Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,764
Just, uh...
2
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,434
...locking up
my brand new Smith & Wesson
3
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,478
police tactical bike.
4
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:23,857
Here in broad daylight.
5
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:31,990
I'm sure it's safe.
6
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:46,086
And... taser.
7
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:49,007
Nice. From the spy store.
8
00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:58,599
Hello.
9
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,309
Take the bai-- Ah!
10
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,270
Stop!
11
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,821
That mirror was $80.
12
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,991
'Come on. She tricked me.'
13
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:17,118
It was a trick.
14
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,123
{\an8}Whoa!
15
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:29,672
{\an8}- Whoa. Oh, oh...
- Ahh.
16
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,680
Alright. Okay. I got another...
17
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,520
{\an8}Get back in the building!
No loitering!
18
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,079
What's happening?
19
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,247
What's happening?
What's happening?!
20
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,665
'What?'
21
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,042
Someone tried to kill
the sheriff.
22
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,419
I don't think he's... I don't
think he's gonna make it.
23
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:12,506
Sheriff Chechekevitch.
Sheriff Chechekevitch.
24
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:16,385
- Talk to me.
- Avenge my death.
25
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:27,062
No, no. Hang in there.
26
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,106
Hang in there.
27
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,732
He said, "Avenge my death."
28
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:33,402
You know Walter.
29
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,571
Sheriff!
30
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,906
No!
31
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,039
'Here's to...'
32
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,710
the finest Polish Sheriff
33
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,254
this city has ever known.
34
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,214
Salud.
35
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,424
I didn't mean to qualify that
36
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:59,094
except he was a pretty weird...
37
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,387
- Oh, we've had better sheriffs.
- Yeah.
38
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,555
Yeah, we've had
much better sheriffs.
39
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,473
But he was-- For-for a Pole...
40
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,308
'Not bad for a Pollock.'
41
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,102
'What are we gonna do?'
42
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:11,565
'The culprit... is undoubtedly
in this room.'
43
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,777
'Everybody just act casual...'
44
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:20,115
...and we will
let the murderer...
45
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:22,159
...reveal himself...
46
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,037
...to us.
47
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:27,623
Is this... What...
48
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,292
Why are we all from
the J.C. Penney's catalogue now?
49
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:33,295
- You said act natural.
- No. Act [bleep] normal!
50
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,466
'There's his wife.'
51
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,594
Thank you for coming.
52
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,263
'That's Mrs. Chechekevitch?'
53
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,431
Well, who the hell's
that fella with her?
54
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:47,434
- 'She is gorgeous.'
- 'I think he's the driver.'
55
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:51,271
Hand on the hip?
Is that what a driver does?
56
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:54,441
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
I believe we have
57
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,485
our number one suspect.
58
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,820
here he comes.
Here he comes. Shh, shh. Quiet.
59
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,489
- Here he comes. Here he comes.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
60
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,283
Act natural.
61
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:05,702
Oh, hello. Sad day, no?
62
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:06,371
Sad day, yes.
63
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:12,125
You're, uh,
Mrs. Chechekevitch's, uh...
64
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:12,460
Yes.
65
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,006
'Okay,
here's what I'm gonna do.'
66
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,550
I'm gonna go get some prints
off of the grieving widow
67
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,428
and off of the companion.
68
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:32,562
'He's doin' pretty good.'
69
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,439
He got the glass.
He got it! He got it!
70
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,151
He got it!
71
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,196
- Okay.
- Yes!
72
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,032
Okay. Now, you know what
we're gonna do?
73
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,993
We're gonna put a tail
on that woman.
74
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,537
Like a bunny, or a cat or...
75
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,331
What are you thinkin'?
76
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,874
- Follow her!
- I'm a little drunk.
77
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:53,875
I apologize.
78
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,633
{\an8}- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's department.
79
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,884
{\an8}We got a 9-1-1 call.
80
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,052
{\an8}- Anyone need help?
- Hello.
81
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,387
{\an8}- Someone in distress?
- Anyone call?
82
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,430
- 'In here. Thunder room.'
- You call? Up here.
83
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,639
Up here.
84
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,558
Thank you. Listen...
85
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,228
'Hello. You called?'
86
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:13,855
I...
87
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:18,567
I sat in here
in my jousting armor
88
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,735
which is designed for sitting.
89
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,238
I cannot... I-I can't stand
and my, uh--
90
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,948
- So you're trapped.
- Lance is wedged.
91
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,450
- You're stuck in the toilet.
