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( Theme music playing )
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MAN: Taxi!
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( Whistling )
4
00:00:56,573 --> 00:00:58,607
Taxi!
5
00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:12,354
Take this cab to Cuba.
6
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Did you hear that?
7
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I said Cuba,
like... like a hijack.
8
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God, life. I love it!
9
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Don't you love it?
10
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Don't you love life, driver?
11
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No, we're just good friends.
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Where to?
13
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Well, where do you
want to go now, Jill?
14
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You want to go to a show?
15
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You want to go out dancing?
16
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754 West 23rd street.
17
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Seven... that's where you live.
18
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Yes, it is.
19
00:01:51,495 --> 00:01:56,614
A-ha. You mean you
want to go to... your place.
20
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Desperately.
21
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You heard her.
22
00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:00,935
I heard her.
23
00:02:02,406 --> 00:02:04,939
Oh, wasn't that a
great restaurant?
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Especially nice
when you can share it
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with someone you like.
26
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,278
It must be.
27
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You know, uh...
28
00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:14,182
there are those
who claim oysters
29
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to be an aphrodisiac.
30
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Let me out here.
31
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It's not the address
you gave me.
32
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Yeah, I want to walk.
33
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I need some air.
34
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You can't get out here.
35
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This is a terrible part of town.
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He's right, you know. You can
get killed in this neighborhood.
37
00:02:28,332 --> 00:02:30,732
Well, in that case, let him out.
38
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Did I say something
to offend you tonight?
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Everything after hello.
40
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,541
Please, Jill, the
driver can hear us.
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No, not a word.
42
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I don't care if he can hear us.
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I want him to hear us.
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I want a witness
to what this evening
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was like for me while it's
still fresh in my memory.
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He insisted on ordering
the meal in French.
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My main course
was ten pats of butter.
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If you were having
such a lousy time,
49
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why didn't you say
something earlier?
50
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What did you think that I meant
51
00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:09,537
when I said two hours ago,
52
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"Please, for the love
of God, take me home"?
53
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:15,877
I thought you were
coming on to me.
54
00:03:15,912 --> 00:03:18,380
Okay, here we are.
55
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,515
Thank goodness!
56
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:23,368
Uh... can I see you to the door?
57
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No.
58
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I guess this means
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you don't want to sleep with me.
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Where to?
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Who cares?
62
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,561
Hey, it's none of my business,
63
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:50,962
but if you want my opinion,
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she was no great
prize, you know.
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00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,843
With all the women in this city,
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00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,178
you don't have to
get hung up on her.
67
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,634
That's easy for you to say.
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00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:57,735
You're a cab driver.
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00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,871
You have women in
your cab all day long.
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00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,039
I never meet anybody.
71
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:01,706
What do you do?
72
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,641
I'm a United States Congressman.
73
00:04:13,437 --> 00:04:15,203
Say, uh, listen,
I'll just check in,
74
00:04:15,238 --> 00:04:17,005
and then maybe
we can go for a beer.
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00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,173
What do you say?
76
00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:19,308
I'm in no hurry.
77
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,509
Okay.
78
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,180
Where's Louie?
79
00:04:25,215 --> 00:04:26,281
Oh, hi.
80
00:04:26,317 --> 00:04:28,116
Took his mom to the dentist.
81
00:04:28,151 --> 00:04:29,234
In the middle of the night?
82
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,403
Yeah, he found
this discount dentist
83
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,871
only works nights.
84
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,422
Leave it to Louie, right?
85
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Yeah. Very romantic.
86
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,708
Root canal by starlight.
87
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:38,871
Hey, listen. You
want a cup of coffee?
88
00:04:38,895 --> 00:04:40,595
It may be a while.
89
00:04:40,631 --> 00:04:42,163
Oh, sure.
90
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,366
You know, I think you're
the first congressman
91
00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:46,802
we've ever had in this garage.
92
00:04:46,837 --> 00:04:50,121
I still don't think of
myself as a congressman.
93
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,490
You see, Dad's a
major contributor
94
00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,492
to the party, so, to thank him,
95
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,945
they, uh, they ran
me for Congress.
96
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,897
Yeah, and you won
the election. That's great.
