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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,512 -Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh! Hey, hey! 2 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,148 - Hey, can we shoot him yet? - No, no, no! 3 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,584 We... We have to do the new protocol. 4 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,419 All right, all right. What is it? Number one. 5 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,054 "Establish a rapport." 6 00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,056 Hi, guys. Uh... How are you doin' this mornin'? 7 00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:26,893 I gotta ascertain... - Hey, guys, we're trying to... 8 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:30,629 "Verbally persuade the subject to comply." 9 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,564 Hey, why don't you stop? 10 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,333 Man, lookout! - Ow! 11 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:35,734 Hey, hey! 12 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:38,971 I'm trying to be sympathetic to your needs and wants. 13 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,940 That's right. 14 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:44,077 Damn it! He's being sympathetic, asshole! 15 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:47,913 - Hold! -We're out of ammo. 16 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:50,315 - It actually worked! - It actually worked, man. 17 00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:51,750 Aah! 18 00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,153 Not cool, dude! 19 00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,971 Oh, my God! 20 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:27,886 -Good morning. -Good morning. 21 00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,588 -Good morning, gang. - Yeah. 22 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:33,125 Uh... It's Firefighter Appreciation Week. 23 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,193 - Oh. - Ugh. 24 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,561 Again? 25 00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:36,695 I wasn't gonna do... I'm not doing shit. 26 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,464 I'm just saying it... exists. 27 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,899 Uh, Junior, you had something... Junior's, uh, been... 28 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,235 Yeah, I just wanted to call everybody's attention 29 00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:44,570 to a... a petition that's going around... 30 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,205 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - ...online... 31 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,441 There's a petition going around to cancel Paw Patrol. 32 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:52,377 Uh, and I would love everybody to get on it and sign it. 33 00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:54,346 I think it's cop-aganda. 34 00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,981 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 35 00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:58,183 And I think if we're all gonna be part of the cancer culture, 36 00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,718 I think we gotta hop on it 37 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,420 and take that thing down. -Hey, Trav... 38 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:02,421 I think it's called "cancel culture." 39 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:03,789 - Cancer culture? - Cancer? 40 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,091 - "Cancel." - It's like a negative cancer 41 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,693 against police officers. - Cancel. 42 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,595 Oh, I never knew what that meant. 43 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,363 -Yeah, cancer culture. - Oh. 44 00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:13,065 Yeah, it's like you say one thing wrong 45 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:16,502 and everybody's like, "That guy said the n-word ten years ago, 46 00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,303 let's give him cancer on the internet." 47 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,638 - That's sick! - Yeah! 48 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:20,839 You... You've convinced me. 49 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,474 -Yeah. - That is sick. 50 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,810 It's five little dogs and there's a fireman. 51 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,678 -Fuck 'em! - Oh, I'm out. 52 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,113 Fuck 'em. 53 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,115 And then there's one that just fucking recycles. 54 00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,783 Which is like, "What the fuck?" 55 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:34,353 And they just found a meteor that gave them all superpowers. 56 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,555 It really fucking junked the show. 57 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:39,124 Excuse me, the Black guy has a question. 58 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,526 Yeah, guys... 59 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:41,827 - Do you not know Jones' name? - Of course I do! 60 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,996 But I was respecting his heritage 61 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,564 like we've been asked to do! 62 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:46,965 - Okay. -Oh! Okay. 63 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,301 -Jones? - Just, just, just a question. 64 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:52,538 Do... Do we or do we not announce ourselves 65 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,375 before we go to... into a residence? 66 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,476 - Oof. -A residence? 67 00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,879 Do we say that we do or do we really do it? 68 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,184 Hello. Hello, miss. Hey, hi. 69 00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,921 I'm... I'm here to, uh... 70 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,956 First of all, let me apologize to you. I... 71 00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:14,860 I... I see that you are in a hurry but I got a call saying, 72 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,996 from the store, that, uh... an African American woman, 73 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:21,233 5'6"-5'7", was caught shoplifting... 74 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:25,270 Shoplifting? Where am I gonna put something that I stole? 