- I am trapped.
92
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,577
If we could get the, um...
93
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,579
Actually, actually,
actually actually...
94
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:34,958
I-I cannot let a, um, female
take my primary jousting weapon.
95
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:36,752
So what the
do you want us to do?
96
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,379
You need to call
a male officer.
97
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,424
- That's not gonna happen, sir.
- A male officer!
98
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,052
Could somebody
with a penis please appear
99
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,762
so we can get this lance
out of this toilet?
100
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,889
- Okay, that's-- You know...
- This knight.
101
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:49,973
Sir,
we are trying to assist you!
102
00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:52,100
- Why don't you turn your--
- Yes, but that was--
103
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,269
That was mean-spirited mirth
right there.
104
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,563
Oh, my God!
Light a torch over there!
105
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,607
Viggo, please,
I don't want you seeing this.
106
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,942
- Viggo!
- Viggo, you shouldn't see this.
107
00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:03,029
'Viggo, I don't want you
seeing this. Yes.'
108
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,575
Okay, my pants are down.
My pants are down!
109
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,787
Alright.
Well, I'll help you...
110
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:12,662
Could I, could you reach back
and give me
111
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,623
a courtesy flush, please?
112
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,628
I want you to grab
onto my shoulders.
113
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,714
- On the count of--
- Look what somebody gave me.
114
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,466
Isn't that nice?
115
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,759
- What the hell?
- One...
116
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,302
- What am I supposed to do?
- Two...
117
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,637
- Three!
- Oh, sweet [bleep].
118
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,640
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- this.
119
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,308
Why don't we tie you
to your burro
120
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,768
and then have him to hyah?
121
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,520
Yeah, that's a--
Well, no, I don't know.
122
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:39,481
He doesn't look too aggressive.
123
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,857
- You want to try it again?
- Okay, I'm sorry.
124
00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,651
I'm, I'm sort of...
125
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,653
I-If you could just give me
a second here.
126
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,780
You wanna-- You actually
wanna poo, I think. Right?
127
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,448
Well, it's happening
whether I want to or not.
128
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,324
- We're gonna let...
- Thank you.
129
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,700
So, folks, it's gonna be
a little while.
130
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,328
- It's gonna be a minute.
- 'I need sterile wipes!'
131
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,872
'Whoever made the mutton stew,
you're fired!'
132
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:05,966
Okay, it is 2300 hours.
133
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,511
'We have put a tail'
134
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,513
'on the Black Widow herself.'
135
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,682
- 'Madam Ex-wife.'
- 'She left the wake.'
136
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,642
'She did
a little grief shopping.'
137
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:19,062
'Grief shopping?
She did some grief tanning.'
138
00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:20,856
'Had a quick grief workout'
139
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,607
'and I think
she got grief botox...'
140
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,608
- 'I think she did.
- She stopped by, uh...
141
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:26,027
- 'It was... Botox place.'
- 'Uh-oh. Uh-oh.'
142
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:27,028
'Oh, hello. Hello.'
143
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,989
- 'This is the eager--'
- 'Did she kiss him?'
144
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,866
- 'Or just hug him?'
- 'This is the Armenian.'
145
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,659
- Either cousin or...
- Boy...
146
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,871
Grieving friend.
147
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,081
'Wish we could hear
what they're saying.'
148
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:39,499
'She looks upset.'
149
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,042
'I think he's-- Okay,
that was just a friend.'
150
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,335
That was a friend touch.
Here, look.
151
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,338
I'll do it to you. See?
152
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,885
I was just showing you
it was a friend touch.
153
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,553
It will be a long stakeout
154
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,638
if you're gonna be doin'
friend touches.
155
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,390
- Huh?
- I-I...
156
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,517
I can do stakeout without
friend touches. Thank you.
157
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,561
Those are some real
Jewy-lookin' sideburns
158
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,729
'wouldn't you say?'
159
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,773
'I think he's got a stiffy.'
160
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,066
'Okay.'
161
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,067
'Well, I feel horrible, but'
162
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,861
obviously this is just
163
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,780
some sort
of platonic Jew friend.
164
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,699
- I don't think she did it.
- PJF?
165
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,119
P-J-F.
166
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,454
Holy [bleep].
167
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,582
- 'Oh, my [bleep] God!'
- 'Uh...'
168
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:24,920
'Do you wear
the dominatrix SS outfit'
169
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,254
'for your platonic Jew
friends?'
170
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,881
- 'Not really. [bleep]'
- 'You'll recommend it.'
