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Yeah.

- I probably got the wrong house.

I miss you my freaking time.

- Hi, you must be Nikki my 12 o'clock?

- Oh yeah, are you the realtor, Jezebel?

- I sure am.

What are you doing out here?

Do you wanna see the house?

- Yeah, don't mind if I do.

- Come in.

- All right.

- So, they're in the market to buy a home

and you were referred to me.

Could you tell them more about that?

- Oh, you know, the Jeffrey Hernandez?

- Yeah, Jeffrey.

- Yeah, so he bought a house for you and he said that you

have the best properties that you handle

and that your service is unmatched, so you know who I am.

- That's true, that's true.

I'm flattered to hear that.

It's my pleasure to serve my clients and keep them happy.

And the house is really nice and you feel free to explore.

And you know, if you have any questions or would like to see

anything, I'm happy to show you anything you want.

- Sounds good.

Yeah, well I mean, it's definitely a pretty nice place

from what I can see.

- Yeah.

So what exactly are you looking for?

- Oh, you know, I was kinda looking for a spacious pad

that reflects my lifestyle as a successful bachelor.

- Oh, yeah, I think you'll find that this house has a lot

of things that you might be looking for.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I'm happy to show you around it.

The ceiling was actually just painted and they got a new

lights and floors.

- Definitely just wanna, you know, more than anything,

make sure that this place is a good fit for me.

- Yeah.

- So.

- So, does that mean you wanna see more of the house?

- Yeah, you know, it'd be nice to take a look at the rooms

and stuff, so.

- Yeah, why don't we go do a tour?

- Yeah, yeah, I suppose we should.

- As you can tell, the property is very secure.

There's 24 hour security into the gated community

and there's also guards that patrol the area.

- That's right, I remember that gate, it took me 10 minutes

to get through there, they're strict.

Well, is there an HLA fee included in that?

- Yeah, there is an HLA fee.

It's a small fee, it's nothing crazy.

And they're not gonna be too much in your business.

This is as long as you're keeping the front of the area

free of debris, making sure you're taking care of your yard

work, things like that.

But you can have parties, have your friends over,

you know, have fun.

This is your spot, you know, you wanna make this your home.

- Oh, and you need some money for your now,

I mean you get what you pay for, right?

- Well you're gonna be paying for a very close proximity

to the beach actually. - Oh really?

- I think this is some fun, about five minutes by car.

- Oh that's nothing, I love the beach.

- Yeah, me too.

- So, what else is in the area?

Said it's a pretty good neighborhood.

- Oh, there's actually, do you like Thai food?

- I love all kinds of food.

- All kinds of food, but there's all kinds of restaurants.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- We've got Italian, we've got some Chinese food restaurants,

we've got some Japanese food restaurants.

Oh my gosh, I think there's-- - Lots of restaurants.

- Yeah, Mexican. - Okay.

- Yeah, you know, I think you're gonna like it here,

I really, really do. - Maybe, maybe.

So far I like what I've seen.

Well, what about the rest of the rooms?

- Yeah, actually there's four bathrooms

and five bedrooms, a master bedroom actually,

master suite.

- Oh yeah, I think I heard something about the Airbnb,

a ensuite?

- Yes. - Yeah?

- Yes.

- Let's go check out. - Okay.

- So this is the ensuite, huh?

- Yes, this is one of the onsites

that connects to the master bath.

You can tell they actually just put in a new tile last week.

- What's that smell, is that a new paint?

- New paint, new countertop, new lighting fixtures,

and actually the shower glass was just put in as well.

- Oh, shower glass, yes. - Yeah.

- Okay, well what about any history of water leaks?

- No, no water leaks.

I don't think there's been any structural damage

to the building at all, it's in perfect condition.

- Oh, damn. - It's a great house.

- So no insurance claims, nothing?

- No, no, no, no insurance claims, no, no, no.

- So I'm not gonna move in here,

you're gonna need to make some sort of repairs, right?

- No, you won't need to make any repairs.

Like I said, you can see there's crown molding

that was done at the top.

They actually just replaced the ceiling as well.

So yeah, they took out a lot of the old wall,

dry wall that was there,

and they put in all new ceilings and lights.

- Well it looks good.

I like the color they chose for it.

- Yeah, yeah, I really do too.

- Oh my god, we check out the other rooms.

I'm kinda parched, doesn't your service

normally offer like refreshments or something?