97
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,282
In a district my
party's always won.
98
00:05:01,318 --> 00:05:03,385
But you won.
99
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:05,686
The week before the election
100
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,590
my opponent was
convicted of murder.
101
00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:10,992
But you did win.
102
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We had to have a runoff.
103
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,148
Yeah, so now, you're in office.
104
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,717
I bet you're showing them, huh?
105
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,919
There's talk of a recall.
106
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,054
Ah, who cares about that?
107
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,856
You dress nice.
108
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,025
Look, you know,
I really appreciate
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00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,260
you trying to cheer
me up like this.
110
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,145
( laughing )
111
00:05:31,181 --> 00:05:32,296
Hey, hey.
112
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,681
How you doing, Alex?
113
00:05:33,717 --> 00:05:34,861
Guys, I'd like you to
meet Walter Griswold.
114
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:37,485
Walter is a United
States Congressman.
115
00:05:37,521 --> 00:05:39,153
How do you do?
116
00:05:39,188 --> 00:05:40,955
Hey, I'm in your district.
117
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:42,107
I voted for you.
118
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,758
Oh, yeah? Why?
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The other guy was up for murder.
120
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Oh, yeah.
121
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,316
Congressman?
122
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,814
Yeah, Latka, this is a very
important person in our government.
123
00:05:54,838 --> 00:05:56,054
Oh.
124
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,222
No, no, Latka!
125
00:05:57,257 --> 00:06:00,091
You don't have
to give him money.
126
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,860
No, no, in America, they
just like to shake hands.
127
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,212
Oh.
128
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:06,765
This is good country.
129
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,483
Nice to meet you.
130
00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,451
It's nice to meet you.
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00:06:10,487 --> 00:06:11,886
Thank you very much.
132
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:16,441
( Growling )
133
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,109
All right, guys.
134
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:21,213
Line up, animals.
135
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,014
Hey, Louie, how's
your mom's teeth?
136
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,332
Oh, okay.
137
00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,102
She had to have
a little work done
138
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,570
but this guy's prices
are so reasonable
139
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,539
I even sprung for Novocaine.
140
00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:32,974
It's my own mother.
141
00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,258
What the hell?
142
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:36,862
Hey, listen, Walter,
I'll be right back, okay?
143
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,196
Okay.
144
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,666
Hey, so what are you doing
in our garage, Your Honor?
145
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,334
Oh, well, I was out on a date,
146
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,737
but the lady had to
cut the evening short.
147
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,139
Said something about
having to get up early
148
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,741
and change her phone number.
149
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,442
Yeah, his date was
a real sweetheart,
150
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,878
if you know what I mean.
151
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,979
No, Alex, it wasn't her.
152
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,046
It was me.
153
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:59,885
The fact is, uh... I'm
a loser with women.
154
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,219
Come on.
155
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,890
Women.
156
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:17,903
In my country,
women work like ox.
157
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:23,141
They cook, they...
have lots of babies,
158
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,378
uh... they get old early.
159
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,746
They happy.
160
00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:37,422
In America, the
women, they have, uh...
161
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:42,394
they have maids, they
dress with nice clothes,
162
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,896
they take bubble bath.
163
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,565
They happy.
164
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,216
What is your point?
165
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:52,554
Women happy people.
166
00:07:58,428 --> 00:08:01,062
Hey, Walt, I didn't
think a congressman
167
00:08:01,097 --> 00:08:03,781
would have any
trouble getting chicks.
168
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,333
Oh, boy, this one does.
169
00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:07,602
You see, all I
ever wanted in life
170
00:08:07,637 --> 00:08:09,771
was a nice, sweet, average girl
171
00:08:09,806 --> 00:08:12,357
who couldn't keep
her hands off of me.
172
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,794
Every time I go out, I
make a fool out of myself.
173
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,179
It's getting so I
can't get dates.
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00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:20,799
You know how embarrassing it is
175
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,602
to go to the presidential
inaugural ball stag?
176
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,288
I only hope people
think I'm gay.
177
00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:29,168
You know, Walter, I used
to have trouble with women.
178
00:08:29,192 --> 00:08:31,960
And then I found that the
best way to handle them
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00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:33,261
was to just be myself.