171
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,757
Hey, where's that camera from, huh?
172
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,967
Is that the sheriff's camera?
173
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:34,387
No. Uh... we have a camera?
174
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:35,972
Yeah, we do, but it's really,
really old.
175
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:38,892
- That one's way better.
- Yeah.
176
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,727
'So she's seeing somebody
on the side, which means'
177
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:43,605
she's gotta rub out
Chechekevitch.
178
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,607
- To collect on the insurance.
- Rub out? No, okay...
179
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,775
- You mean, yeah, kill him.
- Yeah. Not rub out.
180
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,237
- Not rub one out.
- That's why she did it.
181
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,489
- [bleep].
- Uh...
182
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,532
No, no, no.
It's not what it looks like.
183
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:55,784
It's not what it looks like!
184
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,244
Well, it is what it looks like.
185
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,703
- It was-- Hey, no!
- It was my fault.
186
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,081
- .
- Don't do that!
187
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,166
Please don't do that!
No, no, no. No, no!
188
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,751
How do you say please
in Armenian?
189
00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:05,835
- Please, sir.
- Please don't do that.
190
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:10,548
- Please don't do that!
- [bleep] [bleep].
191
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:11,925
No, no, no, no, no!
.
192
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:12,801
No, no, no!
193
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,887
- No! No! No!
- No!
194
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,857
'Alright, everybody,
settle down.'
195
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:32,487
Um, your safety
means so much to me.
196
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:35,156
You guys are my kids, you know?
197
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,867
Can't have any of my own, so...
198
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:40,370
Um, when I was a kid
199
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,707
we had a new crossing guard
named Lester.
200
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:46,126
Real nice guy, right? Yeah.
201
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,003
Sure. Yeah,
he looked good, right?
202
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,964
Wearin' a badge, slicked hair.
203
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:55,469
This is a lesson in not trusting
just anybody.
204
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:59,222
Lester came to work every day
205
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:01,684
'with a big bucket of candy.'
206
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,853
I was real fat,
and I loved candy
207
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,439
and I'd do anything for it.
208
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,734
Okay? And Lester knew it.
209
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,320
Hello?
210
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,032
Uh, whoo-hoo?
211
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,241
Over here.
212
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,160
Oh, she-- I, oh, um...
213
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,620
- Hi. Hi. Hi!
- Oh.
214
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:23,705
- Hi.
- Hi.
215
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,874
I was just telling
the kids a story.
216
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,709
I'm-I'm not...
217
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:28,835
...not real sure
what you're doin' down there.
218
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,880
- But uh--
- Oh, I just wandered in.
219
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,882
Where's the bathroom?
220
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,721
{\an8}- Hey, Stevie.
- Fellas.
221
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,557
{\an8}- 'How's it goin'?'
- 'Good morning, Stevie.'
222
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,894
{\an8}Well, good for me, but...
223
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,646
Not so good
Sheriff Chechekevitch.
224
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:50,398
- I'm sorry, I need a moment.
- No, it's alright.
225
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:51,107
It's alright. Just work it out.
226
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,360
'Take your time.'
227
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,278
So, what is it? Is it, uh...
228
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,781
He was definitely murdered...
229
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,075
'...by poison.'
230
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,577
Poisoned. Hello. Hello!
231
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,454
'Okay, so,
we're thinkin' poison.'
232
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,581
Um...
233
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:10,460
Definitely poisoning,
uh, from...
234
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,753
How do you say?
235
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,088
- Oral? Mouth?
- Through the mouth.
236
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,923
- Mouthal area.
- Poison in the mouth.
237
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,758
- So somebody...
- Slips something to...
238
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,718
Somebody who wanted
this man dead
239
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,096
slipped something... into him.
240
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,640
Now, is it possible
somebody tried to roofie him
241
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,766
and they just, uh, kinda--
242
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,434
- Over-roofied?
- Got a little, uh...
243
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:27,602
- Super roofied?
- Yeah.
244
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,770
- No, not a roofie.
- Not a roofie.
245
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:29,771
'It's not rohypnol.'
246
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,606
Alright, so he wasn't roofied.
247
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:33,733
Some kind of mouthal poisoning.
248
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,568
- Yeah.
- Mouthal.
249
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:37,821
- Mouthal poisoning.
- Can you do--
250
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,948
Can you test to see,
like, what it is?
251
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,951
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I could do that.
252
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,286
Should I?
253
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,497
- Yeah.
- Oh.
254
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:48,957
- That'd be awesome.
