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1
00:00:58,642 --> 00:00:59,786
Excuse me.
2
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,544
We're looking for
Louie De Palma.
3
00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:05,013
Well, we got one, but
ours is in the men's room.
4
00:01:05,048 --> 00:01:06,426
Can I help you?
5
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:08,917
Yeah. We're with the
Immigration Department.
6
00:01:08,952 --> 00:01:10,185
Oh?
7
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:11,765
We're trying to
find a Latka Gravas.
8
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A Latka Gravas?
9
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:17,192
Do you mind if I see
your identification?
10
00:01:17,227 --> 00:01:18,527
Thank you.
11
00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:21,763
I never heard of him.
12
00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:23,876
Gentlemen, we're going
to grab a cup of coffee.
13
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:26,179
We'll be back in a few
minutes to see Mr. De Palma.
14
00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:27,569
Fine.
15
00:01:29,273 --> 00:01:30,588
Latka.
16
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,867
Get out of there.
17
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,991
Latka.
18
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,579
What do those men from the Immigration
Department want to see you for?
19
00:01:37,615 --> 00:01:38,529
They send letter.
20
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:39,530
Let me see.
21
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,715
Yeah, it's from
22
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:41,916
the Immigration Department.
23
00:01:41,951 --> 00:01:44,670
Latka, how long
ago did you get this?
24
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:45,487
Two weeks.
25
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,855
How come you
26
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:49,391
didn't have any of
us translate it for you?
27
00:01:49,426 --> 00:01:50,508
Did it myself.
28
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,221
How far did you get?
29
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,211
"Dear Allen."
30
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,730
That's "Alien."
31
00:01:57,501 --> 00:02:00,201
Latka's Student Visa
ran out a month ago.
32
00:02:00,237 --> 00:02:02,520
Listen to this. "If you do
not contact this office by"...
33
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,139
That's four days ago...
34
00:02:04,175 --> 00:02:07,176
"a warrant will be
issued for your arrest."
35
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:08,577
Uh-oh.
36
00:02:08,612 --> 00:02:10,790
Latka, those men were
here today to arrest you.
37
00:02:10,814 --> 00:02:12,447
What means "arrest"?
38
00:02:12,482 --> 00:02:13,499
Prison.
39
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,617
Uh... behind bars.
40
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:17,720
Jail.
41
00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:19,788
Police.
42
00:02:19,823 --> 00:02:21,651
Oh, no. I...
43
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,069
Latka, Latka, Latka, sit down.
44
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:24,259
Just sit down.
45
00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:25,905
Latka, La... Do you
have your papers?
46
00:02:25,929 --> 00:02:26,894
Papers?
47
00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:27,895
Papers.
48
00:02:27,931 --> 00:02:30,515
Zigzags?
49
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,750
No.
50
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,487
You know, Latka,
you're in real trouble.
51
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,400
Hey, hey, hey,
what's the big deal?
52
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,957
The worst thing that can happen
53
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,042
is they send you back
where you came from.
54
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:44,279
You ever see any of the letters
Latka gets from his homeland?
55
00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:46,882
They have postage stamps
that honor barbed wire.
56
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,334
Okay, you bozos.
57
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,737
I cleaned all
your filthy graffiti
58
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,989
off the walls of the can.
59
00:02:54,024 --> 00:02:55,807
And I want you to know
60
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:59,010
what you wrote about
me in there was disgusting.
61
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,912
Some of it ain't even true.
62
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,025
You should see
63
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,527
what's written about you
64
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,850
on the walls of
the ladies' room.
65
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,819
I know what it says in there.
66
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,555
I wrote it.
67
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,192
Hey, Louie, Louie,
a couple of guys...
68
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,372
a couple of guys came
in here looking for Latka.
69
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,762
They said they're going to
come back and talk to you.
70
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,626
What do they want Latka for?
71
00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,933
They want to arrest
him as an illegal alien.
72
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,463
So, why didn't you
just give him to them?
73
00:03:23,487 --> 00:03:24,931
Do I have to do
everything around here?
74
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,288
What?
75
00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:27,622
Louie, we've got to help Latka.
76
00:03:27,658 --> 00:03:29,006
This is very serious.
77
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,653
Serious? What's serious?
- Hey, Louie!
78
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,188
You're not going to
turn him in, are you?
