All language subtitles for Such.Good.People.2014.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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(upbeat funky music)

- So, what are you in
the mood for?

How about a Craftsman?

- God, I love Craftsman's.

- Ooh, check this out.

It's got a name, Edendale.

It's built in 1908.

- Edendale?

It could be historic.

- It's in Silver Lake.

- I can see us raising
a family here.

Growing old.

Where the hell is it?

- Well, I have it in my GPS.

- Richard, did you just
tweet that we're lost?

- (laughs) Stop
looking at your cell

and look for the address.

- It should be on the left.

Oh, you don't think that...

- Oh my!

(upbeat funky music)

- You know what I think?

- What?

- I think we should
crash that party.

- You mean just valet the
car and go into a party

thrown by people way cooler?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not?

Why not?

It's fun. (giggles)

Oh my God.

- Oh, stop the car.

Is that, there is no way
that my sister is going

into our house.

- Well, now we have to crash it.

- Oh, now what?

- Easy.

I'll charm us in with my good
looks and winning personality.

- Do you got a plan B?

- We could rub Buddha's belly.

- Yeah, it's worth a try.

We need all the good
karma we can get.

- And maybe it'll help
us with the adoption.

Well, it was worth a try.

(cell ringing)

- Hey, what's up?

No, I can talk.

(upbeat funky music)

(party music)

- In a perfect world,

this would be our party
that we're crashing.

- I just died and went
to (indistinct).

- We need to examine all
of reality itself

and then the self
(laughs) itself.

Then you'll find true
meaning of life.

- Did the Dalai Lama say that?

- No, that was Lady Gaga.

(laughing)

- Ready?

Okay.

(playing guitar)

- The old joke.

A Buddhist walks up to a
hot dog vendor.

(playing guitar)

And asks...

- Make me one with everything.

(playing guitar)

- Given the hot dog, he
pays and says...

(playing guitar)

- Where's my change?

- To which the vendor replies...

- Change comes from within.

(playing guitar)

(guests applauding)

- Thank you.

- I could eat.

- Do you think there's...

- Oh God here they come.

- Oh my goodness.

- Alex, Richard (indistinct).

- How are you?

It's crazy.

What are you guys doing here?

- Miss one of Jake and
Chloe's parties? Never.

Plus, there's free booze.

- I didn't know that
you knew them.

- Oh yeah, we're super tight.

Jake and Chloe, they're
dear friends.

- And how about this house?

Love this house.

- Right, it's kind of
our dream house.

- Honey, you okay?

You look a little puffy.

- Well..

- Alex, we just found out
you are going to be an uncle.

We're pregnant!

- What?

- That's incredible.

- During the parent thing,

you have to come out to
the house and celebrate.

- Yeah. Hey, how is
that new house?

- Oh, it's a piece of shit.

But, it's a long story.

Anyway, this one, she
forgets her pill one time,

one time, and I knew it.

And suddenly she's a vegetable
garden of human fertility,

which is great.

Unexpected, but great.

- Happy accident.

- You're hurting my arm.

- Sorry.

- Deep in the heart of
the Himalayas,

lies the land of the
thunder dragon.

The Kingdom of Bhutan.

- While it might be tiny
and remote and impoverished,

within Bhutan's modesty
is it's majesty.

- This will be our sixth
trip to Bhutan.

Every time we ask ourselves,
how can we keep coming back?

But every time we see the
faces of the children,

we think, "How can we not?"

- It was on this, our last
trip to Bhutan,

that we first met
little Kuenlay.

These orphans are suffering.

But they would rather freeze
than see you do without.

- If they weren't orphans,
their parents would be so proud.

But the most special
thing about little Kuenlay

is his generosity.

(gentle flute music)

However, fate was not
kind to little Kuenlay.

For not two weeks after
this video was shot,

we received word that
little Kuenlay,

bitten by a goat,
developed tetanus and died.

- It's too late for a
little Kuenlay.

- Too late.

- But there are so many
others who need help.

All our help.

Help us care.

- 90 cents on every dollar
goes directly to the orphans.

Tashi delek.

- Tashi delek, help us care.

- Tashi delek.

- I can't talk right now.

I'm leaving for Bhutan
in the morning,

and our house-sitter
just checked into rehab.

- Oh well, we could
house-sit for you.

- Oh, I think you said
you'd eat glass

rather than house-sit again.

House-sitting, it could be fun.

- I'd never take you two out
of your beautiful new home.

- All right, you know what?

That's it.

You knew that tree was terminal
when you sold us that house.

- Did you ever watch a tree die,
Jake?

It's an ugly, violent...

- Not to mention expensive site.

- I can't answer your question,

any more than you can
question my answers.

I said that I would pay
you back and I will.

- I don't think you understand.

Our claim was denied.

- Basic Homeowners won't
cover sudden Oak death,

and sod sucks.

- You know what this
reminds me of?

The ancient Bhutanese tale of
two elephants that get lost

in the (indistinct).

- I'm sorry, are you talking
about elephants right now?

- They're the second most
spiritual creature in the world.

And do you know what they want?

- To be number one?

- They want love, just
like you, just like me.

- Jake, Cooper and I
are so moved

by all of this spiritual
depth, not to mention your work

for all those hungry,
little foreign kids.

But, we are talking
about real estate.

So, let's get real.

We paid you a lot of money
for that house.

And I think that entitles
us to a living room

without a big, fucking
dead Oak in it.

So, either you figure
out a way to pay,

or we will figure out
a way to take.

Tashi delek!

- Tashi delek.

(laughing)

(dramatic music)

- You were awesome.

- I'm not an expert in
human behavior for nothing.

- And we got 20 bucks.

- Now, let's just hope our
money doesn't leave the country.

- Oh, I know the right
house-sitters.

(indistinct), it wouldn't
take more than a day

to find a perfectly
trust-worthy loser.

- Please, this is LA.

People like that are in
every corner.

(party music)

- You have one of my pots.

- I'm sorry.

Chloe's notorious for
never returning anything.

- Oh no, no.

It's one of my pieces.

I sell them in a few stores.

I'm a potter.

- So, you're good
with your hands?

- Oh!
- Caleb, come!

Slow down.

Come, come to me.

- Oh, they're so sweet.

- You're very good with them.

- I love dogs.

I better.

My sister and I own
(indistinct).

- Greyhound rescue?

- It's a great
organization, unfortunately.

- Have you met my wife?

- Oh, hey.

- There you are, Richard,
Richard.

- This is Richard.
Guess what?

We're gonna house-sit for
Jake and Chloe.

- What?

Alex, do not joke with
me about that.

- Oh, I'm not joking.

- What? Oh my God.

