Original subtitles

Where are you guys?

You've been in there long enough to remodel the kitchen.

There's been a little problem. When you say little, you really mean big,

so why don't you just say big?

Okay, you've got a big problem.

I hate when you say that.

The boys at Intel were wrong. There wasn't a safe.

Go, Cassie, the guard's gonna be back in 10. Don't rush me, all right?

The last time I jumped 30 feet, I heard something pop.

Well, if the guard comes, you're gonna get popped.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! It just happened again.

Did you hear that? Well, did you stretch before we started like I told you?

Guys, can we talk about this later? The guard's gonna be here any second.

Oh! Come on, Cassie, move! I'm limping as fast as I can, okay?

Hey, stop! Guard! Hold it! Stop right there!

I got intruders, main line. Go, I got your back!

Score one for the Dungzooka.

Points off for durability.

These are three career criminals with one shot at freedom.

Now they're working for the feds who put them away.

These are the women of SheSpies. Bad girls gone good.

Isn't it convenient how intelligence analysts just

happen to be at a meeting when we show up?

I think they still got the message.

Yeah, I'm sure they saw your sign language you blasted through the glass.

I know Intel was sketchy on this mission, but

it's happened before. Why are you so upset?

Yesterday would have been my wedding anniversary.

Oh, right.

If your fiance hadn't left you at the altar.

And two marshals hadn't taken you to prison.

Yes. Very special memory.

Uh, Dee, could I get that dunk zooka back? I want to modify the trigger release.

I don't have it.

It's split in half, so I tossed it.

That was my only prototype. So make a protocopy. Are you serious?

Do you know how hard it is to blow that much hot air?

Congress does it every day.

Seriously, blowability is a very tough thing to regulate.

Even tougher than saying blowability with a straight face?

Look at it this way, Duncan.

Its loss was not in vain.

It saved our lives.

No kidding.

So, uh, I guess, then, you're alive because of me.

And you deserve reward.

I guess I could rebuild it.

Yeah, I could make a better gun.

With suck ability instead of blow ability.

It'll be the best suck gun ever.

The best suck gun ever? You think that's a crowded field?

Ladies, anyone care to tell me why we don't have

the proof we need to arrest Dylan Masters?

Bad intel, bad luck, bad hair.

How you feel about yourself can really affect your performance.

See, there was no safe, which is why there are no mini hard drives.

And how do we know Masters still has them?

There has to be some hot market for stolen stealth bomb technology.

All sources say he hasn't moved it on the black market yet.

And since we've been unable to find the hard drives using conventional methods,

we've been granted the use of the government's latest secret weapon.

What kind of weapon?

Ladies, this is Kenesha Hamilton.

Thank you.

What up? I don't get it.

You will?

Kenesha, meet the she-spies.

Dee Dee, Shane.

I'm Cassie. Hi.

Oh, girlfriend, that is some intense baggage.

You might want to kick that to the curb. Excuse me? Oh,

you know how you got arrested at the altar, girl? That was just whack.

Did you hear us talking out in the bullpen?

Kenesha didn't hear you.

She read you.

Read me? She's psychic. Oh, that's so cool.

What am I thinking right now?

Girl, word up. It don't work that way.

When Kenesha touches something or someone, like a ring or a purse.

And then I see stuff and whatnot. You see stuff and whatnot.

Okay, maybe that wasn't the right word. What I meant to say was it's more like, bam!

You know, I see it. Like, when Shaq hits the hoop, it's like, bam! Okay,

could you just stop with the bam thing? Okay, anyways, the thing is,

I get all in your business, and I get a look at your past or your future.

You know, it depends. That is so cool.

So, if you touched Alex Trebek, you'd know the Jeopardy answers?

Girl, there ain't no way I'm touching Alex Trebek.

Kanisha's visions have a very high accuracy rate,

which is why her first field assignment is to help us with the master's case.

Could you give us just a minute?

I get that a lot.

Well, I'll just put my stuff in my locker. Okay.

I'm sensing you have a problem with this.