79
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,045
Well, I ain't lying to no feds.
80
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,179
I can't do it.
81
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,114
I won't do it.
82
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,195
You can get into too
much trouble doing that.
83
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,719
Those guys scare me.
84
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,065
Louie, this is Latka's life
we're talking about here.
85
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,667
If we don't help the guy,
86
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:45,868
we may lose him.
87
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:46,991
So?
88
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,376
Oh, come on, Louie.
89
00:03:48,411 --> 00:03:50,378
I don't want to embarrass you,
90
00:03:50,413 --> 00:03:53,832
but if it's anybody you
sort of love, it's Latka.
91
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,617
Hey, John, it's
not going to work.
92
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,619
You're laying it
on a little thick.
93
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,253
No, he's not.
94
00:04:01,224 --> 00:04:04,125
Latka's the poodle I never had.
95
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,294
Bring on those cops!
96
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,523
Hey!
97
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,042
Get Latka outside.
98
00:04:09,066 --> 00:04:10,532
Come on, Latka. Under the cab.
99
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:11,567
Pretend like...
100
00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:12,612
Hey! They're coming.
101
00:04:12,636 --> 00:04:13,647
All right, all right.
102
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,164
Just be normal. Just be normal.
103
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,616
I don't think this
is a full deck.
104
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,735
Doesn't make any
difference. They'll never know.
105
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,842
They'll never know. Officer!
106
00:04:20,877 --> 00:04:21,943
What are you doing?
107
00:04:21,978 --> 00:04:25,146
They like to be called officers.
108
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,492
Did Mr. De Palma come back?
109
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,082
Ah, yes, sir. Right there.
110
00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:30,017
Are you Louie De Palma?
111
00:04:30,053 --> 00:04:31,586
Yes, I am.
112
00:04:31,621 --> 00:04:33,755
We're investigators
from the Department
113
00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:35,702
of Immigration
and Naturalization.
114
00:04:35,726 --> 00:04:37,042
He's under that cab.
115
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,026
Louie!
116
00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:39,062
You swine!
117
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,165
Mr. Gravas?
118
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,600
Come out, please.
119
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,934
Taxi!
120
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,142
Fifth Avenue and...
121
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,413
I don't know that intersection.
122
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:20,913
Hello. Oh, hi, Latka.
123
00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:22,582
We've been looking
all over town for you.
124
00:05:22,606 --> 00:05:25,039
Have you been back
there the whole time?
125
00:05:28,044 --> 00:05:29,277
Latka, now listen to me good,
126
00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:30,923
because I've been
thinking about this.
127
00:05:30,947 --> 00:05:33,143
I think you're just making
things worse by running.
128
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,168
Who told you that?
129
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,534
No, I think it's best
that you turn yourself in.
130
00:05:40,657 --> 00:05:42,402
Well, we'll try to
find a good lawyer
131
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:43,519
for you that can help.
132
00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:46,689
I know, I wish there
was some other way,
133
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:47,807
but I can't think of any.
134
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:48,930
Well, Latka need...
135
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,066
"Woman."
136
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,797
Yeah, sure, that'll
take your mind off
137
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,464
your troubles for
a while, but, uh...
138
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:58,290
No, no. Latka need woman to...
139
00:05:58,325 --> 00:05:59,691
eh...
140
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,576
to... "marry."
141
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,879
To marry.
142
00:06:03,914 --> 00:06:05,247
Oh, I see.
143
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,493
Yeah, if you marry
an American woman
144
00:06:07,517 --> 00:06:08,917
they won't deport you.
145
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,986
You take tongue
right out of my mouth.
146
00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:15,957
So, all we have to do
is find a woman, right?
147
00:06:15,992 --> 00:06:17,308
Got any ideas?
148
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:18,844
Phyllis George.
149
00:06:22,432 --> 00:06:24,532
Right. Phyllis George.
150
00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,950
Good morning, everybody.
151
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:48,423
Hey, it's my pal, Latka!
152
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,558
Hey, I knew you'd
get away, buddy!
153
00:06:50,594 --> 00:06:54,095
That's why I was buying you
time when the feds came in.
154
00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:56,242
We really put one over on them,
155
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:58,800
didn't we, pal?
156
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,602
Hey, Latka...
157
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,705
when's the last time
I gave you money?
158
00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,373
A long time, huh?