Oh, now we get to live here.

I mean, stay here.

I mean, house-sit.

- Since when do you
two house-sit?

- You all know each other?

- He's her brother.

- Half brother.

- Well, they're going to Bhutan.

So, this is our chance,
in a small way,

to help out the orphans.

And that will mean so much
to them to have house-sitters

who are so handsome.

- And thin.

- Are you talking about
orphans or dogs?

- Both.

- You have made us both
incredibly happy.

- We will honor this trust
you have placed in us.

- Tashi delek.

(funky music)

(laughing)

- Oh my God! I can't believe it.

- I know.

Even seeing Paige and
Cooper can't ruin this.

- What is with them?

They're lucky enough
to have their own home,

and they got to (indistinct) a
piece of shit in front of us.

- And what's worse,
they're pregnant?

- Babe, you can't really
blame them for that.

- No, of course not.

Once again, Paige gets
what she wants.

- She doesn't get everything
that she wants, don't forget.

You have your father's ashes.

- She's never getting
them from me ever.

It's bad enough she went
to college before me,

got married before me.

Now they're having a
baby before us.

- I hate them.

- Oh honey, so do I.

- Oh God, Cooper.

- Instant reflex.

- Like a suicide bomber.

- I'll leave it to Alex and
Richard to screw us over

by being nice.

- They're not being
nice, they're being gay.

A house that fabulous
is like crap to them.

How do they even know
Jake and Chloe?

- But what do you think?

They were just driving by
and they decided

to crash the party?

- Who knows what those two
are capable of.

(burping)

Excuse me.

- It's okay.

(gentle music)

- Good night, dad.

- Bold artisan workmanship.

Deep overhanging eaves.

- Tell me more.

- Douglas fur floors
and staircase,

exposed beams and joy.

- Yes.

- Batchelder tile.

- God!

- Silver Lake Craftsman.

(gentle music)

- Yeah.

I could get used to this.

- Well, don't get
too used to it.

Remember we're just
playing house.

- Boo!

- Aw!

Oh, Richard.

- What?

That wasn't there before.

(gasping)

- What's in there?

(shrieking)

- What is this?

Oh my God! It's money.

- How much do you
think there is?

- Let's find out.

- Oh my God!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Can you take more?

- It tickles.

- Take it.

- $983,000.

- Not even a million?
Pathetic.

- Richard, this is weird.

What kind of people have
this amount of money

just lying around?

- Gangsters, drug dealers,
the church.

- Well, Chloe and Jake
are in Bhutan

helping out the orphans.

So, I guess they get the
benefit of the doubt.

- Ooh, what are you doing?

- Well, he said to help
ourselves to anything.

So, tonight we're filthy rich.

(funky music)

(doorbell ringing)

(door knocking)

- Oh Jesus!

What happened here?

- It looks like Donald
Trump threw up.

(door knocking)

- Alex!

Alex, honey!

- Oh, your sister's here.

- My half sister.

- Alex.

- Oh my God!

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Sweetheart.

We have some challenging news.

- Hi.

Coffee.

- There's been an accident.

Jake and Chloe are dead.

- What?

- Oh my God.

- I know. It's terrible.

- Apparently, Bhutan has the
thickest fog in the planet.

Real crazy shit.

And it was the worst Rick
Shaw pilot they've ever seen.

- They died in a Rick sharks?

- Being impaled by bamboo
spokes is a horrible way to die.

- So, they're really
not coming back?

How awful?

- Well, you know,

death, unfortunately,
is part of the journey.

Would you like a Xanax?

- Sidney thought it best
for us to be professionals

and family to give you
guys the news,

and decide what to do
with the dogs.

- Let's put them in the rescue.

- (laughs) Alex, daddy started
that rescue for greyhounds,

not labradoodles.

- So?

- So, greyhounds are
abused on racetracks

and deserve a good home.

Labradoodles are just dogs.

- So, what are we
supposed to do?

Personally adopt them?

- Dogs are kind of your thing.

- We'll take them, but
just for the time being.

- Alex?
- What?

- We have no choice.

- Oh my God!

Richard, are you okay?

- It's just so terrible.

- Well, what's gonna
happen with the house?

- It'll be sold.

Well, there's no heirs, and
they were orphans too, you know?

- They were such good people.

- Right, good people.

With out of control debt
and back taxes.

Is 10 minutes enough for
you to gather your shit?

- Of course.

- I need 15.

(car engine roaring)

(funky music)

- Oh, I almost forgot.

It is time for some vickies.

Just take half a tab,
you're driving.

- Thanks so much for
helping me look around.

Well, I guess Jake was joking.

There's no nest egg or priceless
artifacts hidden anywhere.

- Face it, Jake was hilarious.

- His passing's a real loss.

- So sweet of you to lock up.

There's an old
Buddhist expression,

"The sun rises only
when it's ready."

And today, you two are my sun.

(car engine roaring)

- Oh boy, are we ready.

(upbeat funky music)

- I don't know.

You don't think Jake
actually gave a down payment

to the orphans, do you?

- Of course he did.

- How can people so mean?

- Face it.

Right now we are treating
little orphan Kuenlay

like extreme home makeover.

- Little orphan Kuenlay,
honey he's dead.

- I don't give a shit.

Like, you know what I mean.

Our money is gone.

- Well, at least it's
going to a good cause.

- We are a good cause.

A giant Oak tree split
our living room in two.

The city is going to evict us.

Now we're gonna have to buy
somewhere totally uncool.

Pasadena.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

(burping)

Sorry.

- Jake and Chloe gave their
lives to those orphans.

- I know.

What are we doing to
help the planet? Nothing.

We're not composting,
we're not planting trees.

We're not even shopping local.

- Well, we do follow the three
RS, reduce, reuse, recycle.

And I bring (indistinct).

- Face it, Alex.

We are users.

We're treating the world
like our bitch.

- I can't stop thinking
of those orphans.

Who is gonna help them now?

- Well, that money
would help them.

- Yeah, if they get it.

- I know. It's stuck in a
vacuum cleaner.

- And you know what
that lawyer said,

Jake and Chloe had debt.

- So when that money is
found, and it will be found,

it's gonna go to creditors.

- Or worse, the IRS.

- Then it's up to us.

We are going back to
that house, to our house,

and getting that money.

We have to, for the orphans.

- You are so turning me
on right now.

(indistinct)

- Are you tweeting again?

- No, I'm just
checking some email.

(funky music)

Oh, oh! That's it.

All right.

Let's do this.

Okay.

Put your hands together
and give me a boost.

- Okay.

(giggles) This is fun.

- Okay.

Oh God!

Alex, you're so heavy.

You should really think
about dieting.