75 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,838 Hey, you know what... 76 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,473 I... I know you're doing your job 77 00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:29,975 but I... I really have to go. - Thank you. 78 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,144 - I really have to go. So... - I... I understand that. 79 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,247 But I... I have to obtain you for just a second 80 00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:38,750 and wait for a female officer to come and pat you down. 81 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,852 I'm a lawyer. I don't know if I've mentioned that to you. 82 00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:43,322 I'm a lawyer and I have a case that I need to get to. 83 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,190 - You look very lawyer-y. - I know! 84 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:47,292 - Listen, sister. Right? - No. 85 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,828 - Yeah. Right? Come on, now. - No. 86 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,864 There is nowhere that I can put things that I stole. 87 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,467 - Okay? I have no pockets. - I'm not looking at that. 88 00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:58,403 There's just a gorgeous teal bra. 89 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,272 - Yeah. - Okay, I have an idea... 90 00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:05,010 How about I harass you first? - Mm. 91 00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,680 You then frisk me and then I can't make a complaint... 92 00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,882 Then we're both touching each other at the same time, 93 00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:12,384 and that way, it... - Okay. 94 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,552 - That's null and void. - That's... Yeah. 95 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:16,855 - One, two, three. - Two... 96 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:19,024 - Oh, my God! - What? 97 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,626 Janine Hogan, ACLU. 98 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,361 I cannot believe that just happened. 99 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,595 I will see you in court. - That's... 100 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:24,963 - Can I talk to you? - Absolutely. 101 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:27,166 Thank you so much. I think this angle... 102 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,875 Hey! The new Kevlar's here! 103 00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:40,979 All the way from Japan. 104 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,514 Gather round, gather round. 105 00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,016 - This was expensive! - Look at this! 106 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,718 - That's like a fanny pack. - Look at this! 107 00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,420 I know what it is, you know why? 108 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:52,157 Unless I'm crazy, does it do... does it Iron Man open? 109 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,826 I mean, it was expensive enough. 110 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:57,629 - Oh, yeah, we just... - No, it's just a fanny pack. 111 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,431 I think these are, like, for underwater. 112 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:02,901 - Yeah, these are waterproof. - Oh, guys, they're real tight. 113 00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:04,936 - You know what I think it is. - What? 114 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,872 I think it makes your head real tight 115 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,241 so you can fit through tighter spaces. 116 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,909 -Oh, hello! -No, no! 117 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,778 Yeah... No, I got it. I got it. 118 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,347 Wait... Maybe you're supposed to zip your balls in there. 119 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,982 Want me to call the Fire Department? 120 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,417 I feel like that's just something 121 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,052 you want me to try to do. 122 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,987 Jim, try... Please, for me, try and zip your balls in there. 123 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,622 - No. - Let's... I've got an idea. 124 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:25,123 Everyone take turns trying them on, 125 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,025 get in a line, I'll punch you in the balls, 126 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:28,927 and we'll see if it works. -Okay. 127 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:32,030 - Hey, guys, it's... - For a fucking mutt. 128 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,299 - That makes more sense. - That makes way more sense. 129 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,834 - Yeah. - You know what... 130 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,202 - This doesn't go... - You know what? 131 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,770 It does make sense, 'cause you know what? 132 00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:41,507 That zipper pouch... For dog balls. 133 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,581 Hello, it's the Reno Sheriff's Department. 134 00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:52,484 Boy, this year, it's really become en vogue 135 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,253 to hate on police officers. 136 00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:56,488 Holy cow! 137 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,390 Message received. 138 00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:02,594 And we just wanted to take a moment out of your busy day 139 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,296 from your disputes with your family 140 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,832 that you want us to stop and things like that... 141 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:10,769 To say, " Please be... Please. Please be nice to us." 142 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:15,341 You have no idea what we have to go through in a day. 143 00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:20,146 Right now, I'm wearing an adult diaper 144 00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,948 because I'm also wearing 145 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:27,552 a required regulation onesie without a flap. 146 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,956 And it's very hard to get it off 147 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,992 when you have to go number two. 148 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:37,396 And it almost always means getting fully nude... 149 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,333 in... ...fast-food restaurants, 150 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:43,302 for Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos! Tacos, 151 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,303 the back of a Pagan Chicken. 