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1
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:08,006
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
2
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,925
Garcia! Open the door!
3
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,553
- Garcia!
- Come on!
4
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,096
Open the door!
5
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,264
'What the hell? What?'
6
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:18,267
A cyanide truck just jackknifed
in your neighborhood!
7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:19,226
Everybody's gotta
put these masks on!
8
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,104
- Put this on!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
9
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,564
I know what's going on, ladies.
10
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,274
Get Garcia to put on
the stupid mask
11
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,151
get him run down the street
in my underwear like some--
12
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,486
No! Nobody cares
if you're in your underwear.
13
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:31,989
No! Ain't no cyanide truck in--
14
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,323
You can tell Dangle
or whoever's behind this thing
15
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:36,119
there ain't no
cyanide truck in the...
16
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,166
- Whoo!
- 'Come here!'
17
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,922
- What...
- No, no... Oh!
18
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:50,341
{\an8}'Whoa!'
19
00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:54,595
{\an8}Go, go, go!
20
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,491
{\an8}- Hey, what...
- Ho! Ho! Ho!
21
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:31,673
♪ Wake up you sleepy heads
and put your thinking caps on ♪
22
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:34,176
♪ And come and learn to read
with Reading Ron ♪
23
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:37,346
♪ It's all just as easy
as your A B Cs ♪
24
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,223
{\an8}♪ And all of you at home
can read along with me ♪
25
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:43,185
♪ 'Cause Reno's little babies
love reading reading ♪
26
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,021
♪ Reno's little babies
love Reading Ron ♪
27
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,816
♪ Reno's little babies
love reading reading ♪
28
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,192
♪ So come along with Ron ♪
29
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,488
{\an8}♪ Read along with Ron ♪
{\an8}♪ Me ♪
30
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,490
Hi. Reading Ron here.
31
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:57,991
It's good to see all of you.
32
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,660
You might remember
we were reading about
33
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,370
"The Adventures
Of Mr. Cop-A-Feel
34
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:05,207
and Principal
McTouches-Too-Much."
35
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,333
Well, today, we're going
to see some cops
36
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,002
on the right side of the law.
37
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,921
We're here at the Reno
Sheriff's Department
38
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,298
and they're just
starting this morning.
39
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,676
Let's go see what they're doing.
40
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,512
Hi. We're inside the Reno
Sheriff's Department
41
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,722
and I'm being kind of quiet
because this is where
42
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:23,392
the urgent, urgent
business of the day
43
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,060
is being taken care of.
44
00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,272
Let's listen in and see
what they're talking about.
45
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,407
Um...
46
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,741
Let's meet this officer.
47
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,827
Officer, what are you,
what-what are you wearing?
48
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,078
First of all,
you have shorts on.
49
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,705
Uh, yes, I have shorts.
50
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,290
We wear shorts
to the swimming pool
51
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,250
and we wear them to the beach.
52
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,627
Do you wear them to the,
the pool or the beach?
53
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,754
Oh, sure, when we're
working on patrol
54
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:56,091
we have to go... to the beach.
55
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,093
'What do you find at the beach
when you're there?'
56
00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:01,221
Uh, one, uh... the last time
57
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,056
we were at, uh, the beach
58
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:07,269
uh, Travis, uh, stepped
on a hypodermic needle
59
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:11,607
and, uh, he thought
maybe he'd contracted AIDS.
60
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,567
- Okay, um--
- I got off easy.
61
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,445
I got hep, but I mean,
I considered myself lucky.
62
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,447
- It was just hep.
- Could you stop for a second?
63
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,908
- Um... yeah...
- 'Okay.'
64
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,452
If you'll find another word
that would substitute--
65
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,454
'Okay. I got it, I got it.
Okay. I got it.'
66
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:28,290
So like use beach ball
or something. Okay.
67
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,459
This officer is wearing shorts
68
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,377
and sometimes he goes
to the beach, I imagine.
69
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,795
What do you find there?
70
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,505
Well, the last time
we were at the beach
71
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,799
Travis stepped on a beach ball
72
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,510
and thought
he had contracted AIDS.
73
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,305
You know what, can we cut...
Can we stop for a second?
74
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,848
You are going
to have to cover that.
75
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,808
'Uh, Officer Dangle,
can we just cover that?'
76
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:47,643
Your bosoms? Her bosoms?
77
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,311
'Well, yeah, it's for children'
78
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,980
and, uh, do you mind
if I just, just--
79
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,023
- I mind.
- 'Clemmy?'
80
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:55,609
'It's to just cover it up,
just a little bit.'
81
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,486
'If you want to touch 'em,
you just say something--'
82
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,446
, people,
we had a [bleep] talk
83
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,990
before Reading Ron came in, okay?
84
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:04,284
'I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.'
85
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,661
No, that's okay.
Those are, um...
86
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,828
We call those awkward timeouts.
87
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,121
'Okay.'
88
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:09,498
Here's an officer who likes
books for her children
89
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,376
and she reads them
a lot with them
90
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,543
and I imagine their father too.
91
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,421
'No.'
92
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,465
Well, no, not all of 'em
'cause only like
93
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,550
one of my kids' daddies
can, like
94
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:24,012
he can read good, you know?
95
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,472
'That would be reading well.'
96
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:30,560
That's sometimes nice
to have two daddies in a house.
97
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:34,189
Some people have
two lesbian mothers
98
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,609
or two gay dads.
99
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,489
And some kids
are products of rape.
100
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,035
Um...
101
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:53,917
{\an8}Well, this is very exciting.
102
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:57,212
{\an8}Reading Ron
is in a police cruiser
103
00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,381
{\an8}and we've talked
about this a lot.
104
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,883
{\an8}The cruiser cruises and we roll.
105
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,552
That's right,
I'm with Deputy Junior.
106
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,553
How you doing?
107
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,847
Deputy Junior is doing
108
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,890
what we call rolling
or cruising.
109
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,726
We are rolling,
isn't that what they call it
110
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:11,435
when they say, "Let's roll?"
111
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,396
Uh, well, technically
112
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,690
rolling means
you've taken ecstasy.
113
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,567
Like when the kids will say,
"Are you rolling?"
114
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:22,779
And that means that they already
ingested a hit of ecstasy.
115
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:26,575
And e-ecstasy does not
start with X.
116
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,577
Can I just stop this
for a second?
117
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,412
We're rolling right now,
and when we roll
118
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,957
we go down streets,
and we look and see
119
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,251
what people are doing in their
yards and on the street.
120
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:39,755
Some of them are watering
their grasses, some people are--
121
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,758
We got a prostitute right here.
Uh...
122
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,593
If we see a prostitute,
just say, "A bucket.
123
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,762
I saw a bucket."
124
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,764
- I saw a bucket.
- A bucket.
125
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,558
Oh, look, there's a bucket
going
126
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:52,642
on a Puerto Rican right there.
127
00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:01,234
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
We have a warrant!
128
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,277
{\an8}Sheriff's Department!
129
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:04,946
{\an8}We have a warrant for the arrest
of Mr. Yugioh Fenab.
130
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,699
Open the door, please!
131
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:11,078
We have a warrant
for your arrest, Fenab!
132
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:11,578
Alright, freeze! Freeze!
133
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,664
'Mr. Fenab?'
134
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,209
'Mr. Fenab?'
135
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,504
Is he sleeping?
136
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,172
- I got nothing.
- He's dead.
137
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,299
- Mr. Yugioh Fenab, stay still!
- Don't... He's dead...
138
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,300
- We have--
- Trudy, Trudy...
139
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,886
Did you miss the part
where I said he was dead?
140
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,304
- Oh.
- I'll get a paramedic.
141
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,515
Uh, yeah, we got, uh, we got
a cold one on our hands
142
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,851
and, uh, no blood, no signs
of trauma, nothing.
143
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:38,105
- Is his face yellowish?
- 'Uh-huh.'
144
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,190
His name, again,
his name is Mr. Fenab.
145
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,151
So...
Check his tongue.
146
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,903
And what are we looking for
on the tongue there?
147
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,114
- Ahh.
- Like red dots?
148
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,032
Red,
like raised taste buds, yeah.
149
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:49,866
Yeah, I can stay on the line.
150
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,993
He's getting the CDC.
151
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,162
- What's that?
- Center for Disease Control.
152
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,664
- Why?
- He's getting the CDC?
153
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,458
Mm-hmm.
Hey, yeah. Jim Dangle here.
154
00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,502
Oh.
155
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,419
Oh.
156
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,672
{\an8}'Thanks, Brian. Thanks, Tim.'
157
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,466
'Um, alright,
well, here's the deal.'
158
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:11,346
Uh, basically, I just took
a sample from the body.
159
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,640
Um, I got to quarantine
this place
160
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:17,310
and I'm gonna
send the sample off to Atlanta
161
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,354
and that takes 48 hours.
162
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,314
- Oh.
- Oh.
163
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,818
J-just-just for, uh-uh, knowing
164
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:25,861
uh, and h-how long till SARS
165
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:30,365
uh... takes effect
and kills us if we have it?
166
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:31,700
Oh, it's, uh, 36 hours.
167
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,829
I just read it
in a book in the truck.
168
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,581
- Oh, I know. Oh, gosh.
- Yeah.
169
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,541
- That's what I'm trying--
- I did the math in my head.
170
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,418
'Yeah, that we were all
thinking the same thing.'
171
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,879
Ohh, right. Okay.
172
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,547
'Is there any way
to expedite that?'
173
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,715
Well, there's nothing I can do.
174
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:47,883
Why don't I take those.
175
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,677
I am gonna have to burn these,
and...
176
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,513
Thank you.
177
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:57,017
I, uh, I probably, probably
should get yours as well.
178
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,685
You wanna give 'em to me?
Right. Oh, wonderful.
179
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,770
Sorry about that, Joe.
180
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:04,357
Alright. Well, um, I'll be back
in a couple of hours
181
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:07,402
and, um, you guys sit tight.
182
00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:08,653
Thank you though.
We appreciate it.
183
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,822
You know, I'd rather
not shake your hand.
184
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,699
Thanks, guys.
185
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,036
'Thank you.'
186
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,083
How many days is 48 hours?
187
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,376
It's two days.
188
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:23,835
- That's what I thought.
- Two days.
189
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,087
Guys. Guys, guys!
190
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,215
- Great news! Great news!
- 'What?'
191
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,676
The Lady Wolfpack is up by ten.
192
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:34,430
'You guys basketball fans?'
193
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,275
You know, when you work
in show business, Junior
194
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:48,610
you feel the pressure
at all times.
195
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:54,241
That you could be a star one
day, like I am now. People kno--
196
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:58,078
Or like you want to be one day.
Right?
197
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,789
I mean, I would say the Radish
was a star, but like--
198
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,082
No, the Radi...
199
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,959
Like, you show people
a picture of Jim Henson
200
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,044
most people are like,
"Who's that hippie?"
201
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,504
But like you show 'em
Kermit the Frog
202
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,756
then they're like,
"Hey, Kermit the Frog. Whoo!"
203
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,841
You know, the Radish
plays alongside me.
204
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,969
The Radish is a sidekick.
205
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,470
I'm always with the Radish.
206
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,472
Every time you see
the Radish, you see me.
207
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,641
Alright, this guy's, uh,
flagging me down here.
208
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:20,809
Yeah, you're gonna want
to just keep rolling.
209
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,310
Yeah, what, do you need
something, sir?
210
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:23,645
You know what, just-just...
211
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,479
'You know what,
just keep going.'
212
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,689
- You need something, sir?
- 'Yeah.'
213
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,941
T-this one right there.
I saw him, officer.
214
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,318
- Me? Me?
- Hey, what's up, man?
215
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,611
What's going on?
216
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:32,988
You know what,
I think he has me mist...
217
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,155
He's mistaken me for someone.
218
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,324
- You know me from--
- No, I know you.
219
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,994
You know me from the...
He knows me from Reading Ron.
220
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,621
- It-it happens to me.
- Hey, Ron Steinberg.
221
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:42,289
- Steinberg?
- Yeah.
222
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,957
Your last name's Steinberg?
223
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,667
Let me talk...
You know, can I talk--
224
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,043
Listen, mother [bleep],
you owe me.
225
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,004
- Hands outside the vehicle.
- You owe me, mother [bleep].
226
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,047
Outside the vehicle, sir.
Outside the vehicle, sir.
227
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,757
'[bleep] dammit.
Don't' [bleep]--
228
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,135
'What the [bleep] is the matter
with you, mother[bleep]?'
229
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,845
'I am getting my life back
together again.'
230
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,055
- 'You're [bleep]--'
- 'You [bleep] owe me 200--'
231
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,348
'I don't owe you anything.'
232
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,559
'You tell Dale I did not
give his sister herpes.'
233
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,936
'I did not do that.'
234
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,022
I don't know.
235
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,984
Sometimes fans get
so enthusiastic
236
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,236
and it's uncomfortable
for everybody.
237
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,252
- Jonesy?
- Hmm?
238
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:29,754
That's my boob.
239
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:35,216
Well, let's pull it
together, okay?
240
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,260
Okay.
241
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,722
- Trudy?
- Yeah?
242
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,932
- Um...
- 'I know.'
243
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,893
You want to have sex
with me because I'm the
244
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,895
kind of the last woman
on Earth in this case.
245
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,440
Let's get it over with.
246
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,948
I'll let you, uh, uh...
247
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:05,705
We've... had... our differences.
248
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,082
Mm-hmm.
249
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,210
- And they've been bad.
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:15,131
I've said things about you
I...probably didn't mean.
251
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,008
- Mm-hmm.
- You know?
252
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,761
I mean, I meant them, but I
don't-I don't really mean them.
253
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:23,057
- And I just want to say...
- Mm-hmm.
254
00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,186
That I think...
255
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,438
- When...
- Uh-huh.
256
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:31,314
- We're gone...
- Uh-huh.
257
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:34,735
- Sometime tomorrow afternoon...
- Uh-huh.
258
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,113
We're all gonna be
somewhere better...
259
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,114
Uh-huh.
260
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,078
- Did you just fart?
- Mm-hmm.
261
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,793
'Well, we've seen
a lot of things today'
262
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,920
and one of the places
that they have here
263
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:55,088
at the
Reno Sheriff's Department
264
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,632
is kind of a toy closet.
You have one at home.
265
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,967
Let's go in and see
what the deputy
266
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,301
is playing with inside here.
267
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,928
- Hi, deputy.
- Hey, Reading Ron.
268
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,972
What's in this room?
269
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,974
It's colorful,
and there are lots of toys.
270
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,144
- I see some skates up there...
- There are lots of things...
271
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,813
Lots of signs with words like
"Bulk property--"
272
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:15,150
"Requires a booking slip."
273
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,317
Uh, booking slips.
274
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,986
Well, a booking slip
is something
275
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,155
I'm gonna fill out later
when you're not here
276
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,365
because this is kind of sad.
277
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,492
This belonged to a mother
278
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,453
who was carrying
her baby in this.
279
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,997
And this particular mommy
was roller-skating.
280
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:32,000
- 'Ha ha! That's fun.'
- 'With the baby.'
281
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:34,461
'And she got hit by a car.'
282
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,963
And both the mommy
and the baby are now dead
283
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,007
but we have these things,
and I was gonna tag 'em
284
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,009
'but I'll wait
and do that later.'
285
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,135
That's great.
286
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:45,847
This we found on the scene
of a fetish video
287
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,099
where pregnant women were
standing in bikinis on rocks
288
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,852
and firing their AK-47s
289
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,189
but they were underage,
so we had to bring it in.
290
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,983
What do you got down there?
W-what's-what's that there?
291
00:12:56,984 --> 00:13:00,153
It looks like... It's not
exactly Play-Doh, is it?
292
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,821
Oh, this is...
Ohh! Okay.
293
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:06,743
This, you think you know what a
white horse is or a white pony.
294
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,620
This is a different kind
of white pony.
295
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,371
If you happen to be
snooping around
296
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:11,873
when your legal guardian
is not at home
297
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,543
and you find some of this,
leave it alone.
298
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:18,046
It is very expensive.
299
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,425
Can, uh, you mind if I just...
300
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:23,510
You mind if I just...
301
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,012
This-this is a...
Jeez, it takes me back.
302
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:28,056
Jeez, it takes me...
303
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,391
Oh, that's... Wow.
304
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:31,684
I lost a lot of things...
305
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:34,062
I lot a lost of thi...
I lost a lot because of this.
306
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,397
Um...
307
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:41,528
And, uh, I had a-a,
a wife and a kid.
308
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,237
I had a house with a gate.
309
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,405
Uh, I don't live there anymore.
310
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,699
I live in a little
apartment now.
311
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,159
Do you think that
I wanted to do this
312
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,619
for the rest of my career?
313
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,288
You think I wanted to teach
little children how to read?
314
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,040
You know what,
I hate [bleep] kids.
315
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,416
I can't stand them.
316
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,085
'I don't want to have
anything to do with them.'
317
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,380
See that road down there in the
hallway and how it all just...
318
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,048
The end of my career
is at the end of it.
319
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,259
'I'm sorry
about your show today.'
320
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,094
I want to thank all you deputies
321
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:09,597
for just shoving your boots
right up my [bleep] hole.
322
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:10,765
You know how you spell that?
323
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:11,724
- Well, I got--
- .
324
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,186
And then you
follow it up with an H-O-L-E.
325
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,279
- 'Is it up there?'
- 'It's good.'
326
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,822
'Is he gonna stay up
there though?'
327
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,198
I think so.
He's got some food up there.
328
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,784
- He's got food.
- H-he's fine.
329
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:33,079
Uh, well, what we did is we
borrowed one of Wiegel's cats
330
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,956
and stuck him up on this roof
'cause "Reading Ron's Show"
331
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:37,458
we ain't getting
nothing achievable
332
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:40,378
so we thought maybe cat rescue.
333
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,754
Kids like that, right?
334
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,507
What do we got here?
A dead hooker?
335
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,301
'Are you gonna show me
some semen samples--'
336
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,385
No semen today.
337
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,637
- Oh, great, great.
- Got something you can use.
338
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,973
Oh, oh, lucky you happened
to stop by.
339
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,309
We have a code 2.
Uh, and what that is--
340
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,310
That's great, you got
a head in a box.
341
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,228
You're gonna show a head
in a box. That's great--
342
00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,273
No, it's a cute little cat
up on the roof.
343
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,150
- There's a cute little cat...
- You really got a c-cute cat...
344
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,611
Yeah. A cute little cat
is caught up on the roof
345
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,697
and a little girl called, so
that the brave men and women--
346
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,824
You know what? Let me do this.
Why don't I handle this?
347
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:11,159
It's Reading Ron's program.
348
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,452
Words are everywhere, you'd be
349
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,036
surprised where you
might find them.
350
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,996
You might find some cops.
351
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,999
You might find a cat
but on a house.
352
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,460
Two Cs, a kuh and a kuh...
353
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,670
...is called alliteration.
354
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,839
- Right?
- Alliteration.
355
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,132
Help that kitty, cops.
356
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,133
Alright! Let's go!
357
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,509
- 'Let's do it.'
- 'Let's do it.'
358
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:29,510
- 'Yo, guys, get the ladder.'
- 'Get her, Junior.'
359
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:32,305
Yeah, it's alright.
It's alright, kitty-kitty.
360
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,850
It's okay. Don't make any
false moves or nothing.
361
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:38,102
You can do it. Oh, got ya.
362
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,521
How's that cat coming?
Don't hurt him.
363
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,399
Got him. Aah! Aah.
364
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,192
'Yay!'
365
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,198
Another satisfied customer
here in Reno. Ow!
366
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,411
Jeez. Holy [bleep].
367
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,705
'Ohh!'
368
00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,917
God! God!
369
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,378
God!
370
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,672
- Ron! Ron! Reading Ron!
- 'Oh, my God.'
371
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,715
Don't you [bleep] Ron!
372
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,175
Reading Ron is, he is fired Ron.
373
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,844
damn this.
374
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:12,304
'Okay.'
375
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,015
'He's okay.'
376
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,225
- 'Just let him walk it off.'
- 'It's not our fault.'
377
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,977
'Walk it off, Ron!'
378
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:23,982
'W-A-L-K! Walk it off!'
379
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,193
You know, we-we
could get another cat.
380
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,236
We could try it again.
381
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,581
'I'm gonna put on a record.
How about that?'
382
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:41,249
Will that cheer everybody up?
383
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,668
Here we go. This will be fun.
384
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,794
- This will be fun.
- Okay.
385
00:16:57,349 --> 00:17:00,144
Is it at the wrong speed,
do you think?
386
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,772
Let's get in a massage line.
387
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,316
- Okay.
- 'Alright.'
388
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,863
- Does that feel good?
- Yeah. That's great.
389
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,574
- Mm.
- Wow.
390
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:19,537
- 'Feel good?'
- Yeah.
391
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,582
- 'Oh, Jonesy, that's nice.'
- Trudy? Trudy?
392
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,083
You can turn it up a little bit.
393
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,461
You like that?
394
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:27,795
Trudy.
395
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,464
- You like the massage?
- Trudy? Trudy?
396
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,298
- You like that massage, Trudy?
- I do, yeah.
397
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:34,302
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. I do.
398
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,387
I want more of it.
399
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,306
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
400
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,141
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Ooh!
401
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,350
Oh, yeah.
402
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,856
You smell like peanut butter
cookies. You know that?
403
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,943
Oh.
404
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,957
{\an8}Oh, this can't be good.
405
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,542
{\an8}- 'What have we got here.'
- 'Cover me.'
406
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,836
{\an8}- 'Oh, my God.'
- God! God!
407
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,505
Look where we find ourselves.
408
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,049
Hi, guys. Here,
I'm glad you're all here.
409
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:16,177
'Did you ever hear the story
of "Reading Ron Eats A Gun?"'
410
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,513
It's got a man
who has a reading show
411
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,015
on public television with a gun.
412
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,392
Ron! Ron!
413
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,853
God, it's hot in here!
414
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,688
Put down the gun, Ron!
415
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,191
- 'D-O-W-N, down!'
- Damn!
416
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,902
- 'It's your lucky day, buddy.'
- This is my lucky--
417
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,696
'It's your lucky day 'cause
guess who's on the phone?'
418
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,032
'It's your wife
and your little girls...'
419
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,534
- 'Oh, baby.'
- And she wants to reconcile.
420
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,077
'Tell Phyllis I love her.'
421
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,745
- 'Would you tell Phyllis--'
- 'Why don't you tell her?'
422
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,414
- She's a whore. She's a whore!
- 'No, she's not. No!'
423
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,041
- 'Don't point that gun!'
- She's a whore.
424
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,251
- Hey, Phyllis! Damn!
- 'She says she's sorry.'
425
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:51,671
- 'Ron!'
- 'It's a free phone call.'
426
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,714
- 'Don't blow it.'
- I'm putting the gun down.
427
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,925
- 'Put the gun.'
- 'You're an attractive man.'
428
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,677
- 'Good for you, Ron!'
- 'Good for you.'
429
00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,387
- 'Good for you.'
- 'Good for you.'
430
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:01,681
- There you go.
- 'That's all.'
431
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,391
- 'That's how we do it.'
- 'Oh.'
432
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:07,229
- Good job, Junior.
- What a dick.
433
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,792
I'm so cold.
Oh, God, I'm so cold.
434
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:32,420
- 'Hello? Anybody home?'
- 'What?'
435
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,423
Oh, hey, guys!
436
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:38,927
Great news! It was AIDS!
437
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,597
AIDS?
438
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,657
Morning, gang. To our debut
439
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:04,452
on Reno's Channel 58.
440
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,165
- Oh. Oh.
- Hey!
441
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,000
'Oh, wake up.'
442
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,502
'He looks fine. He's fine.'
443
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:16,130
Pulled his act together, and I
believe he's gonna be just fine.
444
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,425
♪ And all of you at home
can read along with me... ♪
445
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,510
That man is awesome.
446
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,930
Yeah, I love red.
447
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,141
{\an8}♪ ...with Ron ♪
{\an8}♪ Me ♪
{\an8}♪ ...with Ron ♪
{\an8}♪ Me ♪
448
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,476
'Oh, there's Radish.
Check it out.'
449
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,812
Welcome to "Reading With Ron."
450
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,690
I'm Dr. Radish,
the reading radish.
451
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:36,484
This week, I'm sorry to say
452
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,362
Reading Ron is taking
a little time out.
453
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:42,406
'He'll be back
in eight weeks, we hope.'
454
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,784
Until then, I'll be your host.
455
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,370
{\an8}This week, we're meeting
the greatest heroes of Reno
456
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,165
'who put their life
on the line every day.'
457
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,794
{\an8}I'm talking, of course,
about our firemen.
458
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,128
Son of a bitch.
459
00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,965
You have got to be kidding me.
460
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,967
'Oh, man.'
461
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:01,551
What the hell?
462
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,431
I had to ride around
with that prick for eight hours.
463
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:14,563
♪ And come
and learn to Ron... ♪
464
00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:17,484
. I really got to say you
have a [bleep] in your mouth.
465
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,902
It's your wife's.
466
00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:24,073
♪ Come along and read along
with me and Ron and... ♪
467
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,534
God!
468
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,536
I'm gonna [bleep] cut you up
with a salad shooter
469
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:31,872
and sprinkle you
all over my greens.
470
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:33,916
That's funny 'cause your
wife's a vegan too.
471
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:36,711
♪ Reno's little babies
love reading reading ♪
472
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,838
this for God's sake.
473
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:39,881
What [bleep] Christ.
35193
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