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1
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:03,085
What's happening?
What's happening?
2
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,753
{\an8}- Jim, Jim...
- What?
3
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,756
{\an8}Someone, someone tried
to kill the sheriff.
4
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:09,925
I don't think, I don't think
he's gonna make it.
5
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,093
Avenge my death.
6
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,598
'Thank you for coming.'
7
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:19,268
'That's Mrs. Chechekevitch?'
8
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,102
Who the hell's
that fella with her?
9
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,688
'Uh, ladies and gentlemen'
10
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,899
I believe we have
our number one suspect.
11
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:30,946
What was your relationship
12
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:31,655
like with Walter?
13
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,115
- It was great.
- Oh, was it?
14
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:36,785
Was it great?
It was, it was great.
15
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:38,120
- Yeah, it was great.
- Yeah, he was a nice guy.
16
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,163
Yeah, he was nice.
17
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,124
He was killed by peanuts.
18
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,960
'Delicious peanuts.'
19
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,130
Come on, she tricked me!
20
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,090
It was a trick!
21
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,095
{\an8}Pow!
22
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,394
{\an8}'Whoa!'
23
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,275
{\an8}]
24
00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,819
{\an8}'Alright, okay.
I got him by the belt.'
25
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,241
{\an8}Get back in the back!
No loitering!
26
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:18,620
{\an8}Aah!
27
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,173
{\an8}Alright, look alive, people.
28
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:34,176
We know that
Sheriff Chechekevitch is dead.
29
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,344
What else do we know?
30
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:36,261
Coroner says definitely poison.
31
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,722
- Wife...
- 'Yeah?'
32
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:42,017
...has a $250,000 policy
for her husband.
33
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,019
- She's the beneficiary.
- Ooh.
34
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,855
Be it "Seek whom the crime
profits." What else do we know?
35
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:49,233
Uh, we also know that
Mrs. Chechekevitch's boyfriend
36
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,318
is in the Armenian mafia.
37
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,195
Uh-huh.
38
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:56,658
Excellent people.
And we know one other thing.
39
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:07,709
We know that we must
avenge his death.
40
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,044
No one interrupted me.
That was wonderful.
41
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,879
That was the first time
I ever got to say--
42
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,006
You weren't even talking to us.
You were just talking to camera.
43
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,842
No, I wasn't talking to camera.
I was talking to you.
44
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,218
'I actually thought you were
gonna say--'
45
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,886
I opened up to the camera.
46
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,388
Why'd you take your glasses off
when you said that?
47
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,014
'Cause it'd look better
for the camera.
48
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:21,723
It felt like you were about
49
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,558
to say something interesting.
50
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,393
No, the sheriff asked us
to avenge him--
51
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,520
I knew that.
52
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,063
- 'Can we go?'
- Yes, we can go.
53
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:29,398
There's no reason
to be a dick about it
54
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,066
just 'cause I
opened up to the camera.
55
00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:31,525
Should we take our glasses off?
56
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,192
It's weird to us
57
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,235
when you talk to the camera.
58
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,236
It's confusing to us 'cause--
59
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,196
'Drama queen!'
60
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,911
{\an8}Damn it, darn it.
Gosh, danner, darn it.
61
00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,496
{\an8}This is outrageous.
62
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:48,876
A man needs to be free
to... this is-I'm
63
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,253
This is my job,
so I just don't even know.
64
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:54,089
I don't actually work here.
65
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,549
I'm volunteering my time.
66
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,260
My time is precious,
as yours is, too, I'm sure.
67
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,929
And... I'm just
68
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,347
why would I do something
if it wasn't helping people?
69
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:08,437
So if I'm bringing a little joy
to a... to the carnival-goers
70
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:11,940
then sue me, huh?
71
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:15,110
So, I have a license for this.
72
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:20,115
This is... I'm a licensed
handler of nature's oddity.
73
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,283
Feel the snake.
74
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:25,245
The snake, and this is, um,
this is what I do
75
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,247
for... to help people,
so I don't know
76
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,124
why you're staring
at me like that.
