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Ty: I can't say how nice it is
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to talk to a guy like you.
Fatherinlawsus.
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King to king.
Fatherinlawsus: Yes, you have
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00:00:08,730 --> 00:00:09,730
a fine city.
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A good place
to raise kids, I hope.
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Ty: Oh, yes.
Our infant survival rate is 14%.
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I'm very proud of that number.
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Fatherinlawsus: My boy,
you don't know how hard it is
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to find a king
whose junk still works.
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You know, a lot of your
contemporaries get their
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genitals blown off in war.
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Ty: My sister is a warrior
around here.
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00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,860
And there she is now,
ravaged by some battle.
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Stupendous: Did you know we're
getting attacked by hordes now?
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We've really made it.
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00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:35,260
Hey, who's this guy?
He's got a sword!
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Fatherinlawsus: Ha ha ha ha!
Ty: Relax, Stupe.
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This is
Fatherinlawsus the Great.
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A warrior king
whose vast empire
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stretches from one
body of water to another.
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He's seen noodles before!
It's cute.
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She doesn't even
know what noodles are.
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Stupendous: Why would you let
a conquering warrior king
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inside the city walls without
letting me murder him first?
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00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:55,890
Where is your army?
Are they disguised as bushes?
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00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,300
Are they behind
trees and walls,
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just waiting to jump out
and scream "Surprise!"
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Fatherinlawsus: That is
a great idea for a party.
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You know, one of my guys
has a birthday coming up.
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I should be real mean to him
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and make him think
I forgot about it
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so when we jump out and yell,
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it almost kills him.
Only almost.
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Stupendous: No, it's not
a great idea for a party.
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It's a great idea for an attack.
What is going on here?
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Fatherinlawsus: I understand
your concern, but I found
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a new way to grow my empire.
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Go ahead.
Tell her the news, son.
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Ty: I'm getting married!
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Stupendous: Uhh...kay?
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[Theme music playing]
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Shlub: My own son
getting married.
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I'm so proud of you.
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Now let's talk
consummation tent.
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Shall we put it on the porch
so we can all hear
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the erotic noises when
the blessed moment comes?
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Ty: I don't care where it is
as long as the sex bell
is front and center.
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The whole city needs to hear
when it goes ring-a-ding-ding.
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Deliria: Oh, I love a wedding
because it's all about
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me and my blessing.
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Oh, the weird things I'll
expect you to do to please me.
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Congratulations to us.
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Stupendous: I think
you're being stupid.
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Who gets married
to expand an empire?
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Ty: I do, and it's genius.
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Shlub: It's an arrangement that
combines sex and
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whatever it is Ty's trying
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to do in the world.
That's genius to me.
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Stupendous: How did you not
talk to me about this first?
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Did you even think about how
being under the thumb of
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some warrior king
would affect my life?
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I'm not manageable!
Ty: Come on, Stupe, lighten up.
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Krapopolis will still
be Krapopolis.
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You know, once our families
are allied,
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I bet we can
get pepper again.
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Shlub: Mmm, spicy!
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Stupendous: Do you even know
who you're marrying?
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Have you thought about that?
Deliria: Oh, Stupendous.
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If she's a dog, we can just
lock her in a tower.
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Ty: A nice tower.
She'll love it.
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Stupendous: You know weddings
are primo locations
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for massacres, right?
Like, the second
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most dangerous place to be
after a battlefield?
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I could have told you
if you'd consulted me.
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Ty: I'm sure Fatherinlawsus
isn't that kind of guy,
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and that means no massacres
from you, either.
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I'm serious, Stupe.
That's an order.
No massacres!
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Stupendous: An order?
Ugh, this keeps getting worse!
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Deliria:
Does Fatherinlawsus dance?
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Ty: I'm gonna say yes.
Yes to dancing, no to massacres.
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Deliria: Fantastic.
We'll end the whole thing
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with a showstopping
Dance of the Dads.
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That'll get me hot and bothered.
[Shlub chuckles]
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Ty: Just what a son
wants on his wedding day.
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Deliria: This day
has to be perfect.
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You know Hermes will show up
whether we invite him or not.
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He's the god of critiquing
seating arrangements,
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and he loves a free meal.
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He also may be angry with me
since I ripped out his eyes.
