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1
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Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,669 --> 00:00:08,729
Traveled down the road and back again
3
00:00:08,805 --> 00:00:11,603
Your heart is true
4
00:00:11,675 --> 00:00:16,544
You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,613 --> 00:00:20,606
And if you threw a party
6
00:00:20,684 --> 00:00:25,018
Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,088 --> 00:00:29,388
You would see
the biggest gift would be from me
8
00:00:29,459 --> 00:00:31,359
And the card attached would say
9
00:00:31,428 --> 00:00:35,990
"Thank you for being a friend"
10
00:01:01,458 --> 00:01:04,859
Well... here we are.
11
00:01:04,928 --> 00:01:09,331
- Rose... please.
- I can't, Al.
12
00:01:09,399 --> 00:01:12,232
We've been seeing
each other for a month, Rose.
13
00:01:12,302 --> 00:01:15,032
I've never wanted anyone so much.
14
00:01:15,105 --> 00:01:17,130
What about your place?
15
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:21,701
My sister's there. She's an
insomniac. We'd have an audience.
16
00:01:21,778 --> 00:01:23,769
I can't let you stay here.
I just can't.
17
00:01:23,847 --> 00:01:27,112
I simply can't take you to a hotel.
It just cheapens it.
18
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,488
I guess we're doomed.
19
00:01:32,556 --> 00:01:35,548
Let's talk inside.
20
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:43,263
The thing is, I've never done this
before - bring someone home.
21
00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:45,324
I understand.
22
00:01:46,436 --> 00:01:48,427
Are you quiet?
23
00:01:54,211 --> 00:01:56,736
I'm whispering.
24
00:01:56,813 --> 00:02:00,408
I don't mean now.
I mean then.
25
00:02:00,484 --> 00:02:03,647
Oh, very quiet.
I'm very quiet.
26
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,019
I don't scream. I don't shout.
I'm a very quiet person.
27
00:02:07,090 --> 00:02:10,685
I even wear quiet clothes - all solids.
28
00:02:11,728 --> 00:02:14,162
- I'm quiet, too.
- Then we'll be fine!
29
00:02:14,231 --> 00:02:16,631
I just don't want the others
to know you're here.
30
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,634
They'll never know.
31
00:02:18,702 --> 00:02:21,227
In the morning,
we're getting up early to play golf.
32
00:02:21,304 --> 00:02:23,602
- You can leave while they're gone.
- Great.
33
00:02:23,673 --> 00:02:26,437
- They won't know?
- Never.
34
00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:29,707
OK... but quiet.
35
00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,839
Like a mouse.
36
00:02:39,089 --> 00:02:41,080
- Good morning.
- Oh, boy.
37
00:02:41,158 --> 00:02:44,423
That must have been some dream
you were having last night.
38
00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:49,563
- What are you talking about?
- I never heard such a racket.
39
00:02:51,802 --> 00:02:55,568
I thought you were making love.
40
00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,369
No, no, I wasn't. No.
It was a nightmare -
41
00:02:58,442 --> 00:03:01,605
an awful nightmare, just terrible.
42
00:03:01,678 --> 00:03:04,112
Isn't it interesting how
the sounds are the same
43
00:03:04,181 --> 00:03:06,911
for awful nightmares
and great sex?
44
00:03:08,418 --> 00:03:11,182
Really?
I wouldn't know.
45
00:03:11,254 --> 00:03:15,020
- Oh, Dorothy, come on.
- Shouldn't we get going, girls?
46
00:03:15,092 --> 00:03:16,821
You don't make noise?
47
00:03:16,893 --> 00:03:18,986
- No.
- How can you not?
48
00:03:19,062 --> 00:03:22,828
Well, I guess I always felt
it wasn't very ladylike.
49
00:03:22,899 --> 00:03:26,198
- We should go, girls.
- Hold your bladder, Rose.
50
00:03:26,269 --> 00:03:29,898
- Not a sound?
- Well, it never seemed to warrant one.
51
00:03:29,973 --> 00:03:33,568
- Well, do you talk?
- I've always wanted to,
52
00:03:33,643 --> 00:03:38,239
but at that point, it seems that nobody
is ever interested in conversation.