Oh, maybe you're a psychic, too. Wanna guess what I'm thinking right now?

I'm a con woman, and I know when I'm being conned.

Cassie, you shouldn't poo-poo this. Poo-poo?

I guess that is a pretty accurate description.

Six months ago, one of our agents discovered Kenesha

working for a storefront psychic in San Francisco.

We tested her and found her abilities to be authentic.

Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy?

Well, she did know what happened at your wedding. Yeah,

it's not like she's moving in with us or anything.

Actually, she is.

I didn't see that coming.

Not only does Kanisha need field experience, she also needs protection.

Her talent would be incredibly valuable to the wrong side.

You're assuming she has any talent.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

Maybe she can even help us find that necklace you lost. Or your keys.

Or your sense of humor.

Oh, my gosh. The view from out there is off the chain.

What's a house like this go for? We don't know.

Government pays for it.

Damn. No wonder people's taxes are so high. Oh, now, see this?

This is fly.

They spot you cash for this, too?

Well, they give us a clothing allowance.

So this is free, too?

See, you lucky your boy remembers you left us at the movies.

Your boy?

You wore my jacket and went out on a date without asking me? Okay, now,

don't go all Whitney on her.

Now do you believe her?

Still poo-pooing. How much evidence do you need? Come on,

even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Hello? Hello?

Cross wants us to go back to Master's mansion.

Been there, done that. Yeah, but not with Kenesha.

He wants to see if she can get a hit off him.

So what's the deal with this Master's dude anyway?

He's a club owner who's going bankrupt.

So he stole the technology that makes smart bombs. Now he's looking for a buyer.

And we're supposed to brody the cash and nail his butt.

If that means we're gonna try to get it back, yes.

I'm down with that.

What's our cover? You're gonna love this one.

Real touchy-feely stuff.

So, uh, the spa says your technique is exactly like Tiffany's. Is that true?

When people close their eyes, they can't tell us apart.

Oh, wow.

Wait a minute, since when do I get two for one?

Kanisha's my apprentice.

What's up, bruh?

Oh, that's a nice watch. What kind is it?

The kind that stays on my wrist.

My, we have very tight muscles today. Can you ship?

Bring me some of that muscle loosening oil.

This might be a little cold.

How's that?

Beautiful.

I think there's a safe and a floor in a room with a big mattress and purple sheets.

You think?

Okay, how about I'm pretty sure? Oh, that makes me feel much better.

Hockney, Chagall, Warhol. It's too bad I'm not a thief anymore.

Hey, stealing from the government is not theft, it's patriotic. Right, like the IRS?

No purple sheets. Why am I not surprised?

Okay, well, we might as well look. Give me a hand with this rug.

A leopard rug? I thought this kind of kitsch went out of style in the 70s.

Yeah, I ever wonder why bad guys always have bad taste.

Straight to... Okay, well, it could be under the cabinets or the dresser.

Or a waste of time.

Hey, how long we gotta keep tenderizing this dude? Till we hear from Cassie.

You okay, boss?

Oh, shit. Yeah, listen.

Run out the bedroom and get my PDA.

I wanna book another massage this week, Lou.

No, um, I'm all booked.

I'll call you if I have any cancellations.

You already have a cancellation for whatever time I want to book you.

Hey, bruh, lose the two.

Uh, Kenesha, it's okay. Mr. Masters is just paying me a compliment.

Um, I just need to go get my tenderizing lotion.

Shane, Cassie, get out of there. Some guy's coming up.

Sponsored by Pfizer. Dedicated to helping people

live longer, happier, healthier lives.

What are you doing? Duncan says it has great suckability.

He said it, not me. Wee.

Duncan, have you met Kenesha?

No, but I've heard a lot about her.

So you're the Urkel. We've got to talk to Cross. Can you show her what you do?

Well, right now I'm actually kind of busy with something.

Please.

Yeah, sure, okay.

Thanks. Yeah, no problem.

Right, so what I'm doing is testing the integrity

of kilopascals in a low-level vacuum.

You got any gas?

