Original subtitles

Don't get wet on anything, please.

-Will you give it to Dexter? -I would like to try to figure out

how we're going to get that off him.

It will come off, Alec. Let him be a kid.

It's just face paint.

I know.

[gasps] Stop stealing cookies!

Look, Carmen's going all over me.

-[laughs] -Oh, Carmen!

I'm just trying really hard to have time with them individually.

It's time that they can't get back.

I don't want to have that regret.

[Hilaria] Let's go get this stuff and go clean the poop.

Are we going to shovel the poop?

[Hilaria] We are going to go shovel the poop.

A lot of the way that he tries to control

and the way that he behaves has to do with his OCD.

And since Alec's trial in New Mexico is coming up,

it's become so much worse.

Actor Alec Baldwin is now charged with involuntary manslaughter.

[Hilaria] He could go to prison for a long time.

That's a scary thing to go through,

especially when you have seven kids

right behind you that you're supposed

to maneuver through everything.

Do we all go?

Do I stay with the kids?

I don't know what to do, and I know any decision

I make will have some very wrong things about it.

How are you feeling about me coming with you?

Let's not ruin our anniversary.

I want you to protect her. I don't want her to suffer.

She gets pulled into this, and it's been tough on her.

[Hilaria] Is our family going to be torn apart?

Love you.

If they can convince people to find him guilty,

they will take him away right there.

[indistinct chatter]

[reporter] Sheriffs say that one person was killed and another

was injured when Baldwin fired a pop gun on a movie set.

The movie cinematographer, 42-year-old Halyna Hutchins,

died in this incident.

Director Joel Souza was treated at a hospital

for unspecified injuries.

[reporter 2] Actor Alec Baldwin arrived for his first day

in a New Mexico court, where he faces charges

for the tragic shooting death on the set of his latest film.

He was joined by his wife, Hilaria.

I flew on Monday night and arrived in

the early morning of Tuesday.

And I was supposed to come back on a red-eye

on Wednesday night.

But I realized that I can't leave.

Alec needs me.

[reporter] Mr. Baldwin...

And he needed me for so many different things

that I didn't even think.

Just really, really vital emotional support.

In the fall of 2021, a movie called Rust

began filming at the Bonanza Creek Ranch.

You will learn that this movie was a Western

with a lot of gun action.

You will learn that one of the rounds

in that revolver was a real round.

[Alex Spiro] Good morning.

This was an unspeakable tragedy,

but Alec Baldwin committed no crime.

He was an actor acting.

And you will hear no evidence,

not one word, that Alec Baldwin had

anything to do with that real bullet being brought

onto that set.

[Luke Nikas] This is critical evidence in the case that was never disclosed to us.

This is not the first time. It's not the second time.

It's not even the third time.

It's time for this case to be dismissed, Your Honor.

[reporter] The pivotal moment in Alec Baldwin's criminal trial

seen here when the actor's legal team claimed

New Mexico prosecutors did not disclose new evidence

pertaining to the live rounds found on the Rust film set.

The state's willful withholding of this information

was intentional and deliberate.

Your motion to dismiss with prejudice is granted.

[triumphant music playing]

[Alec] I...

How I've been feeling is I'm worried.

I'm still worried.

I am a faith-based person.

I am.

I'm Catholic.

I prayed and prayed about this until I was going to pass out.

So it's hard for me to talk about how I'm feeling.

But I am very grateful to her and I'm grateful to God

and to my friends and my family who helped support me.

We were really heavily impacted by this and...

-It's gonna take a long time. -[Hilaria] It's gonna take time.

[Sylvia speaking]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Hilaria] I have never been away from all of my kids for longer than

going into the hospital and having a baby.

When we had to go to New Mexico,

I brought Carmen and I brought the baby,

'cause they're not in their day camp,

and then the baby just finished breastfeeding.

So my friend came and took care of them

while I went and took care of Alec.

[Sylvia] What did we do this week?

We went to her house and had movie night.

We went to the park and played tag, and Edu won.

I do tag.

[Sylvia] And who won?

-We're not sleeping yet, right? -No.

Everybody be quiet. So she thinks we're not home.

Everybody be quiet.

-Shh, shh, shh, shh, -shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

-Who's going to be the quietest one? -Me.