- That'd be great. That really--
255
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,793
I mean, it'd save us
a lot of guessin'.
256
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,503
- Yeah.
- You know.
257
00:11:57,508 --> 00:12:00,468
{\an8}♪ I left them all and skipped
town with... ♪
258
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,970
{\an8}Stay in school.
259
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,472
{\an8}♪ Who's with me?
He's awesome ♪
260
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:07,016
{\an8}♪ Oh, yeah... God ♪
261
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:10,145
- Hey, whoo! Whoo!
- Howdy, minstrel.
262
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,813
- Oh, hello, officers.
- Hey.
263
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,190
Well, sir, we got a report
that there's been some, uh
264
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,692
some drug selling goin' on
265
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:16,985
with the students here
in this immediate area.
266
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,321
- Whereabouts?
- Well, right in this area.
267
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,948
Right around the perimeter
of the school.
268
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:24,325
Well, I can assure you that
within the range of my voice
269
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:26,202
all I've been sharing
is the power of the Lord
270
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,662
and that's all I've seen
from the kids.
271
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:28,913
You know, the youth
are coming out and...
272
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,165
Hey, I want to shake your hand.
273
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,625
Oh, hello. Thank you very much.
274
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,002
Pastor Dave. Pastor Dave.
275
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,462
Pastor Dave, I'm Deputy Kimball.
276
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,337
- Hello. You got funky on me.
- Alright.
277
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,882
From the First United Church
of our Lord
278
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,342
right around the bend there.
279
00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:42,177
So I'm just singing, and...
280
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,137
...if the youth won't come
to church
281
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,472
just bring
the church to the youth.
282
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,639
- Hey, good for you.
- Amen.
283
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,892
♪ D stands for
do you hear His voice? ♪
284
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:52,020
♪ R stands for
are you listenin'? ♪
285
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:55,023
♪ U stands for
understand that ♪
286
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,859
♪ G stands for God ♪
287
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,861
♪ What does that spell? ♪
288
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,196
So, uh, that's-- You know...
289
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,822
Just rockin' it out
for the Lord.
290
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:05,074
♪ God made rainbows God made ♪
291
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:08,369
- And I like it.
- I like rainbows.
292
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,080
♪ God made trees ♪
♪ I like trees ♪
♪ God made trees ♪
♪ I like trees ♪
293
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:14,167
♪ God made mushrooms ♪
♪ I like mushrooms ♪
294
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,836
♪ Do you like mushrooms? ♪
♪ I like mushrooms ♪
♪ Do you like mushrooms? ♪
♪ I like mushrooms ♪
295
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,922
♪ Let's get some mushrooms ♪
296
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:23,426
♪ Oh oh yeah
let's get high on God ♪
297
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:24,135
Ha-ha. You know what?
I would love t--
298
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,970
I want to give you some money.
299
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,765
- What? Hello.
- Do you put it here in the...
300
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,016
- No. That's bribe money.
- We insist.
301
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,017
God is not about money.
302
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:33,144
- God is about...
- We insist.
303
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,103
I just thought
I'd give you a little donation.
304
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:36,731
You know, officers,
I appreciate that
305
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,191
but I know how much
you all get paid.
306
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,901
We probably should circle
the area again
307
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,111
just to see if we can
see anything.
308
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:44,072
But would you just send us out
on somethin'?
309
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,532
'Cause you just really
have made my day.
310
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,909
- Yeah.
- Uh...
311
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:48,910
I got one.
312
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,078
Kids always like to
313
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,913
ask me "How can I
get in touch with God?
314
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,416
How can I put God inside of me?"
I think there's a couple ways.
315
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,544
♪ You gotta smoke snort ♪
316
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,962
♪ Inject or swallow ♪
317
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,964
♪ Get in touch with God today ♪
318
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:04,425
♪ Smoke snort
inject or swallow ♪
319
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,177
♪ Did you forget?
Let's count the ways ♪
320
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:10,015
And then it repeats, uh,
right after that.
321
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:15,270
- Hey! Hey!
- You can't snort the Lord!
322
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:26,072
{\an8}Listen, you two-bit
floozie, we know you did it!
323
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,908
{\an8}We know you [bleep] killed
Walter!
324
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,325
We know when you did it
325
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,744
why you did it,
where you did it
326
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,581
and how you did it,
you little [bleep] tramp!
327
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,293
So sign the [bleep] confession!
328
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,255
'Hey, I thought I'd try.'
329
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,132
It worked on Barney Miller
when they used to do it.