152 00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:49,541 Have you ever eaten an entire cheese log at Christmas 153 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:52,310 and then the next day you think, 154 00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:54,646 "Today's the day I'm gonna poop." 155 00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:55,881 But it isn't. 156 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,249 What Trudy is trying to say is... 157 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:01,020 "Please be nice to us for a second." 158 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,857 And we're sorry for all of this. 159 00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:07,626 Obviously, systemic racism, blah, blah, blah. 160 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,562 Yeah, we're sorry about that. 161 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,634 But... also, p-please be nice to us. 162 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:28,079 Since the budget of the Reno Sheriff's Department 163 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,715 has been cut by 85%... 164 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:33,451 It's hard to believe we were ever fully funded 165 00:07:33,452 --> 00:07:36,555 because we've always had to have bake sales and stuff like that 166 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:37,722 to make ends meet. 167 00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,391 Fundraising for this job 168 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:42,627 is taking time away from all my side hustles. 169 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,996 When am I gonna sell my catalog stuff? 170 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:47,567 When am I gonna do my webcam work? 171 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:52,305 You know, my Venmo... ...is... is drying up. 172 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,479 Doesn't smell too good in here, does it? 173 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,048 That's the jail that smells like that. 174 00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,649 You know why it smells like that? 175 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,720 That's because sometimes people will defecate in there. 176 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,856 Do you know what defecate means? It means shit. 177 00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:15,794 Scumbags come in here and shit themselves in that cell. 178 00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:19,798 They do that because they're the fucking scum of the Earth. 179 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,602 You know how they started down that road? 180 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:27,239 They started... just like you. 181 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,075 "I'm not gonna listen to my teacher." 182 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:34,613 Or "I'm gonna smoke some cock so I can score some crack. 183 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:38,116 And then I'm gonna give handjobs and blowjobs 184 00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:39,751 to some weird dude I never know, 185 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:42,120 just so maybe he'll toss me a little meth in the morning." 186 00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,355 Is that what you want? 187 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,590 I'm gonna find your foot in a river, 188 00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:49,261 your foot in a river, your foot in a river! 189 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:53,598 If you stay on this path, I will fuck you over myself! 190 00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,868 I will rip your fucking face off! 191 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,804 Get your shit together! -You know... 192 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,506 Let me at 'em! 193 00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:04,209 I'm gonna bite your nose off! - Get outta here while you can. 194 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,810 There they are. Okay. 195 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,812 Uh, the lieutenant governor is ready to give these kids 196 00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:09,381 their Great Citizen Awards. 197 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,715 And we gotta move them 'cause the Scared Straight kids 198 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,250 are coming in right now, and they both bite. 199 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,952 The governor's waiting for you. Up front. 200 00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:15,220 How did I lose you guys? 201 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,555 Watch out, watch out, these dudes bite. 202 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,230 You guys heard all the shit we said to those kids, right? 203 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,500 We're good. 204 00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,371 In light of recent events, 205 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,707 and the frequency of the civil unrests in the streets, 206 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,842 the Reno Sheriff's Department has been given a mandate 207 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:40,712 to kind of tone down some of our riot control gear. 208 00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,747 Make it a little bit more, uh, "people-friendly." 209 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:46,284 Let's say you have, uh... you have a peaceful protester... 210 00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,987 Uh, non-peaceful. "Non-peaceful protester." 211 00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,323 Someone exercising their Second Amendments rights. 212 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,758 - First. They're both great! - They're both great. 213 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:58,564 Uh, what we have here is a tear gas that's, you know, only 75%. 214 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,867 That's fine! - That's fine, right? 215 00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,936 You can still protest, right? - I can still protest. 216 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,405 - Bernie, Bernie! - AOC! 217 00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:08,807 We also have... This is kind of fun, 218 00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:11,677 this is kinda yummy, a habanero pepper spray. 219 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:17,582 It cleared off the tear gas. - It sure did. 220 00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,651 - Yeah. - And we got rubber bullets. 