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00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:08,590
♪ Boo be dee ba be dee ♪
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00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,634
♪ Ba be dee boo ♪
3
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:11,093
♪ Ba ba de boo ♪
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00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ Boo be boo ♪
5
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:15,931
♪ Boo ba ba be boo ♪
6
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:16,932
♪ Coconut clusters ♪
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♪ Coconut nut clusters... ♪
8
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,234
Hey!
9
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,111
Sheriff's department!
10
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,739
Yeah, we're, uh, selling
coconut nut clusters
11
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,615
for the sheriff's
athletics league!
12
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,909
'Get off my property,
mother[bleep].'
13
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,786
- Whoa!
- 'I'll slap you so hard...'
14
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:38,620
Sir, we're just selling ca...
15
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,584
- Aah! Go!
- Aah! Oh, my God!
16
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,960
I'm hit.
17
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,463
{\an8}- Out of the way.
- Sheriff's department, freeze!
18
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,630
{\an8}Get on the ground!
Freeze!
19
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,180
{\an8}Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
20
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,264
{\an8}Oh!
21
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,600
{\an8}What? What?
22
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,311
{\an8}Alright.
23
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:08,859
{\an8}- There's a tornado.
- No, no, no!
24
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,652
{\an8}Hell, no!
We won't blow!
25
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:12,654
{\an8}Yeah!
26
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,784
{\an8}My friend.
27
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:18,745
{\an8}Yah!
28
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,342
{\an8}- Good morning, gang.
- Good morning.
29
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,552
{\an8}It's coconut nut cluster day!
30
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,222
- Yeah!
- Get out there!
31
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,308
Get out there. Move
these coconut nut clusters.
32
00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,519
You're doing something good for
the sheriff's athletic league.
33
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,480
And it's not a contest...
34
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,357
...but whoever sells
the most coconut nut clusters
35
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:53,070
gets two tickets to
the Washoe community players
36
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,614
production of "Our Town."
37
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,324
So it's not a compet...
Again, I'd like to stress
38
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:57,908
it's not a competition,
but in parenthesis
39
00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,702
yes, it is a competition.
40
00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:01,453
So get out there.
41
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,372
Move them coconut
nut clusters.
42
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,706
'Two things to remember.'
43
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,208
You're doing somethin' good
44
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,586
for them little tards in the
sheriff's athletics league.
45
00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,255
And, and
46
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,840
still getting paid
for a regular work day.
47
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,341
Is there anything mandatory
that we have to say
48
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,635
when we knock on a door?
49
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,554
I have a suggestion for you.
50
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,849
Don't be hatin' on these
candies, beyotches.
51
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:26,395
Give up the dizzos so these
kids can have some brizzos.
52
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,146
I don't even know
what you just said.
53
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,399
That's why I'm not working
the ethnic neighborhood.
54
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,608
I'm in the old age
homes today.
55
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:32,818
- 'That's for the best.'
- Yeah.
56
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,240
{\an8}There it is.
57
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,200
{\an8}Right there
with the balloons.
58
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:41,285
{\an8}Son of a bitch.
59
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,411
{\an8}- How you doing tonight?
- Hello!
60
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,413
{\an8}- Welcome to the carnival.
- Yeah?
61
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,373
Yes.
Can I help you gentlemen?
62
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:48,208
You're a little too old
for the rides, I think so...
63
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,714
Don't touch him.
Don't ever touch him!
64
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:54,298
Don't ever touch either of us,
you understand me?
65
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,383
I wasn't gonna touch you.
66
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:59,761
I would like to,
uh, ask you a question.
67
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,555
Anything.
68
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:04,224
And it has to do
with, uh, the sign.
69
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,309
'Oh, jeez.'
70
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,143
Megan's law.
71
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:09,396
Why does the sign
over your door say
72
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,439
"House of mystery?"
73
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,317
Well, now,
that is because, uh...
74
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,359
'the kids pay extra,
you can go in there'
75
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,405
and I turn the lights out
and of course, they also
76
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:21,283
I blindfold them and they can
just feel around? Feel all...
77
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,784
That's why they called us,
you know.
78
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:23,827
Well, why?
79
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,203
We had reports of some fella
80
00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:27,831
blindfolding children
81
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:28,498
and telling them
to just feel around.
82
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,459
Yes, hooray!
83
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,585
What's...