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Ty: Since you did
what-was-it-though?
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Deliria: There!
Now that's a dress
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that will
pull focus from a bride.
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Hippocampus: Sorry about
the bachelor party.
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This was the only strip club
I could find on short notice.
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Some people think this is hot.
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Shlub: This guy!
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Ty: So, what Stupe
was saying about
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how dangerous weddings are--
she was just
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trying to scare me, right?
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00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:02,220
Hippocampus:
Are you kidding? We've got
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the Bootios Bloodbath,
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00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,640
the Sacking of the Terziade,
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the Dark Lemming Murders,
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the Fall of the Eel King,
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00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:12,490
The-The Flaming Eagle
of Lord Philmox,
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The Dark King's Demise
in Calfothorag,
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The Cauldron Feint, the-the-the
immolation of Emperor Tong!
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Ty: Those were all weddings?
I thought they were wars.
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Shlub: The Dance of the Dads
is weighing heavily upon me.
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I'm going to ask that fish
for some pointers.
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Ty: So, you're not worried
about a massacre?
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Shlub: Why would I be?
I'm never the target.
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I'm too beloved.
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Fatherinlawsus:
General Stupendous.
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I thought I'd find you here.
You seem upset.
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Stupendous: Well, yeah.
My dumb brother thinks he can do
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whatever he wants on a whim
with the city
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I've devoted
my life to defending.
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I could be out there splitting
your guys' skulls in half,
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and instead I'm
trying on dresses
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and being told things
about pepper.
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So, yeah, I'm a little upset.
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Fatherinlawsus:
I don't blame you.
In my heyday,
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I would have hated to be
denied a good fight.
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I bet you think
I'm some old fuddy-duddy
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who can't swing a sword anymore,
so, I just
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marry off my daughters
for territory.
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Stupendous: Well, yeah, kinda.
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Fatherinlawsus:
And you're right.
I'm ready to
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retire from warfare,
but I know you're not,
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and I need someone like you
to lead my armies.
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Stupendous: You do?
Fatherinlawsus: Tell me.
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Have you
ever commanded an army of
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5,000 pre-castrated soldiers?
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Stupendous: "Pre-castrated"?
Like you still
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gotta castrate 'em or...
Fatherinlawsus: No, no, no.
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Pre-castrated.
It's already taken care of.
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Stupendous: Wow.
To answer your question, no,
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but I've always wanted to.
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Fatherinlawsus:
They're very obedient.
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Totally hairless.
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Stupendous: I bet
they're gorgeous singers.
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Fatherinlawsus: Their falsettos
could crack marble.
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Here. This is for you.
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Ty: I should get out
of this wedding. right?
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Hippocampus: Let's just say
if you go through with it,
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I'm planning on having
a stomach bug that day.
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Ty: But there's also a chance
that there won't
be a massacre, right?
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What's that thing you were
telling me you just invented?
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The thing where you can
guess how likely it is
that something will happen.
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Hippocampus: You mean odds?
Ty: Yeah. What are the odds
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that I get murdered
at my wedding?
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Hippocampus: Dude,
there's no way of knowing
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unless you have 1,000 weddings.
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Ty: Oh, if only there was
a way to go through with this
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and not go through with it
at the same time.
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[Hippocampus gasps] Holy moly.
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Look, do you see that guy?
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Ty: That wretched baker.
What about him?
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Hippocampus: He looks
exactly like you.
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Ty: What? No, he doesn't.
He's wearing an apron.
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Hippocampus: His face, Ty.
[Baker grunting]
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Ty: You're right.
Hippocampus: You can get
that guy
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to go to the wedding
in your place.
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Ty: So, if there's a massacre,
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he gets a sword
through his guts, not me.
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00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,800
And if there isn't,
we just switch back.
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Either way, Krapopolis keeps
her king, and I'm a genius.
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Hippocampus: Or you're a guy who
got a good idea from a genius.
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Ty: That's its own
kind of intelligence.
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Hey, you! Mr. Bread Guy!
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Baker: Please. Mr. Bread Guy
was my father.
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I just inherited his debt.
You can call me Cyrus.
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Whoa! King Tyrannis?
Well, I'll be!
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Ty: Actually, that's
sort of the idea.
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How would you like to be me?
Pretend to be.
