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1
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:11,543
How are you doing today?
2
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,178
What? I'm good.
3
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,047
- You're good? I'm great.
- Yeah.
4
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,749
Yeah. I'm just hanging out.
5
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,584
- Hanging out by the mailbox.
- Yeah.
6
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:20,853
- Big mailbox fan.
- I love-- Yeah.
7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,988
Could you put your hands
on the box, please?
8
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:24,724
- Right now?
- Yeah.
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,495
Oh!
What have you got there?
10
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,897
All right, these are just--
I was just, you know--
11
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:34,333
Hand 'em over.
Illegal in Washoe County.
12
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:35,667
For the future,
13
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,136
these won't even dent
this thing.
14
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,370
Yeah.
15
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,038
I mean, that's why I put
way more in there,
16
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:41,808
that's what these were all--
17
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:44,944
Fuck!
18
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,713
Shit! Fuck!
19
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:05,832
{\an8}Oh, my God!
20
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,416
{\an8}-Good morning, gang.
-Good morning.
21
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,085
Not so great news. Um...
22
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:29,488
All of the Pagan Chickens are
closing, did people know that?
23
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,023
All of them?
24
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,591
Yeah. They literally just
put out a press release,
25
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,326
they said,
please do not pray for them.
26
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,228
They don't want your thoughts,
they don't want your prayers.
27
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,696
I mean, I guess they said
28
00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:40,666
if you wanna celebrate
their closing,
29
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:43,602
you know, bring a wicker item
or something.
30
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,937
Thanks to my Secret Santa,
31
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,039
I've now got a gift card
that's useless.
32
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,675
- Shit! That is true. Um--
-That is a shame.
33
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,643
Do they know what's gonna be
put up there now?
34
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,779
Or what that's gonna be? Yeah.
- At the main one?
35
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,248
There was that place that does
CBD and guns.
36
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,683
Have you seen these guys?
- Yeah.
37
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,184
I got a neighbor
who's trying to open up
38
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:00,786
one of those somersault places.
39
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,288
I'll let him know there's gonna
be properties available.
40
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,190
What about that pigfoot spot?
41
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:06,725
The pigfoot spot's
doing great.
42
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,494
I would do pigfeet
for lunch today.
43
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,996
- It's--
- How many do you get?
44
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:14,299
Oh, I mean, you get
a whole yard-full.
45
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,868
Thank you for letting me
come in late.
46
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,402
That guy's been--
47
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:19,004
Supposed to meet me to buy
my lawnmower for too--
48
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:20,873
- You get a yard of pigfeet?
-Yeah, mmm-hmm.
49
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,941
- That's how they line them up?
-Yeah.
50
00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:24,744
- Travis?
- They have a thing where you--
51
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:29,681
Did I miss something?
52
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,317
Yeah, there's--
The Pagan Chicken's closing.
53
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:33,752
Yeah,
the Pagan Chicken's down.
54
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,187
The pigfoot place
is doing really well.
55
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,222
No, the pigfoot place
is great.
56
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:41,560
But... What's the joke?
57
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:44,029
Oh! Did you not--
You didn't get the memo?
58
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:45,497
Where do we get memos?
59
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,432
Okay, okay.
In your fucking bin!
60
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,701
Literally lean on your ass,
which is warm
61
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,870
all day, everyday.
We gotta do the--
62
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:54,506
So, after, especially,
last year,
63
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,642
which was not our best year.
64
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,343
-Not our fault.
- Bad interactions.
65
00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,978
I had a pretty good year,
considering--
66
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,281
The City Council wants us
to look friendlier,
67
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,749
and this was--
68
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,684
It's fucking mandatory.
Just wear the hats.
69
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,587
We're supposed to be
a friendlier face...
70
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:09,688
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
71
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,890
...to the city of Reno. So--
72
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:14,393
Look, I pull you over,
I come up in this.
73
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,928
You're gonna smile.
- I'm way less--
74
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,696
-You're gonna smile.
- I actually think--
75
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,731
As stupid as it is,
they have a pretty good point.