77
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,627
Damn! Can't a man work in peace?
78
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,295
People come up and they
reach in under the curtain.
79
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,421
This curtain, you got to keep
the curtain closed though
80
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:37,132
so don't even look in there
81
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,342
because the serpent is very
sensitive to light.
82
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,677
It's a, it's an albino.
83
00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:42,888
Reach in and if you grasp it
84
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,515
the snake
grows rigid in your grasp!
85
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:48,310
One of a kind!
I know that look.
86
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,312
You wanna feel the nature's
oddity, but you can't.
87
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:53,440
It's women, it's really
just for women only.
88
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:57,861
Ow! Ok, see that hurts me
when you do that.
89
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,488
Ha ha ha!
90
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,199
Could you hold this
just for a second?
91
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,203
Hey, hey! Ho! Hey!
92
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:13,460
{\an8}Mrs. Chechekevitch, we do extend
our deepest sympathies to you
93
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,545
{\an8}in this time of grief
94
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,421
and we hope that you are
enjoying
95
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,299
the mylar balloons
and muffin basket
96
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,718
that we sent to comfort you.
97
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,595
- Yes, it was okay.
- Mm-hmm.
98
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,013
How are you getting along
in your grief?
99
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,642
We saw you, uh,
doing shots at the bowling alley
100
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,520
with a certain dark-skinned,
swarthy man.
101
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,023
Walter always said,
"Life is for the living."
102
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:38,193
What's interesting
is that in death
103
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,362
you gonna end up having
the best time of your life
104
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,698
'cause it turns out your husband
105
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:48,537
had an insurance policy worth
250 what? Thousand dollars.
106
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:52,833
Hello.
Somethin' stinks, alright?
107
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,210
And it stinks like...
108
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,920
Peroxide and...
109
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:58,505
Well, that, I just did
that last night.
110
00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,508
- Sorry.
- Okay.
111
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:10,183
How's everyone's vagina today?
112
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,060
{\an8}- Feeling good?
- Great.
113
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:13,062
Yeah.
114
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,441
That rubbing you did on them
last week was really great.
115
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,945
Let's turn.
116
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,364
Lot of people think sex
is wrong. They're ashamed of it.
117
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,782
It's nothing
to be ashamed about.
118
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,076
Nothing to be ashamed about
at all. It's nature.
119
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:29,745
It's beautiful.
120
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,539
God created 69.
121
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,083
You know, whales 69?
122
00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,086
And people laugh at that,
but it's true. They do.
123
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:40,422
It's in nature. If it's
in nature, it's beautiful.
124
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,549
ing.
125
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,636
And don't be afraid
of the buttocks.
126
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,638
Do not be afraid
of the top of the buttocks.
127
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,474
You feel that? I'm already...
128
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,475
I'm sort of
up your anus a little bit.
129
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,770
Just a little bit.
That's okay. That's okay.
130
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,938
- Let me ask you a question.
- A lot of nerve endings.
131
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:59,941
You eat the, uh, dark piece
of meat off the chicken?
132
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:05,113
Raineesha, you're embarrassing
me. I'm so sorry.
133
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,406
You know what I'm
in the middle of right now?
134
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,658
A saucy sandwich, and I like it.
135
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,244
I don't want to go anywhere.
136
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,290
- What's wrong?
- Oh, my god.
137
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,084
- I think my water just broke.
- Whoa!
138
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,252
- Trudy, did your water break?
- Oh, my god.
139
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,129
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
140
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:24,466
- Just breathe, relax.
- Oh, wait. Hold on a second.
141
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,929
Someone left a mountain dew
here. It wasn't my water.
142
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:31,681
{\an8}Let's see what's goin' on.
143
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,475
{\an8}Calm down. We're here.
144
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:37,687
{\an8}This guy come by,
trespassin' here on a Sunday.
145
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:39,606
Yeah, I-I run my own business
out of here
146
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,317
but I'm closed on Sundays.
