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1
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,448
Nice.
2
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:17,817
How are you doing today, sir?
3
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,886
You overcompensating
a little bit?
4
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:22,655
Hey, Blue Lives Matter, buddy.
5
00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:24,624
License and registration.
6
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:26,825
Whoa!
7
00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:28,494
What do you think I am, stupid?
8
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,379
{\an8}
9
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,649
{\an8}Oh, my God!
10
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,231
{\an8}Good morning, gang.
11
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,267
- 'Morning.
- 'Morning. One DO.
12
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,569
Hey, guys, IT has a, uh...
13
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,272
actively turned off all of
the hotspots in the building.
14
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,606
Mm.
15
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:16,442
- Did you hear about this?
-No.
16
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,777
Uh, there's some sites
that people have gone to, um...
17
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,546
that pinged us...
-Mm.
18
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,815
- ...for red flags.
-Mm.
19
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,416
There's certain places
we can't be going to
20
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,851
on the computers anymore, guys.
21
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,386
But if you press "clear,"
it goes away.
22
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,587
Doesn't go away.
23
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,055
-Not really.
- What?
24
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,590
Here's the problem.
What I've found out--
25
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,558
- What?
- We're all learning about this,
26
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,026
it's a learning curve.
27
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,627
-What is "clear" for?
- No, no, no, no.
28
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:36,995
-No, no, no, no.
- To clear history.
29
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:38,530
Here's what
I'm finding out from
30
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:39,865
the State of Nevada
and the city,
31
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,633
especially on
the work computers, guys,
32
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,735
the "clear history" button,
what it actually does
33
00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:47,139
is sends the history
to up the chain of command.
34
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,707
But they can't do that.
35
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:50,242
- That's not what clear means.
- No, no, no, no.
36
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,376
That's not what clear means.
37
00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:52,611
That's entrapment.
38
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,812
Junior, I know this one's you.
39
00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:55,380
- Which one?
- That's not you?
40
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,316
Pornandprofishingtips.net?
41
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,618
I... The... The fishing
tips on there
42
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,720
are unbelievable and, yes,
43
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:04,056
they are fucking while
they're talking about fishing.
44
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:07,259
but it's... they get legitimate
pro fishing guys.
45
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:09,395
Is this you?
46
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,497
Naughtygrandmas.net?
47
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,031
Can I tell you--
48
00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:14,700
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
- I have to explain.
49
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,602
Tru... Trudy, here's what's
very distressing
50
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:18,403
about naughtygrandmas.net.
51
00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:20,506
- Yep.
- It is a pro
52
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:23,109
contributor account.
- Yes.
53
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,943
Could you tell us
more about that?
54
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,145
Please, I won't do it
at the station anymore.
55
00:02:27,146 --> 00:02:28,647
Just please don't out me
56
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,582
and let them know
that I'm not a real grandma.
57
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:32,751
I've got a confession,
I look up stuff.
58
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,554
It's been a long-term joke
I've been doing. I was gonna--
59
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,457
I know.
Is the joke this?
60
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:38,957
What?
61
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:42,028
Is the joke "smurfporn.net"?
Is that it?
62
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,232
Yeah...
Yes, it is.
63
00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:48,667
And the joke was...
64
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,902
This is going to kill you.
65
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,703
I had it...
I knew about this,
66
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:54,339
and I have... I've been... I...
I've been looking at it.
67
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,741
I was going to explain.
68
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:58,577
Like I was addicted,
that... that, um...
69
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:01,146
the whole craziness
that I'm making my wife
70
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,749
wear, paint blue,
and it's... ah...
71
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:04,883
they wrecked it.
-By the way--
72
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,184
Are we in trouble?
73
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,620
Is that thing... Is the... Oh!
- Yes, yes.
74
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:10,188
At least, I've got
an explanation.
75
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:11,456
Not like the rest of you.
76
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:13,025
- Technical question.
- Yeah.
77
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,260
There's only one girl.