221 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,654 You might as well be throwing jelly beans out 222 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,189 at the Easter parade. - Pfft. 223 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,757 Okay, they get it, they get it, they get it! 224 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,626 This is one of my favorites. This is a bean bag gun. 225 00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:31,162 - And what happens is... - All right, do it. 226 00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:33,631 Uh... It's not working, Junior. 227 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:36,101 I'll turn up the, uh... the pressure here. 228 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,535 - Yep, get the pressure up good. - Yep. 229 00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:38,903 Son of a bitch! Yeah. - Oh, let me, let me... 230 00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:41,773 - Uh... Yeah, knock it out. - All right. 231 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:43,975 You get the point. - Uh... You get the point, yeah. 232 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,711 Oh! 233 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,357 - No! - Yes! 234 00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:00,960 No... 235 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,097 No. There are no words. 236 00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,599 - Every day... - I know! 237 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,833 ...in the middle of my shift, 238 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,635 I have my Cheesletons. - Oh, fuck! 239 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:13,671 They're defunding us more. The snack machine was there. 240 00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,412 Don't... Don't tell her, just let her... She'll figure it out. 241 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,887 ♪ Get some snack in I wanna get ♪ 242 00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,022 That's quite a ritual. 243 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,924 She does this every time she comes in here by herself. 244 00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:34,225 You never saw this? 245 00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,894 I think it's the best part of her day. 246 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,096 ♪ I'm gonna get some snack ♪ 247 00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,864 She's... You know she's legally blind, right? 248 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,433 - I didn't know that... - You didn't know that? 249 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,168 Yeah, she and Travis both. Yeah. 250 00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,569 Hey, Trude? - Yeah? 251 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,504 You saw they took the snack machine, right? 252 00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,640 - Fuck! - Yeah, sorry. 253 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,608 Made a great sound when they would drop, didn't it? 254 00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:53,044 Such a good sound. And then, always... 255 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,779 Whatever was in N-5, 256 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,648 you knew you could shake it loose. 257 00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,417 Is it being repaired? 258 00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:01,886 Wait, hang on. Huddle up. 259 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,888 It's just being repaired, right? 260 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,290 Yeah, actually, it is. 261 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,558 It's being repaired. - Just get through the day. 262 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,692 - It's coming. - It's coming. 263 00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,394 There's a new day coming. Yeah. 264 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,997 - Yep. - Son of a bitch. 265 00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:14,833 - Yeah. - They grinched it in the night. 266 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:18,937 ♪ Mr. Cheesleton He's the duke of snacks ♪ 267 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,171 Fuck! 268 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:21,906 ♪ Mr. Cheesleton... ♪ 269 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:22,841 Shit. 270 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,009 ♪ He's the king of... ♪ 271 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,678 Are you... What? 272 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,546 I can't work here anymore, Jim. 273 00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:30,815 I say that every fucking day! But now it's worse. 274 00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,418 I'm done. Fuck! 275 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,153 I spent a whole Christmas Eve 276 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,288 with my arm in that thing. - Remember that Christmas Eve? 277 00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,790 We remember. 278 00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,993 We... Oh, man, I wish we'd found you sooner. 279 00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,328 Where'd this go? 280 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,930 They took it. They grinched it in the night. 281 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,165 Are you fucking kidding me? 282 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,633 - No. - Part of the defunding. 283 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,635 That snack machine was the last place 284 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:53,705 in the United fucking States to get Cheesletons. 285 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,573 And they fucking got rid of it? 286 00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:59,043 I am going to fucking murder someone, for real! 287 00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:02,580 I am murdering someone! - Don't do-- I'll calm him down. 288 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,849 Get online. See if you can find Cheesletons anywhere. 289 00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,885 You're not gonna be able to calm him down, I get it. 290 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,088 - Fuck this place. - Hey, you guys. 291 00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,389 They just moved the snack machine. 292 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,424 It's down the hall. And guess what... 293 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,460 Huge bags of Cheesletons. 294 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,262 - Oh, it's in Processing? - Oh, thank God! 295 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,899 Oh, fuck, I read that memo and I forgot. I forgot. 296 00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:32,677 Whoa! 297 00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:35,513 Yeah. We've had a... uh, a string of burglaries, uh, 298 00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:37,815 here in the, uh, Reno area. 299 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,450 Two, but it's still pretty cool. 300 00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,653 And so we did something a little unorthodox. 