- You are not even commenting

on my weight right now, Richard.

- Okay. Sorry.

Light as a feather.

You're practically anorexic.
Jesus!

- Richard, all the doors
and windows are locked.

Maybe we should just give up.

- No, no.

We are getting in there.

- Oh, you really care
about those kids.

- Yes, yes.

- Man, I have to pee.

- Oh, here. Hold this.

- Oh, oh, what if the
alarm goes off?

- Well, if the alarm goes off,

I'll pee in the bushes.

Back up, back up.

(window shattering)

(laughing)

- No alarm.
- No alarm.

(toilet flushing)

(alarm wailing)

- Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Don't panic?

Why? Because the police
are on the way over here

right this very second?

- Just come down, Richard.

- I can't go to jail.

I can't wear orange.

I'm a winter.

- Let's just get the
money quick.

- No, wait. Let's just
turn the alarm off.

- No, no, no, no.

Jake gave us the wrong code.

The alarm company know it's us.

- Okay, plan B.

Let's just get the money quick.

- Like how is that
different than plan A?

- Okay, relax.

Let's just get the money.

- What if it's gone?

What are we gonna do?

(indistinct)

- Relax, I put it back in
the secret room.

- See?
- God!

- Wait, wait, wait.

What about him?

- Richard, we're not
shopping. It's hideous.

- Damn it.

- You're kidding me.

- It was an accident, Richard.

(dogs barking)

- That was really...

- Oh, Richard kiss me, kiss me,
kiss me.

(deep kissing)

(siren wailing)

- Okay, okay. Let's go.

- Alex, I'm not some
sex machine.

You cannot just do that
and then stop.

- You want to explain
that to the police?

- Let's go.

- Thank you.

Those alarms are
beyond annoying.

The worst headache ever.

- I have Vicodin.

You know what they say?

Shrinks always have
the best shit.

- I can't, really.

I'm on duty.

- Vicodin for a headache.

What do you do for migrant?
Shoot up?

- We are friends of
Jake and Chloe,

and their lawyer, who is
sadly disabled.

- Detective Diane Kershman,
LAPD robbery, homicide.

- Dr. Page Whitehead.

And this is my husband,
Dr. Cooper Whitehead.

- Hello.

- My condolences, for your loss.

Can you just give me a second?

So, what do you got?

- Point of entry was
in the window.

I found this.

- I also found this in
the bathroom.

Grenade, cafe mocha. Still warm.

- Okay, good work.

Let's motor.

I want the burglary
forensics team here ASAP.

- You got it.

- Excuse me.

But how do you already know
that anything's been taken?

- Just a hunch.

But I'm pretty sure that the
Buddha doesn't (indistinct).

- Oh my God!

I can't remember the last
time I had so much fun.

- Aside from the alarm,

money flying everywhere
and almost getting caught,

we're like our own
private gay mafia.

- Helping children really
does turn you on, doesn't it?

- Yeah.

- That, and fear of prison.

- Prison?

- What kind of thief
leaves behind money?

- The same kind of theme
that breaks in using a rock,

sets off the alarm and then
leave Starbucks on the premises.

- A homeless person?

- I'm thinking someone
not that together.

- You're not thinking
Alex and Richard, are you?

- This breaking reeks of them.

- Well, we should tell
that detective.

- Tell her what?

We've got no evidence.

Besides, we do that, all
of our cash goes straight

to Jake and Chloe's estate.

Or worse, the orphans.

Okay, we've got to
figure this out.

Be smarter than them.

- Can we do that?

- Of course, it's Richard
and Alex were talking about.

It's like dealing with
hairy children.

(funky drum music)

- Some people's taste is
on their mouths.

- Richard.

- Oh, Alex.

Never sneak up on me when
I'm coveting our take.

Come here, sit. Sit down.

Look at all this.

Do you know what this is?

- Grand theft larceny.

- Funny. No, no.

This is homes, cars, vacations,
clothes.

This is our ticket to fabulous.

- And how fabulous is a
clean conscience?

- You're right.

- I am.

- Here I am fantasizing
about a mint condition

Charlie's angels, angels
and chains lunch box.

And, children are hungry.

Hand me that (indistinct).

- What are we doing?

- We're doing the right thing,
right now.

(gentle flute music)

- Hi.

We'd like to talk to someone
about the children of Bhutan.

- Are you two all right?

You both look queer.

One moment please.

Tashi delek.

Special assistant.

(indistinct)

- Tashi delek, pleasure.

I'm Rigzang Wangchuck,
specialist assistant

to the ambassador of
the Kingdom of Bhutan.

- Oh cool.

I'm Richard Nearly, and this
is my husband, Alex Riordan.

- Hey.

- We are here to offer a
very, very large donation

to the orphans of your country.

(laughing)

- That's rather bizarre,
wouldn't you say?

Perhaps an orphan with
housekeeping skills

might give them a leg-up.
(laughs)

Do you fancy a boy or a girl?

I'll order your girl.

- Oh, we don't want a girl.

- Oh, you fancy a boy.

- We don't fancy a boy or
girl or a child.

Although, we love children.

- We were house-sitting for
the Jones's, Jake and Chloe.

You must know them, right?

- From helpuscare.org.

- They died recently in
that big Rick Shaw accident.

- I am the special
assistant to the ambassador

of the Kingdom of Bhutan.

I do not monitor Rick
Shaw accidents.

- Okay, all right.

Chill, sorry.

We found a lot of money
in their house

and we thought maybe you could...

- Or the embassy.

- Yeah, the embassy
could take it and give it

to the children of Bhutan.

- So, you don't fancy an orphan?

You want to give me money?

(whistle blowing)

(indistinct)

- Yes, special assistant.

- I am being offered money
by these gay Americans.

- Have you touched it?

- I have not touched it,
please note.

- You have not touched it,
so noted.

- No, no, no, no.

The money is not for you.

It's for the orphans.

- Do we know of any orphans?

- We do not to know any orphans.

- I do not want your money.

We do not want your money.

In fact, I enthusiastically
refuse your bribe.

Please note.

- So noted.

- No, no, no.

You don't understand.

- No, after last year,

this embassy no longer
accepts cash donations.

- This has nothing to do
with happened last year.

- He borrowed the money,
he did not steal it.

- We don't think he did
anything criminal.

- Our ambassador is
not a criminal.

Our ambassador is
not a criminal.

- Please, you must leave now.

- We must leave now.

Tashi delek.

(funky music)

- This was not a good idea,
please note.

- So noted.

- Well, I guess we need to
find a new charity now, right?

- Yeah, but let's get
rid of the money first.

That much cash really
seems to set people off.

