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1
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,089
'The white zone
is for immediate loading'
2
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:10,092
'and unloading
of passengers only.'
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,468
Got a fellow
in the hospital here
4
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:14,722
waiting for a liver transplant.
5
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,099
Organ should be arriving
at any moment.
6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,684
Come on, come on.
7
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,269
Ah! Whoa! Here we go.
8
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:23,021
Ho! Ho. Ho.
9
00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:24,773
- Okay, I got it. Trudy.
- Yeah.
10
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:25,524
You stay and fill out
the paperwork.
11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,819
No, Jim,
I'd like to handle this.
12
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,529
I-I know exactly
what to do, Jim.
13
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,947
- Go to St. Mary's hospital.
- Check.
14
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:33,323
Go to the fourth floor, ICU
15
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,908
ask for Dr. Peterson
16
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,410
tell him we have
an O-positive liver
17
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,746
and we need
to get it there, stat.
18
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,289
My, God. That was great. Go!
19
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,790
- Go with God. Go!
- I can do it.
20
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:42,332
I'll do the paperwork.
21
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,544
Okay, she's on it, guys.
22
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,129
Well done, gentlemen.
23
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,257
'The white zone
is for immediate loading'
24
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:53,177
'and unloading of passengers.'
25
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,929
Oh [bleep].
26
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:58,974
'Jim, I'm sorry.'
27
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,935
I forgot everything I just said.
28
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,438
Whoa!
29
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,194
{\an8}- What?
- No, no. Oh!
30
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,490
Whoa!
31
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:17,618
{\an8}Whoa, whoa, whoa!
32
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,596
{\an8}- Hey, what... Oh!
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
33
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,192
- 'Morning, gang.'
- 'Ho.'
34
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,610
{\an8}Morning.
35
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,487
{\an8}'Everybody sounds fit
as a fiddle this morning.'
36
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,489
{\an8}Travis, you had an announcement
you had to make or something?
37
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:59,536
{\an8}I did. Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls...
38
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:04,332
Monkey [bleep].
39
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,709
'Straight from the Orient.'
40
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,545
Oh, I heard about that.
41
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,380
What are we supposed
to do with that?
42
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,256
- Where'd you get that?
- 'Why do you have that?'
43
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,384
Start the biddin' at $35.
44
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,219
What am I gonna do
with monkey [bleep]?
45
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,054
- Thirty-seven.
- 'Thirty-seven.'
46
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,139
Uh, the end of the table
seems to know what it does.
47
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:23,725
What are the applications
of monkey [bleep]?
48
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,227
- 'Thirty-eight.'
- Thirty-eight.
49
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,270
'They must be good.'
50
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,271
- 'Forty-one.'
- Oh, hell.
51
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,480
Forty-two. What does it do?
52
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,566
- Forty-four.
- Fifty. What does it do?
53
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,568
- Is it like, for wrinkles?
- 'Sixty.'
54
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,235
- 'Sixty-one. What does it do?'
- 'No.'
55
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,737
- No!
- 'Seventy-five.'
56
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:36,947
'Do not just stick things'
57
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:37,865
'in your mouth.'
58
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,575
'What we at? What does it do?'
59
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:40,576
- We're at 75.
- We're at 75?
60
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,453
- It's still warm.
- That was from my pocket.
61
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,414
- No, I got it mail order.
- 'Oh...'
62
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,292
How do you know that's authentic
and not fake monkey [bleep]?
63
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,710
Oh, that's [bleep].
You know that.
64
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,128
- 'Two hundred dollars!'
- 'Two hundred.'
65
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,963
- Two twenty-five.
- Two twenty-five.
66
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,590
'Two fifty. What does it do?'
67
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,924
- Three hundred.
- Three-o-one.
68
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,092
- Can I get--
- Three-o-one?
69
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,427
- 'Five. 325.'
- Three twenty-five.
70
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,053
- Three fifty.
- 'Three fifty.'
71
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:00,929
- 'Where'd you get it?'
- 'Three seventy-five.'
72
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,723
- Mail order.