84
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:32,753
It's-it's carnival!
85
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:37,633
So I don't even understand
why that's a problem because...
86
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,593
There were two reports,
the other report
87
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,429
was that a gentleman,
uh, was taking young youngsters
88
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,641
putting them on
an electronic horsey ride
89
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,601
and spraying them
with a garden hose.
90
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,519
And, and putting it
on YouTube.
91
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,646
Well, okay, if those...
92
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,273
If somebody's filming that
and putting it on YouTube
93
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,734
that's not my business,
I'm not...
94
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,278
That's, how can I keep
the Youtubers away?
95
00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,363
It's taking over the nation.
96
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,448
- Don't ever touch me! Ever!
- Don't touch him.
97
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,240
- We've been over that.
- Don't touch him.
98
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,158
And why aren't you
crouching in fear?
99
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,662
- Why aren't you crouching?
- Crouch.
100
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,748
Have you been supplying
change for the children?
101
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,791
That's the call we got.
102
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,669
They can reach right in
and get the change, see?
103
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,504
I can prove it.
There's change all over here.
104
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,964
Look at this,
look at this change--
105
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,341
I'm not gonna
feel anything else, am I?
106
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,676
What else would you feel?
107
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,551
- Hands up, please.
- Hands up.
108
00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,469
- Put your hands like this.
- What?
109
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,972
Wait, wait, the police!
No, not there!
110
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,433
- Oh! Mm-hm.
- Yep. Yep.
111
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,685
- Got it.
- Okay.
112
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,228
- That is my penis.
- Yep.
113
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:31,812
Why are you chaining
yourself to me?
114
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,480
- Oh! Oh!
- Come on.
115
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:34,481
Okay, that's, that is tight.
116
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:43,323
Coconut nut clusters are like
117
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,534
little sprinkled bits
of happy sunshine
118
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,536
covered in chocolate,
and every crunch...
119
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,873
...sounds like the laughter
of happy children
120
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,835
{\an8}who are getting
to play on brand-new
121
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:55,460
{\an8}playground equipment.
122
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,546
{\an8}New field hockey equipment.
123
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,505
{\an8}New kickball equipment.
124
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,927
When you bite
into one of these
125
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,346
you're biting into
someone's dreams.
126
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,556
{\an8}- Sheriff's department.
- What is going on here?
127
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,516
{\an8}This is interesting.
128
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,560
{\an8}Don't, don't be alarmed, sir.
129
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,562
We're, uh,
just going door-to-door
130
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,730
sellin', uh,
some coconut nut clusters.
131
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,524
You're kidding me!
Oh, my goodness!
132
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,359
Wow, that's wonderful!
I've got a real sweet tooth.
133
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,279
How did you know?
134
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,363
Am I under surveillance?
135
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,699
I've got a question.
136
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,034
What are we doing
standing out here talking
137
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,577
in the hot sun,
when we could be inside
138
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:29,578
enjoying the cool
air-conditioning?
139
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,414
I don't know
the answer to that.
140
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,582
Tell me.
What's the story here?
141
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,584
Well, um, I'm Deputy Jones.
142
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,501
- 'This is Deputy Kimball.'
- 'Deputy Kimball.'
143
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,628
We're selling these
coconut nut clusters
144
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,839
for the sheriff's athletics
league, and, uh--
145
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,591
Coconut nut...
That sounds fantastic.
146
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,593
They're real good.
147
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,345
So how many can we
put you down for?
148
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,596
Hm, gosh, well,
how many can you spare?
149
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,307
- Um... all of 'em?
- 36?
150
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,600
- That's the whole box!
- Can I clean out the store?
151
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:55,062
- I'd love to do that.
- Please do!
152
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,938
- Can I write you a check?
- Yes, please.
153
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:57,481
To the, uh,
Reno Sheriff's Department.
154
00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:00,609
"Dear, Nancy...
155
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,613
"...my way of thanking you
156
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,616
for eight years of marriage."
157
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,450
- Aw.
- That's nice, huh?
158
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,117
- That is sweet.
- Yeah. Yeah.
159
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,787
- Considerate.
- Yeah.
160
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,956
And then I'll just say,
P.S. sorry...
161
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,334
...for the mess."
162
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,422
Okay. Great!
163
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,758
Aah!
164
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,563
He didn't sign the check.