76
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,199
It is disarming.
77
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,701
It kinda breaks out the--
-Yeah, you look good.
78
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,336
- Yeah.
- You pull it off.
79
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,204
- All right.
- These are mandatory?
80
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:27,673
Mandatory.
81
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,641
Forty hours a week,
we gotta wear this thing?
82
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,476
No, you only
have to wear it
83
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,312
when you're clocked in
and on duty.
84
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:34,913
Hey, Junior--
85
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:36,949
Or traveling to and from
the station.
86
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,383
I forgot to clock in.
87
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,851
I'll see you guys for lunch.
-No.
88
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:43,021
- Pig place?
- They got pigfoot by the yard.
89
00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,724
He definitely bought it.
He bought it, he's gonna do it.
90
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,392
He's gonna fucking wear it
all day.
91
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,461
...wear that all day.
92
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:50,896
Let's get some
footage of him.
93
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,732
We'll put that like
the Benny Hill music.
94
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:56,068
-Fuckin' A!
- He's a fucking-- I'm sorry.
95
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,303
He saved my life a couple
of times, but fuck that guy.
96
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,571
Fuck that guy.
97
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,245
We've had a problem
with our department,
98
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:08,680
and that is bike theft.
99
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:11,316
Dangle gets his bike stolen
all the time.
100
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:14,119
So, I got him
this repugnant bike,
101
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,854
and he loves it.
102
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:18,290
They've combined the two things
that you love most in life,
103
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:21,059
or at least that Dangle does.
104
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,195
Exercise, and laying down.
105
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,163
- Yes!
- Oh! Look at him.
106
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:26,365
I'm gonna slalom it, watch--
107
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,834
Sorry.
- Okay.
108
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,936
Yes!
109
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:34,673
- I did that. Sorry. I'm okay.
- So badass!
110
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,241
Look at that.
111
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:38,677
And, just like me,
112
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,912
it never backpedals.
It has no reverse.
113
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:45,083
You can leave this bike
literally anywhere,
114
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:46,585
and no one will touch it.
115
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,286
Safe as houses. It's amazing.
116
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,489
I don't carry-- There's no lock.
I don't carry a lock anymore.
117
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,357
Seven days in. Untouched.
118
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:55,994
We're gonna go give bone marrow
over at the Armenian salon.
119
00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:58,630
-Mmm-hmm.
- Uh-- Dollars to donuts,
120
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,265
no one's gonna
fuck with the bike.
121
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,000
We'll watch. Leave it.
122
00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:05,570
Every time we give bone marrow,
I feel lighter.
123
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,305
I mean, it's like
I feel like I got a colonic.
124
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:10,075
Still here. See!
125
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:13,078
♪ Nobody messes
with repugnant bike ♪
126
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,680
I'm gonna watch you go away.
127
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,582
- ♪ Nobody-- ♪
- 'Cause I just love it.
128
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,921
- Someone-- That's shit.
- Dangle!
129
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:25,458
Somebody shit on
my repugnant bike.
130
00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:30,729
{\an8}Doin' it, and then
what we do...
131
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:33,131
{\an8}When you come in usually,
you slam on the brakes!
132
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,468
{\an8}Junior Deputy Day!
133
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:39,906
Reporting for duty!
Sound off! Jim.
134
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,207
Travis.
135
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:44,576
- Say your goddamn name--
- Say your goddamn name--
136
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,678
Junior Deputy, sound off! Jim!
137
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,313
- Travis!
- Oliver!
138
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,248
Very good. Next time,
just do it on the first time.
139
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,950
- Yeah, you should work on that.
- Thanks, okay.
140
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:54,586
So, you know, uh, we take
the Junior Deputies out,
141
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,722
we do... just the fun stuff.
142
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,857
- Firearm safety.
- Firearm stuff.
143
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,392
You're getting pretty good
with a gun, right?
144
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:02,160
Is my safety on or off?
145
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:03,328
- Off.
- Shit.
146
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:04,629
Don't be a smartass.