- 'Three seventy-five.'
73
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,349
- Big Korean section manager.
- Three eighty-five.
74
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,269
- 'Three eighty-two.'
- Three eighty-two.
75
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,979
- Three eighty-two, goin' once.
- Three eighty-five.
76
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,939
Three eighty-seven. What is it?
77
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,941
- Four-o-one-ninty-nine.
- Four-o-two.
78
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:15,110
The price is right
for this [bleep].
79
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,820
- Four-o-two. Goin' once.
- 'That's week and a half...'
80
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,239
- That's two weeks pay.
- 'Twice.'
81
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,325
Sold! Kimball.
82
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,952
You can just write me a check.
83
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,454
Okey-doke.
84
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:28,123
'Everybody knows that the new,
uh, Liberace box set's'
85
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,708
coming out, right?
86
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,126
Who?
87
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,420
- Anyhoo, uh, his piano--
- I knew about it.
88
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:37,466
Liberace's piano on tour
comin' to the Washoe Mall.
89
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,468
- Just the piano?
- Yeah! Wh-whoa, go back.
90
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,469
"Just the piano?"
91
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,889
Why isn't he with it?
92
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,349
- He died like 150 years ago.
- 'Yeah.'
93
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,768
'He'd be a little stiff
at the keyboard.'
94
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,144
- He's dead?
- 'Anyhoo.'
95
00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:50,646
- Oh, me.
- You're already on it.
96
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,939
- It's you and Garcia.
- 'I'm on it?'
97
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:52,648
- Yeah.
- That's inside the mall.
98
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,482
It's climate-controlled, right?
99
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,026
- 'Yeah.'
- I'll do it.
100
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,694
Anyhoo, moving right along.
101
00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:59,154
You know,
I hear that monkey
102
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,281
it's very assertive.
103
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,282
'You want to tell her?'
104
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,492
No, seriously, what does it do?
105
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,994
Welcome to the force.
He's goofin' you. It's his.
106
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:06,995
- Yeah, it's mine.
- 'Yeah, it's his.'
107
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:09,122
- Yeah.
- 'Whoo!'
108
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,708
You've been [bleep],
by Junior, honey.
109
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,168
'Rookie.'
110
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,004
You just paid $402
for junior's [bleep].
111
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,339
'April [bleep].'
112
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,401
- Hey, not too close. Close.
- Keep movin', now.
113
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:46,243
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Don't touch the piano, sir!
114
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,536
Sir? Oh, you can look
115
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,371
but just don't lean over
the rail, okay?
116
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,582
It's funny how somethin'...
117
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,086
...with lights on it
will attract these people.
118
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,394
{\an8}- 'What?'
- You know you're solids, right?
119
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,145
{\an8}- Solids?
- Yeah.
120
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,063
'It's made of glass?'
121
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:20,610
No, it is made of genuine
diamonds, 2.75 karats
122
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:23,947
'14-karat gold, and you know
why he gave it to me?'
123
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:24,531
''Cause it's Monday.'
124
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:25,449
Or that's what he said.
125
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,243
He goes, "Happy Monday."
126
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,703
And you got this
from that hot tub guy?
127
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:33,081
The hot tub guy.
The hot tub king.
128
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:34,458
'With four stores in Nevada.'
129
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,419
Oh, yeah. I've seen his picture.
130
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,962
So much money,
I cannot even tell you.
131
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:39,588
And this is someone,
this is someone
132
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,923
I haven't even slept with.
133
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:44,092
- Why don't you sleep with him?
- He's 74!
134
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,719
Oh, he doesn't have a penis?
135
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,097
We have a message
for Clementine Johnson.
136
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:56,855
♪ Oh my darling ♪
137
00:05:56,856 --> 00:06:00,609
♪ Oh my darling Clementine ♪
138
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:05,447
♪ Will you please be
mine forever ♪
139
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:11,912
♪ Marry me my Clementine ♪
140
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:18,293
Hello! Barry?
141
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,170
Uh, [bleep], yeah!
142
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:24,299
, yeah,
I'll marry your 74-year-old ass!
143
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,967
Oh, my gosh!
144
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:28,470
Oh, that's-that's gotta be him.
145
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:29,638
Hang on.
146
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:32,517
Barry!
147
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,187
Here we go again
with her and the weddings.
148
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:40,816
- Maybe--
- Aah!
149
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,819
- Aah!
- Clem?
150
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,612
Clemmy!
151
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,283
- Oh, no!
- 'Barry, don't be dead!'
152
00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:52,160
Don't be dead, Barry!
153
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,162
- 'I got no pulse.'
- Oh, man.
154
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,832
Barry, go away
from the light! Come back!
155
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,291
- He's dead.
- I command you!
156
00:06:58,292 --> 00:06:59,709
- Well, you came real close.
- Yeah.
157
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:03,463
Why don't we, uh,
call the coroner
158
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,714
get him to bring
the big wagon around here?
159
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:07,801
Don't. No, don't, don't, don't.
160
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,845
Not yet. Not yet.
161
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,138
- Not yet.
- Not yet? We-we gotta.
162
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,055
'What're you thinkin' about?'
163
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:16,059
If I stay a fiance,
this is what I keep.
164
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,521
I've always wanted
to be a widow.
165
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,022
You help me, you help me
166
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,108
'I'll help you.
You help me, I help you.'
167
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,901
- What're we talking about?
- 'What're we talking about?'
168
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:28,405
- Hot tubs all around...
- Yes!
169
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,698
- Well, what're we talking for?
- Okay, go.
170
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,740
{\an8}- Yeah.
- Good.
171
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,497
{\an8}Okay, you know what?
172
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,125
Okay, let me tell you somethin'.
173
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,002
Okay, three times
174
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,088
I wished in my head that the
175
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:46,756
that the, uh, piano
would play somethin' different
176
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,508
and it played it.
177
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,552
Ye-ah. It's on a loop.
178
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,680
I wish this beautiful piano
179
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:56,684
would play something romantic.
180
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:04,399
- Did you see that?
- Uh, yeah.
181
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,569
- That piano is magic.
- 'Okay.'
182
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,405
It's magic! Three ti...
No, four times now!
183
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,908
Hey, you know what?
Hey, I got a weird thought.
184
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,243
I wish I was Wayne Newton
sittin' in the pool
185
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,954
by the mirage and a beautiful
woman dropped out of the sky
186
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,207
and brought me food
on a big old platter.
187
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,585
You know what?
Be careful what you wish for.
188
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,753
- Yeah?
- You know what I'm sayin'?
189
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:25,754
Because this pian--
190
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:26,631
Hi. Complimentary hot wings?
191
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,135
I'm Tammy from Hotties.
192
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:33,762
Hey.
193
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,764
We now open now on level two.
194
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,225
Okay.
195
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,146
{\an8}One, two. Go.
196
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,232
{\an8}They asked you to leave
three times.
197
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,483
{\an8}Three times,
they asked you to leave.
198
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,569
{\an8}- Okay, but I have to tell you--
- I'm sorry. Come on. Jail time.
199
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,570
{\an8}- What, I'm--
- Here we go.
200
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:51,613
{\an8}- Ow!
- You're gonna jail.
201
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,240
{\an8}No, no, no. We're goin' to jail.
202
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,157
I just have to do something, okay?
203
00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:56,243
'What're you doing?
What do you have to do?'
204
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,285
I have to change my boots!
205
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,079
- Don't change, okay.
- I have to take off...
206
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,789
They're dangerous.
They are dangerous.
207
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,124
- They're very sharp
- These shoes are real pretty.
208
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,459
Okay, I'm putting these in here.
209
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,919
- Wait, hold on.
- Come on.
210
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,088
- I just wanna put--
- Come on, come on, come on!
211
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,756
- Get up! Missy!
- I just have to--
212
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,757
- You don't understand--
- Missy!
213
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:11,800
What?
214
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,635
You are not wearin' any pants.
215
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:14,803
- Now, you cover yourself.
- I gotta...