330
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,676
Great, now
I'm losing my voice.
331
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:49,095
I know, well, the doctor
has me on half my meds.
332
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:52,599
Anyway, what was your
relationship like with Walter?
333
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,600
It was great.
334
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,143
Oh, was it? Was it great?
335
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,103
- It was great?
- Yeah, it was great.
336
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,981
- Yeah, he was a nice guy.
- Yeah, he was nice.
337
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,318
{\an8}I believe I'm owed an apology.
338
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,153
For what?
339
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,656
For your nasty lesbian behavior.
340
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:09,449
I can't apologize for that.
341
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,993
It was college,
it was the seventies
342
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,161
and everybody was doing it.
343
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:17,332
Listen, what is with this
Armenian boyfriend of yours?
344
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,208
Oh, hey! Hey, Joe!
345
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:23,212
How you doin'? Uh... uh... hey.
346
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,715
- Taking notes. Taking notes.
- Travis?
347
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:28,968
- Uh... lesbian...
- Travis?
348
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:29,969
Got it.
349
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:39,854
We got a little, uh, pool
350
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:43,316
goin', uh, down
in the gentlemen's locker room
351
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,818
as to what Wiegel's havin'.
352
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,820
- Where's your money?
- Cyst.
353
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:48,905
Rottweiler.
354
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:53,368
I'm scared, I'm scared
because I-I'm at that sperm bank
355
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,537
at least... twice a day.
356
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:57,997
Like a cement mixer.
357
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:01,334
Just kinda keeps pourin'
down the old chute.
358
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:02,877
'Why Lamaze, you ask?'
359
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:06,214
Well, why not Lamaze, I ask?
360
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,049
It's what I do.
I can't help it.
361
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,010
I love women. I love babies.
362
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,220
'So, welcome.'
363
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,222
'Uh, this is our little
safe place.'
364
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:17,183
'This is our womb, our dojo.'
365
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,810
'No one is allowed in.'
366
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,229
'Except, of course,
the cameraman today.'
367
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,107
I'm more than just
a Lamaze teacher.
368
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,609
Uh, I teach
about child care as well.
369
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,736
And, uh, it's interesting
370
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:32,740
but not a lot of people
have experience holding babies.
371
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:35,201
So, I'd like to go
through the...
372
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,745
'Who's my favorite girl?
Get up here.'
373
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:41,082
- 'Get up here.'
- Let me help you.
374
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,710
Alright, and you're gonna
mind his-his little fontanel.
375
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:44,711
Alright.
376
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:45,461
You got him right there.
There you go.
377
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,880
- I got him. Oh, my God!
- And we--
378
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:48,715
- Whoops.
- Ahh! Ahh!
379
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,800
'Oh, my God. Oh, my God.'
380
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:51,426
You want to get the body, too.
381
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,302
- Ahh! Oh!
- Alright.
382
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:57,098
These are expensive models
and, uh... don't worry about it.
383
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,267
- It's...
- Oh, my...
384
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,271
Hey, Stevie.
385
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,106
- Hi, Stevie.
- Hey, fellas.
386
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,441
- How you doin' now?
- How you doin'?
387
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,275
Good.
388
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,111
So, what do we got?
389
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,489
He was killed by peanuts.
390
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,450
'Delicious peanuts.'
391
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:18,494
I mean, they weren't
delicious for him.
392
00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:20,288
Well, they might have been,
but they killed him.
393
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,291
They...
He's deathly allergic to them.
394
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:27,253
Someone must have known
he was allergic to peanuts.
395
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:31,716
We find out who knew for a fact.
396
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,385
And here's what we...
Here's how we do it.
397
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,138
So, I heard, uh,
Sheriff Chechekevitch
398
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,015
was allergic to cats.
399
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,433
"That's funny,
he was allergic to peanuts"
400
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,184
says suspect number one.
401
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,603
I'm lost. What are you doin'?
402
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,647
I'm doin', uh, I'm doin'
a hypothetical interrogation.
403
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,941
- Were you with me, Stevie?
- Yeah. You did a little scene.
404
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,152
- 'Oh, alright. Alright.'
- 'Here, I'll play...'
405
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,737
'Here's how we're gonna break
this one down.'
406
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,655
Okay, Stevie,
you're suspect number one.
407
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:56,157
Mm-hmm.
408
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,494
So, I hear, uh,
Sheriff Chechekevitch
409
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,329
was allergic to lamb's wool.
410
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,332
Oh, I thought
he was allergic to cats.