Oh, you know, the Apple
store is not far from here

and I really want one of
those new 52 inch iMac.

- Richard.

- I'm kidding.

They don't make them that big.

(gentle funky music)

- Hey, check it.

That's a worthwhile charity.

- Yeah, yeah.

Dolphins are smart.

They're like, they're like
chimpanzees with fins.

- They're practically children.

- They could even be orphans.

- Two, please.

- Hi.

Welcome to Porpoise Purpose,

part of the citation sensation.

- We would like to make
a very large donation

to the dolphins.

- Porpoises.

There are the people of the sea.

I'd be happy to take your
check or credit donation.

- Okay.

- A pen?

- Sure.

- Porpoise Purpose.

- Checks take a long time,
don't they?

- They do.

- Thank you.

And would you like...

Sweet Jesus on a waffle cone.

Are you shitting me?

This is the largest
single donation

that we've ever received.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh my God, thank you so much.

Oh my God, you're
such good people.

- Anytime.
- Thank you.

- Oh, wait, wait.

Mr. Nearly and Reardon,
you can't leave.

Not, not yet.

Wait right here, please.

Just wait, one second.

Bountiful angels are
in the lobby.

I repeat, bountiful
angels are in the lobby.

- Mr. Nearly, Mr. Reardon.

Stuart Hendron, executive
director of the Porpoise
Purpose.

You are gonna help raise
profile of the porpoise,

an often overlooked citation.

- Well, that's great.

We've always loved dolphins.

- Porpoises.

They're the people of the sea.

And if you don't mind me asking,
are you familiar with them?

- Of course.

I mean, just because
we're gay doesn't mean

we don't like fish.

- It's good to know, but
they're mammals.

- Yes.

And with a shorter beak
than the dolphin,

the porpoises' more
popular stupid cousin.

Now, let me introduce
you to somebody.

This is Pete, the porpoise.

He's not just our logo,
he's a real, little guy.

We keep him in a pool in
the Sherman Oaks galleria.

- You do?

- You bet.

And your money's gonna
make all the difference

in his life and other porpoises'
lives.

- All right, come this way.

Come on.

- Oh no!

- You two go right in
front of the sign.

- You're going to love it.

- You will love it.

- Okay, smile like a porpoise.

Right.

Say (making porpoise noises)

- We did the right thing.

- Oh yeah, great.

We helped the porpoise.

- We did.

- Good for you, Alex.

Good for Pete.

Good for all the
people of the sea.

- It is good for them.

- And why didn't we
use the card?

We could have at least
gotten miles.

(gentle music)

- The state has put
this home into auction,

which means it's not only
happening under the radar,

they will consider any offer
no matter how shameless.

- You hear that?

It's practically a
personal invitation.

- Well, well, well look,
who's here.

- Hi.

- We're here Just scoping
out the real estate.

- Interesting, interesting.

So are we.

- But, you already have a house.

- From which the city
has asked us to vacate.

- Oh no.

Is it because of the sods?

- The city treats trees like
they are inanimate objects.

- If only they were.

- So, you're just gonna
buy another house?

- Well, we can't keep living
in the Four Seasons forever.

(laughing)

- But how can you afford this?

- Well, how can anyone
afford anything?

I mean, it's not like
you two recently came

into a lot of money, did you?

- Yeah, they did.

- We're not gonna buy it.

It's out of our range.

- It is pricey.

- No, it isn't.

- It's not pricey?

- No, it isn't out of our range.

- Richard, can I talk to you?

Excuse me.

- Alex, this is Edendale,
our house.

And we could be buying
it right now.

But instead, what did we do?

We set up a pension plan
for a porpoise.

- And that's a beautiful thing.

- Yes, yes. It is a
beautiful thing.

But that money belong to
the orphans of Bhutan,

who, let's be honest,
we screwed.

- So, you want to get
that money back

and give it to the
orphans of Bhutan?

- Mm-hmm.

If I am lying, may God
strike me down this instant.

- I do not care how
perfect this place is.

Well, actually I do.

But that money, which is gone,
isn't ours.

- What if we could get it back?

- We can't.

- If we could, we could use
the money to buy the house

and we could take out a second
and pay back the orphans.

Then they've got their
money, we've got Edendale.

Everybody's happy.

- Do you think that I'm
enjoying this?

Losing out to Paige yet
again? It's humiliating.

- I know, I know.

It is humiliating.

I guess Paige and Cooper
and their unborn demon spawn

will be very happy here.

- This is a turnkey sale,
fully furnished.

It's perfect for anyone with
no personal sense of taste

and very little money.

- Alex, sweetie.

We should tell you with what's
happening with the house.

We're gonna have to
salvage his delight.

- What?

You can't just do that, I
own half of it.

- No, actually I can.

When daddy left us the
rescue, he gave me 51%.

- What about the greyhound?

- We're replacing them
with a brighter day.

- No, you can't.

That place does
medical research.

- Medical research?

Where did these
rumors come from?

- They will be fine.

Those dogs are gonna
get all the free makeup

and elective surgery
any dog could ever want.

- Well, that's Paige.

Buying real estate with
the blood of abused dogs.

- You don't think they're
really gonna put the greyhounds

in that place though, do you?

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, if only we had the room.

- Well, we could.

- But?

- No. No, forget.

- Okay.

Forget what?

- It's just...

All right, let's do it.

- You want to buy your house?

You want to buy Edendale.

- Let's go back to the
Porpoise Purpose

and get our money back.

- Hi.

- Oh, good timing you two.

- Look.

- Oh, yeah. Wow.

Look at that.

Listen, I wonder if we could
speak to that nice gentleman

we met yesterday.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Mr. Hendron isn't available.

- Well, get him available
'cause we need to talk.

- We're kind of having
a porpoise emergency.

- Oh, I see.

It's a porpoise emergency.

Yeah, I have a couple of
bountiful angels in the lobby,

code red.

I don't know, they're
not leaving.

Okay.

He'll be right out.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

- Now, what is so urgent?

- Well, I'm not sure if
you know this.

Well, of course you
don't know this.

How could you
possibly know this?

But Alex owns a greyhound rescue
and adoption organization.

- No, I didn't.

What's it called?

- Well, the name is
not important.

But I just found out
that my sister,

who only owns 1% more than
I do is going to close it.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

Listen, after yesterday,
we think of you as family.

So if there's anything
we can do, just ask.

- Well, we were hoping you
would say that because,

because we want our money back.

- (laughs) Oh, I'm sorry.

I just thought I heard you say
you wanted your money back.

- It's 'cause that's
what I said.

- Well, that's impossible.

- But we changed our mind.

- Well, this isn't an
urban Outfitters.

You just can't ask for a refund.