53
00:03:38,315 --> 00:03:40,340
Not conversation!
54
00:03:40,417 --> 00:03:43,250
I mean... dirty talk.
55
00:03:44,554 --> 00:03:48,650
- Dirty talk?
- Well, not filth, for God's sake.
56
00:03:49,593 --> 00:03:51,584
Dirty talk?
57
00:03:51,661 --> 00:03:54,459
- Morning, Sophia.
- Morning.
58
00:03:54,531 --> 00:03:56,260
- Dirty talk?
- Later.
59
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:58,995
There's a man in your bed.
60
00:04:02,739 --> 00:04:06,300
- Oh, Sophia, there's not.
- Why, you devil, you.
61
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:11,177
So that was what we heard, Rose!
62
00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:14,240
- Rose got lucky.
- Not so lucky.
63
00:04:14,317 --> 00:04:17,184
The man in your bed is dead.
64
00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:21,157
- What?
- Dead.
65
00:04:21,224 --> 00:04:23,317
Oh, Sophia.
66
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,452
He's not dead.
I was just in there.
67
00:04:25,529 --> 00:04:27,929
So was I.
I went to put back your laundry.
68
00:04:27,998 --> 00:04:30,432
I see there's a man
in the bed, so I introduce myself,
69
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,264
but he doesn't answer. He's dead.
70
00:04:34,037 --> 00:04:36,938
He-He's shy.
He's very shy.
71
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:39,771
Didn't sound so shy last night.
72
00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:42,243
OK, fine, let a dead guy lie there.
73
00:04:42,312 --> 00:04:45,611
It's gonna be 98 degrees today.
It won't be pretty.
74
00:04:47,817 --> 00:04:51,583
Oh, I'm sure he's not dead.
Rose, go look.
75
00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:54,385
Come on, he's sleeping.
I don't want to wake him.
76
00:04:54,457 --> 00:04:57,620
You could light firecrackers
in his nostrils. You won't wake him.
77
00:05:00,597 --> 00:05:04,624
All right, now, Rose, go on.
I don't want dead people in my house.
78
00:05:05,402 --> 00:05:10,339
People? We are talking about one
man, who is probably sleeping.
79
00:05:10,407 --> 00:05:12,500
You don't think I can recognize death?
80
00:05:12,576 --> 00:05:17,240
I lived in a retirement home.
Death visited more often than children.
81
00:05:17,314 --> 00:05:19,680
- Rose, go on.
- Well, I can't.
82
00:05:19,749 --> 00:05:22,411
- Why?
- I'm afraid. You go.
83
00:05:22,485 --> 00:05:25,318
Oh, no. I can't go in there.
I have a thing against dead people.
84
00:05:25,388 --> 00:05:27,856
I've never seen one.
I never intend to.
85
00:05:27,924 --> 00:05:29,949
Didn't you see your husband
when he was dead?
86
00:05:30,026 --> 00:05:33,484
Oh, no. I cannot look at dead people.
That's why I don't even watch the news.
87
00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:36,259
Every now and then
they stick a corpse in on you.
88
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,700
You could be watching a perfectly
lovely story about Central America,
89
00:05:39,769 --> 00:05:42,533
all of a sudden,
bam, a dead body.
90
00:05:42,606 --> 00:05:46,838
This is ridiculous! I mean, here we
sit, calmly eating our bran flakes,
91
00:05:46,910 --> 00:05:50,243
when there could be a dead man
in the house. I'll go.
92
00:05:50,313 --> 00:05:53,180
- She's very brave.
- Boy, I'll say.
93
00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,377
I want someone to come with me.
94
00:05:59,155 --> 00:06:02,852
I'll go, I'll go. I'm from Sicily.
What's the big deal?
95
00:06:06,429 --> 00:06:11,594
He's not dead... but he'll wish he was
when those two barge in on him.
96
00:06:11,668 --> 00:06:14,193
- Who is he?
- His name is Al.
97
00:06:14,271 --> 00:06:17,331
- No, I mean, what's he do?
- He imports diamonds.
98
00:06:17,407 --> 00:06:20,240
Oh, damn, I hope he's not dead.