147
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,098
So, we take 'em out,
we do fun stuff,
148
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,166
and we have--
The weird thing is we've had--
149
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,736
Uh, because of climate change,
which is a...
150
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,437
- Myth.
- Thank you.
151
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,906
The bears have been moving in
closer and closer to town,
152
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,475
so we've been putting out traps.
153
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:18,677
We set the bear traps
all over here,
154
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,946
Bears have been terrorizing
this neighborhood.
155
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:23,548
♪ ...with the Junior Deputies ♪
156
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,184
- Oh! Six o'clock.
-Where?
157
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:28,220
- Six o'clock.
-At six o'clock?
158
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,122
Oh, shit. Shit.
-Your six o'clock.
159
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,923
That's a human head.
We got a human head.
160
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:34,059
-
-Hey!
161
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,627
Oh, Jackie! Jesus!
162
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:38,130
I was hoping you guys were
gonna come because, listen...
163
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,564
Uh-- Okay.
164
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,199
- Something very bad happened.
- What happened?
165
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,968
We couldn't ask you
a couple of questions
166
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,370
about a human head
in a bear trap?
167
00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:46,705
There's a head in the trap.
168
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,073
So, here is
what happened.
169
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,374
I'll tell you exactly
what happened.
170
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,577
There's some poor fucker...
171
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,479
Is this on? Is this on?
172
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,981
I think it is.
Some poor fucker--
173
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:58,183
- It's switched off.
- Goddamn it!
174
00:06:58,184 --> 00:06:59,851
- There you go, it's on.
- I gotta get a new one.
175
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:01,853
No, it's working.
Look, the light's on now.
176
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:03,655
Oliver, Junior Deputy,
let me explain.
177
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:06,992
Jackie does crack cocaine,
and she lives here.
178
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:07,926
She's like a--
179
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,728
I live here in the summertime
180
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:12,030
'cause it gets way too hot
up on that hill.
181
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:14,399
Yeah, her winter place
inside the bigger dumpster.
182
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,301
- It's being remodeled.
- Shit, we got more parts.
183
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,569
So, the head is there.
184
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,004
- So, this is kinda fun.
- Come here.
185
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,505
You should see this, kid.
- This is kinda fun.
186
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,073
This is like the game "Clue",
187
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:24,409
where you gotta kinda
put together the evidence--
188
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,578
-Jackie. How--
- Yep.
189
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:29,080
How-- I wish you weren't
seeing this, Junior Deputies,
190
00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,916
but, how, if the head
ended up there,
191
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,150
why is there a leg over here?
192
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,585
Here's
a better question.
193
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,420
How come his balls
are in this bag?
194
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:36,855
Riddle me that.
195
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,423
Jackie,
that's an amazing question.
196
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,926
There's gonna be good days
on the Junior Deputy squad,
197
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,929
and then there's days,
there's other days.
198
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,230
I'm gonna get
our prints off this stuff.
199
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,698
Let's get the prints
off of this.
200
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:47,799
This is a good thing to learn.
201
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,301
There you go. There you go.
202
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,369
And you put it right there.
203
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:52,604
Nobody touched that.
204
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,272
Bye, you guys.
Next time you come
205
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,741
I'll have the swimming pool
all filled up, probably.
206
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:59,077
{\an8}So, where were we never?
207
00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:00,779
{\an8}- There.
- There. Exactly right.
208
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,114
{\an8}We were never there.
- Right!
209
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:17,796
{\an8}Hello.
210
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:20,398
{\an8}Or should I say Bonjourno!
211
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:23,802
{\an8}Hej! Or Kamusta!
212
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,438
It may sound as if
I've just had a stroke.
213
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,207
But if you're Corsican,
Danish or Filipino,
214
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:32,210
you know that I was just saying,
"Hello!"
215
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:34,913
Visiting Reno
can be difficult,
216
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,448
if you don't speak the language.
217
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:38,316
So, the tourism board
has come up
218
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,552
with a phrase translation app
219
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,888
to help make your stay
a little easier.