180
00:08:33,297 --> 00:08:34,496
No, it wouldn't work for me.
181
00:08:34,531 --> 00:08:35,496
Why not? You're cute.
182
00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:37,716
Oh, yeah.
183
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,451
Walter, you know,
there isn't a guy here
184
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:40,552
who hasn't been rejected.
185
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:42,337
I mean, you're taking
this too seriously.
186
00:08:42,372 --> 00:08:43,621
A woman once said to me,
187
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:46,291
"I never want to see you
again as long as I live."
188
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,336
That's happened to everybody.
189
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,129
We hadn't been introduced.
190
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,347
He is wearing a nice suit,
though, isn't he, fellas?
191
00:08:53,382 --> 00:08:55,467
No, no, I might as
well just give up.
192
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,634
Oh, Walter, baloney.
193
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:58,336
You know what your trouble is?
194
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:00,105
You try too hard.
195
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,351
You know, women
sense your anxiety.
196
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,874
What you really need
is some confidence.
197
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,811
I think a date with
a very attractive
198
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,447
but a very, uh...
a very nice person
199
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:11,449
would do you a lot of
good, you know that?
200
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,302
And I have someone in mind.
201
00:09:14,337 --> 00:09:15,470
Her.
202
00:09:15,505 --> 00:09:17,104
Damn it, Louie, you little twerp
203
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,240
Now, listen to me. I
am not going to take
204
00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:21,175
that kind of garbage
from you anymore,
205
00:09:21,210 --> 00:09:23,111
so you can just cram it!
206
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,545
Oh!
207
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,583
She's uch nicer
than what I'm used to.
208
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,481
Elaine, I want to thank you
for going out with me tonight.
209
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:44,999
Did I already thank you?
210
00:09:45,034 --> 00:09:46,200
Yeah, you thanked me.
211
00:09:46,236 --> 00:09:49,204
You thanked my children,
you thanked my baby-sitter...
212
00:09:49,239 --> 00:09:52,073
I believe you can't say
"thank you" too often.
213
00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:53,524
Well, yeah, that's true.
214
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,043
Thank you.
215
00:09:56,947 --> 00:09:58,029
Thank you.
216
00:09:59,949 --> 00:10:01,165
Thank you.
217
00:10:02,952 --> 00:10:05,520
I guess you can say
"thank you" too often.
218
00:10:05,555 --> 00:10:07,756
Walter, just relax.
219
00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:09,724
You saw me perspire, didn't you?
220
00:10:09,759 --> 00:10:10,959
Excuse me?
221
00:10:10,994 --> 00:10:12,409
I perspire.
222
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,895
Well, everyone perspires.
223
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,196
I perspire freely.
224
00:10:15,232 --> 00:10:16,631
I'm talking buckets.
225
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:19,167
That's why I'll
never be reelected.
226
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,269
Who's going to vote for a man
227
00:10:21,304 --> 00:10:25,056
who always looks like he
just stepped out of a sauna?
228
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,275
So, what's it like
living in Washington?
229
00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:30,611
Oh, God, do I
sweat in Washington.
230
00:10:30,647 --> 00:10:32,647
It is so humid there,
231
00:10:32,682 --> 00:10:34,042
as if that would
make any difference.
232
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:36,517
I'd probably sweat
on the Matterhorn.
233
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:40,421
I shake hands with people,
and they wipe their hands off.
234
00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:42,657
They pretend to
do something else
235
00:10:42,693 --> 00:10:44,759
so they won't hurt my feelings.
236
00:10:44,795 --> 00:10:47,095
They, uh... they
cross their arms.
237
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:50,198
They adjust their ties.
238
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,067
They wave hello at friends.
239
00:10:52,102 --> 00:10:54,135
Could we talk about
something else?
240
00:10:54,171 --> 00:10:56,137
I'm talking about sweat again.
241
00:10:56,173 --> 00:10:58,606
Why do I always
talk sweat on dates?
242
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:01,509
It's because I'm always
sweating on dates.
243
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,729
I was the only one who said no.
244
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,197
Oh, hey, Walter!
245
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,432
Nice to see you again.