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I mean, just through my wedding.
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I've learned that royal weddings
can be dangerous.
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Hippocampus: We're talking
notoriously massacre-prone.
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Cyrus: Eh, that doesn't
worry me.
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Honestly, in some ways,
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death would come as a relief.
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Will there be a buffet?
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Deliria: No, no, no!
The bride's brining tank
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should be in the corner,
and there should be enough space
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for her handmaidens to
stand around and get bad updos.
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00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:18,510
This altar is too plain and it
needs a gutter for blood.
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If I'm going to bless the couple
with fertility,
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I'm going to need
a lot of goats.
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00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:23,760
And can somebody clear
the area in front?
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That's not enough space
for the Dance of the Dads!
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Stupendous, what on earth
are you wearing?
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Is this some kind of prank?
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You're not allowed
to ruin this wedding.
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Hermes is going to be here,
and that messy bitch
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talks, and holds a grudge.
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00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:38,870
Stupendous: It's a gift
from Fatherinlawsus.
He says it commands respect.
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00:07:39,030 --> 00:07:42,280
Deliria: Oh, if you say so.
Now, don't forget
that the sister of the groom
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00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:44,200
ties up her brother
before the ceremony.
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00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:46,020
Stupendous: Why do I
do that again?
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00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,710
Deliria: Well, I could
come up with some symbolism,
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00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,300
but really, I just think
it's funny.
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00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:51,860
You tie him up
and then, when it's time,
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00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,970
you toss him
into the consummation tent.
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00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,640
And those knots
had better be tight.
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00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:58,550
Shlub: I come to you sheepishly.
Deliria: What? You usually
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00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,390
come to me wolfishly.
What's wrong?
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Shlub:
It's the Dance of the Dads.
I'm wondering
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how important that is to you.
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00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:07,820
Deliria: It's the final offering
before I grant my blessing.
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00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:10,970
You know I love a show, and you
know I love dads dancing.
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00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:12,880
Why would you ask
how important it is?
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00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:14,570
Shlub: I just wanted
to make sure I knew you
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00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,900
as well as I thought I did,
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00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,500
though I have heard
a crazy thing
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00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,720
that at some weddings,
there's a dance between
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00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,570
the mother of the groom
and the groom.
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00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:24,150
Deliria: What? This wedding
is about pleasing me, remember.
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00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:27,910
How would dancing with
my son do that?
Where is he, anyway?
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00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:30,180
Ty: OK, first things first.
Do you know what this is?
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00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:34,850
Cyrus: A lice pick. Thanks!
I've got lice, like, everywhere.
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00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:36,660
Ty: Why don't we
work on your accent?
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00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:41,090
"Fatherinlawsus, it is a great
honor to join your family."
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00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:43,910
Hippocampus: That's not what
you sound like. [Whispers]
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00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:46,420
Cyrus [Ty's accent]:
I fart all the time
and blame Servant No Name,
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00:08:46,430 --> 00:08:48,360
but everyone knows it's me.
Hippocampus: Wow.
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00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:50,770
Ty: First of all, everyone does
that with Servant No Name,
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00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:52,590
but I agree.
That was incredible!
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00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,160
Cyrus: All right, get me
in that toga!
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00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,870
Ty: Well, fellas, I'm off
to goof around at the bakery.
231
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,880
I'll be seeing you both later.
And remember,
232
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:05,880
no funny business
in the consummation tent.
233
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,050
I'll be back before the bell.
234
00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:10,270
Cyrus: Oh, no.
I never showed him how to be
235
00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:12,220
an indentured bread baker!
236
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,130
Ty: Excuse me.
Is this the bakery?
237
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:16,720
Bakery Boss: What the hell
is wrong with you, Cyrus?
238
00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:18,970
You're not gonna
pay off your debts with jokes.
239
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:21,730
Get to work
or get to be in debt.
240
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:29,640
Ty: Hello--[Clears throat]
Oh. Sorry I'm late.
241
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:31,890
Woman: No crust off my bread.
But if you don't get busy,
242
00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:33,910
they'll throw you in the fire
and feed your
243
00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:35,480
charred bones to the goats.
244
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:38,730
"Yer worth more to me that way."
Ha ha ha!
245
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:42,810
[Ty laughs]
Man: No, no! Aah!