78
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,995
Yeah. Yeah.
79
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:18,130
And then, it's like
a hundred little boy smurfs?
80
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,699
Yeah.
81
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,904
I just want to get
the fucking Wi-Fi back on.
82
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,207
{\an8}-Oh, no.
-There she goes.
83
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,642
{\an8}-Hey.
- Jackie.
84
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:33,545
- Don't you even think about it.
-Jackie!
85
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,947
- Jackie.
- Jackie!
86
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,114
We just need you
to get off the bridge.
87
00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:37,549
Get off the bridge.
88
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,850
We just need you
to get off the bridge.
89
00:03:38,851 --> 00:03:40,953
I'm not on it.
I'm not on the bridge.
90
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,421
Jackie, be a lady!
91
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,122
I'm trying to be.
92
00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:45,357
No. no, no, no...
93
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:46,491
- What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
94
00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:47,893
No, no, no, no, no.
95
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,628
Oh, no, Jackie's going
to kill herself
96
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,597
and we're going to have to
do all the cleanup.
97
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:52,931
I've heard it all before.
- Pretty much.
98
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,566
Yeah, that's exactly
the situation.
99
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,702
Why would I ever
do something like that?
100
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:59,438
I'm the CEO
of my own thriving company!
101
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,573
Where I give blowjobs
for... profit.
102
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,409
- Jackie.
- I got $300
103
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,211
up my butt, saved.
104
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,646
You don't, you don't.
105
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,481
Anything you'd all
like to buy, please?
106
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,016
We don't want to touch you,
107
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,484
okay?
- No, no.
108
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:13,819
'Cause we don't want to get
what you have.
109
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,487
- No.
- So would you mind, please...
110
00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:17,089
- I just want to know...
- ...leaving with us.
111
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,590
- Excuse me, I would just...
- The money's coming out.
112
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,558
...like to know
where you came from?
113
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,193
Because there were
114
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,661
only three guys to begin with...
- The money is coming out.
115
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:23,996
...and now there's
four of you.
116
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,530
Jackie, put the money back up, please.
117
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,032
Have you ever been
to a carnival
118
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,433
where they make sand art
and they put it in bottles
119
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,735
that's all stretchy out?
120
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,336
- Of course.
- Yeah.
121
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,373
That never happens to me.
I've never had a chance
122
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:35,941
to make one of those.
123
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,476
- Oh, hey, you are in luck.
-A stretchy bottle?
124
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,543
- Think they got one...
- Carnival.
125
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,012
I swear to God!
126
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,546
Buckets of them
that way at the carnival.
127
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,115
It's Prostitute Day
at the carnival.
128
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,516
- Okay.
- Yeah.
129
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:45,851
- Jackie, in this world...
-Jackie.
130
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:48,654
...what do you
like to do, huh?
131
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,222
This isn't one of 'em.
132
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,158
♪ Moving very slowly
To France ♪
133
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,394
- Okay.
- ♪ Just moving very slowly ♪
134
00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:59,297
♪ Moving very slowly
To France, moving... ♪
135
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:00,766
She's pooping...
136
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,668
She's shitting on me.
She's shitting on my leg.
137
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:04,136
She's shitting on my leg!
138
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,704
Who packs
the tranquilizer gun, usually?
139
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,205
- Well, I forgot it today.
- Thank you.
140
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,607
- I didn't-- I'm sorry.
- Say you're sorry.
141
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,175
- God, Jackie!
- Whoa, whoa!
142
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,879
What? Jesus, you just scared
the shit out of me!
143
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,547
What?
- You are a beautiful lady!
144
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,149
- You...
- Yes.
145
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,650
You sure don't need
this fuckin' crack pipe, then.
146
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,120
Hey, that's my favorite
crack pipe!
147
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:27,426
Oof.
148
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,994
A little help, please,
a little help.
149
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,763
Someone wanna go
get that money out of her butt?