- You know what, I do, I have some things in the kitchen,

would you like to come with me to see them?

- By all means. - Okay.

- Oh, it's definitely very spacious.

- It is, why don't you come over here and relax.

- Yeah, sure.

Tell me, what's the deal with the lights?

Are those new, are those new fixtures up here?

- Yeah, these are new light fixtures actually.

They were just put in a couple weeks ago.

These are new lighting fixtures,

and yeah, the ceiling was also redone in here as well.

And they also put some crown molding around the edges.

It's really pretty.

- Tell me, the floors, do you think I should keep those tiles

or replace them?

- Well the floors were just put in,

but you know, once you buy the house,

if you wanna replace it, you definitely can.

- I mean, I'm thinking about it.

So new crown molding, brand new, how recent?

- Very recent. - Yeah?

- Very recent, yeah.

I think maybe we did the ceiling,

they put in the molding as well.

- Okay, but what about the windows?

So are those impact resistant,

or do I need to get shutters for them?

- They're impact resistant, yeah,

you definitely won't be needing shutters.

- Okay, so hard to prove?

- Yeah.

- Okay, I mean it's nice, I like it.

It's, I like the open floor setting.

- Yeah, yeah, open floor plan, as you can see,

the backsplash is marble, and the countertop is also marble.

And it has the stainless steel appliances,

brand new refrigerator, dishwasher, and stuff.

- Wow, lots of updates.

Is there a reason for the updates at all?

- Well, they're trying to sell the house, so.

- Oh, I guess it's fair enough.

- Yeah, I just got that just today actually.

- It's got a sort of tang to it, what is this?

- Oh, it's a grape, sparkling grape.

- Grape? - Yeah.

- Are you out of your mind, I'm a little bit great.

- You're so sweet. - You trying to lose the deal?

- I know, don't worry, I'll clean that up.

- Yeah, you will, jeez, I'm so frazzled now.

You know, just clean that up, okay?

- Okay, just stay calm, you know,

there's no need to get worked up.

- Oh my god, I can't believe I did that.

I'm so sorry, Nicky, I should have checked with you

to see if you had allergies,

I should have asked, I was just so excited

to get this sale and, you know, Jeff told me

that you were a really cool dude, and it's cool,

everything's fine.

- I mean, what if I got sick, and you would've had

a whole other problem in your hands.

- You're right, but you're not sick, everything's fine.

- Oh my goodness.

- Yeah, like I said, I'm sorry,

I was really dumb for me to do that.

- Oh, say so, yeah. - I didn't realize that

you were allergic, and if you just give me an opportunity

to make it, right, I'm sure that I can.

And as you can see, it's not staining the floors.

I mean, that's gonna be a very easy mess to clean up.

A little bit of warm water and some soap,

and it'll clean right up, so good for floors.

- Yeah, the floors definitely are keeping

from staining pretty well.

Well, take your shirt off.

- What? - Take your shirt off.

- You wanna make this right, take your shirt off.

- Right, right, yeah, yeah, no I do, okay.

Do you think this will help?

- It's a really close call.

Had me really nervous there.

You're gonna wanna use it to clean the floor itself.

I hope you don't really like that shirt.

- I do like that shirt. - Well, you know,

maybe that doesn't stain just like the floor, so.

- Yeah, you might be right about that,

and also you can see from the beautiful view

of the backyard, by the way, that has a--

- That's cool. - Yeah, lots of trees

in the back, and you could have a nice meal in here

and then go outside in the patio and enjoy your food.

- That's good, that's good.

So, you think the pavers out in the backyard would stain?

- I don't wanna find out what's going on with anything else.

That's fine. - Right, yeah, yeah, so.

I mean, I guess you probably need to get to it.

I mean, how long can that stuff stay on the floor

until it does?

I mean, eventually, it's probably gonna work,

if you just keep it wet like that.

- Yeah, no, you're right.

I'm definitely gonna be getting something, wait, my shirt?

- Yeah, your shirt would be perfect.

- To clean up the mess?

- Yes, to clean up the mess.

It's the same color, so, you know,

you're not gonna notice anything anyway, so.

Come on, chopped up.

(door thudding)

Let me just get down here and get right on that.

You can see the floor is actually sealed, so.

- Yeah, I hope that doesn't work the tiles.

- No, no, it's coming right up.

- All right. - It's coming,

you can see pretty easily actually.

Not so hard to do at all.