- But you just said
we were family.

- Oh, we are.

Just think of this
as tough love.

- Well, that depends.

How much are we talking about?

- Not much.

- Well, you see the
legal issue is,

what is the status of the
money as a gift?

Does it pass
automatically into the hands

of the person accepting it?

Or, does the giver have the
option of rescinding the gift?

I mean, this is not
necessarily fraud.

You didn't go to the
Purpose Purpose

with the sole intention of
defrauding them, did you?

- No.

- Of course, not.

- Not now, Bethany.

She has a very popular website.

I'm sorry, where were we?

Oh yes, you two just
changed your minds, right?

Well, there's certainly
no law against that.

- So, what should we do?

- Go ahead and stop payment.

And if I were you, I'd
do it sooner than later.

- (indistinct). We're ready.

- Yeah, I think so.

- All right.

(indistinct)

- Okay.

(gentle music)

- Okay.

So, they've countered both
you and one other couple.

- One other couple?

It's interesting.

- You don't by chance
know if it's Paige

and Cooper Whitehead, do you?

- Ethically, I can't
reveal that.

But since you guessed,
you're not exactly wrong.

- Fuckers!

They're family.

- I think I can clear this
whole thing up right away.

We are planning on using
Edendale
for the Greyhound rescue.

- Ah, that's a very
noble aspiration.

(clearing throat)

- What? It is.

- So, you'll agree to
back out of buying it?

- Oh, let's see.

How can I put this?

No.

- You don't seriously expect
us to keep four greyhounds

and three labradoodles
in an apartment, do you?

- I'm pregnant with twins.

- Twins?

- Very you of you.

- If you back out,

we'll be glad to put you
up in the guest house.

- Well, I'm sorry, but we're
lousy guest house house guests.

- I want daddy, the urn.

- No, no way.

- Give me that, and
we'll back out.

- Paige.

- It is bad enough you
got all his attention

his entire life.

I am not partying
with his ashes.

- Well, then I guess
you and your dogs

will have to continue
living here in squalor.

(cell beeping)

- I better take this.

Hello.

Yes.

Are you serious?

Well, that's great news.

That's fantastic.

Thank you.

- You're kidding!

(laughing)

You guys are not going
to believe this.

But it turns out you didn't
qualify for financing.

- What?

There must be some mistake.

- You two can't afford Edendale.

- No. Evidently, it is
you who cannot afford it.

- We got our house.

- We got the house.

- We got our house.

- We got Edendale.

- I'm so happy.

- Hold on.

- I'm very sorry.

Oh great, yeah.

Right in here.

- This is our kitchen stuff.

- Oh, really?

You could put it,
just back there.

Right back here.

- Hey, you guys.

- Hello.

- I have a package I think
you should take a look at.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- Thank you.
- This yours?

- Yes, I'll take it.

Thank you.

- Thanks.

- It's from Bhutan.

It might be from Jake and Chloe.

- Richard.

- What? They don't have heirs.

- Oh my God.

- You've gotta be kidding me.

- (laughs) I kinda like it.

It looks like Paige.

(gentle music)

(door knocking)

- Thank you both for
putting us up.

This is the most glamorous
eight by eight foot space

we've ever lived in.

- I know. It's a
little small but...

- No, we love it.

Plus we have view of your
beautiful house,

which we didn't qualify for.

- Paige, I've been thinking.

It's only fair you
should have dad.

- Oh!

Sweetie, I love you.

You know what?

Daddy's weather-safe.

Why don't we leave him
out here in the garden,

and that way we can both enjoy?

- Really.

Paige, I know that we're only
half siblings but I really...

- Oh, that is my 3:30.

Why don't we continue this
hallmark moment later?

Okay? Thank you so much.

Come on in.

Here we go.

Bye!

- Where do you want to live?

Where can we put you?

That's good.

(bottle popping)

- To our very own home.

No, to our very castle.

- And living happily ever after.

- Detective Diane Kershman,
LAPD.

I'm looking into the deaths
of Jake and Chloe Jones.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- You two were
house-sitting for them

at the time of the murder,
right?

- Yeah, but they
weren't murdered.

- Really?

So, you think being run
over several times

by the same vehicle
is an accident?

- By vehicle, don't you
mean Rick Shaw?

Because we heard, we
heard Rick Shaw.

- We did hear Rick Shaw.

- No. By vehicle, I mean,
Chevy Tahoe.

- An SUV? Jesus!

Do you know who did it?

- That's what I was just
about to ask you.

- Well, we loved Jake and Chloe.

We were, we were very
good friends.

- Yeah.

- How long did you know them?

- Oh, we just met them once.

- But we hit it off right away
and are still very, very sad.

Would you like some champagne?

- All right, thank you. Goodbye.

- Jesus H> fuck!

They were killed for that money.

And do the killers now
have that money?

No, they don't.

We do.

- We don't know that.

That money could very well
have belonged to the orphans.

- Then why didn't Jake
and Chloe bring it

with them to Bhutan?

- (indistinct) orphans.

- Other Bhutanese orphans?

- Look, we said we were
going to give back the money

and I still think we should.

- Yes, I know, I know.

- What are you implying?

Now, you don't want to.

- I'm just saying that we
should give this a good think.

There is no rush on this.

It's not like the orphans are
reporting us to credit bureau.

- We don't know why
they were killed.

And honestly, it makes
no difference.

- It makes no difference?

Being run over by a Rick Shaw
is a bizarre twist of fate.

Being run over by an SUV means
someone wanted to turn you

into a waffle.

- How long have you been there?

- Long enough.

- Listen, we had to.

You were gonna send those
dogs off to doggy Auschwitz.

- So you stole orphans'
money and used it

to buy rescue dogs a fabulous
house in Silver Lake?

- Well, I wouldn't
describe it like that.

- Well, how would you describe?

- Well, what I would say
is that we temporary...

- We don't have to
explain anything to you.

- No, you don't have
to talk to us

when you can talk to the police.

- He wouldn't dare.

- Oh yes, they would.

- Of course, we wouldn't.

We're family.

But what exactly were
you planning on doing

when the killers showed up?

- Do you think they're
gonna come here?

- Who knows what they'll do?

They're killers.

- Well, we were planning
on cashing out

the second escrow closed.

- Look, I don't have
an agenda here,

but I think that's a good idea.

Because, if and when
those killers show up...

- And they probably will,
probably.

- They're gonna want
their money.

- In cash.

(upbeat funky music)

- Richard.

Oh my God!

Oh my God, the dogs.

Richard.

- Bring $983,000 to the
Hyperion parking lot,

Tuesday at noon, no
police or else.

And then, this doesn't
make any sense.

It's a drawing of
the dead camel.