159
00:07:05,408 --> 00:07:07,041
How about if I...
160
00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:09,143
if I give you a buck, huh?
161
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,479
You like that?
162
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:14,616
You want to play hard ball, huh?
163
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,251
Well, how about two bucks?
164
00:07:17,286 --> 00:07:19,270
How did you like that?
165
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,705
Money talks, boys...
166
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,375
What, are you crazy?
167
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,611
Kind of wonderful, isn't it?
168
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,726
It never occurred
to him to just drop it.
169
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,581
Hi, guys.
170
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,278
Hi, Elaine. Hey, Elaine.
171
00:07:32,302 --> 00:07:33,897
How you doing? How you doing?
172
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,903
Elaine?
173
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,339
Elaine?
174
00:07:41,177 --> 00:07:42,644
Elaine?
175
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:43,845
Yeah?
176
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,455
Oh, Elaine...
177
00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:57,876
Oh, Elaine...
178
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,859
Oh...
179
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:18,129
That's the sweetest thing
anybody ever said to me.
180
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,463
I think.
181
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,433
Hey, you want to tell
me what's going on here?
182
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,596
Well, Elaine...
183
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,887
you were just proposed to.
184
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,321
Aw...
185
00:08:27,357 --> 00:08:29,736
No, really. They won't
send Latka out of the country
186
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,337
if he marries an
American citizen.
187
00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:32,994
Yeah, Elaine, what do you think?
188
00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:35,163
Are you guys serious? Ooh!
189
00:08:35,198 --> 00:08:37,159
Hey, come on, we know how
you feel, but look at it this way...
190
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,800
It wouldn't have to
be like a real marriage.
191
00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:40,986
Just a paper marriage.
192
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,354
Right.
193
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,099
You could get divorced
soon after. Right.
194
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,018
I mean, you don't
have to sleep with him
195
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:48,722
or anything like
that. Who asked you?
196
00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:53,492
Latka, believe me, I
am very, very flattered,
197
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:55,416
but I'm sorry.
198
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,495
I can't marry you.
199
00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:57,818
Please?
200
00:08:57,854 --> 00:08:59,031
I'm sorry.
201
00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,288
Please, please?
202
00:09:00,323 --> 00:09:01,489
N-o.
203
00:09:01,524 --> 00:09:03,991
Oh, boy, we will be so happy.
204
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:05,960
No. N-o spells "no."
205
00:09:05,995 --> 00:09:07,629
Aw, shup.
206
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:10,865
Hey, everybody!
207
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,368
I'd like you to meet
a new friend of mine,
208
00:09:13,403 --> 00:09:14,480
Vivian Harrow.
209
00:09:15,572 --> 00:09:17,116
Vivian has agreed
to marry Latka.
210
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,172
Hey, that's great!
211
00:09:18,207 --> 00:09:19,173
This one...
212
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:20,191
I found her...
213
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,337
Alex! What?
214
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,195
You can't let Latka
just marry this hooker.
215
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,542
She's not a hooker.
She's a call girl.
216
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,378
Look, I don't like it, either,
but it might be our only hope.
217
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,701
Look, it's temporary.
218
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,904
What day is good
for you, Vivian?
219
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,706
Well, I got part of
Thursday afternoon open.
220
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,208
Okay, Thursday it is. Thursday.
221
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,209
Okay, Thursday.
222
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,245
Okay, but remember.
223
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,879
You said 15 minutes, I'm gone
224
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,281
I never have to
see the guy again
225
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,682
and no strings attached.
226
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,218
Right. No strings.
Come here. Latka?
227
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,719
I want you to meet Vivian.
228
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,875
She's agreed to be your bride.
229
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,209
How do you do?
230
00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:56,393
I love you.
231
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,684
Latka, talk to me.
232
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,702
Latka?
233
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,525
Latka, I'll make you talk to me.
234
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,679
I'll keep saying your
name until you talk to me.
235
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:33,514
Latka, Latka...
Latka! Latka! Latka!
236
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,727
Latka! Latka! Latka! Latka...
237
00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:36,262
Louie! Louie!
Louie, Louie! Louie...
238
00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:37,886
Latka, Latka... Louie, Louie!
239
00:10:38,955 --> 00:10:40,933
Louie, pull yourself together.
240
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:43,674
I don't understand
why he won't forgive me.
241
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,960
All I did was turn him in.