99
00:06:21,411 --> 00:06:23,641
He bought the farm.
100
00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:26,409
What farm?
101
00:06:26,483 --> 00:06:29,577
Rose, he's dead.
102
00:06:29,653 --> 00:06:31,644
- No.
- Yes.
103
00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:34,087
Oh, my God.
104
00:06:34,157 --> 00:06:37,092
The poor man.
105
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,823
And with a new farm and everything.
106
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,524
Honey, I'm sorry.
107
00:06:45,602 --> 00:06:51,131
- When did he die?
- I wasn't there, Rose. You were.
108
00:06:51,207 --> 00:06:54,005
You mean, I slept
with a dead man last night?
109
00:06:54,077 --> 00:06:56,739
Honey, I sleep with them all the time.
110
00:06:58,214 --> 00:07:02,150
He was so quiet. I just thought
he was a sound sleeper.
111
00:07:02,218 --> 00:07:05,016
- What'll we do?
- Well, we call the police.
112
00:07:05,088 --> 00:07:06,817
I didn't murder him!
113
00:07:06,890 --> 00:07:11,190
Of course you didn't murder him, honey.
He probably had a heart attack.
114
00:07:11,261 --> 00:07:14,128
Now, look.
His family has to be notified.
115
00:07:14,197 --> 00:07:16,222
Now, did he ever speak of any family?
116
00:07:16,299 --> 00:07:18,927
He had a sister he lives with.
117
00:07:19,002 --> 00:07:21,630
- Yeah, what's her name?
- His name was Al Beatty.
118
00:07:21,705 --> 00:07:24,333
Her name was Beatty, too.
She never married.
119
00:07:24,407 --> 00:07:26,432
I suppose I have to tell her.
120
00:07:26,509 --> 00:07:29,535
Oh, yes, you do.
You cannot let the police tell her.
121
00:07:29,612 --> 00:07:32,638
Oh, the night George died,
my telephone rang
122
00:07:32,716 --> 00:07:35,150
and a highway patrolman said,
"Pardon me, ma'am.
123
00:07:35,218 --> 00:07:38,085
Do you have a yellow convertible
and a husband named George?"
124
00:07:38,154 --> 00:07:40,486
I said, "Yes. Good grief,
what's happened?"
125
00:07:40,557 --> 00:07:43,219
And he said, "Hold on, ma'am."
He put me on hold,
126
00:07:43,293 --> 00:07:45,784
with that music while you wait.
127
00:07:47,564 --> 00:07:49,896
I sat there at two in the morning,
128
00:07:49,966 --> 00:07:52,560
listening to Herb Alpert
and the Tijuana Brass.
129
00:07:52,635 --> 00:07:57,402
And then after an eternity,
he comes back on the line, eating chips.
130
00:07:57,474 --> 00:08:00,068
He says, "Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am,
but I'm the only one here.
131
00:08:00,143 --> 00:08:04,273
My phone's been ringing off the hook."
I said, "Officer, what about my husband?"
132
00:08:04,347 --> 00:08:06,474
And then he said, crunching his chips,
133
00:08:06,549 --> 00:08:10,315
"Oh, he's dead.
Wrong way driver hit him head-on.
134
00:08:10,387 --> 00:08:14,084
Totally dead, ma'am."
Crunch, crunch.
135
00:08:14,157 --> 00:08:16,887
Oh, no!
136
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:22,660
Puts me on hold, and then eats Doritos
while he tells me my life is over.
137
00:08:22,732 --> 00:08:26,532
Oh, Rose has to tell her.
Rose won't eat chips.
138
00:08:26,603 --> 00:08:29,401
I never eat chips.
I don't like them.
139
00:08:30,907 --> 00:08:33,501
They fall in my bra.
140
00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:41,649
Well, honey, you've got to do it.
141
00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:44,944
His sister lives in Boca Raton.
142
00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:47,455
- I'll look it up.
- Oh, thank you.
143
00:08:48,558 --> 00:08:52,187
I can't sleep in a bed that's
had a dead person in it. I just can't!
144
00:08:52,262 --> 00:08:55,663
- You'll get a new bed. And sheets.