No, sorry. Are you okay?

Whoa, you're having a vision, aren't you?

Okay, that was whack.

Well, what was it? Was it me?

Don't tell me. Do not tell me.

I don't want to screw up the whole time-space continuum thing.

The what?

The time-space continuum thing. You know, back to the future, Doc Brown.

Okay, let me drop some science on you, my brother. Now,

if something's already gone down, then I can see it pretty clearly.

But if it hasn't happened yet, then things are all hazy.

Oh.

Okay, so then there is free will after all.

Well, in that case, it probably is safe for you to tell me what you saw.

You were in a house with a blind chick, and she was ripping your shirt off.

Okay, that's definitely not from my past. Did you happen to get a name on the chick?

Oh, I see things. I don't hear voices in my head.

Bottom line is, whatever abilities Kenesha might have, they don't work in the field.

Maybe the problem wasn't with the vision, but with the interpretation.

She said she saw a floor safe. You just assumed that it was in Master's bedroom.

Come on, purple sheets, big mattress. Where'd

you expect us to check? In the kitchen?

It was in one of his nightclubs.

Hey, doesn't he own that place called Club Bed?

Isn't that the place with the mattresses spread out

all over the floor instead of tables and chairs?

Solves the age-old question of your place or mine.

So if the safe containing the hard drives was at the nightclub,

then Kenesha's vision would be correct.

It's going to be kind of hard strolling in there peeking under all those mattresses.

Take Kenesha with you. She'll narrow down your search.

Um, problem.

Club bed is very exclusive. The doorman only let in the hottest looking people.

Which is why I have assigned you.

Did you just call us, huh?

Sounded like you did. Sounded like he was just trying to get us out of his office.

I can't believe the attitude on that doorman. Who's he think he's guarding,

Queen Latifah? Oh, they're just a bunch of ratty mattresses.

It looks like a crack house to me.

All right, let's split up and see who can find a mattress with purple sheets.

Get you something?

Oh, no, thank you.

Would you have a line?

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, she's fine.

She just has low blood sugar. Can you get her a Coke?

Whoa.

What did you see?

Me hooking up with that fine man right there. Are you sure you're not skitzing?

What?

I can talk hip-hop.

No mattress with purple sheets.

Now what?

Well, maybe if you guys can find something that Masters has touched,

I might be able to get another vision.

I know where to start.

That's a signature.

Oh, my God.

What?

What is that?

Nothing. I'm just messing with you guys.

Okay, okay. You know, you guys take this way too serious.

Okay, I saw a safe in a room marked private and those purple sheets and a mattress.

That could be Master's office. Or Richardson's dressing room. Worth a try? Okay,

we'll check it out and watch our bets.

Hey, big mattress, purple sheets. If it wasn't a cliché, I'd say bingo. Yeah, well,

hold it until we find the safe.

Okay.

Now I'll cut Kenesha some slack.

Ah, at last we meet. The legendary Omega-16. Rumored to be impossible to crack.

But wait years for a shot at this.

That didn't seem too hard.

Why would somebody leave a safe unlocked?

Because it's empty.

Taking back the slack.

I got digits.

What? Digits. The bartender, Mikey, gave me his number.

Zero.

No safe?

Yes, on the safe. No, on the hard drives.

Okay, so I'm one for two. How many visions have y'all had today?

Hey, check out the guy with the metal case. That's Master's assistant. Now,

why would someone chain a briefcase to their wrist?

Because he's carrying stolen hard drives?

Hang back with Kenesha.

Excuse me. Hi.

You know, I lost a case just like that one.

Would you mind if we open it up just to make sure it's not the same one?

Trust me, it's not yours.

Well, it's easy to confuse. You know, like suitcases at the airport.

If we could just take a quick peek.

I said, it's not yours. It's

You guys okay?

Yeah.

You're so good. How come you didn't see that one coming? Look, I said I see things.

I didn't say I see everything.

I'm not a freak.

Look, I hate to throw cold water on the government's secret weapon,

but this doesn't seem to be working out.