Okay. [shushes]

[kids speaking]

[all chattering excitedly]

They're coming.

[all screaming]

What I'm feeling, I'm feeling gratitude,

confusion, exhaustion.

[indistinct chatter]

-Dada. -Daddy.

To come home to these kids, they're so sweet.

They're so sweet.

And I just was happy. This is my life now.

[all screaming]

Done. Finito.

We made it home. We made it home.

After everything we've been through,

I said to myself, this is perfect.

This is what I'm doing, is raising my kids.

And I just feel like it's such a privilege.

[all chattering excitedly]

-[indistinct chatter] -What was your reaction?

Guys, I missed you.

[Hilaria] As a parent, you're like, keep everybody together.

And especially going through hard things,

you keep them together even more.

It's like, everybody huddle.

Everybody under my wings, you know?

-[sobbing] -Oh, my... [indistinct chatter]

[Hilaria] And I wrote... this is going to sound so stupid.

I wrote them all little letters,

the ones that I left here.

And I hid them.

And I told my friend where they were if something happened to us.

[all chattering excitedly]

This was not a win.

This is just an awful thing that happened to, you know,

to people.

There was an awful thing that happened.

The baby went to Mexico too.

[Hilaria] The hardest thing

about this is that a woman lost her life.

A son lost his mom.

Halyna didn't get to go home.

And that's what makes everything so painful.

[indistinct chatter]

We're coming back to something totally new

where we just get to make more choices

than what we made before.

And now we can try to remember how to live again.

And that is a dream come true.

[Alec] Just the privilege and the gift of being able

to come home, you know, and be with them.

My kids are happy. That's all I care about, you know?

And you just live one day at a time.

[Alec] You need patience to raise children?

You need a lot of patience to raise seven children, a lot.

And when you deal with what we've been dealing with,

and have that on your plate, and have this city...

I feel like I'm there with a big stone on top of you, a big boulder.

Daddy.

Hand me that baby when you're ready, and I'll watch her.

Come here, Donkey Kong.

You gonna drive?

Yes?

Let me see this. You wanna close the door?

Okay, and...

It has had such a painful impact on our parenting,

because we just need more of everything.

-Donkey Kong! -Donkey Kong!

Where are you going to go? No, you sit with daddy.

And when the tank is almost empty.

I mean, every time you turn around,

it's a transaction that costs us something that we don't have

enough of, and that's patience.

Go with Dizzy.

I gotta get your baby. Hold on, please.

Go with Dizzy. I'll get your baby.

Go with Dizzy. Hold on.

No, no, no, no, no. Okay, hold on.

-You're gonna go, um... -Mommy, you drive!

Mommy, you drive!

Saying who's the better driver.

The kids have voted.

Mommy! Mommy, you drive!

Door's closed. Open.

Where do you go from a tragedy?

I don't know.

I guess everybody gets to find their own way.

Pain is not something that any of us want to live with.

So little by little, we start to move into a place

where we can try to begin to heal.

Okay.

Sugar, eggs. Butter, sugar, eggs.

Carmen, come!

Kids growing up in the spotlight,

it's complicated, especially during a hard experience.

-Hello. -Hello.

And I'm trying to be mindful of that.

We really have to try to get them grounded.

All right.

We're making grandma's recipe.

We're gonna make grandma's cake,

and we're gonna make Lulu-friendly cake, okay?

And they're gonna be more or less the same,

except we're gonna do hers without the things

she's allergic to.

[laughs]

And then we're gonna have butterfingers.

-Butterfingers. -[mumbles]

My hands are buttery.

One day, I will not be here, so you have to learn this recipe,

and you are gonna have to make it.

Okay, okay.

-Sifting, sifting. -But watch what you're doing.

-I know. -Okay.

-I had such a weird dream. -About what?

I had a dream that we moved, I'm not quite sure where.

-Where would we go? -We were never going back to the US,

but when we were saying that, and we believed that,

we were still going to the US. It was really confusing.

Okay, how are you feeling about everything?

Like, you know, we went to New Mexico, now we're here.

Are you feeling...

-It's okay, no, they're not here. -We went to New Mexico.

No, Carmen, Carmen, they're not listening.

With our kids during this, I think that there are some that understood,

you know, Carmen.