- And sheets. And a blanket.
145
00:08:55,732 --> 00:08:58,963
Burn down the house.
146
00:08:59,035 --> 00:09:04,063
Oh, poor Al, and he just
got a hair transplant.
147
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:07,940
Here's a Beatty in Boca Raton.
It's the only one.
148
00:09:08,011 --> 00:09:10,775
And somebody told me
he just bought a farm.
149
00:09:12,048 --> 00:09:14,448
Oh, my God.
What'll I say to her?
150
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:17,714
- That he died in the bed of an idiot.
- Ma!
151
00:09:19,456 --> 00:09:22,789
- You tell the truth.
- Well, I can't tell her the truth.
152
00:09:22,859 --> 00:09:26,761
- I can't tell her where he died.
- He died visiting.
153
00:09:26,830 --> 00:09:28,821
- That's what you tell her.
- Visiting.
154
00:09:28,898 --> 00:09:31,731
- Right.
- Visiting - that's good.
155
00:09:35,438 --> 00:09:39,374
Oh, I just can't believe he's dead.
156
00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:42,570
- I don't think she's home.
- It rang once!
157
00:09:44,781 --> 00:09:47,045
Hello?
158
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:49,243
Is this Miss Beatty?
159
00:09:49,319 --> 00:09:51,310
I beg your pardon?
160
00:09:52,489 --> 00:09:55,481
Well, do you have a brother, Al?
161
00:09:57,260 --> 00:10:01,424
I see. Well, I must have
the wrong number. I'm sorry.
162
00:10:01,498 --> 00:10:03,659
Wrong number?
163
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:07,499
- Right number, wrong person.
- What do you mean?
164
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:11,131
That wasn't his sister.
That was his wife.
165
00:10:21,784 --> 00:10:26,483
- He was married.
- I can't believe it.
166
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:30,048
There's a married dead man in my bed!
167
00:10:30,126 --> 00:10:32,185
- Serves him right.
- Ma!
168
00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:35,129
- He lied to her.
- I don't know why they do that.
169
00:10:35,198 --> 00:10:38,827
Don't they know we'll
sleep with them anyway?
170
00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:43,302
What am I gonna do? I can't
tell her her husband died in my bed.
171
00:10:43,373 --> 00:10:45,341
Tell her you went
to turn on the sprinklers
172
00:10:45,408 --> 00:10:48,605
and you found him on the lawn.
173
00:10:48,678 --> 00:10:52,273
- That's not bad.
- Oh, Rose.
174
00:10:53,249 --> 00:10:55,911
Well, I've never had to do this before -
175
00:10:55,985 --> 00:10:59,250
tell a wife that her husband's
been cheating on her with me.
176
00:10:59,322 --> 00:11:01,415
That's the hardest thing to tell anybody.
177
00:11:01,491 --> 00:11:05,393
Oh, no, it's not. How about having
to tell a pregnant woman
178
00:11:05,461 --> 00:11:07,452
that her husband's
been cheating on her...
179
00:11:07,530 --> 00:11:09,623
...with her own sister...
180
00:11:09,699 --> 00:11:11,894
...and you're the sister...
181
00:11:11,968 --> 00:11:14,436
...and you're pregnant, too...
182
00:11:14,504 --> 00:11:16,802
...by her husband.
183
00:11:16,873 --> 00:11:19,933
You didn't!
184
00:11:21,444 --> 00:11:26,279
Not me... last night on Dallas.
185
00:11:28,384 --> 00:11:30,716
Or Dynasty. or Falcon's Landing.
186
00:11:30,787 --> 00:11:33,187
or one of those.
They're all the same.
187
00:11:33,256 --> 00:11:35,281
Oh, I thought you were the one.
188
00:11:35,358 --> 00:11:38,452
Oh, please. I could never
do anything like that.
189
00:11:38,528 --> 00:11:42,396
If you saw my brother-in-law,
you'd know why.
190
00:11:42,465 --> 00:11:45,059
Look, Rose. You're gonna
have to go tell her.
191
00:11:45,134 --> 00:11:47,500
I mean, she's probably
worried sick already.
192
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:51,472
I've never done anything like this. Tell
a woman her husband's been seeing me?