- That's fortunate, 'cause I wanna buy a house,

I already have some issues with it.

- No, never.

- So, tell me, how many people do you think

I could fit in this house, like for my parties?

- Um, well, for parties, about 50 people.

- 50? - Yeah.

- Is that it? - Is that it?

- I mean, I like to have my parties and,

you can be pretty high profile sometimes, so.

- Oh really? - I mean sometimes, yeah, so like.

- Well, yeah, I don't think you're gonna have any issues.

The old people around here took their hearing aids out,

so they don't hear much at night.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Okay, so I shouldn't get,

no one's complaining, right?

- Um, I don't think so.

I haven't heard anything about that happening, though.

- Hmm, all right, so 50 plus, would we say 50,

what would we say, like 100?

- 100? - What if I want 100 people here?

- If you want 100 people here, I mean, yeah, in theory,

you could have 100 people here, but I don't really know

if you're gonna park all those cars,

because they don't allow that much parking

inside the neighborhood, it would have to be off the street.

- Is there no street parking here?

- There is street parking, there's just 100 cars,

and a lot of cars. (laughing)

- I'll tell people to park here.

- Okay, yeah, are you planning on having lots of parties?

Or just like an occasional party?

- Lots of parties.

You know, I am a successful bachelor, so.

- That's true, yeah.

I mean, when I heard that you worked with Jeff,

I knew right away that, you know, you were gonna,

this was gonna be a good idea for us to meet,

so you can see the house, and take a passing

to the neighborhood, it's a really nice neighborhood.

Lots of parks, and there's actually a dog park too.

- Yeah.

- Well, I don't have a dog.

- Oh. (laughing)

Well, now that you're gonna have a house,

maybe you can think about getting one.

- I guess.

I don't know, dogs are really gross.

Dogs are really nice, I don't know, you know.

- Yeah, dogs can be messy, but they're really good companions.

But Nick, would you just mind going out

some paperwork for me real quick?

- All right, let's get that all worked.

- Yeah.

- Take your shoes off, all right?

Oh, what'd you slip me now, you did spill after all.

- I know, I did.

(laughing)

- There you go.

- Wait, I thought I was gonna fill out paperwork.

- I'm working on it right now.

Let's see, name, Mickey Rattle,

number, number four, five, five, five, six, seven, three,

okay, dress, 22, spooner on,

looks all in order, doesn't make sense.

All this information would be needed, huh?

FHA, number four, okay, yeah.

Okay, all right.

(mumbling)

okay

oh not at all no we could this is gonna be your home one day maybe right that'll be nice

I mean it is a good neighborhood I guess uh fine details

I definitely want that as a preferred interest rate

alright, how much am I approved for?

is this a homestead property or a commercial property? or a secondary? okay um... yeah I mean, that just all filled out so...

just thinking um, we could check out some more of the house?

just make sure... okay yeah so it looks like I've got everything about an order here?

um, thanks let me just make sure... what's your name, kind of dress, employment... um just to make sure that all of this is correct could you just double check it for me real quick? yeah sure. okay...

um, the work history and everything... your dresses, right? your phone number?

right, reviewing everything, don't worry... no stone unturned... you just want to make sure you get all the review... right...

you know what it looks like if I raise the order? you want to take another look? could you just double check that real quick? yeah sure...

yeah... yeah I think that's... hold on... it's like everything is about an order...

okay yeah that should be good... okay... okay now you can review this for me one more time yeah? everything looks like it's probably really good... let's see...

this fell down... and this fell down... yeah, so were you interested in purchasing the property? yeah I think so but why don't we go ahead and check out the rest of the house, they know there's a bedroom to check out right?

yeah yeah there's still the other bedroom of course... alright so let's go check it out... okay... don't forget that...

so Nick what do you think of the room? is it up to par? I mean it looks nice but honestly we got to test the bed out... let me get myself comfortable...

test the bed out? is that gonna convince you that this is a good purchase? yeah if I know it's not gonna break down on me... okay yeah... so you know we're gonna test it out, we're gonna see if it breaks down... does it come with the place?

does it come with it? you know I could probably work out a deal with the owners... let's see how it handles itself... okay let me just get my phone and make sure I don't forget it... I've gotta do some work though... I didn't know our meeting was gonna last so long...

you're really wet aren't you? mm-hmm I think we can get the homeowner on the phone right now... I'm gonna give him a call...