220
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:46,791
Simply select on the flag icon
from your native country,
221
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,594
and the app with translate
over 50 phrases
222
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:52,063
that you will
more than likely need
223
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,299
on your trip here to Reno.
224
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,205
{\an8}"What time does
the gift shop open
225
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,940
{\an8}at the Bowling Hall of Fame?"
226
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,679
{\an8}"Help! My sister
has gone missing."
227
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,185
{\an8}"This isn't cocaine, Officer.
228
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,288
{\an8}It's just a baggy
full of foot powder."
229
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,356
{\an8}"I found a foot
in my hotel room."
230
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,062
{\an8}"I think this prostitute
overcharged me."
231
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,297
{\an8}In Greek.
232
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,269
{\an8}Efharisto.
233
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:32,871
{\an8}It's all Greek to me.
234
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:36,508
We want everyone to feel
comfortable here in Reno.
235
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:40,979
Some might bring kids,
see the sights, spend money--
236
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,348
American dollars only, please.
237
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,383
Then go back to
wherever you came from.
238
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:50,055
This can make your trip
a little more appetizing.
239
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,791
Even if you're Greek.
240
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,534
{\an8}- Morning.
- Hi.
241
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,135
{\an8}- How are you doing today?
- Hi.
242
00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:05,804
Hi, we're doing all right.
Was I--
243
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,106
Yeah, you know,
that last curve back there
244
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,108
has a 15 mile an hour
speed limit.
245
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,344
And you guys were doing
about 22.
246
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,678
Geez, I'm sorry.
247
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,580
Can I see your license
and registration?
248
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:18,049
Yeah, absolutely. Of course.
Will you look in that glove box?
249
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:19,452
Yeah.
250
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,519
Mmm... No.
251
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,456
Geez. Uh...
I think it got packed up.
252
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,057
It's probably packed
in the bag.
253
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:27,525
I don't wanna--
254
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,127
No, no, step out, step out,
that's all right.
255
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:32,931
Uh-- I don't know which one
of these bags it's in.
256
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,432
Honey, unlock the back.
257
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:36,434
Did you unlock it?
- Try it. Yeah, just try it?
258
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:37,736
Yeah, it's unlocked.
259
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,337
Okay, well, then,
I unlocked it.
260
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,139
- I don't think you did.
- Are you newlyweds?
261
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,707
Ooh, uh... No.
262
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:45,310
Oh, no. Thanks for saying--
Five years, October 3rd.
263
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,945
Ah! Over the first hurdle, there.
264
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,880
- Do you need a hand?
- No, I'm looking for stuff
265
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:51,483
and I'm seeing that
you didn't pack my booties.
266
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,318
But why is it on me
to pack your booties?
267
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,819
If we're gonna
unpack everything,
268
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,421
let's just bring it out.
269
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,756
Yeah, but we have to unpack
everything, Margaret.
270
00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:59,190
Why would you bring
your toolbox?
271
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:00,992
In case we need
to fix the car.
272
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,661
But, that's what AAA is for.
273
00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:06,031
This is the same way you treat
people at Starbucks, by the way.
274
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,465
All right, we gotta--
275
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:09,367
If you don't make it clear
what you want,
276
00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:10,935
you end up with sugar
in your coffee.
277
00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:12,637
Oh, hey! Hey!
278
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,339
Got it.
- Oh, great!
279
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,707
Hey, look at that!
280
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,411
- Oh, fun.
- All right!
281
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,147
This is not you.
282
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:25,484
- Yeah, we stole this car.
- Shit!
283
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:29,788
Shit!
284
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,756
God damn it! Hey!
285
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,658
- Don't do this! Don't do this!
-
286
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,493
- Come on! Come on!
-
287
00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:38,163
- We're the cops now, baby!
- Yeah, we're the cops!
288
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,731
- We're the cops.
- We're the cops.
289
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,341
Uh-uh-uh, hey, hey, hey!
290
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:51,643
Yes, Cindy, yes.
291
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,845
- I just realized...
- Yeah.
