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♪ MTV ♪
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00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:13,912
{\an8}You guys remember how
it goes?
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00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:15,247
{\an8}- Yeah.
- Okay. Let's rehearse it
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00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:17,282
one time.
- ♪ We've got a little tyke ♪
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♪ We're birthday spooks,
we're gonna ♪
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♪ Spook your place ♪
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♪ We're gonna make you scream ♪
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♪ We're doing a spooky dance ♪
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- Okay, shh, shh.
- ♪ The little tykes ♪
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All right.
All right.
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Ready?
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♪ Happy birthday ♪
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Get outta my house!
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Get outta here!
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That's it, you better run,
you sons of bitches!
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Damn.
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A prank.
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This is like the best birthday
I ever had.
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Whoo!
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Ah!
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Ohh!
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Oh, shit!
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{\an8}- Good morning.
- How are you?
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{\an8}Good morning.
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From Carson, I don't know
who did this.
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We're all--everybody's
supposed to get--the new
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gender pronoun tags
are here, but--
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- We're to pick a new?
- I don't know what the policy,
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if you have to,
or if you're allowed to.
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- Zur, zim, zee.
- Zur.
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Can we put it anywhere?
'Cause I want mine, like, low.
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Well, I feel like
if you're down there,
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they know your gender, probably.
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Do I put this above or below
my big old dick?
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Ew, we're donuts,
you pig.
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How dare you?
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That's hate speech.
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All right.
Anyway, you know,
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at some point,
please pick a gender.
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He's taking money
out of the hate speech jar.
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They're allowed.
They actually are allowed.
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It's called reparations,
they're allowed to.
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There's been a major,
major problem
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with the raccoon population,
as everybody knows,
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and we could not get the urine
we were trying to get,
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the fox and bear urine.
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The budget got rejected,
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but I think Jeffy,
our private security guy,
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seems to have an update on it.
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Jeffy! Hey, Jeffy!
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Why can't we just call him
on the radio?
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00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,190
- Hey, Jeffy.
- Yes, sir.
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Was there an update
on the raccoon situation?
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So what we're finding is
there's a lot of heavy traffic
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outside with the street,
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so a lot of the raccoons
and critters
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are actually being forced
into the lot.
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And of course, a lot of you
litter pretty recklessly.
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So we've kind of
almost sent an invite.
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A good example with
the raccoons would be akin
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to like a teenager.
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The traffic outside
is an abusive stepfather.
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The littering, that's--
that's rock and roll.
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That's given them an outlet.
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So you're saying the raccoons
is kind of
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our--we've--we're hoist
on our own Picard, right?
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We're the manufacturers
of our own prisons.
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Don't throw trash
in the parking lot.
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00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,599
Is that basically
where we're going with it?
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{\an8}Hey. I'm in a limo,
sort of car.
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Hi.
- Hi.
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- Just twerking in a limo.
- Ohh.
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- Twerking in a limo.
- Don't hate.
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00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:38,984
- Don't hate.
- Don't hate.
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That's not safe.
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Do I have taffy in my teeth?
- Yes.
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Oh, my God. Quite a bit.
- Well, get it.
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- I can't--
- Oh, shit, guys, guys.
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Cut that shit out.
You want to bullet in my head?
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- No, sir.
- No, sir. Sorry, sir.
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00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:07,446
Decoy is called Disco Duck,
all right?
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00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,481
- So he's not the real one?
- He's not the real Bernie.
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00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,850
We're going to take
the real Bernie off stage...
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00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,518
- Okay.
- Through the back.
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You're going to take
the Disco Duck
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through the front
so everybody can see him,
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cause a distraction.
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You understand?
- Yes, sir.
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- That guy was cool.
- That guy was so fucking cool.
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That guy was fuckin' cool, man.
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Wow.
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Disco Duck.
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Oh, my gosh. Wow.
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00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,338
- How are you doin'?
- You're not--
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- Pleasure to meet you, Bernie.
- All right.
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Your country depends on you.
- Check.
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All right.