411
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,501
- And, uh...
- You're not helping.
412
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,752
- ...peanuts.
- Peanuts!
413
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,003
See? And then that makes him
the suspect.
414
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,379
That's how we're gonna do it.
That's how we'll run it down.
415
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:14,383
The one who knows,
is the one who knows.
416
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,345
And he who smelt it, dealt it.
417
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,354
{\an8}♪ Doo-pa-doo-pa-doo-pa-doo ♪
418
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:30,483
Today's question, do you know
the legal age of sexual consent?
419
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:34,695
Here in Nevada... it's 16!
420
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:35,988
♪ Boop-boop-boop-boop ♪
421
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:40,868
♪ Don't hesitate
to ask your partner ♪
422
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:44,372
♪ Or p-p-p-p-partners ♪
423
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:48,084
♪ For a government issued ID ♪
424
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,378
♪ If possible make a photocopy ♪
425
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:55,174
♪ For your records ♪
426
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,844
♪ Busting this move
could keep you ♪
427
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:01,514
♪ From catching
a ride in my wheels ♪
428
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,732
'From the department--'
429
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,734
- Sheriff's department.
- 'Of weights and measures.'
430
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,070
Sheriff's department. Hi.
431
00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:18,072
'I'm from the Department
of Weights and Measures.'
432
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,449
And I'm off of a...
I-I'm filing a complaint.
433
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,744
- What seems to be the problem?
- It said "Two for one!"
434
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:24,912
Did you not give him
two for one.
435
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:28,416
- He got his two for one.
- I got a two for one. Sure.
436
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,960
But they said it was half an
hour. I paid for half an hour.
437
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,963
I came in seven minutes,
and then they escorted me out.
438
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,924
And I am from the Department
of Weights and Measures!
439
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,467
And we follow these things!
440
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,845
I don't know
if I necessarily bel-- Okay.
441
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:44,765
Department of Weights
and Measures!
442
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:45,766
- You know, I think...
- Classic.
443
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,101
Yeah.
444
00:19:47,102 --> 00:19:49,937
We're lookin' at acid.
445
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:50,730
Don't do it.
446
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,607
- Weights and measures!
- Hold on!
447
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,317
- Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!
- Okay. Sir?
448
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,944
- No, you don't. No, you don't.
- Let's have a check...
449
00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:57,653
Alright, let's go down
to the station
450
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:58,404
and get you some orange juice.
451
00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,447
Come on.
452
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,450
- I broke it. I'm sorry.
- That's alright.
453
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,952
I'm sorry I broke it.
454
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:07,664
It's okay. Alright.
455
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,290
Alright, come on.
456
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,627
Alright, now,
am I gonna have to charge you?
457
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,461
Let's... That's right.
458
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,755
Alright, come on.
459
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:16,756
Friendship.
460
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,175
- I'm sorry I broke it.
- Okay.
461
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,639
'Fine. Let's not
have a sit down--'
462
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:27,767
- Oh, God, another tree.
- No.
463
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,477
It's so big.
464
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,614
Ow! Ow! Ow!
465
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,491
Just for a second, forget
that we're officers of the law.
466
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:46,160
- We're just buddies in a room.
- We're just your homies.
467
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:46,869
Which we are. We are.
468
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,455
Now, are you... Are you stoned?
469
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:50,498
'Are you stoned right now?'
470
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,835
- On pot?
- 'Yeah.'
471
00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,003
Oh, yeah.
472
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,129
- It's the medical marijuana.
- Yeah.
473
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:59,882
- I bought from an AIDS guy.
- Yeah, this isn't...
474
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:03,010
Aah!
475
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,729
{\an8}- Why not? Why not?
- 'Cause I... You know.
476
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,982
{\an8}I got a call and response
one for you. How 'bout that?
477
00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,358
{\an8}What I say, you say
right back to me.
478
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,734
{\an8}- Oh, that's called--
- Sure.
479
00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:20,111
{\an8}Let's do it. Let's do it.
480
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,863
{\an8}♪ Well God is love ♪
{\an8}♪ God is love ♪
481
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:25,241
{\an8}♪ God is happiness ♪
482
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:29,538
{\an8}♪ God is ecstasy ♪
483
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,537
{\an8}♪ Ecstasy ♪
484
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:33,374
{\an8}♪ I want some ecstasy ♪
485
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,544
{\an8}♪ Let's get rollin'
with the Lord God ♪
486
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,545
{\an8}Yeah!
35401
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof