Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: And now,Death Valley Days.

♪♪ [ trumpet ]

Hyah! Yah!

Yah! Yah!

Howdy, folks. I'’m the Old Ranger,

and I have another interesting true story for you

about the historic Death Valley country.

Maybe you folks think that social life in a desert mining camp

was on the simple side,

but wait till you hear the story I'’m gonna tell you tonight

about Death Valley'’s...

♪♪ [ wedding march ]

The day shift is just knocking off

at the Anniversary Mine.

The lonely hearts column. That'’s what Tiny was reading.

I was not. It was lining my dinner pail.

And who packed your dinner pail, Tiny?

Well, Aggie, I reckon.You reckon?

You know darn well it was Aggie.

Oh, shut up. What'’s it to ya anyway?

[ both laugh ]

Come on.

George is jealous, Tiny, but don'’t let that stop ya. If you want--

I got no intentions of marrying anybody, let alone that hasher.

Say, Aggie'’d make a fine wife.

A good, hard worker. Got real character.

Well, if she'’s such an all-fired bargain, why don'’t you marry her?

I already got a girl. Besides, Aggie'’s all right

if you just get the right slant on her.

See what I mean?

Real neat caboose.Real neat.

Nice underpinnings too.

And a good framework.

Just picture her without that dress.

I mean, dolled up in some real fancy duds.

Yeah, that would change her.

[ sighs ]

Oh, but it wouldn'’t change that face.

And I wouldn'’t marry her for any amount of money.

[ men laughing ]

I'’m awfully sorry.

[ laughing continues ]

Not for any amount of money, says he,

and then, whoosh, the water hits him

just like in a Vaudeville act.

[ laughter ]

Boy, if he couldn'’t stand her before,

she'’ll sure be poison to him now.

He was just talking. He'’d marry her for a price.

A price?Sure.

If there was enough in it, any girl'’d look good to a guy.

Not Aggie.

Let'’s make him an offer and see.

Oh, no. I'’m not putting up my hard-earned dough just to find out--

I don'’t mean money. Securities.

What securities?

Shares in the Desert Queen Mine, remember?

Do I? I blew two months'’ wages on that there stock,

and it ain'’t worth enough now to buy me a drink.

You were in good company. Every man in camp did the same thing.

It'’ll be a cinch to raise fifty thousand dollars'’ worth.

Then we'’ll offer it to Tiny as bait for marrying Aggie.

Aw, Tiny would know it wasn'’t worth nothing.

Not a chance. He wasn'’t around here in them days. Remember?

Yeah, that'’s right.

Boy, this is gonna be good.

I can see Tiny'’s face now as you make him the proposition.

You'’re offering me $50,000?

The day you get hitched to Aggie.

Who are you kidding?

How would a hard-rock miner like you get that kind of money?

From my uncle, who just died and left it to me.

Here'’s the letter from his lawyer.

See that? $50,000 in the Desert Queen Mine.

Jeepers creepers!

But why are you giving it to me?

Because you'’re the only one that can help me, pal.

See, my girl in San Berdu,

who'’s got more than five times what my uncle left me--

well, she thinks that there'’s something between Aggie and me.

But if you was to marry Aggie,

well, that'’d prove that there'’s nothing to that something.

If you don'’t help him out, he'’s a dead duck.

Well, why don'’t you help him out?

Well, I-I--Even Aggie wouldn'’t marry Russ.

He'’s too stupid.Yeah.

Besides, I'’d like to see ya happy.

I am happy.

Man was not meant to live alone.

Remember the animals on the ark?

Two by two, male and female.

Well, I got nothing against getting married

or the $50,000, but--

But that Aggie-- Gosh!

You'’ve got to expect to make some sacrifices for $50,000.

Yeah, I suppose so.

I'’ll think about it.

[ mining train approaching ]

[ chattering ]

Hey, look!

Four bits!

That'’s funny. I didn'’t see it.

You know what it means?

It'’s a sign someone's coming into some money.

It is? Yeah. And I can tell you who.

Who?Tiny Stoker.

Tiny?Didn'’t you know?

Uh-uh.Told me today.

Quite a fortune, I understand.

Seems some relative died or something.

Oh, the lucky cuss.

Here, Aggie. For your good luck.

Thank you.

[ sighs ]Sit down, Aggie.

Best time of day, this.

The last of the dishes done, and nothing to do till tomorrow.

[ sighs ]How do you know Aggie'’s got nothing to do?

Oh?

No. I haven'’t.

A girl who works as hard as Aggie does all day

doesn'’t wanna go stepping out evenings.

She needs her beauty sleep.

What I mean is, uh--

I could sleep from now till doomsday, and I wouldn'’t be pretty.

Handsome is as handsome does.

That'’s what my mother taught me.

Didn'’t she, Dalton?

Your-- Your mother had some mighty queer notions.

I'’ve never known a girl with a nicer disposition than you, Aggie,

or one who'’s neater or more dependable.

That don'’t seem to be enough to get a husband.

Oh, shucks. You'’ve got a lot of time.

I waited until I was 30 for Dalt here.

Didn'’t I, Dalton?35.

Ya see?

Mr. Right will come along one of these days, and--

Don'’t you give up hope.

I gave that up long ago.

Guess I'’ll go to bed.

[ mining train bell clanging ]

[ brakes screech ]

TINY: Evenin'’, folks.

Howdy, Tiny.Evenin'’.

I was going down to the junction to pick up the mail,

and I was wondering if you'’d like to ride along,

Miss Aggie.Me?

But maybe you got something better to do.

She certainly hasn'’t. You go along with him, Aggie.

Yes! I'’d like to very much.

Well, I declare!

Do you suppose he'’s Mr. Right?

Right or wrong, she better make the most of it.

[ bell clanging ]

[ brakes screech ]

What are we stopping here for?

Oh, there'’s some rocks on the track.

Sam'’ll get 'em off.Oh.

[ sighs ] It'’s a beautiful night, isn'’t it?

Yeah. Guess it is.

Aggie, I, uh--I, uh--

Yes?

I wonder if Sam needs any help with those rocks.

You know, this is the second nice thing that'’s happened to me today.

First, one of the boys picked up four bits

where I was sweeping and gave it to me,

and then you asked me to go riding.

I wonder what the third thing will be.

"The third thing"?

Well, things always happen in threes, you know?

Well, I always thought they happened in twos,

like, uh, animals in the ark.

Male and female.

Why, Mr. Stoker!

You were saying, about the birds and the beasts?

Well, man'’s the same.

He pairs off.

Yes?

Well, I was thinking I would myself, maybe,

if I could find the right running mate.

You were?

Yeah.

Well, would you?

Would I what?

Be my running mate.

You mean, marry you?

Oh, Tiny, yes!

[ clanging ]

Hold still.

I'’m trying to.

The church is sure filling up. [ chattering ]

This is a big event. And Tiny'’s sure a real fancy-looking groom.

What time'’s it getting to be?

The bride'’ll be here any minute.

Uh, give me another snort.

You gotta stand up in front of all them folks. Don'’t forget.

Yeah, but I need a drink.

Gotta stay sober enough to repeat your vows.

I said, give me another drink. [ sighs ]

[ quietly ] The bride'’s coming.

Hurry up. Get in that back door and take your place.

No. I'’m not going through with it.

[ together ] What?

No. I can'’t do it.For 50,000?

No, I'’m-- I'’m thinking of Aggie.

I-- I couldn'’t play such a dirty trick on her.

What do you mean, "dirty trick"? You'’re doing her a favor.

Yeah. You'’re making her happy.

Think of how she'’d feel if ya backed out now.

Why, folks would laugh her clean out of the territory.

Yeah, I-- I-I guess it would be worse.

All right. I'’ll--

I'’ll go through with it.

♪♪ [ wedding march ][ exhales forcefully ]

[ laughter, chatter ][ clanging ]

Good-bye!Bye!

[ shouting farewells ]

MAN: Bye!

Well, this is as far as we go.

From now on, you'’re on your own.

[ laughing ]

Best hasher the Waldorf ever had.

And now you'’ve stolen her from us.

Oh, you big, bad man, you.[ laughs ]

I ain'’t over the surprise yet.[ laughs ]

But congratulations.

Now you can have "Mrs." carved on your tombstone, Aggie.

Isn'’t it wonderful?

Uh, would you excuse me?

A couple of the boys wanna see me.

I can guess why. [ laughing ]

Don'’t be gone long, dear.No, I won'’t.

I never did get a good look at your ring, Aggie.

Oh, my, that'’s pretty!

It'’ll look prettier once my hands ain'’t so red and rough from washin'’.

Well, you'’ll still be doing your own washin'’.

Maybe not. Maybe I'’ll have a hired girl.

On a miner'’s wages?

Tiny'’s coming into some money very soon. Quite a fortune.

You don'’t say!I didn'’t know!

It'’s kind of a secret.

I just heard about it myself by accident.

Ohh! Not only a husband, but a rich one.

Oh, Aggie!

Seems almost too good to be true, don'’t it?

When he could'’ve had any girl he wanted,

he picked me.

Gosh almighty! A whole sackful of money.

What in blazes--Stock certificates.

The Desert Queen Mine.$50,000 face value.

Well, can I sell this stock and get the cash?

All you need to do is find a buyer.

But if I was you, Tiny, I'’d hang on to it.

Why?Well, stocks don'’t stay the same price all the time.

You mean, if I hold on to this stock,

that maybe it'’ll be worth more someday?

Who knows?

Gosh. Thanks, fellas.

Thanks for everything.

A homely wife and a sackful of bum stock.

What a honeymoon he'’s gonna have.

...and three-- 1,500.

And 250-- 1,750.

That makes $50,000.

You know, this is the first time I'’ve counted higher

than a hundred in my life.

I just wish there was some way we could thank '’em for it.

Thank who?The relatives who died and left it to ya.

Who told you that? George and Russ.

Well--At least, that'’s what I thought they said.

What'’s the matter?

Well, Aggie, nobody really died.

You see...

Well, I-- I--

I was supposed to come into this money when I got married.

I'’m glad. I'’d hate to think

of anybody else'’s sorrow when I'’m so happy.

Are you, Aggie?

Happier than I ever thought I could be.

And this money has nothing to do with it, Tiny.

I'’d feel just the same if you didn'’t have a cent.

Thanks.

Oh, Mr. Loomis!

Oh, mornin'’, Mrs. Stoker.

I, uh, wanted to ask you how I go about cashing in these securities.

Desert Queen Mine? Where'’d you get them?

They'’re part of an inheritance.

Tiny got fifty thousand dollars'’ worth when he married.

We'’re saving most of it, but I wanted to get a little money

to pay for some furniture and things I ordered for the house.

Well, you'’ll never get any money for these, Mrs. Stoker.

They'’re worthless.

Worthless?

There hasn'’t been any trading in Desert Queen for two years.

Not since the mine closed down.

I'’m sorry, Mrs. Stoker. I--

I'’m afraid somebody's played a joke on you.

A pretty cruel joke.

This is some of the stock the boys were collecting around the camp.

They said they were gonna paper Miners'’ Hall with it.

[ chuckles ] I even threw in a few thousand shares myself.

Was it George Titus and Russ Jenkins?

Yes, ma'’am.

Hi, Aggie.

Tiny got off at the trestle and took the shortcut home.

I wasn'’t waiting for Tiny. I was waiting for you two.

Why'’d you give him that worthless Desert Queen stock?

Why?We was just playing a joke.

A joke? I suppose you'’d think it's a joke

to hit a man on the head with a sledgehammer,

run over him with a carload of ore!

Oh, no, it ain'’t that bad.

No. Besides, anybody with any brains

would'’ve knowed that stock was no good.

So, you think a man has no brains because he'’s honest

and sincere and trusts his friends?

Well, let me tell you something.

I'’d rather have one man like Tiny

than a hundred-- thousand smart alecks like you two!

You'’re going to him, explain what you did. Do you hear me?

And I'’ll give you just 15 minutes to do it.

Now get!

By gosh! She'’s in love with the guy.

Hey, Tiny! Ya home?

Tiny!

What'’s up, fellas?Well, we just come by, Tiny,

to tell you that the Desert Queen

seems to have took a slump.

Yeah? How far down?

Well, I'’m afraid she'’s hit rock bottom.

Well, what does that mean?

The stock ain'’t worth a good gol darn.

Well, when did you find this out?

Oh, about two years ago. [ chuckling ]

Two years?

Yeah.[ chuckling ]

And you unloaded it on me?

Oh, we were just having some fun.

And you haven'’t got any girl in San Berdu?

No. I just made that up to sound convincin'’.

[ both chuckling ]

[ chuckles ]

[ both laughing ]

[ laughing ]

So you guys think it'’s fun,

getting a guy to marry a girl under false pretenses?

Well, you guys are getting off easy.

But let me warn you.

If you as much as breathe a word to Aggie

about me being bribed to marry her,

I'’ll tamp you in a hole with a dynamite charge.

By gosh! He'’s in love with her.

When you come home tonight, some of my new house fixings oughta be here.

Every time I look at this sack of junk,

I feel like smacking George and Russ all over again.

Then why don'’t you throw it away or set a match to it?

No. I'’m gonna keep it.

Just to remind me what a sucker I was.

You shouldn'’t look at it that way, Tiny.

After all, the stock didn'’t cost you anything.

You'’ve been a mighty good sport about it, Aggie,

going back to workand all.

I don'’t mind. I always have worked.

And you know something, Tiny?

Money don'’t really matter when you love somebody.

Aggie-- Aggie, I--

I had no intention of telling you this,

but I gotta be honest with ya.

That stock George gave me, why--

Well, it was more than a wedding present. It--

It was a bribe to marry you.

Go on, Tiny.

Well, there ain'’t much more to say,

except that I feel lower than a mine shaft about it, and--

Well, I'’m sorry.

For me or for yourself?

Well, for you.

Thanks, Tiny, for telling me.

You ain'’t sore?

Why should I be sore because you thought enough of me to be honest?

No, Tiny. I'’m proud.

I'’m proud that I'’m your wife.

Aggie, I used to think you were homely,

but right now you'’re the prettiest girl in the whole world.

[ bell clanging ]

I gotta go. Day shift'’s ready.

But I'’ll be back at one minute after 5:00.

Here. Take this blasted mining stock and burn it.

[ clanging continues ]

[ bell clangs ]

Tiny! Hey, tiny!

What'’s the matter, Mr. Loomis? Something happen at the mine?

Yeah. Yeah-- I mean, no, not at ours.

To Desert Queen.What about the Desert Queen?

Well, uncovered a new vein, just by accident.

The one that petered out a couple of years ago--

that was just a spur, and this is a main lode.

You mean a strike?

Has a vein as wide as a city street,

and it goes straight through to China.

As rich as all get-out.

Desert Queen'’s stock is going up like a skyrocket.

It was quoted today at $5 a share.

Well, you know what that means to you folks.

Now, Tiny, you hold on to that stock,

'’cause it'll probably go up to ten or maybe even 20.

We can'’t. We burnt it.

You what?

I told Aggie just the other day to set a match to it.

Oh, Tiny!But I didn'’t, Tiny.

Aggie!I couldn'’t bare to see it all go up in smoke--

our only wedding present.

Oh, sweetheart!

Boy, now, you put that in the bank before something really does happen to it.

All except a few thousand shares.

Those I'’m gonna cash.What for?

To throw the biggest wingding honeymoon a bride and groom ever had.

And that'’s just what they did.

England, France...

Egypt,

India,

the Orient,

then back to San Francisco, and home.

I'’ve got plenty of sandwiches here.

[ chattering ]

I hope that you all like the ham sandwiches.

Leave the food alone now, all of ya.

Gangway! Gangway!

[ laughing ]Hey!

Oh, Dalt, you shouldn'’t have brought that out so soon.

It'’ll get hot before they get here.

Well, they'’ll be here pretty soon.

Oh, if Sam ended up in the junction all right,

and if the old train didn'’t break down.

[ mining train bell clanging ]

That'’s them!

Oh![ chattering ]

I'’m so excited I can hardly wait.

[ chattering continues ]

Tiny!

[ overlapping shouting ]

Tiny!Aggie!

Welcome home!

[ shouting continues ]

Oh, Aggie, my dear!

Hello, Mrs. Duff.

[ all gasp ]

Oh, Aggie, you'’re beautiful!

She always was.

Just took a little money to bring it out.

Well, come on. Let'’s get the homecoming party started.

Let'’s go.Tiny, she'’s a humdinger.

[ chattering ]

How does she look, boys?

Like a million dollars.

Which all goes to prove that everything in life

is something of a gamble,

from marriage to the stock market.

♪♪ [ trumpet ]