242
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:52,266
Hey, Latka, the big day, huh?
243
00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,796
Hey, John, you're a married man.
244
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,164
Why don't you give
Latka some tips?
245
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,154
Yeah, yeah...
246
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,156
Well, uh... Latka,
247
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:01,592
I think the most important thing
in any marriage is communication.
248
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,093
But it's not
absolutely necessary.
249
00:11:09,518 --> 00:11:11,764
Hey, this is going to
be a weird wedding.
250
00:11:11,788 --> 00:11:14,321
The line to kiss the
bride could take a while.
251
00:11:14,357 --> 00:11:17,491
I hear they asked the vice
squad to give the bride away.
252
00:11:17,526 --> 00:11:19,304
Would you guys just cut it out?
253
00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:21,190
I mean just kindly cut it out.
254
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,548
I mean, we could try
255
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,783
to treat this like a
wedding, couldn't we?
256
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,586
You know, instead of all
these locker room jokes,
257
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,121
I think we should
consider Latka's feelings.
258
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,523
It's not a joke to him.
259
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,442
I love her.
260
00:11:34,477 --> 00:11:37,011
See?
261
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:38,679
So I don't know
about the rest of you,
262
00:11:38,715 --> 00:11:41,082
but believe me, I'm going
to try to do the most I can
263
00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:43,485
to make this the best wedding
two kids have ever had.
264
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,503
She's real
interesting, this one.
265
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,341
Hi, Latka.
266
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,009
Hello, Vivian.
267
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,183
Vivian!
268
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,631
Um, how about dressing
up for the wedding?
269
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:03,032
What do you think? I plan to.
270
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,683
Oh, you're going to
wear a white dress?
271
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,157
A white halter.
272
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:09,477
How about wearing
my wedding gown?
273
00:12:09,512 --> 00:12:11,012
Oh, sure, honey.
274
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:15,183
I've dressed up as everything
from Pocahontas to Darth Vader.
275
00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:17,218
You want me in a bridal gown?
276
00:12:17,254 --> 00:12:18,236
You got it.
277
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,570
Okay, great.
278
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,901
Now all we need is a minister.
279
00:12:21,925 --> 00:12:23,041
Hey, there's a minister
280
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,676
that hangs around
down at Mario's.
281
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:27,845
I'll go and see if he'll perform
the ceremony for us, all right?
282
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:28,991
Hey, Bobby, thanks.
283
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,015
Good, Bobby, good.
284
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,015
We could get flowers...
285
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,562
Oh! Excuse me,
Immigration Officer.
286
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,030
I'm trying to get
out of your way,
287
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,002
Immigration Officers.
288
00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:36,582
Hey, Bobby. Bobby.
That's all right.
289
00:12:36,606 --> 00:12:37,716
You don't have to do that.
290
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,185
No? Latka's going
to be okay now.
291
00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:41,120
Latka here is marrying
an American citizen.
292
00:12:41,144 --> 00:12:43,778
It's not okay if he's only
doing it to stay in this country.
293
00:12:43,813 --> 00:12:45,158
It's got to be a real marriage.
294
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,725
Oh, of course,
it's a real marriage
295
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:49,083
I'm afraid we'll have
to check that out.
296
00:12:49,118 --> 00:12:51,297
Mr. Gravas, we're going
to have to question you.
297
00:12:51,321 --> 00:12:53,488
How long ago did you meet
298
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,490
this woman you're
going to marry?
299
00:12:58,561 --> 00:13:00,561
"How...
300
00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,763
"How...
301
00:13:02,798 --> 00:13:04,148
How..."
302
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:06,128
Can anybody else
answer for him? How..."
303
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,868
I'm up for retirement
in two years.
304
00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:09,954
Yeah, I can.
305
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,071
No, let me.
306
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:11,956
No, I will.
307
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,302
No, I want to do it. "How..."
308
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,437
Louie, I think it's best
that I do. No. Mr. Richards?
309
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,727
All right, Mr. De Palma
310
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,062
Let's have it straight.
311
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,798
If you're lying to me,
you're committing a crime.
312
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,567
Is this a legitimate marriage?
313
00:13:29,759 --> 00:13:32,426
Of course it's legitimate.
314
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:34,728
It's love, I tell you.