hello? hi! hi mr. Johnson how are you today? oh really how's your wife? oh that's wonderful... mm-hmm yeah... yeah I agree, I 110% agree...

mm-hmm yes yes everything's been going really great for me as well thank you for asking... mm-hmm mm yes yeah the weather has been really nice... so warm... no I love it... oh really... this guy's such a talker...

of course yeah uh-huh uh-huh yeah uh-huh oh yeah that's perfect yeah um well I'm here with the buyer, prospective buyer right now, Nikki Rebel, and um he just had some questions for you if you just had a quick minute to answer them...

oh my god... he talks so much... mm-hmm... mm-hmm yeah yeah he wants to know if the furniture... comes with the house... yeah...

okay anything's negotiable? oh yeah sure everything's negotiable... um yeah yeah he's willing to negotiate... mm-hmm... oh yeah me oh no just been walking around all day...

it's a big house... oh yeah sir of course yeah he's willing to negotiate on the furniture for sure... what pieces were you interested in? oh I mean possibly this bed... um the bed... um Nikki the homeowner said that he'd be willing to sell you the bed...

if you if you um if you buy all the other furniture as well for 12,000 oh really yeah for 12,000 I mean I guess I understand the negotiation I get it... yeah so I understand and I agree... yeah yeah so he's willing to do it...

yes uh-huh yeah of course I understand... yes... mm-hmm yeah uh-huh... yeah right away of course of course mm-hmm no we'll get right on that... yeah... yeah... uh-huh...

of course yes sir that's very funny mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah oh yeah no I would love to show your other house actually that would be really great... uh-huh... thank you you're too kind...

um you send me the pictures and I will take a look at the other properties yes yes I hope you have a wonderful day... thank you again for the opportunity... yeah why don't you get on top of me... okay... just really test this bed out okay... yeah I just have to make a couple more calls... do what you gotta do... or I have to send a text actually...

let's see... um... mm-hmm... yeah what's in that... um... the bed seems to be fairing pretty well... yeah it is it is and I think the comforter is actually new...

what do you think good bed... yeah so far I really like it... is it worth all the furniture in the house so... yeah I think it would be because you know it's already here...

it comes fully furnished... well I guess we'll probably have to try the other beds too... yeah I just have to send a couple more messages... are these all new ceiling fixtures? um... like the lights? yeah...

yeah I think they are actually... these are actually called recessed lights not fixtures... I mean... potato potato... um so do you think you're interested in actually purchasing the house because some of your questions are getting kind of silly...

I mean I want to make sure I'm happy with the house when I buy it... oh right of course... and so far you're happy right... I mean so far I'm relatively satisfied... relatively satisfied... okay well I think um... once you get the furniture that's really going to you know just add to the overall value of the house... right that's true... yeah...

I do like value to my houses... uh huh... um...

I'm just not sure if I might want to repaint these walls though... yeah you could definitely do a different paint job you know I think they went with a darker color to kind of go with the furniture but um you know you can change it to whatever color you want...

I don't want to fuck with the Feng Shui or the color with the furniture... maybe I will need to get rid of the furniture... yeah... um... so I have another question... uh huh... what does the HOA feel about 18 wheelers? 18 wheelers? big trucks yeah... why do you need to know that? well because I drive an 18 wheeler so I want to make sure I can park it here...

really? yeah... oh you never told me that... uh huh... are they okay with big trucks? um... you know I have to check... I don't see why it would be against the rules... it would just be the one right? I mean I have a couple... you have a couple 18 wheelers? yeah I like big trucks... I can't lie... um... well... you know... this is getting a little more ridiculous like as it goes on...

I mean 18 wheelers? 15 people for a house party? yeah... okay... well yeah I don't think that would be a problem... oh thank goodness... it's really important... I mean I need to be able to park... that's true you do need to be able to park your giant truck...

yeah well... I think maybe putting a pool in the backyard... oh yeah... I need to worry about permits... permits? yeah... you're going to have to worry about a couple of different permits but I'm sure I can look into that for you... it's not going to cost a lot of money is it? just for the pool? well yeah I think putting in a pool does cost a lot of money... okay okay... oh yes...

how much do you think a pool is going to run me here? um I think a pool will probably run you about 120k... 120k? yeah... it's a little expensive around here because of the zoning... right it's pretty steep... it is a little steep but you know... I think you'll like having a pool... right... I guess...

looks like you're enjoying testing out this bed...

yeah...

oh I'm gonna come... oh fuck I'm gonna come... oh yes... oh my god... yes... oh yes...

this is so good... oh yes... oh yes... oh my god... are you gonna come?