We chose to bring her to the trial in New Mexico

because she's the kind of person where she doesn't see us.

-If she wasn't with us, she'd go crazy. -Her mind is gonna go...

-Yeah, her mind would go very... -She was here with the boys.

She's young.

She's going to be 11 in a month.

But she's also very intellectually curious

and seeking.

And if she was here with just them...

-I think she would have really had very... -She would have really been

super hoops of anxiety.

[Hilaria] She would have been very, very anxious.

But we were like really stressed out on our way,

like leading up to it. Was it hard?

Yeah. Once I got there, I felt more calm.

Like when I was here, I was like, oh no.

But like then when I was there, I was like, oh, okay.

What were you afraid about when you were here?

That dad was going to jail.

That the boys wouldn't see their papa again.

[Hilaria] That's one thing about kids.

They absorb so much more than we think that they are.

And it's sort of this weird balance of being able

to give them information, because otherwise

they're gonna fill the information in,

and then not giving them too much information

to not make them more worried about things.

One of the reasons like why I brought you

was because I realized that the way that you deal with stress

is a lot of times you have to see what's going on.

And some of the other ones, it's a little bit more,

it's better for them to get distracted.

Yeah.

I don't think, like, she can't hide stuff from me.

Even if she tries, she can't. It's impossible.

And so I brought you because I thought that that was,

from our conversations, that that was going to be

the best thing for you.

I don't know if I made the right choice.

-Yeah, you did. -I did?

And I would have long walks and I'd talk with her

and I'd explain it to her.

Whereas Rafa, through Mary Lou,

we have them in a certain routine that

they can kind of bury themselves in

that routine and get a bit distracted.

Yeah, sure.

-And... -They have distractions.

-I mean... -Nothing distracts Carmen.

-No, but at the same time... -She wants to be on every board of directors.

It's the age and it's the personality.

I remember being really stressed and walking with you

and trying to figure out, like, what am I supposed to do?

How are we going to get through this?

What's this going to be like?

And we did.

Yeah. I'm done sifting.

You did a really good job. I'm so proud of your sifting.

-I'm so proud of your sifting. Sifting, sifting. -I'm so proud of your sifting.

Your sifting is the best.

Hey, how was your day at camp?

Carmen, can I do it?

You know what I'm looking forward to now, Carmen?

-Yeah? -That we can have a more predictable life, maybe.

-Mommy, can I have a chocolate? -Yes.

I need it for the cake.

Mama, can I have some chocolate?

How do we get them?

I'll give you guys more, but we have to use them for the cake.

[Alec] I think children, when I'm observing,

particularly from this experience, they hide their feelings.

They learn to stuff their feelings because

they think it's not appropriate or they're afraid

of those feelings.

-I think that's such an inaccurate thing. -And even he...

I don't think that's at all true.

Can I finish before you go? Why don't you finish?

-Then you can hog up the whole... -That's not even a true thing.

-Okay. -They're so connected to their feelings.

Okay.

Is it done?

It's done. Do you want to see?

-Yeah. -Is that you, Alec?

-Hi. -Where's my cake?

It's so hot, you're going to burn yourself.

Is that hot?

Who cares.

[laughs]

I spent a lot of... I'm always watching.

I'm watching all of them all the time.

This entire thing has been as many things with parenting.

There's been no manual.

[indistinct chatter]

-Mommy, I want cake. -[Hilaria] He's making the cake.

But you only have four pieces left.

-[child] I want! -Good.

Not only were we holding on so much,

and then it's gonna take us a long time to kind of release it,

it's that our kids, on their level of age,

were doing exactly the same thing.

[Alec] What do we need to do now?

I've never been through anything like this in my entire life.

Who knows what's the right thing to do?

[Hilaria] With seven little children in the house,

sometimes it's impossible to complete a sentence.

And when we're talking about issues that are really important,

like healing, like where are we going from here,

we have to get out of the house in order to focus

and be able to have these more serious conversations.

And we also know that Alec loves a restaurant.

Hi, how are you?

-How are you? -Good.

[Hilaria] Alec is such a New Yorker.

And what a New Yorker is, is we eat out.

He loves the experience.

He loves the no mess.

That's definitely a big part of it.

What do you want to have, sweetie?

I am going to have, can I have the summer salad, please?

Sure.