246
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,868
Hi, Elaine.
247
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,037
Hi.
248
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,873
Hey, you guys come
here all the time, right?
249
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,875
You got anything to recommend
250
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,326
to make the dining
experience a memorable one?
251
00:11:19,362 --> 00:11:22,513
Yeah, they got a great air
hockey game in the back room.
252
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:23,647
Hey, come on. They do.
253
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,015
I know. Uh, we'll see you later.
254
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:27,552
Would you care
for another round?
255
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:28,919
Oh, no, I'm fine.
256
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,688
Uh, I'll have another.
257
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:31,889
He hates me.
258
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,525
Who?
259
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,859
The waiter.
260
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,927
I know when a man despises me
261
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,896
and that man despises me.
262
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:42,233
He's going to spit in my food.
263
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,987
They do that.
264
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:47,955
Could we go back to sweating?
265
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:52,793
Well, well, well.
266
00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:53,961
Look who's here.
267
00:11:53,997 --> 00:11:55,396
Hi, Louie.
268
00:11:55,432 --> 00:11:56,664
Hello, Nardo.
269
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:59,467
Is this your date
for the evening?
270
00:11:59,503 --> 00:12:01,302
You remember me,
Congressman Walter Griswold.
271
00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:02,853
Yeah.
272
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,674
What, they run out of
towels in the men's room?
273
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:09,377
No, that's, uh, that's sweat.
274
00:12:09,412 --> 00:12:12,813
I was telling
Elaine, I sweat a lot.
275
00:12:12,849 --> 00:12:16,017
Congratulations.
276
00:12:16,052 --> 00:12:18,219
Well, uh, I don't want
277
00:12:18,254 --> 00:12:21,822
to destroy your
magical tete-a-tete.
278
00:12:21,858 --> 00:12:23,291
See you later.
279
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,825
He's a nice guy.
280
00:12:24,861 --> 00:12:26,226
Oh, yeah, a prince.
281
00:12:26,262 --> 00:12:28,880
Talk about a lame duck.
282
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,264
( laughing )
283
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:31,716
Hey, come on, Louie.
284
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,183
Walter's a nice guy.
285
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,503
He's a United
States Congressman.
286
00:12:35,538 --> 00:12:38,472
I don't care if he's
the Duke of Cornwall.
287
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,908
In my book, the
guy's a shlimazl.
288
00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:42,927
What's a shlimazl?
289
00:12:45,548 --> 00:12:47,949
Well, you see,
there's schlemiels
290
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:50,651
and shlimazls.
291
00:12:51,587 --> 00:12:53,020
A schlemiel is a guy
292
00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,490
who goes to a
formal dinner party
293
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,058
and spills his soup.
294
00:12:57,093 --> 00:13:00,144
A shlimazl's the
guy he spills it on.
295
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,831
Hey, Louie, you know
what's good about you?
296
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:04,965
What?
297
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:08,219
I was hoping you had an answer.
298
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,272
Have, uh, have you
decided yet, Elaine?
299
00:13:11,308 --> 00:13:14,642
Um... I'm not sure.
300
00:13:14,677 --> 00:13:16,977
Walter, your menu's on fire.
301
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,863
Walter, uh...
302
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:52,897
I think I'll start with the
chocolate cheesecake.
303
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,902
Boy, this guy.
304
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:01,239
He is a horse's yatabe.
305
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:12,232
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Elaine.
306
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,868
It's the same old story.
307
00:14:13,903 --> 00:14:16,938
A girl goes out with
me, I embarrass her.
308
00:14:16,973 --> 00:14:20,074
It's no wonder they never
want to see me again.
309
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,026
I never want to see me again.
310
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,639
I didn't say I didn't
want to see you again.
311
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,696
Oh, yeah? You want to
go out Saturday night?
312
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,465
Oh, no, Saturday,
I made these...
313
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,467
See? See? What about Sunday?
314
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,036
No, I take the kids...
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
315
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,204
What about Monday?
316
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:34,639
Monday's a bad day.
317
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,540
Mm-hmm. Tuesday?
318
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,409
Well... it's fine.
319
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,078
What?
320
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,914
I'd love to.
321
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:44,348
You want to go
out with me again?