216
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,471
- Can I put my pants on?
- 'Yes.'
217
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:17,222
Yes. You can put pants on. Yes.
218
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,307
But I wanna pick out which one.
219
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:21,017
- How about this?
- I don't wanna wear those!
220
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,310
- Alright.
- Which ones do you want?
221
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:23,770
- I want to wear the ones...
- What do you...
222
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:24,854
- The ones there.
- How about these?
223
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:27,816
- These are good these are--
- No! They're [bleep]!
224
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:28,817
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Hey!
225
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,901
Hey! These.
226
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:32,779
- I don't want to wear those.
- it. Okay.
227
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,281
- That's real pretty.
- No, no, it's beautiful.
228
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,991
I don't think this is mine!
229
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,534
This is [bleep] Charity's!
230
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,786
I don't want to
wear her stupid skirt.
231
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,454
Panties. Wait a second.
232
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,498
- This is on backwards.
- Oh, no.
233
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,667
- There you go.
- Aah!
234
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,002
Now, come on.
235
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,336
Wait, wait, wait.
236
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,546
- I forgot something.
- What?
237
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,840
- What did you forgot?
- I forgot something!
238
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,676
- What did you forget?
- My cellphone.
239
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,677
- Where is it?
- It's in the bar.
240
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,971
- In the bar?
- Mm-hmm.
241
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,682
Are you lying to me?
242
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,599
- 'Oh!'
- 'Son of a bitch!'
243
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,184
- 'Son of a bitch!'
- 'No, you did not!'
244
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:03,852
'You come back here!'
245
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,854
Can I smoke a cigarette?
246
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,022
In the car you can.
247
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,189
But can I smoke one first
248
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,691
'cause I just
have to wait for...
249
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,735
I'm waiting for
a phone call inside.
250
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,737
- Do you have a light?
- Yes. Of course I do.
251
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,655
Now, we're gonna be good,
we're gonna be friends.
252
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,741
We're not gonna run
and we're not gonna puke, right?
253
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,162
- No, no, I-- No!
- 'No!'
254
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,997
'Son of a bitch!
She tricked me!'
255
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:24,748
'It was a trick!'
256
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,167
{\an8}She's a little [bleep] genius!
257
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:36,676
I'll say, but it doesn't take
a Mozart to figure out
258
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:40,013
that getting back to our limo
in this bad neighborhood
259
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,223
might be a little dangerous.
260
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,351
Good thing we wore our
261
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:47,729
Police Tek
2000 bulletproof vests.
262
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:51,733
- Stick 'em up, you two.
- Oh, my God.
263
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,902
Go ahead. Shoot away.
264
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,743
I didn't feel a th...
265
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:04,913
I didn't feel a thing.
266
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:08,793
Always wear a Police Tek 2000
bulletproof vest.
267
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,296
{\an8}Now in a slenderizing
girdle cut.
268
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,599
{\an8}Oh! Perfect.
269
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,143
- Sorry.
- 'That was gorgeous.'
270
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:28,937
Shh!
271
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,273
'Can't even stand up
in his own yard.'
272
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:34,901
Lay him down gently.
Oh! Ha ha!
273
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,780
'This is what I'm talkin'
about. Look at this!'
274
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,240
'That's what I'm talkin'
about.'
275
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,449
'Oh, my God!'
276
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,159
'This is like the garden
of [bleep] Eden.'
277
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,953
I know.
So this is what we need to do.
278
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,579
- We need a judge.
- Uh...
279
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,165
Judge, uh, Peterson,
down circuit court.
280
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,125
- Two cataracts.
- He's blind. Yes!
281
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,961
- Can't see anything.
- I'll pick him up.
282
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,838
- Okay, you get him.
- You have a wedding dress?
283
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:55,797
- I do.
- Where is it?
284
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,300
Uh, it's in the back
of the squad car.
285
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,344
You have a wedding dress
in the back of the squad car?
286
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,555
Oh, always. Always.
287
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,306
'You know, I'm always
prepared.'
288
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,183
I also have a saddle
and a bee-keeper's hat
289
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:10,186
and a couple of,
uh, flower leis.