292
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:58,316
...you're the only one
who don't have official photo.
293
00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,684
Of course, I have
an official photo.
294
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,553
Haven't you seen
the Employee of the Month?
295
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,888
{\an8}I know, but that don't work.
Too old.
296
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,490
You know, what if I say,
297
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:08,460
I have the camera right here
from the evidence locker.
298
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,528
No. You are beautiful,
299
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:12,430
now you're 10 times
more beautiful.
300
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:15,433
Okay, now. You like cats?
301
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,168
- Oh, I love cats.
- You love cats.
302
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:20,405
So, you're the cat, but you're
like an old cat that can't...
303
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,540
Can't clean its back anymore.
304
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:25,343
Look at me, but pretend to
clean your back, as the cat.
305
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:26,711
Okay, go.
306
00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:29,314
Trying to clean your back.
Yeah! Okay.
307
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,350
You know what it is?
I'm sorry.
308
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,786
It's the outfit.
309
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,922
- Oh! So juicy!
- Is it?
310
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:41,025
Yeah. Delicious, delicious.
Yummy-yum-yum!
311
00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:43,995
You're a bobcat.
Let's see some bobcat action.
312
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,265
This is gonna be
the best station photo.
313
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,634
Oh!
314
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,035
You okay? You need some water?
315
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,103
- Just keep shooting, I got it.
- Okay.
316
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:58,977
{\an8}And then the monster
looked like crap.
317
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:00,712
Oh, I thought the monsters
were very scary.
318
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,381
"There's something in a--"
319
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,383
Jones. Jones left his phone!
320
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:07,152
Oh, right.
321
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,387
His code is quadruple D.
322
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:11,222
Boom, boom, boom!
- Good to know.
323
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:13,124
Look at that.
See, Jones' phone
324
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,427
is like a It's A Small World
ride of titty pics!
325
00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:19,130
- Wow!
- MILF.
326
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,666
Okay. Kind of a Karen-y
lookin' one there.
327
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:23,568
Yeah, she looks angry.
328
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,003
Yeah, I'm filming you now.
329
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,071
I'm filming you now.
That's right.
330
00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:30,275
What are you? Are you Indian,
or Pakistani, or Bangladeshi?
331
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,443
What, that's in
his sex folder?
332
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,312
He has a lot of them.
There's another one.
333
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:38,850
I have three Black friends
and they love me, okay?
334
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:41,486
- Whoa! What do we--
- It's ringing. Shit.
335
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,888
I answered it!
- Yeah, hello?
336
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:46,191
Is this that scary
African-American man
337
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:47,759
who wants me to leash my dog?
338
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,694
Well, you know,
the dog should be leashed.
339
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,529
Come on, baby,
don't be like that.
340
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,064
I'm calling the cops.
341
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:55,600
And I'm saying that you
tried to assault me,
342
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,702
and then, you went
into my swimming pool--
343
00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:59,971
I'm sorry, I've got to go.
344
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,940
- Is that my phone?
- Yes, sir.
345
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,775
It was ringing,
and we answered it
346
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:06,144
because we thought
it was an emergency.
347
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,812
Was that me you were doing?
348
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:10,348
You've a lot of Karen videos.
349
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,816
- Yeah.
- "Karen videos?"
350
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,418
They're on there,
and by the way, I think--
351
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,588
Shut up! A Karen video
in my fucking phone?
352
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:19,123
That's ridiculous.
-Multiple.
353
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:20,358
- Many.
- Stop it.
354
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,694
Okay, do you know who I am?
355
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,863
I'm a proud Black man,
all right?
356
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,365
Do you where I come from--
- There you are!
357
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,667
There he is! There he is.
358
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:33,238
I have been threatened by you
one too many times.
359
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,206
Ugh! You big, Black man!
360
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,674
- I will--
- You-- Ooh!
361
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:38,009
Yeah, you don't want me
in your neighborhood.
362
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,845
No, I don't!
Eating my Thai food...
363
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,648
Yes, I will eat--
364
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:46,784
- Okay. [shushing] Yeah.