322
00:14:45,601 --> 00:14:46,601
Yes, Walter.
323
00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:51,005
What's wrong with you?
324
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:00,497
Can you believe Elaine?
325
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,433
Getting mixed up
with a loser like that?
326
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:05,302
She's gone out with him every
night for the past two weeks.
327
00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:07,721
Look, Why do we have to
talk about Walter anymore?
328
00:15:07,757 --> 00:15:09,824
We all have our good
days and our bad days.
329
00:15:09,859 --> 00:15:13,194
Then Walter's got
some great days ahead.
330
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:14,945
What are you guys talking about?
331
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,046
Boxing. Work. School.
332
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,047
General stuff.
333
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,050
Must have been a
hell of a conversation.
334
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,187
Well, Nardo... Has
it happened yet?
335
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:24,522
What?
336
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,023
Has one of your kisses
337
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,025
turned the toad into a prince?
338
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,777
Louie, you take that back.
339
00:15:29,812 --> 00:15:33,163
Nardo, do you know
what a shlimazl is?
340
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,416
I don't have to listen to this.
341
00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:38,619
A sclimazl is a guy who
comes home from work early
342
00:15:38,654 --> 00:15:41,022
and finds his wife
in bed with his boss,
343
00:15:41,057 --> 00:15:44,258
then gets docked a day's
pay for leaving the office.
344
00:15:44,294 --> 00:15:45,609
( laughs )
345
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,611
And with a little more class,
346
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,613
Walter would be a shlimazl.
347
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,649
( Cackling )
348
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,250
Louie, I am warning you.
349
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,517
Now watch it.
350
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,119
( laughing )
351
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,755
( Yells )
352
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,559
Listen, Nardo... if you
ever grab me again
353
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:04,929
in a non-erogenous
zone, you're gone.
354
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:05,964
Ugh.
355
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,819
Alex, I need your advice.
356
00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:14,655
ALL: Ooh!
357
00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:16,624
What? Okay, look,
358
00:16:16,659 --> 00:16:17,887
unless it's about
you and Walter,
359
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,772
because I don't want to
get in the middle of that.
360
00:16:19,796 --> 00:16:20,945
It's about me and Walter.
361
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,497
All right. If you just want
to talk and it's no big stuff...
362
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:24,565
It's gigantic stuff.
363
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,512
Well, I mean, if it doesn't
get really intimate...
364
00:16:26,536 --> 00:16:27,579
You can't get more intimate.
365
00:16:27,603 --> 00:16:28,603
In that case, shoot.
366
00:16:30,173 --> 00:16:32,973
Well... I guess
everybody's really curious
367
00:16:33,008 --> 00:16:35,259
about why I'm
seeing him so much.
368
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:36,960
Well, I'm not. I understand.
369
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,961
Yeah?
370
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,163
Yeah.
371
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:42,766
I mean, he's not the man
of my dreams, but I like him.
372
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,068
I guess like him
for the same reason
373
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:48,439
I'm drawn to that scrawny
little puppy in the pet store
374
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:49,906
you know, that
nobody else wants.
375
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:50,925
Well, whatever your reasons,
376
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,771
I really got to hand it to
you, Elaine, you know?
377
00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:54,995
Dating you has
really changed Walter.
378
00:16:55,031 --> 00:16:56,364
He seems like he's got
379
00:16:56,399 --> 00:16:57,965
a lot more confidence
in himself now.
380
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:58,633
You know that?
381
00:16:58,668 --> 00:17:00,050
I know. You're right.
382
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,485
Oh, he is such a sweet guy.
383
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,288
You know how some
guys treat your kids nice?
384
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:05,456
Yeah.
385
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,825
Well, Walter's not
just treating them nice.
386
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,426
I mean, he really likes my kids.
387
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:10,344
Oh, yeah?
388
00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:12,280
The other day my
daughter came home upset
389
00:17:12,315 --> 00:17:13,948
because three
of her best friends
390
00:17:13,983 --> 00:17:16,250
were going to see The
Nutcracker without her.
391
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,219
The mother couldn't
get an extra ticket
392
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:19,887
and so she was
the only one left out.
393
00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:22,123
Well, I'm giving
her this big lecture,
394
00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:23,857
telling her it's no big deal
395
00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:26,127
and you shouldn't
be so upset about it,
396
00:17:26,162 --> 00:17:27,895
you know, but she
wouldn't stop crying.
397
00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:31,299
So I look over at Walter,
and he's got tears in his eyes.
398
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,467
So then I got them
both on my hands.
399
00:17:33,503 --> 00:17:34,619
So, what'd you do?
400
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,871
I took them both to
see The Nutcracker.
401
00:17:37,906 --> 00:17:38,789
What's your problem?
402
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:39,835
I got to break up with him.
403
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,642
Oh, Elaine, no.
404
00:17:41,678 --> 00:17:44,311
I know, Alex. I'm sorry,
but I have no choice.
405
00:17:44,347 --> 00:17:47,114
Walter's beginning to
make certain suggestions.
406
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,149
Like what?
407
00:17:48,184 --> 00:17:50,217
Like, "How about
a roll in the hay?"
408
00:17:50,252 --> 00:17:54,338
Walter's suggestions seem to
run toward the blunt, don't they?
409
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:55,339
Yeah.
410
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,673
I mean, I like him,
411
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:59,459
but there's just not
that chemistry thing.
412
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,695
So what do you want
me to say, I understand?
413
00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:02,697
I understand.
414
00:18:02,732 --> 00:18:04,648
What are you
getting so sore about?
415
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:05,649
I'm not sore.
416
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:06,767
I mean, you want advice?
417
00:18:06,803 --> 00:18:09,103
You want to break
up with Walter, fine.
418
00:18:09,138 --> 00:18:10,704
Just go on your own instincts,
419
00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:13,908
those same instincts that
have gotten you this far...
420
00:18:13,943 --> 00:18:15,676
Divorced, poor, working nights,
421
00:18:15,711 --> 00:18:16,743
holding two jobs.
422
00:18:16,779 --> 00:18:18,312
Alex, will you calm
down for a second?
423
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,146
Now listen to me.
424
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,747
This man is coming over tonight.
425
00:18:20,783 --> 00:18:22,149
We're gonna be alone.
426
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,718
My kids are with my ex-husband.
427
00:18:24,753 --> 00:18:27,054
I don't know if I
can handle this.
428
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:28,717
Elaine, do you really
expect me to tell you
429
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,786
whether you should roll in
the hay or not with Walter?
430
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,027
I guess you're right.
431
00:18:33,062 --> 00:18:35,729
Oh, I got to do
what I got to do.
432
00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:38,832
I just know it's going
to break his heart.
433
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,819
Oh. You're going to
go to bed with him.
434
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:57,284
You're sure you
don't want anything?
435
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,974
Maybe just a little... applause.
436
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,013
No, I haven't got time.
437
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,616
I'll just have a
cup of coffee...
438
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,884
Babe.
439
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:35,039
Uh... Say, can we
talk about... No, no.
440
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,473
I guess we shouldn't.
441
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,442
It's not a thing you talk about.
442
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:40,644
Walter, it's okay
to talk about it.
443
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:43,347
I've never sweat so
much in my entire life.
444
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,768
Elaine, be honest with me.
445
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:50,804
Did you let me stay last
night because you wanted to,
446
00:19:50,839 --> 00:19:52,739
or because you
felt sorry for me?
447
00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:55,576
Or did I just catch up
with the law of averages?
448
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:59,413
Walter, I let you stay
because I care about you.
449
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,481
Isn't that reason enough?
450
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:01,632
Yeah.
451
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,850
Elaine, I had a
little time to think
452
00:20:03,886 --> 00:20:06,019
before you woke
up this morning...
453
00:20:06,054 --> 00:20:08,121
seven, eight hours...
454
00:20:10,593 --> 00:20:12,309
I have a great idea.
455
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:15,028
Why don't you and I agree
not to see anyone else.
456
00:20:15,064 --> 00:20:16,296
Walter...
457
00:20:16,332 --> 00:20:19,800
Okay, okay, I'll just agree
not to see anyone else,
458
00:20:19,836 --> 00:20:22,002
but when can I see you again?
459
00:20:22,037 --> 00:20:23,337
What do you mean?
460
00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:24,805
Well, now that we've done this,
461
00:20:24,841 --> 00:20:26,807
I want to know
when I can see you
462
00:20:26,843 --> 00:20:27,908
and for how long,
463
00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:29,977
and can you write
this down for me?
464
00:20:30,012 --> 00:20:31,278
Walter, listen to me.
465
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,713
This was just
what I was afraid of.
466
00:20:32,748 --> 00:20:34,731
I pushed too far, right?
467
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,867
Well... All right, all right.
468
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,380
Don't worry about that,
don't worry about that.
469
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,704
We don't have to
go steady or anything
470
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,640
but I'd appreciate it if
you'd meet my parents.
471
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,043
Walter... I can make a call now.
472
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,228
There are flights
leaving all hours.
473
00:20:48,264 --> 00:20:50,547
Walter, you want to fly
your parents to New York
474
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:51,877
because of what
we did last night?
475
00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:53,316
It's a shuttle.
476
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,218
It'll be great.
477
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,687
You'll bring the kids
478
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:59,389
and we'll go and
see The Nutcracker.
479
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,724
Walter!
480
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,825
I'm screwing up.
481
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,393
I'm screwing up.
482
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,728
Walter, now, stop.
483
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,030
Just listen to me.
484
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:07,314
It's too much.
485
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,983
You're scaring me.
486
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,250
You're trying to chart
487
00:21:10,286 --> 00:21:12,486
our entire relationship
in one morning.
488
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,188
You're right.
489
00:21:14,223 --> 00:21:15,656
You're absolutely right.
490
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:18,075
I tend to make too
much of these things.
491
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,811
Oh, forgive me, Elaine.
492
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,185
It was a wonderful evening.
493
00:21:39,849 --> 00:21:42,917
Maybe we'll see
each other again.
494
00:21:55,297 --> 00:21:56,780
Good-bye, Elaine.
495
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:28,312
Were you missing me at all,
because I was dying out there.
496
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:32,015
You are such a lovely man.
497
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:34,785
Hey, I want our
relationship to continue.
498
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,903
Can't we just leave it at that?
499
00:22:36,939 --> 00:22:38,472
You're right. You're
absolutely right.
500
00:22:38,507 --> 00:22:40,340
We should just take it slow.
501
00:22:40,376 --> 00:22:42,493
Take it as it comes.
502
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:43,827
Right.
503
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:45,178
Play it by ear.
504
00:22:45,214 --> 00:22:47,781
How about every Thursday
night for the next three months?
505
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,135
Is 8:00 okay?
506
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:06,684
See? I told you we'd make it.
507
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,986
Hey, listen, you've
got 15 minutes
508
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,887
before your plane takes off.
509
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:12,323
Good.
510
00:23:12,358 --> 00:23:15,743
So, how'd it go with
you and Elaine last night?
511
00:23:15,778 --> 00:23:16,610
Fine.
512
00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:18,596
Oh, that's good.
513
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,964
Yes, fine is very good.
514
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,250
You do anything
out of the ordinary?
515
00:23:23,286 --> 00:23:28,255
No. It was, I guess, an
ordinary evening for most people.
516
00:23:28,290 --> 00:23:29,290
Now listen, Alex.
517
00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:30,724
I know you want to know
518
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,544
what took place
between Elaine and me,
519
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:37,231
but there are some things a
gentleman does not discuss.
520
00:23:37,266 --> 00:23:38,832
Oh, I understand, Walter.
521
00:23:38,867 --> 00:23:41,968
I'll probably see you
next time I'm back in town.
522
00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:43,704
Yeah, I'll see you, Walter.
523
00:23:43,739 --> 00:23:46,106
Oh, and Walter... Yeah?
524
00:23:46,141 --> 00:23:48,124
Congratulations.
525
00:23:48,161 --> 00:23:49,493
Thanks.
526
00:23:57,769 --> 00:24:00,587
( Theme music playing )
527
00:24:24,764 --> 00:24:26,313
WOMAN: Night, Mr. Walters.
528
00:24:26,349 --> 00:24:27,681
( Grunts )36230
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