I'm going to have the egg sandwich. You know what I'll do?

So they make it into an omelet with the cheddar

-and the pickled onions in there? -Yep.

How many eggs is in there?

Like three.

-They put three eggs in it? -Yeah.

I want a lot of eggs.

I'm going to have that no bacon.

And you should add avocado.

-You want a bite of it? -There you go.

Okay, we're going to add avocado.

Because that was the other thing I liked on the menu.

-I just don't want to get sleepy. -We're going to add avocado.

-You seeing how this works now? Getting this now? -[waiter laughs]

-Avocado in the omelet. -I'll share some of my salad.

And you share some of your egg sandwich.

Oh, you'll share some of your salad?

-And that spells marriage. -I can't wait. And you have regular fries?

-I'll have the fries. I want some fries. -Yeah, of course.

-Okay, thank you very much. -I'm not gonna pretend.

-Summertime. -Thank you, thank you.

-Thank you. -No problem.

Cheers to doing lunch.

When was the last time you and I had lunch?

Lunch in Montauk.

-That was like a chapter of a book. -That was...

-Lunch in Montauk. -Lunch in Montauk was pre-children.

Careful you have a butterfly.

-No, it's a good look, it's a good look. -Wait, wait, film it, film it.

-Aw. -He likes you.

-Can I have it? -Okay.

Look, it's like cleaning its wings or something.

-What is it doing? -[Alec] It's cleaning its butt.

-I feel like this is like a sign. -It's love.

-It's a sign for the baby. -Do you love me?

It's literally going like this.

No, no, watch out. [sighs]

-That's magical. -That was magical.

It's good luck. It's such good luck.

Okay, guys. We got this summer salad.

-Wow. -Got your egg sandwich.

Thank you.

Um...

Now that we've gotten to this place,

I think it's good to have a check-in.

Not only checking in and making sure that

we're doing right by our kids,

but I think even more importantly is we have to put

-our own oxygen mask on. -Of course.

-And that's what I'm doing. -Good analogy.

And I have weekly therapy appointment.

Um, and that's been very helpful.

Over the past three years,

our kids have gone through a hard time.

We've gone through a hard time.

I want to make an appointment with our family therapist

to check in and make sure that we are steering our ship

in the right direction.

What are our challenges, do you think?

For me, it's my exercise routine

and how I, you know, how I schedule my day.

That structure works really well for somebody

who has ADHD.

And it's not, yes, it's for my body,

but most of it's for my mind. Because if I move

and I move and I move, I can think clearer.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.

And it's been an interesting journey.

I like to explain it like you're getting tumbled in a wave.

You get tumbled in a wave and you get like kind of,

like, spun around backwards and you kind of just get, like,

stuck somewhere.

And understanding it has helped me to get back

to it a little bit better, but I still have a lot of work to do.

-So that's the thing is that that's where I'm hoping... -It's a neurosis.

...that our next steps are going to be that I can address mine,

because again, we're very clever.

We've figured out ways to calm our nervous system,

which is what we're doing.

And we can sort of be like, oh, but you know what?

It's because I like to have a clean house.

Or, oh, it's because I like to be in shape, right?

We can say these things, but...

Is it actually hurting us?

For me, my nature to obsess about my problems

and try to solve that.

I've white-knuckled that steering wheel my whole life.

-I've tried to make the car go where I want it to go. -Right.

And taken years of my life in the process.

Now, I'd like to stop doing that.

I mean, I think that's really wise.

I think the one thing is...

to see what can you control, that we can make small shifts

just within ourselves.

Alec is a man born in the 1950s,

and asking for help is a difficult thing.

I also think it's his generation.

Which is that you're supposed to be much more shut down.

You just go, you work, you do these things.

You gotta be a man, you gotta be strong,

you gotta be all these different kinds of things.

But I think that the asking for help is not something

that was modeled for him.

And hopefully he can realize that it's okay.

Recently, I've gotten so focused on my own mental health

and understanding, you know,

why I function in a certain way.

How do I deal with stress in a certain way?

Because I will catch myself in times.

I'm like, oh, okay, that's interesting. This is what I'm doing.

Or I feel like I have to do certain things

in a certain way.

And then I kind of question, I'm like, but do I have to?

But would life still be okay if I didn't do it that way?