315
00:13:34,764 --> 00:13:37,098
Latka's in love with this girl,
316
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,578
and nothing can change his mind.
317
00:13:39,602 --> 00:13:41,802
Nobody could talk to the guy.
318
00:13:41,837 --> 00:13:43,470
I tried to talk him out of it.
319
00:13:43,506 --> 00:13:47,608
I said, "Latka, she's from
the other side of the tracks.
320
00:13:47,643 --> 00:13:50,161
"She's classy, and you're
just a grease monkey.
321
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:51,496
It'll never work out."
322
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,614
But he doesn't care,
323
00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:56,133
because it's love.
324
00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,848
Her family is
totally against it.
325
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:01,651
They threatened to disown her.
326
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:06,010
In fact, they even went so
far as to offer Latka $1,000
327
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:10,447
to leave their daughter
alone, but he wouldn't take it.
328
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,436
And if that isn't love,
329
00:14:15,472 --> 00:14:18,155
then I don't know
what is, Officer.
330
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,237
Thanks for your time, gentlemen.
331
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:23,961
Not at all.
332
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,913
Whoa!
333
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:32,252
I want none of that stuff!
334
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,921
Oh, good... No!
335
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:35,957
Drivers touching me?
336
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:41,161
I don't want nobody touching me,
337
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:42,596
except...
338
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:44,681
him.
339
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,718
Aw...
340
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,591
Hey, Louie,
341
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,793
that was a very nice
story you made up.
342
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,061
You know that?
343
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,262
You mean about the family
344
00:14:58,297 --> 00:14:59,975
offering money
to give up the girl?
345
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:00,681
Yes.
346
00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:02,433
I didn't make that up.
347
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,219
That happened to
me five years ago.
348
00:15:05,254 --> 00:15:07,032
Really? That
surprises me, Louie.
349
00:15:07,056 --> 00:15:09,139
Except I changed two things.
350
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:13,343
The parents only offered
me a lousy 50 bucks.
351
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,389
What was the other thing?
352
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,580
I took it.
353
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,673
Okay, everybody
354
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:33,342
let's take our seats now.
355
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,666
Come on, just find
a seat anywhere.
356
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,079
Look, the bride's
people on one side,
357
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,313
the groom's people on the other.
358
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,082
I know, it makes no
difference. Just sit down.
359
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,951
Okay, and stay there.
I think I'm going to go...
360
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,518
I'm going to go check
on the bride, okay?
361
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:44,691
Good, good.
362
00:15:44,727 --> 00:15:46,171
Latka, you ready?
All right, Latka? Listen.
363
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,476
You're each going to come
down from over there, all right?
364
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,852
Hey, everybody.
365
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,854
This is Reverend Jim, uh...
366
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,556
Jim...?
367
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,446
That's it.
368
00:16:05,482 --> 00:16:08,116
Just, uh... Reverend Jim.
369
00:16:08,151 --> 00:16:10,934
Uh, uh, well, um...
370
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,337
He's going to perform
the ceremony for us.
371
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:16,807
Reverend Jim, I'm Cabby Alex.
372
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,156
Listen, I don't
want to be impolite
373
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,473
but you are a
minister, aren't you?
374
00:16:21,497 --> 00:16:22,980
Certainly.
375
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,517
I was ordained in '68...
Church of the Peaceful.
376
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:30,420
The church was investigated
and cleared completely.
377
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,657
Cleared of what?
378
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,126
Why go into it?
379
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:39,463
It doesn't even exist anymore.
380
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:44,502
But I assure you, I'm a
minister recognized by the state.
381
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:49,140
Now, does anybody
have a drink around here?
382
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,572
Reverend Jim...
383
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,063
Reverend Jim, look
384
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:59,067
we'd like the ceremony to be
just as brief as possible, okay?
385
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:00,401
I'll do my best,
386
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,803
but I'm kind of out of
practice at weddings.
387
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,466
How long has it been
since you done one?
388
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,441
Always. This is my first.
389
00:17:07,477 --> 00:17:10,444
Well, we'll try to be gentle.
390
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,663
Thank you.
391
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,565
Okay, she's ready.
392
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,434
Oh, good. Latka, you ready?
393
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,969
You know, it's too bad
we don't have any music.
394
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:20,237
Well, we could always...
395
00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:25,693
Hey, Louie...
396
00:17:25,728 --> 00:17:26,860
Hey, you know...