193
00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:55,204
Mm-hmm, and she'll say,
"Why, that dirty rat. I will kill him."
194
00:11:55,278 --> 00:11:59,442
And you say, "Good news, darling.
You don't have to. He's dead."
195
00:12:09,092 --> 00:12:11,890
(doorbell
196
00:12:19,002 --> 00:12:21,129
Hello, I'm Rose Nylund.
197
00:12:21,204 --> 00:12:24,662
I'll save you some time.
I don't wear Avon, I have a mop,
198
00:12:24,741 --> 00:12:28,177
and I'm still paying for an encyclopedia
that my son used just once
199
00:12:28,244 --> 00:12:31,839
to look up Sexual Genitalia, Female.
200
00:12:31,914 --> 00:12:35,111
Mrs. Beatty, it's not that.
It's about your husband.
201
00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:47,694
He dumped you. You've been
dating him and he dumped you,
202
00:12:47,764 --> 00:12:50,096
and now you're
getting even by telling me.
203
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:52,031
- No, that's not...
- I've heard this before,
204
00:12:52,101 --> 00:12:55,229
- I can't tell you how many times.
- You have?
205
00:12:55,304 --> 00:12:57,465
You think you're the first? Please.
206
00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:02,341
The first time Al slept with someone
else was on our honeymoon.
207
00:13:02,412 --> 00:13:06,746
- No!
- In Paris - the chambermaid.
208
00:13:06,816 --> 00:13:10,718
He always had the sign on the door,
"Maid Service Requested."
209
00:13:12,255 --> 00:13:15,554
He slept with everyone -
secretaries, schoolteachers,
210
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:18,526
babysitters, neighbors, friends.
211
00:13:18,594 --> 00:13:21,324
One Easter, we gave
our little boy some rabbits.
212
00:13:21,397 --> 00:13:24,594
They used to look at Al in amazement.
213
00:13:26,102 --> 00:13:28,866
How long had you been seeing him?
214
00:13:30,773 --> 00:13:35,506
About a month...
but that's not why I'm here.
215
00:13:35,578 --> 00:13:40,277
- I have bad news.
- Well, you couldn't be pregnant.
216
00:13:42,051 --> 00:13:46,545
Last night, Al had
a heart attack and died.
217
00:13:46,622 --> 00:13:50,353
Oh, Mrs. Beatty,
I'm so very, very sorry.
218
00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:54,821
Well, you must have the wrong Al.
219
00:13:54,897 --> 00:13:57,764
You've been sleeping
with someone else's Al.
220
00:13:57,834 --> 00:14:00,394
My Al is as healthy as a horse.
It can't be him!
221
00:14:01,637 --> 00:14:05,129
- Al Beatty, from Boca Raton?
- Yes.
222
00:14:06,809 --> 00:14:09,801
- You're telling me Al is dead?
- Yes.
223
00:14:11,881 --> 00:14:13,872
A heart attack is crazy.
224
00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:16,919
He was a runner.
He couldn't have a heart attack.
225
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:20,615
I'm talking, so it can't be true.
You know what I mean?
226
00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:23,488
If I keep talking, it isn't true.
227
00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:27,222
All I have to do is talk forever.
228
00:14:27,296 --> 00:14:29,696
Oh, God, Al!
229
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,136
I'm all right.
I'm OK.
230
00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:36,865
Al... the big jerk.
231
00:14:38,775 --> 00:14:41,369
I loved him.
232
00:14:41,444 --> 00:14:43,639
He was a decent man, you know?
233
00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:47,080
I know.
234
00:14:47,150 --> 00:14:49,141
- He was.
- Caring.
235
00:14:49,218 --> 00:14:51,948
- Very.
- Special.
236
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,649
And it's all my fault!
237
00:14:54,724 --> 00:14:58,160
He had a heart attack.
It's not your fault.
238
00:14:58,227 --> 00:15:00,695
He had a heart attack with me.
239
00:15:00,763 --> 00:15:05,223
Mrs. Beatty, my late husband
had a heart attack with me as well.
240
00:15:05,301 --> 00:15:08,930
They drop like flies around me!