150
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,705
This is Deputy
Raineesha Williams
151
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,473
from the Reno Sheriff's
Department,
152
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:43,108
here to tell you
153
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:46,112
about our new
online reporting system.
154
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:50,315
Let's just say
you've been carjacked or raped.
155
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,784
Or you just escaped a kidnapper.
156
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:54,986
With all our busy schedules,
157
00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:57,924
who has the time to call 911?
158
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,125
And due to recent de-funding,
159
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:03,929
which we are totally okay with,
and have no hard feelings about,
160
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,398
there probably wouldn't be
anyone here
161
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,133
to answer your call anyway.
162
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,534
Here's how it works.
163
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:13,872
Simply log on to
renosheriffsdept.org.
164
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:17,309
/onlinereportingsystems
165
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:21,379
{\an8}...1832.reno/
166
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:23,615
incident-gov,
167
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,084
and locate
the community section.
168
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:30,222
Now
scroll all the way to the bottom
169
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,090
just past the tab labeled
170
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,527
"Truckee River Inner Tubing
Rules and Regulations"
171
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:38,063
and click on
"Report A Crime."
172
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,665
There, you'll find
a series of links
173
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:43,902
separated into sections
by colors.
174
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,971
Click the reddish-brown tab
175
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:51,443
labelled
"Incident Report 3824-84B"
176
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,780
and convert the form
into a PDF file.
177
00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:58,517
Now, simply head back
to the home page
178
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:01,553
to download the PDF version
software
179
00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:04,055
by clicking on
the "Utilities" tab.
180
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:07,726
Once that's done,
the rest is a breeze.
181
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,227
Just fill out your form,
182
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,696
making sure
you include your name,
183
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:14,199
the date, the location
of your incident,
184
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,802
your birthday,
your phone number,
185
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:21,073
and the addresses for the last
ten places you've lived.
186
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:22,841
And you're done!
187
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,743
Click and send.
188
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,712
If you don't hear back
from us within six weeks,
189
00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:29,347
head back to the website,
190
00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:32,451
and follow these simple
nine steps again.
191
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,287
Welcome to the future.
192
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,723
We'll see you in space.
193
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,259
Cyberspace, that is.
194
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:56,676
I got...
195
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:01,213
Got it. Yeah, shit.
196
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,416
Every time and all the time.
197
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,417
Kind of a neat day.
198
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,786
The Pigford Place out that way
199
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:11,958
is looking
for "Host" position material.
200
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,093
I was not in the age bracket.
201
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,828
But I think
I got the experience.
202
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,864
I think I got the joie de vivre.
203
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,432
"Welcome to the Pigford Farm."
204
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,500
I think I could do that
very easily.
205
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:23,835
See ya!
206
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:57,904
When I was born,
207
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,640
very healthy, gorgeous newborn,
208
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:04,610
I was named Darling Clementine.
209
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:09,382
Time goes on,
the minutes are ticking by,
210
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,350
and my mom's like,
211
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:14,419
"What's that grunting?"
212
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:17,290
Looked in the tray
of afterbirth,
213
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,325
oops-a-daisy,
there's another baby,
214
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:23,195
which is my twin Darling.
215
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,063
Darling Johnson.
216
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,932
Sometimes,
217
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,733
when there's twins or triplets,
218
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:32,838
one twin will try to absorb
the other twin,
219
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:37,642
"eat them," if you will,
and apparently,
220
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:41,279
there are tiny,
little gum scars,
221
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,782
or there were...
222
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:45,817
on Darling's legs.
223
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:49,188
If it wasn't for my ability
to just...
224
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,391
ball up...
225
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,429
um, you would have
gobbled me up.
226
00:09:57,163 --> 00:10:02,935
But I survived, and they almost
threw me away!
227
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,772
But they didn't, and, um...
228
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:11,109
here I am. Clemmy got the boobs
and I got the forehead.
229
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,714
Um, but anyway, so,
230
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,816
we were just
going down memory lane, and...