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Hey, how are you guys?
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00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,216
Can I--so we can talk to you
really?
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00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,517
- Yeah, of course you can.
- Okay.
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00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,818
- I'm just a guy--
- 'Cause that guy was--
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- Oh, God, it felt weird.
- I'm just an actor
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from LA, just--
- Wow!
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- That's--wow.
- Wow.
105
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,991
Oh, I thought
he recognized you.
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00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,726
I don't know if you're fans
of "Hogan's Heroes."
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00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,194
Who isn't?
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Like, come on. No.
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I was an extra a lot
on that show.
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That's where I've seen you.
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00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:07,105
Yeah, I got to be really good
friends with one Robert Crane.
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Whoa!
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- Wow.
- What a great--
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if you know anything about--
- I don't,
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but he sound--I heard,
I mean, he seems amazing.
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He was so--I wondered
what happened to him
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'cause he was so good
on that show.
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He got killed
by a good friend of his.
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00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,889
- Oh.
- Me, him and Schultz, right?
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00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,057
- Oh, Schultz.
- You know Sergeant Schultz?
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00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,258
- Oh, my--
- Yeah, yeah.
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00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,493
Oh, no, no, no,
I don't know anything.
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We used to galivant
around Sunset Boulevard.
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- No. Oh, wow.
- Wow.
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Having so much sex.
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No, I'm talking about
just blow job.
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Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
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Hey, you guys like to party?
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00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:43,875
You guys like to party
a little bit?
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Uh, we'll just look--
I'm gonna look over here.
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Oh!
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Yow!
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{\an8}We need to serve a warrant.
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{\an8}Someone skipped bail.
We know he owns this locker.
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So we're here
looking for clues.
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Let's go.
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Do it. Sheriff's Department.
138
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,168
- Whoo.
- You know, I have thought
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00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,570
about doing this myself
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because my association fees
have gotten insane.
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Oh, hello.
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Holy shit!
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Oh!
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Oh, my God.
- Sometimes this happens, and--
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All right.
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00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,054
- Found property.
- Yeah.
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00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,622
We don't have
to talk about that.
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Look at this.
- Oh.
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00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,860
- Look that.
- You know what?
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- That's a beautiful wreath.
- I--it's not as pretty
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as the one you made me.
- Well.
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- A lot of people--
- I love making wreaths
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during Christmastime.
- Yeah.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God!
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00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,179
Oh! Oh, my God, yes.
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Let it rain on you.
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- Let it rain over--
- We're on camera.
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Okay. Okay.
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00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:01,920
We're cool, right?
- Hold on.
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00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,723
Everybody be cool, okay?
162
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,792
You want a little? Just--
- There's more where
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00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,660
that came from if you
shut the hell up.
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00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:09,961
Let's just be cool, everyone.
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00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:12,731
I can start my business,
my berry business.
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- Hold on.
- You know that business
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00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,000
I've told you about
where I'd like to
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00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,401
make berries for hats...
- Yes.
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00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:20,172
For women.
I can start that now.
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00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,307
- Jonesy.
- Oh, my God.
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00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:24,876
I want this for you.
I want this for you.
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00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:30,715
I want this for me, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
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Yes! Yes!
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Sleep in the rain, baby.
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Sleep in the rain.
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Oh, my God!
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00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,996
Party favors.
Yeah, take it.
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00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,832
Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine. We're not--
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00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:51,304
Just be cool. Do you know
how fucking hot you are rich?
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00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:59,078
Do you?
Do you?
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00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:04,516
I'm becoming the woman
I was always meant to be.
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00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,896
How do you get
the decoy work?
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00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,497
I happened to be
in the right place
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00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,299
at the right time, my friend.
185
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,803
I did Biden when he was VP.
- You did Biden?
186
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:27,172
The late Joe McCarthy
who ran the blacklist--
187
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,340
Wonderful guy.
188
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,175
Okay, guys, 30 seconds
to Disco Duck.
189
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,509
- Oh.
- 30 seconds to Disco Duck.
