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1
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:11,377
Okay, so tell me a little bit
about yourself.
2
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:12,746
What are your fitness goals?
3
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,813
Uh... I'm not your average guy
my age.
4
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:16,482
I'm in pretty good shape.
5
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:19,385
I lost about 40 pounds just
by not supersizing my meals,
6
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,854
and just looking to take it
to the next level.
7
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,822
Well, I am excited.
8
00:00:23,823 --> 00:00:25,157
Yeah, don't take it easy
on me.
9
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,825
- I won't.
- I don't know
10
00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:28,527
if you probably deal with
a lot of, you know...
11
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:32,731
- Yes, martial artists and--
- No, I meant losers.
12
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,199
All right,
so let's just go ahead
13
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,403
and reach for the sky.
- Yeah, okay.
14
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,738
Breathe in peace...
15
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:41,940
and gratitude.
16
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:45,244
And bring our arms down
and do some lateral...
17
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,279
Are you okay?
18
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,848
Okay, all right,
breathe through it.
19
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,417
Are you...
20
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:54,186
Hey, Jamie.
I should call an EMT.
21
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:55,954
- No, no, I'm good.
- No--
22
00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:57,356
- Don't you dare fucking call.
- I have a silver...
23
00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,425
- I just need you... Whoa!
- Look!
24
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:00,993
- Sir... No. I just...
- I will not work a desk job.
25
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,995
You lose your fucking mind
doing that shit!
26
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,781
{\an8}Oh, my God.
27
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,330
{\an8}-Good morning, my gang.
-Good morning.
28
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:39,898
{\an8}Morning.
29
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:41,667
{\an8}We're all grown-ups.
30
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,669
I feel like I don't have
to tell you this.
31
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,537
But everybody's feelings
got hurt.
32
00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:51,109
If you bring a valentine in
for one person on the squad,
33
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,878
what do you do?
34
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,580
- Give it to him privately?
-No.
35
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,948
Bring one for everyone.
36
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,850
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
37
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,419
Bring a valentine for everyone
if you're doing them at all.
38
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,654
It breeds mediocrity.
39
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:07,392
If I leave someone out,
it makes them think... "Huh?"
40
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,761
It challenges them to be
a better person.
41
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:11,663
That's like
a participation trophy.
42
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:13,298
Like, "Oh, I love somebody.
43
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,833
Now I have to love everybody.
Everybody wins."
44
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,368
You do have to love...
Have you not?
45
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,303
Does no one
ever look at the bins?
46
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,571
- No.
-No.
47
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:20,839
You know what? I will take...
48
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,574
I will take responsibility
for this.
49
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:25,677
I felt bad because some people,
not me obviously,
50
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:28,447
but some people don't have
as many admirers
51
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:29,915
as some of us do,
so some people...
52
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,150
Don't do that with your hands.
It's so sad.
53
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:35,153
...so some people
don't get as many valentines
54
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,455
and maybe
their feelings are hurt,
55
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,723
and I didn't want them
to feel bad.
56
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,258
Are you shrinking?
57
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:40,792
Why are you short in that chair?
- Yeah.
58
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,528
- My...
-What happened?
59
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:45,364
Hey, guys? Trude,
your earmuffs for a second.
60
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:46,632
- My muffs?
- Earmuffs.
61
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,033
Throw them on.
-Earmuffs.
62
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:49,701
Did you not get to see
her bone density report?
63
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,470
- Yeah.
- It's bad.
64
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,438
Why do we get that
sent to us?
65
00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:55,274
Her calcium is depleting.
66
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,608
No, no, no,
way beyond that.
67
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,477
- What?
- It's a science experiment.
68
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:01,547
Jim, it's very scary in here.
Can I...
69
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,448
- Come on out, come on out.
-Come on out.
70
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:04,984
- Everything's great.
-Okay.
71
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:12,257
{\an8}Well, it is a dark day here
in the Silver State.
72
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,628
{\an8}Uh, the snowtards,
the Bernie Bros,
73
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:18,397
the AOCs have won.
74
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:19,965
Congrats, Antifa,
75
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:23,402
all of our militarized gear
has to get thrown out.
76
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,237
A lot of the tools, uh, like...
77
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,805
Here's a beauty.
78
00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:28,840
That's a genital taser,
this has to go.
79
00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:30,742
You hear that sound?
80
00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:33,512
You can still smell protester
genitals right on that.
81
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:34,846
Kimball, watch out.
- What?
82
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,281
- Hot. Hot.
- Get in line, everyone
83
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,716
- Look alive!
- Look alive!
84
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,451
- Hey, Kimball.
- No, no, no.
85
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,019
- You guys are all...
-Fuck!
86
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,187
Fuck! Ow!
87
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:43,722
-Trudy?
- Yeah.
88
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,290
Why do you have a grenade?
Give me the grenade.
89
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,858
- Why do you have a grenade?
- It's a paperweight.
90
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,560
This is my paperweight.
- No! No, no!
91
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,928
You're not supposed
to have these.
92
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,597
Give me the grenade.
-Trudy.
93
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,498
- Trudy...
-Wiegel?
94
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,501
Give her the... Don't, don't!
95
00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:57,970
Here, you take this.
Ready? Take that.
96
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,905
You want it? You want this?
- You want this?
97
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,907
- You want this? I do want that.
- Yes, he does.
98
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,475
- We want that.
- I'll trade you this for that.
99
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:04,843
- Okay.
- But I'm also gonna...
100
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:09,548
- It's not that bad!
- That's not what I wanted.
101
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,249
That's why
it shouldn't be illegal
102
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,651
because it's not even that bad.
103
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:13,885
It's not that bad,
it's not that bad. Ready?
104
00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,455
Yeah. Lightly.
105
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,756
It's not that bad.
106
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,261
- Can I do you?
- No, you can't do me.
107
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,963
- Oh, dear. Oh, there she is.
-Oh, Betsy.
108
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,666
-Aww!
-Oh, look at old Betsy.
109
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,202
- Hands on hard lock.
- Oh, she's a good girl.
110
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,904
Guess what, AOC? We're gonna
say a Christian prayer.
111
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,506
- How about that?
- How about that?
112
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:36,508
- Merry Christmas.
- Suck it, AOC.
113
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,677
- Suck our dick.
- Suck my dick.
114
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,278
Suck our Christian dicks.
115
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,713
Hey, guys. Should we do it?
116
00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:43,215
- Let's go.
- Let's give her a send-off.
117
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,817
- Let's do it.
- Let's get Woody. Shoot Woody.
118
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:48,520
{\an8}We dressed up Woody
to look like ISIS.
119
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:49,788
Go, Woody!
120
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,125
-Whoo!
- Fire in the hole!
121
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,733
- Farts!
- Sorry.
122
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,140
Toilet's working.
123
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,575
- Yeah.
- Dude.
124
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:11,843
Dude.
- Yeah.
125
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:13,378
He only wants to talk to you.
- Oh, fuck!
126
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:14,479
Really?
- Yeah.
127
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,948
- Hey.
- Good luck.
128
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,453
Hello. Can I help you?
129
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,289
Greetings.
I'm a time traveler.
130
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,858
What year is this?
131
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:29,795
They told me in training,
I wouldn't be believed.
132
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,196
2021.
133
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:34,800
And that swimsuit's
very out of fashion, so, see ya.
134
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:38,870
- 2021. Then I'm not too late.
- For what?
135
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,706
I need to be
released immediately.
136
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:43,608
I need to implant an equation
and save the world.
137
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:45,343
- Right?
- Jim Dangle.
138
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,312
I need to be released.
139
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:48,780
How did you know my name?
140
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,816
I can access
all the information about you
141
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,018
from my data networks.
- Bullshit!
142
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,386
You drive a red Miata.
143
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:57,489
There's a license plate,
I think it's called,
144
00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,258
and on it, it says, "Fossi."
145
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:02,194
- "Fosse."
- "Fosse."
146
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,896
Tribute to Bob Fosse.