231
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:20,218
and here are some fun pictures
of us,
232
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,387
playing dress-up,
233
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,255
and here's a photo booth thing.
234
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,325
And then here we are
in showgirl school.
235
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:29,495
And this was
the beginning of, um...
236
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,998
all of our magic stuff.
237
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:36,034
And then, here we are
with The Amazin Nathan.
238
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,669
We met The Amazin Nathan
239
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:40,438
'cause he used to hang around
outside our dance studio.
240
00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:43,508
Mommy thought he was,
um, just a big, retarded man
241
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:44,976
that took out the trash.
242
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:48,613
But, no, he was a magician,
and we... I...
243
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,783
I owe my career to him.
244
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:58,758
{\an8}So, guess who got
the shit job? [scoffs] Again.
245
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,027
Clean up the graffiti.
246
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,660
Goddamn it.
- Whoa! Ho-ho.
247
00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:04,529
Hey, Garcia!
How are you doing?
248
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:08,033
Oh, Dangle's got you doing
the old, uh, thug cover-up, huh?
249
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:12,003
He, uh... He doesn't got me.
I begged. Are you kiddin' me?
250
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,673
I feel bad that they've never
let you do it.
251
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:16,674
Makes me feel great doing this,
252
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:19,344
'cause seeing all this shit
on our station...
253
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,714
- Yeah?
- It's like Antifa won.
254
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,416
What the hell?
No, no way. No way.
255
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,251
Antifa didn't win.
- Whoa! Oh!
256
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,719
Get the fuck out of here,
Antifa.
257
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,422
- All right.
- Assholes.
258
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,723
I will show you what I can do.
Get your shit back to Portland.
259
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:34,225
Hey, uh, text me if you get
tired, old man.
260
00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,527
Ain't gonna happen, Kimball.
261
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,462
Got awful short arms there,
Grandpa.
262
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,599
You do not have the right.
Sons of bitches!
263
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,607
{\an8}For Reno, this is one
of our nicest sub-divisions,
264
00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:50,842
{\an8}wouldn't you say, Travis?
265
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,410
{\an8}- Uh, it's high-end.
- Yeah.
266
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,079
{\an8}I think these go for
a mid... mid-40s?
267
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,450
{\an8}Yeah, and then you'll see
this stuff. Look at that.
268
00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,217
Straight up drug dens.
269
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:03,021
What you wanna get, uh...
270
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:06,191
...is the dino DNA as,
I believe, they call the drug.
271
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:07,392
- Jackpot!
- Oh!
272
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,060
Ye-yo!
- Ye-yo!
273
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,862
- It's cocaine, yeah?
- Yeah, just gonna see
274
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,797
how good this stuff is.
- You can test it. Test it.
275
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,066
Sometimes they cut it, and then
sometimes they don't cut it.
276
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:18,002
Usually, you can tell, 'cause,
you know what, not only will--
277
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,904
That's not cocaine,
what is that?
278
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,607
Not only will...
279
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:25,043
Ooh. Tastes like band-aids.
- Ain't meth.
280
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:26,377
Crank, you can...
I mean, crank you can
281
00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:27,879
just feel. If this was crank--
282
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,914
You can smell crank
when you open the box.
283
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,351
Let me see if yours
is the same as mine.
284
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,819
Yours is the same as mine. Yeah.
- It's the same.
285
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,988
It's very, very good.
- It ain't special K.
286
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:38,556
Ain't duck tranquilizer.
287
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:40,225
It ain't that
Carrie Fisher stuff
288
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,495
that was going around
a couple of years ago. Oh, wow!
289
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,296
The Carrie Fisher stuff
was weirdly good.
290
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:46,831
Ah, I liked it.
291
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:50,502
I mean, if you woke up,
it was good.
292
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,837
You know,
this might be Ecstasy.
293
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:54,839
I've just never had Ecstasy
this good.