147
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,778
I make that very clear
to all my customers.
148
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:47,322
And he came
by here on a Sunday
149
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,657
trying to buy weed, and I said
150
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,034
"I'm-I'm closed on Sundays,
man!"
151
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:52,119
'Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.'
152
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,995
'Can we take a look
at your weed in there, sir?'
153
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,998
Hell, no. I told you
I'm closed on Sunday!
154
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,792
Then you guys'd be trespassin'.
155
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,710
I ought to citizen's arrest you
right now.
156
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,338
You gotta go arrest this
guy for trespassin'.
157
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,173
- Well, where is he?
- I'll fire you! You're fired!
158
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,842
- Whoa.
- You're fired!
159
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:07,884
Keep your voice down, sir.
160
00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:10,512
I will not. Freedom of speech!
First amendment!
161
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,347
You can yell
as loud as you want!
162
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:13,974
- Sir, I--
- What are you doin'?
163
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,559
You're, you can
come with us peacefully.
164
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,726
You can come with me peacefully.
165
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,353
The hard way or the easy way, sir?
166
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,855
I'm gonna arrest you
and put you in my bathroom!
167
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,314
- Just hold a second.
- How 'bout that?
168
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,109
I can see the marijuana
from here, sir. I can smell it.
169
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,820
That's not even my good stuff.
That's the ditch weed.
170
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,030
I keep the good stuff
in back with the cocaine.
171
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,325
Rape!
You're tryin' to rape me!
172
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,495
My name is Scott Greenberg.
173
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:39,082
I am the district attorney
174
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,209
and I've been asked
to say a few words
175
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,087
for one of our finest
176
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,590
Walter Chenekevitz.
177
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,341
Chekene... Chekenevits.
178
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:51,887
Okay, Chek... Chekenevitz.
179
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,890
Chenukevitz? Che...
180
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,893
The sheriff. I'd like to send my
181
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:02,355
condolences out to, uh
182
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:05,692
the sheriff's lovely wife,
Mrs. Chekenevitz
183
00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,403
'and her, her boyfriend.'
184
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,706
one was to raise a man
from the dead.
185
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,584
That man was named Lazarus.
186
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,629
And now, from Police Tek 2000
187
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:29,382
there's a bicycle lock
that bears his name
188
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:32,052
and, yes, it is a miracle
of bicycle safety.
189
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:32,886
Let me show you, but not
190
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,306
with these professional
bolt cutters.
191
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:37,766
Here's a shotgun, but wait.
192
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:41,603
You're not gonna shoot
it at that bike lock, are you?
193
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,396
You'll break it.
194
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,608
Yes. A European bike lock would
195
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,610
but this
is the Police Tek 2000 Lazarus
196
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:51,905
'made right here
in North America.'
197
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,366
Just watch.
198
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,622
Wow, it looks as good
as if it had just come out
199
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:03,083
of the original packaging.
200
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,961
Try this yourself,
if you don't believe me.
201
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:06,670
But that's not all.
202
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,714
Here. Hand me that lock, deputy.
203
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,594
Aah! God!
204
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:16,846
That jolt and that
burning smell tell you
205
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:20,976
that Lazarus' self-contained
tasing system is working.
206
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,686
So next time,
make your bike lock
207
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,981
the only one powerful enough
to carry the name
208
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:29,693
of the man that Jesus rose
from the dead. Lazarus.
209
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,446
Your bike
will think it's heavenly.
210
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,534
What can I say
211
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,786
about Walter Chemekevitz.
212
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:42,539
He did say
213
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,834
there are 16 points
214
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,545
that you should follow
to be a good district attorney.
215
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:53,633
Number one, hygiene.
216
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:56,845
Hygiene was very important
to Walter Chenokevitz.
217
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,765
Brush your teeth, wash, trim.
218
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,644
Number eight.
219
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:07,897
Always use oil paint
in a bathroom.
220
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,649
'Now, I had made the mistake'
221
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:15,030
'of asking, uh, Leo's...'