147
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,433
That's a crank call.
148
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:10,869
How would I know that
if I wasn't from the future?
149
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,942
Hello. Yeah,
I will write it down. Yes.
150
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,443
H-A-Y... Haywood.
151
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:21,813
"Hey, would you blow me?"
Fuck you! Stop calling here.
152
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,182
Fuck! How did you know that?
153
00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:28,019
I know everything,
I'm from the future!
154
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:30,689
- Who's the president?
- There is no president anymore.
155
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,124
It doesn't work that way.
- Shit!
156
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,692
It's a neural network.
157
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,594
That also makes sense.
God damn it!
158
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:36,862
Think, Jim, think.
159
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:38,964
Tell me one other thing,
Future-man.
160
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:41,533
Tell me something else about me
that nobody else knows.
161
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,268
You had chicken last night
for dinner.
162
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,037
Pan-roasted chicken.
- From Pagan Chicken.
163
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:48,406
There was tablescaping.
You love tablescaping.
164
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:50,642
I love tablescaping.
165
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:53,946
Sir, please. Jim.
166
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,949
Go... my friend.
167
00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:00,118
Thank you.
- Yes.
168
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,186
Future generations
will thank you.
169
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,521
I thank you.
170
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,622
I will need the car keys, please.
171
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:04,923
Yes, of course. Go, go, go.
172
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,927
And some cash, please.
I will need cash.
173
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:09,928
And the shoes.
174
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,563
Does the nexus say when I die?
175
00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,964
Yes, but I can't tell you
176
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,499
because it would create
a time paradox.
177
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,700
- Oh, of course, of course.
- Yeah.
178
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:16,902
You're gonna need those
for sure.
179
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,069
Wait.
- One for the chamber.
180
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,638
Yep. Yeah. Go!
- Thank you.
181
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,339
You're gonna be
a hero to generations.
182
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:27,345
Guys...
183
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:28,814
- Wait.
- Where's Cutter?
184
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,249
They may never know
that we saved the future.
185
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,018
The fuck
are you talking about?
186
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,754
- Shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
-Where is he?
187
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,689
He just escaped
from the work farm.
188
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:39,291
That was in the toilet...
- Shit!
189
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,859
Would you kids stop calling?
190
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,928
Hey, Would-you-blow-me.
Hilarious!
191
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,230
They've been doing that all day.
- You left your Myspace up.
192
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,932
- Oh, shit, is my Myspace up?
- Yeah.
193
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,500
Oh, does it have
all my dinners and stuff?
194
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,035
- Yeah, it's got your...
- Yeah.
195
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,903
Oh, shit! He just escaped
from... We gotta...
196
00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,806
I'll go see if I can...
- No, he's armed. Careful!
197
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,176
You're still friends
with Tila Tequila?
198
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,887
{\an8}All right, so today I'm doing
some undercover work.
199
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:12,390
We got a lot of hillbilly heroin
here in the Washoe area,
200
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:13,859
so what I'm gonna try to do
201
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,327
is get a doctor
to try to prescribe me some
202
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,830
and catch it
on secret hidden camera.
203
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,800
Hello.
204
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,602
- Hey. Hey, Doc.
- Hi, how're you doin'?
205
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:26,538
So, what brings you
to the office?
206
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:29,708
Well, I had...
A friend recommended you.
207
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,009
Oh, good. Good, good.
208
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,043
So you've been having
a little...
209
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,845
- Ow! Ow!
- A little pain?
210
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,615
None of that should have hurt.
- No, it did.
211
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,484
I'm in pain all over.
That's why I'm here.
212
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:40,685
Okay.
213
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:45,323
Because of...
chronic pain issues.
214
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:46,758
And, uh--
- I tell you what.
215
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:49,995
Then let's go ahead
and get you undressed.
216
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:53,598
No, I can just...
I mean, I'm just telling you.
217
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,434
One of us went to school,
to be a doctor,
218
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:58,803
and the other is just guessing
about his pain.
219
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:00,906
Now, I know they took
your blood pressure.