Oh, on the contrary. You were shot at.

I'm guessing that Master's assistant wasn't carrying his lunch in that case.

Listen to the cable.

Give me some.

Okay, maybe later.

We've got Master's Mansion staked out. If the

shooter shows up there, we'll know about it.

So, in the meantime, go home, get some rest, and we'll

start fresh in the morning. Nice work, Kenesha.

Kenesha?

Is everything okay?

Uh, no.

It's all good.

I didn't sleep too good.

Really?

Usually the sounds of the waves puts me right to sleep.

Well, nothing.

Jimmy Kimmel.

Morning. Morning.

What's going on?

Kenesha didn't sleep too well.

I had a vision.

Good vision or bad vision?

Well, good visions don't keep you up all night.

Okay, bad vision.

How bad? When Mr. Cross touched my hand last night,

I saw him with his right hand all bandaged up. And you lost sleep over that?

Well, no, there's more.

I saw him in a room with flowers and... And?

He was standing in front of three coffins.

And we were standing nearby, right?

Maybe we were out getting refreshments or signing the guest book.

Or being readied for presentation.

Look, there's no way to know for sure if it was us three in those coffins, right?

No way.

Besides, you've been wrong before. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Cross sent a sweeper team into club bed.

He's got something he wants Kenesha to touch.

Did that sound dirty?

Maybe that's just me.

Hey, Chet. What's that? Surveillance tape from last night.

Found the two girls who tried to eject the hard drives from me.

Look who they're with.

Well, they're two masseuses who came by the house yesterday. Feds?

Geez, you can bet there's a government stamp of some kind

on their paychecks. Well, the feds are moving in.

We'll just have to move faster. Did you find a buyer yet? In Algeria.

But now we're going to deliver it personally. What about the feds?

They'll be tracking us. They're going to be in for a big

surprise because now we're going to vanish into thin air.

I was looking for you.

You were looking for me?

Yeah.

We're in Cross's office waiting for you to bring in the stuff from the sweeper team.

Oh.

I thought maybe you wanted to see me for some other reason.

Like what?

I don't know. Maybe something personal. Maybe something about my shirt.

It's nicely pressed.

So, the sweeper team didn't find much. Um, some cigarettes, uh, some peanut shells,

half a doobie, and, um, uh, these.

From a Mac-10. I saw them up close and personal.

Give them to Kenesha.

I saw a sign. Oh, no, God's calling us home.

No, girl, a sign. What, you mean like, eat here and

get gas? Yeah, only it said, the final resting spot.

I know that sign.

I was right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's at a mortuary in Burbank.

Should I even ask how you know about that? I belong to a model playing club.

We meet there every three weeks.

There's just a lot of space, and no one complains about the noise.

Well, it's not much to go on, but... Kenesha.

I know, I know. You want me to step outside. Kenesha?

Kenesha? Hey, you...

You know that vision you had of the blonde woman ripping my shirt off?

Do you usually have a time frame attached to your visions?

Honey, they're visions. It's not like I report the news.

So just because I see you with some chick doesn't mean

you have to go around rearranging your social calendar.

Social calendar, right. Don't tell me you're going to send us

to a funeral home because she just had another crazy vision.

Yeah, I'm with Cassie on this one.

How do we know that any old bullet she picks

up doesn't bring up visions of a mortuary?

Think about it. Bullets kill people.

Dead people go to mortuaries.

So do certain living people.

Maybe there's a connection between Kenesha's vision

of the three coffins and this mortuary.

Yeah, yeah, but did anyone notice the cross doesn't have a bandaged hand?

That's right, so there's nothing to worry about. Right?

I'm just the messenger. You know,

some people have been known to shoot the messenger.

Getting anything?

You know, the only thing I'm seeing is people getting

ripped off to plant their mama's bones.

It doesn't seem kind of wasteful to spend all this money on something you can bury.

Whoa.

What is it?

Give me a second.

What did you see?

Mariah Carey making a sequel to Glitter.

Why would you get that from touching a coffin? How do I know?