165
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:46,988
{\an8}We're supposed to be
cracking down on bars
166
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,990
{\an8}in Washoe County
that serve alcohol to minors.
167
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:50,784
{\an8}So I've been ordered
to take part
168
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,994
{\an8}in an undercover
sting operation
169
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,538
uh, using this
secret hidden camera there
170
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,539
state of the art.
171
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:56,624
Say, hi, Tammy.
172
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,001
{\an8}- Hello.
- Uh, she's only 20.
173
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,004
So if she goes in,
orders a drink and pays for it
174
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,464
we get to make the bust.
175
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,550
Easy-peasy-Japane...
176
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:15,517
{\an8}- There you go, buddy.
- Hello.
177
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,478
{\an8}Hi.
What can I get you?
178
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:21,481
{\an8}Um... I would like
179
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,526
{\an8}an alcoholic beverage, sir.
180
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,697
{\an8}- Whoo! Whoo!
- Wow. Wow.
181
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,699
{\an8}Straight down
the hatch, huh?
182
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,659
{\an8}- Whoo!
- That was good.
183
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,454
{\an8}How much do I owe you?
184
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,706
{\an8}Eh, that one's
on the house.
185
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:38,206
{\an8}Go ahead.
Drink that one too.
186
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,667
{\an8}That one's on me.
187
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,669
{\an8}Hey, she just settled up,
she just gave me this
188
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,838
{\an8}and she just handed it
to me to hand to you.
189
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:45,840
{\an8}This one's on me.
190
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,970
{\an8}Aah!
191
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,722
{\an8}- Go, Tammy! Go, Tammy! Go! Go!
- Whoo!
192
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:54,723
{\an8}Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
193
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,934
{\an8}Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't!
194
00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:58,560
{\an8}Best night of my life!
195
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:01,272
{\an8}Whoo! Ha ha ha!
196
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,067
{\an8}Easy, easy, easy.
It's okay.
197
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,736
{\an8}I like this stuff.
Come on up here.
198
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:08,862
{\an8}Watch your head.
Watch your head.
199
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,071
{\an8}- Come on up.
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
200
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,574
{\an8}Chinese in the [bleep] house!
201
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,533
{\an8}- Whoo! Oh!
- Whoo! Whoo!
202
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,743
{\an8}- Whoa, whoa.
- Uh!
203
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,078
{\an8}Uh...
204
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,583
{\an8}She'd like to settle up I think
is what she was saying.
205
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:26,213
{\an8}Bartender, think she's got
something to tell you.
206
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,590
{\an8}This guy just stuck
his thumb up my [bleep].
207
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,716
{\an8}I didn't
stick a thumb up anybody's...
208
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,760
{\an8}You're out of here, grandpa.
209
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,470
{\an8}I didn't stick a thumb up...
210
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,763
{\an8}No, I told you.
211
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,271
{\an8}- Hm.
- I want a cigarette.
212
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:45,649
{\an8}No, no, no, no, you gotta be
18 and over to smoke here.
213
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,109
{\an8}What are you? 15? 16?
214
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:53,782
{\an8}- It's that time.
- Yay!
215
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,700
{\an8}We love coconut nut clusters
time of year.
216
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,787
{\an8}It's like Christmas,
but it's...
217
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:02,165
{\an8}With candy bars, and
we don't get 'em, we sell 'em!
218
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:02,958
Which is different
than Christmas
219
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,795
but... same feeling
in my heart.
220
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,632
{\an8}- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
221
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,800
{\an8}We're gonna do this.
222
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,603
No, you don't!
223
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:24,646
- No, you don't!
- Hey!
224
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:25,480
- We got here first!
- Ha!
225
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,773
{\an8}- Coconut nut clusters!
- Open up!
226
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,609
{\an8}In your face!
227
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:33,822
- Oh!
- Oh, my God!
228
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,615
- Oh, my God!
- Aah!
229
00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,619
'Jones, get in the car!'
230
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,913
- 'Look out Jones!'
- 'Oh, my God!'
231
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,833
- 'Oh, my God!'
- 'Aah!'
232
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,011
You have the right
to an attorney.
233
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,971
If you cannot afford
an attorney...
234
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:58,805
Make a path, people.
Make a path. Make a path.
235
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:01,891
- Oh!
- Alright, sir.
236
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:02,600
- Oh!
- Oh, dear lord.