246
00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:46,070
Cyrus: Hey, brother. Wink, wink.
Hippocampus: Hello, Ty.
247
00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:47,160
No wink.
Just Ty.
248
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:48,750
Cyrus: What are
you up to, Hippo?
249
00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:51,660
Hippocampus:
Making a duplicate me.
A Hip replacement
250
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,820
Cyrus: So you don't have to go
to Ty--I mean, my wedding.
251
00:09:54,910 --> 00:09:57,600
Hippocampus: Yes.
Cyrus: Right on.
So, it was the craziest thing.
252
00:09:57,820 --> 00:09:59,260
Jonathan here--
Hippocampus: Servant No Name's
253
00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,010
name is Jonathan?
Cyrus: Uh-huh.
254
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,180
So, he was feeding me figs,
which, wow,
255
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,090
what an experience, and anyway,
we got to talking,
256
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:08,000
and I thought,
Jonathan is interesting.
257
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:09,700
He's been on a boat, you know.
258
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:10,680
Jonathan: I fled a famine.
259
00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:12,190
I was a doctor in my city.
260
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,430
Cyrus: And, Hippo, you're
a really smart fish guy.
261
00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:16,340
You're, like, the most
impressive guy I know.
262
00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:18,430
Hippocampus: Um, thank you.
Cyrus: Anyway, so, yeah,
263
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,180
he's a doctor,
he's been on a boat,
264
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,450
and I thought you'd hit it off.
265
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,120
Hippocampus: You're being
so nice, Ty.
266
00:10:23,350 --> 00:10:26,960
So nice and so,
so out of character.
267
00:10:27,110 --> 00:10:29,040
Jonathan: He's nice, huh?
I never knew it!
268
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:31,870
I guess getting married
can change a guy.
269
00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:33,370
Shlub: Children!
Come here, please!
270
00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:36,040
Cyrus: I think that's our dad.
He's very fun.
271
00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:38,190
Coming, Dad!
Hippocampus: Ugh. OK.
272
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,180
I'm gonna test this out.
Hippo 2, you ready?
273
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:47,200
Deliria: Put those over there.
274
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:48,650
Fatherinlawsus: Knock, knock.
275
00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:50,650
We all clear?
I got my daughter here.
276
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,320
Deliria: Wait!
277
00:10:52,540 --> 00:10:54,060
Oh, sorry.
I thought Ty was in the room,
278
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:55,880
but it was just this plant.
279
00:10:56,050 --> 00:10:58,050
[Laughs]
280
00:10:58,140 --> 00:10:59,320
Bring her in.
281
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:02,390
Ah, there's my future
daughter-in-law.
282
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,070
Stupendous: I thought everyone
was supposed to, like,
283
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,160
stand up and make a big deal
about the bride.
284
00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:08,730
Deliria: On my big day?
I don't think so.
285
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,730
Fatherinlawsus: Now, that suit
fits your status.
286
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:14,080
Stupendous: It does, right?
You're really good
at guessing sizes.
287
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,580
Fatherinlawsus: What do you say
before the wedding,
288
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,730
you and me go check out
289
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,080
some pre-castrated soldiers?
290
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:20,510
Deliria: Meaning they're
slated for castration?
291
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:23,570
Fatherinlawsus: Common mistake.
No. Pre-castrated,
292
00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:24,850
like ready-castrated.
293
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,930
No disassembly required.
294
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,730
Deliria: Oh, of course.
Good deal.
295
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,690
Shlub: Sons, tell me,
how am I doing?
296
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,530
[Hippo 2 gasps]
Cyrus: I think you're
doing a great job.
297
00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,440
Hippo 2: Yes, fah-der.
Shlub: Thanks, boys,
298
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,110
but I know I'm not.
Your mother cares a lot about
299
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,260
the Dance of the Dads,
and I didn't have the heart
300
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:46,200
to tell her I have
3 left feet.
301
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:48,870
Hippo, can you make me
one of those contraptions
302
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:51,210
that keeps time?
Hippo 2: Gargle gargle.
303
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:53,880
Cyrus: Maybe I can help you.
Shlub: There's no way.
304
00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:56,030
Cyrus: Just relax
and feel the music.
305
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,030
Shlub: Oh, since when
can you dance?