222
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,324
'Walter's...'
223
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,289
You were always someone that
I held in the highest regard
224
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,582
and had a great deal
of respect for.
225
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,877
Why, thank you, sheriff.
226
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:29,627
Oh, what was your
first name again?
227
00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:34,174
- Jim.
- Jim. Yeah, Jim. Jim.
228
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,550
Oh, God, wait. Wait.
229
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:36,551
There was something
really important
230
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,345
I was meaning to ask you.
231
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,639
Who killed you?
232
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,601
I really don't know.
233
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,228
Oh, that would've been
so good if you knew.
234
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,104
Is this the first sign
235
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,731
that I'm gonna be haunted by you
for years?
236
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,900
- Perhaps.
- Perhaps.
237
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,902
If we could get some sort
of Scrooge and Marley
238
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:57,072
relationship going on that's
like sort of date-specific.
239
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,740
'Cause I just don't
wanna generally...
240
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,409
Never, you know, go to bed
every night not knowing
241
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,912
"Oh, is the sheriff
walking the earth?"
242
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:08,083
I'll, I'll get back to you
on that because I...
243
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,626
I need to get my
calendar in order.
244
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,419
I think you understand that.
245
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:12,796
Okay, now you're mad.
246
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,048
'Now, number ten
is a tricky one'
247
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,718
'because it's kind of a 10-A,
kind of 10-B thing.'
248
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:22,097
So I'll start with 10-A.
249
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:25,225
Now, 10-A is
250
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:29,104
"Never let your hair
get below shoulder length."
251
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,817
- Hi!
- How are you?
252
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,985
I'm okay. How are you?
253
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,404
Beautiful day, isn't it?
254
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,448
It is.
Hey, have you seen my mom?
255
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,366
- You mean today?
- Yeah.
256
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,785
Just sort of hovering
about or whatever?
257
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:47,122
She's actually... I don't know
that she's up there necessarily.
258
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,332
Well, I-I-I would
259
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:52,127
we're, we're-we're all
260
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,628
up there in a way.
261
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,463
Well, in other words,
no, you haven't seen her
262
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,632
'cause she's in hell.
Don't worry. You don't have to.
263
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,467
- I-I-I may see her soon.
- You're not gonna see her.
264
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,218
You're not gonna see her.
265
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,513
'I notice you're great
with child.'
266
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,598
I am great with child.
267
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:06,766
This is my thing about childhood
268
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,768
about raising a child.
269
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:10,770
Someday when my kid grows up
270
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,814
and learns to resent me
and hate me
271
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,816
I can go, "You know what..."
272
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:15,900
My eyes filled with tears
273
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,945
and I have cold cream
all over my face probably
274
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,530
and I'm in my nightgown
'cause he...
275
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,615
I was waiting up all night
for him to come home.
276
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,325
- You're in your nightie.
- He didn't come home.
277
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,162
He took my [bleep] car,
and I'm waiting
278
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,997
and he doesn't come home,
and he finally comes home
279
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,832
and there I am in a chair
in a dark corner
280
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,625
with a cigarette and a bourbon.
281
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:33,835
- And I go--
- Bourbon on the rocks?
282
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:38,506
"You know what?
I did the best I could."
283
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,841
Now, that's sayin' a lot.
284
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:43,178
Yeah. I can't wait.
I'm so excited.
285
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,514
'And I'm like,
"Ha-ha. What is that?'
286
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,099
Is that a jet pack?"
287
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,351
And he said,
"No, it's a rocket belt."
288
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:53,897
'So I'm out with Walter'
289
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,524
and we're at the park, and we're
gonna test the jet pack...
290
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,401
Sorry, rocket belt.
291
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,778
And, uh, the thing goes off.
292
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,740
'You know, I have to light it.'
293
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,076
'He's... you know,
it's made of... it's butane?'