397
00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:29,029
Don't give me no guff.
398
00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:30,598
Geez!
399
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:34,268
My mother paid good
money for these lessons,
400
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:39,473
and I thought Latka should
have some music for his nuptials.
401
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,711
Wow!
402
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,713
Oh, she's beautiful.
403
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,282
Thank you.
404
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,571
Louie.
405
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,106
You are very pretty.
406
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,142
Thank you, Latka.
407
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,445
Um...
408
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,597
we're gathered here today
409
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:14,485
to join these two
people in marriage.
410
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,640
The question often asked
in our time is: Why marriage?
411
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:26,596
The answer is hard to see,
412
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:31,985
but as obvious as
a heartbeat to feel.
413
00:19:32,021 --> 00:19:37,007
We marry to have
a friend, a lover.
414
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:39,560
We marry to deny
415
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:45,233
solitude's cold hands on us.
416
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:50,738
We marry because
after all the other, uh...
417
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,741
alternatives have been explored,
418
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:58,746
we still want to and
need to and must.
419
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:02,116
I bet you all thought I
was going to screw up,
420
00:20:02,151 --> 00:20:03,484
didn't you?
421
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:16,697
Does the couple
have anything to say?
422
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,450
Oh, yeah, um...
423
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:21,451
Latka wanted me
424
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:22,948
to read you something.
425
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,117
He stayed up all night
going through his dictionary
426
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,219
trying to translate what
he wanted to say to you.
427
00:20:27,243 --> 00:20:28,523
So, here it is.
428
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:35,149
"Even though we just recently
have been formally introduced,
429
00:20:35,184 --> 00:20:36,950
"somehow my mind tells me
430
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:39,653
that you will always
be a tart to me."
431
00:20:39,689 --> 00:20:41,689
"A part of me."
432
00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:53,901
"A part of me."
433
00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:59,890
"And I know, even though
we not speak same language
434
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:03,861
we have the same
language of the heart."
435
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:17,173
Latka...
436
00:21:20,062 --> 00:21:25,566
Do you take this woman to
be your lawfully wedded wife?
437
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,560
He does...
438
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:37,728
he does.
439
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:47,020
And do you,
Vivian, take this man
440
00:21:47,055 --> 00:21:49,406
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
441
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:59,900
Um... yep.
442
00:21:59,936 --> 00:22:02,870
This is heavy.
443
00:22:04,189 --> 00:22:07,491
If no man here has any reason
444
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:10,795
why these two
should not be married
445
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:17,301
by the power invested in me, I
do pronounce you man and wife.
446
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,286
You may kiss the bride.
447
00:22:19,322 --> 00:22:21,338
Thank you very much.
448
00:22:48,283 --> 00:22:50,250
We will love forever.
449
00:22:50,285 --> 00:22:51,496
You bet, honey.
450
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,331
Um, look, I got to go.
451
00:22:53,355 --> 00:22:55,606
Um...
452
00:22:55,641 --> 00:22:59,121
I got an appointment over
at the Hilton I'm late for.
453
00:22:59,862 --> 00:23:01,142
It was fun, huh?
454
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:04,481
Yeah.
455
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:06,350
Thanks, guys.
456
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,487
Ah, you...
457
00:23:09,522 --> 00:23:11,171
Hey, Latka...
458
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,459
Latka, don't take
it so bad, huh?
459
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:16,927
Yeah, don't worry, Latka.
460
00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:19,396
There'll be somebody
else. You'll see.
461
00:23:19,432 --> 00:23:21,009
I said we shouldn't
have done this.
462
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,599
Wait. Latka wants
to say something.
463
00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:23,651
What is it, Latka?
464
00:23:23,686 --> 00:23:25,686
No honeymoon?
465
00:23:28,357 --> 00:23:29,790
No honeymoon.
466
00:23:31,928 --> 00:23:35,663
Boy, America's a tough town.
467
00:23:45,774 --> 00:23:47,174
Hi, Latka.
468
00:23:47,210 --> 00:23:48,292
What did you do today?
469
00:23:48,327 --> 00:23:50,795
Oh, uh... meet girl.
470
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:52,362
Marry her.
471
00:23:52,398 --> 00:23:54,131
Uh, she leave me.
472
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:55,466
It was fun.
473
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:34,900
Night, Mr. Walters.31656
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