For you, you have your, you know, your OCD and...

It's organizing.

You do these things in extreme circumstances

-to try to quiet your mind. -Right.

-And... -Like what?

Like needing to know that all the goggles are in

-the goggle place. -Oh, you're talking about something negative.

It's... because the thing is that what I'm trying

to have you understand is organization and being like,

well, I'm just trying to be clean can be really good.

Unless it's affecting sleep, stress, the way that

you interact with people, if it's stressing people out around you

because you hold things to a different standard than

the average person.

-What would happen if you left the goggles on the grass... -Goggles on the grass?

-...for a night? -On the lawn?

Yeah, what would happen?

What would happen?

The question is, do you agree with me?

-And... -What is it?

It's...

weekly therapy.

And I hope that that's something that

you are gonna wanna do as well.

I agree with you.

I'll talk to a therapist. I'm gonna talk to somebody.

I wanna get insight into how do we allow,

how do we get everything to kind of...

The water to get calm.

-I feel like our kids have been in a boat. -Yeah.

And that boat's been going up and down and up and has been,

you know, stormy seas and they've been scared.

-Yeah. -I told people that we were on a boat

and we're heading toward the iceberg.

We're heading toward the ice and at the last minute we go,

ooh, and we go around and I'm like, oh my God.

No, this is the analogy.

We're going towards the iceberg and it looks like

a really, really scary iceberg and then all of a sudden

the iceberg was like, shh, and we continue on.

That's what happened.

I'm so glad you're not writing my next movie.

I'm elated.

I can walk away from this lunch, that's a victory.

You're not gonna get your fingers anywhere

near my new movie.

-[waiter] How are you doing? -I'm good.

You're not eating your fries?

No, no, put them in a box, we put them in the oven

and heat them up, the kids will love it.

-The kids will love it. -My sons will eat every one of those.

Put them in a little box, do you mind?

Yeah, yeah, no problem, no problem.

-That's it, we'll eat everything else. -Thank you.

Yeah, sure.

All I care about now is I want you to be happy and comfortable.

-No, I appreciate that. -I want those kids to be happy and comfortable.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go back to school.

-What are you going to learn? -And sit in a room. Spanish.

-Really? -Yeah.

That's not convenient for me because then I can't talk about you.

-Then you can't talk about me behind my back? -Yes.

Why don't you just pick Swedish?

I mean, who's going to learn Swedish?

I'm nervous to bring Alec to therapy

because it has not been something he's been

very receptive about in the past.

We've tried a few times since we've known each other

and he has been through a lot of pain in his life,

but he thinks it's easier to keep it in.

But ultimately it's just bubbling under the surface

and it's going to... it is affecting him.

It's affecting our family and he can live so much more free

if he just learns to let go of it and open up.

[Alec] Parenting, you need to have plenty of spare batteries.

Because if you flag, if you stumble,

and you just sit there, that's not good for your kids.

Oh, thank you for that. I needed a little refreshment.

[Alec] Thank God we have a big pool.

When I built this pool, I didn't have seven kids.

And I was here by myself.

Psychic stroke of genius of mine.

This is a big part of their summer.

One of the most important things we do is we get bugs.

-We clean the filters. Oh! -Wait, what?

Many bugs.

-Oh, wow. -Oh, my God.

Look at that. Oh, my God. There's so much crap in here.

Look at the bugs, Louie. Oh, Louie, look.

So many bugs, Lou. Look at this.

Could you give me the red bucket?

Yeah, I could, Daddy.

Throw them in the grass so the birds can eat them.

I'm going to whoosh some water over here.

All right, here we go. Whoosh.

I never won an Oscar.

They had one for whooshing.

I'm the Daniel Day Lewis of whooshing.

What do we got here, Schmedza?

Oh, my God!

Let other people go to the south of France

and go on Geffen's yacht and sip wine

and espresso martinis.

That's not what I want.

I want to clean the filters in my pool and throw

all the bugs on the grass.

My OCD is, it is what it is in my life.

-It's part of my upbringing. -What you're saying is just worse.

-There are worse problems one can have. -No, can I tell you something?

-Can I tell you something? -Yeah.

You would be a lot happier without it.

I say to you sometimes, you know what?

-You left those dishes. -No, you'd be a lot happier.