190
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:32,944
- Wow. Okay.
- Thank God. Okay.
191
00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:35,280
- He's really with you, right?
- 25 seconds.
192
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,681
Look, I'm going
to take a little hit.
193
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,516
- I'm gonna look away.
- Okay, okay.
194
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:39,551
- We've got 10 seconds!
- Oh!
195
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:40,619
- Disco Duck.
- Yes, sir!
196
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,653
- Okay, okay!
- Here we go.
197
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,355
- Ahh!
- You kinda have a--
198
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,823
You're sure you're good?
'Cause that was kind of a lot.
199
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:47,092
Okay. Here we go.
200
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,060
Here he is, everybody.
201
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:52,731
Just move him.
Just moving him. That's him.
202
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,266
Nothing to see here.
203
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,969
- I am the real Bernie.
- That's him.
204
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:01,339
That's him.
- I am the real Bernie.
205
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,341
Great.
206
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,210
Shit! Shit!
207
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,545
- Oh, we gotta go.
- Shit.
208
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,815
Did it look like--
209
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,384
We got the EpiPen
or anything?
210
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,753
He's not breathing.
211
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,088
- Oh, he's dead.
- Oh, God!
212
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:19,324
We were in a car
with a dead guy!
213
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,558
We're in so much trouble.
214
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:21,893
Let me just call
the secret service.
215
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,361
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
216
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:24,663
Check it out.
Check it out. Check it out.
217
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:25,897
- That's me!
- Look. Oh, my God.
218
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,933
- That's you!
- Hey, we're on the news!
219
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,368
Look at that, wow.
- Wow.
220
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,070
Oh, we're also on this one.
221
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,407
"Bernie Sanders collapses dead
222
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,344
in Reno-Sparks
Convention Center."
223
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,513
Let's dump him.
Let's just dump him.
224
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:42,781
Let's just push him
out of the car.
225
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,716
We're in Sparks now
a little bit.
226
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,652
If Sparks SD finds a body--
- Not our problem.
227
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:50,488
- With my fingerprints on him?
- Oh, fuck.
228
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:51,890
Sorry, sir.
229
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,458
- Shit.
- Okay. I got it.
230
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:55,160
I'll hold on to it.
I'll hold on to it.
231
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:56,561
I'll put it in evidence.
- Okay.
232
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,763
Does anybody know
what these are?
233
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,098
- Oh, wow, that's amphetamine.
- Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
234
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,266
I take these.
- Yeah.
235
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,767
- Yeah, I take these.
- Those are like
236
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,202
mama's little helper.
- They're mama's little helper.
237
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:05,403
- Don't know if anyone wants--
- Never doing that.
238
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:06,838
Pulled these off of him
earlier.
239
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:09,074
This will help carry him,
if we're gonna--
240
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:10,542
We're gonna carry him.
241
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,877
If we're gonna carry him
40 feet, I'm just saying--
242
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:15,246
Sorry.
243
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,717
Okay.
244
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,152
Yeah, let's do it. Whoo!
245
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,758
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie,
Bernie, Bernie, Bernie!
246
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:29,961
Hey! Hey, hey!
247
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,931
Yay!
248
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:36,101
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
249
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,969
Holy shit, Susan Sarandon.
250
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:48,546
{\an8}So again, we have six bags
full of cash,
251
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:52,650
two for each of us
if you shut up.
252
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,786
Don't fuckin' blow this, okay?
253
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,488
- Don't blow this.
- We all fake our deaths,
254
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,889
and we all meet each other
in Seattle.
255
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,159
Or we don't know
each other forever.
256
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,527
That's fine too.
257
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:04,396
More money, more money,
more money.
258
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,297
Holy fuck!
259
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:08,867
- Oh! Oh!
- No, no, no!
260
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,736
No, no!
- Ahh!
261
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,638
What the--stay!
- Hey!
262
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:15,540
both: Stay! Stay!
263
00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:18,610
How did I get
into this bag, man?
264
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,011
I don't know.