Maybe it's what finally kills her career.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Was your loved one very, very dear to you?

I guess you could say Uncle Quentin was equally close to both of us.

Then perhaps our Excalibur.

Warm mahogany with antique brass fittings and a sleep-soft interior,

the Cadillac of our line.

You know, I think Uncle Quentin was more of a Hyundai kind of guy.

I see.

Well, I do have some brochures that feature some of our more modest models.

Let me get some for you.

You know, guys, I'm getting squat. Just a bunch of boohooing. If it's okay,

I'm just gonna wait outside. Yeah, go ahead.

We'll wrap it up here.

Of course, I don't endorse any of these, but they are watertight,

and they will keep your loved one dry if unimpressed.

You know, the friend that recommended you to us said that if we mentioned his name,

you might give us a discount.

What's your friend's name?

Dylan Masters.

The nightclub owner?

So you know him.

I once tried to book one of his clubs for our

annual mortician's ball, and he refused.

Said we'd be downers.

So he's not a client?

Not in this lifetime.

You see, morticians can be fun.

Well, that's it. I am donating my body to science.

There's no way I'm going to let a creep like that be the last man to touch me.

Guys, where's the car?

And where's Kenesha?

Oh, man.

We are so dead.

She spies will be right back.

Now you can take a mini-break with new Kit Kat miniatures.

It's not like we lost her.

What would you call it?

Misutilization of a government resource?

Anyone want to hazard a guess where she might have gone?

She had a hot date? I found this in her locker.

Kenesha had a little personal vision thing with the bartender at Club Bed.

He gave her his phone number.

So you think she left in the middle of a mission for a date?

Not just a date. He was hot. She's not a trained operative. I mean,

this is her first field assignment.

And not everybody wants to be the femme Nikita.

Do I have to say it?

No. We're on our way.

Oh, my God.

What happened to your hand?

Broke a glass.

Luckily, it didn't need stitches.

Yeah.

Lucky for you.

Okay, his hand is bandaged. Could just be a coincidence.

Yeah.

Remember, Kenesha never said that she saw us in those three coffins.

Right.

Could be three other people.

Who all died at once.

Whose funeral cross is attending.

With a bandaged hand.

Like I said, coincidence.

Hey, isn't that one of those feds?

Yeah.

Bring her in here.

Let's see how much she knows.

Most of the girls I meet in here aren't my type, but you're different.

You really get who I am.

More than you know.

Happy hour's over.

I told you, I don't know anything.

You expect me to believe that? How many people you got outside right now?

Look, I don't know. I'm telling you. I'm no agent. I'm just helping those guys out.

You got ten seconds to say something believable.

Okay, okay.

This should be fun. Look, I'm a psychic, okay?

You know, like, Otome Brown and Mother Love, Miss Cleo, only I'm the real thing.

Then prove it.

Okay.

I need to touch something of yours.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm seeing you guys wearing each other's clothes,

and I don't even want to know what's up with that.

She knows our plan.

I heard rumors the government was using remote readers,

but I thought that's all they were, was rumors. So,

if she's got some kind of special power, then she must be worth some serious green.

You read my mind. Maybe she's rubbing off on you.

Looks like her buddy's just arrived.

Right.

Time to make the switch. Lead them up to Bella.

We'll streak to let out like a bowl of spaghetti. You can't go lose them up there.

Head out the back.

After they follow you, I'll take her out the front.

All right, let's split up. Remember, everybody, be careful.

Hey, there's Masters.

Correction.

Wise masters.

Notified all regional airports and placed an APB out.

It's not much, but it's the best we can do.

The sweeper team just got done with Master's house and the club.

There's no sign of Kanisho or the stealth bomb software.

Where's the psychic when you need one?

Well, I mean, another one.

The sweepers did report something that was odd, though.

Each one of Master's paintings is missing, cut right out of the frames.

I mean, it takes these paintings. He's got to have an exit strategy in place.

Yeah, it won't do him any good now. I'm not so sure. What are you talking about?