- That's not a camel,
it's a labradoodle.

- Really?

That's pathetic.

Oh my God, it's from
the killers.

It has to be.

- Well, we don't know that.

- Who else could it be?

We even told Cooper and
Paige the exact amount.

- Oh, so we're not being
blackmailed by family.

Well, that's a plus.

- That really warms the heart.

- Oh my God, I'm not okay.

It is so awfully so unfair.

Now I'm gonna call the police.

- No, wait.

Alex, no. You can't.

It says no police.

- I don't care.

They stole my babies.

We're not playing by
their rules.

(phone ringing)

- Detective Kershman, homicide.

- Hi, it's Alex Riordan.

There's a, there's been
a kidnapping.

Oh God, they took our babies.

- Oh Jesus!

Okay, just calm down.

We're on the case, tell
me everything.

- Richard and I, we came home,

and now we found
this ransom note

by whatever sick fuck did this.

- Okay.

Don't you worry, I live
for this shit.

Now, just tell me the names and
ages of each of the victims.

- Yeah. Haley is six, Caitlin
is five and Nick is...

Nick is two.

- Okay, I need you to
come down to the station

and bring me some pictures.

And can you send me one ASAP?

- Oh, yeah.

- They're adorable.

- Yeah, they're our babies.

Thank you, thank you so much.

- Okay.

- Are they even gonna
do anything?

- Well, they better.

That's our tax dollars at work.

- We're bringing you
live team coverage

of this truly awful local
story out of Silver Lake.

The LAPD has just issued
a statewide amber alert

for these three
missing children.

- Oh Jesus!

What the hell is this?

- My God!

There's an amber alert for
Richard's sister's kids?

- Just a toddler
who misses his daddies.

- No, there's an amber alert
for Alex and Richard's dogs.

- I didn't know they
could do that.

- You can't.

- Anyone with information is
urged to please call the LAPD

amber alert hotline.

Do it for the children.

- The mind of a kidnapper
is a vacant intuition.

These people frequently suffer
from addiction to drugs,

alcohol and Facebook.

(upbeat funky music)

- Hi, have you heard from
the kidnappers?

- Tell us about the victims.

- All we can say is that
they're all very well-behaved.

All of them.

- They're well-trained,
actually.

- Except for, with the post man.

They hump his leg like
(indistinct).

- Well, it's the curry.

It drives them crazy.

Oh, and I really shouldn't
be saying this,

but Nick sort of has a
crotch sniffing problem.

He won't bring up (indistinct).

- We really
appreciate everything,

but isn't this a bit extreme?

- Extreme?

What could be more important?

Do you have some more pictures?

- Alex does.

- Okay, good.

And I want to assure you,

that we are doing everything
possible to find your children.

- Wait, did you say children?

- Yes, of course.

Do you have the pictures?

- Yes, Alex. Show them to her.

Show them to her now.

- Richard, stop it.

- Is there a problem?

- We really appreciate
everything that you've done,

but I think we're just
gonna go home.

- Wait, just a goddamn minute.

There was a kidnapping, right?

- Yes.

There was a kidnapping,
that's true.

- What am I looking at?

These are pictures of dogs.

- They're labradoodles actually.

- They are dogs.

Why am I looking at
pictures of dogs

with guns pointed at
their snouts?

- Because they were kidnapped.

- They're my babies.

- Do you mean that I
put an Amber alert out

on labra-fucking-doodles?

- I never said they
were my actual children.

- I mean, that's just stupid,
right?

- You sent me
pictures of children.

- No, it didn't.

- Oh, yes you did.

- Oh, geez.

Yeah, I mean, you asked
for a picture.

That was the first one I found.

That picture is not of
the children.

Clearly, it's of the dogs.

- Detective, we're very
sorry about this.

Aren't we, Alex?

- This is not my mistake.

- Yes, we're sorry.

- You're sorry?

Are you fucking kidding me?

- Our dogs were kidnapped,

and we still do need your
help getting them back.

- Yeah, yeah. Dog-napping.

That is, that's a crime.

Isn't that a crime?

That's a crime.

- It's a horrible crime.

- I'm glad you came to us.

Kidnappings are our specialty.

- I thought you were
grief counselors.

- We are.

But if this doesn't work out,

we can help you through
the grief process.

- What's that
supposed to be mean?

- I was speaking statistically,
and you're not a statistic.

Not yet.

- Oh look, I'm just
going to give it to you,

if you pardon the expression,
straight.

In these situations, most
experts agree,

just pay the ransom.

- If we do that, then the
kidnappers win.

- If you don't do it, you lose.

(funky drum music)

(scoffing)

- Oh no, he did not.

(funky music)

- All right, there they are.

So, drop the money at
the designated location

and back off.

You got it?

- Yeah.

- Richard, bring them home.

- I will, baby.

I will.

- Oh dear God, can we
just do this already?

(funky music)

He's not backing off,
why isn't he backing off?

- Jesus!

(phone ringing)

- Back off, please.

You're supposed to back off,
okay?

- All right, all ready.

- Come on, let's go. Back off.

- You back off.

(funky music)

- Jesus Christ!

- Oh God! It's some guy
in a tacky tracksuit.

(funky music)

- Oh, my babies!

My dogs!

(funky music)

- They look scared.

(indistinct)

- What are you doing?

Alex, what are you doing?

- Come here, come here,
come here.

- What is happening?

- You're so sweet.

- What the hell is he doing?

- He's going back for our money.

- Look what you did!

(speaking in foreign language)

- Are you kidding me?

(laughing)

- Oh shit!

I think it's vomit.

- Oh, Jesus Christ!

(funky music)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Okay. Okay, gracias.

(speaking in foreign language)

That is the last time I
buy muscle on the 101.

- Is it just me,

or we are never getting
our money back?

- Oh, we will get it back.

We just need to
change our tactics.

- Oh my God!

You're not suggesting
putting out a hit on them?

- What? No.

He's my half brother.

- Oh no, of course not.

- No, we're gonna do
the decent thing.

We're sending them to jail.

(funky music)

- This must be so very
hard for you.

- It is.

It's very, very difficult.

- This is about her dear
brother, Alex Reardon.

R-E-A-R-D-O-N.

- And his husband,
Richard Nearly.

They are gay thieves.

- Really?

What do they steal? Rainbows.
(chuckles)

- They stole a million dollars
from Jake and Chloe Jones.

Then, this is a whole lot harder

than I thought it was gonna be.

They used the money to buy a
fabulous house in Silver Lake.

- How do you know this?

- You've seen it,
it's spectacular.

- How do you know they
stole the money?

- Oh, they told us.

- In confidence.