220
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:03,675
The nurse did when you came in.
- They did, they did.
221
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,243
I wanna do
a penile blood pressure
222
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:06,878
if you'll just pop up here
real quick.
223
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,680
You're gonna feel
a little pressure at first
224
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,682
and then your pressure's gonna
just gently...
225
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,517
- Okay. Oh, okay.
- There you go.
226
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,686
- Okay.
- Look at that penile pressure.
227
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:17,422
What am I looking for here?
Ow! Okay! Ow!
228
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:19,424
Now, when are you mostly
feeling these problems?
229
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:22,394
All the time.
So if you could...
230
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,396
If you could hook me up.
'Cause I'm, all the time...
231
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,464
I will definitely hook you up,
but first,
232
00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:28,633
let's take a lookie-sue
insidey-sue.
233
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,068
You're gonna feel
a little pressure.
234
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,070
Just push against me.
- Okay.
235
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,471
Pushing... Okay. I will.
- Here we go.
236
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:34,940
Oh, I will.
- And there you go!
237
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,142
No, no, don't worry about that.
I got that.
238
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,576
Don't worry. Going up.
239
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:41,379
A little bit more.
A little more.
240
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,914
A little...
There you go. Take...
241
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,249
- What are you looking for?
- Take a look at...
242
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,550
Oh, wow, that's--
243
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:46,618
Take a look
at your inner child.
244
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:49,354
- Oh, God!
- And out!
245
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,823
Well, I'd check out...
And I'm in...
246
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,358
Now I'm really hurting,
247
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:56,528
and so I was wondering
if you could hook me up.
248
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,430
- I will definitely hook you up.
- All right.
249
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,666
- I'm gonna need a urine sample.
- All right.
250
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:05,003
Hold on, hold on, please.
And a semen.
251
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,405
And then if you could pop
some fecal in there.
252
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:09,174
And where do you want me to...
253
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:10,909
Oh, just around the corner,
there's a privacy corner there.
254
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,811
Don't even worry about
going in to the restroom.
255
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,480
- This is just a corner.
- Yep, privacy corner.
256
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:18,283
You have any
different magazines?
257
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,952
No, all I have is those
auto-racing magazines.
258
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,420
That gets me going.
259
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,823
I was making love to my wife
two nights ago.
260
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,958
-Yeah. Hey, Doc?
- I was reading... Yeah.
261
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,895
Give me... Let's have
a moment of silence here.
262
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:33,933
All right. It's a good story.
263
00:10:37,636 --> 00:10:41,272
"Alas, poor Yorick.
264
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:42,841
I knew him, Horatio."
265
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:46,011
I was Hamlet...
in a porno.
266
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,480
I was Hamlet, many years ago.
267
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,016
And this is
a great fellow we got.
268
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,853
There we go. There we go,
there we go.
269
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,388
Stay.
270
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,923
So, this is Officer Woody,
271
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:02,193
and he's been a great
new addition to the force.
272
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,562
Um... unlike the rest
of the officers,
273
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,865
he never gets suspended
without pay
274
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,466
for discharging a weapon.
275
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,435
And having him here
276
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,405
out on this road,
oh, jeez, uh...
277
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,440
Crimes drop quite a bit.
I mean, you know,
278
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,308
all of the deputies
have strengths.
279
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,511
Uh, Travis is "brute force."
280
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,547
Uh... Trudy is
"hiding in plain sight."
281
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:27,152
Uh, Jones is sort of "kompromat"
and things like that. Uh... oh!
282
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:30,889
Williams is very good at TikTok.
In fact, she has one...
283
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,091
And I don't know
if she knows this guy
284
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:34,459
or if she knows this...
285
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,127
Or if it's even
like a little person,
286
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:37,395
or it's a puppet.
287
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:40,632
It's "Raineesha"
spelled the classic way.
288
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,302
She has on her TikTok...
289
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:53,779
Woody had the keys.
Woody had the keys.
290
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,921
Long story short,
I called my brother
291
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,589
in the middle
of our love making session...