This is the autopsy report on the body found in Masters' car, and guess what?

He's dead?

Well, technically, yes, but he's wearing his watch on his left wrist, so no.

No!

Help?

Masters was left-handed.

Which means he'd be wearing his watch on his right hand.

So if Masters wasn't in his car, then where is he?

Kanisha got a read on that mortuary for a reason, right?

Maybe we're just misinterpreting what it meant.

Hey, guys, customs doesn't open its coffins when they're loaded on a plane.

Maybe Masters plans on hiding in one of those coffins to get out of the country.

And why would you think of something like that?

When I was broke once, that's how I flew to London.

What?

Beats flying coach.

This ain't funny. Look, I told you I wasn't going to say nothing. Shh.

Don't worry. This is just going to make you sleep, but not forever.

Help me with this. How long will she be up?

She won't wake up until after you've offloaded in Paris.

Gerald, you better be right.

Last thing I need is some baggage handler freaking out here on her screen. Relax.

You paid me well.

I will deliver my services as promised.

Rest in peace.

Are you ready?

Is anyone ever ready?

Federal agents.

Nobody move.

Don't you hate it when your travel plans change?

Step out of the coffin.

Bet you never said that before.

Where is Kenesha?

Isn't there that little matter about reading me my rights?

The only rights you're going to see are going to be followed by some lefts.

Oh, great.

I get to fight Lurch.

Oh, great.

Come on, work with me here, Lurch.

Now you just sit there and think about what you've done.

Shane, no! Catch! Oops.

Oh, really? You're just a big sissy.

Well, that worked out well.

Her vision wasn't about us at all. I never thought it was. OK, maybe for a minute.

Come on. Kenesha's got to be here somewhere.

Found the artwork.

Found the hard drives. Found Kenesha.

She's breathing. Probably drugged.

She looks so peaceful.

Well, you know, I mean, for a drugged kidnapping victim, I'll call the paramedics.

Hey, Kamisha, hey, um, the whole thing with the blonde ripping off the shirt,

you know, it hasn't happened yet, and I'm wondering if there's ever, like,

an expiration date on your visions?

Duncan, sweetheart, it's a vision, not a carton of milk.

Right. Right.

Hey, you heard what happened.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

If you want, we can put in the good word.

Yeah, it doesn't matter that you ditched us.

And got kidnapped. And almost got shipped to Paris in a box.

Doesn't mean you should have got fired.

No, it's cool. Don't worry about it.

You know, the whole secret agent gig wasn't my scene anyway.

Because I'm not too big on having a gun at my head. We understand. Thank you.

I admit, I was wrong about you.

Give me some.

Bam!

I'm just kidding.

Oh, you guys are my homies.

I've never been called a homie before.

Wow, I miss her.

Wasn't that your suede jacket she was wearing? Yeah.

It did kind of look like mine.

Well, she liked it so much I gave it to her.

You what? Whoa.

What?

I'm having a vision.

What is it?

I'm seeing dead people.

Stay tuned.

She Spies will be right back.

I made cocoa.

Oh, I've got to go-go.

No, stay. I thought we'd drink cocoa and talk girl stuff.

And I've got the new issue of Teen Beat I wanted to cut posters out of,

but really I've got to hit the gym.

You're all dressed.

You know, I used to shop in the nude,

but I couldn't find any place to keep my change. You're going shopping?

I wouldn't have to if somebody hadn't given away my favorite suede jacket.

But I made cocoa.

Oh.

Duncan likes cocoa, don't you, Duncan?

No, actually, it wreaks havoc on my stomach.

My doctor says I might be allergic to vanillin.

But then... What do doctors know, right?

What are you doing here?

I just came by to show you guys the new design for the dunkzooka.

It'll have to wait.

Hope you like it hot.

Quick, take off your shirt.

Oh, great.

What's the matter?

Doc Brown was right.

You should never know your future.

It's like we missed all the fun.

But the most dangerous part of this game is something no one saw coming.

You're asking me to leave the She-Spies.

On an all-new She-Spies.