- Did you find your phone?
365
00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:48,319
- Uh...
- That was really weird.
366
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,921
- That was really weird.
-Okay, guys, listen.
367
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:54,158
You know how some dudes
are into Nazi underwear,
368
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:55,793
and women wearing--
369
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,763
- I've heard of that.
- I've had a weird year. And...
370
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:01,032
- I like chocolate.
- And Karen--
371
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,200
Her real name's Karen.
372
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:03,534
- Hi, Karen.
- Hi, Karen.
373
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,036
-Hi.
-She's special.
374
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,508
Weird fucking year, man.
375
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,819
{\an8}Hello.
376
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,155
{\an8}It's your friends at
the Reno Sheriff's Department.
377
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:27,091
{\an8}You've probably heard rumors
buzzing about
378
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,628
{\an8}about little envelopes
of Yummy Punkin' Dipper Dots
379
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:32,096
{\an8}that folks throughout Nevada
380
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,998
{\an8}have been randomly
getting in the mail.
381
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:37,201
{\an8}It's a little bag
of brightly colored seeds
382
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:40,505
{\an8}that contain abrin,
383
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:44,309
{\an8}an extremely deadly,
ribosome inhibiting protein.
384
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,011
{\an8}Let's all take
a collective cleansing breath...
385
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,513
{\an8}
386
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:49,781
{\an8}...as we go on to say,
387
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,116
{\an8}that it only takes
three micrograms of Abrin
388
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,818
{\an8}to kill an adult.
389
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:58,389
{\an8}And abrin can cause total
organ failure in just minutes.
390
00:15:58,390 --> 00:15:59,957
{\an8}In minutes.
391
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:03,696
{\an8}Do they know who's mailing out
these deadly seeds, or why?
392
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:06,665
{\an8}No, we don't know.
393
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:11,869
{\an8}So, remember,
if you get a mysterious bag
394
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,271
{\an8}of tiny, deadly seeds
in the mail,
395
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:15,606
{\an8}just put on lead-lined
radiation gloves,
396
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:18,042
{\an8}put the seeds into a sealed
Type-A container,
397
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:19,544
{\an8}and burn your mailbox.
398
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:23,715
{\an8}Do not inhale the fumes
from said burning mailbox
399
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,784
{\an8}and call the Department
of Agriculture immediately.
400
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:30,688
{\an8}If you've already opened
the seeds, there is...
401
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,056
{\an8}no reason to call us.
402
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:33,324
{\an8}We cannot help you now.
403
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,095
{\an8}No one-- Because no one can.
404
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,297
{\an8}- No one can.
- No one can help you now.
405
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,038
I wanna make sure
that you get all of this,
406
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:50,141
but that you also get
all of this.
407
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:52,377
Oh my God!
Like the leopard, I love it!
408
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:54,245
That's mine,
so you know I have proof.
409
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,013
It's very small,
and is it supposed to go
410
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:58,049
all the way up,
through your crack?
411
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,350
Or that's how they wear it?
412
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,386
Are you incredibly
uncomfortable?
413
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,087
- Yes, ma'am.
- That's the right way.
414
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,522
Okay, perfect.
415
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,558
Now we're gonna do,
where you open your leg.
416
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,062
Okay?
- Just one of them?
417
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:15,266
Open your leg,
and your other leg, too.
418
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,034
Oh, you could have
said that before.
419
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:19,570
What are you thinking,
when you see this?
420
00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:20,739
I'm thinking...
421
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,242
I dare you to call 911.
422
00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:28,413
Yeah? What else? What will
you do? What will you do?
423
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:31,349
I'll probably
just go home instead,
424
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,184
and have a frozen dinner.
425
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,386
And maybe I'll call my aunt.
426
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,822
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
And when you're really mad?
427
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:40,158
When Trudy is furious,
what are you gonna do?
428
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:43,294
Sometimes, I pull
my own hair out.
429
00:17:43,295 --> 00:17:46,030
Um, it's sort of like
a self-mutilation--
430
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:47,565
What the fuck!