241
00:15:09,005 --> 00:15:13,066
Mrs. Nylund, you're not responsible
for the death of my husband.
242
00:15:13,142 --> 00:15:15,406
- I'll never date again.
- You will.
243
00:15:15,478 --> 00:15:17,412
I won't. I can't.
244
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,108
- In time, you'll forget this.
- Never.
245
00:15:20,983 --> 00:15:24,180
I promise you.
246
00:15:24,253 --> 00:15:27,450
It's OK.
I'll get used to being alone.
247
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:29,957
- Mrs. Nylund.
- Yes?
248
00:15:30,026 --> 00:15:32,756
You've been sleeping with
my husband and he's just died.
249
00:15:32,829 --> 00:15:35,491
See if you can pull yourself together,
because in a minute,
250
00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:38,432
I'm going to need
some comforting myself.
251
00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:50,640
All right, try this dressing
and tell me what you think.
252
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,774
It's called Creamy Zesty Italian,
only has one calorie.
253
00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:57,911
Mmm. If you ran it under the faucet,
it would have more flavor.
254
00:15:57,987 --> 00:16:00,046
Shoot.
255
00:16:00,122 --> 00:16:04,684
Honey, beware of anyone who says,
"no calories," "absolutely no charge,"
256
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,490
and, "let's just lie down on the bed
and watch television."
257
00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:11,129
- Hi.
- Hi. Did you do it?
258
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,566
- Yeah.
- And?
259
00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:16,730
I'm gonna become a nun.
260
00:16:16,806 --> 00:16:21,004
I'm the kiss of death. It's the second
time a man has died in my bed.
261
00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:22,840
The second time?
262
00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:25,745
- Dorothy knows.
- Charlie.
263
00:16:25,815 --> 00:16:27,976
- No!
- Yes.
264
00:16:28,050 --> 00:16:31,486
What exactly do you do in bed, Rose?
265
00:16:33,222 --> 00:16:35,213
Nothing. I do nothing.
266
00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:38,419
Well, maybe that's it.
They have to do it all.
267
00:16:41,364 --> 00:16:46,233
Come on, Blanche. It's not her fault.
She has a perfectly normal sex life.
268
00:16:46,302 --> 00:16:49,100
Now, I knew somebody
who had seven husbands
269
00:16:49,171 --> 00:16:51,901
and six of them died
of stomach ailments.
270
00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:55,910
Well, they arrested her. She'd been
putting ground glass in their salads.
271
00:16:55,978 --> 00:16:59,539
- Why?
- Because she ran out of croutons!
272
00:17:01,217 --> 00:17:03,845
Because she wanted to kill them, Rose.
273
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:08,187
We had a neighbor in Minnesota
who killed her husband.
274
00:17:08,257 --> 00:17:11,715
She backed over him with a combine
and she didn't even know she had done it
275
00:17:11,794 --> 00:17:15,127
until she found little bits
of plaid in the corn.
276
00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:22,127
She said, "Funny, that looks
like bits of Joe's plaid shirt...
277
00:17:22,204 --> 00:17:25,662
"...and that looks like
bits of Joe's overalls...
278
00:17:25,741 --> 00:17:29,336
"...and that looks like
bits of Joe's arms...
279
00:17:29,412 --> 00:17:31,403
...and that looks like bits of..."
- Rose!
280
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,345
We get the picture!
281
00:17:35,418 --> 00:17:38,410
- They had a very little coffin...
- Ah!
282
00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:48,522
Listen, Rose. You are not to blame.
Now, you know that.
283
00:17:48,597 --> 00:17:51,464
Of course I know that.
284
00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:55,664
She was driving the combine.
I wasn't anywhere near their farm.
285
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:05,570
Come on, Rose, it'll be fun.
286
00:18:05,648 --> 00:18:08,116
- You like square dancing.
- No, thanks.
287
00:18:08,184 --> 00:18:12,951
You're only gonna be dancing with men.
You can't kill them by doing that.
288
00:18:13,022 --> 00:18:15,149
Nope. No more men.
That's it for me.
289
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:19,752
No more men? My God, I would die.
I would just die.