301 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,624 We, uh, found an advertisement for a psychic 302 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,193 that might be able to help us 303 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:51,362 figure out this string of burglaries. 304 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:53,064 It can't hurt. It can't hurt to try. 305 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,399 - Knock-knock! - Hey. 306 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,700 - Hey! - Oh... 307 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:58,269 - Hey, Clem. - Someone call for Ms. Chloe? 308 00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,172 Uh, I... I did. Yeah. What? 309 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,809 Did you know I was psychic? Did you know that? 310 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,010 Oh, you are her? 311 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,512 - Yes! - Wow! 312 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,748 Between my love line and my life line is a cross. 313 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:13,018 That means I have the gift. 314 00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:16,120 So I started exploring it. 315 00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:19,023 I've really been doing the work, I've done Ayahuasca. 316 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:22,194 I've mended all my fences in my past lives. 317 00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,231 This is real cool. 318 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,033 - There's history here. - I fucking knew it! 319 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,568 - Didn't I say? -Trudy! Trudy! 320 00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,136 This has been touched. 321 00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:36,507 Whoever touched this last has a financial problem. 322 00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:38,243 Well, how do you know that's not a shopper 323 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,011 that tried it on? 324 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,613 Whoever did this, 325 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,916 uh, very elevated heart rate at the time of the break-in. 326 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,919 - Yes! Yes! Yes! - Okay, that makes sense. 327 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,221 Whoever did this... 328 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,391 has a disdain... - Mm. 329 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,260 ...for low-quality merchandise. 330 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,894 - Wow! -Mistress Chloe? 331 00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:58,063 Yes. 332 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,565 This is awkward but 333 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,335 can you tell... can you tell me anything? 334 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,271 Just... I had a really weird feeling today. 335 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,906 Oh, this is not gonna be good. 336 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:13,345 Go. Go, the station's on fire. 337 00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,346 - The station's on fire. - Shit! 338 00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:17,348 - That station's on fire, go! - I see smoke. 339 00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:21,085 - Thank you! Thank you, Cleo! - Yes, you're welcome. 340 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,454 You're welcome. 341 00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:25,157 And I'm taking this... 342 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,493 And I'm taking these. 343 00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,428 Because I don't believe for one minute 344 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,730 that anyone's gonna Venmo me anything. 345 00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,433 And my time is valuable. 346 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:51,617 - Somebody's gotta go. -Not it! 347 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,119 - Shit. - Yes! 348 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,054 Good luck. 349 00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,388 - All right. - Get 'em. 350 00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:58,823 - I love you, sir. - I love you back. 351 00:15:58,824 --> 00:16:00,959 - One, two, three! - Do it. 352 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,794 Go, go, go! Close the door! 353 00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:15,373 - Oh, God! You made it back. - Oh! 354 00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:18,476 All right, Amazon. Johnson, there you go. 355 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,744 Thank you. 356 00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:22,046 We got, uh... boner drugs from Canada. 357 00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,381 - Oh! - There you go. 358 00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:25,350 -Whoa, whoa, whoa! - More boner drugs. 359 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,651 Did my Highlights magazine come? 360 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,387 I got... Oh, hey. 361 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:31,289 "For the brave men and women 362 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,490 of the Reno Sheriff's Department." 363 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,691 - Oh, that's nice! -Wow! 364 00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:35,326 We got a... We got a fan. 365 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,728 That's weird, everybody else hates us. 366 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,130 Look at that. Brownies. -Brownies! 367 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,498 Want to just scoop 'em? 368 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,400 - Just scoop it, yeah. - Is that shit? 369 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:43,835 - That's shit. -Shit! 370 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:44,969 - Ugh. - Oh. 371 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,071 - That's shit. - That's shit? 372 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,174 - Hundred percent. 100%. - Hundred percent. 373 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,084 I'm Raineesha Williams 374 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,186 with a public service announcement. 375 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,288 When we are out on the streets, 376 00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:07,458 people shout all kinds of things at us. 377 00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:09,560 Like, "You're gonna lose your job!" 378 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:12,997 And, "You're a disgrace to your badge." 379 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,633 "You should be fired." 380 00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,236 Shouting at us doesn't do anything. 