- Wake you up--

- You gotUE to do.

Oh, my gosh.

That's it, that's it.

- All right, all you gotta do is just keep your bones

in a play, don't give up.

Keep your bones in a play.

You just gotta resist all the resulting forces,

all of the other forces.

I know, right, all of the other forces.

All right, all you've gotta do,

just keep your bones in the play.

Don't give up.

- I'm here, don't be shy.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

(groaning)

- Oh, my God.

Ah, fuck.

- I mean, if this doesn't fix the bed.

(groaning)

- You should come to one of my parties.

- Yeah, yeah, I should.

- Yeah, you should.

- Oh, yeah, well, you say you're gonna buy the house?

- I'm thinking really strongly about it, yeah.

- Okay, yeah, if you buy the house, I would love

to come to one of your parties.

(groaning)

Fuck.

- Yeah, fuck you, right back.

- Well, it's a nice house.

- Yeah.

- It's such a nice house.

- Yeah, it's a nice one.

- Yeah, so, you thinking about buying it?

You're gonna buy it?

- I mean, I want to.

- Yeah.

- I really do.

- Oh, yeah.

- But like, to be totally honest, this house is way

over my budget.

- It's over your budget?

What do you mean?

- It's way over my budget.

- Like with the furniture?

- Like with everything, just the house,

just the furniture.

- What do you mean?

- Just.

- What are you talking about?

- I can't afford this place. - You can't afford this place?

- No way.

- You can't afford this house?

- No way.

- You brokeie.

You dusty.

I can't believe it.

You've been having me show you this place

and you can't even afford it?

- I mean, I would love to afford it.

- Oh my God.

- I mean, it's been a pretty nice house tour.

- Oh my God.

Jesus Christ, what am I gonna do?

What am I gonna tell the homeowner?

(sighing)

My God, you know what?

Do you know what?

Are you almost done?

- I'm almost done, yeah. - You wanna finish?

Oh right, okay.

You need to literally get out of here.

You need to get out of this house.

- Okay, okay, well let me just finish up.

- Oh my God, I can't believe this.

Jesus Christ, could you just hurry up and finish already?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there.

- Oh my God, I can't believe.

I'm gonna tell my boss what a broke loser you are.

Complete and total dustiness.

I mean, I have bills to pay, you know?

I've got bills to pay and here you are making me think

that you have money and you don't.

You know what, give me my phone.

I need to call my boss.

I literally need to call him right now.

Jesus Christ, oh my God. - Find your phone.

Chill out. - Oh my God,

I cannot wait to tell my boss

that you're a broke liar, a loser.

I mean, do you even have a job?

- Yeah, I got a couple of them.

- A couple?

Oh, fuck, look, can you just hand me my phone?

- Your phone?

- Yeah, my phone. - Hang on.

- You broke and slow.

Jesus fucking Christ. - Yeah, I'm coming.

- Yeah, yeah, Jesus.

Just call him.

Hello?

Sir, yeah, you're not gonna believe this.

The guy, Nicky Rubble.

Yeah, no, Nicky Brokey.

Dude doesn't even have a fucking job.

- I have a job? - He's been having

show around this house for hours.

- I have a couple of jobs.

- You do, what's your job?

- One of them, I'm a valet driver.

- He's a valet, he parks cars for a living.

No, he's trying to-- - People trust me

with their cars. - Seriously?

$12,000 furniture?

$12,000 furniture, sir, please get me Tyler,

get me Ron, get me any of the other perspective buyers

that are actually serious and have money.

- Hey, you had fun though.

- Oh my God, could you just come, please?

- Fuck.

- No, sir.

- Fuck.

- All right, I'll wait for you.

Okay, bye.

Oh my God, I can't believe this.

Jesus. - Oh, there you go.

- Kimberly, you're broke.

- I'm not broke, I just can't afford this house.

- Oh my God, why are you here right now?

- Oh fuck. - Here you go.

- Well, you think maybe you can show me

the rest of the house?

- Show you the rest of the house, dude!

Get out! - Okay, all right.

Okay. - Fuck!

- Thanks for the tour. - Yeah, thanks for the tour.

image.

(upbeat music)

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