294
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:21,549
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
295
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,177
♪ Cold till you warm it
such a sweet surprise ♪
296
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,178
♪ Tastes so good ♪
297
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,721
♪ Make a grown man cry ♪
298
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,724
♪ Sweet cherry pie oh yeah ♪
299
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,935
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
300
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,561
♪ Smile on your face ♪
301
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,062
♪ Ten miles wide ♪
302
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,064
♪ Looks so good ♪
303
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:36,773
♪ Bring a tear to your eye ♪
304
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:40,902
♪ Sweet cherry pie-yi-i-i ♪
305
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:45,448
♪ Ah-ah-i ♪
306
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:45,908
♪ Oh swing it ♪
307
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:52,121
Now, a reading
308
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:56,334
of "The Road Less Traveled"
by Robert Fropps.
309
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,964
May I please ask
Deputy Travis Jr. to come on up?
310
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:04,884
{\an8}I got a boner.
311
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,428
{\an8}'What do you mean?'
312
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,430
{\an8}- 'You have a boner?'
- Yeah.
313
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,474
{\an8}- 'Like a boner boner?'
- Yeah.
314
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:12,767
{\an8}- 'Right now?'
- Right now.
315
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,978
'From the speech?'
316
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:15,104
What speech?
317
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,612
- 'You actually got a boner?'
- Yeah.
318
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,447
Somebody else read the poem.
I've got a boner.
319
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:29,033
'No, you, you practiced.'
320
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,245
'Here we go. Thank you.'
321
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:47,635
- Oh, hey, Garcia.
- Yeah.
322
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:48,303
I meant to tell you, uh
323
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,931
in the sheriff's, uh, will
324
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:52,974
he had some requests.
325
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:56,603
And he specifically
requested, uh
326
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,354
{\an8}who his pallbearers would be.
327
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,648
Okay, great.
328
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,984
And he requested
that you not be one.
329
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:08,114
Um, but he had a very,
very good reason for that.
330
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,950
It was that he hated Mexicans.
331
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:14,162
Sorry about that. There was some
wording in the will.
332
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,331
He said specifically, he said
333
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,333
"If there's Mexicans there..."
334
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,959
It wasn't as offensive on paper.
335
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,502
- It didn't look that offensive.
- Yeah.
336
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:22,712
He just thought that Mexicans
337
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,130
might steal from his dead body
338
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,549
if they were allowed
to be close to it, so...
339
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:29,636
- Yeah.
- Don't take it the wrong way.
340
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,346
- You seem upset.
- No, I'm okay.
341
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,349
It's okay. You're part of the...
342
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,350
You're part of the ceremony, too.
343
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,894
You're just not
allowed to touch the coffin.
344
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,896
He just didn't want Mexicans
touching the coffin--
345
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,648
- That's ok, Jim.
- Unless they were washing it.
346
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,025
He was very specific
in what his notes were.
347
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,068
- Yeah, that's okay.
- You alright?
348
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,194
- I'm alright.
- You want a hug?
349
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,737
You sure?
350
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:53,534
{\an8}'Six, seven and eight.'
351
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,663
And right.
352
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,506
And... feet.
353
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,347
On your mark, lift.
354
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,185
{\an8}Is your side slippery?
355
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,188
{\an8}It's very slippery.
Very slippery.
356
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:27,152
Oh!
357
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,205
From the top?
358
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,958
Oh, [bleep].
359
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,751
Ready? From the top?
360
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,211
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
361
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,421
It might do it.
362
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:56,764
Company! Pre... Present!
363
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,975
Okay, huddle up. Huddle up.
364
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,101
It's really, really [bleep].
365
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,145
Somebody greased it
or something.
366
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,604
- It's greasy, and it's hot.
- Yeah.
367
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:06,607
I don't know if it's bacon
grease or what the hell it is.
368
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,735
'Uh, can we just leave it?'
369
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,615
Lift!
370
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,251
That way. That way. That way.
371
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:26,294
Try to lose the thing!
372
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,341
Shh!
373
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,847
- Hurry up.
- Help, help, help, help.
374
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,807
- It's on Jones.
- Ow!