292
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,891
You know, I could use
a little silence
293
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,059
while I shit in this cup,
294
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,861
to be honest with you.
- Oh, all right.
295
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,065
There's a song that I used
to poop to when I was young.
296
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:18,503
♪ There it come, there it comes
Down the hole ♪
297
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,172
♪ Poop, as good as gold ♪
298
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:22,841
Poop song did the trick.
299
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,509
- ♪ Poop, as good as gold ♪
- There you go. Thank you.
300
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,244
As clean as a whistle
as you were earlier.
301
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,013
I am surprised I didn't see
that little nugget up in there.
302
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:31,349
These are urethral stimulators.
303
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,884
Urethral?
304
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:36,221
Imagine your penis is a hole
in the moist dirt,
305
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,655
and this is an earthworm.
306
00:12:37,656 --> 00:12:39,757
I am gonna start
with the small one, naturally.
307
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:41,960
We're gonna see if we can
work up to this guy.
308
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,561
- Look at me.
- Yeah, I'm looking at you.
309
00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,063
- I'm your friend.
- Yeah, I'm looking...
310
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:46,397
No, no, no!
311
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,666
Hurts and giving me
a boner again.
312
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,935
That's exactly
what we're really looking for.
313
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,137
Okay, okay.
314
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:53,304
What do you think, Doc?
315
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,039
I'm in bad shape, huh?
316
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,809
I think you are doing...
317
00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,844
Look at me, please.
- Yeah.
318
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,012
Fantastic.
319
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,580
It was a real pleasure
meeting you.
320
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,250
- Thank you. Thank you, Doc.
- Absolutely.
321
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,784
Hey!
- Hi, Doctor.
322
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:09,287
- How are doing, buddy? Yeah.
- Good, good.
323
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,955
- You see that guy go by?
- Yeah.
324
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,157
Yeah, he was a cop.
325
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:15,260
So how many pounds
of this medication
326
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:16,528
should I write for you
this week?
327
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,196
You know,
you gotta make it seven.
328
00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:19,664
Seven-pounder.
329
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,901
It's been a tough week. Yeah!
330
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:27,705
Defund the police.
331
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:31,543
Yeah. Take this, you pig.
332
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:35,346
Oh, no! These stains
will never come out.
333
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:37,382
Are you tired
of old-fashioned uniforms
334
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:41,252
that are no match for tough,
hard-to-get-out stains?
335
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,155
Then why not switch to...
336
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:49,994
Policetek's new no fuss,
non-stick police uniforms.
337
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:54,399
It stands up to a paint, eggs,
tagging, human feces.
338
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,669
Even those tough to get out
tear gas and pepper spray odors
339
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,338
just wipe away like magic.
340
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,741
Hmm! Lemony fresh.
341
00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:05,109
And the best thing about it,
342
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,778
they come right off.
343
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:09,414
Say, you haven't seen
any cops around here, have you?
344
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:12,250
Don't look at me,
I'm a pastry chef.
345
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,787
And I'm a zookeeper.
346
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:18,189
And I'm one of you
Antifa guys.
347
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,358
Let's go smash the system!
348
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:24,929
{\an8}New anti-fuss
non-stick police uniforms.
349
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,766
{\an8}Gets you
out of a messy situation.
350
00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:41,479
- Eh!
- Wow.
351
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,515
That looks like
a fraternity to me.
352
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,050
He's got, like,
a bra on his head
353
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,352
and all those
beer cups behind him.
354
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:48,920
Yeah,
he's being pledged.
355
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:52,924
So we have...
good news and mixed news.
356
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,093
I don't know how
it's not just bad.
357
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,729
We have...
We found Woody.
358
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,497
They're taking Officer Woody
359
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:02,900
on, kind of, like,
a whirlwind tour of Nevada,
360
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:06,437
and they're posting it,
and it's getting all kinds of...
361
00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:08,273
- Popular.
- ...derogatory comments
362
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:11,042
and likes and--
- Oh, that's a spoof.
363
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,543
That's a spoof.
364
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,345
He's supposed to be
Liam Neeson, see?