294
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,910
This is, like, licoricey, kinda
root beer burpy Ecstasy in...
295
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,345
On the 4chan,
296
00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:02,814
that's what they say
the good Ecstasy tastes like.
297
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,217
We should-- I should--
I've done about a--
298
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,218
I've done a fair amount of this.
299
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:09,088
How far are we from town?
300
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,422
We're so far from town.
301
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:13,659
We're like 45 minutes,
we should get...
302
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:15,461
Go to Tahoe?
303
00:13:16,061 --> 00:13:17,096
Maybe.
304
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,264
Eyes on the prize.
305
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,798
- Yeah, yeah. I just felt--
- Eyes on the prize. We should--
306
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:22,400
We should probably get...
- Yeah, yeah.
307
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:24,135
...down before...
I should stop that.
308
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,837
All right?
309
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,005
You're gonna drive, but can
I pick some... can I pick...
310
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:27,872
can I pick the music?
311
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,073
No.
312
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:31,911
Okay.
313
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:38,851
{\an8}Phew. Whew.
314
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:09,347
Eww.
315
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,283
Somebody put a tampon
in my coffee.
316
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,685
Mine, too.
317
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,989
But I have the new PoilceTek
Cop Coffee Catcher.
318
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:21,492
The Cop Coffee Catcher
catches anything anybody
319
00:14:21,493 --> 00:14:24,162
puts in your coffee
before you drink it.
320
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:26,498
Ah! It filters out everything.
321
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,634
Tampons?
322
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,101
{\an8}You bet!
323
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,637
{\an8}Especially Tampons.
324
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:34,372
Thanks for the tip, Officer.
325
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:37,409
Don't thank me.
Thank Cop Coffee Catcher.
326
00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:41,212
Mm. Oh!
327
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,248
Forgot to filter this one.
328
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,184
Can somebody take this?
329
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:53,691
We were
at the Showgirl Academy.
330
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:55,593
Amazin Nathan came up
and was like,
331
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:58,563
"Hey, you two seem
like quality ladies.
332
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,131
I do a magic show."
333
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,333
The act was very third shift.
334
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:05,036
If you have been gambling
for a long time,
335
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:08,206
and the regular lounge act
had to take a break,
336
00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:10,742
that's when The Amazin Nathan
would come on.
337
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,645
If you like the Miami Vice
theme song,
338
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,714
if you like pink
and turquoise lasers,
339
00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:18,449
and want to get in
a time machine
340
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:21,219
and go back to 1989,
yes, it was great.
341
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,453
Very cutting edge.
342
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:24,022
As it turned out,
343
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:27,158
Darling really has a love
344
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,494
for being in small spaces.
345
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,597
My bones are not brittle,
but they are pliable.
346
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,566
And I'm telling you,
you can stuff me in anything,
347
00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:36,834
and I will enjoy it.
348
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:38,336
Genuinely enjoy it.
349
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,204
So, the great thing about me,
350
00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,875
is that you don't have to buy me
a plane ticket.
351
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:44,475
Because I will be shipped,
352
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,744
and I will have
the time of my life.
353
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:48,279
I don't need much.
- Yeah.
354
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,281
She has no Vitamin D.
- Right? Yes.
355
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,519
I need Vitamin D pellets,
356
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:55,087
Mountain Dew,
357
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,555
and something to crunch on.
358
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,525
I just wish you'd shown
some initiative,
359
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,828
or some ability
to take care of yourself.
360
00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:06,264
I am a stellar employee,
361
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:09,267
and easy on the eyes,
and I do sound mixing.
362
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,337
I own my own fog machine,
and a disco ball.
363
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:14,038
I don't even live
in an apartment,
364
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,674
because I don't have to.
365
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:19,477
I just live with the props,
in the warehouse.
366
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,780
There were times when
I would be put in a box,
367
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:25,516
he'd tap it, turn it around,
blah-blah-blah,
368
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:28,386
and then Darling would appear
in the balcony.