Which is why we're very
conflicted about this.

- Absolutely.

I have had acid
reflux all morning.

- The money belongs to
the orphans of Bhutan.

That's why we're here.

- For the orphans of Bhutan?

- Yes. God bless them.

- The LAPD is already
investigating your adorable
brother

and his lovely husband.

And when the full extent
of their little cha-cha

of crime comes to light,

we are going to prosecute to
the fullest extent of the law.

- Can I help you?

- It's good.

We're good.

(dramatic music)

- Bhutan.

Oh Jesus!

Richard!

Holy shit!

Richard!

- What's going on?

Are you okay?

- I think Paige and Cooper
killed Jake and Chloe.

- I believe that.

- Look.

They were in Bhutan
the same time

Jake and Chloe were killed.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

- Do you really think your
sister's capable of murder?

- Half-sister.

And check this out.

Lindsay Lohan would
be impressed.

- (laughs) Sorry.

- Turning in your family
to the authorities,

it's never easy.

- We tried to take the high road

when we kidnapped their dogs.

- That cash is here.

And we will find it too
once they're locked up.

- Yeah, but once
they're arrested,

won't the police
search the house?

- Why didn't you bring that
up before we went to the LAPD?

- I just, it seemed that,
I mean, I thought maybe...

Do you want a Vicky?

- Yes, but I can't have one.

Because I am
motherfucking pregnant.

- All those people coming
and going day and night.

- We thought they were
getting treatment.

It turns out they were
getting high.

- And another thing,

it is bad enough that we have
to live in this hell hole.

Must we walk through
dog shit to get there.

Shut up!

(dramatic music)

- Why do I feel like I've
been violated?

- You're pregnant.

- We've recently have
begun to suspect

that Paige and her husband are...

- Drug dealing murderers.

- You're saying your
sister's a killer?

- She and her husband Cooper.

- C-O-O-P-E-R.

- They were in Bhutan
the same time

Jake and Chloe were killed.

- How interesting?

The sudden burst of conscience.

Well, especially since
they just told me

that you bought your
house with stolen money.

- They did what now?

- Those fuckers!

Who we love.

- That is not from the
recycling bin.

- What difference does it make?

It's close enough.

- It's not gonna smell the same.

- I'm not asking them
to sniff (indistinct).

Vomit is vomit...

Here.

- Oh my God! Disgusting.

Not you, just your vomit.

Okay.

Doggies, come have a sniff.

There you go doggies,
have a sniff.

Oh damn!

- Mama just got a hard on.

I won't touch it.

- I suspected you two
were up to something,

so I did a little checking.

I found out that you
recently made a cash deposit

of almost a million dollars.

Now that raises big questions.

Not just for me, but the IRS.

- The IRS?

- We can explain that.

- And there's also been a
complaint filed against you

by something called the
Porpoise Purpose.

- Yeah, we had a bit of a
run with them.

- What kind of a
person's stops payment

on a check to a dolphin?

- Technically,
they're porpoises.

They're the people of the sea.

- And we're very, very, sorry.

- I've got one more
question for you.

Who the hell do you think I am?

- A detective.

- Damn right I am.

You know what that means?

I'm not your nanny, or your
therapist or your bitch.

I am a detective with
the fine organization

that is the Los Angeles
Police Department.

- Yeah, I think that's...

- That's what I meant.

- So, I'm gonna tell you how
this is going to go down.

I will look into your
precious half sister.

And you, you're going
to make good

on your Porpoise Purpose pledge.

- We would really like to.

We would would love to,
but we can't.

- Okay.

Well, I'm off to the
DA's, and then to the IRS.

They are going to be
riveted by my investigation,

especially (laughs) your tweets.

- My tweets.
- Yes.

- You follow me?

- Confession by social media,
very cutting edge. #Guilty

- You tweeted about this?

- No, of course not.

I, yes I did. I'm sorry.

- Night now.

- We have the cash.

We took out a second,

which we were coincidentally
going to donate

to the Porpoise Purpose.

- Giving, feels good, don't it?

- Paige, Paige, open this door.

They're gone.

Why would they...

Those bastards, they took it.

How can people be so
goddamn greedy?

- Right.

Greedy people, who steal.

Who does that remind you of?

- Alex.

Oh come on, this is
completely different.

- Is it? How exactly?

- Don't be like this, Alex.

We did all of this
for the orphans,

and for the dogs.

- Richard, enough.

- What?

- You know what.

Can we just be honest
with ourselves for once?

- I just really
wanted our house.

- That's great, if we
could afford it.

- Well, we can.

- Okay, maybe we can't.

- No, we definitely can't.

And now we're going to lose it,
why?

- Because your sister is an
evil, manipulative freak.

- Aside from that.

It's like this
obsession with you.

- Me?

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

So, I'm the only one
who wanted this?

- It's like you're trying
to prove something.

It's like you want
to be (gasps).

- Don't say it.

- Straight.

- Don't you dare say that to me.

- It's true, isn't it?

You have straight envy.

- Me?

You're the one with
straight envy.

You're the one who has
to adopt every orphan

and stray dog, Angelina Jolie.

- Well, what's wrong with that?

- Maybe, I don't want that.

- You don't want to adopt,
really?

- Alex, wait.

- No, you tell me. Tell
me right now.

- Of course, I want kids.

But, I'm just afraid
they're not gonna let us.

Me, I'm afraid they're
not gonna let me.

- What?

- Think about it.

It's been months and we
still haven't been approved.

Obviously, it's not
because of you.

I just thought that maybe,
maybe.

I love you so much.

I don't want you to
look at me one day

and figure out that
I'm not perfect.

- I already know.

- You do?

- You haven't disappointed me.

You couldn't, not really.

I love you.

- I love you too.

- Let's get rid of this
goddamn house.

- So, they are ready to
make an offer.

It's low, but acceptable.

- No, absolutely not.

- Look at the bright side,

we're keeping the
property in the family.

- Excellent, right?

- Jealousy, it's a disease.

Get well soon, bitches.

(gentle music)

- Hi.

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

- First of all, we are so, so,
so sorry.

- Yes, very sorry.

- What happened has nothing
to do with how we feel

about you or your
organization or the porpoise.

It's our new favorite mammal.

(making porpoise noises)

- Oh, it's cute.

- Thank you.

- And so, we would like to
make good on the donation

that we promised in
monthly installments.

Here.

- Where are you going?

That's it?

Don't we get a thank you?

- A thank you?

It's one thing to make a
million dollar donation,

but then to give a stolen
money and then take it back

to buy a house.

And even though you gave
me a check for $1,000

just to avoid going to
jail, you want a thank you?

- We'd settle for a receipt.