365
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:16,547
-Oh!
- He's taken.
366
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,249
That's actually clever,
these guys.
367
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,884
- That's clever. Fuck it!
- Yeah.
368
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,153
- Damn it! Who thought of that?
- Look at all this...
369
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:24,155
- Lake Tahoe.
- There you go.
370
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,890
That's Emerald Bay
right there.
371
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,559
That's Portland. Look,
there's a building behind there
372
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,561
that's been burnt down.
That was on the news.
373
00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:33,464
- So he's not going east.
- No, he's going up.
374
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:35,633
You think he's trying
to get over the border?
375
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:36,968
He's got free health care.
376
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,102
Yeah, he's gonna be
more healthy.
377
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,737
He's not gonna
wanna come back.
378
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,673
Do you guys feel like
when Red's still in the prison
379
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:45,009
and Andy's gone off
to Zihuatanejo a little bit?
380
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,144
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
381
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,578
Yeah, he's out
living his life.
382
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:49,881
And we're kind of Red,
you know what I mean?
383
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,249
Yeah.
384
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,784
In a way,
he's living his best life.
385
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,686
Right. As opposed to being
out there on the...
386
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,254
on the freeway.
387
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:57,689
Yeah. I mean, it's tough
to see him 'cause we...
388
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,058
He was ours for so long.
And then you have...
389
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:01,492
- There he is...
- He's out in the world.
390
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,329
...taking it up the ass
from the Hamburglar.
391
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,901
{\an8}- Is it multiples? Son of a gun!
- Yeah.
392
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,704
{\an8}- Not a pretty one. Yeah.
-Oh, no, no, no! No!
393
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,806
- Not good.
- A real shit show in here, Jim.
394
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,942
19. There's two upstairs.
One in the bathroom.
395
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,111
- Oh, jeez Louise!
- Yeah.
396
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,446
Some kind of massacre.
397
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,114
- Did we check for shots?
-No.
398
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:25,216
- No, there's no shell casings.
- So that means,
399
00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:28,419
everybody was a perfect shot.
- Yeah.
400
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:30,054
When did this become a thing?
401
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:31,723
- Listen...
-A gender reveal?
402
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,057
Yeah.
403
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:33,991
I always thought
you were revealing
404
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:35,426
your gender as an adult.
405
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:36,961
That's something different.
406
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,196
That's what I thought
it was.
407
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:39,497
That's called exposure.
408
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,032
This guys falls...
Hang on, hang on.
409
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:43,000
Uncle Carl,
come downstairs.
410
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:45,236
Hey... Oh, Uncle Carl.
Wait, wait. Yeah.
411
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:47,405
Oh, remember when
I won Normandy?
412
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,775
No, Uncle Carl,
monkey roll, monkey roll.
413
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:52,276
Oh, Uncle Carl!
414
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:55,079
"None of you are in the will.
Fuck you!"
415
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,714
- What?
- Mass suicide.
416
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,182
No way!
417
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,051
- These are, by the way--
- What are you eating?
418
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:02,387
You're not the father
of this baby.
419
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:05,123
Before I tell the gender
of the baby,
420
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,958
I'm gonna reveal...
421
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,826
- Uncle Carl's the father.
- Uncle Carl's the father.
422
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:12,363
- Uncle Carl, you're the dad.
- Uncle Carl's the father.
423
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,465
Perfect shot.
- And the uncle.
424
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:17,235
- Ooh, these cupcakes are good.
- They're unbelievable.
425
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,736
Hear me out.
- Getting the pretzel sticks?
426
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:20,371
The pretzel sticks
are incredible.
427
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,873
- Are they?
-Fucking incredible!
428
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,141
- I haven't had those yet.
-I got one.
429
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:24,510
Come for a gender reveal.
430
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,344
Stay for a...
431
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:28,147
- Murder.
- Murder.
432
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:31,282
-That's what happened.
- Yeah.
433
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:33,184
- This gender reveal...
-Mmm-hmm.
434
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,788
...had every one of 'em
fucking horny as fuck.