265
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,981
Oh, my God. You guys
find my counterfeit money.
266
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,550
Uh-huh.
- Oh.
267
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,491
Hey, Jeffy.
268
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:36,494
Hey, is that--
is that Katherine Heigl?
269
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:37,896
Ah!
270
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:39,531
I don't know who that is.
271
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,032
I can't thank you enough
272
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,535
for helping me
put together that bookcase.
273
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,336
Stop it. It was nothing.
274
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,272
A bookcase, a schmook case.
275
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,507
Now I have another favor
to ask you.
276
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:55,180
- What's that?
- I bought a gazebo kit. Yeah.
277
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,448
Is this one you were
telling me about?
278
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,249
Yeah, it's the best one
you can buy.
279
00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,551
- You pulled the trigger.
- It's all plastic.
280
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,419
- Yeah.
- It's got about 1,200 screws
281
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:02,720
and no directions.
282
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,889
- Can I give a belated yes?
- Absolutely.
283
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,958
You can get back to me on that.
Fax me later.
284
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,326
Fax.
285
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,261
That's like the kids say
today, fax me later.
286
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:11,629
Fax me later.
287
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:14,032
Send it to my people.
I'm too busy for that.
288
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,134
I've got people
for my people.
289
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:18,369
Oh!
- You are--and you probably
290
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,438
hear it all the time--
you're the funniest person
291
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:22,440
I've ever met.
292
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,576
- I hear that a lot.
- Yeah.
293
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,947
The only person who ever
made me laugh growing up was--
294
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,049
Gallagher.
295
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:35,386
I've been saving up for
seven years to get front row
296
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:38,556
under that piece of plastic,
watermelon in my face.
297
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:40,692
See, that's the difference
between us.
298
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:41,893
You're an intellectual.
299
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:44,062
Don't sell yourself short.
300
00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:45,363
I went through
the seventh grade,
301
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:48,032
so I have, you know,
quite a bit of knowledge.
302
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,440
{\an8}Oh, this is incredible. Yeah.
303
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,242
{\an8}Please, please
bring him back here.
304
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,610
{\an8}Please bring him back here
305
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,578
{\an8}since you couldn't deal
with it yourself.
306
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,247
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
as soon as you--
307
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:03,414
- What, man?
- No, come on, now, please.
308
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,083
Come on.
As soon as you hear my story,
309
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,317
you're gonna be like,
"Oh, my God,
310
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:07,785
my heart breaks for you."
311
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,187
Okay. Here's the thing.
312
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:11,523
Did I ask for this plane
to be landed?
313
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,625
Yes. That's off the table.
314
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,026
That's a non-issue.
315
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:16,928
I did do that.
I'm casual.
316
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,531
I'm thinking I usually
time these things out great.
317
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,332
You know, like I have--
I don't have a meal.
318
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,001
- You time what out?
- What did you time?
319
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:25,436
Let me get to it.
Medical emergency!
320
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:27,639
I can't take a shit
on this plane.
321
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,507
And they said--
- That's why--
322
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:31,309
By a show of hands,
who here
323
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,646
doesn't wanna take a dump
in a public place?
324
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,781
Oh, all liars.
- By show of hands,
325
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:39,484
who here wants us to take
this nut job off the plane?
326
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,953
Oh, please. There we go.
Wait. No, no!
327
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,655
- That's it.
- They won, Andrew, they won.
328
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,989
You know what,
you can take me off.
329
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,324
That's what I wanted
in the first place,
330
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,492
to get off the flight.
331
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,594
Y'all giving me what I want!
Ha ha!
332
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:03,942
{\an8}Good morning. I know 3:05 AM
is very early to start these,
333
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:06,511
{\an8}so I appreciate
everybody being on time,
334
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,846
but I thought we should just
start like we always do.
335
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,515
Since the federal
government is here,
336
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,984
I pledge allegiance
like we do every day.
337
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,319
- Right.
- Oh.
338
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,487
I don't remember the tune.
339
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,523
Fuck it.
Here's the guy.