375
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:40,475
- It's on him.
- Aah!
376
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,311
- Sh. Climb out.
- Aah! Aah!
377
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,230
It's okay. It's okay.
Just push it.
378
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,690
- Oh.
- That's good.
379
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,317
I'll just stay here.
380
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:54,655
'At ease!'
381
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,875
Sheriff Chechekevitch
was a born leader.
382
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,251
He was a hero.
383
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:10,963
He was not afraid
to take the wheel
384
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:13,132
even if he was way too
to drive.
385
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,759
And he was
in the passenger seat.
386
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,469
He did it on many occasions.
387
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,054
He would grab the wheel
like a maniac
388
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,182
and you would have to slap
at him to get him to let go.
389
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,393
- He used to do a lot of drugs.
- Lot of drugs.
390
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,856
- Fellas.
- Hey.
391
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:29,315
Hi.
392
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,692
New evidence.
393
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,319
This is actually
a surveillance footage
394
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,696
from the sheriff's department.
395
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,282
It's, uh, worth
takin' a look at.
396
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:41,787
Pretty interesting.
397
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,748
'That's our nut parade
machine, right?'
398
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:47,166
'The one right
in the break room.'
399
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,211
'The one with the picture of all
the peanuts on every bar.'
400
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,172
'Wasn't he deathly
allergic to peanuts?'
401
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,057
- New theory...
- Yeah?
402
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:06,352
Sheriff Chechekevitch
is just a [bleep] idiot. Was.
403
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:09,063
We kind of knew that.
404
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:12,233
I'm not, uh, sure how you
avenge...
405
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,693
Sort of changes...
406
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,444
Yeah, yeah.
407
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,697
You know,
nut parade bar commercials
408
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,866
just talks about
nothin' but peanuts.
409
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,242
- Parade of peanuts.
- Parade of peanuts.
410
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,702
Like peanuts had a parade
in your mouth.
411
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:23,536
"Every bar is the 4th of July."
412
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,705
Yeah. Peanuts had a parade.
413
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:28,124
♪ If peanuts had a parade
in your mouth ♪
414
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,043
♪ It would be a nut parade ♪
415
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:32,920
♪ If peanuts had a parade
in your mouth ♪
416
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,464
We know how the
commercial goes.
417
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,051
"Parade in your mouth."
418
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,930
Yeah, that'd be fun.
419
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,933
Just for a second, forget
that we're officers of the law.
420
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,810
- We're just buddies in a room.
- We're homies, which we are.
421
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,438
- We are.
- Are you, are you stoned?
422
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:51,439
Are you stoned right now?
423
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,776
- On pot?
- Yeah.
424
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,069
Oh, yeah.
425
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,362
It's the medical marijuana
426
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:00,072
that I bought
from an AIDS guy.
427
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:01,616
'You bought it
from an AIDS guy?'
428
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,493
'This is Nevada, not
Willy Wonkaville.
429
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,628
Is that enough C-4 to do it?
430
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,922
- It's all we got.
- Okay.
431
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:26,474
That's it.
432
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,435
Everybody ready?
433
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,106
For Sheriff Chechekevitch.
434
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:41,989
- Good job.
- Nice.
435
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:45,076
- Really, really well done.
- Rest in peace, Walter.
436
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,330
Get off!
437
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,999
Damn it!
438
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,210
- Oh, it's in my ear!
- Get out! Get out! Get out!
439
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:56,546
It's out, it's out, it's out!
Whoo!
440
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,885
"and sorry
I could not travel both
441
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:07,014
"and be one traveler,
long I stood
442
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,557
"and looked down one
as far as I could
443
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,477
"to where it bent
in the undergrowth
444
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,815
'"I shall be telling this
with a sigh'
445
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:19,318
'"somewhere ages
and ages hence'
446
00:21:19,319 --> 00:21:20,236
'"two roads diverged'
447
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:24,323
'"in a yellow wood,
and I...'
448
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:25,409
I took the one
less traveled by..."
32559
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