369
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:30,355
And that's when I would leave.
370
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,323
And... And one night,
I just left and was like,
371
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,325
"I don't want to do this
anymore. This is dumb."
372
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,626
I've got--
- Listen, what she said
373
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,962
was that
she would take the job-over.
374
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,465
Yes.
375
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:41,566
Yes.
376
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,134
It was an agreement
that we made.
377
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:47,238
I really just want
some days off.
378
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:48,973
So, just do it, already!
379
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:52,544
I'm sure there's a way for
everyone to get what they want.
380
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,249
So, you'll come over
and pick up the outfits?
381
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:04,590
Whew.
382
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,725
What do you call this music?
- This is a, uh...
383
00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:12,498
This is a French DJ
whose name is Frère Jacques.
384
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,467
It's, um...
It's kind of amazing, isn't it?
385
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:17,935
It's really amazing, I know.
386
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,638
- It's amazing.
- It's amazing.
387
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,442
Water's a very good idea.
388
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,010
- Water's a great idea.
- Water's a good idea.
389
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:27,578
Yeah, water's a great idea.
- Water's a good idea.
390
00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:29,313
- So weird that we have a car.
- I know!
391
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,681
- I know, right.
- I know.
392
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:32,417
And it's not even ours,
393
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,584
but we drive it all day long.
- We drive it all the time.
394
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,253
- I love this car.
- I know.
395
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,821
It's a really good car.
- I love this car.
396
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:37,889
Good car.
397
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,357
Oh! Oh, hi!
- Hey!
398
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:41,193
- Hey.
- Hi, how are ya?
399
00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:43,194
He stopped.
- Oh, God, why'd he stop?
400
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,595
- Shit, 'cause he thinks we--
- Oh, no, no.
401
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:46,197
- Just, you talk to him.
- Do we look weird?
402
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:47,532
- No.
- He's getting out. Oh, shit.
403
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,001
- Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
- How did you do that?
404
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,569
Well, I just slid.
Just slide.
405
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,237
I don't think
I can get down here.
406
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,505
-Wow!
-Hey, is there a--
407
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:55,706
- Oh, hi, hi.
- Hey, hey. Slide.
408
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:56,974
Is there a problem?
409
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:58,644
- Whoa!
- Okay, that felt good.
410
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,078
Hi.
- Hi.
411
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:02,214
Hi.
- Yeah.
412
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,081
You need my license
and registration?
413
00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:05,550
Uh...
414
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,951
- That's a great idea.
- That's a great idea.
415
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:08,853
Hi. Yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah.
416
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,655
Wow. [mumbles] Hi.
- "That's a great idea"?
417
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,790
- How are... how are you? Hi.
- I'm good.
418
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,158
- Whoa!
- I'm sorry, I was just-- Wow!
419
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,460
Your truck is so hot.
420
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,861
This is really neat.
I'm gonna--
421
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,296
Be careful with your hands
when you do that
422
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:19,297
'cause it's really hot.
423
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,465
Oh my God, it's so hot!
424
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,799
The truck is so hot.
- So hot.
425
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,267
- Hi, this... so this is Travis.
- Yeah.
426
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:24,902
- Hey!
- Uh, I'm Jim.
427
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:26,504
- Officers.
- Um...
428
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,539
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm good, I'm good. I'm good.
429
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,274
Um, I think the music...
I gotta go turn down the music.
430
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,642
Yes. We're gonna turn down
the music.
431
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:32,944
We're gonna go
turn down the music,
432
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,445
could you just give us a second?
433
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,880
- Whew. He's so black.
- Are you freaking out?
434
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:39,417
Is he really that black
or is it just, wow!
435
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,185
...go to a museum,
you see these structures.
436
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:42,920
I'm gonna go get the music.
437
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:44,655
Has anybody ever told you,
you look like a magnificent...
438
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,491
like a sculpture you'd see
in some beautiful place?
439
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,059
- I'm--
- Yeah.