290
00:18:19,829 --> 00:18:22,798
- It's not like no more food, Blanche.
- It's worse!
291
00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:25,925
There are many women
who live happy lives without men.
292
00:18:26,002 --> 00:18:29,631
- Oh, who?
- Well, Inga Lundqvist.
293
00:18:29,705 --> 00:18:32,697
Who was she, some Swedish lesbian?
294
00:18:32,775 --> 00:18:34,538
She was a neighbor of ours.
295
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:38,637
Not, by chance, the one who shredded
her husband with some farm machinery?
296
00:18:38,714 --> 00:18:42,582
Yes, and she never remarried.
297
00:18:42,651 --> 00:18:46,109
And she led a very happy
rest of her life baking,
298
00:18:46,188 --> 00:18:48,679
sewing, gardening, tending the animals.
299
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:50,851
Ooh, my favorite things.
300
00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:53,520
OK, let's get this show on the road.
301
00:18:53,596 --> 00:18:56,463
Rose, you sure you don't
want to come and just watch?
302
00:18:56,532 --> 00:19:00,059
Come on, Rose. You'll sit and watch
my dentures eat corn on the cob.
303
00:19:00,136 --> 00:19:02,696
It's a lot of laughs.
304
00:19:03,406 --> 00:19:05,567
No, I don't want to kill anyone else.
305
00:19:05,641 --> 00:19:08,303
Honey, you sure you're gonna
be all right here alone?
306
00:19:08,377 --> 00:19:12,177
She'll be fine. If someone breaks in,
she'll just have to sleep with them.
307
00:19:19,522 --> 00:19:21,683
(doorbell
308
00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,958
- Who is it?
- Mrs. Beatty.
309
00:19:31,033 --> 00:19:32,967
Oh, Mrs. Beatty, come in.
310
00:19:33,035 --> 00:19:35,265
I just had to come by.
311
00:19:35,337 --> 00:19:38,795
You were so caring to come tell me
in person what happened
312
00:19:38,874 --> 00:19:42,537
- that I had to do something for you.
- Oh, that wasn't necessary.
313
00:19:42,611 --> 00:19:45,546
Well, I know you blame
yourself for Al's death.
314
00:19:45,614 --> 00:19:48,447
Well, I just got the autopsy results,
315
00:19:48,517 --> 00:19:52,681
and they showed that Al's arteries
were completely clogged.
316
00:19:52,755 --> 00:19:56,213
Oh, his diet was terrible.
He never ate a vegetable.
317
00:19:56,292 --> 00:20:00,023
He lived on fatty foods.
He'd have meat for dessert.
318
00:20:00,096 --> 00:20:04,260
You didn't kill him, Mrs. Nylund.
He killed himself.
319
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:08,099
He committed suicide?
320
00:20:09,205 --> 00:20:11,332
In a manner of speaking.
321
00:20:11,407 --> 00:20:14,103
He'd have died whether
he'd been here or not.
322
00:20:14,176 --> 00:20:17,668
I'm so glad...
not that he's dead.
323
00:20:17,746 --> 00:20:21,978
I know. I just had to tell you
you had nothing to do with it.
324
00:20:22,051 --> 00:20:24,952
- Thank you.
- And if he had to die,
325
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,887
I'm glad he didn't die
alone on the street,
326
00:20:27,957 --> 00:20:30,949
but here, with a caring person,
327
00:20:31,026 --> 00:20:33,893
doing what he liked to do best.
328
00:20:46,842 --> 00:20:48,833
- Ma!
- What?
329
00:20:50,112 --> 00:20:52,273
Will you stop telling her what to play?
330
00:20:52,348 --> 00:20:54,373
I'm not saying a word.
Did I speak, Blanche?
331
00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:56,782
- Not a word.
- You keep shaking your head.
332
00:20:56,852 --> 00:21:00,788
I've been holding it up for 80 years.
You'd shake, too.
333
00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:04,253
Well, what do you think?
334
00:21:04,326 --> 00:21:06,760
- Of what, honey?
- My new dress.
335
00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:08,558
- Oh, is that new?
- Yes.
336
00:21:08,631 --> 00:21:11,259
It's sort of old-fashioned looking.