237
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:03,310
Oh, it's worse than I thought.
238
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,894
It looks worse
in the daylight.
239
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,357
Okay. Oh, dear. That really
does... It's really...
240
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,108
Is it all the way
to the hilt?
241
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,027
It's not all the way
to the hilt
242
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,028
but it's in there
pretty good.
243
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,195
I don't wanna touch it.
244
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,864
I don't wanna make
anything worse.
245
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:19,159
So, uh, his version
of events is.
246
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,871
You, you, uh, you were praising
his, uh, his Civil War sword.
247
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:23,872
- No.
- What's that?
248
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,207
It's not
a Civil War sword.
249
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,085
- This, that item is not?
- It's not?
250
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,338
- The item up my anus...
- Yes.
251
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,882
Is not a real Civil War sword.
252
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,759
You're kidding me.
It looks fantastic.
253
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,053
It may look fantastic,
but there are certain markings
254
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,388
on it that clearly show
it's a fake.
255
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:40,930
- Ah, be careful.
- Uh-uh.
256
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,891
Aah!
257
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,726
The rope is fake here,
this bulbous part here.
258
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,853
- Yeah?
- Light as a feather.
259
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,272
The real thing would
be heavy and weigh you down.
260
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:52,859
An expert will tell you,
clearly, that's aluminum.
261
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:53,902
- Aluminum.
- Oh!
262
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,863
- Aluminum.
- Aluminum.
263
00:10:56,864 --> 00:11:02,535
Now, my left thumb is covering
the obvious real giveaway.
264
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:04,829
Just keep breathing.
Keep breathing.
265
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,081
Bingo!
266
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,249
- Breathe for me.
- Excuse me!
267
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,417
It might be a bad time,
but I...
268
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,919
I bought this on eBay,
I'm quite sure
269
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,798
this is from the
post-revolutionary period.
270
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,257
Uh...
271
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,927
It's a...
It's a fake.
272
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,847
Only an idiot would think
this was real.
273
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:23,973
Aah!
You bastard!
274
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,065
{\an8}- 85 dollars.
- Oh, my God.
275
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,275
{\an8}- 85 bucks.
- 85? We're double...
276
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,945
{\an8}- We doubled last year.
- We doubled last year.
277
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,405
My God.
278
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,407
Think about how many
dodge balls
279
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:40,865
this is gonna buy
280
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:43,035
for them retards.
281
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,953
Oh, my gosh.
282
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:48,957
Like, a lot!
We won't--
283
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,042
I'm not sure how much
a dodge ball goes for these days
284
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:54,462
but they can't be much more
than two or three dollars.
285
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,840
No, so $85
286
00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:00,177
buys two, four,
42 dodge balls.
287
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,471
{\an8}- Mm.
- That's good, huh?
288
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:04,597
{\an8}This is really good.
289
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,266
{\an8}Like buying you
a damn coconut tree.
290
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,016
{\an8}- Mm-hm.
- He's diabetic! He's diabetic!
291
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,519
{\an8}He's diabetic!
Oh! Oh, my God!
292
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,604
Are you okay?
293
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:12,981
{\an8}We're selling
coconut clusters for
294
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,983
{\an8}the sheriff's
athletics league.
295
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,317
{\an8}Yeah, you know,
for the kids
296
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,318
{\an8}uh, dances and everything.
297
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,320
{\an8}Oh, this is so nice.
298
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:22,991
Nobody's been to see me
in such a long time.
299
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:24,826
- Oh, you are kidding.
- I can't imagine that.
300
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,453
Why would they do that?
301
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,918
Uh...
302
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,063
Hey! What are you guys
selling over there?
303
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:56,984
Coconut nut clusters.
304
00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:00,111
Can I get some of those?
305
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,155
- No!
- Look out!
306
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,157
- No!
- No!
307
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,075
- Aah!
- Oh!
308
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:11,081
it!
Come on!
309
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:16,377
Oh, no! Jonesy!
310
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:17,046
No!
311
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,387
{\an8}Now, as part
of your parole agreement
312
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:31,226
{\an8}you are required to
either be employed
313
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,395
or apply for employment
once every two weeks.
314
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,022
- So you've complied with that?
- Yes.
315
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,275
Where did you apply
for a job last, Terry?
316
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,528
- I have a job.
- Where?
317
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,905
- Think.