290
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,480
'Cause you just never know, right?
291
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,982
Half the time,
I get stuck without a tampon.
292
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,530
{\an8}'Watch this.'
293
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,199
{\an8}I'm wishing that the piano
294
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,287
{\an8}will play something Mexican.
295
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,335
I didn't even know
if it would do that
296
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,336
and it did it!
297
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:38,006
- Yeah.
- W-that's crazy!
298
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:38,882
Yeah, well,
let's drop the balloons
299
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,049
it played something Mexican.
300
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,135
Wow. Start the fountain.
301
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,553
It started as soon as I said it!
302
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,846
Son, would you get down off
that railin', please?
303
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:45,889
You see what I'm sayin'?
304
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:50,059
As soon as I said it, boom!
What?
305
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,561
That's just called coincidence.
306
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:55,023
Man! God, I wish that kid
would get off the railing.
307
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,399
Oh, oh!
308
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,068
- Holy [bleep]!
- What did you do?
309
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,697
{\an8}- I got an 11-charlie, twelve.
- James, what did you do?
310
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,073
{\an8}We need a paramedic!
311
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,492
{\an8}'Ma'am, keep your kids away!'
312
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,041
{\an8}I just wanted to remind you
that Friday night
313
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,126
{\an8}is the candlelight vigil
314
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,086
{\an8}for, uh, Melissa Curvie
315
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:21,049
who's been missing now
for six days.
316
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,885
So just, um,
you know, come on down.
317
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,679
There'll be snacks
and it'll be a good time.
318
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,389
Thank you, um...
319
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,265
Thank you very much. Uh...
320
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,935
I do want to talk
to y'all about drugs
321
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,562
but I think one thing,
uh, that Sniffy and I know
322
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,897
that a lot of people
won't tell y'all
323
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:39,901
is that when you first do drugs
324
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,903
it's real nice.
325
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,572
But here's the thing, kids
326
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,074
it doesn't stay that way.
327
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:50,453
Imagine that Sniffy is drugs.
328
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:51,913
Uh, and-and-and I first
329
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,250
uh, I first meet him...
330
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,126
Hi, how you doin', Sniffy?
331
00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:59,796
And we are just sweet
on each other.
332
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,798
And we're walking
down the street
333
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,049
and then all of a sudden
334
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,220
he gives me a good night kiss.
335
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,222
Well, that's just wonderful!
336
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:13,434
And I'm feelin' great now
and I want a little more of that
337
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,144
is what I want.
'Cause that just felt so nice.
338
00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:18,732
And so we kiss...
a little more...
339
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,527
And that just feels great, too.
340
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,779
I feel so pretty and smart
341
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,448
an-and so we kiss
a little more
342
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:29,742
and, uh, and he starts actin'
343
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:32,287
a-a little angry at me and, uh
344
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,288
and that's when it starts
to turn real bad.
345
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:37,125
And that's when you should...
Get off of me.
346
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,960
Get... But he just
doesn't seem to be cooperating.
347
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,588
And that's when you know
that drugs just really
348
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,549
aren't-aren't worth,
um, the, what the...
349
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,968
Uh, we didn't, we didn't,
no, it's over. We...
350
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,928
- No, the thing is, oh! Stop it.
- 'Oh, God!'
351
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,471
Stop! Help! Help!
352
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:51,472
...off me! Get him off of me!
353
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,600
- Get him off! Get him off!
- Ramon, get off!
354
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,019
- Ramon!
- Get him the [bleep] off of me!
355
00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:58,646
I am really sorry--
356
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,815
You do a background check
on these people?
357
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,108
I want you to get
backstage right now!
358
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,996
- Man has five tuxedos. Five.
- Five?
359
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,582
Five tuxedos.
360
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,541
What'd you do
if you had two million?
361
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,168
- Two million?
- Yeah, two million bucks. Boom.
362
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,338
Here's your check.
Ed McMahon drives up.
363
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:26,007
First tell my family
to [bleep] off.
364
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,552
- Then I would, uh--
- You can do that right now.
365
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,179
Well,
they're kinda helpin' me out.
366
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,180
Oh.
367
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:35,183
Then I'd, uh...
368
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,185
I don't know.
Maybe get some plugs.
369
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,521
Always wanted cornrows.
370
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,940
Maybe go to...
371
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,025
...France.
372
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,152
- France?
- Yeah.
373
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,030
Get cornrow hair plugs
and go to France?
374
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,658
Yeah.
375
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,201
God,
sometimes I don't even know you.
376
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,537
You know,
if I had two million dollars
377
00:15:56,538 --> 00:16:00,875
'I would get me one of them
pontoon boats on lake Havasu--'
378
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,377
Yeah?
379
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,045
Eddie Money
play at my birthday party.
380
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,254
Lake Havasu.
381
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,965
Can you imagine the tail
you would get
382
00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,258
if you had Eddie Money
play in your birthday party
383
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:10,259
on lake Havasu?
384
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,221
♪ Here comes the bride ♪
385
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:15,723
'Oh, wait!
He ain't supposed to see ya.'
386
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,892
- 'He ain't supposed to see
ya!'
- 'Ha ha ha ha!'
387
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,242
Tango, uh, uh, 11 Charlie-12
388
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,077
this is, uh,
Garcia and Williams.
389
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,370
We wanted to check on the status
390
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,580
of our, uh,
faller here at the mall.
391
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,082
'Oh, yeah, that kid, uh...'
392
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,418
'Critical but stable,
they're sayin'.'
393
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,252
Garcia was the one
that wished it to happen!
394
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,921
No, I did, I did not.
395
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:47,922
That is not true.
396
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,757
Tango, I made an aside.
397
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,218
I said I wish he would get down
off the railing safely
398
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,262
and the, and the,
and the child fell.
399
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,930
'Did you say that
by Liberace's piano?'
400
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,056
I just said--
401
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,266
Yes, he said it
right by the piano.
402
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,517
We're standin' right by it.
403
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:00,268
I did... That's not true! Okay?
404
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,310
I didn't, I didn't say anything
405
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:03,771
and I didn't
talk about anything.
406
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,440
'Well, you know they say
it's cursed, right?'
407
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,399
'I mean, there's whole
websites about it.'
408
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,402
'There's, uh,
- Liberacescursedpiano.
- Org.'
409
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,945
- 'There's cursedpiano--'
- You see that?
410
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,739
How do you,
how do you know that?
411
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,657
Do you see that?
Do you see that?
412
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,409
- You're gonna blame it on me?
- No, I'm just saying--
413
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,618
And you're go-- No. No.
414
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:18,953
He said there's websites
and everything.
415
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,913
And you know people
don't lie on the internet!
416
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,166
Then, okay, y-you know what?
You're makin' weird wishes.
417
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,586
He's saying there's things
on the web about Liberace
418
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,629
and stupid people doing...
Well, you know what?
419
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,131
I'm tired of it, okay, Williams?
420
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,258
I don't believe
in this whole stupid queer-ass
421
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:35,929
gay Liberace piano [bleep]!
422
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,853
That was for you! Oh, my God!
423
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,521
We are so... We are...
424
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:48,149
He is sorry! He is sorry.
425
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,317
We love you.
426
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,156
{\an8}- Here we come!
- 'Oh, good. Good!'
427
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:57,533
{\an8}- 'Thank you.'
- Look who I found!
428
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,368
'Look, honey,
our life can' start.
429
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,453
'Our life can start.'
430
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,038
How you doing, Judge Peterson?
431
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,164
- How are you?
- Good. Good.
432
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,582
It's good to be here.
433
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,167
I know the hour is late,
but we'll rush through this.
434
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,294
We appreciate it!
435
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,212
Oh, good, 'cause we can't
wait to get married.
436
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,255
Isn't that right?
437
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,716
We're gathered here this
evening to bring together
438
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,802
these two kids to embrace
439
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,638
the bonds of holy matrimony.
440
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,182
Uh, you have the rings?