435
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,956
And they're like, "What?"
-Yeah.
436
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,558
- "Wait a minute.
- Fuck!
437
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,528
"Let's get this baby
turning me on."
438
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:45,596
Oh, autoerotic asphyxiation.
439
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:48,199
- Let's... let's, yeah...
- Orgy. Orgy.
440
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,601
Let's erotically
hurt each other.
441
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:53,204
- We're all choking. We're all--
- Choking.
442
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,605
- And then--
- And that accounts for--
443
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,040
Does that happen
at gender reveal parties?
444
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:57,575
I've never been
invited to one.
445
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,410
I mean, the weird thing
about that though,
446
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,513
when you do, if you are
blacking out when you come...
447
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:04,716
Why am I high-fiving that?
448
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:10,455
There we had an Aunt Dorothy.
Dorothy comes down the stairs--
449
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,390
- Come down the stairs--
-Oh, hi, Aunt Dorothy.
450
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:14,859
"Hello, I'm Dorothy.
451
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,327
I've been your aunt forever.
452
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:19,697
I'm not your Aunt Dorothy.
-
453
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:24,235
- I'm your Uncle Carl forever."
-That's the reveal.
454
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:28,272
Murder! Murder! Murder!
455
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,740
- That ain't from town.
- Oh, that's rich.
456
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:32,310
- That's from Vegas or...
- Hmm... That's rich.
457
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,744
- That's rich.
- That's an import.
458
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:35,379
- Oh, God, that's--
- I got it, I got it.
459
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,282
- Yes, sir.
- I didn't have anything.
460
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,751
Calling Officer Jones.
461
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:42,153
Oh! Come in.
462
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,121
Yeah, the lab results came back.
463
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:46,325
They all died of food poisoning.
464
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:52,163
Okay, we're... We're on it.
465
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:53,832
Ooh...
466
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:13,050
- Jesus Fucking Christ!
- Where are you going?
467
00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:15,687
This doesn't count
as one of my sessions!
468
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:20,892
{\an8}Welcome to Reno.
We're glad you're here.
469
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,694
{\an8}Reno is more than
just above average nickel slots
470
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:26,197
{\an8}and yard-long souvenir cup
rum drinks.
471
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:29,066
{\an8}We've got incredible
natural attractions as well.
472
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,601
{\an8}And I'd like to talk to you
473
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:32,169
{\an8}about something
just as incredible.
474
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,405
{\an8}- Conserving energy.
- Conserving energy.
475
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:38,943
{\an8}Now, while no one really knows
what "conserving energy" means,
476
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:41,712
{\an8}we do know that
when you leave a room,
477
00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:43,414
{\an8}you should turn off your lights.
478
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:45,583
{\an8}Why? No one knows.
479
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,085
{\an8}But we are obligated
to remind you
480
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:50,955
{\an8}by the State of Nevada's
Tourism Board.
481
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:52,657
{\an8}That's right.
We're also obligated
482
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:54,926
{\an8}to suggest
you reuse your hotel towels
483
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,661
{\an8}while you're visiting Reno,
484
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,362
{\an8}up to a week if possible.
485
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,566
So, please...
while you're here in Reno,
486
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:02,967
do us a favor and...
487
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:04,835
- Get turned on...
- Get turned on
488
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,737
by turning it off.
- ...by turning it off.
489
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,639
Because...
490
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,975
Trudy?
491
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,078
Weigel, what are you
doing in here?
492
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,613
Um...
493
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:16,948
I'm just fishing.
494
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,516
Look at this guy I found.
495
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,952
Oh! Put it down!
496
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:28,794
♪ Chicken fried Ricky
Chicken fried Ricky ♪
497
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,997
♪ I go, "Yum, yum!" ♪
498
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:37,269
♪ Chicken fried Ricky
Chicken fried Ricky... ♪
499
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:39,905
No, that's not...
500
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:55,252
Pictures in a book,
it's pictures in a book.
501
00:20:55,253 --> 00:20:56,321
Just pictures in a book.
37434
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