306
00:11:58,130 --> 00:12:00,630
I'm seeing a whole new side
of you.
307
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,600
Hippo, look at Ty and me.
308
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,470
Hippocampus: He seriously
thinks that's me?
309
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:08,230
Has my dad never
looked at me before?
310
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:11,060
Ty: This is actually
so simple and beautiful.
311
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:14,550
Grain and water brought together
with my powerful hands.
312
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,190
Forged in fire. Bread!
313
00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:19,630
[Woman giggles]
Ty: Ha ha!
314
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,060
Woman: No, stop!
[Both laugh]
315
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:25,560
Man: What are you doing?
Man 2: You are wasting dough.
316
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,730
Man 3: Please, please,
please stop that.
I have kids.
317
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,810
Man 4: You're gonna
get us all killed.
318
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,080
Man 5: That's yeast!
Ty: Ha ha ha!
319
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:34,070
Woman: This is fun,
but it's escalating
320
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,240
in a way that I don't know
how to deal with.
321
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,420
Ty: Uhh!
OK, OK, I'll stop.
322
00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:41,410
It's weird.
It never occurred to me
323
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,430
that a lowly commoner--like me--
could have feelings.
324
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:48,430
Woman: Do our lives--I mean,
our baker lives--do they matter?
325
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,990
Ty: Well, the old me
would have thought
326
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,770
you were a common
kitchen wench.
327
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,450
But you're like a real person.
328
00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:56,110
Woman: And the old me would have
thought you were brain dead.
329
00:12:56,330 --> 00:12:58,780
Ty: Really makes you think,
doesn't it?
330
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,020
Uhh!
Woman: Ah!
331
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,110
Stupendous:
Wow, you weren't kidding.
332
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:02,510
There's not a hair on 'em.
333
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,860
Fatherinlawsus: I thought
I'd bring 'em
334
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,190
as a wedding present.
For you.
335
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:06,950
Stupendous: You really don't
want 'em anymore?
336
00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:09,660
Fatherinlawsus: The truth is,
I'm just an old softie.
337
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:12,850
I want to focus on my family.
I want grandchildren.
338
00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:15,180
Grandchildren
and an enormous empire.
339
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,700
That's what it's
all about, right?
340
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,800
I'll be a general to the kids.
341
00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:21,450
General Granddad.
That's me: Papa.
342
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:23,620
Stupendous: And where does
that leave Ty?
343
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:26,450
Fatherinlawsus: Well, once I
have the grandkids, we'll just
344
00:13:26,550 --> 00:13:28,640
send him off on our next
military campaign,
345
00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:30,250
one where we know
he's gonna die.
346
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,870
I say "we" but, of course,
347
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,480
I'd leave that decision
up to you.
348
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:36,390
I think Persia could be fun.
He'll love the kebabs.
349
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,970
They're slightly different
from how they are here,
350
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:41,030
but again, totally up to you.
351
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:45,140
Bakery Boss: Well,
this wouldn't kill a hog.
352
00:13:45,230 --> 00:13:47,070
That's one loaf
off your death sentence.
353
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,890
Ty: Aah! I just
realized something,
354
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,900
and when I realize something,
I need to act on it right away.
355
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,000
Ana, will you get out
of here with me?
356
00:13:54,230 --> 00:13:56,580
Ana: Hey, boss, we're leaving,
and if you don't like it,
357
00:13:56,730 --> 00:13:59,060
you can throw more peasants
into the fire.
358
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,220
[Blows raspberry]
Man: Why would you say that?
359
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,910
Hermes: Well, well, well.
360
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,020
Deliria: Hermes, darling,
361
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,090
look at the spectacle
they're putting on for me.
362
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,600
Hermes: Seems promising.
The blood gutter on your altar
is positively teeming.
363
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,690
Deliria: Oh, you'll have to tell
everyone back on Mount Olympus.
364
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,930
Not that I care about them.
I have enough attention here.
365
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:23,470
Hermes: I'm gonna get a drink
and talk trash
366
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:25,700
with some old spinsters.
It'll really make their day.
367
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,200
Deliria: Oh, they're seated
in a pen by the meat.
368
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:31,190
Hermes: Now, that is an inspired
seating arrangement.
369
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,370
Not bad, Deliria.