All of us. Because you know what?

It also was before the kids. People would say that to me.

And when I entered your house...

And I saw the things stacked just so and things had to be

-and how you shift things and do things. -It's my illness.

No, it don't have to be ill.

You don't have to make it bad like that.

You know this is my illness.

And I want to say that to you.

One, two, three, go.

What are you going to do? Catch it with your butt?

One, two, three, go.

Almost, almost.

I realized, somebody said this to me, am I supporting the OCD

or am I supporting Alec?

You know, and that's, and that in anything,

I think about that with myself too.

Who am I working with?

And so I want to always support you,

which is why I call you out on when you give

a bull [bleep] excuse like you just did.

Ready? One more regular because you're so good.

Ready? One, two, three, go.

Wow!

That was epic. That was epic.

You remember last night, there was a crow, like a dead crow?

-Yes. -It wasn't there this morning.

And I was like, oh, okay, something ate it

or something awful happened, right?

And then as I come back from my run, it was like moving around.

And so we caught it, and it's at the vet.

This happened to you with me with the geese.

-Yes. -Or the swan or whatever.

-No, no. It was not a swan. It was a seagull. -It was a white.

-Okay. What did they teach us about the bird? -That they had to put it down.

Right. Why? 'Cause what can't be fixed?

Their wings.

The wings cannot be repaired orthopedically or whatever.

But better to do something more humane.

-No, no. Good for you that you tried. -Thank you.

-Yes. -Yeah.

-The crow died. -The crow died.

-Oh, the crow died? -Uh-huh.

Are we going to the orthopedist

to see if the wing is fixed?

-No, where are we going? -You wish. Wouldn't that be amazing?

One day. No, we're going to go to see Dr. Sultan,

and we're going to kind of check in on what

we've been through and what our kids have been through.

We have access to this amazing therapist,

and what can we learn so that we can make sure

that as we are...

just putting one foot in front of the other,

that we are steering our ship in the right direction.

Other families have also been through hard things.

So this is obviously something that has been studied.

I'm sure that there are answers.

All right.

Success.

-Don't forget the key, please. -You mean this one?

-Yeah, that one. -That I was going to leave in the car?

No, don't forget it.

[car honks]

Gotta get out of the way, UPS,

because they will run you over.

-I know, they will. Very fast. -They will run you.

They're in a hurry.

Hello.

-[Dr. Sultan] Hi, how are you? -[Hilaria] How are you?

-Nice to see you. -[Dr. Sultan] Good to see you.

You dress so nicely, and I'm here to clean your pool.

-Yeah, good to see you. -Where are we sitting?

Right here, guys.

I've tried to bring Alec to therapy many times

over the course of knowing him.

And it's hard for him.

You're digging up things that are uncomfortable,

but it's about release.

It's about moving through things.

So no, I'm nervous.

I'm nervous about going there and I'm nervous because

so many times in the past, it hasn't gone in a way

where he's stuck with it.

-[Dr. Sultan] Can I start with one thing? -[Hilaria] Yeah.

[Dr. Sultan] So one of the things that I really had never had

a sense of was how challenging it is to be supporting

each other and processing through, I mean,

what has been a rough, what, almost three years?

It'll be three years in October.

Two things that are really important.

Maybe we should shut these off completely.

No, it's literally our children.

No, but I don't want Carmen to do that.

That's my fault. I usually enforce that.

I actually put mine away.

If I don't finish, I lose my concentration.

Go ahead.

And this is a result of what happened to me.

I mean, if I'm talking to you and somebody interrupts me,

I forget exactly what I was saying. I can't go back.

I'm very traumatized by what happened.

The, uh...

[Hilaria] Alec needs to be told it's okay to talk about

how he feels, to allow himself to break

and be a little messy because he keeps everything in

until he bursts.

And when he bursts, it's not done in a way that

is thoughtful and in the direction of healing.

He is very vulnerable and I'm afraid of

what might come out.

[Alec] Two years, nine months of this, it changes you.

-Absolutely. -And you accommodate. You accommodate.

And I had to accommodate to how I was living.

And then all of a sudden, as soon as you accommodate

and you're living eight or nine months, you're still in pain,

you're still angry, you're still upset,

but you're slowly accepting that maybe this is gonna be

this way forever.