340
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:24,062
So we're here to talk about
camera awareness training--
341
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:27,632
the dos and don'ts on how to
be the best cops you can be.
342
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,702
All right? So I'm gonna throw
a series of scenarios at you
343
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,204
and I want you to respond
how you normally would.
344
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,040
What we're about to do
is a bit of a role play. Yes?
345
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,111
- Go do it.
- You are the baby's mother.
346
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:41,679
- Ew!
- Must be adopted.
347
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,116
Well, I don't know nothing
'bout birthing no babies.
348
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:48,386
That's was good one, right?
349
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,888
Now I ain't gonna be
telling you--keep crying,
350
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:53,558
keep crying
and see what you get. Huh?
351
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,892
- That was good.
- Okay.
352
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:56,728
Just hold on to that baby
for now, okay?
353
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,429
Now I need somebody else to try
354
00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:01,232
to take the baby from the mom.
- Me, me, me!
355
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,001
- Get it, get it.
- Get that baby.
356
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,069
Now we're getting somewhere.
357
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,437
- Here's the thing.
- Yeah.
358
00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:08,072
Babies are not as fragile
359
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,775
as everybody thinks they are,
all right?
360
00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:12,744
I know this for a fact.
- It's got my nip!
361
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,746
It's got my nip! Ahh!
- Get it. Get it.
362
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,180
She got my nip!
363
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,016
She got my nip!
- What I call shocking
364
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,250
the baby to safety.
365
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,585
Punch her in the nip!
366
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,719
- Get it!
- Boom.
367
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:22,787
You should have caught it.
368
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:24,122
It's not breathing,
369
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,624
but it's safer there
than it is with her.
370
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:29,761
- All I wanted is my baby!
- Am I right or am I right?
371
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,029
All right, come on.
372
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,563
Okay. We did it.
Can we go home now?
373
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,098
That was a trick question
374
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:38,202
because you may never take
a child from their own mother.
375
00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:40,371
Don't you toss a baby
from its mother.
376
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:43,274
No Instagramming.
Why am I doing this?
377
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:50,748
Hey, Jeffy.
I'm sorry to bother you.
378
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,850
- What? Anything.
- We're having a big debate
379
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,619
in here, everybody's arguing.
380
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,323
And we decided that you could
be the deciding answer for us.
381
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,025
What's seven times four?
382
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,729
28 on a good day,
maybe every day.
383
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:05,897
Shit.
384
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:10,268
Thanks, Jeffy.
- What did they say?
385
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:13,571
7, 14, 14--it's 28.
386
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:23,414
Okay. So I think we all want
to thank what's his face.
387
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,950
And I would like
to say right now,
388
00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:28,820
if somebody on an open
microphone called you
389
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,655
Dinky Farrakhan,
390
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,791
and if somebody
wrote on your car...
391
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:35,660
- It was you.
- "Mexican Farrakhan
392
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,062
by any beans necessary,"
393
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:39,931
that was not--
I don't know who did that.
394
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:44,102
Can you write the word beans
on this board for me, please?
395
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:49,607
Sure.
396
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,242
- No, no, no, come here.
- Case closed.
397
00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:52,744
No, beans. Beans.
398
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:55,280
B-E-A-N-S.
399
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,251
That should be an A.
400
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:02,019
I'm 100% sure it's you,
but I just need to know
401
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,223
if you know how to spell
the word beans.
402
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,127
A--
- Now you offended him.
403
00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:10,228
Thanks a lot.
- Wow.
404
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,871
Well, it's going to be
a fun office party
405
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,039
and everyone's going to get
a huge kick
406
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,709
out of my
Michael Jackson costume.
407
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:29,514
Now, just a little Black face
to make it perfecto.
408
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:37,722
Blackface was
a great tradition in America,
409
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,625
but the last time
it was done legally
410
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,561
was when Billy Crystal
was alive.
411
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,864
And Blackface is a big no go
412
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:50,535
in the county of Washoe.