441
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,226
- Uh...
- Rings, please.
442
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:29,357
- Oh, w-got them right here!
- There they are!
443
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,192
Oh, Barry,
that is such a beautiful ring!
444
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,401
As you exchange them
445
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:35,655
please if you have any
vows you would like to say
446
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,740
anything you would
like to address to each other.
447
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,159
Please do it.
448
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,245
Um...
449
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,496
Clementine, you're...
450
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:49,168
Clem-Clementine,
you're, um, beautiful.
451
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:52,213
You always... smell great.
452
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:55,883
And I-I-I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you
453
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,928
and give a lot of money to you.
454
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,472
Barry...
455
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,099
We've got a bond, you know?
456
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,392
And you were not
the first by any means
457
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,395
and, I mean,
if I'd be a liar to say
458
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,397
you are gonna be the last,
you know?
459
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,942
- But, um, you're here now.
- Yeah.
460
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,862
And so let's just make
the best of that now.
461
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:19,073
Then by the power vested in
me by the state of Nevada
462
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:19,699
I now pronounce you man
and wife.
463
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,492
- Yeah!
- Yes! Thank you!
464
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:25,913
Clemmy, you look heavy
when you're... Turn sideways.
465
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:28,082
You look... No, you look heavy.
466
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,250
Straight on you look heavy.
Sideways like this.
467
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:33,129
Silhouette. Exactly.
468
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,631
- No, get in there, Junior!
- No, I'm... where?
469
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,133
That don't make sense.
470
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,217
You look shell-shocked.
471
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:39,260
Will you take
the [bleep] picture?
472
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,261
Take it!!
473
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,012
- Sorry.
- Jeez.
474
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,763
{\an8}- Happy wedding!
- Yay!
475
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,808
{\an8}- Yay!
- Whoo!
476
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,779
Okay, I don't know.
477
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,281
It's just, uh, you know what?
478
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,115
I just want it to end.
479
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,909
I just wish somebody
would just come by
480
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:06,120
and just take that
damn piano outta here!
481
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:10,499
Hey. We're here for the piano.
482
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,506
It's been a strange day.
This thing has been playin'...
483
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:20,843
Everything that
we've asked it to...
484
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:21,969
- Any--
- Who-who was playing it?
485
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,679
'Well, the piano
was playing by itself'
486
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,306
and then he just wished
for you to come
487
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,766
and then you came, but--
488
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,602
That's not a player piano.
489
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:30,978
Say what?
490
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,022
It's not a player piano!
491
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,690
It's Liberace's piano.
492
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:36,902
Think he'd have a player piano?
493
00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:45,993
Of course it's a player piano.
494
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,372
Once again...
495
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,375
...Miss Fortune
has humped my leg.
496
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,710
- Guess who's not a widow?
- Oh.
497
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:55,461
- He's still alive?
- He's... No.
498
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,380
He was married already.
499
00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,675
- Had never gotten a divorce.
- 'Oh.'
500
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,051
Yeah.
501
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,345
His wife lives on a houseboat
502
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,555
on the Colorado river six
months out of the year, so...
503
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,187
{\an8}rapes were down
in the holding tank?
504
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:14,563
{\an8}- Yeah.
- 'Typo.'
505
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:16,148
{\an8}Not. Are not down.
506
00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:18,317
{\an8}Oh, I thought that
was missin' a one.
507
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:21,320
{\an8}- 'One seventeen. Not 17.'
- One seventeen?
508
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:23,864
{\an8}- Seventeen seemed real light.
- 'Yeah, it seemed real low.'
509
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,408
{\an8}'Cause every time you walk by...
510
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:26,575
{\an8}Oh, help! Please don't rape me!
511
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,536
{\an8}Please don't rape me!
512
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:29,538
Yeah.
513
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:35,876
Seems like you practice
saying that sometimes. Do you?
514
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:38,045
{\an8}No. It's just something that,
I-I wake up saying it out of
515
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:39,088
{\an8}my, sometimes out of my--
516
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:39,214
Your night terrors. Hm.
37536
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