When we went to the trial, nobody had any idea

what was gonna happen.

Let me just finish, because I'm going to lose my train of thought.

-Go, go, go. -And that is that when you go, and we're going there,

no one had any idea whatsoever what was going to happen.

You adjust to, now it's over, in a two-hour period,

and I walk out the door and I'm completely free.

After what happened, it's been really, really...

I mean, I've had like an emotional, mental,

neurological, whatever the whole composition of it is,

is inability to focus and to concentrate.

And that's not me.

That's not me. I have a photographic memory.

I mean, they'd hand me two-page monologues on 30 Rock that morning.

And I memorized it, but I just had that,

I developed that ability.

And my memory's shot.

I can't remember anything anymore.

It's really scary.

And for me, the stress and the pressure of public life at my age,

that's not good for my mental health.

And that's where I really want to make sure that

we're being smart about where do we go from here.

I am someone who have found that there is no right or wrong.

You do the best you can. You bring the greatest

of yourself and your intelligence

and your caring to bear to make these decisions

about our children.

And then after you give it some thought,

my motto is, I'm tired of talking about it.

We have to take an action.

In my mind, that doing what's best for yourself,

your mental health, and doing what's best

for your children's mental health is an action you must take.

And you don't have to agree with me about that action,

but we're not taking any action.

I really feel like we owe our children the willingness,

the willingness and the open-mindedness

to try something outside of New York.

It's good that we have a sense of where you are.

That sounds like this is a really important place

that you're in right now that is affecting your decision making.

As we know that one of your prioritizations is sort of,

I think, removing yourself from the public eye

a little bit and moving to an area that you think

would be lower stress interaction.

Great.

Let's ask her where she would like to go.

I remember when I had only known you for a little bit,

and you had something happen, and you did an interview.

And on the cover, it was like, goodbye, New York.

I'm leaving. Goodbye.

Alec is always wanting to run away when something bad happens.

And that's normal.

And so I know that in him, you know,

in our relationship when I was younger.

And he would retreat.

And even, like, just little spats between us.

And he would retreat.

And I would get so worried.

-I'd like to take action. -[Dr. Sultan] Okay, but we're not there yet.

But the action may be that we move here, we go here,

we choose these jobs, we don't choose these jobs.

Those things, they're going to all fall into place.

But we're not going to know what the right thing is

if we don't do the hard work.

As your wife, as your partner, as the mother of the children,

is I see moments where you want to run away,

you want to deflect, you want to like,

all of a sudden things get a little bit hard

and we're saying, yes, we take action.

And I've lived with you, I've known you for 13 years,

over 13 years now.

And for you, it's always, well, I have to move.

Well, I have to quit this. Well, I have to do that.

Alec is an actor.

He loves to connect.

He loves that energy.

When I see him with his friends at SNL

and when he was on 30 Rock, those are his people.

That is his community. That's his home base.

And the action that you and I need to take is in here

-and in here. -That's your opinion.

No, no, no. But I'm telling you.

It's not a fact. That's your opinion.

There's no facts. There's only opinions.

-There are no facts. -Right, exactly.

There are no facts. There are only opinions.

But I can tell you that what is the great AA quote

that you told me?

Wherever you go, your problems follow you.

-You show up. -You show up.

I'm acknowledging what you're saying.

I've known that as an AA term for 30-something, 39 years.

I get it. I get it. All I'm saying is that...

I do not want to go back to the life I had.

I don't.

I don't care.

I don't want to go back.

I don't.

-[Dr. Sultan] You are withdrawing. -And I don't apologize for it.

-Your priorities are shifting. -Right.

Like, I mean, you have a lot of individuals that-

Are counting on us.

You and the two of you together, right?

[Alec] I'm like organizing my shoes.

I worry about Alec because we were living with

so much stress for such a long time that his OCD

has gotten even worse.

[indistinct chatter]

[Alec] After everything we've been through,

I just want to take care of my family.

-I want to be left alone. -Dada.

Yes, I'm Dada.

[Hilaria] Oh, look, paparazzi. It's okay. Just ignore him.

[Alec] I've had my skirmishes with paparazzi,

and I've had my, you know, problems.

If you're here when my wife and my kid come out here,

you've got a big problem.

What are you doing?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0