Not bad. Super speed!
370
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,860
Deliria: Good. Seems to have
forgotten the eye.
371
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,540
Stupendous, what are you doing?
372
00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:40,710
Your brother should be
all tied up by now.
373
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,200
Bride: Can we move this along,
please? I'm pruning.
374
00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:46,200
Fatherinlawsus: Soon she'll be
your problem, Ty.
375
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:48,550
The most ungrateful
daughter ever.
376
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,050
[Ty panting]
377
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,040
Hippo, I need you
to get Stupe for me.
378
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,220
I need to talk to her.
379
00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:55,800
Hippo 2: Stupe! Stupe! Stupe!
380
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,140
Ana: What are we doing
in the palace?
381
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,620
Ty: You aren't gonna
believe this, but
382
00:14:58,710 --> 00:14:59,810
I'm King Tyrannis.
383
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,480
Hippo 2: Stupe, Stupe, Stupe!
384
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,390
Stupendous: Is a weird
not-Hippo Hippo
shouting my name?
385
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:07,300
Hippocampus: Thank you.
Stupendous: What the--
386
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:08,740
Cyrus: Oof!
Stupendous: OK,
387
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,060
who did I just drop?
388
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,470
Ty: That's Cyrus, the baker
I switched with.
389
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,640
Cyrus: Hello!
Been having a great time!
390
00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:14,910
Ana: What is going on?
Ty: We did a switch.
391
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:16,230
Now, Stupe, I know
you wanted to do
392
00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:17,820
a massacre on Fatherinlawsus,
393
00:15:17,990 --> 00:15:19,810
and I ordered you not to,
but I've changed my mind.
394
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,570
Follow your bliss.
Massacre him
395
00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:23,090
and his whole family
and do it now.
396
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:24,810
I've found a regular woman
to marry.
397
00:15:24,910 --> 00:15:26,740
Stupendous and Ana: What?
Ana: Dad!
398
00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:27,930
Ty: Dad?
What do you mean, "Dad"?
399
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:30,000
Ana: I did a switch, too!
400
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,100
Ty: Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no,
oh, no, oh, no!
401
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,340
Cyrus: A little help, please!
I know I'm not officially
402
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:37,190
part of the family, but
at this point, I've invested.
403
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,000
Ana: Dad!
Fatherinlawsus: Ana!
404
00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:45,260
Why aren't you plump and juicy
and sopping wet?
405
00:15:45,430 --> 00:15:47,780
Bride: Because I am!
Can someone get me
406
00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:49,170
out of here now, please?
407
00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:50,450
Fatherinlawsus:
Oh, don't tell me.
408
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:51,860
You did a switch again.
409
00:15:52,010 --> 00:15:54,190
Is that your
identical cousin Sarah in there?
410
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,440
That's just great.
You'll never be
411
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,270
someone else's problem
at this rate.
412
00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:00,700
Ana: They want to do a massacre!
[People gasp]
413
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:02,690
Hermes: I'm here for this.
414
00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:05,280
Don't worry, spinsters.
Nobody's coming for you.
415
00:16:05,450 --> 00:16:07,690
Ty: Fatherinlawsus is your dad?
Ana: Yes. And you just
416
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,970
told your sister to murder him
and my whole family.
417
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,710
Deliria: Why is anyone
listening to a baker?
418
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,310
I demand an offering
of bread so I can
419
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:17,050
have a base for my stomach
for the rest of the night.
420
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:19,050
Now, everybody,
back to your seats.
421
00:16:19,150 --> 00:16:20,810
Ty: Mom, it's me!
I'm Tyrannis!
422
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:23,040
Deliria: But you're wearing
an apron.
423
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:25,210
Cyrus: Hello, everyone.
I'm Cyrus, just a baker.
424
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:28,210
Not important enough to kill.
Just putting that out there.
425
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,710
Ty: Please, Fatherinlawsus,
this is all
426
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:30,880
just a big misunderstanding.
427
00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:32,470
I'm in love
with your daughter.
428
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,490
Fatherinlawsus: Is it true
about the massacre, Stupendous?
429
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,070
Stupendous: Ty told me to do it,
but I don't want to.
430
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,740
Ana: Where did you
find this family?
431
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,240
Did you do
any research
432
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,830
before you promised me to them?
433
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,500
Ty: I ordered her
not to do it once.
434
00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:45,060
Can't we focus on that part?
435
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,820
Look, I'll order her
not to do it again.
436
00:16:46,910 --> 00:16:49,170
Stupe, don't kill them.
Deliria: Oh. I'm confused.
437
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,820
One of them is Tyrannis, yes?
438
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,010
Shlub: One thing's for certain.
That's our Hippo.
439
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,350
Hippo 2: Aah!
440
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:57,420
Ty: Ana, you have
to believe me.
441
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,000
I never would have
told my sister
442
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:00,830
to kill your family if I
knew you were you.
443
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:02,840
In fact, it's really
out of character
444
00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,250
that I supported
a massacre at all.
445
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,920
I just did it because
I want to be with you.
446
00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:09,690
Ana: I do get that, but--
Ty: Everybody,
please listen up.
447
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,680
Today, I met
the most amazing woman.
448
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,610
I didn't know she was her,
and she didn't know I was me,
449
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:15,930
but somehow, it just worked.
450
00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:17,370
Ana: Heh, heh.
Come on, Ty, quit it.
451
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,760
Ty: No, I won't quit it.
Because you don't quit love.
452
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:20,950
And you don't quit weddings
453
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,690
and you don't quit
consummation tents.
454
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,040
We have it in us to fix
everything about today.
455
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:27,600
I felt something when I was
hurling buns with you,
456
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,440
and it's a feeling
I never want to lose.
457
00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:31,530
Ana: Ty! I think you got
the wrong idea.
458
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:34,280
I have fun throwing flour around
with everybody.
459
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:37,300
That wasn't sexual for me.
And it's kind of weird
460
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,280
that you interpreted it
that way.
461
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,710
Ty: So, you don't want
to marry me?
462
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,130
Ana: I don't want
to marry any man.
463
00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:45,300
I'm super gay.
That's why I keep switching.
464
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,900
And if my father
would listen to me,
465
00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:49,230
we could stop this charade.
466
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,320
Fatherinlawsus: Hmm? Huh?
Did you hear something?
467
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,570
Ty: Well, that was a bust.
468
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,220
Stupendous: Do you know what
I'm looking at right now?
469
00:17:56,470 --> 00:17:59,140
Ty: A bunch of
hairless freaks?
470
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:01,800
Stupendous: They were gonna be
my hairless freaks.
471
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,750
Fatherinlawsus
promised them to me.
472
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,310
5,000 pre-castrated soldiers.
473
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,810
Ty: Wow. Well, that's one
silver lining.
474
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,770
At least now you don't have to
castrate all those guys, right?
475
00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:14,380
Stupendous: No, it's--
ah, whatever.
476
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:17,240
Ty: Why are you mad at me?
477
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,000
Stupendous: I'm just
feeling really shut out.
478
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,160
I mean, you want
to find other ways
479
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,180
than war for Krapopolis
to expand.
480
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,940
Where does that leave me?
481
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,270
Ty: I want to find all of the
ways for Krapopolis to grow.
482
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,110
I've even been thinking of
slogans like
483
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:31,170
"The Stone City With Sass."
484
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:33,590
Stupendous: So, I'm just
supposed to go along with
485
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:34,850
everything you say?
486
00:18:34,950 --> 00:18:37,600
Fatherinlawsus valued
my opinions.
487
00:18:37,770 --> 00:18:39,100
We were making plans.
488
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:41,360
We were talking about
conquering Persia.
489
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:44,120
You never talk to me
about conquering Persia.
490
00:18:44,350 --> 00:18:46,370
Fatherinlawsus: Ah, you're
telling him about Persia.
491
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,290
Look, Ty,
I'm sorry about my daughter,
492
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,610
but the good news is
we're not gonna have to
493
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,130
send you to your death anymore.
494
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:53,800
Ty: Wait, what?
Stupendous: It's nothing!
495
00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:56,280
Ty: Cyrus, did my sister
ever mention to you
496
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,210
that she and Fatherinlawsus
were going to
497
00:18:58,300 --> 00:18:59,950
send me to die at some point?
498
00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:01,810
Cyrus: No, but to be fair,
499
00:19:02,030 --> 00:19:03,310
we didn't spend that much
time together.
500
00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,290
Ty: Really?
How long did it take you
501
00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:06,810
to get rigged up like this?
502
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,480
Cyrus: Um...
Ty: I thought so.
503
00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:10,150
Stupendous: It really wasn't
that big of a deal.
504
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,480
It would be years away.
I wouldn't do it.
505
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:15,300
He really only cares about
being a grandfather.
506
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,990
Cyrus: What's a grandfather?
507
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,660
I don't think we have them
in the slums.
508
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,570
Stupendous: It's an old man
who's obsessed with
509
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,390
seeing his nose on a baby.
510
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:25,160
Hermes: That was the
best wedding I've ever been to.
511
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,480
Deliria: You mean "best"
in a bad way.
512
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:29,560
Hermes: But that's still good.
Think of it this way.
513
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:32,320
You could be the goddess of
messy events:
514
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:34,560
weddings gone awry,
girls' weekends
515
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,230
where the goal is
to reset the dynamic,
516
00:19:36,330 --> 00:19:38,070
revenge that you never
know when it's gonna come
517
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,400
for plucking out
somebody's eye,
518
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,420
road trips where one person
is a secret planner.
519
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:44,520
Anyway, invite me to
your next party.
Buh-bye. Super speed!
520
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:47,020
Deliria: He's going to
tell everyone
what a disaster this was.
521
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:50,000
Shlub: Oh, Deliria, this doesn't
have to be a disaster.
522
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:51,410
Deliria: Really? How?
523
00:19:51,510 --> 00:19:53,690
Shlub: I talked to
Fatherinlawsus and he agreed.
524
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,250
[Deliria gasps]
The Dance of the Dads.
525
00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:59,610
Oh, Shlub! [Laughs]
Shlub: Fatherinlawsus, shall we?
526
00:19:59,770 --> 00:20:02,180
Fatherinlawsus: Why not?
Might as well have a little fun.
527
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:05,370
Ha ha ha ha! You're very light
on your feet.
528
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:06,950
Shlub: Thank you.
The stranger
529
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,520
who I thought was my son
taught me.
530
00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:11,120
Tell me, is there
a Mrs. Fatherinlawsus?
531
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,950
Fatherinlawsus: Oh, no.
She died in childbirth,
532
00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:14,380
giving me my
ungrateful daughter.
533
00:20:14,610 --> 00:20:17,440
[Fatherinlawsus and Shlub laugh]
Shlub: Good.
534
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:20,370
Cyrus: I haven't been to a lot
of weddings, and I'm wondering--
535
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:23,220
Ty: No, it's not normal.
[Soldiers singing indistinctly]
536
00:20:26,130 --> 00:20:29,120
Stupendous: I knew it.
They're beautiful singers.
537
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:33,050
Cyrus: This is nice.
It's nice with you.
538
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:35,980
Can I stay?
[Laughter]
539
00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:39,070
No, seriously. My boss will
kill me if I try and go back.
540
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:40,530
[Stupe laughs]
541
00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:49,490
Bride: Hello? Is it safe
to come out?
542
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:50,750
Is anyone there?
543
00:20:52,140 --> 00:20:54,250
Hello? Oh, thank God.
544
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,900
I thought if I was quiet,
I could ride out the massacre,
545
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,240
but then everyone
forgot me and--
546
00:20:58,330 --> 00:21:00,410
Man: Shh.
Bride: What? Is it still
going on?
547
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,390
Can you help me get out?
Is it--[Gasp]
548
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,910
Oh, my God!
Man: Aah!
549
00:21:06,010 --> 00:21:10,490
Bride: What the--
[Gasp]
550
00:21:10,590 --> 00:21:11,920
Oh! Oh, my--
551
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:15,270
[Man screaming]
552
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,280
Bride: Hello?
Hippo 2: Har-lo.
553
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,340
Bride: Hippocampus!
Please help me.
554
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:20,840
I don't know what's going on.
555
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:22,670
Hippo 2: I don't know
why I was made,
556
00:21:22,770 --> 00:21:25,990
but I think I exist for evil.
557
00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:29,290
Bride: Well, that's just great.
558
00:21:29,700 --> 00:21:31,290
Man: Did you get any of that?
559
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,630
Woman: Bento.
[People cheering]
45174
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