381 00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:21,172 If you want to get me fired, here's what to do. 382 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:27,512 Send a complaint in writing to the Nevada Public Inquiry Unit. 383 00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:31,282 Tell them Officer Raineesha Williams committed, 384 00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:32,784 and write this part down, 385 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:37,522 "a flagrant class B violation of my civil rights." 386 00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:44,797 Or you can log on to NVPIU.ORG/COMPLAINTS... 387 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,331 and say Raineesha Williams, 388 00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:51,702 R-A-I-N-E-E-S-H-A Williams, 389 00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:56,607 committed a flagrant class B violation of my civil rights. 390 00:17:56,608 --> 00:18:00,244 And I will be suspended immediately 391 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,380 with full pay and pension, 392 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,583 which I do not get if I just quit. 393 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:10,755 And I will be out on my ass, and justice will be served. 394 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:14,859 And I'll be getting served a well drink piña colada 395 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:18,396 in an affordable timeshare in Boco Raton. 396 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:21,366 Officers are standing by. 397 00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:26,638 Did anybody call yet? 398 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:44,990 Phew. 399 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,960 You know what, guys, if you don't know this, 400 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,928 I want to tell you this now... 401 00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,899 It... It... It's... It's been an honor, really. 402 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,570 If I'm gonna go down, I wanna go down with you guys. 403 00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,772 I don't necessarily want that, 404 00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:04,375 if there's an option to not go down at all. 405 00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,010 - Is there an option? -Obviously, yeah. 406 00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,879 Yeah, it doesn't make anybody a bad person. 407 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,046 That's the first option. 408 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:10,548 - Okay. -Yeah. 409 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,949 I... Fuck it, I wanna die water skiing, 410 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,752 I've told you guys for years. I never saw this. 411 00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:17,256 In fact, that lady you sent me to 412 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,224 told me I would die waterskiing. - Mm-hmm. 413 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:24,095 Every day, I believe everybody's entitled 414 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,764 to just a... a tiny little bit of happiness. 415 00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:30,434 I make sure every day at some point, 416 00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:34,539 I read a little MAD magazine and then masturbate. 417 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:36,007 Aww. 418 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,575 You're doing like the Don Martin or Al Jaffee? 419 00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,010 No, it's separate. 420 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,512 I don't read MAD magazine, then masturbate. 421 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:45,950 I do both of those things at some point during the day. 422 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,686 When I need to blow off some steam, 423 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,521 I'll find a leathery young homeless guy 424 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,025 with nothing to lose and I... I'll pick a fight with him. 425 00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,993 Do you guys ever buy too many salad greens 426 00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,496 and then you... they just go rotten in the fridge? 427 00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:01,132 You always think you have a little more time with them. 428 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:04,368 I'm gonna have that... that salad tomorrow. 429 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,938 I wish I would have tried harder to find my brother. 430 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,308 You mean Rick Rizzo? We bring him in a lot. 431 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,943 Wait, Trudy, are you talking about 432 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,778 - Rick Rizzo, the pool pooper? - Yeah. 433 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,413 Oh, you don't wanna meet your brother. 434 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:16,814 We know who he is. - Mm-hmm. 435 00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:20,918 Lately, uh, to just soothe myself at home, 436 00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:25,823 I put on, uh, documentaries about, mm, things like... 437 00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,892 This is gonna be, this... I know... 438 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,862 I just feel like time's... time's tight. 439 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,864 - Is everybody gonna go? - Oh, I... I don't have to go. 440 00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:36,168 Thank you. That's what I meant, I guess. 441 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:37,702 Oh! 442 00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:51,148 Sorry, we would've been here sooner 443 00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:53,285 but somebody couldn't find the saw. 444 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:55,853 Okay, look, the riots ended a while back, 445 00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:57,356 you guys okay? 446 00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:01,525 -Yeah, we're good. - Are you guys okay? 447 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:03,695 Are you guys okay? 448 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,930 Are you guys hiding? 449 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,331 -Uh... Who, me? No. -No! 450 00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:10,668 We were building a fort, um... with these. 451 00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:12,336 Look at this. Everybody, get under. 452 00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:14,972 - She's holding the fort. - Great job, guys. Really. 453 00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,041 Fuck you, Greg. Thanks very much. 34558

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