431
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,700
What the actual fuck
is wrong with you?
432
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,969
- Just fucking do it right.
- It was her idea--
433
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:53,137
I know, fucking do it right.
434
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,572
Lick that
and I'll hold this here.
435
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,841
- Yeah, okay.
-Can't see me, right?
436
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,342
What the hell, guys?
437
00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:00,244
- Shoot it right up the runway.
- Hey, Junior.
438
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,213
Right up the runway,
move the phone,
439
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:03,681
you're hot and good.
440
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,383
You're right
about that. Uh-huh, yeah.
441
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,685
Dangerous with the gun!
- I will fuck you up!
442
00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:11,355
-That's right.
- I'll fucking shit on your mom.
443
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:23,067
Now, every year,
the department does a...
444
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,303
Scared Straight Haunted Hayride.
445
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:27,405
You know, hopefully,
scare the kids,
446
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:30,074
and maybe teach them
a little something about
447
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:32,643
dangers of drunk driving.
Oh, no!
448
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,545
-Hey, guys.
-Whatever!
449
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:36,247
- Anybody coming?
- No.
450
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:37,949
I ain't seeing a line so far.
451
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,317
Guys, I gotta be honest.
452
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,486
I'm not that proud
of my costume.
453
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,621
- What are you?
- A dead pimp.
454
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,790
Oh, you should be
very proud!
455
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,792
I'm glad no one else
Black is here,
456
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,727
'cause they would not
be happy with me.
457
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,262
I'm not proud of myself.
458
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:56,067
I'm the lady who used to date,
um, the Nirvana guy.
459
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,803
- Oh, she died from drugs.
- Yeah.
460
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:02,473
I think next year,
real dead bodies from the morgue
461
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:03,975
would really draw 'em in.
462
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,812
I like the idea
of using real cadavers.
463
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:09,614
Hey!
464
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,782
Anybody wanna do
drugs in the woods?
465
00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:13,784
That's great!
466
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,354
Gay hustler
looking for whippets?
467
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:17,788
I like that one.
468
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:20,658
Oh, are you guys doing
an event or something?
469
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,293
We're doing
the Haunted Hayride.
470
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:24,195
- Oh! Oh, neat, neat.
-Every year.
471
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,963
Oh, cool. I'm so sorry.
472
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:29,166
I'm off.
I'll see you guys later.
473
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,669
I was doing drugs in the woods,
so...
474
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,071
No, no, they're doing an event
over here!
475
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,608
Guys, don't go that way.
476
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,554
{\an8}Wiegel, these are great.
477
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,289
{\an8}Thank you.
478
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:54,025
That was from a wedding dress
that I was making for myself.
479
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,960
I made one for myself
in the '70s,
480
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,428
and then the styles changed,
481
00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:59,130
and then I made one for myself
in the '80s--
482
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,232
- Wedding dresses?
- Just in case.
483
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:04,302
You don't know, like, everyone
needs a wedding dress, in case,
484
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,203
I don't know.
485
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,473
You took this
from the evidence locker?
486
00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:13,678
No, they had tried to bury
my grandmother in this,
487
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,279
and I said,
488
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,383
"Over my dead body.
'Cause that's my size."
489
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:23,654
Uh-- Did anything fall out
of my pocket
490
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,423
when I came over before?
491
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,024
What are you looking for, Jim?
492
00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,693
Tiny little vial,
looks like it's full of drugs?
493
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:29,760
I got drugs!
494
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:35,701
- Courtney Love.
- See ya.
495
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,470
-Should we call it?
- I'm done.
496
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:41,939
- Is this the Haunted Hayride?
- We got one!
497
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,379
Well, I'm on methamphetamine!
498
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:53,084
And when I'm on methamphetamine,
I like to kill little kids!
499
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,721
How much is this?
500
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,689
- Say it again?
- How much is this?
501
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,959
- Five bucks.
- Lame.
502
00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:05,529
Really thought
that was a sale.
503
00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:07,099
Yeah.
37503
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