413
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,203
But how will folks know
414
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,505
I'm supposed
to be Michael Jackson?
415
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:57,909
They won't, because you can't
do Blackface, man.
416
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,911
Just remember the flow chart.
417
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:06,017
What if I'm going to
a political rally
418
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,553
and I want to
look like Barack Obama?
419
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,855
Does it involve
putting shoe polish
420
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,690
on your face to make it brown?
421
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:15,293
Yes, and the tan suit.
422
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,762
Then it's a firm no.
423
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,230
You just kept my night
424
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:22,967
from being as Michael Jackson
would say...
425
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,237
both: Bad.
426
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,518
Hey, Jeffy.
427
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:41,819
Oh, hey.
428
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,989
- Hey, it's Dangle.
- Yeah, I know.
429
00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:47,358
Are the skateboard guys
out there?
430
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,994
The skateboard--oh, no,
those critters went back
431
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,696
to their charter school, hopefully.
432
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,898
Oh, man. Whoo.
433
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,500
They're so disruptive.
434
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:58,236
They're so--I'm not, I mean,
I'm not--I'm not--I'm not even
435
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:00,172
scared of them,
but it's just like--
436
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:04,342
Did you say you're
scared of them?
437
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:06,344
They can be pretty mean,
you know.
438
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,945
It's just sometimes, you know,
439
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:09,514
I'll be--I'll be biking by
or something like that.
440
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:14,719
And they'll yell something
at me, you know.
441
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,054
You know, my gut
has been feeling really good.
442
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,422
Oh, did you try
the probiotic?
443
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:20,057
I did. I did, yeah.
444
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,692
I appreciate you're actually
giving them a chance.
445
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:23,794
A lot of people think
it's a bunch of hippie feed.
446
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:26,731
No, I have felt--I felt--
447
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,699
One, I'm sleeping better.
448
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,234
Did you also look
at my sleep chart?
449
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,435
The sleep schedule.
450
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,738
I did. I did.
So I take the probiotics
451
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,806
and I have the chart
you laminated for me.
452
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:38,609
- Yeah, the wheel.
- The wheel, the sleep wheel.
453
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,344
And I think I'm doing it.
454
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,046
I'm not sure if I'm doing
exactly right.
455
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:45,283
I don't like waking up
three times a night,
456
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:47,418
but it's necessary
to get on the schedule.
457
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,053
- Yeah, yeah.
- So go to bed at 9:00,
458
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:50,888
after the tea
and the probiotics.
459
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,390
Tea, probiotics at 9:00.
460
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:55,293
Wake up 11:15, you think,
oh, what a great nap.
461
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:57,028
That one I've been nailing.
Okay.
462
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,030
You're back in bed by 11:40.
463
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,264
Yep.
464
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:02,233
You wake up at 2:00
to defecate.
465
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,734
- Yep, okay.
- You go back to bed
466
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:05,603
after defecating,
467
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,572
and you have a dream
about a loved one.
468
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:09,607
You wake up by 5:00,
you're gold.
469
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,275
Right.
I'm surprised that you listen
470
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:12,777
to this radio show, by the way.
471
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:17,081
This guy, it's just
a lot of stuff that's oof.
472
00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:19,016
I listen to it
just to be informed.
473
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,685
It's about a circumference
of thought.
474
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,286
I'm not alt-right.
- No.
475
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,988
I feel I should know
what they--what they do.
476
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:28,793
Right.
Because the enemy of my enemy--
477
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:30,828
Is my friend.
You read the book.
478
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,463
You gave it to--you gave me
a copy of this.
479
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:34,131
Yeah, I didn't expect you
to read it, though.
480
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:38,869
Yeah, "The Art of War"
by Sun--Sun--
481
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,472
To mispronounce it
is almost to unread the book.
482
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:42,840
- So don't say it.
- Don't do it.
483
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:46,545
- Don't even say it.
- Hey, Jeffy.
484
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:54,418
I love you.
I love you, Jeffy.
485
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:15,740
I love you, too.
486
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:19,277
Said it back.
35327
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