440
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,460
Would you get that?
It's really freaking me out.
441
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,495
Just flip it to--
- Oh.
442
00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:52,598
Oh, nice.
Oh, yeah.
443
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,542
You wanna feel his head?
444
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,577
I, I... I don't wanna feel
your head. I'm uncomfortable.
445
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,312
- The back part's very neat.
- The back part's good.
446
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,647
The top part--
- Just feel it, it's neat.
447
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:10,982
The top part's kinda freaky.
448
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,550
But the back part's
really nice.
449
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:14,151
That's a good... That's a good
feeling nape of the neck.
450
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:16,120
A good feeling nape.
- Yeah. Yeah.
451
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:17,622
- Look.
- I was gonna feel--
452
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,123
I'm not gonna feel your nape.
453
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:21,559
- Has my jaw gone weird?
- Yeah. Just relax.
454
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,494
...know what
you gotta do with it. Watch.
455
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:24,629
I'm gonna change the music.
456
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,398
Uh, wait, how's this?
457
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,200
-Oh, man!
- Oh!
458
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,702
I didn't think the music
could get better.
459
00:19:31,703 --> 00:19:33,404
- Oh, wow! It got better.
- It got better.
460
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:36,374
- Officer, uh...
- Dangle.
461
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,742
- Dangle.
- Dangle.
462
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,612
Jim! Jim! Just Jim.
- Officer Jim.
463
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,513
- Just Jim. Thank you, man.
- All right, just...
464
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:43,648
Let me just make this clear.
465
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,049
Yeah.
466
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,552
- I know it, and you know it.
- Whew.
467
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,186
You two are messed up.
468
00:19:49,187 --> 00:19:52,356
Some type of narcotic,
I'm gonna guess it's X.
469
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,258
I'm gonna let you two off
with a warning, do you hear me?
470
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,594
- Oh, my God. Thank you. Wow.
- Thank you. Thank you.
471
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:59,163
If I ever see you
out here again...
472
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:00,331
Yes, sir.
473
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:01,566
...touching the back
of necks...
474
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,167
Yes, sir.
475
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,002
...holding hands with people
that you don't know...
476
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:08,506
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
- ...pulling over innocent men,
477
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:09,640
you will be arrested.
478
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:11,309
- 100%.
- All right.
479
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,578
- Thank you, thank you so much.
- Thank you. Thank you.
480
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:17,648
Whoa!
481
00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:19,718
That's so loud!
482
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,787
Oh, my God, that truck
scared me so hard!
483
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,789
- Man.
- Oh!
484
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,591
I don't know why
I ever wore shoes, really. Ever.
485
00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:28,426
They really make you feel...
- Look at these heels.
486
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:30,194
...your toes. That's why
you fall forwards.
487
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,562
-You fall forward.
- You're always falling.
488
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,699
- You fall forward.
- Right.
489
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:43,508
{\an8}Uh... It's not me,
but, uh, are people having...
490
00:20:44,042 --> 00:20:46,077
their personal packages
shipped to the station?
491
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,478
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
492
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:49,213
Don't do that.
Please don't do it anymore.
493
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:51,215
Well, Jim, I'm not allowed
a PO box anymore. Well--
494
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:52,950
- Did they take away your box?
- Yeah.
495
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,352
Oh!
-How come?
496
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,120
Uh, some of the weird foods
that I
497
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:57,889
was purchasing from overseas.
498
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,156
- What...
-Uh...
499
00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:00,458
From Wuhan.
500
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,026
Yeah, I get
some weird food sent.
501
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,862
Trudy, can I have
that donut, please?
502
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:07,531
Anyway, tonight's movie is
Cocoon.
503
00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:09,333
-Cocoon!
- Oh!
504
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,901
- Wilford Brimley.
-Hey, fun fact.
505
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:13,604
Wilford Brimley, I think, 23...
506
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:14,673
-...he made that picture.
-Yeah, that's right.
36980
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