- It's an instrument store.
318
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,281
It's called
Talk To The Band.
319
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,950
- Talk To The Band.
- Talk To The Band.
320
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,034
Talk To The Band, what
kind of instruments they sell
321
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:50,954
at Talk To The Band, Terry?
322
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:51,955
Not that I don't believe you
and don't
323
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:56,584
don't take my incredulousness
as disbelief.
324
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:57,085
But what kind of instruments
do they sell?
325
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,587
- Tubas.
- Tubas.
326
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,256
What do you do there,
at Talk To The Band?
327
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,131
You sell tubas, Terry?
328
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,425
Yeah, if people are,
like, "I want a tuba."
329
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,010
I'm, like, "Yeah."
They're, like, "I wanna buy it."
330
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,262
I'm, like, "Buy it."
They're, like, "I will."
331
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,638
I'm, like, "Shut up."
332
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,973
They're, like,
"Why did you say that?"
333
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:10,932
I'm, like,
"Get out of my face."
334
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,600
And they leave.
335
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,477
I feel like that sale
went really bad there, Terry.
336
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,062
That was a bad sale.
Let's go again.
337
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:18,106
- Uh, hey, excuse me.
- What?
338
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:18,940
Gentleman in
the roller skates.
339
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,400
Yes, I'd like
to purchase a tuba.
340
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,610
Great.
341
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,320
- What about this one here?
- Buy it.
342
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,947
Well, now I don't
feel like I should.
343
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,575
- Why?
- Why don't you buy it?
344
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:29,784
Why don't you just buy it?
345
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:31,411
I'm gonna take
my tuba-buying dollar
346
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,955
to another store
across the street.
347
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,958
Fine. I don't care.
Your face sucks. See?
348
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,126
I feel like that one
as bad as the first one.
349
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,170
How long you been employed
at Talk To The Band, Terry?
350
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,047
- One day.
- One day.
351
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:43,965
- Any sales?
- How many sales?
352
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,134
I feel like you've blown
two tuba sales here
353
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:46,634
just sitting talking to us.
354
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,147
{\an8}♪ I will not be denied ♪
355
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,982
{\an8}♪ My rights as Americans ♪
356
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,067
{\an8}Sheriff's department.
357
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,154
♪ In the country I was born ♪
358
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:09,365
♪ You can say that
I'm not worthy ♪
359
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,826
♪ Of giving you pleasure ♪
360
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:15,872
♪ But someone up above
tells me you're wrong ♪
361
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,999
- I'll bite. What is your issue?
- Okay, here's the deal.
362
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,460
I come over here to offer
my services, alright?
363
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,503
'Cause I see that
they have all these ladies.
364
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,964
But, hey!
Let's get a gigolo in here.
365
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,966
Let's get some man meat
in here, right?
366
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,092
So I offer my services
to give pleasure.
367
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,845
And they go, "I'm sorry.
You're not good-looking enough."
368
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,514
And I know I'm not
easy on the eyes.
369
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:37,226
I know that God did not tap me
with a beauty stick, alright?
370
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,269
But I guarantee you
when those lights are off
371
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,981
they're gonna be like,
I was glad Andrew was there.
372
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,400
- When I got this, this...
- Oh, my God.
373
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,486
- This, this to give!
- Yep, yep.
374
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,988
This is a gentlemen's club.
375
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,073
- A gentlemen's club!
- And I'm a gentlemen.
376
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,533
Who is ready to give club,
so to speak.
377
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,994
- Club meaning sex.
- You start your own club.
378
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,204
You know how much
overhead is involved
379
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,039
with getting a business here?
Look at all the things.
380
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,208
You've got tables.
You've got chairs.
381
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,043
You've got hot dogs
and chips.
382
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:02,960
You've got rubbers,
you've got...
383
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:05,546
This used to be an old gas
station, okay?
384
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,422
Oh, this place
used to be a gas station.
385
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,008
Why don't you go down
to a gas station?
386
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,051
I think your talents are
better served for a gas station.
387
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,053
- Okay, okay. Fine.
- That's what I'm saying.
388
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,930
Well, good luck
getting me out of here
389
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,557
to your fantasy gas station
390
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,018
where all dreams come true.
Good luck.
391
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,186
♪ I will not be fo... ♪
392
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:21,938
- Okay, you know what?
- Good luck to me.