I wasn't sure it was new.
337
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:14,825
- Oh, that's the style. The girl told me.
- What was she, a pilgrim?
338
00:21:16,438 --> 00:21:18,599
Come on, Blanche.
339
00:21:18,674 --> 00:21:22,110
You look wonderful, Rose.
Absolutely lovely.
340
00:21:22,178 --> 00:21:26,274
Well, I suppose I should go.
I haven't had a date in three months,
341
00:21:26,348 --> 00:21:29,283
but I just don't know what to do.
I adore Arnie.
342
00:21:29,351 --> 00:21:31,842
He's the sweetest man in the world,
and very special to me.
343
00:21:31,921 --> 00:21:36,324
And it'll be hard no to, you know,
because I like him so much,
344
00:21:36,392 --> 00:21:40,021
and since we're going away for the
weekend, and since we already have,
345
00:21:40,095 --> 00:21:42,996
if I don't, then he'll think
I don't like him anymore, and I do.
346
00:21:43,065 --> 00:21:45,795
So maybe I will, but I don't know.
I might not.
347
00:21:45,868 --> 00:21:47,995
Rose!
348
00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:52,302
Rose, honey, you know you are
not responsible for Al's death,
349
00:21:52,374 --> 00:21:54,365
so why don't you just go on,
have a good time,
350
00:21:54,443 --> 00:21:57,901
- and whatever happens, happens.
- I know Al had bad arteries,
351
00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:00,608
but still, I can't be totally sure.
352
00:22:00,683 --> 00:22:03,982
Come on, now, Rose.
You do what makes you comfortable
353
00:22:04,053 --> 00:22:06,783
and don't worry about anything else.
354
00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:09,881
OK.
355
00:22:09,959 --> 00:22:13,326
Well... I'm off.
356
00:22:13,395 --> 00:22:15,727
Totally!
357
00:22:25,074 --> 00:22:27,440
I wonder where she is.
She's almost two hours late.
358
00:22:27,509 --> 00:22:30,637
Oh, they probably hit traffic.
I bet she slept with him.
359
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,906
I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't.
360
00:22:34,984 --> 00:22:38,613
Well, I sure couldn't be
with a man I liked and abstain.
361
00:22:38,687 --> 00:22:41,986
You know, I abstained
after Stan and I split up...
362
00:22:44,026 --> 00:22:47,792
...but it wasn't a very different experience
from when Stan and I were together.
363
00:22:50,466 --> 00:22:53,867
- Oh, here she is.
- Well? Well, what happened?
364
00:22:53,936 --> 00:22:56,336
- What?
- How was it? You had a terrible time?
365
00:22:56,405 --> 00:22:59,704
- You had a wonderful time?
- Honey, tell us what happened!
366
00:23:00,509 --> 00:23:03,273
Arnie... I slept with him.
367
00:23:03,345 --> 00:23:07,145
- And?
- He died.
368
00:23:10,052 --> 00:23:12,145
- What?
- Oh, no, Rose.
369
00:23:12,221 --> 00:23:17,022
And the sheriff - I told him about me,
how I kill men...
370
00:23:18,494 --> 00:23:20,485
...and he didn't believe me!
371
00:23:20,562 --> 00:23:23,656
He said, "Let's see.
Sleep with me."
372
00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:27,158
So I did...
373
00:23:28,137 --> 00:23:31,698
...and the sheriff died.
374
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,140
Arnie's fine!
We had a wonderful time.
375
00:23:41,216 --> 00:23:43,946
Everything's terrific.
I was only joking!
376
00:23:45,988 --> 00:23:48,388
- You what?
- It was a joke!
377
00:23:48,457 --> 00:23:50,584
- A joke.
- That's a terrible joke!
378
00:23:50,659 --> 00:23:53,150
- Awful!
- You can't joke about a thing like that!
379
00:23:53,228 --> 00:23:56,129
- My God, Rose!
- Well, I'm sorry.
380
00:23:56,198 --> 00:23:58,462
- I believed her.
- I was set to go to her hanging.
381
00:23:58,534 --> 00:24:00,661
Some joke!
382
00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:09,361
I thought it was funny.
30646
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