have the lease anymore.
It now belongs to Chico.

That lease is not transferable,
and I want to renew.

Oh, sorry, Della, it's
too late, too late.

It's much too late.
Now where is that...

Uh, well, it looks like you're gonna

have to sell the place
to the massage parlor.

- Oh, yes, yes.
- Sell to what?

You heard him, you leave me no choice.

- Margaret's Massage Parlor.
- Margaret?

My sainted wife's name on
a massage parlor pillow?

What are you yelling at her for?

She can't help it if the new
tenant's name is Margaret.

You vagrant, you phony, you fraud.

How dare you take a decent
God-fearing garage

and turn it to a massage parlor?

Is this your idea of
helping your fellow man?

Well, I know some fellow
men are gonna enjoy it.

You shut up.

Della Rogers, I'm ashamed of you.

I'm a business person.

It's the only bona fide offer I've had.

Okay, you win, you win.
I'll renew the lease.

Now, get out of my garage!
Out, out!

I'm leaving, but I'm
warning you, old man.

I'm coming back at 10:30 in the morning

and watch Joanna's other
husband with you.

And we can cry a little bit together.

- You, hm...
- Oh, no, you...

Della, tomorrow this man

is gonna be back in uniform,
fixing your truck.

Don't tell me what I'm gonna
be doing tomorrow morning.

- I'm the boss here.
- Hey, wait a minute.

It says Chico's Garage.

And as long as it is Chico's Garage

I give the orders.

Yeah, it is?
Well, I'll show you what I'm gonna do.

Here, watch this.

From now on you're Chico
and I'm The Man.

Thanks.

Hello again, fans and
ladies and gentlemen.

This is Francisco Ramon
Rodriguez E Sanchez.

We're here in the famous
Ed Brown's Garage

overlooking the exotic
East Los Angeles barrio

or as it as better known
Baja Beverly Hills.

An historic event is taking place

as these two adversaries

fight it out in the great lease war.

A ceasefire has been declared.

Can we get a few words from you,
Mr. Brown, to the fans across--

Oh, knock it off, knock it off.

Uh, look, Della

if I sign this lease, I think
there are a few things

you ought to be doing to my garage.

- For instance?
- Well...

I'd like the inside of
the garage painted.

On the rent you pay me, forget it.

- Is he gone crazy--
- Well, well, how about, uh--

- How about the outside?
- No way, baby.

Oh, well, uh, m-maybe the roof, you know

needs a little repairing,
it keeps leaking.

No. I thought you said he
wanted to come to terms with--

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What do I get if I re-sign?

You get to stay here ten more years.

You talked me into it.
Where's the pen?

It's right here.

And now back to Barbara Walters
at her new home in Fort Knox.

♪♪

[narrator] "Chico And The
Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time
in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving
for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly
for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yeah, baby ♪♪