- Ungrateful.

- Did he say we were
gonna get the receipt?

- Oh Jesus! What happened?

- We were robbed, by very
messy thieves.

- Who would be stupid
enough to rob us?

- Someone stupid with
acid reflux.

- But we just told you
who did this.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

It is with great difficulty
that you implicate your beloved

sister-in-law, right?

- No, it's not. She did this.

- And she should fry.

- This evidence is
circumstantial.

Just let us do our
investigations.

Something else will turn up.

Now, do you have any idea
what was taken?

- Yeah.

She took this.

- That thing.

It's hideous.

You should thank her.

- It's hideous, you
should thank her.

- I heard that.

- Where did you find this?

- It was inside Edendale
when we bought the place.

Why?

- Because, that is the
Kuntu Zangpo.

Ancient Bhutanese figurine,

property of Bhutan's
most art and collector,

who died five months ago.

Jake and Chloe known for
their humanitarian work,

we're also smuggling
artifacts out of the orient

and they owed me a great
deal of money.

And the Zangpo was
to be payment.

- So, how much is it worth?

- Oh, well, something like
that is priceless of course.

But I do know of a buyer who
was willing to pay $10 million.

- Are you telling me we
have a $10 million tchotchke

laying around house?

- They took the Zangpo from you.

And now you're going to help
me get it back from them.

- Oh, hold on.

We can't just go in
there and steal it.

- If you do, I'll pay you
one third of its value.

That's $3,300,000.

- When do you want it?

- Y'all say hello to my
little friends. (laughs)

- All for three, aren't they?

- Oh, I think I'm in love.

- Hey, guys.

What's going on?

- Richard, now is not the time.

- We missed you too.

We are family after all.

- What do you think
you're doing?

- No, no, no, no.

- Look at this.

It's the Kuntu Zangpo.

- Fresh from our apartment.

- Wait, your apartment?

I thought you said it was yours.

- It is.

Richard, you put that
down right now

or I am calling the police.

- Oh. Oh, you want me
to put it down?

All right.

(tchotchke breaking)

- Oh, dear Jesus.

- What did you do?

Honey, (indistinct).

Give me drugs.

- You know, she has
gastroesophageal reflux
syndrome.

Look what you're doing to her,
you freak.

- Chill, it's heartburn.

- Chill?

You fucking chill.

- Hey, Paige, back off.

You're pregnant.

- Okay, y'all.

I've had a long day, so
I think I will just go.

- Everyone, calm down. Look.

- Oh my gay God.

Well, there's another one?

- Very amusing.

- You didn't think he'd
break something

worth $10 million, did you?

- 10? But you're charging me 12.

- We are still negotiating.

Richard, give it to me.

- First answer a few
questions for us.

- Oh, give me a goddamn break.

- What? You wouldn't.

- Try me.

- Just tell him whatever
the fuck he wants to hear.

- Why did you go to Bhutan?

- Jake and Chloe we're
going to give our money

to those stupid orphans.

So, we followed them to
Bhutan to get it back.

But, it didn't work.

- And so you killed them?

- One, we don't kill people.

We're therapists, we
help people.

- Yeah, by selling them drugs.

- Drugs?

Oh my God.

We'll talk later.

- What?

That is not true.

- Really?

- Jesus Christ!

Fine, okay.

We hook people up.

You have to to get
ahead in this town.

- I knew it.

- Hand over the dragon.

- Just wait one goddamn minute.

- Sidney.

- Why is that man
pointing a gun at us?

- I thought we were
handling this?

- Yes. Well, you were

and then I realized that you
two have an issue with trust.

Give me the Zangpo.

- No, no, hold up sweetheart.

You want that thing?

You gonna have to
come through me.

- Who the hell is he?

- He's a buyer, a Paige
fandom on Craigslist.

- Yeah. Well, I went all
the way to Bhutan

for that figurine and
I want it now.

- You were there too?

- You killed them.

(laughing)

- Well, the official story is,

I was driving over to meet them

and accidentally drove
over them, twice.

The way Bhutan modifies cars
for the disabled is a disgrace.

And all for nothing,

'cause those two didn't
have the Zangpo.

Jake was a liar.

- Yeah, tried getting him
to pay for a sick tree.

- You know what?

This is all very interesting,

but I think I will
just take this...

(gun banging)

- Oh my God.

You shot me you butt-hole.

This is Italian.

Somebody called 911.

- Oh my goodness.

- Okay, that's it.

When Buddhist starts
shooting people,

something is very,
seriously wrong.

(dramatic music)

(tchotchke breaking)

- You chose me over
the sculpture.

- Honey, you are my brother.

Oh God, what have I done?

- I am your brother.

That's why I feel so bad...

- LAPD, nobody move.

- About throwing you in jail.

- Get the paramedics
up here ASAP,

and maybe a coroner too.

You all right?

- We're good.

- What's going on here?

- I'm wearing a wire.

And guess who just confessed.

- You're under arrest
for unlawful sale

of prescription narcotics
and refusal to comply

with a court order to
demolish one dead oak.

- Those people are ruthless.

They're just, they're,
they're a menace.

That's what they are.

You know, they shouldn't
even be allowed to be out

on the street, not alone
allowed to sell antiquities.

I mean, I've seen trash in
my days, nothing like that.

- I hope we can someday be
a family again.

- Me too.

You can start by getting
us the best lawyer

in Southern California.

- Yes, preferably one
who's not a Buddhist.

- You broke both sculptures.

You threw away $10 million.

You are insane.

- Come with me.

- Voila!

The real well Kuntu Zangpo.

- God, they were three?

- Yeah.

Well, the other two were fakes.

- How do you know?

- Well, this is the
one that Jake and Chloe

sent back from Bhutan.

Plus, it's older and dirtier.

And I Googled it.

(plane engine roaring)

(flute instrumental music)

- So, this school was
built by donations

from another American couple.

Perhaps, you've heard of them.

- Honey, they really
were good people.

- We still mourn their passing,

and wonder who now will
take over the good work.

- Hey, hey, there.

We know you, Kuenlay.

We saw you in a movie.

- Oh, Alex, no.

Remember, this isn't him.

- Oh God, I'm sorry.

- This is Kuenlay's brother,
Kuenphay.

- Hi, I'm Alex.

This is Richard.

- Hi, I'm Richard.

We actually have
something for you.

- Another Kuntu Zangpo.

It can't be.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This will take of
children for generations.

How can we ever thank you?

- What do you say, hun?

Can you think of some
way he could thank us?

Hey, how would you feel
about going back

to America with us?

- Coming home with us?

(gentle piano music)

- I think we're gonna need
to buy a house. (laughs)

(upbeat funky music)