Original subtitles

Oh.

Aww!

Ripped By mstoll Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)

♪ Oh, life on the outside ain't what it used to be ♪

♪ You know, the world's gone crazy ♪

♪ And it ain't safe on the street ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ Well, it's a drag, and I know ♪

♪ There's only one place to go ♪

♪ I'm coming home ♪

♪ Whoa, yeah ♪

♪ I'm coming home ♪

Well, after I made copies...

Oh! Tell me more!

...in triplicate, of course...

Oh, my goodness.

...I filed them in the proper folders.

Yes! And then?

And then nothing.

That was it.

That was it?

No stapling?

My jail is ruined!

What the hell is that?

Jared!

Warden! Warden!

Jared, what is that maddening noise?

Great news, Sir.

We have our first parole ever here at Superjail.

First what?

Parole.

This better be good.

Par... Parole.

It's when an inmate is officially reformed

and gets to leave.

I know what it is.

I'm not a moron.

You mean, like, leave-leave?

Yep.

This means that someday, with any luck,

all the prisoners will be released, just like Paul.

But this is his home.

Not anymore.

Unless he messes up in the next few hours,

this ex-gun-toting drug addict is gonna walk out

this door a free man.

No!

You're late.

For?

For role-playing fetish night.

If you go, where shall I go?

What shall I do?

Uh, frankly, um, uh...

Frankly, we could just bone.

Frankly, you're an asshole.

You know, if you spent more time here at home and less time

running around with "The guys," you might know your stupid line.

You're right.

These lines are stupid because the whole fetish thing

is stupid!

Whoa, Ladies, settle down.

I've got some good news.

You better not be pulling my leg.

Nope. It's the real thing.

What is it?

Your better half is a free bird.

What?!

Start packing, girlfriend.

So, you're really thinking about leaving here,

just like that.

Hello, it's a jail.

The whole point is getting out.

Well, for the record, if you leave, we're through.

Come on, can't you girls kiss and make up for your

last two hours together?

No!

Double no!

You'll see.

No prisoner's reformed enough to leave me all alone.

Now! Now! Now!

Damn it.

So, you want to play hardballs, eh?

I'm just dying to know, what are you gonna do first?

I am gonna wrap myself up in my 800-thread-count satin duvet,

sip a hot belgian cocoa, and catch up on all my favorite

vampire novels.

Yeah!

- Yeah! - All right!

Well, hey, what do you say tonight we down that toilet bowl

full of pruno, crawl through the sewer system,

and throw rocks at those cripples from yesterday?

Aah!

No?

And then, after the best night's sleep ever,

I'm gonna walk my rescue labradoodle through

an open field of lavender and sage while noshing on a

baguette and sipping some Sauvignon Blanc '84.

Sweet.

What am I wasting time washing my balls for when the next guy's

gonna dig my stink?

Please.

Like you could find a replacement for me, ever.

Ow!

Asshole!

Well, well, well.

What do we have here?

Our "former" junkie traipsing out of the superjail behavior

center like it's his own private drug playground.

Test him.

Let me tell you something, buster.

Here at Superjail, my Superjail, we're a family,

and no one gets out unless they're completely straight.

Aah!

Mmm, oink, oink.

Howdy, friend.

Who the are you?

Charlie, your new cellmate.

They transferred me.

Over my dead...

- Get over here. - Oh!

Where have you been all my life?

Mmm.

I won't be needing your crappy gifts on the outside.

We're about to open the closet on this goody-two-shoes

and find out what he's really hiding.

Congratulations, Sir.

Shut up, you idiot!

I wanted flowers.

Aah!

Unscheduled contraband search.

You know the drill.

Well, well, well.

What's this?

A deadly weapon.

And just whose is this?

Don't want to talk, eh?

Well, I'm just gonna have to assume it's yours.

Looks like you're not going anywhere after all.

But, sir, we don't have to assume.

We have a third-party witness.

It's all his.

You, sir, are a toxic stick in the spoke of my reform system.

Maybe you'll have time to reflect on that in solitary.

What?!

We are so over, Charlie.

It's time.

One switchblade.

Still has blood on it.

One set of brass knuckles.

Oh!

And one black-and-red jacket.

Nice coat.

Let's beat it.

Guess this is it, kiddo.

Stay frosty.

See ya, man.

See ya later.

Aah!

Just go. What do I care?

I want to see if there is someone left in this world

with charm and grace.

Do you know what I am talking about?

No!

I only know that I love you!

Yes! I knew it!

He still needs me!

He still needs Superjail!

Sweet.

Time and a half.

I can't let you through, hot pants.

Go get your man, girlfriend.

Paul!

Oh, Jean.

You're gonna get in a lot of trouble for this.

Ah, you are nothing but trouble.

But you're so worth it.

We were so close.

The hope for this one good apple... squashed.

Oh, Jared, we did do it.

Paul is reformed?

What?

We took a hardened criminal

and instilled the virtues of loyalty,

turned this weak individual into someone who leads by example.

Now he's a man who's worthy of this thing you call parole.

Take him and integrate him back into the regular world so he may

take my lessons of reformation and share them with the masses.

But, sir, Paul has enough new violations to keep him here

at Superjail another 50 years.

I know. Isn't it great?

Ripped By mstoll Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)