393
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,023
I had this on when I came in
here, alright? Big deal.
394
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:24,565
And you're gonna
have it on when you go.
395
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,277
Hey, there, Cindy.
How you doin'?
396
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:32,073
Senor Guapo, right?
Is that right?
397
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,074
I learned some Spanish.
398
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,075
- Guapo's right. That's right.
- Senor Guapo.
399
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:37,537
Oh, boy.
I hope I'm not out of line.
400
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:41,999
Uh... uh, there's a, uh,
board night and puzzle night
401
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,292
at the cougar club
tonight.
402
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,585
Yeah, what kind game
they have?
403
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,087
Oh, they have,
uh, they have Risk.
404
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:46,921
They have Monopoly.
You don't...
405
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:50,466
- Is there one game...
- Pardon?
406
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:54,095
Where you close your eye, okay?
407
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,222
And then you lie down?
408
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:58,933
Okay? And then something's
going to happen to you.
409
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,728
You don't know what.
You wanna play that game?
410
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,980
With me?
411
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,611
{\an8}I don't know if
there's cocaine in 'em or...
412
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:11,320
{\an8}or what, but people
cannot get enough
413
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,948
{\an8}of these nut clusters.
414
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:17,577
{\an8}And I just can't get enough
of saying nut clusters.
415
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:18,327
- I love it.
- Yeah.
416
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:21,998
Nut cluster.
417
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,958
- I'm holding your nut cluster.
- Oh!
418
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,252
Well.
419
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:28,463
- He blushes.
- You got mine.
420
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,339
- He blushes.
- Yeah. You got me.
421
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,091
Oh, such a child.
422
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:57,784
G-g-good evening.
423
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,494
We're from
the sheriff's department.
424
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,120
Would you like to feel good
425
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:04,165
about yourself
and your community?
426
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:09,504
Why not buy
a coconut... nut cluster?
427
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,298
It's for the sheriff's
athletics league.
428
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:16,010
They're only a dollar apiece,
and they give kids
429
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,180
who normally wouldn't have
a chance at a better life.
430
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,352
You forgot to mention
they're tax-deductible.
431
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,147
Dangle?
432
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,413
Oh, my God, I think we've hit
every house on this block.
433
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,916
And we've made a sale, made a
sale, made a sale, made a sale.
434
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,919
This is my 34th
coconut nut cluster of the day.
435
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,378
We might be out of houses
in this neighborhood.
436
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,423
- Oh, no, you don't.
- Come on, bite!
437
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,507
- No, you don't.
- Come on, bite!
438
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,260
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
439
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,971
- Coconut [bleep].
- I do.
440
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,016
- Aah! Aah!
- Aah!
441
00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,061
- Oh.
- You alright?
442
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:49,937
- You just bit my lip a little.
- Oh, my God.
443
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,397
- You're really bleeding.
- Oh, my God.
444
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,274
You're gushing blood.
You're gushing blood.
445
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,359
You're gushing blood.
Here, let me, here
446
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,445
Just put pressure on it.
447
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,032
Put pressure on it.
448
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,159
Mm.
449
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,119
Um, you don't need
to do the thing
450
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,329
you're doing
with your tongue there.
451
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,963
We might be at the best
coconut nut cluster sale day
452
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,965
to date, by the way, gang.
453
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,300
I got Clemmie. You're at 97.
454
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,844
- Am I in the lead?
- 140. Hold on.
455
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,179
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
456
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,472
How much are you putting?
457
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:28,100
'Cause I'm gonna match it,
and buy us all a-a pie.
458
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:28,643
- A pizza pie.
- Oh!
459
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,603
- So we all win.
- Jim!
460
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,021
- Beer's on me.
- Beer's on you?
461
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,482
- Beer's on me.
- Aw, that's so sweet.
462
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:36,984
Way to go, team.
Way to go, team.
463
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:38,861
Private cluster selling.
464
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:41,822
I would read off who won, I'm
not even gonna read off who won.
465
00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:44,992
- 'Jim, I have $30.'
- We all win.
466
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,994
'I only made 30,
but let me explain.'
467
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:47,620
'I actually didn't
sell any today'
468
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,831
'but I ate 32 bars.'
469
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,876
{\an8}- 'And you're paying for 'em.'
- 'And I'm paying for them.'
470
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,553
{\an8}Uh-uh.
34612
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